Chapter Text
Endless, monotonous paperwork… It honestly gave him a headache.
The smaller-statured man gave a sigh of relief when it was finally break time. Pushing his chair back he finally stood up and left that stuffy little cubicle.
He nearly heaved a sigh of relief.
It wasn't like he had a problem with it. But the cubicle just seemed… like a cage, somehow. Like something he couldn't get out of, and wasn't even sure he wanted to leave. The lighter had felt so idle in his pockets that entire time. It was a reminder of the outside world and that there were still good people in it.
Good people huh…. Strangely enough, I guess it was nice of him to lend it to me like that…
He didn’t understand why, exactly. What had been the difference between that attempt and the thousand before it? When he tried to explain that he desperately needed it, he was talked over and ignored.
When he tried to take it from him, an understandable course of action at the time, that infuriating moron had held it out of his reach. His stupid lighter that was apparently more important to him than their lives.
He doesn’t care, he didn’t care, and he never will.
And in any case, it wasn't like that lighter, meant much, considering his senior had been pretty much useless the rest of the time. Well, he did try to help, once or twice.
Sort of…
He smiled just a little at the memory of how he had futilely tried to pull open the elevator doors. But they proved too thick and heavy for regular human strength (It really made you wonder… had they been intended to trap someone?) But ■■■■■■ could still feel the blood that had deliberately wiped on the sleeve of his suit. He grimaced at the smell and the memory it brought back. So much blood…
The lobby felt oddly underwhelming.
Even with the people bustling around, all the noisy chatter of buzzing conversations he couldn’t quite make out, all those different footsteps, some of them the clacking of heels, others, the squeaking of boots and shoes rubbing against the floor, and even the tick-tock of the clocks against the wall. Despite all the noise, he found that the office setting bothered him less than he had expected.
Maybe it was the fact that he spent most of his shift dying in horrific and increasingly creative ways over and over again.
Blade through his body. Feeling it tear through skin and bone as it yanked him up and he stared into the face of death.
Blood hitting the pavement. On his hands and knees as he choked on the peeling strips of flesh which had once been his throat.
A hand landing gently on his forehead… and then a crunch. Automaton man, orderly row, next in the line to die. The machine consumes you and it spit you out until one day there wasn't anything left to chew.
He shuddered at the memory, letting out a long breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in. Sticky sweat clung to his skin and clothes, and when he ran a shaky hand through his hair, he realised it felt wet too. It took him a moment to realise it was sweat and not blood.
Underwhelming as the lobby was, he still felt aimlessly lost. He was small compared to the vastness surrounding him. Unimportant, a mere pest hovering around peoples' all important work. He didn’t belong here: he had no idea what to do. He was nothing like these people.
He just knew that if one came up to him, he’d adjust his tie, his collar, and his glasses frantically, before attempting to stutter out a greeting to someone who had already walked off to talk with someone else. The pretty ladies, the suave, put-together gentlemen, all of them made him nervous. Was it luck that brought him here? Then why did he have to go through hell first?
Biting back those ridiculous, foolish insecurities, he decided to try and go for it. Maybe it could work out for the better, hey?
Yet he remained invisible. Every time he’d try to make a sound, or raise his hand, he’d be talked over. Ignored. Just a nameless face in the crowd. Completely irrelevant.
“H-Hello, Sir, I’m-” Never mind, he’s ignoring me…
“Miss! You dropped your–” Someone else picked it up and handed it to her before he could. They hadn’t even noticed him. Oh…
Stiffening as his franticness lessened, as he found his voice growing quieter and weaker until it drifted at last into silence. The bustling lobby just made him feel minisicule, a mere grain of sand on a beach full of splendid castles. It was almost as if the walls themselves were closing in on him. Squeezing him until he popped.
He slinked, his shoulders tensed, staring at the floor. He sighed quietly to himself, another muffled, hopeless sound no one would hear. No one ever heard, did they? If you didn’t make yourself known, you’d just disappear. Into nothing.
You were nothing.
But he tried. He tried so hard to make himself known. And yet… it didn’t even feel like he was a person. It still didn’t even feel like he was… real.
It wasn’t just the receptionist who had quickly dismissed him. So had everyone else. He wasn’t even a person in their eyes. ...Maybe he never was.
Maybe he’d go get something to eat or drink. They had to have a coffee maker or something around here somewhere… right?
“Hey, Newbie! The elevator malfunctioned again, can you believe it?”
■■■■■■ was startled out of his thoughts by that familiar annoying voice. And then a hand planted itself in his hair and began aggressively scruffing it. In front of everybody.
“Is that the CEO’s son?”
“Yeah, I think it is! Who is that he’s with?”
“Oh, probably someone important, right?”
“Naw, it’s just the new guy. Don’t worry about it.”
Right… no one important.
He ducked away from the hand and stepped back, hunching his shoulders “It’s… fine, really. I guess.” He briefly wondered if he should tell him his name, so he’d stop calling him “Newbie”, but that was probably no use. Nobody seemed to give him a chance to introduce himself anyway. And he doubted this loudmouth would.
“Great, great. So, how was your first day here? Getting the hang of things?” He was so loud. Even his smile seemed to be screaming ‘look at me’! It grated on the nerves.
“It was a fucking nightmare.”
“It was okay, I guess. I kinda forgot I was supposed to meet you on our break.”
“Whatever I say doesn’t matter to you, does it?”
He decided to opt for being tactful. “It was okay, I guess. (Liar.) I kinda forgot I was supposed to meet you for our break.”
His coworker frowned in disappointment. “Aw, man. So you’re telling me you would have just kept my lighter for yourself? Do you even know how much money that cost me?”
Good grief. I almost don’t want to give it back to him now. He hadn’t even cared how he was doing, had he? Obviously… what did I expect?
