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Erik's heart pounded in his chest as he peered from behind the door frame, watching his older brother confront their father.
It was a Thursday night in August and his father had finally gotten back from one of his work trips. Erik had been dreading his return and spent the entire day riddled with nerves, feeling sick to his stomach.
Two days ago Erik finally confessed the truth of what his father had been doing to him to Lyle. Before that moment, Erik had never envisioned he could find the courage to talk about it, but the sight of Lyle's vulnerability after their mother exposed his hairpiece shifted something within him.
He knew at that moment that nothing would ever be the same after that.
Not just with the weight of what he revealed to Lyle that night but with the world. Lyle may have dismissed the issue back when he was twelve and naively believed their father when he said he would stop, but Erik knew that there was no way he would let it go now. Something had to give.
Erik didn’t know where his mother was but he had a clear view of Lyle and their father. Erik only caught the tail end of the conversation but from what he could tell, it didn’t go well. Their father was screaming in Lyle’s face and Erik watched as his brother seemed to shrink into himself.
It was jarring to see Lyle this way, timid and scared. Ever since they were teenagers and Lyle started to stick up for him and protect him, Erik idolized him. He always turned to Lyle for advice and when he needed to be comforted. His parents had never shown him even an ounce of the kindness and regard that Lyle did for him.
Erik knew that his brother loved him and Lyle was just about the only good thing in his life. But recently his feelings had twisted into something else, something deeper. It made him feel dirty and wrong for feeling this way about his own brother. He felt like he was poisoning their bond by tainting it with this perverseness. But he couldn’t help it. Lyle was just so nice to him.
Every time that Lyle smiled at him, his eyes so soft and full of love, Erik melted. He never felt so special before in his life. His parents always made him feel worthless and like a waste of space, but Lyle made him feel like the center of the universe.
It was Lyle who would so reverently hold Erik’s face in his hands and wipe away his tears when he cried. It was Lyle who would murmur soothing words of affection to him while carding gentle fingers through his hair after he lost a tennis game. And it was Lyle who was standing up for him now despite what Erik knew it must cost him to go against a man like their father.
Jose Menendez was a cruel and domineering man. He did what he wanted and left no room for argument.
He was not the kind of man that people stood up to. Erik was certainly never able to, in spite of how many times he fantasized about it, when the moment came and Jose walked into his room, Erik always froze.
Lyle was stronger than him. Even though Erik could see how nervous he was, Lyle didn’t freeze and he didn’t falter. Erik watched with a mixture of fear and awe as his older brother lifted his head and stared their father directly in the eye.
Lyle’s eyes were alight with determination and anger as he spoke, “Don’t you ever fucking touch my brother again. You hear me? Erik is my brother and I won’t let you hurt him anymore.”
Their father remained unphased. “He is not your brother. He is my son and I will do whatever I want with him. Now move aside.” He moved to step around Lyle and exit the conversation but Lyle shuffled sideways with him.
“No! Erik is my brother-”
“Move aside-”
“I won’t let you do this!”
“You’ll move out of my way right now if you know what’s good for you.” Their father’s eyes were cold and brimming with rage as he stared down his oldest son.
Erik was yet again frozen in place and his breathing was growing shorter and shorter by the second. He knew that if it was about anyone else Lyle would have conceded to their father and backed down. But this wasn’t about just anyone, this was about his baby brother.
In an act of desperation, Lyle blurted out something that stopped their father in his tracks.
“I’ll tell everyone!”
Time seemed to stop in the moments following the outburst in which the only noise that could be heard throughout the house was the sound of Lyle’s throat working as he swallowed.
“I’ll tell everyone what you’ve been doing to Erik if you don’t stop,” their father’s face was slack with surprise. “I’ll tell everyone what a sick fucking person you are.” Lyle’s voice wavered at the end and he shifted on his feet, hands hanging loosely by his sides.
Between one moment and the next, their father went from shocked to expressionless, like a mask had settled over his face. Then he seemed to almost smile in a way that made Erik’s stomach turn uneasily.
