skins - the Haunting

I am an anarchist.

Ace had never been good at communicating his feelings and he hated this about himself. He always wanted to be better at communicating his feelings and how much Yuu and Deuce and Grimm truly meant to him, but he was afraid they were going to be ripped away from him at any moment in time. Or, even worse, they’d leave him behind. 

It was pretty obvious Deuce and Yuu got along better then Ace did with them. Deuce loved to share the parts of himself he wasn’t proud of with the people he trusted, and obviously that was with Yuu and Grimm.

He didn’t share as much with him, and that’s okay. It’s not like you want to share the deepest, darkest parts of yourself with your biggest rival. Afterall, your rival could take advantage of it.

But Ace thought they were more than rivals up to this point. He would consider them friends after everything the four of them had been through, but he could understand why Deuce wasn’t as trusting with him compared to Yuu. He understood, even if he couldn’t help the bitter pang of jealousy that creeped into his heart. 

He understood, also, why Deuce didn’t trust him with sensitive information because it’s not like Ace was all that open about himself. Ace only ever talked about his “cool, older brother” who went to Night Raven before and taught him card tricks. In truth, that was the only interesting thing he could share without it encroaching into embarrassingly sensitive information. 

It’s not like he could relate to many of their experiences. If anything, he could only really relate to Riddle at most, which wasn’t great. His mom would hurt him in more ways than one and his dad would remain complacent in her abuse, until he wasn’t. His dad would bandage him up, cover his bruises, and keep the injuries inside the house. His brother left for Night Raven College when he was nine and he’s been alone in the house since. 

He didn’t have much going on in the grand scheme of things. 

Just lonely, forgettable Ace.

It’s why he liked Deuce, Yuu, and Grimm so much, even if he was hesitant to show it. The four of them were outcasts and joined together at the hip. Where one would go, the other would follow. They’re a packaged deal and it comforted him. He was willing to throw himself into the line of fire for the magicless Yuu once Riddle insulted them because it reminded him of himself when his parents berated him for not being good for anything. It struck a deep chord within him and, even though Riddle was already pissing him off, the insult to the injury was his final straw and he threw the punch. 

After that, they were a squad. The four of them against the world, but Ace still could not let himself get close because he was scared. He was scared they’d all leave him eventually, especially since Yuu was still focused on finding a way home. He was also scared of what could happen to Grimm because who knows what could happen to the cat after all those blackstones finally took a toll on him. Deuce had legitimate plans for the future and was expecting everyone to see him put on the suit of honor to protect others.

They all had legitimate goals to aspire and reach to, and what did Ace have? He didn’t have a dream, nor did he have any aspirations. He didn't even think he’d make it this far in life and, now that he has, he has no plan of action. He doesn’t know what to do with himself now that he’s lived passed the goal he once set for himself when he was younger. 

He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to be here. He was here because his brother was, because it might’ve been familiar. He might’ve been able to find remnants of when his brother went here, or maybe a secret message, but there was nothing.

But here he is now, at the end of the line. Yuu has found a way home, Deuce is hitting his marks, and Grim has learned to control himself. They’ve all become great and Ace is so incredibly average in comparison, almost less than. 

They were all leaving him behind, and he didn’t want it. 

He might not have been the best in regards to friendship, but damn did he try to be there when he was needed. He tried so hard, but his lack of security made him insecure and scared about the possibility of being abandoned, and now that was a reality. The fear of his parents finding out he had legitimate friends was terrifying because of what they might do to him or them. 

His fear, his lack of security, and the reality of being abandoned made him lock away everything about himself and have trouble with communicating. 

He was being left behind because of it.

And he didn’t want to let that happen.

As he watched the mirror swirl, and Yuu pulled the hood down from their ceremonial robes, something inside him broke and the room went dark. There was a prickling in his eyes and he pulled and pulled and pulled and then—

Then—

“Ace, what are you doing?!”

Deuce grabbed him by the shoulders and started to shake him. There was a tension in his chest and it was hard to breathe. He had no idea what was going on but there was a feeling of desperation that he had to keep pulling at, or else he would lose everything. He held on tightly to the pulling sensation in his chest and didn’t let go. 

He was scared of what would happen if he did.

“Do you realize what you’ve done?!”

“I don’t—”

Ace felt panic rise and his hands shook. He still had no idea what’s going on or what was happening. The tension in his chest was building up and tangling together and—

“This is a new low Ace. You know how much Yuu wants to go home, and now you’re preventing them from leaving! How could you do that to them?”

“What are—”

“Yeah! Why did you do that to Yuu? You know, more than anyone else, how much they want to go home! How could you?”

The tension was building and building with every world and there was a ball forming in his throat. His face prickled and he was hyper-aware of everything touching his skin. He could feel gunk and dirt under his fingernails and there was the taste of ash on his tongue.

He could feel every movement of fabric against his skin, the spit from Deuce as he yelled words he couldn’t hear, and Grimm’s claws cutting at his ankles through the fabric of his pants. He could feel the tight grip of Deuce’s fingers digging into his shoulders and the bruises he know would form later. He felt tears build behind his eyes and everything was overwhelming. His brain was full of static and all the noises were blending together.

He’s also aware of the feeling of something creeping across his hairline. It was featherlight, yet uncomfortable; similar to sweat drops on his forehead or the single ant that crawled across his hand as a child. Every single movement, and every single thing that touched his skin, he felt and it was all dialed up to the nines. Everything that touched his skin was borderline painful and he felt it all.

The grip on his shoulders tightened and his consciousness was brought to the forefront once more. He felt, uncomfortably, awake. He felt his own heart beating, his blood coursing through his veins, a pulsing in his temples, and the desire to sneeze became a sharp itch as something tickled the inside of his nose. The ash on his tongue thickened and he had the desire to purge.

Along with him being more than awake, he was now aware of just how many people were here and where they were. 

To start with the latter, they were in some kind of void. The ground beneath them was grain-like, almost sandy and was a tannish-green color. The sky was olive green with pale clouds in the sky and there was an ocean beside them, the foam lapping up their shoes.

Oddly enough, it did not get his socks wet. In fact, all the water did was make his feet cold. Regardless, the sand and the water seemed to spread out for miles and miles and there was no end to it. Both the water and the sand seemed to look just as endless as they felt.

Who was in this realm were all the people they had met and become friends along the way; all the friends Yuu made along the way. Some of them looked confused, some of them looked scared, some looked indifferent, and some looked angry. 

Malleus, Riddle, Rook, Lilia, and Vil looked towards the sky and seemed to be watching, intently, for something. Idia was brushing the sand off Ortho and attending to the kid’s joints. Jack and Epel were, frantically, discussing something with Kalim, while Jamil and Leona continued to stare daggers into Ace’s being. Silver and Ruggie were tending to Sebek, who appeared to have a hard time remaining calm. The Octivinelle Trio poked at the water and were just as confused as Ace was, finding out they did not get wet. 

Meanwhile, Trey and Cater were discussing something with Yuu, whose back was turned to Ace. Ace could not see their face and that was more scary than, potentially, being stuck in this liminal space forever.

Ace went to reach out his hand; wanting to comfort his friend and share the truest parts of himself for the first time because that was his friend and their silence and apathy hurt more than any venomous words they spat at each other in the past.

He went to reach out and Deuce smacked his hand away, grabbing him by the collar and shaking him once more. Ace could see the blood vessels in Deuce’s eyes and the different shades of green and teal within them, the spade on his eye slightly smudged and dirty.

Dirty like the bottom of his fingernails and the ash on his tongue.

“Don’t you dare try to exempt your wrongs by trying to comfort anyone. You’ve caused this problem and now you have to fix it. Fix it now and don’t you dare play victim.”

“I don’t—”

“You don’t what, Ace? You don’t what?!”

The tension in his chest and the tightness in his lungs continued to grow. The ball in his throat pushed into the prickling in his face and he—

“I don’t understand what’s happening. I-I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know where we are. I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t—”

—he choked on his words as liquid (thick, sticky, toxic) started to spill from his lips. His vision became blurry and something leaked from his eyes. His left eye, in particular, started to burn and it became hard to keep it open, the light and the burning made it hard to keep both his eyes open. His left in particular was burning so bad.

Being unable to see, in a confusing situation like this, felt like a death sentence. He feels uncomfortably vulnerable and he hates it. He doesn’t like sharing his feelings on a good day, but now? Now is the worst time to be vulnerable and honest about how he’s truly feeling. He couldn’t breathe, while trying not to cough up his lungs, and going blind from how hard he was crying. 

He was cornered.

And so, so scared.

“Ace, your—”

“Look at the sky.”

“It’s cracking.”

“The water is becoming volatile too.”

“It’s becoming thicker.”

“Thicker like…”

“Ace, you need to calm down.”

Someone grabbed at his arm and, in a fit of panic, he yelped, and swung a fist. He couldn’t open his eyes without them hurting; the tears didn’t stop and the contact in his skin was driving him mad. Every touch made his skin itch and he felt violated when someone even poked him, at least now.

He stumbled into the water, and landed on his ass, as he tried to get further and further away from everyone. They were all trying to touch him and all their voices folding in on each other was overwhelming. The tension in his chest, the panic in his lungs, and the inability to see clearly only made him more afraid. The water wrapped around his ankles and made everything he was wearing so, so cold. 

Someone, he doesn’t know who, grabbed his wrist and yanked him forward. He dug his heels down and tried to breathe but it was so damn hard —

“Ace. Calm down! You need to get a hold of yourself or else.”

He struggled to open his right eye (the left hurt so bad) and looked across the way, where people were gathering around. They all had various types of expressions, mostly negative, and he felt like one of the taxidermied bugs that lined the walls of that one Scarabian student's room. He understood how those bugs felt, being gawked at and watched underneath stares of morbid curiosity and disgust.

The one expression he was able to see, with extreme clarity, was Yuu’s. Despite his vision going out, and feeling everything all at once, he could see Yuu’s face in extreme detail. He could see Deuce and Grimm’s too, the latter in the former’s arms. 

Their faces were full of hatred.

I’m being left behind.

The tension in his chest snapped and he screamed. He screamed and screamed and screamed. The sky shattered and the water ate away at the sand. Ash filled his mouth, black ink poured from beneath his nails and his hairline. It consumed his vision, it filled his lungs, and he drowned in it. 

PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME BEHIND.

I don’t want to be alone anymore.

When I’m gone I won’t be missed.

Riddle activated his magic, but Ace shattered the collar and sent shrapnels flying everywhere. The pieces of magical metal and gold were lodged into the sand and sitting above the water, which an Overblotted Ace stood atop.

The monster behind him looked like a walrus hastily cobbled together with wooden scraps and ocean fossils. There were large nails, 10 he counted, along to the monster's spine and three of them piercing through its chest completely. Its glass head was shattered along the bottom; neverending ink flowed out of it into a pool below.

Ace himself did not look great either. His ceremonial robes were shredded and abandoned. In their place was an ink-stained, stitched together suit with a ribbed tailcoat. The inside of the coat was red (red like his hair, red like his eyes) and patterned with broken hearts. 

Of which, one replaced his left eye; white with ink dripping down his face. 

The halo and neck trap that imprisoned him seemed to be nailed into his skin. So many nails were in his skin. Five piercing through his wrist with ink dripping down them, a sick mockery of the blood (the red blood, his blood should be red) that flowed through his veins. 

Never in a million years did Deuce ever think he’d see one of his closest friends ever look like this. Then again, he never thought one of his closest friends would betray their group in such a way, but there was room for everything.

Everyone prepared for battle. Deuce fished out his pen while Yuu and Grimm prepared themselves for the long haul.

He did not like the way Ace prevented Yuu from going home, no one did, but they had to neutralize Ace first. The sky was crackling and shattering the longer this went on, similar to that of a mirror or a piece of glass. With every scream, the cracks only seemed to deepen and spread along the sky and the ink dripping from his hairline seemed to seep into his eye. 

Tears as well, streaked from his face. It was, it was painful to watch. 

Deuce bit his lip, swallowed the lump in his throat, and steeled his resolve. 

He’s unsure of how their friendship would end up as by the end of this battle, but he still cared for Ace regardless. 

We’ll free you Ace.

You’ll be free soon, we promise.

