Archive of Our Own

*Beep Beep Beep Beep*

The insistent noise of the nearby heartbeat monitor droned on and on without falter, breaking up what would otherwise be silence in the sterile, pristine white hospital room. Frustration bubbled just under the edge of the skin of the sole occupant in the room as their fingers curled tighter into the pearly sheet that laid across their lap.

*Beep Beep Beep Beep*

Clenching their eyes closed tightly, they did their best to ignore the ever constant rhythm that padded on without fail. Each echoing beep somehow seemed louder than the last alongside the slow drip of an IV bag only inches away.

*Beep Be ep Beep Beep *

Wounds long closed began to itch and burn once more as though they were reopening, as if pouring pieces of themselves out into the room before them all over again. Staring down at white sheets that swirled away into the overwhelming sea foam that had filled tired lungs and whisked what little air that was left away. Consuming what little of them that was left that wasn’t marred by the influence of others around them, devouring them whole without so much as an indication they had been there before. Icey cold making its way into their very veins– no their very being –it had to stop before they were consumed again.

Grabbing the line of the IV in a white knuckle grip from an already probably too pale hand, taking a moment to try and focus past the noise of rushing water in their ears. Feeling the cooling liquid running through the tubing now gripped tightly in their palm as a reminder they were grounded here not spiraling down further into the inky depths. Hesitating for only a split second before the resounding beeping presses them onwards.

Yanking the IV from their arm was a sensation they'd grown used to during their time staying here, rarely keeping an IV in for more than a few hours before a nurse would have to return to replace it. None of them ever remembered enough about them to know this wasn’t the first time something like this had occurred, clear from the scattered array of bruising on his inner arm, and certainly wasn’t an accident. Despite that, every time it made a shiver run down his spine as he stared down at the beading red that quickly formed on the skin on his arm.

A new beeping filled the room instead now –no– more like a blaring annoyance, the alarm for the nurses. A loud overwhelming noise meant to alert them of any problems. Something that the sole occupant of the room had long learned would occur if their IV at any point grew loose or displaced. A way meant to keep agitated patients or those in egregious pain from causing more harm to themselves by disconnecting the IVs either on purpose or by accident. Huffing annoyed at the noise they reached up and grabbed the still hanging IV and chucked it towards the main entrance, intent on sending a message this time.

They didn’t want their help. And if they were strong enough to right then, they’d be long gone before the nurses could do a damn thing about it.

Shuffling could be heard outside his door before the annoyingly familiar slide of the door signaled its opening. Pressing the button near the door as they padded further in and closed the door behind them, bathed the room in blessed silence for the first time in hours. For a few moments nothing else seemed to happen as their shoulders slowly untensed and their fingers unclenched themselves from the blanket once more as the peaceful silence settled.

“You’re not exactly the person I expected to see when I was told one of the new patients was being fussy…” 

Words filled the previously near silent hospital room, confusion and concern lacing every word though keeping their volume low as if understanding the quiet their patient so desperately craved. Footsteps echoing across the linoleum floor as his nurse slowly approached his bed as if completely unsure how to handle a situation like this despite their many years of training. Looking down at the floor where the half empty IV bag now laid, the nurse bent down and quietly scooped it into her hands before walking over and placing it in the nearby sink clearly planning to handle it after helping their patient.

“Can I see your arm please Mr. Akechi?” Asking softly as if speaking to a child, which only made frustration bubble to just below the surface once again. The person in the bed let out a growl and kept their arms crossed across their chest, ignoring the warm stickiness on the inner part of their arm. Sighing softly, the nurse shakes her head a bit. “I just want to stop the bleeding. I’ll be as quick as possible.”

Something about the lingering promise in the nurse’s words or perhaps the comforting tone in her words had them slowly curling their arm and offering it to her without a word. Looking off to the side, biting back the noise of displeasure when the nurse began to ever so gently clean the self inflicted wound.

Fingers brushing across their skin only just enough to clean up the beading red that had smeared itself across the inside of their arm when they’d closed it away from the world. Moments after a somewhat familiar tingling of cool spreads there instead as a salve is slowly rubbed across where the wound started as well as over the other darkened purple patches of bruising across their inner arm. After a moment the throbbing pain there begins to dull until it fades into near non-existence. From there cushy cotton was pressed to the wound to keep the salve from getting anywhere else.

Slender fingers moving carefully to tend to his wound with a certain degree of gentleness reminded him far too much of another pair of hands that had done the same within the confines of palaces. Those hands he’d once wanted to link with his own and never let go.

Shaking his head to purposefully derail himself from the train of thought he instead turns his attention towards the nurse once more, redirecting their irritation at the only outlet he had at the moment.

“You appear cognizant of who I am.” Goro growled, a means to intimidate or perhaps run this one off the same as the rest. How long would this person remember before he became but a faint thought in the back of their minds and then eventually a thought that only barely lingers. Just there on the edge of your mind but too far gone to be grasped; like your favorite memory from childhood or the taste of a long forgotten friend's soup. “And considering you are aware of my name I’d at least prefer the decency of knowing yours.” Words meant to come out as both borderline polite and yet with enough growl to make it clear it was meant to be a threat as well.

Reaching to her small cart the nurse grabs a few cotton balls as well as gauze, eyes contemplative as she did. Once she had both in hand she set the gauze to the side before taking the cotton balls and gently pressing them onto the small wound with just enough pressure to keep them there before taking the gauze and securing them there.

“There, can you bend that comfortably?”

Bending his elbow, Goro found it came with only the slightest twinge of discomfort now instead of the stinging pain from before, but his frown did not disappear from his face. Eyes looking up from his elbow to follow the woman as she moved to dispose of the excess she had cut as well as what she had used to clean up the blood from his arm. Instead of answering her question, his eyes narrowed as he spoke.

“You didn’t answer my question.” Fists clenching tight in the sheets, eyes now scanning the room for something he could use as a weapon if it came to light this was one of Shido’s plants. If anything, he was sure he could overpower her, make a run for the door, but then he remembered how his legs had wobbled the last time he even tried to hold his own body weight. Perhaps that plan was out the window. What if instead he used the blanket to disorient her and-

“Suzui…Suzui Shiho.” Having turned her attention back to the boy in the bed, she spoke with a sense of distance for the first time since she had come in. As if worried speaking her name would cause some kind of cataclysmic consequence. Walking over to the end of his bed, she picked up his chart and began to look through it while giving Goro time to process the name.

Suzui, Suzui….the name had a certain familiarity to it. Why was that? She wasn’t one of the obnoxious models he had been forced to do photoshoots with, and she wasn’t someone he recognized from his school. Rolling the name around in his head more. he began to run through old cases he’d been a part of solving; perhaps there lay the answer for why the name seemed so-

Oh. The Kamoshida case.

Suzui Shiho, 2nd year, volleyball player, victim of Kamoshida’s abuse and the straw that broke the camel's back to the point the school couldn’t hide what was happening anymore. Alongside that, according to the files he’d read on her, she was Ann Takamaki’s best friend.

“When was the last time a nurse took your temperatur-”

“Ah one of Takamaki’s compatriots…” The deeper and clearly more annoyed voice spoke, cutting her off before she could continue, as they turned to really look at her for the first time since she had walked into the room. “How soon till I can expect a visit from her or her encompassing entourage of annoyances then?” Snideness making itself known in every syllable, though surprise also bloomed in his chest when the woman simply shook her head no as she let the chart flip back to the first page again.

“I am a nurse before anything else. Your privacy is yours.” Speaking as she glanced down at the chart one more time before moving to hang it back up at the end of the bed. “I need to start another IV of fluids. I don’t mind talking as I do but your charts show you’re severely dehydrated and were on the verge of hypothermia when you were brought in.” Staying professional even as she spoke to the person she had to have known tried to kill a friend of her best friend’s, Goro had to commend her in a way for that.

Rolling her little cart around to the otherside of the bed, Shiho held out a hand to Goro. “I can put this one in on the back of your hand, that way there will be less discomfort and you won’t have any kind of restricted movement. At least other than getting too far away from the IV stand.” Explaining as she reached over and got the needed supplies ready. Honestly, it was a fairly reasonable request, doing her job while also trying to be accommodating enough that Goro would be less likely to rip it out again.

