Chapter Text
“I have to admit, I was fairly certain I would never be officiating this wedding after that one time when Harry arrested his date on their first date and between drinks and desserts,” Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt told the gathered assembly who chuckled.
“He does do that,” Winter smiled at this almost-husband who glared back. "What? You do."
“Death Eater,” Harry shrugged. “That only actually happened once.”
“And then there was the time his date was caught on camera running away from him,” Kingsley continued, and Harry realized they should have picked literally anyone else to officiate this ceremony.
“No sense of humor at all,” Harry grumbled under his breath at the ridiculous man who really couldn’t take a joke. George would have eaten him alive…speaking of…
George was sitting waaaay too close to Loki…and Loki didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. Harry frowned out at the assembled guests. “Separate Loki and George at the reception,” he whispered behind him to his best man. "That is a match made in Helheim if I ever saw one."
“Not my job,” Ron rolled his eyes but smirked. “Hermione said my job is making sure the flower girl doesn’t get any alcohol.” Peter had been an excellent flower girl, taking his job very seriously while dancing around and throwing flower petals everywhere. He had even wrangled their ring-bearer, Teddy, exceptionally well over to their spot on the front row and was keeping him occupied with a coloring book.
Kingsley cleared his throat to get all their attention again. “The rings?” Ron and Evelyn handed Kingsley the rings. Winter's was replaced with a simple silicone band that he could put on his left ring finger (which was metal) and the Soul Stone was moved over to his flesh hand now to be safer.
“Thank you,” Kingsley said. “Now, as I was saying…this wedding has been a long time coming. Winter, I wouldn’t wish Harry on anyone else, because I don’t think anyone else would appreciate him as much as you do.” Harry wasn’t sure if that was an insult to him or a compliment to Winter or a little of both.
“Are we not doing objections anymore? Shouldn't that have already come up?” Tony spoke up from where he was sitting with Teddy on one side of him and a teary Bruce on the other.
“No, shut it,” Rhodey leaned around Pepper to glare at his friend.
Molly Weasley sniffed loudly and dabbed at her eyes from further back in the crowd. “They are so handsome,” she leaned over tell the ghostly figures of James and Lily Potter beside her who were doing their best to avoid Tony as per his suggestion to keep the peace on his son’s wedding day. They had agreed to talk everything out with each other eventually and clear the air, but the wedding was absolutely not the place to do that.
“That they are,” Lily sniffed and agreed with her happily.
“Please hold hands,” Kingsley instructed Harry and Winter who instantly followed his directions before the man conjured a silken rope to bind them.
Harry almost groaned when Thor leaned around Bruce to talk to Tony, ignoring Kingsley's spiel about love and union and yada yada. Their ceremony was never going to end with all these interruptions. “Would I also need to marry you and Bruce in order to marry Hulk?” Thor asked in what was probably supposed to be a whisper but definitely carried to the entire assembled party.
“What?” Tony looked completely scandalized and like he may just run out of the tent they were all crammed into in the Weasleys' backyard (because tradition…and Molly was the only one who actually knew how to plan a wedding).
“I don’t think it works that way,” Bruce added into the conversation with a sympathetic look to Tony.
“Hulk wouldn’t mind,” Hulk, of course, added next.
“Come on!” Harry groaned when Kingsley had to pause because of the noise. “This is mine and Winter’s day, some respect! We can plan your fiasco of whatever that is going to be next!”
Winter grinned at him since Harry had caved and there was a peanut butter and strawberry jelly cake waiting on them at the reception to make it clear that it was Winter's day just as much as Harry's. That and no house elves serving were Winter’s only requests, so Harry maybe went a little overboard trying to give him anything he might want but hadn’t asked for, all the way down to some popular 40’s music to be played by the DJ (aka Luna, so who knew what was actually going to happen).
“Do you, Harry James Potter-Stark, take Winter, only one name like Merlin, as your lawfully wedded husband,” Kingsley said loudly, trying to cut out all the side conversations and get this moving along.
“Every single day,” Harry smiled and Teddy cheered from the crowd.
“Do you, Winter, take Harry James Potter-Stark as your lawfully wedded husband?” Kingsley asked Winter next.
"Even before he has his coffee in the morning,” Winter grinned and Harry couldn’t even help the laugh at that. Damn he loved this man!