But I don’t wanna die like this,

Yuu please

Please Yuu please

Deuce please

Grimm please

Deuce Grimm Yuu please

Please please please 

Please oh please oh please oh please

Don’t leave don’t leave 

don’t leave 

don’t leave 

I’m sorry I wasn’t better

I’m sorry I was a bad friend

I’m sorry I was always easy to anger

I’m sorry I was always biting first, I didn't mean to be so mean

I don’t want to lose you, any of you

It was supposed to be in good fun it wasn’t supposed to be taken seriously I didn’t want it all to be taken seriously It was supposed to be a joke I didn’t mean to hurt you I swear

I didn’t want to hurt you any of you It was supposed to be a friendly competition

I didn’t mean to push you away It was an accident I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so sorry

It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this.

I’m sorry I’ll do anything just please don’t 

Please don’t leave me alone.

If I tell you I love you, will you stay? Will all of you stay? I’ll do anything to have you all stay here with me

I don’t want to be alone.

Please don’t leave me alone.

Please

Please don’t leave me behind

I want to heal.

Ace’s overblot only seemed to get worse until Malleus suggested everyone attack the pocket world itself. It seemed obvious in hindsight since Ace was mostly dodging and blasting everyone back, instead of doing serious damage. All of his magical energy was going into keeping them in his pocket dimension instead of actively trying to fend them off. 

It worked, until the world started to shatter around only the people who attacked the dimension itself; the sound of cracking glass would be their only warning before the shards folded inwards. They’d be gone and the world would be pristine, as if they were never there in the first place. 

It was an agonizing battle, since Ace was so fast but did no damage. He continued to pluck people out of his world the moment they made themselves a big enough threat. He was stalling, which was awful in the long run because he continued to make it difficult to save themselves and him. 

It’s almost like—

Leona was preparing to use “King’s Roar”, with the sand building around his hand, but Ace shattered him out of his pocket world. He was the last person to be voided that wasn’t a first year or Riddle.

Riddle surviving, out of everyone, was a surprise. Especially since Ace hated him at first, but maybe they grew closer because of the circumstances that lead them up to this point. Perhaps there was a subconscious bond between them.

This made Deuce realize—

”—I don’t think he wants to be saved.”

Deuce lowered his pen and simply looked at the overblotted Ace, and analyzed his movements. He wasn’t attacking if left alone, only trying to get closer to—

Sebek threw a Leaf Shot at Ace and he jumped back, only for the process to start over again. Each time Ace paced back and forth and over analyzed them, like a predator watching its prey on the other side of glass.

“What makes you say that?”

Epel cracked his knuckles and the fingers on his pen flexed; the gold of his robes clacked against the plastic of the pen.

“He’s not really attacking us. He’s been dodging our attacks and banishing people from his place instead of being offensive. Instead he’s—”

“—he’s trying to get to us…”

“Yeah.”

Deuce, Yuu, and Grimm made eye contact for a second, made a decision, and decided to break from the line and run straight for Ace.

“What are you doing?!”

He heard the heavy footfalls of Jack follow the three of them as they ran towards the horizon of the inky ocean. 

Ace’s singular red eye (red sclera, white eye, heartbroken) looked at them with such happiness, it disturbed him. It was the most open Ace has ever expressed his emotions since they became friends. His open arms that extended for them, the ink monster towered over them, was discomforting. 

“My friends!”

Ace’s arms pulled them into a hug, while Deuce and Yuu were standing stiff as boards. 

“My family.”

The things Ace mumbled under his breath was heartbreaking. He hated deceiving his friend like this, but their plan had to be done. 

“I won’t be left behind again…”

Deuce felt regret for what he was about to do, since he was betraying Ace in the worst way possible. However, he didn't want to see his friend turn into a monster. No matter how badly Ace betrayed Yuu, none of them wanted to see him become a twisted version of himself. 

“I’m sorry Ace—”

—was all he said before he, Grimm, and Yuu ripped his Magestone from him and shattered it.

The pocket dimension shattered and Ace screamed as the remaining residents of the world fell down an endless tunnel.

I don’t want to lie like this,

I’ve never had friends before. 

My parents pulled me away from others, lest they find out what was really going on in the house. 

My only friend was my brother. He taught me card tricks and sleight-of-hand magic. He tried to shield and protect me from the worst of it. Even if it didn’t work, I always knew he meant well.

I was nine when he left for college.

He left for college and I was left alone in the house.

I can’t be angry at him for leaving, but I am for him cutting me off completely. No note, no number, no email. Nothing.

I was cut off and I was treated like nothing.

I felt like nothing.

I was nothing.

My mom would instigate and do the most of the hurting. Somedays, she’d crack her hands across my skin and make me bleed. Other days she’d be so kind and gentle, but her words would be laced with venom and cut deeper into my being than any attack did. My dad would comply with her, so long as she “left some over for him” when he felt like joining in. He wouldn’t participate often, I can count the number of times he hit me on less than ten fingers, but he was more focused on spitting bullets at my brother (before he left) and I. He would bandage my wounds afterwards and threaten to kill me if I told anyone.

Looking back, I can tell he was just trying to scare me, but I was a kid. I took their words as gospel and never told anyone. I was afraid of living and dying as nothing. I wanted to have friends, eventually, but it was hard with the looming threat of death over my shoulder.

What happened in the house, stayed in the house. 

Lying to others became my sword and deflection became my shield against the world.

The older I got, the worse they became. The threat of harming any friends, and of death, became more feasible. I couldn’t let anyone get close, I was scared.

What happened in the house, stayed in the house.

Until I enrolled in Night Raven College myself.

Their abuse halted, almost completely, and every time I went home I was scared. 

Not for myself, the things that happened in my house were normal, but for my friends. I was scared they would find out I had any. Let alone we were as close as we were. 

What would happen to Deuce, or Epel, if my parents got a hold of them? What would they do to Yuu, since they didn’t have magic? What would happen to Sebek or Jack or Ruggie? Would they be treated as human because they “pass enough”? Or would they treat them like animals, because they’re beastmen and fae? What about Grimm? He’s not even human. He’s small and fragile and not yet tough enough to handle the barrage of fists without walking away with broken bones and torn fur. 

Would any of them survive? I know I can; this is my normal, but this isn’t normal for them. Just because I can endure, that doesn’t mean they can.

Which is why I kept them all at a distance.

I was trying to protect them from the horrors of my household. My distancing was my way of showing I cared. My lack of communication was my way of keeping them unburdened with my turmoil and drama.

I cared so deeply, but was so scared they’d see that I’m not who I really am. I’m not as confident as they think. I’m confident in my skills and my ability to fight back, because I refuse to be defenseless again, but I’m so scared they’re going to be hurt. 

I kept them all at a distance because I cared and wanted to show that I did, but it ended up blowing up in my face. I was left behind and I doubt Deuce would want to keep me around once Yuu leaves, because I’m not, exactly, open about myself. Maybe Jack or Epel will leave because I’m not honest enough. I don’t know about Sebek or Ruggie, but I’m sure they’d follow afterward.

I wanted to be a normal person for once. I wanted to be cool, like the characters in my comics and games. I wanted to pretend I had a normal household with a cool brother. I wanted a normal family that cared for me. I wanted to finally have friends, and ones that would stay.

Does it make me a bad person, if I just wanted to have someone stay?

I don’t want to be alone—

—but I always end up that way.

I want to feel.

Everything hurt.

Everything hurt and his eye still burned. This time, however, it was duller. His abdomen was sore, there was a stinging in his wrists, and a crick in his neck, but he could breathe. The tension in his chest was gone, he had a headache, but he wasn’t as panicked as before.

Normally, when he's injured like this, he’d be panicking and vehemently wrapping his cuts and bruises but he was exhausted. Every minor movement took so much energy to follow through with, it was exhausting.

Even thinking about opening his eyes made his head fuzzy and his body ache.

(he can’t remember and remembering made his head fuzzy)

The floor beneath him was cold and he wanted to bury himself in it. The smooth stone cooled his aching head and felt like a balm against his burning eye. 

He could stay here for a while.

He’d like to stay here for a while.

There were voices he couldn’t decipher, they sounded like they were arguing. He was too tired to individualize them, he just hoped they'd quiet down. All their yapping made his headache worse and he really wanted them to stop.

It didn’t really matter though, since they could be nowhere near as loud as the pounding in his skull. A hammer hitting plywood. Loud and repetitive. 

(he can’t remember and remembering made the hammer worse)

There was a presence that lowered next to him, slide underneath his back and knees, and—

It hurt, like pressing on bruises.

“Be nice to the lizard,” Leona scolded. “He’s carrying you to the medical ward.”

So the ( weak ) punch didn’t go unnoticed.

He didn’t try anything after that. Not because he didn’t want to, but because the punch exhausted his body out completely. His arms dangled weakly and his head rested against the chest of whoever was carrying him.

He decided to (try to) open his eyes and gauge the situation. It was hard, but he did it. His vision was blurring together and the lights were very bright, brighter than normal. His headache ceased for a moment.

(he he couldn’t remember and he didn’t try to)

He was being carried by Malleus, he should have guessed that because only Leona would call the prince of Briar Valley ‘lizard’. There were two other people walking beside him. He wishes they could wear their own shoes in their robe uniform, because he could not tell who was walking beside Leona and Malleus. 

Until he saw a fluffy, white tail.

“J’ck…”

He tried turning his head to see where his friend was but—

“Don’t.”

Jack entered his peripheral and, gently, guided his head back into leaning against Malleus. He was released of the soreness and exhaustion once he was placed where he was once. Comfortable and comforted.

(not remembering was comfortable so he didn’t)

“Rest. You’re hurt enough.”

At that, Ace gave up the last of his strength and leaned into Malleus. His eyes slid close and his vision went dark. His bruises started to numb over and—

And—

And then nothing.

“Jack, I’m scared.”

“I know Deuce.”

“I just can’t tell if I’m scared of Ace or scared for him.”

“I know Deuce, and I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

But I don’t need that anymore.

When he woke up, he felt better.

All of his injuries and bruises were nothing but dull aches. Even his headache had waned.

Despite all that, he was incredibly thirsty and had the extreme desire to sneeze.

He, also, wasn’t as exhausted as before and opening his eyes was way easier. Although, he did have to immediately shut them again because the light of the infirmary blinded him. He couldn’t help the flinch at the suddenness of it, nor could he stop the pained hiss that escaped from his lips.

“Rise and shine, kid. Open your eyes slowly this time.”

Ace did take Leona’s advice. He opened his eyes slowly and his vision, slowly, unblurred. His headache waned and—

—there was a cup in front of him.

“You’re probably thirsty. Drink, but go slow.”

He held the cup provided to him, with both hands (he doesn’t trust himself) , and—

—it was so damn hard to not down it all. The cold water soothed his dry mouth and the clink of ice cubes helped to ground his mind. Despite all the white and the quiet of the infirmary, the silence threatened to lull him to sleep when he wasn’t paying attention. 

If this was any other time, he’d sleep the day away, but he’s missing things. He remembers the ceremony, being trapped in that dimension, (the panic oh seven the panic the tension the desperation please don’t—) , and everyone being angry. He also remembers the hatred in his friend’s eyes and how it made his heart ache.

And then—

—nothing. 

There’s nothing after that.

Not until Malleus and a couple others carry him to the infirmary. The pinpricks and bruises from injuries he can't remember getting. They itched and he wanted to scratch them, but doing that would reopen wounds.

If there’s one thing his parents have taught him is: to not scratch at healing scars and pick at healing scabs. It’s why, despite having so many injuries done to him, he lacked scars. If the damage his parents inflicted on him were actually able to be seen, he would be mostly scar tissue and his bruises would never heal.

He finished the water and looked at the bandages on his wrists, and ran his hands over the wraps on his neck. Applying pressure made them sting and he was only left more confused. 

“What do you remember from the past couple days?” 

Leona rested his elbows on the side of Ace’s infirmary bed and kept his face neutral. He placed his face atop folded hands and awaited an answer from the freshman.

“I—”

“Take your time, Trappola. No one is rushing you.”

His voice scratched and his stung, sharp and sudden. It felt similar to the times he pricked his finger on a needle. It startled him.

He wanted to itch his wounds so badly, but he knows better. He hates the physical proof of his parents’ wrath on his body, and he hates the physical proof of hardship on his body too. He’d rather be perceived as cool and strong, instead of weak and fragile.

Although, depending on how he landed himself in the infirmary, his carefully crafted image of suavity and unaffectedness might be tarnished. He just hopes his injuries, and the scars they might leave behind, will heal fast and fade into his skin.

To answer Leona, he tried to answer his series of events verbatim.

“I remember—I remember the ceremony…”

“...”

