Work Text:
“Okay,” Safi started to herself, pulling things out of her car in the driveway. “Six-pack: check. Phone: still dead. Charger: … still missing.” She chuckled sardonically as she hip-checked her door closed. “I’ll just have to steal Max’s …” She started toward the door, noticing that blue flicker of light through the window that was currently the house’s sole illumination. “And hope her and Moses aren’t too mad about me being an hour late to movie night.”
Getting to the door, she knocked three times and waited … and kept waiting. Putting an ear to the door yielded no sounds of approaching friends, so she sighed and knocked again.
“Come on, guys!” she called through the closed door. “I brought beer!”
Still nothing.
“Seriously?” Safi said, starting to feel legitimately upset. First, Max blew off their lunch to hang with Amanda, and now—
Safi heard the doorknob turn and plastered on a winning smile—the perfect intersection of apology and charm that she knew best—that faltered slightly when a yawning Max opened the door.
“Safi?” Max asked.
“Sorry I’m late.” Safi raised a questioning eyebrow. “Did you and Moses start hitting the hard stuff without me?”
Max gave her a confused look. “Moses isn’t here. Didn’t you get his texts?”
“My phone’s dead,” Safi said, holding out the dead device. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, he’s fine, just a—” Max broke off into another yawn. “Grading emergency,” she finished. “Sorry, I fell asleep watching Buckets of Blood. Long week.”
“Gotcha …” Safi trailed off, seeing just how tired Max really was. “Guess I’ll get out of your hair then.” She started to turn around.
“And get out of finally watching Buckets of Blood 4 with me?” Max asked in a teasing tone.
Safi turned back on her heel, her own smile going slightly less false as she took in Max’s. “I’m not sure I’m going to make it through four bottom-tier slashers with Caledon’s resident squib enthusiast without back-up.”
“We can just watch that one,” Max promised, then nodded to the six-pack in Safi’s other hand. “That’ll probably be enough to get us through that anyway.”
Safi felt her lips start to curve into a genuine smile and immediately flattened them to a teasing smirk.
“I don’t know …” she intoned.
“Come on,” Max said, eyes pleading. “I’ve missed you. I feel like I haven’t seen you all week.”
And whose fault was that, Safi wondered.
“Well, since you’re clearly so destitute without me,” Safi said aloud, coming in and handing Max the six-pack so she could take off her coat.
“Oh, and my charger’s in the kitchen if you need to borrow it!” Max said as she moved to the living room to get the movie set up.
“Thank you!” Safi called back, hanging up her coat and rushing to the kitchen to get the phone on the charger. Phones were a no-no on movie night, so she left it there and went to join Max on the couch.
“Ready to see the best ‘bottom-tier slasher’ of your life?” Max asked as she sat down.
Safi snorted. “I thought Buckets of Blood 5 was the best?”
“Five is my favorite,” Max admitted, “but everyone loves four.”
Safi smiled and shook her head. “Well, lucky you, I’m feeling generous. Let’s just watch five!”
“No, we can’t!” Max said. “Not without watching four—it’s the only direct sequel!”
Of course it was. Safi blinked, still smiling. Part of her wanted to roll her eyes at Max’s earnestness, but mostly, she found it adorable. Too adorable.
“Then I guess we’re watching both,” Safi said, then winked. “Unless you fall asleep first.”
“You wish,” Max said, laughing and hitting play on the first movie of the night.
Ninety minutes later, they hit credits about halfway into bottles three and four (their second each).
“So?” Max asked, turning to face Safi in the glow from the screen.
“So what?” Safi asked, unable to resist teasing her a bit more.
“What’d you think?” Max asked.
“It was a’ight,” Safi said.
“Come on,” Max said.
Safi chuckled. “Okay, I enjoyed that more than I was expecting.” A lot more. The movie itself was whatever; she’d spent a solid half of it just watching Max. The way she tensed when she knew a scare was coming, how’d she start to smile just before a laugh line hit … It was …
“Yeah?” Max said, leaning toward her.
“That’s all you’re getting from me!” Safi said before taking another swig of the beer.
