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Shizuo had known since highschool that his feelings towards Izaya were more complicated than just hate. Some years prior, it confused him. He was always frustrated by his attraction and Izaya’s infuriating behavior, and even more enraged that he didn’t want Izaya to leave him alone. In contrast, after so many years, he would be cheered to see that raven haired head poised towards him in the streets, usually with a taunting smile. Hell, if he hated the guy he’d run away from him, not towards him. Whenever he saw Izaya waiting for him to notice his presence, always antagonizing, he didn’t feel hatred, he felt anticipation.

The chases could be quite exhilarating; Izaya was fast, despite Shizuo still having a few inches on him. More important than him being fast enough to compete, he was always clever about how he evaded Shizuo. The fights that followed their chases could be challenging and swift paced, Izaya always an agile and piercing opponent. The way that he fought was unlike anyone else, as he had at least a million strategies to throw Shizuo for a loop. It was bracing. 

The thought that five minutes in battle with Izaya was more invigorating than an entire career's worth of the punks he’d dealt with had definitely crossed his mind. When Izaya first picked a fight with him he’d been, as a rule those days, wildly pissed off, unable to avoid fights with his out of control temper fraying at all times. Of course, that hardly changed when he met Izaya. But up to that point, his anger drove him to have fights, only the more fights he won the less satisfied he was, his anger never quelling. A fight with Izaya was always… something, if not satisfying, and the fact that he rarely won seemed to combat that empty disappointment that he would feel after winning fights with random hotheads in highschool.

It had a kind of cleansing feeling, as if putting all his efforts into a brawl with Izaya was cathartic. It’s like therapy, Shizuo thought, as the cold night air filled his burning lungs, except the therapist is trying to stab you. It had been a long row, and though he was enjoying himself, he could feel his reaction time fading. He knew Izaya would have him beat in minutes, but he couldn’t help the grin on his face as he made futile attempts to prolong the fight.

He swung, Izaya dodged. Izaya kicked, and he swerved to dodge and grabbed the other man’s leg, pulling him off his footing- only Izaya used the momentum to slam his elbow into Shizuo’s gut, forcing him to double over. Stunned from the force of it, he let go of the other man’s leg. When Shizuo rose back up, hands still clutching his stomach, he felt the cool metal of Izaya’s blade on his neck and saw the other man's breath dispersing in the bitter air next to his face. He inhaled, time resuming it’s usual pace now that the fight was over.

“Sloppier than usual, today…” Izaya commented slyly, his voice near Shizuo’s ear.

He wanted to say, No, you’re sharper than usual, but that could be considered a compliment; it’s not as if Izaya deserved compliments from him. His breath catching up to him, he couldn’t help but let his grin swell to a bubbling laugh at the thought of how much he enjoyed the fight. He had really started to appreciate them lately. The blonde’s eyes falling closed, Izaya raised his eyebrows incredulously. 

“Aren’t you the least bit worried I’m going to kill you?” Izaya said lightly into his ear, pressing the knife with a bit more force into Shizuo’s neck. Shizuo’s laughter died down, but his smile didn’t, shifting into belligerence.

“What, and lose your favorite toy?” Shizuo muttered, tilting his head just slightly to the side. A track of blood ran down his neck. Izaya circled to his front, expression changing from blank shock to a cruel smile, more wicked than usual. Izaya unwillingly let out a bark of laughter. 

“ Toy… you’re right, for once.” he drew his knife away, flipping it closed. Narrowing his eyes, he said, “If you’re aware of your role, then you won’t mind the performance required.”

Shizuo knew that something about Izaya’s statement went over his head and was trying to figure it out, searching the other man’s dark eyes for meaning. Did he mean that Shizuo didn’t mind when Izaya provoked him anymore? Or the fights? Izaya gave him no hints, a smile slowly creeping as Shizuo’s brow furrowed. When he looked away just for a moment, his thoughts were answered as Izaya crushed his lips into Shizuo’s.

Oh. 

He considered the feeling of Izaya’s lips on his.

No, I don’t mind at all.

After only seconds he answered Izaya’s kiss with fervor, his fingers grabbing the other man’s hair and Izaya pulling him closer by the neck. 

He’d known he was attracted to Izaya, but he’d never thought about whether he’d want to make out with him or anything. The answer was yes. He’d never thought the question, Would I want to have sex with Izaya? The answer was also, as it turned out, yes. 

After that night, it wasn’t just the fights that held Shizuo’s interest. Whenever Izaya entered his line of sight, he had Shizuo’s full attention. He loved the fights, and he loved whatever … activities, might follow, no matter how violent. He also loved that it seemed Izaya would come around more often now that they were fucking. He was enjoying himself, even though he knew it was fucked up because, well, it was Izaya. 

When was anything with Izaya not fucked up? 

Despite the fact that he already knew it was far from healthy behavior, Shinra just had to lecture him on how horrible of an idea it was when he found out.

“Shizuo, what’s that from?” he said, pointing towards a jagged cut on his neck.

“What do you think?” he grumbled in response, thankful that his friend couldn’t see the other marks on his body. 

“Oh, good grief.” Shinra shook his head. “That’s quite a lot of Izaya-related injuries lately. I’ll try to tell him to leave you alone again. That guy doesn’t know when to stop.” 

Shizuo responded, in a rather stunted manner, “You don’t have to do that.”

Shinra turned, startled. His eyes scanned Shizuo analytically. “Now why would you say that?” Shinra grabbed his chin in thought. “last I checked, you hated fighting.”

Shizuo looked anywhere but at Shinra. “It’s, uh… different with Izaya.” He scratched his neck nervously. He knew he was a bad liar, especially when Shinra was involved.

“Don’t tell me— Please don’t tell me you guys are together or something,” his friend said, glaring.

Shizuo covered his instinctual smile with his hand, his face flushing. 

“Oh my god, Shizuo, no.” Shinra said, horrified.

“We’re not together or anything.” Shizuo said, dodgily, in a quieter voice than usual.

“Oh, Shizuo. My dear friend.” Shinra said in despair, face falling into his hands. “This is so bad. How long? ”

“Maybe …half a year?” 

Shinra’s eyes bugged out. He whispered, “You’ve been having sex with Izaya Orihara for six months, and I haven’t heard about it? Or Celty ?” Shizuo gulped. “He’s going to step all over you and then leave you cold and dead in an alleyway— make it look like you overdosed or something!”

“He’s not that bad.”

“He is! ” Shinra responded, exasperated. 

“You’re the one who’s still friends with the guy. Hell, you introduced us,” his eyebrows furrowed as he spoke. He added, sounding amused, “You should have seen this coming, possibly for years .”

Shinra waved his hands around frantically. “Well- I didn’t know you liked men!”

“You didn’t know I liked women, either.” 

Shinra rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. “This is awful.”

“ Shinra, it’s nothing to worry about.”

Shinra sighed. “You, Shizuo Heiwajima, are a horrible liar. Orihara, I’m afraid, is the best liar in Ikebukuro. You can’t trust him, you know this. I don’t want to see you hurt. You’re so much better than him, Shizuo. You deserve to be with a good person.”

Shizuo smiled. “I’ll… keep it in mind.”

As Shizuo walked home after seeing Shinra, he thought about how true everything he said was. But the thing was, he wasn’t seeing Izaya because it was what he deserved, or what would be good for him, he was doing it because it was what he wanted. He’d wanted Izaya for so many years, why should he care if he might get hurt? He wasn’t afraid of getting a little hurt. He had a long time thing for Izaya; there was no reason to deny himself a chance. But, he knew it was reckless. 

