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Ava had always hated small spaces.
There was something about them that made her skin feel like it was sewn too tight to her body, or that her world was caving in.
She could remember going on a family holiday during her childhood years to the Cango Caves, looking up at the beautiful rocks and wondering if today would be the day it would all come crumbling down, killing her and her family. Or maybe it had something to do with when she was younger and her cousin decided to build them a fort, however, it had gone sideways when he had thought it was ‘funny’ to trap Ava underneath a mountain of pillows, leaving her minimal space to think, let alone breathe. Needless to say, that had been the day she’d experience her first panic attack.
But she couldn’t be claustrophobic, no way. Those were typical childhood things that everyone experienced.
(So what if she feared the elevator at work would suddenly shut down and leave her trapped? So what if she struggled to watch someone have an MRI as it made her feel like her chest was caving in? So fucking what?)
And now her totally non-existent fear had led her to being stuck in a very old building, hands inside a builder’s wounds in order to stop him bleeding to death after being impaled. So no, it’s not her finest moment, but there was no other choice. One moment she was prepping for a valve reconstruction, and the next she was shoved into an ambulance, on her way to a place that would probably be her grave.
She and Dr Crockett Marcel had been getting ready for surgery, when Dr Latham came in to inform them that something had happened - a building’s infrastructure was coming down, and now there was someone stuck under the rubble, with a life expectancy that was dwindling. She and Marcel had been instructed to go into the field, despite her not being a trauma surgeon, to assess the damage and see what they could do. Marcel had boldly accepted the challenge, whereas she had been a little more hesitant.
They were now stuck in a crumbling parking lot, dust filling the air and concrete falling like snow in their hair. They were accompanied by one of engine 81’s firefighters, Captain Matt Casey, who was mainly serving as a beacon of light for the surgeons, both literally and metaphorically - he held a large flashlight for the duo, as neither had any hands free to do so themselves, and also kept their hopes up, as he kept them reassured that he knew what he was doing. It relieved Ava’s nerves, slightly.
As she passed bandages to Marcel, under the chiaroscuro lighting, she could see his face twist. “What is it, Crockett?” She asked, her stomach tightening. The injured man whined softly as Marcel pressed down on his bloody leg. He sighed, then shuffled over to where Ava was, his voice low.
“It’s not looking good. By the time we get him out of here, he’ll be dead. We need to do a REBOA.” Marcel looked back at the patient, then to Casey and Ava.
“We cannot do a REBOA here,” She hissed, eyes darting back between Marcel and the patient, who was looking paler than he was a few minutes ago. “For starters, I’m not a trauma surgeon, and we don’t even have the correct equipment.”
“Look, we could be down here for ages. We need to do something fast or else this poor soul is gonna bleed to death,” Marcel replied, brows furrowed as he tried to think of a solution. There was more rumbling around them, the bag next to them vibrating. It was clear they needed to get out of there, and fast. “Do you know when we can get out of here, Captain?”
“I can’t say for certain. There’s no signal in the radios down here. Could be a while.” Casey sighed, shining the flashlight over the patient, who was getting paler by the minute. Ava bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep the snarky reply that was burning inside her down.
Why was she here? She shouldn’t have been chosen for this; she specialised in CT, not in trauma. This was Marcel’s speciality, and Connor’s..
Connor. God, Ava hadn’t thought about him. All her focus had been on her current predicament. She thought about the last time she saw him, which had been the night before, the kiss they’d share as he went out the hospital doors and she entered. She hoped that wouldn’t be the last time he saw her.
“We can’t do this..” Ava’s voice was quiet, all her confidence gone. Marcel ran a hand through his hair as Casey moved away from the group, trying to get his radio to work again.
“Well, unless you have another plan to get him out of here, we’re doing it.” Marcel replied, his teeth gritted. He went back to the patient, opening the medic bag and searching for a scalpel. Ava felt lightheaded as she went to join him, uncomfortable with what they were doing.
Marcel sighed, shifting some of the broken concrete out of the way so he could work. She followed suit; they needed as much space as possible for this, in their cramped tomb.
And then it happened.
“Take cover!” Casey yelled out to them, as the structure around them finally gave way, collapsing around them. The dust was worse than ever, sneaking into every nook and cranny. Debris surrounded the four, raining down on them like bullets.
All Ava remembered was putting her arms up to shield her head, cowering into a foetal position, before the world went dark.
It was quiet at Med.
Almost too quiet for Maggie’s liking.