“Should I trust them with their own vows or just go ahead and tell them to kiss?” Kingsley asked Tony with a concerned look because, yeah…Harry’s vows were definitely planned to get the most blushes possible out of his husband and scandalize all parental figures. That was fair, Kingsley probably shouldn't trust them.
“I wouldn’t,” Natasha chuckled, and Charlie wolf whistled at them from beside her.
Winter just cut off the discussion by pulling Harry right in for a kiss. “I have you say you’re married first!” Kingsley jiggled the rope around their wrists to get their attention again.
“Then you better do it fast because I’m going to kiss him again in a second,” Harry winked at the minster.
“Bloody hell, I’m glad he’s your problem now,” Kingsley shared an exasperated look with Auror Hastings. “I know pronounce you married!”
“I don’t think you're supposed to put salt in it,” Tony said as Winter went to dump some salt in with the flour. “It’s a cake, it’s sweet. Why would it need salt?”
“It has to have some salt to help balance the sweetness and strengthen the gluten structure,” Winter explained while stirring the salt in, and Tony really wanted to tease him about being such a baking nerd, but then he wouldn’t get any cake.
“Weren’t my son and grandson supposed to be back by now?” He asked instead because, yeah, they really should have been back from their outing to the park already.
Winter shrugged with no concern. “They’re fine. They’re with Bruce.”
“Yeah,” Tony frowned. “They were supposed to be back a half hour ago though. If they aren’t back soon, they’ll miss Aaron dropping off dinner, and Aaron is always sad when he misses Teddy. I can't have my chef sad, the food tastes too salty then.”
“FRIDAY,” Winter called out like he lived there…and yeah, Tony knew the guy lived with him and was married to his son and technically his son-in-law, but he could still be grumpy about it. “Track Harry’s phone if he hasn’t killed this one yet. Do you know where he is?”
“Mini-Boss is just entering the building, Mr. Winter,” FRIDAY informed them to Tony’s immense relief.
“See,” Winter looked over the batter he was stirring at Tony with a knowing smile. “They are fine. You worry too much.”
“It’s literally in the parent job description,” Tony pointed an accusing finger at him because that was just hypocritical. “I know you stole a couple of my trackers and put them in Teddy’s shoes. Don’t even try to say you didn’t. That’s why you weren’t worried.”
Winter blushed, and Tony knew he’d won this battle. The elevator dinged and suddenly he was concerned again. Teddy ran in looking like he’d just had the time of his life, Harry was smiling and scrolling through his phone, but Bruce…Bruce wasn’t wearing anything besides his stretchy pants and harness. Had Hulk made an appearance? And damn, Bruce had really liked the sweater he'd put on that morning. Tony was going to have to buy him a new one.
“Anything you want to tell me?” Tony asked his boyfriend who winced and shrugged, looking a little embarrassed at how under-dressed he was now.
“It turns out Harry’s safety instructions to Teddy weren’t quite specific enough,” Bruce kissed Tony before joining him at the table and stealing a grape from the bowl Tony had been eating his snack from. “The hipster at the hot chocolate stand had a snake tattoo on his arm.”
“Snakey!” Teddy grinned as if he’d done something wonderful instead of probably screaming bloody murder and making Hulk think he needed saving from some poor hipster.
“FRIDAY,” Harry called out with that same grin still on his face. “How do I get a picture off my phone and printed so I can frame it?”
“Already done Mini-Boss!” FRIDAY responded. “It will be here tomorrow. I’m having it framed too for you.”
“Love you!” Harry called out to the ceiling.
“You too, Mini-Boss,” FRIDAY sounded like she was blushing. Why did Tony’s AI sound like she was blushing?
“Show me,” Tony held grabby hands out for Harry’s phone because this had to be good.
“The kid was kind enough to show me how to use the camera thing to take their picture once I explained everything and cleared it all up,” Harry said, handing his phone over.
“The kid was older than you,” Bruce huffed, getting a dismissive wave from Harry.
“Damn…did any paparazzi happen to see this,” Tony breathed out excitedly at the picture that was most definitely going on the wall in their sitting room.
“Good job, Teddy! Aunt Evelyn will be so proud of you for practicing!” Winter grinned at the boy from where he’d been looking over Tony’s shoulder at the picture. When had he gotten so close? Damn assassins and their sneaky movements!