He was known to be pretty reckless, occasionally. 

Izaya was on his biweekly tour of Ikebukuro, in Shinra's neighborhood; Shinra who for some reason had only scrutinized him coldly before looking away. “I’m not giving you any intel today, Izaya.”

“And why is that?”

“I have a bone to pick with you,” Shinra said matter-of-factly, lifting a hand to push up his glasses.

“Oh?” he purred, clearly amused by Shinra’s displeasure. “And whatever could that be?”

He stared at him flatly and then spoke with contempt, “You’re hurting Shizuo. I need you to stop.”

Izaya smirked. “Hurting him more than I already have been for the past decade?” he asked, sweetly.

“Yes!” Shinra nearly shouted. He sighed. “Izaya, Shizuo is the type to get attached. If you continue with this, he will get hurt.”

Shizuo grunted from the gut wound, not even bothering to remove the knife, as he continued the fight with Izaya. He mindlessly spat on the ground, his spit mixed with blood.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean. That monster’s hardly capable of normal human emotions.”

As the fight progressed, it eventually escalated to something more sensual. The mortal injury didn’t disappear, though. That knife wound was a slow bleeder- if it was a normal person he’d be worried, but Shizuo would obviously be fine. He was hardly a person with human constraints. He was hardly a person.

“Shizuo is a person, the same as you, with human emotions;” Shinra said gravely, “You damn well know that already. I’m sorry if it suits you to pretend that it doesn’t matter if you use or hurt Shizuo, but you should pull your head out of the sand. Try holding yourself accountable for once in your shallow life,” Shinra sneered, Izaya raising an eyebrow in response. And he would admit, there was something about that phrasing- it did strike a chord.

Izaya pulled away from their heated embrace to scold, “Disgusting idiot, take that knife out.” Shizuo gasped for air.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Izaya raised an eyebrow. “No.”

“I’m sorry, is a knife through a guy's abs a turn off for you? If so, maybe you shouldn’t fucking stab the guy you wanted to fuck!” Izaya stayed quiet, but not contemplative. “When I pull it out, I’ll need to perform first aid if I want to be well enough to go to work tomorrow. In case you forgot, I do have a life,” Shizuo spat.

Well, it’s not like Izaya exactly thought he was doing a good thing when he stabbed him.

Shizuo sighed. “This could all be a lot easier. You know that, right Izaya?” 

He smirked in response. “Don’t you know? Nothing with me is easy.”

“Christ,” Izaya scoffed. “ Thanks for the glowing review. I’ll make sure to keep your advice in mind, doc.”

Shinra grabbed him by the shoulders suddenly, looking him dead in the eye. “He deserves better than you.”

“Ouch. But I’m not so sure about that.” The look that his old friend gave him in response was scathing. Izaya blinked, a bit shocked. “You… might be on your last end with me, huh?”

Shinra shook his head. “That will depend on your actions,” he said, walking away, “but I’m not optimistic.” 

“Wait,” Shizuo grumbled as Izaya was halfway back in his clothes, during the early hours of the morning. 

“What for?” Izaya said cavalierly, pulling on his shoes.

“Me.” He reached his hand out for him. “Don’t go, just come back to bed.” Izaya paused tying his shoelaces, looking at Shizuo with deliberation. 

“Shinra says I’m hurting you.” He mused, “I’m afraid he might be right.” He finished with his shoes, standing to start towards the window. Shizuo reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling it to his lips. 

“You could never hurt me,” he admitted, murmuring quietly. It was a disquieting statement to Izaya, incongruent with what he thought he knew. 

“Isn’t that literally all I do?” he asked with faux levity.

“No,” Shizuo almost growled,  grabbing his face with both hands and staring at him directly, “that’s the problem, or my problem, I guess.”

“I don’t…” Izaya looked away from Shizuo’s eyes, so piercing without his glasses. “I don't understand you right now, numbskull,” he said while trying to pull away, his jovial tone like combat armor, allowing him to step away unscathed. But Shizuo glared at him, with an actual rage, cold, that Izaya had rarely seen from him.

“This doesn’t hurt,” Shizuo said, pointing to the nail marks from the night before, “this didn’t hurt,” his most recent Izaya inflicted knife wound, “or this,” a rather nasty one, on his side, “or even this one,” Shizuo said, coldly, hand gesturing to the gnarly braid of tissue on his left abdomen from when Izaya managed to impale him with an iron pole.

“None of this hurts me, Izaya, except for this part. Every morning when you leave me, without even waking me, most times. And then I’ll be without you, until you decide you want to see me again.” He stepped up and forward. “Or when you haven’t left yet, but you’re withdrawing. Still leaving I guess, in a way.” 

Shizuo’s gaze on him was intense, Izaya suddenly realizing many things simultaneously, one of which being that Shizuo was far more emotionally intelligent than he had led on. As Shinra had said, it was becoming increasingly difficult to rationalize that the giant of a man wasn’t a real, human person, with his own complex emotions. 

“Izaya… just don’t leave yet,” he breathed with a sigh.

It seemed asinine, as he thought about it now, to believe that the blond had to be simple minded. To think that he was only capable of pain on the most basic, primal level, when he had just revealed himself to be perhaps more human than Izaya was, with the way he had been treating Shizuo. How long has it been since I first came onto him, when this all started escalating? Almost a year? No, longer , he thought gravely. Looking at Shizuo, actually seeing him, Izaya embodied half court jester and half a deer in headlights. He took a breath as if to speak before stopping, and swiftly bolted out the nearest window.

He didn’t do it to enrage Shizuo, though he half expected to hear the man’s roar of anger following him, as he had done the opposite of what was asked. It only unsettled Izaya further that he heard no such thing, knowing if anything Shizuo was experiencing that frigid anger, or even worse, disappointment, sadness- but why does it matter if Shizuo is sad? Why does it matter that I’m… Disappointing him?

Izaya felt perturbed. 

Izaya had disappeared from his life, and the city, entirely. 

Shizuo didn’t search for him. He didn’t know how, nor did he even think it would be right to do so. He just had to go saying all the stuff that he’d been thinking, all the stuff that he usually didn’t say out loud- and look at the trouble it’d caused him! After a month with no signs of Izaya, his skin crawled with disappointment, but not surprise. After four months he began to realize the possibility that Izaya might never return to provoke him, that he may have scared the man whom he was so vested in off for good. 

He was angry about it. Furious at Izaya and at himself. He found himself more irritable than he’d been in a long time. He was beginning to accept that Izaya really wasn’t coming back to him, in all its bitterness.

After seven months he heard of Izaya’s return to Ikebukuro. Acquaintances alerted him of his return as if warning him to avoid a hazard, not knowing the rotten hope it sparked, boiling over inside of him despite his best efforts. But still, he didn’t search for him, even though he was dying to. Even though his heart throbbed, and his lungs burned for it. 

It was always Izaya that sought him out; It was the only hope he had that the other man didn’t only hate him. So he didn’t go searching for him, and after a week found him on a bridge in the dead of too early morning, the streets slick with rainfall as the remaining lights reflected off of them. He was on his usual walk home from work when he saw him standing there, already staring back at him. It took a lot not to run after him, chase him like Shizuo always did. He thought maybe he could stop it all, if only he could stop the chase.

