Archive of Our Own

It was pretty simple.

Four blockers, one jammer. The jammer aimed to pass as many opposing players as possible to score points. The blockers, naturally, didn’t want that, and did whatever they could to move their jammer up, and the opposing jammer back. The pivot was a blocker who served two purposes. One, brace their blockers, typically by skating backwards, and two, serve as a jammer in disguise, able to switch panties (the kind on your helmet) and become the jammer when the actual jammer was under pressure. Your legal hitting zones were your legal attack zones.

So, yeah, pretty simple.

It was the first match of the season: The Horde versus Bright Moon Roller Princesses. Catra had a particular bone to pick with these girls. She had tried out for their team but apparently lacked ‘spirit.’ Whatever the fuck that meant. 

So, of course, she tried out for their rivals and got in without a hitch, moving up to starting jammer in no time. And now she was going to end the Princesses’ reign as Bright Moon Roller Derby Champions.

Catra loosened herself up beside her teammates, waiting for the announcer’s call. 

One of her starting blockers, Scorpia, grinned, “Ready to kick some roller booty today, team?” 

A cheer went out, Catra scoffed. Just say ass, you know?

Their captain, a big burly woman they called Huntara, threw a hand in, the rest of the team following suit.

“Alright, people, ‘Horde’ on three…one, two, three-”

“Horde!”

Huntara whooped, “Let’s beat these Princesses!”

On cue, feedback rang through the warehouse and the announcer’s voice rang through, “Our competitors today…” they dropped into a menacing tone, “The Horde!” Their team began dropping one by one into the banked rink, forming into a paceline as the starting lineup was listed.

“Starting blockers today will be Horde Captain…Huntaraaaa!”

Huntara flexed, beating her chest a couple of times for good measure.

“Dreeeead Velvet-” Lonnie waved out to the crowd.

“Double! Trouble!” They blew kisses as they passed in front of the audience.

“Scorpion Queen!” Scorpia gave a boisterous wave, nearly tripping out of paceline.

“Aaaaand your starting jammer today from The Horde, Catracide!” 

Catra blew kisses, snake walking, much to the teammate behind hers’ annoyance, and winking at a cute femme along the front row. 

After the rest of the team was listed, they grouped in the flat center of the rink.

The lights dimmed, which, what the fuck? Why do the princesses get such special treatment? 

“And now, you’re reiiigning champions!”

And, ugh, that’s why.

“Bright Moooon Rollllerrr Princesses!”

The crowd was white noise in the stands.

“Blocking for the Princesses today, starting with their captain…Pink! Eye!”

A short, Asian girl dropped in with a shock of pink hair, glitter seemingly sprayed all over it. Catra recognized her from tryouts. She was cute. Catra hoped she broke her nose today.

“Cold Shoulder!”

A tall, buff girl with bright blue hair dropped into the rink. Similarly to Huntara she flexed, but unlike Huntara, those muscles were going to be doing everything they could to stop Catra from getting past.

“Bone ‘n Marrow!” 

A tall, toned, dark-skinned person dropped in, and even Catra had to admit they seriously rocked the cropped hot pink uniform The Princesses were sporting. Abs glistening under the rink lights.                                                                                                    

“Flower Pounder!” 

Their last blocker dropped in, and, oh, that was Scorpia’s girlfriend. Or, Huntara’s. Both? Catra tried to remember how they described it to her, but she honestly couldn’t even remember the girl’s name. Bodymista? Or something. Either way, they were sleeping with the enemy. Catra surveyed the team in front of them. Yeah, there was no way she would ever fall prey to any one of these fatales on wheels.

“Aaand jamming for the Princesses tonight we have Blonde! Jaaammshelll!”

And even before Adora’s bright blonde ponytail even came into view, Catra could feel it was her, she hoped it wasn’t, but the electric pain racing up her spine told her otherwise. For a second it was all she could do to stop the deep-rooted ache and longing from seeping past her metaphorical mask as Adora dropped in.

She looked good. All smiles and bright pink, and god damn did she look good in that stupid fucking crop top and hot pants combo. A real-life Barbie doll. With the low lights and the rhinestones on her uniform, she looked straight out of a dream. 

But this was real, Catra even slapped herself to make sure. Adora was here , cruising around the rink, smiling, and waving as if she hadn’t haunted Catra for years now.

And then their eyes met.

Catra could’ve sworn Adora was sparkling the way she lit up. But no, it must be the rhinestones.

Adora didn’t get to walk out of her life, only to come back at the most inopportune time because hello ? There was still the matter of Catra destroying the kingdom the Princesses had built for themselves brick by motherfucking brick. If anything, Adora jamming for the Princesses made the hit on her ego less of a sting and more of a chemical burn. Just creeping along it, oozing and burning until all that remained was a flaming pile of rage. 

Because how did Miss Artistic Jam Dance Skate Queen suddenly get a spot in the best roller derby team in the league? When Catra, who, mind you, has been skating derby since she and Adora went their separate ways all those years ago, didn’t have spirit ? You mean to tell her Adora had more spirit than Catra? She had so much team spirit that she could decommission a competitor tonight.

As the teams lined up, Catra stood shoulder to shoulder with bright, beautiful fucking Adora on the jammer line.

Catra shoved her in the side.

“Hey, Adora, what ‘cha doing hanging with the big kids?”

Adora laughed, seemingly unbothered, she grinned down.

“Keep talking, Catra. I’ll show you who’s hanging with who.”

The first whistle blew, giving five seconds before the jammer whistle.

Catra cornered off Adora, readying to take off.

“We’ll see about that.”

And then the whistle blew.

Catra threw her whole weight into Adora as she pushed off, launching herself to the inside of the rink, towards her teammates waiting to sling her towards a lead jammer position.

