Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Harry peered over at the digital clock above the stove top and forced himself to push away from the sink. He’d stalled a little for Louis’ sake that evening, but it was getting late and they were really cutting it close now.

"Lou?" Harry called from the kitchen. He'd just finished putting away the last of the clean dishes he’d washed after their meal. Louis had disappeared into the bedroom over ten minutes ago and the alpha hadn’t seen, or heard, from him since. He dried his hands off and waited for the omega to respond, but when Louis didn’t, Harry headed towards the bedroom, just to check on him. The first London show was in a few short hours and they still had to sound check the set. If they didn’t leave soon, Harry was likely to be in a lot of trouble, but that was only a passing thought in his mind because the bigger, more prominent spaces of his head were being taken up with worry. Worry for his omega, who had been lethargic, quiet, and distant most of the day, his sour mood only giving way when he’d spontaneously become so needy Harry hadn't been able to do anything but sit with him and let him bury his nose into the alpha’s neck.

Something was wrong with Louis.

At first the alpha had just chalked it up to Louis not being used to being away from Eli. Since Harry’s return to music they’d hired a private tutor for Eli instead of having him attend a normal school. They did it mostly because the attention Harry’s long awaited return was getting had trickled over onto Louis and Eli both, and Louis didn’t want the fanfare interfering with Eli’s education. They’d also done it because the pup had begged to go on tour with Harry, not just because he thought it would be fun, but because he thought if he didn’t, Harry may not come back.

Needless to say, it had been an easy decision to make.

So Louis and Eli had gone on the road with Harry for the first ten days. As the London shows approached though, they started having discussions about the pros and cons of having Eli on the road for the entire tour. He was having a blast, that much was clear, but it was also hard on him, trying to keep up with his school work and trying to be present with Harry. And while the fans were mostly lovely, there were always paparazzi, and the rare few people that still had something to say about how Eli came to be, and what Louis’ part was in all of the drama from years before. More than once it had gotten invasive enough that Louis had been forced to scoop Eli up and rush him away from crowds so he wouldn’t be subjected to some of the things that were being said. They knew London was going to be his biggest show to date, and with him having two back to back shows in such a big city, Harry had been asked to do some publicity stuff while he was there, and the possibility of explicit exposure like that had Louis pulling the plug. Eli needed to go home, spend some time on his school work, and after the UK leg was up, they’d revisit family life on the road. The pup’s worries and tears were still fresh in their minds, but in the end even Harry had to admit that such blatant exposure wasn’t right for Eli right now.

Eli eventually understood, once he was calm enough to listen to what his mum had to say, but he’d made them both pinky swear that they would be back in ten days after they finished in Dublin, no matter what. Once he was satisfied, Louis’ mum, Jay, met them in London and took the pup back to their home in Doncaster.

Only after they were gone did Harry ask if Louis was going to be okay without Eli. Afterall, they hadn’t been apart for that long---ever. Louis insisted he would be fine.

“It’s barely over a week, Haz,” he’d scoffed. “I think I can handle that.” 

He’d been so confident when he’d said it that Harry had no choice but to take his word for it. But it had only been one night and already Harry could tell something was up with the omega. He wondered if Louis was embarrassed and that’s why he wouldn’t just come out and say what was bothering him. He had no reason to be; surely the omega knew that. Harry didn’t blame him at all; Harry was already missing Eli too. Not having his son with him now felt like having a part of him stolen from beneath his rib cage and hidden in a place he couldn’t reach, and he didn’t have a fraction of the bond with Eli that Louis had. The bond his mate and pup shared was unlike anything Harry had ever witnessed before. They’d spent every moment together for the last seven years. The only time they'd truly been apart was when they had to be, after Louis had almost died. Even then, he’d gotten allotted time with Eli every single day. This was different. They’d be apart for almost two weeks, and Harry worried it was maybe too much for Louis after all, despite his insistence that he wanted to stay with Harry and that he’d be okay.

That's why Harry had decided to cook for them before they left for the venue, hoping the familiar activity would be a good distraction for Louis, but it hadn’t done much. Usually Louis would sit on the counter and watch Harry cook, but tonight he’d laid on the sofa with his arm thrown over his eyes until Harry had called him in to eat. He was quiet through their meal and when they’d finished, Harry took their plates, expecting Louis to sidle up next to him to hand wash the dishes together, but the omega merely shuffled to the bedroom. Usually if Harry cooked, Louis insisted on at least helping with the dishes. This time though, he’d slipped out of the room without a word and Harry hadn’t seen him since. Harry's head was full of worry as he unnecessarily hand washed all of the dishes alone. It was in moments like this Harry still wondered if what he was asking of his family now, enduring the life of a musician, always forcing them to be apart, was too selfish. This was only the first of what could likely become many and much greater separations. It had taken a lot of convincing from Louis for him to have returned to music at all after everything they’d been through, and he was glad he had. But even after three weeks of officially being on the road again, balancing the two versions of his life in a fairly successful manner, it was still easy to question if he’d made the right choice. 

Was Louis starting to second-guess it as well?

Harry sighed heavily, trying to dispel the lump that had formed in his throat. He wished more than anything Louis would just talk to him about it, tell him what was truly wrong so they could try to resolve it together, but he knew the one thing Louis would absolutely never do is ask him to leave music---especially not now. Harry was too happy, and Louis would never ask him to sacrifice that, because just like Harry had needed convincing to go back to music, Louis was still in need of convincing that he was enough for Harry and always had been. 

Harry meandered back to the bedroom where Louis had disappeared, but when he pushed the slightly ajar door open and stepped inside he didn't see any sign of Louis. The bed was made and the closet door was pulled closed. Harry furrowed his brow in concern and tried calling for his omega again.

"Louis? We have to get going to the venue soon. Are you ready?" A quiet groan pulled his attention to the closed en suite door, and he walked up to it with a new sense of dread when the next sound he heard was an obvious wet, and seemingly very painful, retching noise.

"Baby?!" Harry pushed the door open and wasted no time in kneeling beside the crumpled omega. Louis' head was resting on the toilet seat, his sandy brown hair damp and knotted on the nape of his neck. There were little tiny beads of sweat dotting his forehead, and his white t-shirt was fisted in his left hand while his right hand laid against the toilet like he was bracing himself for the next round. His shoulders rose and fell laboriously as he was trying to catch his breath. Louis reached up reflexively and flushed the toilet when he noticed Harry was in the room with him now, then he pushed at the alpha's solid chest with a weak hand.

"Ugh, no," he complained. "Don't come in here. Don't see this." Harry managed to stifle his giggle, but only just. As weak as he seemed, Louis still managed to throw him a piercing glare. Harry rubbed his back and reached up to fill the cup they kept on the sink with water. With a loving smile Harry handed the cup to the omega.

"Sorry, omega," Harry said sheepishly. "But it's going to take a little more than puke to scare me away."

Louis sipped the water silently but his eyes never left Harry's. Despite what he'd said when Harry first came into the room, Harry could tell he was glad the alpha was with him now. He could see the comfort Louis' omega was getting from their proximity. It wasn't always easy for Louis to accept the things his often weaker or needier nature demanded, but Harry hadn't ever shied away from giving it anyway in the several years they'd been together now. 

Harry's smile faded as he watched Louis drink. The color was coming back to his face and his shoulders straightened a bit, taking away the frail image he'd walked in on a few minutes ago, but still Harry was worried. Louis had been acting poorly all day, and now he'd just been pretty aggressively sick. Had the alpha misread the situation entirely? Had he missed the signs of Louis being ill because he was too preoccupied with trying to find ways to sabotage his own life? Harry raised his hand and touched Louis' forehead with the back of it. His frown deepened.

"You aren't warm," Harry murmured, mostly to himself.

"I feel better now," Louis said with a small shrug. Harry dropped his hand and implored the omega for the truth with his eyes. He was holding the half full glass between both of his hands, nervously flexing his fingers.

"Have you been this sick all day?" Harry asked him. "You've been acting differently. I was worried, but I didn’t think you were actually physically sick."

"I'm fine, I promise," Louis insisted. "We have to go. You're going to be late for soundcheck."

Harry sighed.

Usually Harry found Louis’ stubbornness endlessly endearing, but sometimes it made his alpha grow restless and agitated---like when his stubbornness tried to prevent Harry from caring for his omega. He took the glass from Louis' hands and set it on the edge of the sink again. Without any words, he pulled both of Louis' hands towards himself and wrapped them loosely around his neck. Louis got the hint and held on tightly just in time for Harry to scoop the omega up off the floor with strong arms around his waist. Once he was standing again, Harry wrapped Louis' legs around him and settled his hands under the omegas thighs.

