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Yuji brings the blade to his wrist and does a quick slice. Clenching his fist as he watches more blood well up.
Not enough.
He makes another. The skin opens up easily. So easily.
Still not enough.
He makes another, hissing as the razor blade snags on his skin like torn clothing on a door handle.
What could ever be enough? To make him feel like enough?
Always chasing love. Rooting around in his cuts for salvation. For escape. The balms to the actual wounds he distracts himself from don’t fucking exist. He can only make the dull ache overshadowed by newer hurts, refocusing. Nothing changes, just rearranges.
It’s always something with his fucking brother. They just finished arguing; Yuji stormed off and slammed the door to their shared bedroom behind him.
He immediately popped a Xanax and pleaded for it to kick in already. He could still feel everything. And that was far too much to handle.
Yuji supposed he was lucky that he had set one aside. Usually, he’d be forced to ask Sukuna anytime he craved it. Oh, the control his brother has over him.
Yuji wonders if his older brother gets some kind of sick pleasure out of the younger man having panic attacks and is made to grovel to his brother for help. Like begging for a lifeline from the one who pushed him into the water to begin with.
Sukuna will probably come in soon and not give a fuck that Yuji’s bleeding himself out. Or maybe he’d even enjoy it. Be proud of it.
His brother always preferred when Yuji was smaller. When he divided himself into pieces that were easier for the older man to chew.
And chew he did.
But Yuji got off from the attention. The tenderness that would come after a hit, after Sukuna saw his fresh cuts, after Sukuna ‘helped’ him throw up dinner and rubbed his back, after Sukuna held him down and made him take his older brother’s cock despite his protests.
His brother’s love always had a hidden edge to itself. Or maybe an overt one. He makes it out to be so tender and thoughtful when he ‘helps’ Yuji. Carves a space out for himself until his little brother is all hollowed out. A shell for Sukuna to fill as he pleases.
But the attention and rare softness almost makes everything else worth it.
Or maybe his brother just accepts Yuji and all of his flaws.
Or maybe Sukuna was the one that crumpled up Yuji in his fist to begin with.
He can’t tell anymore. He’s not entirely innocent either. He knows how to push Sukuna’s buttons, he ‘asks for it’ and ‘deserves it,’ as the older always claims.
And maybe the sickest thing is that his brother’s probably right.
Yuji tries to dispel his daily spiral about his brother-complex when he hears the door handle turn, making him jump and slice the blade in deeper than intended. The door’s locked. Of course Sukuna wasn’t even going to attempt to knock.
“Fuck,” he mutters nervously under his breath as blood drips out and plip plops in a gruesome rhythm onto the floor. Fine. Great, even. He’ll leave it be for Sukuna to see what he made Yuji do.
The older probably wants to continue the argument, maybe push Yuji around some more. The younger boy’s in the mood to push back too. Smear his blood all over his brother's face. Show him just how much like Sukuna he really is.
He sets the blade down on his bed and gets up in a huff. Throwing the door open he snaps, “What!”
Sukuna’s eyes widen as he takes him in, the older man looks tame—almost concerned for a moment. However, as his eyes dart to Yuji’s split wrist, a smile tugs at his lips.
“I wanted to say sorry,” Sukuna says as he pushes past Yuji and sits on his bed. Grabbing the blade and studying it in his hand. The declaration makes Yuji laugh bitterly at the absurdity of it.
Lie after lie and he eats it up every time. Yuji will take his lies. He pointedly ignores Sukuna holding the blade and instead replies, “Go ahead, I'm waiting.”
Sukuna meets his eyes and extends his arm, handing Yuji back the razor blade. “Don't stop just because I'm here, this’ll make you feel better than anything I say anyways. You wanted me to hurt you. You always do, don’t you?”
Yuji accepts the blade as he always does. Their fingers brushing and his brother’s eye contact lingering on his bleeding wrist. Like it gives Sukuna something. And maybe it does. Proof of his control over Yuji, proof of his existence. It’s almost as if Sukuna is the one cutting him.
“I know you, Yuji. You make me treat you like this. Basically beg me to hit you. Now come here.”
What an apology. Yuji can feel the Xanax seeping in and making him no longer give a fuck. His body numbs and eyelids grow heavy the longer he stands there watching Sukuna. Why bother arguing out of principle? It means nothing. Won’t change much. He doesn’t feel like arguing in symbols, like some script or narrative that’s connected to the knot in his guts and hole in his chest.
Yuji sighs. His brother really deserves any bad thing that happens to him. It'd fix him if something awful were to happen to Sukuna. Something that would shake him out of this detached, ‘everyone will feel my hurt’ kind of role he keeps pushing.
Yuji simply wishes he was enough to become the hand that did it. That breaks his brother back. Returning his ‘love’ in kind. He releases the thought for now.
Sukuna knows him best, doesn't he?
He sits beside the older man, one too old to be taking such relish in picking apart his kid brother.
“You gonna watch? Really?”
“Of course,” Sukuna nods and snakes an arm around his hip, kneading the flesh of his thigh.
