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On July 6th, the first Waffle House in Corona was opened. Unfortunately no one knew what this would mean for the kingdom. July 6th is a day that would live on in infamy for Corona.
On the first day of the Waffle House’s opening, a terrible tragedy struck the restaurant chain, and the first shipment of ingredients to the store was interrupted by a thief, who stole all of their ingredients for his own selfish gain. As such, the restaurant’s opening was delayed, and thus the people of Corona were largely disappointed. This is when the real tragedy struck– the people of Corona, who had been saving for an expensive Waffle House meal, decided they would spend their saved money on pitchforks and torches to protest the restaurant chain in a good-old-fashioned mob manner.
As you all know, this is pretty average for Waffle House nowadays. But in 19th century Corona, it was chaos. (For most people- Shorty passed out after eating all the pancake batter and hadn’t noticed the conundrum outside.)
The commotion is noticed by the queen, Rapunzel, who has to do something about it. She sends ingredients from the castle itself to restock. Finally, the menu is open and everyone is happy. But the tragedy doesn’t stop there. Does it ever with Waffle House?
The next few days were normal, well as normal as Waffle House could be. The new restaurant was a hit and quickly became the go-to spot for people at all hours, especially late at night which lead to interesting encounters with people coming in on the late ships, late shifts, or night-out parties, sometimes even the late night castle guards would come for a meal. Its menu was simple and classic, and loved. That was why no one would have expected the second tragedy to hit…
For on July 8th, the Waffle House blew up. No one was sure how. Varian, the royal Alchemist of Corona, swore up and down that he'd made extra sure to make the plumbing the non-blowing-up kind, but due to his track record for lying, being evil, and blowing things up, no one really believed him except the Queen.
Little did they know, the real culprit was living in the sewers with the rats, overjoyed at having gotten away with his crimes, and worst of all, the individual responsible was blonde.
His name was Hugo, and though he was ugly, had a vast criminal record, and an unpleasant personality, he was kind of funny sometimes. He had a cringefail demeanor and wore tight green pants, a steampunk style green shirt, and some weird green handkerchief thing around his waist that if viewed from a certain angle, made it look like he was wearing his underwear outside of his pants. Which was ridiculous- Hugo didn’t even wear underwear.
But unbeknownst to him, Hugo’s plan had failed. His alchemical bomb, which he had originally manufactured for gender reveals, but were too unstable to be sold to the general public, hadn’t gone off at the right time. Meaning he hadn’t technically committed a crime (well, in this instance he hadn’t.)
Confused, he searched for clues, curious to know the mastermind behind such a crime.
The clues led him to the Snuggly Duckling…
“Welcome to the Snuggly Duckling, stranger! What can I get for you?” The man behind the counter asked when Hugo walked in.
“Got anything fruity?” Hugo asked, restraining himself from adding ‘like me’..
The bartender shook his head. “We only sell beer here. Well, and Shorty's Special Blend™, but… I wouldn't advise getting it.”
Hugo was a curious type, and couldn't resist. “I'll take a Shorty's Special Blend™, then.”
The bartender nodded sadly, then got to work behind the bar.
After an oddly long wait consisting of twenty minutes, the bartender handed the blonde arsonist twink a wine glass. “Shorty’s special blend, consisting of vodka, sparkling red wine, a dash of lemon juice, a leaf of rosemary, ale 8, Franks Red Hot sauce, Old Spice deodorant zest, Dasani water, and ye olde Lexapro.”
Hugo, being a homeless rat who got most of his food from dumpsters and Taco Bell, was rather intrigued by such a concoction, and drank it gladly. It tasted surprisingly well and to the horror of all the other customers, Hugo kept drinking and ordering more and more of the mixture. Soon enough, a crowd gathered around the blonde, everyone curious just how many glasses he could drink with a straight face.
Many, as it turned out. He didn't stop at five, didn't even slow down as he drank more and more of the most infamous drink in Corona. The crowd only grew bigger as Hugo finished his fifteenth glass and ordered another one. The bartender, who had shaken off his disbelief somewhere around the third glass, swiftly mixed another portion. He was getting pretty good at it, making Shorty's Special Blend™ faster and faster. Even though the first one took over twenty minutes to make, the bartender could work his magic in under five minutes now. He wondered if he should start in some kind of bartender competition once this was over.
Unsurprisingly, Hugo then died from alcohol poisoning.
Sadly, he didn't stay that way. Two days later, Hugo’s eyes fluttered open, and he took in the sight that greeted him. A young man about his age, with black hair that had an edgy blue stripe in the bangs.
“What happened…?” Hugo asked groggily.
“You died.” The guy said, matter-of-factly. “But I brought you back with the power of science! You see, I know that you're the one who stole from and then blew up the Waffle House.”
