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Yuji wakes up blearily on top of the bedsheets, his head throbbing and mouth beyond dry. Fully clothed with his t-shirt slick to his skin and soaked through in sweat. The room spins and he can’t focus on anything so he decides to close his eyes again. He feels his brother’s presence next to him. A low rumble of life that he elects to ignore.
After the dizziness doesn’t pass, he stumbles to the bathroom to piss and drink some water from the faucet. They must've passed out before fucking this time since Yuji doesn’t feel as sore as he usually does, his skin covered in marks from their typical fighting only. He can't remember. His eyes are red rimmed like he's been crying. He can't remember that either. Mind still hazy from whatever they drank and took earlier.
He re-enters their bedroom, stepping over clothes and books strewn on the floor. The room looks as if the contents of his desk were swept off, his shelves half empty. They must've fought, or maybe one of them trashed the room. He'll probably remember more when he's sober. He always does. But does he even want to? It’s always the same thing. The same tiring arguments and the same bruises covering them both.
Their relationship is spiraling out of control, isn't it? He can’t say Sukuna was ever necessarily under his control but the fucker used to be much more…tolerable to be around? Perhaps, it has something to do with being twins and sharing everything together when they were kids. However, as they grow older and become different people, building their own separate lives, it only increases this ugly bitterness that snakes through his brother like tendrils. It’s the hatred that’s coiled up in his brother, bursting through his flesh and digging its sharpened points into Yuji. Not allowing escape, movement, growth. Keeping Yuji as close as they were back in their childhood. Inseparable yet still insufferable.
Yuji sighs as he removes his clothes, staying clad in his boxer briefs only, his movements still slow and uncoordinated.
From the moonlight shining in through his cracked window, Yuji makes out Sukuna curled in a ball on the bed he’s facing. Still clothed as well. Appearing almost defensive, protective. Unconsciously knowing he's vulnerable right now. Vulnerable to Yuji.
Sukuna's expression appears calm and peaceful. The fucker’s probably never haunted with regrets of the awful acts he’s committed in his waking life. So comfortable in his own wretchedness. No space for remorse in that rotten heart of his.
Yuji dreams of changing that. Really give him a reason to regret. To finally feel something besides sick satisfaction from using Yuji as he pleases.
He slips in behind Sukuna, pressing his body flush to the curve of his older brother’s ass, and trails his fingers up the older man's hip. His mind wanders at the touch of how good it'd feel to be the one that takes for once. When Sukuna doesn't know and can't fight back. Only able to lie there. No words of beration.
Yuji gulps loudly at the thoughts and begins grinding cautiously against the swell of Sukuna's ass. The friction and wrongness makes blood rush to his cock. He feels manic and giddy, as if he’s losing his mind. Has it always been this easy? He could’ve done this at any time? That useless urge to be the bigger person when it comes to his brother, holding himself back from giving Sukuna the treatment he actually deserves.
It’s not superiority, but more so self righteousness that fuels Yuji. He’s not a pretentious, arrogant asshole like his brother. He admits when he’s wrong. Except now. It feels too right to pull back. It’s time for Yuji to take his healing into his own hands now. Do as he pleases this time.
He reaches out to squeeze the other man's hip to see if there’s a chance for Sukuna to rouse easily. No movement from him. So, he dares to grab Sukuna’s waistband and pull his shorts and underwear down in one swift tug.
Yuji’s always the one losing something.
Always the one made less than. Sukuna takes everything from him and still throws him aside like trash. Crumpled, torn, and forgotten. Yuji exposes himself entirely to his brother for the man to look away. To call him boring. A waste of his time.
Sukuna could fuck him for hours and somehow still seek out another body to put his cock into, leaving Yuji alone in their shared bed; fucked out, used and abused, barely able to walk.
A broken toy that's served its use.
The thought makes Yuji sick to his stomach as bile rises from the back of his throat. Fuck it. Fuck him. Fuck being used.
He can make Sukuna into an object to use. Benign justice that tastes earth-shattering.
Yuji grabs one of Sukuna’s cheeks and spreads it, musing if the older man’s ever taken dick before. He sighs, pulls his wet length out, and slips it in between Sukuna’s thighs. He stays still for a moment, wondering if his brother is going to wake up and start arguing with him.
He doesn't move. Yuji takes that as permission to continue.