"You're a barbarian," Louis grumbled into his ear, but he was fully relaxed in Harry's hold, not as opposed to being taken care of as he still pretended to be. Harry only grunted in response, playing the role he’d been given. He walked back into the bedroom and instead of heading for the door, like he knew Louis assumed he would, he turned towards the bed.

"Haz?" Louis asked, no doubt staring at the door now and wondering why. Harry pulled the duvet on his bed back and swiftly dropped the omega onto his side. Before Louis could process what had happened, he covered the omega up and sat beside him with a hand planted on the other side, subtly trapping Louis in place.

"What the hell?" Louis asked while trying to fix his hair and right himself while keeping a shred of his dignity. It wasn't really working, but Harry thought he was impossibly cute. "What are you doing? We need to go!"

"No," Harry said calmly. " I need to go. You need to stay here and rest. You aren't feeling well."

"No, no, Harry," Louis protested. "I'm fine."

"You aren't fine, you're sick," 

"I promise I feel fine now. I must have just eaten something bad or something. I'm much better now that it's out of my system."

" Omega ," Harry said in warning. It was more stern than Harry usually was with him, so Louis quieted in shock more than anything. Harry felt bad immediately and tried to apologize for his tone with a soft kiss to Louis' forehead. "We've eaten every meal together since we left Doncaster. If it was something you ate, I'd be sick too. It's probably just a bug, and I'm sure tomorrow you'll be back to your usual self. But you need to rest tonight." Louis sighed and rolled his eyes to the wall on the other side of the room. His bottom lip jutted out in a small pout, the way his and Eli's always did when they were disappointed. Harry felt his heart constrict in his chest at the overt display of emotion.

"I said I'd be there for you for the entire UK leg," Louis murmured and then brought his sad eyes back to meet Harry's. Harry softened even more and leaned forward to brush the tip of his nose against Louis'.

"You are, love," Harry said. "You're here in London with me. You can watch the show online, I'm sure. And afterward I'll be running right back here to spend the night with you in our bed." Louis returned the affectionate gesture and punctuated it with a kiss on Harry's cheek.

"I'm sorry," the omega sighed. Harry pulled away and pushed Louis further into the bed. He smiled softly as Louis allowed himself to be tucked in, the fatigue finally winning over Louis' stubbornness with a little help from the alpha. Harry’s alpha preened just a little at the sight of his omega allowing him to take care of him.

"Nothing to be sorry for," Harry said. "You just rest. I'll be back as soon as I can to take care of you."

"I don't need to be taken care of," Louis grumbled, for good measure. Harry chuckled, but decided to let the omega have it for now. He placed one last kiss on Louis' forehead, brought a new glass of water to the bedside table, and then pulled himself out of the door of his London flat towards the biggest show so far on tour.

And he was going alone.

He could do this.

He could totally do this. 

 ***

"I can't tell you how nervous I was coming out on this stage tonight," Harry laughed. The crowd cheered in response, always helplessly affected by Harry’s vulnerability. It made them feel closer to him, like they were getting an exclusive peek behind the curtain into who Harry really was. It usually made him chuckle because Harry wasn’t much different behind the curtain than he was on stage. Not since the world had found out about Louis and Eli anyway. As far as secrets went, Harry was running low on them these days. Tonight their reaction to his vulnerability didn’t make him chuckle, instead it made him feel small. Not in an entirely bad way, more so in a grounding way. It reminded him that despite the amount of people interested in the details, there weren’t many people who expected him to be something he wasn’t anymore. They accepted him for who he was, which was someone who was more like any one of them. An alpha who was usually more nervous than confident, a father who was forever learning something new about parenting, and a partner who was hopelessly devoted to his omega in every way an alpha could be. Their reaction to his confession on stage reminded him that he was allowed to be all of those things, and he hadn’t had to lose anything to do it. He felt small and he felt incredibly big.

"This is by far the biggest show we've done yet this tour and, I’ve said it before, but there is something about this album that feels so much more personal to tour and I'm so very grateful to all of you for being here and allowing me to share it so vulnerably, so openly, and so freely. Thank you for accepting me, for having patience with me while I was sorting it all out. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” The arena erupted with noise and Harry had to take a moment to breathe through the pressure the sound put on his chest. His eyes welled up with tears as he looked around the full room, taking in the fans first and then his band behind him. Sarah’s familiar smile and Mitch’s steady strength helped to ground him in the moment. He didn’t know how it could be possible that he’d get to have everything. This, and Louis in his bed in his home, and Eli waiting for him in their shared home in their tiny town that Harry had come to think of as home as well. He didn’t know what he did to deserve it all, but the emotion of it all gripped his throat until he could barely push air through it.

"I always dedicate this next song to my beautiful omega who has gone above and beyond for me, especially in the time since we started writing this album. I wouldn’t have been able to put out such an honest piece of work if it weren’t for his patience and grace throughout that journey." Impossibly the room grew louder, the cheers for Louis superseding the cheers they’d just screamed for him. His fans loved Louis and Eli and he wished more than anything they could feel that energy with him now. His mind wandered back to his flat, not even half an hour’s drive from where he was, to his sick omega likely watching on a fuzzy livestream from some anonymous person in the crowd. He hoped that the connection was good enough that Louis would be able to feel their love for him, and maybe feel his love for him too. 

"He's caught a bug and is, unfortunately, not here with me tonight. It's the first show he's had to miss," the nearly constant cheers immediately morphed into a chorus of boo s and aww s. The alpha watched a few people in the first couple rows look around as if to confirm with their own eyes that Louis wasn’t there somewhere, watching from his usual place in the crowd. Harry laughed into the microphone and looked down at his feet shyly. 

"He feels the same way about it, believe me," he tells them. Harry gave them a moment to quiet back down. When the room was silent again, waiting on bated breath for what Harry was about to say next, the alpha released a breath and twirled one of the many rings on his left hand.

"That's another reason why I was so nervous tonight. I didn’t know how well I’d be able to do this tonight knowing he’s at home sick. It's been hard for me to balance both lives and feel like I'm enough for either one. Today, and just a few seconds ago actually, I found myself questioning once again whether or not I deserve to have both.” Harry’s audience screamed their support with tired lungs and watery eyes and Harry saw them all. He felt their love and it wrapped around him, giving him a renewed sense of determination.

“I was in a position a few years ago where I could have easily had none of it, so to be standing before all of you now with so much—words can’t even express the gratitude I feel, for you all, for Louis, for my wonderful, wonderful life. I know this is truly only the beginning. I will never take a single moment of this for granted.” Harry was shouting by the end, trying to be heard over the excitement in the room. Bubbles of his own excitement were floating around and popping inside of his stomach, filling his veins with fizzies that reminded him of hot summers and old TV screens. 

“I was worried but I shouldn't have been. From the moment I walked out on this stage I've felt your energy, I've felt your passion. You're absolutely fantastic in here tonight and I can't thank you enough." Harry grabbed the guitar that had been placed on stage next to him when they first transitioned out of the last song and swung it over his shoulder.

"I’m going to need all of your help to sing this song to my beautiful Louis. If we're loud enough, he may just hear us all the way at home!" The answering roar of nonsensical screams drowned out the opening chords, but the deafening sound gave way just in time for Harry to sing the opening line. Then the noise became the most beautiful chorus of his own lyrics screaming back at him. Harry looked into the eyes and phones of everyone in pit as he sang the familiar words and he hoped that one of them was an indirect view of his omega, somewhere out of his reach but watching anyway, silently cheering him on through the excitement of the crowd, basking in the love Harry would only ever have for him.

***

Harry was careful to be as quiet as possible as he entered their London flat after the show. The adrenaline was still pumping through his veins like lightning, but his concern for his omega was overriding all urges to blow off that excess energy. The only thing he truly wanted was to see Louis and make sure he was okay. The show had been a glaring success, and in hindsight he wasn't really surprised. He didn't really know why he had been so nervous about it. He'd played shows bigger than that the first time around, but something about this tour felt completely different. He felt different. These smaller shows, this new album, it was all so much more intimate than the arena tour he'd done with Columbia. He felt like he was starting all the way over, and this time he had to prove himself as just him, no gimmicks, no images, just Harry. Harry the soft alpha, Harry the father, Harry the partner. Harry— just Harry. He was scared a room that size wouldn't respond to him the way they'd responded to who he used to be.

