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Suddenly, Oikawa lost his voice.
Not figuratively, his voice just wouldn’t come out. Physically.
The moment Iwaizumi heard for the first time the phrase “Oikawa cannot speak”, he couldn’t, for the life of him, believe it.
“Huh?! How did that fucking happen?!” He said gruffly, half-ready to punch Oikawa. Just for the sake of it.
Haamaki only shrugged as he pointed at Oikawa. “Unknown reason. He just showed up like that this morning. There wasn’t even a warning, it seems.”
Iwaizumi stared right down at Oikawa. He narrowed his eyes, daring him to say something annoying, but Oikawa only smiled stupidly at him and waved his hands back and forth. It was annoyingly endearing given the situation.
Then, Oikawa’s lips started to move and Iwaizumi’s eyes were drawn to them. He held his breath as he waited, but no sound came. He faltered for a moment. It felt wrong, somehow. As Oikawa mouthed silent words, however, Iwaizumi grew more and more irritated.
“Stop moving your mouth uselessly, you fucking idiot!“ He finally snapped. "I can only understand 20% to 30% of what you’re trying to say!”
“You can actually understand him?!” Hanamaki exclaimed in the background but Iwaizumi chose to ignore him.
Instead, he tore a page from one of his class notebooks and handed it to Oikawa. “Here. Write whatever you want to say down.”
Oikawa first looked surprised but quickly regained his composure, a soft smile playing on his lips. Oikawa leaned over a desk and started scribbling. Matsukawa joined them silently and Iwaizumi greeted him with a slight nod of his head. Matsukawa did the same, his so-called bored expression betrayed by the smirk he adorned. Hanamki must have told him about their new ‘Oikawa’s problem’ of the day as soon as he discovered it, eh.
Iwaizumi crossed his arms on his chest and went back to staring holes in the back of Oikawa’s head. Once Oikawa deemed his work finished he handed it to Iwaizumi who hummed thoughtfully. A little part of him was giddy upon reading what words Oikawa had put on paper. His eyes landed on the neat handwriting and-
“Iwa-chan should really rip the paper off more carefully. Not everything can be solved by using violent means, you know ;)”
“I swear I’ll kill you.” Iwaizumi roared as he grabbed Oikawa by the collar of his shirt. He was ready to punch him for the trouble he was causing but the little shit only had a gleeful smile of fake innocence plastered on his face. Iwaizumi shook him once or twice for good measure.
“Aaaah, alright.” Hanamaki sighed as he and Matsukawa left the two idiots behind. “Peace restored, problem solved.”
Oikawa did not find his voice that day. Or any day after.
We never did discover the cause, and there wasn’t exactly any problem with him learning in class. So even after losing his voice, Oikawa continued to live his life as usual.
But, every time he kept mouthing silent words and waving his hands uselessly around I tore a piece of paper off for him to write what he wanted to say down. However, he’d only ever complain about how messily I did it.
So I ended up getting him a small notepad from the convenience store down the road…
And then, what kind of face… do you think he made?
Something equally sweet and devastating crossed Oikawa’s face at that moment. The conflicting emotions made him shine in a different light than usual. Like a flower that found that one ray of sunshine in the coldness of winter. Or the feeling you get when you hit a perfectly tossed ball just right.
Oikawa gently cradled the notepad between his fingers and hid behind it the little -genuine- smile he couldn’t hold back.
In Iwaizumi’s mind, Oikawa never looked more beautiful.
For the first time in my whole life, I felt like I wanted him to speak. But, well, whenever I say something, he jots down his response in earnest, never missing a beat. Always followed by a playful smile and his head cocked to the side.
Seeing him do that, I thought, ‘Well, it’s actually not all bad.’.
The days passed as they always did before this whole mess started, but, Iwaizumi started to feel an ache growing inside of him. A hole in his chest. He wasn’t as dense as his friends depicted him to be, Iwaizumi knew perfectly what caused this ache. He wouldn’t admit it to the world though.
He tried to support Oikawa in these trying times the best he could. Still, they were in different classes so it wasn’t like he could take care of him all the time. But, one time, Iwaizumi and Matsukawa were heading toward their next class together when they walked past Oikawa’s class. When he peeked inside the room from the hallway, Iwaizumi’s eyes were automatically drawn to Oikawa who was surrounded by three people Iwaizumi didn’t know. He couldn’t even see their faces for all he was transfixed by Oikawa…
“Iwaizumi?” He numbly heard Matsukawa call.
…Their eyes met and Oikawa wore an expression so troubling that it instantly got on Iwaizumi’s nerves. In any case, it pissed him off so much that he instinctively dashed inside the classroom, grabbed Oikawa’s arm and dragged him away, leaving laughs and teasing ‘What did you do this time, Oikawa?’ behind.