Since her shift that had started almost three hours ago, she had been bombarded with questions, which weren’t from patients (for once). When she had gotten to work, she’d been informed by the night staff that Dr Bekker and Dr Marcel were currently in the field, helping Firehouse 51 with a rescue, with no word for when they would be back.
Now, she had to deal with her ED staff constantly asking when the surgeons would be back, due to patients either needing to be seen for consultations, or needing surgery. Of course, they had the Hybrid OR, but there was only so much that Dr Rhodes could do. Luckily, the ED had been quiet that morning, which meant that their absences weren’t too concerning.
Which then led to her current predicament. She currently had Rhodes in the OR, and almost all the other surgeons were in surgery or prepping; Dr Will Halstead suddenly appeared at her desk, an impatient look on his face.
“Hey, any update on when Bekker and Marcel are back?” Will asked, tapping his fingers impatiently on the desk. “Kinda need my patient to get into surgery ASAP.”
Maggie huffed. She’d started her shift with the knowledge that two of their surgeons were currently out of action, yet she had no idea when they were coming back.
“No, no I don’t. I’ll let you know when I do hear, or someone else becomes available.” She smiled warmly at Will, who grunted in response. She would have sent the patient to the Hybrid OR, but it was currently occupied by Dr Rhodes, taking the lead on a two-car collision that had happened right at the start of shift.
“Well, if you get any new incomes, I’ll take ‘em. I have nothing better to do.” He muttered, before going back to the treatment room. She rolled her eyes at the doctor, albeit not surprised at his attitude.
Maggie glanced at the Hybrid OR. She could see Connor look up every now and then at the ED doors, then focus back on his patient. She had a sneaking feeling why he was acting this way; Ava was currently one of the surgeons in the field, and it was clear that he was waiting for her return, like a dog waiting for their owner. It was expected for him to be concerned for her, who wouldn’t be for a friend? However, Maggie also knew that there was something else there, aside from platonic feelings. She wasn’t one to listen to gossip (only if she couldn’t help herself), and her respect for the two surgeons went further than she could run.
Even if they weren’t together, they did make quite a good pair.
Maggie was pulled from her train of thought as her pager beeped, letting her know someone was coming in. She started walking to the ED doors, but not before alerting Will, who was already on the move.
However, it wasn’t their usual paramedics coming in; instead, Brett and Casey pulled the gurney in, the Captain looking dishevelled, with Marcel behind them, blood trailing down his forehead. She already had a bad feeling about who the patient was.
“Incomi- oh my god.” Maggie didn’t have a chance to finish her sentence as she spotted the patient. It was none other than Ava Bekker, covered in dust and blood, and sticking out an inch below her shoulder was a thick piece of rebar. She heard Will curse under his breath as he guided them into one of the trauma bays, the members of 51 still with them.
“What happened?” Will asked, taking over from Brett.
“Building came down. Marcel and I are okay, but Bekker was too far in,” Casey explained, wiping sweat and dust from his forehead. “She just happened to be in the wrong place.”
“Transfer on my count,” Will demanded. They transferred her to the bed, getting the gurney out as quick as possible, Brett and Casey lingering nearby. The ED team immediately began treating the surgeon, cutting off her shirt to address the injuries and running an IV. “Push for the usual, I’m gonna focus on this.” He gritted his teeth as he delicately touched the rebar. “We’re gonna need trauma in here.. I’m not risking removing this.”
Maggie felt her breath hitch. The last thing she wanted to do right now was to alert Connor about this - she told one of the nurses by her side to page trauma, to tell them they were bringing someone up soon.
Will turned his attention back to Ava’s other injuries, checking the gash on her forehead and other cuts and bruises, making sure they were nothing too serious. He ordered the room to stand back as they ran an x-ray, and was relieved to see the rebar hadn’t pierced anything vital.
“Where am..” Ava mumbled, her voice weak and raspy, squinting against the room’s harsh lights. She reached out her free hand to Maggie, even if it made more blood weep from her shoulder. The nurse grabbed her hand; Ava’s grip was weak compared to her own.
“Hey, Ava, you’re okay,” Maggie reassured her, moving strands of bloody hair away from her face. “You’re gonna be okay.”
“You’re a tough cookie, Ava.” The nurse looked up at Will, who was busy sewing up the gash on her forehead. Though his face hardened as he noticed that the surgeon’s eyes were fluttering.
“Hey,” he barked. The near shout forced her to open her eyes, but they were already starting to droop again. “Stay with us now,” He sighed hard, realising they had little time to transfer her upstairs.