Sukuna already robbed ‘no’ and ‘stop’ of their meanings, so why should it suddenly have meaning when he’s the one using them? Screaming them?
Sukuna made Yuji into this.
His older brother’s not usually a heavy sleeper so he really must still be feeling the alcohol. Yuji presses down on his brother's hip to increase pressure around his hardening cock. He softly whimpers and nuzzles his face into the back of Sukuna’s neck. Mouthing at his nape desperately. His brother tastes like dried sweat. Salty but not too unpleasant.
Yuji starts to fuck slowly between Sukuna’s thighs, his dick brushing against the other man's limp dick and balls. He gasps at the friction and strains not to go faster.
Adrenaline flows through him because an awake Sukuna would not let him do this, or even top regardless. He told Yuji after he asked last that he's ‘not a bitch’ like the younger man is.
“How's it feel to be my bitch?” Yuji whispers in his ear. “Maybe you've been my bitch all along and that's why you treat me so awful…Can't stand the thought of me being able to control you, can you?”
What if he just slipped it in? What if Sukuna woke up to Yuji violating him like this? He wonders if he'd writhe or scream. Begging him to stop, cries of protest that fall on deaf ears. Reversing their established roles.
Maybe this is what Sukuna wanted. He's been showing Yuji this whole time what he wants done to him. Conditioning him into this. This raw aching wound that wants to lash out, to enact upon others the same hurt that's been done to it.
Yuji sucks the index finger of the arm he’s laying on, grips at Sukuna's cheek, and slides it in. Pressing around the rim and curling. The older man makes a soft noise at the intrusion.
Yuji freezes completely and holds his breath.
“Sukuna?” He utters into the void of the night and squeezes his thigh. His brother’s only response is pressing back against him and rocking his hips slightly. Riding Yuji's finger unconsciously and softly moaning at the intrusion.
Oh fuck. Sukuna does want this. For some reason the thought takes away from some of his arousal. He wants to make Sukuna take him when he doesn't want it. As he fights against it.
Maybe he should stick his cock in and let Sukuna wake up and try to fight him off. The thought makes him moan and rut faster between Sukuna’s thighs, his face heating up and mouth hanging slack. He adds a second and third finger at the same time. His brother's walls lax and stretching out nicely. Sucking him in.
Oh , he's going to cum like this. Yeah, he'll leave a mess on Sukuna, leave his pants down so he can wake up insecure and confused. Violated. Yuji will deny it. He'd never do such a thing. Who’d ever believe that?
He can hear Sukuna panting and moaning with each roll of his hips back. Such a slut, even while asleep. Yuji whispers praise to him, pretending that Sukuna's awake and actually wants him like this. He can accept that. Something besides his brother’s disdain would be nice to receive for once.
Before he releases his load, Yuji withdraws his fingers and decides to pull his cock from between Sukuna’s legs. He just wants to feel what it'd be like to slip it in. Just for a moment. To feel his brother clenching around him, sucking him into that wet heat.
He teases his cockhead at Sukuna’s rim; pressing around it, feeling it twitch and clench. He wants to put it in…
He deliberates for another second before Sukuna rocks back slightly and causes his tip to penetrate just barely. The pressure alone makes him gasp and cry out, pushing away from Sukuna as he knows he’s going to lose all control.
Yuji covers his mouth with his hand and bites down, his dick pulsing and leaking obscenely pressed in between Sukuna’s cheeks.
“Fuck, fuck, you're so tight for me, you want me inside so bad, don’t you?” Yuji says lowly and uses one hand to spread Sukuna’s ass open and the other to grip at his cock and jack off, frantically aiming his release on Sukuna’s hole. His dick squelches obscenely with each stroke, as his lower abdomen tightens. The younger cums with a sob, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. Thick, milky ejaculate covers the clenched hole, with Yuji’s cockhead smearing the mess from his brother’s instinctive grinding.
Sukuna stirs and stops his hips’ movements. Yuji sighs in relief, or maybe disappointment. He’s not too sure. It all tastes the same in the end. He pulls his own boxer briefs back up and slots behind him. He kisses the back of the other man’s neck, and tastes his own salty tears.
Yuji snuggles deeper into his bed of lies, into his hollow comfort of an unconscious brother.
Why can’t it be easy?
Why can't they just be like this?
Why can't you love me?
That'll never happen.
After Yuji defiled his brother, Sukuna didn’t ask about or address it. He’s certain that the other man is aware of what happened. His pants half off and cum in his ass—with a quiet and solemn Yuji next to him.