Hugo felt somewhat nervous, which was exacerbated by the fact that he was wildly attracted to this guy. He then noticed that he had been strapped to the examination table he lay on, and mentally sent himself to horny jail for the thought he had next.
“Who- who are you?” Hugo asked.
“Varian. You know, the Royal Alchemist or whatever?” He waved his gloved hand disinterestedly.
And it was at this moment that Hugo realized that he was gay. Even though he already knew that he was homosexual. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” Hugo mentally slapped himself.
Varian blinked. He regrets reviving this guy. “So, I revive you from the dead after you got alcohol poisoning and one of the first things you say to me is a cringe fest of a pickup line? Are you that dense?” He was dumbfounded and maybe even a little bit livid.
“Well, sue me for not knowing how to talk to an edgy boy who just brought me back from the dead.”
“It wasn’t that hard. All I did was play Bring Me Back To Life by Evanascence.”
“Shit he’s a scientist and he’s emo. I gotta have him.” Thought Hugo.
“We’re getting off topic.” Said the blonde failure of a human being. “My gender reveal bomb didn’t go off. I’m not the one who blew up the Waffle House.”
The other pathetic wet cat and worthless excuse for a human being, Varian, pursed his lips. “That’s odd, considering gender reveal explosives are usually the most destructive and dangerous.”
“Only if you buy them online, or at Walmart.” Said Hugo.
“So if you didn’t blow up the Waffle House, then who did?”
Meanwhile, while the two talked in the basement of the castle (Varian wasn’t allowed upstairs during day hours. His rules, not Rapunzel’s), a cook for the Snuggly Duckling was starting his shift. Content knowing he no longer had any competition.
And poor Rapunzel was devastated. Her latest project, up in flames! (Heh.) She had hoped a fine breakfast establishment would finally bring the people of Corona together. Eugene had suggested building an IHOP, but Rapunzel knew that a Waffle House was the key to Coronan humanity.
But she didn’t want to reopen old wounds just yet. So with that, she and Eugene collaborated and opened Corona’s first Denny’s!
As everyone knows, Denny’s is the best place for a dinner breakfast. So the Denny’s opened at 5 PM– the perfect time for dinner. The author is not biased about dinner time, by the by. The first meal was ordered by Shorty, the little guy (derogatory) who invented the trademark Shorty drink. You know, the one with potent blonde-homicide capabilities.
The food was amazing. Many customers asked what made it so good. The chef was hesitant to tell anyone, seeing as most of the ingredients were obtained through not-so-legal means.
Because of course, when you leave Eugene in charge of anything, he will hire his friends, all of whom happened to be criminals. Having Rapunzel there didn’t do any good, given her Everyone deserves a second chance attitude.
Rapunzel's new project went swimmingly (at least for the first few hours) until it was discovered that the kitchen of the excellent food had rats working in it (typical).
The one who had discovered what made the dishes so good was a raven-haired little girl named Kiera, Catalina's sister and the adopted daughter of Mr. Lance Strongbow, Eugene's best friend.
Kiera was a curious little girl and while Lance was busy chatting with Eugene who was bragging about how great he ran the place, she had sneaked into the kitchen, finding dozens of rats at the stove preparing breakfasts made from contraband ingredients from the city of Vardaros as evidenced by the various boxes on the floor with the name of the city written on them.
The place was actually quite clean, since the only man in the kitchen, a tall, chubby man whose head was completely covered by a horned helmet, was swinging his broom frantically, careful not to hit one of the busy little cooks.
Kiera spilled the beans of course, much to Eugene's embarrassment, and the place was temporarily closed.
Rapunzel couldn't believe that Eugene had been using smuggling to keep the business afloat, but what bothered the queen the most was the exploitation of poor mice in the kitchen!
Crazy stuff.
The rats were pretty chill about it, actually. When Rapunzel asked how she could make up for such terrible actions, the rats collectively decided that a nice big dinner with waffles would be best as an apology. Now this left the Queen in a tricky situation: she didn't want to get on the rats’ bad side more than they already had, however, without the Waffle House, serving waffles was simply impossible.
That's when the tables turned. Upon hearing this, the rats got furious. They kept claiming that if they don't get waffles, then Corona can count on a war with the Society of Rats, in fact very soon.
Rapunzel was at a loss for what to do. She couldn't just reopen the diner that just blew up! Not this soon! What would that say about her ruling? If she's so ready to just move on, what bad light would that cast upon her?
Luckily, not all rats were of the same opinion. One of them, a small, often underestimated ratling, wished for peace among species. She'd do whatever it takes to make the vibes good again. And to eat waffles.
So when she came to Rapunzel and offered her help in finding the culprit of the Waffle House's bombing, the Queen was ecstatic! After giving the ratling all the information and possible leads, Rapunzel asked for the mystery-mouse's name.