Only, there was Bodymista and Frostbite coming in from the right, nearly forcing her off the rink. Catra threw a side hit at blue hair’s chest, shouldering through Flower Girl. 

Meanwhile Adora effortlessly sidestepped her opponents, pushing into crop top boy who slingshotted her past Scorpia straight into Huntara.

Huntara shoved hard into Adora, sending her to the ground.

Seeing an opening, Catra launched herself toward it, nimbly hopping past an already rising Adora, her teammates split, creating the perfect target.

Before she could soar into freedom, the princesses’ pivot, stupid Glitterbomb materialized facing towards her, pushing her back into the pack. 

They ate the fucking baby. To be clear, she was the baby, and Saturn just devoured his fucking son.

Catra couldn’t even see where Adora had gone.

A whistle, then-

“Aaand taking an easy lead jammer position, Blonde Jamshell!”

Fucking fuck.

Of course it was easy for Adora.

It was non-stop.

Jam after jam, the Princesses held them back.

Never skate for two minutes it fucking sucks , or however the ancient proverb went.

Catra managed to make one seven-point pass when the Princesses, perhaps getting comfortable in their lead, sent out a newbie.

Catra made sure to send her to the floor.

Hit after hit sent Catra down.

Meanwhile, Adora seemed to have not even broken a sweat.

Easily scoring points each time she was up as the Princesses’ jammer.

And, of course, to make it all worse, when Adora was blocking she was doing everything she could to keep Catra from getting past.

Including, but not limited to, tripping, pushing, a straight up block to the boob, and, at one point, pretending to be tripped by Catra, and not falling small, thus taking Catra down beneath her, pinning Catra down.

“What’s that you were saying about playing with the big kids?”

“Fuck you.”

Adora scoffed as she rose up, freeing Catra, “If only.”

And that pissed Catra off, because how could Adora say that? When she was the one who left? 

Fucking fuck. 

Dumb fucking Adora.

Dumb fucking Princesses. 

The Horde got their asses absolutely handed to them.

Point after point.

None of their jammers could keep up with the pace the Princesses were setting each jam.

And then- to top it allll fucking off-

+

“What do you mean drinks?”

“I mean,” Scorpia urged, “the afterparty ! You gotta come!.”

Catra scoffed, “Why would I want to drink it up with the girls that just kicked our asses?” 

“Because it’s fun.” Lonnie stepped in. “And don’t think I missed the way Adora was eyeing you up.”

“Adora?” Catra sputtered. “C’mon, Lonnie, you were there, why would she want to come back?” She sighed, her tone full of years worth of bitterness and anger. “Especially after all this time.”

“Because you guys are old flames with zero impulse control and two shared brain cells?”

“Rude,” Catra snapped. Then, exasperated, “Do I have to go?”

“No, but you’ll be missing out on one helluva party.” Huntara answered.

Catra was torn. On the one hand, she loved a good party, on the other, Adora. Who, apparently, was down for… something with Catra, and everyone knew it. She sighed, there was only one option.

+

Catra could barely move, squeezed between Scorpia and the guy that wrecked her shit. They were in some dive bar that would typically be Catra's speed, yet it was miserable. But, hey, maybe that was just her because everyone else seemed so fucking fine that it was infuriating. 

They lost, and yet everyone is cool, laughing, and having a grand ol’ time.

With the girls that beat them to a pulp.

Fuck. That.

Oh, plus Adora came so there was that. Looking stunning and perfect and happy. Her skin glowing with victory and three of what Catra assumed were rum and cokes. 

Jesus Christ it made her sick.

She got wasted of course. It was too much in one day, seeing her stupid ex-girlfriend and losing a match she had clearly put too much thought and emotion into.

Was it too much to ask for teammates that hated their opponents? Why did everyone have to be so goddamn nice ?

And she couldn’t believe Lonnie of all people was encouraging her. Lonnie, who was there, was a member of their shuffle team, lived and breathed the same crisp, childhood air with the two of them, was laughing with Adora as Catra fumed.

“So, Catracide, how did you like your first official match with The Horde?” the boy beside her asked.

“Fine.” she muttered.

“I’m sorry I didn’t hear you over the noise. Did you say it was ‘fine’? Like just fine?” He seemed genuinely concerned. “We want to make sure all league members are enjoying their time.”

Catra scoffed, “What, are you on the board or something?”

The boy, Bone Marrow, if she recalled correctly (which she doubted, she sucked with names), smiled brightly.

“I’m the Health and Safety rep actually!”

“Go figure.” she deadpanned.

“Catra.” there was Lonnie across the table.

Catra’s head snapped over, only to see both Lonnie and Adora eyeing her.

“What?” she barked, not liking at all the way Adora was watching silently.

“Play. Nice.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I always do.” she rolled her eyes.

“Is that why you won’t even look at me?” Adora asked. And ugh, just like Adora to make it about herself.

“Oh, hey, Adora.” Catra redirected, taking the last swig from her beer. God, she needed something stronger.

And Adora continued to say nothing.

“What?” Catra asked her, “Cat got your tongue?”

She stood, scowling down at Adora, who sat with her stupid predictable drink that Catra knew instinctively, who was, as always, silent as a memory.

Catra huffed, and squeezed around Scorpia. Stupid fucking afterparty. Stupid fucking Adora. 

Why did she have to come back? Why couldn’t she just stay gone?

Catra made her way to the bar. 

She waited as the bartender looked anywhere but her, making a series of shots and drinks as she stood.

Finally, he looked up.

Just as she opened her mouth she heard behind her-

“Rum and coke.”

She didn’t have to turn around.

“Some things never change, huh?” she sighed.

