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Chapter Text

Aoyama sat at their usual table, with Shirosaki sitting across from him and Momose and Kinjou by their sides, as usual. They were having their usual drinks and ordered their usual food, as usual. It was just an evening of drinking after work, as usual.

And yet, there was something unusual about Shirosaki approaching him first thing in the morning about a social affair like this.

“I have something I wish to share with you, chief. Would you like to go for drinks later?”

What could that possibly mean, Aoyama wondered as he slowly drank his beer and half listened to whatever anime plot Kinjou was describing at the moment. Was Shirosaki quitting? It wouldn’t be the first time someone tried to poach him from Minette, but their efforts were all in vain before, so it’d be surprising for him to change jobs now after all this time. But that was just about the only thing Aoyama could think of that would be so special as to warrant its own announcement ahead of time. So if not that … what else? And given that Momose and Kinjou had joined them, were they part of it? Or did they already know what this was all about? And was Shirosaki going to say anything now that he’d finished his second beer, or-

“Chief.”

“Y-Yes? Yup, present and here! Shirosaki-kun, do I finally get to learn what’s bothering you?”

“Hm? Nothing is bothering me,” Shirosaki shrugged, putting down the empty glass and wiping the beer foam from his lips.

“Ah, I thought you had some kind of problem that you wanted to talk to me about …”

“I see. I apologize for not communicating clearly,” Shirosaki bowed his head, almost hitting the glass with his forehead before Momose managed to push it out of the way at the last second. “But the fact of the matter is … chief, you are a very treasured friend to me. I could have never succeeded without your careful guidance and mentorship.”

“Ah, haha, why thank you, the feeling is mutual, Shirosaki-kun. You bring so much to our department, I’d beg you not to leave us even if I didn’t enjoy your company! But of course I do, we’ve been such great friends for a long time and you’ve come a long way since joining us.”

“I really think I have, yes,” Shirosaki agreed. “And that is why I would like to continue sharing my progress with you, even if only as a friend.”

“... only as a friend?”

“Yes. Not as my boss this time.”

“Oh … not as your boss, okay, I … I understand, okay, of course, I mean … it’s a little bit unexpected, but sure … I’m all ears for you, just as a friend.”

“Thank you. And Kinjou-kun-”

“Don’t worry, boss! My lips are sealed! No one at work is hearing a peep out of me about any of this!”

So it was what Aoyama had feared after all … bummer. Well, they had a lot of other reliable employees, Momose and Kinjou being especially exceptional recruits, but still … Shirosaki had been with him for a long time.

Lots of things have changed since, and Aoyama already felt somewhat disconnected from reality as it was now. Shirosaki quitting would undoubtedly only make that feeling even worse.

“Chief, Momose and I-”

What? Both of them were quitting!?

“-have recently become a couple.”

“Eh? Sorry, Shirosaki-kun, I didn’t quite catch that, what did you say?”

“Momose and I have recently become a couple,” Shirosaki repeated, placing his hand over Momose’s on the table. “He has moved in with me, and we will live together as partners.”

“Oh …”

“We promise we’ll do our best so it doesn’t affect our work!” Momose chimed in. “I’d like to keep working with Shirosaki-san.”

“And I’d like to keep working with Momose,” Shirosaki nodded. “So we would appreciate it if, at least for now, you could keep this a secret at work?”

“Oh …”

“If it becomes a distraction, as his supervisor, I promise that I will take responsibility and ask to be reassigned to another department. But until then, I would be really happy to continue working beside the man I love.”

“Oh …”

“If it’s alright with you, of course.”

“Oh … ah, right … yes, I mean … as long as you do your job, I don’t think anyone would mind, but I understand it can be a bit … I mean, within the same office, that’s … uh, unexpected, at least. I had no idea you were, I mean … didn’t you both have girlfriends before?” Aoyama nervously blurted out, not knowing what the proper response would even be in this kinda situation.

“Right,” Shirosaki nodded, looking at Momose as if that had only now occurred to him. “I suppose we are also sharing that we both like men … even though we didn’t notice it before.”

“Yup, sometimes you just gotta meet that one person, right?” Kinjou smiled. “Like, the one that makes you realize you’re totally into them no matter what they are! Just cause they’re so cute, haha …”

What was Kinjou even talking about … was this one of his youthful musings again?

“Yes, I completely understand,” Shirosaki nodded, holding Momose’s hand tighter. “It has never occurred to me to look for a man when dating … but with Momose, I just knew … him being a man did not get in the way of my feelings at all. It was quite surprising, actually.”

“For me too!” Momose chuckled, leaning his head on Shirosaki’s shoulder. “I’d be with Shirosaki-san even if he was an alien!”

The three of them laughed together.

But it was Aoyama who found himself abandoned on the sidelines, feeling like the real alien in that situation.

Well, not that it was completely alien to him. Loving someone, that is. He knew what that was like. Or rather, he remembered. And those memories felt suffocating … precisely because they were memories.

Hearing people’s chatter about their partners at the office was already painful enough. As happy as he was for Shirosaki and Momose, he couldn’t really imagine how he’d deal with his own loneliness in the face of something so intense from now on.

Momose’s head no longer rested on Shirosaki’s shoulder … he must have cleared his mind a bit and pulled away while Aoyama was distracted with his thoughts. But they were still holding hands on full display, Shirosaki’s thumb gently caressing the back of Momose’s palm and Momose’s fingers reaching up to try and catch more of him.

It made Aoyama feel sick to his stomach.

How ugly of him … to be so disgustingly jealous of someone else’s love.

Someone else’s attention.

Because of course it was for someone else.

No one would ever spare something so sweet and tender for him.

Luckily, Kinjou did most of the talking for the rest of the night, and Aoyama did his best to listen in. Apparently this has been a thing for a while … Kinjou even claimed to have noticed it before they did … must be nice … being young and still looking at love as something more than just a ghost that haunts you.

Well, it wasn’t really about youth anyway, was it? Not the one that separated them in their ages, at least. People much older than himself still found love, so that wasn’t really the issue … it was just an excuse. But still … the chill creeping in so slowly that he didn’t even notice … the growing distance that seemed so apparent now and yet at the time, he was completely oblivious to it … the ‘I’ve fallen in love with someone else’ that still echoed through his memories, tearing them to shreds whenever they came up like this … Aoyama felt that all of it had aged him in some other, hidden way.

It was something even he struggled to properly understand.

Something no one else would ever see anyway.

After all … no one had any interest in him.

And his ex wife was right: it was so lonely, being all by himself in that huge house.

“Must be nice,” he sighed as he stood outside the restaurant, the cold winter air sobering him up a bit and clearing his foggy eyes just enough so that he could wistfully stare after Shirosaki and Momose heading to their home together. “Not having to return to a sad empty house in the evening …”

“You really don’t like that, huh?” Kinjou asked, standing beside him and waving goodbye to their friends.

“Of course not! Kinjou-kun, it’s so horrible, you have no idea, the silence starts to echo after a while, I swear it’s real and I’m not going insane, not one bit, it really does echo!”

“I see … say, chief, have you ever thought about finding some company?”

“It’s useless,” Aoyama immediately rejected the helpful suggestion he’d already heard hundreds of times before. “It’s not like anyone would want to keep a lonely old guy like me company … even if I knew where to look in the first place.”

“Maybe it’s not about looking,” Kinjou shrugged as they headed towards their station in the other direction together. “Sometimes you just stumble onto someone.”

“Stumble?”

“Mhm. You know, like you were stumbling back home after we got drunk at the New Year’s party I dragged you to?”

“I have, uhm, some vague memories of that, yes.”

“But it was fun, wasn’t it?”

“It was.”

“You know, Aoyama-san …”

He left that hanging in the air for a while, making Aoyama wonder if he’d accidentally spaced out and missed the rest of what Kinjou was going to say. He was a bit tipsy, so it wasn’t entirely out of the question.

“... I wouldn’t mind having some more fun with you.”

Nope. Didn’t miss that. Yup, that was loud and clear. Although Kinjou had merely whispered it as they got on their train, it was definitely blaring at maximum volume in Aoyama’s head, bouncing off the walls like a deranged marble and leaving him completely clueless.

That was … that was a somehow unrelated invitation to another party, right?

“Aoyama-san.”

“H-Huh!?”

The evening crowd on the train had squished them into a corner, and Kinjou’s hand was somehow inconspicuously yet firmly resting on the side of his waist.

“My station is way before yours, remember?” Kinjou innocently asked, meeting his eyes.

“A-aha …”

“So if you want me to come home with you, you should let me know soon.”

There was nowhere left for Aoyama to escape - both literally and figuratively. But … he knew about Kinjou, but … did he somehow give him the wrong impression, or-

“Kinjou-kun, when you took me home after that party, did-”

“Oh god no,” Kinjou smiled, shaking his head. “Nothing happened. You were drunk out of your mind, chief,” he leaned closer, whispering into his ear. “I’d never come onto you like that. Actually, if you feel like you’ve drank too much to feel comfortable giving me an answer today, I can ask again some other time.”

“But what are you asking …”

“If you want company.”

“...”

“And someone to spoil you a little, so you don’t have to stare at Shirosaki-san and Momose holding hands like a starved tiger.”

A bit rude to call him out like that … but the alcohol had already gone to his head, and the unexpected but not unwanted attention was getting there too. It was just …

“Kinjou-kun, I’m your boss.”

“Mhm. Not an issue for me!”

“And … and … I don’t have … that kind of experience!”

“Mhm. But I do. And I’d take really good care of you, chief.”

“...”

“If you’d want me to, that is.”

“...”

“Two stations left if you wanna take the offer tonight.”

“...”

“And if you don’t want it at all … ha, please tell me sooner than that, chief. I don’t wanna be a creep or anything.”

Standards sure have changed for the younger generations, because from Aoyama’s perspective, there would be no point trying to get away from such allegations after making that kind of outrageous proposition - to one’s own boss, of all people.

Next station …

Could this train slow down for a damn minute!? He needed time to think … to make sense of all this … to say … no? He wasn’t … well, yes, he was lonely but not that lonely? And with a man even? His subordinate? No, no, absolutely not, this was not appropriate, that would absolutely go under abuse of power or something!

… even if Kinjou-kun was the one who initiated it?

Even if … someone … initiated something … with him?

Alcohol felt like far from the only thing he was drunk on at this point.

Next station …

“Well, that’s it for me then … goodnight, chi-”

Aoyama’s hand moved on its own, grabbing Kinjou’s arm and yanking him back before he’d get lost in the sea of people getting off at his station. He didn’t say anything. Wouldn’t know to say anything. But as the train got emptier and emptier on its way out to the suburbs, Kinjou’s arm slipped further and further around Aoyama’s waist, holding him close without a word.

But there was something in Kinjou’s quiet eyes that made Aoyama feel like he might not regret giving into it completely …

Chapter Text

“Your house really is so nice, chief.”

“Yes …” Aoyama nodded, fumbling with the keys to lock the door behind them.

“You don’t need to be so nervous,” Kinjou chuckled, sneaking up behind Aoyama to take off his jacket. “It’s better if you’re not.”

“Yes … do you want a glass of water?“

“Sure, sounds nice.”

Aoyama took out two glasses from the kitchen cupboard, and poured them as cold as he could. Maybe the chill spilling over the edge and down onto his hand would wake him up and set things straight … what was he doing?

“I think that’s enough, chief,” Kinjou stepped up behind him, turning off the tap and carefully taking the overflowing glass. “Ah … great, just what I needed. Thanks!”

“You’re welcome,” Aoyama mumbled, looking everywhere except at Kinjou as he slowly sipped from his glass.

“The bedroom’s upstairs, I assume?”

“Y-Yes …”

“Let’s go then.”

A hand was reached out to him. One that he didn’t refuse, although he felt like he should. It was a strange feeling … being led around in his own house like a guest.

“Is this really your first time hooking up with someone since your wife left?” Kinjou asked, finding the bedroom and turning on the lights.

“Ever.”

“Hm?”

“I’ve never …”

“Oh. She was your first?”

“... yes.”

“No wonder it was extra hard to lose her,” Kinjou smiled, having well figured out by now that Aoyama really put the ‘hopeless’ in ‘hopeless romantic.’

Perhaps he shouldn’t be doing this with someone like him … he didn’t want to hurt him after all.

Then again … he was only here in the first place because looking at Aoyama suffering with his loneliness was downright unbearable.

“Anyway, doesn't matter if you don’t have experience,” he shrugged, sitting Aoyama on the edge of the bed and emptying the contents of his pockets on the nightstand, to be used later if all went well. “I just have some questions, okay?”

“Okay …”

“One, if anything isn’t how you want it or if you change your mind, you’ll tell me, right?”

“Right …”

“Two, do you want the lights on or off?”

“... off.”

“Got it,” Kinjou turned them off while loosening his tie. “Three, should I use your name?”

“... p-probably … for work, I mean … to separate things.”

“Totally agree,” Kinjou nodded, making his way back to the bed in the dark and sitting next to Aoyama. “So, Mitsuo … do you like to be kissed?”

“... y-yes.”

“Good,” he smiled, leaning closer. “I have to loosen you up somehow … glasses on or off?”

“It’s dark a-anyway … I’ll take them off.”

“Let me.”

Aoyama felt his glasses being gently pulled off, and sat somewhere aside before Kinjou leaned closer again: close enough for Aoyama to feel his breath on his skin, close enough to- ah.

Kinjou’s lips gently brushed against his cheek, moving away and crashing in for another kiss, with an arm around Mitsuo’s shoulders pulling him in.

“I’ll be slow … so you have time to get used to it … and time to say no, Mitsuo.”

“M-Mhm …”

“Do you … like this?”

“I … it’s … I don’t mind,” Aoyama gathered the bare minimum of words while teetering on the edge of hyperventilating.

“It’s okay if you’re not so composed, Mitsuo …”

Another kiss. On his jawline this time. His neck next. Several more, teasing at the collar of his shirt. His tie was being untied … buttons undone … someone … was there with him … someone … oh.

His composure was-

“Mitsuo, can I kiss you here?”

-as good as gone, Aoyama thought as he threw his head back under the gentle nudge of Kinjou’s thumb on his lips.

But Kinjou pulled him back in, wasting no time in smashing their lips together, throwing away at least some of the inhibitions he’d been carefully holding onto for a long time now. He thought this would take longer. Not just getting Aoyama in bed with him, but getting him to relax too, and yet … oh god, this man was wasted on his grief.

Kinjou had never found himself kissed so desperately before. Like awakening an ancient legend from its slumber, Aoyama came to life under his lips and began to seek him out, reaching for more, his tongue tied with Kinjou’s as they both forgot what it meant to breathe. Kinjou could feel his chest practically shaking with need and excitement, and he hadn’t even fully taken off Aoyama’s shirt yet. Fuck, he was so right in thinking he’d be a good time.

He was just … so handsome, and attentive, and a little bit needy which Kinjou especially liked, secretly hoping that side of Aoyama would be even more prominent in bed, and oh how right he was about that too. Aoyama was insatiable, letting Kinjou undress them both and busying himself completely with their kiss, even after Kinjou gently nudged his back onto the bed.

This guy … going on and on about how no one wants him … what a joke, Kinjou thought, straddling Aoyama’s body underneath him and cupping his face for another kiss. He knew at least a dozen people who’d clamor over each other for the privilege of being kissed like this! And all of this had been reserved for one woman who didn’t even want him anymore this whole time!? Insanity, total and complete insanity … Aoyama could have lovers in droves if he just reached out to them! He was so … intensely enjoyable, Kinjou thought as he stared into his eyes and kissed his forehead before returning to the lips that already felt like home.

They 100% needed to have a conversation about this tomorrow. Kinjou had to set him straight on the absolutely crazy appeal he was apparently keeping under wraps, because like this, there really was no reason for him to be lonely, and Aoyama needed to know that. The fun he could have with a whole house at his disposal, and no noisy neighbors? Off the charts! Even as just a hookup, he was a catch and a half. And if he wanted a relationship, something like finding him a new wife shouldn’t be an issue at all! Geez, seriously … what was up with this stud just moping in a corner all alone!? Why was he hiding himself away?

Well, it didn’t matter right now.

Right now, Kinjou was the one who took the risk of poking the bee’s nest, and this sweet honey was his reward to have. He’d lure as many kisses out of Aoyama tonight as he could get, because holy shit, they were mindblowing. He was totally underprepared for what he’d gotten himself into! Was this how years of pent up yearning felt like? Well, who cares … Kinjou was down for the ride one way or another. And Aoyama seemed to be too …

“Mitsuo … hey, slow down there …” he chuckled, having to physically stop Aoyama from kissing him again. “Needy, are we?”

“...”

“I meant it as a compliment, Mitsuo,” he leaned down for another kiss anyway, just to prevent Aoyama retreating back into his shell if his avoidant gaze was anything to go by. “You’re amazing, you know?”

“... r-really?”

“Mhm. I’ve been really enjoying this.”

“Oh …”

“Have you?”

… had he been enjoying it?

Was he even aware of what was happening?

Aoyama couldn’t remember. He just … didn’t say no, and then … Kinjou’s lips, they … his hands, they were all over him … they kissed … he felt so … wanted.

He was trying to hold onto that desire.

He didn’t manage to feel anything past it.

“I don’t hate it. I don’t want you to stop … Aigo.”

“So cute … unbelievable,” Kinjou kissed him again, savoring the sound of his name on Aoyama’s lips. “Say it more.”

“Aigo …”

“More …”

“Aigo …”

“So perfect … Mitsuo, I wanna hear that many more times tonight, ‘kay? Make sure you let me hear it.”

“M-Mhm.”

“You’re such a good boy,” Kinjou laughed, nuzzling into Aoyama’s neck and leaving a trail of kisses as he moved down. “I like that. Be good for me, alright? Tell me if it’s good … if it hurts … if you want me to stop …”

“No …”

“Oh, and one last thing,” Kinjou barely remembered, one of his hands feeling around the nightstand while the other explored Aoyama’s chest. “After we’re done, do you want me to go home or should I stay?”

“... s-stay?”

“It means you fall asleep in my arms, and we get to kiss a little more tomorrow. Would you like that, Mitsuo?”

“Y-Yeah … I would!”

“Good. Then let me show you lots more stuff you’ll like before that …”

It’s been a while since Kinjou had hooked up with someone from the same office. Last time it was quite a nuisance to navigate, even though he quit shortly after anyway. But this time, there was no way in hell he was leaving Minette, so … risky? Quite a bit, actually. Was he playing with fire? Kinda. But damn, it burned so good you really couldn’t blame him for being lured in. Who cares if it’s a nuisance! He’ll manage … god, he’ll put in extra hours and overtime if it means compensating for whatever awkwardness this might end up causing.

Because if he does his best in Aoyama’s bed now … and continues doing his best in the office tomorrow … who knows, maybe it could land him back in Aoyama’s bed again?

“Aigo …”

Not that he’d complain.

“... Aigo …”

This voice calling his name … this warmth enveloping him … this fire burning within him that seemed to have engulfed them both …

“... Aigo!”

No doubt about it - this was pure bliss, and probably as close to heaven as Kinjou was ever gonna get.

Chapter Text

Kinjou woke up, frowning for a moment because his chest felt like that time in uni when he passed out on his way home from the club and accidentally fell asleep on the stairs to his dorm room. But the uneven surface underneath him this time was just … Aoyama.

Right, that happened.

He got totally spurred on by Momose and Shirosaki, and thought he’d give it a shot. Especially when the chief looked so jealous … Kinjou didn’t, uh … accidentally exploit his emotional vulnerability, did he? He hoped not … because last night was really …

“Fucking incredible,” he mumbled to himself as he rolled off to the side, resting his head on the pillow that Aoyama wasn’t using. He felt way too exhausted for a Tuesday morning … couldn’t even remember the last time someone pushed him to the point of just collapsing and falling asleep on top of them. But it was good … he had no complaints. It was a one in a million shot, he’d spend the rest of his life regretting it if he hadn’t given it all he’s got.

“Aigo …”

“Mitsuo?”

“... more …”

“Sleep talking, huh? Cute,” Kinjou chuckled, pulling the sleeping chief into his arms. “You’re even needy when you’re asleep, it’s like you were made for me …”

It’s how most of his relationships were - the ones that made it past just being flings anyway. A burst of excitement and fun when everything was new, and then the inevitable fallout when he was still so into them and they just … weren’t anymore.

Well, maybe ‘fallout’ was putting it too harshly. He was still on good terms with most of his exes, even friendly with some of them. He was just a bit too much, and overwhelming, and intense, and they weren’t a good fit. The splits were usually amicable and respectful, albeit a bit sad.

Back in highschool, his friends would cheer him up by saying those people just didn’t love him, or weren’t ready for something serious, and it did make Kinjou feel a bit better to think of it like that, but … it hasn’t been that useful of a coping mechanism lately. After all, some of those same friends were already getting married or at least moving in together … as were some of his exes … so clearly people were ready for serious things, and they could love someone.

It just wasn’t him.

Sometimes, he wondered if getting caught up in mornings like this was part of the problem, but then again … he did make it abundantly clear to everyone he dated that casual sex was one thing, and falling in love with them was another, and that his feelings were true and he only wanted them and of course he wouldn’t go looking for anyone else. And no one seemed to have a problem with it either, at least they didn’t say so. It was always just …

“You send so many messages, Kinjou-kun … it’s a bit … you know?”

“Don’t just call me everyday to say good morning, dude. That’s way too serious.”

“This, you know … seeing each other all the time and all these dates … I think I’d like something slower, I’m sorry.”

He’d hate to admit it, but maybe that was part of why the chief caught his eye in the first place. Because Kinjou was lonely too … just in this other, incomprehensible way.

He didn’t mind mornings like this. They felt great. They satisfied … something. Some craving deep within him to be with others … but at the same time, it only ever really scratched the surface.

Unbeknownst to Aoyama, Kinjou was jealous of Momose and Shirosaki too. Not the touch - that was banal and mundane to Kinjou at the best of times. The sparks between them, on the other hand … a shared apartment to return to … someone to call a partner … god, Kinjou envied them so much.

And it wasn’t even fair. He’d been reading up on love and infatuation a lot in the past few years, and while the books didn’t really seem to agree on the details, there appeared to at least be some consensus that a few months or years into a relationship, things would fizzle out and calm down. Surely Kinjou wasn’t broken or anything … so that would apply to him too, right? But no one had even given him a chance for a few months … much less years. So how was he supposed to cool off and be normal? He was just infatuated … in love … over and over again … and it always seemed hopeless each time.

“Hopeless, huh …” he mumbled, brushing away Aoyama’s hair so that he could kiss his forehead. “I guess that makes two of us. Ah, but you’ve got it way worse than me, Mitsuo … we’re gonna talk about that, you know?”

“Mmm …”

“Gonna fix you up nice and proper so you’re not gonna be staring at other people’s boyfriends anymore when you could so easily have your own,” he chuckled, giving him even more kisses.

Aoyama stirred in his arms … reaching out … grabbing onto Kinjou’s back … entangling their legs together and nuzzling into his chest like a puppy seeing its owner again for the first time in months.

Something stirred in Kinjou’s heart too as he stared at the breathtaking sight.

Which would be an issue if it kept happening, because Aoyama was his direct supervisor, and his boss, and clearly still not over his ex wife in some complicated way that Kinjou didn’t wanna pry into, so … uhm, yeah. That was more trouble than Kinjou was usually in for with his relationships, and even those had never worked out, so whatever this feeling was … he made sure to quickly stomp it back down where it belonged.

“... Aigo?”

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

“...”

“It’s fine if you wanna sleep some more. I assume you have an alarm set, right?”

“... about last night …”

“Yeah? What about it?” Kinjou asked, cupping Aoyama’s face with one hand while gently stroking his back with the other.

“I … I …”

He was a fumbling mess … still holding on to Kinjou … so cute.

Before Kinjou realized, he already pushed Aoyama on his back and kissed him again, finding himself pulled closer and … ah, no, no, no, they didn’t have time for this … oh …

“I take it you had fun?” He whispered just millimeters away from Aoyama’s lips.

“... Aigo, I … I don’t know what to feel.”

“If you haven’t been with anyone for that long, I get it … I’d be overwhelmed too. But you seemed totally into it last night.”

“... I was.”

“Were you?”

“I was,” Aoyama sighed, bringing their lips together for another kiss.

He was so, so into it … and between the fear and the guilt washing over him, he didn’t know what to make of it. How was he supposed to feel? How did this used to feel? Was sex with his ex wife even comparable to a one night stand with a coworker? Probably not, so it made no sense to compare the two … but then why did he feel so guilty … he’d been divorced for years … it’s not like his wife was gonna come back … it’s not like he’d been … waiting.

“Mitsuo … do you need a minute?” Kinjou asked, pulling away from the kiss and wiping away the tear spilling down the side of Aoyama’s face.

“Y-Yes …”

“Okay,” he nodded, placing the last goodbye kiss on his forehead before gently patting his head and climbing out of bed. “I’ll find the bathroom on my own, got a toothbrush I can steal?”

“... left … second drawer,” Aoyama mumbled, closing his eyes as the sound of Kinjou’s footsteps faded away into the hallway.

It was cold … lying bare and vulnerable like this. He didn’t feel it when he was still in Kinjou’s arms, but now that he was left alone … yeah, it was incredibly cold. More so than usual even.

Kinjou’s footsteps stopped, and Aoyama could hear the bathroom door closing, and the muffled sound of drawers opening, and the shower running.

His quiet house was suddenly full of sounds.

Full of someone else.

Kinjou’s presence echoed all around Aoyama, and within him too … literally. He slowly sat up, the memories of last night reverberating through his muscles more than he would have wished to be reminded of them. It wasn’t Kinjou’s fault though. He was so … gentle, and calm, and tender. Not at all what Aoyama would have imagined … if he were the type to imagine in the first place. Evidently, he was not. And probably for good reason.

What was he supposed to make of this now?

“Chief, the bathroom’s free.”

“... oh. Thanks,” he mumbled, opening his eyes to see Kinjou standing at the door fully dressed.

“What do you usually eat for breakfast?”

“Eggs …”

“Gotcha. Do you trust me with your kitchen?”

“I guess …”

“Cool! I’ll make something then.”

He disappeared from view again. More footsteps. More drawers opening. The faint click of the stove turning on. An egg shell being cracked, repeatedly.

In the kitchen, but within Aoyama too.

Something cracked.

Repeatedly.

His alarm finally went off when he was on his way to the bathroom, so he stumbled back just to turn it off and grab the clothes he’d forgotten the first time he dragged his feet out of bed. He hoped a quick shower would clear his mind, but it just made him feel even more numb. As did the omelet Kinjou made for him, chatting on about their upcoming work day while they both ate breakfast, sitting across the table from each other.

Perhaps this really was … nothing of note.

Perhaps it made sense to feel like nothing after something like this.

Contrary to the deafening sounds in the house, their walk to the station was silent. The train ride to work passed without a word … sans for Kinjou’s quiet sigh as they got off at their station.

“Chief … I’m sorry for coming onto you in that kinda state last night. I shouldn’t have.”

Aoyama nodded without saying anything, not really knowing what it was that he was agreeing with, or admitting to.

The rest of their workday seemed almost normal.

Perhaps this really was nothing.

Chapter Text

“Tuesdays, huh …” Kinjou mumbled as he flopped back-first onto his bed, leaving his shoes in disarray by the door and his briefcase somewhere on the floor.

Work was fine. Not the best, not the worst, just … fine. Mundane even. Chief was a bit quieter than usual, but … well, it wasn’t something that anyone else would notice, but Kinjou - being the reason for it - did notice.

He apologized for what transpired between him and Aoyama as he felt he should, but it’s not like an apology could actually take back the sex they had last night. Especially not when Aoyama didn’t even say anything in response, he just nodded. What was that supposed to mean? An acknowledgement? An agreement? A confession? A condemnation of Kinjou’s actions? If it were a little bit of everything, he probably deserved it, Kinjou figured.

And yet.

And yet.

The hesitation of this morning didn’t match the desperation of last night. It just didn’t make sense. It wasn’t the first time Kinjou had seen someone reconsider things the next day, but a complete dissociation like this was new to him. Last night was … something, for sure. Not that he was in the business of ranking his encounters, that felt kinda objectifying and crass, but just based on the vibe of the moment … Kinjou hadn’t felt so welcome in a long time.

Sure, it could have been because he’d been eyeing the chief for a long time - almost as long as he’d been working at Minette. And sure, it could have been because the chief was just so unabashedly his type. And sure, it could have been because Kinjou was more into him than he’d care to admit. But the sex was still a two person affair, damn it! It couldn’t have just been him. He wasn’t alone in that bed - it was both of them! And it was … perfect.

Right. They never got to have a proper talk afterwards either, even though Kinjou felt it was definitely warranted. But with how things played out, should he actually go there? Or was it better to let sleeping dogs lie? It’d be more convenient that way. Less messy. But admittedly, it would have also been more convenient and less messy if he hadn’t hooked up with his boss in the first place. And his own lust aside, it wasn’t an entirely self-centered act. He really did want to spoil Aoyama, and cherish him a little, and give him some of that affection he seemed to be yearning for so badly.

Saying what needed to be said was just the fair conclusion, wasn’t it?

“Shouldn’t do the fucking if I can’t do the talking,” he chuckled quietly, the self-deprecating humor giving him the push he needed to get out his phone and do what he at least thought would be the right thing. It was kinda late for a call, but a message should be fine, so … agh, but it’d probably have to be one of those long ass texts with paragraphs and minimal emojis instead of several messages one after the other with stickers in between. Yuck … serious communication and this medium really didn’t mesh well with Kinjou. But the only other option would be a letter, and come on … delivering a letter with personal reflections on the encounter to a guy you’ve hooked up with once? Talk about overbearing.

“Ideas like this are why we’re single,” he scolded his thoughts, tapping the side of his head as he navigated to his message history with Aoyama.

“Hi, chief. Evening. Imma try to keep this coherent and all, doing my best here I swear. It’s not work related though, so if you don’t feel like it, just peace out here, I guess. No answer required anyway. There’s just some stuff I wanted to say this morning, but then things didn’t really go that way, so … well. I’ll just say my piece here. I think it would be good for you to know.”

Yeah, that looked alright so far, he nodded and struggled to keep his fingers away from the send button as he moved to a new line.

“Again, I apologize for the timing. I realize that if I had asked this some other time, the answer wouldn’t be what it was last night. I didn't mean to take advantage of that. But you talk so often about being unnoticed and alone, I just didn’t feel like I could leave you like that. You know … there’s only so many “I wish someone would look my way” comments that a guy who finds you insanely attractive can take. Last night was … a lil heavy on that, even if nothing much was said.”

Was that important context, or was that flirting? From Kinjou’s perspective, it was hard to tell, but after some consideration, he decided to leave that paragraph as is.

“Anyway. Not that I hadn’t noticed things before, but sleeping with you really opened my eyes to some aspects of you, chief. I worry that a lot of your loneliness is self-inflicted, you know? You poke your nose out all the time with those throwaway comments, but you don’t actually grab anyone and pull them in … like you did with me last night. But that’s what people respond to. That’s how you get someone. The more explicit you are about it the better. You’re a smart and caring guy who pays attention to others, you’re at a good spot in your career, you have a nice house and some killer skills in the kitchen if the bentos I’ve seen at the office are anything to go off of. Plus you’re good looking, and great in bed. You kinda got it all. If you just put yourself out there with confidence, you’d be wanted by people in droves. And I don’t just mean casual guys like me. If that’s what you want, I’m sure there’s someone out there who’d love to build a happy life together in that empty house of yours. If being alone makes you so unhappy, you should be looking for that person, chief.”

Overreaching? Maybe. A little bit. Kinjou still believed all those things were true, of course, and he trusted his judgment when it came to other people, but maybe something like this would be best received from an old friend and not the cocky new hire who hadn’t even been around for a year yet.

But he quickly concluded that the chances of Shirosaki ever telling something like this to the chief were sub zero, in which case … fuck it. Figuratively this time!

“I say all this with good intentions, as … I don’t know, as someone who thinks you’re a great guy who deserves his happy ever after, I guess. And also as a diligent employee who likes it better when his boss is in a good mood :) Because that’s what things are at the end of the day. Thank you for last night, Aoyama-san. It’s been something I’ve fantasized about for a long time now, and it made me really happy. The sex was incredible … I just wish the circumstances were better. I’ll keep doing my best at work as usual. Today, it felt like you were kinda uncomfortable around me, so I’ll make sure to keep some distance too. But I hope that comes to pass, because I really do love working with you. You’re a great boss. See you tomorrow.”

He read the last part over and over again, grappling with the vulnerability and satisfaction of telling Aoyama that he’d specifically been wanting this for a long time … or leaving that part out. It felt good to write. He liked how it sounded in his head. And it might matter to Aoyama to know that this wasn’t just … totally random and Kinjou wouldn’t have been equally happy with just anyone.

But on the other hand, it was also pretty damn self-serving. The kinda thing he’d throw out to woo a friend with benefits, not a guy whose bedroom he wasn’t ever gonna see again. And from the perspective of a boss who had a one-off thing with one of his employees … yeah, hearing you’ve been fantasized about would probably not be too appealing. It would rightfully make Aoyama question whether Kinjou still had those fantasies even now, and … well … not that the thirst hadn’t been thoroughly quenched last night, but in a way, it also made his appetite grow.

If Aoyama wanted to meet up again, Kinjou would be fucking ecstatic in more ways than one.

But that clearly wasn’t on the table, so … yeah. That bit had no place in what he wanted to say, so Kinjou went back and deleted that sentence. The rest of it seemed alright though, or at least as alright as he’d be able to make it tonight.

He pressed send and turned his phone to silent before aimlessly wandering off to heat a cup of noodles, get the bath going and find himself some much needed fresh underwear. What a day, really …

Chapter Text

Aoyama woke up on Wednesday morning to two messages: one from Shirosaki with a picture of Hakuto, and the other … from Kinjou.

“Hi, chief. Evening. Imma try to keep …”

Keep what? His job? It’s not like it was in danger or anything. But if it wasn’t that, then … well, he didn’t need to wonder. The answers were right there, one tap of the screen away. But in a way, he didn’t actually feel like knowing what Kinjou could possibly have to say to him after what they did. Especially when Kinjou’s messages usually started with a sticker, not text. So this was irregular to say the least.

And Aoyama didn’t feel like he could handle any more irregularities right now.

So he didn’t open the message before getting ready in the morning. Didn’t open it on the train to work. Didn’t open it on his lunch break either. Kinjou seemed just as normal as yesterday … Aoyama did his best to mimic him, and ignore the rest. He didn’t say anything about the message, so it wasn’t work related, and probably not important either. But even if it was important …

Aoyama didn’t feel like he could handle any more important things right now either.

Not that he was handling anything important to begin with. Not that there was anything important left to handle. He’d been divorced for years. His wife’s voice and laughter greeting him each day as he returned from work were merely memories. Figments of his imagination. Companions of the mind that he had held onto in absence of anything else he could put in the space she used to occupy.

Those were important things, sure. But they were also things of the past. So why … why, for the second day in the row, had he returned from work and found himself sobbing over decaf coffee, not feeling like he could get down a proper meal because he was full up to the back of his throat with disgust and failure?

He hadn’t been waiting.

But maybe he was.

He woke up on Thursday morning to one unread message, and zero new ones.

“Hi, chief. Evening. Imma try to keep …”

Keep what? Haunting him? If that was the case, he was definitely succeeding. Something was, at least … something that had taken hold of Aoyama’s heart, and was now raging at the prospect of … being pushed out?

It wasn’t comparable. Having sex with a man or a woman … hooking up with a coworker or making love to his wife … it wasn’t comparable. Nothing was threatening his memories. This didn’t have anything to do with the pictures he’d saved in his mind as precious little keepsakes to tide him over after a rough day. Although admittedly …

A guy who drunkenly hooked up with a coworker probably wouldn’t be coming home to a loving wife. Was that what people called a lapse of judgment? Was that how cheating happened? No, wait, he was divorced - it wasn’t cheating.

And yet, it felt like it. For the third day in a row, he came home and cried because the warm memories he’d spent such a long time protecting were not coming to him so easily all of a sudden. A wife saying welcome home and coming to see him at the door … it didn’t feel like that belonged to a guy like him anymore. And yes, of course it didn’t! Because he was fucking divorced, for fuck’s sake!

He hadn’t been waiting.

But he was.

Keeping everything the same … filling the house with insignificant stuff that could be shoved off the shelf at a moment’s notice … keeping himself the same … just like he was when she left … not because he really thought she’d come back, but because … that was the last point in time when he could remember having someone. And he’d been waiting for something to unfreeze time so that he could continue living like that.

But he was just an emotional mess with hangups about his sex life sobbing in an empty house full of an unreasonable amount of plush animals. This wasn’t the guy love would randomly come back to … hell, it wasn’t even the guy his wife left anymore.

He’d drifted quite a long way away from that, and he hadn’t even noticed.

But it was finally staring him in the face now, because hooking up with someone and living as if not having a wife was just a small quip in the fabric of the universe that would be fixed eventually if he just doesn’t pay it any mind … yeah, those two definitely didn’t go together. So that’s what they call cognitive dissonance, huh? Well, as ugly as it looked right now, at least the answer was simple: because one of those things was a somewhat unintentional figment of his imagination, and the other was reality.

He wasn’t married anymore. He was all alone in this house, at least in part because it made holding onto the memories of being married easier. And he held onto those memories because they were better than nothing at least. But what happened with him and Kinjou wasn’t nothing. And between remembering a wife who left him and a guy who kissed him first thing in the morning just days ago … would it really be such an unspeakable sin to choose the latter?

Huh. Maybe that’s what he was afraid of? Choosing something else for the first time … because it meant saying goodbye for good, didn’t it? But really, he should’ve done that a long time ago.

It didn’t seem like a good idea, or even something he should be doing at all. But he wiped away his tears and ordered some actual food from a delivery app anyway. And then he dug through the drawers to find the photos he had left of him and his ex wife. With nothing better on hand, he dumped them all into a baking tray atop the kitchen counter. And disabled the smoke alarm. And found an old box of matches. And closed the door. And watched the best years of his life turn to ash.

There were probably people out there who could keep these memories in a way that wasn’t increasingly detrimental over time - but as the smoke began to rise up and irritate his eyes, Aoyama finally felt comfortable in admitting that he really wasn’t one of those people. And the memories he’d been holding onto in his mind already looked like dust being blown away in the wind anyway, so who knows … maybe it’ll be easier if the rest follow suit.

Single guys don’t have drawers full of photos of their wife. This felt more accurate to what his life was now, but also … he worried he was experiencing an outlier-esque moment of clarity and determination, and he didn’t want to find himself clutching those same photographs to his heart in a futile attempt to bring the memories back tomorrow.

This was a bit much, but it was for the best. If drastic measures were ever necessary, he was certainly one of those cases.

After the fire burned out, he ran the miserable scraps of paper under some cold water before throwing them into the trash and leaving the baking tray in the sink. That thing would need a good scrubbing some other time when he felt like it, or it’d be a complete write-off … oh well, it was a price he was willing to pay. He opened the window to get the smoke out and turned the fire alarm back on once the coast was clear. His phone pinged, displaying one new message from the person bringing him his first proper meal in three days … and one unread message from Kinjou.

He sat in the corner of his couch with a box of noodles in his lap, and finally opened the message he’d been avoiding this whole time.

“Hi, chief. Evening. Imma try to keep this coherent and all … No answer required anyway. … I think it would be good for you to know.”

How casual of him … Kinjou really was something else.

”I didn't mean to take advantage of that.“

… was that the impression Aoyama had given him? He sure hoped not. He felt a lot of things after hooking up with Kinjou, but taken advantage of was not one of them.

“There’s only so many “I wish someone would look my way” comments that a guy who finds you insanely attractive can take.”

That felt so incredibly inappropriate to read from someone he wasn’t in a relationship with. But at the same time … really? Kinjou found him attractive? Attractive, as in … wanting to have sex with? Wait, so was that … on purpose? He thought it was just something that happened by accident. But did this mean Kinjou would actually … choose him to sleep with? On purpose?

The thought felt sweetly melancholic, and it made him wish he could go back to when they were together so that he could relive it all with the fantasy that he was chosen.

“I worry that a lot of your loneliness is self-inflicted, you know?”

The one good thing about personal delusions was supposed to be that they were private. Aoyama didn’t know what to make of having his faults spelled out like that: in a way, this felt more vulnerable than lying naked under Kinjou’s body. He had only truly faced this music today … how long had Kinjou been aware of it!?

“I’m sure there’s someone out there who’d love to build a happy life together in that empty house of yours.”

He laughed, slurping back the noodles together with the smell of burnt paper that still permeated the air. The way he felt right now … he could almost believe it. If he’s not keeping this place and himself off limits for the sake of preserving the last point in time when love still made sense to him … yeah, maybe. Maybe someone could be here again one day.

“Thank you for last night, Aoyama-san.  The sex was incredible … I just wish the circumstances were better.”

For some reason, he kept reading that part over and over again. It felt kinda grounding, because after long paragraphs of serious writing and perfect grammar he wouldn’t usually associate with Kinjou, he could spot an extra space between the two sentences here, giving him at least some reassurance that this was really Kinjou’s writing, and not something he’d hallucinated to flatter his own ego. Because damn, did it flatter.

Would it be presumptuous or improper for a guy his age to care about being good in bed? Not that he didn’t care about all the other compliments Kinjou had written down - if anything, seeing himself described as caring mattered a lot more to him even. But calling the sex incredible wasn’t an insignificant compliment either, because that was really … all there was? Or rather, the extent of their relationship?

Not that there weren’t other things. They were coworkers. Friends of sorts. But hooking up was the most vulnerable thing they’d done … the most intimate thing … the most outlandish thing.

Aoyama struggled with memories. Not just of his ex wife, but of his night with Kinjou too. It was all a blur somehow, and it felt as if his true feelings in the moment had since been washed out and belittled in hindsight. He didn’t expect to feel so good. He didn’t expect to feel wanted. He didn’t expect to want in return. And when it happened anyway, he simply didn’t allow himself to hold onto any of those things. But from the little that he could recall …

It was incredible. And he wished the circumstances were better too.

Chapter Text

“Overtime, huh?” Kinjou smiled, holding the elevator door for Aoyama. Were they the last ones left in the office? It sure looked like it.

“... yeah.”

“On Friday evening even, huh …”

“... yeah,” Aoyama nodded as the doors closed, and the elevator began to move down.

Kinjou wasn’t sure what to make of the silence. He still hadn’t gotten a reply to his message, and he didn’t check if the chief had even read it in the first place, so for all he knew-

“I didn’t feel taken advantage of.”

“Hu- oh? Oh …” Kinjou mumbled, totally caught off guard. That was the first bit of casual conversation Aoyama had graced him with since they left his house on Tuesday morning.

“I should’ve clarified that sooner. I’m sorry if it caused any trouble for you.”

“Eh … not really. It’s fine. I was kinda worried, just … you know,” he laughed nervously. “Didn’t know what to make of you going all silent like that.”

“I understand. To be perfectly honest …”

Uh oh. Kinjou wasn’t quite sure if he was ready for something ‘perfectly honest’ from Aoyama about their one night stand. Whatever was waiting on the other end of this deep sigh was probably-

“Part of me has been holding onto the memory of being married this whole time. Waking up after having sex with you felt like throwing my marriage away.”

