Chapter Text
“What?” Had Evelyn heard him correctly?
“Just tell me,” Cullen continued, as if this were a completely normal thing for him to be asking her right now. “Are you? And why does everyone here know except me?!” Oh. Suddenly, it all made sense. Evelyn pulled Cullen away from the crowd and out to a balcony not far from them where the pair of them could be alone.
“It’s not me you heard people talking about,” Evelyn promised. “It’s Alessa.”
“Alessa?” Cullen repeated, clearly trying to recontextualize everything he’d just heard. He supposed it made sense. No one had actually said his or Evelyn’s names, just “the husband” and Lady Trevelyan. Oh, Maker’s breath. He’d made a fool of himself. “Oh. Evelyn, I’m sorry. The way everyone was talking… and I’m so used to the topic of conversation at these sorts of things being you and… I just assumed.”
“I would never tell anyone before you if that were the case,” Evelyn promised. She took a moment and took in the night air before taking a shaky breath. It was now or never. She’d been keeping something to herself since they arrived in Ostwick, and she’d never forgive herself if she let it go on longer. “But… Cullen, I am late.”
“Late?” Cullen parroted her. “Really?” A grin spread across his face so bright and genuine it could have knocked Evelyn off her feet.
“I was due to start my monthly just before we left Honnleath. But don’t get excited,” she said, putting a hand to chest to stop him from attempting to hug or kiss her. “I haven’t confirmed anything. It could be the stress of travel or any number of things.” Although, truth be told, she’d been feeling rather nauseous lately. But she’d also attributed that to her nerves leading up to seeing her family for the first time in so many years.
“No,” Cullen said, that smile still dancing on his face. “No, Evelyn, this is it. I can feel it. You’re never late.” That was true enough. Evelyn was able to predict her monthly within a couple of days even when she was out on a dangerous mission for the Inquisition. The fact that she was now closing in on one week without a single sign of it was incredibly suspicious.
“Just… don’t get your hopes up.” She wasn’t entirely sure if she was talking to him or to herself. She wanted this so, so badly. But the Maker or the fates or what have you wouldn’t give this to her so easily. Nothing in her life had come to her without fighting for it tooth and nail, and she couldn’t expect starting a family to be any different.
“We’ll see a healer,” Cullen promised. “First thing in the morning.” Evelyn wasn’t sure about seeing the Trevelyans’ personal healer, but she supposed she didn’t have much choice. Cullen was going to insist on having it confirmed as quickly as possible, and she had to admit the uncertainty had her going a bit crazy over the last couple of days since they’d arrived here. Evelyn nodded and Cullen kissed her, deeply, holding her close to him and lingering there a while before letting her go. That look in his eyes… Maker, she just hoped he wasn’t about to have his world shattered. But, for now, even if it wasn’t true… they could have one night when it was. “Evelyn… may I have this dance?” Cullen bowed slightly and offered his hand.
Evelyn smiled. Suddenly she was at an entirely different castle, for a much different reason. It was a lifetime ago, and somehow it was yesterday. “Of course,” she said and took her husband’s hand. “I suppose you only dance on balconies, then?”
“With you? I’d dance just about anywhere.” Cullen pulled Evelyn close and settled one hand at her waist and laced his fingers of his other hand with hers. Evelyn moved to put a hand on his shoulder… and froze.
“Damn it,” she said under her breath. It was rare these days that she would try to use the hand she no longer had, but sometimes she would be caught up in the moment or doing something out of habit and she would forget. It always felt like a punch to the gut.
“Shh,” Cullen shushed her gently, pulling her flush with his body and leaning in close to her ear. “Just follow my lead,” he said in a whisper and stepped away from her, lifting his arm to twirl her underneath it. “You’re the only dance partner worth having,” he promised after she did, pulling her close to him once more. “Always.”
Evelyn kissed Cullen and hugged him close, swaying to the distant sound of the band playing inside the ballroom, far enough away that it was partially drowned out by the chatter of wedding guests. “Cullen? If it’s true, if I am…” She couldn’t bring herself to say the word “pregnant,” as if it would make it untrue just by being uttered. “Do you want a boy or a girl?”
“I’m not sure,” Cullen admitted. “When I picture it, it’s always different. But they’re always beautiful. And they always look just like you.”
“I’d want them to look like you,” Evelyn countered. “Or have your hair at least.” Cullen chuckled.
“A curse more than anything else,” he said. “Do you know how long it takes to get it to look like this?” Evelyn rolled her eyes but smiled up at her husband.
“It really could be true, couldn’t it?” she said, not having dared to actually entertain the idea until she’d said the words out loud. “We could be a family.”
“All our own,” Cullen promised. And he was right, Evelyn realized. Their child would never have conditions put upon their love for them. They would never feel as if they needed to run away from them just because they fell in love, or be sent away for casting the elements from their fingertips. They would be theirs, no matter what.
_____
The next morning might as well have been Cullen’s birthday. He was up before Evelyn even stirred, already dressed and ready by the time she had the wherewithal to sit up in bed. “How are you feeling?” he asked in lieu of a greeting.