“Fine, but only because you’ve been the least annoying of all these imbecile nurses who I’ve had to deal with over the last week.” Grumbling his complaints to her as he moves his hand into a better position for her to work from.

Those same gentle fingers went to work quickly, moving his hand to a comfortable spot before reaching over for what she needed from her little cart. Offering him what was meant to be a reassuring smile, she looks down at his hand and begins to search quietly for a vein. Tapping on the back of his hand a few times, she hums.

“You have good veins…” Muttering mostly to herself as she looks his hand over while Goro scoffs once more. “Something the matter?”

“Every nurse I’ve had the displeasure of seeing since I’ve been here have all said that same line. Good veins, whatever the hell that means.”

Shiho looks surprised for a moment before giggling slightly. “Oh. I suppose that’s just a silly saying we all get used to saying when patients have veins that are easier to find than others.”

Once she seemed satisfied with the vein she wanted to use, she glanced up at him for the first time since she started the process and frowned slightly when she saw the way his eyes lingered on the back of his hand and the way he was sitting near rigidly.

“You can look away,” Shiho assured him as she ran the cotton swab over the back of his hand to prep where the needle would be inserted at. “A ton of people hate needles and develop fears of them from-”

“I am not afraid.” Goro snaps at her but she just offers him a soft smile instead, the frown melting off her face and being replaced with understanding.

“Of course, my mistake.” Nodding in agreement she reaches over and grabs the line. “Would you do me a favor though?” Curiosity piqued, Goro simply looked at her as an answer. “I can’t see the clock from here. Can you tell me what time it is so I can mark it on your chart?”

Scoffing at her inability to do her own job properly, Goro turns to look at the clock. “It is 2:5-”

Pain pricked against the back of his hand, sharp and quick before disappearing just as quickly. Realization hit him then instead; she’d distracted him on purpose so he wouldn’t stubbornly watch the needle. Perhaps she was better at her job than he was giving her credit for.

Standing Shiho offered him a small apologetic smile as she adjusted the IV and tapped it a few times to make sure it was functioning properly. “As miraculous as your reappearance is considering everything Ann has told me over the years, if you wish for no one to be aware of your surprising survival, then that is up to you.” Seeming satisfied that the IV was working properly, she walks back over to her little cart once more and bends down to pull out a clipboard from the bottom parts of it. Offering the clipboard over to Goro she explains:

“I do, however, need to ask you to look over your emergency contacts and update them.”

Scoffing at the mere concept, Goro swats the offered clipboard away with the back of his hand, and he smirks slightly at the somewhat resigned sigh that comes from the black haired girl in return.

“If you do not wish to update them, that is fine Mr. Akechi. I will simply check the system and see if we have any previous information on file.” Sliding the clipboard down onto the counter instead as she walks back over to him. “A few of my other coworkers mentioned you not wanting to list emergency contacts as well. Though they also listed you as a John Doe for some reason and seemed insistent that you had no emergency contacts at all.”

“Most people don’t remember I exist.” Blunt and to the point, making sure not to let his voice waver at all in the statement. “The fact you even seem to recall who I am could be considered a miracle.”

Confusion lingered in the black haired girl’s eyes for a moment before a sense of realization seemed to come to her. “ Oh .” The only word that comes from her, and all at once she seems like she understands more about everything that was happening now than even Goro did. Which only made him angrier.

“Get out.” Growling at her, some distant part of him knows he’s being irrational but he’s just so sick of everyone in his life seeming to have more control over everything around him than he does. And for her, someone that wasn’t even forced to deal with the hell that they had, to act like she understood a single thing about what he had gone through.

“GET OUT!”

Looking between him and the door she sighed. “Very well, Mr. Akechi. I’ll be back with your lunch later then.”

Goro didn’t bother to give her a response as she left, nor did he when she came back later that day with his lunch or his dinner. Goro Akechi had nothing to say to just another person who thought they understood a single thing about him without knowing him.

She didn’t know anything.

✦

Shiho sighed as she walked through the front door of her apartment, toeing off her shoes as she went and stretching her arms high above her head as she yawned. Today had been an unexpected shift, one she was covering last minute for a friend who desperately needed to swap days, and had led to a run in she never would have expected.

Goro Akechi? From all the stories she had heard from Ann and the others, they’d last seen the boy in that place they called the Metaverse, and he had never appeared again, lost to time and space. Except, apparently, he wasn’t. Instead, he was sitting in one of the long care rooms at the hospital that Shiho just happens to work at.

“Long day?” A voice from the kitchen inquires before a head of familiar blonde hair pokes its way around the corner to see her. Looking her up and down for a moment, blue eyes narrow in concern as she gets closer to Shiho. “Oh wow, you look tired love.” Reaching up and gently taking Shiho’s face into both her hands before leaning up to place a quick kiss to her forehead. “Why don’t you go get changed and you can tell me about it?”

Shiho just sighs softly, giving Ann a small smile. “It was just a bit of a difficult patient. Nothing I can’t handle, I promise.” Leaning into the other girl's hands, Shiho hummed at the comfort and warmth the other girl seemed to exude. “Just give me about 20 minutes, and we can start movie night like we planned.”

“Forget movie night, Shiho. Let me get the bath started for you and make you something warm to drink.” Ann says softly before placing a quick kiss to Shiho’s cheek. Once she pulls back, she flushes a bit and quickly looks to the side. “S-Sorry about that.” She mumbles but doesn’t elaborate as she scurries off to get the bath ready for Shiho.

Tilting her head to the side curiously, Shiho unclips her badge from her shirt and drops her bag next to the door before padding the rest of the way into the house. Moving over to the couch, she starts organizing the pillows and the blankets a bit to get ready for their movie night or at least their cuddle session, whichever came first because Shiho was sure both would eventually happen tonight. Right before she was finished she could hear Ann calling to her that her bath was ready.

Smiling, Shiho finishes straightening the last blanket before heading down the hall for the bathroom, passing by Ann and this time gently grabbing the other girl's hand to stop her so that she can place a quick kiss on her cheek.

“Thank you.” Ann’s blush is enough of a your welcome for her.

As Shiho walks into the bathroom to get ready for her bath, she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror that snags her curiosity, and she can’t help but stop to take a full look at herself. Immediately, she can’t help the smile that comes to her face at the lipstick kiss mark on her forehead and on her cheek from a certain blonde in the other room. A blonde who had stuck with her through thick and thin and given her a reason to keep pressing on when she couldn’t find her own.  A blonde who had told her time and again that she couldn’t leave because they still had the rest of their lives to live together.

Like a light bulb going off, Shiho suddenly had an idea as she stood in her bathroom. Maybe…that was what she had to do. To remind Goro that there were people still waiting to see the rest of their lives with him by their side. And if what Ann had told her was true, then there were at least two boys out there that were waiting on him.

✦

“Feeling like you aren’t in control of your own life can be hard, but yanking off your bandages isn’t helping anyone including yourself.” Soft spoken as though trying their best not to sound scolding but needing to get their point across.

“I didn’t ask for your unsolicited advice. Who do you think you are?” Growling at the woman as she sat the plate down on his little wheeling desk they had provided for him. Despite his aggression, she didn’t seem to falter even slightly, a small sympathetic smile still sitting on her face as she turned to pick up the gauze off the floor and deposit them into the trash instead.

Washing her hands in the sink then she glances over to him to answer. “Well, I’m obviously not you, and I can’t pretend to understand exactly what it is you’re going through, but…” Leaning up she grabs the towel and begins to dry her hands, staring down at it wistfully. “But I remember sitting in the same spot you are now, in pain and so incredibly frustrated with everything around me.”

Setting the towel to the side, Shiho takes a deep breath. “I remember being angry at everyone around me who had chosen to do nothing, and I remember feeling so out of control. People I both knew and some I didn’t were making all these choices for me about how the rest of my life was meant to go. I felt so desperate for something, anything , to be in my control again. Even my body had turned against me. I couldn’t walk for months, had to learn everything from the beginning all over again.”

Turning to look at him, she has an unreadable look on her face as if contemplating her next words as she grabbed another roll of gauze to fix his dressing up once more. She’s silent as she comes to sit down next to him on one of the nurses rolling stools, still seeming to try and find the right words as she patiently waits for him to offer her his arm.