“I’m awake, just resting my eyes,” She said. Not very convincing. “Where’s.. Connor?” Maggie and Will shared a worrisome look, before getting back to the task at hand. He finished sewing her up, Maggie let go of her hand, and they headed off to the elevator. Marcel had joined them now, telling them he wanted to see her off to surgery. They begrudgingly let him tag along, all squeezing into the elevator.
They got out of the elevator onto the surgery floor, where they were greeted by the surgical team. They watched as she was taken beyond the doors, unknowing of her fate.
They could only pray that she’d be okay.
It was barely even 10 in the morning, and Connor had had enough of the day.
He was currently stuck in the Hybrid OR, performing some surgery on a patient who’d been involved in a vehicle collision at the start of his shift. He wasn’t meant to be in there, but the patient had taken a turn for the worst, and he’d been called to do what he did best.
However, he was preoccupied, his mind in a different place. He felt like he could barely concentrate on doing a good job, even if it was all muscle memory at this point.
Connor had gotten to work that morning late due some traffic on the road, which meant he hadn’t seen Ava before to bicker about who got what surgeries that day. That had started his bad mood. It continued to go downhill after that, especially after learning where Ava had gone; she had gone into the field, something that was completely out of her comfort zone, to help out with Firehouse 51.
The catalyst had been when he learned, right before going into surgery, that the scene that Ava and Crockett were at had collapsed. It had taken everything in him not to get in his car and go right there, digging through rubble to find her.
Every time he’d look up through the OR windows, he expected to see Ava and Crockett return. And every time, he’d be greeted with the same emotional cocktail of disappointment, dread and fear when it wasn’t them walking in.
Fear. A quality that his father had always told him was pathetic for men to have, especially one of his status. All his childhood, Connor had spent those hours alone ignoring it, making sure he never felt it. Even now, with the man six feet in the ground, he could hear his father’s words in the back of his head, “fear is for the weak”. He tried his best to replace his current thoughts and feelings on the surgery at hand, but just didn’t have it in him.
It seemed his prayers were answered, though not in the way he imagined, as just as he was removing the spleen from his patient, Maggie appeared at the OR doors, looking frantic, blood staining her hands.
“I’m in the middle of something, Mags.” He sighed; he needed to go back to operating, but this sudden appearance from the head nurse made him uncomfortable. A coil in his stomach formed, all the negative emotions in him brewing like a storm.
“You need to come with me, now,” He could see the tears in Maggie’s eyes. The coil in his stomach tightened. “It’s Ava.”
It took Connor all of three seconds to take his scrubs off and get out of the OR.
When Ava came to, she thought she was dead.
Well, not exactly dead, but she definitely felt like she’d been revived a handful of times, almost to the point where they should have let her go.
Ava pulled herself up as best as she could from the bed she lay in and groggily looked at her surroundings. The blinding lights that burned her eyes, an all-too familiar smell of antiseptic, the quiet voices of bustling nurses from outside and the beeping of monitors. It was clear she was in the hospital, but now as a patient. However, she wasn’t in the standard ICU room - it seemed to be a private room, which concerned her, because her insurance definitely didn't cover that.
She noticed the IV in her hand, and her eyes followed the wires to the monitor next to her. She couldn’t see what they were giving her, but god, it was doing its job. Then, she noticed the only thing that brightened up the room - the dozens of bouquets that were strategically placed around her, the biggest arrangements that had cars closest to her, and the smallest, albeit nice, ones were further away.
She smiled, but it quickly faltered. Her head pounded, not to mention her right arm killed her to move. She couldn’t remember what happened to her. There were pieces of her memory missing - the last thing she could recall was somewhere dark, with lots of rubble, then, people shouting, swearing, blood everywhere..
“Knock knock!”
Ava turned her attention to the knock at the door. There stood Sarah Reese, one of her closest friends, a warm smile on her face. She entered the room slowly, as if the surgeon was radioactive.
“I’m glad to see you’re awake. Oh, and I brought brownies!” Sarah teased in a sing-song voice. “Well, I didn’t make them, but it’s the thought that counts.” She sat down in the chair next to the bed, placing the plastic container on the blanket. Ava made a grab for them with her good arm. She bit into the treat, and almost let out a moan, feeling like she hadn’t eaten in days.
“God, those are good,” She spoke between mouthfuls, as she offered Sarah one. They sat in silence for a bit as they ate, but the surgeon could tell that her friend had questions for her. “So, have you been sent in to do a full psychiatry report on me?”