He approached him, before the raven haired man looked like he was about to make a break for it and Shizuo pointedly stopped. Looking at Izaya, he knew he shouldn’t forgive him, but his heart was bleeding. They stood there apart for a few moments, the headlights of the scarce passing cars speeding below them, and the near silence of Ikebukuro in the early hours of the morning blanketing them. It was Shizuo who broke the silence, sighing.

“That hurt,” he admitted, huffing with humor, and even a small smile. He was so glad to see him, Izaya’s red hued eyes almost filled with nerves or what Shizuo wanted to read as apprehension. Shizuo stepped closer.

Izaya’s voice didn’t sound fake when he spoke, “I realized I’ve been a bit blind.” He stepped towards the taller man while speaking. “That realization gave me a lot to think about, a lot of it I'm still trying to work out in my head… but, I didn’t have to leave for so long. I’ll understand if you want me to, uh,” he hesitated, “get lost. Finally leave you the hell alone.” 

Shizuo grinned when he said that. “You couldn’t leave me the hell alone even if you tried.”

Izaya looked startled before tiredly laughing. “You might be right,” he agreed, meaningfully.  

Shizuo reached forward, placing his hand on the side of Izaya’s head. When the man didn’t pull away, he tugged his face into a deep kiss. The kiss was longing, anger, and forgiveness, but mostly, it was a kind of love. It started raining again, and they should’ve been miserable, cold and wet as it was, but neither of them were. It was warm.

 Shizuo didn’t know at the time, of course, that that spot would come to be their bridge. That time and time again, as Izaya returned for him, he would find him waiting there on his way back from work, standing under the street lights, hands in his jacket pockets.

For the next few months they didn’t have sex, Shizuo figuring Izaya was spooked out of it. It was whiplash, because before Shizuo’s …confession, of sorts, sex was a cornerstone of their relationship, along with fighting. However, what sometimes would begin as a chase would sometimes end with them hanging out, chatting on rooftops, or even walking around the city, mildly swatting or lunging for the other one occasionally to maintain familiar and fond habits. He also noticed that even when they did have an all out fight, Izaya dealt less serious blows than he used to. He had liked Izaya’s mercilessness, but he had to admit he also appreciated the rudimentary compassion he was now showing to him.

The citizens of Ikebukuro who’d been around enough were thoroughly baffled by the change in such predictably violent behavior. For Izaya, everything was changing. The city looked different, the mirror looked different, and most of all Shizuo looked different to him. He always knew he was attracted to and at least mildly obsessed with the man, but he never imagined that seeing him happy and becoming close with him might be something that he’d be interested in; probably because he hadn’t realized Shizuo had a decent head between his shoulders. Both the tall stoic man’s small smiles during their conversations, and his laughter, were attaching themselves to the front of Izaya’s mind.

Of course, it still scared him. If anything, it scared him even more than before. Now he would know that he had something good before losing it. Both Izaya’s relationship and friendship track records were not looking good. Just because Shizuo was willing to be the one to bridge the gap, to be vulnerable first, didn’t mean that he would put up with Izaya’s antics forever. He’ll leave eventually. Izaya thought, worried that his destructive tendencies would ruin something he’d come to learn was precious before he was ready to lose it.

It had been half a year since Izaya’s return to Ikebukuro, and the start of their still somewhat romantic friendship. Shizuo was stepping a fine line. Everything was going perfect. Not due to his own lack of trying, because he was controlling his every impulse to avoid scaring Izaya away from him again. He was embarrassed to admit to himself that these had easily been the best months of his life. Each week was better than the next with Izaya, and his company just made Shizuo happy. He felt like he had a companion. But again, the info broker was as skittish as a stray cat. 

Whenever Shizuo said something that was just a bit too personal, too close, asking a little too much, Izaya would distance himself for a few days. Shizuo got the sense that it was either because he didn’t want to lead Shizuo on, because he didn’t want a serious relationship, or because he did want something real with him but it scared him half to death. Shizuo was still trying to puzzle out which one, but things were slow going. 

But, slow was okay with Shizuo.

He was happy.

“I’m leaving for a few weeks.”

It’s the first thing the slim man had said to him that evening, at their regular meeting spot. They had met up almost every night the last month or so. Shizuo tried to school his expression, because they were doing so well and he didn’t want to seem too attached and scare Izaya off for too long again. 

“I actually just came to let you know, so I shouldn’t stay for too long tonight,” Izaya said apologetically. 

“Why?” Shizuo asked, trying to sound casually interested; trying not to be that open book that is often all he can manage- the one that can never get Izaya to stay. 

“It’s for business. I’ve been putting it off, actually,” Izaya said nonchalantly, leaning on the rails of their bridge. 

“So,” he said, brows furrowed, “you’re not just running away from me? Again?” He cringed as soon as he said it, but Izaya just laughed it off.

“If I am, it’s only due to the consequence of my …neglected work, and not the part of me that wants to run far, far away.” He patted Shizuo’s shoulder jokingly. “I have some contacts that I need to touch base with. I’ll be back. A week and a half.” He stretched upward to kiss Shizuo, sliding up his glasses as he did so. Shizuo’s grip was possessive, and it was when their embrace became heated that Izaya pulled away, as he had a few times since his return. Shizuo wasn’t annoyed, and smiled softly.

“You, Izaya, are the type that’s fine with any kind of sex other than the kind with feelings.” Shizuo’s smile grew as he watched the other man blush in surprise. 

“That’s obvious… but even so, I’m surprised you noticed,” he teased while walking away.

“You’re as clear as crystal, sometimes, Izaya!” he yelled after him, laughing as he watched the man walk away. 

Izaya stopped about twenty meters away and hollered, “I’ll come back!” with a thumbs up. Shizuo could only think, I hope so , as he watched the man turn the corner before starting home himself.

It had been a week, and Shizuo would admit that he had been worried that Izaya would disappear again, but his worries were for not as the raven haired man was standing in front of him, ahead of schedule.

“You kept your promise,” Shizuo said, smiling as he approached him. Izaya smirked. 

“Well, how could I delay my return when I have such a stunning blonde beau waiting at home?”

Shizuo quirked an eyebrow. “You’ve never called me stunning before,” he said, dryly. 

“Well, I suppose you could say I’ve been holding out on you.” Izaya laced his fingers behind Shizuo’s neck. “What can I say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Shizuo blinked in confusion, staring at Izaya. He was being so affectionate, it was uncanny. “What’s going on with you?”

Izaya averted his gaze. “I… might have missed you.” his red molasses eyes moved to linger on Shizuo, and Shizuo noticed an expression of adoration towards himself that he had never seen so open on Izaya’s face. “I did some thinking.”

“...Oh?”

“You’ve been incredibly patient, but I've made you wait long enough.” Izaya moved his hands to grab Shizuo’s. “I’m not afraid of this anymore. I’m not afraid of us .” He wet his lips. “If you’ll have me, I’d like to make it official.”

Shizuo felt like his breath had been stolen away. He pressed his forehead to Izaya’s, murmuring. “What brought this on? Not that I'm not happy.”

Izaya huffed. “Last time you mentioned my feelings. You were onto something. It just so happens that I have some pretty undeniable, strong feelings for you, that only seem to get stronger. It made me think about how we got here, which made me realize that perhaps we’re not a lost cause just yet.”

Shizuo smiled, closing his eyes. The feeling of Izaya’s hands in his was throwing him off. “What do you mean?”

Izaya was a bit annoyed that he was asking him to explain something like this. “Well, over a decade ago in highschool, I liked you but wanted to terrorize you. And then, as adults, I wanted to fuck with your head, and then I wanted to fuck you, and then eventually I realized I didn’t really want to hurt you at all. And then I got to know you, and I realized that you’re …perfect. To me, now, you are perfect.”

