Chapter Text
One of the first things that Raphael learns about Casey Jones is just how physical the guy is. It makes sense, considering he plays high contact sports like Hockey. He’s constantly talking with his hands, and bouncing on the balls of his feet when he’s excited, and bumping into people and throwing his arm over shoulders and leaving no space between himself and others on the couch during movie nights. He has no restraint when he accidentally brushes hands, and freely grabs for people. It seems like he has no personal space bubble, and he’s more than willing to pop others’.
Raphael doesn’t mind it. He grew up with three brothers who also don’t have a good sense of personal space, especially Michelangelo. When you grow up mostly secluded from the outside world, social norms like that aren't really present in your mind. Especially when you’re a little kid, and still learning.
But Mikey does watch a lot of TV, and so they all do by proxy. And those social norms, while not explicitly stated, become kind of clear. People give others space, especially strangers and people you don’t know very well. Only family, close friends, or partners really cuddle or touch a lot. And when people do, it’s usually a more private matter, something you don’t just flaunt around. Especially for guys; there’s only ever a pat on the back, or the occasional bro hug, or handshake.
And as the turtles got older and started growing into themselves, they started replicating the same behavior they saw in the movies. They don’t cuddle in a pile like they used to, they don’t constantly give each other hugs or hold hands. They started needing more space from each other. Donnie always wants space as he works in his lab. Leo tries to establish himself as a respectable figure, and doesn’t have time for all the mushy gushy all the time. Raph is tough, he doesn’t need a shoulder to lean on. And Mikey…well Mikey is Mikey.
And then they met April. And those social norms, of when you touch people and when you don’t, became even clearer.
Casey Jones, however, doesn’t seem to care at all. In fact, he seems to enjoy breaking social norms. At first it kind of threw Raph for a loop; Casey flipped his understanding of physical contact with other people upside down, and Raph wasn’t sure what was going on. But he’s come to grow used to it, that that's just Casey. And Raph kind of has to respect it; it’s not like the guy is oblivious, he clearly knows what he’s doing. Because he seems to know that Donnie does not want to be touched by him. And he seems to know that Leo isn’t always in the mood. Casey respects those boundaries, mostly. It doesn’t entirely stop him, but it’s clear he holds back when he knows he should.
It’s not a problem. Raphael is fine with it now. In fact, he secretly enjoys it. Casey is so nonchalant about physical contact, makes it feel so un-awkward or not weird, like Raph was implicitly taught it was supposed to be, that Raph finds himself unabashedly returning it. Slinging an arm around him, roughing up his hair, grabbing his wrist to drag him places, leaning into him as they sit on rooftops, throwing his feet into his lap as they watch a show in the lair. Casey makes it fine. Like this is just a normal thing to do.
The problem is when Casey’s touchy feely behavior unknowingly strays into a very different territory. One that Raph is well aware that Casey doesn’t understand, and yet that turtle part of his brain can’t shake.
It starts with Casey clapping him on the back. Totally normal, not strange at all. Tame, even, for Casey Jones. But that morphs into Casey sometimes slipping his hand to grab at the back of Raph’s neck, just to give him a friendly squeeze.
Except it’s really not a friendly kind of squeeze for Raphael. The touch means something far from friendly.
The first time it happens Raph freezes up, staring at his friend with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. Casey gives him a weird look, clearly confused as to why Raph looks like he’s seen a ghost. It takes him a couple seconds of wondering why Casey would do that , until it registers that Casey wouldn’t know what a touch like that means. So Raph quickly tries to shake the feeling it sends down his spine, and the weird twisting it causes in his stomach. And tries to act totally normal about it.
The second time it happens it still shocks him, and gives him that weird feeling in his chest, but he knows it’s not Casey’s intention.
And then there’s the time when Casey knocks their foreheads together, whooping in excitement after having just kicked some ass in an alleyway. It’s quick, and brief, and he pulls back fairly quickly, but it still makes Raph stutter for a moment.
