Chapter Text
Joonghyuk watched it happen to Lee Hyunsung first.
The loyal shield was, in every round, always there for them.
For him.
He was a lovable, protective person, with a heart bigger than the world. That was one of the things Yoo Joonghyuk respected about him the most.
Throughout his rounds, Hyunsung stayed his constant reminder of a light and the end of the dark. He was always upbeat, and always saw the best in people, something Joonghyuk could never do. Even when Joonghyuk would yell, or get annoyed with the party, Hunsung would be right there to help him calm down. Hyunsung was, and always stayed, one of the most reliable people in Joonghyuk's regressions.
Then, in this regression, Kim Dokja showed up, and Hyunsung suddenly just...wasn’t there, next to Joonghyuk like he always had been. Instead, he stood next to Dokja, or Heewon.
Never Yoo Joonghyuk.
He never resented Hyunsung for it, and constellations forbid, would he ever wish Hyunsung anything but happiness. When Joonghyuk saw Hyunsung with Kim Dokja, the shield smiled brighter than Joonghyuk had ever seen.
Joonghyuk understood. Hyunsung deserved someone that could return his enthusiasm and light, and Joonghyuk was too broken for that. So Joonghyuk reserved himself to just watching. At least Hyunsung was happy. He deserved it.
He had never seen Yoo Sangah, Jung Heewon, Han Sooyoung, or Lee Gilyoung before, but he watched them, all the same, attach themselves to Dokja like leeches.
Joonghyuk watched, but never said anything. How could he? After so many regressions, he had become emotionally distant, unable to speak normally to someone, even if they were technically all companions.
Then went Shin Yoosung.
Joonghyuk knew that what his 41st regression did to the little girl was unforgivable. Even if she didn't remember it, he still felt the guilt eating away at him. After that round, he had sworn to be better to her, even if he wasn't able to be there for her emotionally. Emotions were Hyunsung's job.
After spending regression after regression with her, she became like a daughter to him.
Her bright eyes, and her love of animals never faltered in the apocalypse. Joonghyuk made another promise that he would do everything he could to keep that love with her. Plus, she and Mia got along extremely well. If they'd ever reached the end of the scenarios, he would've adopted her without hesitation. But they never reached the end.
Enter Kim Dokja. The man had found Shin Yoosung first, and had given her all the love, adoration, and care that she deserved and more. He even helped the Disaster of the Flood, something that Yoo Joonghyuk had spectacularly failed at. He'd given the 41st Shin Yoosung hope, something Joonghyuk had taken from her.
Joonghyuk was glad that Dokja could care for Yoosung. He resigned himself to observing her, watching her grow under her sponsor. She deserved the world and more, and Yoo Joonghyuk couldn't give her that, but Dokja could.
Lee Seolhwa was an...interesting case.
Sure, he had married her in his second round (Asmodeus's fault) but he held no romantic feelings for her. So he watched silently as she too, gravitated towards Dokja. Joonghyuk couldn't blame her, either. The doctor had saved Joonghyuk's life several times during his regressions.
He wished her only the best.
Yoo Joonghyuk couldn't say that he was shocked when Lee Jihye finally went to Dokja.
Sure, it hurt more than most, to see his own disciple, someone he also considered his daughter, drift towards Dokja. It hurt a lot.
Jihye was incredibly strong. She always had been. She deserved a break from this apocalypse, and more.
And how could Joonghyuk blame her? He was a broken mess, just a puppet in a nasty play for the constellations over and over again. He couldn't provide Jihye comfort when she had nightmares, but Dokja could. Sure, Jihye still trained with him, and yeah, she still called him "Master", but it was Kim Dokja who could provide her with everything else, not the broken record of a regressor.
So once more, he stood back, and watched. He watched Jihye bloom under Dokja's guidance. Yoosung grew considerably, and Hyunsung radiated happiness around the suicidal fool. They shone around Kim Dokja.
He watched as he stepped back. How everyone brightened around Dokja, but dimmed next to Joonghyuk.
That's normal, a nasty voice in his head mumbled. You resigned yourself to this. You'll only make it worse if you step in now.
Yoo joognhyuk knew this. Saw it, even, in the way Kim Dokja's Company flocked to Dokja.
He knew.
The entire company revolved around Kim Dokja, like small planets to a brilliant sun.
A sun was very fitting for Kim Dokja, in Yoo Joonghyuk's mind. His light never dimmed, and he was always there for them, no matter what. Always the star that would lead them wherever they needed to go, their (Joonghyuk's) guiding light.
Even Yoo Joonghyuk found himself caught in Dokja's brilliant web, yet he didn't mind. Rather, he just fell harder. Yoo Joonghyuk was someone made for the constellations enjoyment. He was made to love unconditionally until his heart was broken, then continue loving even after, even harder.
Just a protagonist for a lonely reader, but Joonghyuk accepted that. If his story kept Kim Dokja alive, then he wouldn't hesitate to do it all again, if he had to.
He would always and forever put his one reader first. He fell for Kim Dokja at one point, he didn't remember which, but he never stopped falling. Kim Dokja opened a door to Joonghyuk's heart, but never closed it. Yoo joonghyuk had spent more than a thousand regressions building a wall from his emotions and heart, but with a flick of his wrist, a simple knock, metaphorically speaking, Kim Dokja made that wall crumble and break like a feather in the wind.
So Yoo Joonghyuk watched. Ever silent, ever watchful, ever present, but never there. He stood a distance away, a gap of emotions and love separating him from the rest.
Oh how he wished and wished he could crosss that gap. To grow brilliant wings, as Dokja had when he sacrificed himself for them time and time again, to fly over that gap. But he couldn't. If he tried to fly, his wings tore. If he leapt, he fell forever.
Cruel, wasn't it? How he had spent so much time, lifetimes over and over with the people he called companions, yet he was the only one who could remember it. A curse on him that lasted through his regressions. To them, he was a stranger Kim Dokja kindly let tag along.
To them, he was nothing.
To him, they were everything.