Work Text:
Oscar was the one who saw it first. He wondered if that was part of why he'd come. A desperation to hold onto Logan just like how Logan needed to cling to Oscar.
Logan had known it was coming. It had been obvious for months. If it was obvious to the fans (and Logan had seen the fan comments and theories) then it was even more obvious from the inside. James was good at saying pretty words, but all one needed to do was see his dead eyes to know that they were just that; pretty words.
Maybe it was Logan's fault that he'd bought into the lie a little bit. But can anyone really blame him? Williams was his only chance, and accepting their offer had pushed his career past F3. They might be the only reason he did make it as far as he did. No one could really blame him for buying into the whole song and dance, at least in 2023.
Getting re-signed so late should have been his first sign that the roof was about to collapse on him, but he was just grateful that he got another year to try and achieve his dream, to make all of the things he'd sacrificed worth it. He didn't know what else he even could do. From having an overweight car to old parts to no upgrades to getting his car given to his teammate. He was ignored and ridiculed and slandered, and yet Williams did nothing. They'd tried to replace him mid season twice now, and those were only the attempts he knew about. He was just tired now. Sometimes it felt like he was the only one who was angry about the shit sinking ship he'd found himself in, and eventually, the anger just faded to exhaustion. There was no point in fighting when he was never even going to have a chance in the first place.
As soon as Spa was done he'd booked it back to England to hide away to deal with his chronic health condition. he'd pointedly avoided all social media, going so far as to just… turn off his phone; go one a blackout. It was the smart thing to do. More and more of the vile underneath of his situation with Williams and James kept fucking leaking. If ever Williams was just going to give up and stop even pretending that they have him on the team.
He'd gone days into the break before Oscar even arrived. Then he even made it another day or two just with Oscar, ignoring the rest of the world. It was wonderful even if he felt like shit. He and Oscar just spent hours quietly in each other's presence as Oscar held him close to his side. With the way he lived, how could he ask for anything more?
But just because he wasn't even powering his phone on didn't mean that Oscar was doing the same. He just hadn't really put a lot of thought into it because he was kind of busy melting into Oscar's side and hoping he'd stop hurting so much.
He woke up to Oscar on his phone, a stormy but cold look on his face. Oscar was sitting up against the headboard on a small mountain of pillows. Logan was still mooshed into Oscar's side, his face pillowed on Oscar's chest. One of Oscar's arms was wrapped around Logan's back, his hands resting on the back of Logan's neck so he could thread his fingers through Logan's hair.
"Did you know?"
His voice was quiet but in the dead silence of Logan's bedroom, it felt thunderous This was the moment in movies right before the breakdown.
Logan didn't move from his position. "About Carlos?" he said, his voice barely there at all despite Oscar's more conversational tone. "I don't think anyone is really surprised.
"Logan…"
Logan looked up at Oscar, meeting his eyes. He felt bad about the dark circles that stood out starkly against the Australian's pale skin. "Oscar, I'm not exactly doing well. I had a pretty bad rookie year, and let's be honest, this one isn't much better. Pretty much since Australia anyone could tell that Williams didn't want me back. James all but begged Sainz publicly."
Oscar pursed his lips, his face hard in the way that it got when he was upset. "There's an interview," he said his voice now strangely tentative. "Talks began in Abu Dhabi."
It didn't take a genius to understand what Oscar was leaving unsaid. James hadn't re-signed him when Abu Dhabi 2023 had happened. Hell, he didn't get re-signed until weeks later. He was a bit surprised that Carlos and his team had been talking to other teams that soon (and Williams of all teams) but it kind of made sense if he knew that Ferrari was unlikely to give him what he wanted from a contract renewal. He'd still obviously had 2024 to finish out with Ferrari (and he was probably hoping for a Mercedes or Red Bull seat instead of a backmarker team like Williams was now) so James had renewed Logan's contract for another year.
Simple. Clean.
They got to keep their American sponsors and the American gimmick driver. Appease what few fans he had and look like the good guys for giving the worst driver on the grid a second chance. They were being loyal, a good family. Logan was their academy driver. Obviously everyone would understand when they chose to sign Carlos Sainz Jr. — a race winner and former Ferrari driver — over him when he inevitably didn't pull off miracles. It was better for the team. How could they hope to be competitive and score points with him as the second driver?