The bartender looked at her funny.

“Uh, make that two.”

“Some things do change then.” Adora slid up beside her. “What happened to your Jack?”

Catra couldn’t bear to tell her the change was because they reminded her of Adora. Reminded her of sneaking out, of stolen kisses. Reminded her of-

“Hey, Adora.” she turned.

Adora smiled softly. “Hey, Catra. Sorry- Catracide. ” she held back a grin.

And how could Adora be making jokes? How could she think it was okay to come back now ? Now, when Catra’s life was finally beginning to come together for the first time in her twenty five years.

“Don’t talk to me like you know me.” she snipped, “Don’t talk to me like you didn’t leave to die for years in that house- left me alone on my-” she took a deep breath, doing her best to center her anger and infuse the last three years- no- longer. The last eight years of venom into her words. “I can’t play nice. Not after last time.”

Adora recoiled at her tone.

“Seems like we have different memories about what happened.”

Catra responded without thinking, “You were gone, how would you know what happened?”

How would Adora know about the waiting, the pointless crying, the hopeless partying, drinking, and drugs, how walls slowly became fortresses around Catra’s heart. 

Adora nodded blankly as the bartender handed them their drinks.

“Okay, Catra. I thought we could talk about this like adults, but I guess you were right. Some things never change.”

Catra downed her drink in three seconds flat as Adora walked back to their table.

Catra had changed. At least, she thought she’d changed. But, holy shit, seeing Adora hurt more than she would ever admit.

Adora, who was perfectly fine and thriving. 

Adora, who believed she did nothing wrong.

She threw down more than enough on the bar and left without saying a word.

+

A ping rang from Catra’s phone as she laced up her skates.

Adora was almost there.

Adora…at the rink. Catra took some deep breaths, they had been doing this for years, and they were sixteen now, there was no reason Catra’s heart should be fluttering like it was.

And yet, when Adora stepped through the rink doors, Catra’s breath caught in her throat.

Adora scanned past the herd forming on the rink and eventually spotted Catra amidst the crowd. Her face broke into a grin.

Catra was vibrating with excitement as Adora began pushing through the mass of children to change into her skates.

Lonnie was already on the rink, jamming to whatever was on her headphones as she warmed up.

Normally Adora would have arrived with them, but one of her million extracurriculars had an event earlier in the day.

Catra shook out her limbs, and hopped on the rink. Immediately building some speed, finding the pace of the crowd, and feeling the pulse of the rink music in her veins.

Tonight was the night. She was going to tell Adora how she felt.

While Catra had a hunch how Adora might respond (thanks Lonnie) she was still a nervous wreck as she watched Adora step onto the rink and join the masses.

Adora caught up to her within a few laps.

“Where’s Lonnie?” she asked once they were in pace with each other.

“She’s out here somewhere.” Catra took a deep breath,”But, hey, I actually wanted to talk to yo-”

“What’s up, lovebirds?” Lonnie laughed, materializing out of thin air.

Catra shot her a glare and Adora blushed, “None of your business, Lonnie. We were just about to line up”

Lonnie laughed, “Sure, sure.” but she fell in line behind Catra nonetheless.

They didn’t usually have a routine per se, not yet at least. More like a series of bouncing and shuffles, mostly just beginner moves they had been mastering before they took on anything too advanced. Crossovers, trucking, cruising, the likes.

With Adora in the lead, they began to work their way around the rink, arms linked, zipping around children and newbies.

They had been shuffling for around a year then, after Weaver allowed the three of them on a school field trip a few years prior.

They campaigned for three years straight to go back, even going so far as to inform a caseworker of their plight.

Maybe something about keeping kids under constant lockdown didn’t reflect well on Weaver, because she eventually allowed them one day a week, the cheap skate night of course, to practice and let it out on the rink.

All the kids were allowed, technically, but it was the three of them that really took to it.

After seeing some old school skaters busting moves on the rink on that fateful field trip, the three conspired to form their own shuffle skate train. 

They were getting good. Or, better, she should say. Better than the beginning, when linking arms caused them to topple on top of the others. Slowly but surely they were making progress.

They took a break, sitting along the colorful, carpeted benches built into the walls of the rink.

“I’m getting some pizza,” Lonnie announced, “Either of y’all want anything?”

“Uh- no thanks.” Catra stuttered. She really just wanted Lonnie to get the fuck out of there so she could confess her feelings to Adora.

“If I give you a dollar can you get me a Sprite?” Ugh, Adora, just let her leave.

“Sure thing.” Lonnie took the dollar without hesitation and began making her way to the rink’s food court.

Now was her chance.

“So…Adora…” wow great start, dummy.

“Catra…” Adora mocked in a slow, gravelly tone.

“I have something I’ve been meaning to tell you…” she bit her lip, not sure exactly how to proceed.

“Sure, what’s up?” And then Adora practically fluttered her lashes. How was she so perfectly fine and beautiful right now? 

Maybe Lonnie told her. Maybe she didn’t, or maybe Adora just saw her as a friend. Ugh, maybe this whole thing was stupid.

She took a breath.

She settled herself as best she could.

“Adora, I like you, a lot. Like a lot, a lot.”

“Oh, Catra, I feel the same.” Adora was beaming like golden sunshine.

“No, Adora, like I like, like you.” Catra explained, feeling like her luck couldn’t be this good.

Adora looked at her like she was crazy, “Yeah, I ‘like, like’ you too.” She put quotes around it, but she was still smiling so Catra did what she had seen in the movies, leaned in and kissed.

And Adora kissed back, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. To lean into Catra as if they were one and all the stars were aligning. 

In Catra’s case, they were.

Until Lonnie busted them that is. She didn’t say anything though, just rolled her eyes and passed Adora her Sprite. 