“Alright.”
Lyle’s brows furrowed in confusion and his head tilted slightly to the side then back again in an unconscious gesture of disbelief.
“Erik made his choice and now you’ve made yours.” Their father’s eyes seemed to shift over to the doorway that Erik was hiding in for the briefest of moments, the movement so fleeting that Erik couldn’t be sure he didn’t imagine it, before flickering back to settle on Lyle. “And now I’ll make my choice.”
This time Lyle didn’t move as their father stepped around him and walked down the hallway towards Erik.
His breath caught in his throat as he cowered further into the shadows that enveloped the doorway. Luckily, his father didn’t look his way and turned down the hallway opposite Erik before turning again and disappearing around the corner.
Erik could hear his heart beating in his chest as he peeked out from his hiding spot. The hallway was dimly lit, the flickering overhead lights casting eerie shadows on the walls. He felt a mix of relief and dread as he watched his father vanish from sight.
But Lyle was still standing there, looking lost and all too small in the vacant corridor, and something deep within Erik urged him to move to his brother’s side.
Gathering his courage, Erik stepped silently out of the door frame, the cool air brushing against his skin. He took a tentative breath, the silence around him thick and heavy before he started walking quietly down the hallway toward Lyle.
As Erik moved farther down the hall, he could see the back of Lyle’s head, his posture tense and rigid as he stood unmoving in the open space.
Erik paused in his movements, only steps away from his brother, his gaze dropping down to land on his socks on the wooden floorboard while he contemplated what to say.
“Lyle,” Erik whispered, barely loud enough to be heard.
Lyle turned, surprise flickering in his eyes before they softened into something warmer. “Erik?” he asked, his voice low and careful, as if afraid to disturb the silence.
Erik padded closer, his footfalls quiet, closing the final distance between them.
“Yeah,” Erik confirmed, a bit dumbly as Lyle could clearly see it was him now that they were standing face to face.
“ Erik ,” Lyle repeated, his voice shaky yet relieved.
Lyle had this way of saying his name like it was a sacred word, his lips moving tenderly over the shape. It was another way that Lyle reaffirmed his affection for Erik.
Erik watched, entranced, blinking through hooded eyes, as Lyle carefully raised his hands to cradle Erik’s face. The warmth of Lyle's palms enveloped him, grounding him in the moment.
From this close, Erik could see the way Lyle’s eyelashes brushed delicately against his face as he blinked. His brother’s hair was messy and gleamed golden in the light of the candles. Lyle’s hair was the kind of messiness that looked effortlessly charming, as if each strand had its own mind, dancing freely in the soft light.
Erik dipped his head down slightly, his eyes still locked on his brother’s as he tried to ignore the heat rising to his cheeks. Lyle’s thumbs moved to brush softly across his cheek before settling more firmly against his face as if Lyle was trying to tether himself to Erik.
The intensity in Lyle's eyes was unmistakable, a mix of determination and vulnerability that made Erik's heart race and his pupils dilate.
He noticed the way Lyle’s brow furrowed slightly as if he were searching for the right words, the unspoken weight of their connection hanging heavily in the air. The sound of their breaths filled the space between them, creating a rhythm that seemed to synchronize with Erik's racing heart. For a brief moment, time seemed to stand still, and the world outside faded away, leaving just the two of them suspended in this fragile intimacy.
“Erik,” Lyle whispered, his voice barely above a breath, filled with an earnestness that tugged at Erik’s heart. “I need you to know—”
Lyle’s voice broke off suddenly as the sound of approaching footsteps echoed from down the hall. Erik’s heart skipped a beat, the tension in the air shifting abruptly. He glanced toward the doorway, instinctively stepping closer to Lyle, a silent barrier between him and whatever was coming.
“Come on,” Lyle whispered, his voice low and urgent.
His hands dropped from Erik’s face and he took hold of one of his younger brother’s hands, feeling the warmth of skin against his own, and guided Erik toward the dimly lit hallway that led to the backdoor. They moved quickly but quietly, the shadows around them deepening as they slipped away from the open space.
