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Oh, he had really done it now. This was just the cherry on top of his demise. This would surely be it after what he’d put Audrey through with lent and the Mrs. Harbottle debacle. First, Tristan gone, and James could be called away at any moment. He couldn’t lose Audrey too. Well, he supposed Helen would remain, but they’d be at each other’s throats, especially if he found one more box of gauze — just how many did she order? There was this new Carmody lad, too. In fact, he was proving very hard to be rid of.
“James must have missed something with Cedric. Everything I read attests that diet—“
“Yes, absolutely.” He cared too much for Audrey for this to be the reason she left. He’d just been so flustered talking to Gerald whom he had nothing in common with to discuss save for a deep respect and lo— admiration for Audrey. And he was internally persuading himself over the course of the conversation that this was the man she chose and I need to accept that even if he’s dull and his banking anecdotes are only passably amusing . He wasn’t entirely convinced yet.
They passed an archway to a secluded garden and he peered in to check for her. No luck.
God, he shouldn’t have brought up the divorce. It was none of his business. And then to have framed it like that — weeks?! It was a bit of an exaggeration, but from Gerald’s reaction, any measure of time would’ve been a surprise. And now he would have a row with Audrey and it was all Siegfried’s fault. If he found her before Gerald did, apologized preemptively, and gave some warning — maybe then she wouldn’t be quite so cross with him. He tried to peer over the hedges. If only he wasn’t lost in Mrs. Pumphrey’s bloody maze of a garden. He tried to find the house to orient himself, but the only structure he could see was the greenhouse.
“Are you looking for something, Siegfried?” Carmody was right on his heels with that lost puppy dog expression.
Yes, actually. Have you seen our beloved housekeeper? I may have just ruined her friendship with a man she really cares about. Siegfried cleared his throat. “Just seeing if I missed any of our clients. It would be rude not to greet them.” The lie gave him an idea. He took the boy by his shoulders and turned him toward a group of farmers mingling across the lawn. “In fact, you should go make your introductions.”
Carmody looked like a cat that just found out it was about to be bathed. “Wouldn’t it be more professional if you introduced me—“
“Nonsense! We’re the friendliest lot here in Darrowby!” He strode off before Carmody could beg him to hold his hand. He was too occupied to feel for the lad at the moment.
Siegfried continued toward the greenhouse. Maybe he’d missed her and she’d gone back for more dessert. She’d surely already crossed paths with Gerald, then. He imagined how it would play out as he found the path that paralleled the glass building – Gerald would be angry Audrey didn’t confide in him and she, rightfully, would defend that she could confide in whoever she damn well pleased. Though, she would put it much more eloquently. That could be enough to break their relation off. God knows Siegfried had ended courtships for less.
He caught his own reflected eye in the window. Maybe… maybe Audrey wouldn’t be angry with him for this. It was an honest mistake. Besides, Siegfried wasn’t responsible for Gerald’s behavior. If this was Gerald’s true nature and Audrey didn’t like it… then maybe Siegfried had done her a favor.
Nothing would change between them, except she’d finally be –
Siegfried saw her then, just as he rounded the corner, but he backtracked when he saw Gerald beside her on a bench. In his hesitation, he spied on them while tucked behind the wall. He wasn’t proud of it, but he wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to do in this situation. It was idiotic to go apologize in front of the both of them if the topic hadn’t even come up, but if it did and it was an issue, he wanted to be at the ready to intercede.
As far as he could tell, they were just… calmly talking. Gerald spoke and Audrey nodded along. It was a heavy discussion, that much he could discern, but neither buckled under the strain of it. Siegfried glanced around to make sure he was still unnoticed. He wouldn’t put it past Carmody to have the tracking abilities of a bloodhound.
When he returned to his gaze to the bench, it was vacant. They stood just before it. Gerald had Audrey’s hand in his. Siegfried risked craning his neck to get a better look just as Audrey leaned in and –
No. He had to be mistaken. There had been last Christmas which he pushed from his mind every chance he got, but since then he’d only ever glimpsed Gerald kiss her cheek, but that was just a friendly greeting and Audrey never –
She kissed Gerald again.
He was such a fool. He should’ve seen this coming. He had seen this coming, but Audrey had shooed his insinuations off with her demure evasions. The innocent invitation to join their Christmas celebrations, the not-a-date-that-was-a-date, and even more recently with the divorce filing which Audrey firmly explained was not because of any intentions with Gerald. She’d just been keeping her life private. Of course there was more blooming between the two of them than solely friendship. He’d known it all along.
Still, there was a stubborn, futile hope in him that they really were just dear friends. But that’s just what they’d want people to believe, wasn’t it? There they stood, embracing, with all of his meddling and prying about a romance between them proven true.
And why should he be privy to it?
The exact reason he was hiding behind a wall was because it was none of his business. Shame consumed him, knowing how furious Audrey would be if she saw him here, spying on her. Not a single part of her life should be of concern or open to judgment from him. She genuinely was happy with Gerald and that was all that mattered. He should be happy for her and move on.
He watched the pair of them walk back toward the house. Even from so far away, he could make out her smile. He should be happy for her.
Turning away, Siegfried set to retrace his path back through the garden. He still owed Audrey an apology, but that could wait until later. When his heart didn’t ache so badly.
He doubted it would ever stop hurting.