“You loved it,” Max teased. “Bet you can’t wait to know what happens in five.”
Safi stared Max in the eyes, stone-facedly enduring the latter’s waggling eyebrows for a full three seconds before nodding toward the blu-ray player. “Put it in,” she said, sighing in mock resignation at Max’s genuine excitement.
“Oh!” Max started, stopping mid-stride. “But you can’t tell Moses about the twist! We’re still watching all five in a row once finals are over!”
This time, Safi couldn’t resist rolling her eyes. As if he’d even believe her if she tried. She’d just watched it, and she couldn’t believe it.
“I promise,” she said aloud.
Max smiled back, then got to work inserting the next and final film of the night.
“You gonna show everyone all of these?” Safi asked.
Max frowned as she returned to the coach. “Everyone who? My students?”
Safi snorted. “No,” she said. “I meant your girlfriend.”
“Oh,” Max said. “I mean, yeah, sure. You know, eventually.”
Safi’s ears perked up.
“You know, you should invite her,” she said, probing. “The next time Moses and I come over for one of these.”
Max hesitated, then sighed.
“What?” Safi asked, taking another innocent sip from her beer.
“I mean, this is kind of our thing, you know?” Max said. “I don’t even know if Amanda likes movies like this …”
Safi scoffed. “I know you haven’t dated much, but she wouldn’t be coming to watch the movie. She’d be coming to spend time with you.”
“I’m not sure watching eight hours of horror movies would make a good second date,” Max said with an awkward laugh as she reached for the remote. “Besides, you know, this is tradition.”
Safi shrugged. “So is lunch with my mom once a week, but you didn’t have any trouble breaking that one.”
Max froze mid-reach, and Safi scrambled for an excuse.
“Joking!” was the best she had. “I’m joking. I told you, that was fine.”
“… Right,” Max said. She started to reach for the remote again, then stopped and leaned back onto the couch. “Um. I need to talk to you about something.”
“Okay …” Safi took another swig.
“Amanda said you got into a fight with her?” Max asked.
“What? No, we didn’t,” Safi said, hiding her embarrassment at the memory.
“She seemed pretty sure you were mad at her,” Max said.
“I was probably just testy about finals coming up,” Safi insisted, laughing it off. “You know how I get.”
“Yeah, I do … but she doesn’t, okay?” Max said gently. “I think you really hurt her feelings, and … you know, I love both of you, so—”
“All right, I’ll apologize!” Safi exclaimed, getting up. She finished her drink and put her bottle down on the table with more force than necessary. “Be right back. Gotta use the little girl’s room.”
“Um, it’s up the—”
“I remember!” Safi called back as she walked away.
Safi pulled out her phone again before she went into the Snapping Turtle, checking her timing. Figuring she was cutting it as close as she could already, she went in with a casual stride, hung her coat by the door, and headed straight for the bar. Amanda was there, naturally, waging her unending war on the spills and other abuse the countertop suffered daily with her trusty rag. The thought made her want to laugh, but when Amanda noticed her coming, her face took on an easy smile instead.
“Hey, Amanda,” Safi said, taking one of the bar stools.
“Hey?” Amanda said cautiously. Safi could tell she was trying not to let her discomfort show, but it was obvious. No matter. Good Friend Safi was here to put all that to rest.
“So,” Safi started in a more demure tone, “I was way out of line before.” She dropped her eyes and fidgeted with her hands, playing up the part of shamed bestie. She looked back up. “I’m sorry. You and Max are really good together and I—” Safi felt her chest tighten, and pushed past it “—I don’t want to get in the way of that. Can you forgive me?”
“Oh,” Amanda said, more than a little surprised (too surprised, in Safi’s opinion). “Yeah, totally.” She chuckled nervously. “Gotta admit, I wasn’t sure how this conversation was gonna go.”
Safi’s lip twitched. “What do you mean?”
“Oh, nothing,” Amanda said, lying. “I mean, you know … the way you were talking the other day, I kinda thought I was … intruding on something.”
Safi’s eyes narrowed, but only just. “Max and I are just friends.”