Shizuo smiled at him. “All I ever wanted, even back then, was your attention,” he reminisced.

“You always had my attention, Shizuo. I thought that much was clear.”

He rested their noses side by side, speaking softly into Izaya’s lips, “Not like this.” Izaya let himself smile into his words.

“So… will you date me?”

“Of course.” Shizuo kissed the shorter man. “Boyfriends.” 

Izaya grabbed his face and kissed him more deeply, bringing that sense of heat that Shizuo had sorely missed.

“You wanna go to my place?” Shizuo asked hopefully.

Izaya smirked. “ Boyfriends get to come to mine.”

Shizuo knew it was a big deal that Izaya was showing him where his apartment was. It meant he would have the ability to come to him instead of the other way around. It was a good sign that maybe Izaya was serious about giving him a shot. Shizuo couldn’t help his bewildered smile as the tall brunette he was somewhat in love with dragged him across the city to go have sex, with feelings, in his apartment.

For weeks, things progressed very well between the two of them. After properly exchanging numbers, they got into a routine of sharing a few meals a week together, and grew closer. After months, they both had gotten used to each other's apartments and were relaxed together. As they had proved that they were capable of hanging out like friends as well, it was always fun to spend time together. 

They learned things about each other. Shizuo learnt about Izaya’s parents, who were largely absent, and half sisters, who he usually felt he was failing. He didn’t have to say it for Shizuo to understand. Izaya learnt about Shizuo’s brother, who he said was always disappointed in him. Izaya knew how much his brother mattered to him, after months of really talking; he didn’t have to say it for Izaya to understand. 

So, when he heard Shizuo’s brother saying such awful things to him, he knew how much it hurt.

They both heard the door open, and looked towards the entrance.

“Oh.” A man of average height, with longer dark hair and a deadpan expression stared at them, glancing at the playing cards on the small kitchen table. “Who is this?”

“Kasuka! I hadn’t realized you were coming today.”

Kasuka looked at him carefully. “I just wanted to stop by.” He nodded in question towards the stranger in the room.

“This is Izaya Orihara. Izaya, this is my brother.” Kasuka raised his eyebrow at Shizuo's use of the brunette’s first name. “This is the person who… I’ve been seeing.”

Kasuka turned his head in thought. “Wasn’t it a guy named Orihara who magically ‘lost you’ the bartending job?” 

Shizuo chuckled awkwardly, not really sure how to proceed.

“That’s actually true. I had it out for Shizuo. I convinced the other employees he’d stolen money from the register. Not my proudest moment.” Shizuo looked on in shock, obviously anxious about whatever impression they both left on his brother. “We had a tumultuous history. But we’ve put it behind us now, thankfully.”

Kasuka looked at him doubtfully. “What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a stock broker, and I sell information.”

“Like a business consultant?”

Izaya smiled perfectly. “Sometimes.” Kasuka thought it was ominous how good of an actor it seemed the man was. Kasuka knew acting when he saw it, after all. “I haven’t seen any of your movies yet, but my sisters are both big fans. They actually told me they’d pick you over me!” he said lightheartedly, trying to joke.

Kasuka suddenly looked straight at Shizuo, deciding to ignore Izaya’s presence entirely. “So are you dating a criminal now? I suppose I shouldn’t have expected any better. Since you’re a thug, you can only meet other thugs. ” Izaya began to wonder if his voice always sounded so cold, or only when he talked to Shizuo. “But it’s obvious he’s playing you. When he gets whatever he wants from you he’s going to leave. He’s too normal, someone like that wouldn’t want someone like you. And I don’t want to be stuck picking up the pieces when you’re all broken hearted .” 

Shizuo looked caught between building anger and shame. Izaya couldn’t get over how miserable Shizuo looked, and let himself say something he’d been thinking. 

“Like you’d be in town to help ‘pick up the pieces’ anyway.”

Kasuka Heiwajima looked at him with boredom. “I wasn’t even talking to you,” he said, unimpressed.

“Yeah, you were too busy making your brother feel like the smallest human being imaginable. Did it make you feel better than him?” Kasuka only stared at him. “Shizuo should choose who he wants to date for his own benefit, not yours. But I’ll have you know that I’m dating him because he’s an attractive, brave, and kind person. I don’t have any ulterior motives. He’s loyal, he can be very smart, and he’s funny. I don’t think you could be funny, even if you tried for a million years.”

“That might be true, but he’s also a screw up of an older brother who makes himself into other people’s responsibilities. You clearly haven’t known him for long.”

Izaya’s mouth twitched. “I’ve known Shizuo for ten years. Maybe, if you stopped treating him like a responsibility and started treating him like a loved one, you wouldn’t hate him so much. Did he ever ask you to take it upon yourself to fix his life for him in the first place?”

“He didn’t think to, because he was too busy being a fucking mess!” Kasuka gritted. It was the first emotion he’d heard in the man’s tone, despite the cruel things he’d been saying. Izaya was simultaneously wanting to defend Shizuo with a rage, but also trying to de-escalate because his boyfriend obviously didn’t want him fighting with his brother. Izaya took a stabilizing breath and tried again.

“You can’t force him to be something he’s not. What he already is, is a goddamn amazing person. He’s a force of nature. He’s a pacifist. He’s a great observer. He’s been forging his own path, so you don’t have to try to fit him into a mold that doesn’t work for him.”

Kasuka glowered at him for a moment before relenting. “Perhaps that makes some sense.” Shizuo seemed to deflate in relief. Kasuka turned back to Shizuo. “Is he rich?” Shizuo didn’t seem shocked by the question.

“Yes. He’s pretty rich.”

Kasuka stared at Izaya. “How rich?”

 Izaya raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh, you know, hard to tell, all my money is tied up in assets.” His sarcastic tone clearly revealed he thought Kasuka was being ridiculous. 

“His apartment downtown is a hundred square meters, at least.”

“Oh, you’re rich, rich.” Kasuka blinked consideringly. “I guess he’ll do.” He remarked to Shizuo, who only sighed.

Some time later, after Shizuo’s brother had left, Shizuo addressed him. 

“Sorry about that, I really didn’t know he was coming.”

Izaya huffed. “I mean, if he doesn’t let you know when he’s popping in then I guess it couldn’t be helped.”

“That… earlier, that was really sweet, Izaya. I’ve never had someone defend me like that. The things you said were really…” Shizuo had a fond look in his eyes as he thought of a descriptor, “compassionate.” 

Izaya looked up at him like he’d been caught doing something bad, instead of something good. He feared Shizuo could have replaced that last adjective with other words. Affectionate. Caring. Tender. Loving. “Well, you know. They were true, so… It was all just easy for me to say.”

Shizuo smiled at him. “I think you’re turning out to be pretty loyal, yourself. And brave, and smart.” Izaya's breath caught in his throat. But not really in a good way. He deflected.

“So, what do you want to do now?”

“After the afternoon I just put you through, pretty much anything you want.” Shizuo said sheepishly.

Too close, Izaya thought. He was too close to Shizuo. The man was too important to him. With their history, they’d only been able to build a house of cards . It was going to fall, one day. And Izaya was letting himself get too close to him, his guard, his walls, and his reservations were all breaking down.

And so, he stopped calling Shizuo, he stopped initiating interaction. He was more reluctant to make plans. When Shizuo asked him to hang out he told him he was busy, or that he didn’t feel like it. After two weeks like this, barely even talking, Shizuo walked into his apartment with a paper bag full of food and a steel hard expression. He walked further into his apartment and put the bag on the counter without being invited in. 