“Ooof … holy shit,” Kinjou blurted out. “I mean, uh … ha, I’ve had my fair share of negative feedback and all that but damn, that’s a little … intense.”

“It’s not negative feedback,” Aoyama quietly added as the elevator doors opened again on the ground floor. “I’m glad it happened.”

“... you’re glad we hooked up?”

“If that’s what it took for me to finally let go … yes, I am.”

“Cool. Guess I’ll start marketing myself with therapeutic side effects!”

“Marketing?”

“It’s a joke, chief.”

“Oh.”

“I’d never put something like that on my dating profile, that sounds mega pretentious even for me.”

It was a relief to laugh together again. And at least they took the same train home, so they didn’t need to say goodbye just yet …

“Kinjou-kun, wanna grab a drink?”

“Eh? Sure. Same place as always?”

“Yeah, why not?”

Huh. Things really were back to normal, weren’t they? Well, good for them. Kinjou was getting worried, but apparently it was all for nothing. The chief was just going through the motions … and who knows whether it was his improved mental state or the beer Kinjou drank on an empty stomach before realizing he better order some food with that, but … Aoyama was kinda shining tonight.

Stupid attractive idiot, Kinjou thought to himself as he struggled to keep his eyes away from the edges of Aoyama’s collar bones peeking out of his shirt after the chief loosened his tie. Maybe he should have left that bit about fantasizing in his text … at least as a warning … to make it clear to the chief that Kinjou was still very much into him, and if anything the thirst had gotten worse now that he had acquired a taste. Seriously, from one problem to another, eh?

Well, but this was a much better problem than the chief not talking to him, so Kinjou would manage. They didn’t drink much, and the walk to the station cleared his mind a bit, and they were actually early for a Friday evening commute, so the train was pretty empty and there was no excuse to stand super close or anything … except the chief definitely stood super close to him as his station approached!

“Well, that’s it for me. Goodnight, chi-”

“Aigo …”

Damn it. What was the chief doing standing behind him and whispering that out of nowhere!? Kinjou was already daydreaming about turning around and kissing him, he didn’t need the encouragement! “Y-Yeah?” 

“... I think the circumstances are, uhm … better now.”

Good fucking grief. Against his better judgment, Kinjou turned around to look at Aoyama, and not be presumptuous or anything, but those were definitely the eyes of someone wanting to get laid tonight. “Mitsuo … you want me to come home with you?”

“Can we?”

“Yeah, sure. Is there a store near your place though? Because I don’t have anything on me tonight.”

Aoyama stepped back, opening his briefcase. “Will this do?”

Peeking in, Kinjou could see a bottle of lube tucked underneath Aoyama’s laptop next to a box of condoms. Wait … this was … premeditated!? Did the chief go out on his lunch break to buy these!? He intended on hooking up again tonight!? It wasn’t just a spur of the moment thing!? God, if Aoyama keeps getting even more attractive like this, Kinjou will be in so much trouble.

“Yeah,” he nodded, tightly gripping the wall of the train with his free hand because the other alternative was yanking Aoyama in by his tie and kissing him on the spot. This man, seriously …

“I apologize if this is too straightforward. I wouldn’t know how to submit this kinda preposition as eloquently as you did.”

“No worries. Straightforward is good. I’m just … surprised, I guess. I thought that’d be a one time thing, especially after the whole week of silent treatment.”

“To be perfectly honest …”

“Mitsuo, your ‘perfectly honest’ sounds like an elevated heart attack risk today,” Kinjou grinned. “Are you sure this is something someone like me should be hearing in public?”

“... I’ll explain once we’re home then.”

“Probably for the best!”

The rest of the train ride and the walk home from the station passed by in the blink of an eye. And if Kinjou had expedited it by getting a little handsy with Aoyama when no one was looking, who could blame him? Not like it wasn’t reciprocated - by the time Aoyama managed to lock the door, Kinjou already pulled his tie off and was happily being a nuisance between him and the door, raining kisses on the collar bones that had been tempting him the whole evening.

“Aigo …”

“You’re so pretty,” Kinjou mumbled, leaning his back against the door and finally pulling Aoyama into a proper kiss. “So, mister ‘perfectly honest’, what’s it gonna be?”

“To be perfectly honest … I wanted to experience this in a way I could remember.”

“Were you that drunk last time?”

“No … no, I just … erased it,” Aoyama quietly confessed.

“You erased it?” Kinjou chuckled, holding Aoyama’s chin. “After I tried so hard to make you feel good?”

“I’m sorry …”

“It’s okay, Mitsuo,” he smiled, bringing their lips together again. “Should I leave you with something you can’t erase this time?”

“Y-Yes.”

He laughed again, dipping beneath Aoyama’s collar and gently sinking his teeth into his neck. He felt the impact of Aoyama’s hand gripping the door behind him, soon slipping into Kinjou’s hair and pulling him closer.

“There,” he nudged Aoyama away, unbuttoning his shirt further to showcase his work. “That’s gonna be ghastly purple for a few days at least.”

“... c-can you … again …”

“You liked it?”

“Yes.”

“Ha … cute. Mitsuo, wanna make out in the hallway for a bit?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” Kinjou sighed, slowly pushing Aoyama’s coat off his shoulders and diving back in as he finished unbuttoning his shirt.

Aoyama was a complete mess between mumbling something incoherent, holding Kinjou closer, pushing him away so he could kiss him and undressing him between kisses. The neediness was palpable in the air, and Kinjou was ready to completely drown in it.

“Mitsuo.”

“Mhm …”

“Bedroom. Let’s go.”

“Mhm ...”

Grabbing Aoyama with one hand and picking up his briefcase with the other, Kinjou dragged both upstairs and deposited them on the bed, kissing Aoyama again before taking the time to move his laptop and work documents to a safe place, keeping just what they actually needed.

“I still can’t believe you planned this.”

“Me neither …”

“Right size and all, how did you even manage that?”

“... saw the wrapper in the trash from last time.”

“Ha … haha … oh, Mitsuo … you are attentive beyond belief,” Kinjou laughed, undoing his belt as they kissed.

“You too.”

“Hm?”

“Your message …” Aoyama sighed, leaning back onto the bed. “If you’re gonna dig through my mind like that, then I … I also won’t … have qualms about looking through the thrash to make things happen. Or is that, like … bad?”

“I think the determination is sexy as fuck,” Kinjou shrugged, nuzzling closer to leave more marks that no silly existential crisis stood the chance of erasing. “Ah, but if we’re being straightforward, I gotta ask - Mitsuo, what exactly did you smoke to have this breakthrough?”

“Smoke?”

“Yeah. The hallway reeks of something, what is that?”

“Oh. Smoke.”

“Yeah,” Kinjou sat above him, tracing his work with his thumb. “I’m asking what.”

“Literal smoke,” Aoyama tried to explain. “I burned all the photos of my ex wife.”

“You … what?”

“Baking tray … dumped them in … burned everything.”

Yup. This guy was one hundred percent still not over his ex wife in some complicated and pyromanic way. What a combo, really … actually, should Kinjou be worried? Burning pictures of an ex sounded kinda like red flag behavior. Then again, knowing what he knew … maybe in this case it was fine.

Kinda hot even.

“You burned everything?”

“Yes. I don’t want … her here anymore. She chose to leave this house … I shouldn’t be … keeping her …”

“Good point, actually,” Kinjou nodded, leaning down for another kiss. “It’s kinda like exorcising a ghost, isn’t it?”

“Mhm.”

“Good … good for you, Mitsuo. Let me help with that … ‘cause it’s not your wife’s name you’ll be screaming tonight, is it?”

“It’s not … Aigo.”

Correction, extremely hot.

Aoyama’s literally burning commitment to enjoy himself with Kinjou in the present was extremely hot. If this was going to become a thing now, they were gonna have to lay down some ground rules or else Kinjou saw a future of trying to muffle Aoyama’s moans behind locked archive room doors at the office if this idiot keeps being so irresistibly attractive without even trying.

Was he getting ahead of himself? Quite possibly. But then again, he got to live out his fantasies twice in the same week now, so he didn’t exactly feel all that beholden to reality anymore anyway.

Chapter Text

It was a comfortable morning this time. Kinjou woke up with his head safely on the pillow, and the blanket was even tucked all the way up to his shoulders. Damn, that was a pretty neat way to fall asleep after-

“Good morning.”

“Huh? Oh … you’re awake,” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he noticed Aoyama lying beside him, flat on the bed and barely covered by the blanket.

“Mhm. I woke up a while ago …”

“And you tucked me in?”

“Mhm.”

“Cute,” Kinjou smiled. “And you? What are you hiding over there for?”

“... can I?”

“‘Course. That’s why I stayed,” Kinjou chuckled, pushing the pillow towards the middle and lifting up the blanket for Aoyama to move closer.

“Thank you.”

To say Kinjou was familiar with the chief’s hands on his back would perhaps be an exaggeration - and yet it felt like the most familiar feeling in the world when Aoyama reached out to embrace him, his hands smoothing out the curves on Kinjou’s back where they’ve desperately clung onto last night. He nuzzled his face against Kinjou's chest, kissing it against his better judgment and only pressing his lips even closer when Kinjou sighed in response.

“You really are … just like a puppy …”

“H-huh?”

“Nothing,” Kinjou shook his head, playing with Aoyama’s hair. “Just a compliment.”

“I see  … Aigo, how long can you stay for?” Aoyama asked, looking up at him with wistful eyes.

“Whatever feels right,” Kinjou shrugged. “I’m not gonna walk out when you’re still holding me like this, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Mhm … I … I’m still processing last night …”

“How did it feel?”

“... a lot.”

“That’s not a feeling, but okay,” Kinjou laughed, slipping lower so that they were lying face to face. “Was it good? Did I make you feel good, Mitsuo?”

“M-Mhm …”

“Good.”

There was something comforting in the way their lips found each other again.

“Aigo …”

“Shhh,” he whispered, cupping Aoyama’s chin with his hand. “Is it alright?”

“Mhm …”

“Then give me another …” Kinjou sighed, leaning closer. “Ah … Mitsuo, you’re … so sweet. I love kissing you.”

“T-Thank you …”

“Did it hurt? Are you in pain anywhere?”

“No … just my legs, I think … it’s more exercise than what I’ve been getting …”

“Cute … but also, I’m happy. I’d hate to hurt you! What about last time, did-”

“It didn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt at all. I remember that!”

“Oh …”

“... it’s one of the few things I remember,” Aoyama mumbled, his cheeks turning red. “How gentle and patient you were. I was surprised.”

“Surprised? What for?”

“You seem more like the type to crash right into things …”

“Sure,” Kinjou struggled to stifle his laughter. “But I can’t ‘crash right into’ a guy who’s never even been with another man before. I mean, I guess some people are into that, but … ha, if you want it that rough, you’ll have to ask for it. Otherwise I just wanna take time to make sure you’re relaxed and feeling good.”

“I was. I mean, I did. Both times. It was really …”

“Incredible, right?”

“Right.”

They kissed again, their tongues intertwined for a while more … and a while more … and a while more … and more … and more … oh, Kinjou just couldn’t get enough of him. This man, seriously … how was he so sweet and soft and perfect, melting away under Kinjou’s touch … or was that just Kinjou himself falling apart each time Aoyama touched him?

He couldn’t really tell, he just wanted to kiss him more.

“I meant what I said, you know? In the text, I mean,” he pulled away, brushing back loose strands of Aoyama’s hair as he caught up on the breaths he’d lost on his lips. “You are incredible, Mitsuo. You don’t have to be lonely. You could have a dozen guys like me here every night. A wife too. You’d just have to go for it.”

“I don’t think I’m ready for a dozen guys,” Aoyama nervously blurted out, holding Kinjou tighter. “Or a wife …”

“Yeah, I get that … but this is fine?”

“... I’m not really sure what this is, if I’m honest.”

“Hooking up,” Kinjou shrugged. “Or, I guess … since we know each other, if it keeps happening … friends with benefits, maybe?”

“Is that … something you often do?”

“Hmm, not really …” Kinjou sighed, wondering how to best sum up his relationship history in a way that wasn’t absolutely depressing. “I think usually, I meet someone new that I like, and we hook up a few times, and sometimes we end up dating for a while, but usually it just fizzles out and we end up being friends or losing touch. There’s some friends I’ve periodically hooked up with when we’ve both been in the right place at the right time, but it wasn’t really any kind of friends with benefit arrangement. I think the last time I had something like that was my roommate in uni - gotta say though, that was incredibly convenient. Super nice guy too, I even went to his wedding last year.”

“Oh … so he was also someone who … liked both?”

“Yup. Lucky him, falling in love with a woman … so they could get married and all. I know he really wanted that.”

“I’m sorry you two couldn’t …”

“What, get married? Oh no, no, nope, that wasn’t like that at all, we didn’t have feelings for each other at all,” Kinjou rushed to explain.

“I understand. But if you did … you couldn’t get married, right?”

“Ah … right. Yeah.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Aoyama sighed, resting his forehead against Kinjou’s shoulder. “I never really thought about it, I mean … I never even knew anyone like that before you. Or, well, Momose-kun and Shirosaki-kun apparently … and me?”

“I’m not gonna pry into that if you don’t want me to,” Kinjou smiled, kissing the top of Aoyama’s head. “But I will say that if you’re enjoying sex with men, you’re probably not strictly into women.”

“... is that what being bisexual is?”

“Possibly. But it doesn’t really matter, I think. Labels are only really useful if you feel like they help you with something. You don’t have to have one if you don’t want to. You can just be yourself, end of story.”

“Do you have a label you use?”

“I don’t know,” Kinjou shrugged. “Only insofar as to let guys know they have a chance with me, I guess.”

Maybe if he felt more welcome in relationships … if they played a bigger part in his life … if they were more than just fleeting things that always left him … he’d feel more comfortable with naming his identity and finding a community around it.

Whether he was bi or pan or just generally queer in some comfortably abstract way that didn’t wish for anything more specific … that of course didn’t change depending on his partner, or lack thereof. That was just him. But without such important connections, who he felt attracted to simply didn’t feel all that important either.

But he did wonder sometimes … what it would feel like. The struggle of not being seen as queer just because you happened to marry someone of a different gender … or the pain of not being able to marry your lover at all … or the frustration of only being able to do so because the world saw their gender as something other than what it really was … he’d heard all kinds of stories over the years. None of them were really something to envy, but he envied them nonetheless.

Because if it were him bearing those burdens with someone he loved … maybe his identity would finally matter. Maybe he would finally matter. But as things were … yeah. As long as the cute guys around him got the message that he was available, there really wasn’t anything more to it than that.

“I see … I’ll think about it, I suppose,” Aoyama mumbled, absentmindedly kissing Kinjou’s skin through the silence he’d slipped into. “Isn’t it embarrassing for a man who’s almost forty though?”

“Eh? Ah, no. I don’t think so,” Kinjou assured him. “Sadly no one’s gonna ask you about this stuff unless you’ve got super progressive parents or something, so … people just stumble across things most of the time. It’s not your fault.”

“How did you stumble across it?”

“There was a really cute guy in my class when I started high school. At first I thought it was weird, but then I thought why not?”

“Did you two date?”

“Haha, nope. I got rejected and he transferred schools next year. Just par for the course, I guess,” Kinjou laughed.

“It’s nice …” Aoyama sighed, pulling away to look at him again.

“Hmm? What is?”

“When you … laugh like that.”

“Oh … haha, good thing it’s my default response to being unexpectedly flirted with,” Kinjou chuckled, feeling himself blush. “So you’ll hear a lot of it, I’m sure.”

“This counts as flirting?”

“Yeah? Unless you didn’t mean it that way, in which case-”

“You’re beautiful.”

Kinjou wished he could disintegrate into the hand firmly cupping his face all of a sudden.

“You’re beautiful when you laugh, Aigo.”

“Thanks …”

He closed his eyes, enjoying the kiss Aoyama had pulled him into. God, he was just so … enchanting. Yeah, that was the word - because Kinjou felt completely under his spell. The kisses with their lips parted and tongues seeking each other took his breath away every single time. The hands gently caressing his back made his heart pound. And the warmth of Aoyama’s body drove him just a little bit crazier each time they pulled even closer.

Just like last time, he felt so welcome.

It’d be a waste … not making the most of it.

“Mitsuo … ah, you …”

“Yes?”

“Nothing,” Kinjou smiled, cupping Aoyama’s face as he kissed him again. “But at the risk of sounding too eager … Mitsuo, you’re kinda … making me want you all over again.”

“... again?”

“Yes. It’s okay if we don’t, we don’t have to, just maybe, I don’t know, it’s hard to kiss you like that and not-”

Another kiss, cascading down onto his lips and spilling over to his jawline.

“Mitsuo …”

“... please …”

Oh.

“Mitsuo …”

“... be gentle with me.”

“I will. Are you su-”

“Yes.”

It was insane, really. How much Kinjou was into him, and how easily he lost control at the slightest hint of Aoyama wanting him too. It didn’t feel normal at all, it felt crazy. Maybe he was crazy, actually.

Only for Aoyama. Just with him. Just when it came to his voice calling him closer and his lips seeking out another kiss and his body welcoming Kinjou like he was wanted there … so deeply, insanely wanted there.

He tried to catch his breath, tried to find a better angle to keep Aoyama from falling apart beneath him … but each time, rough fingers slipped through his hair, pulling him back down into another kiss, almost breaking his back in the process.

At first, he thought Aoyama just really liked to be kissed … until he realized that with the daylight seeping in through the curtains, Aoyama was actually trying to keep Kinjou where he could see him even without his glasses.

Or at least he hoped so. Oh, how he hoped so … oh, how he wished that Aoyama really wanted to see him. Because Kinjou could keep looking at him for hours and hours and hours on end … so if that was mutual … fuck, they have to do this with Aoyama’s glasses in the mix next time.

Wait … next time … right.

Would there be a next time?

Chapter Text

They softly called each other’s names every now and then, their eyes closed and their lips barely a hair’s width apart whenever they weren’t lazily kissing. It wasn’t exactly sleep, but it wasn’t quite being awake either.

They were both so happy … but also so exhausted … or maybe Aoyama was already dreaming, and that was only him … but if not, why was Kinjou so pliable in his arms, like a blanket extending around him and enveloping him whole … his breathing shallow and ragged and slowing down little … by little … by … little …

He loved this.

He tried to look at Kinjou as much as he could, tried to hang on to his thoughts until the very end, so that he could remember how it all felt … so that he could think back to it tomorrow when he’s alone again … so that he could daydream about being wanted.

About being with Kinjou.

About being his … even if just for a moment … a long, repeated, vulnerable moment he’d come to desire further and further the more it was given to him.

Did he really initiate this? Twice? On purpose? Maybe not both times. The second felt more like an accident, he was just kissing Kinjou and didn’t really think about where it was going, but at the same time, he felt so happy with where it ended up, so … who knows.

Not him, that’s for sure.

All he really knew was that he loved this.

And if he just closes his eyes and catches his breath for a bit, they can have breakfast together again … and he can be the one to cook it this time … and they can talk about something other than work while they eat … and …

“Good afternoon, Mitsuo.”

He opened his eyes, finding Kinjou just pulling away from a kiss that he didn’t remember. “... what?”

“We fell back asleep,” Kinjou chuckled. “It’s just past noon.”

“Oh … sorry, I just-”

“Don’t apologize. I enjoyed it.”

“... me too.”

“Come here,” Kinjou mumbled, pulling Aoyama into his arms again and kissing him wherever his lips landed. “Mmm … this is so nice … you’re so nice, Mitsuo.”

“You too …”

“Am I overstaying my welcome?”

“No, not at all!”

“Good,” he chuckled, laying soft kisses all over Aoyama’s neck. “Because I don’t feel like leaving yet either.”

“So don’t …”

“I won’t.”

They kissed a little more. Just a little more. They held each other, and stared into each other’s eyes, and whispered each other’s names, and kissed just a little more.

Even when he was still married, Aoyama couldn’t really remember mornings like these: tender and sweet and full of attention and affection. They felt like a very distant past that just … disappeared at some point. Dissipated into thin air, and got replaced by silence and separate pillows on opposite sides of the bed.

It used to be just like this … until it wasn’t.

He never had the courage to ask, and he hoped the answer was no, but he did wonder sometimes if he had been cheated on. His ex wife never elaborated on any of it, so the true extent of ‘I’ve fallen in love with someone else’ was left to his own interpretation - and even now, he couldn’t seem to make peace with whatever it was.

He’d been working over time, and he’d been away from home a lot. For all he knew, that someone else was a person his wife had already been having an affair with for a while before they split. Or it could have been someone she met and developed feelings for, ending their marriage so that she could be with them. In theory, the former should probably feel worse - but in reality, there was something even more painful about the latter to Aoyama.

Something inherently heartbreaking to no longer being wanted, in any sense whatsoever.

At least as a cheated-on husband, he’d still be wanted as a husband … as a companion of some sort, maybe even just as a provider, maybe as a mere roommate. Something. Better than nothing.

Perhaps that was why it felt so easy to let go all of a sudden - because he finally actually had something that was better than nothing. Something that was open and honest, something that made him feel wanted.

Even if all Kinjou wanted was to have sex with him.

It wasn’t the kind of relationship Aoyama ever envisioned himself in. But it was literally heaps better than nothing. And unlike all the other ‘better than nothing’s in his life, this one was real. Staring right back at him. Leaning in for another kiss.

There’s no way it’d be bad to spend some time here.

Not with how desperately he wanted it.

“Are you thinking about your wife again?”

“... huh?”

“I can tell,” Kinjou smiled, gently flicking Aoyama’s nose. “If I see you staring right through me like that, it’s pretty obvious your mind’s somewhere else.”

“I’m sorry …”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s okay,” Kinjou reassured him, messing up his hair as he sat up and stretched his arms. “We should probably get up though. Man, I could really use a nice long shower …”

“You can have the bathroom first,” Aoyama offered.

“Can I, hm? It’s a pretty spacious shower though,” Kinjou grinned, reaching out for Aoyama’s hand. “Come with me.”

“... really?”

“Yeah. Come on!”

The water pouring over Aoyama’s shoulders was hot. As was Kinjou’s body pressed against him, just in a different way. He found himself soaped up and rinsed and scrubbed, all with copious kisses in between. It was nice, he thought as he kissed Kinjou back, drowning in the affection he’d been given.

“You’re so pretty … really, just … ah, just look at you,” Kinjou mumbled between kisses, cupping Aoyama’s face with one hand and holding his waist with the other. “Mitsuo, you’re gorgeous … you know that, right?”

“N-not really …”

“What do you mean, not really,” Kinjou rolled his eyes with a smile, his hand falling to Aoyama’s chest. “You’re so handsome, it’s insane. And in pretty good shape too!”

“... you too,” Aoyama mumbled, nervously looking away and hoping the steam could be blamed for at least some of the redness on his cheeks.

“Hmm, you think so?”

“Y-Yes …”

“So you like guys that aren't too muscular, huh?”

“I .. I don’t know …”

“I see,” Kinjou chuckled, pressing another kiss on Aoyama’s wonderful blush. “Well, it doesn’t really matter what your type is, as long as I’m it!”

“You are.”

“Am I?”

Aoyama nodded again. Kinjou kissed him again. It was beautiful.

“Aigo … do you want to stay for lunch?”

“Here?”

“Mhm.”

“What, a homemade lunch? With you? Absolutely, sign me right up! Oh, god I am so lucky! I’ve been wanting to try your cooking since forever!”

“... really?”

“You ask that a lot,” Kinjou smiled, brushing wet strands of hair away from Aoyama’s face. “Mitsuo, whatever I tell you, you can be sure I mean it. Especially if it’s a compliment! I wouldn’t just say that stuff.”

“... I understand.”

“Unless …” Kinjou grinned, leaning closer to whisper in Aoyama’s ear. “Mitsuo?”

“Y-Yes?”

“Mitsuo, could it be that you enjoy being complimented so much, you wanna hear it twice?”

“I’m just asking for reassurance … I think ….”

“Then keep asking,” Kinjou encouraged him, kissing the edge of his ear. “And I’ll keep saying all the things you need to hear, ‘kay?”

“M-mhm …”

“Like … you’re beautiful … and great in bed … I’m so into you … and I can’t wait to try your cooking … I’m sure everyone at the office would be so jealous of me, haha!”

If Aoyama was being honest, he wanted to hear Kinjou’s laugh more than the compliments even. But to have both at the same time … oh. He felt something move in his chest, like a breath of fresh air for the first time in years, and he most definitely didn’t want to let go of this feeling.

He offered Kinjou one of his bath robes, and threw his clothes in the wash for a quick rinse and dry cycle. If only he planned this even further ahead, he could have had some better ingredients on hand to make a proper lunch, but this would do … and maybe next time … it was barely over, and he was already daydreaming about next time … what has this man done to him?

He periodically looked over his shoulder at Kinjou who was sitting at the kitchen table, the tips of his hair still wet, his eyes seemingly not moving away from Aoyama even for a moment. Without really thinking it through, Aoyama left the eggs frying in the pan unsupervised, walking over to Kinjou and leaning down to kiss him.

It just felt like something one would do in that situation.

And Kinjou didn’t refuse it, instead carefully parting his lips and standing up so they could deepen the kiss.

“Mitsuo …”

“Aigo …”

“The eggs.”

“H-ha?”

“You’ll burn the eggs, silly,” Kinjou smiled, nudging Aoyama back towards the counter.

“Right, sorry … sorry, my bad!”

“It’s alright,” Kinjou sighed, lingering around. “You really are so needy you can’t help it, hmm?”

“N-No …”

“Hmm … so you don’t want me here?” Kinjou whispered, sneaking his arms around Aoyama’s chest and hugging him from behind.

Screw the eggs, actually. They looked just about done enough.

So Aoyama turned the stove off and shoved the pan aside before turning around, pulling Kinjou in his arms and kissing him again.

I do want you here.

His lips felt familiar by now … as did the hands cupping his face … as did the sighs, and the taste of Kinjou’s tongue against his, and the beating of his heart as they pulled away to catch a breath before crashing into each other once more.

I do want you.

It was all Aoyama could think of. He wanted this, he wanted this, he wanted this. So badly it hurt. So badly he was willing to do unwise thighs to hold onto it. So badly … he’d rather kiss Kinjou than eat, even though he was starving by now.

“I can kiss you all day long, but I don’t think I’ll be able to fulfill that,” Kinjou laughed, rubbing Aoyama’s stomach that just interrupted them with loud rumbling. “So how about we get some food in you, Mitsuo? What are you even making?”

“Fried rice with some bell peppers … it’s all I have on hand.”

“Sounds delicious! Almost as much as you,” he grinned, stealing one last kiss from Aoyama’s lips before stepping away and sitting down at the table again. “Here, I promise I’ll be good now! No more distractions.”

“Mhm … no more distractions.”

Not that Aoyama minded being distracted. Not if it was like this!

His time with Kinjou was a whirlwind of new experiences, but through it all, the same common thread remained: he felt so incredibly wanted, it almost concerned him that he might have been imagining it all.

But he wasn’t.

Kinjou was right there.

And as they finally shared a meal together, Aoyama didn’t have the words to explain that just being in the same space with Kinjou like this satiated some kind of hunger deep within him that food wasn’t any good for. But from how slowly Kinjou kissed him once it was finally time to say goodbye at the door … maybe he knew?

“Thanks for everything, Mitsuo,” Kinjou sighed, fixing his tie that now smelled unmistakably of Aoyama’s fabric softener.

“You too.”

“... well, I guess that’s-”

“Can I see you again?”

He’d regret it forever if he hadn’t asked.

“Again?”

“Sometime. Anytime, just …”

“How’s next Friday?”

“... next Friday?” Aoyama blinked, confused by the very concrete proposition.

“Yup. Same as this time,” Kinjou nodded, gently stroking the side of his face. “Drinks after work, then let’s have some fun. I can stay the night too if-”

“I want you to stay.”

“Good. Then I will.”

“One more kiss?”

“Of course … chief,” Kinjou smiled, finally pulling away. “Thanks for the lunch! I’ll see you on Monday!”

Aoyama watched after him as he walked down the street, unable to tell if he was lonely because Kinjou left, or content because he’d been here in the first place.

This really was … something.

Something that made him happy.

Chapter Text

Their work dynamic finally seemed back to normal: not the strained, artificial, play-pretend normal of last week, but their normal. Kinjou was out of the office a lot, working on a new ad for the local museum. Every now and then, he bounced between Momose and Shirosaki’s desks to ask for their input before finally coming over to Aoyama to show him his progress.

“Chief! Chief, what do you think?”

“Hmm … this looks quite good, Kinjou-kun! What did the client say?”

“I haven’t sent it to them yet,” Kinjou sighed, scratching the back of his head. “I wanna get the font right first. It’s been a pain in the- hehe, I mean an inconvenience!”

“I see. Well, keep up the good work! Just …”

“Yes, chief?”

“... don’t drag it into overtime, alright?”

Their eyes met for just a moment, with Aoyama’s black irises reflecting Kinjou’s subtle yet determined smile right back at him.

“Oh, Aoyama-san, I would never .”

Yes, yes he would. Aoyama knew as much, because he’d heard that Kinjou was the last to leave the office the night before. Not that there was anything wrong with that, just … it made Aoyama worry about their Friday plans a bit. It wasn’t too much to ask for reassurance on that, was it? Though maybe he should have done it after work … oh no, was he being inappropriate by-

“Also, Aoyama-san … thanks for keeping such a close eye on your employees' well-being. It’s cute!”

You’re cute, Aoyama thought to himself as he watched Kinjou laugh and walk back to his desk - he even looked over his shoulder and winked at Aoyama, as if he hadn’t already made it perfectly clear he was okay with this before Aoyama even had the chance to start properly worrying about it. Really … he was so attentive, it was incredible. No wonder Aoyama felt drawn to someone like that … and yeah, he did feel drawn to Kinjou in a way.

Despite him being a man.

He was kind, caring, smart, a diligent worker, had a good sense of humor, dressed well and had a nice face … what more could you want? He was cute, not in a naive sense but more in that … youthful, exciting sense. The kinda vibe that Aoyama initially felt apprehensive about, because it came across a little pompous and airheaded at first, but once he got to know Kinjou a bit better … yeah, he was just cute. In a good way. Like, his personality was cute. He was cute as a person. But also visually, now that Aoyama thought about it.

Was he really attracted to men somehow, and he’d just never noticed?

Was Kinjou a one-off glitch that the universe had just coincidentally placed in exactly the right spot, or were there other guys Aoyama would find appealing too? He sighed, sitting down at his desk and fidgeting with his pen as his eyes glanced over at Shirosaki: the two of them were pretty close, and Shirosaki was quite a bit like Kinjou - in looks, at least. Fair hair, bright eyes … Kinjou was a little shorter, but not by much … huh.

Halfway through the comparison process, it occurred to him that maybe he shouldn’t be using someone else’s boyfriend as a visual aid for determining what - if any - type of guy he finds attractive. Sighing again, his eyes drifted off towards Momose, who was also someone else’s boyfriend and should thus be off limits for this. But that left only Kinjou’s desk close enough for Aoyama to sneak meaningful glances at, and that would just be besides the point.

He found Kinjou attractive - he already knew that.

Although … did he know that?

Well, he didn’t find him unattractive. And what else was he supposed to think about someone he was having sex with anyway? Of course there was something there, they had … something, who knows. Kinjou called it incredible multiple times. Of course attraction would be involved in that. But staring at a man he’d just hooked up with and thinking he looks nice felt totally different than thinking that about someone in the middle of the work day - even if it was the same man both times.

Nonetheless, the thought of being involved with someone attractive felt exciting, and so he ended up staring at Kinjou anyway. His silver hair and faintly golden eyes were beautiful, that much was certain. But there was more to it than that - specifically, his voice, his smile and … his hands? Aoyama never thought about it before, but watching Kinjou typing away on his computer made him feel things for some reason.

He knew how gentle those hands could be. He knew where they’d been. Thinking he’d soon find his way underneath them again was … really attractive.

But maybe that was it?

Maybe part of his attraction to Kinjou was knowing how Kinjou could make him feel? Not that there was anything wrong with that, it actually kinda made sense, just … hypothetically, thinking ahead and whatnot, if he were to eventually date again and if he’d try it with men too … having to sleep with them to know whether he finds them attractive felt like a bit of a high bar there! God, did it really need to be this complicated? He couldn’t for the life of him remember having this problem when it came to his wife, or any of the other women he’d found attractive or went on dates with.

They were all bubbly types who paid a lot of attention to him. He liked when he could make them laugh. Looks didn’t matter that much, although all of them were a lot shorter than him, so maybe he liked that too and just never thought about it. And he didn’t feel like having sex with his wife made that much difference to how attractive he found her, although … admittedly, that wasn’t really comparable to what he’d experienced with Kinjou anyway. Maybe if his wife took charge of him the same way Kinjou did, that would have been a different story.

Maybe Aoyama was into that.

Actually, now that he thought about it … yes. Kinjou’s strong and determined personality was attractive. The ways in which he put it to use with Aoyama were attractive. So of course the reasonably handsome guy enmeshed with things Aoyama found attractive would also start to look attractive to him. It wasn’t just Kinjou’s pretty face Aoyama was staring at … it was all of this. The memories of this past weekend, the thrill of this upcoming weekend, the possibility of more weekends after that … Kinjou was attractive, because he literally embodied all of that.

Plus he was handsome, in case Aoyama hadn’t repeated that to himself enough yet.

Like, genuinely pretty handsome.

Aoyama didn’t have any personal scale of handsomeness for men to place Kinjou on, but if such a scale was yet to be established, Kinjou definitely raised the threshold by a lot.

Somewhere during all that, Kinjou must have sensed the pair of eyes drilling into him, because by the time Aoyama became aware of his surroundings again, Kinjou was staring right back at him, smiling.

Damn, he was SO handsome.

And this man was coming home with him on Friday? Well honestly, no matter what regrets Aoyama had about his life, clearly he was doing at least something right to get himself here. So all he really wanted to focus on were all the ways in which he could keep that, because it was enough. Finding one man definitively attractive was enough … in fact, if Kinjou’s mischievous smiles and winks were anything to go by, it could even be too much for Aoyama.

But he was more than willing to give it a shot.

On Friday morning, the sheets on his bed were brand new, there were towels and little toiletries set aside for Kinjou in the bathroom, including a new bath robe and toothbrush, and Aoyama’s pantry and fridge were stocked full of ingredients for anything Kinjou could possibly desire for lunch the next day. Maybe he should also get some wine, or fancier beer at least … oh well. He could do that next time, he thought as he put on his sharpest tie and whitest shirt for the day. Neither of which looked too flattering on him since  he’d lost some weight over the past years, to be fair. Maybe he should strive to eat dinner more often instead of just coming home from work and going straight to sleep. Maybe he should start exercising a bit. Or maybe he should buy some new clothes now that he had someone to impress again.

Was that how hookups worked? Was this an appropriate amount of effort and care to put into that kinda thing? Was he supposed to be more casual about it? He had absolutely no idea.

However.

The extremely attractive man that he was doing all this for was coming over later tonight.

And if Aoyama needed to know anything more, he figured he could just ask him.

Chapter Text

“Dang, is this a hookup or a five star hotel?” Kinjou laughed at the door of Aoyama’s bedroom, caught off guard by the perfectly fitted sheets and two fluffed up pillows, not a wrinkle in sight.

“... any reason why it couldn’t be both?” Aoyama asked, leaning against Kinjou and enjoying the reassurance of Kinjou’s arm resting around his waist. “Is this too much?”

“I appreciate it,” Kinjou smiled, sneaking a quick kiss on Aoyama’s lips. “I think it’s cute … but not necessary. I like being in your house more when it feels like your house rather than a hotel.”

“Oh … then please ignore the stack of towels in the bathroom,” Aoyama awkwardly mumbled.

“You put out towels for me?”

“Yes. And I bought a new bath robe too …”

“Oh I’ll definitely wear that, ” Kinjou grinned as he kissed Aoyama again, slowly nudging him towards the bed. “Thanks, Mitsuo. You’re totally spoiling me!”

“I just want you to have a good time.”

“Same.”

The sheets rustled as they fell on the bed, Aoyama back-first and Kinjou above him, pinning him down with an avalanche of kisses that slowly melted into one deep kiss which felt like it had been going on since forever.

“You’re really good at this too, by the way …” Kinjou sighed, staring at Aoyama’s lips with half-lidded eyes as his hands began to undo the buttons on his shirt.

“... re- I mean …”

“Mitsuo … would you like me to praise you some more?”

“... mhm.”

“You’re so cute. And these are literally the softest lips I’ve ever kissed, what lip balm do you use!? It feels so … addictive,” he mumbled between kisses. “You’re my special little treat, Mitsuo.”

“... you’re making me blush.”

“I know,” Kinjou grinned, much to his delight. “That’s the point! I love seeing you like this.”

The chief’s usually pale face being painted red like the sunset sure was a sight to behold.

“I love seeing you too,” Aoyama smiled, reaching up to cup Kinjou’s face as they kissed.

“We should keep these on then, shouldn’t we?” Kinjou suggested, tracing the edge of Aoyama’s glasses with his fingers.

“If it’s alright with you?”

“Of course. You should be looking at me the whole time, Mitsuo.”

“I will … Aigo. I will.”

“I figured you wanted to see me last time too. Either that or you just really like being kissed, hm?”

“Both. It’s both,” Aoyama hastily clarified, getting lost in Kinjou’s mischievous eyes.

“That’s very valuable information,” Kinjou chuckled, whispering softly as he leaned down to kiss the edge of Aoyama’s ear. “I’ll make sure to take notes, Mitsuo. Just like you’ve been doing all week!”

“You noticed …” Aoyama sighed in defeat.

“Of course. It’s been extremely motivating to have your eyes on me at all times!”

“Well, uh, that’s … that’s good, right?”

“Of course it is,” Kinjou teased him, the corners of his lips turning upwards as he continued to kiss Aoyama’s neck. “Did you enjoy the view?”

“Yes. Aigo, you’re …”

“Mhm?”

“...”

“Go on, Mitsuo.”

“... you’re so handsome,” Aoyama confessed, wondering if his body even had any blood left after he once again felt all of it flowing to his face. “I’ve been trying to sort my thoughts out. It’s hard. But I do know that I’m attracted to you.”

“That’s all you need to know for now,” Kinjou encouraged him, bringing their lips together as he began to unbutton Aoyama’s shirt. “And I’ll make sure you don’t forget it!”

“I don’t doubt that …”

“So what is it … about me … that you find attractive, Mitsuo?”

“Your hands.”

Kinjou was about to lean in for another kiss, but he instead found himself struggling not to laugh at Aoyama’s unexpectedly specific answer.

“Ha … my hands? Really?”

“... yeah. I’m sorry if-”

“Oh no, no, no,” Kinjou immediately cut him off, using the newfound knowledge to his advantage by gently stroking Aoyama’s cheek with his thumb. “Don’t be sorry, Mitsuo. I think that’s really sexy, honestly. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Well neither was I. I was just looking at you, and … I don’t know.”

“What do you like about my hands? Do you like it when I touch you?” Kinjou asked, painstakingly slowly moving his palm alongside Aoyama’s jawline. “Do you like to be held?” He whispered, cupping Aoyama’s chin and lifting it up so that he could kiss more of his neck.

“Yes.”

“Mitsuo …” he called out to him, his lips slowly moving upwards while his hands skipped the last few buttons on the shirt and reached directly for Mitsuo’s belt. “... wanna take things even slower? Should I use my hands more?”

“...”

“Mitsuo … fufu, come on,” he laughed, playfully blowing into Aoyama’s ear. “Don’t get all shy on me now. Tell me what you want.”

C-can we?“

“Can we what?”

“Slower. Touch me … I want … m-more,” Aoyama sighed, struggling to make something out of the jumbled mess of feelings in his chest.

“Good boy … you’re so good for me, Mitsuo. How could I say no to that … here … this … is this what you wanted?”

”Y-Yeah …“

“So pretty … falling apart when I’m barely doing anything,” Kinjou sighed, nudging Aoyama’s face to the side so he could kiss him again. “But you should try to keep it together a little, you know? Can’t take things slow if you’ll come in two seconds after I touch you.”

“... mhm …”

“Though to be fair … I’m pretty sure I could get you off with my hands alone,” he continued teasing Aoyama’s lips with his tongue, making sure he had the best seat in the house for any budding emotions that would grace Aoyama’s face after hearing that proposition.

And boy oh boy was there a whole damn fireworks show for Kinjou to enjoy!

“Y-Yes …”

“Yes as in, you agree that I could?” Kinjou played dumb. “Or yes as in … you want me to?”

“Ye- ah … yes, but … A- ah … Ai- what about you?”

“You have very lovely hands too,” he shrugged, quick to suggest the obvious. “And whether it’s them or your body I end up in, both would be the utmost privilege, Mitsuo.”

“Then both,” Aoyama agreed in a rare moment of coherence. “Now, and then … tomorrow … I want you too.”

“Even like this, you’re still so good at scheduling, huh? That’s honestly so hot,” Kinjou mused. “Hooking up with upper management is such an organized experience, really … I love it.”

“... m-mhm …”

He laughed, taking Aoyama’s desperate sigh as his cue to shut up and focus on him and him alone. There wasn’t any point to talking anyway - it’s not like Aoyama was in a state to process anything that Kinjou said anymore. It was all just soft moans and breathy sighs and eyes pleading for more attention that any human could possibly give … although Kinjou tried his best nonetheless.

He didn’t understand what Aoyama meant when he said sorting out his thoughts was hard - he seemed pretty on top of it from what Kinjou could tell! Really, it was kinda insane how adept Aoyama was at expressing what he wanted, even if Kinjou had to nudge him a bit to get over the final stretch. But could he really blame him for that? Of course not, it was better that way! If Aoyama asked to be handled like this with no hesitation, Kinjou felt like that would have easily been the death of him.

People who wanted something so much that they managed to ask for it before he could even suggest giving it to them were scary!

But also … safe and comforting. Because if they asked first, then they really wanted it … then it was them who wanted it … not just going along with what Kinjou wanted. And yes, obviously he wanted this too, he was completely mesmerized by Aoyama’s body on all accounts, he’d happily spend a whole week just engaging in foreplay with him and it still wouldn’t be nearly enough time to get his fill of the absolute beauty on display, but … the fact that Aoyama had specific things he liked … the fact that he handed over that information willingly for Kinjou’s mind to run wild with it … oh, it felt so reassuringly welcoming.

How could Kinjou worry about being too much when Aoyama was right there, out of breath and asking for more?

Well, he could probably still worry somehow, he inevitably always did, but not right now. He felt welcome and safe for now … and tomorrow … and maybe next weekend too? He needed this to be perfect, he needed Aoyama to let him back, he needed to have him again, needed more time for all his fantasies, more time for this … for him .

He could feel Aoyama’s body pulsing under his touch, and his heart happily echoed back each tremor, amplifying it a thousand times. Aoyama kissed him right after, and barely dozed off for a few minutes before asking Kinjou a million questions about how he wanted to be touched, which felt deadly in its own right, but …

If that quiet moment in between had lasted longer, if Kinjou had perhaps managed to exhaust Aoyama so much that he’d just fall asleep in Kinjou’s arms, if he could have the rest of the night to himself with a clear head to dream about every sigh all over again … it felt like Kinjou’s heart could very well find the way to its grave on its own too.