It felt good to be the one taking, to be the hand the scours and carves out. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about the rush of vindication as he fucked Sukuna’s thighs the other day. It overrides the guilt and every time Sukuna subjects him to their daily routine, he reminds himself how justified he was to return Sukuna’s ‘love’ in kind. It’s all his brother knows. Robbing, taking, subjugating. There’s no earnest tenderness. It’s always a ploy to manipulate, love bombing that precipitates something awful Sukuna does.
But now there's extra vitriol and resentment behind his brother's words, behind his punches. Not that Sukuna would ever confront him about what his anger is really about, the man would never victimize himself or admit weakness. For now, Sukuna tries to get under his skin with passive aggressive comments about the younger twin being a bad person. How Yuji is no better than him, how he has no space to complain.
That's fine.
Maybe Yuji should take again and his brother can continue to lash out like a cornered animal. An animal that's finally on the receiving end of the terror it so freely doles out.
Yuji's tapping Sukuna's knee, watching how he jerks, silenting observing his reflexive responses to being poked and prodded. It's different, the unused muscle tensing and twitching. It's refreshing. Shaking Sukuna from his standard smug indifference. Besides his unjustified self assurance.
They just got done fighting again. Something about Yuji going out, something about how the same standards don’t apply to Sukuna. How Sukuna doesn’t “get attached” when he fucks other people like Yuji so he's above those same rules. Some vapid script about loyalty and unconditional love that both of them are using to dump their disappointment into. With themselves, with each other.
Yuji’s leaning against their bar, ignoring their living area in shambles from a long night of drinking. The state of disarray doesn't even sink in anymore. Nursing a busted lip from their encounter and gingerly smoking a joint. Wincing when the filter touches his lip as Sukuna pours them sprite and vodka.
The silence is pervasive. Which is fine. Another argument will probably happen if they try to talk normally. So he says nothing. There's nothing to say. Nothing that could reach the impossible motherfucker. He sighs and drums his fingers on the table, wanting to do something. Something different.
He tongues his cheek while admiring his twin's black eye. Sukuna never emerges unscathed. It makes him feel equal even if the older man won’t acknowledge it. Yuji knows he’s equal. In their strength as well as their capacity for wretchedness.
Yuji’s seeing that now. He always thought Sukuna said that to fuck with him. Turns out he was right about this one thing.
Sukuna’s drink sits on the table in front of Yuji. He could do something to Sukuna tonight. Something that'll make his brother wake up the next day feeling bereft.
Sukuna would mix pills and alcohol anyways, there’s not much difference that the younger man’s not telling him. It doesn’t matter that the car keys are hidden. That Sukuna couldn't leave if he wanted to.
Yuji’s protecting other people from Sukuna, Sukuna from himself, and himself from Sukuna. He now knows his brother craves Yuji violating him, he just has too much ego to ask.
In reality, Yuji’s doing him a favor.
As Sukuna’s back is turned away, Yuji tips the powder into his drink and softly smiles. He’s such a good brother.
Yuji’s fixing him.
He just needs an apology, an admission of guilt, of penance, an actual promise of fucking change.
Maybe he’ll pry it out of Sukuna’s dead lips. It's probably the only way he could assuage Yuji's broiling resentment or allow space for any form of forgiveness. He’s exhausted of Sukuna being the blade he cuts himself with. Attempts of freeing himself result in his own self immolation, like an airplane nonsensically trying to take flight in a closed building. If Sukuna was buried 6 feet under the weight of his sins, he’d stop hurting Yuji.
The only problem a corpse presents is the rot, but Yuji's accustomed. All too used to the way his own layers of flesh sloughed off in the suicidal act of seeking validation from his twin.
He’s used to navigating the corpses that litter their room, that have spilled out of the closet and made themselves known in every daily interaction. Used to rolling everything up in bloody carpets and setting them to burn.
Sukuna returns and chugs his drink, cringing slightly. “Eugh, that tastes worse than usual, what the hell did you do to it?” he teases, smiling wryly.
Yuji’s blood runs cold, Sukuna is just joking, he has to be. Yuji could never sink so low. Do something so heinous. He holds consideration for others above all other ideals. Well, at least for those he chooses to consider.
Sukuna burnt through that seemingly limitless acceptance.