Catra stepped back onto the rink feeling on top of the world.

She skated faster, better than she ever had. Adora on her mind and in her hands, hair flowing in their breeze and her laugh dancing amongst them.

+

It didn’t last long.

A few short weeks later their group home got a call.

Adora’s birth sister, a girl named Mara, had just turned 18 and had managed to track her down.

Catra should’ve been thrilled. Adora sure was. But a small ball of resentment began building up in her chest. Tiny, just a speck. Adora was willingly leaving her. To move all the way to Bright Moon.

Fright City had its downfalls, its name for one, but Catra was here, so was their rink, their trio. So why the fuck did Adora seem so excited to leave it all behind? To leave Catra behind? 

“I’ll write to you every day.” Adora had promised.

Catra laughed, “Every day? No you won’t, you’re way too easily distracted.”

“No I will!” Adora had sworn. “I promise.”

And maybe she shouldn’t have gotten the last word, because it had been weeks and no word from Adora.

Then months.

And then years.

Adora left her behind, broken and alone. Catra just wasn’t worth the trouble.

Catra slammed her apartment door.

This whole thing was dumb.

Catra should’ve known moving to Bright Moon would mean Adora showing up unexpectedly.

But how was Catra supposed to know Adora had left behind jam skating? 

But on the other hand, of course, angry at the world Adora found the best way to unleash your inner aggression- on yourself, on your friends, your competitors, your life, was a derby track.

But she looked so happy.

Sure, Catra hadn’t seen her in years, but the Adora she knew, the one she loved , did not glow like that.

Her Adora was ready to snap at any given moment. She was prone to outbursts, prone to other other things too. She was also so caring, so ready to sacrifice herself for Catra at any moment.

And Catra fucked it all up. Not just tonight, but also then.

Ugh, Catra was so fucking stupid. Of course she had to throw the olive branch into the garbage fire that had been her life recently.

But on the other, other hand, actually, no- there was no other hand. 

Adora left her to go live a perfect life, and clearly she had found it with her new friends.

But what about Catra? What do you do with an old childhood toy?

You throw it away.

She dropped her derby gear by the door, took three tumultuous steps, and slumped onto her uncomfortable couch, looked around at her mess of an apartment, eyed the bills stamped with past notices, and realized something big.

Something uncomfortable.

She was the fucking problem.

Every time. It was always right there. Any time her life went awry, when her dreams turned into nightmares before her eyes. The loneliness creeping in was scary. But it was her fault. It was her fucking cross to carry.

What good was wanting something if she never did anything to reach it.

What was the point of being good if she didn’t have any left to give other people. Barely hanging on by a shred of her own bizarre self righteousness. 

Goddammit, pull it together Catra.

Stop being so fucking narcissitic and take a look in the mirror. How are you going to be better without ever changing?

How could tonight have gone in the best case scenario.

They win!

Adora wants to fuck her.

They go to the bar, drunk on pride and victory, you take her home to this?

She sees what? A pile of dogshit made of her own self pity?

Ugh , she had to pull it together. 

No, you’d go to her place, hook up and talk about your feelings, probably.

Catra could tell her how much it hurt hearing from Adora only once she finally got out of that goddamn house. How it felt being alone on her birthday every single year. How Adora cut her off like hair. How Catra changed like seasons of rain with a chance of being a raging bitch. Pushed away her friends and pulled doors closed.

But doors can be reopened. 

Catra has to change.

She has to be better.

Not for anyone else but her own goddamn self worth.

Didn’t she get to live better for herself?

She deserves one good thing in her life, even if that’s cleaning up her life physically and metaphorically, even if it’s how to love the person in the mirror, even if it’s just making Adora see her as anything more than a child, in her own words.

She let out a deep, guttural sigh. 

When she breathed in, she got a whiff of her own medicine. A mix of sweat, alcohol, grief, and disappointment. Jesus Christ.

A shower sounded like a good start.

+

The next day, Catra resisted the urge to call Adora and apologize, even if that’s what she should have been doing. Even if Adora had the same number.

Instead, she went to the gym. She put all her frustration with herself onto the weight sets and the godforsaken stair stepper. 

She decided today would be the day she was better, whether or not she deserved it.

Because she definitely didn’t deserve it. She definitely did not deserve a better life, not after all she’d done and said, but also- she did.

She texted Scorpia and Entrapta. Asking for a coffee date was the least she could do at this point when the two had been begging for a chance at reconnection with her. And now that she and Scorpia were on the same team, it was hard to pretend she had no friends and everyone hated her.

They had gone to university together, and, by chance, had ended up in the same city for work after. Scorpia, at a customer service center. Entrapta, at a fancy tech company. And Catra, at a boring, if not high paying, government job. It wasn’t much, but she was happier there than she would’ve been anywhere else. Which isn’t saying much if she considered it.

So they met for coffee after work.

“I thought you missed Adora,” Entrapta was saying. “Why would you be mean to her like that?”

“Because-” Catra began.

“Because what?” Scorpia cut off. “Because we lost and you were bitter and now the love of your life has slipped between your fingers again ?”

And wow, that was really on the nose, Catra thought. But it wasn’t what she was about to say.

“No-” Catra re-began. “ Because , my life is a mess and I’m not about to bring Adora down.”

Entrapta hummed, seemingly impressed by Catra’s newfound determination and self reflection.

“Well, Catra,” Scorpia said, “I believe you can do it. You just need to find your sparkle again.”

Which, okay, kind of corny, but that wasn’t even the worst part.

Scorpia continued, “You just can’t let last time happen again.”

+

Last time. Ugh, how could she forget last time ?