But as it was, Aoyama seemed more than happy to help with setting up that funeral, and good fucking god … Kinjou was so into it.

So into him.

So into all of this.

Chapter Text

Kinjou was used to such mornings going by in a flash, if they happened at all. Most of the time, they didn’t … most of the time, he didn’t stay around after hooking up with someone … most of the time, he just grabbed his things and left once the fun was over. Even if he extended things into the next morning, it was usually done in haste because he had places to be, or just didn’t feel comfortable lingering around for too long in someone else’s bed, or with someone else in his, lest he begin fantasizing about waking up with someone every day all over again.

So he was used to it: things passing in the blink of an eye, that is.

But this wasn’t anything like that. With Aoyama, it wasn’t anything like that. This was easily the slowest, most romantic sex Kinjou had ever had, and it drove him beyond crazy. He wanted to hold as much of Aoyama as he could, wanted to cover him in hands and kisses completely, wanted to do everything he could to be all over him and inside of him at the same time, even if it was practically impossible. He wanted to lean forward and taste Aoyama’s lips over and over again … but he also tried to balance most of his weight on his legs so that he could keep his hands on Aoyama’s chest, because each time he got carried away just a little bit, each time one of his hands slipped beside him to sink into the mattress for more support, Aoyama’s moans almost instantly whined, no, begged to feel Kinjou’s grip on him again, and how could Kinjou not give him that!?

He was worried he might crush his ribcage, sure, but that seemed like an issue for later. Much, much later. For now, all Kinjou could focus on was the most beautiful man on Earth melting apart beneath him and calling his name in an ever softer tone the longer Kinjou spent kissing him.

This was, without a doubt, the best decision of his entire life. Well, not specifically this, this wasn’t his decision, this was mutual, but just in general, the fact that he took the risk and made a move on Aoyama and this is where it ended … no, wait, that was the whole point - it hasn’t ended. They could keep going, literally and figuratively. Kinjou desperately wanted more of this, in each and every way, and he knew by now that if Aoyama doesn’t ask about next time, he’ll just do it himself. He needed that. Needed this. Needed him.

“Mitsuo, I-”

Before he could get out whatever incoherent words made it to his lips, he found himself pulled down into another kiss and pushed over the edge by the weight of Aoyama’s hand on the small of his back, pressing down firm and determined as if Aoyama still wanted more even after Kinjou already gave him everything.

“There’s nothing- ah … there’s …”

“Aigo …”

“There’s … sorry,” Kinjou babbled out his scattered thoughts, resting his forehead against Aoyama’s chest but seemingly forgetting to catch a breath. “There’s nothing more, I’m not that big.”

“Aigo, what are you talking about?”

“... I thought you were trying to get me deeper when you pulled me down like that?”

“Ah … no,” Aoyama awkwardly mumbled. “I just wanted to hold you … sorry, I … ahh .. I got frantic, I was grabbing at anything.”

“I could tell that much,” Kinjou chuckled. “If you keep yanking me in for a kiss when I don’t expect it, I’m gonna sprain my back for real.”

“I’ll be more gentle next time,” Aoyama promised, lifting up Kinjou’s face to kiss him again.

“Somehow, I doubt that … but I don’t mind. You’re perfect just the way you are, Mitsuo.”

“You too … I don’t think I could handle it if, uhm …”

“If I was bigger?” Kinjou grinned, pulling away just enough to enjoy the blush on Aoyama’s face in full view.

“Y-Yeah …”

“Nah, you’d be fine,” he assured him, climbing off of him and finally lying down beside him, letting Aoyama pull him into his arms and offer his chest as a pillow. “But I’m glad I’m comfortable for you.”

“You are … really, it’s …”

“Mhm?”

“...”

“You know, Mitsuo, every time you go quiet like that, something incredibly sexy ends up flying out of your mouth immediately afterwards, so you’re definitely giving me a lot of incentive to keep digging.”

“Well okay …” Aoyama reluctantly complied. “Since you have broader experience, can I ask something?”

“Anything you want.”

“...”

“I’ll just leave you to it,” Kinjou took a content deep breath, gently stroking Aoyama’s chest with his hand. “Take your time.”

“... is it supposed to feel that much better?” Aoyama finally sheepishly asked.

“We’re comparing what exactly?”

“Sex with a man … as opposed to with a woman,” the clarification came in even quieter.

“Right … I dunno,” Kinjou shrugged. “I’m pretty happy with either. Maybe guys are more organically versatile, I guess? Though with a good strap-on and a woman who knows how to use it, I honestly can’t complain.”

“... strap-on?”

“Ah, sorry,” Kinjou struggled to stifle a laugh at Aoyama’s lack of familiarity with what was largely mundane to him. Not in a condescending way, it was just … cute. Kinda heartwarming even. “That’s just a fake dick you can strap on if you don’t have one of your own, but you or your partner would still like you to use one.”

“Oh …”

“They’re genuinely good in the right hands, I was honestly surprised the first time. I guess the only downside, I mean … for me, at least … is that it doesn’t quite get me there if I wanna really feel the other person inside. But I don’t think that makes sex with women worse or anything … haha, I’m just demanding and want everything, so if I had to choose just one for the rest of my life, I guess I’d go with a man? I don’t know if that counts as a preference, but I guess that’s mine if I have one.”

“... you can like both but have a preference?”

“Yeah? Of course? I mean, sure, bi and pan people can have all sorts of preferences for gender and whatnot, but even outside of that, doesn’t everyone have preferences when it comes to sex? Like, a straight guy isn’t compatible with every woman just because he’s straight … or maybe, I don’t know, maybe some people don’t care that much, but like in general … people have preferences for what they want and what makes them feel best: from what body parts they want involved to how they want them used, and literally everything else.”

“...”

“Mitsuo? Sorry, am I too crass? Too direct? Too-”

“N-No … it’s fine. I just … don’t know if I have preferences.”

His voice was meek and uncertain, almost like a lost spirit in a dark forest pleading to be guided through. And Kinjou wasn’t blind: he could see from a mile away where this would sooner or later end up, and he didn’t really wanna talk about the ex wife after a morning like this, but … aghhh, fine, if it was for Aoyama’s sake, he’d do it.

He’d do anything.

“It’s okay if you don’t know,” he reassured him. “In a way, it makes sense, I guess. Since I’m only your second partner, and it’s been a while since you’ve had sex before me. I think it’s easier to figure out preferences through experience, and you just don’t have a lot of that.”

“But I had lots of sex with my wife, and I still don’t know,” Aoyama blurted out in frustration.

Yup, there it was, Kinjou thought to himself as he gently patted Aoyama’s chest to calm him down. “Well … if you feel comfortable talking about it, what was that like?”

“... it was nice,” Aoyama sighed after a short silence, sounding distant and melancholic: almost as if he’d slowly slipped back into some very vivid yet bitter-sweet memories. “We loved each other, and I wanted to be with her, I wanted to give her everything, and it was awkward and embarrassing when we had our first time, and that only made me fall in love with her even more, and it was something we shared with just the two of us, and … one day it just wasn’t like that anymore.”

“Sounds like that was very emotional for you …”

“It was nice,” Aoyama repeated, almost as if insisting to himself. “At some point … it was nice … but not like this … not like you, the way it feels with you is … different … and I don’t know, was I doing something wrong, was marrying her a mistake, have I-”

“Hey … hey, Mitsuo-”

“Have I been gay this whole time!?”

“Hey … hey, shush … Mitsuo … baby, it’s okay …” Kinjou gently shut him up with a few kisses, cupping Aoyama’s face in the hopes that it would ground him at least a little. “Breathe, alright?”

“... right …”

“Look … you loved your wife, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you enjoyed having sex with the woman you loved, right? Even if in a different way, even if that changed at some point …”

“... yes.”

“Then that’s real,” Kinjou smiled at him. “Yes, some guys get married and have sex with women before they realize they’re gay, but not everyone. And look, if that applies to you … honestly, that’s fine too. But it doesn’t have to apply to you, and I don’t think it does. It’s okay to have preferences. It’s okay to discover new stuff later. It doesn’t mean that you didn’t love your wife, or that your relationship was wrong.”

“...”

“It’s okay if you wanna remember the times when you enjoyed having sex with her. It’s okay if that stopped being the case at some point when you drifted apart. And it’s okay if now, with me, you enjoy it again and it’s totally different. You can enjoy a lot of different things with different people, Mitsuo. It doesn’t mean that what you had with the last person was a mistake.”

“... really?”

“Yeah. Absolutely,” Kinjou nodded without a doubt. “And I get it. It can be really hard to like more than one gender, it turns what’s supposed to be all black and white into one giant gray area, and who the fuck wants to work with that, so … I get it. But try to be kind to yourself, okay? One thing doesn’t invalidate the other. Maybe one day, you’ll meet some guy, or even a nonbinary person, and fall totally in love with them and all that, and still … that doesn’t change that at some point in the past, you loved your wife, and you enjoyed having sex with her.”

After a brief moment of silence, Aoyama burst out crying, and Kinjou moved to hold him in his arms and kiss his forehead slowly - for however long it would take him to calm down again.

Man, this really was an emotional affair in more ways than one …

Chapter Text

“Aigo …”

“Yeah … Mitsuo, I’m right here …” Kinjou reassured him, kissing the top of his head as Aoyama finally stopped crying.

“Thank you so much …”

“It’s nothing.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Really, it’s nothing,” Kinjou smiled, brushing a few strands of hair from Aoyama’s face before leaning in to kiss away his tears. Poor Aoyama truly was an identity crisis personified this morning, huh? “Also, for all we know, I’m just better in bed and this has nothing to do with your sexuality whatsoever, no matter what it is,” he then added with a mischievous wink.

“You think so?”

“... I guess,” he sighed, caught off guard by Aoyama taking him completely seriously. “I mean, there’s just so many factors to how sex feels, from whether you’re into it to what exactly you like to how much experience everyone involved has with things, so … if sleeping with me feels better than it did with your wife - and look, I’m super honored if that’s the case, but just saying - that doesn’t mean you’re gay.”

“I see …”

“I definitely have more experience to cater to all your wants, whether you verbalize them or not … and maybe there’s some other preference in the mix where we just click … or maybe you just like being slowly thrust into while someone tells you how pretty you are - in which case it’s not your wife’s fault that you didn’t know strap-ons were a thing.”

This time, he couldn’t help but laugh out loud: both because he thought his joke was funny and because Aoyama’s shocked expression was even funnier.

“I-I think it’s the f-first one!” Aoyama quickly insisted.

“What, the experience?”

“N-No, the … you catering to my wants …”

“You like that, don’t you?” Kinjou nodded with a prideful grin, having well figured out Aoyama’s basic turn-ons by now. “Being spoiled and doted on, that’s totally your thing.”

“Y-Yeah …”

“I can tell. You’re pretty submissive in bed, Mitsuo.”

“... is that a bad thing?”

“It’s not a good or a bad thing,” Kinjou smiled. “It’s just a thing. It means you like it when someone else takes initiative and is in control.”

“A-And … that works with you?”

“Of course,” he nodded, pressing a soft kiss on Aoyama’s lips. “I love to take on the dominant role if it makes someone as happy as it makes you … Mitsuo, you should really see yourself, you know … you always look so happy when we have sex, it’s honestly the best thing.”

“You just make me feel so wanted …” Aoyama whispered, not sure if it was an explanation or an excuse.

“Well, duh … because I do want you, Misuo. Badly,” Kinjou nuzzled against him, whispering into his ear. “You don’t even know the half of it …”

“Would you tell me?”

“Haha … I don’t know … Mitsuo, would you think ill of a young employee politely ogling his boss on company time?”

“Well I haven’t noticed you doing that, so … it must have been very polite, and time efficient … so it’s fine. But did you really … ?“

“Oh yes,” Kinjou happily admitted. “You don’t even know how much! Literally, I’ve been trying to flirt with you for months and you didn’t seem to notice at all … I kinda figured you wouldn’t … but then Momose and Shirosaki-san got together, and … well, you know the rest at least.”

“... you were flirting with me?”

“Yup. But like, in a tame and work-appropriate manner, alright? I wasn’t going full out aggressive or anything, don’t worry, you’re not blind.”

“Right …”

“I was just putting out some feelers, I guess … ‘cause you’re totally my type, and if you wanted to hook up, I’d be willing to work around some awkwardness at work if it meant getting under you. Or on top of you!”

“R-Right …”

“But yeah, I very much did fantasize about you, Mitsuo. And now that I know what it’s like … I’m afraid I’ll continue to do so, because my imagination runs wild just looking at you. Unless you’re uncomfortable with that, then-”

“I’m not,” Aoyama cut him off.

“... you’re not?”

“No. It’s … flattering. And attractive,” he quietly added.

“I see … then I’ll happily carry on!”

“So like … this past week, at work, did you ever … ?”

“Every day,” Kinjou answered without hesitation.

“Every day!?”

“Well someone was making eyes at me whenever I was at the office,” he chuckled. “What, was I not supposed to think ahead a little bit?”

“This … this is what I mean,” Aoyama smiled, nuzzling closer to Kinjou and wishing the waterfall of compliments flooding his ear would never stop. “You make me feel so wanted!”

“You are wanted, Mitsuo … I want you so much …”

It was a circle they got lost in a few more times, but Kinjou didn’t mind. He’d do anything to have Aoyama purr like a content little kitten in his arms with that blissful smile, and being able to finally share just how much he’d been thinking about him was a blessing in its own right too. All things considered, Aoyama was a lot more open to all kinds of new things than Kinjou thought he would be, and he’d be a fool not to make the most of it.

They cuddled for a while longer, eventually making their way to the bathroom and taking a shower together just like last weekend. Only this time, Kinjou was extremely particular about hand-soaping all of Aoyama’s body and washing off the soap equally thoroughly, also just with his hands. Even if that only smeared the soap around, and he’d be more efficient by grabbing the shower head off the wall … that wasn’t the point. No, the point was to watch Aoyama blush once again, to see him smile, to hear his soft sighs as they fell between the water droplets - to immerse himself in what Kinjou thought was paradise.

“You’re so handsome … Mitsuo, I’m so into you … ”

“You too …” Aoyama sighed, leaning his head back against the cold tiles in a stark contrast to all the other places under Kinjou’s touch where his body was practically burning.

“Come here … let me hold you … I wanna kiss you, come here …”

“Mhmm …”

Slowly, the steam rose around them and fogged up Aoyama’s glasses even if he insisted on keeping them on. Kinjou wiped the fog off a couple times as they continued kissing, all the way until the water turned cold and their stomachs began rumbling, long overdue for breakfast.

“What do you want to eat?” Aoyama asked, drying off Kinjou’s hair.

“Anything,” Kinjou smiled, reluctantly closing Aoyama’s bathrobe after leaving one final kiss on each of his pecs. “Surprise me, will you? You’re so good at that.”

“Are you super hungry?”

“Nah, I’ll manage. Might take a bite or two of you in the meantime!”

“As if you haven’t already …” Aoyama sighed, pulling apart the sides of his bathrobe to reveal a chest absolutely covered in red and purple splotches.

“Hey now …” Kinjou hummed, leaning closer and pressing their lips together. “Mitsuo, I just wrapped that up … don’t tease me like that.”

“... then don’t make it feel so good,” Aoyama nervously suggested, opening up the bathrobe and letting it fall to his sides as he embraced Kinjou while they kissed.

“God … we are never having breakfast at this rate,” Kinjou gave in, sloppily kissing Aoyama’s neck with utmost care before sinking down to his collarbones where he could nip and suck at his skin without a care in the world, leaving little memories for Aoyama to keep until they’d meet again.

“We will … soon … just a little bit more … please.”

Kinjou could never say no to him. Especially not when he asked. Especially not when he pleaded with that sultry voice and eyes closed, hands slipping through Kinjou’s hair to hold him in place if he were ever to pull away, only to then yank him up once the buildup became too much and Aoyama needed to find some release by tasting his lips again.

“Hey … easy there,” Kinjou chuckled, still happily giving in to the kiss.

“S-Sorry …”

“You’re such a spoiled little brat sometimes, Mitsuo,” Kinjou scolded him with the most syrupy voice. “The moment you want a kiss, I get totally manhandled every time!”

“I-I’m so-”

“Shhh … baby, that’s a compliment,” Kinjou cut him off, finally pulling away. “I like it. You just gotta do it right, okay? Like this …” he slipped his hand to the back of Aoyama’s head, firmly gripping several strands of hair. “Make sure you get right up to the skull - you’re trying to seduce me, not scalp me, alright? So you wanna pull, not yank. And try to keep the bottom of your palm against my head for extra support, so I won’t go bald if I can’t follow you fast enough.”

“Wow … Aigo, you’re really super good at teaching things!”

“Why, thanks! I have this super great mentor I take notes from all the time, he’s a massive inspiration to me,” Kinjou laughed.

“You’ll be a great boss for someone one day too,” Aoyama complimented him, carefully moving his hand to the back of Kinjou’s head again. “I can already tell.”

“Oh please no,” Kinjou rolled his eyes. “I am way too young and inexperienced to even be thinking about that. Right now, I just wanna focus on making my supervisor happy … ain’t that right, chief?”

“You excel in that department too.”

Kinjou found himself roughly pulled in for another kiss, and yeah … he was definitely starving in ways food couldn’t possibly satiate.

Then again, it was Aoyama’s cooking, so maybe it would do the trick after all. Watching him prep veggies was mesmerizing in its own right, and comforting too. Kinjou almost fell asleep on the sofa, propped up against the giant Kumatte-chan plush for support as he closed his eyes and just took in the ambiance of Aoyama’s steps, opening and closing drawers, knives hitting the chopping board, water running from the tap, pans sizzling … it all felt so homely.

There were no tremors to echo this time - but Kinjou found his heart amplifying something nonetheless.

And honestly, who wouldn’t? God knows what his ex wife was on, Kinjou thought to himself as he watched Aoyama making their meal. He knew he was biased, and he didn’t wanna disparage someone he didn’t even know too much, but at the same time … what the fuck? She had this? All this? A home, a loving husband … and she left? She left all this? Kinjou couldn’t believe it. He didn’t know what Aoyama was like back then, but he still couldn’t see why his wife would just throw away their relationship like that. Aoyama never went into details about what happened other than saying she found someone else because he didn’t pay enough attention to her, but Kinjou couldn’t imagine Aoyama not giving all the attention and more to someone who said they wanted it, so … did she never talk to him about it at all?

He didn’t want to pry. Didn’t want to be the guy with a million nosy questions about the ex. He just couldn’t understand, because if it was him … if he had all of this … he’d never, ever leave.

Whoever dates or marries the chief one day will be really lucky.

Chapter Text

Aoyama kept one eye on the salmon frying in the pan and the other on Kinjou who was slowly merging with his prized Kumatte-chan plush on the sofa. At first, his eyes followed Aoyama around the kitchen, but for a while now, each time Aoyama looked back, Kinjou was staring at the empty kitchen table with a furrowed brow.

“That hungry, eh?”

“... huh?”

“You look like you’re trying to manifest food out of thin air,“ Aoyama remarked on his stare.

“Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about something.”

“I see. Sorry I disturbed you … you’d probably need some alone time after all this.”

“Alone time? What alone time?” Kinjou chuckled, standing up and walking over to the kitchen counter to pester Aoyama with more kisses. “I’ll have alone time when I’m not here. It’s all Mitsuo time now!”

“Aigo …”

“Fufu, do I get a kiss?”

“Just one,” Aoyama sighed, leaning in for what would inevitably be at least three or four kisses in quick succession. 

“I love the way you count,” Kinjou smiled as they pulled away. “Three kisses for the price of one are a great deal! Anyway, can I help with setting up the table?”

“Sure. You know where the plates are?”

“Yup!” Kinjou nodded, opening the cupboards above the sink. “Man, I noticed this the first time I was here, but your furnishing is really nice! Is that wood inlay on the handles?”

“Yeah … you like it? I chose that.”

“It’s awesome. You’ve got such an aesthetic space, I love hanging out here. Even if all the Kumatte-chan kinda alter the ambiance a bit. How are they doing, by the way? Weren’t there more of them?”

“I moved some when I was going through the drawers under the shelves,” Aoyama sighed. “They’re in my wife’s- I mean … the other guest bedroom now.”

“Two guest bedrooms, huh … it’s definitely a big place. I totally get how you’d be lonely all by yourself here. But do you like the house at least?” Kinjou asked, stubbornly juggling plates and cutlery in one hand as he carried them to the table.

“... I feel like it’s starting to breathe a little now,” Aoyama smiled. “It feels kinda bitter, but … since you’ve helped me move on, it’s just empty but not as suffocating anymore.”

“I see. That’s nice!”

“And yeah, I guess … I mean, it’s a nice house, I do feel fortunate to have one. Even if something smaller and cheaper would have been fine for just me.”

“How come you didn’t sell it or rent it out after the divorce?”

“... it was easier to stay. And easier to hold on to all the happy memories here. Plus I needed somewhere to sleep anyway, and I really wasn’t in a state to look for a rental apartment or anything like that, so … yeah, I just stayed. And never changed anything, other than making space for Kumatte-chan.“

“Well, once you wrestle your demons out of it, it is a lifetime investment, isn’t it? That’s worth something too.”

“That’s what I keep telling myself,” Aoyama nodded along, bringing the pan to the table and scooting out a piece of salmon on each of their plates.

“Is it all paid off already?”

“Nah. Could have been, if I kept doing overtime at the pace I was at, but … ever since she left, there kinda wasn’t any point. I’ve just been taking it easy, so I have a few more years left.”

“You really make it sound like you almost burnt yourself out there, huh?”

There was something so soft and caring in Kinjou’s voice, it made Aoyama’s knees tremble for a moment as he stepped back to grab the side dishes and rice. Many people asked him that same thing back then, yet Kinjou was the first one who sounded like he’d step in and absolutely forbid Aoyama from working 12-hour days, or at least insist on him coming home for lunch, or …

“Y-Yeah. It wasn’t right, I know. I wouldn’t do it again,” he rushed to clarify before Kinjou could scold him for it.

But to his surprise, Kinjou just nodded with the same caring look in his eyes. “I know that, Mitsuo. But … I mean, what about your wife?”

“Uh, she left because I was at work the whole time …?”

“Yes, but … I’m sorry if that’s asking too much, you don’t have to talk about it, just … where was she in all that? Didn’t she say anything?”

“She said she met someone else because she was so lonely …”

“But before that, didn’t she say anything? Didn’t you guys talk about it? Whose idea was it to have you work so much?”

“Mine,” Aoyama sat down in his chair, resolutely accepting all the blame as he moved the rice bowl to the middle of the table. “I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible, so that we could start our life as a couple together properly, and I could take a lot of time off, and take her on nice vacations, and buy her nice things, and … I ruined it.”

“Arguably, sure, but … Mitsuo, it was her home too. You were her partner too.”

Kinjou’s hand found its way on top of Aoyama’s, trapping it against the table together with a pair of chopsticks and holding on tight. Of all the places his hands had been last night, this somehow felt the most intimate to Aoyama.

“Aigo …”

“She should have cared too!” Kinjou insisted, undeterred by Aoyama’s shaking voice. “About the house, about the money, about you! You’re always blaming yourself so much, and you obviously made mistakes, but where was she? Why didn’t she talk to you?! Why didn’t she tell you she was lonely, why didn’t she step in when you were working more than either of you wanted you to, why didn’t she ask you for what she needed, why were you left alone and then abandoned when you couldn’t figure it out all on your own!?”

“...”

“... sorry.”

The reassuring grasp of Kinjou’s hand disappeared almost as suddenly as it appeared.

“Mitsuo, I … I apologize, I don’t know where that came from, I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just … okay, well, I’ll say it. The more I get to know you, the angrier it makes me to think that someone just threw you away like that. I’m sorry, I know you’ve made important memories with her and I know she’s someone you loved, but fuck … she should have treated you better. You deserved better, Mitsuo. You deserved a proper conversation, you deserved to be told what she wanted before she left you for not providing it. Yes, you shouldn’t have gotten carried away like that, but really … it just hurts to see you take all the blame on your shoulders. Because it was never supposed to be all on your shoulders! Nothing was! Isn’t that the point of marriage? To share, to support each other, to- to- … I don’t know, do more than just leave without saying anything? I’m just angry, I’m so angry at her … I’m sorry.”

Aoyama stared at him in silence, not knowing what to say. Whenever anyone wanted to talk to him about his divorce, the quickest and most sensible answer had always been that it was his fault: that he got lost in work and neglected his wife who then found love with someone else. No one questioned that. Some people pitied him. Some gave him unpleasant looks, especially if he elected not to mention that he was working to pay off the house he’d bought for the two of them. But no one got angry … no one accidentally snapped one of their chopsticks in half while being angry at his ex wife, like Kinjou had just done.

No one got angry - not even Aoyama. He’d been hurt, and sad, and regretful, but never angry.

But Kinjou knew him, arguably better than most other people did. And he cared for Aoyama. And he was so intelligent and sensitive when it came to people’s feelings. And he was from a different generation, one where it was maybe a bit more acceptable to stand up and fight instead of just letting the sadness wash all over you.

So was this an appropriate response?

Should Aoyama have been angry back then too?

“Mitsuo, I’m really-”

“No one’s ever gotten angry for me before,” Aoyama blurted out, realizing he’d left Kinjou hanging through all that. “No one’s ever … said all that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“... thank you,” Aoyama sighed, taking a deep breath before he’d unexpectedly burst into tears again. That seemed to happen a lot around Kinjou, and it couldn’t have possibly been all that attractive or pleasant to deal with, so … “Thank you, Aigo. Not for the apology, I mean … for before that. For getting angry.”

“Oh …”

“You really think she should have- you think if- you think it’d be better if she told me earlier?”

“Of course,” Kinjou furiously nodded. “Mitsuo, she should have told you! Granted, I don’t know the lady, but I just can’t understand why she didn’t! Because I know you …”

It felt so reassuring, staring into Kinjou’s eyes as his voice aggressively tossed those words over to Aoyama as if they were a long overdue embrace finally cascading in to hold him.

“I know you, Mitsuo. Even back then, I’m sure, if she had told you … if she had said she wanted more time with you, if she had said she needed you at home with her …”

Well … so much for not crying again. Aoyama’s chest shook with unbearable pain and he burst out sobbing, his view turning blurry in the blink of an eye. But he heard Kinjou standing up, and bumping into the corner of the table as he rushed to be beside him, and finally … embracing Aoyama from behind, awkward and messy but still tightly holding onto Aoyama’s chest and kissing the top of his head.

“I know you, Mitsuo. You would have stayed. You would have been there for her.”

Yes. Yes, he would have. Of course he would have! He loved her! He would have done anything for her … he just didn’t know. He just didn't notice. It was his fault. He’d been living with that guilt ever since.

This was the first time someone took that burden off of him.

And of course, it was … “Aigo …”

“Shh … it’s okay. I’m here. Mitsuo, it’s okay.”

“I’m sorry … I would have stayed … I’m sorry.”

“I know you would have,” Kinjou softly agreed, tightening his embrace. “I’m angry you never got the chance to.”

“Thank you … really, you don’t even know how much this means to me.”

“Ha … you’re really nice to a guy who’s just perpetually making you cry and ruining the memory of your ex wife,” Kinjou mumbled with a deprecating smile.

“But she’s not here anymore,” Aoyama took a deep breath, taking his glasses off to wipe away the tears. “I am. And I needed that.”

Kinjou watched in slow motion as Aoyama’s hands moved past his face, tugging on his hair just right and aggressively pulling him into a kiss. Aoyama hoped he did it right, but even if not … fuck, he needed that.

The late breakfast or early lunch he’d poured so much effort into grew cold as they kissed, with Kinjou tempting the structural integrity of the kitchen chair as he sat on Aoyama’s lap and continued to kiss him repeatedly, restlessly, relentlessly … just like Aoyama wanted.

“I didn’t think I deserved that,” he sighed between kisses, looking up at Kinjou with the eyes of a lost puppy finally finding its owner.

“Oh, Mitsuo … you deserve all the kisses …”

No … not that. He thought he didn’t deserve help from his wife to save their relationship because he wasn’t doing his part, but … of course it was just like Kinjou to be so certain that even then, Aoyama should have been cared for by his partner.

And also just like Kinjou to seemingly think nothing of it - when to Aoyama, it meant the world.

He’d thought about it before: Kinjou was really so experienced and responsible when it came to relationships, and always seemed strong-willed enough to act on whatever he believed was important, plus he was so caring and attentive and handsome and good in bed … how come he was still single? Who knows … maybe he preferred it that way.

But if Aoyama had been married to someone like him, he had no doubt they would have still been together. Someone like Kinjou wouldn’t have let go of him … so Aoyama did his part, and didn’t let go of Kinjou for the foreseeable future either.

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry about today,” Aoyama sighed as he kissed Kinjou goodbye at the door.

“I don’t think you have anything to be sorry for,” Kinjou smiled, his arms resting loosely around Aoyama’s shoulders and their lips brushing against each other as he spoke.

“I got in the way, and the lunch was cold, and I’ve … just been a mess. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Kinjou whispered, moving his hand to cup Aoyama’s cheek as he kissed him again. “It’s what I’m here for. You have so many deep emotions, it’s really attractive watching you get more in touch with them.”

“Thank you …”

“You’re welcome, Mitsuo.”

Another kiss. And another one. And another one. Kinjou made an effort to linger on Aoyama’s lips, to let him taste everything before venturing forward, his tongue prodding deeper and deeper as it caressed the roof of Aoyama’s mouth and tangled itself in the heat of the moment, sending Aoyama’s heart pounding with every little touch of Kinjou’s fingertips on his face, as if the already mind-blowing experience still needed to be augmented and elevated further by something even more loving and tender.

Aoyama felt so wanted … his mind just couldn’t keep up with it all.

“… next Friday?”

Kinjou nodded, trailing kisses along his jawline before leaving his final farewell on Aoyama’s ear with an alluring whisper. ”I’ll see you on Monday, chief.”

They waved goodbye to each other. Aoyama closed the door, and barely remembered to lock it before stumbling back into the living room. He sat down on the sofa next to the giant Kumatte-chan, taking in the silence of the house and the sight of two dirty plates on the table, and he felt like crying for the third time that day - but he was all out of tears by now.

It didn’t feel like sadness anymore though - more like relief.

If he wasn’t too busy being absolutely overwhelmed with Kinjou’s attention in the best possible way, he’d probably be embarrassed of how much he was playing catchup with things that seemed natural to Kinjou, despite him being much younger than Aoyama. Not that he put too much stock in one’s age, but still … he was older, and Kinjou’s boss too. But was he really in any position of authority or mentorship to him? He wouldn’t be surprised if Kinjou had lost all respect for him as a person and a leader by now … yet at the same time, something told him that wouldn’t be the case.

After all, Kinjou was so kind to him. So patient. So understanding. So encouraging. He praised Aoyama so much. Reassured him all the time. Undoubtedly, he took care of Aoyama in a way that was too earnest to hide any disrespect. He never felt like Kinjou looked down on him at all. If anything, he was the one doing it to himself, and Kinjou was beside him, gently nudging his gaze up.

Plus he seemed so empathetic to all of Aoyama’s struggles too. And always had the right answer, almost as if he knew what Aoyama was worrying about. Kinjou made everything sound so plain and simple when he talked about his experiences, but Aoyama wondered if those moments felt different when he was living them rather than just recounting them. Did Kinjou struggle with his identity and relationships in the past too? Everything he laughed about today, had those been painful memories at some point?

Could Aoyama one day be as positive about his own pain too?

He sure hoped so, because it would be nice. Not just for his own sake, but for Kinjou’s too. If they keep meeting up like this, it’d be nice if he could be present in the moment rather than being stuck in the past. It felt like a waste to ruminate on all these worries when he could focus on being with Kinjou instead - but at the same time, that also brought worries of its own.

Namely that Aoyama was starting to feel somewhat intimidated, to say the least. Not intentionally. Maybe not even in a bad way, but still. Kinjou was just so good: good at knowing what Aoyama wanted, good at giving Aoyama what he wanted, and good at knowing what he himself wanted too. It was the latter that terrified Aoyama the most, because it left a wide chasm between them that felt like it could never be bridged.

Aoyama didn’t know what he wanted. And even when he did, he still wasn’t proud of how poorly he communicated it. It bothered him how he fixated on Kinjou’s hands and yet wasn’t able to take those thoughts any further until Kinjou helped him along, basically doing Aoyama’s work for him. He only truly realized what he wanted once Kinjou already gave it to him … and it wasn’t even the first time.

Their whole arrangement had been just that, basically. Even if he tried to think of something he’d want on his own, all he came up with was a blank canvas for Kinjou to paint on.

“I love to take on the dominant role if it makes someone as happy as it makes you.”

Why did he say it like that? Aoyama didn’t understand. It was the one and only time he didn’t feel completely reassured by something Kinjou had told him, because … there was just so much space for all kinds of things there!?

Not that it would be fair or realistic in any way, but … if Kinjou had instead told him that taking initiative and being in control is what he wants, that Aoyama shouldn’t do anything and shouldn’t worry about anything, that he wants all of that to himself … maybe even saying that he’d hate for Aoyama to do anything but follow him would have felt more reassuring, in some hopelessly twisted sense.

But instead, Kinjou seemed to enjoy all kinds of different things beyond Aoyama’s wildest imagination, and it made Aoyama feel inadequate somehow. Whenever they had sex, for just a few moments, he felt like he was everything Kinjou wanted. He felt like he wanted to give Kinjou everything he wanted too. And Kinjou never asked for more, but it was clear to Aoyama that he could have an equally good if not better time with other people too.

And Aoyama’s mind absolutely did not do well with the prospect of someone being happy with other people too.

He knew it was just reality. He knew. He knew. He knew! But at the same time … if he couldn’t be someone’s fated soulmate, the only right person for them in the whole universe … would anyone really choose him?

Would anyone want him?

Would anyone stay with him?

If he wasn’t someone’s only option, why would he be an option at all?

He felt like he’d be happy spending his Friday nights under Kinjou for the indefinite future, but would Kinjou get bored of him? With so many other options, would this also fizzle out before Aoyama was ready to let go of it?

He had no answers for any of it, and he felt horribly overwhelmed by the thought of not keeping up with Kinjou’s wants. Even if they weren’t for him, even if they weren’t voiced to him or said out loud at all … how many other things would Kinjou love that Aoyama couldn’t even fathom in his current state!?

“I’d be willing to work around some awkwardness at work if it meant getting under you. Or on top of you!”

Like that, for example. What did he mean by that!? How was that an ‘or’ situation!? With Aoyama’s single prior experience being with a woman, it didn’t even occur to him to have thoughts or a choice as to what his role in the bedroom would be. And he’d happily use that as an excuse for his ignorance, if it weren’t for the newly introduced concept of strap-ons that Kinjou had just dropped on him like it was the Tuesday meeting schedule or something equally mundane. He didn’t explicitly say so, but if Aoyama understood that conversation right … Kinjou had sex with women with the roles reversed before? How did … how does one even … get to that point? 

Does it make more sense once you have experience with men?

Would Aoyama have to make that choice going forward too?

Would he have a preference now?

… well, if he was being honest with himself, he already did. He blurted out as much to Kinjou already, about how much better this felt … because it did. And it still made Aoyama question his relationship with his wife in uncomfortable ways, even after Kinjou’s reassurance. Part of him was also just embarrassed that he’d never explored any of this during his marriage. He knew they didn’t exactly have the craziest life in the bedroom, but … it was loving, and nice. Maybe that’s why he didn’t feel the need to go looking for more.

He hadn’t known there was more.

But he knew now, and …

“... it doesn’t quite get me there if I wanna really feel the other person inside …”

He understood what Kinjou meant by that. Much to his surprise, because he didn’t expect to understand any of his vast sexual experiences, but somehow … he understood this. It was thrilling, and at the same time, also incredibly comforting. It felt like a tangible representation of the hole inside his heart that Kinjou’s presence filled, and … Aoyama loved that feeling.

But it made him wonder if his enjoyment came at the cost of Kinjou losing out on his, since he said this was specifically something that made him prefer men over women, and yet he couldn’t get it with Aoyama.

Yet another way in which he wasn’t Kinjou’s ideal.

Yet another way in which it would be easy for him to choose someone else.

But he hasn’t so far. No, so far he already agreed to meet up again next Friday, so Aoyama slapped his face to get himself back into the present, and focus on that instead. He already had a bad track record with losing sight of things that were right in front of him, and he didn’t want to make those same mistakes again.

Here and now, Kinjou wanted him. Here and now, Aoyama had at least one more chance to be with him. And if he wasn’t totally delusional about how things were working out between them, there could also be many more hookups in his future. At least that’s how it felt like to him? In which case he had time to wrestle all these questions into a more manageable form. Maybe even ask some of them to Kinjou, although the prospect seemed daunting.

And maybe several weekends down the line, and he did mean several weekends … he could possibly … once he understands himself better, once he understands all of this better … he could maybe … be more of what Kinjou wants too? To say that he was terrified of the idea was an understatement. But at the same time, there was also a sense of intrigue that he didn’t expect.

How would Kinjou look underneath him?

It was just a fleeting thought. Or maybe a circling one, since now that it popped up, Aoyama couldn’t get it out of his head somehow …

Chapter Text

“Momose, good morning! Want some coffee?”

“That’d be nice,” Momose yawned, joining Kinjou in the break room. “I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“You know, you should be careful saying that to someone who knows you’ve got the perfect boyfriend to keep you up,” Kinjou chuckled, pouring another cup of coffee and handing it to Momose.

“Shirosaki-san left for his business trip yesterday,” Momose answered with a wistful sigh. “I couldn’t sleep because I missed him.”

“Damn … damn, okay, you lot are entirely too wholesome,” Kinjou shook his head in joking disapproval. “You really love him, huh?”

“Of course! He’s so great … I’m so happy he’s my partner.”

“Cute. I’m sure the boss is happy with you too! Just make sure you’re still productive while he’s away - you don’t want him to come back to you being super busy, right?”

“Right … thanks, Kinjou-kun! That’s exactly the motivation I needed!”

Yeah, Kinjou could tell. Not that he could blame Momose though: Shirosaki was always watching over him and cheering him on, plus some of the interactions they’ve had at the office recently definitely bordered on discrete romance with how often Shirosaki’s hands lingered on Momose’s shoulders or how close they leaned to each other when checking something on the same computer. Clearly it motivated both of them to do their best, so he could see why Momose would be less energetic without Shirosaki around.

Kinjou understood, because as Friday neared, he also felt very motivated to not be left with any overtime or anything that could be sprung on him at the last minute. And it was just a hookup at the end of the day … he couldn’t imagine how much more it would matter to him to clock out on time if he’d be doing it for the sake of going home with his partner and spending the rest of their weekend together.

Well, he could imagine it … he just didn’t allow himself to.

“Good morning, guys.”

“Morning, chief!”

“Morning~

Aoyama appeared in the breakroom almost on cue with Kinjou’s thoughts, as if they needed any more fodder than they already had. It’s only been two nights since Friday. It would be four more until the next one. It felt too early … too early to want so much, and yet … god, it wasn’t Kinjou’s fault. Aoyama looked beautiful as always: his hair swept to the side above his glasses, his tie perfectly done and his suit slouching off his shoulders as if it were just a little too big for him. Which was for the best, because if he wore something more tailored that possibly accentuated his waist and hips a bit … phew, Kinjou would be in so much trouble.

Even now, part of him wanted to grab Aoyama and smash their lips together and tell him just how much he wanted him and … oh, come on. Get it together. Not at work! Maybe he wasn’t as cut out for this after all … but fuck it, he’d chisel out some mental resilience if he had to, because what was the alternative? Telling Aoyama that they can’t have sex anymore because he can’t keep his head straight at work during the week? No. Absolutely not. Completely out of the question! He was so beyond lucky to have gotten this far, he was not throwing this away by any means.

Aoyama was his. One night of the week and with several asterisks behind that claim, but still.

Aoyama was his.

“Momose-kun, are your reports looking alright for last week?”

“Yes, chief!”

“Good. We’ve got a new request from a coffee shop chain, I’d assign it to you if you’re free? They are looking for collaboration ideas and merchandise, you should do well with that.”

“Thank you, chief! I’ll get right on it.”

“I’ll leave the file on your desk then. And I know Shirosaki-kun will be absent for the next few days, so if you need any guidance, please don’t hesitate to ask me instead.”

“I won’t. Thank you!”

“Great. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting coming up … Kinjou-kun, I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay,” Kinjou nodded, watching the chief leave.

Maybe it was just his imagination … or maybe Aoyama’s voice really turned softer when he called his name? Ah, what a spiral he’d been going down on … damn. Aoyama really was entirely too perfect for him. He really should have stepped back from this one before he ruins a good thing … but under the weight of all their memories, despite his best efforts, Kinjou suddenly felt like anything else would be worth sacrificing to keep hooking up with him.

So what if he can’t control his feelings and needs to quit working here?

There are other good workplaces, there have to be.

But there’s only one Aoyama, and as long as Kinjou can have him, the rest was collateral damage at best.

And they were what, three weekends into this? Yeah. Yup. Mhm, yeah. Kinjou figured these mental gymnastics were part of why he was single, because of course. He was coming on way too strong! Even he could see it this time, which was the kind of clarity usually only granted to him in retrospect once he got broken up with.

But so what? This wasn’t like that. They weren’t a couple. They weren’t dating or anything. It was just a hookup. He could go a little nuts with that, couldn’t he? And Aoyama said he didn’t mind being fantasized about, so what else did Kinjou need? He’d indulge his thoughts, and he wouldn’t be ashamed of it. Not one bit. Aoyama was the finest man he’d ever seen, and at least some of it was mutual, so he’d let his imagination run wild and deal with the consequences later.

But for the time being, at least some of his headspace was still dedicated to the reports he had to turn in by the end of the week, and once he settled down at his desk, he’d been making decent progress … all the way up until he caught a glimpse of Aoyama returning to the office in the corner of his eye.

“How did the meeting go, chief?”

“Pretty good!” Aoyama announced with a proud smile. “We got some memos to distribute, let me see … ah, I’ll have to put this in an email later. The admin chief let us know they’ll be implementing some new management software, so we’ll get different forms to file for business trips starting next month. Oh, and we got complimented on our work again, the numbers are looking good.”

“They should give you a bonus if the department is bringing in that much money,” Kinjou chuckled.

“Money? Ah, no, I mean, I suppose we’re fine on that front too … but we were talking about employee retention.”

“Ah, I see. Well, between all the great leadership here, it’s really no wonder.”

“... thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Kinjou snuck in a sly wink while no one was looking. “So, the new forms, eh? Are they gonna be simpler?”

“I believe so,” Aoyama nodded, opening his laptop and waiting for the bluetooth mouse to connect.

“Well they better be,” Kinjou rolled his eyes. “I’m glad you filed everything for our trip to Kumatte-chan land, I’d have no idea how to fill out those forms.”

“You’ll have to travel on your own eventually too. I could teach you sometime … ah, I mean … well, it probably won’t be necessary, if the new forms are simpler …”

“Hmm … yeah, but you know, I’d still appreciate some guidance from you, Aoyama-san.”