They continue the night able to talk without arguing, with Sukuna actually being tolerable. It doesn't take too long before his movements slow and his sentences teeter into formless rambling.
It's time. Yuji slings one of Sukuna's arms over his shoulder and half walks, half drags his brother back to their shared room. Locking the door behind them.
He lets go of Sukuna when they get close enough to the bed and the larger man collapses onto his side, looking up at Yuji in a daze.
“Didn't ask you to…” Sukuna slurs out before his eyes droop shut.
Yuji eyes the lax body of his brother for what feels like forever. Just memorizing his form, admiring his incapability to lash out. Muzzled and leashed in his addled state.
It’s so good, when Sukuna’s submissive, when he makes it easy. Everything’s so hard, why can’t he just have one thing go his way? No resistance, threats, or their exhausting dynamic. Climbing between his splayed legs, Yuji grabs and pushes his bare knees apart further. The older man makes a small noise in the back of his throat and attempts to reposition himself.
Yuji lowers himself while keeping his hands rested on the toned thighs. Taking notice of how Sukuna leans into the light grip he has on the tattooed flesh.
He slips his finger tips under Sukuna’s boxer briefs, struggling to pull them off without jostling the other man too much. Presses his face towards Sukuna’s soft cock and kisses his way down those banded thighs, lightly marking with his teeth as he moves back up.
His brother quivers so nicely under his touch, bucking his hips slightly as if he knows what Yuji’s about to do to him.
Yuji rips off his own pants and underwear in a rush. He looks up at his older twin and grabs the limp member, licking up the side. Mouthing and pressing his lips against the tender flesh. Salty with pre-cum and warm. Swallowing it to the root and holding the soft cock in his mouth like it’s of some comfort. He slowly bobs his head up and down while squeezing at the base.
Sukuna clenches his legs around Yuji's head and moans, bringing a hand to grip loosely at the younger’s tossed hair.
“You awake, baby?” Yuji asks softly, unsure of what to expect.
“Ah, ah, more, mmph,” he slurs out, eyes remaining closed. Yuji pops off his hardening cock and lifts Sukunas hips off the bed before spitting on the older man's hole.
There's little reaction as the larger man's body remains motionless. That’s better.
“Yes, big brother, just go back to sleep. I'll take care of you,” Yuji whispers, a rueful smile laced with bitter poison pulling at his lips.
He inhales and starts trailing his tongue around Sukuna's rim, feeling every twitch and quiver against his lips. Yuji swallows some of his spit and lets the rest drool out, not caring as he humps the bed underneath him.
His thoughts return to waking Sukuna up with no prep, just shoving his cock inside and making him bleed. Yuji isn't going to back down this time. What is there to lose? What is he really losing if he actualizes this fantasy? He has no one else, nothing else, so he might as well become his worst self.
If it's Sukuna at the hand of it, is it really that bad? His perception of Yuji's worth will always be belittling. He has to create his own meaning, not allowing himself to be convinced of his inherent uselessness by Sukuna. This is him taking his power back. That was bled out of him for all these years as if he’s hung from a meat hook to be drained. To serve as a meal forgotten as soon it’s digested.
Yuji swirls his tongue around the outer muscle before pulling back and noticing Sukuna's cock leak against his stomach.
His hands shake as he sits back on his legs and lines himself up with Sukuna's hole. Enough fucking around. God, he wants to hurt Sukuna. The last time Yuji toyed with Sukuna’s pliant form it didn't seem to deter too much of Sukuna's ‘antics,’ the act of rooting around in his subconscious—exacerbating those insecurities of vulnerability that he hates to see in Yuji. Maybe it'll cow his brother if he's worse, leaves more marks, and makes the night more memorable.
Yuji digs his nails into his brother’s thighs and pushes in roughly, gasping at the pressure around his aching cock.
His twin's eyes spring open in confusion and shock as he struggles in vain to push Yuji off.
“No, no, I'll make you feel better, calm down,” Yuji lies and coos, pinning Sukuna's wrists to the bed, the weak and uncoordinated attempts at getting away from him are almost cute.
“Get offa me, god, fuck, ah—” Sukuna arches his back from the bed with a punched out cry.
Yuji continues thrusting in deep until he can see blood coat his dick, easing the slide. He makes brief eye contact with Sukuna's bewildered, watery eyes and has a moment of clarity. He knows what he needs from Sukuna.