“Teddy smash!!” The toddler suddenly turned completely green, just as he was in the picture where he was sitting smugly in Hulk’s arms. Hulk was just proudly grinning at the camera like the cheesy sap Hulk definitely was.
“There will be sooo many of those pictures in the paper tomorrow,” Harry snorted a laugh. “I think every reporter in a mile's radius suddenly popped up to take a picture. I just kind of disappeared into their midst like a swarm of locusts."
“No one is ever going to believe he isn’t my kid,” Bruce groaned and leaned into Tony with a fake pout.
“So,” Tony shrugged. “That was literally the plan.”
“Actually,” Winter had his phone out and was scrolling through what was probably hastily released news articles as everyone tried to be the first to get the story out. Why was Winter getting so good with technology? It was a little terrifying.
“It seems no one believes he’s your son at all,” Winter said to Bruce and literally everyone’s confusion. “They fully believe he’s Hulk’s son, and after all their excursions out at night for dates…there are even a few papers now speculating if Asgardian men can have babies…”
Harry collapsed into a chair laughing. “Thor is going to love this! I’m texting him!”
“Hulk accidentally destroyed his phone yesterday,” Bruce grimaced. “Don’t ask.”
“Actually,” Winter cut in yet again, and Tony couldn’t help himself throwing a grape at the assassin who irritatingly enough just caught it in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed before speaking at least.
“Actually, I’ve been reading some Norse mythology…” Winter grinned widely, and Tony didn't think he was going to like where this was going.
Bruce sat up very suddenly. “Hulk and I are both very concerned right now,” he said. “Are you saying that Thor…?”
Winter shrugged. “I don’t know, but according to what I read...maybe Loki.”
“Right, no, I’m texting George now,” Harry shook his head. “He better still have that phone I gave him. Were they really going to Brazil for some reason?”
“Good potions ingredients,” Bruce explained, not really looking less concerned at all.
“Ah, it seems Thor got a new phone,” Harry grinned at his phone and laughed. “He saw the news. He wants a picture too. FRIDAY, can you make that two prints?”
“I already have five ordered for Colonel Rhodes, Ms. Potts, Mr. Happy, and Mrs. Weasley called my direct line to ask as well,” FRIDAY said with a chirpy giggle. Tony was positive he hadn't programmed her to giggle. “I’ll add three more to the list just in case.”
“Good idea,” Harry grinned while Bruce just banged his head against the table now, probably in some kind of teasing battle with Hulk mentally.
The elevator door opened and the golden Norse god in question barged in, his presence always seeming to make the room feel so much smaller. “Teddy! Did you have fun with Grandpa Hulk?” Thor picked up the toddler who shrieked a giggle. Tony glared at the god because he wasn't quite at supporting the whole 'Grandpa Hulk' development yet. “You were so cute!”
“You too babe,” Thor added over at Bruce, meaning Hulk.
“Thor…just how much of Norse mythology is correct?” Bruce crossed his arms and asked very seriously.
Thor held Teddy on a hip as he walked over, looking confused. “What you call mythology is only an interpretation of history…”
“I’m already a dad and grandad…I’m not ready to be an uncle,” Tony pinned him with a look. “Winter says there are pregnant dudes in Norse mythology.”
“Ah…” Thor nodded as if he understood where this was going now. “There are definitely some exaggerations…”
“Oh thank the lord,” Bruce breathed out. “Hulk is going to thank you himself later.”
“I cannot bear a child,” Thor laughed and clarified to all their relief. “Now my brother…I’m not so sure about that…”
“Merlin, yep, still texting!” Harry frantically pecked away at the screen of his phone.
Tony grinned because his weird little family was pretty awesome. “Well, at least we don’t have to worry about Teddy getting kidnapped for ransom when everyone thinks he’s some kind of demigod who can literally turn into a mini-Hulk.”
Teddy giggled proudly. “Daddy Winny said he would teach Teddy how to fight.”
“Winter!” Harry groaned, looking up from his phone.
“What? It’s important,” Winter didn’t seem repentant in the slightest.
Harry just narrowed his eyes at the man. “No guns at least.”
Winter scoffed. “Of course not…knives are much better for small hands anyway.”