“I remember the ceremony and then being pulled into a space, with everyone…”

“Do you remember how we got pulled into this space?”

“...I don’t.”

Leona raised his eyebrow and Ace felt like he'd said the wrong thing. He clutched the white fabric of his hospital gown and—

“I am not mad, simply curious. You don’t remember how we got in that space?”

“No,” Ace started to wring the fabric and fidget his fingers.

“Should I?”

“It is both surprising and concerning that you don’t, but there is no wrong answer to how you do or do not remember your series of events. The only thing that matters is your honesty.”

“That’s a—that’s a very non-answer. Am I okay to continue?”

“Yes, and I encourage you to do so.”

“...okay.”

Ace recollected his timeline. It was linear, but chalky and it came in in flashes the more he got towards the ends of his memory. 

“Am I—?”

“Yes?”

“How in depth can I go?”

“You go as in depth as you are comfortable with.”

“Then—then I remember—I remember everyone being angry and—”

“And what?”

“I was panicking.”

“Do you know why?”

“...no…”

“Hmm.”

“Is that—?”

“No, that’s fine. Keep going.”

“Okay. I—uhh—I remember hurting really bad. Then I remember being on the floor and being carried by Malleus here with you and Jack. I know I fell asleep on the way here because I was exhausted, but that’s it.”

“...That’s all?”

“Yeah. Should there be more?”

Leon did that thing he did when he was thinking. He looked down, at nothing in particular, then into his eyebrows, and then blinked three times. Leona wasn’t, really, the super contemplative type. Not before his overblot at least, afterward he seemed to really think about his actions when they mattered.

It kind of scared Ace that he was thinking about what to say to him. It truly did make him feel like he said something wrong. While Leona wasn’t going to lash out and use “King’s Roar” against him, the fear from the Spelldrive tournament never truly went away. He never admitted that of course, and worked on this fear behind the scenes, but it was still there.

“Ace, I want you to take this glass and try putting it away.”

Leona placed the glass in his lap and refolded his hands together. Ace could only look at the cup with confusion and indignation.

“I don’t—”

“I know you don’t know where this goes and I also know you’re recovering. I want you to put this away, without getting out of the bed.”

“... HEH?! ”

Ace almost lept away from Leona in shock and confusion, but:

1. He was super bruised and sore and felt this action in graphic detail and
2. Leona also saw him try jumping away and grabbed him by his forearm.

“You can do it. Just try.”

Leona let go of him and Ace’s eyebrows wrinkled. His lips stretched into a thin line and he picked up the cup. It was once full of water and it wasn't made of glass, but plastic. Actual glass would probably shatter with how many people woke up in this place with shaking hands and flailing from nightmares.

He closed his eyes, thought deeply, and focused on Leona’s words: 

“ Put this away, without getting out of bed. ”

"The time has come to talk of many things! For this grand event is one that is..."

𝔉𝔦𝔱 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔎𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰

Reality seemed to shatter like glass, before folding inward. He opened his eyes and—

“Now take it out.”

—on command, reality folded around Ace’s hand as he reached into somewhere and pulled out an intact cup.

“I did it! I learned my Signature Spell!”

“That’s amazing Ace. Now, what can you do with it?”

“I mean, you just saw. I can take things and place them inside my own…”

Pocket dimension.

“...oh…”

“Do you understand now?”

“...I pulled everyone into it during the ceremony. Didn’t I?”

“Yes.”

The pulling sensation,

“ It consumed his vision, it filled his lungs, and he drowned in it ”

the lack of memory,

“ the panic the desperation the need please don’t leave me behind please don’t leave I need you here please PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME BEHIND ”

the sudden injuries,

“ I’m sorry I was always biting first, I didn't mean to be so mean ”

it added up and—

“ I don’t want to be alone anymore ”

“—I overblotted, didn’t I.”

Leona’s silence spoke volumes and Ace could only look at his hands in shame. She doesn’t remember anything but their faces, his friend’s faces, burned their image into the back of his eyelids. It hurt his heart and made him ache. 

He wouldn’t be surprised if Yuu, or even Deuce and the others, didn’t want to talk to him anymore. 

( the idea of that made him want to throw up he hated that he hated it he didn’t want to be alone )

His nails dug into his palms and he felt his face prickle once more. He ate away at his bottom lip and breathed in deeply. He didn’t want to cry, not in front of Leona or anyone really. His image was tarnished and destroyed, not that he had much of one to begin with, and he wanted to salvage what little was left of it. 

Although, there was something he remembered about overblots. When he closed his eyes, he remembered how the Overblotter’s had their secrets revealed to everyone who got sucked in. How their most rotted-over skeletons were pulled out of their closets. 

It made him sick to realize the same happened to him.

“Leona-san.”

“Kid?”

“How much of my life did you see?”

“...”

“Answer me.”

“Me, personally? I didn’t see anything. Your friends though? They saw it all.”

Ace felt his stomach drop. His world shifted, he felt dizzy, and—

( they know they know they know by the seven they’re not supposed to know )

And—

"at least i made it to sixteen"

Leona handed him a plastic trash can and he purged the entirety of his insides into it.

I want to…hurt…feel…

Ace found himself shooting hoops alone.

Every time he stepped into the Mirror Chamber, he was reminded of his betrayal of Yuu and the bitter flurry of emotions that came with it. The anger, the grief, the heartbreak. All of it came in every time he saw the deep slate tiles reflecting the light of the Mirror. 

Today though, he was avoiding the assembly. It was related to the safety of students and how “preventing Overblot is Night Raven’s number one priority” blah blah blah. It was the same bullshit Crowley preached every time one of his students blotted and continued to do nothing. He continued to fund meaningless jobs and opportunities nobody needed or wanted, but never tried to figure out why the blots were happening. 

In Ace’s experience, both with fighting blots and blotting himself, there are two parts to it: magical overexertion and emotional instability. 

The most skilled of mages can overexert their magic and not fall to blot if they keep a level head and think logically. Yes, they will produce blot, but it’s not going to consume them. At most, they’ll get sick with a magical illness akin to the flu. 

Anyone can get overwhelmed, become volatile, and not blot. Not because they’re inferior to someone skilled in their craft, but because getting emotional is a part of the human experience. Even the great, unemotional, calmly demeanored, Malleus has his moment of overwhelming emotion. 

The Great Seven’s sake, they all had to live with the consequences of Malleus’s overblot. 

why is he allowed to be forgiven, but I’m not?

…

why did I think that?

The basketball, he was about to shoot, dropped onto his head and bounced off. It was heavier than he remembered and hurt more than he’d thought.

Regardless, he was baffled by the level of jealousy his own thoughts displayed. He shouldn’t be though. Afterall, this latest assembly was brought upon by his jealousy, as much as he hated to admit it.

( not heartbreak it’s not heartbreak it can’t be heartbreak he shouldn’t be close enough to anyone to experience heartbreak )

He teethed at his bottom lip once more, tensed his jaw, and continued to focus on shooting hoops. He thought about his form and keeping it proper, slowly inching back further and further on the court once he perfected the shots. 

Except, he got stuck at the three point line and could not reach ten perfect shots for the life of him. His mind wandered and continued to get distracted the more he tried to bury his thoughts. 

And his thoughts were loud.

He thought about how Malleus was the one to carry him to the infirmary, not Jack or Sebek. He thought about the fact it was Leona that greeted him in the infirmary when he woke up, not Epel or Ruggie. He thought about how Deuce avoided him at every turn in Heartslabyul and refused to even look at him. He thought about the look of hatred he got from Yuu’s side-eye every time he tried approaching them (deservedly). He thought about how he’s going to be unable to explain himself away, now that the affairs of his household have finally broken their way outside of the walls. He thought about how he might’ve put his friends in danger, and how it was all his fault.

He stared at the basketball, like it personally offended him.

“You know, if Riddle finds out you’re skipping the assembly, he’s going to collar you.”

Hearing Jamil’s voice was unexpected and he feels himself jump out of his skin, against his will.

“There’s no point in attending. It’s the same shit as always.”

He looked at his hands. They closed and opened again.

( nails in his wrists piercing his bones and tendons connected to major arteries if they're removed he’ll die )

“Besides, it’s not like anyone, but me, was injured too badly. I don’t understand why they’re making a big deal of it.”

“They’re not going to do anything about it” was left unsaid on the court.

Truly, these assemblies didn’t matter in the end and only acted as a bandage solution to a problem that needed to be rebroken and splinted in order to be fixed. Considering how Crowley treated Yuu and Grimm, that was not going to happen for a very long time, if at all.

It always infuriated him how Crowley threatened Yuu so many times, if only to get free labor. If his situation was better, if he trusted his parents more ( if his brother would call him ) ( glass shattered again and the magestone around his waist grew heavy ), maybe he would offer his own place for Yuu to live in. 

However, he won’t. Because his parents are awful ( it’s normal ) and he needs to preserve his “cool guy” image ( and his brother left him behind ), he never had a reason to offer his house as a shelter. In fact, doing so would probably put Yuu and Grimm in danger, even more so than they already were by being his friend. 

He wanted to show he cared about them, but it was impossible to do so without revealing just how big of a fraud he was.

Lucky for me, I didn’t have to tell them myself.

“I don’t know Crabby. Overblotting like that and almost dying is a pretty big deal.”

“Hello to you too Floyd. You know, both of you being here to reprimand me is hypocritical. As my upperclassmen, shouldn’t the two of you be setting an example?”

( his fingers twitched )

“I mean, Sea Snake over here has already been a pretty bad example so far anyway. He blotted, then you did too. Terrible shame it is, maybe I’ll be next and complete the set.”

Ace snorted.

“I find it very hard to imagine that someone as easy-going as you could Overblot.”

“I would have said the same thing about you, until you pulled all of us into your pocket dimension and proceeded to Overblot before our eyes.”

Ace snapped his head around and narrowed his eyes at Jamil. He gripped the basketball and locked his jaw.

“That was—an accident.”

“Based on what Goldfishies has told me, it sure didn’t sound like it was an accident.”

( his fingers twitched his eye burned he’s irritated )

Damn you Rosehearts.

“Who in their right mind would want to Overblot on purpose? Not even Deuce wanted to turn into a monster when we all participated in Vargas’s camp, and he was put in active danger.”

“Well, Crabby wasn’t in his right mind, because he was Overblotted. People say and do things they never would while they’re drowning in ink.”

“ I don’t want to be alone anymore ”

Ace could feel himself getting angry and—

and—

“I’m quitting Basketball Club.”

—he threw the ball at the two upperclassmen and left.

He didn’t like the way they questioned him. He didn’t like the way they looked at him like he was under a microscope; a specimen meant to be studied. He didn’t like—

I don’t like being proven right.

taste…real…

It was obvious Ace didn’t like being in Heartslabyul after he Overblotted.

Especially because Deuce is was his roommate.

More than that, the two of them, plus Yuu and Grimm, were joined at the hip before this incident. Deuce was very open about how he was feeling and has expressed his grievances with Riddle on more than one occasion. Ace, however, was a lot more stubborn and refused to solve his problems in a way that actually mattered.

The biggest example of this being, more often than not, he would “accidentally” fall asleep in the lounge or study room. He’d do it under the guise of “studying” or “finishing up chores”, but Riddle knew better than this. 

He was one of the people to, unwillingly, invade Ace’s privacy and see the skeletons of the kid’s closet. 

Some of his secrets were too familiar to him.

“I’ve never had friends before. 

My parents pulled me away from others, lest they find out what was really going on in the house. ”

To say Riddle was devastated that one of his own, one of the prefects he was supposed to care for and protect, was being sent into danger every time the campus closed was an understatement. For all his studying, his top-notch grades, and extensive vocabulary, he couldn't find the words to describe the uncomfortable feelings that boiled up in his chest when he found that out. Maybe Trey could, but he couldn’t.

Ace wasn’t the most open about his emotions during his first year at Night Raven, but it was obvious he was, at least, antsy and, at most, frustrated. Deuce wasn’t talking to him, if he wasn’t outwardly avoiding his friend. Instead of the four of them being joined at the hip, it was just the three of them: Deuce, Yuu, and Grimm.

So, it was only natural that Riddle grew concerned for his resident. 

He found Trappola tending to the hedgehogs. It was completely unrelated to the unbirthday parties and he had been starting to stay there whenever he could. It wasn’t uncommon for Ace to return to the dormitory late; covered in quills, hay, and smelling like a barn. Riddle would hear the light to the dorm showers flick on, the water running, and Ace stumble into his shared dorm with Deuce. 