A lot of Casey’s accidental touches like that tend to happen during exciting moments. When adrenaline is high, and he’s celebrating something, or they’re in the middle of goofing off and wrestling.
Like the time he grabs him by the neck to knock their heads together. Or grabbing him by the face and yelling in excitement, slapping his cheeks around. Or when they’re sparing, and Casey bites his shoulder, pulling back to cackle at the expression on Raph’s face.
It’s a lot. Raph is thrown off every single time it happens. The physical response happens before his mind registers why it’s so nerve wracking; instinct before thought. It makes his heart jump a beat, and his face gets warm. And there’s that innate desire in the back of his head to reciprocate. But then it clicks in his mind the meaning behind those actions, and he knows he shouldn’t. It- it would be wrong .
He doesn’t like Casey like that…he shouldn’t like Casey like that. They’re just, friends . Really good friends. Casey doesn’t have any idea that the things he’s doing are different turtle courting rituals. He’s just- being Casey. His touchy-feely self.
It’s fine. Raph tells himself that it’s totally fine. It’s something he should just ignore and brush off. He should stop thinking about it. He shouldn’t be researching turtle courtship on his t-phone, just to make sure he isn’t going crazy and he’s misremembering when Donnie explained this stuff to them several years ago, when they’d all hit puberty. It’s totally fine because it turns out he’s correct, so the weird feeling he gets is normal and not weird, just a natural reaction. There’s nothing else going on. It’s fine .
Until one night, when it’s just the two of them. And Casey convinces Raph to play some basketball with him when they come across an empty park. It’s fine, they’re having fun. Raph is better at this than he would have expected, considering he never really gets to play.
It’s fine until Casey’s hands clasp over the edge of his shell, up by his shoulders, and he practically uses him as a way to vault up and knock the ball out of air before it makes a basket. Casey lands stomach first against Raph’s shell before slipping down, a whoop coming from his mouth in victory.
It sends a swoop through Raph’s stomach. It feels like his heart lurches in his chest, both dropping down through his belly and shooting up his throat.
“Hell yeah! I’m unstoppable!” Casey shouts, slapping Raph’s shell and yanking back slightly where his left hand is still at the top edge of Raph’s shell.
It makes Raph stumble slightly, air choking up in his throat, stomach doing all kinds of acrobatics in his belly. He turns around, yanking away from Casey.
Casey’s brown eyes are squinting from him smiling wide, sparkling slightly from the moon. His cheeks are flushed from the physical activity, and he looks triumphant, throwing a fist up in the air.
And Raph is kicked in the chest by a feeling he doesn’t entirely know how to name. But it renders him unable to speak.
“Dude, you suck ! Get dunked on bro!” Casey whoops, playfully shoving at his plastron to push him back, a squeaky giggle leaving his lips.
Raph stumbles, and his face feels impossibly hot. He stares in shock, blinking rapidly as he tries to catch his bearings.
“Yo, dude are you good? Why are you looking at me like that?” Casey’s smile falls, and suddenly he looks weirded out.
Raph tries to find something to say. His mouth opens and closes, he swallows, and nothing comes out except a squeak.
Casey scoffs. He steps forward, a hand cuffing the back of Raph’s head. “Dude, don’t act so surprised. I told you I was good. No need to gape.”
Raph feels like his face is going even redder at the touch to his head. Casey reaches out to touch him again, and this time Raph ducks, flinching back. Casey completely comes to a halt, the slightly amused expression on his face giving way to worry.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
Raph finally finds words. He sounds unsteady even to his own ears. “Uh- I’m- nothing. Fine. Just- uh- s-surprised! Um- I think we should head back maybe.” He almost feels sick.
Casey doesn’t look convinced, an eyebrow raised. But Raph doesn’t take time to elaborate at all. He just starts to go.