Dangle the promise of a renewal over his head and get the 'best' out of him. Look like they gave him a chance and claim to have sent him off with the best possible chance at having the opportunity for a seat elsewhere. On paper it was great. A win-win relationship in Logan being a placeholder driver.
In reality, the fact that Logan had never really had a chance couldn't have been more obvious unless they'd full on stated it to the press. They basically had anyway. They'd never prioritized him; barely did the bare minimum or offered any courtesy his way. James made it no secret he wanted Logan out of the seat as early as Australia. It'd been the third race of the season. They'd tried to replace him. At least twice even before the summer break. Logan honestly wouldn't be surprised if James called him and told him he wouldn't be racing for the rest of the season anyway. It wasn't like Logan had a good contract. Certainly nothing like Carlos Sainz Jr. or even Alex had.
Did it hurt to have it confirmed? And in such a casual way? Sure. Logan wasn't in the business of lying to himself anymore. It was gutting. It was betrayal. Just because he'd mostly seen it coming — in action if not extent — didn't mean that it wasn't horrible to feel.
He should have known better by now. It wasn't even like this was the first time something along these lines had happened. It felt like when he'd been left back in F3 and no one but the worst team would take him. It was a blow to the ego. It was just another thing pushing him further away from the dream.
He just hated how this was all happening. He hated how little Williams hid everything because Logan couldn't even hide his shame and humiliation. If it wasn't immediately obvious in action, then James decided to run his mouth to a reporter.
Logan was inconvenient and not skilled enough. They wanted him gone.
"Lo," Oscar said, his hand tightening on the back of Logan's neck. "It's not fair," his voice cracked. Maybe it was cruel of Logan to think, but it was strange for Oscar to be so upset on his behalf. This shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone.
"I know."
"They cheered."
Logan froze for a moment, his own fingers clenched in the material of Oscar's shirt. "What?"
"They announced it at the factory officially," Oscar said. "According to this interview from James, they played a video of Carlos' announcement. He said he knew he made the right choice because everyone… cheered."
Logan held his breath, squeezing his eyes shut. He blew out the breath slowly and let out a sardonic laugh. "I bet they didn't even mention me in the announcement."
Of course they cheered. Whether or not it was true or just James running his mouth again didn't even really matter. This is what the narrative was now. They couldn't even just let him fail out like the countless others before him who hadn't managed to make their mark on the sport. They had to just rake him over the coals. He didn't even understand why. What was it about him that was so repulsive? He just didn't understand what he'd done wrong.
Was this just how second drivers were treated and as always, he was the one who couldn't handle it?
He hated that Oscar knew how much the team just didn't like him. It sucked that everyone knew that, but for Oscar to know was just… worse. When Oscar wasn't paying all that much attention to him, he could pretend that they were both still accomplishing their dreams together. Oscar wouldn't really know that Logan's dream looked more like a nightmare these days, and the illusion could hold until he was gone.
But now that was impossible. Oscar was the one reporting things that Logan hadn't even known for sure, and he couldn't just claim that it was a one-off or a bad time. The whole year of 2024 was fucked.
(In a way it was a kindness that Oscar was the one presenting this to him. He couldn't imagine the nightmare it would be if the first time he'd heard about any of this was from a reporter demanding a comment from him and shoving a microphone in his face at the paddock.)
From the look on Oscar's face, Logan's quip about Williams barely acknowledging him was true. Because of course it was.
"You don't deserve this."
Oscar's voice was quiet and horrified. His eyes had widened slightly, this horrible hope that this wasn't true still visible. Oscar had always been more of a fighter than Logan was.
"I know, but it's not like anything can be done about it."
"Surely there's some way to fight—"
"It's over, Osc," Logan said, turning fully to look Oscar in the eye without craning his neck awkwardly.
He had no idea what Oscar thought could even be fought. Williams? Carlos' contract? There was nothing to fight. It was just done.
Oscar's face crumpled and Logan's heart broke a bit. The grip he had on the back of Logan's neck squeezed again, fingers pulling at his hair.
"Was it always like this?" Oscar asked. "I mean, I knew it wasn't going great for you because the car just isn't there, and Australia—" he winced, visibly shifting gears. "I just didn't think it was this… I wasn't paying attention—"
"Yeah," Logan said.