Only for him to come out 10 minutes later to sit in the study hall window cove and not move.

It broke his heart that Ace felt unwelcomed in the place he should feel most accepted, but he also recognized that maybe Ace didn’t want to be around anyone that knew.

And that included Deuce.

“ Lying to others became my sword and deflection became my shield against the world. ”

“Trappola, it’s late at night.”

Ace froze for a second, before continuing to tend to the hedgehogs; they rolled around, climbed on his hands, fell off, burrowed themselves into the hay, and repeating the process. Admittedly, it was cute. 

“Okay and?”

His toe was flat and bitter and, if Riddle was a worse person, he would have had Ace collared for speaking to his housewarden in that way. Only the most brave, and stupid, of students would even dare to speak to anyone in that matter, let alone a Housewarden. 

But this was Ace. A kid who Overblotted because he was scared and was failed by the people who were supposed to raise and love him unconditionally. This was a kid who had almost lost everything he ever cared for. This was a kid who had the worst parts of himself ripped out and laid bare for everyone to see.

It made sense for him to be on guard.

“You should get to bed. It’s unbecoming of a student to stay up late in the holding.”

“The hedgehogs get lonely.”

Ace scratched at one of the hedgehog’s bellies and it tumbled over. It made cute squeaking noises of approval and express joy with an almost human smile.

“I’m sure the hedgehogs can wait a couple hours for your return. It’s not the first time they’re going to be left alone, and it most certainly won’t be the last. I’m sure they know how much you care for them and I’m sure they know you’re always going to be there for them as long as you’re a student here—”

“What do you want, Rosehearts?”

Ace cut him off with a tone that Riddle could only place as anger, as irritation. It was rude, but he’s not going to punish Ace for it.

He didn’t need it.

“Is a Housewarden not allowed to be concerned over his wards?”

He heard Ace take a deep breath, gently place the hedgehogs back into their beds, stand up, dust off the hay and the quills, and turn to Riddle. 

Riddle had never seen such indignation on someone’s face before. Not from his mother, not from Leona, not from any of the other Housewardens, not from anyone. 

To have such a raw, unfiltered emotion in Ace’s face and eyes, and be on the other end of it, was chilling. 

“Riddle. I, appreciate , your concern, but you need to back off.”

Riddle nodded and looked up at Ace, neutral and calm.

“I apologize for my intrusion, but—” Riddle pulled out his pen and started to twirl it. A meaningless skill he perfected as a show of subtle power; a testament of his determination.

“—I can’t help but wonder if your avoidance of others has something to do with the events that transpired a week ago. It is my duty, as dorm head, to be concerned for my wards—”

“I SAID TO BACK OFF!”

It happened too fast for Riddle to process.

His penned hand was grabbed and pulled into the air. He was, almost, lifted onto his toes by Ace. It was a surprising amount of strength for someone who has spent his time training for an endurance sport. 

It would have been intimidating to anyone else, but this was Ace Trappola and he was Riddle Rosehearts. 

Riddle Rosehearts is a well versed, well-trained mage. The youngest Housewarden to ever be appointed in the history of Night Raven College. 

Ace Trappola is a hot-tempered, newly enrolled student at Night Raven College. He’s barely awoken his Unique Magic, his Signature Spell, and has barely used it. 

He was also a scared kid.

“ The older I got, the worse they became. The threat of harming any friends, and of death, became more feasible. I couldn’t let anyone get close, I was scared. ”

“What I need you to do, oh gracious housewarden —”

( his fingers twisted it hurt but he wouldn’t feel it until later )

“—is to mind your own, fucking , business.”

( the grip on his hand tightened and his fingers went numb )

“So do me a solid—”

( Ace narrowed his eyes and looked at him with pure hatred )

“— and leave me alone .”

“ Does it make me a bad person, if I just wanted to have someone stay? ”

He tossed away his hand, turned his back to him, and Riddle almost went crashing into the planks of the barn. If he didn’t balance himself in time, Riddle would have lost his front teeth to the floorboards. 

He could only watch as Ace marched away and disappeared into the night, presumably to shower and sleep in the window seat of the study hall. Just like he’s done all the other nights.

Riddle felt a lump form in his throat and his face prickle.

He could finally name the emotion that clawed at his chest—

—it was lamentation. 

Why don’t you trust us, Ace?

(noun: lamentation; plural noun: lamentations

the passionate expression of grief or sorrow; weeping.)

“ What happened in the house, stayed in the house. ”

blood…spill…

“Headmaster Dire Crowley, I have a request.”

“Speak then, Riddle Rosehearts. The floor is yours.”

“I was approached by the Shrouds about the possibility of sending him off to STYX, but I had already made my decision long before they contacted me. I actually had this conversation with my vice dorm head, as well as Trappola’s friends, and we all decided it would be best if he stayed in STYX’s care.”

“You wish to have him studied for research purposes? Just like that?”

“We have discussed it with the Shrouds long before I requested for a meeting with you. Our decision to have him stay with STYX is not to have Ace be researched and prodded like a cow, but to be given services and care that we do not have because of you. No matter how many times students, staff, and residents of the Isles have asked for counseling and mental health services, you have actively decided to neither provide nor offer alternatives. 

The fault of the Dorm Heads’ Overblots, could be argued, happened due to personal reasons and selfish gain, mine included. However, Trappola’s Overblot was due to the lack of resources and him not feeling safe enough, on campus, to tell anyone about his abuse.

This is the environment you have cultivated by not caring enough about the health and safety of your students. You have proven time and time again, if your students are not physically injured, you do not care about their health. Your lack of accountability for the mental health of your students is far more embarrassing and damaging to the reputation of Night Raven College than any Overblot that happens on the campus.”

“...

You must’ve thought about this for a long time Mr. Rosehearts.”

“It’s easy to talk when you’ve been holding your tongue for far too long.”

“...

I’m sorry that I have cultivated an environment that makes you feel unsafe to talk about your emotions.”

“Words are cheap when accompanied by a lack of action.”

“I understand. Is there anything else you’d like to request?”

“...

When STYX comes for Ace, make sure it’s quiet and nobody finds out. I don’t want him to feel any more embarrassed than he already does.”

“Your wish is my command, Rosehearts.”

“Remember this, Headmaster Crowley: Words are cheap when they are accompanied by a lack of action. If anyone, outside of the housewardens, staff, and Ace’s friends find out about this, there won't be a Night Raven College for you to Master over.”

love…kill…

They came for him on Saturday.

Exactly 8 days from when he Overblotted.

If he didn’t feel betrayed, he would have been expressed by the plan and execution.

Saturdays were usually the day the college dorms were the most empty. People went home Friday night to visit family or go out and party, while Sundays people were starting to slowly come back in waves for the school week. Jack and Deuce were guilty of doing this frequently enough, so Ace was accustomed to the possibility of being alone on a weekend. 

He didn’t like it, but he was used to it. When Deuce was gone, he’d hang out with his other freshman buddies or just default to hanging out with Yuu and Grimm. 

He’d do anything to avoid going home, because—

( glass shattering on the walls hands cracking against his skin the smell of antiseptic bruises and the feeling of tightly-wrapped gauze )

(“ what happens in the house stays on the house ”)

—of unrelated things.

However, with the recent fuck-ups, he’s truly debating which one would be more bearable: the misery he feels when he's  alone in the halls of Night Raven or the paranoia he feels when he's isolated with his family. 

Either one sucked, but staying at Night Raven was suffocating in a different way.

His life at his parent’s house was normal and predictable in its unpredictability. He didn’t know what to expect in terms of how violent they might be, he just knew they were going to be violent one way or another. 

But life in Night Raven hurt in a special way. Everyone he ever loved and cared for, truly, was just barely out of arm's reach. He could, hypothetically, go and visit Yuu and Deuce and Jack and his other friends within a couple of minutes, but they always looked at him with emotions he couldn’t decipher. It wasn’t good emotions, it bordered on pity, and he hated it. He hated every time they flinched away from either the sound of his voice, or his hands, when he tried to reach out. It burned in his chest and made his face prickle.

It made him feel several complex emotions, all at once, and hurt him in a very special way that he didn’t want to speak about. His heart ached and the sores on his wrists and neck were right there; aching to the beat of his heart. He didn’t want to reopen them, and make them scar, but everyone knew everything about him away, so it didn’t matter in the end. 

He wanted his outsides to hurt as much as he did on the inside.

But they came for him on a Saturday.

They came for him on a Saturday and he didn’t want to go with them.

He was tending to the hedgehogs ( rule #027: Unbirthday Parties must not commence on Saturdays when residents are not present in the courtyard ), as he normally does when he wants to be alone ( he never does but he hates their eyes he hates pity and hates ), and held Joker Jr. close to his chest. He was wondering if the reason his brother cut him off was because he, somehow, managed to see into the future, saw his overblot, and decided Ace wasn’t good enough.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

He’s not even sure if the reason his brother cut him off was because of something Ace, personally, did. It didn’t make any logical sense. If his brother had been cut off from the Trappola family for, almost, eight years now, there was no way for him to know about Ace’s recent transgression.

It just—

It fucking hurt that his brother wasn’t there when he needed him the most.

Actually, it hurt when no one came to help him when he needed them the most.

( and what was by design )

( no one can get hurt if they never get too close )

He was thinking about his brother, when they came for him on a Saturday.

He was about to close his eyes and take a nap with the hedgehogs when he heard Riddle’s footsteps, light and full of purpose. 

He cracked an eye open to see the face of his housewarden, just as neutral and as calm as he was when they argued. 

“Come with me.”

“Are you going to ban me from being with the hedgehogs too?”

Hurt painted its way across Riddle’s features, before going back to neutrality.

Must’ve really struck a nerve there.

“No. It’s nothing like that, I promise.”

…

Now, Riddle is a lot of things, but a liar is not one of them.

In the beginning, he was a hardass and a bit of a jerk. Ace called him a tyrant for a reason, but he’s mellowed out significantly since September. 

So he followed his housewarden. 

He was expecting to see Trey and Cater, ready to barrate him for almost spending the night in the hedgehog pen again. He was preparing a half-assed excuse and create an empty promise about “not doing it again”, even though they all know he will most definitely do it again. 

He wishes that were the case.

When they went further and further away from Heartslabyul, further away from the cafeteria, out the back of the college building, and onto the Ramshackle property, Ace felt his stomach and heart drop farther and farther into his shoes until he felt the overwhelming desire to throw up.

Before he was consumed with total unfiltered and raw hatred.

He recognized the STYX uniforms, because he had to battle those motherfuckers back on the Island of Woe to save the overblotters. He recognized the guilt on Riddle, Idia, and the ones looking through the window (they’ve come to see him off and abandon him just like his brother). He recognizes the neutrality on Dire Crowley’s face.

( his wrists and neck itch so bad and he can’t help but rip the scabs off before— )

He swings at Riddle and punches him with the same amount of force as he did in September.

His face prickles, his knuckles split, and he’s a prisoner to his fury.

( he feels betrayed and hurt but he doesn’t deserve to claim those emotions after what he’s done to his friends )

He’s grabbed by hands he doesn’t recognize and dragged away by people he doesn’t know, but he doesn’t care. He’s overwhelmed with the strong desire to just hit Riddle over and over and over again and he doesn’t know why. And when he can’t swing at his housewarden, he tries his seven’s-damned hardest to kick the nearest rock and hope it lodges into his skull.

Eventually, he tires himself out and can only stand there. If it wasn’t for the STYX officers restraining him, he would have fallen over. He’s exhausted, sags over, and lets his fringe dangle over his eyes, as he stares at the grass of the Ramshackles dorm. He sees Riddle’s boots and a single drop of blood land on the dirt.

“I’m so, so sorry I had to trick you. I only want to help and we all decided this was the best way we could get you some.”

“You think I’m crazy.”

“I know you aren’t Ace.”

“I bet you’re finally happy to get rid of a problem like me.”

“I’m not Ace, and you’re not a problem.”

“...

I fucking hate you Riddle.”

“I know Ace.”

“I hate you, so much.”

“I know, Ace.”

He glares through his fringe at his housewarden with blurring vision and tries to ignore the remnant of tears tracks on his face. There’s a splatter of blood on Riddle’s cheeks from where Ace punched him in the nose.

He couldn’t find it in himself to care.

“I wish you and the others had just let me turn into a monster eight days ago.”

Riddle visibly swallows before blinking and breathing in deeply. The beginnings of tears start to build up in his big, gray eyes.