“I know, I know,” Amanda said. “Max said the same thing. It’s just, you know, ever since she moved here, I feel like it’s pretty rare to see one of you without the other.” She shrugged. “Kinda started thinking you two were a package deal.”
Safi forced herself to laugh. “Yeah, no. She’s way too short for me.” She inclined her head slightly. “And, in case you haven’t noticed, she’s a woman.”
“Oh, trust me, I’ve noticed,” Amanda said with a laugh.
Safi grit her teeth and gave the other woman a tight-lipped smile.
“And besides,” Amanda continued, “she told me you were the one who encouraged her to ask me out in the first place, so …”
“Yeah,” Safi agreed. “I even gave her your best-worst pick-up line.”
“Huh?”
Safi pointed to the chalkboard, where the line “Are you a campfire? Because you're smokin’ hot and I want s'more” still had its place of honor in first place on the “Worst Pick-Up Line” leaderboard.
“Oh! That was good!” Amanda remarked, as if Safi didn’t already know it. “I guess I owe you one.”
Safi shrugged, still smiling. “You make my best friend happy. Hard to ask for more than that.”
“That’s so sweet,” Amanda said.
Safi felt like it was time for Good Friend Safi to take a long walk off a short pier.
“I have my moments,” she said aloud. “So. We cool?”
“Definitely,” Amanda said, nodding. “And we should hang out! The three of us. Or maybe a double date?”
“I’m riding solo at the moment,” Safi admitted, her expression turning thoughtful. “I can maybe see if Moses would want to—Oh, speaking of …” She pulled out her phone as if remembering for the first time.
“He just walked in,” Amanda said, waving.
Safi looked over her shoulder in time to see Moses waving back.
“Gotta go,” Safi said. “We’ve got a mural to paint today.”
“Have fun!” Amanda said.
“Thanks!” Safi said. “See you around.” She walked over to Moses.
“Hey, Safi,” Moses said, reaching for his zipper.
“Don’t take your coat off, we’re leaving,” Safi said, shedding Good Friend Safi like old skin as she pulled on her own coat.
“Oh,” Moses said, surprised. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, just wanna get started.” Safi smiled as she zipped her coat closed. “Come on.”
“Okay …” Moses trailed off, and Safi could tell she’d let too much of her real feelings show. Whatever. It was Moses. What was the worst that could happen?
By the time they got to Moses’s office, he’d somehow gotten the full story out of her on the way: blowing up at Amanda over an ill-advised beer between classes, Max confronting her about it during their impromptu couple’s movie marathon, and the make-nice scene she’d arranged for him to interrupt. She was more than ready to just start drawing at that point, but instead, he sat at his desk, activated the electric kettle there, and told her to sit with him.
“Moses, come on,” Safi said. “Can’t we just get to work?”
He pointed to the chair, and, with a petulant sigh, Safi sat. She started to complain, but he beat her to the punch.
“You’re in love with Max,” Moses diagnosed, blunt as ever.
Safi blinked. “No,” she said after a moment’s pause. “No, I’m not. And I’m straight.”
“Safi—”
“I am,” Safi insisted. She had to be. If she was straight, then that meant her and Max didn’t have a chance.
“You know,” Moses began, “I always thought that you and Maya—”
“Stop,” Safi said, voice tight. “Don’t talk about her.”
Moses sighed. “We never talk about her.”
No, they didn’t. Even thinking about what happened made Safi feel like the ground was going to open up and swallow her whole.
“There’s nothing to say,” Safi said. “I … I said too much at the time.”
“What happened wasn’t your fault,” Moses insisted.
“… Yes, it was,” Safi said. “I told her to fight, and no one listened to her. Not until after she was already dead.” She clenched her eyes tight and lowered her face to her hands. “If I’d just told her to stay quiet, then—”
“You know she wouldn’t have done that,” Moses said. “Would you have?”
“… No,” Safi admitted. “I would have burned this place to the ground first. I should have burned this place to the ground.”
“Safi—”
“But this doesn’t have anything to do with Max!” Safi exclaimed, jumping to her feet. “I’m not in love with her, and I wasn’t in love with Maya!”
