Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jason didn’t turn to look at Donna as she sat down next to him, just kept staring at Dick smiling with Kori and Kyle. Dick’s whole chest was still wrapped in bandages and Jason caught the occasional grimace of pain that ghosted over his face before he covered it with a smile again. 

“He doesn’t know, does he?” Donna said softly. 

“Know what?” He finally dragged his gaze away to look at the Amazon. 

She gave him a knowing smile. “You were ready to abandon the whole mission just to make sure he was okay. I get that, I do, he’s my best friend, there’s not much I wouldn’t do for him. But there are some lines I’d never cross for him, and I don’t think he’d cross them for me either. But you don’t just view him as a friend, or a brother, or an ally. How long have you loved him, Jason?”

“Since I was fourteen.” Jason whispered, swallowing down the lump in his throat because he’d never actually spoken it out loud. 

Donna rested a hand on his forearm and squeezed lightly. “You should consider telling him.”

Jason scoffed. “Why? So he can throw everything I’ve ever done that doesn’t align with his moral code back in my face. Again . I’ve crossed too many of his lines and hurt one to many people he cares about, Donna. I’m well aware of where me and Dick stand, and I accepted it a long time ago.”

“Jason-”

He didn’t stick around to hear what else Donna had to say, he went and holed himself up in his room like he’d been doing since they managed to come across Dick and Kori halfway through their last mission. He thought he’d got used to being in close quarters with people after spending months with Kyle and Donna in this stupid spaceship, but apparently two extra people were enough to shatter any coping mechanisms he’d gained. 

And Dick…

Dick was making it five times fucking harder and the older man seemed to know it. They could act civil and as a team in the field, but the moment they were back in civvies, they couldn’t have a conversation without it devolving into an argument, no matter how much Jason tried to keep to non-argumentative topics. And Jason couldn’t stand the look of pity or anger or disgust in Dick’s eyes everytime he looked at him. 

Jason hated Dick Grayson with every bone in his body; hated the teenager who’d shunned him but embraced his successors with everything he had, hated the man who wouldn’t even listen to his reasoning before shunning him again, hated that Dick was still so far in Bruce’s bullshit that he was drowning.

But Jason also loved Dick Grayson with every fibre of his being; loved the teenager who’d gone out and made his own family after losing his, loved the man who was constantly trying to make the people around him smile, loved that Dick would do anything to protect the people he loved. 

It just hurt, knowing that Jason would never be one of those people in any capacity.

Luckily for Jason, it didn’t take them much longer to wrap up and get back to Earth, which meant Jason could go back to ignoring most of the hero community and most of the hero community ignoring him right back. 

Donna and Kyle tried to check in a few times, but whatever tentative friendship they’d been building seemed to have been tainted by Dick’s presence. And Jason knew that was mainly his fault, knew he still wasn’t over how most of the Titans and other teen heroes had shunned him when he first became Robin because he wasn’t Dick . But it was hard to not notice how everyone always turned to Dick. It didn’t matter that Jason had been with Kyle and Donna for months, the moment Dick turned up Jason’s opinion became second best, again. 

He knew a lot of it was projecting his insecurities, but goddamn it, just once he wanted to be the first choice, he wanted someone to choose him. Because god knows no one ever had; his dad chose money, his mom drugs, Bruce chose the mission and the ‘good soldier’, the other heroes chose Dick, and Dick chose literally everyone who put on the traffic light colours after Jason. 

And he knew that might change if he actually talked to someone about his issues. Someone other than Roy, because he understood why he’d never be Roy’s first choice because Roy had Lian. Hell, Jason would choose Lian over most people he knew. 

But his inability to talk to people about his issues probably led to where he was right now, bleeding out in some random alley from three armour piercing rounds and a knife wound. 

He’d called Roy because he knew Lian was with Ollie and Dinah for the weekend and he would rather bleed out than call any of the Bats. The main issue with that though was, not only was Roy still learning Gotham as a city since he’d moved, but Jason had absolutely no idea where he currently was and he’d stopped using any kind of tracker, or any tech that could be tracked, after he found Bruce piggy backing the signals to keep track of him. 