“Please just tell me what’s going on, Izaya.”

Izaya had no idea what to do. He could barely summon words. “I… don’t think this is gonna work out.”

Shizuo looked at him calmly, and sat down at a chair slowly, his movements measured. “Is it that… you don’t ‘think’ it’ll work out, or that it’s not working out?” 

Fuck. Shizuo knew him too well.

“Because, call me crazy, I kind of thought things were working out for us both. It’s been working. We’ve shown it’s possible, that we’re possible.”

Izaya shook his head numbly. “You’re wrong,” he responded, his voice quaking. 

“If I was wrong, then you could give me some explanation, some concrete reason as to why we don’t even have a chance,” he said, collectedly. “If you actually knew I was wrong, you wouldn’t be so afraid of me telling you I’m right.” His voice faltered. “If you can look me in the eye and tell me you don’t have feelings for me, then I’ll agree with you. But I don’t think you can do that.”

Izaya was cut by the truth of everything he’d said, everything he was trying to run away from.

“Get out,” he uttered tonelessly.

Shizuo looked at him with pain brimming in his eyes. 

“Leave.”

Shizuo stepped closer to him.

“ Leave me.”

Waring seas of emotions seemed to pass through Shizuo’s brown eyes as he stood across from him, looking straight at him. “I won’t, unless you give me your reason.”

Izaya mustered the grit to glare at him. “Because being around you makes me feel horrible.”

“But why? I’m not going to turn away from you, Izaya.”

“Tsh.” Izaya let venom rise to his voice. “You will, just give it time.”

“Then why don’t you let time tell us instead of ending it because you’re afraid of losing it?”

“ Fuck off! ” Izaya spat, turning away from Shizuo and hurrying towards some place that wasn't near him.

“Why are you so afraid, Izaya ?” Shizuo asked, his voice rising.

Izaya just shook his head and continued walking away from him, a sour look on his face.

“Please!” Shizuo weakly followed him, desperate. “Just tell me why!”

Izaya’s face was turned away from Shizuo, but he crammed his eyes shut in denial.

“Izaya!” Shizuo pleaded, his voice breaking.

“Because I’m in love with you!” Izaya finally yelled, “And the more I lean into this, the less likely it is that I’ll be able to stand losing you!”

Izaya turned towards Shizuo, who was unmoving. He kept going.

“Because, I trust you. I can’t keep- This was never meant to go this far!”

“Do you really think that?” the other man said. Izaya suddenly worried that he’d hurt him, lamenting yet another reason he shouldn’t be with him. Shizuo paused. “I think we’re meant to be. Because we chose each other. And if we keep choosing each other, then we’re meant to be.” 

Shizuo looked at him with bronze colored eyes, looking strangely expectant like he was anticipating something. “We both would rather not live without each other. You must know by now that I love you too. You’re too smart not to know,” A single tear fell across Izaya’s cheek while listening, without his permission. “We’ve both been looking at this like… we’re just trying to get the most of it before it ends, and holding back. We’re just afraid the other person will leave us. But thinking that way, aren’t we dooming ourselves to fail?”

Izaya just looked down, facing the floor.

“Izaya, we’re in love! Do you really think we should run from that?”

Izaya stared up at him in defiance. “You’re getting dangerously close to knowing me, and once you do I don’t think you’ll bother sticking around!”

“Darling, you’re wrong. I won't leave you.” He stepped up to Izaya, cradling his face in his hands. “I won't turn on you, and the only way you could betray me is by leaving me despite the fact that we both love each other. I love you. Don’t leave me just because you’re afraid.” The last part was a whisper of a request that Izaya heard loud and clear. He relaxed, leaning his cheek into one of Shizuo’s hands.

“You know me too well.”

“I know, I know,” Shizuo huffed. “Now let’s sit down and eat dinner together, you can tell me about your last two weeks, and we’ll talk about this terrible fear of abandonment later.”

“As if you don’t have abandonment issues, Shizuo,” he said while falling forward into Shizuo’s shoulder.

“Fine. We both have abandonment issues,” he murmured while holding Izaya close to him. 

The next morning, Izaya softly stroked his bleached hair as they lay there holding each other, breathing with a peace that the two of them have never even come close to maintaining before. But all Izaya could think of was the inevitability that it would all fall apart.

“You know there’s no happy ending with us, right?” Izaya asked, nonchalant.

“What?” replied Shizuo in a soft tone, craning his neck to meet Izaya’s gaze with open vulnerability. He didn’t know which was worse, that he trusted Shizuo, or that Shizuo actually trusted him. “I thought we were gonna make it work.” The man was being so honest, so open, and yet Izaya just wanted to hurt him.

“Shizuo…” he stopped petting his hair, instead grazing the blonde's face with his fingertips. “It’s me. I’m the poison. It’s-” he paused, his impassivity almost breaking, “no, I’m the scorpion.”

“And I’m the frog?”

“Yes,” he breathed in response.

Shizuo leveled him with a calm look. “I love you. Don’t you love me?” he cradled Izaya’s face, laying on top of him. “We can make it work.” Shizuo tried for a smile, staring into the other man’s darkening eyes, his heart closing off by the minute.

“If there’s anything I’ve learned about people I love, it’s that I can never make it work.” Izaya said lightly, but with raw seriousness. And Shizuo would tear himself apart, if it meant he could make this man believe that he could be okay- that they could be okay.

He sat up to look at Izaya. “I could take all the poison in the world for you, and it would be worth it. You make me feel insane, and wonderful. We can make this work,” Izaya tried to interrupt him but Shizuo persisted, “together. You can talk to me, we can get space, we can work on our problems. We can do it together. You can do anything with me, fuck me over in any way, just don’t leave forever. That’s the one thing I won’t forgive.”

After a beat of silence, realizing he’d said quite a lot, Shizuo fully expected him to bolt. His beautiful face was eerily still. Staring at Izaya’s blank face, Shizuo began to worry what the other man was thinking, but stopped when Izaya choked on the silence and Shizuo’s words, until he was sobbing. Shizuo pulled him into a tight embrace, holding the man’s shaking frame to Shizuo’s own calloused, scarred body. Shizuo’s heart broke as he heard Izaya’s strangled words, blubbering through tears.

“I do love you! I love you so much, and I’m so scared that I’m going to break this! I’ll ruin it, and I’ll never forgive myself!” Shizuo only held him tighter, as Izaya hid his face in Shizuo’s neck. 

“Hey… you’ll never ruin it, I promise.” Shizuo nervously patted his back. “Besides, if it’s broken we can fix it. I’m not sure how much worse than stabbing it could get,” he smiled. 

“I’m sure I could think of something!” Izaya bemoaned, hysterically crying into the man’s broad shoulder, littered with scars that he’d probably given him.

Shizuo waited for the person he was in love with to stop crying, trying to sooth him with even breaths. Every moment that Izaya was emotionally unguarded without bolting was elusive and rare. It warmed his heart to have Izaya choosing to stay in that moment. It spoke to the progress that the two of them were already making. After Izaya’s breathing evened, he held him at arms distance. “Do you believe, like I do, that we can make this work?”

Izaya sighed dramatically before giggling wetly and admitting, “No,” with a tired smile. Shizuo smiled, wiping the tear tracks off of Izaya’s face, the skin around his garnet eyes reddened.

“Then do you at least believe that you could try?” Shizuo was so hopelessly gone. Stranded until he was sure that Izaya wouldn’t leave the moment they got real.