Because she didn’t. She couldn’t. It was burned into her veins. It was etched into her bones. It was the source of all her hate for Adora.

It was why she snapped at the bar. 

It was why she was the way she was.

It was why she decided the best thing she could do for herself- for everyone, actually- was push them away. 

Her twenty-second birthday was a shit show, to say the least.

She had recently reconnected with Adora.

Or, Adora had reconnected with her , she should say.

Over motherfucking Tinder, of all places.

She still remembered seeing Adora smiling out at her over beautiful scenes of waterfalls, surrounded by what seemed like close friends, and, of course, with animals. Fuck, her life seemed so perfect.

And shining up at her above all the pictures was a bright blue star announcing Adora had super liked her.

Jesus, Adora, really?

But still, she swiped right.

It’s a Match!  

Of course it was.

Catra sat with the message screen for many moments. A prompt sat above her keyboard.

Hey, Adora, what do you do for fun?

She refreshed the prompt.

Hiya, Adora! What kind of movies do you like?

As if Catra didn’t already know. As if she hadn’t skated the same rinks as Adora, as if she hadn’t lived the same childhood with the same six VHS movies on repeat- Weaver wouldn’t even spring for a DVD player to keep the kids entertained.

Before she could even craft a witty open line, a message appeared on her screen.

Catra!

And then another.

Fancy meeting you here :)

Catra scoffed. Was it though? She opened Adora’s profile and scanned for her location. Thirty miles away, living in Bright Moon. Of course. Of course she hadn’t come back home and was still living her perfect life away from Catra.

But she wasn’t about to say all that. Adora had super liked her after all. And seemed downright cheery about coming across her profile.

hey adora

had to investigate who super liked me lol

Surely that was friendly enough.

Sorry about that, but I had been thinking about you recently

and then I came across your profile!

Had to make sure you knew I still like-liked you ;)

Ugh, Adora. Silly, oblivious Adora. How could Catra explain to her the pain she felt never receiving the promised letters, how she felt being alone for the two years in the group home after Adora left her. How Weaver used her absence to hurt Catra even more.

How do you say all that on motherfucking Tinder though?

how’s bright moon treating you?

Little bubbles popped up, then disappeared.

Then-

It's great actually!

I’m sure you don’t want to hear that

Spot on Adora.

But I do miss you :(

Ouch. Of course it hurt Adora too, but she had been the one to leave. She had been the one to never reach out.

But here she was now, reaching out, even if it wasn’t in the best way.

i miss you too

but i’m glad it’s treating you well

They talked briefly about school and Catra’s scholarship, how Fright City was (still awful, and still too, too small).

And then-

Hey, do you want to text instead?

No pressure, but this seems a little casual when

you think of all the history we have.

They exchanged numbers.

They kept talking.

Catra’s birthday was coming up, and she was planning a small thing with her limited group of friends. Adora should come!

I was thinking of doing something for it!

Adora had said.

I recently found Lonnie on Instagram, she was telling

me about your thing. I’ll try to plan something.

Catra didn’t know what that meant, but they kept talking.

Catra would sneak out of her dorm to drive to the halfway point between Fright City and Bright Moon.

They would meet up for drinks, they would get too drunk, and, sometimes, they would kiss.

Adora drank the same drink every time- rum and cokes. Catra had teased her at the time, claiming whiskey was better.

Things were good though, she was anxious to see Adora on her birthday, anxious for Adora to be thrown back into Fright City, but was excited nonetheless.

But then her twenty-second rolled around.

Besides a happy birthday message from Adora, and an invite out to Bright Moon, she got nothing.

But all her friends were here in Fright City, she already had something planned, why the hell would she drive all the way to Bright Moon?

Adora couldn’t even bother to come to her, why would Catra be bothered to drive out to fucking Bright Moon ?

And then-

And wow, Catra’s blood was boiling just remembering that night.

And then- no one came.

Literally no one showed.

Not Adora, not Lonnie, Scorpia, Entrapta. Not any of her school friends.

No one.

She didn’t text anyone, her ego too bruised

Instead, she blocked them.

She went out to the bars. Some divey places she had been a patron of and sneaking into for years, the fancy college bars. If they were serving alcohol, Catra was there. Alone.

She brought a girl home.

A beautiful blonde she would have been thrilled by a month ago.

But she hated it, nearly called her Adora’s name.

Everything sucked.

Everything sucked and she was alone.

Ugh, why would Adora even come back if she was just going to leave Catra alone again?

On her motherfucking birthday.

So yeah, last time sucked, but Catra was a new person!

Or, at least, was trying to be.

She never got the chance to ask Adora why she never called, never texted her again, but, then again, Catra had been the dumbfuck who blocked her. 

But there were ways to get in contact.

Adora had Lonnie on Instagram, and could have easily found Catra amongst Lonnie’s followers, but here Catra was, alone, again, in her shitty, messy apartment.

She took a deep, centering breath. She stood, began throwing away food wrappers, take out bags, and numerous empty cans of whatever cheap beers she had grabbed at the convenience store during the past few weeks. She changed her bedsheets that had been on there for God knows how long. She busted out the vacuum she didn’t think she had ever used once, and suddenly she was feeling better. Not exactly great, but she wasn’t so embarrassed by her apartment anymore, and that let her breathe.

Tomorrow was Sunday, she could do more then, but for now, this was enough.

+

They had another match with the Princesses in three months.

Catra has exactly three months to not lose her shit again on the rink or, even worse, the afterparty. 

But she also had three months to remind herself she’s more than just her anger.

More than just her bitterness.

She was more than enough for herself.

More than enough for so many people.

She had been hanging out with Entrapta and Scorpia more. Getting to practice early and staying late to talk and get to know everyone.