Moses stared at her.
Safi turned around, unable to face the truth she saw reflected in his eyes. “Max is with Amanda now,” she said. “And they’re good for each other. They’re both so happy.”
“But you’re not,” Moses said.
“… When am I ever?” Safi asked. She heard Moses get up and walk over, and she turned around and hugged him, tight.
“You have to tell her,” he whispered. “I know you, Safi. This is just going to eat away at you if you don’t.”
Safi was pretty sure that was going to happen no matter what she did.
“I know,” she said. “I just … I just need time. Maybe it’ll pass.”
“Safi,” Moses chided.
“I know,” she repeated. “But I can’t do it right now. Not today.”
“Not today,” Moses agreed. “But soon.”
Safi lit a cigarette, her third since she’d arrived at the overlook, and took a long drag. She didn’t understand why more students didn’t come up here, but for the moment, she was grateful. If it was just the two of them, she could say what she had to say and be done with it, for better or worse. Probably for worse.
Hearing the sound of approaching footsteps, she looked over to see Max coming around the corner.
“Hey, Safi. I got your message,” Max said with a sheepish smile. “Are you gonna tell me what this is about now?”
Safi turned back to gaze over the campus, taking one more drag off the cigarette before throwing it to the snow below.
“Take a seat, Max,” Safi said, stepping back to sit on the bench behind her.
“Okay …” Max responded.
In her peripheral vision, Safi saw Max sit down beside her, a concerned look on her face. Safi knew she had to be the first to say something, but she couldn’t do it. How the hell was she supposed to start a conversation like this?
“Oh, by the way,” Max said after a few more seconds of awkward silence, “Amanda’s really excited about doing something with you and Moses. Thanks for suggesting that.”
“Yeah,” Safi sighed. “Me and my great ideas …”
“Did you not want to anymore?” Max asked.
Not wanting to answer, Safi just shrugged.
“Safi, what’s going on?” Max asked.
Safi opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came out.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No,” Safi said at once. “I just … I need to tell you something, but … I’m not sure how to start.”
“… I usually start at the beginning,” Max suggested.
Safi chuckled. “Afraid it’s not that simple this time.” She kept staring out over the campus for a minute longer, thinking while Max waited patiently at her side. It was time to stop putting it off.
“Amanda was right, okay?” Safi said. “I was mad at her the other day. I was mad because … I was mad at her for taking up so much of your time.”
“I have been with her a lot lately,” Max said. “I could try—”
“No, Max,” Safi said, shaking her head. “You don’t need to do anything. You and Amanda are great together, and I’m glad you get to spend so much time with each other. I know how busy you both are.”
“Not too busy for you,” Max assured her.
“Stop trying to make me feel better,” Safi replied. “At least until after I’m done.”
Max nodded and gestured for her to go on. Which was a problem because Safi still didn’t know how to say it. Because Moses was right. This wasn’t just about Max.
“Damn it,” Safi whispered, closing her eyes and taking a breath. “I guess I do need to start from the beginning.” She opened her eyes and looked into Max’s concerned face for the first time since she sat down. “I never told you about Maya, did I? Maya Okada?”
Max tilted her head slightly. “The name sounds familiar.”
“You’ve probably seen her plaque on the quad,” Safi said. “And her tree.”
Max’s eyes widened.
“Yeah.” Safi turned away again. “She was my best friend. More than that, she was … she was my everything.” She bent forward, leaning onto her knees. “And then she died because of me.”
She gave Max the whole story. How a former professor named Lucas Colmenero had taken her on as a mentee, only to steal her work and use it to launch a career of his own. How she’d told Maya to fight him no matter what, and how that fight had destroyed her. When the dust settled, Lucas quietly disappeared, her mom nearly got fired for letting what happened happen under her watch, and Maya …
“Maya got a tree,” Safi finished bitterly. “Lucas drove her to suicide, got to just walk away, and all anyone did for her was plant a tree in her memory.” She turned away, feeling a familiar pit starting to open up under her feet. But she also knew that in opening up about this, she was still stalling.