“You will not be allowed to have visitors for the first three days of your stay. Once that time period has passed, I will visit you until you have been deemed well enough to leave. Am I understood?”

“...”

“Ace?”

“Indeed you are… oh gracious Housewarden Riddle …”

As he was pulled away by employees of STYX, he pretended to not hear the sound of his housewarden hit the ground, with a thud, and start sobbing.

“ I don’t want to be alone—

—but I always end up that way. ”

I need no introduction,

“Your stay here will be focused on your well-being and the recovery thereof. While we are concerned with the aftereffects of Overblot on the body, we have, specifically, been requested to take care of you first and conduct our research second.”

Ace fidgeted the hem of his STYX uniform and stared at the tile.

Is the tile blue or black?

He missed the hedgehogs.

 “Along with a focus on recovery, you are required to meet with a psychiatric professional. While the time and dates have not yet been confirmed, as we do not know what your preferences or specific needs are yet, your first appointment will be tomorrow morning after breakfast. This decision was made to, hopefully, allow you time to settle in and understand what your life is going to be like while you’re here.”

Do the Shrouds have an obsession with triangles? Or is it a kind of family emblem?

“Ace. Can you look at me please.”

“I must’ve really fucked up if you, of all people, is asking to be looked at.”

“Now’s not the time to crack jokes at your expense, Trappola.”

Ace rolled his eyes and felt his knuckles burn. They’re still split and raw from where he punched Riddle in the nose. They haven’t healed yet, but he doesn’t plan for them to. He’ll need something for his hands to do while he’s staying in the ward. 

( his mother called it the “looney bin” and he remembers her “joking” about sending him to one once )

He looks at Idia and can’t help but feel bitter towards him, even if he’s done nothing wrong in this situation. He’s only fulfilling the requests of people who care want to get rid of him.

“Even if I will be, relatively, ‘hands-off’ on your recovery, I will, personally, be keeping track and overseeing your stay here. Nothing bad will happen to you. This is not meant to be a prison sentence. This is to, hopefully, benefit your mental health and provide you with the tools you need to cope.”

“Just like how you coped so well when you Overblotted. You say Ortho has full sentience and control over his own actions, but you regularly prevented him from leaving your room when all he wanted to do was go outside? All because you were too paranoid to recognize that ignoring his wants and desires was damaging to his status as a person.”

The only sound in that room was the sound of Ace tapping his foot. It was too quiet ( quiet like his household quiet like the feeling of being alone ).

Idia had always been a master at masking his feelings. Not in the way Cater and Vil were, who hid their feelings behind carefully crafted masks, hallways of mirrors, and phrases with double meanings, he was similar to Jamil and Leona. Idia was great at masking his feelings behind layers of perceived apathy and walls of concrete.

It might also be due to some kind of anxiety because the man communicated, primarily, through his phone. The only time the man radiated confidence was when he kidnapped everyone and imprisoned them on the very island the two of them were on. He was only confident when he had total control over the situation.

Like right now.

What Ace said was incorrect, but his words weren't meant to be correct; they were meant to hurt. Idia’s face darkened and, for the first time since he met the man, Ace could see why he and Ortho were demigods. Shark fangs and predatory, yellow eyes looked at him like he was sickly prey and—

and—

“I think you and I are done for now.”

He snapped the journal shut, when did he have one of those? , and walked past Ace. Ace himself sidestepped the demigod and held his back to the wall.

—he felt afraid.

“Ms. Arvanitis, please escort Trappola to his room while I make preparations for his stay.”

“As you wish, Director Shroud.”

A woman, who was nearly as tall as Idia, with wire frame glasses and hair the color of a freshwater river stood next to him. He didn’t like her eyes and the way she looked at him.

In a way, she reminded him of Azul, back when he had the anemone stuck to his head, was forced to follow his every command, and—

and—

“Mr. Trappola, I am Ms. Rio Arvanitis and I will be in charge of your well being for the entirety of your stay here. However, I will not be the one you have yet to talk to. That would be Dr. Eis.”

She guided him to a room, ones similar to how Jamil describes when they came back, and—

“Feel free to make yourself comfortable here. I hope you can look back on your stay positively once you’ve made a full recovery.”

—he threw the electronic screen, the one in every room at STYX, and shattered it on the wall once Arvanitis left.

so welcome to the greatest show!

During his first three hours in STYX, he threw the tablet against the wall and shattered it. He then trashed the entire room.

Five minutes later, he cleaned everything up and threw away the shards of glass, plastic, and electrical parts into the room’s designated trash can (ignoring how the glass cut his palms) (the pain felt good). He then piled mountains of paper towels on top of it because he heard his mother’s footsteps getting louder and closer to his door. He also folded the sheets in a way that would hide the tears and holes he put into it. 

The door open and he was waiting for skin to meet skin and more bruises to decorate his shoulders and back and—

“Your inventory finally came in.”

—it was only Arvanitis. 

She dropped off the package at his door, he heard the thud of heavy cardboard, and pulled it in when he heard her steps become inaudible.

He pulled it in and went through the contents.

He placed the hedgehog plush (the one he told a single person about) and hid it in the crack between the head of the bed and the wall. Everything else he pushed to the far end of his cell and tried forgetting about it, along with the layers of implications that came with it.

Twelve hours into his stay at STYX, he threw a chair at the box when he felt his anger at Riddle boil over. 

And then he rushed over to the box and checked to make sure the contents were intact. He sighed in relief when the only thing that was damaged was the wall, which only had a minor scrape.

Thirty minutes later the sun set. 

Three hours later, sleep overtook him and he fell unconscious.

His second day at STYX, Ms. Arvanitis woke him up and pulled him out from under the table.

And then she dragged him to the infirmary to clean his bloody hands where the glass from the tablet cut into his skin. They pulled out shards of glass and plastic, then cleaned the wounds. They wrapped his palms tightly with bandages afterward, the smell of healing balm seeped into his skin.

Idia then broke the news that his visitation, due to STYX protocol, was going to be postponed for another day because he has shown aggressive tendencies.

Visitation was postponed another day, and he was put into a “low-stimulus environment”, after he tried punching Idia.

His third day at STYX, he finally met Dr. Eis and they did nothing but sit in silence for an hour and a half after their initial introduction. 

He spent his fourth, fifth, and sixth day in a blur, following the routine ( wake up, eat, talk to Dr. Eis…something…sleep ) and was returned to his original room where he buried himself in the covers and cried into his Hedgehog. 

I can teach you

Day Three, 0945:

“Why did you trap your friends in your pocket dimension?”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Was it an impulsive decision?”

“...

I guess so?”

“Ace, there are no wrong answers when it comes to these questions. I only ask them because I want nothing but the best for you and your health. I do not know you personally and I can only give you my objective opinion as an outsider. There are no wrong answers when you’re with me. I promise.”

“I—”

“I promise you. You are not in trouble, I won’t be mad. This is a neutral ground where you can express yourself freely.”

“No.”

“I’m sorry?”

“It wasn’t impulsive in the way you think?”

“Humor me then? If you’re comfortable.”

“...I…”

“Take your time Ace.”

“I didn’t want to be alone.”

“So you accidentally dragged everyone into your Signature Spell?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you let them leave then, if it was an accident? Did you not trust them?”

“I do. They’re my best friends. I trust them with my life, more than I trust myself with my own.”

“Then why didn’t you let them leave? Did you think they’d abandon you?”

“...”

“You don’t have to answer me if you’re not comfortable.”

“I did.”

“How come?”

“Because I always end up that way.”

Day Four, 0945:

[ empty log ]

Day Five, 0930:

“When did you start to feel like you were unworthy of companionship?”

“About a month after I turned ten, I think.”

“Why then?”

“...

I was waiting for a card in the mail from my brother. Every day, after I turned ten, I checked the mailbox with the spare key I hid inside my pillow. I figured, ‘hey, Big D’s card must’ve gotten lost in the mail, or maybe it’s been delayed, but he has to wish me a Happy Birthday. It’s not everyday a younger brother hits the double digits!’

And so I checked. Twice a day I did, once right before the sun came up and once after the sun went down. I wanted to be the first one to see it, open it, and treasure it before my parents did. Because I knew they’d rip it apart.”

“Did a card ever come in?”

“...

I haven’t had my brother tell me ‘Happy Birthday’ since I was nine years old.”

“Ace, how old are you now?”

“I’m sixteen. My birthday is September twenty-third, and I’ll be freshly seventeen by my second year at Night Raven.”

“You don’t sound angry about it.”

“I’m not. Not really at least.”

“How come?”

“Because I would have done the same if I was in his position.”

Day Five, 1737:

“!!!”

“Ace?! Are you okay? You called for me extra for today and—”

“I accidentally cut myself on the utensils in the cafeteria and my blood looked black for a second. I got scared Idia and Arvanitis were going to postpone the visitation day and I miss everyone so fucking much and—”

“Kid. You need to breathe, you’re going to—”

“I don’t want to be alone! I don’t want to be left behind anymore! I want to get better and be better and leave STYX and see everyone again but I don’t want to overblot. I don’t want to overblot and be stuck and have them look at me I don’t want to be here anymore but they won’t believe me when I said it was an accident—”

“ACE!”

“...”

“You’re not in trouble, your visitation hours are not going to be postponed, especially if they speak to me about it. I’m not going to let them push back your friends’ ability to visit you, all because you accidentally cut yourself on what? A butter knife? A fork.”

“It was a plate shard.”

“What?”

“It was an accident I SWEAR to you. I got stuck in my own head and tripped over my own feet. I was scared they thought I did it on purpose so I tried cleaning it up and hiding it and that's when I…”

“You cut yourself?”

“Yeah. But it was an accident, I swear!”

“I believe you.”

“What?”

“I believe you.”

“But—but why?”

“...I’m…sorry…?”

“Why do you believe me?”

“Why shouldn’t I? No one who did anything on purpose would be this remorseful over an accident.”

“...

Nobody’s believed me about these kinds of things before.”

“I’m so sorry Ace.”

Day Six, 0930:

“Ace?”

“...”

“Trappola?”

“...”

“One of those days huh?”

“...”

“Do you want to end it early today?”

“...”

“That’s okay. We won’t have a session today. I hope you feel better tomorrow. Feel free to take this time and nap on the couch.”

Day Seven, 0945:

[ empty log ]

how to ruin your relationships

His seventh day was when he finally got a visitor.

He wasn’t expecting to get any, outside of people coming to tease him. All the people he really loved were the ones most affected by his Overblot and, consequently, his reveal.

Surprisingly enough, his first visitor wasn’t someone he was expecting to come at all:

Leona Kingscholar.

During his time at STYX, he started to understand the man a bit more. His inability to get out of bed, the periodic sleeping throughout the day, his outward apathy towards everything. He got it because he had been rotting in his bed, and Eis’s couch, for two days now. 

All he really wanted to do was be left alone, but also sit beside his best friends, but also he feared their rejection more than anything. It’s why he kept his distance from them all, designating himself to being the “asshole friend” because it would hurt less when Yuu, inevitably, left and everyone else was going to achieve their dreams.

He didn’t have any aspirations. 

He didn’t think he’d ever make it this far. He thought he’d die before he made it to sixteen, either by his own hand or his parents’.

And now, here he was, months away from becoming seventeen. He has no goals.

“Never thought I’d be back here again, let alone of my own free will. How are you, kid?”

Ace had brought his knees to his chest and buried his face into them. He had his back to the wall and wondered why, Leona of all people, was the one to visit him first. To mock him? To ask a favor? To lie to him?

He hasn’t done that in months, not really at least. Stop being so hard on him.

Leona sat beside him, there was about a foot of space between them. Ace was—

—there was a lot going through his mind. He refused to make eye contact with the unopened box of things the Heartslabyul people sent him a week ago.

“You know. Your absence hit everyone harder than you think it did.”

Leona shifted, sticking his hands in his pockets. The bead of his necklaces clinked together and the silence between them stretched far and wide.

He was thinking about his words, Ace could tell. It was something his brother did when they were talking about serious topics. He carried the same gruff and honest, yet soft tone in his words.

He realized this is the same tone he uses with Cheka. 

If he wasn’t so miserable, he would be offended.

“Hey, from one person with a shitty family to another, let me say this: You’re not alone in this world, especially not at Night Raven. I know you left on, less than savory terms, but remember there are people waiting for you, that care about you, when you get back.