She learned Huntara’s real name is Nancy. She also learned never call her fucking Nancy.

She found out Double Trouble is more than just a wicked fast jammer and sneaky blocker, they’re also a really talented actor.

Apparently Lonnie had been dating a girl for like…nine months and she had no idea. The pretty femme always in the front row? That was Lonnie’s girlfriend. God, she should have known better than to hit on girls who come to bouts, especially ones in the front row, they’re always WAGs. Or, wannabe WAGs, which is not worth her time. Not when certain opposing team members can beat her to a pulp and run her ragged without breaking a sweat.

She finally understood Huntara, Scorpia, and Perfuma’s relationship. They’re not a throuple, but their own special form of non-monogamy that actually, genuinely works for all their own individual needs. 

She suddenly found herself in a life that was better when she surrounded herself with people she could learn from and who genuinely cared about her and her wellbeing.

She found it was easier to care about herself. And not in the way she was used to, not dancing on a tightrope of self-preservation, but in falling into the water below and finding comfort in being surrounded by love.

She would come back to an actual home . A clean one, where she could find peace and comfort at the end of a stressful day.

On one of those long days, a few weeks before the rematch against the Princesses, she arrived to a hefty package on her stoop. It was addressed to her.

What the fuck?

She examined it carefully.

No return address.

She hadn’t ordered anything, and the only thing in her mail nowadays was credit card offers and now up to date bill reminders.

She carefully opened the heavy box, half expecting a rigged bomb.

But no, it was filled to the brim with letters.

Letters .

All of them addressed to her, and below that, the address to her former group home.

And the sender?

Adora.

Of course. Of course Adora didn’t leave her to rot. Of course she actually wrote. That was the kind of person Adora was.

She picked up the only piece of paper not in an envelope, a heavy, probably expensive, piece of cardstock with beautiful calligraphy.

Weaver’s handwriting.

In the case of my passing, forward to Catra Weaver. Address…

She didn’t even make it past the first line before she dropped it to the floor.

She didn’t even have the mental capacity to make a joke about what would happen in the case of Weaver never passing.

Weaver was dead, and Adora had written to her all those years ago. For months, if not years.

This was potentially the best day of her life.

A pang rang through her as she realized Adora had written all these and never gotten a response.

And then, a bigger pain rushed through her veins when she remembered how kind Adora had been, despite never receiving a letter in return, and how awful Catra had been in return.

She tore into the first letter she could get her hands on.

Hey Catra, 

Don’t know why you haven’t replied, probably because of Weaver, but I miss you.

I hope Weaver isn’t being too hard on you, I hope you and Lonnie are still skating.

Apparently Adora had been doing great in school and meeting lots of new people.

The next.

Catra!

You won’t believe it but I’ve actually made some friends here who roller skate!

They’re so good and it’s so fun to skate with them. I’m getting a lot better, but it’s not the same without you.

It was letter after letter. 

The dates spanned over years.

Catra found herself sobbing on her couch, reading years of Adora’s life she had missed out on.

She learned about Adora’s newfound school friends. Glimmer, who she would come to find out was the pink, sparkly haired captain of the Princesses, and Bow, who became the health and safety rep Catra had been so rude towards.

How could she have been so cruel? They made Adora feel welcome when no one else did. Made her feel like she had a home, that she was loved. Something even Catra herself didn’t do when she finally had the chance.

The last letter was dated after her twenty-second birthday.

Happy birthday, Catra!

I’ve included some confetti in here to celebrate.

Not sure if you’ll get this, but I don’t know your current address.

I told Lonnie not to tell you but I had a whole thing planned…

It went on to describe a surprise party with her friends, all sworn to secrecy.

When Catra didn’t show, Adora promised them to not tell her for fear Catra would react negatively.

Which, okay, maybe wasn’t the best move on Adora’s part, but she had blocked them all on everything so it wasn’t exactly like anyone could have told her anything anyways, even after the fact. But even after Lonnie, Scorpia, and Entrapta found her after the fact, they never said a word. 

And what if they had? How would Catra have reacted to being kicked when she was down? Ugh, yeah, maybe the prediction that she would react negatively wasn’t too far off.

Catra was an idiot.

She corrected herself mentally. She wasn’t an idiot. She just didn’t know.

All the anger and resentment she was holding towards everyone and everything was so misplaced, so unnecessary.

She could have been in a totally different phase of her life by now, had Weaver given her those letters, had she put in the efforts earlier, but she didn’t let herself mourn too much.

Had she not gone through what she went through, hadn’t wasted so much time, she wouldn’t be where she was today.

In a nice apartment, with a good job, amazing friends, and a chip on her shoulder that pushed herself to be the best person she could be. What used to be her downfall had turned into her greatest strength.

She wanted to call Adora, but instead, she found herself pulling up Lonnie’s contact.

She rarely called Lonnie, so she prayed that the other girl picked up.

After a few rings she did.

“Catra?” she could hear muffled noise in the background, and then, a click, silence. For a second she thought Lonnie hung up, but then realized she was moving to a quieter environment. Ugh, she was so thoughtful and kind. Why didn’t Catra call her more often?

Lonnie interrupted her thoughts, “Catra, are you okay?”

But then of course Lonnie was worried, Catra only called her in her lowest moments.

A strangled gasp released from Catra, but she calmed herself and took a deep breath. Trying to find where to begin.

“Catra?” Lonnie repeated.

“Did you hear about Weaver?” she finally said.

Lonnie sighed, “Are you crying over that bitch dying right now?”

Catra shook her head, and then remembered she was on the phone.

“No, no, it’s not that. It’s about Adora.”

A soft hum came over the line, then- “What about Adora?”