“ Fuck, Jay. I don’t have any idea where you are. You can hate me for it later, but I’m calling in the cavalry .” Roy’s voice came over the comms.

“I’d rather bleed out.” Jason said, his voice cracking halfway through. 

“ Damnit Jase, I know you would. But I’m not ready to lose my best friend and have to explain to my daughter why her favourite person is suddenly no longer around .” Roy essentially growled. 

“Fine.” Jason said.

“ Just hang in there for me, alright .” Roy said before the comm went quiet as he presumably called one of the Bats. 

Jason wasn’t sure of much that happened next; his vision started swimming and his head started drooping as the blood loss started catching up with him. He felt like he had on the warehouse floor, just with fewer broken bones this time. 

“-Hood!” 

Jason jerked, but was quickly overcome with another wave of black over his vision. 

“-need immediate evac-” 

Jason was vaguely aware of hands in his hair and tried to remember what had happened to his helmet. He groaned as something pressed down on his stomach, hard . 

“-son, look at me.” 

Jason blinked several times, to try and clear his vision, but it stayed just as blurred as before. The pressure on his stomach didn’t let up. 

“-lease, little wing, stay with me, they’re-”

Oh , Jason vaguely thought, Roy sent Dick . Jason didn’t think much after that as the wave of darkness finally fully consumed him. 

Jason’s first waking thought was that he was lying on what had to be a cloud as that could be the only explanation for how comfy the bed was. He blinked his eyes open, hating how tacky they felt, and the crisp white ceiling of one of the manor’s guest rooms came into focus, quickly followed by a very tired looking Bruce Wayne.

“B?” Jason said, or tried to. His dry throat cracked and he ended up trying to stop coughing before it started, knowing it would absolutely suck with his throat dryer than the Sahara. 

Bruce, ever Mr Prepared, was ready with a glass of water and one of Alfred’s famous ‘reserved for the injured’ bendy straws. Jason took several slow slips before Bruce pulled the glass away and set it back down on the side table. 

“What happened?” Jason asked, his voice sounding better, albeit still rough from however long he’d been unconscious. 

“You took three armour piercing rounds to the torso, and a knife to the leg that clipped your femoral artery. You were barely found in time.” Bruce said, his voice hard. It took Jason a moment to realise the emotion in Bruce’s eyes was fear. “We will be having another conversation about trackers, panic buttons and calling for help.”

“I did, I called Roy.” Jason pointed out, but his voice didn’t hold the intended weight, not when Bruce looked about five seconds from coming apart at the seams. 

“You called someone who has only just begun operating in Gotham, risking bleeding out before someone found you.” Bruce seemed to deflate as he perched on the edge of the bed. “I know we have our differences,” Bruce continued, much quieter than before. “but I lost you once, Jay, I can’t do it again.”

“I’m sorry.” Jason said, voice small. 

Bruce sighed and ran a hand through his hair ( and when had he gained so many grey hairs, when did Bruce start looking older than he did in Jason’s memories ). “If you won’t use trackers, I want you to carry a panic button with a tracker that activates when it’s pressed. I’ll even let you designate whoever you want to be the one who gets the notification.”

That was… That was more control than Bruce had given him in a long time. They’d been slowly mending their relationship, even if it would never be what it once was, they were getting better. Maybe it was a testament to how much Bruce wanted it to work, how much he wanted Jason back in the fold, that he was willing to concede some of his control.

“Okay.” Jason agreed, trying not to focus on how the relief on Bruce’s face made his heart ache. 

“Thank you.” Bruce said softly as he rested a hand on Jason’s ankle over the blanket. 

“Yeah, well, can’t have you dropping dead from a heart attack before you’ve even made fifty, old man.” Jason said, earning a snort from Bruce. 