“Don’t worry, I’m not. Just one of your few visitors who’ve been by, I just got lucky by seeing you awake.” The psychiatrist replied, winking at her.
Ava rolled her eyes at her, nudging her gently with her knee. If she wasn’t feeling so out of it still, she would’ve had a good comeback.
“So, um, where’s..” She trailed off, trying to think of someone she could ask about. She was unsure if she wanted to name-drop Connor - they had never really decided that they were a couple, it had all sort of happened.
“Let me guess, Connor? Well, he was here, but then he thought that you looked cold and started arguing with the nurses that they weren’t looking after you correctly and he even went as far as paying for you to be in a private room.. suffice to say, it was eventful to watch.” Sarah looked abashed as she relayed the story, whereas Ava had stopped eating the brownie and was staring at her in a mixture of horror and amusement.
“Did he actually?” She already knew the psychiatrist’s answer, but she still asked.
“Really! It was crazy. I wasn’t there, but according to Will, he thought Connor was going to start swinging.” Sarah recalled. Ava felt her chest tighten as she processed the information. Connor had gone to hell and back for her, all so she could receive the best treatment possible - she’d never be able to repay him for that. She knew that the hospital’s best care wasn’t cheap, and lord knows how long she’d been there..
Wait. What day was it?
“Thursday,” Sarah snapped her from her thoughts. The surgeon cocked her head to the side, confused. “You just said ‘what day is it’.”
“Oh, yeah,” Ava let out a small laugh. “Feels like I’ve been here for days.”
She’d meant for it to be a joke, but the serious look on Sarah’s face told her all she needed to know. It felt like all life had been sucked from the room.
“Ava.. it’s Thursday,” Her voice was quiet as she spoke, almost as if she was afraid of upsetting the surgeon. “The accident happened on Sunday. You’ve been out for four days.”
She was suddenly hit with a wave of nausea. Thursday? She’d been out for four, almost five, days, and she hadn’t even begun to think about the extent of her injuries. God, she’d probably be off for months, all the physical therapy, the costs..
It felt like the walls were closing in, just like the building had. Ava couldn’t breathe. She tried to remind herself of where she was, taking deep breaths where she could. She could hear Sarah talking to her (or rather, at her), but it was all static to her. She felt like her soul wasn’t part of her body anymore, all a separate entity.
“..Ava!” Sarah had a gentle hold of her shoulders. She managed to focus on the psychiatrist’s face, hazel eyes staring into brown ones. “You’re okay, you’re safe.”
“I’m sorry,” Ava managed to get out eventually. She knew there was no reason to be sorry, but she couldn’t help herself. She felt like a fool. She had spent a majority of her career, curating this image of herself, to be perceived as tough and snarky, not showing any real emotion. It had been a blessing and a curse; whilst it meant people took her seriously, it also meant that people would bitch about her behind her back. “I just.. I don’t know what came over me.”
“Ava, don’t feel like you have to apologise. You’re human, these things happen.” Sarah reassured her. The surgeon nodded slowly.
“Yeah, I guess..” She didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She wanted to move on. “I think I should start opening some cards or something.” Ava pulled her knees to her chest, whilst Sarah hummed in response, getting up and collecting the envelopes.
Before she could say or do anything else, the door opened, and in walked the one person she wanted to see.
Connor.
Ava felt like her heart was practically melting at the sight of him. He was looking dishevelled, which normally wasn’t an unusual sight to her, but this was different. He looked like he’d been hit by a train or something. She could tell he’d had sleepless nights, probably because of her, and he was very unkempt from the usual Connor she knew. In a way it reminded her of the time they first met.
“You’re awake,” He blurted out. He stayed in the doorway, his eyes wide, frozen in place. She half-expected him to turn to stone. “Oh my god, you’re okay.”
“Yeah, yeah,” She waved her hand at him. She could tell he was afraid to enter, as if she’d fade away if he got too close. From late night talks, Ava knew Connor wasn’t big on hospitals or confrontations (many thanks to his father). Luckily for her, she knew how to calm his nerves. “Fuck you for telling me something I don’t know.”
She watched as he let out a weak laugh. “And fuck you for almost dying on me.”
They were back to being them; all laughs and jokes. It was like nothing had ever happened.
“Well, I’ll leave you two to.. talk.” Sarah interjected, heading to the door. Just over Connor’s shoulder, she could see the psychiatrist look back at her, raising her eyebrows suggestively. Ava could only roll her eyes, then turned her attention to the man in front of her.