“Then I’ll, uh … make sure to provide it to you.”

Kinjou wondered if it was just him, or if the sexual tension between them could really be cut with a knife. He desperately searched his mind for a more mundane topic that wouldn’t lend itself to semi-intended flirting, but luckily Aoyama was ahead of him on that one.

“Either way, I just wanted to thank you for encouraging Momose-kun earlier. I’m sure your support will help motivate him this week.”

“Just doing my part of keeping up the office vibes! But it’s not like anything I say could hold a candle to Shirosaki-san anyway.”

“I suppose. They still seem to be working together well … I don’t really have anything to worry about there, do I?”

“Probably not,” Kinjou nodded. “But I think that’s to be expected. I mean, they’re both very earnest and responsible professionals.”

“Agreed. Not that I ever doubted them!” Aoyama rushed to clarify. “If anything … it’s kinda cute,” he then added quietly.

“Hm? What is?”

“Them. I’ve been watching them,” Aoyama admitted. “Just to keep an eye on things, as the chief, I mean … but they’re really cute, I think.”

“Oh, that? Absolutely! At this rate, I don’t know how no one else noticed something’s up yet.”

“Well they have been entirely professional, like you’ve said …”

“Haha … ah, Aoyama-san,” Kinjou smiled, offering Aoyama a poignant stare.

“What … am I being obtuse again?”

“A little bit. But I could say the same for everyone else too. I don’t see it lasting long anyway though, so I guess it doesn’t really matter.”

“What? You think they’ll-”

“Oh no, no, not that! I meant the secret,” Kinjou quietly explained.

Not in a million years would he ever suggest that Momose and Shirosaki-san wouldn’t last! They were clearly soulmates meant for each other, anyone could see that if they knew where to look. People just weren’t looking … but Kinjou was. A lot.

Call it daydreaming, or call it jealousy - he didn’t really care about the difference right now.

“Why, do they plan to tell other people too?” Aoyama asked, wondering if Kinjou knew something he didn’t.

“Not that I’m aware of,” Kinjou shrugged, at least somewhat trying to focus on inserting the right charts into his report. “But it’s like … they’ll slip up eventually. With names if nothing else.”

“Right … yes, I could see Shirosaki-kun making a blunder like that,” Aoyama nodded along in agreement.

“Shirosaki-san? Eh, sure, but I was more thinking of Momose,” Kinjou mused. “He is definitely more scatterbrained when it comes to Shirosaki-san than vice versa. I think Shirosaki-san is pretty composed about this, all things considered.”

“Really? I didn’t see it that way at all.”

“Wanna bet?” Kinjou offered.

“... is this the kinda thing we should be betting on?”

“It’s probably a bit improper, but …”

So are we.

The last part went unsaid, but as Kinjou looked over and their eyes met, he was pretty sure it came across just fine in silence too.

“Well alright. A nice dinner at a place of your choosing if Momose-kun slips up first,” Aoyama took the bait.

“Nice. And if it’s Shirosaki-san who blunders instead, then you choose the place and I’m paying?”

“Sounds good.”

They shook hands on it, with Aoyama’s grip lingering just a bit longer than it had to and Kinjou’s fingers brushing up against Aoyama’s palm just a bit gentler than they usually would for a merely platonic handshake between colleagues. But this, of course, was nowhere near platonic. It was just Kinjou’s way of discreetly letting Aoyama know that even here and now, he was already thinking about their next time together. 

And if the blush on Aoyama’s cheeks following their handshake was anything to go by … the chief didn’t seem to mind.

Chapter Text

Aoyama’s house was empty. As it usually was. But now he found it just ever so slightly more unsettling than before. Well, not that there was much he could do about it. Days passed, and so did the lonely nights, and Friday crept closer at a somewhat reasonable pace. But until then, it was just Aoyama and his thoughts alone in bed, which was nowhere near as enjoyable as having Kinjou there with him.

But he’d make something of it nonetheless.

So he used that time to reminisce on the work day, and Kinjou’s bubbly demeanor at the office, and all the … the … uh, flirting. He noticed it now, after Kinjou explicitly said he’d keep doing it. The smiles, the lingering looks, the subtle touches, the winks when no one was looking, at least when Aoyama hoped no one was looking … it was a lot. Tame and work-appropriate!? If that was tame and work appropriate, Aoyama couldn’t imagine what Kinjou would be like when flirting full force out in the open.

Except he could. He very much could. That’s how they hooked up in the first place, wasn’t it?

That, too, was a lot.

But Aoyama didn’t dislike it. He liked being noticed. He liked it when someone paid attention to him, and he wondered how Kinjou got any work done anymore, because it seemed like all he paid attention to was Aoyama these days! What kinda boss even was he, encouraging this behavior instead of putting a stop to it?

What kinda boss was he, hooking up with a subordinate?

Well, if no one knows about it then there’s no one to defend it to. They’d just have to keep it a secret, as was always the plan. Problem solved. He didn’t have a problem with Kinjou flirting with him. He didn’t have a problem with any of this, actually. Lots of other problems, sure, but nothing specifically about Kinjou and himself. That was fine. Great, even. One of the few things in Aoyama’s life outside of work that just … worked. Maybe because it was still work related through them being coworkers? Maybe …

But he didn’t want to think of it as just an extension of work. It very clearly wasn’t, Kinjou had whispered him a million compliments in these few nights they’ve spent together and not once did he mention anything about Aoyama being his boss, other than saying he was a good one. So it’s not like he was only picked because Kinjou wanted to fool around with an authority figure. What happened happened because they both found each other attractive, and they just happened to meet at work. But it wasn’t work: it was Aoyama’s personal life, and god knows how long it’s been since he’d last bothered to consciously spend some time here.

He hadn’t had any reason to think much between work and sleep, or sleep and work. But now he finally had something worth doing. Someone- ha, no, nope, he can’t follow through with that thought, it’s too embarrassing. Kinjou would probably say it in a heartbeat though - he was cute like that, it suited him. Lots of things suited him, actually. Aoyama just struggled to see himself as one of them.

But Kinjou evidently saw something in hooking up with Aoyama, so it’d be a shame to let that go to waste. Aoyama finally felt like some of his previously neglected needs were being taken care of, and not even necessarily just the physical ones. Having someone to talk to - while they hooked up, after they hooked up, while they had lunch, before they said goodbye - was what really got him, probably more than just the sex itself. Or maybe it was both. Maybe hooking up with someone chatty, sensitive and emotionally intelligent was exactly what he needed. And it felt like they were barely at the beginning of what could be a lot of fun.

So where would they take this?

Where should they take this?

Aoyama was fine with how things were. He couldn’t conceivably think of a way to ask more of Kinjou when Kinjou was already an expert in giving everything. And if he eventually wants more, he was pretty sure Kinjou would figure it out before him anyway. He should just sit back and let himself be pampered, no? In bed at least.

He had plenty of things to work on outside of that. And there had been some progress since the first time they hooked up, especially since he’d read that long and heartfelt message Kinjou sent him, but still … was that really progress, or was it just motion? Maybe either was good for an old divorced idiot who watched his wife leave and then just stood still in the same spot where she’d left him. He kinda figured that’s what the rest of his life would be like: standing still. Not by choice, just by lack of options. Or rather … out of fear of leaving the comfort zone and exploring the unknown.

But he’d been plunged into all sorts of unknowns with Kinjou, and they’ve all been pretty comfortable. He felt like there was perhaps some indecency, some juvenile irresponsibility to indefinitely hooking up with someone, but who was he to say? A decent and responsible marriage sure as hell didn’t work out for him. So what if his current situation wasn’t exactly something he could tell his mother about on the phone? It seemed to work for Kinjou. And Kinjou didn’t look down on Aoyama for going along with it. So why should Aoyama look down on himself? Sure, these weren’t the standards he used to have, but maybe it was time to let go of that.

They were just two adults having fun. There was nothing wrong with that. Nothing irresponsible or juvenile or- okay, maybe some things were a little bit indecent … but again, so what? They happened in the privacy of his own bedroom, that was between him and Kinjou. Aoyama kinda liked it that way.

There was life out there beyond standing still and missing his ex wife. He felt like he had finally dipped his toes in a little bit of that, and maybe one day he’ll be able to properly take in the whole ocean: for now, the sunrise on the horizon simply blinded him, and he could barely see two steps in front of him. That’s why he was so eager to lean into Kinjou’s guidance and let him take care of everything.

Even if that meant being lured deeper into the water.

Part of Aoyama wanted to wander out there anyway. What was waiting for him? What was there, if not just what he’d been miserably holding onto this whole time? He wanted to become a man capable of exploring that. Someone with confidence and curiosity - like Kinjou.

“We can’t keep crying all the time,” he mumbled to himself as if there was another person in the room responsible for controlling his feelings. “Just ‘cause … we should really sort that out if we wanna get anywhere. And honestly, if I’m sobbing and all that … really, good point, why not during the week? I shouldn’t be lazing around just waiting to see him again …”

Right now would be a good time to cry. He literally had nothing better to do! Why waste what little time he gets with Kinjou on the weekend to mope around? He should be able to sort out those thoughts by himself … maybe he can just tell Kinjou what he’d been thinking about without having a complete breakdown every time. That’d be nice. They could kiss more if Aoyama’s emotional instability didn’t get in the way. Not that he didn’t enjoy being consoled and pity-kissed by Kinjou, all of that was very nice too, just not quite the same.

Right now, Aoyama wanted to be pushed up against a door or pressed deep into the mattress while Kinjou kissed him. He picked up his phone, ignoring the time and just focusing on the date: it was still only Wednesday. God, the weekdays were slow. Just two more nights … just two more nights. He’d get through it somehow, even though he could already feel himself growing impatient.

He wondered if there was anything he could spend those two evenings doing instead of waiting aimlessly. Anything that mattered, anything that would make things - make him - better. He could cry, he really could. Had all the time in the world for that. Just didn’t feel like it for some reason. Oh well, perhaps that couldn’t be so conveniently controlled.

He shouldn’t look forward too much all at once, or the sunrise on the horizon might blind him.

But even with his eyes closed, he felt tempted to slip further into the water.

Oh well. Perhaps nothing about this could be so conveniently controlled. Maybe trying to sort everything out in a neat and tidy manner was part of the problem. The things he’d been having fun with, including Kinjou himself, were pretty spontaneous, weren’t they? How could he do more of that? The irony of trying to plan something spontaneous wasn’t lost on him, but still. Maybe just unusual would do for now. Out of the ordinary. Out of his comfort zone?

Was it really out of his comfort zone though?

Aside from the tiny bit of nerves and the initial fear of the unknown, nothing about being with Kinjou actually made him uncomfortable. It’s not like Aoyama needed to get used to him: once it happened, the connection was just … instant.

It seemed like his comfort zone might be much bigger than what he’d been stuck in all this time. So maybe he didn’t have a comfort zone to get out of, maybe he just had a blind spot to get rid of so that he could actually understand and enjoy himself. So where should he start looking?

When you’re ankle-deep in uncharted waters and the sunrise blinds you, where do you start looking?

Maybe he could do well with a hobby. Something other than collecting Kumatte-chan merchandise. Kinjou seemed to be into all kinds of anime and games, maybe there was something there that Aoyama could enjoy too. Then they’d even have another thing to talk about together. That felt both out of the ordinary and comfortable - exactly what he was looking for.

There was a bookstore that he often stopped at on the way to the office to buy magazines their ads were featured in. They had a pretty sizable manga section too, not that he ever properly looked at it. But maybe he could do that tomorrow, he thought as he slowly drifted off to sleep. Then he can spend his Thursday night reading instead of just waiting for Kinjou.

But no matter what hobby he picks up, part of him felt that he’d still be waiting either way.

Chapter Text

“I couldn’t wait.”

Yeah. Kinjou could tell.

With his back pressed against the front door in Aoyama’s hallway, his Friday evening already drowned in kisses that hit harder than any liquor, Aoyama’s lips relentlessly showering him in affection and hands grasping at anything they could get a hold of … Kinjou could tell, and it was very much mutual.

“Me neither,” he whispered in Aoyama’s ear, nibbling gently on his earlobe. “Mitsuo … ah, you’re so cute …”

“You did so well this week, I’m so proud of you, I can’t believe you did all that overtime yesterday just so-”

“Hey … hey, Mitsuo,” Kinjou nudged him away.

“Y-Yes?”

“Not that I mind you complimenting my work performance, but if you’re gonna do that while undressing me, I might get some wrong associations,” Kinjou smiled.

“Oh … oh, I’m sorry, right, sorry …”

“It’s okay,” Kinjou leaned closer, bringing their lips together. “Save that for the office, alright?”

“Mhm.”

“But of course I did everything I could before Friday … I wanted to be with you, Mitsuo … as soon as I can.”

“Me too.”

They kissed in the hallway for a while, ties undone and shirts half unbuttoned but not quite falling off their shoulders: in a rush and yet, savoring the moment. Kinjou would have been happy here too, he wouldn’t mind kissing Aoyama in this disheveled state for hours, but alas he eventually nudged him upstairs towards the bedroom, one hand on the door and the other around Aoyama’s waist, wondering what kinda hotel setup would await him this time.

But to his surprise, Aoyama’s bed hadn’t even been made, and there was a pile of manga teetering on the verge of collapse where Kinjou’s pillow used to be.

“Well this feels a lot more lived in,” he chuckled, kissing Aoyama’s cheek.

“Sorry. I fell asleep reading last night, and overslept my alarm. I didn’t have time to tidy up …”

“That’s fine,” Kinjou shrugged, gently pushing Aoyama on the bed and climbing into his lap, kissing his forehead as he picked up one of the volumes. “You never told me you liked these though? I spent so much time trying to indoctrinate Shirosaki-san into the idol fandom, I could have used some help from another otaku in the office!”

“Ah, they’re … it’s all new,” Aoyama explained. “I bought them yesterday. I kinda thought I could use a hobby.”

“... and this is what you landed on?” Kinjou asked, holding up a volume of the latest shoujo hit. “What the hell? I couldn’t get any of my friends in on this, they all think this author is too sappy, but I’m totally in love with her stuff! It’s so good, isn’t it?!”

“It’s all really touching, yeah …”

“When she got to the- wait, what volume did you get to?”

“Fourth.”

“So you saw the bridge scene!! I cried so hard, that was so emotional, and he’s not even my favorite love interest! I like the guy who shows up in volume six, so no spoilers, I guess. Who do you ship her with so far?”

“... ship?”

“Who do you want her to end up with,” Kinjou explained, realizing his excitement was getting the better of him.

“Oh … I think her childhood friend is really sweet …”

“Right? He’s my second fave! You’ve got good taste in men,” Kinjou laughed, leaning closer to Aoyama’s lips. “Then again, that’s no news to me.”

He forgot to put down the volume before they kissed, and he didn’t want to just drop it blindly, but oh well … he could hold a book and Aoyama at the same time, it wasn’t too much to handle. It sure made him feel like a shoujo protagonist of his own though: clutching a beloved series while embracing his prince.

“You’ve read all of it, I assume?” Aoyama asked as their lips barely parted.

“Oh yeah. Got all the volumes, collector’s editions, and I’m reading weekly chapters in the online magazine.”

“I’ll catch up soon,” Aoyama promised. “Then we can talk more about it! And please give me recommendations for other series you like, I just bought a few at random from that store near the office, I don’t know what I’m getting into at all.”

“I don’t know if you want recommendations from me,” Kinjou sighed, finally putting the book down. “I mean, I get carried away way too easily … just look at me fondling books instead of you.”

“But that’s why I got them.”

“... eh?”

“I mean, not- not that,” Aoyama mumbled, blushing as he reached for Kinjou’s hand to move it away from the manga and onto his chest. “I’d still like it if you kept your hands on me and all that … but I thought about hobbies, and it just popped into my head that this is something you like, and maybe we could have something else to talk about that’s not just work.”

“Oh …”

“It’s nice to see you like this,” Aoyama reached up, cupping Kinjou’s face. “You’re so cute when you talk about something you like.”

If a volume or two got sacrificed in the process of toppling Aoyama backwards onto the sheets and kissing him without pause, Kinjou figured he could live with that. He didn’t really know what to make of Aoyama choosing a hobby to match him, except that he definitely found it extremely hot.

“But you do … you do … you do like it, right?” He struggled to find the words as he finally got rid of Aoyama’s shirt. “It’s not just for me, right?”

“... you’re asking about the manga?”

“Yeah. This- I mean … I know you like this,” he whispered quietly, leaning down for another kiss. “I hope so at least …”

“I love both,” Aoyama reassured him.

“Good. I’d love to share a hobby with you, Mitsuo!”

“Me too.”

Aoyama was his. Kinjou’s brain indulged that thought once more, feeling the weight of it in each kiss they shared. It was just a self-indulgent fantasy in the office, but between Aoyama’s sheets, it all felt so real. Aoyama was his to hold, to kiss, to make love with, to cuddle until morning and repeat all over again.

“You shouldn’t try to endear yourself to me too much though,” he sighed, catching his breath between kisses. “I’m already crazy about you as is, Mitsuo.”

“... I wouldn’t mind more.”

Oh god. This man. This fucking man.

This would be the end of him, Kinjou thought as he buried his face in the crook of Aoyama’s neck and gently nipped at his skin, hoping it was low enough for his shirt to cover the marks on Monday.

“We should probably get these off the bed,” he mumbled, finding himself face to face with the second volume under Aoyama’s pillow.

“It kinda doesn’t seem right to make you help clean my room,” Aoyama awkwardly apologized. “I really should’ve taken two minutes to sort this out in the morning.”

“It’s fine,” Kinjou shrugged, gathering up the volumes. “I told you last time, didn’t I? I like your place better when it feels lived in. And there’s nothing quite like scrambling out of bed late in the morning with a good series scattered all around.”

“I’d have to say I agree,” Aoyama smiled, handing Kinjou the last volume. “I had so much fun last night … can’t remember the last time I felt like that. If we exclude being with you, of course.”

“Oh, you flatter me,” Kinjou batted his eyelashes, looking around for a spot to leave the books in.

“Just put them on the nightstand next to the others.”

“Others? Oh, damn,” Kinjou laughed as he saw two more piles of books on Aoyama’s nightstand. “I didn’t even see these. You really went all- huh?”

“I wouldn’t call it all in,” Aoyama shrugged, fluffing up his pillow and moving Kinjou’s over to where it should’ve been. “I just bought a few series.”

“Including this?” Kinjou asked, lifting up a BL with a rather revealing cover.

“... yes.”

“This one kinda stands out,” Kinjou mused, looking at Aoyama’s other picks which were mostly tame and cutesy shoujo manga. “You realize it’s basically just smut after the first volume?”

“I thought I could get some ideas to enjoy my time with you more.”

Kinjou almost felt his heart thump in and out of his chest a couple times, wondering if there was a punchline or if he was just gonna have to deal with … that. Those words about that series out of Aoyama’s mouth were just about the last thing anyone would expect to hear, and while Kinjou knew a little better than just anyone, he still wasn’t prepared for that. Aoyama being bold and taking initiative was so fucking hot - like gap moe, but specifically for turning Kinjou on. Gap sexy, if that was a thing. Not that Aoyama wasn’t already sexy with his usual demeanor, this was just so fucking extra.

He tossed the book aside, grabbing Aoyama’s hair to pull him into a kiss before climbing on top of him and making sure Aoyama’s mattress would never forget the shape of his back.

“Ai-”

“Did you read it?”

“M-Mhm.”

“Did you like it?”

“... a lot.”

“What volume did you get to?” He asked, scattering caution into the wind and leaving bite marks on Aoyama’s ear.

“Third …”

“Makes sense. In the fourth one, they have sex at the office. And that’s not where this is going, is it, Mitsuo?”

“No! God no, I didn’t know, I didn’t mean-”

“There’s still lots of other good ‘ideas’ in there though,” Kinjou cut him off with another kiss. “I’ll want in-depth reviews of all of them, Mituso.”

“Eh?”

“I have to know how to make you feel good, don’t I?”

“You do …”

“So you’ll have to tell me everything.”

“I will.”

“Good boy,” Kinjou praised him, taking off his own belt before moving to unbuckle Aoyama’s with his teeth. “By the way … did you know there’s an audio drama?”

“... there is?”

“Oh there sure is,” Kinjou mused, scrambling to find his phone somewhere on the bed. “Wanna have a listen?”

“... can we?”

“We can do anything, Mitsuo. Whatever you want. Well, except sex at the office, and a few other things I’m definitely not flexible enough for - but for the most part, anything.”

“Is it any good? The audio drama, I mean …”

“Oh it’s phenomenal,” Kinjou grinned, finally finding his phone. “I binged it last week. I got super into it since the top kinda sounds like you, it’s so hot … here,” he tossed Aoyama the phone. “Feel free to turn it off if you don’t feel like it anymore.”

He didn’t know if Aoyama would be into it, but apparently he was. The track played out all the way until the climax, with soft music fading in over where the second volume left off.

“You know … if you keep at it like this, I might actually fall in love with you.”

It wasn’t that similar to Aoyama’s voice. There were copious moans available for Kinjou tonight to compare and contrast the difference, so it should have been obvious to him by now, but still.

For reasons unknown, he kept his eyes closed and pretended not to know who really said that part.

Chapter Text

“... mmhm …”

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Kinjou whispered softly, kissing the top of Aoyama’s head.

“Morning … is it morning?” Aoyama mumbled, not moving even a centimeter from Kinjou’s chest where he’d been sleeping the whole night.

“Who knows. Maybe, I don’t know,” Kinjou smiled, his fingers slipping between strands of Aoyama’s hair and smoothing it out. “I haven’t checked the time. I’ve just been petting you, you’re such a soft little puppy!”

“I like that …”

“What, this?” Kinjou continued to scratch his scalp.

“Yes, but also, all the cute, ahem, pet names you use …”

“Well I gotta spoil my baby a little bit, don’t I?” Kinjou mused, catching hold of Aoyama’s chin and nudging his face upwards for a kiss.

“Aigo …”

“Especially when you’re being such a good boy …”

“... A-Aigo …”

“You felt so good last night … you seemed so into it, it almost drove me crazy …”

“-ah …”

“Eh, who am I kidding,” Kinjou suddenly laughed, rolling over and trapping Aoyama beneath him as their lips collided in a kiss that felt like an eternity. “I already am crazy about you, sweetie.”

“Ai-”

“So cute,” he sighed, staring down at the breathless Aoyama with half-lidded eyes. “I’ve heard you do that before. What is it, baby? Am I leaving you out of breath already, or is that supposed to be a nickname?”

Their eyes met. Aoyama felt himself shiver under the touch of Kinjou’s fingers wiping saliva off his lips. God help him if he knew anything anymore, he was just in complete ecstasy over yet another soft and loving morning with the most perfect man on Earth.

“Ai …”

Kinjou laughed. He was so beautiful when he laughed; whether it was boisterous and erratic or quiet and gentle, like now. He leaned closer again, blessing Aoyama with another kiss, and just as Aoyama thought his lungs would give out, there came the final hit.

“You can call me that if you want … Mi-chan.”

Kinjou’s voice was syrupy sweet. Aoyama could swear he almost tasted it as they continued to kiss: not the kinda syrup you put in coffee or pour over dessert, but rather the kind you drown in.

He didn’t mean anything by it. He didn’t even plan to say it, it just naturally came up that he liked all the things Kinjou called him other than his own name. And Aoyama felt comfortable expressing that to him. It wasn’t asking for more. Or maybe it was.

In a different place and time, Aoyama would probably worry about the implications of saying he likes something like that. That is basically asking the other person for more, isn’t it?

And Kinjou already gave him everything.

It would normally take much less than that for Aoyama to feel terrified about even accidentally making someone think he wasn’t satisfied with what he already got. But the truth was that no, he wasn’t. He wasn’t anywhere near satisfied. He did want more.

Being needy was kind of a joke. Or maybe he was the joke, who knows. It was just something he slipped into and continued to simmer in, something other people at the office would eventually remark on behind his back, something he embraced and played off of and self-deprecatingly laughed about, because … well, what else would he do?

Actually ask for more? Ask for everything he wanted?

He didn’t even know what that was. He didn’t dare approach those feelings with a ten kilometer stick before, of course he’d have no idea where - if anywhere - the limits were. And yet, with Kinjou, he suddenly felt like he could push those unknown limits even further … no, not push … it was almost like they were being gently pulled and coaxed out of him, and all he had to do was follow - one step at a time.

He wanted Kinjou to call him more pet names. And perhaps he should clarify that, perhaps the difference between just complimenting something and asking for more of it was important, but … Kinjou understood, didn’t he? He definitely understood. He understood Aoyama perfectly.

So it wasn’t for him. It was for Aoyama himself.

“Ai … more … I want …”

“Shhh, baby, I got you …”

“I want more pet names,” Aoyama finally got the words out, breathless between kisses.

“More different ones, or should I just use one more often?” Kinjou whispered, taking a short break from relentlessly pursuing Aoyama’s lips.

“Both.”

“Haha … cutiepie, those are two opposite things,” he laughed, kissing Aoyama again. “But sure, I’ll make it happen for you. Let me know if you have a favorite, right?”

“You.”

Aoyama realized a second or two later that Kinjou meant favorite pet name, not a favorite in general. But he couldn’t help himself - he heard ‘favorite’ and all he could think of was Kinjou.

How embarrassing.

But Kinjou was laughing, almost in tears, cupping Aoyama’s face and kissing him over and over and over again.

“Mi-chan, you really are asking for it, huh? So cute … oh my god, you’re so cute … what the fuck am I gonna do with you, you’ll give me a heart attack … baby, you’re so pretty like that … tell me more … tell me what other things you want … I want to give you everything, dear.”

It might have been morning then, but by the time they finished having sex again and taking another exhausted nap in each other’s arms, it was already late in the afternoon … as usual.

Aoyama still didn’t quite comprehend how something like this could ever be ‘usual’ for someone like him, and yet … it felt like it was. He shared a shower with Kinjou, feeling like he could soap and wash each of his muscles blind if he had to, watching with a content smile as they got out and dried each other off, Kinjou wrapping himself in the bathrobe that Aoyama bought him and finding his own way to the spare toothbrush that spent the week waiting for him in one of the bathroom drawers.

If he stared hard enough, Aoyama felt like within a weekend or two, he could remember the exact pattern in which Kinjou absentmindedly brushed his teeth too. Not that he’d need to remember it. But he kinda wanted to.

It would be just another on the already long and ever increasing list of things that felt usual about their time together.

And Aoyama liked this usual.

“I am getting so spoiled,” Kinjou sighed, sitting at the kitchen table and watching Aoyama make their lunch. Internally, he was fighting everything within him to stop himself from sneaking up and tossing out more kisses, but he’d be damned if he risked Aoyama burning such a delicious meal.

“It’s just salmon,” Aoyama chuckled.

“You say that like it’s a can of sardines,” Kinjou rolled his eyes. “I really have a proper cougar on my hands.”

“Do cougars eat canned sardines?”

“No,” Kinjou choked back a laugh. “A cougar is like … slang for affluent women who date younger men. I don’t know if there’s a male equivalent, and I guess it’s not supposed to be a compliment either, but just … you totally look like a black cougar. My feisty little kitty!”

“I’m gonna sear before this fish does,” Aoyama mumbled, blushing up to his ears.

“You asked for it,” Kinjou shrugged with a grin. “Or … I mean, if it’s too much, please-”

“It’s not.”

“Oh …”

“I love it … Ai.”

“I love it too, Mi-chan. Now keep your eyes on the salmon, alright? I promise I’ll stay right here, and I’m definitely storing all the kisses I wanna give you right now.”

“Good … so am I.”

“I sure hope that’s all you’re building up in there,” Kinjou sighed, propping his head up with elbows on the table as he continued to stare at Aoyama. “You’ve been kinda quiet today … is everything alright?”

“Huh? Yes, everything is fine, I’m just … processing everything. You’ve drowned me in so many pet names, I know I asked for it but still … I’m a little overwhelmed.”

“Oh … Mitsuo, I’m sorry, I’ll tone it-”

“I don’t want you to tone it down,” Aoyama cut him off, tensing up as he flipped the fish in the pan. At least he had an excuse not to look at Kinjou at a moment like this. “I want everything. I want to be overwhelmed. Even if it leaves me just … useless for anything else. I know it’s selfish. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

So much for cooking this filet perfectly. No way he could ever do that with Kinjou pressed against his back, wrapping his arms around Aoyama’s waist and whispering into his ears.

“Mi-chan, you wanting things is hot as fuck. It’s not selfish one bit. As long as I know you’re happy, I’ll spoil you so hard that you’ll need the whole week to process it all.”

Yes. Yes. Yes. That was what he wanted. Fuck, Kinjou understood him so much. How could one man be this perfect?

Aoyama barely kept it together for a few more minutes to finish the salmon before turning off the stove, and then they kissed. Deeply, lovingly, endlessly, with more pet names than Aoyama even knew existed thrown in.

How could Kinjou be this perfect?

They sat on the same side of the table for the first time, interspersing their meal with more kisses and soft caresses on Aoyama’s back with the hand Kinjou wasn’t using to hold his fork. It felt like all he really wanted was Aoyama, and everything else was an afterthought. Or maybe Aoyama was projecting, because that was definitely what things felt like for him.

And it was almost over too. Oh god, how could one night pass by so fast? How is he supposed to already say goodbye to-

“Mi-chan … I know I should be leaving, but … wanna make out on the couch a bit before I go?”

“Yes!”

The giant Kumatte-chan kept them company in the corner, or maybe he fell off during the whole thing - Aoyama wouldn’t know. Kinjou was all he had eyes for. Kiss after kiss after kiss, he felt his chest grow heavy with desperation, daydreaming about what he’d do to just keep him.

How long? Who knows.

He just couldn’t see an ending to it. Couldn’t imagine, not even in his wildest dreams, a moment when he’d have enough of Kinjou. He really was disgustingly needy, wasn’t he?

And yet, Kinjou didn’t seem to mind.

And yet … this side of himself felt less ugly to Aoyama now that he was with him.

He pondered carefully for a brief moment what would happen if he’d just let his neediness win. It was mostly all a blur, but at least one thing was clear: as he finally said goodbye to Kinjou late in the evening, he had to admit to himself that such a thing wouldn’t be happening if Aoyama could have it his way.

He’d keep him. How long? Well, it’d have to be forever, no?

There was no way he’d get everything he wanted with Kinjou in any less time than that.

Chapter Text

Kinjou walked to the station lighthearted, or lightheaded, or maybe both. Leaving Aoyama’s house was like getting out of a long scented bubble bath: he felt relaxed and sleepy and just overall comfortably content with the experience. But at the same time, he also wouldn’t mind soaking it in a little longer. Ah, the chief really was bad for him … so, so bad.

A month of the new year had already gone by, and Kinjou barely felt like any time had passed at all. He didn’t feel stuck or anything, but he did find himself in a strange limbo of waiting for the Friday evenings that he would spend with Aoyama. There were other things too: work was fun, they’ve gone out for drinks with Shirosaki and Momose a couple times, he was texting his friends a lot, the new anime season looked really promising and his oshi got back to back event cards that he’d been ranking for like a madman. Life was full of amusing things, actually.

They were just all so easily eclipsed by Aoyama.

Was it a bad thing, was it a good thing … Kinjou didn’t know. Something like that was probably subjective anyway. To him, it always felt good to obsess about someone and give them his all. Usually in the context of a relationship, but let’s be honest, he wasn’t sparing any attention when it came to his hookups either. Anyone who’d accept his affection was a priority to him. He enjoyed focusing on a partner above all else. Not instead of all else, just above. A shiny deity on a pedestal to surround with all the other things he enjoys and loves. That was fun.

That’s what made him feel the most alive.

But also what made other people leave soon enough. To them, the way Kinjou wished to love was a bad thing. And if it meant Kinjou didn’t have a partner in the end … wouldn’t that make it a bad thing for him too? Maybe, but he just couldn’t bring himself to see it that way. Nothing made him as happy as giving his all to someone and them accepting it … even if just for a little while. But once it was all lost again, nothing hurt quite like that either.

He must have had the whole ‘no pain no gain’ thing backwards: to him, pain only came after he’d already gained someone - in the form of losing them.

Perhaps that was why he hadn’t dated anyone in a while. He was busy. He changed jobs, made new friends, had some nice hookups … life was fulfilling enough that way. It wasn’t what he really wanted, but … after being left over and over again, he had to admit that he wanted to avoid that pain more than he wanted to try again.

Right now, it wasn’t a problem. But he wondered when he’d fall in love again, and what he’d do about it then. Would it be Aoyama? Probably, Kinjou admitted to himself. Maybe it already was. Maybe they were on the precipice between fun and feelings, and Kinjou was teetering over the edge … but not quite yet. He felt excited by Aoyama, but it didn’t go much past that. It probably would though, if Aoyama keeps spoiling him like that.

It was as if Kinjou had drawn a sketch of his most perfect fantasy, and Aoyama was coloring it in piece by piece.

He would be a fool to say he wouldn’t fall in love with Aoyama. He’d slipped up head over heels for much lesser people in the past. It wasn’t his fault he so desperately wanted someone to pour his heart out to, and he knew it wouldn’t last anyway, so things like standards and long term compatibility just didn’t really matter. But even if he wasn’t looking for any of those things, Aoyama was just … a perfect man by all his standards. And getting perfect-er by the minute, somehow.

They really had sex with a BL drama playing in the background … Kinjou couldn’t remember the last time he got to enjoy something like that. Most people weren’t into it. If they were, it was as a joke, and they went for the most obscene stories as something to laugh at. But listening to an impeccably voiced tender love story with all the ambient sound effects of rustling sheets and stifled moans was a rarity. And Aoyama just … went with it.

Kinjou would be a fool to say he wasn’t already falling in love with him.

And that was probably for the best. Workplace relationships were a pain in the ass, especially if he were just the fresh-faced rookie dating the section chief. Yeah, uh-oh, no. And Aoyama wasn’t even looking for something like that in the first place. If Kinjou were to fall in love and not act on it for once, this would be the most convenient place to do so.

But he wasn’t there yet, and thinking about it would surely only make it worse.

He’d been having a good time with Aoyama, and that was mutual. They found each other attractive, that was mutual too. And they wanted to try more things, that was extremely mutual somehow. And it was all Kinjou needed. He’d just have fun with it, and see where it goes. Maybe it would hurt in the end too … if Aoyama moves on to someone else … but at least they’d just stop hooking up, and Kinjou wouldn’t have to sit through yet another sorry confession about how he was too much.

He’d rather not be what Aoyama wanted anymore than be more than what he wanted.

So even if he falls completely in love with him, it’s fine. This, for once, wasn’t that kind of relationship. His feelings would be unrequited by default, and it should stay that way. He wouldn’t pursue them. He was happy with what they had. He wouldn’t allow himself to taint the ending by wishing for more.

Aoyama was getting so much better anyway. At everything. Now that Kinjou thought about it, this weekend was the first time Aoyama didn’t cry or have some other emotional breakdown. He wondered if he’d been thinking things through during the week, and how that was going for him. Probably well, if the results were anything to go by. Although suddenly getting into raunchy BL and cute shoujo manga could also be construed as some kind of mid-life crisis … but Kinjou figured he should give Aoyama the benefit of the doubt on that one. Especially when it quite handsomely benefitted him too!

As he got on the train back home, he suddenly realized this was also the first time they didn’t specifically make plans to meet up again next Friday. Maybe it was already implied, it definitely felt like that to Kinjou at least, but still … better make sure. He took out his phone and opened his messages with Aoyama, where the last thing he sent were photos of some work files: quite the thematic difference, but oh well.

“I had a great time with you. Like always. Next Friday?”

As if Aoyama had been staring at his phone at the exact same time, the reply came almost instantly.

“Yes.” - “I had a great time with you too.”

“I can’t wait to see you again ❤️ 😘 ”

“Me neither.” - “Although I send you things for work a lot, maybe we shouldn’t do this here.”

“Wanna take this somewhere else?”

“Where?”

It didn’t take Kinjou long to send over a link to another chat app that he’d been using, totally separate from all their work conversations.

“Better?”

“Yes ❤️ 😘 ”

Oh god, what a tease, Kinjou thought, smiling at his phone.

“Nice! I can send you some manga recommendations here too, hehe~ Read the ones you already have and give me some feedback so I know what to pick for you.”

“You can send me whatever you like.”

“That’s a long list.”

“I have the rest of tonight and tomorrow to go through it.”

Kinjou didn’t plan on it, but he spent the rest of his commute home and the better part of his Saturday night discussing manga with Aoyama: ranging from anywhere to dropping lore about his favorite idols to contemplating where exactly the smut threshold was on the BL he could recommend him. Apparently pretty high, because Aoayama seemed to be eating it all up like Christmas dinner.

This was what Kinjou meant when he couldn’t think of his current situation as being stuck. Yes, he was waiting for Friday, but also, he wasn’t just waiting for Friday. He spent the rest of his weekend messaging Aoyama on and off, and they even texted a few times during the week. Kinjou tried to hold back a little bit, but he couldn’t hold back everything: some of his excitement undoubtedly seeped through, and yet … Aoyama always reciprocated it.

They weren’t exactly flirting, but it wasn’t all that innocent either.

From an off-handed comment about how Kinjou found one of the characters sexy because he looked just like Aoyama without glasses, to Aoyama sending back a panel of said character getting absolutely spoiled by his top and asking if that would be him next weekend … just little innocuous things like that. Not flirting. Not not flirting either. A comfortable middle ground, or something like that.

“Yes, that’ll totally be you once I get my hands on you again, Mi-chan.”

“I’ll wait for you, Ai~”

You do that, Kinjou thought, rolling on his bed and counting down the hours until Friday night. 

Please … do that.

He typed it out, but didn’t send that one. It still felt like a bit too much, asking someone to wait for him. He wouldn’t ask things of Aoyama. He’d just take what he can get - that was probably for the best.

Chapter Text

“You’re perfect.”

Aoyama’s body was twisted into a weird croissant shape as he cuddled Kinjou, holding on to his chest with their legs tangled and face hidden away in the crook of Kinjou’s neck. He was too exhausted to move, yet he couldn’t help but hold onto him immediately after he pulled away. Kinjou’s breathing was still ragged, chest heaving up and down but slowly calming as his hands found their way around Aoyama’s waist.

“You’re perfect too.”

They kissed for a long while, catching their breaths on each other as if there was no other way to breathe. Even within that one week, the manga stacks on Aoyama’s nightstand had already gotten taller. He awaited Kinjou with bashful smiles and a dozen bookmarked pages that he really liked, and Kinjou vowed to give him everything - within the realms of reality and his own flexibility, at least. But that still covered quite a bit, and they could easily keep busy for weeks.

So they did.

And it was beginning to completely screw Kinjou’s sense of time. A month, that was only four nights with Aoyama. That was nothing. It all went by in a flash, like he could blink and miss it. But that was fine. There was always next time.

“Next Friday?”

“Yes …”

Those three simple words have become routine, whispered wistfully in Aoyama’s hallway on what should have been Saturday afternoons but were more commonly evenings, with Kinjou’s back against the door and Aoyama’s arms around his waist, almost as if he had been taken hostage and wouldn't be released until reassurance has been laid down that they still had more time.

Next Friday, next Friday, next Friday.

Kinjou didn’t focus on it too much. But next Friday was when he lived.

The rest paled in comparison.

And as the tree outside of Aoyama’s bedroom window began to show tiny little buds of green leaves, so did Kinjou have to deal with the looming feelings blossoming inside of him. For weeks, he’d been pouring them all into Aoyama, both figuratively and literally, and he resigned himself to think of this merely as an attraction. Absolutely insane, electric, mind-numbing attraction.

But it went a little bit beyond that.

Like Aoyama’s fingers slipping into his hair, or his breath hitching as he called Kinjou’s name, or his hand resting on Kinjou’s chest before they fell asleep, or the soft and heart-breaking goodbye he would always whisper over the last kiss before Kinjou left.

Kinjou gave Aoyama his all … and he hadn’t been pushed away yet. It was a dangerous situation to be in, because it gave him hope, it gave him ideas, it gave him that funny pent up feeling in his chest and oh so many daydreams.

Slowly, he was beginning to indulge them. Maybe it was easier to do so while knowing they would never come to fruition.

On one particular Friday evening, he found himself alone in the office after hours, the lights already dimmed everywhere except the conference room down the hall. Aoyama’s meeting should have ended two hours ago, but it was still going. Kinjou kept himself busy with work, and once that ran out, he burnt through his LP in all the gacha games he played, and then he cautiously re-read the digital edition of the manga Aoyama had been fixated on that week. By midnight, his friends were starting to text him if he’d finally been stood up by ‘that guy’ since his status was still showing him online. No, he was just waiting for him - but he didn’t really feel comfortable explaining it was his boss he was waiting for, so he omitted that part.

Out of pure boredom, he ended up looking for some events to pad his schedule for the next few weeks, and amidst the sea of indie concerts, idol costume exhibits, collab cafes and karaoke shows, cherry blossom viewings were starting to pop up too. It gave him pause, in that same daydreamy way he’d found himself pausing a lot lately. When he and Aoyama first hooked up, it was right after New Year’s, wasn’t it … yeah, the week after, when Shirosaki and Momose returned to work and broke the news, which then in turn also broke Kinjou in a way that made holding back his attraction to Aoyama impossible. It felt like just a week or two ago … and yet cherry blossoms were coming up now, and Kinjou had already been looking for a lighter coat.

This had already lasted longer than the vast majority of his relationships. Most of his hookups did, to be honest. Perhaps he was onto something there. Perhaps the key to not being overwhelming was to give people space to cool down when he wasn’t there. It was kinda like that, wasn’t it? He occasionally messaged Aoyama about their private time during the week and vice versa, but they usually kept to the work chat and saved the rest for the weekends. Maybe that’s why it has been working out so well?

Well, speaking of private time, it had just occurred to Kinjou that if the executives spill out of the conference room at this hour and he’s just sitting there waiting for Aoyama, that might raise some eyebrows. So he quickly packed up his things and headed to the lobby downstairs, and then on second thought decided to just wait on a bench outside. It wasn’t that cold anymore, and they would probably wrap up soon anyway.

When the meeting was finally over, Aoyama stayed behind to check up on the office, and his heart quivered in his chest when he saw Kinjou wasn’t there. But it only made sense: it ran so late, there was no way he would still be waiting for him, he thought as he turned off the lights and called the elevator. Kinjou probably texted him that he went home, but Aoyama wouldn’t know - his phone had been dead for hours. He fell asleep reading manga last night and forgot to charge it. Oh well … he’d just call a taxi and get home, he sighed to himself as he headed out the building. Maybe eat something, or just crash on the couch and- oh. Right. His phone was dead, he couldn't call a taxi. He should probably go back upstairs and see if there’s a charger somewhere in the office that he can-

“Mitsuo!”

He looked up from his dead screen, and saw Kinjou waiting for him. His heart quivered again, but for totally different reasons.

“Ai …”

“Someone’s overworked, huh?” Kinjou approached him with a smile. “What did you even do in there?! We’re not going out of business, right?”

“No. The opposite. Too much business. They’re expanding,” Aoyama rambled, practically collapsing into Kinjou’s arms as soon as he was within reach. “Ai …”

“Shhh …” Kinjou soothed him, petting his head and putting an arm around his back. “Poor thing, you’re so tired. I’ll call a taxi, let’s get you home.”