I’m here because I care. I know I haven’t been the best at expressing it, but I do. You and your little posse have made me realize, even while I was in the cages of an ongoingly major, depressive episode, I was still an ass. How did I discover that? It’s because you and Yuu and Deuce, and your weird wessel, kicked my ass and forced me to better myself.

So, allow me to try and do the same, as someone who was once in your position.”

“...but they’re all mad at me.”

“Hmm?”

“...Yuu wanted to go home, more than anything and I sabotaged that. Why would they, why would anyone really, want to be friends with someone who refused to let them go home? And for what? A temper tantrum?”

“Kid, Yuu visits their home on the weekends.”

“...What?”

“They made the choice, now that they can leave, to continue their enrollment at Night Raven. The biggest reason they even wanted to go home was to inform their family and old friends that they weren’t dead.”

“...but still…”

“Trappola listen to me.”

Leona crossed his arms and Ace could feel the beastman’s eyes on him. He couldn’t bring himself to look back, so he didn’t.

“I know what you’re thinking, because I had similar thoughts after I blotted: Nobody is mad at you for Overblotting. Overblotting is a tragedy because of how easily preventable it is. Trey reached out to that cat beastman, Che’nya he’s called, I think you know him, and Overblots are very rare at Royal Sword. Near Overblots are actually way more common in younger, Fae children because of the lack of emotional stability plus the surplus amount of magical potential.

With access to mental health services and teaching people how to healthily cope with their emotions, Overblots are actually very rare. Night Raven is just, it’s fucked. It’s fucked because of the lack of counselling and the amount of people who use it as a way out. It’s cultivated an environment similar to Savanaclaw,  ‘Every man for himself’, but this is a school. It’s a place where you’re supposed to build connections, but it just isn’t, and it’s taken people almost dying for that truth to be taken seriously.”

Ace heard him shift and take a deep breath before continuing on.

“Ace Trappola, let me tell you something…”

As much as he hated to admit it, the usage of his full name made him flinch. It was something only his parents used when scolding him.

Or—

Or—

( his mother brought him in for a hug and he felt his bones creak beneath the force )

( “you will give your mother a hug Ace Trappola” )

“Kid, nobody in Heartslaybul, or even Night Raven, is mad at you for blotting. They’re upset because you didn’t trust them. They want to be friends worthy of your trust and are upset they haven't done enough to earn it. There is a difference.”

Leona shifted again and—

“You’re a good kid, Ace.”

and—

He placed his hand on Ace’s head and ruffled his hair.

“I’m not the best at providing advice, or even being a good leader, but if you want someone to talk to, Savanaclaw is always open to you, if you need it.”

He leaned into the hand and felt comforted for the first time in almost ten years.

“There’s more people like you than you realize. Don’t be afraid to reach out.”

Day Eight, 0945:

[ empty log ]

with everyone important that you know

Riddle came next.

It was when he mustered up the courage to sift through the care package properly when the door to his room slid open. He was underneath the table, the light was starting to hurt his eyes, when he saw a pair of familiar red boots and—

and— 

“so do me a solid…and leave me alone”

He his his head on the bottom of the table while scrambling to hide the box.

( it didn’t work. )

“ fuck. ”

“Are you okay?”

He pushed the blurriness out of his eyes and looked up at Riddle. It was funny to be the one looking up at his housewarden when Riddle was one of the shortest people in the school.

He really didn’t like being on the floor, with an authoritative figure above him.

It was—

( his parents stood above him and Danari was gone )

( glass shattered and they held objects in their hands )

( he’s eleven and he’s convinced he’s never making it to sixteen )

—uncomfortable.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He half wanted to push himself back under the table and refuse to talk to Riddle. Seeing his housewarden again made all the ugly emotions from when they last talked resubmerge and that was counteractive to his desire to deflect and not think too hard about what he was feeling.

Unfortunately, that technique was called a “maladaptive coping mechanism” and was “extremely unhealthy when trying to regulate your emotions” and was “something that needed to be unlearned”.

He was trying, but actually being confronted with the source of some of his uglier emotions did not make unlearning those behaviors easy.

The tension between the two of them was thick and, if Ace had his card deck, he would be able to cut through it. However, STYX didn’t allow cards, glass, or breakable plastic around their patients and he was stuck with whatever fidgeting toys they provided.

( but it was never enough )

“Do you want to go for a walk?”

…

“What?”

Riddle twirled the ring on his finger, he was nervous. It was odd seeing his housewarden be so nervous, especially when he was the one who had far more jurisdiction over Ace in this situation. He was visiting Ace, not the other way around. 

“Do you want to go on a walk?”

“Am I even allowed to do that?”

“I requested that we be allowed to walk outside and get some fresh air. I figured you’d want to get out of here for a little bit.”

Riddle lowered himself to Ace’s level and reached out to analyze his features 

( They came for him on Saturday. )

and—

( Exactly 8 days from when he Overblotted. )

and—

"I hate you so much Riddle.”

“You’re paler than when we last saw each other.”

“I know Ace.”

Ace pushed his hand away.

“There’s no sunlight underground.”

Riddle stood once more and continued to look at his hands.

“I’m sorry for coming. I-I’ll leave if that makes you comfortable I—”

“Don’t.”

Ace grabbed Riddle’s arm and the difference in their heights was so noticeable. Especially when Riddle’s big, gray eyes looked at him with confusion and anxiety.

( The beginnings of tears start to build up in his big, gray eyes. )

“I—”

“I bet you’re finally happy to get rid of a problem like me.”

“I’d like to go on a walk with you.”

There was a shine in Riddle's eyes that indicated he was either struck with wonder or about to cry. It was a very specific look and Ace saw it for the first time after Riddle was freed from his Overblot Monster.

It was the look of someone who was shown kindness for the first time.

It was a look he gave Yuu when they invited him into their dorm after being kicked out of Heartslaybul. 

It was a look he found himself giving his friends when he knew they won’t be seeing it.

He saw Riddle’s throat bob, as he clasped his hands with his own and smiled.

“Then let's get moving. I’d rather not waste our limited time together by dallying.”

Ace couldn’t stop himself from feeling too many things at once, being human was complicated and relationships were equally layered and intricate. 

He can’t find himself to forgive Riddle for what he did, it brought up things he wasn’t quite ready to discuss, but he understood why Riddle did it. He really did.

And when Riddle gripped his hand (small desperate but understanding) he didn’t feel quite as alone in the world.

" There’s more people like you than you realize. Don’t be afraid to reach out.”

Day Nine, 0915:

[ empty log ]

Day Ten, 0930:

[ empty log ]

Day Eleven, 0900:

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t do anything for a couple days. I needed time to think.”

“About what? If you don’t mind me asking?”

“I always knew my parents were wrong because, if what they were doing wasn’t, they wouldn’t have tried keeping all my bruises and injuries inside the house or beneath my clothes. It just didn’t truly dawn on me just how wrong they were until I started talking to others.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. They told me about their home lives and I started to realize this, truly, isn't normal, even if it’s my normal. When they told me about their families, I felt horror and disgust that someone would do that to their own family, let alone their own kids. But, when I thought about my life, I felt content and numb despite the similarities.”

“And you know that’s wrong now?”

“Yeah. It truly seeped in and I understand the gravity of who and what my parents did and how it’s affected me. I also know that constantly deflecting and keeping secrets isn’t wrong, but it is unhealthy when the people who you’re constantly deflecting and keeping secrets from only want to help you.”

“It sounds like you’ve done a lot of introspection from the last time we had a conversation like this.”

“I really wanted to think about what Riddle and Leona said and take it to heart, pun not intended. They have more, experience, when it comes to the sudden reveal of your family not being as perfect as everyone thinks they are. If anyone knew how to cope in this situation, it would be them. Riddle was the biggest help and I felt better after his visit.”

“You’ve made wonderful progress since you came here.”

“I would hope so. Riddle didn’t banish me to the shadow realm for no reason.”

“Ace Trappola, based on my professional opinion, I think you’re ready to return to Night Raven College.”

“WHAT?!”

“It will still be required for you to have regular sessions with me, as I have put in a request to be transferred to your school, but I think you’re ready to be going back to your classes. You probably miss your friends dearly anyway.”

“As much as I do, I really don’t want to return to classes.”

“Why not?”

“I’ll have, so much , makeup work to do.”

…

…

…

“That’s the Trappola your friends speak of. But, oh man, I haven’t laughed that hard since I first landed a job at STYX.”

“Making people laugh is what I do best.”

“Actually, getting into trouble is what I’ve heard you do the best. Your upperclassman, Cater Diamond, told me about the time you moved everything in Riddle’s room two inches to the left.”

“You should have seen it! Riddle was knocking his knees and elbows into every corner and edge there was. He didn’t even notice what was wrong until he finally saw the indent in the carpet from where his table used to sit.”

He saw the back entrance of Heartslaybul and he—

“I lied, I don’t want to come back to the dorms after all.”

“Ace.”

“I’ve discovered I am a coward and will run away from my problems.”

“Ace Trappola, you will move back into your dorm in the next couple of hours, unless you want all of Heartslaybul to know you went to STYX.”

“Yes, Housewarden Riddle.”

“Don’t call me that.”

tell me if you want to…hurt…feel…

It was odd seeing everyone in Night Raven expressing themselves so openly now. Not just expressing themselves, but also intermingling with other people at the tables. There were friendships that crossed the boundaries of dorms and—

—it was incredibly shocking.

He didn’t know what to expect when he finally came back, but this, certainly, wasn’t it. With Crowley’s track record, he was expecting minimal to no changes being done at all. He was expecting the students to form support groups within their dorms and that would be that.

But he wasn’t expecting this.

There were vests and blazers of all the colors intermingling and it was beautiful to see.

But it dawned on him how alone he felt.

He wasn’t sure if Yuu, let alone the other freshmen, were willing to let him back into their group. Ace hadn’t quite forgiven himself for the things he had done to them, even if it was an accident. He caused Yuu’s journey back home to be postponed and, of course, their little group was going to be mad on their behalf. 

Despite all the progress he made while he was away, he did what he always did when he was unsure:

Deflect and turn away.

He got his lunch ( breakfast is served in the dorms ), and found a place outside to eat. He was half tempted to take a nap because after lunch was his chemistry class with Crewel and, while the staff likely knew about where he had been for the past 2 weeks, he wasn’t prepared to participate in the sheer amount of makeup work that came with his absence.

Maybe they’ll dismiss it because it was medical. By the Seven I hope they do. 

The sun was warm in his face and it felt nice to feel it. After Riddle’s visit, they moved his therapy sessions to be outside because it turned out to be very beneficial to him. Turns out, exposure to sunlight does help your mental state.

Sunlight and therapy.

Only one of those things was available at Night Raven before his return, and now they both were. It amazed him progress was being made since—

since—

“ He’s not even sure if the reason his brother cut him off was because of something he, personally, did. ”

Was there going to be progress made, if he and his friends never came to Night Raven?

That was a sobering thought, but also one that was very plausible. Crowley was an imbecile and complacency was his sin. If it wasn’t for the fact so many overblots happened, with the school, within quick succession, there would be a very high chance Crowley would have kept everything exactly the same.

Before Ace came here, he had never even heard of an Overblot happening on campus, nor had he ever heard of a student of Night Raven’s blotting, before or after enrolling.

Had he never heard about it happening because they never did? Or had he never heard of it happening because Crowley managed to successfully cover them up?

Did my brother overblot within these halls?

…

He didn’t like that train of thought.

He yawned and stretched in the sunlight, before laying down in the grass. It was cozy and warm instead of itchy and uncomfortable. He had chemistry after lunch, so maybe he could afford a quick power nap beforehand. It might rejuvenate his energy and keep him in top shape so he doesn't hurt the mandrakes anymore.

No matter how much he tried to pull them out gently, those damn mandrakes always screamed and cried whenever he touched their leaves. It was better to just quickly pull them out, similar to ripping off a bandaid, and have one person in the back collapse on themselves. 

It was a minor dox off his grade in the end because chemistry was one of his better subjects.

He was basking in the sun, with his eyes closed, when someone decided it was a fantastic idea to block it. 

He opened his eyes and he had to wait a long minute for his vision to balance out, the green and black spots dancing across his left eye. Turns out, having a scratched cornea remain untreated for almost a decade can lead to vision loss and a scar.

Fun times.

What wasn’t fun though, was seeing all his buddies blocking out the sun. Deuce, Sebek, Epel, Jack, Ortho, and Yuu all towered over him; their colorful eyes peered into his.

It was uncomfortable being looked at like this. But it was so shocking to see, he almost screamed. 