But he'd never had any reason to fear.

They'd loved him, the way they'd loved his music, and his honesty from the start. The atmosphere was indescribable, the amount of love and acceptance in the room, not just for him but for each other, it was more than Harry had ever dreamed. But, as he often liked to remind himself, he was wide awake now, and there were more important things than his music and that feeling.

Like Louis.

The flat was dark when he walked in, the way he anticipated it it would be. It was late already, even though Harry had rushed out as soon as he was able to. Even if Louis hadn’t been sick he wouldn’t have expected him to be awake still when he got back. He tiptoed into the bedroom and smiled at the lump on the bed shaped familiarly like the body he slept next to every night—his omega. He didn't think there would ever be a show big enough or groundbreaking enough that could stand up to the thrill that ran through his veins every time he laid eyes on Louis. Especially in the quiet moments, when Louis was doing something inconsequential that most people would miss, too busy watching the world turn to notice the way Louis blinked slower when he was listening to Eli talk, or the way Louis smiled with the right side of his mouth first, or the way Louis slept with his hands close to his chest or Harry’s, like he was holding on to the string that held them together. Those moments that reminded Harry that they got to share a life together now, know one another in ways nobody else ever would. The dreams were nice, and Harry was beyond happy to be playing music again, but if he had to choose all over again, the alpha didn’t think there could ever be anything he would choose over having Louis.

Harry crawled into the bed behind Louis, having showered and changed at the venue so he wouldn't risk waking Louis when he got home. He had no need to waste any more time. His still damp hair was pulled tightly into a bun on top of his head, long enough now that it could all be gathered into a tiny knot. Louis told him all the time how much he loved that it was growing out again, and Harry had to agree. Cutting it had been a decision that was necessary and felt right when he was suffering great loss, when he’d felt like he had no choice but to change everything about himself to get away from what he’d lost, but he'd always been more comfortable when it was long enough to feel like a part of him. An extension of the aspects of himself the world would rather him tuck away, but that made him who he really was.

He wrapped a gentle arm around Louis' torso and pulled him back firmly against his chest. He nuzzled into the crook of the omega’s neck and kissed the sleep warm skin he found poking out of the loose neckline of one of his own old t-shirts.

"Hm," Louis hummed, tilting his chin up to give the alpha more access to his throat. He was always the most submissive and sweet when he was half asleep like this. Don't get Harry wrong, he loved his feisty, headstrong, dominant omega, but every once in a while it was nice to have him like this: Sleep soft and pliable.

"Sleep, Lou," Harry pressed into his skin with whispered words. The omega wiggled backwards in Harry's hold, seemingly trying to get closer. Then suddenly he wrenched himself away from Harry. He clapped a hand over his mouth and scrambled across the mattress to get out on the other side of the bed.

"Louis?!" Harry asked, his arms still open as if the omega were still in his grasp. Louis didn't even look back at him, he just ran for the bathroom, the sounds of his gagging already filling the room. Harry sat up immediately and pulled himself out of bed to follow Louis. His eyebrows were knitted tightly over his eyes in concern as he filled up the glass in the bathroom with water once again and then retrieved a tea towel from the cupboard. He wet it with warm water and then squeezed it out so it wouldn't drip everywhere. All the while, Louis clutched the toilet with shaking hands as he violently retched and dry heaved, the poor thing spitting up not much more than stomach acid and water at this point. 

The alpha sat with him until the gagging stopped and then silently handed him the cup of water. As Louis rinsed his mouth out, Harry dabbed at his clammy face with the wet cloth. The omega sipped the water and tears silently slid down his face. Harry wiped at those too, eventually ditching the rag and pulling the omega into his lap instead so he could kiss the tears away.

"I think I'm sick," Louis croaked in a voice that still burned from too much stomach acid. Harry cooed and rocked him slowly, scared to upset his stomach again.

"I know, love," Harry said. "I've got you. I'm going to take care of you."

"M'tired," he whimpered. Harry didn't need any more prompting. He struggled his way to his feet once more with his arms full of Louis, this time bridal style. Louis tucked his nose into Harry's neck and scented him needily. The alpha walked them both back to the bed and settled Louis into it. When Louis was comfortable, Harry left to get fresh water for the cup on the bedside table and a sleeve of crackers to try and put something light back in Louis' stomach that hopefully wouldn’t upset it.

"Lou," Harry murmured. Louis' eyes were already closed again but he was only half laying down, obviously still waiting for Harry to come back and get in bed beside him. "Louis."

"Hm?" Louis pulled his eyelids back and tried to focus on Harry. He held out a single cracker for Louis to take.

"Try a couple of these before you sleep again," Harry suggested. Louis frowned and turned his head away from the cracker. He groaned pathetically.

"I don't want it," Louis whined.

"I know darling," Harry sighed. "But it'll help. Please, omega?" Louis looked up at Harry with heartbreakingly wet eyes but he opened his mouth the tiniest bit. Harry smiled sweetly and slid into place beside the omega, pulling him in against his chest and cradling him like a small child. Then he held the cracker back up to Louis' mouth. He nibbled at it at first and then took the whole thing. He nuzzled into Harry's chest as he chewed, his eyes once again closed.

"Good boy," Harry told him. He kissed the top of his head and pulled another cracker from the sleeve. When Harry offered this one to Louis there was no hesitation from the omega, he simply ate the cracker in two full bites.

After another two crackers and some more water, Louis was yet again fast asleep. Harry still held him, cradled against his chest like a child, but the omega was dead to the world, completely limp in his hold and snuffle snoring lightly against his throat. Harry watched him tirelessly, worried and endeared all at once. He knew that Louis likely only had a harmless stomach bug of some kind, but seeing the person he loved most almost die was enough to make the alpha overly cautious about everything. Harry knew he was probably overreacting, and probably waking the doctor up at an ungodly hour of night, but he wouldn't be able to rest until he got some peace of mind. Until he knew Louis' stomach bug wasn't going to set a repeat of the worst days of his life in motion. He held his cellphone against his ear and tried to breathe slowly to keep himself calm.

"Harry?" A tired sounding Helene answered on the fourth ring. "It's the middle of the night, love. What's happened? Is Louis okay?"

"I don't know," Harry said, voice barely louder than a whisper.

"Harry, what's going on?" The doctor demanded, sounding infinitely more awake. Harry shook his head, disappointed with himself that he worried Helene with his lack of reasonable explanation. He just couldn’t get his mouth to form the words, couldn’t push his anxiety-induced thoughts out into the open where he knew they’d sound silly. But he had to know.

"I'm so sorry, Helene," Harry rushed to say. "I know it's late. I shouldn't be bothering you right now, I'm sorry. Louis is okay. He's here, sleeping in my arms. He's fine."

"Then why do you sound so scared, H?" She asked, attentive and motherly. She was always one step ahead of him and Louis these days when it came to Louis' health and knowing when one of them was holding back. That was her job, Harry knew, to know Louis’ condition better than anyone else, but the alpha suspected that what made her truly great at it wasn’t just her aptitude for being meticulous, but also her intent to care. She wasn’t afraid to be close to her patients, she didn’t shy away from the way they moved her. She loved Louis---she’d come to love them all. Beyond doctor and patient, Helene was a friend of their family and she’d taken that role very seriously. 

"He's sick," he told her. "He's been off all day. Overly tired and lethargic, I wondered if maybe he was just missing Eli since he’s with Jay this week in Donny, but then before my show he was violently ill. I made him stay home tonight to rest, but when I got back I must have woken him when I got into bed because he got up suddenly and was painfully sick again. I can tell he just feels miserable. But he's not running a temperature. He's just...sick. I don't know what to do and I'm kind of freaking out. I know everything is probably fine. I know he can get regular flus and bugs like everyone else and be fine . Hell, he and Eli both had strep throat for ten days last year and I knew he was okay. But this is different, Helene. My instincts are going crazy. Something is really wrong."

"Okay, okay. Breathe, Harry," Helene soothed. "I hear you. I hear what you're saying. I'm glad you called. I'm sure he's okay, but we can never be too careful about these things. If your alpha thinks something is wrong, we would be smart to trust it. Is Louis' heart rate elevated?" Harry adjusted carefully as to not wake the omega and then applied the pressure of two of his fingers at the point on Louis' wrist where Helene had taught him to check for Louis' pulse. He held his phone away from his face to watch the time and counted the beats for a minute in his head.