Upon reaching the door, Lyle lifted the hand not currently clutching Erik’s and twisted the doorknob open.
A gust of cold air seeped past them into the house as Lyle led Erik outside and into the cool night air that signified the approach of the end of summer. The door clicked softly shut behind them as the older of the two led them both across the yard and toward the guest house where Lyle was staying.
Erik always wished he could live in the guest house with his brother, away from his father and his wandering hands.
As they entered the guest house, Erik felt a rush of relief wash over him. With a gentle whir, the door closed, providing another barrier between them and the outside world, muffling all distant sounds of the main house.
Lyle’s eyes caught Erik’s in the glittering dark of the house and a tentative smile crept onto Erik’s face as he gazed at his brother, his features even more pronounced and lovely in the glow of the moon.
But his brother did not return the smile and instead, his face seemed to fall before he turned purposefully away from Erik.
“Lyle?” Erik prompted, concern lacing his tone. “What’s wrong?”
Lyle didn’t answer him and instead, shook his head minutely before pulling Erik forward by the hand and leading up the stairs and into his bedroom. As they walked through the house, Erik tried to lean over and catch his brother’s eyes but Lyle kept turning away from him.
Once inside the dim sanctuary of Lyle’s room, Lyle released Erik's hand and moved to the edge of the bed, his shoulders slumping slightly as he sat down. Erik hesitated for a moment before following him, settling beside Lyle, his side pressed against his brother.
The moonlight spilled through the window, casting soft patterns across the floor and illuminating the shadows of Lyle’s face.
“Hey,” Erik whispered as he reached a hand up to cup Lyle’s cheek before turning his head gently to face him. With Lyle finally looking at him, Erik saw that Lyle's eyes were shimmering, tears threatening to spill over. “Lyle…” Erik’s voice was barely above a whisper, a mix of worry and tenderness. “I don’t- I’m sorry,” he apologized preemptively without knowing what he was even apologizing for but still feeling as if he must have done something to upset Lyle.
“No, Erik, it’s not-” his voice cracked on the last word and Lyle let out a shuddering breath before he began again. “I’m not… I don’t-” Lyle broke off into a groan as he threw his head forward and into his palms. Erik watched Lyle’s shoulders begin to shake as he started crying, muffling sobs into his hands.
Erik felt an ache spread through his chest, a helplessness he had never experienced before. He wished he could take Lyle’s pain and carry it for him, to shield him from whatever burden he was bearing. “Lyle,” he urged softly, moving closer. “Please, talk to me. You don’t have to go through this alone. I love you.”
After a few moments where Lyle continued to cry, he finally pulled his hands away from his face, revealing tear-streaked cheeks and red-rimmed eyes that shone with deep and resolute sorrow.
“I’m sorry, Erik. I’m so fucking sorry ” he gasped out, his voice trembling. “I tried to talk to dad but he wouldn’t listen and now- now I don’t know what I’ve done.” More tears leaked from his older brother’s eyes and caught on his lips. Erik stared as Lyle’s tongue darted out to lick the tears away.
He felt like a monster for the way his stomach tinged with desire at the sight of his brother even in his vulnerable, broken-down state.
Erik pushed down whatever perverse desire he was feeling with the reminder of their father and he reached out, taking Lyle’s trembling hands in his own, grounding him with that simple touch. “It’s okay,” Erik promised, his voice breathy as tears welled up in his own eyes. “I don’t blame you, he was never going to listen…” he trailed off not knowing how to continue.
He wanted to reassure his brother and comfort him in return for all the times that Lyle had comforted him. However, he too was still reeling from the confrontation he witnessed in the house and the possible implications of what their father had said before walking out.
Erik drew in a shaky breath before continuing, “I just don’t know what to do, Lyle. I can’t-” he broke off into a sob as tears ran down his face. “I can’t live like this anymore. I spend every day in constant fear and I lie awake at night afraid that he’ll come. I wanted to die, you know, I was going to kill myself but I just, I couldn’t figure out how to go through with it and then you came back home from Princeton and it was like I could breathe again but I still can’t go on like this anymore, Lyle. Please, I just want it to stop- I can’t-”
“I’ll kill him.”