“She promised to write to me every day, and I was so angry when I never got any letters, do you remember?”

“I do.”

“Well,” Catra took a deep breath, “well, I just got all the letters. Just now. She wrote to me constantly, Lonnie, even after my birthday that one year.”

Lonnie let out a noise of understanding from her side, “How are you feeling?” her tone was so gentle. As if she was worried Catra would break. At this point, Catra might.

“ Horrible ,” Catra groaned. “I was so fucking mean. She planned a party for me and instead I went out and self-destructed. And then, and then! She still gave me another chance after our bout and I fucked it up again !”

“Catra,” Lonnie’s tone was firm, “you did not fuck it up. Have you talked to Adora?”

“No,” she bemoaned, “How could I face her after all that?”

“Like the new woman you’re becoming.”

And that stopped Catra’s self pity in its tracks.

“What do you mean?” she practically whispered.

“Catra,” Lonnie sighed, but it wasn’t a sigh of anger, or impatience, it was delicate, it was patient. “Catra, I’ve known you for how long?”

“My whole life, pretty much.”

“Exactly. I’ve known you longer than I’ve known anyone else, even Adora, and I can tell you’re trying. Look at how much you’ve changed the past couple months. You actually care about people now, you used to only care about yourself.” She coughed. “Or, actually, you used to hate everyone, mostly yourself. Now, it’s different. You’re different. You care so much for everyone around you, and now you’re actually starting to love yourself. Don’t think I haven’t noticed, don’t think everyone around you hasn't noticed either.”

“Really?” Catra managed to get out.

“Really.” Lonnie reassured. “I believe in you. If you want to call Adora, call her. She will always pick up your call. Or, you can wait until the bout and we can crush them and you can show her in person how much you’ve grown. But don’t doubt yourself, or your progress.”

Catra was stunned, she didn’t know what to say, where to begin to process what Lonnie had just said to her.

It was working.

Catra was changing.

Finally, “Thank you, Lonnie.”

“You’re welcome. Hey, I love you, girl, but I’m missing the rest of the movie. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay,” and before she could think, “I love you too, Lonnie. You’ve always been the best sister I could ask for.”

Lonnie laughed, “Okay, okay, don’t get too sentimental on me, I don’t want to come out of here crying. If you need me, call me, alright?”

“Alright, alright.” Catra was smiling, despite herself. “See you later.”

They ended the call and Catra felt refreshed. All her work was paying off.

Now all that was left was to prove it to Adora.

+

The bout with the Princesses came quicker than she was expecting.

The rink smelled of fresh polish, the air was crackling with excitement.

Catra would be seeing Adora for the first time since she walked out of the bar all those months ago in just a few short moments, but first-

“Alright, everyone,” Huntara began, “‘Horde’ on three…one, two, three-”

“Horde!”

They whooped and cheered. Then the announcer’s microphone began listing them off as they formed a paceline on the rink.

Catra felt confident, light on her feet. Warm-ups went great, and they had been on fire during practices lately. Working cohesively as a team and utilizing everyone’s strengths to their advantage.

Today would be the day.

Whether they win, or lose, she knew they would be leaving it all on the rink.

And of course, there was Adora.

Catra felt so much safer and more comfortable with where she was in life now, hopefully Adora would see it. See that she was really getting better.

As they lined up in the middle of the banked track, the Princesses began lining up, dropping into the rink one by one.

Their title of champions being announced didn’t even piss Catra off, and when Adora dropped in, Catra’s heart fluttered . The resentment she had been feeling the past three years was long gone. Instead, replaced by joy and happiness. Adora had written to her, Adora hadn’t left her alone on her birthday. Adora had always been there, Catra just needed to reach out and take her by the hand and tell her how she felt.

But now wasn’t that time. Now, Catra needed to put on her game face and wipe the silly, lovestruck grin off. She needed to win this one, not for herself, or for revenge, but for her team.

As they lined up, Catra and Adora were once again side by side as starting jammers.

“Hey, Adora,” she grinned.

Adora eyed her up carefully, cautiously. “What? No snide comments this time?”

Catra shook her head, “Not today. Anything I have to prove, you’ll see on the track.”

Adora hummed, seemingly impressed.

That’s right, Adora, Catra was a changing woman. At least according to Lonnie.

The first whistle blew, and the pack formed. And then, it was showtime.

The jammer whistle blew and Catra pushed off.

She saw an opening, but Glimmer was there, ready to block her off.

She juked towards her teammates, towards a waiting Scorpia who slingshotted her past the pack.

Then, Scorpia immediately turned back to block an oncoming Adora, sending her to the ground.

“A great start from The Horde, Catracide pulling out easily from the pack thanks to her teammates!” The announcer was booming.

Now the real work began.

She had to pass as many players as possible before Adora could catch up or outscore her. Adora was still stuck in the pack though, so now she just had to get through Cold Shoulder and Bow who were waiting for her as she came back around to the pack.

She pretended to juke, sending them to the right, but she kept moving right on past.

Two points down. 

She saw an opening in the middle of the pack, and another on the edge.

She leapt to the edge of the pack, narrowly missing a block from Glimmer.

She hastily balanced on one leg before they could cut her off or push her out of bounds.

It seemed too easy skating by the pack.

Five points.

Adora had used brute force to break through the middle so she and Adora emerged at the exact same time.

Adora looked over to her. Catra winked.

It would be a race around to reach the pack again. Adora still hadn’t scored thanks to The Horde’s great blocking this first round. So Catra pushed it up a notch, she put everything into this lap, knowing Adora was close behind her.

As soon as she scored a point on Perfuma, before Adora hit The Horde’s pack, Catra tapped her hips, calling an end to the round.