"No, not really," Harry told her. In preparation for the tour, Helene had taught Harry some easy ways to monitor Louis' health while on the road, just for the alpha's peace of mind. Louis was always a very good sport and indulged Harry when he wanted to practice monitoring the omega's heart rate or blood pressure even though he hadn’t had any issues with his heart for a long while now.

"Good, that's good," Helene told him. Her relief felt like a soothing towel on a fever ridden forehead. Harry felt his muscles relax. "You're in London, right?"

"Yeah," Harry answered.

"One more show tomorrow, and then a couple days off before Glasgow?" She asked.

"Do you have my schedule memorized?" Harry asked with a quirk in his lips, the idea of the doctor memorizing his tour schedule pulling a small smile out of him despite himself.

"I have to know where Louis is at all times," she said, but it sounded like she was smiling too and Harry couldn't help the small blush that warmed his cheeks. The way the people in Louis' life had taken him in so completely as one of their own still had not stopped surprising him, even four years later.

"Uh huh," Harry teased. Helene laughed quietly and then cleared her throat.

"Anyway," she said, back to all business. "Bring him back to Doncaster when you can. Come by whenever you get here, doesn't matter when. I'll make time. Just to make sure all is well and put your alpha at ease before the next show."

"Will he be okay until after the show tomorrow? Should I cancel it?" Harry wondered.

"No, no, of course don't cancel your show. As long as he doesn't spike a fever or start vomiting blood or pass out, he should be fine. Get through the show tomorrow and then come home. We will figure everything else out then."

"Okay," Harry sighed. "Thank you so much, Helene. I'm sorry again, for waking you at this hour."

"No worries, dear," she said. "Try to get some rest, okay?"

"Goodnight," Harry replied with a big sigh. He hung up the phone and settled into the mattress. There was still something unsettled inside of him, deep down. His alpha stirred relentlessly, disquieted and strangely high strung, though Harry knew they were alone and no one could get into their home. It took forever for sleep to find him, but when it did, his fingers were still wrapped securely around Louis’ wrist.

He fell asleep counting Louis' steady heartbeats.

 * * *

“Harry stop hovering, please,” Louis sighed. He pulled a pair of trousers from the chest of drawers and turned to smile over his shoulder at the worried alpha. Harry leaned against the bedroom door, his shoulder propping him up and his arms crossed tightly over his bare chest. His joggers that he’d slept in were still clinging loosely to his hips, but they were sliding further down the longer Harry stood there, revealing a deep V line under laurel tattoos that tempted Louis more today than they had in a while. The omega had to look away, turning back to the now closed drawer to pull on the track pants one leg at a time. His omega was practically writhing in his chest, the need to push his body into the space between those two beautiful tattoos creeping up on him quickly and intensely. He shook his head at himself, barely containing an astounded giggle.

Last night he was puking his guts up, and today he couldn’t keep it in his pants. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think he was going into a soft heat.

“Are you sure you feel okay enough to go tonight?” Harry asked again. He’d been asking all day. And hovering, watching the omega with intense eyes and his bottom lip trapped between his teeth like he was gnawing on questions he couldn’t stand to ask. He’d insisted on feeding Louis soup, something the omega allowed because he understood that last night couldn’t have been easy for Harry. Louis wasn’t usually so vulnerable and he could tell it had put Harry’s alpha on edge. Louis had assured him he was fine over and over again since they’d woken up, but it had done little to settle him. He’d spent an entire hour after they’d eaten jumping every time Louis even so much as adjusted on the sofa. Louis acted like he was annoyed by it, but he was honestly endeared. Despite not usually wanting to be cared for, being with Harry this long had softened him to it.

Just a little bit.

Louis heard the alpha push off the door frame and step into the room. He walked right up behind Louis and curled a hesitant hand around Louis’ right hip, steadying the wobbling motion the omega had started to keep balance as he wiggled his pants up. Which was the opposite of not hovering really, but Louis’ omega was so pleased by the small touch that he didn’t point it out. If Harry was going to be overbearing, Louis preferred he be overbearing and touching him.

“I’m fine,” Louis told him. Once he had the band of his trousers where he wanted them he turned around and stepped further into Harry’s space. The alpha’s fingers slid to his back and held him steady as Louis reached up and curled his arms around Harry’s neck. Louis smirked at the alpha, who was now searching Louis’ face with a deep indentation between his brows and a small frown on his lips. “I am. I told you this morning that my appetite came back and everything. It must have just been a twenty-four hour thing. I’m all good.”

“You really worried me last night,” Harry grumbled. His second hand came up to meet his first one on the small of Louis’ back and he locked his fingers, trapping Louis against him.

“You worry too much, Haz,” Louis told him softly. “I’ve been fine all day.”

“I think I have reason to worry anyway, Lou,” the alpha grumbled back. Louis sighed softly and pressed his lips into a thin line. He knew Harry didn’t mean to throw everything they’d been through in his face like that. He wasn’t trying to guilt Louis about any of it, but the omega couldn’t help the tiniest bit of tightening in his chest that felt like shame anyway. He was right, Louis had given him every reason to worry in the past. Even when he’d insisted he was fine, he’d been far from it, and Harry almost paid the ultimate price for that. That trauma wasn’t going to just go away. Four years wasn’t enough time to heal that hurt. 

Forever might not be.

“I know,” Louis said, his voice soft with understanding. “But it’s been good, yeah? I’ve been good for a long time now. We’ve hardly even seen Helene this past year.” Harry’s fingers tightened on his back suddenly and he averted his eyes. Louis furrowed his brow, caught off guard by the sudden sharpness to Harry’s usually fresh scent. It was almost fearful, like the alpha had suddenly gotten nervous. Harry cleared his throat.

“I, um,” he cleared his throat again. “Might have called Helene last night. She wants to see you before the next show.”

“ Harry, ” Louis gasped. His arms dropped to Harry’s chest as he tried to take a step back but Harry held him tightly, not allowing him to move. Harry closed his eyes and took a steadying breath as he held the omega still.

“I know, I know ,” he hissed. “I overstepped a little. I was just so worried. I haven’t seen you look like that in a long time. You were so… sick .”

“I’m going to get sick sometimes, H,” Louis said, still in a bit of shock that Harry went so far as to call his doctor in the middle of the night. “You can’t panic like that every time, it's no way to live. I don’t want to live that way and I don’t want you to either.”

Harry leaned his head against Louis’ and peeked out through his eyelashes. Louis searched the sea green color of his eyes only to see uncertainty swirling around with an overwhelming love within their depths. The omega couldn’t help but soften. He leaned even closer to the alpha and bumped his nose against the tip of Harry’s.

“Stupid, dumb, alpha,” Louis murmured. A soft sound, almost like a whimper, pressed out of the alpha’s chest. Louis tangled his fingers into his hair and scratched at his scalp soothingly.

“Are you mad?” Harry wondered feebly. Louis sighed and leaned back in Harry’s hold so that the only thing supporting his weight was Harry’s strong hands. The alpha planted his feet to better support Louis as he flung his head back dramatically. Louis groaned in an over exaggerated way and then leaned back up and met Harry’s patient stare. He gave the alpha a small smile.

“No,” he said. “I’m not mad.”

“I’m sorry,” the alpha said anyway. Louis cupped his cheek with one hand and kissed him lightly on the lips. Harry kissed him back easily, but the omega could tell the underlying tension wasn’t completely gone. He was still standing too stiffly, still holding on to Louis too tightly, like he thought he may slip through his fingers if he loosened up. It had been a long time since Harry had been triggered this badly and got lost inside his own head like this. Louis felt terrible for putting him back in such a place, especially before such an important show. He wanted to pull him back to the surface, needed to find a way to bring Harry back to their present and assure him that everything was fine. Harry had nothing to worry about. His omega was all too onboard with the switch in mood, eagerly panting at the idea of getting to tend to his alpha. It was quickly overwhelming how badly Louis wanted to be closer, not just for Harry’s sake, but for his own as well. He made a quick mental note to ask Helene about soft heats and what to expect from them now that he was having regular heats again. Then he turned his brain off and reached for Harry with his other hand, holding his face now in both hands. Louis kissed his bottom lip lightly once more and then hummed with his lips still resting against Harry’s.

“Alpha,” he breathed. Harry let out a puff of air from his nose that caressed Louis’ cheek in a cloud of morning dew and herbal tea. Louis pressed closer to Harry, applying pressure to the jut between his laurel tattoos with his own pelvis. He nearly preened at being exactly where he’d fantasized about being before, right between Harry’s hips, right up against the quickly forming semi in the alpha’s pants. Harry huffed again, affected but fighting it. Louis pressed a lingering kiss to the apple of Harry’s cheek and then trailed it down a bit further. He pressed sensual lips to the hollow of his cheek and then his jaw, slowly moving Harry’s face upwards with his hands to give him better access.

