Chapter Text
Bowser had thought Peach was acting strange during his most recent kidnapping, and he didn’t know why until he heard from one of his spies.
“Your highness, we’ve received word that there is still a Princess Peach back in the Mushroom Kingdom,” one of his shy-guys explained. “She has been discussing with Mario how to rescue a so-called ‘Luigi.’”
Bowser frowned, then roared in disgust once he realized what his spy was indicating. He had been tricked! Those bozos back at the Mushroom Kingdom were laughing at him! Well, two can play at that game.
King Bowser decided then and there that he’d keep up the pretense that he didn’t know Luigi was Princess Peach. Just to watch the little guy squirm. And to add insult to injury, he was going to make the trip to his castle much more difficult for Mario. Serves them right for trying to make him look the fool.
***
“Good evening, Princess Peach,” Bowser said. “I hope you’ve been enjoying your stay so far.” He sat at the head of the dining table, with Luigi sitting on his right. Bowser wore his usual outfit of spiky bracelets and a choker, whereas Luigi wore the signature pink dress of the princess. He covered his mustache with a white face mask (he told everyone he “had a cold” when he first arrived).
Bowser’s eight children sat further down, digging into their food or chatting about how their day went. Only a few people knew that Luigi wasn’t the princess. Bowser’s children hadn’t been told anything; they were the worst at keeping secrets.
Luigi didn’t respond to Bowser’s inquiry. Bowser cleared his throat. “Are you listening, Princess?”
Luigi jolted. “What, o-oh, yes, that’s me. The princess. W-what did you ask?”
Bowser rolled his eyes. Even without his spy, he would’ve figured out Luigi wasn’t the real thing easily. His high pitched voice was spot on in imitating Peach, though. “I asked you how you’re enjoying your stay.”
“Oh! Yes. It’s… quite lovely.”
“And the food? Is it to your liking?”
“Yes. I’ve never had anything like it.”
“But you have it every time I kidnap you. It’s your favorite dish.” That wasn’t true, but Bowser wanted to see how he would react.
Luigi paled. “O-oh! I, uh, meant it has never tasted this good! Did your chef add something new…?”
“Nope.”
“Oh… well, maybe it’s just the cold affecting my taste buds.”
Bowser grinned impishly. “I see.” He watched Luigi carefully lift the mask from the bottom side and spoon food into his mouth. Honestly, it was kind of impressive that he didn’t get any sauce on the inside of his mask.
“Papa!” Bowser Jr. called from the other end of the table.
“Yes?”
“Can we play games after dinner?”
Bowser contemplated. He did have some paperwork he needed to do… but he also had a hard time saying “no” when his kids were involved. “Sure, I don’t see why not. And let’s have Mama Peach join us, too. Is that fine with you kiddos?”
“YAY!”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Yeah!”
The koopalings cheered, and Bowser watched Luigi’s eyes widen in fear. Bowser grinned. This was going to be fun.
***
The group played “Scum,” a card game where you wanted to get rid of your hand first. Bowser half expected Luigi to be scum or the last person out of cards the entire time, but he just kept… winning.
“What!? No fair!” Junior cried. “How come you’re so good?!”
“Indeed!” Ludwig, Bowser’s musically gifted and blue-haired child, agreed. “You normally suck at card games.”
Luigi paled. “O-oh! Uh, I got sick of losing and learned a thing or two from Mario and Luigi.”
Bowser raised an eyebrow. Was this guy cheating? Or just extremely lucky?
Junior was scum for the round, so it was his turn to shuffle the deck and hand out cards. Only… he stunk at shuffling.
“Oh! Let me help,” Luigi said. He reached over and grabbed the large deck with his gloved hands. Then he shuffled the deck like some crazy magician: cards were flying into the air, being shot across one hand to the other like a card-made accordion, or just plain shuffled at fast speeds.
All the koopas at the game table stared at Luigi in awe. Luigi finished his shuffling and handed the deck back to Junior. He flinched as he realized they were staring at him with slack jaws, and his nervous air returned.
“Uh, that was also a trick or two I learned from the Mario Bros. They, uh, love to gamble!”
Bowser blinked in surprise. Where had that confident Luigi sprung from? He thought this guy only knew how to cower or cry.
“Well, Junior, get on with it,” Bowser said.
Junior jolted and picked up the deck of cards, slowly handing out enough for everyone.