Chapter Text
It becomes a familiar routine: the quiet buzzing of Maya’s watch against her wrist and the dip in the mattress as she climbs out of bed; the pulling on of her sneakers and the shuffling of her feet out of the room to get in another workout before her shift starts. Carina stays still, not letting on that she is awake. Once she hears the click of the front door closing, she sighs and rolls over, her hand running over the crumpled sheets that her wife has left behind. They are still warm, still coated in her wife’s smell, and Carina resists the urge to bury her head in her pillow. What used to bring her comfort on the long nights when Maya is at work now brings a loneliness that sits heavy on her chest.
She closes her eyes and breathes slowly, in and out, until the ache subsides. When she opens them again, she notices her wedding band catch the early morning sun, sparkling as it reflects off the mirror on the wall.
She had been so against the idea of getting married, stubborn in her belief that she didn’t need a ring to prove her love and commitment. And yet, the moment that Maya had placed the ring on her finger, Carina had forgotten every single reason she’d had against Maya’s proposal. They were married, and the platinum band on her left hand reminded her every day that she wasn’t alone in this beautiful mess of a changing world.
It was a world that was full of light and love and joy – but it wasn’t always easy and it was in those moments that her wedding band became her anchor. She would twist it around her finger, watching it glisten in the light, and her heart would swell with happiness and pride every time, no matter what life was throwing at them.
The hard days of the pandemic, when the losses were too much.
Maya’s demotion and the doors that were slammed in her face every time she tried to fight it.
Their first Christmas without Andrew; the birthdays he missed; the extra candle she lit on Mother’s Day for him; the one year anniversary of his death.
The night they had lost Dean, when she had held Maya tightly in her arms and wiped away her tears, ignoring her own as they fell down her face.
Every negative pregnancy test in their journey to become mothers.
But six months ago, something had changed and Carina feels like she is drowning – and the anchor that once kept her safe is adrift.