Lyle’s eyes were fixed steadily on Erik, endless love and devotion swirling in their depths. He was no longer crying but instead focused all his attention on his beautiful younger brother.
“I’ll fucking kill him before I let him touch you again.” Before Erik could even process what was happening, Lyle’s lips were on his, pushing determinedly against his own. The kiss was over almost as soon as it started but it left a tingly feeling on Erik’s lips. His tongue slipped out to wet his lips as he blinked stupidly at his older brother.
“Oh god,” Lyle said abruptly. The next thing Erik knew, Lyle was halfway across the room raking his hands incessantly through his hair. “Erik, oh my god, Erik” he paused momentarily in his movements before suddenly stepping in long strides back over to where Erik was frozen on the bed. “Fuck, I’m so fucking sorry.” Lyle’s hands reached out for him before faltering and falling uselessly to his sides, leaving him just hovering in front of Erik.
“Lyle?” Erik couldn’t help but default to his older brother for reassurance even when it was Lyle who was at a loss.
“ Erik ,” there he was again making Erik’s name sound sacred like it was worth something, like he was worth something. “Erik, I swear I didn’t mean to be like him, I’m sorry-”
“No, no, no! Lyle, you’re nothing like dad.”
“Yes, I am. I just fucking touched you. My own goddamn brother and I touched you like that.” Lyle’s face twisted in shame before he swayed then fell unceremoniously to his knees in front of Erik. The desperation that colored Lyle’s face was unlike anything Erik had ever seen before.
This was Lyle. His Lyle . Lyle Menendez. His older, confident, and perfect brother Lyle on his knees in front of him, gazing hopelessly up at him as if he were salvation.
But Erik felt uneasy seeing Lyle so vulnerable like this while Erik stared down at him. He didn’t like the power imbalance it provided, he’s never liked power imbalances having been on the wrong end of them for his entire life. So Erik slid purposefully off of the foot of the bed and onto the floor, landing halfway in his brother’s lap.
And he did the only thing he could think to do to comfort Lyle in that moment.
Erik swayed forward until his lips were mere centimeters away from Lyle’s. He could feel the air from his brother’s lips as he exhaled. Erik shifted his hips slightly, readjusting the part of his leg that had folded in a weird angle when he fell to the floor, and Lyle let out a soft groan as his eyes fluttered shut.
“I fucking love you,” Lyle’s lips brushed against Erik’s as he spoke. “I fucking love you so much and I couldn’t bare to ever hurt you.”
“You’re not hurting me.”
His older brother drew in an unsteady breath before settling his hands on Erik’s waist and toying with the hem of his sweater.
Erik swayed forward again and closed the distance between them, sealing their mouths together in a barely-there brush of lips. Lyle’s lips were soft and his body was radiating warmth that sent a gooey content feeling rushing through Erik.
He had just meant to comfort his brother but as he moved to pull back, Lyle’s hands snapped up to clutch at his head and he pulled Erik impossibly closer to him, his tongue coming out to probe at Erik’s lips.
Erik opened his mouth to Lyle, willingly letting him in because he loved Lyle and trusted him to be careful with him.
Lyle tilted his head slightly, deepening the kiss as his hands roamed up and down Erik’s body like he couldn’t settle on just one part of him to touch. Erik responded eagerly, his own hands gripping Lyle’s shoulders, as he melted farther into his brother’s loving and safe embrace.
He had never before felt so cared for and so connected to another person. Erik tried to spare some thoughts on what it meant that Lyle seemed to return his feelings but he was unable to focus on anything other than the sensation of Lyle’s lips moving wetly against his own. Lyle’s tongue deep inside his mouth, Lyle’s hands making their way under his sweater and up his body. The way Lyle smelt so good , like the sandalwood cologne he liked so much, and something else that was uniquely Lyle.