Humming contently when he offers it to her, she begins to dress it once again before suddenly it felt as though the sun itself had found home on her face with how bright her next smile was, words seeming to come to her in a flash of inspiration. “But I pressed through with the help of those who never left my side, and I got to start a new chapter of my life that I had never even dared to dream of.” Looking off to the side a bit then she looks embarrassed, clearing her throat a bit before continuing much quieter now.

“Maybe you aren’t at that chapter yet and maybe it feels like this chapter never seems to end.” Looking back at Goro now, the boy freezes when he recognizes that same fiery determination in her eyes as he’d seen time and again in a pair of steel ones. “But if you give up now, you’ll never have a chance to get there.”

With that, Shiho excuses herself from the room to continue on with her rounds, leaving Goro to roll her words around in his head for the rest of the day.

✦


Soon enough a week had passed, and slowly Goro found himself less and less adverse to the black haired nurse returning whenever she was working. Having company around who actually remembered him, whether for his good or bad, was a nice change of pace from those who forgot his name and face faster than they did of a passing trend.

“You know dealing with injuries alone rarely helps anyone.” Offered off-handedly one day as she changed his sheets while he sat in the chair not too far away idly flipping through the TV channels

“Are you implying you’re going to be leaving me then soon?” Tossed out without too much thought, Goro winced a moment later when he realized how vulnerable that made him sound. “I assume you have other patients to deal with. Spending this much time with a John Doe with nowhere to go seems like a waste of your time, no?” Setting the remote off to the side after muting whatever dribble it was that was playing as he glanced towards her instead.

Shaking her head quickly, Shiho reached over and picked up one of the fresh pillowcases and began to slide it on as she spoke. “Of course not, but I do believe there are a few other people who would be more than willing to come to your aid during this time of recovery if you just let-”

“So you did tell Takamaki I take it…” Cutting her off before she could finish, Goro didn’t know why the feeling of betrayal came as a surprise, bubbling in his chest like a baking soda volcano. Had he really expected her to respect his wishes and not tell one of the few people whose life he had impacted the truth of his survival?

Huffing as she tossed the pillows onto the bed, Shiho turns and looks at him. “Of course not.” Blunt and pointed she looked him in the eyes as she spoke now. “As I said before, I am a nurse first and foremost. My job comes before any personal feelings and I will not disclose any information about you to Ann…or any of the others if that is your wish. However, as I said, I am a nurse first; meaning, as your primary caregiver at the moment, I will not sign any release paperwork to allow you off the premises until I am sure you have someone who can care for you and a safe location for you to rest at.”

Scoffing once more, Goro proceeds to roll his eyes at that as well. As if either of those things existed for someone like him. Goro Akechi didn’t have someone waiting for him. He didn’t have a home that sat there expecting his return. He was a drifter now, the way fate had decided, against his own decisions.

“You’ll be hard pressed to find anything like that for me.” Once more blunt and to the point, having no interest in entertaining the thought of anything else. Goro had let himself be idealistic and foolish throughout his teenage years, and all that had earned him was burnt bridges, a bullet wound to the chest, and memories of a dark haired boy that hurt to think on. Letting himself imagine a world, a life even, where he had someone to come home to was nothing more than the pipe dream of someone that the universe had made clear didn’t belong.

Sighing softly, Shiho chose not to respond, seeming to know there was nothing she could say that would reassure him otherwise right then. Moving to grab the remote from where it rested on the window sill, she silently turned the TV on, swapping from channel to channel until it came to a Featherman marathon. 

Smiling a bit at the screen she sets the remote down within arms reach of Goro and says simply, “Well for now you have me.” Looking up to the TV once more her smile grows a bit wider before she looks back at him. “And I think once you think about it, you’ll see there are others who are ready and willing to be here for you too.”

Goro dreads the thought running through his mind but finally sighs. “Fine. You’ve made your point. Call him if you want to, but I won’t bother with the I told you so when he doesn’t come.” Shiho’s smile only widened at that, and she couldn’t help but let out a chuckle.

“Is that a bet I hear?”

✦

Goro sighed as he flipped through the channels on the Tv idly. Once the Featherman marathon had ended Goro found there wasn’t much else currently on that was interesting enough to really keep his attention. Well there had been that one chess tournament but the commentator’s voice had annoyed him so the tv had quickly been switched to another channel before he could grow too annoyed. Sighing loudly when he found nothing of interest, he flipped the Tv back off and leaned back in his bed as Shiho finished charting something off to the side.

“Nothing interesting on today?” Asking as she double checked a few things on his IV bag before jotting a few extra notes.

“Nothing but people droning on about the problems of the world.” Goro sighed. “Perhaps a nap will do me more good at this point than-”

*CLACK*

The overwhelming loud sound of the door slamming into its frame as it’s wrenched open cut off their conversation. Standing in the doorway panting as though he had run the entire way here, through the hospital and perhaps even up the stairs far too impatient to await the elevator's arrival, stood the man Goro Akechi had only seen in his dreams the past 7 years. Wide steely eyes stared at him as if he had just discovered the holy grail itself, the type of treasure thousands spend their entire lives trying to find and always falling short instead. Taking a few more deep, perhaps calming, breaths Akira Kurusu stood there for a few moments more before someone in the hallway complained about him being in the way and he shuffled himself the rest of the way inside. Closing the door behind him, Akira’s eyes never once looked away from the bed before him as if he were worried the moment he did Goro would vanish in a puff of smoke.

“...Goro…”

Breathed out as if it were something that had been sitting on the edge of his tongue since the moment he’d locked eyes with the other boy. Sheer relief flowing through every syllable so palpable Goro almost missed the way the other boy had discarded the use of his last name for something far more poignant, far more personal.

Shiho quietly shuffled off to the side and towards the main door, clearly with the intent to give the two boys a moment alone. Goro barely even registered as the door closed behind her as she left. Instead, his attention was ensnared by the way Akira had closed the distance between the two of them, now standing only an arms length away from the bed that Goro still resided in.

“Leave it to you to show back up and never call.”  That voice. Soft and gentle, laced with humor and a fake anger, spoken through lips melded into the warmest smile. A voice, that if Goro Akechi had had his way, he never would have heard again. But like many things in his life Goro Akechi had once more had his wishes tossed to the side by fate’s ever swinging unstoppable force.

“...I didn’t think you’d answer.” Words rolling from him in an honest truth that even he hadn’t expected. Surprise, sorrow, and then a small dash of amusement all made their way across Akira’s face in that moment before settling on what Goro could only describe as hopeful.

“For you? Always.” Hand reaching down and gently taking Goro’s into his own, squeezing ever so lightly. “Now let’s go home, this place sucks.” As if realizing what he said a moment later, Akira quickly turned to where Shiho was standing in the doorway waiting. Awkwardly, he rubbed the back of his neck and added, “No offense, Shiho.”

✦

Holding the dirty scrappy duffle bag close to his chest, Goro silently stepped out of the car, opening his mouth to try and force out something like a pleasant thank you to the man driving, but Akira had slid out right behind him, cutting him off before he could force himself to. Turning to pay the taxi driver and wishing them a pleasant day before closing the door behind him, the noise jarring Goro enough that Akira was quickly looking at him in concern once more. Electing to ignore the look that he knew the other boy would insist wasn’t pity, despite the clear way his eyes crinkled at the edges and his lips turned ever so slightly downwards, Goro instead simply nodded for Akira to take the lead to…wherever it was they were going.

Taking a deep breath but saying nothing more, Akira let his hand fall to rest at the small of Goro’s back, not quite touching, but close enough the heat of his hand could be felt through his clothes. Goro found himself shivering once more, but not from the cold, even as he adjusted the scarf Akira had gifted him. Burying his face in it slightly as if to hide himself away from the people who were standing out on the street or strolling to and fro in this residential area.

You act as though they’ll even remember you existed after a week

A small voice reminds him in the back of his mind. Right, the whole reason he had been homeless in the middle of one of the worst Blizzards in Japan’s history was because he’d been driven from his apartment out onto the streets, not by Shido’s men but the police nonetheless. For the past few years, every time he signed a rental agreement his landlords forgot he existed within a month and rented the apartments once more to someone else. Being driven out of an apartment he had paid money for under the prosecution of squatting had grown old after the 5th time and downright infuriating by the 10th. Losing more and more money only to be driven away once again from the comfort of 4 walls and protection from the rain.

