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God the feeling the man's voice yelling at him pissed him off and him yelling back only made it worse. All emizel remembered was his vision going black and this white searing pain in his face before he felt big rough hands push him out the house and that awkward losing balance gripping the stairs railing before he shuffled himself down the road. Emizel wiped his face seeing there was blood rushing down his face and he growled out as he just put his arm down.
A few blocks down a few people caught his attention before his coat was grabbed and he was shoved into the brick wall. Emizel's face scrunched and with a quick swing to the gut and Emizel felt his stomach lerch and he gagged, choking down his nausea as he used his whole body to shove the person holding him down. He hated his feeling, this feeling of no control, the thought that he can't do anything to save himself. God he hated it, he hates it, he hates it-
Emziel was shoved back and chest burned from the lack of air. Emizel coughed out gasping as his legs shook. He's being weak. No wonder everything is trying to kill him. He deserves this. The demons will easily find someone new to take his place. He hopes it's soda. Soda was always better than him. He hopes Soda wouldn't mind him dying and leaving him alone in this world in a dirty and bloody alleyway where he belongs in the end. He just hopes after the world is nice and he doesnt get defiled with more hits even in death.
A hand touched his shoulder and Emizel whipped around shoving them away “dont touch me-” emizel growled out, voice deep and it rumbled his chest in the way he was sure he looked and sounded scary. Maybe he is scary. Maybe he is a poor graded mutt that’ll never see the nice things in life. Maybe the way his teeth dampen with blood and drool maybe could make him feel more himself. He's used to being something controlled for the “best” but he knows that's not the case. They just like they can control him to be perceived in the way that's “normal”
The voice spoke but it didn't process in emizeils head. He had no idea what they were saying. He doesnt remember much after that after his vision blackened and he knew he threw up after a wave of sudden nausea washed over him and that horrible feeling of cold and hot wash over him. Fingers trying to cover his mouth and walk away but it was in vain, all he did was get his hands and shirt disgusting. God he's always going to be so dirty. Nothing will ever make him clean. He deserves this.
Emizel grunted as he hit his shoulder into the demon's door, a wet sniffle as he wiped his face. Immediately heads looked over a game being paused and concerned voices asking if he's fine. Emizel frowned and sniffed, “im fine. Where’s soda?” He hated the way his voice cracked and broke to the name of his friend. “I think in the bedroom resting.” one of the demons spoke before taking a drink of some soda and other voices humming in agreement. “Thanks.” the blonde spoke shuffling his way to the bedroom he knew him and Soda mostly reside in. yes it was open for others but the two mainly stayed in it.
Emizel softly creaked the door open seeing that the others were right, he was resting, coat over his eyes and blankets twisted around his form. Emizel fingers twitched, wondering if it was worth bothering Soda, somewhere inside guilty he's bothering someone so much better than him into his disgusting mess called his life. Emizel sniffed feeling tears well up again, god he's so weak and disgusting. He's deplorable and a mess. His father was right, he’ll never achieve anything great in life. Be probably hates the fact Soda loves him. Hates the way Emizel clings to that man in more ways than just friends. Maybe it was true, it was gonna rot in hell and even the devil wouldn't want him. No one would want him after everything he did. He’ll be forgotten as quickly as he was known. Nothing will keep him as long as lifes curse of keeping him alive to just smear in the fact he's so horrible that even the grace of life is worse than the heavy hand of death, pulling him down into the void of nothing.
“Em? Whats wrong?” Soda’s sleep caught voice spoke, it was deep and rumbled and for a minute he couldn’t help but freeze. It was too similar to his own fathers voice. Emziel tried speaking but nothing came out then a strained whine. “Emizel?” Soda sat up and Emizel’s knees went wobbly. Emizel's breath burned in the way it craved to come out, taking a step back he tripped hitting his tailbone rough on the ground and he couldn't get anything to come out, not even a squeak. His limbs felt like jello in the way he shook to much to even defend himself. Only able to look at his father- “Im sorry” Emizel gasped out, looking up at the man his own voice betraying him. “Hey- it's okay, what's wrong Em?” the voice spoke, not getting down to em’s level or even getting any close.
“I- i dont. Im sorry.” Em spoke shivering, cold sweat running down his body and his vision blackened. Em was sure the man spoke again but nothing came in, he knew he was crying again by the way his face felt wet. Em coughed realizing he was struggling to breathe, the man slowly squatted, hands on the ground saying something. Emails mouth moved but he had no idea if he said anything.
A warm hand touched his hand and everything flooded back, the sounds of demons whispering and looking at me then soda crouched holding ems hand, “do you want to go in the room?” Soda spoke and Em looked around shaking and just nodded seeing a few of the gang looking at him, concerned, why were they concerned? Why do they care? Why did anyone care for him?