“I don’t have a lot of friends, Max,” Safi admitted. “I get along with most people, sure, but when it came to real friends, it was Moses and Maya. That’s it. I … I loved her. I loved and I lost her, and I just …”
“Safi,” Max started.
“You’re not her!” Safi interrupted. “I know that.” She took a breath. “But you … you’re my … I know we haven’t known each other that long, but you mean so much to me.” She put her head in her hands. “I don’t want to lose anyone else.”
Max didn’t say anything for a while after that, so when Safi heard the shuffling of fabric beside her, she figured that the other woman had had enough. That even without telling Max all of what she felt, she’d still said too much and now—
“Do you remember the first time you asked me about her?” Max asked.
Safi brought her face up and looked down to see Max had pulled out her wallet. She’d taken out the picture of the blue-haired girl.
“Chloe, right?” Safi sniffed. “You said she died.”
“Actually, she was murdered,” Max corrected. “And I was there when it happened.”
Safi listened, with increasing horror, as Max told her own story. How she’d hid in a dirty bathroom while her childhood best friend was shot by another kid who ended up being almost as much a victim of Mark Jefferson as the dozens of girls he’d put in his Dark Room. How going to the funeral had been her first time talking to Chloe’s mom despite it being months since she’d come back to Arcadia Bay. Then, years later, listening to true crime podcasts, of all things, to learn what had happened to Chloe in the time she’d been gone.
“I thought that learning more would help,” Max said, staring down at the photo. “Like if I could just remember her hard enough, it’d be like she wasn’t gone. Like I hadn’t abandoned her.” Max took a shaky breath. “But I did. And when I think about what happened—about all that time Chloe spent looking for Rachel Amber on her own with no one else to help—it feels like the ground is going to open up and swallow me whole.”
Safi’s eyes widened, shocked at hearing her own words from her friend’s mouth.
“It’s why I left Arcadia Bay and spent years on the road,” Max continued. “Always chasing the next job … and trying to outrun the guilt.”
Max looked up at the sky.
“What I eventually realized, Safi … is that Chloe wouldn’t have wanted me to torture myself like that,” she said. “To live a life on the road, never even trying to put down roots … So I did try. I took this job when your mom found me, and I tried. It was hard, trying to teach and being part of a real community again … but I’m glad I did.”
She looked back down and gave Safi a soft smile.
“Because if I didn’t, I never would have met you,” she said. “And you never would have made me realize that I didn’t have to be alone anymore.”
Safi felt a lump form in her throat and smiled past it.
“I’m sure you would have met someone eventually,” she said, trying to laugh it off. “Not as hot or as cool as me, but—”
“Safi,” Max interrupted. “You don’t have to be alone either. You don’t have to carry all that on your own.” She took one of Safi’s hands and slid closer on the bench.
Safi felt her heart start to race.
“You’re my best friend,” Max said. “You can talk to me. Or Moses, if I’m—“
Safi cut her off by pulling her into a hug that Max returned immediately.
“Thank you,” Safi breathed as the tears flowed freely. “Thank you.”
This was enough.
“Thank you, Safi,” Max whispered back.
This had to be enough.
About a month later, Max came up with the idea for a perfect double date: a live concert at the Snapping Turtle. Amanda would get someone else to cover the bar, and the four of them could join the crowd together without Safi or Moses feeling like third wheels. Safi agreed to go, figuring that if things did get too heavy, her and Moses could pull back and leave the happy couple to it.
The plan fell apart after the first song when Moses went home early, citing a desire not to go deaf before he got his Master’s. Safi thought she’d be able to deal without him, but by the end of the second song, she’d retreated to the back of the bar to drink alone. As the crowd continued to scream along with the band that was practically bringing the house down, she could barely hear herself think. She wanted to just leave, but the memory of how excited Max had been about inviting her made her stay. At least back here, she could claim that she was just taking a break.
Hearing the crowd roar at the end of the next song, however, Safi thought it was time to find an excuse to go. She pulled out her phone and started looking for contacts she could blame. Almost everyone she knew was in the bar tonight already, but maybe she could pretend her mom—
“Hey!” a voice started, and Safi looked up to see an extremely sweaty Max Caulfield smiling down at her. “What are you doing back here?”