Learning how to survive on the streets again after getting used to the benefits of having a home had come with its trials. Learning where he could or couldn’t sleep without pissing someone off, how to keep his valuables hidden from both the cops and others who may try to snag them away and how to make money when no one could remember you. But the most challenging part had been getting used to the weather. Finding places to hunker down during the worst of the heat was usually easy, but during the winters when the wind cut through his clothes like knives and whisked away what little body head he had, those nights were another story.

Ending up in the hospital with borderline hypothermia had been the last of his plans, but with his coat having been stolen by a cop who decided the homeless were fun to pick on, he’d had no way to keep himself warm as the snow just kept coming down around him.

“Hey we’re here.” Akira’s voice snapped him back to the world around him and he found himself standing in front of a nice enough looking front door. “We can head in whenever you’re ready. There’s no rush. We could go get something to eat first or just stand here. Whatever you need.” Akira reminds him

Coddling…

Akira was coddling him. What was there to get ready for? It was just an apartment. An apartment where he would spend a few nights at most before he left to deal with everything alone again. An apartment where his rival lived with his best friend of nearly 8 years now. A piece of Akira’s life he’s never seen a glimpse into until now.

“Let’s just go inside already.” Huffing out an annoyed response to hide the nerves that refused to settle in his stomach. “It’s fucking cold out here.”

A simple smile was all the response he got in turn as Akira pulled out his keys and pressed the key into the lock. Goro had to blink a few times though when he noticed the Featherman Gray Pigeon keychain dangling down, jostling to and fro as he unlocked the door.

As Akira opened the door for him and invited him to enter first, Goro could only think of how strange it was to see Akira with that keychain; Goro had always taken him for a Feather Hawk fan…

✦

Standing there in the front of the room putting a few pillows down on their shabby looking couch stood Sakamoto, frozen it seemed from the moment the first creaking of the door had caught his attention. Turning to face them Goro is stunned for a moment by how much the other boy has changed, matured really, grown into his muscles a bit, exuding a confidence that came from experience rather than hot air, and finally letting the box bleach color die with their escapades into the Metaverse it seemed.

As if released from whatever spell he was under when the door closed behind Akira, Sakamaoto tossed the blanket down that had been draped over his arms and moved towards the two of them almost instinctively. Coming to a stop only mere inches from Goro, letting Goro realize with a bit of frustration that the prior blonde boy was now just as tall as him, perhaps it had to do with the athlete no longer slouching or his genetics just winning out but Goro found himself annoyed to have lost one of his few lingering advantages over the other.

“Hey man…” Quieter than Goro could remember ever hearing the boy speak before. “...I…” Looking off to the side for a moment, the boy seemed to struggle for the words he wanted to say, reaching up and running a hand through his black hair, and while Goro had been prepared for some kind of scathing comment at his expense, he had not been prepared for what came instead. “You kept us waiting, you know.”

A strange look on the usually brutish boy's face, as unreadable as the one that Akira Kurusu kept shooting at him as well when the boy thought he didn’t see. Before Goro could question what the hell the other boy meant or what the meaning behind the look on his face was, there was a hand on his shoulder giving it a firm but gentle squeeze.

“...I’m glad to see you’re ok…”

Once those words were out though, the boy removed his hand from Goro’s shoulder as if worried he’d overstepped an unspoken boundary. Turning his back to the two of them, Sakamoto walked back over to the couch and began shuffling the pillows around on it once more.

Goro opened his mouth to say something he was sure, but, instead, nothing came out at all, and for the first time Goro didn’t feel afraid at that. As if sensing Goro’s unsureness, Akira just gently nudges him off towards the little hallway.

“Come on. Let’s go put your stuff down in your room. We can all talk after if you’re feeling up for it.”

Walking without thinking too much about it, letting Akira lead him, felt like second nature in a way, but the words he spoke were what snagged his wildly bouncing thoughts.

“Room?” Parroting the singular word back to Akira, looking up to meet stormy gray eyes. “I was under the assumption I would be sleeping on the couch. That is, if you allow people to sleep on your couch. I am perfectly content with the floor as well. It would hardly be the worst place I’ve ever slept and-” Words came spilling from him without his permission, nerves and emotions making it feel as though there were no off switch for everything that flooded from him in that moment. Up until Akira placed a hand on his shoulder, the same way Sakamoto had only moments before.

“Goro.” Words turned to nails as they stuck him in place, the use of his first name still so foreign on his ears. “You aren’t sleeping on the couch. You’re still recovering.” Squeezing Goro’s shoulder gently before he removes his hand and nods down the hall to the open bedroom door. “Ryuji insisted you could use his room for as long as you’re here.”

“Plus, I actually really enjoy the couch. It’s, like, super comfy, dude!” Popping his head up from behind the couch where he had bent down for something, Sakamoto looks uncharacteristically bashful. “And, yeah, I changed all my sheets and pillow cases and stuff before you got here, so, like, the bed is all ready to go and everything…and I cleaned up my room a bit, but, like, feel free to move, like, the gaming stuff if it’s in yer way.”

Akira chuckles softly at that, and it sounds like music to Goro’s ears. How long had it been since he’d heard people’s voice’s that were simply happy while he was around? Not counting Shiho of course, it had been years. And now these two who should rightfully hate him for all the things he had done were standing here smiling and laughing as they invited him into their home.

Goro felt himself hugging the bag even tighter to his chest then. How long till he ruined something like this for them too?

✦

From there it felt like things just fell into place. Akira and Sakamoto still both had their jobs and classes they had to attend, leaving Goro to wander through the house alone looking at the life the two boys had strung together for themselves. Small picture frames lining the walls alongside fairy lights meant to bathe the halls in different colors at night. Trophies and certifications framed proudly sitting on bookshelves lining the room. A kitchen filled with all kinds of different machines and tools, some Goro had only ever seen on TV and others he didn’t know the names for.

In the living room sat a rather large sofa with a number of blankets and pillows all scattered across it from where Sakomoto had been sleeping there. A large coffee table sat between it and a fairly sizable TV with all sorts of retro consoles connected to it that had been mostly scooted out of the way of foot traffic or shoved onto the TV stand. On the far side of the living room was what appeared to be a dining room table that didn’t seem to get a lot of use if the layer of dust that had settled on it was any indicator alongside a fairly over-the-top cat tree that was taller than even Goro was.

Looking at this life the two had built themselves, Goro couldn’t help but feel like an intruder. Like an infestation that was bound to be purged so the two could resume their lives without him dragging them down. It wasn’t as though he offered them anything. He had no money to his name, not anymore, most lost as he desperately tried to survive in a world that threw away pieces of him every day. There was no reputation for them to gain anything with. Only those who held the thieves' work close enough to themselves seemed to retain even a sliver of memory of him, so it couldn’t be that. He couldn’t cook. Barely able to keep up with taking care of himself, let alone two other people and a cat.

All in all, he was a detriment to their happiness once again more than anything, and yet they never complained. Even as Akira cooked more food each night to feed an extra mouth or as the two of them insisted that he didn’t have to pay them rent while he was recovering. Somehow, even the cat seemed content in his presence when he stayed there instead of letting himself be pampered with sushi at the Okumara estate.

Okumara…that was a name he still wasn’t sure he knew how to face and had no interest in doing so any time soon.

Goro sighed as he wandered over to the kitchen sink to wash the dishes from that morning’s breakfast. Something Akira had gotten up early to throw together for him and Sakamoto before rushing out the door to pick up an unexpected shift at one of the many part time jobs he still held to this day with the promise of being back later. Sakamoto had headed out soon after citing that he had class until that afternoon, and that if Goro wanted, they could head to the gym after to work on building his strength back in his legs.

Goro sighed as he picked up the plate Sakamoto had eaten off of earlier and started rubbing the sponge against it to clean it. Slowly, it came clean bit by bit, all except one spot.

Did he deserve their care? Especially after all he had done?

From their perspective, they seemed to think he did, which he could never understand.

Much like the stain he was in other people’s lives, this stupid little grime spot refused to disappear off this dish no matter how hard he rubbed at it.