“I thought you left …”

“I’d never leave. It’s our Friday … I’d never leave that.”

“I can’t wait .. there’s … the second … the one I sent you, they … I can’t wait.”

“Mhm. The only thing you’re waiting for tonight is sleep, sweetie.“

Sleep? No … he couldn’t sleep. It was Friday …

And yet the next thing he remembered was waking up on Saturday morning in his bed, still in most of his clothes, drenched in sweat and drooling on Kinjou’s fully-clothed chest.

“Morning, baby~”

“... Ai …”

“Did you sleep well?”

He rubbed his eyes, glancing around the room trying to make sense of the situation. “Ai …”

“Don’t worry, I got you home safe,” Kinjou gave him the most angelic smile. “Now finding the keys, that was a whole different story! I turned your briefcase inside out before I remembered you keep them in your pocket - never paid attention to that before, haha. But I got it in the end.”

So that’s what happened …

“Ai … I’m sorry.”

“Mi-chan, it’s-”

“I’m sorry, we should’ve-”

“Come on,” Kinjou cut him off with a soft kiss. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Mitsuo. There’s no ‘should’ with these things. You were tired, you needed to sleep. That wasn’t your fault. You’re a human, not a sex doll.”

“I wasted your time …”

“You didn’t.”

Another kiss: slower, deeper this time as Kinjou reached around his back and pulled him closer, kicking away the blanket between them.

“Mitsuo … we don’t have to have sex every time,” he softly whispered, his voice both reassuring and uncertain somehow. “Even if it’s just you … just this, I’m happy. I love spending time with you.”

“... me too,” Aoyama slowly calmed down, embracing the waterfall of kisses that followed.

Kinjou was right. Aoyama, too, would rather wake up with him than without him, no matter what they did or didn’t do last night. He yearned so much for the weekend, he’d never want it to go to waste, and yet … it felt like it hadn’t, even though they didn’t have sex.

Maybe just being near Kinjou was enough to satisfy his loneliness. Maybe he was that desperate, huh …

“There’s still this morning anyway,” Kinjou added, mischievously nibbling on Aoyama’s ear. “We usually keep busy, don’t we?”

“Y-Yeah …”

“Do you want to?”

“Yes!”

“Good,” Kinjou laughed, kissing him again and then pulling away. “But let’s have a shower first, because I struggled enough dragging you up here as it is, and then you toppled us both over and tucked us in while lying on top of me. I haven’t been this marinated in sweat since my highschool sports meet.”

“I’m sorry …”

“Don’t worry, it’s kinda hot,” Kinjou shrugged, sitting up and offering Aoyama a hand. “But I do wanna clean up first, so I can be the only messy thing you’re covered in.”

“If … if …”

“Hm?”

“If we’re going to the bathroom anyway …” Aoyama scrambled to find his glasses, swiping them off the nightstand together with the manga he’d been fantasizing about. “... can we?”

“Oh? That’s an old one, I haven’t even heard of this before … interesting,” Kinjou mused, picking up the book that had been unceremoniously dropped in his lap and browsing through it.

“Here …” Aoyama flipped a few pages ahead to what piqued his interest.

“Your shower definitely isn’t big enough for that,” Kinjou laughed, catching Aoyama’s fingers as they smoothed over the immaculately colored two-page spread.

“It doesn’t have to be exactly t-that, I just … your hands, and the cold tiles, a-and …” Aoyama ran out of words, soon holding on to Kinjou’s hand for dear life.

“You want to be pressed into the wall, huh?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll try,” Kinjou shrugged, setting the manga aside and pulling Aoyama up on his feet, right into a kiss. “But shower sex is messy and exhausting and not at all a seamless fantasy like that. Plus I’ve only ever been the bottom in that situation. So I guarantee this will be awkward, but I can’t promise it’ll be any good.”

“I’m okay with that …” Aoyama sighed, following Kinjou to the bathroom with a droopy smile.

It was extremely awkward, and everything good.

Kinjou moved slowly, his hands gripping Aoyama through the water and soap, making sure he was always firmly stuck between his overheating body and the cold tiled wall that kept him grounded and sane: at least as grounded and sane as he could be while having the best sex of his life. It was far from the most graceful or comfortable thing, but that wasn’t the point, the point was that he saw this in a manga and it made him feel something, and he was able to recognize that and be honest with himself, and he was able to communicate what he wanted, and Kinjou listened to him, and now it was happening.

He didn’t have much time to fantasize about this, but even then, reality was once again several leagues beyond even his most wishful fantasies. He was starting to notice that in most stories he’d been reading, things just kinda happened. And that probably made sense, page space was limited after all, but still. They didn’t, for example, go into the details of lubricants and condom brands. They didn’t spare time for the many questions Kinjou asked him the first time they hooked up to make sure everything was alright. They didn’t have characters awkwardly stumbling over a lack of words for what they want, only to get even more flustered as their experienced partner filled them in on options they didn’t even know existed. They didn’t spend mornings recounting the events of last night and looking for improvements. They didn’t have tops setting realistic albeit not that sexy expectations for their pleading bottoms. And they didn’t address the mundane logistics of avoiding muscle cramps or not slipping up and killing both of them in the shower.

Or maybe Aoyama just hadn’t found his exact preferred genre yet? If there were stories out there with all of that, he’d be thrilled to read them. Because he came to realize that this was what excited him the most about being sexually active again, and exploring himself with someone like Kinjou. The whole … context of it. The stuff that was usually shied away from and glossed over, but Kinjou dragged it out of him because it was the only way to really infallibly ensure he had a good time, and … yes, it was awkward at times, but there was so much care in there. And Kinjou made him feel so good when he knew exactly what Aoyama wanted: it was like a boatload of dopamine for a relatively simple effort. How could Aoyama not get addicted to it? He had someone who listened to him, who wanted to know things, wanted to try things, without any hang-ups or preconceptions … oh, Aoyama wanted to be like him so much.

There was something so beautiful, so freeing, so empowering about being slowly thrust into against bathroom tiles that would soon imprint themselves into his ribcage if Kinjou pushed any further. Not because of how they ended up, but because of how they got there. Because Aoyama wanted it, and he acknowledged the fact that he wanted it, and then he took the steps to make it happen. And it felt amazing.

He felt alive in that moment, perhaps like never before.

“I got you … honey, I got you …” Kinjou whispered in his ear, adoring his neck with kisses and holding an iron grip around Aoyama’s waist and chest as his legs finally gave out.

“Ai …”

“You’ve been so good for me baby, so good …”

“A-ah … Ai …”

“Do you wanna sit down?”

“M-mhm …”

Slowly and carefully, Kinjou’s back slipped down against the glass walls until they were both sitting on the shower floor: Kinjou underneath him and Aoyama clumsily pulled into his lap somehow, with the water still pouring over them and getting slightly colder by the minute.

It was a new low for Aoyama - but also a new high.

Chapter Text

“What are you thinking about?” Aoyama asked, reaching out his hand to stroke Kinjou’s cheek as they sat under the cold shower.

It felt kinda nice for now, but who knows how long. And Kinjou was still breathing heavily, looking up at the ceiling without saying anything, so Aoyama was getting a little bit worried and fairly restless without the immediate avalanche of positive affirmation he’d gotten used to.

“I feel like I’m gonna faint,” Kinjou blurted out, wiping the water drops from his face. “I need to hit the gym more often. I can’t believe I’ve never tried this before. It was fucking incredible, you were just … so smooth and pliable in my hands, all mine, nowhere to go, ah … I get why my ex was so into this now. I’m so glad my first time was with you.”

Their eyes met, and Kinjou looked like he’d had all life drained from him, but he was smiling. It took Aoyama a moment for the words and the expression to click before he realized that Kinjou was into it … just like he was.

“Ai …”

“And you?” Kinjou chuckled, eagerly accepting Aoyama’s forceful kiss that only shoved him further up against the shower walls.

“I want more,” Aoyama begged without a thought, breathless and missing Kinjou like he was the oxygen his lungs couldn’t get enough of.

“You really are … so needy …” Kinjou cupped his face, nudging their noses together.

“I’m so-”

“You have no idea how happy it makes me,” he laughed and kissed Aoyama before he could apologize.

How was he happy with this? How could anyone be happy with this? Aoyama didn’t understand … and yet, he believed him.

“I’ll be honest though,” Kinjou sighed as they pulled apart. “I’m starving, and your stomach has been making noises in tandem with your moans too. When was the last time you ate?”

“... breakfast yesterday,” Aoyama admitted.

“Geez, and this was your first concern in the morning?!” Kinjou nudged him up on his feet, shaking his head in disapproval. “I know some people struggle to tell horny and hungry apart, but you’re fucking terrible at it,” he laughed, quickly giving Aoyama another scrub with some soap before rinsing them both and turning the shower off.

“I was both,” Aoyama mumbled in his defense. “Still am both …”

“Well let’s get you dried up and not hungry first,” Kinjou left another quick peck on Aoyama’s lips as he wrapped a giant towel around him and began drying him off. “And then we can pick up where we left off … maybe not on the shower floor, but how about your bed, hmm? It’s all messy right now, we could make it worse. Or ruin some clean sheets, which would you like, honey?”

“I’ll change the sheets. And then …”

“We’ll get to it when we get to it,“ Kinjou assured him. “Right now I am begging you to feed me first, or I’ll start going through your cupboards for snacks.”

“You’re welcome to! I think it’s faster if we just order something … is that alright?”

“Annoying you with kisses while you cook is half the appeal, but it’ll do. Thank you, Mitsuo.”

“For what?“

“Taking care of me.”

He should be the one saying that, if anything … but oh well. He mustered the effort to change the sheets just before their food arrived, but it was a moot point anyway: after lunch, they both fell asleep in each other’s arms on the couch, and Aoyama couldn’t be happier about any of it. He wanted more. He wanted this. What was the difference? There wasn’t any.

It was Kinjou he wanted more of. In any shape or form.

They woke up late. They kissed for a long time, somewhat disoriented and even more confused when Kinjou tried to roll over and pull Aoyama on top of him, only to throw them both on the floor instead. Right … they weren’t in Aoyama’s bed. It was Saturday after lunch, it was already dark outside, and yet they barely had any time together.

“Stay- another night, Ai …”

“Yes.”

Suddenly, it felt like they had forever. Another night, another day - what was it if not everything? They continued making out on the floor, Kinjou’s bathrobe soon discarded and Aoyama’s shirt lost somewhere under the couch.

“Should we go back upstairs?” Kinjou whispered, trailing kisses down Aoyama’s neck.

“... can we do it here?”

“Mitsuo, this is hardwood flooring …”

“So we can’t?”

“We can,” Kinjou sighed, lovingly rolling his eyes. “But if you like it that rough, I’ll have to think of some aftercare for you. This will totally fuck up your back, you know that, right? And I don’t know if I’m any good at a proper massage.”

There it was … the part that Aoyama loved the most.

“It’s alright,” he reached out, firmly gripping Kinjou’s arms. “I just want you … and this is … exciting.”

“The shower, the floor, or just doing it out of bed in general?” Kinjou asked, slowly removing the rest of Aoyama’s clothes.

“I don’t know … but I’d like to find out …”

“Well, off the top of my head I can suggest the washing machine while it’s on spin cycle, the closet if you wanna be somewhere tight and dark, and of course the kitchen counter or the dining table for the sheer indecency of it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll grab the stuff from upstairs -  I’ll be right back, honey.”

Aoyama took mental notes until Kinjou returned, and then lost himself in fantasies while Kinjou got lost inside of him. The sheer indecency of it … Kinjou had smiled so wide when he said it, it surely couldn’t have been an insult. Aoyama was starting to get it now, kinda. This was all indecent. Everything they had, everything they did and would no doubt continue to do … it was all indecent. But who determines what’s decent anyway? That was the point, wasn’t it? They didn’t care whether it was decent or not for someone else … it was all about them. It was indecent, and the best fucking thing Aoyama had ever felt. He wanted to cover every wall, every floor tile, every corner of his home with memories of this. That felt decent enough to him .

By the time Kinjou came to rest on top of his chest, Aoyama had already decided he wanted to try the kitchen counter next time. Right beside the stove where he usually made their food, or next to the sink where he washed the dishes after Kinjou was gone, or both, or everything … he wanted everything. The freedom of not caring about being indecent was incredibly addictive, and only one of so many wonderful things Kinjou had taught him. Really, where would he even be without this man … Aoyama didn’t even want to think about it.

Cleaning up after themselves was messier than usual when they couldn’t just wrap up the sheets and toss them in the wash. Aoyama thought out loud about getting a rug, and Kinjou snorted and asked if he had any idea how hard these stains were to get out of rugs - spoken from experience, it felt like. They had tea and some cookies for dinner, and then went to sleep on a freshly made bed that Kinjou praised for smelling like Aoyama’s fabric softener. But Aoyama hoped that by next morning, it would smell at least a little bit like Kinjou instead.

“What do you usually do on Sundays?” He asked, getting comfy in the croissant shape that covered all of Kinjou’s body in one embrace: legs tangled, chest clutched, shoulder rested on and neck kissed, as it should be.

“Text you, and clean up a bit, and listen to my neighbors complain about the mess their party left last night. Oh, and there’s this new anime I’ve been watching, new arc of that idol drama I told you about, remember?”

“I do. That’s on at two, right?”

“Mhm.”

“We should set an alarm.”

“I don’t mind if I miss it, Mi-chan,” Kinjou smiled, reaching for his hand and intertwining their fingers as he placed his other arm around Aoyama’s waist. “There’s always archives online later.”

“But I want to watch it together with you.”

“You do?”

“Yes. I’d like to make you some hot chocolate and wrap you in a blanket and put you next to the big Kumatte-chan so I can cuddle you while we watch the show you like.”

Kinjou squeezed him tight, and kissed the top of his head.

“... you’re so romantic, Mitsuo.”

“You too …”

Maybe it was because of the long nap they took in the afternoon, or maybe the fact that it was their first time spending two nights together was to blame, but they just couldn’t fall asleep. They kissed long into the night without as much as a clue about what time it was until Kinjou finally grabbed his phone to set an alarm, and saw that it was almost four in the morning.

Aoyama apologized for keeping him up.

And then they kissed some more.

It felt like the night was over in the blink of an eye, and once the alarm went off in the afternoon, Kinjou barely found the will to move to the couch downstairs. Aoyama opted for coffee instead of hot chocolate, and watched in silence as Kinjou slowly perked up while the commercials played on the TV.

“Your coffee’s great.”

“It’s just instant coffee,” Aoyama shrugged.

“Huh. Well … it’s great.”

“Thank you.”

He grabbed a blanket, moved the big Kumatte-chan plush aside and sat down next to it, reaching an arm out to Kinjou.

“Let me finish this first,” Kinjou smiled. “Before I spill coffee everywhere.”

“It’s fine,” Aoyama sighed softly, waiting for him.

It wouldn’t be, but he also wouldn’t care. Coffee stains are probably just something that happens when you really live somewhere. And he hadn’t been living in his own house at all until now. It was just a place to linger when he didn’t have to be anywhere else. But now … with Kinjou leaning into his arms and humming along to the anime opening … it felt more like a home, finally.

Aoyama gently wrapped the blanket around Kinjou’s shoulders, smoothed his hair and kissed the top of his head. He only wanted to do it once as the episode started, but subconsciously, he drifted back to it again and again, and Kinjou only leaned into it more. It was comfortable. There was some space left on the other end of the couch, but instead of sprawling out, they were squished into one corner together, with Aoyama’s back propped up against the big plush. 

Kumatte-chan used to be the only thing keeping him company there, and now he was almost surplus. An afterthought. Something Aoyama had to move to accommodate other things. Huh.

With his lips coming to rest on the top of Kinjou’s head and staying there, Aoyama thought of all the things in his house and his life that were now being cleared out or moved aside to make space for Kinjou. He had let go of a lot … of a long time of reservations and bad feelings … and things were moving quite fast, at least that’s what it felt like to him … was it really okay?

Would he one day regret burning the pictures of his ex wife, and being with someone else, and finding joy in other people again instead of just holding onto a plush mascot that couldn’t get tired of him and leave?

Maybe the last part. Maybe being left again will hurt. Or maybe not … maybe that’s different if it’s not a partner but just … someone you’ve hooked up with. And Kinjou would be kind to him when this was over, Aoyama was sure of it. So maybe it wouldn’t hurt. Maybe he wouldn’t regret that.

And he definitely wouldn’t regret the other things either. Because if today were the last time he and Kinjou would be together … well, what would he do? He wouldn’t want to go back to feeling how he was before, that’s for sure. Maybe he’d get more involved with other people at the office. Give some of those group dates a genuine shot. It probably wouldn’t work out right away, but who knows … it might one day.

But that would probably set him up with a woman, wouldn’t it?

He wasn’t sure how he felt about that anymore. It felt a bit painful. A bit reminiscent of his ex wife. But also … a bit empty. Being with another man was a whole different experience, and maybe … maybe he didn’t want to miss out on that. How does someone his age even find other men to date? Maybe Kinjou could teach him that too. Maybe he should ask him for some dating advice once this is all over.

But right now, Aoyama really didn’t want it to be over. He held Kinjou tightly in his arms, and thought of all the space he’d made for him - both literally and metaphorically. But it wasn’t really Kinjou’s space, was it?

No. It was Aoyama’s space. Space for who he didn’t even know he was. Space for things he didn’t even know he wanted. Kinjou just happened to be one of those things - or a lot of those things, depending on how you look at it. Aoyama didn’t bother to make a distinction though: he just spent all the time he had looking at Kinjou, even if it meant almost burning their dinner again.

They held hands while they ate. Kinjou complimented him, and his cooking, and him again, and Aoyama wondered if he should have gotten some coffee as well, because it was all starting to sound soft and distant, like he was lost in a dream.

The last goodbye kiss was deep, weaving together a dozen kisses into one neither of them could escape from, and yet Aoyama still gently pinned Kinjou against the door as they kissed, as if that would make leaving impossible.

“Next weekend?”

“... the whole weekend?”

“Ai …”

“Mitsuo, I’d love to.”

Huh. Maybe it did make leaving impossible, because they kissed for forever more after that before Kinjou finally said goodbye and said he’d see Aoyama tomorrow. Right. It was Sunday, Aoyama should make sure to set an alarm for tomorrow morning.

So he did that, and then ended up sleeping on the couch where the blanket still held some of Kinjou’s scent, and the big Kumatte-chan could keep him company now that the person he most wished to hold was gone.

Chapter Text

“Yuu, can you send me that artist’s contact info you mentioned?”

“Of course. I think I have it in my notepad … oh. Ken-chan, do you have my notepad? I seem to have accidentally taken yours.”

“Huh, let me check … yes, it is here! Haha, it’s all good then - I’ll just copy the info myself.”

It was a busy day at the office. Aoyama didn’t think anyone else noticed. He even waited for a while to see if either Shirosaki or Momose would pick up on what just happened, but nope, neither of them did. And most disappointingly, Kinjou had just gone out for his lunch break mere moments earlier … what a shame.

Guess Aoyama would just have to tell him he’d won the bet once he comes back. But still, it was a bit of a wasted opportunity since he was sure Kinjou would look at him with one of those cheeky smiles as soon as he heard Momose use a nickname at work. And Aoyama loved it when Kinjou smiled like that. Oh well … some other time, maybe.

It did make Aoyama reflect on his own biases a little bit though. He didn’t think much of it when they made the bet: he just assumed Shirosaki would slip up first because it was more in line with his air-headed personality, while Momose seemed much more grounded and anxiously meticulous about work affairs. Although that has loosened up a bit too since he and Shirosaki had started dating. And it hadn’t even been that long - just shy of three months.

He didn’t see himself as particularly similar to Shirosaki, and so he had previously figured he was safe in this regard. But if even someone like Momose could make such a mistake and not even notice, maybe Aoyama needed to be more careful too. After all, he and Kinjou had been hooking up for almost as long as Shirosaki and Momose had been dating. And they’d been using all manner of pet names for a while too. Ah, but that was probably still very different. After all, Shirosaki and Momose lived together. And they were partners. That was totally different from Aoyama spending his weekends with Kinjou. So maybe it was fine?

No, he should still make an effort to be cautious. Because if someone overheard Shirosaki and Momose, the two of them could just be honest and let people know they were a couple. It was a friendly and relaxed office anyway, unless they brought personal matters to a board or client meeting, Aoyama couldn’t see it bothering anyone. But he and Kinjou, on the other hand … what is he supposed to say if he calls Kinjou ‘Ai’ at work one day, and doesn’t even notice in time to correct himself to ‘Aigo-kun’ at the last minute?

There wasn’t really a work-appropriate answer to that. Not for them. And Aoyama knew well enough what the optics of being informal with a much younger subordinate were, as much as it frustrated him to think about their relationship like that. But outside of the comfort of his house, sometimes he simply had to. He was still Kinjou’s boss, and considerably older than him. His feelings about that might have changed along the way, but the reality of it sure didn’t. And if he were ever to slip up, other people wouldn’t look at this with all the nuance hidden in between: to them, Aoyama would probably be just an old creep exploiting a new employee. And he couldn’t drag Kinjou into something like that.

So he should be cautious not to let anything slip at work. Extremely cautious, if anything.

Luckily, they were among the last two leaving the office again today, and they took the elevator together. Aoyama wondered if he’d gotten too up in his head about keeping this a secret, or if finally sharing a somewhat private space with Kinjou again was just inherently relaxing somehow.

“Everything alright? You seemed tense today, boss.”

Of course he noticed, Aoyama thought, a smile slipping across his lips. “Yes. Just work things. But, while you were out, we did have something interesting happen!”

“Oh? Don’t tell me …” Kinjou mischievously raised an eyebrow.

“You were entirely correct,” Aoyama happily admitted defeat.

“Yay! Awesome,” Kinjou laughed. “Thanks for the free dinner, Momose-kun! Can’t believe I missed them being all embarrassed about it though, that must have been super cute?”

“You didn’t miss anything, they didn’t even notice.”

“Huh. Did anyone else?”

“Also no.”

“Interesting … oh well, probably for the best,” Kinjou shrugged. “I shouldn’t be using my coworkers for amusement anyway.”

“It is a bit impolite, yes,” Aoyama nodded along. “But it’s a secret for a reason. So, is there any place you have in mind?”

“Not sure,” Kinjou sighed as the elevator doors opened and they walked out together. “I didn’t really think about it when we made the bet. I guess the usual place we go to is fine.”

“Really? I thought you’d take the chance to fleece me for something fancier,” Aoyama mused.

“Yeah, but …”

“Kinjou-kun?”

“It’s nothing,” he smiled, awkwardly scratching his neck. “I just don’t wanna keep up work appearances if I’m with you on my time off, and … well, two men having dinner at a fancy restaurant can have its own implications.”

“Oh …”

“Wouldn’t wanna drag you into that, that’s all.”

“... I don’t think I’d mind,” Aoyama quietly added. “If people thought I was on a date with another man … I think that’s fine.”

“... well, uh … I’m glad you feel that way?”

“It’s probably only fair,” Aoyama mumbled, looking at the pavement as they walked to the station together. “I didn’t mind that when going on dates with my wife. If I feel differently just because she was a woman and someone else I’m attracted to might not be, doesn’t that make me a hypocrite?”

“It’s probably not that black and white …” Kinjou sighed. “You wouldn’t be a hypocrite for not wanting to be whispered about, or glared at with disgust. It’s okay to hide if it means staying safe.”

“Do you hide?”

“... I try not to. It’s too suffocating otherwise. But even holding hands with a guy in public still feels like that sometimes … so what do I know. Maybe I’m just being stubborn. Maybe those who keep to themselves and don’t share anything about being queer have a simpler life.”

“But you’re always so aggressively yourself,” Aoyama finally looked up, studying Kinjou’s despondent expression. “I can’t imagine you being any other way. That time we were drinking with Shirosaki-kun and Momose-kun and you just mentioned that you don’t care whether someone is a man or a woman as long as they’re cute … I thought that was really incredible of you.”

“... thank you. That- I mean, you guys too, no one said anything back then, which I guess makes sense now, but still … I don’t know if they knew how they felt about each other at the time. And you certainly didn’t know you were interested in men too. But you still didn’t say anything. I’m glad you were all kind to me.”

“Of course we were. Everyone should be.”

“Lots of people aren’t.”

“And yet you were still honest about who you are,” Aoyama reached over, rubbing Kinjou’s back to encourage him. “I really admire that about you. It’s what I hope to become one day. So it’s fine. I want to be honest too. I want to know what it’s like, at least. To be myself where others can see me.”

“Mitsuo …”

“And if they think I’m someone who would go on a date with another man, they would be right. If they want to whisper and glare at that, they should do it. That belongs to me too. I want to take it in stride like you do. Even if I end up wondering if it’s worth it. Even if it ends up not being worth it at all. I want to at least try.”

“That’s … amazing, actually,” Kinjou stared at him, his expression turning into a hopeful smile. “I’m really proud of you!”

“Thank you. And I guess … well, all the stories I’ve been reading have been kinda useful for other things too, not just our time together …” Aoyama sighed, wondering if he was already blushing or if he’d be able to keep his composure just this once. “I like seeing characters who struggle with the same things as I do. Even if they’re half my age … it still means something to see someone else feel all these things and be just as confused as I am. Even if they’re not real. Well, probably they are. They had to come from somewhere. Someone had to feel these things to write them, I think. Anyway, it helped a lot. So I think … going forward, I’d like to think of myself as someone who’s bisexual.”

“Congrats.”

Kinjou’s voice was soft and warm, with a smile almost brighter than the sun. Aoyama knew there wasn’t really a wrong way to say any of this, but when Kinjou congratulated him, he still felt like he’d done something so right.

The two of them wouldn’t be on a date. It wasn’t that kind of relationship. But one day … in the distant future, probably in the very distant future … Aoyama might date again. And the person he dates might be a man. And if things play out like that … he wanted to be confident about it. He didn’t want his fears or other people’s expectations to get in the way of his relationships, because if he really thought about it … if he was made to feel like his partner wanted to hide him … well he’d understand, obviously. There were probably risks to this that he hadn’t even thought about yet. But still, it would hurt. Maybe that was just him being needy again, but he knew he would want to hold his partner’s hand … knew he would want others to know that this is the person he loves … even if it were a man.

He already worried enough about hiding a hookup. There was no way he’d be able to hide a relationship with someone he loves. So he just needed to become someone who could live without hiding. Like Kinjou did, at least when Aoyama was watching him.

“I’m really happy for you, Mitsuo. I’ll find us a really fancy place for our dinner then!”

“Please do. Would this Friday be okay?”

“Hmm, are we going back to your place then?”

“I’d hope so …”

“I’d hope so too!”

Kinjou’s station always seemed to come too soon when they left work together on weeknights like this. Friday just couldn’t come soon enough - especially this time. Maybe Aoyama was hyping himself up for nothing, and no one would actually think the two of them were on a date. But he wanted to know how it would feel if at least one other person looked at him and thought he was attracted to men too. Even if they hated him for it. He was happy to be bisexual: not really happy with the journey he took to find that, but happy with where it got him nonetheless. And maybe that’s what Kinjou meant when he said hiding was suffocating, because Aoyama definitely felt like he could breathe easier ever since he embraced his thoughts about all the ways he found Kinjou hot, and just let them run wild.

And besides, what’s the worst that could happen if other people knew he also liked men? He didn’t have many friends, but the three people he was closest to were the guy he was already hooking up with and a gay couple- a bisexual couple? Now that he thought about it, he never asked Shirosaki and Momose for those kinda details, and he had no idea if two men dating each other would always be referred to as a gay couple or not. He should probably ask Kinjou about that, or maybe just Shirosaki and Momose directly? Probably best that way, yes. After all, it’s up to them what they want to be called.

Either way, he was certain that his friends wouldn’t have a problem with him being bisexual. The higher-ups at Minette probably wouldn’t either? And he had no landlord to throw him out of his own house because of his sexual orientation. So he would probably be fine even if everyone knew? He realized now that he was lucky to be in a position like that.

And he hated that it took so much ‘luck’ for something anyone should have the right to.

But maybe he can make something good out of this. Maybe once he learns to be more confident, if he ever falls for a man in the future … he could protect him, he could promise him that all his friends would accept him, he could give him a home where no one would bother them and he could tell him that he loves him without reservations.

That was the kind of man he wanted to become.

Chapter Text

Aoyama stood in front of his closet that night, staring at the rather unflattering selection of clothes again. He’d been eating more regular meals lately, so his old work shirts have started to look better on him, but … yeah, this wasn’t it. Not for a date-adjacent dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Oh well. Maybe he could go shopping after work tomorrow.

What for? He didn’t really know. He had no reason to think about his looks or fashion after the divorce, although that probably shouldn’t have been an excuse. He’d just have to scramble together something on short notice now and hope for the best.

As he walked through a crowded shopping mall the next day, he felt compelled to just get a better-fitting white shirt and call it a day, but that would just be boring, wouldn’t it? And nothing about the occasion he was trying to dress up for was boring. He felt so happy and alive these days, so excited for things, always looking forward to the next weekend … he should find some clothes that match that energy.

Meanwhile, clothes were the last of Kinjou’s concerns as he finished work early and took the time to grab drinks with a couple friends he hadn’t seen in a while.

“Oh by the way, Jin’s having a housewarming party next Friday, he said everyone’s invited. Except Kinjou, of course. We know you’re busy!”

“Haha … yeah, I am.”

“Still the same guy?”

“Yup.”

“And you’re still not official or anything?”

“Nope. I told you, it’s not like that …”

“Yeah, we know. Just checking though!”

“Better question is if Kinjou wants to be like that, ain’t it?”

“Don’t ask me that,” Kinjou forced a laugh. “It’s complicated.”

“You’ve been hooking up for what, two months now?”

“Something like that,” he nodded even though it’s been closer to three.

“At your pace, I can only assume you’ve been in love for the past month and a half then.”

“I’m not- no, really, guys … I’m not in love with him. To be honest, I … I don’t really know how I feel.”

“That’s interesting. You don’t usually have that problem.”

“Yeah, well … I’m just trying not to crash into things. I could be in love with him, I think. Maybe I am a little bit in love already … but it doesn’t feel real. And I know it’s not that way for him, he’s got his own things going on and I doubt he’s anywhere near even looking for a relationship, so … maybe that’s why. Like, I don’t wanna put that on him. And besides … it wouldn’t work out anyway. It never does.“

His quiet admission was met with an awkward silence from the rest of the table. Kinjou figured he should really find more friends who weren’t also his exes.

“That’s nothing against you guys or-”

“It is bullshit though. You’ll find someone one day, you know? Someone you’re not too much for.“

“Thanks … that’s kinda the problem though.”

“Hm?”

“... sometimes I feel like I’m not too much for him. And it’s making me … well, it’s not helping me not have feelings.”

“Interesting.”

“Don’t just hit me with that!”

“But it is interesting. That’s more info than you’ve spilled in weeks.”

“Yeah, you’re really being so secretive about this guy! Kinjou, he’s not married, is he?!”

“Oh he’s definitely not married,” Kinjou waved his hand, immediately dismissing the idea. “You know I wouldn’t.”

“If he were like, on the cusp of leaving a loveless marriage, I think maybe you would.”

“Only if the wife knew. But this isn’t anything like that. I just wanna keep things on the down low, for his sake.”

“What do you mean, for his sake? You’re not getting dragged along as a closeted sidepiece again, are you?”

“It’s not that either. He’s just … look, he has limited relationship experience to begin with. This is all new to him, and I don’t feel comfortable chatting about something that’s really personal to him.”

That, and he also didn’t want his friends to know he’d been hooking up with his boss.

“Ah, gotcha. That’s really nice of you. Let’s talk about something else then.”

“You guys go ahead. I have some shopping to do, so I think I’ll be leaving. Ao, you’re paying tonight?”

“Yeah, leave it to me. Next time’s on you?”

“Sure. When?”

“Next week, same place?”

“Would be nice actually. See ya then!”

“What do I have …” his friend mumbled, taking out his wallet as Kinjou left the bar. “There - five thousand says he’s hooking up with that guy he brought to Jin’s New Year’s party.”

“Nah, I ain’t betting on that. I basically had the same idea.”

“Eh? You guys both met him?”

“Barely. He spent most of the time around Kinjou, and he didn’t talk that much. I think they met at work or something? He looked a bit older, not sure though. Tall, glasses, dark hair, kinda shy but pretty funny.”

“He’s exactly Kinjou’s type, huh?”

“Yeah. Can’t remember his name for the life of me, but after some drinks, Kinjou was noticeably staring at him. Like, the last time I saw him look at someone that way … I’m sure you guys know what I mean.”

“It’s just like that, isn’t it … when he goes after you, it’s hard to resist.”

“Tell me about it … I haven’t had a date in a while, work’s just too busy, so I was gonna ask if he’s got time to meet up, but … ha. He’s totally in love with that guy, isn’t he?”

“Oh yeah, absolutely.”

“Agreed, I don’t know who he’s trying to fool.”

“Himself, probably. Oh well, maybe I’ll see him crashing at my place on the rebound again … although it’d be nice if this guy could handle him.”

“Obviously, but … we all know that’s a tough ask.”

“Sure, but … I mean, I was serious back then. There has to be someone out there for him. He can’t be too much for everyone, can he? There’s nothing wrong with him, he’s amazing … just so intense.”

“And he never cools down either, does he …”

“Not that I’ve seen … but someone’s gotta want that, surely.”

“Let’s hope it’s this guy then.”

“Yeah … let’s hope.”

They weren’t the only ones hoping, but unlike Kinjou, at least they were honest about it.

Although even that little bit of privileged delusion was on borrowed time.

On Friday, Kinjou rushed home to get ready after work. He hadn’t been on a date in a while for obvious reasons, so this was actually kinda exciting. It wasn’t really a date, but whatever. It was okay if it looked like it was. Aoyama wanted it to look like it was a date. So if it were up to Kinjou, he’d show up with a dozen roses - but that would be too far, wouldn’t it?

Instead, he settled on just perfecting his outfit as much as he could. White jeans, that light blue shirt that still looked somewhat formal with the top two buttons undone, a necklace … too much? Nah, a small pendant calling attention to his collar bones was probably fine. He wanted Aoyama to stare and dream of undressing him after all.

He also planned to do something with his hair, but standing in front of the mirror with time catching up to him, he suddenly struggled to think of a good style. What would Aoyama find attractive? He shouldn’t make it too styled, or less it’ll be impossible for Aoyama to slip his hands in once they’re back at his place, and Kinjou knew exactly how much Aoyama loved pulling him into kisses like that, so … maybe he should just do up the front part? Kinda like Shirosaki-san does it … yeah, that looked alright.

He got to the restaurant early and waited outside, pacing a few steps left and right as his eyes searched for Aoyama in the evening crowd. He couldn’t wait to see him, even though they were sitting in the same office just hours ago.

And yet, once he finally spotted him, all of Kinjou’s excitement instantly subsided under a tsunami of chest pain - the kind you only get when looking at something objectively too beautiful for this world.

He spent a long time making sure he looked nice.

Somewhere during all that, he forgot to consider Aoyama might do the same.

And it totally, wholly, completely swept him off his feet.

Chapter Text

“You look incredible.”

“... do I?” Aoyama nervously smiled, trying and failing to tuck his bangs behind his ear.

“Yeah. Absolutely,” Kinjou nodded, staring wide-eyed at the black jeans and very fitting burgundy shirt with the top button undone. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear a shirt without a tie before. Red looks great on you! And, uh … your glasses?”

“Oh, I left them at home. Thought I’d get out the contacts for once.”

“I didn’t even know you wore those …”

“Is it bad?”

“No, no! Mitsuo, you’re … you’re beautiful,” Kinjou smiled, wondering if his blush was giving Aoyama’s shirt a run for its money yet. “Now I have even more reasons to get totally lost in your eyes! Haha … I already can’t take my eyes off you as is.”

“Me neither,” Aoyama smiled. “Ai, you’re breathtaking. I love what you’ve done with your hair, you look … almost older somehow?”

“It’s probably Shirosaki-san’s influence,” Kinjou chuckled, showing Aoyama inside the restaurant. “I kinda ran out of ideas, this was the first thing that came to mind. I didn’t wanna style it all, ‘cause … well, for later.”

“Thank you.”

It was still somewhat early for Friday evening, and the place continued to slowly fill up as they sat at their table and ordered drinks.

“What do you usually drink for a dinner like this?” Aoyama asked.

“Just the house red,” Kinjou shrugged. “I rarely drink wine as is, I’m more used to coffee and beer.”

“I like red wine too. Want to share a bottle of Syrah?”

“Sounds good,” Kinjou nodded, looking over the menu. “Know what you’ll eat yet?”

“I was thinking of playing it safe with the steak … unless you have some other recommendations?”

“I had the same idea. Also, just so you know - I’ve never been here before.”

“You haven’t?”

“Nope. This is totes beyond my budget and vibe,” Kinjou awkwardly laughed. “But you’re paying, so …”

“Do you like it?”

“What, getting free food? Haha, who wouldn’t.”

“I meant the restaurant.”

Kinjou took a slow breath, taking in the ambiance around them: the quiet chatter of other patrons, the slow jazz music playing in the background, the muted lights in purple and red hues, and their reflections fractaled through countless diamond earrings in the room.

“I don’t really belong here, I think …” he finally answered. “But I don’t exactly feel out of place either. I guess it’s fine as a special event … but not really something I’d care for all the time.”

“It’s kinda like a fantasy, isn’t it …”

“Yeah. Kinda like that. It does feel a little play pretend, huh …”

“More than a little,” Aoyama sighed. “I don’t even really know what to talk about. My mind just keeps going to all the client meetings I’ve had in similar restaurants, and … ah. I’m horrible at this.”

“What did you used to talk about on dates before?” Kinjou cautiously asked, taking care to omit any direct mention of Aoyama’s ex wife.

“... you’re gonna kill me.”

“Was it still work?”

“In my defense, I just got hired at Minette when- I mean, I guess I dated a little before that too, just … it never went anywhere.”

“Let’s talk about work then,” Kinjou suggested.

“What, really?”

“Mhm. We are first and foremost coworkers, aren’t we?” He mused with a teasing smile.

“I guess we are. So- ah, but we should order first. Else I’ll talk your ear off with the board meeting, you won’t believe this …”

But Kinjou of course did believe him. He trusted Aoyama’s assessment of all the new company mishaps completely, and didn’t mind hearing about them whenever a particular meeting rustled Aoyama’s feathers or tired him out. If anything, he admired his chief more now, knowing exactly how much effort he put into keeping their department fun and lighthearted no matter what was going on with the rest of Minette - be it good or bad.

So he listened, and stared, and slowly drowned out the music with the bottle of red wine they’ve been served, until Aoyama was the only thing he could still hear.

It was a little bit play pretend. A little bit.

Not the part where Kinjou acted like he fit in with this expensive restaurant though. Not that. Just … something else.

It was easier to daydream when drunk, that’s for sure. Although he was only on his second glass. Maybe his imagination was getting ahead of himself again. Then again, what was he imagining even? Nothing, now that he thought about it. He was just simmering in the moment. But also kind of wasn’t.

It was a quiet evening. Calm. Serene. Almost boring.

And yet Kinjou felt as if he was standing precariously on the edge of something unnerving.

The food was amazing, and by then their conversations switched to lunch plans for the rest of the weekend, and Aoyama’s cooking, and Kinjou’s poor eating habits at home, and his noisy neighbors, and the project he’d been working overtime on this week because it’s not like he could get any thinking done at home even if he wanted to.

Ah, now it was him who brought the topic back to work. Who would figure, he’s just as bad at this as Aoyama. It didn’t used to be like that, not that Kinjou would remember at least. He didn’t talk much on dates: he’d usually just absorb everything the other person was saying, and ask questions to get to know them, and … well, it often didn’t go much past that.

Whenever he got their phone number, that was usually the end if not at least the decline of things, really.

He couldn’t help himself but text whenever he thought of them. And that was often, no matter who he was seeing. It was no surprise they got fed up with him. Even when mangaka used the “lovingly checking up on you via text” trope it was maybe a few times a week at best - he would know, he stared closely at the quickly scribbled phone screens to check the timestamps in many desperate attempts to find someone else who texts good morning and goodnight and then also good afternoon and maybe something during the morning and evening that doesn’t have anything to do with a specific time of day, just … thinking about the person you love, and reaching out to them.

He wished he’d find that kind of representation too. So far, he hadn’t - not outside the yandere trope at least, and … he wasn’t that bad, was he? Oh well. At least he and Aoyama worked together. Whenever Kinjou thought about him during the day, he could just look at him. Sometimes their eyes met. Sometimes Aoyama was even already looking at him when Kinjou glanced over.

Maybe that substituted the text messages he’d otherwise feel inclined to send.

Maybe that helped Aoyama not get tired of him.

Then again, Kinjou had to remind himself he wouldn’t be sending texts to Aoyama anyway, because they weren’t dating.

Maybe that helped. The whole weekend thing. He’d thought about that before, and it did seem like he was right.

Maybe this was all he’d ever-

“Ai?”

“H-Huh?” He snapped out of his thoughts, realizing he’d been looking at the same piece of steak on his fork for who knows how long now. “Sorry … I was just thinking.”

“It’s okay if you delay it by a few days.”

“What?”

“The project we were talking about?”

“Oh. Right, that …”

“Ai, are you-”

“Yeah, sorry, I’m fine! I guess a couple of my braincells must be dying from how long I’ve been staring at you.”

“Same,” Aoyama sighed, his concerned expression relaxing into a smile. “Ai, that necklace … I’ve never seen it before. It looks really good on you.”

“Thanks. You like jewelry?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have any myself. Do you think something like that would look good on me?”

“Would you like to try it later tonight?“

“Yes.”

“Nice. I’ll let you borrow it then! I’ll even put it on for you, if you let me,” Kinjou smirked, already imagining Aoyama pressed against him with nothing but Kinjou’s necklace on.

“I would.”

For a moment, Aoyama’s cheeks matched the color of his shirt. Kinjou wondered if maybe he had the same thought too.

“Ai …”

“Mhm?”

“Can I hold your hand?”

That thought was enough to make Kinjou blush too. Their hands had been in plain view the whole evening, resting on the pristinely white tablecloth or flipping through menus or holding forks or swirling wine glasses, occasionally bumping into each other but never … never really touching.

Not the way some other patrons did, at least.

“Or would that be too much?”

“It wouldn’t,” Kinjou hastily answered, even if it did feel like too much.

He’d held hands with men in public before. In parks and streets and midrange bars - but not in any place quite like this. And even then … like he’d told Aoyama … even then, it felt suffocating sometimes.

To be seen … or to not be seen and knowing it’s only because you chose to hide.

Neither felt all that good to Kinjou right now.

But maybe it didn’t even matter. Maybe no one was paying attention to them. And if anyone did … they’d think both of them were gay anyway, wouldn’t they? That always seemed to be the case somehow. Any kind of nuance or complexity was lost in the process. Man, it really wasn’t easy being a bisexual man on a somewhat date with … well, whatever he was. Not that he really cared. Or maybe he did now, a little bit. He never said he was ‘something’ to anyone before. Not that it was necessary. Not that it would change anything. Not that it would help anything, probably.