He didn’t care where they went as long as it was far from everything that may cause Oikawa to look so distressed. It became a habit for Iwaizumi.
Every other day, he took Oikawa out of his classroom.
Because… It’s hard to keep up a conversation with multiple people through writing only. And no one had the patience to wait for Oikawa to write.
The feeling in Iwaizumi’s chest grew bigger and bigger.
He and Oikawa were huddled in a secluded place at the back of the high school library. They were surrounded by books and were far enough away to be able to speak freely without the fear of being shushed. Well, only Iwaizumi would do the talking obviously.
“Hmm,” Iwaizumi hummed thoughtfully while watching Oikawa. All thoughts of doing the homework they were supposed to do went out the window not even five minutes in. “You’ve constantly been in a good mood since you’ve stopped talking. Gross.”
Oikawa looked mock hurt as he stared at Iwaizumi through his bangs. Iwaizumi swore he could hear Oikawa’s voice saying his automatic answer of ‘Mean, Iwa-chan!’.
His chest hurt at the thought.
“How come you’re so carefree about all this?” He asked. The question has been pondering his mind lately. “You could at least be a little upset…”
Oikawa looked like he thought his answer through for a moment before scribbling it down. Once he was done, he slid the notepad toward Iwaizumi.
“Iwa-chan’s been so nice to me recently, that’s why I’m happy.”
There even was a little drawing of someone doing a peace sign at the bottom of the page. But before irritation could take over, Oikawa pointed to the words on the next page.
“If I get into trouble by myself, Iwa-chan will definitely come and find me, and that’s what’s making me so happy.”
Oikawa smiled at him, his eyes crinkled in joy. He shined as bright as the times when he could actually still talk. Iwaizumi scowled at him.
“But,” Iwaizumi whispered to himself. “You’re troubling me.”
Oikawa clenched the pencil still in his hand and looked down. He seemed sad for a moment. Pensive. “How did you end up like this? Seriously.” Iwaizumi asked. He waited for Oikawa to move, write something, anything, but nothing happened.
He watched as Oikawa slowly put his head on his arms on the wooden table. “Hey, why are you lying down?” No answer. “Are you sleeping? Hey.”
Iwaizumi raised his hand and… he hesitated. Only for a moment, though. Iwaizumi ran his hand through Oikawa’s brown locks and let out a deep sigh. He stared out the window, the quiet only broken by Oikawa’s breathing.
But still, where once he would have found the moment peaceful, right now he only felt like the silence was caging him.
Still, Oikawa was not able to speak.
The difficulties in communication, which were small at first, gradually grew bigger and he ran into more and more problems.
He couldn’t participate in class or group projects. He couldn’t answer his phone and usually relied on me to answer for him. People talked over him and never did wait for him to catch up.
However, things worsened during volleyball practices. Oikawa is a setter, our setter. He's the backbone of every play, every move we make… If the team can’t rely on him any more because they can’t read him like I do, well.
That wouldn’t be pretty to see.
“Y’know,” Iwaizumi muttered under his breath. “You’ve got to be kidding me...” His eyes surveyed the words on the paper. Maybe if he glared enough at them they would finally make sense.
I wanna do it <3
Oikawa looked at him with fake innocence, mocking his confusion with a shake of his head before tugging him close by his belt buckles. Notepad still in Iwaizumi’s hands, Oikawa didn’t wait much longer before nuzzling Iwaizumi’s neck and taking a deep breath that sent shivers down his spine.
Class had ended early for once and they’d both decided to spend the rest of the day at Oikawa’s place to get ahead on their homework but knowing full well they would end up laying lazily on Oikawa’s bed.
It didn’t take long for Oikawa to get distracted.
“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi growled between one breath and the other. Instead of answering like he usually would, Oikawa took a step back, locked eyes and kissed the inside of his wrist.
Such a simple touch could unravel even the strongest of men, Iwaizumi just knew it. And the laser focus of this gaze made him cave like no one else could.
Oikawa trailed kisses along Iwaizumi’s hand until Iwaizumi took him by surprise and let himself fall back on the bed with a muffled ‘thump’. He discarded the notepad and spread his arms in a silent invitation which Oikawa accepted greedily, lurching to taste the words off his tongue. They embraced each other with desperation or, see-through an untrained eye, passion.
It’s troubling me.
They broke apart for a second and Iwaizumi’s eyes were instantly drawn to Oikawa’s mouth, waiting. “Oikawa,” he whispered through his teeth. His heart's beating faster, harder in his chest. Speak, he begged silently. But no sound came.
“Hey,” He kept repeating. “Hey.” The words blended together to form this inaudible tornado of half sounds and lost meaning. “Hey.” Their mouths met again.