“Took such good care of me, H,” Louis murmured. “Want to take care of you now.”

“Lou,” Harry breathed when the omega dipped under the line of his jaw and nipped at Harry’s favorite place just below. He knew what it did to the alpha to be kissed there. To have Louis suck and bite at the delicate skin. Harry’s hips stuttered forward and his hands slid up from Louis' lower back to splay between his shoulder blades, pulling the omega further in. Louis buried his nose in Harry’s scent gland, enticed by the rich sandalwood smell that was coming off of the alpha in waves now. For a moment, Louis lost himself in it. He sucked on the area and nibbled just on the right side of too hard. Harry’s scent only grew heavier in response.

“Louis, we have to leave soon,” Harry said breathlessly, his voice breaking over the words. The omega snapped himself out of it then, reminding himself what he’s doing and why. He smiled up at Harry with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“I don’t need long,” he whispered, and then he unceremoniously bent at the knees and knelt before Harry. He pressed open mouth kisses over the tent in Harry’s joggers, smiling to himself when Harry groaned in pleasure. Louis wrapped his fingers around the backside of Harry’s thighs and pulled him closer as he continued to mouth at Harry’s now very firm erection. One of the alpha’s hands gripped Louis’ short hair and he heard the alpha pant heavily above him.

“Fuck,” he hissed. Louis hooked his fingers into the band at Harry’s bare waist and tugged them down. Harry didn’t resist, just stood still as Louis freed his cock from his trousers and his pants all in one go. “You don’t have to--”

Louis used a gentle hand to push back his foreskin and took the exposed head into his mouth reverently, swirling his tongue over the sensitive area. Louis heard a sharp intake of breath above him that encouraged him to keep going as Harry fell silent. He dug the nails of his free hand into the soft skin of Harry’s thigh, just below the supple swell of his arse, and relaxed his jaw in order to take more of the alpha into his mouth. Harry’s hips bucked forward suddenly, gagging the omega when his cock moved too quickly to the back of Louis’ throat. He pulled away instinctively to take a settling breath but looked up at Harry with bleary eyes to assure him that he was okay.

“Sorry, sorry,” Harry panted. A shaking hand cupped Louis’ open jaw so his thumb could rub the already aching corner of Louis’ mouth. The omega hummed and closed his eyes while the alpha watched from above. Louis relaxed once again and took the alpha all the way down to the hilt. A quiet moan slipped out of Harry’s mouth and his hand fell away from Louis’ face in favor of tangling in his hair again. Louis found a rhythm quickly then, all too aware of the time clock they were on. He wanted Harry to enjoy this, but he also couldn’t take his time the way he’d like. So he settled for a steady rhythm, slower and deeper than other desperate blow jobs he’d given, but not teasing and exploratory the way he usually was. Guttural noises were coming from Harry, pulled from the very center of his chest while he strained to remain still as the omega worked him over. Louis kept his hand firmly against the back of Harry’s leg to help ground him even as his other hand started to work in tandem with his mouth. He pulled Harry off, his hand slicked up by the copious amounts of precome and saliva that had made a mess of Harry’s groin and Louis’ face.

The omega could tell when Harry was getting close, when he was becoming overwhelmed by the myriad of sensations as Louis swirled his tongue and licked up the sensitive underside of his cock in time with the fast pulls of his fist near the base. The alpha lost his struggle with his hips and began to thrust gently in time with Louis. Louis looked up at him then, with wide, blown out eyes. Harry didn’t hesitate to lock gazes with him, and Louis couldn’t help but groan around the cock in his mouth.

Harry looked completely fucked out.

His pupils were blown wide, the green color Louis loved so much all but gone and replaced with hunger that set a fire in Louis’ stomach. He released the base of Harry’s cock and widened his jaw. He blinked innocently up at the alpha before cupping his arse with his still spit covered hand and pulling him in roughly. Harry jerked forward, knocked off balance by the sudden force. Louis guided Harry’s hips with his hands then, slowly at first, in and out, trying to say without saying what he wanted the alpha to do now.

“Fuck, omega, fuck,” Harry moaned. Louis blinked up at him again and swallowed around his painfully hard cock. Then he opened his throat and pulled Harry in harshly again. When the tip of Harry’s cock bumped the back of his throat he closed his eyes in ecstasy and moaned obscenely. Harry groaned along with him and suddenly there was a hand on his jaw again.

“Yeah?” Harry asked breathlessly. “Want me to fuck your throat then?” Louis pleaded with a filthy moan. He settled down onto his knees in a way that would give him more balance, just to show his alpha that that was exactly what he wanted. When he was planted he swallowed once more around Harry and waited.

“ Fuck, ” Harry growled. “You gorgeous---fucking---man of my dreams. I’m not going to last long with you looking like that.”

Louis answered by opening his throat further and digging his nails into Harry’s skin. Harry thumbed at the stretched skin of his mouth, wiggling the digit in beside his cock. It burned with the way it stretched, but Louis loved the way it felt. Slick was already pooled in the pants he’d just put on. He was definitely going to have to change before they left, but he didn’t care. He shifted so the heel of his foot was pressed against his aching hole, just to get some friction of his own.

“Can I come down your pretty throat, omega?” Harry asked in a gravelly voice. He was slowly pumping his cock in and out of Louis’ warm heat, having taken over for him already, but intentionally keeping his movements shallow and slow. Louis nodded and blinked hard to push the moisture that had gathered on his lash line over the edge. The sight of the tear sliding down his cheek must have been the last push Harry needed because he slammed into Louis with abandon then. Louis relaxed into the familiar pressure. He closed his eyes and breathed carefully out of his nose as Harry moved frantically, chasing his orgasm hungrily. The room was filled with whimpers and grunts from the alpha as he fucked into Louis’ mouth and the omega preened, deeply pleased by the sounds of satisfaction his alpha was making. He wiggled on the heel of his foot and whimpered as his hole clenched around nothing. He was terribly empty and the pressure in his own neglected cock was distracting, but this wasn’t about him. This was for Harry. The way his alpha was moaning his name was almost enough to make him forget his own want for release anyway.

“Knot, baby,” Harry warned between heavy breaths. “My knot, my knot.” Louis calmly moved one of his hands to hold the swelling knot down as Harry continued to push into him.

“Oh my god,” Harry gasped at the pressure. Louis locked his fingers around it and purposefully squeezed, just enough to push the alpha right over the edge. Harry’s knot popped into Louis’ hand and Harry’s come spilled into the open cavern of Louis’ throat. The omega swallowed as much of it as he could while Harry continued to ride out his orgasm, sliding his cock in and out slowly over Louis’ wide tongue. Louis whimpered as he breathed to praise the alpha for his beautiful work. Harry was stroking his mouth with his thumb again, not in an effort to stretch him anymore, but to soothe now. His other hand came up to the other side of Louis’ open mouth to do the same on that side. Louis looked lovingly up at his alpha before slowly pulling back and off his still spurting cock. The rest of the alpha’s release spilled over Louis’ neck and chest, ruining the shirt he had on. Louis laughed to himself. He was going to have to shower all over again.

So much for being quick.

Harry smiled down at Louis too, sated and sufficiently distracted.

“What’s funny?” he asked curiously. Louis shook his head.

“Going to have to clean up now,” Louis chuckled. Harry lowered himself to his knees to be on Louis’ level then and claimed his lips in a bruising kiss. Harry plunged his tongue into Louis’ mouth, exploring the taste of himself on the omega’s tongue while his hand came up to gently rub the remnants of his come into Louis’ skin.

“But I like you like this,” Harry hummed. Louis’ painfully hard cock twitched inside his pants at the primal claiming behavior. He wasn’t normally into the more primitive instincts of their kind, but fuck his omega was whimpering at the thought of being so covered in Harry’s smell. At being so claimed and protected.

“You’re a barbarian,” Louis repeated his own words from last night, admittedly for a totally different reason. Harry didn’t miss the irony of it. He smiled into the next kiss and then scented Louis hard. Louis practically melted into the attention, pressing his nose into Harry’s neck and bucking up against his leg like a dog in heat. Harry cooed and reached down to palm Louis’ erection. Louis gasped into the pressure, unable to stop himself from humping up into it. He was so hard, so wet, it wouldn’t take long for him to find his own release if Harry kept touching him that way.