"It's not safe," Oscar insisted. "I mean, you're finishing out the season, right?"
"Hope so," Logan quipped wryly. It didn't really do all that much to halt or even slow the rant that Oscar was working himself into.
"How bad's the animosity really? It was true what Ericsson said about you no longer speaking with James, isn't it? What if something happens because they choose not to do their job? You can't trust them!"
Logan frowned, his eyebrows pulling together enough to cause him a small headache. Ah, flare up still going strong.
He couldn't say he didn't see how Oscar had jumped to this particular conclusion. It wouldn't exactly be incorrect to say that Williams had been sabotaging him since the 2024 season started. The car was a piece of shit, and that was when it had new part specs. Logan had been driving the 'oops we don't have enough money' car for almost half the year.
He was never meant to be able to perform. He was never meant to be able to improve and garner favour from any other team. How could he when they gave him no feedback at all? Most of all, he was never meant to be renewed. No matter how well he'd performed or will perform, he was never going to be re-signed. Hell, it'd taken the investors being satisfied with his performance to stop James' desperate attempts to drop him.
Despite all this, he didn't think they'd gone so far as to purposefully make his car unsafe. Sure, it felt nearly impossible to drive, but Alex was able to handle it. Alex was even putting up decent showings unlike Logan. All he did was cost the team money. Their professional integrity meant that they wouldn't make it dangerous — well, any more dangerous — for him to drive.
He knew that he wasn't exactly well-liked by the mechanics in his garage or most of the team back at the factory. But they'd cheered. He could kind of understand Oscar's concern. It certainly left a sour taste in his mouth and a pit in his stomach. He hadn't thought that they'd be that excited to see him gone. Had he just been willfully ignorant?
"I don't think they'd do anything to try and kill me—"
Oscar cut him off, his eyes fierce. "You can't know for sure," he insisted. "Do you trust them?"
Logan laughed incredulously. "They wouldn't! That's insane, Osc."
Oscar pulled him tighter to his chest, firmly plastering Logan to his side to the point where there was no space between them at all.
"Do you trust them?" he repeated.
Logan gaped at him, his jaw working just a bit. No sound escaped him. That was an answer all in itself.
Oscar dumped his phone to the side in the covers. He used his now free arm to wrap around Logan's shoulders and just held him.
"I just…" he said. "I don't want to lose you. I'm not ready to let you go."
Logan's upper lip trembled and he tucked his face back into Oscar. He couldn't look at him anymore. He couldn't meet his eyes or he'd break down.
"I'm not ready to go," he admitted. He took in a shaky breath. "I'm sorry."
Oscar pulled him tighter, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Logan's hair. He shimmied down the bed, doing his best to not break the embrace he had Logan in. Logan happily tucked his face into Oscar's neck as he turned into him so they were more facing each other than Logan lying on his chest.
"Don't go," he pleaded helplessly.
Logan sniffed. "I don't really have much of a choice."
Oscar pressed harder into the back of his head. The pressure somehow helped alleviate some of his headache. He shuddered. "Maybe another team—"
"Only 4 seats left," he whispered. "I think… I think it's done."
They fell into silence.
"Still have half the season," Logan offered helplessly. "I'm not gone just yet."
It was Oscar's turn to shudder, wrapping himself further around Logan, the hand not buried in his hair moving down to wrap around his waist, deepening their embrace. "I don't know what I'll do."
"You'll be fine," Logan assured him. "You'll keep winning and you'll move on."
"It's not enough," he pleaded. "You're supposed to be there beside me."
Logan bit his lip. "We both know that that was just a dream."
"It wasn't supposed to go like this."
The words hung heavy in the quiet between them.
"Just… be there with me while I'm still here?"
Oscar inhaled sharply. "Don't talk like you're dying."
"I don't know what'll happen after this season," he confessed. "I don't know where I'll end up."
"I'll be there," Oscar declared. "Promise I'll be better than I have been."
Logan sighed, twitching as his hip complained about the position he was in. His shoulder was craned weirdly too. He shuffled in Oscar's arms until the Australian got the hint and loosened his grip. He rolled until he was flat on his back, not complaining when Oscar moved to drape himself over Logan. The pressure was good. It was like a warm, breathing weighted blanket.
"Let's just… make the second half of the season a good one, okay?"
"Okay."