“Just call me Olivia, Cheesepuffs!” she squeaked happily.
And thus began Olivia's mission. She knew the best place to start would be to team up with the sharpest minds, not unlike herself.
She scurried deeper and deeper down in the palace, with one goal in mind: the basement.
The basement hid many secrets, the greatest of which was an underground waffle smuggling ring. It was intended for waffles, but due to the Great Waffle Depression it now dealt in other delicacies such as pancakes. French toast was expressly forbidden in this ring, as it gave the rats indigestion.
The ring was led by Olivia’s friend Pizzelle, named in the hopes that he would usher in a great resurgence of waffles. Unfortunately, he had done no such thing, as he in fact traded in powdered sugar. His family was incredibly disappointed, but hey, waffle smuggling is tough when you’re a rat.
Especially since there was another rival waffle smuggling ring, run by two notorious rodents, Squeak Capone and Mickey Mouse Cohen. They had a partner once, a cockroach named BUGsy Siegel, but he disappeared the night of the Waffle House bombing.
Meanwhile, while rats were unionizing and the rat mafia were, presumably also unionizing, Varian and Hugo decided to uncover who blew up the Waffle House that night. Not really in a pursuit of justice, they just really had nothing better to do.
And so one warm July night, Hugo and Varian meet Rapunzel and Olivia, not knowing the two had similar goals in mind, and teamed up, to solve the mystery once and for all.
Unfortunately, the group was not expecting such an expansive and complicated answer, involving the Snuggly Duckling and rival rodent waffle smuggling gangs.
“The new chef from the Snuggly Duckling?!” Eugene let out a dramatic gasp, before pausing and leaning down to the short, raven-haired teenager. “Wait, what was his name again?” As Varian was about to answer, Olivia spoke up from her spot on Rapunzel’s shoulder.
“That’s not all— he had help.” Rapunzel held up a small, transparent plastic box, which apparently existed during regency Corona. Inside was the previously-missing Bugsy.
Lance, eating the one surviving waffle from the explosion days ago, spoke up while watching this. “Wait, wait wait wait— someone explain the whole thing again?”
“So, the Waffle House opened, someone stole the ingredients and it couldn't sell so people went on a rampage. But it's alright because Rapunzel sent what was needed from the castle.” Varian started slowly, doing his best to explain everything as clearly as he could. That still didn't mean Lance would understand - the situation was so confusing that even Varian himself wasn't sure what had transpired.
“Got it, I'm following so far.” Lance nodded, happy that someone followed upon his request.
“Good, now it gets tricky. Two days later the Waffle House exploded and everyone thought it was my fault and I made the pipes wrong or something which is obviously not true because I'm always careful with my calculations and-”
“I'll take it from here, Hairstripe.” Eugene interrupted the teen, receiving a glare in response. Not bothered by the murderous stare at all, the man continued where Varian left off.
“The one who set the bomb up was this blonde over there.” Eugene said, pointing to Hugo. “But the bomb went off at the wrong time because of our culprit here.” He pointed at the chief.
“But why did the chief delay the explosion?” Lance asked in confusion.
“That's the tricky part,” Varian said. “From what I understand, he wanted to stop it but the rat mafia threatened him once he got to the bomb. They wanted their competition gone and an explosion via a gender-reveal bomb was the best they could hope for.”
“What?” Lance asked in confusion. “How?”
“I really like waffles…” The previously quiet chief admitted. “Their waffle smuggling ring supplied me with them in exchange for cooperation. If I didn't let the bomb explode they would take away all my waffles and make sure I never had one ever again…”
“So when the bomb went off, it killed the rat who threatened the chief.” Eugene realized.
“It's a cockroach.” Varian corrected.
“Whatever…”
“When the Waffle House exploded, the rats threw a big waffle party and they invited me. I had more waffles than I could ever hope for! I was on the top of the world. And I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for you, meddling kids!”
In the end, peace was finally restored to the Kingdom. The Waffle House was rebuilt, and the Denny’s was demolished because let’s be honest, is Dennys even that good? No it’s not.
The rat mafia was left alone because no one really cared enough to deestablish it. And Eugene didn’t feel like arresting a group of rats because the whole situation was too stupid even for him. And he didn’t have any cuffs for their tiny lil paws. They agreed to leave the Waffle House alone and no one heard from them since. (It’s speculated they moved to New York.)
Hugo was appointed as another royal engineer because Rapunzel thought it would teach Varian patience. It did not, Hugo’s funeral is this Saturday.
(Relax he’s fine. Probably.)
Olivia was knighted for her efforts and she joined Varian and Hugo as an engineer and she and Pascal ended up getting married with Ruddiger as her best man and Max as Pascals maid of honor. Rapunzel officiated and cried.
All in all, this was a very weird but exciting 48 hours for Corona.