Chapter Text
It stands as a silent sentry in the corner of your dark room as you roll out of bed, gasping for breath. Once you hit the ground it grumbles, deep voice sighing in displeasure. It’s a noise you know all too well. It makes you cringe.
Of course, displeasure is expected. After all, it’s the third time this week this has happened. The third night in nearly as many days where you’ve woken with a broken-off scream, shivering and sweat-covered.
Like the other times before, you’d trapped yourself in your bed with your thrashing; the sheets gripping you tightly. The fabric pressed into your limbs like phantom hands and your exhausted mind couldn’t comprehend the difference between your dream and reality. It scared you enough that you rolled onto the floor.
Now, you thread your trembling hands into your hair and pull. The familiar motion does nothing to ground you.
Despite it being years since you left, the dreams are still vivid. In them, your brothers are gripping your arms and your legs. Hitting and kicking and spitting at you. Yelling at you. Taunting you. Hurting you in every conceivable way.
All that isn't new; but the terrifying dreams are. It used to be that the waking world was enough of a nightmare that your mind didn’t need to go and make its own ghost stories. You wonder why it’s happening now. Why, after all this time and with all this distance, they can still do this to you. You thought you escaped. You ran away.
And yet, here you are, lying like a weak little maggot on the floor while it watches you.
You don’t want to, but you look up. Up up up. There in the distance, in the darkness, you see its eyes. They are cold, piercing.
Disappointed.
A sob shudders out of you, makes you gasp. It bursts out as if your tiny little body is simply too small to contain it.
The look is familiar, almost more painful than the remembered punches. There's no escaping it: the fact that no matter how far you run, you are always a disappointment.
The next gasp is louder than the first, rattling your chest. It’s a precursor to other pathetic noises that make it sneer. Ashamed, you clench your jaw, but that doesn't stop your body from shaking so hard it feels as if you're about to fall apart at the seams.
You remember this, of course. Your cries loud and obnoxious. A look of disdain the only reaction you’re able to incur. Yet you stare resolutely forward, pushing down the fear for just a moment in favor of hope. Maybe this time it’ll be different. Maybe this time he will…
When the door opens, you barely hear it. You’re too busy staring up at the specter wearing your father’s face. The light from the hallway shines in and now you see that there’s no compassion to be found there. It looks like he did when you left, how it has looked every day since. It watches you closely, always a few steps away. A threat and a reminder all at once.
It’s ominous. You can’t tear your eyes away. He said - your father said - that he couldn’t kill you. But this specter…you don’t know.
Something about its cold, hard stare stops the breath in your lungs, makes them burn.
…You don’t know…
Its piercing eyes make you think maybe, if it wanted, it could stop your heart. Maybe it has more resolve than your father did.
You just don’t know…
Distantly, you hear Zeff speaking. The words are drowned out by your gasping breaths but you perceive enough to recognize the strain in his voice. There’s worry there. Fear, even.
You haven’t known this man long. You’re barely settled in this floating restaurant you now call home, but you know enough to understand that the way he is speaking now is unusual. It’s unlike him to sound so distressed. It’s not right. It's your fault.
Not only have you disappointed your father (again), but you’ve also scared this man. This person who has so kindly taken you in. The one person on this whole planet who seems to care about you. You’ve ruined everything.
Your brothers in your dream or memory or, or, or - they told you, didn’t they? They told you you’re a failure. A defective product.
You feel it here, now, more-so than any other time since you left.
Eggplant , Zeff is saying. Talk to me. Please talk to me.
You can’t. You can only stare at the specter. Watch it as it watches you.
It never looks away.
Neither do you.