“Oh, omega,” Harry cooed. “My poor baby. You’re so hard. Let me take care of you, hm?”

“We have to go,” Louis whimpered. “Don’t want you to be late.”

“S’my concert, love,” Harry whispered. “They’ll wait for me. You don’t ever have to.” With that Harry slipped his hand into Louis’ trousers and fisted his cock. Louis whined high in his throat at the skin to skin contact, already shaking from his approaching orgasm. Harry pulled him flush against his body and slid his free hand into the backside of his pants.

“Hmm,” Harry growled. “So fucking wet.”

“Haz,” Louis whimpered, fucking into Harry’s hand desperately. Harry pressed a single finger to the tight ring of muscle currently leaking steadily. When he pushed inside Louis dug his teeth into the thin skin over Harry’s collarbone. They both gasped at the sensations.

“Took such good care of me, baby,” Harry praised in his ear. His fist was working firm and fast over Louis’ weeping cock, and his finger was buried to the knuckle inside of him. He was swirling it around skillfully, brushing Louis’ prostate on every wide swing, just enough to drive the omega crazy. “Want you to come now.” Two more strong pulls and one purposeful press to Louis’ prostate later and the omega did, right into his pants.

A shower was definitely necessary before they could go anywhere.

* * *

He and Harry had showered again together, quickly and without much intent. It wasn’t sexual, even though they touched the entire time, their hands lazily exploring the planes of their bodies just because they could. Harry always had a fascination for Louis’ scars, his fingers can’t help but linger over the one down his chest or the one under his belly button. Louis used to be insecure about them, used to shy away from the alpha’s curious and reverent touches, but now he found a strange comfort in them. Like the barely there swipe of Harry’s fingertips relieved a burning that Louis never noticed until Harry took it away again. He never felt scrutinized in those moments, only seen.

Only worshiped.

They mostly giggled through washing each other’s fluids off one another. It was silly and sweet and as pleasing as the other stuff had been. Louis was happy to see the heaviness that had bloomed in Harry overnight wash down the drain. The simple, easy intimacy of their relationship returned without much effort. They were okay. They had been for a long time now. They dressed quickly in comfortable clothes, knowing Harry would be pushed into a stage outfit soon anyway and Louis didn’t need to be dressed up for the show. He liked to look nice for Harry and Harry’s fans, but tonight he gave himself the grace of casualness. Louis threw on a simple deep blue hoodie and sweatpants set that was a size too big on him. He felt like he was drowning in the material, especially when he pulled the hood up, allowing only his fringe to peek out. It was warm and soft and placated his omega, who would have been much happier tucking into a night in and a nice cuddle, but it was an easy sacrifice to make to share Harry with thousands now. Easy when Harry was smiling at him the way he was now, Louis’ own vintage Umbro shirt wrapped tightly around Harry’s broad frame and his wet curly hair falling around his face in soft ringlets. It was getting so long now, hanging well past his cheekbones.

Harry was so beautiful.

“I have to call Eli,” Louis told Harry when they were safely tucked into the backseat of a large, dark SUV on their way to the venue. They were only ten minutes behind schedule, which Louis thought was something to be proud of. “Do you want me to wait until after soundcheck?”

“Please,” Harry answered. “I want to see him.”

“Okay,” Louis said easily and he shot a text off to his mum to let her know he’d call a little while later. Harry waited until he was done with his text then he reached over and took the omega’s small hand in his larger one. They laced their fingers together and Louis brought their joined hands up to his mouth to kiss the back of Harry’s palm sweetly.

“Thank you,” Harry murmured. Louis smiled warmly up at him from his seat. He didn’t know what exactly Harry was thanking him for, but it didn’t really matter. His limbs were still loose from their activities and his mind was pleasantly fuzzy with their proximity and care. Louis was just happy to be near Harry, and to have been able to assure him that everything was okay. He hadn’t always been able to do either of those things and he didn’t take it for granted now. Harry didn’t have to thank the omega for doing any of that.

“Silly to thank me for things I’ll always do, H,” Louis told him. It wasn’t the first time he’d said that to Harry, but the alpha still blushed like it was. He turned his face towards the window and away from Louis in an effort to hide the way it still affected him, to have Louis so completely. Louis squeezed his hand and then turned to watch out of his own window.

Their hands stayed connected the whole ride.

* * *

When they’d gotten to the venue, Harry had begrudgingly left Louis in his dressing room to wait for him to return from soundcheck. The alpha had offered to take Louis to watch like he’d usually done, but Louis hadn’t wanted to go. He was still a bit floaty from their before show activities, and he was still drawing comfort from his and Harry’s mixed scents, which still clung to his skin. Louis didn’t want to mess that up by being bombarded by Harry’s team, as lovely as they always were. He just wanted a few more moments to enjoy the way he was feeling, soft and cared for and happy. He could tell Harry wasn’t too keen on the idea, used to the comfort of having at least one of their friends or family members with them to be with Louis when he had to leave. This show not even Liam had come to, work pulling him back to LA unexpectedly and away from both Harry and Zayn. Despite his discomfort with it, Harry hadn’t pushed. He’d lovingly made sure the omega was okay on his own and that Louis had access to the various snacks and drinks they’d laid out for the alpha. Louis had assured him he was going to be okay, and with only a few more huffs Harry had left him. 

Louis’ smile lingered long after he was gone. Even in the silence, Louis was filled with a happy hum that occupied his mind, like the heat thrumming through a large lightbulb. The brightness of what they’d built kept Louis lit even in the dark, and it felt especially bright tonight. He curled up on the plush couch in the room and pulled the large hoodie closer around his face. Harry’s scent still clung to his skin, even after the shower, and Louis closed his eyes as he inhaled it, letting it lull him deeper into his head.

They’d really made it, Louis thought to himself. 

It had all been so painfully easy, their new life together. Even when things were hard they were still easy because Harry made it that way. He kept Louis laughing and eased his worries with simple solutions. And Louis did the same for him when he could. He’d been so afraid that their life wouldn’t work, that they couldn’t have everything they both wanted, and there were still things that neither of them even dared to want at this point, but for the most part they’d been given every little thing they’d asked for. They were making their little family work, and Harry’s career was off to another incredibly successful start. Louis’ health was better than before he’d had Eli and he didn’t feel like they’d given up anything for any of that. This new separation from Eli was the first real concession any of them had made, and even that Harry had found a way to make both Louis and Eli feel okay about it. Despite all his darkest fears, Louis had managed to walk back all of his mistakes and make a life for the three of them that was everything .

He was so happy.

Louis sniffled into the warmth of his hood and then jerked his head up. He patted at his cheek with one sleeve-covered hand and was surprised when it came away wet. He was crying. Louis blinked a couple of times and tried to take a deep breath. He found it was harder than it should be, a tightness keeping his lungs too close. He furrowed his brow and wiped his eyes again, confused by the moisture there. He was just feeling so intensely happy, why and how could he be crying right now? He’d felt this kind of loss of control over his emotions before. He was definitely in a soft heat. But it hadn’t been that long since his last actual heat, so why?

So maybe returning home for a beat to see Helene wasn’t such a bad idea.

By the time Harry returned from soundcheck, Louis was laid out on the couch very nearly dozing. The opening of the dressing room door startled him and he jolted, his wide eyes flying up to Harry’s only to close in relief when he saw the alpha standing in the doorway. Harry was a little red in the face from the heat and his hair was pulled up into a tiny knot on top of his head now, but he still had Louis’ shirt on and he was smiling at Louis like he’d just hung the moon up for him.

“You look cozy,” Harry purred. He closed the door to the dressing room and sauntered over to the couch. He didn’t waste any time in crawling on top of Louis and settling his body between the omega’s knees. He gave Louis a chaste kiss on the lips.

“Mmm,” Louis hummed at the contact. He curled his fingers around the neckline of the shirt and peered up at Harry. “Cozier now.”

“I’ll bet,” Harry laughed. He kissed one of Louis’ cheeks and then the other. Then he propped himself up on his elbows and tilted his head to the side. “Eli?”

“Ugh, fine,” Louis groaned, but his phone had been clutched in his fist for over twenty minutes in anticipation of seeing his boy's face again, and Harry knew that Eli was probably the only thing that could make the omega move right now. Harry pulled them both into a sitting position, but curled into Louis’ side the moment he pulled his phone out and pulled up FaceTime. As the phone rang, Louis looked at their mirror image on the screen, Harry’s head pillowed on Louis’ shoulder and Louis’ face softened by a sleepy smile and a warm fire’s glow inside his eyes. It was a nearly perfect image.