But he was the first person whom Aoyama told he was bisexual.

If Kinjou wanted a label … if he finally chose one that felt like his own … it’d make sense to tell that to Aoyama too, wouldn’t it?

Then they’d be each other’s firsts.

Kinjou liked that thought.

So it really didn’t matter - whether they held hands or not. Whether they were seen or not. They wouldn’t actually be seen for who they were anyway. No one else but them got to decide that, so it didn’t matter what they thought. Kinjou knew who Aoyama was. He knew what this meant to him. Hell, it even made him want to get to know himself better too.

“I’d be happy to,” he finally smiled, letting go of his wine glass and reaching his hand out towards Aoyama’s side.

The subtle hum of friction between the skin of his palm and the tablecloth beneath came to a halt just as the music stopped and the next track began. Kinjou wondered what Aoyama’s idea of holding hands in public even was. Probably, they’d just … maybe rest their hands near each other, or … maybe Aoyama would rest his hand on top of his for a moment.

Both seemed plausible. Both seemed sufficiently tame.

And Aoyama did gently place his hand over Kinjou’s at first. But then he pulled back a bit, enough for his thumb to caress the back of Kinjou’s palm. Kinjou watched the motion, transfixed by the touch and how long it lasted, seeming infinite, almost certainly more intentional yet softer with each stroke, taking more time and digging deeper into his skin but still so caring and barely present - like a butterfly whose legs just happen to be on fire.

And with Aoyama’s thumb finally sliding off the side once, Kinjou found himself in one of his many moments of weakness: relaxing his hand and letting his fingers fall against the tablecloth with space between them, dreaming Aoyama would follow.

And he did.

Surrounded by people under the faint red and purple lighting, to the tune of a pre-recorded piano and some occasional contrabass strings, they held hands like two lovers would.

“Can I bring the gentlemen anything else?”

Kinjou didn’t even notice when their waiter reappeared behind him. It felt unfair. Like shattering an illusion. At the same time, he felt ashamed of himself because his first instinct was still to pull his hand away, to keep Aoyama’s image intact, to not become something that might haunt him on account of other people’s prejudice, even if the whole reason they were here in the first place was because Aoyama said he wouldn’t mind that … even then, Kinjou realized he still couldn’t fathom Aoyama going through any such hardship because of him.

For a man he would love, yes.

But not for him.

That’s why he felt he didn’t belong here. There wasn’t anything wrong with any of it. In a few years, he might even make enough to regularly take people to places like these himself. It was just … Aoyama and him. That’s what didn’t go together. That’s what was out of place.

It was like a date.

And yet it wasn’t a date.

Because they weren’t-

“No, thank you. We are fine.”

It was only then that Kinjou noticed he hadn’t actually pulled his hand away. While talking to the waiter, Aoyama was still holding it … squeezing tighter, if anything … and even tighter now that they were left alone again.

He didn’t know if the waiter had seen them holding hands. Didn’t know what look he gave Aoyama, if any at all. But he could imagine quite a few, and none were worth seeing.

And yet they still held hands, like lovers would.

Or not even that. Not in Kinjou’s experience at least. Because when he held people’s hands, it was accidental, it was spontaneous, it was dubious and shy and non-committal and perhaps technically public, but only insofar as no one else was looking: not quite averse to being perceived, but not wishing for it either.

He’d held hands with men in public before - hoping to not be seen. Never actually daring to show anyone off like Aoyama did just now.

Kinjou returned all the intensity of Aoyama’s hold, their fingers intertwining and grasping desperately while he picked up his wine again with the other hand. He stared at the restaurant ceiling through the bottom of the glass, the remnants of wine only adding to the red hue as he wondered how this, of all things, had come to be his breaking point.

With his glass empty, he looked at Aoyama again and found himself speechless under the waterfall of feelings seeping out through his ribcage and pooling on the table, like blood if he were on the verge of fainting from a fatal wound.

But there was no red stain to ruin their dinner, and no other tangible proof either.

Despite the warmth of Aoyama’s hand on his, Kinjou was utterly alone with the unmistakable feeling of having fallen in love again.

Chapter Text

“Well … that was nice,” Aoyama took a deep breath as they walked out of the restaurant, soon getting swallowed by the busy nightlife on the street.

“Yeah. Glad you liked it and, uh … thanks,” Kinjou smiled, walking beside him.

“It wasn’t even that expensive, don’t mention it! Ah, but it’s … really something. The waiter was totally staring at us.”

“So he was, huh …”

“I was a bit nervous. But I managed to get through it, because you were there. Thank you, Ai.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Do you want to go home yet?”

“... where else would we go?”

“Somewhere more normal,” Aoyama chuckled, pointing down the street. “I passed a karaoke place on the way here. That sounds more like your usual Friday night, wanna go?”

“Sure … yeah, that sounds good!”

Kinjou wasn’t even sure if that was a lie or not. Spending time with Aoyama was good. Loving him wasn’t. The two were inseparable though, so what was he supposed to do? Well, not like he can just run off in the middle of whatever this was. They already had plans for tonight: go back to Aoyama’s place, probably hook up. Maybe just cuddle on the couch if they’re too drunk. Now they’re doing karaoke before that. It’s fine. He’d just see it through to the end. Tonight? No, the whole weekend. He can think about things on Monday. He always had too much time and trouble sleeping in his own apartment anyway.

So he sat his feelings aside, and followed Aoyama into a dimly lit karaoke booth, ordering beers and whatever salty snacks were first on the menu. They took turns picking songs. Kinjou knew most of Aoyama’s picks. Aoyama knew almost none of Kinjou’s, save for a couple anime openings. So it was really only a sing-along half the time, and the other half had Kinjou singing and doing silly little dances alone while Aoyama watched.

He felt the drinks going to his head by now: not a lot, just enough to make ignoring unpleasant thoughts a little easier. It wasn’t a critical problem. He’d get to it later. Nothing will blow up if he doesn’t immediately process all of this. Just … breathe, sing, have fun. It was all he wanted to do for the rest of the night.

“Bravo! That was amazing!! Ai, it’s so fast but you were on it the whole time!”

“Yeah, ha …” he took a deep breath, sitting next to Aoyama and wiping sweat off his brow. “I’ve been listening to it every time I rewatch the first season, which is a lot.”

“The dance is really cute … ah, but you’re a really good singer too.”

“You’re biased,” Kinjou laughed, rolling his eyes. “And a little bit drunk. I’m passable at best.”

“Nah, I like your voice,” Aoyama insisted with a soft smile.

“Well, like I said,” Kinjou returned the smile as their eyes met. “Biased.”

“For good reason.”

“Haha, sure. We’ve got time for one more, what do you want?” He asked, handing over the song selection to Aoyama.

“... Ai.”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

The angel and the devil on Kinjou’s shoulders were both laughing at him, surely.

“‘Course.”

Aoyama leaned closer, gently cupping Kinjou’s cheek and pulling him into the kiss. It was pretty tame compared to how Kinjou knew Aoyama could kiss. Maybe that was for the best. Or maybe it was worse instead, because it called so much attention to the fact this was their first kiss outside of Aoyama’s house, and … ha.

It was almost funny.

Perhaps it would be, if Kinjou recognized this feeling. It all felt so new and unfamiliar to him. Uncertain, unnerving, unsettling but … not unwelcome? Was that what people meant when they talked about getting swept off their feet? Maybe. It wasn’t that important. It was still a private room with just the two of them. It’s not like Aoyama kissed him on the street. Still. It wasn’t exactly the privacy of his home either.

He carefully opened his eyes, taking in the beautiful sight of Aoyama’s eyelashes twitching slightly as the kiss deepened. The chief probably came across as a shy guy to a lot of people, Kinjout thought. But he wasn’t really that shy … just lost and scared. But he’d been finding himself now, he’d been letting go of all the things holding him back, and the results were … breathtaking, literally.

“And then you go on about me being so aggressively myself and all that …” his thoughts accidentally spilled out as Aoyama pulled away to breathe.

“Huh?”

“Nothing,” Kinjou smiled, nudging their noses together. “I was just thinking … you can be really proud of yourself, Mitsuo. You’re doing great. I’m really happy for you. If you ever … I mean, when you date again, I guess … you shouldn’t worry about picking one or the other, you should find whoever’s right for you, but … I just want you to know that … any man would be happy to have a partner like you. I don’t know what confidence you still want to work on … I don’t know how you can look up to me for that either … you’re already way beyond me in that. I just got used to things, I think … I had so much time, but you-”

“I’ve got you,” Aoyama cut him off, leaning closer again until their lips almost touched. “You’re a better experience than any amount of time could ever be.”

“Ha … that’d be good on a dating app bio. I’m keeping that, thanks!”

They laughed together. They kissed again. Kinjou wasn’t sure if he got his point across, but then again … he didn’t even know what his point was exactly.

He’d go insane at the thought of a man holding his hand and kissing him on the first date. Or any date really.

But even if he took himself out of the equation, he was sure lots of other guys would appreciate that too.

Maybe he just wanted to tell Aoyama that he was desirable. Without explicitly saying he was the one who desired him. But then again, it didn’t really matter anyway. He wanted Aoyama to be happy. Him being desirable was only worth mentioning to say he could still find all the love he’d ever want. Maybe that was the point.

Or maybe he should stop thinking about love all together.

“I had so much fun tonight.”

“Me too.”

They kissed again at the door of their booth once the time was up, and then returned to reality: the mundane, unassuming, unsurprising reality of two coworkers - two friends - heading home after a night out. The same home, but oh well … it didn’t change reality, but it didn’t help Kinjou keep his thoughts at bay either.

“Want some tea?” Aoyama asked, taking off his shoes and heading to the kitchen.

“Probably a good idea to end on something non-alcoholic, yeah,” Kinjou agreed, sitting down at the table. The scent of Aoyama’s house was both calming and stressful for the first time ever, and he didn’t quite know how to deal with that.

“Are you tired?”

“Huh? Not really, why?”

“Just wondering where my kisses were,” Aoyama quietly mumbled, watching the water boil at the stove.

Without a moment to spare for thoughts or inhibitions, Kinjou got up and obliged, sneaking his arms around Aoyama’s waist and pulling him back into a loose embrace, planting slow kisses on his neck.

“Here … right here.”

“Ai …”

“Haha … you’re so cute. Mitsuo …”

The water boiled, and two cups of tea were poured and left to cool as they continued to kiss. Aoyama’s hands made their way to the back of Kinjou’s head, slipping through strands of hair, grabbing, pulling, lips parting, tongues running up against each other in a way that made Kinjou shudder and almost fall to his knees with each new touch.

“You’re really … not … tired?”

“Honey, we had dinner and some karaoke,” Kinjou struggled not to laugh. “I’m used to being up all night for parties, I’m fine! I should be asking you that.”

“I’m not tired,” Aoyama insisted. “Ai … I want you …”

“Let’s go then,” Kinjou pressed another kiss to his lips before pulling away to drag Aoyama upstairs.

“N-No … here,” Aoyama pulled him back.

“Huh? Oh … oh. Mitsuo, baby …”

“If we can ….

“Sure we can. I’ll just-”

“You don’t have to,” Aoyama shook his head, awkwardly pulling out the drawer next to him to reveal condoms and lube scattered amidst wooden spoons and his knife sharpening set.

This time, Kinjou definitely couldn’t hold himself back from laughing. It probably killed the mood, but good god … wow. Just wow.

“... Ai?”

“You really are- ha … you really are something, oh my god … since when has that been there?”

“I had to go shopping for new clothes this week anyway …”

“And you stocked up for more private activities too, huh?”

“Y-Yeah. There’s some in the bathroom and under the coffee table too now. And of course the bedroom, we were almost out anyway. But just … so you know.”

“Well, I do know now,” Kinjou grinned, taking out what they needed before closing the drawer and pushing Aoyama up against the counter. “And I’ll make sure not to let any of it go to waste, sweetie. You really took notes, didn’t you?”

“It sounded exciting, I just wanted … I wanted to try more with you.”

“Me too,” Kinjou nodded, leaning in for another kiss. “But let me grab a pillow from the couch anyway, so you’ll have something to rest your head on.”

“You’ll lay me down here?” Aoyama asked, voice trembling with anticipation as he tapped his fingers on his countertop.

“Mhm,” Kinjo smiled, moving their tea to the coffee table and returning with a small pillow. “Probably best this way, otherwise your head’s gonna be right under the tap … and I should be the only thing you’re looking at, isn’t that right …”

“Yes,” Aoyama nodded, using his last bit of composure on making sure the stove had cooled down enough as Kinjou threw the pillow onto it and then began undressing him.

“This is gonna be pretty cold and rough for you … but you liked the floor last time, didn’t you …”

“Yes … yes … Ai … just t-take it slow …”

“I will … Mitsuo … honey, you know I will,” Kinjou kissed him, pulling off Aoyama’s shirt and climbing the counter before discarding his own. “Here … I’m all yours …”

“Ai …”

“You make me so happy … you know that, right? Condoms under wooden spoons, what the fuck … that’s beautiful, Mitsuo. Didn’t even bother making a special place for them or anything, just tossed them in there … I don’t know if that’s crazy or if you’re just the most practical guy on Earth,” Kinjou rambled on as he continued to undress Aoyama.

“I’m just trying to give back,” Aoyama tensed up as more and more of his skin was exposed to the cold marble beneath. “You’re always taking care of me … asking everything … making sure I feel good … I want to do my part too …”

“You’re doing all the parts, baby. All the parts … and while I’m taking care of you, don’t fall asleep on me after this, okay? You still have to take the contacts out.”

“Right … thanks, Ai.”

“No problem. Sorry to disrupt the mood, I just thought I’d bring it up before we both forget.”

“You’re not disrupting anything,” Aoyama sighed, running his hands up Kinjou’s arms and around his back. “I love this … all the little bits that don’t make it into all the stories I’ve been reading … it’s kinda hot.”

“Is it, hm?”

“Well it’s real. I like how real it all feels. I don’t want to be stuck in my head anymore.”

“Get stuck on me instead,” Kinjou leaned closer, pressing their bodies together.

“Please.”

Rarely, if ever, was Kinjou so desperately begged to carry out his deepest fantasies as if they weren’t just his desires but also someone else’s. He gave it his all - gave Aoyama his all, even if it meant hitting his head into the cupboards at the height of it all, but so what … he couldn’t feel pain anymore, couldn’t see where they were, couldn’t tell one corner of the room apart from the other. He had gone blind, tunnel vision suffocating the world in darkness and only allowing the sight of Aoyama to pass through and hit every sense in Kinjou’s body all at once, taking over in euphoria that hit like a brick wall once and then kept washing over him in increasingly softer waves until he was almost the one falling asleep on the kitchen counter, not Aoyama.

“Mitsuo …”

“Ai … ”

“Mitsuo, are you-”

“I’m in heaven.”

Kinjou felt his body being squeezed tight as the thirst at the back of his throat was quenched with Aoyama’s lips. Followed by cold tea, and being dragged upstairs, and a blanket … something about contacts, right … did Aoyama take them out, he should … check …

“Goodnight, Ai.”

Chapter Text

Kinjou opened his eyes, blinking slowly as Aoyama’s face came into focus, resting on his pillow and staring at him with a smile.

“Good morning.”

I love you, Kinjou thought as he sank into the warmth of Aoyama’s hand on his cheek. “Morning … when did we …?”

“I half-carried you upstairs,” Aoyama explained.

“Oh. Sorry about that. Could have left me on the couch though.”

“I wanted you here.”

“Thanks,” he sighed, getting lost in Aoyama’s embrace. “How are you feeling?”

“... I liked it,” Aoyama mumbled quietly, kissing Kinjou’s forehead.

“Since when are you shy about that?” Kinjou teased him, nuzzling closer.

“It seemed to really wear you out … I don’t want to-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Kinjou cut him off with a kiss. “I’d put in extra effort for you every time, it’s not even a question. And besides … it’s not that tiring,” he chuckled. “Yesterday was just late, and it’s always so comfortable to rest on your chest afterwards … not my fault if I can’t resist a nap!”

“Okay …”

“I’m glad you liked it though!”

“I did.”

They leaned closer, kissing for a while. Kinjou wondered if he was imagining it, or if Aoyama was really looking at him with an even softer gaze than usual.

“And you?” Aoyama asked, stroking Kinjou’s back and pulling him closer between kisses. “Did you like it?”

“I loved it,” Kinjou answered in the same breath. “Mitsuo, you always make me feel so good, I don’t even have words for it.”

“You too … and you’re always … you’re always …”

“Mhm?”

“... I just realized it last night,” Aoyama bit his lip, averting his gaze. “But topping can’t be easy, and yet you’re always-”

“Don’t worry about that. Really. I like whatever makes you feel good, plus you’re hardly passive either,” Kinjou smiled, coaxing Aoyama’s attention back with small kisses on his cheeks. “You’re always all over me, like you’ll die if I don’t kiss you for three minutes. You’re so needy … I love it.”

“Thank you …”

“So just enjoy yourself and let me take care of you, okay?”

“But- I mean … okay,” Mituso sighed, giving into the kiss.

“Wait … is it?” Kinjou asked, pulling away and studying Aoyama’s expression with barely any distance between them. “I just meant that you shouldn’t worry about doing things you don’t wanna do. It’s fine, I don’t mind. It doesn’t need to be exactly balanced in everything. The whole point is to have a good time together, and you bring more than enough to the table every time, I don’t feel like you don’t. And I don’t expect more either. I’m happy with you, Mitsuo.”

“But that one time … that time when we were talking about fantasies, you said you’d risk some awkwardness at work if it meant getting under me … ?”

“Uh, yeah … sure, I remember that,” Kinjou nodded.

“Did you mean it?”

“As a fantasy, not an expectation.”

“... okay.”

Maybe Kinjou’s brain was still foggy from last night, or maybe things just didn’t make sense. Why were they going in circles? Aoyama wasn’t usually this self-conscious. Was Kinjou not doing enough to tell him how amazing he is? Or was this … something else entirely?

It could be.

Kinjou suddenly found himself hoping it would be.

But in that case, for someone as submissive and inexperienced as Aoyama, it would be hard to initiate a new dynamic on his own.

“Mitsuo … do you want to be on top sometime?”

Kinjou couldn’t believe what he was asking.

“Yes.”

And he couldn’t believe what he was hearing either.

“I do. I’ve been thinking about it ever since you mentioned that, I thought maybe eventually, if we’re still seeing each other, I could- and you even said you prefer men because they can do that with you, and then all the manga just really hammered it in, and myself too, I know how it feels, I want to make you feel that way, I … I want to be inside of you.”

Kinjou kissed him, his lungs heaving for air as he struggled not to cry from happiness. He’d somehow stumbled onto the most needy and open-minded man in the world, wanting everything and trying everything as if nothing could ever be enough.

As if nothing could ever be too much.

“Baby … you’re gonna give me a heart attack. When?” He asked, out of breath and damn near out of his mind too.

“I don’t feel ready yet,” Aoyama nervously mumbled, his cheeks turning an even darker shade of red. “I’m nervous. I don’t know how to. I’m scared it won’t be good. I’m scared you’ll-”

“I’ll love it,” Kinjou assured him. “Even if it’s the worst sex ever, I … well, it’ll be with you. It can’t possibly be that bad, you’re too good at this.”

“... am I?”

“Oh sweetie, you’re perfect,” Kinjou purred in his ear. “You’re so attentive, and good at communicating what you want, and I just fucking love the feeling of your body and the way you touch me. You’re perfect, Mitsuo.”

“O-Okay. Then I’ll- I’ll try to pull myself together so I can be in charge for once.”

“That would be hard for you, wouldn’t it ...”

“Yes, but-”

“Do you even want to?”

“... huh?”

“Be in charge, I mean.”

“I want to be the top,” Aoyama resolutely answered.

“I got that,” Kinjou smiled, kissing him again. “But that’s not the same thing. You can be a submissive top.”

“... I can?”

“Mhm. Obviously, if you want to experiment with changing the dynamic further, that’s fine too, I just … I don’t know, I’ve always seen you as very definitively submissive. But obviously I might be wrong about that, this is all new for you and you’re still discovering things, and it’s not like … well, I’m just a guy you’re hooking up with. It doesn’t really matter what I think, you’ll know yourself the best.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Aoyama protested, holding onto him even tighter. “You know me better than I know myself a lot of the time. I’m working on it, but still … I trust you. I’d rather you tell me what you think about me, because I don’t even know what the options are. If something’s not right, I’m sure … I’ll figure it out somehow. You don’t have to worry about influencing me too much! I’ll do my own work … I just really want your guidance.”

“We really are polar opposites in bed and at work, aren’t we,” Kinjou laughed. “But also, what a sub thing to say … you’re so cute, baby.”

“... you too …”

“If you want to top, you should,” Kinjou whispered in his ear. “But don’t worry about anything else. I’ll take care of it … I’ll guide you through it … you’ll make us both feel good, won’t you?”

“Yes … Ai …”

“Mitsuo …”

“Can I tell you when I feel ready?”

“Absolutely! I’ll be waiting for it, honey.”

“And until then …”

“Business as usual,” Kinjou grinned, kissing his neck.

“Ai … please …”

“Where in the bathroom did you put the condoms?”

“Under the sink.”

“Well then, wanna take a long hot shower to get us out of bed?”

“Yes!”

It did get them out of bed - but not for long. Soon they were back in fresh clothes, hugging and kissing half-dressed, Kinjou in Aoyama’s shirt and Aoyama only in his underwear. They were going to go downstairs and have lunch, but they were both so tired … a little longer couldn’t hurt.

“How often do you go to the gym?” Aoyama asked, gently nibbling on Kinjou’s bottom lip.

“Three times a week, sometimes four if I’m not feeling super drained after work. Why?”

“I need to get in better shape too. I don’t have the stamina for this right now … but I want to.”

“The shower too, huh?”

“I want to top you everywhere. I want to make all your fantasies come true, Ai.”

That was nice of him, Kinjou thought. Aoyama couldn’t have possibly known that by now, Kinjou’s fantasies had moved to weekday mornings and boyfriends if not even partners or- nope, he shouldn’t go there, he really should not go there.

But damn it, he was once again so jealous of Aoyama’s ex wife.

He couldn’t believe someone just let Aoyama go like that. He couldn’t believe someone divorced him, when Kinjou would forfeit all his possessions and a decade or two of his lifespan just to be able to marry him.

And he only realized he loved him like what, half a day ago?

Yeah, this. This was why he was single.

“You are my fantasy,” he forced himself to smile, leaning deeper into the kiss.

In a way, it was true.

In a way, it would also never be true.

“And we can totally go workout together on the weekends too. Like, if you want something to do … we’re spending time together anyway.”

“I’d like that. Thank you, Ai.”

“You’re welcome! So when do I get fed?”

“You’re lying on top of me.”

“Sounds like a you problem.”

“It’s not a problem,” Aoyama smiled, kissing him again. “This would never be a problem. I just need to build enough muscle to carry you downstairs in my arms.”

“Sure, sure … well, guess I’ll move myself in the meantime. But only if I can hang around while you cook!”

“Please do.”

And so he did, sticking to Aoyama’s side like a tiny sloth clinging to a tree branch. It was comfortable there. He loved him. It was fun to kiss Aoyama while he was trying to not add too much salt. He loved him. There was something special about sharing soft kisses right next to the kitchen counter where they had sex last night. He loved him.

Even if he said he wouldn’t think of that until after the weekend, his feelings weren’t all that keen to comply. But he still set them aside, over and over again each time, and focused on the here and now, the limited time he had left with Aoyama before Sunday evening pulled them apart again.

He got to sleep in his arms again. Got to kiss him much more, got to watch anime with him as they both sang along to the opening song, got to divert his attention halfway through the episode and start making out instead, ending with their clothes on the couch and them on the floor again.

He loved him.

“It always goes by so fast …”

“Yeah,” Kinjou sighed, lying on Aoyama’s chest. “It’s your fault, honey. You’re just such great company.”

“Thank you …”

“Guess I’ll take a shower before I leave.”

“Can I join you?”

“Of course.”

Of all the places they could kiss, Kinjou figured the shower must have been the worst. The small space, the steam covering the walls, the heat slowly rising with each passing minute … it was like the insides of his heart had spilled out into the world around him, cornering the two of them off from the rest of the universe and filling a bubble of delusion and hope in which, for just this moment, Aoyama was his … and Kinjou loved him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he smiled, kissing Aoyama goodbye at the door.

“I have a meeting so I won’t be in the office until noon. Please make sure Shirosaki-kun logs into the correct printer account this time.”

“I’ll ask Momose to take care of it.”

“Thank you. And … next weekend?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

They kissed again, with Kinjou forcing himself to slowly let go. The tips of Aoyama’s hair were still a bit wet from the shower. With their foreheads pressed together, it was the only thing cooling Kinjou down before he’d explode.

“A-Also … Mitsuo, I … I think I’m pan.”

“... I thought you didn’t want a label?”

He didn’t. He did. He didn’t know anymore.

“I thought it fit,” he whispered quietly, slouching down on Aoyama’s shoulder. ”You found yours … I was the first person you told … you’re also the first person I told.”

“Well I’m happy about that,” Aoyama kissed the top of his head. “And happy for you, and … proud? I don’t know, it doesn’t feel quite right to say that in my place. I don’t really understand all the nuances of being pansexual either, but I’d be happy if you told me more about it.”

“I will. One day,” Kinjou hugged him tighter. “I promise.”

Before that, he had to figure it out for himself in the first place. And he could tell it would not be easy: not the sexuality part, but rather who made him care about it in the first place.

Chapter Text

“So how was your weekend?”

“Don’t ask,” Kinjou sighed, flopping onto his bed and plugging his phone to charge as his friends chuckled on the other end of the group call.

“That bad, huh? Or that good?”

“... guys, I am so fucked.”

“We know.”

“Wait, I think he means metaphorically this time?”

“And? We still know.”

“Was it that obvious?” Kinjou asked, already kinda knowing what the answer was.

“What, when we met up? Oh, one hundred percent.”

“All over your face.”

“We know that look, Kinjou!”

“Well, dang it … someone could have told me.”

“Ah, so you were lying to yourself too?”

“Not really,” Kinjou protested. “I don’t think I was that much in denial? I even said I could fall in love with him! See? I knew! I knew it was heading there, I’m not stupid … I knew the whole time. I just didn’t think I was already there.”

“So what happened?”

“Hell if I know. Nothing. Everything. Him. He held my hand on our date. People saw it. He didn’t pull away.”

“... well geez, now I feel like a piece of shit.”

“Don’t-”

“Yeah, don’t. Older men are just built different.”

“What he said,” Kinjou smiled. “But also, you know I don’t really care. I get it. It’s not easy. I’m not gonna expect people to do reckless shit. But he did it anyway, and … I don’t know? I guess I do care? I guess I do want that?”

“I don’t think it’s reckless. I think it’s really thoughtful, and shows a lot of commitment.”

“Yeah but if I was a woman, it wouldn’t carry half the burdens it does now.”

“And he still held your hand anyway.”

“Yeah.”

“No wonder you’re in love with him.”

“Tell me about it …”

“Speaking of that, when are you gonna tell him?”

“Yeah … so … I’m considering just … not?”

“... what, like, at all?”

“Yeah. I don’t wanna tell him,” Kinjou bit his lip.

“Weird.”

“I definitely have questions.”

“Then again … I mean, okay, why don’t you wanna tell him?”

“Well for starters … I am not in a state to deal with that right now. I just can’t. Nothing against any of you, I’m just so tired of breaking up. I can’t deal with it again. I don’t want to.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t blame you on that.”

“And second thing, this really isn’t something where we’re both looking to maybe have a relationship eventually. I’m not. He definitely isn’t, not anytime soon at least, and probably not with me. I care about him, I really do. It matters so much to him to have someone to explore things with and take the edge off, I don’t wanna add baggage to that. It’s just sex between two people who care about each other, it doesn’t go deeper than that. And sometimes that’s important. I think it’s important now.”

“Questionable, but okay, we don’t know the guy so I’m not gonna comment.”

“Then also, just from my point of view, I don’t want to lose this. Again, nothing against-”

“Kinjou, you don’t have to say that every time.”

“Yeah, you were my first anyway, I don’t have any delusions about our sex being that good.”

“Hey, but he was this guy’s first too, and how’s that going for you, Kinjou?”

“... I don’t wanna go into details but he’s the best I’ve ever had,” he quietly admitted.

“Man, I am starting to get jealous here. Once he does want a relationship, if you still won’t go for him, can you send him my way?”

“Sure, sure … guys, am I an asshole if I just ride this one out and don’t tell him?”

“I don’t think we can give you that answer. It’s the same every time, isn’t it? It’s good to tell people because then you’re not hiding things. But if you’re both on the same page about what this is, then it’s probably best if you don’t try to make it something else.”

“That’s my point exactly! It’s just sex,” Kinjou sighed again, running his hand through his hair. “I don’t see any benefit in telling him, it’ll just make things awkward and then I’m out of a god-like hookup, and he’s out of someone comfortable to experiment with. Lose-lose scenario.”

“You’ll know best.”

“Yeah I got no comments on that either.”

“I have one! Kinjou, I don’t think you should tell him either, but can you actually do that? Idk if it’s TMI but when you told me that you love me, it didn’t exactly seem premeditated.”

“Or voluntary, if we’re talking about the same thing.”

“That’s three for three on the mid-sex confession then? Kinjou, you might wanna consider a gag.”

“Geez, zero grace. RIP Kinjou.”

“I’m fine. Barely holding on, but not ‘cause of you guys,” Kinjou laughed, not minding their antics.

“Yeah you’ve got bigger problems.”

“What, now his new guy is bigger too? Man, save some for the rest of us!”

“Good question - is he?”

“Now that I am not commenting on,” Kinjou rolled his eyes.

“Bummer, I thought we’d get some juicy info after all.”

“Has this not been juicy enough!? I swear to god, you lot … beyond help!”

“As if you’re not down here in the gutter with the rest of us.”

“I’m somewhere for sure … I dunno, might be the gutter. Maybe I just need sleep. I have work tomorrow anyway. You guys gonna stay up?”

“Nah, going to bed.”

“I think I’ll stay a while, do a raid or two.”

“Lemme join in!”

“Have fun, guys. And goodnight,” Kinjou smiled, disconnecting from the chat.

That helped a little bit. Getting out of his head and all that, surely it was good for something at least.

He didn’t bother telling his friends that he was flirting with a label now. It just didn’t come up, and also wasn’t that relevant. They probably wouldn’t understand - even he didn’t really understand it. He didn’t think of himself as that impulsive, and trying to mirror his partners wasn’t really his thing either.

He never cared about labeling his sexuality before, because there was no point. Because all the ways in which he cared to express it were temporary at best, and when that was gone, it was more comfortable to just be left empty. And what has changed now? Nothing. He didn’t even have a partner, he just fell in love again.

He fell in love with a bisexual man who had just figured that out … and then embraced it immediately. Kinjou wished he would have asked why. Did it help to have a sense of belonging, did Aoyama look up any communities online, was it just easier to find information and sleep at night if he had a definitive name for the attraction he experienced?

What’s the point, really.

If he isn’t anything, then once the object of his attraction is gone, everything else is gone too. He doesn’t need to sit there and continue to exist in such an unfortunate turn of events. That was the mental space he often slipped into after his breakups at least.

But in reality - and boy did it sometimes hurt to be there - but in reality, those were just mental gymnastics, weren’t there? He didn’t stop being attracted to people just because it wasn’t reciprocated. He didn’t stop being in love just because it wasn’t mutual. He experienced all sorts of attraction even when he was alone. He still had to exist with that, whether he named it or not.

He typed ‘pansexual’ into the search bar on his phone, wanting to aimlessly scroll to the image tab to stare at the flag for a while, but his eyes got stuck on the search result summaries nonetheless.

‘regardless of identity’

It did feel comfortable for some reason. Like yeah, that was him. That was how he’d always felt. Or did he? If he had such a deeply vulnerable preference for men, was he really attracted to people regardless of their gender? Then again, maybe that was just a preference for one specific kind of sexual intimacy, and it was just about the parts involved, not the other person’s gender. Plus it was just a preference anyway … ah, but it was frustrating nonetheless.

The flag was nice though.

He could run with this. It felt honest. Like … coming home? Not that he was particularly running away. Maybe just standing at the door and finally stepping in. He didn’t know what was waiting for him, but even if it was just a somewhat shared experience with Aoyama … he’d take that in a heartbeat.

And once they’re not seeing each other anymore … he will still be just a pansexual man looking for someone to hopefully fall in love with him one day, and stay in love .

Maybe that was the thing though.

Maybe Aoyama was just needy enough to make Kinjou feel like it actually wasn’t impossible that there would be someone out there who could make do with him. His friends always told him that was the case, but what was he supposed to do, just believe them? It felt impossible. But now he off-handedly mentioned some creative places to have sex, and came back to a treasure hunt of condoms all over the house. Really, what the fuck … Aoyama was something else for real.

If there was someone like that.

Someone who loved him.

Then it would make sense to stand so confidently behind an identity that was all about the ways in which he loved people. Then that part of him would finally have its home too.

He wouldn’t tell Aoyama how he feels, he was certain of that. And no, he wouldn’t let it slip out accidentally during sex either - he’d make certain of that. He didn’t want another attempt at a relationship because he didn’t want another breakup. He didn’t want to burden Aoyama with unwanted feelings, which was especially relevant since they worked together. And he definitely didn’t want to lose what they had now either, because it just felt so good on every level.

All of what he told his friends was true, but there was also another thing. A thought that hit him on the train back home, and hadn’t left ever since. He’d never really spent time just being in love before. He fell in love, and got rejected. He fell in love, and had it reciprocated, until he overwhelmed them and had to be sat down for one of those conversations.

But he never just loved someone, and kept it to himself. It didn’t sound healthy, or bearable for that matter, but maybe he just hadn’t fallen in love in the right context yet. Making unwanted advances at Aoyama wouldn’t just risk losing a hookup he really enjoyed, it also posed long term problems for their dynamic at the office, and Kinjou definitely didn’t want to fuck that up if he could avoid it. Some awkwardness after a one night stand would be one thing, but having a coworker develop feelings for you was another.

He took a deep breath, and went over exactly where things stood again. They were spending every weekend together, and it was good. Aoyama wanted to experiment more. Kinjou didn’t want things to end.

That seemed like an equilibrium of sorts. A temporary one, but not necessarily a terribly short one. Kinjou wanted to see it through for what it was, or what it would end up being.

And maybe, if Aoyama one day expresses wanting a relationship again, and he hasn’t gotten tired of Kinjou yet … maybe then, he’d ask Aoyama out on a real date.

They could still break up. And oh, how fucking badly that would hurt.

But if there was anyone he’d still take that risk for, Aoyama would be it.

Chapter Text

Aoyama did his best to focus on work during the week, even if it wasn’t exactly easy. Hadn’t been for a while, and now that he had broadened his horizons even further, it was only getting harder not to fantasize about Kinjou at work. Some days, his mind skipped right past the innocent glances and thoughts of how attractive Kinjou was, and instead dreamed of staying late until it’s just the two of them, kissing him in the elevator and maybe taking him home after work.

And he would get to do all that - on Friday. But until then, he had other work to do: not just at the office but at home as well. He usually read manga for a while to relax after getting home, or he just put on an audio drama if he felt like taking a nap. The stories he immersed himself in were important to him, and he’d be hard pressed to say he didn’t take at least a little bit of inspiration from the characters he read about, but at the same time, it wasn’t exactly a perfect parallel to reality either.

Pieces were missing, for the sake of the narrative or the publisher deadlines, who knows. But there was probably a lot about relationships, physical and otherwise, that he couldn’t learn through works of fiction. They were manga and not textbooks for a reason. But was there some kind of textbook for men approaching their 40s who were only now starting to explore their sexuality? And with other men nonetheless. Well, he was bi, so he supposed anything could be useful in the long run, and he would definitely want to be a more engaged and open-minded partner for a woman as well. But right now, he already had his hands full keeping up with Kinjou as well as his own desires, so he figured he should keep it at that.

Still, he had no idea where to look for anything even remotely useful, and the things he tried to search online kept returning interesting but not all that practical results. He could ask Kinjou for advice though. But would Kinjou find that attractive? Did that count as guiding Aoyama and taking care of everything? He sure hoped so. He took a chance and messaged him one night, and almost immediately received several links in reply - almost as if Kinjou had them on hand just for him.

So he got to reading, in detail, with occasional diagrams included. It only hit him halfway through that this wasn’t even strictly about relationships with men: he could have had a more adventurous sex life with his wife too, but of course they didn’t. It felt strange to think back on it now. He couldn’t remember ever feeling like he wanted something more, nor did she ever suggest anything new in the bedroom. It was all so plain and simple, but they were both happy with it, weren’t they? Or perhaps it was just a case of not knowing better. If Aoyama imagined a new relationship now … it felt almost too greedy to say, but he’d want it to be much more varied than what his marriage used to be. He wanted to try more, wanted to feel more, wanted to look at his partner and have his mind spin like a slot machine with all the possibilities of what they could do together.

He wondered if Kinjou had spoiled him, or if most people were like that and he just had no idea.

Kinjou always said he was so needy, so maybe he was pretty out there … but Kinjou also always said he loved it, and it made him happy, so it must have been fine. Kinjou would tell him if he was being a problem or if no one would want to date him like this, Aoyama was sure of it.

As he made his way down the list of resources Kinjou had sent him, more and more forum posts started popping up, with men discussing exactly what they liked and didn’t like in bed, how certain things made them feel and what kind of top they preferred. Aoyama read everything several times, and even took notes on the side because these were all the crucial details he’d been craving, this was what he wanted to be aware of, this was where he wanted to hit all of Kinjou’s buttons and make him feel like he was in heaven.

But in compiling the notes, he soon realized there was a lot of missing info. He didn’t know what pet names Kinjou liked to be called - ‘Ai’ was a really cute nickname that felt like it just melted on Aoyama’s tongue, and maybe that was why he never moved past it. He didn’t know how Kinjou wanted to be talked to as the bottom, and he didn’t know what kind of top he liked - was Aoyama supposed to be more cool? Composed? Reliable? Flirty? Crude? He didn’t know what positions Kinjou liked either - Aoyama had always been on his back, at least when they were in bed. Now he’d read several posts that mentioned it was easier if the bottom was on their knees, and intuitively that made sense, but Aoyama felt an immediate wave of desperation at the thought of not being able to see Kinjou’s face through the whole thing, so that almost didn’t feel like an option, at least not the first time. And he also didn’t know what kind of foreplay Kinjou wanted - he initially fantasized about touching him exactly the way Kinjou had always touched him, but after going through all the posts, he was almost convinced Kinjou was probably used to all sorts of toys, and Aoyama’s hands alone would never be enough. Which wasn’t bad, just … overwhelming. But maybe he should ask Kinjou before he gets too fixated on anything specific?

He could message him about that too. But at the same time, the list of questions had gotten so long, it would probably be weird to send all that in their private chat. Plus, if he asks his questions in person, then he gets to see and hear Kinjou talk about all these things, and that would be so much better than just getting a text back.

So he kept everything confined to his notes app, and looked forward to Friday even more vigorously than before.

“You’re unusually tense today,” Kinjou hummed in his ear once they were finally alone in Aoyama’s house again: clothes on the bathroom floor and the washing machine slowly whirring up beneath them.

“I’m taking notes,” Aoyama closed his eyes, wondering if once Kinjou picks up his pace, a point would come when he wouldn’t be able to tell the vibrations on either side apart anymore. “I want to be more … aware of everything you do …”

“That’s okay, Mi-chan. Just don’t ruin it for yourself, okay?”

“I couldn’t,” Aoyama breathed a sigh of desire as Kinjou’s teeth sank into his shoulder. Nothing could ever ruin this.

“You’re so good, baby … so good. Does it feel good?”

“Y-Yeah …”

“Then just enjoy yourself. You can take notes later, sweetie.”

“I have … so many questions … too …”

“About topping me?”

“Yes.”

“I can answer them,” he chuckled, peppering light kisses where his bite mark was slowly forming on Aoyama’s skin. “But you know … I have no doubt you’d give me exactly what I want if I asked for it … but it’ll be your first time. I don’t need that to be about me, honey.”

“... no?”

“No. I want to see you go a little crazy.”

“... oh …”

“I want to see you do everything you want to me.”

“... oh …”

“I’ll be there holding your hand … and telling you how good you make me feel … and begging you for more.”

“Ai …”

“Shhh, baby … easy … we haven’t even gotten to the spin cycle yet, I bet you’ll love that.”

“M-Mhm …”

“Then again … Mitsuo, how needy are you feeling?” Kinjou whispered, nibbling on his ear.

“Yes.”

“Haha … then I won’t hold back. We can be on round two by then!”

“Yes.”

A little crazy … whatever he wanted … Aoyama didn’t even know what that would entail. Or maybe he did, a little bit. Just from copying Kinjou, of course. But would that really be alright? Would Kinjou still walk him through it? This didn’t answer any questions, but it sure added many.

What did he want?

Kinjou was the obvious answer. Aoyama had neither the time nor the capacity to get any more specific than that, because as soon as his mind managed to latch onto one thing he particularly liked, Kinjou already distracted him with another. He couldn’t keep up. He wanted him, even if quite often, he didn’t even know what that entailed. But that probably wouldn’t work if Aoyama wanted to take a more active role.

It was hard to parcel out individual feelings while they were having sex, but the aftercare of Kinjou soaping him up in the shower and whispering praises in his ear didn’t make it any easier either. He wanted Kinjou. That was all his mind and body were screaming to him, and that was where his thoughts stopped, dead end like hitting a wall. It didn’t feel like an insurmountable wall though - just not with the same question.

Aoyama wanted Kinjou. That was all. He was happy, he was content, he’d take anything, he didn’t even know how to move forward when the present was already everything he could ever wish for. It’s not that he didn’t want more, it’s that he found the whole search for it extremely disorienting.

… but what did Kinjou want?

Suddenly, Aoyama found himself dreaming about specific desires and instructions, watching the world open up as the wall collapsed and feeling like a bloodhound on a scent trail. He just didn’t know what it was yet. But when he would … this was what he wanted.

“Ai …”

“Finally coming back to Earth, huh?” Kinjou smiled, tucking them both into bed. “Took you a while. Was it that good?”

“Yes,” Aoyama sighed, grabbing onto Kinjou and pulling him in a tight embrace. “Ai, for … for when … ah …”

“Easy, baby … easy,” Kinjou placed a soft kiss on his forehead. “Sounds like you’re still coming down from it.”

“Yes … Ai … Ai, what do you want?”

“Sleep? Cuddles? Some kisses before that, maybe?”

“I mean for sex.”

“Oh. Haha … I told you before, whatever-”

“I want you. I want what you want.”

“... you don’t want anything for yourself?”

“I want you.”

“Ah, sweetie … you should want some rest.”

Another forehead kiss, melting and lulling Aoyama to sleep.

“We can talk about it tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

“There … oh. Hi, honey. Did I wake you up?”

Aoyama blinked, finding himself bathed in the morning sunlight, firmly tucked under the blanket with Kinjou’s hand on his cheek.

“N-No …“

“Of course I did,” Kinjou smiled, nuzzling closer. “It’s okay, you can sleep some more.”

“Will you?”

“... nah, I think I got enough.”

“Me too.”