“I better go let the others know you’re awake. I don’t think I’d have been able to keep them away much longer, and Alfred will want to look you over.” Bruce said and, with a pat on Jason’s ankle, got up and left. 

Alfred insisted he stay in the manor and, given that he was going to be laid up on bedrest for a couple of weeks, there wasn’t much he could do about it. Most of the family appeared throughout the first day he was awake, staggered in a way that Jason just knew was Bruce’s doing. But Dick didn’t make an appearance until he’d already been at the manor for a week. 

Jason blinked his eyes open and, for one moment, thought the person sat next to his bed was Bruce again. But then he realised they were slightly too short and lean. Dick looked like he hadn’t slept in a week, half of his fingers and the knuckles of one hand were wrapped in bandages and his face was a mess of bruises and butterfly stitches. Yet he was still the most beautiful person Jason had ever seen. Not that Jason was going to tell him that. 

“You look like shit.” Jason settled on instead, because it was technically the truth. 

Dick gave him a grimace that he supposed was meant to be a smile. “Don’t think you’re really one to talk right now, little wing.”

“What happened?” Jason asked, not knowing what else to say. 

Dick’s expression darkened. “The traffickers you were tracking are all in custody. Bruce has handed the case into their European connections over to the League.” That sounded almost bitter. 

“I could have handled it.” Jason couldn’t help but say.

“You almost died!” Dick snapped. 

Jason scoffed, at least they were back on familiar ground as Dick seemed to be itching for an argument, again . “So did you not that long ago, and when I pointed it out you told me to fuck off. I don’t think you’ve got a leg to stand on right now, golden boy.”

Jason expected Dick to snap back, or even get up and leave, but instead, he seemed to deflate back into the chair. “Why do we always do this? Fight I mean. It’s like every time we’re in a room together we’re at each other’s throats. I’m tired of it.”

Jason blinked at him, half-convinced either Alfred had him on stronger drugs than he realised, or Dick had been replaced by a clone or something along those lines. 

“I spoke to Donna.” Dick said softly, and Jason’s heart froze in his chest. “I needed to rant, and given how long you spent with her and Kyle, I thought they might want to know you were going to be out for a little while, but would ultimately be alright. She mentioned that you’d had a similar reaction when I was hurt to I did last week, and that for two people who care about each other, we sure don’t show it very well.”

“You’ve never liked me.” Jason said, too tired to put any heat into it. 

“That’s not true. I get why you think it, but it’s not true.” Dick said, pulling his legs up into the chair and wrapping his arms around them. “I know I didn’t react well when Bruce made you Robin, but I truly thought I’d kept you out of our bullshit until I thought back over everything when you were gone. I thought I’d made up for it, with the few times I took you out with me, but now I see how that could have looked performative. And then, when you first came back, I wanted to hate you, for what you were doing; for hurting Tim, and Bruce, and me . But I just wanted you to come home, no matter what, I wanted you to come home. But you wouldn’t, and I dealt with that rejection by lashing out. Which I think you took as rejection and we’ve just got caught in a cycle. I want it to stop, little wing.”

“That was all Donna, wasn’t it?” Jason asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Dick cracked a proper smile for the first time since Jason had woken up. “Yeah, it was. She practically drilled it into me. She said you’d talked, didn’t say what about before you go and try to shoot her, but she made it clear I needed to pull my head out of my ass.”

Jason snorted and made a mental reminder to give her a call in the next few days. “It’s not going to happen overnight you know, us not biting each other's heads off every time we’re in a room.”

“I know. I thought- I thought we could start with chilli dogs from that stand on the edge of the Narrows we went to once while you were Robin. I’d like to get to know you, properly this time.” Dick said, carefully reaching forward and curling his one non-bandaged finger on his right hand, his pinkie, around Jason’s. 

Jason’s heart skipped a beat. This wasn’t like it was in his romance books, there’d been no big declarations, but he thought it might just be the step towards something , something better. “Chilli dogs sound good.”

Dick gave him the smile that made him fall in love with him in the first place.