“Winter!” Tony threw another grape at the man.
7-ish years later
Professor Flitwick looked at the next name on the scroll to call for the sorting ceremony. He sighed and took in a deep breath. “Edward Remus Lupin Tonks Black Potter Stark,” he called to a completely silent Great Hall.
A small kid with green hair, blue eyes, and the largest smile he’d ever seen on a first year waiting for sorting bounced over with absolutely no fear. The kid scrambled up on the stool and waited, almost vibrating in excitement. Merlin, Filius thought he maybe should have retired before this year. He’d lost track and forgot that Harry Potter’s kid who had been raised by the Avengers and several assassins and a couple literal gods was due to attend Hogwarts that year. He should have marked it on his calendar.
Filius put the hat on little Teddy’s head and couldn’t help stepping a little closer to them. McGonagall had passed on to him the secret that if you stood close enough, you could hear the hat’s conversation with the kids. Generally, he stepped back to maintain their privacy, but he absolutely had to hear this.
“My, my, my,” the hat chuckled. “You really have had an interesting life already little one.”
“My dad says Hogwarts is a great adventure! I'm really excited,” Teddy said to the hat quietly but with clear awe at talking to the sentient hat in his tone.
“That it is, especially for your father. I remember his time well,” the hat responded fondly. “Now you know, weapons aren’t allowed in the castle.”
“I know,” Teddy nodded his head firmly with the hat still on it, causing the hat to slip over his eyes slightly.
“And how many weapons do you have currently concealed on your person?” The hat accused and Filius felt his eyebrows shoot up. The wards should have picked up on that! Why hadn't the wards picked up on that?!
Teddy scoffed. “Papa Winter says that rules against protecting yourself is created by the oppressors who want to control you. He says that every person should have a couple useful defense items always on them. They aren’t weapons, but protection.”
“Right,” the hat didn’t buy that, and Filius didn’t either. He vowed to tell whoever was the kid’s head of house to check both the child and his luggage before letting him settle into the dorms. He prayed the hat didn't choose Ravenclaw for the boy.
“I have special dispensation from MACUSA,” Teddy pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, and Filius shot a look up at Headmistress McGonagall who seemed to also be thinking she should have retired before that year even if she wasn't hearing the very concerning conversation happening right then. “Aunty Evelyn says I shouldn’t lose all the progress I’ve made with my practice over the school year.”
“Child,” the hat actually sighed. Filius didn’t think he’d heard that before. “While you are the most Hufflepuff individual I have encountered in a long time; I’m a little concerned about the rest of the Hufflepuffs if I put you in with them.”
“Why?” Teddy clearly frowned. “Grandpa Bruce said he’d buy me a new broom if I made Hufflepuff. He says it’s the best house even if Daddy says Gryffindor is and Grandpa Tone says Ravenclaw is the best and Grandpa Hulk says Slytherin is really the only option. I kind of want the new broom…I promise I’ll play nice with the other puffs! I like meeting new friends! Plus, Uncle George says the puff dorms are by the kitchens.”
“I suppose you have thought this out,” the hat admitted begrudgingly. Filius was wondering if it was too late to retire now. He’d forgotten how close Harry was with George Weasley…hadn’t that Weasley married an Avenger?…actually a couple of them had…this was not good at all…
“I will be happy wherever you put me, Mr. Hat,” Teddy proclaimed. “I’d really like the new broom and to live by the kitchens though…”
“Fine,” the hat said before opening the mouth in it’s brim. “HUFFLEPUFF!!”
Teddy jumped up and almost took the hat with him before gently handing it back to Filius. The boy then sprinted over to the Hufflepuff table who cheered and pulled him in immediately. Oh Merlin…what were they getting into for the next seven years?
Filius turned and saw a ripple in the air as if from an invisibility cloak. He frowned at the ripple that he knew no one without his well-honed magical sight from dueling would see. “Mr. Potter,” he said quietly so no one else would hear. “I expect this to be the last time you enter this castle without the headmistress’s explicit permission. I'll let it slide this once, but never again.”
Someone swore and it sounded like someone was either smacked or maybe a foot stepped on or both. “And take Mr. Stark with you,” Filius sighed before unrolling the parchment to call out the next name. Really, he probably would have been bored if he had retired anyway.