“Cullen…” Evelyn chastised, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. In truth, she was feeling a bit sick, but she wasn’t going to get Cullen’s hopes up even more than they already were. Of course, how much higher could they get? It seemed they were practically on the moon.
“I know, I know,” he said. “We can’t know for certain yet. But I’ve got a good feeling about this. I really feel this is it for us.” Evelyn sighed. She could only hope he was right. If he was wrong, then he would be devastated, and she’d feel like a failure. She’d known for some time now that Cullen wanted a family, but she hadn’t realized just how badly. She felt him toss and turn all night, pulling her close to him and nuzzling his nose into her hair. He couldn’t keep his hands off her. Well, even more than usual.
“Just… please don’t be angry with me if I’m not,” Evelyn finally said, standing up and finding her clothes. She found something she could just throw on, nowhere near in the mood to get herself dressed up nicely after the previous evening. If her parents had an issue with that, Evelyn was a bit beyond caring.
“Angry with you?” Cullen came over and wrapped his arms around Evelyn. “Oh. I’m sorry. Of course I’m putting pressure on you, I should have realized. I just… I want this so badly.” He sighed and sat in a nearby chair, pulling Evelyn onto his lap. “I know we’ve spoken about my past with the templars, but… I truly thought I was going to die during the Blight. I never expected I would ever get out of the nightmare that Maker-forsaken demon had put me in. And then Kirkwall… What I became… Even the Inquisition, I always had the feeling that I was hurtling toward the end and… at least I could meet it doing the right thing. Righting the wrongs I’ve done. To have you… To have a child I could truly see the future in… I don’t know…” He broke eye contact and Evelyn brought his face back up to meet hers with a gentle hand on his stubbly chin.
“I understand,” she said emphatically. She kissed him softly.
“But I don’t want you to be upset,” Cullen continued. “If we aren’t now, that’s just fine. We’ll just have to keep trying. Right?” Evelyn smiled slightly and nodded, kissing her husband again.
“Right,” she agreed. “Shall we then?” Evelyn slid off Cullen’s lap and offered her hand to him, helping pull him to his feet. Cullen nodded and put his hand on the small of his wife’s back, leading her out of their room and toward the healer’s building on the grounds of the castle. The healer had been told the previous evening to expect them, and the bed was ready for Evelyn to rest on as they entered. She did so, lifting her tunic so the healer could wave his hand over her bare stomach. Although she was a mage herself, she’d never learned the exact methods healers used to detect a pregnancy. She’d heard it was a spell that could detect even the faintest heartbeat, but she wasn’t sure how true that was, or if it was even true at all. In any case, it was well known in Thedas that a skilled healer could detect a pregnancy at a very early stage in nearly ever case. If the healer said you were pregnant, you were. And if they said you weren’t, well, then it was back to square one.
The time seemed to pass like molasses as Evelyn held tightly to Cullen’s hand, waiting for the healer to finish. Although his fingertips weren’t touching her skin, there was a slight tingling like the crackle just before a lightning strike. It was a strange sensation, and she focused on it with her eyes closed, trying to settle her pounding heart. “Well,” the healer finally said, “I believe congratulations are in order.”
“You mean…” Cullen said breathlessly. Evelyn was speechless, looking from the healer to her husband and back again. Did he truly mean what she thought he meant? The healer smiled warmly and gestured for Evelyn to pull her tunic down and sit up.
“You are most certainly pregnant,” he said. “Around two months along based on the date of your last monthly. When you get home, be sure you check in with your local healer to continue treatment.”
“Evelyn!” Cullen exclaimed happily and pulled his wife to her feet, hugging her tightly and lifting her off her feet. “I knew it!” He set her down and kissed her deeply before putting a gentle hand to her stomach just below her bellybutton. “Our child…”
“I… Cullen…” For once, Evelyn Trevelyan was at a loss for words.
“I know,” Cullen said softly and kissed her again. They thanked the healer and made their way back to the main castle. Evelyn felt a bit like she was in a dream. She was at her family’s home, where she’d spent the bulk of her childhood, with her new husband having just discovered that her child was on the way. Her memories of this place weren’t exactly the happiest, and all anyone here had ever told her was that she would never have a family of her own. Mages were too dangerous to allow them to reproduce. They couldn’t be trusted with children. No one would ever love them. What a strangely fitting place to prove every notion that had been put into her head for nearly two decades wrong.
“How are you feeling?” Cullen asked as they approached the door. “Do you need anything?” Evelyn chuckled. This was going to be a long eight or so months, truth be told.
“I’m fine,” she promised. Just as Cullen was about to respond, Evelyn was distracted by the sound of urgent voices and then the door to the castle swinging open a moment later.
“Evelyn!” her mother’s frantic voice met her ears. Lady Trevelyan hurried over to the pair of them with Bann Trevelyan close behind. “Have you seen Alessa?” Evelyn shook her head. “Oh, Maker!”
“No one can find her anywhere,” Bann Trevelyan explained, putting his arm around his wife in support. “All her clothes are gone!” Well, Evelyn thought, how about that?