“Connor..” She began, her voice breaking, but stopped, as she couldn’t stop herself from beginning to cry. He practically ran to her side, pulling her into his arms as best he could, trying to avoid her injured shoulder. She threw her good arm around his neck, burying her face into neck. This was safety to her. They pulled back for a minute, and she could see the pain in his eyes. “I’m so glad to see you.”
“As am I. And I know this sounds stupid to ask, but how do you feel?” Connor asked, his voice soft. He was now sitting where Sarah was, his hand in hers, rubbing small circles on the back of her hand.
“Feels like I almost got crushed to death,” She shifted in the bed. “I guess that’s expected, though.”
“Yeah, Casey said you were fucking buried under that building, but at least your minor injuries are healing pretty nicely. Oh, not to mention you had around seven or eight inches of rebar stuck in your shoulder. I offered to do the surgery, but Goodwin didn’t want something going wrong and then you suing me for it.” He laughed.
“Hm, smart decision. I would’ve sued you for every penny.” Ava smiled, leaning back against the bed. All the excitement of seeing her friends had left her feeling tired, and she wanted nothing more than to take a nap. “I’m guessing it all had you pretty stressed out?”
“Oh, like you wouldn’t believe. I thought Maggie was gonna have to send me home. And then when you guys didn’t return after a while, I knew something was wrong. I thought you got kidnapped or some shit.”
“Oh, I could never be kidnapped,” Ava shrugged her shoulders. “They’d kill me, like, an hour in. I’d be a terrible hostage.”
Connor stared at her.
“..I’m not even gonna ask about that one, but good to know.”
The silence returned shortly after; it wasn’t uncomfortable, it was almost peaceful. They sat together in the quiet, with the only noise from outside the room, nurses bustling back and forth, typical hospital noise. It was like the room was protecting them, their sanctuary.
However, there was one thing that was bugging Ava.
“Why did you do it?” She asked, out of the blue. Connor looked at her, confused.
“Do what?”
She couldn’t tell if he was playing innocent or what. Whilst she didn’t mind Connor buying her things (lord knows she loved it on date night, or when she’d turn up to work and find gifts in her locker), but this was different. This wasn’t just some piece of jewellery - this was life or death. Literally.
“Oh, don’t act like you don’t know. Paying for everything,” She huffed. “You didn’t need to do all that. And don’t think for a second I won’t pay you back.”
“Ava..” Connor sighed. “You don’t need to do that. Seriously.”
“That’s not the point,” Ava gritted her teeth. She could feel herself grow more frustrated with his generosity. She was starting to regret waking up. “There was no reason for any of this. There's someone out there who probably needs this care more than me. And for what, a few scratches?”
“You could’ve died, Ava!” He was practically shouting, eyes hard as diamonds. She felt a pang in her chest. Fuck. “Hell, you basically were dead. Watching you on that operating table, bleeding out and not being able to do anything was the worst day of my life. And then you being in the ICU and being told that there was a possibility you wouldn't wake up.. I’ve already lost my dad, I can’t lose you as well.”
Ava didn’t know how to respond. It was pretty much all her fault. If she hadn’t decided to impulsively put herself forward to go into the field, she wouldn’t be in her current position. She could be up and doing something, anything, but she wasn’t, all because she bit off more than she could chew.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice was quieter now, her eyes looking down. She couldn’t dare to look at him, as if she was guilty in some way. She felt like a child.
“No, I should be the one saying sorry,” Connor sighed. She looked up at him; his face softened, and she could only assume it was because of the tears in her eyes. “We could be in a way worse place right now. You didn’t deserve it. I guess.. I just wanted to help you.”
“You still didn’t have to do it.” She told him, a small smile appearing on her face.
“Well I did, and I did it because you’re my girl. Now c’mere,” He motioned for her to move in, which she did, nestling herself in his arms as best she could, the nagging pain in her shoulder becoming a forgotten memory.
“I’m just glad you’re okay.” He mused, his hand stroking her hair.
“Same here,” She replied, voice muffled, as she smiled into his shoulder. God, she loved him with all her heart. “Even if you didn’t get crushed under a building.”
They held onto one another, arms wrapped around tightly, like yin and yang. If anyone expected to pull them apart, they’d have a hard time trying to.
However, the bittersweet moment was ruined by Ava speaking the first thing that came to her mind during the hug.
“You could really use a shower.”
“You too.”