“Yes, but I’m still scared,” he said apologetically. Shizuo’s grin upon hearing this was the brightest he’d ever seen it, reminding Izaya of the sight of Shizuo’s smile when he first returned to Ikebukuro after Shizuo’s confession, having finally found Izaya on their bridge where he’d been waiting all night. When exactly did his smile become more important to me than his wrath?

Izaya had been performing his everyday duties in the streets, when that curious creature, Celty, appeared. In the blink of an eye, the dark rider had a Scythe that hadn’t even been there up to his throat.

She held up her phone, with text written in the notes page.

‘There are few people I would kill for.

If you’re going to break his heart, or worse, leave now 

or you’ll be dead before you even realize how big of a mistake that was.’

For once, Izaya was at a loss for words. He himself was afraid of just the same thing as her. It was almost comforting to know that someone would put him down if he decided to do something horrible to Shizuo; It meant he wouldn’t have to live with himself in the aftermath.

Before he could respond, she disappeared with the sound of a motorcycle’s roar. He sighed. He had heard from Shizuo that they were pretty close friends, but he'd never known the headless horseman to be one for conversation. He supposed neither was Shizuo, most of the time.

Months later, things had been going pretty well, which was actually what clued Shizuo in. Things had been going too well, for too long. There had been no verbal or physical fights, nothing to bait Shizuo into getting pissed. Everything had been uneventful; when had the two of them ever been uneventful? So he started paying more attention and realized Izaya wasn’t really relaxing when they were together. It was like he had somewhere else he needed to be, or he was constantly leaving the moment. He felt more closed off than before. 

He wasn’t sure he’d ever been so upset as he was when he realized Izaya was hurting himself.

He caught him in the act, white bathroom sink cast with stark red blood, in dripping lines; Izaya paled and hid his arm behind his body when he heard him come into the room.

He stepped closer. “Izaya, please show me,” he said, stricken. He was alarmed that he was able to hide something so big from him. How had he not known?

“Show you what?” he tried, but Shizuo just looked at him imploringly. “Fine! You caught me. But it’s been keeping me from lashing out. For the first time, it’s almost like I’m a normal person that doesn’t have to be so… vicious all the time. And, you know,” he said a bit manically, “What’s so wrong with that?”

“Izaya,” the taller man said, grief stricken, “I would rather you hurt me than hurt yourself. I knew what I signed up for.”

“But Shizuo…” Izaya said, eyes watering, unable to look at him, “that’s part of the problem, you would rather me hurt you than myself, you let me hurt you all the time, but now I don’t want that, I don’t want you to get hurt but I want to be with you and I don’t know any other way to do those two things without hurting myself, because apparently I have to hurt someone.” He sounded choked with frustration. “Just,” Izaya huffed, looking at the bathroom wall, “forget you saw anything.” 

What he didn’t say was, I’m afraid I’ll kill you.

“Izaya…” Shizuo proceeded carefully, “hurting yourself isn’t the best option. I don’t want you to hurt yourself to avoid lashing out at me. I don’t want you to hurt yourself even to be able to stay with me. There has to be another way.” Though his voice was level, Shizuo took a shaky breath. It was the first time he’d ever even considered breaking things off with Izaya, but shook the idea off as too hasty. He pulled his boyfriend who was still avoiding looking at him into his shoulder, and held him solidly. He wasn’t giving up on them just yet.

“Did you know that I’ve done that before?” he murmured into the silence.

“ What?” Izaya responded, reflexively relaxing and momentarily forgetting about his own problems. Shizuo let Izaya pull away and nodded.

“Mmhm. It was a long time ago, though.” Shizuo was silent with thought, tilting his head for a moment. “Why don’t we start some tea and I’ll tell you about it?” 

Although Izaya wanted to avoid talking to Shizuo about what had just occurred, the elephant in the room, he was definitely curious to hear Shizuo’s story. He squinted at Shizuo, knowing his strategy would succeed. Shizuo usually wasn’t forthcoming with stories about his life, and Izaya’s number one motivator was information. He nodded at Shizuo, and walked with him towards the kitchen. 

“All my childhood, my anger issues caused problems for everyone I loved.” He grabbed the kettle and turned on the tap. “Our mother could barely afford to keep us, and the amount of bills she got because of my issues definitely didn’t help. My younger brother, of course, was horrified to even be known as my brother. I felt like I didn’t belong there, with them, but I wanted to more than anything. I wanted to stop being a burden.” Izaya was intently listening over the rumbling sound of the water heating. His eyes trailed the tall man as he grabbed two mugs. “Green?” he asked, pulling out the plainest looking black tea for himself. The water was rising to a rolling boil, and the kettle stopped with a click.

“Sure.” Izaya said lowly, watching as Shizuo poured the hot water into their cups. “And then…?”

“And it felt like I couldn’t break the cycle of fights at every school, getting kicked out and having to leave any friends I’d managed to make. I thought maybe hurting myself would help me break that cycle. If I could control my emotions, then I could be a normal kid and feel accepted. I actually did it for a while, maybe …four months? But someone eventually helped me realize that self harm isn’t you controlling your emotions, it’s… your emotions controlling you.”

“Are those your words?” Shizuo shrugged confusedly in response, Izaya daring to grin a little. “You’re so sexy when you say smart things.”

Shizuo rolled his eyes, smiling exasperatedly. “Are you gonna let me treat that or not?” Izaya hesitated. 

“Okay.” And then the raven haired man stood there, cold water running over his cuts, as Shizuo pulled medical supplies he didn’t even know about from Izaya’s own kitchen cabinets. Izaya just stared blankly in absolute shock.

“ What? The tooth brush didn’t cross the line but this does?” Izaya blinked. 

“Fair point,” he said, like he understood. It made sense, but that didn’t mean he understood. Somehow the fact that he was actually using the first aid kit he’d left in Izaya’s apartment made it worse. He felt, again, like he wasn’t good enough for Shizuo. Like the other man was too accustomed to being physically and mentally hurt by Izaya.

He was stopped from his train of thought by Shizuo pulling his arm out of the tap and drying it gently with a clean, fluffy towel. “So,” he started, but then got distracted by Shizuo’s focused expression as he applied antibiotic ointment and wrapped his arm with practiced hands.

“Yes?”

“So, who was it that, uh, helped you realize… that,” He said awkwardly, for a multitude of reasons. Shizuo scoffed.

“Your boyfriend here has been seen by a lot of public school councilors in his time. Getting in fights every week will do that to you.” He taped off the bandage. “Probably only one ever really was helpful for me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Didn’t they make you see someone when you supposedly stabbed that kid?”

“Who told you about that?”

Shizuo blinked. “Who do you think.”

“Tsh. Shinra, that snitch.” Izaya went to throw out the tea bags.

“All I’m saying is,” Shizuo sipped his tea, “ sometimes, but not always, therapy helps.”

Izaya put down his cup on the counter loudly. “So, you want me to go to therapy?” he said, glaring down as he scooped too much sugar into his tea. 

Shizuo sighed. “I’m telling you I think it’s not a bad idea, is all.” He ran his hands through Izaya’s hair softly. “I won't make you do anything you don’t want to,” he said before kissing his head. 

Izaya frowned as he drank his sickly sweet tea. He didn’t want Shizuo to think of him as someone he had to take care of or keep from hurting himself. Now that it came to light, he couldn’t put Shizuo in that kind of situation; he was an adult not a child. 