Not only was he shocked, but he was also confused.

Why are they here?

“Oi yah dibshit! Why yah all bah yerself o’er here? Y’aren’t flakin’ out on us now, yah?”

“Epel, don’t be so rude! He just got back, like, yesterday.”

“Jus’ ‘cause—sorry—just because he came back, doesn’t mean he can go on and flake on us! Through thick n’ thin we stick together!”

“To play devil’s advocate here: it is a nice day outside and I too would nap in the sunlight if given the chance.”

“Careful there Jack, you’re starting to sound like Leona.”

“Jack has a point though. It’s warm enough to be pleasant, but not outrageously hot, so as to not be uncomfortable. Although, I would say the rocks are better to lay on than the grass.”

“Sebek, yer literally a lizard. You are fuckin' biased as hell. ‘Rocks are better?’ That's the most lizard shit I've ever heard you say out loud.”

“Lizard aside, we should still welcome our friend back into our spot! I cannot give an accurate calculation as to whether or not he’ll accept, so I can only estimate based on past data of our outings. He has been gone for almost fourteen days, so I would say this is a genuine 50v50.”

“Ortho, never change.”

“I’d have to politely decline Deuce. I find stagnation and eternally permanence to be understimulating and a very lackluster way of living.”

“Have I mentioned how much I love you?”

“Exactly 457 times in the past 27 days!”

“So, Ace.”

Yuu reached a hand down at him and—

“Care to join us for lunch?”

and—

Why do you welcome me with open arms as if nothing is wrong?

I don’t deserve your friendship.

Why are you here? After everything I did?

How can you forgive me so easily, when I don’t forgive myself?

“ If I tell you I love you, will you stay? ”

“Hell yeah I will.”

He lets himself be pulled up to his feet and—

and—

Wait a fucking minute—

“Deuce, did you just smack my ass?”

“No.”

“You’re a shit liar. GET OVER HERE.”

The sound of his friends’ laughter was like a salve over his heart.

He truly was happy to be back.

taste…real…

He was happy to be back with his friends, that much was true, but there were things that made him want to run away from his group at top speeds.

The main one being: they treated him like nothing had changed. 

He ruined Yuu’s life, he trapped his friends in his own magic ( even if he didn’t mean to ), and then proceeded to avoid them all and self-destruct to the point he was sent away to recover.

And, here they were, treating him as if nothing happened. Where was the anger? The demand for an apology? Why don’t any of them hate him? He did something bad to them, he should be outcasted, but here they are: laughing with him without a care in the world.

Why don’t they despise the ground he walks on? Why don’t they treat him like the traitor he is? Why do they treat him like he’s worthy of their companionship and forgiveness, whe he’s not?

He knows he deserves companionship, he talked about this. He’s a human being and cannot thrive in eternal isolation and expect to remain sane, but why them? Why do the people who should hate him the most, give him the most kindness? Why do they give him the most grace, when he’s the one who fucked everything up the most?

It made him angry that they weren’t angry at him.

Despite it going against his progress, he started to destruct. 

Again.

If all his friends didn’t hate him now, he was going to give them a reason to.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

drip…

.

.

.

drip…

.

.

..

.

.

.

drip…

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

blood…spill…

It started off small. 

Deuce noted his favorite ring went missing. He wasn’t as upset about it as he thought he would be. Sure, it was a gift, but Deuce had a habit of leaving things in places where he did not remember. The items he lost would turn up eventually, or he’d remember it out of the blue and find them again.

Although, he did ask his roommate if he had seen it.

“Ace, you know that ring my mom got me?”

“What?”

“My favorite ring, I wear it on test days.”

“The blue apatite one? With a spade engraved on it?”

“Yeah.”

Ace’s voice got tight and it took him longer to answer, which meant—

“No. I haven’t seen it.”

—he was lying.

Ace’s eyes went half-lidded and flat, almost bored. It wasn’t something Deuce ever expected to see on Ace, it looked more like something that belonged on either Leona or Floyd’s faces.

But Leona and Floyd usually had something behind their eyes. He couldn’t place exactly what, but there was something there. They always had a shine in their gaze, especially after their overblots. 

It reminded him of revival.

But there wasn’t anything behind Ace’s and he didn’t like it. 

Despite it going against his routine, he left his dorm without his favorite ring.

“I hope your trinket gets found, Juice.”

After the ring, Deuce wasn’t the only one who noticed things started to go missing. However, they started to get bigger and bigger.

It started with Deuce’s ring.

And then it was a vase, then a painting, then a sculpture. Very random, yet valuable decorations around Heartslaybul that were definitely there before but were gone. It was impersonal and not targeted, they were almost mundane.

Then, it started to grow:

A set of piano keys, a bundle of hay, a stack of china, then an entire rose bush.

All these things were gone, perfectly missing. There were no fingerprints, no mess, and a perfect hole in the ground where the roots of the hedge used to be. Every root went missing.

It was starting to get ridiculous. Heartslaybul students were convinced the ghosts of Night Raven College were trying to be funny. It was inconvenient and the hole was unsightly, but these were still impersonal and, relatively, harmless. Especially when Riddle and co. could easily replace the missing objects with the duplicates in the closet.

Then, it started to get personal.

Not only did it get personal, but it started to spread...

...because it started with Deuce’s ring.

And then it was Trey’s collection of medical grade toothpaste, then it was Cater’s phone, and then it was Riddle’s crown. When it spread to Savanaclaw, Leona found one of his royal necklaces missing and Ruggie’s saline solution (apparently he got piercings recently). Octivinalle reported missing files, Scarabia had gold stolen from their vault, Deuce was too scared of Pomefiore to figure out what went missing over there, Ignihyde students had several missing parts of their equipment, and Diasmonia lost their cookbook.

Okay, that last one might have actually been a blessing, but there was one thing, amongst the dorms, that was too suspicious to be a coincidence:

All the freshmen had their magic pens stolen.

Well, not all of them. Just a select few. Still, their magic pens being stolen was more dangerous than the personal items.

Without their magic pens, the freshmen couldn’t perform any magic without putting themselves in danger. Not only that, but they wouldn’t be ab;e to do any of their assignments without their pens.

“Hey Deuce.”

He was broken out of his thought process by Yuu. Grim was distracted by the cat toy Jack and Epel had gotten them as a gift, and it seemed to do wonders for Grim’s energy levels over the school year.

“Yeah?”

“Have you noticed all the missing stuff isn’t general?”

“Hmm?”

Yuu scratched at Grim’s ears and looked into the sky. They did that a lot when they were thinking.

“If this was a motiveless thief, we’d be seeing everyone in Night Raven have something missing. But we don’t. Everyone who has had something stolen was someone we either know on a, somewhat, personal level or are close friends with.

You know about Heartlaybul and Savanaclaw, but the only files missing in Octivinelle were ones that belonged to the twins and Azul. All of the gold in Scarabia held some sentimental value to both Kalim and Jamil. In Pomefiore, Vil had his favorite charm from his dad go missing and Rook had all but one quiver of arrow stolen. And, believe it or not, the only people in Ignihyde that had valuable equipment stolen were the brothers.”

“Now that you lay it out for me, it is weird. I already thought the sudden spike in theft was weird, but you really put it into perspective for me. It’s extra strange because only us have our pens missing…”

Now, Deuce isn’t the brightest crayon in the box, in fact, he’d call himself somewhat dull. However, there were some things that started to click in his brain once Yuu explained it to him:

• The only people who were stolen from were people they were close to
• Only the freshmen of their friend group had there pens missing
• All items stolen had no traces left behind; no prints or struggle.

The based on these three points Deuce came to a conclusion:

• The culprit had to be someone they knew personally
• The culprit had to be good at sneaking around and using their hands
• The culprit, likely, had to have a Unique Spell that was great at snatching things and leaving no trail.

Deuce didn’t like the person who checked all his boxes.

He whipped out his phone and started to call the support group chat, the one they made while Ace was away.

( “ losers only ” was the name Yuu gave it )

( it was originally called “ramshackle crew” to honor their prefect, but Yuu didn’t want to hold a position above others )

Everyone picked up within three rings.

“Hello? Ortho calm down, it’s just Deuce. ”

“What in the seven circles o’ hell are you doing callin’ us while wer’ in class Juice?”

"Epel—your accent."

"Can it Howl! We're both going to be in detention after this."

“SPADE! MY FRIEND! Should we be worried?”

“Guys, I’m with Yuu and I figured something out. 

I know who the thief is.”

Everyone went quiet, including Grim. Everyone listening was waiting with bated breath for what Deuce was going to say.

That worst part about it: they weren’t as surprised as they should have been. 

“It’s Ace. Ace stole out pens.

.

.

.

.

.

.

drip…

.

.

.

.

drip…

.

.

..

.

.

.

.

.

.

drip…

.

.

.

.

.

.

They found Ace standing alone on the beach behind Night Raven.

It didn’t look like he was waiting for them to find him. In fact, it looked like they were intruding in on something. His shoes were cast aside, his pants were rolled up, and any footprints that were once in the sand had long been washed away by the water.

It was too familiar for Deuce’s liking.

The sun had started to set and the sky was a soft lavender color and Ace’s fire-red hair made him stand out like a sore thumb. Deuce requested the rest of their crew, minus Yuu, to stand back in case things got out of hand.

This turned out to be his saving grace.

Because, before he could even get a word out, he place a hand on Ace’s shoulder and—

and—

had a fist cracked against his ribs and his spit landed in the sand.

Yuu rushed to his side, he wiped the blood off his upper lip, looked Ace in the eye, and…

“Do you hate me now?”

…blot was dripping down his nose and seeping out of the corners of his mouth.

love…kill…

Ace punched Deuce in the nose and asked his best friend (?) if he finally hated him. He stole their pens and probably tanked their grades. He’s also stolen things from multiple people they all knew personally, some were closer to each other than others, but he still did it.

He, also, was the one to ruin Yuu’s life and prevent them from not going home. 

All of that combined together? How could they not despise him in some way? How could Yuu continued to look at him without a flicker of anger in their eyes? How can Deuce look at him and lay his head on his shoulder, Jack challenging him to races, Epel challenging him to eating contests, Ortho asking to study, and Sebek teaching him magic, like he didn’t keep them prisoner in his own Signature Spell? How can they all continue on like everything was okay?

How can Deuce, after he’s admitted to stealing his pen and cracking his fist across his nose, look at him with stars in his eyes and say—

“I could never hate you.”

It only made Ace more upset.

“You have to!”

Ace couldn’t help the angry tears that cascaded down his face. His eye stung and hurt, was it because of the salt or the ink?

Was his blood red or black?

( he finds himself terrified of both colors )

“You can’t forgive me for what I’ve done! To Yuu, to you, and to them! YOU CAN’T!”

He grabbed Deuce by the lapels of his blazer and screamed.

“Why are you being so kind to me, when I’ve done nothing but make your lives harder?! It doesn’t make any fucking SENSE. Why can’t you be awful, because then me being a piece of shit and you not doing anything about it would make sense.

Juice Box, how can you do it? How? HOW?!”

With every ‘why’, he continued to viciously shake his fellow Heartslaybul member.

“HOW CAN YOU CONTINUE ON LIKE NOTHING’S WRONG?! WHEN I’VE BEEN SO HORRIBLE TO YOU?!”

Ace sobbed his heart out, the taste of ink and ash heavy on his tongue. He had no right to be feeling so strongly, considering he was the source of his friends’ pain. He didn’t understand how they welcomed him back into their group, like he didn’t sabotage everything. 

Leather brushed against his face and wiped away his tears, before pulling him close and—

“Ace, you’re not horrible for being scared…

…and you deserve happiness, just as much as the rest of us.”

At those words, Ace broke down and buried himself into Deuce’s shirt. With every caress through his hair, gentle hands rubbing his back, and the steady weight on his shoulders, he felt every wall he built up crumble.

“Cry is out Ace. It’s okay.”

On that beach, he was Ace Trappola. The real Ace Trappola, for the first time in over ten years.

“I don’t want to be alone anymore. I-I want to stay with you all. I want you in my life.

For the longest time, I thought I didn’t have a future. I thought I wouldn’t live to this point, but you all gave me a reason to go on. And, when Yuu was leaving, I couldn’t take it anymore.”

He grabbed for the prefect’s shirt and felt the pulse of their heartbeat beneath the fabric. It was soothing to him and prevented him from completely losing his mind.

“I can’t picture a life without you in it. I’m so sorry for taking this long to tell you.”