Not like the money means anything to you. You’d probably just forget about it and-
Oh… Why did that sound familiar?
He’d stolen it from him. Just like–
“N-No! Of course I… would have given it back to you. S-Sorry… here…” He fished it out of his pocket sheepishly and held it out.
His coworker snatched it away from him, shaking his head.
“Tsk, tsk. Remind me not to lend you my things again.” He rolled his eyes and wagged a disapproving finger at him.
He’s disappointed. You’ve disappointed him. He expected better from you, they’re all expecting better from you. They expect great things from you.
“You can do better than this.”
“You’re talented. Why can’t you just put in the work?”
“If he would just study a bit more, I’m sure he could be a son to be proud of, Mrs.-”
“I-I would have given it back to you!” he blurted out. “I’m sorry… I- I just forgot. I won’t do it again… okay?”
…
No response.
Apologising, panicking, always a judgemental silence… It felt all too horribly familiar. It left a sickly feeling in his throat, not unlike the queasiness from the radiation. The people were staring, he could feel their eyes boring into him. The people were whispering. He had to get away, he needed to get away…
He lowered his voice, not even sure that his coworker would hear his next remark. It was… probably hopeless, but he had to try. He had to get away. “B-By the way, can we… go somewhere more private? Please?”
His coworker raised an eyebrow at him, and suddenly spoke more quietly. “Somewhere more private? Are you coming onto me, Newbie? A little bold for someone in your position.”
■■■■■■’s face flushed a bright red, and his hands immediately flew to hide it, under the guise of adjusting his glasses. “N-No! N-Not… like that. It’s just… there’s so many… people here…”
Oh God. Oh no.
He could feel them staring. He could hear them whispering. A little too quietly, he couldn’t make out what they were saying. Which just made it worse. He wasn’t even sure if they were looking at him, and somehow that was even more awful.
Can I just die right here and now…
Where was the creepy elevator weirdness when you ACTUALLY needed it?
“Aaah, okay. So you want to spend a little more one-on-one time with me. Get some tips from your superior on how to do the job right, yeah?”
Oh yes, you’ve been a wonderful help, getting me killed close to twenty times today. Gotta appreciate that great advice. He bit back the snark and instead levelled him with a pleading expression.
This guy was crazy oblivious. But he’d give anything to get out of this crowded lobby…
“U-Uh. Yeah. That’s it. Exactly.” Please hurry up…
His coworker eyed him curiously, as though he was realising something he hadn’t before. “Wow. You really do belong here. Alrighty then, come on. I know just the place!”
Thank God. He tried to ignore the glances and the whispers from the people around him. It figures, as soon as the big shot CEO’s son started mouthing off to him, THEN people started noticing him. Grand.
He followed his coworker off to a more secluded area to finish their break, attempting to banish all thoughts of what had been said earlier. He was just teasing, right? Just another one of the thousand stupid things he’d said in the elevator…
“Aww. You getting scared? Need me to hold your hand or something?”
When he’d said that back then, it had sounded like he was mocking him. But now… ■■■■■■ didn’t feel so sure. To hell with it, his coworker was mysterious and sometimes, downright confusing. It didn’t feel like he really knew anything about him, at all, really… Weren’t life-or-death experiences supposed to bring people closer?
Maybe, provided when you die, that you actually stay dead.
“Ta-DAAA! Well, here we are! Pretty neat, huh?” Another one of those smug smiles, huh? Ugh, what was he thinking, this guy was shallow as hell.
1. “Could be better, really.”
2. “I mean, I guess.”
3. “I have to admit this is… pretty spacious. Why is there no one else in here?”
“I have to admit this is… pretty spacious. Why is there no one else in here?”
He glanced around the room. There were tables and chairs that looked concerningly expensive and he suspected probably pretty breakable. There was a coffee maker with an absurd amount of buttons that he figured probably was refashioned from a torture device. There was also a water cooler, and multiple vending machines. There was even calming music coming out of a speaker on the wall.
“It is, isn’t it? Well, wouldn’t you believe it, I happen to be a VERY important employee here, and because of that, they let me have my own break room all to myself!” He beamed brightly, arousing an eye roll from his companion. “I can invite just about anyone I want in here, too.” He lit a cigarette and put it into his mouth.
“Would it happen to be because you’re… never mind.” He already knew the answer was undeniably the affirmative.
“So… you wanted to ask me for some tips, right, Newbie?” He nudged him in the side with his typical annoying grin.
Actually… I just wanted to get out of that crowded lobby. But… I guess I have no choice but to play along.
He cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. “Um… yeah. So… you got any?”
I doubt he’ll tell me anything helpful, but I guess it couldn’t hurt.
“Sure, sure! Okay, first tip I have for you, never give out all the information! And especially don’t give tips to newbies!”
“Weren’t you just-”
He put his arm around ■■■■■, getting uncomfortably up in his face. “Second tip, suck it up. Get used to how things are around here.”
“H-Huh?...” Why was… he looking so serious? “What do you mean by…”
His coworker facepalmed, and extinguished his cigar with a sigh, as though his legitimate questions about the function of this workplace were completely irrelevant and pointless. “Look… I’m not gonna play dumb with you, Newbie. I know things are… weird here.”
He pulled away from his burly coworker, eyes widening. “Wait… what are you…?”
Is he saying… he knew? So everything that happened in the elevator… was he just playing along with the time loop?
No… of course he knew. He wasn’t real, he never was. He wasn’t real, he-
“I know that it can take a lot of… getting used to. But it’s just how things work around here. I’m sorry I acted like I didn’t believe you earlier.”
The scissors… the scissors were still in his pocket.
He’s behind all of it. He has to be.