But therapy was for humans- normal humans. There was no way it would even work on him. It was clearly going to be an annoying, humiliating waste of his time. At the same time, Shizuo never asked anything of him. He might owe it to Shizuo. 

“It’s just…” he said as he sat down across from Shizuo, but then faltered. Shizuo sipped his tea, patiently. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, if you don’t want to,” he said evenly, his eyes saying that he really cared, but that he meant it. Izaya grabbed his hand in silence, deciding whether to speak while trying to reassure him, and gain comfort. 

When he did say it, it was quiet.

“I’ve been realizing… that you’re the most important thing in my life.”

“O-Oh,” Shizuo said, before sipping tea to hide his blush.

“Yeah,” he huffed with tired humor, “it’s just that this realization hasn’t exactly been treating me well. I mean, it’s messing me up. Like everything I knew, my whole world is just completely thrown about and maligned, everything I’ve been doing is so wrong, and I can’t ever make it up to you.” He breathed. “More than that, I’m afraid of myself.”

Shizuo looked at him evenly. “What do you mean?”

“What happens when …I go too far?”

He felt like he finally understood. “I’m afraid of myself, too. What happens if I’m unable to restrain my strength? I could kill someone.”

“Yeah, but you’d do it by accident. I’d do it on impulse.”

“It’s a two way road. It always has been.” He sipped his tea. “I’ve done fucked up stuff too. Pretty sure I’ve thrown some crazy shit at you. And punches that could kill a man. I’m not perfect either, I still get angry and all… but, we both just have to stop fights from going too far. It doesn't only lie on you.” Izaya looked at him with doubt. “Maybe, you usually are the one to escalate things but… I don’t usually stop it from happening either. If you really want to make it up to me, how about try not to hurt yourself. And, you could… stick around,” he said nervously, Izaya appreciating his deep voice.

“I can do that,” he said, and even while nodding he was unsure if it was the truth or a lie. 

“And I know it’s a long shot, but if you do consider therapy you should ask Simon. He has a cousin in Tokyo; she’s way above my price range, but perfect for you.”

Izaya looked at him blankly. “I’m not making any promises.”

“Yeah.” Shizuo smiled. “No need.” Shizuo squeezed his hand, and Izaya knew he may as well succumb to it. He’d be trying therapy. 

Shizuo was just walking in through Izaya’s door, dinner in hand, greeting his boyfriend with kisses when something rather alive brushed their ankles. Shizuo looked down immediately to see a cat walking through Izaya’s ankles.

“Who is that?” he asked, aghast. He nearly dropped their dinner from shock.

“ That, ” Izaya said smugly, “is Mochi-Taro. The newest addition to my household.” 

Shizuo gaped. “ What?” he said, the disbelief uncharacteristic of him to the point that Izaya wanted to laugh at him, and so he did laugh.

“I’ll save you the questions, as it seems this situation has left you quite baffled. My therapist told me to get a pet, that it would be good for me. So I picked her up from a shelter a few days ago.”

“You… did therapy?” Shizuo said, with so much fond disbelief that again Izaya was amused by it. 

He huffed a laugh. “Uh, yeah. I’m a few weeks in. Simon’s cousin is a very intelligent, brutal woman.”

Shizuo’s smile was so genuine Izaya was tempted to look away from embarrassment. “I’m so proud of you,” he said. 

Izaya opened his mouth as if to say something, but faltered and shook his head. He turned to the kitchen, grabbing chopsticks. “Let’s eat.” 

Sitting across from each other, Shizuo chewed and looked at him inquisitively. “Why a cat and not a dog?”

Izaya stopped chewing and stared at him like he was crazy. He swallowed. “You’re kidding.”

“No?”

Izaya quirked an eyebrow at him. “I hate dogs. Terrified of them.”

Shizuo’s face went lax. “No way.”

“Yes,” Izaya said, nodding with a smile.

“They can smell your fear, you know.”

 Izaya blinked at him. “I suppose that may be a factor.”

“You’ve hated dogs this whole time?”

“My whole life.”

“Didn’t you used to call me a mangy dog or something like that?” he said, accusingly.

“Yes,” Izaya grimaced sweetly, “I wasn’t always your biggest fan, babe. Stitches were a necessary byproduct of our … acquaintanceship .”

Shizuo stared at him. “I can’t believe this.” 

Izaya grinned. “Seems to be a theme today.”

“So then, you’re a cat person?”

“I definitely am now.” He ate peacefully for a few more moments before rounding on Shizuo in shock. “You’re not a dog person, are you?”

Shizuo panicked. “I mean …” he aimlessly gestured his hands in front of him, “I’m not a cat person. I’m not not a dog person.” 

Izaya stared at him in betrayal. “You totally are. Our pet preferences don't complement each other,” he proclaimed, like it was a grave revelation. “If we were only a more normal couple, we would have talked about it or seen the signs right in front of us, damn it!”

“I mean, it’s not a big deal, I don’t really need a dog or anything,” Shizuo said confusedly. “I cat sitted my brother's cat, he was …fine. I mean, we didn’t kill each other at least.”

“Oh, how can life be so cruel!” Izaya lamented further, leaving the other man to roll his eyes at him.

Shizuo was gathering his things, and stalling. He’d just spent the weekend off at Izaya’s, and it was just so nice. Being with the other man, and doing stupid normal things. They watched movies, and Shizuo found out Izaya was horrible at video games. It was really nice. 

They’d been doing this more and more, it wasn't unusual, but the more time he spent over there the less he wanted to leave. He smiled fondly at Izaya watching the news with the cat on his lap. Shizuo stepped over and bent down to kiss him goodbye, Izaya tilting his head up to return it softly. It was so domestic Shizuo huffed out a laugh. 

“What?”

“I just…” Shizuo looked away. “Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to leave.”

Izaya slouched into the couch, eyes trained on the other man. “Then stay,” he said, petting the cat idly. Shizuo looked at him.

“I have work.”

“But then after work, you could come back here.”

“And stay here… Are you asking me to move in with you?” he said with uncertainty.

“Me and Mochi-Taro.” The cat yawned, her perfect white teeth flashing, and Izaya gave him a blank innocent face. “Unless you and Mochi-Taro aren’t at that stage in your relationship yet.”

Shizuo rolled his eyes. “Me and Mochi-Taro can stand each other, I’m more worried about you. You don’t think you’ll have some space issues if I move in?” he asked, because it was a concern. 

Izaya smiled slowly. “I like having you around.” He blushed. “You entertain me, and you’re even more grounding than my furry friend here. Which is impressive because she’s effectively barred me from leaving this position.” He noticed Shizuo’s expression, which was still unsure. “You’ve been in and out for over a year, anyways. I would love it if you moved in, Shizuo, and I don’t anticipate space issues. There are a lot of rooms, besides.”

Shizuo’s face fell open, and he considered it only briefly before responding, “Okay.” His smile grew on his face as he turned to leave for work. It had been a long time since he’d had a real home.

Years passed. It wasn’t without strife, but they had fought for each other over and over again, and stayed together. Over time their relationship grew more stable, and they became very comfortable with each other. The twins became huge Shizuo fans, and even Shinra and Celty started to admit that the two of them together might not be such a bad thing. They learned how to be romantic without being violent. They learned how to calm eachother down, and became each other's greatest ally.

They started having the twins over for holidays, and Kasuka Heiwajima would also come for dinner some holidays, which thrilled the Orihara twins. Izaya still hated Kasuka, but he was nice to him for Shizuo. For his part, Kasuka seemed glad that his brother was doing so well.