Soda just hummed, saying something to the others and they shuffled away chatting to each other. “Come here Em.” Soda spoke softly, Em looked back at him and shook as he got on his knees crawling into Soda’s arms. Eyes still open as he breathes in Soda's scent, it was a simple coconut scent from what he noticed, “can you tell me what's up?” Emizel shook his head, “is it because you cant talk alot right now?” Emziel shook his head, closing his eyes and curling up into soda’s chest, feeling that he wasn't wearing a binder, “let's get in our room, where it's more private” . The blonde felt himself getting picked up and he gripped harder onto the other.
The door soon shut and the bed was then felt as soda sat down. “It's okay 'em, we’re alone now, can you tell me what's wrong now or no words right now?” “dad” Emizels voice croaked looking up at soda, almost nervous at thought soda wouldnt understand. “Was he yelling at you again?” the blonde hummed feeling a hand pet some hair back. “It's okay Emizel, your with me now, you're safe. I’ll make sure he doesn't mess with you anymore. I'm sorry I wasn't there to pick you up. You know i would've picked you up ""i didn't want to bother you.” “you’re never a bother, you're my everything. If you were in danger i would do anything for you Em.” Emizels eyebrows furled before tears welled up again. “I love you Emizel, if i could, i would get you to change your last name so you don't have any connections to that man.” “can i have yours?” “do you?” “yes. Please.”
“Okay. tomorrow, we’ll go to the treasury and get you to change your last name.” “Soda?” “yes emizel?” “can, we… how.. Are we close? Are we close?” “yea i would say so. Why do you ask?” “i want to take our closeness, more” “more?” “more. I want to like… see you more in romantical way?” “Em…” “sorry.” “no no, I would love to do this but right now you are not in the right headspace to commit to this. When you are better I will agree. I want you to love yourself first before committing to me. I'm not rejecting your love, but I need you to be better because if we commit right now, I'll end too fast before it even starts.” “oh.. Okay. When will I get better? You promise?” “I promise. For now, let's get you a bath. You look that you gone through it and smell like vomit.” “I got attacked coming here, Alex helped me back” “I'll treat Alex for some take out then, but now let's get you some of my clothes for you to use for the night and a shirt for myself.
Emizel was weirdly glad that soda moved from that confession so easily. Maybe if they dwelled on it it would make him feel worse. He just felt so lucky soda cares so wholly about him. Emizel should treat soda too. “Can we bathe together?” “huh?” Soda looked over from his tiny dresser holding a few shirts, most likely seeing which one would fit emizel. “Can we bathe together? Nothing weird i promise ""sure, want me to add some of that salt for your muscles?” “mmm. Maybe.” “okay so yes. I’ll add some lavender so it’ll help you sleep tonight.” “thanks” “no problem, you deserve it man, i know today was rough for you.” Emizel nodded to hold back tears again as soda went over and led them to their ensuite bathroom.
It was small, barely for two people and was clearly remodeled by non professionals. Built from some people in the gang that had some learning for plumbing and construction. Emizel slowly pulled his shirt off, body flinching from how sore he felt now that the adrenaline wore off. Seeing his skin littered in many scars, some from fights and some inflicted by himself it felt. Off. a few had turned into keloids, others were just silvery like lines on his skin. There was still the large scar on his right leg and hip from when him and another demon were riding a motorcycle but they turned to fast and slid on unbearably hot concrete that felt like it burnt him alive. The two of them were fine, emizel only got a bad scrape with the other just broke his wrist and a finger and was in a cast for a few weeks. It was a fine day, sure it hurt but that adrenaline of the bike revving loudly down the road and the wind in Emizels hair felt so good. It made me feel so alive.
“Em? You ready? Do you need help with your socks?” Emizel looked up from spacing out and moved his eyes to soda. “Yea” he said quietly. Soda just hummed at him taking off the socks before helping the other up and into the bathtub. “Is the water good?” “mm. Yea.” Emziel settled more into the water watching Soda also get in, the water did feel nice, the salts made him feel a little better and the lavender soap Soda was rubbing into the blondes hair did feel nice too. He wondered if he could do the same for Soda. to make it up. “Wanna do my hair Emizel?” Soda asked almost like he knew what the other was thinking. “Yea.” Emziel nodded, waiting for the other to turn and he poured some soap into his hand and lathered his hands and softly threaded his fingers into his hair. Feeling the wet curls as he rubbed and lathered his hair. It took awhile of emizel spacing out again focused only on the action of cleaning his hair before soda gained his attention again so it was time to wash all the soap off. Plus emizel could feel the lavender starting to kick in.
By the time soda helped the other into some clean closed and the tub draining emizel was falling asleep leading to Soda having to carry him to bed rubbing his back as he whined from how loud the hallway was. Getting settled into bed was easy as emizel let soda move him around with some grumbling and Soda tossing the blanket over the two of them. There was a bag of soda and snacks on the bedside table but soda decided to just have Emziel have it when he woke up. It was rare to see a sleepy and vulnerable Emizel. It was a rare treat Soda was always going to treasure.