Even though I call out to Oikawa…
As the sun set, darkness started to envelop them, leaving them to themselves. Iwaizumi’s chest ached for something that seemed so out of reach now. Darkness shouldn’t feel so oppressive. Where once he would have tasted Oikawa’s laughs or irregular pants directly from his mouth, now there’s nothing. When it’s this dark, he thought through the fog in his mind, it feels like I’ll lose track of where he is.
…There’s no reply.
He’s looking down at a little Oikawa.
“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa was whining. His little frame seemed so much smaller from Iwaizumi’s new vantage point. The leaves were tickling his calves. “Iwa-chaaan!!”
“Stop complaining already! What do you want?”
“It’s dangerous! No matter how much of a monkey you are.” Oikawa’s eyes were wide open. “You might fall down, Iwa-chan! Should I call the police?”
“No need.” He answered, waving Oikawa’s concern away with a swing of the stick in his hand. Oikawa made an aborted step toward him but Iwaizumi only huffed. He turned his back on Oikawa and kept climbing the tree.
He really wanted to see the top.
“Iwa-chan!”
The leaves were thicker here than they are closer to the ground. The branches were entirely covered in moss, he noted. His eyes even rested on a funny-looking bug slowly making his way along one of the larger leaves.
“Iwa-chaan!”
“What is it you want, really?” He snapped without turning back.
“I’m calling out for you!” He heard Oikawa’s little voice say from a distance. “So that, you can figure out where to get down to!”
The meaning of those silly words said when they were children engraved itself in his soul without his consent. “While you can still hear my voice!” Oikawa screamed. “Come down here back to me!”
Iwaizumi startled awake, the remaining traces of the memory slowly fading away. As he rubbed the sleep off his eyes, he was surprised to notice Oikawa’s notepad on his chest, but Oikawa was nowhere to be found. He picked it up, a curious feeling slowly curling in the pit of his stomach.
Aww, Iwa-chan! I can’t believe you fell asleep on me like that! >.<
Never skimp out on the aftercare or else… :p
“He’s unbelievable.” He said to no one in particular, his irritation mixed with fondness. He threw the notepad to the edge of the bed as he fell back on it.
He stared at the ceiling, slowly counting each of his breaths. Vaguely he could hear soft footsteps and the clinking of cutlery. It was after eight, after all…
“Aah, fuck.” Iwaizumi threw a careful glance toward the notepad. Doesn’t this thing… also have conversations Oikawa had with other people? He thought. He sat down on the bed and picked it up and was not surprised to see that he was right. Well I guess that makes sense
He didn’t pay that much attention to the meanings of the words he was reading, he just skimmed along the lines. He did recognise the handwriting of Hanamaki and Matsukawa here and there, though. Some well-sent retorts even made him smile a little.
He thought about stopping but something unknown compelled him to keep reading. He turned one page and his smile faded a little quickly replaced by a frown.
I’m telling you!! I really can’t speak aaaaaa!!
“What’s this, he became annoying midway through writing.” He breathed slowly. In the distance, he heard a door open and then closed.
He turned another page and his hand froze. There were tear stains on the page. Iwaizumi mechanically rubbed his thumb over it like if he pressed hard enough maybe he could erase the pain lodged in this.
I’m totally telling the truth, now!
At first, it was just that my throat was hurting so I decided to play an ‘I can’t speak’ prank.
What the hell?! Iwaizumi’s grip tightens on the page. I swear to god I’m gonna punch him in the face.
And I thought I’d prank Iwa-chan for that one day. At the moment, it seemed like a funny thing to do.
More tear stains.
I’m sorry, mom, really.
But when I told Iwa-chan that I couldn’t speak he became so nice to me and I was so happy.
You fucking brat. Don’t make your mom cry. He thought numbly.
The next day when I was about to surprise him and greet him by saying ‘good morning’, my voice wouldn’t come out.
I’m sorry, mom.
Please don’t cry.
It’s okay ‘cause Iwa-chan’s here.
… I wonder what I’d do if he wasn’t here.
Iwaizumi’s eyes widen comically. He couldn’t believe the words written on these pages. The ink was hurting his fingers but he couldn’t let go. The paper crumpled under his grip but he couldn’t care less.
Lately, I can’t remember what speaking was like for me before.
“Bring some up to Hajime as well, okay?”
Oikawa nodded vigorously, chewing on some milk bread his mom bought on her way home. Quick footsteps rushing down the stairs drew Oikawa’s attention away from his mom.
Iwaizumi suddenly appeared in the doorway. He made a beeline for Oikawa and, without missing a beat, he slammed the notepad on the table.
“What’s this?” He asked -no, ordered. Oikawa's face whitened as his eyes landed on the oh-so-familiar words. He knew them all by heart, having read them over and over on the nights when sleep avoided him. “It was supposed to be a joke at first?”