He slows his hips and Sukuna hastily pulls a wrist away from his grip. Trying to sit up before lurching to the side and gagging. He sways for a moment more before vomiting foamy bile all over the bed spread, coughing up only liquid from all the alcohol he consumed earlier.
Yuji would rather memorize the pitiful sight of Sukuna sputtering and throwing up around his cock, but this works for now. He’s bordering the line of self justification and guilt. Admitting wrongness for what he’s doing is wiping away every scar Sukuna’s carved into his skin. The scar tissue raised, the canvas of his psyche is running out of space as the cuts layer on top of each other.
The older man pushes at Yuji's face and writhes underneath him, the drugs still dampening his strength. Oh, he gets what Sukuna’s asking for, so he obliges his brother's request and punches him in the mouth.
The impact makes Sukuna turn his face to the side where he leaves it, blood oozing out of his lips.
Back to no reaction. Yuji remembers what this is all about as he reestablishes his hold on the older man's wrists. People are not capable of positive change. He’s experienced that time and time again. His naivete in seeing the best in others, in their potential for good. Yuji’s now fully accepted that the only capacity for change that humans have is to become worse.
“Say sorry, say fucking sorry!” Yuji grunts out with each thrust, as his brother heaves and gasps with each movement, his face scrunched into a grimace. Tense. His brother’s having a reaction.
Finally.
“Whatreyoutalkingbout,” Sukuna spills out in one word, his eyes unseeing, cloudy where they reflect Yuji’s ugly rage.
It feels like he is burning down their childhood home, twisting and contorting any remnants of good in their relationship—ripping up pictures of them as kids. There is no safe space for Yuji’s inner child with Sukuna, nor is there safety in the opposite. The only option seems to be using Sukuna up and throwing him away. It’s the discarding that follows that Yuji is never able to properly execute. He is just too dependent on Sukuna’s reactions to exist. If Sukuna’s not perceiving and attacking him, he may as well have no presence. Sukuna’s always the one that made him “real,” no matter how much it hurt.
“Notsorry, dontgiveafuck,” Sukuna spits.
Yuji is no longer surprised at the nonchalance, the lack of self awareness. Sukuna doesn’t care about his impact on others. The only time he’d apologize was to mock Yuji’s affront.
“You're going to say sorry for everything you’ve done, or I'm going to kill you,” Yuji hisses and wraps his hands around Sukuna’s throat, tightening his grasp while resuming a pace that jerks his twin up the bed.
Sukuna smiles at him as his face reddens, the blood that dribbled out of his lips bright against his skin. Yuji increases the pressure, and the veins bulge out of his brother’s face and neck as he begins to wheeze. The way Sukuna’s frame shakes makes it seem like he’s attempting to laugh, continued mockery even in the face of demise.
Yuji sees red as he digs his nails into Sukuna’s throat and grits out, “Say it.” Sukuna’s last chance.
Sukuna chokes out what sounds like an apology so Yuji relieves the weight pressed onto his windpipe. Sukuna turns his face away, gasping, and mutters under his breath, “Sorry.”
He's barely paying attention, Yuji’s threat means nothing, his brother just wants this to end.
“Look at me! Stop fucking looking away!” Yuji growls and turns Sukuna's face toward him.
Sukuna's not here. His twin can see right through Yuji.
Sukuna casts him a weary look, liquid collecting in the corners of his eyes that Yuji hadn’t previously noticed. He blinks and the tears fall. It gives Yuji pause. The visible distress causes his abdomen to clench as he cums deep inside Sukuna’s loose hole.
Yuji collapses onto Sukuna, shuddering as his release pools and drips out of the older man’s loose hole. The other man’s shaking, and small whimpers leave him. It takes Yuji a moment to realize those are his own cries as his breath hitches. Tears rolling down his face.
“Say something, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. This is just how you’d treat me, right? It’s no big deal r-right?” Yuji stutters out.
Sukuna doesn’t respond and stares blankly at the ceiling. His own eyes red-rimmed and glistening. He can feel his brother tense underneath him as if in preparation of what Yuji will do or say next.
Like he’s the problem between them, the unpredictable one.
The ‘win’ is hollow. He feels the same as if Sukuna just spent hours beating and raping him. Sukuna always gets what he wants, always emerging on top. Somehow even now.
Yuji is always the one who loses something, is made less than.
Now more than ever.
And he’ll lose again tomorrow.
And the next day.