Yuji shivers and presses closer. A fake apology and being touched softly is as close to the illusion of love as Yuji can get.
Sukuna leans in closer. His breath tickles Yuji’s skin before he licks up the younger's neck and sucks on a spot below his jaw, making him squeeze and rub his thighs together.
Yuji takes in a shuddering breath as he makes another cut; blood rushing in his ears from having his brother’s full attention narrowed on him.
His brother’s palming himself, already half hard. From watching Yuji do this . From watching Yuji mutilate himself.
“You like that, sicko?” Yuji asks, his voice sounding more breathy than moments before. He’s equally disgusted and aroused by his brother. Makes sense. Sukuna is just one layer of sadistic perversion after another. Nothing should surprise him anymore.
Yuji knows by now what it means to be the object of his brother’s desire and hatred. Like an object irrevocably distorted to fit the subject’s perception. His sense of self disregarded, invalidated, shredded solely for the other man’s attention. It’s the only way he can receive that acknowledgment. The only way he’s ‘allowed to.’
Sukuna’s breath catches as he grinds his hand down his own length, humming in agreement. “More,” he breathes huskily into Yuji’s ear, “Isn’t this what you deserve?”
Yeah, he’s right.
He makes another quick cut, gasping as his brother bites down on his neck and moans softly. It’s going to leave a mark. The younger doesn’t care. His hands shake and his body warms up. Heartbeat pulsing in time with his cock throbbing.
Sukuna then squeezes the flesh of his thigh closer to his member, eliciting a whine at the teasing.
“You want me like this?” Yuji asks quietly, leaning against the older man so heavily.
All sick and broken?
“Yes, you're perfect just like this.” Yuji’s stomach tightens and cock leaks at the line, he could cum his pants just from Sukuna praising him in his ear. Telling Yuji he's wanted and needed. If nothing more than a source of entertainment for his older brother. He’ll take that. At least Yuji’s not boring when he’s destroying himself for his brother’s pleasure.
He feels almost at peace right now, his prior anger all but forgotten, the tears that pricked his eyes earlier biding back like the tide. He’s fine. All that remains is hunger for Sukuna. A hunger for Sukuna to save or kill Yuji.
Yuji is like a diseased baby bird that Sukuna regurgitates half digested bits of affection to. All bones, no meat. Scraping his throat all the way down. Blind and helpless, only alive by Sukunas whims. He wonders if he would have killed himself already if he did not hold out hope that Sukuna would love him properly one day.
He can pretend.
Sukuna loves him. He loves and accepts him in this wretched state, Yuji tells himself for the nth time. He almost believes it even.
His illusion always dispelled, the story falls flat, the shadows cast on the wall only that. Only shadows, wisps of the actual truth he desires.
But will never get.
“Nobody else would want you but me, only me. Nobody else would ever accept you, Yuji.” Sukuna drags his other hand up Yuji’s back, trailing his nails down the younger’s nape and inhaling his scent. Those words scratch at Yuji's throat to return. It's Sukuna that's sick, that bends the younger boy into a distorted reflection.
Sukuna's projecting, lying, seeing what Yuji will swallow. Tonight, right now, he swallows every drop of that sweet poison. It’s all he can live off of. Nobody else could ever come close. Nobody else could ever destroy Yuji in the tender, thorough way his brother does.
“You just look so good all messed up, I can't help it.”
His older brother could probably eat Yuji alive and the younger would get off on that too.
Fully consume me.
Every morsel. The rot, the cancer, the maggots. Sukuna wouldn’t turn away a single bite.
Is this what people call unconditional love?
Yuji chases that acceptance as he slices lower on his arm. His brother’s hips twitch and Sukuna squeezes his own cock through his pants.
“Please…I need you to touch me,” Yuji whispers, so needy and dependent on Sukuna to feel anything. His shredded skin is nothing compared to the way his brother carves into him everyday.
Nothing compared to the way Yuji’s learned to love it. Crave it. Chase after it, as he does now.
Please hurt me.
Sukuna obliges, “Cut yourself deeper and maybe I will.” His hand's still not relieving Yuji, just building more pressure as the man rubs slow circles into his inner thigh. Never giving enough.
“You want me dead.” A statement not a question.
“Yes.” Another statement. Plain. Oh, how simple his brother is sometimes.
Yuji presses his thigh closer to Sukuna’s, spreading his legs in quiet desperation. He tries his best to not let his voice betray that weak will as he spits, “Yeah, you’d get off to that, you’d watch me gasp and sputter from the noose. Probably fuck my dead body too.”
“You’re going to make me cum, Yuji, stop tantalizing me. I’ll turn your fantasy into a reality one day…”
Awful awful.
Yuji cuts deeper. Maybe he can find his brother’s soul deep in his flesh, under the layers of skin and fat and muscle. Maybe if he carves deep enough he can save himself. Penance. Repentance. Retribution.
Yuji makes one last cut, pressing the blade in hard. He bites his lip, trying to muffle his cry. As soon as the sound leaves his lips, he sees his brother’s hardness straining sickeningly obvious next to him. The younger boy drops the blade to the floor and looks at his exposed flesh.