Over the years, it became clear that they were pretty much life partners. Shizuo would’ve wanted to marry him as well, but he knew that level of commitment crossed a line for Izaya, and that he wouldn’t get that from him. If he said, ‘Marry me or I’ll leave,’ he knew Izaya would do it, but that was hardly what he wanted. In spite of his one sided want for marriage, they were incredibly comfortable. He wouldn't trade it for the world.

After four years of dating, Izaya got an offer to work as an international trade consultant.

“It would require me to retire from info broking, and I’d be abroad most of the time.”

“Oh,” replied Shizuo, not expecting that Izaya might be leaving him for a new job offer.

“And so I was thinking, and you can say no, that you’ve never seen the world, and… I mean, I wouldn't take this job without you.”

“Oh,” replied Shizuo, this time with less dread.

“When we’re in between paid jobs we could just… sightsee. You and me. The company allows me to bring my family.” 

Shizuo’s heart warmed. “How long are we talking here?”

“The contract is per year. So we’d try a year of it and see how we like it.”

“Oh,” he said, thinking it over. “I’ve really never left this corner of the world.”

Izaya nodded. “We’d be going all over.”

Shizuo looked at him in wonder. “You really want to bring me?”

“I wouldn’t want to go without you, Shizu-chan.”

“Okay,” he said, a smile splitting his face.

Shizuo had been working a late shift. It was nice to spend time in Ikebukuro proper, after he and Izaya had been traveling for over two years. His old job still had space for him, so he had been revisiting all of their old haunts while doing his job. After the last stop of the night, he found himself walking back along a familiar route. He thought he was hallucinating Izaya’s silhouette some ways ahead of him on their old bridge, but as the bridge grew closer he saw it actually was Izaya. 

“Hey…” he said, squinting up at him. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“What do you think?” Izaya reached his hand out towards him with a cheshire smile. “I'm here to see you. Aren't I always?” He looked down at Shizuo, who was looking up at him from beneath the bridge. “Romeo, Romeo, where art thou Romeo?”

Shizuo’s brow furrowed, but he humored him and climbed the stairs to meet him. “If you just wanted to see me you could've done that at home, not that I'm complaining…”

Izaya smirked. “Kinda sounds like maybe you are complaining,” he teased, before holding out a bag. “Tom said you haven't eaten.”

Shizuo took it and pulled out a paper takeout box. “What's in it?” he asked. Izaya handed him chopsticks. 

“Open it and find out.”

Shizuo eyed him suspiciously before opening the box and seeing what looked like the sushi from his favorite fancy restaurant. His face lit up, his appetite surfacing as he began to excitedly eat the food. 

“What's the occasion?” he asked with food still partially in his mouth. Izaya smiled and sighed, leaning on the rail and looking out over the road and city. 

“Nothing, really. Can’t I just show the love of my life a kind gesture?” 

Shizuo chewed thoughtfully. “You are so full of shit, Izaya. But I will not complain about this sushi, even if it’s poisoned.”

“As if mere poison could defeat the likes of you.” 

“I will take that as a complement to my unwavering health.” He spoke in this slightly deadpan voice that Izaya was fond of.

As Shizuo got to the end of his meal, he heard something strange and scanned the pavement and alleyways below for the source, the street lights too dim to be of much help. The area was as empty as it always was this time of night. “Do you hear… music?” 

Izaya blinked and seemed to prick up his ears. “Shit, yeah. That’s odd.” He blinked a few more times, staring in the direction of the sound. “Don’t we know this song?”

Shizuo looked at him with a furrowed brow as the music got a bit louder. “Yeah- it’s one of my favorites. I guess someone has good taste.”

Izaya looked at him and smirked. “You wanna dance, Shizu-chan?”

He raised an eyebrow amusedly. “Sure.”

They had danced together quite a few times during their travels, Shizuo having reluctantly admitted that he always wanted to because his adopted mother always loved it. They didn’t know anything flashy, but it wasn’t difficult to comfortably move together in each other's arms any more. Through the steps and the spins, Shizuo saw Izaya’s blinding smile and didn’t fight back a dopey grin himself, because Izaya was so beautiful when he smiled, and because here they were dancing at their old rendezvous spot, at least half a decade since they’d last been there together. 

Near the climax of the song, a slight static noise flickered around them as the storefronts and walkways surrounding them were illuminated in the soft glow of at least a dozen strands of fairy lights, encircling above and below the point they stood at and seeming to wrap them in dazzling candle light.

“Y-You did this?” he said in realization and amazement as he swiveled in place, taking in all the lights. “We’ve only been back for… when did you even find-” 

When he looked back at Izaya he was frozen by the sight of the other man on one knee. His brain had not connected what was happening on its own; he could barely believe it.

“Shizuo Heiwajima, will you marry me?” The man looked up at him with soft red eyes through black hair, holding up a ring.

“A- A ring,” Shizuo stated, stuntedly.

“Ah, yes,” the kneeling man started to shift uncomfortably. “Celty said you thought colorless gems were boring so-”

“You’re proposing to me?” he asked.

He nodded. “Yes, I am.” 

Izaya’s brow furrowed. Shinra, Celty, and his sisters were all sure that he’d say yes, but Izaya was getting worried. As he watched emotions flit across Shizuo’s face, tears ran from the man’s eyes. Anxiety keeping Izaya on edge, he realized he’d never seen Shizuo cry before, not in all their years together.

“I never thought that you’d want to marry me,” said the taller man with a raw tone. Izaya stood up and wasn’t sure if he should touch him ‒ Shizuo was crying, he thought in a panic‒ so he settled on holding one of his hands.

“And, did you want me to?” he asked with bated breath.

“I,” Shizuo looked at him with watery brown eyes, “yes, I do.” Izaya’s heart melted with relief. “And nobody… told you you should do this or anything, right?” Izaya sighed.

“No, love.” He brought a hand to Shizuo’s cheek to brush his tear tracks away. “It was my idea and I’ve been planning it since we left Japan.”

Shizuo nodded, staring at him intently, and said “Yes,” before grabbing his hand and pulling it to his lips, kissing it. “Yes.” He grabbed his face, and held him with such reverence. “ Yes.” Shizuo kissed him deeply and without reservations, knowing that this time there was truly no way he’d scare Izaya off by loving him too much. He picked him up and spun in a circle, Izaya laughing with mirth. They danced once more, blanketed in beautiful hanging lights and the city noises of late night, early morning Ikebukuro. 

Shinra stood, hitting his glass with a spoon to draw everyone’s attention.

“I must say. I think I speak for almost everyone here, in that ten years ago I would not have expected this union in the slightest. But today, my two oldest friends are married. 

“When Shizuo first told me that they were together, I actually begged him to up and run. It feels like a lifetime ago. It seemed like a decent bet at the time that their relationship would go down like a house fire, and I fancied myself a love expert, actually. Six years, though, that’ll show you. Every time I talked to them, I got another piece of evidence that their relationship wasn’t all that bad, after all, until eventually I was just happy for them.

“Many of you may not know, I actually introduced them so many years ago. Even their first meeting turned into an all out brawl. I remember thinking, after a few months, that introducing them might have been the biggest mistake that I ever made. Standing here before you all, I no longer think that. I’m so glad that the two of them have found each other, and got so far in order to be this happy together. Because I have never seen either of them as happy as they are when they’re together. So congratulations, my friends. Raise your glasses to Shizuo and Izaya.”

The answering cry of cheers, from all the colorful acquaintances the two of them had kept, was heartening.