Knocking at their the front door snapped Goro’s attention away from the stubborn spot and to it instead. Slowly setting the plate down in the water to soak, Goro glanced at the clock up on the wall noting it was only 10:37. Akira’s shift and Sakamoto’s class wouldn’t be over for another hour and a half. Plus neither would be knocking on their own door of course. Shaking his head a bit, Goro dries his hands and heads for the door, curious but unsure of who it could be. As he approaches though, the knocking grows even louder and what sounds like the tapping of a foot on the ground in impatience.

“Ugh, c’mon, Akira, I told you that I was already running behind for class and-” Looking up to see Goro standing there in the doorway, whatever other words Ann had planned died in her throat. Goro watched as an array of emotions filtered across her face. Starting off with a neutral expression, then confusion and finally surprise. Yeah, Goro was surprised to find himself in this place, too.

“Akechi?” Slow and unsure, the words came from the blonde girl; blinking a couple times, she glances around the entryway and then down the hall as if looking for some kind of camera alongside a cast of people who would hop out and yell “Gotcha!” But of course that never happened, instead the two just stood awkwardly across from one another as Ann slowly processed the fact that the boy she’d thought dead for the better part of 7 years was standing there in the doorway of her friend's apartment in a t-shirt and sweatpants.

“Goro Akechi?”

Looking between the girl and the empty hallways, Goro debated just slamming the door in her face but also had no interest in dealing with Akira and Sakamoto’s nosey neighbors if he made too much of a scene. Opening his mouth to respond instead he suddenly finds a hand over his mouth courtesy of the girl in front of him and his eyes narrow instinctively, glaring down at Ann Takamaki who dared-

“Nope, don't say anything. At least not yet! I’m skipping class and you’re explaining. And don’t even try to slam the door on me, I have their spare key!” Stomping her foot down as if to assert what she was saying even more, and Goro couldn’t help but flash back to the engine room in that moment. The fierceness of her eyes, the conviction in the way she spoke, the way she always stomped when she was desperate but determined. Taking a step back was the only way to get her hand off from his face other than reaching up and yanking it away. Ann quickly followed step for step into the apartment though she let her hand fall after the first two steps, instead grabbing Goro’s hand into her own and squeezing it tightly as she kicked the door shut behind her.

Tugging him along towards the kitchen where Goro’s half completed task of washing the dishes now lay abandoned. Pressing him into one of the bar stools, Ann turned and opened the cabinets pulling out two cups before bending down under the sink and rearranging a few things before she stood with her prize.

One container of instant coffee.

“Don’t tell Akira we hide this here.” Pointing to him as she spoke before turning to start preparing them both a cup. “No matter how many times I’ve had Akira teach me, I still don’t understand how to brew coffee properly, so Ryuji stashes this here for me for when I’m house sitting. But if akira found out, he’d toss it out in an instant, so this is going to be our secret, got it?”

Moments later, a warm mug was being pressed into his hands as Ann took a seat across from him. “Ok.” Simple and to the point she spoke. “Now talk.”

And looking down at the warm cup of coffee in his hands, Goro decided he had nothing else to lose at this point.




So he talked.




After about 3 hours, more tears than he knew what to do with from both himself and the blonde, and a promise to meet her for coffee that Saturday, Ann left with a wave. Explaining she had to get to class but telling him they were going shopping later that week to get him new clothes, and no it was not optional. Goro watched her the entire time she walked away until she was just a speck in the distance before staring down at the cup he still held in his hands even now, the lingering marks from the coffee that had sat inside of it staring back at him.

Goro couldn’t help but wonder if this was what a fresh start felt like.

✦


Later that night, long after Goro had disposed of any evidence of the instant coffee ever existing, he stood there in the kitchen peeling potatoes as he hummed a small tune that he distantly realized was the same Featherman theme song that he’d listened to time and again as both a kid and during his hospital stay. One of the original seasons, a bit old-fashioned when it came to the special effects and perhaps predictable in the narrative but one he found comfort in even now.

“Ok that should be enough for tomorrow, Goro.” Akira’s voice called over to him as he finished plating the last of the food. “Feel free to toss those in a container and come join us at the dinner table. I’ll put it away properly later.”

Doing as the other boy instructed in the kitchen had become second nature at this point, and while Goro himself still couldn’t be trusted with complex meals, he’d come a long way. Learning how to do simple things first like dice an onion, peel a potato, and cook rice to now be able to cook beginner level meals on his own without risk of burning the entire apartment down. It had started unexpectedly, Akira making offhanded comments about teaching him. Surprise had come quickly at the concept that Akira would want to spend what little free time he had helping Goro learn such a basic survival skill. But in the end, Goro could almost admit that it had become something he looked forward to every time Akira offered to teach him something new.

Tossing the potatoes into one of the plastic containers he knew Akira tended to store food in, Goro put the potato peeler into the sink to clean later and then washed his hands. Glancing over, he noticed Akira still had one dish he needed to move to the dining room table, so once his hands were dry, he scooped it up and carried it over for him, earning an appreciative smile from the other boy in turn. As the three sat down, Goro couldn’t help but think about how sitting at a dining room table for dinner with people was still just as strange a feeling as it was comforting.

As the three ate and chatted with one another about their day, a thought came to his mind, and when a lull in the conversation came, he finally voiced it. “So Sakamoto-” He began, electing to ignore how the boy's face seemed to drop slightly at the chosen name. Counting the number of times the boy had insisted Goro could call him Ryuji was nearly impossible at this point he was sure. “-I couldn’t help but notice that you have elected to no longer dye your hair. Have you finally outgrown your rebellious need to stand out from the crowd?”

It wasn't meant to come out as an insult, but as most things that came from Goro Akechi, the words had shaped themselves into weapons meant to hurt. Much to his surprise, however, the physical therapy student just grinned widely at him as he reached up and touched his hair.

“Of course you’d notice somethin like that.” Laughing as if Goro had noticed something small and insignificant and not the boy’s entire hair color changing since the last he’d seen him. Ruffling his own hair a bit, Ryuji Sakamoto gets a far away look in his eyes for a moment before talking.

“I just kinda realized that dyin’ my hair was never really somethin’ I did fer me, ya know?” Offering the sentiment for a moment without any clarification or elaboration but Goro had found if there was one thing that hadn’t changed about Sakamoto, it was his desire to talk, so he waited.

“I just…sure doin’ it for Ann made sense so she wasn’, like, always picked out of a crowd an felt less alone. But I also was doin’ it ‘cause, like, I thought I was doin’ my ma a favor, you know. She’d always said when I was little how much I looked like my old man, and I grew up to hate that. Couldn’t stand lookin’ in the mirror and seein’ him, so after the whole Kamoshida thing where he ratted to everyone about what a piece of shit my dad was, I started dyin it. Figured I could fit what everyone thought of me, could stop lookin’ like my dad, and could help Ann out all at the same time.”

Goro could see the logic behind it. He was sure if he himself ever started to go bald and resemble that waste of space any more than he already did he’d probably buy every wig under the sun to prevent ever having to look in the mirror and see that man. Imagining facing his mother again one day looking like him made a shiver run down his spine, but before he could trail too far down that rabbit hole of thought, Sakamoto’s voice snapped him back to the world around him.

“Despite all the stuff that came from it though, I realized a few years ago that all I was doin’ by dyin’ my hair like this was givin’ my shitty pops one last way to control me. To have somethin’ on me when he’s just some deadbeat asshole. I was lettin’ him control me, and I realized if I was gonna do something like that, I wanted it to be for me and not cause some drunk who walked out on us made me feel like I had to.”

Stunned by the maturity on the outlook of that by someone such as Sakamoto, Goro didn’t say anything for a few moments. Seeming to take his silence in a less than positive light though, Sakamoto blushes slightly and looks off to the side in embarrassment.

“S’a bit silly, I know. Especially considerin’ why I started doin’ it in the first place but-”

“No.” Cutting him off, Goro looks at Sakamoto, actually looks at him, for the first time since he had started this unexpected stay here with the two younger boys. Sitting there was still a loud mouthed and easily excitable person, but the experiences the Phantom Thieves had gone through, his own life’s story, and the knowledge he had gained over the course of getting a degree to help others had also shaped him into much more than the brutish teen Goro would have easily dismissed once upon a time. “...I don’t find it silly at all for you to have decided to take a path to reclaim your agency from someone you had not even realized you had been giving it away to.”