That’s more tissue than he should see. Textured in a way that’s different from his usual cuts. A trail of crimson seeps up from the cut and down the side of his arm.
Anyways.
He blearily meets the lust filled gaze of his brother who pushes him back onto the bed and slots himself between Yuji’s legs.
Am I good now? Am I worthy? Am I enough? He pleads Sukuna with a look.
“Good boy,” Sukuna praises, swiping his fingers through the blood on his forearm and pressing his first two digits at the boy’s bottom lip.
Yuji parts his lips as the older man slides inside, pushing them to the back of his throat, smearing blood over his tongue. The taste of blood and pressure elicits a gag, his stomach clenching. Yuji’s mouth starts to water like he’s about to throw up as he squirms underneath Sukuna.
Comprehending what his brother wants, Yuji sucks the blood from his brother’s fingers, looking up at the other with heavy eyelids. He feels slow and just wants Sukuna to take care of him.
Sukuna withdraws from the younger’s mouth and braces his arm next to Yuji’s head while using the other to grab his wrist roughly.
“Ah— fuck, that hurts,” Yuji furrows his brow, balling his other fist in the man’s shirt and tries to take it. Sukuna ignores him and digs his tongue in the last cut, forcing pain shoot up his arm that even the Xanax can't numb well enough.
“Stop!” Yuji yelps out as he pulls his arm back, “Touch me normally, I don't want to hurt anymore.” A lie his brother sees right through.
“You wanted pain, Yu, don’t you feel better now?”
The younger sinks into the sheets, feeling like he just lost. Unsure what anymore.
What’s even left?
“No,” Yuji looks away from Sukuna to gaze at his ripped up arm that’s flopped uselessly to the side. He can see himself reflected in his brother’s eyes and he can’t bear it.
“I can make you feel better.”
Words die in Yuji’s throat. He knows Sukuna is right. He knows Sukuna is wrong. The thinly veiled lie of the word ‘better’ stings like salt in his wounds. Sukuna could never make anything better. He knows what he searches for in his brother.
Make me worse.
He spreads Yuji’s legs wider and starts rutting against Yuji’s clothed cock. The younger boy keeps his knees raised as his hole clenches around nothing. He wants his brother inside…But he’s not going to ask, it’s not up to him.
Sukuna always gets what he wants. Here they are again and that same cycle repeats.
Yuji wraps his good arm around his older brother’s neck and pulls him down, closing his eyes and kissing him. Tilting his head so their mouths slot together so perfect, wet noises and his own quiet moans and whimpers filling the air around them. His cock leaking profusely as he squirms under the older man.
The pain in his arm fading to the back of his mind yet still a silent reminder of his festering wounds that Sukuna will always tease and reopen. Cut, heal, reopen. A recidivist through and through, addicted and devoted to Yuji’s suffering.
Sukuna withdraws, panting in his mouth and whispering, “You’re so wet for me, baby brother, you did so good for me,” and licks at Yuji’s lips. Parting his mouth to allow the larger man explore every inch of him, tongue, teeth, throat. His brother tastes like regret.
The younger boy ignores that ugly flavor, one that prompts self awareness he's refusing. Instead he sucks his older brother’s tongue, arching his hips up and adding to the pressure on his cock as the man grinds against him. Yuji presses his thighs into Sukuna’s sides, needing something to ground himself as the moment feels less and less real. Nothing is real except for Sukuna’s touch. His voice. His smell.
Sukuna keeps one arm caging the side of Yuji’s head and slides the other one to lift the younger’s shirt and squeeze his pecs. Swirling a thumb at his nipple and pinching it between his first and second fingers. Swallowing his breaths and whimpers that he can't help escape from his brother's ministrations.
Yuji crosses his legs around his brother’s lower back and digs his heel in. Gasping at a particularly hard thrust, his eyes watery as he's close to cumming already. He intertwines his fingers in Sukuna’s hair and clenches his fist, aimlessly pulling at the strands. His brother moans into the kiss, the vibrations making heat concentrate in his lower abdomen.
He's about to start begging, not even sure for what. Well, maybe if his mouth wasn't full of his older brother's tongue.
Sukuna then lowers his hips to hump in between his cheeks and slides his hand from under Yuji’s shirt to cup and rub the boy’s wet cock through his pants. The force pushes him slightly up the bed, making him cling even tighter to the older man.
If there wasn’t fabric separating them, Sukuna would be inside him. The thought and pressure on his hole makes him tense, cum in his underwear, and keen into Sukuna’s mouth as he continues grinding against the younger’s hole.
Sukuna pulls away breathlessly to smugly look down at him, licking the excess saliva from his lips.
“I need you, please, wanna be filled, fuck the life out of me, take me ah- ah—” Yuji rambles out, feeling like he’s losing his mind, eyes so heavy and rolled back. Sukuna licks the glisten of sweat from his face and reconnects their lips. Slowing his hips movements to a languid pace.
Yuji’s body stays tense as he waits for his brother to finish ruining him.
Hurt me.
Sukuna obliges.