Thankfully they run into some thugs to beat up shortly afterwards that distracts Casey from asking more questions. It doesn’t help that Casey headbutts him in victory when they send the thugs scrambling away, grabbing at the back of his neck and squeezing a little harder than usual. Raph decides to call their patrol to an end. Casey doesn’t really complain, admitting he has some homework he needs to do anyways. So they part ways.
Raph stays out later than he should, sitting at the top of a building and watching the night traffic zoom by him from below. Lost in his thoughts.
Casey did a little more than courtship behavior. More like mating behavior. It has Raph’s stomach twisting in knots. Especially when he realizes that he didn’t entirely hate the feeling of Casey briefly pressed against his carapace, or his hands tugging at the top lip of his shell. He’s pretty sure he shouldn’t enjoy something as intimate as that . Surely that’s not…normal? He shouldn’t want his best friend doing that?
Raph curses, slapping his hands over his face and groaning. He doesn’t know what to feel right now. A part of him is trying to say that it’s totally normal that it made him feel this way, given the nature of the action. Another part says that he should probably be more embarrassed, or appalled, or disgusted, or- or something . That he should have wanted to correct Casey, and tell him not to do that ever again. He shouldn’t want Casey to keep doing it.
His chest feels tight the more he thinks about it. Leo sends him a text asking where he is. Raph realizes it’s almost 3am, and his brother is probably worried. He should have been home hours ago. He and Casey try not to stay out past midnight unless it’s a weekend, or they’re with the other boys on a mission. He scrambles off the roof, and makes his way into the sewers and back home.
Leo looks about ready to give him a lecture when he gets back to the lair, but then he seems to falter when he sees him. As if Raph’s torment is written across his face, or something stupid like that.
“Sorry.” Raph mumbles, his cheeks still feeling like they’re burning. He brushes past his brother to head to his bedroom.
Leo doesn’t lecture him. Just calls after him to be more careful and watch the clock better next time. Raph just grunts, and flops down in his bed.
He doesn’t really sleep that night. He tosses and turns, and stares up at his ceiling. Bites at his lips, and fiddles with his fingers. His stomach feels upset. His shoulders feel tense. He feels like he’s wound up like one of those crank toys.
He’s exhausted the next day. He doesn’t do too well during morning training. Splinter doesn’t look impressed. Raph isn’t very impressed with himself either. Especially when Mikey and Donnie successfully kick his ass. Leo gives him the dignity of not sparring with him. Simply just pats him on the back, and then proceeds to wipe the floor with Donnie, who doesn’t look like he got much sleep either. At least Raphael isn’t the only one that Splinter is unimpressed with.
- - - - -
It happens again. In fact, over the next week, it seems Casey’s new favorite thing is to sneak up behind Raph, grab him by the top lip of his shell, and then yank him back to tackle him in a tight hug around his shoulders, carapace pressed against Casey’s chest. They’re quick, and don’t ever last that long, just a short strong hug as Casey giggles when Raph lets out a small squeak in surprise. But it’s a lot more than just that first time, and it leaves Raph’s brain feeling broken.
And to be clear, it’s not that he’s actually sneaking up on Raph- don’t get it twisted. Raph is well aware of where Casey is at all times. He’s a ninja , he’s honed his skills. Also it’s…it’s hard for Raph to not notice Casey. It’s just that it’s not what he’s expecting when he hears Casey behind him.
Casey also makes a habit of grabbing him by the shell like that just in general. Even if he’s standing in front of him, grabbing him by the lip of his shell rather than his shoulders in order to shake him as he expresses his excitement over their latest successful battle, or using him as something to hold onto as he jumps up and down.
And it’s making Raph feel insane . To feel Casey’s hands on him like that, in the same way a male turtle would wrap his claws over a female’s shell in order to mount her. To feel Casey pressed up against him. For Casey to shake his shoulders and jump and squeal in excitement. To hear that giggle close to his ear, the same sound that makes Raphael’s chest feel warm.