At those words Sakamoto’s smile grew even wider, even brighter, if that were even possible.

“Thanks man.”

Goro wanted to insist he had nothing to thank him for, after all it was Sakamoto who had just opened up to him about something that could not be easy to talk about, but before he could Ryuji’s attention turned back to the meal Akira had made the three of them. And right before he turned his own attention back to the food, he spotted Akira looking at the two of them with a kind of silent wistfulness to his face that Goro couldn’t decipher the meaning behind. Goro decided to keep his mouth shut for the rest of dinner.

✦


Things were going far too perfect for this little bubble fantasy Goro had been living in for the last few months for it not to eventually pop. And it all came to a head one November night.

Goro had long stopped bothering keeping track of the dates as time on the street made days and weeks blend into one when all you could focus on was surviving until you didn’t. Even after moving in unofficially with Akira and Sakamoto, he hadn’t really bothered picking the habit of checking the date back up. A day after all was just a day to get through and nothing more. Except when it wasn’t.

In hindsight, Goro wanted to kick himself for not paying more attention to the way Akira seemed to have less energy in the past week. How he seemed to constantly be avoiding eye contact or ending conversations far quicker than normal. How had he not noticed how even Sakamoto seemed reluctant to let the boy head to bed alone that night?

He could blame it on the weather, the cold from the storm outside making old wounds ache and distract him more than he’d care to admit. Perhaps he could admit reluctantly he wasn’t as in sync with his fated rival as he’d been all those years ago with so many years apart between them. Or maybe something in him simply hadn’t wanted to see it, to admit Akira was acting any weaker than he was used to seeing the strong boy.

Either way, as the storm raged that night Goro had been startled awake by a loud boom of thunder followed shortly after by what sounded like a loud thud within the apartment. Years of hyper awareness shook away the tiredness from him in an instant as he listened in for any other noise that could indicate what had happened as he slowly rose from his Sakamoto’s bed.

Had someone tried to break in to escape the weather that was tearing through the streets at the moment? Or perhaps one of the others had simply left a window open and the wind had knocked something from its shelf. Inching his way to the door, he listened closely for any indication that there may be another person within the apartment ,but no such noise came even as he pressed his ear against the door itself to listen.

Nothing.

Knowing he hadn’t imagined the noise, however, Goro reaches down and opens the door heading into the hall, one hand skimming the wall to lead him as he did. In moments like this not having a phone any longer made him miss the convenience of having an on hand flashlight. Bumping a picture frame or two as he walked, Goro hissed when one went crashing down to the floor. Looking down at it for only a moment before his head snapped to look up when he could hear groaning not too far away, presumably from the couch where Sakamoto should still be resting. The sound of shuffling covers filled the air for a few moments before all went quiet again, and Goro assumed he’d miraculously not woken the other boy.

Continuing down the hall slowly, Goro’s fingers had just brushed against the doorframe of Akira’s room when he could hear muffled shuffling coming from the other side of the door. Moments after, another crash, but this one far quieter than the last but still loud enough for Goro to be unable to ignore the nagging concern in the back of his mind.

“Kurusu?” Knocking on the door lightly at first, but no answer came, so he knocked harder instead. Still no response. Glancing over and noticing how Sakamoto hadn’t awakened from where he slept on the couch, annoyance brushing the back of his mind Goro knocked a bit harder once more. And while he still didn’t get a response, he certainly heard more than one thing topple over on the other side of the door. Something glass shattering. A small almost indistinguishable whine. Then silence once more.

Deciding enough was enough Goro pressed his way inside, turning the doorknob and sliding into the dark room he’d never stepped foot into before. Surrounded in darkness once more Goro hovers by the door not moving any deeper into the room. While his eyes took the time to adjust, a new noise made itself clear to Goro. Breathing but not normal breathing–no this was panicked, labored breathing, as if someone were in pain.

Adrenaline flooded his veins once more, and Goro decided he couldn’t wait for his eyes to finish adjusting. Shuffling forwards in the dark room, Goro does his best not to trip over anything Akira might have lying on the floor as he makes his way closer to the pained breathing. Noticing a slim trail of light from the right side of the room, Goro decides to make a quick detour despite the lingering panic in his blood. Freaking out would do nothing for him, for now he needed to be able to see and to do that opening the curtains needed to be his first priority.

Hand sliding across the fabric a bit till he found the edge, Goro hums in satisfaction before pulling it open and bathing the room in moonlight, at least enough to see with now. Turning to face the room once more, Goro would have liked to have had time to really analyze the room he found himself in, but for now his main focus was on the bed.

Covers were thrown around, pillows knocked off from both sides of the bed and the main fact that caught his attention was that the other boy wasn’t there.

“Akira?”

A hushed whimper was the only response he got in turn from the other side of the bed, and so Goro made his way around quickly but quietly. There on the floor he found the other boy, shaking. Panic flooded Goro Akechi’s veins once more for the third time that night as he quickly bent down to the other boy trying to find what the problem could be. Was Akira hurt? Had he fallen and injured himself? Was there something else that Goro wasn’t aware of that was happening? Had someone managed to get inside and Akira had fought them off?

There were a million questions running through his head, but to get an answer to any of them Goro knew he needed to calm Akira down first, so he slowly reached out to the other boy. Akira, however, had no interest in anything Goro had to offer, flinching away from Goro’s hand, Akira pressed himself more against the wall. Entire body shaking, arms scrambling, feet kicking out to desperately try and make space between himself and Goro as small whimpers made their way from him once more.

Stunned slightly by the sight, Goro isn’t entirely sure what to do other than try and reach out for the other boy once more. Having nowhere else to go to get away this time Akira curls in on himself as he pressed himself as far into the little space between his bed and his dresser as he could. Arms wrapping around his head as if to protect himself from an unseen assailant, small choked out words make their way from him for the first time since Goro had entered the room.

“Please, please don’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t want to die. Please, I'm sorry.”

Words hitting him in the chest with enough force that Goro would have thought they had a physical form for a moment. Jarringly, the world shrunk down to just the two of them, there in that room together, only feet apart. Just like before. Suddenly the warm safety of the bedroom around him was whisked away, replaced with the icey, sterilized cold of another room. Where the smell of fresh blood blossoming from a guard's chest filled his mind, and the sound of a metal chair scraping on the floor as if trying desperately to get away echoed in his ears. Leather of gloves long lost cutting into his wrists as the weight in his hand felt heavier than the world Atlas held upon his shoulders. There he was, standing in the interrogation room all over again.

The same room he was sure Akira was trapped in right now as well.

Stumbling backwards a bit, Goro barely kept himself on his feet as the heat began to build behind his eyes. Staring down at the black haired boy so desperately begging for his life, such a stark contrast to the day Goro had put a bullet between those steely eyes. Goro suddenly felt like he needed to throw up, like he wanted to crawl out of his own skin, like he needed to be anywhere but here.

Fuck, what an idiot he had been to think he belonged here. That the damage he’d done to them would ever go away.

Turning to try and scramble for the door his foot caught on something he couldn’t quite make out in the dark and before he could reach out to grab anything Goro had the brief realization he was going to hit the ground. Sticking out his hands to catch him despite knowing the risks that came with it, Goro found pain blossoming in his wrists almost instantly as they took the brunt of his fall.

Hissing as pain surged up his wrists and his hands began to burn ever so slightly from how they had slid across Akira’s carpeted floor, Goro quickly turned to his side instead to get pressure off of his hands. Lying there on his side, holding his hands to his chest, Goro finds it harder and harder to bite back the tears that so desperately want to make their way out. Between the physical pain from his fall and the emotional pain from the realization that he’d been fooling himself into thinking he’d finally actually found somewhere to belong after 25 years was just too much and he found his breath hitching slightly as the first tear trekked down his face.

Here he was lying on the floor of his rival's bedroom, crying because he hurt someone else. God he really was pathetic wasn’t he? Try as he might though, no matter how hard he bit his lip, the tears simply wouldn’t stop falling.

Tears blurred his vision as the sound of rushing water filled his ears, Goro barely even noticed as someone began to move nearby until suddenly he was being gently tugged up into someone’s arms. Instead of pain that normally came with something touching him though, these arms were kind and warm, wrapping around him in what felt reminiscent of a hug.