The kiss grew more passionate, each movement sending a rush of heat to Erik’s stomach until he felt dizzy from lack of oxygen and high on the drug that was being wanted by his brother.
Erik shifted again on Lyle’s lap so that he completely straddled his older brother before grinding his hips down against Lyle’s. He felt light-headed with lust and he let out a shaky moan against Lyle’s lips as he thrust down again against the rough material of his pants.
Erik pulled back far enough from Lyle to see his brother’s eyes roll to the back of his head as Erik continued to rub up against his dick, the friction so good it was almost painful.
“Erik, baby-” Lyle broke off into a moan as he lifted his hips up to meet Erik in his thrusts. Lyle’s hands clutched fiercely at Erik’s waist before they moved to pull at his sweater, urging it up and over his head. After Lyle threw the sweater off to the side somewhere, Erik leaned back in and kissed him again, all the while letting out soft whimpers into Lyle’s mouth.
Lyle’s hips were working in earnest now, pushing desperately against Erik and his hands had resumed their position on his waist, guiding him up and down on his brother’s lap.
All of a sudden, Lyle pulled back from Erik, just enough to stare directly into his eyes. Lyle’s mouth was parted haphazardly, his face flushed and sweaty with his pupils dilated so much that his eyes were almost completely black. The sight of his brother so disheveled and looking like sex itself caused Erik’s head to loll back toward the ceiling as he thrust down harder against Lyle’s clothed dick.
“Fuck,” Lyle surged forward to latch onto Erik’s neck sucking and licking bruises onto his skin. Erik cried out in pleasure as his vision blurred with the intensity of the sensation of Lyle’s mouth on his neck. His hips stuttered in their rhythm as he felt himself getting closer and closer to the edge.
“I’m gonna come. Lyle, I’m gonna-” His older brother licked once more at his neck before moving back up to press his lips against Erik’s own in a passionate display of love. Erik’s hands continued to clutch uselessly at Lyle’s shoulders while he panted out broken moans into his brother’s mouth.
“That’s it, Erik,” Lyle encouraged. “You can let go, I’ve got you. I’ll protect you.” It was like Erik was waiting for Lyle to say those words because as soon as he did Erik let out a loud moan, his hands spasming as he shot his release into his pants.
Erik was still working through the aftershocks of his orgasm, clutching his hands in the hair at the nape of Lyle’s neck while his mouth latched onto the corner of his jaw, just mouthing there.
Everything about Lyle was good. He was good at sports, good at business, good at kissing-he was really fucking good at kissing-and he tasted good too.
Erik was still mouthing at Lyle’s face when his brother pulled him down harshly against his dick and pushed Erik’s lips off of his face so that they were once again looking into each other’s eyes.
“Wanna look at you,” Lyle licked his lips and groaned, hips grinding roughly into him. “I love you, fucking love you-” his older brother started lovingly through hooded eyes as he finally came in his pants, still rutting up against his younger brother.
At that moment, Erik had never felt so happy.
After a few moments, Lyle’s movements stilled and he slumped forward against Erik, burying his face in his neck and breathing in long and deep.
“You know, I meant what I said.” Erik’s eyes had fallen shut and he was close to drifting off, he felt so content and so safe with Lyle. His guard was always up around everyone else but only ever with Lyle could he fully relax.
“Hmmm?” Erik hummed in acknowledgment.
“I’ll kill him if I have to. Both of them, for you I’d do it,” Lyle let out a tender sigh against the base of his throat. “I’d do anything for you.”
Instead of feeling uneasy at the seriousness in his brother’s voice, at the sincerity of the statement, Erik felt safe and oh so in love with his older brother.
“I know you would.” Erik finally opened his eyes and lifted his hands to cradle Lyle’s face so that he could tilt his head up towards him. “So would I, for you.”
Lyle’s eyes were shining with such endless devotion and admiration for his younger brother.
“I love you,” he murmured.
Erik smiled happily at him.
“I love you” he confirmed before leaning in to connect their lips again.