And Raph probably isn’t helping the situation. In his attempts to sweep his shock under the rug, as to not freak Casey out, instead he’s probably giving the wrong message. Because he tries to cover his embarrassment up with a smile, and often ends up laughing out of awkwardness. Which Casey seems to interpret as Raph finding it funny, or amusing. So he’s kept doing it.
He also hasn’t told Casey to stop. He should . Casey doesn’t have any idea what he’s doing, or what it means, and it’s probably really messed up for Raph to keep letting him do it. It’s probably messed up that Raph likes it ; likes the feeling of his best friend touching him in such an intimate way. That’s- that’s fucked up, right? And yet he can’t seem to say anything. The longer it goes on, the more Raph realizes how weird it would be to say something. Because Casey would probably be very embarrassed if he found out. And probably also very confused as to why Raph has kept letting him do this, and didn’t say anything sooner. And what does Raph have to say to that? “ Oh, I just kind of like it ?” Absolutely not .
So instead he says nothing. And it continues. The headbutts, the neck grabbing, the shell yanking, the tackle hugs from behind. And he actually looks forward to them. Starts to enjoy the little rush those actions give him.
Raph is kind of in denial. He's aware that Casey is taking up his mind more and more. Even when the guy isn’t around, Raphael is thinking about his toothy gaping smile. Or his dimples. Or the way his brown eyes crinkle when he’s happy. Or how good it feels in Raph’s chest to see Casey happy, or how giddy he feels when Casey is all excited. He’ll see something while on patrol with his brothers, and thinks ‘Casey would find that funny’ or ‘Casey would like those pants’ or ‘Casey would look good in those pants- wait what ?’. Or he’s thinking about the last time Casey smacked a puck into a guy’s face, and the way his muscles bunch when he lifts a manhole, or the way his messy black hair hangs in his face, or his eyelashes when he winks.
It’s starting to kind of freak him out. Leo has had to snap him out of his thoughts a few times now, the thought of Casey becoming a distraction even during patrols, when Raph should be focusing .
It’s- this is totally normal. To feel like this about your best friend. It’s normal.
…Right?
Okay, so maybe not. Maybe that’s not normal. Raph might spend a few late-night mornings laying in his bed researching things like ‘why does my stomach feel fluttery around my best friend ’, and ‘why can’t I stop thinking about my friend ’, and ‘ is it normal to think your friend is cute ’, and ‘ is it normal to like it when your friend touches you ’.
The terrifying conclusion that the internet comes to is that Raphael has a big fat crush on his best friend. Which like… what ?
That can’t be right. Raph…he can’t have a crush , on Casey . That’s just…ridiculous. It’s Casey . He’s a human. And Raphael is a big mutant turtle. And…and he’s a guy .
Raph feels embarrassed when he looks up ‘ can guys be attracted to guys ’. Because Raph can’t remember ever seeing two guys together, in like, a relationship . That’s never been in any of the movies they watch, or the crazy shows Mikey finds on old VCR tapes.
And then when he gets his answer, his next search is ‘ what does it mean to be gay ’.
So in short, Raphael is kind of freaking out. Apparently he has a crush on his best friend. Apparently he’s attracted to guys ? Apparently that means he’s gay? And why hasn’t he heard of that before? Why is this the first time he’s learning about humans liking the same gender?
It gets to a point where Raph thinks he might need to talk to someone about it. Because it feels like this secret trapped inside of his chest might just explode. He needs to get it out. Or at least, figure out if maybe he’s just over reacting, and it’s actually totally normal for him to feel like this.
He goes through the list in his head, of who he could possibly talk to about this. Casey himself is a definite no . That would be terrible. Splinter is also a no. He doesn’t know what his father might think, and talking to him about this sounds embarrassing. Mikey is too unserious. Leo is too serious. April is…well April is a girl . And he’s not sure they’re close enough for him to confide in her something like this. He probably could, and she’d probably be helpful and probably has the most experience in what having a crush feels like, but he’s just…he doesn’t really want to ask her.