When was the last time he had been hugged?

A wave of emotions bubbled up to the surface no matter how harshly he tried to shove them down, joining alongside the pain from earlier overwhelming him as the arms from the other person held him tight. Feeling safe and secure in those warm and slightly familiar arms Goro couldn’t stop his breath from hitching once more as the emotions completely bubbled over and he finally just let himself fall apart.

Clutching to the other person Goro let himself be held as he openly sobbed for the first time since that fateful night in November all those years ago when he truly thought he had killed the only friend he’d ever had. Burying his face in the other person’s neck he barely registered as the other person clung to him just as tightly, running a hand through Goro’s hair while the other hand rubbed comforting circles onto his back.

Time seemed to slow as Goro let himself sob, the comforting hands never letting him go even as he clutched probably too tightly in return. Tears streaking down his face and soaking whoever’s shirt but still they did not pull away set on comforting Goro through this. Eventually though, Goro began to run out of tears and the rushing noise in his ears began to fade enough for him to barely be able to make out a small quiet mantra being repeated over and over in his ear.

“It’s ok Goro. You’re safe. We’re safe. Everyone is safe. Everything is ok. No one is going to hurt you. It’s ok Goro. You’re safe. We’re safe. Everyone is safe. Everything is ok. No one is going to hurt you. It’s ok Goro. You’re safe. We’re safe. Everyone is safe. Everything is ok. No one is going to hurt you.” Over and over, the words were repeated in his ear.

That same familiar voice that moments beforehand had been begging for his own life was now trying to comfort him? Goro, selfish as it was, for that one small moment let himself be held by the other boy before knowing he could no longer.

“Why are you trying to comfort me?” Before anything else could make its way out, the burning question wormed its way out first. Feeling Akira’s arms tighten around him for just a moment as the other boy flinched, Goro felt inclined to continue despite how his voice wobbled as he did. “It was my fault…” Goro whispered. “My fault you were like that. My fault you were begging for help. My fault you were scared.”

“You’re wrong.”

Akira shook his head and squeezed Goro tighter into the makeshift hug. “It was never you Goro. I promise. I’ve never been scared of you. I know you’d never hurt me.”

Never hurt him? Was he out of his mind? Goro had been willing to kill him in the past.

Goro could still hurt him again.

Yanking himself backwards and away from Akira's arms, in that moment Goro moves to stand, eyes jumping between Akira and the door. Before he can make his break for it however, as if sensing exactly what Goro planned to do Akira’s eyes widened in panic. Of course, Akira was always on the same page as Goro and just one step ahead of the other boy.

Quickly moving to step in between Goro and the door despite the way he wobbled as he did, Akira held out his arms wide blocking any kind of escape Goro could have tried to make right then.

Just like old times sake. Of course, he always knows what I’m thinking.

“It wasn’t you I was seeing Goro! Please, why don’t you understand that.” Worry laced every word as Akira stood between him and the door, his only way out of this conversation and if Goro had any say in this, his life entirely. Akira looked desperate but Goro couldn’t tell if it was from the lingering remnants of the dream he’d finally escaped or because he wanted Goro to believe him.

Could Goro ever believe him about this? Goro knew what a self sacrificial idiot the boy in front of him was. How quick would he be to lie about something like this in the name of simply sparing Goro’s feelings on the issue?

“I should leave.” Blunt and hollow the words came from him without much thought as he rubbed at the lingering wetness on his face. Leaving them would be better for everyone. The damage he had done was simply too great to be skimmed over and forgotten. Even if he wasn’t the person Akira had been dreaming of in that room , it was definitely Goro who had put him there to begin with. “Clearly me being here is only making things worse.”

“Goro you can’t be serious. It was one bad dream.”

“A bad dream I caused! This wasn’t some made up nightmare Akira! It was trauma! Trauma I CAUSED! If I had just realized sooner that my father was simply using me and-”

“Shut up!” Akira snapped suddenly cutting off any more of the words that wanted to make their way out as Goro spiraled as well. “Just…shut up…You weren’t the one who hurt me so stop trying to use that as a way to hurt yourself. I’m so sick of being the reason you’re hurt…”

Goro clenched his fists tight at his side, wanting to fall back into that familiar anger that had gotten him through so much so many times before. But it wouldn’t come to him, he was just so sick and tired of being angry all the time. So sick and tired of losing everything he wanted. Just so sick and tired of everything.

Goro Akechi was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

“Just let me leave…” Goro’s voice came out small and broken, as fragile as he felt right then. But of course the boy opposite of him couldn’t even let him leave on his own terms.

“Can’t you be honest with yourself for once. That’s not what you want and I know it.” Pain laced his words as Akira spoke, still making absolutely no move to allow Goro access to the door he so desperately wanted to get to escape out of.

Honest? With himself?

Akira Kurusu wanted him to be honest. In all the time they had spent dancing around each other, filling each encounter with half truths and just enough mysteries to keep the other coming back, Akira had never asked so blatantly for something from him. So perhaps in this moment before Goro disappeared one final time and stayed gone, he could give Akira this.

A truth he had shoved down all those years ago. A truth that had lingered in his heart and never faded even with all the time spent apart. A truth that so desperately wanted to spill from his lips every time they had met before exploring Maruki’s palace or when they sat across from each other in the safe confines of the Jazz Jin.

A truth that he’d turned his back to because how could he ever admit something like this to someone he had hurt so much? It made him no better than his father in his eyes to feel this way after everything he had done. A damning truth.

“You were my favorite almost…” Whispering it to the darkness of the room as if afraid speaking any louder would break the stillness of the moment the two find themselves in. For a moment nothing happens, no one moves, hell for a moment Goro thinks perhaps the both of them had simply stopped breathing. Both boys seeming intent to stay here in this moment and never let it go. A sense of almost overwhelming calm settled there between the intense waves of tension that had been rocking between the two of them since Goro’s reappearance in Akira’s life.

If they could just stay here in this moment, right after a confession that had taken nearly every ounce of strength Goro had in his recovering body…then perhaps things wouldn’t have to change. He wouldn’t have to face the akira Kurusu who didn’t want him in his life any more than to deal with some lingering guilt he may have been facing over the brunette’s seemingly untimely death. Perhaps then he can go back to shoving his emotions deep down in the well-like hole where his heart should be and pretend like the only things he felt for the black haired boy was resentment and indignation. But like all things in Goro’s life, he rarely got what he wanted.

Steps muffled by the carpeted floor but still loud enough to be heard in the stark silence of the room was the indicator that Goro needed to look up. Bracing himself for an attack like any other moment something was coming at him, Goro barely had time to process what was happening. Space between them disappears in a near instant, as if it had never existed there at all. Warmth radiates off the body that is now only inches away from his own and its then Goro realizes just how cold he was. Barely suppressing a shiver, he looks at the face of the boy now so close to him, staring into those steely gray eyes expecting anger or perhaps even disgust at what Goro had just implied. After all, Goro had tried to kill him not once but twice; to admit that he had wanted to be something…more with the other must have come across as a joke at the other boy’s expense or perhaps an unhinged delusion that Akira needed to set right.

While those emotions were what Goro had expected of the other boy, he was instead greeted with an emotion Goro didn't have words for and couldn’t place no matter how many times he scanned the other boy's face. Once more the silence settled between them with the only noise being what seemed to be a small bird perching right outside Akira’s bedroom window, its shadow cast into the room by the street lamp nearby.

Attention caught on the shadow, he nearly missed the movement to his right, eyes shooting back to it he only has enough time to process it’s a hand–Kurusu’s hand–before he clenches his eyes shut on instinct instead. Tensing up, bracing himself for the moment when pain would shoot through his body, a crisscrossing of nerve endings flaring up at the feeling of a fist colliding with him, the jarring temporary loss of awareness, the fear…

But…

It never came.

Instead, Goro found himself shivering once more tonight when an ever so slightly calloused hand gently cupped his cheek, thumb ever so slowly rubbing against it as if to soothe him and bring him back down from the peak of adrenaline that had just flooded his senses. As his heart slowly calmed and his muscles unclenched themselves, Goro let his eyes slide open once more looking into the now very clearly confused and perhaps distraught eyes of Akira Kurusu.