Kinjou’s smile grew as they kissed, cascading on Aoyama’s lips and reflecting in the sparkles in his eyes.

“Ai … you’re beautiful.”

“You too, Mi-chan. You too.“

“Thank you so much … last night, I … Ai, it felt so good …”

“Hmm … you liked it?” Kinjou mused, kissing the edge of Aoyama’s ear.

“Yes.”

“Then we should do it again. You don’t happen to have another load of laundry lying in the hamper, do you?”

“I don’t.”

“I see, so we’ll have to dirty these sheets first? Sure, baby. I can do that!”

“I want to talk first,” Aoyama gently pushed him away before he’d find himself stripped of his sanity too soon.

“Okay,” Kinjou nodded, settling on his pillow and taking Aoyama’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers as their hands rested between them.

Aoyama sighed, watching the soft sight before him at a loss for words. Not that he even had words in the first place, but still.

“I’m sorry I’m so useless,” he finally whispered.

“I’ll need additional clarification, ‘cause you’ve never once been useless,” Kinjou smiled.

“I can’t think of anything I want … I want so much, but I don’t know what.”

“That’s okay. I think I probably ... I mean, I could have said it better,” Kinjou held his hand tighter. “When I said you shouldn’t think about me … that you should do what you want … Mitsuo, I just wanted to encourage you. Did I burden you instead?”

“... y-yeah. Just a little bit,” Aoyama nodded.

“I’m sorry. Would you rather if I just asked you for things?”

“Well … no.”

“No?”

“Asking feels like too much. I don’t want you to have to ask, I want everything you want, I want to know those answers, I want to give you everything, I don’t want you to need to ask for anything.”

“Okay … mhm, okay.”

“The only thing I want- actually, no … I should do this in order, can I get my glasses and my phone?”

“Your phone?”

“I took notes.”

As Aoyama grabbed his glasses from the nightstand, Kinjou was suddenly laughing: still holding Aoyama’s other hand, and now Aoyama could see him clearly even when their faces weren’t right next to each other.

Like always, it was a beautiful sight.

“What?” He asked, slipping back under the blanket with his phone.

“You’re the first person I’ve ever heard take literal notes for something like this. It’s amazing. Mitsuo, I’m so attracted to you, I don’t know if I’ll be able to hear all this without going crazy. I’ll try though, I promise!”

“... thank you. I don’t know if it’s too much, or if there are things you already told me, or-”

“Don’t worry about that. Just ask whatever you want, sweetheart.”

“Okay … mhm. Do you have any pet names you like?”

“Not really, I think anything is fine. I like ‘Ai’ though … somehow, no one’s called me that before. It’s distinctly yours!”

“Okay …”

“Mitsuo, are you- wait, are you really writing the answers down too?”

“Yes?” Aoyama asked, looking up from his phone. “I feel like I should, at least. But I’ll try to be quick, I didn’t want to ask these via text because I wanted to hear you, and … still, this is important, I don’t want to forget.”

“I can’t,” Kinjou mumbled, covering his mouth with his hand as he shook his head. “This is too damn cute, I can’t, you’re gonna kill me”

“... sorry?”

“No, it’s- gimme that,” he smiled, reaching for Aoyama’s phone.

“Yes?” Aoyama asked, handing it over.

“There,” Kinjou soon returned it, now with a voice recording icon flashing at the top. “Now you can hear me as many times as you want!”

“Are you sure it’s okay?”

“Yeah, no worries.”

“If you say something you don’t want recorded, I’ll still delete it,” Aoyama promised.

“It’s okay - I trust you, Mitsuo.”

“Thank you … so no pet names?”

“None that I have in mind. But if you ever want to use any, please do.”

“Okay … do you have any other things you like to hear during sex?”

“You. All the little ways in which your feelings escape without words, it’s like music to my ears. I like it when you call my name too.”

“Okay … and specifically- I hope this is okay to ask, I copied it from a forum post … what kinda tops do you like?”

“Ones who pay lots of attention to me,” Kinjou smiled, nuzzling closer to Aoyama and stealing a kiss over the edge of his phone. “You know when you pull me down to kiss you, and when I try to touch you as much as I can because you like my hands? I want the same, Mitsuo. I want you to be all over me. I want to feel you everywhere, inside and out.”

Aoyama couldn’t believe he was recording this. It felt less like a voice note and more along the lines of a personal audio drama.

“A-And, uh … well, I do want one thing,” he sighed, nervously biting his lip.

“Oh? What is it, baby?”

“... is it okay if you’re on your back?”

“It might be easier-”

“I want to see you.”

Maybe he was too bold with that. He saw something unfamiliar flash in Kinjou’s eyes, but then-

“Me too. Mitsuo …”

“Ai …”

“I want to see you,” Kinjou sighed, squishing Aoyama’s phone between their chests as he cupped Aoyama’s face and kissed him. “I don’t want you to take your eyes off me, I want to see you … especially the first time.”

“I thought so too! I’m not against trying more … just the first time, Ai …”

“Don’t take your eyes off me.”

“I won’t.”

They soon got lost in a kiss so deep, Aoyama momentarily considered leaving the rest of the questions for later, but if they were going through them now, maybe they should finish before he ends up recording more than he intended to.

“S-So … but do you have any favorite positions?”

“Lying on my back is my favorite,” Kinjou smiled, nibbling on Aoyama’s ear.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I want to see whoever I’m with.”

“Me too. It’s like we’re …”

“... perfect for each other, isn’t it …”

“Yes.”

Kinjou was right, they were perfect. And it only made Aoyama want to discover more.

“How about out of bed?”

“Oh, I don’t mind whatever works. I kinda … I know that’s not really your thing, but my ex would really grip me and push me into the wall whenever we were in the shower … I was kinda into that. That’s more of a dom thing though, so-”

“I’ll do it.”

“Just cause I asked for it, huh?”

“Yes.”

“Mitsuo …”

“Yes?”

Another kiss. Another chance for Aoyama’s head to spin without oxygen in favor of Kinjou’s touch on his lips.

“Do you think you have a service kink?” Kinjou asked, gently rubbing Aoyama’s chin with his thumb.

“M-Maybe? Would that … would that be okay?”

“Mitsuo, I’d be so into that …”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Kinjou nodded.

“… I just don’t know, it’s hard … if I think about what turns me on, it’s just you, I don’t have space in my head for anything else, you could stand still against a gray wall and I’d still lose my mind, it feels impossible to be more specific than that,” Aoyama nervously bit his lip, feeling overwhelmed.

“We can get there slowly,” Kinjou encouraged him. “Let’s keep having all sorts of fun, and when something really hits the spot, you’ll let me know, right?”

“Right … yes. Actually, there is … I don’t know if it's a ‘spot’ per se, but … one other thing I’d really like to do as your top.”

“What is it, sweetie?”

“Do you … are there any toys you like to use?”

“I have some at home,” Kinjou nodded. “Mostly for when I’m alone though. It’s been a while since I’ve been with someone who wanted to use them together, not everyone is into that.”

“Are you?”

“I think so … I haven’t really gotten to experiment much with that, but I’d want to.”

“We can-”

“Mitsuo, before this gets ahead of us … can I just say something?”

“Yes? Ai, what's wrong?” Aoyama asked with a scared expression.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Kinjou reassured him, gently stroking his cheek. “I just want to make sure nothing ever will be. Honey, I know this is all new for you. I know you want to try things too. I know you still have to figure so many things out for yourself. I know sometimes you won’t know what you like and don’t like until you try it. I know all that. Plus you’re really submissive even before we get into any other kinks you might have. Which is all great and healthy for you to be in touch with, but … you can’t just throw yourself at me, okay? Mitsuo, I love it when you’re so eager, and if anyone could make me lose all my composure, it would be you, so just … you gotta help me out here, I can’t be the only one looking out for you. Focus on me if you’re into that. Do whatever I ask. But only after you ask yourself if you actually want that for yourself too. That’s all I need, okay? Just … take a second to think if that’s really okay with you before you say yes to me. And if the answer isn’t clear, then of course take longer.”

“Ai …”

“You don’t have to commit to all my fantasies the moment I say them. I want your input too, obviously, I want to know you really want them too. I don’t want you to have regrets.”

“I won’t,” Aoyama smiled. “I’ll take care, I promise. I’ll think about things - but I’ve already thought about this.”

“... you have?”

“Yes. I don’t mind using toys as foreplay if that’s what you like! I’ll need to learn a lot, but I’ll do my best. It’s just … even with toys, I was hoping I could still touch you.”

“Oh …”

“But I guess it’s probably … not that big in comparison to the toys you’re used to …” Aoyama quietly mumbled, looking down at his fingers gripping the phone.

“You have to start small anyway,” Kinjou whispered back, kissing Aoyama’s forehead as he pried one of his index fingers away from the phone and wrapped his hand around it. “And then bit by bit … gradually …” he sighed into Aoyama’s ear, reaching for his middle and ring fingers too. “... you build up. Now this is quite something already,” he smiled, his voice trembling as he squeezed three of Aoyama’s fingers together in his hand.

“Ai …”

“And you’ve got such long fingers too … baby … sweetie, it’s not even a question … I want you so much, of course you can touch me, you really thought you couldn’t?”

“I thought it might not be enough.”

“Size isn’t everything,” Kinjou chuckled, slowly stroking Aoyama’s fingers. “I bet you could make me come with just one finger, I’m so crazy for you.”

“I- uh- huh … really?”

“Mhm,” Kinjou nodded, curling his body closer to Aoyama. “Wanna try?”

“... I can?”

“Of course. I’d still count that as foreplay even if you end up on the bottom. And you’ve also … ah … Mitsuo, I know this was all very formal and important note-taking but fuck, you’ve turned me on so much. I want you … I want you so bad …”

“I want you too … Ai …”

“Mitsuo …”

The unknown, both between them but also within himself, used to scare Aoyama to death.

But not anymore.

Now, it came with a sense of wonder and excitement, with that shine in Kinjou’s eyes that Aoyama chased like a drug, with a near guarantee of feeling better than he ever felt before if he just takes another step forward, if he leaps and trusts to land in Kinjou’s arms … oh, Aoyama would spend the rest of his life exploring feelings like these if he could.

Even if he was still insecure about everything new, he secretly hoped the new things would never run out, so he could keep entrusting himself to Kinjou’s guidance, so Kinjou could keep teaching him, so he could keep experiencing endless firsts in Kinjou’s embrace.

By the time he realized the phone was still recording their disheveled and needy voices, it was way too late to do anything about it - he’d just have to make sure he deletes it later.

Chapter Text

“This feels like such a good dynamic, honestly …” Kinjou sighed, kissing Aoyama’s chest and enjoying the feeling of Aoyama’s hands in his hair.

“Do you prefer morning sex?” Aoyama asked, straining to lean down enough to kiss the top of Kinjou’s head as he continued to pet him.

“I won’t be picky about that,” Kinjou chuckled, immediately scooting higher to hopefully elicit more kisses. “Don’t really care about the time of day. I just like it when we can cuddle first, and have fun talking, and then, if we feel like it … you know, all that.”

“I know,” Aoyama nodded. “I like it too. Same for afterwards, I can’t imagine if we had sex and you just … left.”

“Me neither,” Kinjou grinned, propping himself up to kiss Aoyama on the lips. “I gotta get all my kisses!”

“You’ll get plenty.”

They laughed, rolling around in bed as they kissed until they both got spooked by the sound of Aoyama’s phone falling to the floor.

“Right … that,” Aoyama bit his lip, straining his eyes to pick it up.

“You recorded everything, didn’t you?” Kinjou mused, propping himself up with one arm and lovingly watching as Aoyama struggled to find the phone.

“.. yeah, there’s a one hour recording,” Aoyama sighed. “I guess it stops automatically at that time. I’ll see if I can-”

“Keep it,” Kinjou reached out, wrapping his fingers around Aoyama’s hand and the phone. “You like audio dramas, don’t you?”

“Y-Yes?”

“Then I guess this is your private one,” he leaned closer with a sly wink. “If I knew you were recording, I would’ve been louder.”

“Ai …”

“Although with how good it felt, I’m sure I was plenty loud.”

“You were,” Aoyama mumbled, nervously pulling Kinjou into his arms. “... it was so hot.”

“You too. Mituso, I’m so into you … I’d say how badly I want you on top of me, but I don’t wanna pressure you or anything …”

“I’d still like to hear that,” Aoyama smiled, his gaze falling to Kinjou’s lips. “Is it okay to ask for compliments even if I’m not ready to act on them yet?”

“Well, as a wise man once said - I don’t want you to have to ask,” Kinjou smiled, leaning into the kiss. “But I do have to warn you … if you give me a free pass to blab about how much I want you, I’ll be absolutely insufferable with it.”

“I want that.”

“You’ll regret it.”

“I don’t think so,” Aoyama pulled him closer. “I’ve always felt so unwanted after the divorce … I didn’t even want anything to do with myself sometimes … but now I’m paying so much attention to everything because of you … because you want me …”

“I do. Baby, I do … I want you so much … Mitsuo …“

Aoyama’s smile grew wider and wider with each kiss, head spinning with all the thoughts and feelings about Kinjou and their time together. He was so used to asking for compliments and then balking at the first gaze in his direction, because if anyone looks for too long, they’ll see he’s not really worth looking at. And yet, Kinjou saw more than anyone else, saw Aoyama literally and metaphorically stripped bare, and still stared as if he couldn’t get enough.

He wondered how long this could go on. He wanted to be ravaged by Kinjou’s attention, wanted to take it all for himself, wanted to drown in it while he figures out how to breathe underwater. He knew he was asking for a lot … he knew … meanwhile Kinjou said he shouldn’t even have to ask?

And he’d be insufferable?!

Aoyama didn’t understand. Couldn’t imagine it. Couldn’t even remotely construct the concept in his mind. How could such tender affection ever be insufferable? How could such a wonderful man think he’d ever be insufferable? If anything, Aoyama worried about having less of Kinjou’s compliments, not more. Perhaps he wasn’t making that clear enough? Maybe he was too cold? Too reserved? Kinjou always said he was so needy though … was he somehow not needy enough?

… could he be even more needy?

If Aoyama didn’t hold back, would Kinjou accept that?

Because that was what could be insufferable if Aoyama lets go of all his inhibitions and asks for more than Kinjou would be willing to give. But Kinjou? Insufferable? No. Never. His attention would never be insufferable to Aoyama, he was sure of it.

How could anyone be so spoiled by the most handsome man on Earth and suffer from it?!

“You say the weirdest things sometimes …”

“Huh?” Kinjou pulled away, licking Aoyama’s saliva off his lips.

“... nothing. Thank you for wanting me so much.”

“Thank you for letting me want you.”

They fell into another deep and messy kiss, brought to an end only by the growling of Kinjou’s stomach. Aoyama then dragged him - largely against his will - through a somewhat quick shower and tucked him into his bathrobe before sitting him down at the kitchen table and getting to work on their lunch.

“We’ll eat before noon for once, I guess. Is that too early for you?”

“Not if I distract you,” Kinjou grinned, resting his elbows on the table and holding up his head.

“Don’t you dare, I can hear your stomach from here.”

“That’s cute … mhm, I’ll let you cook then. I am pretty hungry.”

“Should we start having dinner on Fridays?”

“Maybe … but the only thing I want to ravage when I get here is you,” Kinjou shrugged. “We could grab a snack on the way though.“

“Sounds good,” Aoyama nodded, laughing as he opened one of the drawers. “Haha … I forgot these were here.”

“You should probably put them somewhere else,” Kinjou suggested. “Like, I don’t mind the wooden spoons, but a knife sharpening kit next to something that’s supposed to go on my dick is kinda yikes.”

“Understandable,” Aoyama nodded, taking the lube and condoms out of the drawer and leaving them on the kitchen counter. “I’ll see where else there’s space. I wasn’t really thinking about it before.”

“I can tell. That’s cute too.”

“Hmm … is a cupcake mold better?” Aoyama asked, looking through his other drawers.

“Knowing you, it’s gonna be-”

“It’s this one,” Aoyama lifted up a pink silicone Kumatte-chan themed mold.

“Yup. Exactly that,” Kinjou nodded along. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

“I’ll move everything here then. It’s this drawer.“

“Burnt into my memory,” Kinjou confirmed. “Wouldn’t forget it in a million years!”

“... I’m glad you’re having fun with it,” Aoyama smiled to himself, finally grabbing a chopping board and getting to work.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I was afraid it might be … a little too much, I don’t know.”

“It’s not too much. It’s perfect, Mitsuo. You’re perfect. Too perfect even!”

“... am I?”

“Yeah. At least let me buy the condoms next time. You have the house, you cook for me, you pay whenever we order takeout … this is getting kinda close to a sugar daddy arrangement.”

“But my salary is higher than yours?”

“Honey, that's not helping!” Kinjou struggled not to laugh. “I’m not exactly poor either, you know? My rent is barely anything, the apartment is correspondingly shit but that’s another topic, and you have a mortgage to pay off!”

“... I just wanted to spoil you a little,” Aoyama pouted.

“Not gonna lie, you drive a hard bargain there. I love being spoiled by you.”

“Then let me keep doing it? Please?”

“Stoooop,” Kinjou turned away. “Not the puppy dog eyes!”

“Please?”

“I’m gonna die.”

“Ai, please let me spoil you?”

“Fine! Fine, I’m yours, have at it,” Kinjou happily gave in. “Tch, I really can’t say no to that …”

“Would you want to?”

“... maybe with someone else. If I really think about it … it does feel comfortable with you, I guess. ‘Cause obviously I know I’m not just someone you’re throwing money at for sex.”

“Of course you’re not. But I don’t really … have ways of spoiling you that aren’t material,” Aoyama awkwardly gestured, knife still in hand.

“You don’t get to say that after this morning,” Kinjou fought the urge to sneak up behind him and kiss him as usual. “Not that you could before, but especially not after this morning. Mitsuo, I felt my soul melt the moment you had one finger inside me. You are a god. Don’t sell yourself short!”

“Y-You’re biased …”

“Mhm, and for good reason! Now please get those vegetables in the pan so I can kiss you while you stir them, so we’re technically not wasting time.“

He watched, seemingly in slow motion, as Aoyama poured in some oil and brought the chopping board to the stove. By the time the loud sizzling of vegetables filled the air, Kinjou’s lips were already on Aoyama’s neck.

“It smells so good …”

“Me or the food?”

“Both, sweetheart. Both.”

“Thank you,” Aoyama smiled, reaching for Kinjou’s hand on his chest and intertwining their fingers. “Ai …”

“Mhm?”

“Am I really … objectively, am I actually good in bed?”

“I don’t think you can ask that about something as subjective as sex,” Kinjou trailed a line of kisses up to Aoyama’s ears. “But you’re open-minded, you’ve got decent stamina, you’re curious, you’re excited about exploring new things, you’re in touch with what you want, you communicate really well, you care about your partner’s pleasure and you’re confident about your sexuality … Mitsuo, you don’t even know. Like, you’ve got zero idea … there are people out there who would do highly questionable things just to get a one night stand with you. You’ll have to watch out for yourself once you’re dating again, okay? I mean it. None of this moping around, people will go crazy for you. You are perfect.”

“Thank you …”

Aoyama suddenly pulled him into another deep kiss, leaving Kinjou out of breath and wondering once again how Aoyama could possibly be so out of touch with his own self worth. To him, it was plain as day that Aoyama was a god amongst men, a holy grail of partners, the kind of man you kiss once and then spend the rest of your life fantasizing about making him your husband.

Or maybe that last part was just Kinjou. Still, as objective as someone madly in love could be, Aoyama was one of the most incredible partners anyone could ever wish for.

“Do I not tell you enough how wonderful you are?”

“You do,” Aoyama immediately answered. “You do, I’m just …”

“Needy?”

“I was going to say in disbelief,” Aoyama nodded. “But that too.”

“I love how needy you are,” Kinjou smiled, kissing Aoyama again. “It’s the best … it’s so perfect … I feel like I can give you so much when you’re looking at me for reassurance, it’s beautiful.”

“It’s everything. When you compliment me like that, it’s everything to me,” Aoyama held onto him even tighter.

“Sweetie, the food …”

“Please.”

Okay. The vegetables would be a little burnt. Okay, that was fine too. Kinjou didn’t mind - instead, he leaned into the kiss as hard as he could, and gave Aoyama everything.

I love you.

Everything but the truth.

“I’m sorry about that,” Aoyama apologized later, placing charred carrots onto Kinjou’s plate.

“I’m used to it. If anything, I expect the food here to come with a bit of burnt flavor - it’s my fault anyway. I should be apologizing!“

“Are you sorry though?”

“Not one bit!”

“Please don’t be,” Aoyama reached out, holding Kinjou’s hand as they ate. “As long as I can feed you in a reasonable time, I love to cook when you’re around. It’s so nice.”

“I love to kiss you while you’re working too.”

“If you start applying that to chores, I’ll never get anything done on the weekends.”

“I’ll try to control myself,” Kinjou mused. “Need help with the laundry today?”

“...”

“Mitsuo?”

“Sorry, I just wasn’t sure if you were asking literally, or offering to have sex on the washing machine again.”

“Haha. Well I was asking literally - but we can do both, no?”

“Yes. Both sounds great, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll need some time to recharge though, you drained the life out of me this morning.”

“... sorry?”

“That’s a compliment,” Kinjou clarified. “Genuinely, I am in awe of your libido. I thought it was just built up frustrations at first, but you still want so much … damn, I’m so lucky.”

“Me too. I’m so lucky I have you, Ai.”

I love you.

He wasn’t gonna get rid of these random pangs in his chest, was he … oh well. Not that it made much of a difference: he sometimes looked at Aoyama and felt like he couldn’t breathe even before he fell in love with him.The man was just too perfect for his own good - and apparently Kinjou’s good as well.

But in a way, it was kind of nice. It didn’t feel doomed, and it didn’t feel pointlessly hopeful either.

It was just love, and Kinjou got to spend some time alone with it for the first time in his life.

Chapter Text

“I hate it when Saturdays go by so fast,” Kinjou mumbled, turning off the lights and slipping under the blanket to cuddle up to Aoyama for the night.

All they did was clean up the kitchen after lunch, cuddle on the couch, watch anime, fold the laundry, have sex again and take a much longer shower than in the morning. It felt like everything, and yet barely anything at all.

“We still have tomorrow,” Aoyama kissed his forehead, pulling him into his arms.

“I’m so grateful for that,” Kinjou sighed, settling into the comforting embrace. “I love spending time with you, Mitsuo.”

“Me too. You’re so fun, it’s like the whole house feels more alive when you’re here.”

“Haha … I do my best! Do you have any plans for tomorrow?”

“I don’t know if that will change by morning, but for now … I feel exhausted,” Aoyama sighed. “I might have pushed myself a bit … I just couldn’t help it.”

“So you have your limits too, huh?”

“Sadly … I wish we met when I was younger …”

“First of all, there’s only so much ‘younger’ you can get before this starts being questionable,” Kinjou laughed. “And second, I don’t think I could have kept up with a younger you.”

“I guess you’re right … but it’s weird, you know? It didn’t use to be like this. Even in the best years … we used to have sex a few times a week at most. And I didn’t feel like that was missing anything. I’m pretty sure she was happy with it too. So I also thought … I also thought I was catching up on all the time being alone, but … I feel like I’ve caught up now. And I still want you so much, I can’t help it …”

“Don’t,” Kinjou nudged closer to him. “Want me as much as you want.”

“If you didn’t encourage me so much, I think I’d even be ashamed of it,” Aoyama confessed. “It just feels so overwhelming … but you keep rewarding it, so … I guess you’re only making it worse.”

“So now it’s my fault, huh?”

“It’s always been your fault … and I’m so happy with it,” Aoyama yawned, nuzzling into Kinjou’s shoulder. “Ai … thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Can I really keep the whole voice recording?”

“Of course. There’s crucial stuff about my preferences on there, wouldn’t want you to forget that if you’re gonna top me,” Kinjou teased him.

“... and the other part?”

“Will you listen to it?” He hummed in Aoyama’s ear, gently playing with his hair.

“Probably …”

“Let me know when you do.”

“I will.”

“Also, I’m realizing now that we were kinda in the middle of talking before that, so … I didn’t get in the way of anything, right? Did you get to ask everything you wanted to ask me?”

“I think so,” Aoyama nodded. “For now, at least. There’s still a lot I want to think about. But thank you for the links you sent me, I had trouble finding anything useful online.”

“Oh geez, don’t tell me you just looked stuff up…”

“Well I tried …”

“And?”

“Lots of bondage.”

“Business as usual, I see. Wanna try?”

“Not particularly. It feels a little claustrophobic.”

“Yeah I wouldn’t wanna be tied in rope either,” Kinjou agreed. “But I kinda envy people who are into that, it seems fun.”

“You like to have fun with sex, don’t you?” Aoyama asked, placing soft kisses on Kinjou’s shoulder.

“I think that’s redundant,” Kinjou shrugged, pressing his skin further onto Aoyama’s lips. “Sex is fun. But yeah, I like to bring some variety to it.”

“Do you ever do roleplaying?”

“Not lately. I usually need to know someone a little better to get in the mood for that, and things either didn’t last that long or they weren’t into it, so … yeah. It’s been a while. Is that something you’d like to try?”

“I can’t really imagine it. What did you roleplay as?”

“Hmm. Okay before you comment, this was a while ago! Way before I started working at Minette!”

“... okay?”

“I used to roleplay office romances with an ex.”

“That’s cute.”

“Maybe,” Kinjou awkwardly laughed. “She really got off on the idea of screwing her secretary in her office, and I was happy to oblige. It was pretty hot, not gonna lie. And I guess a little bit of wanting to please my boss stuck with me since then,” he softly purred in Aoyama’s ear.

“Would you like to roleplay again?”

“... I’m not opposed to it, but we’ll have to find a different theme because if we bring pretend office talk into bed, I don’t know how I’ll keep that separate from work. Although it does kinda suck, because to be honest, I did actually enjoy that setting.”

“I agree that an office is probably not a good theme for us … but I’d be open to trying something else. I think it could be fun, as you say.”

“Do you have a theme in mind?”

“I read a lot about maid roleplay …” Aoyama mumbled, letting the words aimlessly hang in the air between them.

“Did you now …” Kinjou grinned, slowly stroking Aoyama’s hair and pulling him up for a kiss. “Sweetie, do you wanna get in a cute maid dress and take orders from me?”

“Y-Yeah …”

“God, you’re blushing so hard … baby …”

“Well I didn’t know I’d be into it until you said it like that!” Aoyama complained, nervously fidgeting with his hands.

“Unreal,” Kinjou sighed, grabbing Aoyama’s hands and clutching them tight to his chest as he leaned in for another kiss. “I can’t believe I get to have you all to myself, this should be a crime. You’re so precious, Mitsuo. I … ah, I’m so into you.”

“Me too.”

“Do you want to record this for your notes as well?”

“Think I should?”

“I don’t know - is there more you wanna talk about?”

“Well if we’re at it …” Aoyama sighed, grabbing his phone and starting another voice note. ”Have you ever had an experience you didn’t like?”

“Wow, the difficulty on these questions really went up,” Kinjou chuckled. “Let’s see … no, I don’t think so. I’ve had plenty of bad sex, but that wasn’t really anyone’s fault, we were just young and dumb and figuring things out on the fly. But I think I was lucky in picking the people I sleep with, so nope, no bad experiences.”

“That’s nice. I just wanted to know if there’s something I should watch out for,” Aoyama smiled in relief.

“How about you?”

“... does being rejected count as a bad experience?”

“It can.”

“Then that, I guess. Never directly, but … things just fizzled out, I was so busy and tired, but then even on the weekends … eventually, she would sleep in another room, and I didn’t need to be told I wasn’t wanted. That hurt a lot … but I just thought it was temporary, and then … well I guess it was, in a way.”

“Do you think that’s part of why you’re nervous about being on top?” Kinjou asked. “Does it remind you of her?”

“... I thought it would, but not really. We’ve never done anal, and everything about our situation is just so different … there’s no way I’d see you underneath me and think of her.”

“Good, that makes me happy. Both for your sake, but also, I really wouldn’t wanna bring back memories of some woman who left you. Mitsuo, she didn’t know what she had … you deserve so much better than someone who just left!”

“Thank you. I think I have a lot better now,” his smile grew even wider as he kissed Kinjou again.

Kinjou could definitely do without being directly contrasted against the ex wife whose place he so badly wished to take, but oh well - he kinda walked straight into that one.

“I do my best,” he winked, settling into the kiss. “Because you deserve the best, cupcake.”

“That’s a new one,” Aoyama’s eyes lit up as if he’d just gotten a rare gacha pull.

“Sorry. I can’t get over the fact that our condoms downstairs are in a Kumatte-chan cupcake mold,” Kinjou laughed. “That’s like, the definition of gap moe. You’re just like an anime character sometimes, Mitsuo.”

“In what way?”

“In an ‘oh god, I can’t believe this man is real and I wish he would fuck me’ way,” Kinjou spat out his uncensored thoughts in a moment of weakness.

“Well,” Aoyama cleared his throat, reaching up to hold Kinjou’s chin. “I will.”

“You’re gonna kill me by just outright complying with my fantasies like that.”

“But they’re my fantasies too.”

“Yeah … yeah that’s not helping,” Kinjou softly laughed, melting under Aoyama’s touch. “If you keep sweet talking me like this, I’ll also need to be scraped up into a mold, I think.”

“Baked or frozen?”

“Honestly, just toss me in the oven and alleviate my suffering.”

They shared a glance, and then a quiet laugh.

“Hey I have an idea,” Aoyama suggested. “Does cosplay count as roleplay?”

“Sure. Who would you like to cosplay?”

“The blonde character on your lock screen?”

“Ahaha … ha … okay, no, I’m gonna nope out of that before I get a heart attack even thinking about it,” Kinjou immediately turned down the proposition. “One dream man at a time, please!”

“... okay. Then I don’t have any other ideas.”

“Were you serious about the maid stuff though?”

“I am now.”

“You bought new clothes recently, do you have your measurements written down somewhere?”

“I saved a note on my phone, yes.”

“Send me that,” Kinjou whispered into his ear. “I’ll buy you something.”

“Okay … ah, I’m so excited!”

“Me too!”

“Speaking of notes …” Aoyama bit his lip, glancing at his phone to make sure it was still recording. “The forum pages you sent me … those were really useful. I’d be way too nervous to write all about my sex life out in public, but I’m glad those people did, I learned a lot from their comments.”

“I figured,” Kinjou nodded. “It’s like BL manga, but a lot more realistic … and you said you liked that.”

“I do. So I was wondering … Ai, have you ever written something like that?”

“What, a public confessional?”

“Anything. Doesn’t need to be public.”

“Not really? Why? Would you like to read it?”

“Yes.”

“Cute. Well I guess I can write out all the details of how I like to have sex for you. Or, since you seem to be collecting voice clips now, want me to record it for you?”

“You would?”

“Of course. A little instruction manual for my sweetheart, right? You’d want that, wouldn’t you …”

“I would,” Aoyama smiled with relief, kissing Kinjou again. “Thank you. You’re making this so much easier for me!”

“Well I’ve never been asked to submit a sex resume before, so I’m excited to make one,” Kinjou giggled, sneaking in more kisses. “Mitsuo, you’re really … you’re special. In the best possible way. I’m so glad I have another day with you tomorrow!”

“About that …” Aoyama snuck an arm around Kinjou’s waist, stifling another yawn.

“Yeah?”

“... we have to be at the office at the same time on Monday anyway.”

“Oh …”

“I know you didn’t plan for it, but would you stay another night?”

“Yes! Mitsuo … I’d love to.”

“I’d love it if you stayed too.”

A little more time with Aoyama … just a little more … Kinjou would take anything at this point.

Chapter Text

Aoyama was on top of his game on Monday: well rested, well cuddled and well fed, because he insisted on waking up early enough to make breakfast for the two of them, which wasn’t the norm for his work days otherwise.

Usually, he’d already be missing Kinjou by now after spending one night without him, and it was kinda shocking how much of a difference one more night together made. Could they make this a regular thing? Friday to Monday? Did Kinjou ever do something else on Sunday evenings? Aoyama didn’t think so, they usually said goodbye pretty late, but even if he had plans, that was fine … he could just come back home to Aoyama afterwards. Unless it was inconvenient, of course - he wouldn’t want to get in Kinjou’s way. But he’d suggest making this change permanent when he has the chance … which might not be any time soon anyway.

He flipped through his calendar, and while it wasn’t that full, looking at the days laid out one after the other still made Aoyama feel overwhelmed - specifically by the things that weren’t in the calendar.

There were three weeks left until Kinjou’s birthday, which fell on a Thursday this year. Kinjou already invited all three of them out for drinks on Friday, and Aoyama assumed they were still going to his place afterwards, but he wasn’t sure if Kinjou planned to get completely drunk or if he just wanted to have a beer and chat with Shirosaki and Momose as usual. Was anyone else invited, or would he have a separate party with his friends? And if yes, would that happen on Thursday, or would it be on the weekend?

Not that he wanted to monopolize Kinjou’s time or anything. If he was meeting up with friends, that was fine. Who knows, maybe he was even going home to celebrate with family? Aoyama didn’t know, because he didn’t ask. They’ve never scheduled hookups three weeks in advance - in fact they hadn’t really been scheduling anything, they just said they’d see each other next week. Like it had always been planned, but also like it hadn’t been planned at all. It was simple, it was casual, and sometimes that became kinda frustrating.

But okay. If Kinjou doesn’t have time for him that weekend, that’s fine. But if he does … Aoyama wanted to do something special. He thought about buying a gift, and maybe he could still get him something small as a nice gesture, but realistically … he already had a very clear idea of what he wanted to give Kinjou as his birthday present.

Three weeks. Two weekends between them and the weekend.

Maybe this was for the best: he’d always worked well with tight deadlines after all. He didn’t feel anxious about it. Didn’t feel rushed. Nervous, yes, but that was probably normal. He saved the date in his phone, and put a sticker next to it on his work calendar. Until then, he had to focus so he’s not doing overtime at the last minute. Actually, if they’re all going out for drinks, then neither he nor Shirosaki nor Momose nor Kinjou could be stuck with overtime, and Aoyama happily took on the task of managing that. He was the boss after all … at least in the office, and at least during the week.

He understood why it would be a dangerous game for the two of them to play, but he still couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to roleplay an office scenario with Kinjou as his boss. Would he get admonished for not turning his reports in on time, would he get scolded for an inappropriate outfit, would he get called to the boss’ office or be pulled away into a storage closet, would he be closely tutored on new work tasks, would he be praised for a successful contract, would Kinjou sit next to him in a client meeting and touch him under the table when no one was looking … ah, damn it.

His mind was in the gutter, and he wasn’t particularly bothered to pull it out of there, he admitted to himself as he flopped on the couch after coming home from work, lazily unbuttoning his shirt and cuddling the giant Kumatte-chan in absence of Kinjou.

Not that there was anything wrong with those fantasies … they just couldn’t be indulged when they so closely mirrored their everyday life at work, that was all. Aoyama understood. He felt like he was on thin ice already, so he really wanted to keep their work and private lives as separate as possible. But an office was still an easy scenario for him to imagine, and he couldn’t say the same for being a maid. He’d really need to let Kinjou take the lead on that one - well, he kinda already has. He’d sent over his measurements like Kinjou asked him to, and he only replied with a wink emoji, but if Aoyama understood that right … Kinjou was gonna buy a maid outfit for him, right? Where does one even get that? If he’s ordering it online, will it get here in time for Kinjou’s birthday? Maybe best if not … maybe his first time topping and his first time roleplaying should be two separate occasions … but at the same time … he closed his eyes and thought of Kinjou softly giving him commands as his master, and that was so incredibly hot.

Really, Aoyama hardly recognized himself these days. It was as if Kinjou had completely taken over his heart, mind and body - and he didn’t really have complaints about any of it.

Perhaps this was obsessive.

Perhaps he was getting overly attached.

Perhaps he would be devastated beyond belief when things end between them.

But it couldn’t be that bad, could it? It had been more than three months now, and Kinjou still hadn’t gotten tired of him. They didn’t have exact plans, but they did have some plans … in terms of all the things they talked about wanting to do together. It’s not like this was gonna end anytime soon, was it?

Why would it end, actually?

Obviously, if Aoyama wanted to end it. And maybe one day he would: maybe one day, he’d want more than what this kind of relationship can offer him. But right now, he couldn’t even imagine wanting more. So at least for the foreseeable future, he wouldn’t be the one to end it.

And if not him, then Kinjou - but would Kinjou end things between them? Aoyama couldn’t see why. Given, he had to force himself into that frame of mind to begin with, because his first impulse was to insist on several reasons to leave himself, but if he listened to Kinjou’s compliments over his own insecurities … then no, there was no reason. They were happy together. Kinjou was extremely into him. Everything was going great.

Maybe things would end if Kinjou gets a partner. But Aoyama already thought about that once, and everything since then had only reaffirmed his thoughts: Kinjou must have not wanted a partner. It was the only explanation for why a man like him would be single, or at the very least, the only explanation for why he’d be hooking up with someone instead of dating. In Aoyama’s mind, Kinjou was many things, but above all, he was confident and self-actualized. If he wanted a partner, Aoyama had no doubt he’d be out there looking for one.

But he wasn’t.

Which could only mean that their arrangement, for the time being, was indefinite.

And Aoyama was happy with that.

He focused on work during the week, as he always did. Still, it was like a mantra he kept repeating to himself to keep the fantasies at bay. When he got home, he read manga and listened to audio dramas, as he always did - but now with a strict focus on nervous, insecure tops, as well as the few roleplay examples he could find that still had at least a modicum of plot. 

Halfway through the week, a long voice message landed in his private chat with Kinjou. After that, he only listened to that recording on repeat for the rest of the week, because it wasn’t at all what he expected. He thought Kinjou would just list some things he likes that they hadn’t touched on already, but instead it was almost like roleplay, as if Kinjou was acting out a fantasy by himself, pretending Aoyama was there with him, giving instructions that started out as firm commands and slowly dissolved into begging and pleading to be touched and kissed. Kinjou’s breathing was ragged by the end, and just before he stopped talking …

On the tenth replay, Aoyama finally went into his notes and compared it to the recording he’d accidentally made of them having sex. He wasn’t imagining it - Kinjou’s moan at the end of both was nearly identical. Was he supposed to notice that!?

He checked their messages again, and the only thing Kinjou added to the message was a line of emojis: heart eyes, a kiss, a maid outfit, a devil and a wink. Huh. Maybe Aoyama was supposed to know … but wait, was that still acting, or did Kinjou actually get off during the week by thinking of him?

Either option sent Aoyama’s heart racing a thousand miles an hour, and while he no longer doubted the contents of the recording, he was starting to seriously question if he should really keep any of this on the phone he takes to work.

He ordered a fingerprint protected hard drive online the same day, and also a stationary bike while he was at it. He didn’t feel like incorporating gym sessions into his daily schedule just yet, and he’d probably also keel over and die if he tried to start anything serious from zero, but he had plenty of space in his house, and he figured some cycling was better than nothing. He wanted to focus on his leg muscles anyway, as they seemed like they’d be the most useful.

In a way, this was very different from the rest of his relationship with Kinjou. Their sex was fantasized about, sure, but largely spontaneous - not planned. Aoyama worried sometimes that getting into the details of it would ruin the magic, but it didn’t for him, and probably not for Kinjou either, if he was so eager to participate in Aoyama’s study sessions? It felt weird to call them that, but that’s essentially what browsing the forums on his phone before bed was. He saved that for the evenings because it was convenient, but also because he knew he couldn’t fall asleep while listening to the voice recordings, which had since been moved to an old phone he didn’t use anymore and backed up on the hard drive, just in case. So late at night, it was just him and hundreds of other people’s stories and experiences that he tried to learn as much as he could from.

The most surprising and wonderful thing was how many stories he’d found of men his age or even older who were only now discovering their interest in other men. Some were gay and some were into more than just men, but Aoyama honestly felt right at home with either. They still had a shared experience, shared struggles, shared doubts … it felt really reassuring to read how everyone else dealt with things. And of course he also took inspiration wherever he could, as well as several more questions and notes.

Maybe spontaneity was more Kinjou’s way. Aoyama didn’t mind, but as far as he was concerned, things felt safer with a bit of planning. And if it was something important to him - important to both of them - then of course he’d plan it to hell and back.

Chapter Text

“Fridays always feel so far away,” Kinjou sighed, falling into Aoyama’s arms as they undressed each other on the bed. “And then they just disappear on me … totes unfair.”

“I’m sorry,” Aoyama smiled, kissing his cheek. “I couldn’t get out of that meeting soon enough.”

“Nah, that’s fine. I was grinding events anyway.”

“On company time?”

“Y-Yes, chief,” Kinjou laughed.

“I’ll have to write you up,” Aoyama hummed, gently holding Kinjou’s chin. “How did the banner go? Has your husband come home?”

“Haven’t pulled yet. I thought I’d use you as my lucky charm!”

“... cute. Wanna do it now?”

“There’s lots of things I wanna do right now,” Kinjou mused, whispering in Aoyama’s ear. “None of them involve gacha games though.”

“They don’t, huh …

“Nah. Got other buttons to press,” Kinjou grinned even further as he closed in on Aoyama’s lips.

“Please … Ai …”

They kissed so much. Held each other so close. Took things so slowly, and yet Aoyama’s chest felt like it was sustaining a hurricane before his belt even hit the floor. They hadn’t bothered to turn on the lights when they came home, but Aoyama now wished they had, because then he could see Kinjou in the brief moments of opening his eyes - even after Kinjou gently grabbed the edge of his glasses between his lips and pulled them off.

It was too bad work ran so long. But at least they still had tomorrow, and …

“Ai …”

“Yes, baby?”

“You’re … until Monday, right?”

“If you want me to,” Kinjou smiled, pressing their foreheads together.

“I do want you,” Aoyama sighed, cupping his face and kissing him again.

They still had tomorrow, and the night after that. Even if Aoyama was tired tonight, it was okay … even if he’d barely remember tonight … even if he’d fall asleep before telling Kinjou goodnight … it was okay.

“... g…night …” he still mumbled into the darkness anyway, whether it was audible or not. He felt something cold on his pillow: maybe he was crying from how good it all felt … or maybe the tears were because of how happy he was that his quiet house was full of Kinjou’s sounds again.

“Good morning,” Kinjou’s soft whisper answered him, as if merely a moment had passed. But despite his best wishes, when Aoyama opened his eyes, it was already morning.

“... hhnn …”

“You made such a mess last night,” Kinjou chuckled, nuzzling closer to him. “My pillow cover needs to be washed … as do the sheets.”

“Mhm …”

“Wanna sleep a bit longer?”

“No,” Aoyama yawned, wrapping his arm around Kinjou’s waist and pulling him close. “Cuddles.”

“Mi-chan, you’re such a grump when you’re sleepy … it’s cute.”

“Mhm … what time is it?”

“No idea. The sun is right in my eyes though, so probably early.”

“Good. Means I get more time with you …” Aoyama sighed, kissing Kinjou’s forehead. “And I guess we’re doing laundry anyway, huh …”

“I guess,” Kinjou grinned, sneaking down to leave kisses on Aoyama’s neck. “Are you in a rush?”