Yuu reciprocated Ace’s hug, all his friends did, and he felt so guilty. Remorse poured from his skin as did the ink, washed away by his tears and wiped away by Deuce’s gentle hands.

“It’s okay Ace. I think I always knew how much you loved us. I’m just, I’m so sorry you didn’t feel safe enough to open up for us.”

On that beach, Ace cried and opened his heart to the people he cared about the most. 

Despite being at his weakest and most vulnerable, he felt the safest he’s ever been.

Hey, did I ruin your night?

Nobody was happy to find out he had stolen all their stuff, but they were happy it was intact.

He was, rightfully, suspended for three days within Heartslaybul. However, within those three days, several things happened:

1. He was required to report any and all items stored inside “Fit for Kings” until he was deemed trustworthy enough to use it without strict regulation.
2. He was required to meet with Dr. Eis three times a week until he was deemed as “fully recovered” and
3. And—

“You’re now a ward of Night Raven College until we can find your brother.”

He dropped his notepad, his pen clattering on the floor.

“I’m sorry…?”

Crowley shifted papers across his desk and handed one of them to Ace he read it over and—

“It was made obvious that sending you back to the Trappola household would put you in legitimate danger. Now, Night Raven students are known to rough house and be more…violent…than their counterparts, but that’s because of school activities that are regulated and have medical professionals on the grounds to tend to any and all injuries caused by these regulated activities.

However looking at your previous medical documents or, in this case, lack thereof, it’s been proven that your injuries, while were tended to by medical professionals, were inflicted with the active intent to bring about distress, harm, and potential death to a minor. This already violates several laws, but is made worse by the fact the minor being harmed was the son of said medical professionals.

Your parents are currently being investigated for, alleged, child abuse and the court case is currently ongoing, which is why I say alleged. For the time during and after the trial, you are an official ward of Night Raven College, alongside the Ramshackle Prefect. 

However, unlike our dearest Yuu, your status as a ward is deemed as temporary-slash—“Permanent until further notice—because your brother, as both an adult and your next of kin, is the ideal guardian the courts want to place you with.

They’re currently combing through Night Raven and legal documents to try and find his contact information.”

Crowley, in an act of uncharacteristic kindness, places his hand atop Ace’s and said, “You need not be returned to your family during breaks, Trappola. You’re free.”

And if Ace cried in Crowley’s office, he wasn’t going to tell a soul and neither was his Headmaster.

Hey, did I ruin you?

They did, eventually, get in contact with his brother.

Danari, and his girlfriend, appeared at the school and summoned him to Crowley’s office sometime after his classes were over. Despite all the years passing between them, Danari still had the same red hair as him, but he had brown eyes. 

Even now, Ace can see his own features in the face of his brother. The only differences being the minor eye bags and age lines from having been a veteran of their parents bullshit.

The first thing Danari did was say “Hi” and attempt to hug his younger brother of seven years.

The first thing Ace did when Danari tried hugging them, was slap him.

“Okay, ow. I deserve that.”

“Yeah you fucking do.”

And then Ace launched himself at his brother and tried not to cry. He’s been doing a lot of that lately.

Danari’s arms circled around him, along with his girlfriend’s (whom he learned was named Alice), and he didn’t feel the impending dread of being hit. They were on his campus, in front of his headmaster, and his brother was never one to lay a hand on him. 

He didn’t know Danari’s girlfriend, but he does know his brother and his brother would never let someone who hurts kids stay.

“I’m sorry for leaving—”

“—Don’t be.”

Ace punched his brother in the shoulder, with no malice attached to it.

“Our parents were assholes. I can’t fault you for wanting to escape.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have left you behind.”

“...I won’t deny, it hurt when you left. I missed you so much, especially in the moments when it got…dangerous…but I’ve come to terms with why you didn’t come back. 

And, before this year, it’s not like Night Raven is the most reliable when it comes to personal issues or mental health. I’ve done a lot of thinking since you’ve been away and I understand why you didn’t try to contact me after you enrolled. You didn’t want our parents to find you.

I understand why you did it. I don’t like it, and I won’t deny it hurt so fucking bad, but I know why you did it and I’m not mad. Not at all.”

Danari looked Ace in the eyes, only to smile, trap him in a noogie, and mess up his perfectly styled hair.

“HEY! What the fuck?! UNHAND ME!”

“When did my baby brother grow up without me?”

“Yeah, I finally grew up! It only took, what? Eight overblots?”

“I’m…SORRY?”

Ace felt a grin stretch across his face. 

“Oh, you didn’t know?”

“Know. About. WHAT?”

“Allow me to catch you up to speed…”

I Am an Anarchist.

Yuu ended up staying at Night Raven. 

The spell to return home worked. However, they didn’t actually use it until the portal could, for sure, be used as many times as possible.

They never intended to return home and fully leave everyone behind.

“You’re my best friends.”

They told Ace and Deuce.

“I wasn’t going to leave you behind, not after everything we’ve been through.”

They fiddled with their World Key.

(as long as a surface can hold your reflection, your key willn’t face any rejection)

“Besides, I’m just as human as you lot. I’m entitled to visiting my family over vacations!”

Yuu wiggled their suitcase and knocked their key against the Dark Mirror.

“I’ll keep in contact over the summer vacation. I’ll shoot you all a message when I plan on coming over. Check up on the Housewardens and make sure they don’t, like, keel over a bridge or something.”

Ace couldn’t help the snicker that escaped his lips.

“Yeah yeah, beast master. Now go home to your folks, say hi to your pets for me.”

Yuu smiled, the crow’s feet by their eyes deep and their teeth bright. They offered a thumbs up—

“Will do!”

pushed their key into the mirror—

“Talk to you later, ADeuce!”

activated the portal—

“I’ll see you soon. I promise!”

and stepped through.

Despite being gone, Ace didn’t feel abandoned.

Instead of the end, this marked a new beginning. 

And, for once, he was excited for it.

Danari and Alice didn't live in the Queen of Roses: they lived off the coast of Pyroxene, about three hours away from the Savanna border. It was far, far warmer than the Queendom, but still had the beach within a nice walking distance from the porch. 

He liked this version of the beach, instead of the one back in the Queendom which had rocks on the shore. He could walk around barefoot, freely, without the possibility of getting hurt. It was freeing and he got to view a piece of the sky with very little air pollution to block out the stars.

"How is this place holding up to the Queendom?"

Alice sat down next to him. The two of them had grown closer over the course of the summer, albeit the slight amount of awkwardness that comes with an, unexpected, addition to a household. Despite being an unplanned addition, Ace didn't feel unwelcome. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Alice and Danari, despite the many years of silence, had seamlessly blended him into their lifestyle. 

They even went as far as to get him eyedrops and glasses to help fix his scratched cornea. Deuce and Yuu told him that medical treatment was a part of, "the bare minimum required of a guardian" but Ace was new to being treated fairly. 

"It's really nice actually. It's not as cold, that for sure."

"Yeah, I figured that was the case. I was very meticulous when picking out a place to live in."

"You're the one who picked this place? I thought it would have been D'."

"Oh he mentioned wanting to live somewhere like here, but he was a mess when we first met. Freshly emancipated and a, soon-to-be, Night Raven Graduate, he was more concerned about getting his grades up in order for his scholarship to still be valid or else he'd be homeless."

"That—that is a greater concern."

"Mhm, but he was more concerned about surviving in the present, that he didn't think he'd have a future. Kind of like you, based on what you've told me."

Ace rubbed the back of his neck, an improvement from his old habit of scratching it raw. 

"Shit man. If I didn't do so much self-reflection, I'd say that amount of vulnerability is embarrassing."

She lightly punched him in the shoulder.

"What? Do you find emotions uncomfortable?"

"Fuck nah, bro. Unless they're those over-the-top ones from Danari's gods-awful romcom films. Seeing that much sugar and fluff all at once makes me want to gag."

"Hypocritical, considering how your face lights up red whenever Deuce calls you."

"SHUT UP!!"

He said, as he pushed Alice into the sand. She laughed at his, very obviously, red face.

"Man. Danari was right, you are fun to tease!"

"Stop that. You sound like my classmate."

"Is it the one with that's always shifting around?"

"Are you thinking of someone tall, two-toned eyes, and talks about 'squeezing' people?"

"Yeah! That one!! What's his name?"

"Floyd Leech."

"I like that kid. He sounds goofy."

"You two must never meet. It would be the end of me."

She stood up and ruffled his hair.

"You should come back inside now. It's getting late and Danari is making ziti with pesto."

"Hand-made?"

"You know it."

"Hell yeah. The best kind."

"The only kind."

"Have I mentioned how much I like you?"

"Not enough for my taste."

"Oi. Fuck you. I'm great at giving compliments."

Despite the happiness he felt, he was a bit nervous to ask for a specific thing.

"Hey Danari. Alice."

"Yes?"

"What's up?"

He looked at his bowl of pesto and felt a cold sweat roll down his temple.

There's no need to be scared, I'm safe here.

"He'd threaten to kill me if I told anyone."

I am not inside my parents' house.

"I was wondering if I could visit Deuce in the Queendom."

He worried his lip and prepared himself for rejection.

Instead, he got their worry.

"Of course you can visit your friend Ace. You don't have to ask like that. We're just—you want to go back? I mean, the trial is still ongoing and—"

"What Danari means to ask is: Are you sure you're ready return 'home'? I'm sure all of us don't want you to go back to a place that's only going to damage your mental health and hinder all the progress you've made. We're also more than willing to house Deuce if Mz. Spade is okay with—"

"No."

Ace made his voice firm, the nervousness in his decision had all but disappeared. 

He wants this.

"I want to visit Deuce in the Queendom. I'm not ready to look Mom and Dad in the face, not yet, and I'm not sure if I ever will."

He thought of that small alcove on a rocky beach that provided him sanctuary when the days got dark. He thought about the patisserie the Clover family ran that made the best cherry pies in the entire Queendom. He thought about the multicolored roses that smelled like the ocean and the leaves swept up by the salty air. He thought of weekend crochet tournaments and the high-pitches squeaks of baby hedgehogs.

"But, I do know that I do not want their cruelty to taint my love for a country that has not done me wrong."

He thought of a hand holding his own, unloveable one.

"I don't want them to take away the love I have for the simple things in my country."

And I am not unloveable.

Danari and Alice, although they looked like they didn't like his choice of going back to the Queendom—

"Are you sure that's what you want?"

extended their understanding—

(his nails dug into his hands)

"Absolutely."

placed a hand atop his own—

"Then we'll give Mz. Spade a call and help you pack a bag."

and supported his decision.

""We can't have you visit your friend unprepared now, can we?"

Ace smiled and felt his limp tremble and—

"No, you can't."

he ate his meal feeling safe and understood, knowing there will never be a penalty for asking human questions.

I am not unloveable.

I am, simply, human.

A week later, Deuce and his mom met him at the airport.

H tackled his friend and the two of them spun around.

It was only a hug, but to Ace? It felt like coming home.

"I missed you, Knave."

Ace smiled into Deuce's shoulder.

"I missed you too, Juicy."

They were alone, sitting on the pier outside of Deuce’s town. The beach was usually empty around this time, when the sun finally set and dusk approached.

Ace called it, “hanging out”.

Deuce called it, “a date”.

Unlike the water in his Signature Spell, the water of this beach was refreshingly cold and did get his clothes wet.

As the first stars of the night peeked out, Deuce clasped his hand and laced their fingers together. Ace couldn’t stop the slight heat that grew in his face, as he looked at their interlocked hands.

They hadn’t placed a label on the shift in their dynamic, and Ace couldn’t help but wonder…

“Hey Juice Box.”

“Knave?”

Ace rubbed his thumb against the knuckles that weren’t his own.

“What are we?”

Deuce looked at their intertwined hands. He wasn’t uncomfortable, nor was he nervous. He regarded it like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“We’re partners, are we not? A packaged deal!”

Ace felt his face heat up and he—

—pushed his partner into the water.

“You’re a sap!”

Was all he managed to get out before Deuce grabbed his ankle and dragged him into the waves below.

“I may be a sap, but you love it!”

Despite the cold water, the beach air, and the night sky, he had never felt warmer…

…and he couldn’t help the genuine smile stretch across his face.

“I really do.”

“ Does it make me a bad person, if I just wanted to have someone stay? ”

No, it doesn’t. 

It never had and it never will.

And with friends like mine, I won’t have to be alone again.

I am not unloveable.

I am your Fool.