He settles on Donnie. Which actually feels kind of right. Because his brother doesn’t need to know about Casey. But his brother does know what it’s like to have a crush on someone.
He steps into his brother’s lab one morning, when the rest of his family is finally all asleep. Donnie is hunched over his desk working on something. Raph fiddles with his fingers, feeling uncharacteristically unsure of himself.
“You’re hovering. What do you want?” Donnie sighs after a moment, sitting up in his chair.
Raph rubs the back of his head. “Uh- I uh. Just wanted to know if I could ask you a few questions. About something.”
Donnie seems to pick up on his brother’s nervousness, and his demeanor changes to something softer.
“Yeah, sure, of course.”
Raph has gone over his questions in his head over and over again, but suddenly in this moment his mind feels blank. He stumbles to find words.
“Oh- uh- I um. Well. Uh.” He takes a big huff of breath, picking at his nail. “I um. I guess I just wanted to know uh…what it’s like to have a crush. Like- how- how do you know if you have one?”
He feels his face heat up in embarrassment, and cringes slightly.
Donnie’s mouth quirks into a small smile. “Awe. Does Raphie have a crush on someone? Who? Do share!”
Raph huffs. Clearly this was a mistake. He grumbles. “Shut up! Just- forget it. Should’ve known you’d be stupid about it.” He turns around, gritting his teeth.
“Raph! Raph wait!” Donnie scrambles out of his chair, jogging up to him. Raph shoves off the hand that grabs his elbow. “Raph wait- I was just joking. I’m not- I can be serious, about this.”
Raph eyes him suspiciously. “You won’t tell anyone?”
Donnie nods. “Promise.”
Raph hesitates. And then he sighs. “Okay, then- then just- answer my question.”
Donnie’s cheeks suddenly go pink, and he gets a shy look on his face. “Uh. Well. I guess…I mean, the butterflies. Like when you look at them, your stomach feels all fluttery. And you feel like you’ve forgotten how to talk. And you’re kind of obsessed with their smile. And when they laugh, oh man. When April laughs- uh- I mean-“ Donnie laughs nervously. “I um. I mean, it makes your legs kind of weak. At least- that’s kind of how I feel. Almost like I can’t breathe around her. Or I forget how to walk properly. I feel kind of useless around her, actually. And I think about her a lot. Without meaning to. At times when I shouldn’t be.”
And yeah, that doesn’t really help Raphael feel better at all. Because what Donnie describes is nearly spot on for the way that Casey makes him feel.
“You uh…you don’t seem too happy with my answer.”
Raph takes a deep breath. And decides maybe he needs to sit down for a second. He stumbles back into Donnie’s lab, and takes a seat on one of the stools. Donnie follows him, looking unsure. Raph runs a hand over his face, taking a big breath.
“Are you…okay?” Donnie asks softly.
Raph grunts. “‘M fine.”
Donnie is quiet. And Raph tries to work up the courage to ask his next question. He’s not sure why he’s so afraid to say it. Maybe because he’s afraid Donnie will be smart enough to figure out who he’s referring to. And Raphael doesn’t want his brother to be mad at him for it, or make fun of him, or think it’s gross, or something.
Finally he takes a big breath. He gets started with the question, and then completely backs out for something else. “Donnie, have you ever…how do you know it’s attraction ?”
“…As opposed to what?”
Raph shrugs. “As opposed to…you just enjoying someone’s company. Or, just, caring about someone.”
Donnie looks thoughtful for a moment. Like he’s actually considering it. He sighs after a second, and then drags over his chair to sit down.
“That’s a tricky question. I guess…I guess I’d say it’s when you more than admire their qualities. Like, caring about someone is when they feel important to you, and you don’t want anything bad to happen to them. But being attracted to them…I guess I’d say if you think they’re cute? I mean, I guess you can think a lot of things are cute but not be attracted to them. I guess I mean if…uh- well. I mean, the easiest way to know is if uh…they make you…feel things.”