Eli’s mouth was wide open, already mid scream when the call picked up.

“...ma, Daddy!” The alpha and omega both laughed, impossibly endeared by the small boy on the other side of the screen. His long curly hair was a mess around his face, obviously still wet from a bath. His cheeks were flushed, either from the warm water or from the excitement of seeing Harry and Louis. Louis heard Jay somewhere in the background shush the pup a bit and Louis imagined her hand somewhere off camera patting him until he stopped bouncing in place. Sometimes, Eli was still so much like how he used to be when he was smaller.

“Hi alpha,” Louis crooned. Harry’s hand came down on Louis’ thigh and squeezed lightly, just to hold, just to ground.

“Nana let me watch some of Daddy’s show last night! It was so cool! I’ve never seen that much people before!” Harry laughed and Louis looked down at him, some of the pride he hadn’t gotten to express yet reaching out through the look.

“I’m so glad you got to see some of it, pup,” Harry said. “You should see this place, it’s huge!”

“Well, I would have but you and mamma are the ones who told me I can’t go,” Eli said matter of factly. He didn’t look put out by the fact, nor did he sound whiny. He just nodded into the camera and shrugged like Harry should feel silly for forgetting that it was his decision that kept him from seeing it in the first place. Louis hid his answering smile behind his hand.

“How about I show you around now? Then it'll be like you can be here to see it,” Harry offered.

“Okay!” Eli exclaimed, always excited for the insider’s look at Harry’s thrilling job. Louis had planned to ask Eli about his school and his time with Nana, but it was clear that Eli was more interested in his dad and the coming show, hungry for the details he was deprived of when he’d grown so used to being in it every night. Louis wasn’t bothered by it at all. He handed his phone over to Harry easily and took the alpha’s free hand when he offered it to Louis. Harry led them out of the dressing room and together they strolled through the O2 Arena with Harry narrating the entire journey. It wasn’t Harry’s first time performing in the O2, far from it actually, so he easily maneuvered in and out of each space and had stories for some of the cooler parts, like the green room and tunnels under the stage. Eli squealed and wondered at every dark corner and open door. Harry kept his hand linked to Louis’ and would look to him for reactions every now and then to make sure Louis felt included, but for the most part Louis enjoyed just sitting back and watching his boys laugh together. It would never get old for Louis to watch the bond Harry and Eli shared grow and come to wonderful fruition. There was nothing more important to him than the way Harry and Eli loved one another. He was sure in any instance he’d choose the happiness they both exuded now over his own without hesitation. 

When they were done touring the stage and talking about all of the seats that would soon be filled with all of Daddy’s fans, Louis was finally handed the phone again. Harry was pulled away by his stylist, the show rapidly approaching. He blew Eli a ton of kisses and wished him a good night’s sleep and he kissed Louis on the mouth before going. Something that pulled a loud protest from their son who was still watching on the other side of the screen. Louis laughed and mocked his disgusted expression once Harry was gone. He made his way backstage slowly with the phone cradled in his hands.

“Mamma?” Eli asked, considerably quieter now. Louis titled his head so Eli could see his curiosity through the screen.

“Yeah, love?”

“Are you sick?” the pup asked. Louis’ brow furrowed deeply and he physically jolted back, just a little.

“No, I’m fine,” Louis assured him. “Why?”

“Dad said so at the show last night,” he murmured and Louis could see the concern etched into his small features. His green eyes tiny mirrors of his father’s from that morning. Louis’ heart clenched in his chest, overcome with the want to wrap his baby up and scent him until the look was gone.

“He did?” Louis asked. On the other side of the phone screen Eli’s head moved up and down, his face becoming pixelated and blurry with the motion.

“Well, I wasn’t feeling great last night, buddy, so I stayed at your dad’s flat while he came to do the show,” Louis told him. “But I’m all better now. There's no need to be worried.” The little alpha’s gaze roamed over Louis’ face like he was searching for some sort of artifice in his healthy color or sincere expression. Louis smiled sadly at the boy.

“Okay,” Eli said.

“Okay?” Louis asked, just to be sure.

“Mhm,” Eli agreed. Louis pursed his lips as he walked. His slow steps were carrying him back to the dressing room, or vaguely in that direction since Louis didn’t really know the way back. He hadn’t paid close enough attention as they’d walked and the halls were dark. His focus wasn’t really on where he was going anyway. He was too busy being with his son, wherever he was.

“Have you had fun with Nana?” Louis asked, his voice intentionally light.

“Yeah,” Eli smiled. “After I finish my lessons, Nana’s been letting me help plant her garden. She says there will be lots of wildflowers soon.”

“Gardening with Nana, that sounds like so much fun!” Louis gushed. “I used to love to help Nana plant her garden when I was your age.” Eli gave a toothy grin and his eyes slid up and away from the camera momentarily. The look in his eye was nothing short of devious.

“I know, she told me,” Eli giggled. “She said you weren’t very good at it though. She said you’d get too impatient and start eating the seeds instead.”

“Eli!” his mum’s voice scolded from beyond the camera. Louis’ mouth fell open, exasperated and a bit embarrassed despite himself.

“I did not used to eat her flower seeds, E,” Louis gasped.

“Now, son, you shouldn’t lie to your child,” Jay called through laughter of her own. Eli was lost to a fit of giggles and Louis eventually joined in with a shake of his head.

“Goodness,” Louis sighed. “Mum, why would you tell him that?” Suddenly her weathered face appeared on the screen, pressed right up against Eli’s. Her tired but beautiful eyes shined with mirth as she hugged the young alpha close.

“Because he asked, and because you were nearly as cute as he is when you asked me all in a tizzy if flowers were going to grow in your belly and come out of your ears,” she said. Louis felt his face warm to an uncomfortable temperature. He tried to cover it with his free hand.

“Mum,” he groaned. Eli’s laughter rolled on top of both of their voices and Louis looked up from his hiding spot to watch the happiness play on his dimples.

He’d underestimated how much he would miss his pup.

“I miss you both,” Louis said, suddenly emotional again.

“Oh we miss you too, dear,” Jay hummed, her laughter quieting into a motherly smile. “But we’re so happy for Harry and hope you’re both having the best time, isn’t that right, lovebug?” Eli leaned into her and smiled shyly. He’d gotten to be that way as he got older, less overt about his feelings if they were quiet, vulnerable feelings. He didn’t necessarily hide them, but he would tuck them into his back pockets or the corners of his mouth and hope they went unnoticed.

“It's been great for Harry,” Louis said to his mum. Then to Eli, “Not nearly as much fun as it was when you were here though.” Eli’s shy smile went big, splitting his face in two and carving his dimples out into deep divots.

“I wish I was there,” Eli admitted.

“I know,” Louis told him. “But listen, there’s been a little change in our plans and we are coming home tomorrow before we head to Glasgow.”

“Really?” Eli gasped. Louis smiled and nodded.

“Really,” he told him. Eli shot up from where he’d been sitting and started bouncing around, shouting nonsensically with joy. Louis laughed at the sight but didn’t miss the way his mother’s brow furrowed in confusion. She stuck her hands out absently to try and contain Eli’s movements but her eyes didn’t leave Louis’. Ever so slightly he shook his head at her, hoping she’d understand not to ask her questions right now. Louis looked around then, noticing for the first time that he’d managed to find his way back to the hall where Harry’s dressing room was located.

“I should get off here, guys,” he told his family. “The show will start soon, Harry’s getting dressed now.”

“Okay, Mamma,” Eli agreed easily. “Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Love you! Tell dad I said good luck!” Louis blew a small kiss to the screen.

“I will. Love you too, baby,” he murmured. Jay’s eyes lingered on Louis for a half a beat longer than they should have and then she turned to Eli and grabbed his small hands in hers.

“Why don’t you go wash up for bed and I’ll come tuck you in in a moment,” she told him. Even from several hours away Louis could see the way Eli rolled his eyes.

“Nana, if you want to talk to my mamma without me you can just say so,” he grumbled. Louis and Jay’s mouths both fell open in mild shock and then the young alpha waved at the phone screen, smile back in place, before he was bounding off, out of the sight of the camera.

Louis scoffed in disbelief.

“He gets that from you, you know,” Jay said.

“If you mean his intelligence, you’re absolutely right,” Louis teased. Jay narrowed her eyes at her son as she scooped the phone up and brought it closer to her face.