Adora skated up to her as Catra moved her way to the bench, passing off the jammer star to Double Trouble.

“Hey, Adora. Nice skating.”

“That was a pretty fierce start.” Adora sounded impressed

Catra shrugged, “I’ve been practicing, what can I say?”

Adora nodded, “And you’re sure you don’t have any backhanded comments you want to make?”

Catra made a face and shook her head, “Nah, I’m good.”

Adora nodded, stunned.

“Okay, just making sure.”

“Okay.” Catra parroted. “Like I said, I’m good.”

Adora nodded again, seemingly speechless, and skated over to her bench.

It was a close match, but The Horde was keeping up with The Princesses easily.

Or, The Princesses were keeping up with them, Catra should say.

They were in a five point lead. It was the last jam.

Catra was up.

Of course, their opponents sent out Adora.

If Adora had some good laps in her, The Horde would lose.

But, Catra still had plenty of stamina left in her tank.

And she was buzzing . Ready for the end of the match, ready to make it up to Adora.

So when the jammer whistle blew, Catra pounced.

She bumped into Adora as they launched off, sending her down.

As Adora scrambled to get back on her wheels, Catra made her way through the pack, juking and pushing her way to a lead jammer position.

“The Horde is on fire today! Catracide again comes out as lead jammer!” the announcer was yelling.

The crowd was screaming.

“Go, go, go!” she heard a teammate yell.

Catra had tunnel vision. She wasn’t sure where Adora was, but as she made the first turn, she saw her push her way out of the pack.

Perfect.

All she needed was a few points to secure the win, so as soon as she pushed past Cold Shoulder and Glimmer she called it, touching her hips before Adora could even round the second apex.

The stands erupted.

Scorpia and Huntara lifted her onto her shoulders.

The crowd was chanting her name.

She felt on top of the world.

She found Adora, and blew her a kiss.

All that was left now was-

+

“Cheers!”

Their table was packed to the brim, filled with both teams and significant others alike.

They lifted and pounded their drinks onto the table. Catra downed her shot easily.

Adora was across from her, and Catra kept finding her staring at her.

“Hey, Adora,” she finally said, “what’s up?”

“You’re different.” Adora said. But she didn’t sound hurt, or mad, or anything like that. She sounded downright pleased .

Catra shrugged, “I’m trying to be.”

“What happened?”

Catra could feel eyes on them, so she nodded to the bar.

“Anyone want another round?”

No one said anything, but Adora stood to come with her.

“Alright,” Catra shrugged, also standing, “I thought some of you would want free alcohol, but it’s your money.”

She made her way to the packed bar, Adora close behind her.

“Are you going to answer my question?” Adora asked once they were waiting.

Instead of answering, Catra reached into her jacket pocket and retrieved an envelope.

Not one Adora had sent her, no, Catra had written this one herself once she had composed herself enough after receiving the package from Weaver.

Adora eyed her warily, but she opened it, unfolding the letter.

As her eyes scanned the page, Catra waited anxiously.

She didn’t even need to read over her shoulder to remember what she had written.

Adora,

I’m sorry it took me this long to get back to you.

I would have responded sooner, but I just now got your letters.

Weaver, that bitch, had never delivered them to me. Instead, they sat in a box in an office until she finally departed from the face of the earth.

I’m sorry I am the way I am. Or rather, was the way I was. But I want you to know I’m changing. I realized whenever my life was ruined, whenever it fell apart, it was at my own hands.

I should have come to your party for me, I should have told you how I felt, I should have done a lot.

But, if you’ll have me, I would like a re-do.

I would like the chance to show you exactly what you mean to me, without Weaver breathing down our necks, without having to sneak out. I would like to make you as many rum and cokes as you want, for you to always know you have a home, in me- in us.

So, if you still like-like me, if you’ll still have me, I would like to make it up to you.

Maybe dinner?

Check yes or no.

Love, 

Catra

Adora was crying, but, and this is the important part, she was also smiling.

Instead of checking the box, she pulled Catra into a kiss.

A cheer erupted from their table, and then, the bar.

They pulled away, laughing.

“Is that a yes?” Catra managed to get out.

“It’s an I love you, and I always have.”

Catra pulled her in, foreheads touching, “I love you too.”

+

Catra was living the best case scenario.

Adora and her had so much to catch up on, and now that Catra was in Bright Moon, they saw each other practically every day.

They kissed, they cuddled, and did other things too. They made breakfast together, had shows that were theirs to watch together.

Catra knew Adora’s favorite songs, knew her tells like the back of her hand.

Life was great.

Eventually, Catra’s downtown apartment became their apartment.

They still faced off in bouts, but with a new fire, a new passion.

It didn’t matter who won, or who lost, what mattered was they were together, no matter the outcome.

At the end of a long day, Catra knew she could come home to a love that transcended who she was. 

That didn’t mean Catra stopped her journey of becoming better, far from it.

Now, she had to prove every day that she was different.

And she was.

Love came easy to her. Kindness was now at the tip of her tongue.

She said excuse me when she bumped into strangers on the busy streets. She made coffee in the mornings for Adora. She met Mara, and didn’t feel any resentment for her taking Adora away. Instead, she thanked her for giving Adora a better life. She hung out with Adora’s teammates and friends- and actually liked them, and not for Adora’s sake, but because they were genuinely good people.

And the times that love and kindness didn’t come so easily, Adora’s patience reminded her that even when she couldn’t love herself, she had someone who loved her despite her flaws. Despite the hurt that still lingered on difficult days. Despite everything, Adora was there. She always had been.

And, with any luck, she always would be.

But it wasn’t just luck on their side.

They had friends, they had a home, they had each other.

It wasn’t just in Catra’s dreams they had a happy ending, it was reality too.