Raph blinks at him. “What the shell is that supposed to mean?”
Donnie flushes, and looks down at his hands. “I mean like…like they make you flustered. Make your heart race. Make you feel kind of floaty. Or maybe even silly? Or like…you want to kiss them?”
Raphael swallows.
That’s not something he’s considered yet, is kissing Casey Jones. And now he is thinking about it. And oh- oh fuck .
Oh he is screwed .
He shifts uncomfortably on his stool, biting down on his lip. Trying hard to not think about Casey’s breath across his face, or his lips against his. The warmth of his hands. Damn it . Damn it damn it damn it.
He runs a hand over his face, trying to take a deep breath.
He has a crush on Casey. He’s attracted to Casey. He wants to kiss him . He wants- he’s not sure what else he wants but he wants more than that, too. Damn it.
Oh he’s in so much trouble.
“Hey, Raph, breathe, you’re okay-“ Donnie starts to say, but then Raph is blurting out the question that scares him the most in an attempt to get himself to stop thinking about kissing Casey Jones.
“What if the person you’re attracted to is a guy?”
Donnie’s eyebrows shoot up, and he looks kind of shocked. And then Raph gets a terrible feeling in his chest, like he might just crumble up in a ball and die. And suddenly his eyes feel like they’re burning, like he might actually cry . Why does he feel so scared ?
Donnie schools his shocked expression. “Raph…is this, you trying to tell me you’re gay?”
Raph quickly stands up from his stool. It nearly clatters to the floor. He just catches it before it falls. And the need to run is seizing up his chest. He takes one step towards the door, about to bolt, when Donnie reaches out and grabs him by the arm. The grip is strong enough that it kind of startles him, temporarily stealing his attention.
“Hey- wait- stop . I’m- Raph, it’s okay .” Donnie says, rusty brown eyes sincere. “That’s okay, if you like guys, Raph.”
Raph feels like he might explode. It feels kind of hard to breathe right now.
“I don’t- I never said I did.” He huffs.
Donnie’s hands go up in surrender. “Right! I mean- yes. You’re right. You didn’t. Sorry. Just- please sit. It’s okay.”
Raph takes another shaky breath. He sits, and tries to control his breathing, conjuring up one of Splinters’ calming mantras in his head. And then Donnie is handing him a glass of water. He chugs it back, and then takes a big breath.
He stares at the empty cup. And finally breaks the silence. “Have you…ever liked a guy?”
Donnie hums. “I don’t think I have felt that way about a guy, no. Not yet at least.”
Raph frowns. “Yet?”
Donnie shrugs. “Yeah, I don’t know. I mean, April is kind of the first real person I’ve had feelings for. I don’t really know who else, or what else, I might like. And that’s okay. You don’t have to know either, Raph.”
Raph stares down at his knees. He brushes his thumb over the edge of his pads.
“Raph.” Donnie says softly.
He grunts.
“It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to like whoever you like.”
“Then why haven’t I ever seen two guys together before? There's always guys and girls kissing on tv. You never see- see guys doing that.” He feels himself flush.
Donnie sighs. “Right. Well. Because people are homophobic. Traditionally, it’s always a man and a woman. That’s what our society, in this day and age, value. So you don’t see it on TV that much. But that doesn’t mean it’s bad, or wrong. Some people claim religions say it’s wrong. But there’s a lot of debate over that. And also, all kinds of people have been together throughout history. In Ancient Greece and Rome it was normal for men to have intimate relationships with each other. It happens with animals too. Penguins do it all the time. It’s completely natural.”
Raph has to admit that that does make him feel a little better. Not about the ‘homiephobe’ part, or whatever Donnie said, but the part about it being natural. That makes him feel…less weird.
And then he frowns. “Why do you know all of this?”
Donnie smiles and laughs lightly. “Raph. Do you know who you’re talking to? I’ve scoured just about every corner of the internet.”
Raph rolls his eyes. Right. Leave it to Donnie to know about stuff like this.