“You know exactly what I meant,” Jay replied. “And you know it wasn’t his intelligence because that he clearly gets from me .” Louis barked a loud laugh, finally outside of the door to Harry’s dressing room.

“Okay,” Louis mocked.

“It’s true,” Jay insisted. “For instance, you thought you’d just slip a surprise visit home by me and think I wouldn’t catch the apprehension in your eyes when you said it, but I did.”

“There was no apprehension in my eyes when I said I was coming home, Mum,” Louis sighed. He pushed through the door and immediately locked eyes with Harry in his mirror. He was slumped in a small chair, shirtless once again, while Krystle was running her fingers through his hair, pulling at and twisting individual curls to make them clump better. The dark haired, wide-eyed beta turned quickly to smile a greeting at Louis, but she picked up on the phone conversation quickly and didn’t say anything to him in order not to interrupt. Harry smiled back at him and the omega could feel his face soften.

“There was, so tell me what it is. Why are you coming home?” Jay asked.

“Hi Jay,” Harry called, his voice raised so Jay would be able to hear it from across the room.

“Hello, Harry darling,” she called back.

“It’s not apprehension, I’m fine,” Louis answered as if there hadn’t been an interruption. “I caught a bit of a stomach bug yesterday and Mr. Worries Too Much called Helene. Now she wants to check me out before we get too far from home, that's all.”

“Well, are you okay?” Jay asked anxiously. Louis opened his mouth to reassure her, but she was talking again before he could. “Harry? Is he okay?”

“He is, I promise,” Harry answered. He turned to look at Louis as if Jay would be able to make eye contact with him through the phone. “I just overreacted.” Krystle tapped his shoulder in reprimand and the alpha quickly turned back around in his seat.

“I’m right here,” Louis said, his offense mostly playful.

“I trust him more than I trust you,” Jay said bluntly. Now Louis’ offense was not so playful. He scoffed at the pixelated image of his mother.

“ I am your child,” Louis complained.

“Which means I know you, darling, and you can’t be trusted,” Jay quipped back. Harry and Krystle chuckled together across the room. Louis threw them both the meanest glare he could muster, but his scorn went widely unnoticed.

“Whatever,” he huffed. “As I’ve told Harry over and over again, I’m fine .”

“But you’re not fighting the trip all the way home to see your doctor,” Jay commented. She nodded once like she’d just cracked the code to some big mystery. “My stubborn, hard-headed son, I totally believe you.” Harry looked up then, the pesky crease between his brows back with a vengeance. He was looking at Louis in the mirror as if he’d not thought of what Jay had just said. Louis rolled his eyes nearly as hard as Eli did a moment ago.

“That’s enough, both of you,” Louis said to his mum and Harry. “I can be stubborn, but I won’t play with my health, you both know that. Besides, if I didn’t go, I think Harry here would collapse in on himself, sick with worry. You know how delicate he is.”

“Heyy,” Harry whined, the look of concern being replaced with his own offended nose scrunch.

“Don’t listen to him, Harry,” Jay said. “He’s only projecting anyway.”

“Okay, I’m hanging up now,” Louis said with a forced sweet smile. “Goodnight, love you, kiss my boy for me!” Louis tapped the red ‘end call’ button before Jay could answer again and sighed heavily as he stuck his phone into his hoodie pocket. Harry and Krystle were both eyeing him through the mirror silently. Louis stared back with a stern look that dared either one of them to continue the line of conversation his mother had started.

“We only car-” Harry started.

“Nope,” Louis cut him off. Harry pressed his lips into a thin line. He turned his back on the alpha and sat on the sofa, where he’d been lounging before the phone call. Silence filled the room then, aside from the small hums Krystle made as she perfected Harry’s hair and makeup.

“Your son wished you good luck tonight,” Louis said after a while. He turned so that his legs were pulled up onto the sofa and he could look at Harry again. His dimples appeared as a small smile graced his lips.

“Why isn’t he here tonight?” Krystle wondered. “The whole crew misses him.”

“That makes all of us,” Harry said with a small chuckle. Louis smiled and leaned his head against the back of the couch.

“We told him he couldn’t be a full time rockstar until he was at least out of primary school,” Louis joked. Krystle laughed and nodded like she got it. Louis was sure she did. He would like to think anyone with kids or who may want kids would understand wanting to protect them, even from something they may want. 

“I don’t blame you,” Krystle said. “But that must be hard on you. Being away from him. Both of you, really.” Harry looked to Louis in the mirror again but quickly looked down when he found Louis already looking at him.

“Yeah, we miss him a lot,” Louis agreed. “But we’re incredibly lucky. The short separations are a small price to pay to get everything we wanted.” Harry’s answering smile was brief and maybe a little regretful, but it was grateful too. Louis tried to convey all the love and certainty he felt in his own expression, knowing how much Harry struggled with this concept---of having music and his family too. Louis wanted to make sure that Harry never forgot how much Louis wanted this for him too. They’d made the decision for him to go back together, and they’d found a way to make it work together. Harry shouldn’t ever feel guilty for that decision, but he especially didn’t get to shoulder it alone if he did feel it.

They were in this together now, for better or for worse.

Krystle smiled at them and continued her work silently.

* * *

Louis made it through a third of Harry’s show before a sharp pain gripped his stomach, turning it suddenly and making him terribly nauseous. The feeling came out of nowhere. One minute he was dancing and singing along with Harry as the alpha pranced around the stage in a gold vest and matching gold pants, the next minute he was doubled over his seat with a hand over his mouth, sweat beaded up on his brow. His hands trembled and his muscles grew weak. The meager contents of his stomach flopped around viciously, and it was all he could do to hold the bile from crawling up his throat as he shuffled his way to the end of the VIP section in the pit. He could feel eyes on him as he made his way out of the crowd and down the corridor to the halls of the arena, but he couldn’t spare anyone a single glance as he broke into a sprint. With his hand still pressed to his mouth he ducked into the first restroom he could find and just managed to lock the stall behind him before he fell to his knees and started throwing up everything in his stomach.

Louis groaned as he gagged, the sizzling stomach acid burning his throat as it came up. His abdominal muscles clenched violently and painfully. He was thankful for the show being in full swing at the moment, because he was pretty sure the bathroom was empty and would likely stay that way for a while. It was the only saving grace he had in an otherwise terrible situation. He could feel hot tears spring to the surface of his eyes as he continued to gag even though his stomach seemed to be empty now. He panted heavily over the porcelain seat, tears mixing into the water and sick that was gathered in the bowl. When another round seized his body he instinctively reached for his stomach. He pressed a gentle hand against his belly button and held on as he retched and gagged around the nothing that was coming out now. The muscles in his back were all tightened up and aching, and his head was pounding from the sudden pressure. He rubbed at his belly, trying desperately to calm it even as the pain ripped through him, sharp and sudden. In one panic induced moment of thought Louis realized that the feeling was one he recognized, which started him heaving all over again.

Once the terrible nausea and pain released him he reached up and flushed the toilet with a pathetic whimper. Then he sat with his back against the wall of the stall and his knees pulled up to his chest, heaving in painful breath after painful breath that eventually turned to sobs as pieces began to reluctantly fall into place. The uncontrollable mood swings, the over sensitivity to Harry and his scent, the neediness, the fatigue, and this awful, random sickness that came out of nowhere and left just as quickly. He’d thought it was all just indicators of a soft heat---an odd but common change in his hormones in response, probably, to Harry’s rut that was scheduled soon. It was what he’d hoped would be the case, even though it felt unlikely since he hadn’t had a soft heat in so long. But Louis knew now he was wrong. He’d always known, if he was being honest, that it had to be something else, that’s why he hadn’t fought the idea of seeing Helene before they continued with the tour. Instinctively he’d wanted the help because, instinctively, he’d already known.

This was what it felt like when he’d been pregnant.

But he couldn’t accept, couldn’t even fathom , that. Not now, not this time. It shouldn’t even be possible according to all of his doctors. If his body even could, his medication should prevent it with the way they change his hormones. He couldn’t be pregnant.

But Louis knew .

He curled his knees in tighter to his chest and sobbed brokenly with his mouth pressed to the tops of his knees. He tucked one hand against his stomach and clutched at the material of his hoodie. He could still hear the sounds of Harry’s show in the distance, his music filtering out of the arena and into the bathroom in distant hums and vibrations, but despite that Louis suddenly felt like he was back in his old London flat. The same too hot, sick feeling bubbled in his gut, and the same ice cold dread shot through his veins. He trembled at the sinking thought that somehow, in the most sadistic twist of fate, his story had just started over.