“If you keep at it, I might be …”

“It’s not even funny,” Kinjou lovingly rolled his eyes, running his thumb over the spot he’d just kissed. “Sweetie, you’re so sensitive here … I hate that we have work on Monday, I wanna hear the sounds you’d make if I left you with a bruise.”

“... you think the collar wouldn’t cover it?”

“Up here? No chance.”

“Shame …”

“Don’t worry about it,” Kinjou shrugged, gently kissing the same spot again. “It still works for teasing just fine … doesn’t it, baby?”

“M-Mhm … Ai …”

“Yes, yes, let’s get going,” Kinjou nodded, reluctantly pulling away from Aoyama and taking the cover off his pillow while he looked around the bed.

“Are you looking for my glasses?” Aoyama asked, trying to feel around for them on the nightstand.

“That, and the condom,” Kinjou laughed. “I was so tired last night, I don’t know where I left either!”

“Well, I found my glasses,” Aoyama smiled, half hanging off the bed when his fingers finally made contact with the familiar wire frame on the floor. “So I can help.”

“Don’t be so eager about that,” Kinjou mumbled, looking away to hide his embarrassment. “Having my partner look for a used condom the morning after is like, the least sexy thing ever. I feel like I’m letting my appeal slip here!”

“Nonsense,” Aoyama sat up, tackling Kinjou into a tight embrace and sneaking in a kiss. “I think it’s attractive.”

“... I would protest, but I’ve seen what you take notes on, so I’ll believe you,” Kinjou sighed. “Still … man, you really make me fall all over the place … Mitsuo …”

“... I’m sorry?”

“Nah, it’s not a bad thing.”

“Alright then. There it is, by the way,” Aoyama pointed over Kinjou’s shoulder to the corner of the bed.

“Great, thanks! I’ll take this to the trash - can you bring the sheet?”

“Might as well wash the whole set,” Aoyama shrugged, stripping his pillow before wrapping everything in the sheet and following Kinjou to the bathroom.

The rustling of the fabric and the soft beeps of the preset buttons on the washing machine filled the bathroom together with the sounds of Kinjou washing his hands, and rustling through the condom box under the sink.

“Do you always use them?” Aoyama asked, crossing his arm as he leaned against the washing machine, waiting to start the cycle.

“Not everyone stocks four boxes of my preferred brand in the house, so sometimes I make do with alternatives,” Kinjou chuckled, grabbing the lube and closing the drawer.

“No, I meant … do you always use condoms?”

“Huh?”

The bottle fell to the floor, squirting across Aoyama’s shower rug. He would’ve moved to pick it up, if it weren’t for the look in Kinjou’s eyes that completely immobilized him.

He’d never seen him look like that before.

“Yes? But- Mitsuo, I’m not- are you seeing someone else?!”

“... uh, no?”

“Then why- uhm … sorry, I need a moment …” Kinjou stepped back, bracing himself against the sink.

“Ai … breathe, it’s okay,” Aoyama stepped closer, carefully holding Kinjou’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry.”

“Ai, is there … something I should be worried about?”

“No,” Kinjou shook his head. “If there was, I would tell you, I always use protection and I get tested between partners, I know how this looks but it’s not that, it’s … I’m sorry …”

“It’s okay,” Aoyama sighed, pulling him into a kiss.

He didn’t know what was going on, but whatever commotion Kinjou had fallen into ended almost as soon as it began, and Aoyama quickly found himself overpowered in the kiss and pushed back into the shower door as Kinjou almost suffocated him.

“I’m sorry, sweetie … I know it’s really petty of me, but even I get jealous,” Kinjou chuckled, nibbling on Aoyama’s ear. “I thought you were checking we were being safe because you started seeing someone else, and … well, that’d be great! Mitsuo, I’d be so happy for you … but maybe that’s not what I’d wanna learn right before having sex with you.”

“Right … noted,” Aoyama cautiously nodded along, biting his lip. “I think I’d tell you something like that earlier … I’ve never seen you being jealous before, you looked like you were about to, uh … keel over and die?”

“Haha … well if I can be selfish for just a bit … baby, if you were me, I can guarantee you that you wouldn’t want to share this either,” Kinjou laughed.

“Right …”

“But you know I’m joking and I absolutely one hundred percent support you meeting new people and dating again and all that, right?”

“Right,” Aoyama continued nodding, struggling to keep up. “But I’m not … really, I’m not even thinking about any of that. I’d rather not even talk about it.”

“Oh, okay … okay, well …” Kinjou sighed, taking a deep breath. “Then why did you ask?”

“I’ve been reading up on people’s experiences,” Aoyama shrugged. “I saw lots of guys say they don’t use them.”

“Yeah, there’s plenty of idiots out there,” Kinjou groaned, rolling his eyes. “Which is fucking irresponsible beyond belief. I don’t mess around with this, really. The only time I had sex without condoms was with my old roommate, but … we were exclusive when we had our friends with benefits thing, and we both got tested beforehand, so that was different.”

“Right …” Aoyama repeated himself like a broken record. “So … are you seeing anyone else?”

“No.”

“Do you intend to?”

“No.”

“... so our arrangement …” Aoyama nervously gestured in the near nonexistent space between them. “This friends with benefits thing …?”

“Yeah?”

“This is exclusive too?”

“... i-if you’d want it to be … yeah, it can be,” Kinjou nodded.

“So if I get tested, we could have sex without condoms too?”

“Is that what you want?”

“I don’t know. I was going to ask if you’ve got any experience with it,” Aoyama smiled. “I’ve obviously never done it before, and I don’t know what to make of all the stories online. Some guys say they’d rather die than wear a condom again, and some don’t seem to care, so I can’t really tell if there’s anything to it,” he took a deep breath, finally getting the conversation back on track after whatever this detour was.

“Yeah, I mean … well, you know,” Kinjou awkwardly smiled. “It’s subjective, like most things. But also, some guys wouldn’t know how to choose the right size if their life depended on it, so no wonder they complain. There’s a lot that goes into this.”

“Do you have a preference?”

“Hmm … well, it’s been a while, but … physically, I don’t think it’s all that different for me. But I like the, uhm … like, the emotional closeness of it, I guess …” Kinjou whispered, leaning more into Aoyama’s embrace. “Trusting someone, and all that. And obviously, if you don’t need birth control and STIs aren’t an issue, then it’s kinda practical to go without. More spontaneous, but also more of a mess.”

“That was my thought process,” Aoyama smiled, lifting Kinjou’s chin and locking their lips into another kiss. “Because lately when I think about bringing you home, even the kitchen feels so far away … Ai, I’m so weak for you … I’d collapse in the hallway and let you have me as soon as the door is closed.”

“There’s something with you and the floor, and I really gotta explore that further,” Kinjou laughed. “But I think we’ve got chores waiting for us before that, don’t we?”

“... are you still in the mood?” Aoyama asked, glancing over at the washing machine.

“Yeah. A lot. Did I ruin it for you?”

“No, just … I got worried,” he hugged Kinjou tighter, leaning down and resting his forehead on his shoulder. “I’ve never seen you look like that before … ha, I guess no one’s been jealous about me, so I wouldn’t know what that’s like anyway.”

“It’s not like that,” Kinjou patted his back. “My facial expressions just suck, don’t read too much into it .”

“I think you have some nice ones,” Aoyama shrugged. “Like the ones you made last night …”

“I thought I took your glasses off?”

“I squinted just to see you.”

“Sugar, the lights were off.”

“I squinted very hard.”

“You’ll fuck up your eyes even more,” Kinjou lightly thwacked him on the head. “Bad Mi-chan, bad!”

“I’m sorry … I’ll turn the lights on next time!”

“Maybe I should leave your glasses too, huh … sorry, baby, I just really wanted to collapse on you last night … didn’t wanna break them …”

“It’s okay … I think it’s really sexy when you take them off with your mouth …”

“What … like this?” Kinjou teased him, licking the tip of Aoyama’s ear where the frame of his glasses met his skin.

“Y-Yes,” Aoyama squirmed, quickly fixing the glasses. “But leave them on this time! I want to see you!”

“Don’t take your eyes off of me,” Kinjou nudged him towards the washing machine, picking the lube bottle off the floor and pressing the start button on his way back up. “Don’t take your eyes off me at all …”

“I won’t.”

And he didn’t.

Chapter Text

“Having sex in the bathroom is practical too,” Aoyama sighed, leaning against the wall in his shower and closing his eyes while Kinjou rinsed soap off of their bodies. “I only wish I had a bathtub … or a jacuzzi …”

“That’s what love hotels are for,” Kinjou smiled, covering his chest with kisses and soaking up the little drops of water in the process.

“Wanna go to one?”

“Honey, you’ll need to make a list for all these new ideas you’re jumping on. What is this all of a sudden, a speedrun?”

“What’s that?”

“It’s when you try to finish a game super quickly.”

“Oh. Well I’m not trying to end anything!” Aoyama explained. “I just … feel really confident and excited about new things lately.”

“That’s great, baby … that’s amazing. We should talk about it, okay? The condoms, a love hotel … whatever you want.”

“But I should feed you first, huh?”

“Is my stomach grumbling that hard already?”

“No. But I can tell when you’re hungry,” Aoyama smiled, slipping an arm around his waist and pulling Kinjou into his arms. “I’ll whip up something quick, okay?”

“Nah … you should take your time,” Kinjou shook his head, turning off the shower. “I promised my mom I’d call her today, so … better do that before I forget. Mind if I take a walk while you make breakfast?”

“That’s fine. Is your mom the type to take forever on the phone?”

“Forever is an understatement!”

“I get it. I’ll make pancakes then - that takes a while, how does that sound?”

“Perfect, Mitsuo. It sounds perfect.”

So they got dressed together, and went downstairs together, and Aoyama kissed Kinjou goodbye at the door before he left, meticulously clutching his phone to his chest.

Kinjou made it a good four streets away from the house before he dared open his group chat to call his friends and humbly ask for some emotional support. He did his best to explain the situation, and then …

Well, the obligatory two to five seconds of silence.

And then, collective wheezing and laughter.

“And you thought he was screwing someone else?! Haaa- I’m dying!”

“... what was I supposed to think!?”

“No, fair point, I got you, I’d think that too if someone checked our condom rules mid-hookup, just … ha, oh my god, the face you must have made!?”

“Yeah I wanna know how you’re still alive, Kinjou.”

“I don’t know, and I don’t know. He said I looked like I was gonna keel over and die,” Kinjou sighed, his nails digging into the sides of his phone cases.

“Wait, and you’re calling us now from where?”

“Somewhere nearby. I said my mother wanted to talk and I bolted out for a walk.”

“Oh good. Then I can keep laughing, oh my gooooood …. Kinjou, you’re fucking hopeless!”

“I know.”

“Poor dude. Can’t believe you lived!”

“I’m not sure I did. It feels like I had a heart attack. This is so fucking unfair,” Kinjou sighed, staring up at the sky to hopefully stop the tears from falling. “I’m not a jealous person but fuck … fuck, the thought of him touching another man … fuck, I almost threw up. I still think I might throw up, oh god … I can’t.”

“You’re like, extra whipped - even for you.”

“You don’t say …” he sighed, using his arm to wipe away the tears he couldn’t stop.

“Have you con- I mean, reconsidered-”

“No. Let’s not talk about that,” Kinjou cut his friend off. “He even said it again today, he doesn’t even wanna think about dating someone.”

“Okay. Well, uh …”

“We could keep laughing then?”

“Or we could ask the obvious question.”

“Yeah, I wanna know that too - Kinjou, how’d you get yourself out of that one?”

“Fuck if I know …” he shrugged, forcing himself to take deep breaths. “I kissed him really hard, and then I joked about being jealous, but I didn’t wanna make it look like I was really jealous, so … I don’t know what I said. No clue. I panicked so hard, it’s like it’s wiped from my memory. I just know we had sex afterwards, and everything seems fine now.”

“... but like, with a condom, right?”

“Yeah, obviously.”

“Cool. So he’s not pressuring you to go without or something?”

“Yeah, why did he ask if you always use them?”

“...”

“Kinjou, spill the deets~”

“Unless it’s like, personal or some shit.”

“As if that has ever stopped any of you,” Kinjou laughed just as the houses cleared around him and he came up on a small park with some trees, where he promptly collapsed on the first bench in his line of sight.

“Well, when it’s personal, you usually hang up the phone - I think that stops us pretty well.”

“But he hasn’t hung up yet, so we’re getting some juice, no?”

“... it’s really not much,” Kinjou sighed. “He just recently realized - among a fuckton of other things - that it’s an option for two guys to go without.”

“Aha?”

“Mhm?”

“And?”

“... and so he asked what my experiences were, and what I preferred, and if this thing between us is exclusive, and since it is, if he gets tested, if I’d want to try without.”

“Kinjou.”

“I know.”

“Kinjou.”

“I knowwwww!”

“For fuck’s sake, I’m begging for his full name and address, I’ll be there in two hours with rings and roses if you ain’t pouncing on him.”

“I am pouncing on him all over the place, thank you very much!”

“Yeah, too literally! We need you on your knees with a proposal, stat! This guy’s a fucking godsend!”

“I agree, legit husband material from what I hear …”

“Guys, okay … look …”

“Oh damn. Okay time to zip it, Kinjou’s pissed.”

“I’m not pissed,” he sighed, running his hand through his hair. “Just … frustrated beyond belief because … I mean, I’m not gonna tell you to shut up. I know you’re right. I know he’s husband material. I’d marry him if I could. I’d go back today and ask him to spend the rest of his life with me if it were that easy … but it’s just not. It never is for me. And especially not with him. He’s not looking for that right now … I want to respect that. And I also want to deal with my own feelings. Even if they almost fucking kill me … it’s still the first time like this, you know? The first time I actually get to be in love without fearing when we’ll break up … ‘cause we’re not even together. So it’s all just … lighter, somehow. Like I’m less scared to feel everything … or something.”

“That’s pretty deep.”

“Well said, I guess …”

“Really thought it through, huh?”

“Well, that’s all I do these days,” Kinjou awkwardly laughed. “Pine like a dying dog, and think about him. I know I’m being a massive burden on ya’ll with my shit, but just … please don’t push me on this.”

“Okay. We won’t.”

“Anything else you want us to do?”

“Yeah. Is there like, anything we can actually help with?”

“I think your dumbass humor actually helps,” Kinjou confessed.

“What, really?”

“Yeah. Like, I can’t be seriously worried about my life if you guys are in my ear like an orchestra of squirrels on helium!”

“You heard that, boys?”

“I guess we’re designated comic relief now.”

“Not even that … fucking squirrels, man? I don’t wanna be a squirrel!”

“Shut up,” Kinjou laughed. “There’s one in this park I’m at right now. It’s cute.”

“How far away did you walk?”

“Don’t know. Pretty far, I guess. Why?”

“I think you should go back now.”

“Yeah. Kinjou, we’ve all met your mother - she’s verbose, but not that much. Next time just say one of us had a breakup, now that is two to three hours of material, easy.”

“Hopefully there is no ‘next time’, but I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks, guys … it really means a lot. I just needed to get it out.”

“That’s what friends are for.”

“Yeah, no worries man. We got you.”

“Take care, alright?”

“Mhm … I’ll see you. We’re still on for my birthday, right?”

“Hell yeah!”

“I just put in the cake order today, it’s gonna be lit.”

“I’m glad you agreed to a surprise party, because if you saw the booze list these two fuckers sent me, you’d stop them.”

“Within budget and reason, guys …”

“Oi, go have some loving after-breakfast sex with your dreamy ultra-considerate not-boyfriend and leave us alone.”

“I’ll regret this, won’t I …”

“What, the party? Maybe.”

“Definitely not the sex though! So shoo, off you go~ hop hop, you squirrel.”

“That’s a rabbit noise, by the way.”

“Wait I got a squirrel noise … haaaahahahahaha!”

“You guys are insane,” Kinjou rolled his eyes.

“But you said it helps!”

“Yeah … yeah, it does. Thanks. I’ll go back now. See ya~”

But he didn’t head back straight away. He sat on the bench for a while, staring at the morning sky and marinating in his feelings. Even now, his heart was still racing. He’d gotten absolutely smacked in the face with a boatload of feelings, and they were all starting to pop back up. Fuck, it was painful, being in love.

He didn’t want to think about Mitsuo with someone else. Didn’t want to think about someone else with Mitsuo. Didn’t want to think of sounds, of sighs, of smiles that someone else would get to see on Mitsuo’s face and he wouldn’t.

But he did want to see Mitsuo happy, and loved, and taken care of, and … well, everything he’d want to give him. But other people could do that too … Mitsuo might prefer someone else … even if he wanted to choose someone, it wouldn’t need to be Kinjou.

And if someone else made him happy … they probably deserved to see him smile.

“Yeah … I guess that’s how we’re gonna cope with that,” Kinjou sighed to himself, shaking his head before he’d start crying again. There was so much pain, but also … a melancholy of sorts. Mitsuo wasn’t his … and Kinjou loved him so much, he’d be happy just to see him happy. Even with someone else.

Maybe that was fine.

“Sorry that took so long,” he called in from the hallway. “Mom had work drama to update me on, and then I saw my friends were blowing up the chat about the party, so I checked up on them.”

“That’s okay,” Aoyama answered him from the kitchen. “Come grab a plate, you’re just on time. Do you want whipped cream or chocolate?”

“Both!” Kinjou’s eyes lit up at the smell of fresh pancakes. He quickly washed his hands in the kitchen sink before diving into the food like a starving hyena.

“That walk really kicked up your appetite even more, huh …”

“It’s just your food … mhm, but yeah I’m so fucking hungry.”

“We skipped dinner again,” Aoyama noted to himself. “Maybe I should put some snacks in the bedroom …”

“You’re a snack.”

“You don’t get calories from biting me.”

“Unfortunately,” Kinjou smiled, looking up at Aoyama from the table. “If I could live off of you, I would.”

“This is how I end up responsible for starving you,” Aoyama complained, bringing over another batch of pancakes. “Here, have some more.”

“You’re not eating?”

“You first. And they’re best when they’re straight from the pan anyway.”

“Yeah … man, everything you make for me is just so good, but this really hits the spot today. I love your cooking, Mitsuo.”

“... it makes me happy when you say that. Thank you,” Aoyama smiled, blushing to himself. “So what are you planning with your friends? Twenty-five is a nice number, I guess. Going anywhere special?”

“They’re doing a surprise party,” Kinjou sighed. “Or more like … I allowed them to do one. I think I’m getting a cake, and enough booze to drown a bachelor party, and probably some gimmick gift I’ll have to hide in my closet out of pure shame and horror. Standard stuff, really.”

“That’s, uh … more lively than I’m used to, but it sounds fun? Will you be away for that weekend then?

“Ah, no … we’re going out on Thursday after work, and I’m taking the Friday off, but … I was hoping to spend the weekend with you? Unless you-”

“I don’t have other plans,” Aoyama shook his head. “I wanted to celebrate your birthday with you, I’ve been looking forward to it, I just didn’t know … if we’d even get that weekend together or not.”

“Of course we will. All my weekends are yours, Mitsuo,” he couldn’t stop himself from spilling his heart down his sleeve when Aoyama finally joined him at the table with his own plate.

“Mine too,” Aoyama reached out, holding Kinjou’s hand and intertwining their fingers. “But that one will be especially yours!”

“Now I’m nervous about accidentally opening the wrong cupboard and seeing a hidden stash of surprise gifts,” Kinjou laughed.

“Ah, hmm … no, nothing like that. I just … okay, maybe I should buy you something too, I didn’t even think of that …”

“You just wanted to spend time with me? That’s really … I mean, it’s really sweet. You don’t have to buy me anything! Mitsuo, I just want to be with you …”

“Well it’s not … strictly just that …” Aoyama awkwardly mumbled, looking down at his plate. “I do want to, uh … make it a special occasion.”

“Honey, I’m turning twenty-five, I’m not dying. Don’t say it so serious!”

“But I want to make you happy,” Aoyama finally looked up, their eyes meeting. “It is serious.“

“Mi-chan, you do that just by existing,” Kinjou reassured him with a soft smile.

“You too. Still … I hope I can surprise you.”

“Well you’re giving me things to speculate about, that’s for sure,” Kinjou chuckled. “Although … knowing you …”

“Gaah, don’t look at me like that, it’s making me nervous!” Aoyama pulled back, stuffing his face with food and focusing all his attention on cutting the next pancake into equal triangles.

“Mitsuo … is it what I think it is?”

He carefully glanced across the table, catching Kinjou’s gaze against his better judgment. His eyes seemed to be sparkling, no, practically glowing … Aoyama understood immediately that it was the same familiar mix of lust and excitement he’d been used to seeing for months now … just never this intense before.

“It is,” he answered plainly. “Unless you think I’ll be terrible for my first time on top, then I’d rather save it for later.”

“I don’t believe there’s a world where you’re ever, in any capacity, terrible in bed,” Kinjou shook his head, his voice soft and almost overflowing with want. “But okay … oof. I spoiled the surprise for myself, I guess ... not really, but- fuck. I’ll die waiting. I’ll wait! But I’ll die waiting. I really want you, Mitsuo …”

“I know. I really want you too. And I think I’m just on the cusp of getting a grip on all this, so … if you’d guide me … I thought it would be a nice birthday gift.”

“Best gift I’ve ever gotten … and I haven’t even gotten it yet. I … I don’t have words for you, Mitsuo.”

“Haha … thanks. I’m still nervous about it though. I don’t know if I mentioned it, but I just had a room bike delivered yesterday,” he pointed at the giant box sitting in the living room. “I don’t think I’ll get results in two weeks, but I do wanna get in better shape … and going to the gym sounds exhausting.”

“I feel you on that one,” Kinjou laughed. “I only really go because being stuck in my apartment all afternoon kinda sucks. If I had a house like this to come home to, I’d be a grade A couch potato, no doubt about it.”

“You’re welcome to be a couch potato here,” Aoyama smiled. “Well, after you help me assemble the bike. I think it takes two people.”

“Sounds like an exercise on its own! But yeah, of course I’ll help. And then we can watch whatever’s on TV if you want?”

“I don’t mind,” Ayama shrugged. “I’m just looking forward to another nap with you in my arms.”

“Yeah … me too.”

By the time they were done with breakfast, Kinjou still had some chocolate sauce left in the corner of his mouth, and Aoyama took the time to diligently clean it off of him - with his lips, of course.

It was just a drop of chocolate, really. It shouldn’t have made a difference.

But to Aoyama, Kinjou’s lips felt even sweeter than they were before.

Chapter Text

“I think that should be it,” Kinjou loudly exhaled, flopping back on the couch.

“Yes … I think we got it,” Aoyama smiled, balancing on the seat of the newly assembled exercise bike. “Thanks for the help, I’ll make sure to put it to good use!”

“Put yourself to good use and get here,” Kinjou impatiently reached out his arms.

“As you wish, darling,” Aoyama caught his hand, letting himself be pulled into Kinjou’s embrace.

“Darling, huh?”

“You said you didn’t mind pet names?”

“I don’t … it just sounds so loving to hear that from you,” Kinjou mumbled quietly.

“I think it suits you … darling.”

They kissed gently, with Kinjou’s back pressed firmly against the giant Kumatte-chan plush and Aoyama still leaning closer, as if the nonexistent distance between them was still too much. They forget to turn on the TV, but even if they hadn’t, it would have barely been more than ambient noise in the back of their minds as they focused on each other, and nothing else.

Maybe they were still tired from this morning. Maybe they just weren’t in a rush, knowing they had two more nights left. Either way, these kisses were different than the ones they usually shared in bed: slow, steady, running out of breath on depth, not pace. Sometimes, Kinjou barely felt Aoyama’s lips … sometimes, it was more about the touch of Aoyama’s fingers on his chin … sometimes, it was Aoyama’s voice that kissed him first.

“Ai … oh, Ai … you’re so beautiful … I’m so lucky I get to share my weekends with you!”

“I’m lucky too. Mitsuo … oh …”

“Ai …”

“Please kiss me more.”

“Of course, darling.”

He was in love, oh ever so madly in love, and Aoyama wasn’t helping one bit. Darling? What did he do to deserve something so wistful, so soft, so filled with yearning … or was he projecting his feelings again, and Aoyama didn’t mean it that way … who knows.

“Darling … you make me so happy … Ai, you’re my angel.”

Yup. Yup, this is where he dies: Kinjou accepted his fate, taking a deep breath between kisses that helped absolutely nothing. His heart was past racing and tumbling straight towards an explosion, or a supernova. He couldn’t even keep track of what was going on anymore. Was this important somehow? Was Aoyama processing something? He wasn’t one for pet names before … where did this come from? Was he just … playing around with new things?

Kinjou struggled not to laugh at the absurd beauty of it all. He loved all of Aoyama’s experimenting, loved to see him try new things out of the blue, loved to see him absolutely stick the landing first try … but he also loved him.

And darling was less flirty and more … who knows. Kinjou couldn’t quite set it straight for himself, it just felt like there was an inherent weight to it that most other pet names didn’t have. Or maybe he was imagining it - he had to keep that possibility in mind, even if it killed him to do so. Maybe none of this meant anything. Maybe he was dreaming of meanings he wanted to share with Aoyama, but couldn’t.

“You’re gonna kill me,” he sighed, desperately nuzzling closer to Aoyama.

“So you do like pet names?” Aoyama asked, confused about what exactly he’d done now.

“From you. The way you say them is just … special to me. With someone else, I wouldn’t care so much.”

“Okay. Then I’ll use them more often!”

“How come you started now?”

“... I don’t know. I just … I don’t know,” Aoyama bit his lip. “I looked at you, and it just felt right.”

“Ha … I know that feeling,” Kinjou laughed, pressing their lips together again. “Everything just feels right when I’m with you, sweetheart. You’re my angel too …“

“I barely do anything …”

“You want me. That’s enough.”

“I do. I do want you, Ai! And I keep finding new meanings of that word too,” Aoyama chuckled, resting his head on Kinjou’s shoulder to catch his breath. “The list of new things feels endless somehow …”

“It probably is,” Kinjou nodded along, vaguely following what Aoyama was referring to.

“... I don’t think I’m scared of it anymore,” Aoyama added quietly. Maybe it still felt a bit too boastful to just confidently say it outright. “Trying new things with you … it just feels exciting now. And I’m really, really excited for everything that’s still to come.”

“Me too. Especially if you keep going the way you are now, it’s just … a joy to watch, Mitsuo. Ah, not that you weren’t a joy before! You’ve always been a joy to watch for me … but I’m happier if you’re happier, and … you seem happier now.”

“I am, thanks to you … but I think that’s part of it too. I want to be responsible for my own happiness, now that I know it’s still out there somewhere … so maybe that’s why I feel more excited about new things. I want to take those first steps on my own … I can’t rely on you opening doors for me all the time.”

“I get it,” Kinjou agreed. “I mean, I’d happily show you everything, but you’re right - sometimes taking the first step is important too, not just being led somewhere.”

“We could do a mix of both, right?”

“Mhm, of course,” Kinjou smiled, kissing Aoyama’s forehead.

“Ahh … this is so nice,” Aoyama took another deep breath, closing his eyes. “I know it’s kinda presumptuous of me, but I guess I finally feel like more of an equal to you … even if just in terms of ambition.”

“Nah, you’re getting there,” Kinjou encouraged him. “Sex is just a long list of trying new stuff and refining what you like anyway. And I never thought of you as not my equal … just someone with different experience, that’s all.”

“I know. I didn’t mean it that way! Just, you know … in terms of how much I can contribute. I think I’m getting a better grasp on what the options are.”

“With the amount of smut you’ve been consuming, it’s no wonder,” Kinjou chuckled, eyeing one of many E-rated volumes under Aoyama’s coffee table.

“A lot of them were your recommendations!”

“Not that one though,” Kinjou reached out to pick up the manga. “Never heard of this author before, is it any good?”

“Kinda … I just don’t think I’m into the whole demonic possession thing.”

“Right, I see …oh, I see …” Kinjou hummed, flipping through the pages.

“... that scene was really hot though,” Aoyama commented on the panel Kinjou stopped at. “He’s not possessed there yet.”

“Just a lustful human tempting a demon, huh? Damn, that paid off for him …”

“Yeah. And then the next page, this … I, uh, may have been a bit distracted while reading, and this just shoved me over the edge so hard, I didn’t even see it coming …”

“Mhm … I assume it would,” Kinjou mused, taking in the very detailed illustration of the human protagonist pinned against the floor in the demon’s lair and getting absolutely ravaged from behind. “That’s a sub’s wet dream if I ever saw one! I’m glad you have quality material to pass the time with when I’m not around, haha.”

“... since you mention it … thank you for the detailed breakdown of what you like in bed,” Aoyama quietly added, feeling himself blush. Somehow, talking about Kinjou’s voice message was worse than the manga he’d otherwise been getting off to.

“You listened to it, huh?” Kinjou put the manga down, pulling Aoyama closer and softly purring into his ear.

“Y-Yeah.”

“Was it useful?”

“Very! I just … well, I mean- I compared it to the recording we made last weekend, and … I’m not wrong, am I?”

“Of course you’re not. I get lonely during the week too, you know? But I don’t need to pick up sketchy manga about demons when the god himself is right here for me to fantasize about as much as I want.”

“Do I top you in those fantasies?” Aoyama bluntly asked.

“Lately, yeah. But that’s your fault for getting the idea up here in the first place,” Kinjou laughed, tapping the side of his head.

“... I hope I can live up to that.”

“I know you will,” Kinjou reassured him. “Because the fantasy is not the point, Mitsuo. What gets me over the edge is the thought of sharing that moment with you … so as long as you’re with me and I can actually touch you, I know it will be better than any fantasy my depraved mind can come up with.”

“Okay,” Aoyama nodded. “... but now I’m kinda curious.”

“Oh man,” Kinjou sighed, hiding his face in his hands. “I tell my boss I’m getting off to him during the week, and like that’s not bad enough, now he wants the details too? Baby, I take that back, you are a demon after all!”

“So I shouldn’t ask?” Aoyama tilted his head.

“I don’t know … it’s kinda hot that you do … I just don’t really know what to say. I’m insanely into you, you already know that … and after you said it’s okay if I fantasize about you, my mind just … fuuuu,” Kinjou whistled, his hand making the motion of a downward spiral. “All the way down the gutter, with a shovel to keep digging.”

“Mhm.”

Those eyes. Those damn gorgeous, curious eyes looking up at Kinjou as if he wasn’t practically sinning with his eyes open right now … yeah, those eyes would be the death of him.

“The fact that you’re not put off by any of this is a miracle in its own right,” Kinjou laughed at Aoyama’s enthralled expression.

“I’m just listening … very intently.”

“Don’t give me that ‘getting ideas’ look,” Kinjou rolled his eyes. “For the thing I sent you in particular, I was … fuck, get here, I’m not saying that out loud,” he pulled Aoyama closer, burying his face in his hair as if the comforting scent of Aoyama’s shampoo would offer him any extra privacy as he whispered into his ear again.

“Yes?”

“That large conference room they use for boardroom meetings …”

“... what, at work!?”

“I said depraved for a reason, you know.”

“Right …” Aoyama nodded, cupping Kinjou’s cheek with his hand as he whispered back to him. “So, the large conference room … ?”

“Late after hours … everyone’s left already … the projector’s flickering on the ceiling … your presentation report is scattered across the table … some of it is on the floor, together with the rest of my clothes … and I’m just begging you to keep going, because I want- no, need more …”

“Fuck,” Aoyama muttered under his breath.

“I’m not exactly proud of it. But it’s not like I had much say in that, my mind just kinda … you know. Went there. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s kinda … I mean, I probably shouldn’t be turned on by that, especially after what we said about this and work, but … I am. Ai, you’re really so incredibly creative in every aspect of your life, I guess. I wish I could come up with fantasies like that …”

“Really, huh? You’d rather think of me than sexy powerful demons with abs of steel?“

“... why not both?”

“Is that a roleplay idea?”

“Would you … ?” Aoyama let the question hang in the air as if he didn’t already know the answer.

Kinjou laughed, kissing his cheek as he picked up the manga again on the same page they left off before. “Pumpkin, I’m buying leather belts and a pair of horns the moment I get home from work on Monday.”

“That’s a new one again …” Aoyama smiled at him as if Kinjou had dealt him the final blow.

“Don’t give me that look over a ‘pumpkin’, sweetie,” Kinjou playfully scolded him. “You’re not the one who got unexpectedly darling’d today!”

“That bad, huh?”

“... yeah. Mitsuo, that really got me,” Kinjou sighed, staring wantingly at his lips. “You always get me … haha, I’ll need a pacemaker at this rate, you’re totally putting my heart through the motions!”

“Should I, uh … pump the breaks a bit?”

He probably should. They both probably should, Kinjou thought. But eh … he was in the arms of the man he loved on a Saturday afternoon telling him all about the fantasies he sustained himself on while they were apart … what point was there in trying to keep this at bay, really?

“Don’t,” Kinjou leaned closer to kiss him, sealing his fate.

“Then I won’t. I still have so many other things I want to get to!” Aoyama replied, kissing him back.

“Let’s talk about that then! What other things are you dreaming of, Mitsuo?”

Maybe it wasn’t Kinjou’s place to be his … but he could at least make all of Mitsuo’s dreams come true in the meantime.

Chapter Text

“What other things, huh … well, it’s hard,” Aoyama shrugged, resting his head on Kinjou’s chest and looking up at him. “It’s hard to keep track of everything! Definitely a love hotel, and demon roleplay, and roleplay in general … oh, and new positions, that’s a given … see? I should be writing this down,” he nervously laughed. “It’s a lot - but I think I’ll start with what we talked about earlier. Ai, I want to know what sex without condoms feels like. I want to know how it feels with you. Whenever you feel comfortable … please tell me more about that.”

Whenever he’s comfortable, huh … well, he did kinda ask for it, Kinjou told himself as he continued to get lost in Aoyama’s eager eyes.

But it didn’t make processing his intensely straightforward enthusiasm any easier on Kinjou’s poor heart.

“Geez … you’re just going down the list, huh?” Kinjou shook his head in disbelief, buying himself a little bit of time. “You really are an unstoppable force of nature when it comes to these things!”

“Well I’m good at task lists …”

“And I’ll say it again, this is the sexiest approach to sex I’ve ever seen. Never change, Mitsuo … never change, sweetie.”

“I’m barely making this work as it is,” Aoyama chuckled. “I don’t think I’ll change anytime soon. I’m just glad you’re not put off by it either …”

“I do need a minute to handle how direct you are sometimes,” Kinjou shrugged. “But in a good way. And then I’m right back with you … so yeah. I don’t really know if you’ve got any specific expectations … I assume you don’t. Ultimately, it’s just another thing to try … the stakes are just astronomically higher if it isn’t handled right. And if you’ve been reading stuff online, I think you’ve already seen plenty of guys who won’t handle this right … which again, fuck, it bothers me so fucking much when people are irresponsible about their sexual health.”

“Yeah, I was kinda taken aback by some of the comments,” Aoyama agreed. “But I wasn’t sure if maybe they were talking in the context of a committed relationship, or if they were gay and I’m just seeing that differently from my previous experience with a woman … I don’t know.”

“Well, assuming you don’t want one, pregnancy kinda is one of the worst STIs out there,” Kinjou shrugged. “So I do think that if you’ve got the experience of it being a possible risk, you’re gonna be more aware of what’s at stake and why safety is important. I don’t even have sex with female partners without them using a second form of protection, because that’s absolutely not a gamble I’m comfortable with.”

“That’s … really smart, actually. My wife and I just used condoms. She tried one of the pills for a while, can’t remember which one, but it made her periods horrible and her doctor really wasn’t helpful with alternative options, so we kinda just … stuck to what worked for us. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but comparing things now … yeah, there was definitely a whole other layer of stress that just doesn’t exist with you,” Aoyama finally exhaled the breath he’d slowly been building up while recounting his memories.

“Did you two want to have kids?” Kinjou asked, gently playing with Aoyama’s hair.

“I don’t know … I thought we were doing things in order - so we got married, and then we got a house, and then I guess I thought we’d see about that … in hindsight, that’s really something we should have discussed earlier,” Aoyama mumbled, enjoying the reaffirming comfort of Kinjou’s touch. “I can see a world in which we stayed together and had them … but I think that would have to be a world where I didn’t really give that decision the thought it deserves. When we were going through the divorce, I remember just being hit with this wave of relief one day, knowing we at least didn’t have kids alongside us in that mess. And afterwards, I remember talking to my father on the phone about how I was holding up, and … ah, he …”

“Mitsuo, it’s okay … you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to,” he smiled. “It’s just so hard … it was so hard, I mean. I was barely getting out of bed in the morning, and then my father was going on about how I’ve messed up, how I’m wasting time to settle down and start a family. I think that was a wake-up moment for me … because of all the things I lost when my wife left, the idea of being a father wasn’t even in the back of my mind, so … yeah. Took me a while to realize that, but it’s not actually something I want for myself. You?”

“Saving up for a vasectomy as we speak,” Kinjou blurted out, wrapping his arms around Aoyama’s back and holding him tight. “Ah, sorry if that’s … TMI or anything.”

“It’s not. That’s a good point, actually … I should think about that if I ever date a woman again.”

“But you could- since- I mean … it’s … it’s practical to not want that life, isn’t it?” Kinjou bit his lip, nervously stumbling over his words. “It means you could be with a man too …”

“Yeah,” Aoyama agreed. “I know we talked about it a while back, but … all things considered, I really do think I’d prefer to be with a man. The way we are now is just … perfect.”

“Mhm … yeah, Mitsuo, I’d … I’d prefer that too.”

I’d prefer staying with you, was what he wanted but nonetheless didn’t allow himself to say.

But that was good. That was good, right? Hypothetically, he could be what Aoyama wanted. Being a man wouldn’t get in the way … it wouldn’t become something he’d get turned down for eventually … Aoyama even said he’d prefer a man.

That was good, Kinjou repeated to himself in his head, trying his best to calm down. He wasn’t even sure what he was feeling: he was nervous, excited, hopeful, who knows. This wasn’t a relationship he could pursue right now - but maybe one day, it could be. Maybe one day, Aoyama would want a partner again. Maybe then … maybe if everything keeps falling into place like it always had with them so far … maybe then, Kinjou could do something unthinkable … like asking Aoyama to spend the rest of his life with him.

And no matter how many new things about Aoyama he learned, nothing seemed to kill that fantasy for him … so yeah, that was good.

“So how do I go about hopefully confirming everything's okay and we don’t need condoms anymore?” Aoyama asked, his body slowly relaxing again.

“Right, yeah …” Kinjou sighed, finding himself pulled away from one fantasy straight into another. “Any public health center is fine, I can send you a list of what’s on the full panel. It’s a separate fee for each test, so it racks up fairly quickly. Not exactly expensive, but not inexpensive either.”

“Sounds like a reasonable investment to me.”

“Yeah, it is. I’ll get one done too … it’s been a while since I’ve been with anyone before you, life’s just been a mess all together. And you deserve to have recent information, not something from a year ago.”

“Thank you. But I do trust you, so I don’t expect any surprises there,” Aoyama smiled, sneaking an arm around Kinjou’s waist and holding him tight. “Ah, this is so exciting! Ai … I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me too …”

Where was the fairness in that, Kinjou wondered. Where was the fairness in having the most perfect man in his arms, so close and trying to move even closer, and yet … nowhere near close enough. It was just greed on his part, wasn’t it?

Aoyama liked him. Found him attractive. Wanted him. Kinjou sometimes even felt like they were maybe both a little bit obsessed with each other? In their own ways … in a good way.

It could have been enough. It should have been enough. Hell, it was more than he’d ever had before. So why? He thought he’d already given up. He thought he’d already accepted he wouldn’t find love. It always felt so ridiculous when his friends brought it up, even if he knew they were technically right about there being a chance. It just didn’t feel right. He thought he’d accepted that.

But maybe it was easier to accept the loss of something that wasn’t really there in the first place.

Whenever he thought of love, the kind of love that perseveres and simmers and grows and consumes him whole, the kind of love that wants him even more than he wants it, wants him more than he can even keep up with … that kind of love just seemed like a mirage at the end of a very long, very dark hallway for him.

It was easy to dream in the dark.

But then someone pushed the door open, and light poured in just enough for Kinjou to see glimmers of all his dreams as if they were real.

Poor Aoyama really had no fucking idea what he’d done, leaning up against that door.

And Kinjou could have been happy with that. Should have been happy with that. Should have smiled and thanked Aoyama for the glimmers of love he never thought he’d get to see. Should have left it at that. Should have stayed in that dimly lit hallway, where he belonged.

But instead, he wanted more.

He wanted to get up off the floor, wanted to find the end of the hallway now that he could see it, wanted to push his way through: into the light and into Aoyama’s arms.

He wanted to love him.

… and he wanted Aoyama to love him too.

Was it greed, to want to be loved? Kinjou didn’t know. It sure felt like something he didn’t deserve. At best, something that just wasn’t meant for him, even if it wasn’t anyone’s fault. But he wanted it. He’d given up on it before he even really knew what it would be like, and now … well, he still didn’t know. It wasn’t like that. But if it were … Kinjou was sure love looked exactly like this. A quiet Saturday, a place to themselves, an embrace full of reassurance and yearning, hands that didn’t let go, eyes that didn’t look away, a voice that called his name so softly, it almost melted away underneath the kisses, and yet still wanting more.

Both of them wanted more.

And Kinjou was sure, if anyone could ever love him … it would be him.

Maybe soulmates were real. Maybe he’d just never truly, properly, fully been in love before. Or maybe he was just a desperate man clinging in delirium to his last semblance of hope. Either way, he couldn’t imagine life without Aoyama anymore. If it weren’t him, it wouldn’t be anyone. If they have to part ways one day, or worse, if he gets outright rejected … he wouldn’t try anymore. He wouldn’t look for someone else. He wouldn’t want to, but also, he just couldn’t bear the thought.

For him, it would always be Mitsuo.

Even if Aoyama never feels the same about him.

Chapter Text

The weekend was too short, Aoyama thought, slouching at his desk on Monday morning and waiting for his email inbox to sync up. They came to work together, and it was still too short. Damn it.

He played with his work calendar, flipping the page up and down as he eyed the weekend after Kinjou’s birthday. It felt so soon when he first marked it down … now, it seemed as if it couldn’t come soon enough. Aoyama found himself so impatient, it was getting hard to bear, and his only saving grace today was that Kinjou was out with Momose doing research for a new client. Otherwise, Aoyama could have looked over to his desk, and maybe their eyes would have met, and god knows what his mind would jump to then.

Oh well. They still had another weekend before that, he could just focus on that. It was just four days before Friday, he could get through that. He already had plans for today anyway. And the exercise bike was waiting for him at home, he should start putting it to good use too.

It wasn’t that bad of a routine: get home, cycle through a few chapters of an audio drama or maybe an anime episode or two, shower, make dinner, prep lunch for the next day, go to bed while thinking of Kinjou … yeah, that was fine. That seemed sustainable. Aoyama could work with that. And they still sent messages in their private chat every now and then, which also helped pass the time.

“Hi. I’m sorry it’s late, I just haven’t checked until now. I have good news, should I send a picture here?”

“Yup! I also got my results today, all clear 👌”

Aoyama found himself smiling at Kinjou’s test results before replying with his own.

“Here. I will show you in person too when you get here. I can’t wait.”