“Also, if it makes you feel any better, you’re not the first turtle to come to me asking these kinds of questions.” Donnie rolls his chair back over towards his desk, putting his goofy glasses back on and picking up a tool.
Raph straightens up at that. “Wait- what? Who- who else?”
Donnie just smiles. “Not my place to say.”
Raph huffs. “Was it Mikey? Who was he asking about?”
Donnie just grins and shakes his head. “My lips are sealed.”
Raph grumbles. “You suck.”
Donnie just laughs. “Go to bed, bro.”
“ You go to bed. You’re the one who shouldn’t be staying up so late.”
Donnie just waves his hand at him, looking unimpressed.
Raph huffs, and decides to leave. He goes back to his bedroom, and plops down on his bed.
He lays awake for several hours mulling over what Donnie said. And trying to come to terms with the fact that, yeah , he does have a crush on Casey Jones.
- - - - -
The next time he sees Casey things are really awkward. And it’s all Raph’s fault.
Suddenly, with the knowledge that Raph has a crush on him, it’s like he’s forgotten how to function around him. When Casey talks Raph just kind of nods and laughs, unable to really find words. The few things he does manage to say are weird and clunky at best. His chest feels all warm and fuzzy and so very nervy , like he’s buzzing. It’s actually kind of exhausting, constantly feeling like he’s making a massive fool of himself. He also can’t stop staring at him.
“Dude, are you good ? You’re acting really weird today.” Casey says at one point, after they’ve landed on a rooftop.
Raph is flustered, fear spiking through him that he might get found out. “I- uh- w-what? No, I’m, this is normal. I’m- I’m so normal. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Casey just stares at him, blinking. And then he grabs Raph’s face, making Raph’s breath hitch. “Yeah, okay. Who are you and what did you do to Raphael?”
All Raph can do is laugh, high pitched and breathless, face feeling warm. He can’t help but glance at Casey’s mouth. And his brain unhelpfully conjures up the image of Casey pulling his face closer, like in the movies, and then capturing his lips. It makes Raph’s heart race, and he lets out a humiliating tiny wheeze at the thought.
“Dude!” Casey says, pulling back to shove at his chest.
Raph almost feels lightheaded at the thought of Casey’s hands staying on his chest.
“Seriously, you’re kind of freaking me out. Should I like, call one of your brothers? Have you been possessed? Blink twice if you need help.”
Raph makes sure not to blink. Instead he frowns. “S-sorry. Just- have a lot on my mind.”
“Wow, an apology even.” Casey huffs. He reaches out, a palm pressing to his forehead. “Are you sick ?”
Raph flounders, squawking. “N-no! I’m fine!”
“Dude you’re all flushed and hot.”
“I’m hot?”
Casey snorts, and then he gets a smirk on his face that shouldn’t make Raph’s heart beat faster but it does .
“Yeah, you’re very hot, handsome.” Casey winks at him, hand dropping from his head.
And holy shit , that makes Raph’s legs feel like marshmallows and his face like fire. Casey thinks he’s hot ? He thinks he’s handsome ?
“Ohmygosh- you should see your face. You’re so red!” Casey laughs.
Raph’s ego deflates. Clearly Casey is just joking. He probably doesn’t mean that. That makes Raph’s chest hurt in a way he wasn’t expecting.
“Okay, but seriously. What’s got your mind all in a tizzy. You’re acting like you inhaled laughing gas before we met up.” Casey says, turning to walk across the roof.
Raph clenches his teeth, automatically picking at his fingers. “I uh- don’t really wanna talk ‘bout it.” He mumbles, heart feeling jumpy in his chest.
Casey turns back to look at him. He seems to pause for a second. And then he brushes it off. “Alright. Well, I wanna go kick some ass tonight. Think you can handle that?”
Raph nods, forcing himself to stop picking at his fingers. It’s a bad habit that he quashed when he was little, and now it seems to be back in full force.
“Then let’s go!”