“Almost?”

Repeated in a quiet, near revenant whisper, as if afraid speaking any louder would shatter the boy before him into pieces like a porcelain doll dropped from the top of Tokyo Tower. And perhaps in that moment, with how his heart currently felt as though it wanted to crawl out of his own chest and crush itself before Akira could have the opportunity too, maybe, just maybe, he would have broken if Akira had spoken any louder.

Throat tight, words feeling as if they were all trying to force their way out at the same time creating a traffic jam of emotions inside him–what was he supposed to feel here?

But like every other time since their fateful reconnection, it seemed Akira would be the one to speak instead. Once a leader who once only spoke so passionately when his convictions about the Phantom Thieves came into question, Akira had somehow grown into someone who spoke with that same level of conviction for someone like him.

“...Can I kiss you, Goro Akechi?”

Was Akira Kurusu sane? Was he sentimental beyond his years?

The answers for all of those would always be a mix of yes and no depending on who you asked, but one would always have one firm answer.

Was Akira Kurusu the world’s biggest fool?

No…because that title belonged to Goro Akechi.

“Yes.”

As soon as the answer was breathed out to him Akira closed what little gap there was between them. Pressing slightly chapped lips against Goro’s own. Clearly, neither knew exactly what they were doing;  their noses bumped, Goro was pretty sure they were both holding their breath, and Akira may have stepped on Goro’s foot in his rush to get closer. By all means, the kiss went completely wrong, but Goro felt like it couldn’t have been more perfect. Awkward but genuine, Akira pressed into the kiss like a man possessed, trying to make up for all the time lost before now.

Time was lost on the two of them until another loud thump from the other room made itself known alongside muffled complaints from the only other resident of their little shared apartment. Pulling apart in surprise, both boys turned their heads to look towards the door, then back towards each other. Staring at one another, neither boy did or said anything for a moment before small snickers began to make their way from the both of them. Leaning their heads together, Akira reaches down and gently threads one of their hands together, squeezing softly.

Reaching up, Goro gently ran a thumb under Akira’s eyes to wipe away any of the lingering tears that tried to stay trapped there in his lashes. Nuzzling into the hand instantly, Goro couldn’t help but think of how much Akira resembled a cat right then.

“We should go check on Ryuji…”

As much as Goro didn’t want to leave this little bubble that held just them for the moment, he knew Akira was unfortunately correct. The two of them should at least go make sure the other boy hadn’t injured himself in some way.

Seeing the two make their way out of Akira’s room, Sakamoto now awake, turned their way, locking eyes with Akira for only a moment before understanding flooded his face and a small smirk made its way onto his face as well. “I, um, rolled off the couch but looks like I had good timin’. Like sleep instincts er somethin’!” Laughing he jumps to his feet suddenly.

“I’ma run down to the store and grab us all sumthin to snack on. Hope ya still like ice cream.” Before snagging his keys off the key ring in between Akira’s and…what had come to be known as his, as Goro’s hook. Goro did his best to ignore what the feeling that was banging around in his chest was as the door behind Sakamoto closed, leaving him and Akira alone in the living room.

“Hey…Why don’t we sit down? I think we’re both still a little emotional after everything that happened.”

Walking over to the couch, Akira nudged all the blankets and pillows down to one end before taking a seat at the opposite side. Glancing up at Goro before gently patting the spot directly next to him. An invitation if Goro wanted to take it. And after a few moments of running his lip between his teeth, Goro decided he did want to take it.

Sitting down beside Akira and feeling the way the other boy’s arm gently wrapped around him, resting on his hip bone, he knew he should feel trapped but instead he felt almost…safe? Hesitation lingered heavily in his limbs before he silently threw caution to the wind and leaned more heavily against Akira, letting his head fall to rest on the other boy’s shoulder. In turn, Akira’s arm seemed to only tighten around him gently as if never wanting to let go of the other boy again.

“We never gave up on you.” Whispering quietly from where he sat on the couch nearby idly drawing shapes into the cushy arm beside him, Akira didn’t look towards Goro despite it being clear his words were meant for him. “Even as the years passed…we figured you just needed time after everything that had happened.”  Eyes looking up from where they had been boring holes in the coffee table in front of them, only one word came out despite the numerous questions rumbling around in Goro’s mind at that moment.

“We?”

Familiar softness, a knowing gleam in his eyes, Akira finally looks up at him again. Without his glasses there it felt as if there was no barrier between them anymore. “Just give him a bit of time. Not all of us are as good at words as you are.” Vague words offered for him, and Goro found annoyance once more at feeling like he was the only person left out of an inside joke that they were all acting as if he should understand.

“Trust me. They’ll tell you when they’re ready.” A promise sealed with a grateful smile, a gentle squeeze from the hand currently wrapped around him and a quick gentle kiss to Goro’s forehead  that made Goro’s face instantly light up with heat as Akira chuckled softly. “Because neither of us plan to lose you again…”

Goro shivered at the words before starting slightly when the front door flew open once more and Sakamoto stood there, grinning widely, shopping bag in hand filled with an assortment of ice cream flavors.

“I didn’t know which was your favorite, so I got one of each.” Laughing easily like something like that was nothing to him, as if going above and beyond for someone like Goro was as easy as breathing. Walking farther in, the ex-blonde said nothing about the way Akira’s arm was wrapped around Goro or how said boy’s head still rested on the black haired boy’s shoulder. Instead, his smile only seemed to grow fonder as he began to pull out all the different ice cream flavors one at a time, naming each of them as he went as though Goro couldn’t tell the difference from the containers. It was unexpectedly considerate, if not a bit over the top.

As Sakamoto handed off Akira’s favorite to him and went to grab the three of them spoons from the kitchen, Goro couldn’t help the small smile that wormed its way onto his face. Reaching down and picking up the rocky road container, he stares at it for a few moments before Sakamoto returns.

“Oh nice!” Looking at his choice as he offers them the spoons. “Marshmallows in ice cream is always real good. Plus, chocolate is, like, the best ice cream choice and-”

“Thank you Ryuji.”

Cutting the other boy off, Goro watches as the ex-blonde’s eyes widen in surprise before showering Goro with the brightest smile he’d seen on the other boy’s face since he arrived. Reaching over and gently ruffling Goro’s hair his smile never seemed to go away as he moved to put all the extra ice cream away.

“Of course man. I’m always here if you need me ya know.”

And Goro was starting to think he did actually know what Ryuji meant. These two had never abandoned him, even when he’d abandoned himself, reaching a hand out to him even when they should have wanted nothing more than to turn their backs on him and walk away. Offering him a home. Teaching him, helping him, and perhaps if what Akira said was to believed…perhaps even loving him.

What did this make them? Why did these two so desperately want him to stay when any sane person would have abandoned him long ago? How could everything move on from here when there were still so many open wounds Goro had caused to those around him?

Goro wasn’t sure if he’d ever have any answers for some of these questions lingering in his mind, and as he finished up his ice cream he realized he had far more questions than he did answers now.

But as Akira gently tugged him along back towards his room while Ryuji volunteered to clean up the mess left behind, Goro decided maybe he could figure everything else out tomorrow with the other two standing beside him.

✦

Fingers gently skimmed up the length of Akira’s arm that was currently wrapped gently wound around him until they brushed against slightly boney knuckles. Goro hesitated for a moment, listening and feeling how Akira’s gentle breathing behind him continued without pause, completely content and calm with the other boy lying there in his arms.

Perhaps for the first time in Goro’s life, he could want something for himself. Not for justice, not for his mother, not for the dying remnants of a woman he still saw in his nightmares, and not for the waste of oxygen that never wanted to be a father to begin with. Perhaps this, whatever it was that was settling between the two of them, could be his. Slowly, Goro let his fingers interlace with the hand that laid across his chest, hovering just over a scar that had meant to be an indicator of the end of his life.

As Akira hummed contently behind him, gently tightening his clutch on the other boy, drawing him closer to his chest and further into the warm protective hold, Goro couldn’t help the thought that perhaps instead of marking the end of his life, it meant something different entirely. Sitting there jagged and mishealed, perhaps the scar on his chest from a room long sunk to the bottom of an ocean in a world only few could ever dream of accessing was simply an indicator of the beginning of the rest of his life.