Oikawa slowly glanced up, only for his heart to stop beating. “Cut the crap.” Never did Oikawa hear Iwaizumi use this kind of tone with him. It was stone cold, borderline furious. Even when he was overworking himself in practice, Iwaizumi never talked to him like that. “Hell will freeze over before I ever take care of you again.”
With these last words, Iwaizumi turned around and started walking away. “Hajime!” Oikawa faintly heard his mom gasp.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Iwaizumi said behind his shoulder. Oikawa’s eyes were glued to his retreating back. He felt frozen in place. And in the next second the world moved way too fast.
Oikawa ran after Iwaizumi, ignoring his mom's visible confusion after witnessing such a scene. In his precipitation, he knocked over one of the glasses that was sitting on the table. The sound of the breaking glass was deafening.
How could such a thing happen? How come everything is crumbling so fast under his fingers? Why, why, why? Oikawa could hear nothing more than his blood pumping or the void in his throat.
He was lost, but the only thing he knew was that he needed to stop Iwaizumi from leaving. Leaving him.
It’s troubling me.
Iwaizumi was putting up his jacket, ready to leave everything behind when he felt someone grab him by the arm. The grip was strong. Desperate. He turned around to see Oikawa, mouth agape.
His voice…
His face was begging him. He was pulling him back, pulling him toward him. “... I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” He said strangely calmly. His mind was oddly clear, his previous fury replaced by a steady storm.
Oikawa kept pulling his arm back, lips moving in a silent plea. “...I’m telling you,” Iwaizumi growled as he tried to break free. “I don’t understand what you’re saying!! Thank you and goodbye.”
The slap didn’t come as a surprise. Oikawa has always been prone to giving in to his emotions. This physical pain was a reprieve from the ache in his chest. Iwaizumi stared down at Oikawa who was now on his knees at his feet. He seemed shell-shocked.
Iwaizumi turned away without another word.
…I want to hear his voice.
Maybe it was foolish to think that once his back was turned he would magically feel better. It did not. For whatever was worth, he felt worse than he ever did since this whole mess started a few weeks ago. But the crappiest part of this whole thing is that, he thought with clenched teeth, I’m the reason you can’t speak, right?!
I want you to call for me with your warm voice. I want to hear your grumpy half-ass replies.
I want to talk about so many things with you!
“Aa- ah! Iwa-- aan-” The raw voice of Oikawa reached Iwaizumi’s ears like an electric shock. He slowly turned back. Oikawa kept saying half-made words in between harsh coughs.
“Haa- Iwa-chan do- don’t leave--” Another cough. “Don’t leave me!”
What an idiot.
Iwaizumi made a step toward Oikawa and spread out his arms. “Here, come on.”
If you call out to me, there’s no way I wouldn’t dash over from wherever I am.
Oikawa looked up at him, tears streaming down his face. His eyes held up so much hope and disbelief mixed together it was hard to know where one started and where the other ended.
When Oikawa finally caught up with what Iwaizumi had said he dashed forward and into the open arms waiting for him. They held tightly onto each other and if the world ended right this instant neither of the two would’ve noticed because their worlds were in each other’s arms.
Iwaizumi sat down with Oikawa in his lap. “Sorry for taking such drastic action.” He said to Oikawa’s mom. Oikawa had his head buried in Iwaizumi’s neck as he sobbed to his heart’s content. Iwaizumi slowly stroked his back.
“No worries, Hajime. I’ll go cook up some sekihan, geez!” She replied with a playful tone as she went to the kitchen.
Oikawa held even more tightly. He acted like he was drowning in a dark ocean and Iwaizumi was his only lifeline. His only light in the darkness. “Ah, really, you’re the worst, it’s ridiculous.”
“Don’t-” Oikawa sobbed into his shoulder. “Don’t say things like that. So mean, Iwa-chan.”
A soft smile grew on Iwaizumi’s lips. Oikawa’s warm voice washed over him. Like a single ray of sunshine on the coldest day. Warmth enveloped him whole. “What is wrong with you? So irritating.”
“Big words for someone who’s still here with me.”
Iwaizumi huffed a laugh. He cupped Oikawa’s face gently and took a moment to look. Oikawa had red-rimmed eyes and tear streaks along his cheeks. Even though his face looked like a battlefield, his smile was radiant. “You know I would be lost without your annoying voice guiding me forward.”
The kiss felt like a renewal of an oath almost forgotten.
If you call for me, no matter how far I am, I’ll always reach out to you.
Because our hearts are intertwined; they beat at the same frequency and your voice is the key.
“I love you for being noisy, y’know that?”
"…’Re the worst, Iwa-chan.”
END