“Taking a break,” Safi said. “What were you doing out there? You look like you just ran a mile.”
Max laughed. “It’s getting intense, yeah.”
Safi smiled, deciding the night wasn’t a total bust after all. “Maybe you should take a break, too,” she suggested. “You sit down, and I’ll get us—”
“Dance with me!” Max said, holding out her hand.
“What?” Safi asked.
“Dance with me!” Max repeated, laughing. “Come on, it’s not as bad as it looks.”
Skeptical, Safi leaned over to look past Max to the gyrating crowd beyond, already starting to get into it again as the band kicked off the next song.
“Trust me!” Max insisted, still holding out her hand.
“Shouldn’t you be dancing with Amanda?” Safi asked, raising her voice to be heard over the music.
“I’ve been dancing with her all night!” Max yelled back before taking one of Safi’s hands with both her own. “Please?”
Safi sighed, downed the rest of her beer in a single go, and let herself be dragged by an ecstatic Max toward the stage. They couldn’t get into the throng at that point, so Max started thrashing right there at the edge. After a few seconds of watching her in disbelief, Safi joined in. And Max was right—it was fun. They danced through the next two songs together, cheering the band on and laughing at each other’s moves. At the end of the second song, Max leaned toward her, and Safi’s heart stopped.
But she was only leaning toward her ear.
“Told you you’d have fun!” she said as the drummer started up yet again, hardly giving the screaming crowd a chance to catch their breath.
“You got me!” Safi said back, panting.
Max laughed and pulled back. Then she took one look at Safi’s face and leaned back in.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Of course!” Safi said automatically. “Let’s dance!” She tried to put a mask over the sadness she’d let slip through, but judging from Max’s expression, she wasn’t convinced. And, abruptly, neither was Safi. She leaned back into Max’s ear. “Can we talk?”
“What?” Max asked back. Or at least, that’s what Safi thought she asked. Once again, Moses had been proven right—this show was taking years of hearing off both their lives. Safi pulled Max away from the crowd, around the corner where the sound was less enough that she could at least hear her ears ringing.
“I need to tell you something,” Safi said.
“What?” Max asked, tapping her ear. Considering the fact that she’d spent most of the show right up by the stage, Safi was surprised the other woman could hear anything at all.
“Max …” Safi leaned down right by her ear. This was the literal worst time to have this conversation, but she knew she wouldn’t find the courage again if she backed off now. “I’m … I have feelings for you.” There. She’d said it. She pulled back.
Max looked confused, and Safi felt her stomach sink into her feet. Then Max leaned in to Safi’s ear.
“I think I’m going deaf in that ear!” Max admitted loudly.
Fighting the urge to scream, Safi moved her head to Max’s other side.
“I’m in love with you!” she shouted, right as the band kicked into the loudest guitar riff she’d ever heard in her life.
“What?” Max yelled back.
“For the love of—” She seized Max’s face with both hands and kissed her full on the lips. And in that moment, the rest of the world just fell away. For an instant, it was just the two of them, with not another person in the world, and not a sound—
“What the fuck?” a piercing voice yelled, and the moment shattered. Safi realized she hadn’t just imagined the world going quiet: the song had ended. She turned around to see Amanda staring at her, open-mouthed and on the verge of angry tears. From the look on the faces of the crowd behind her, the entire bar had just seen her kiss Max.
Max.
She turned back to the woman in question and found her staring at her in wide-eyed shock. Unable to bear that look on her former best friend’s face, Safi darted to the patio doors and out into the night.
Safi woke up the next morning with a hangover that unfortunately wasn’t bad enough to blot out the memory of what she’d done. Even if it had been, the evidence was all over her phone. People with nothing better to do were gossiping all over CrossTalk, and her texts were full of concerned messages from Moses and … her mom?
“Oh, no,” she said, opening up the thread to see a handful of messages about “concerning” posts her mother had seen on CrossTalk about her and Caledon’s artist-in-residence. “They shouldn’t let people over 30 on this stupid app.” She went to turn her phone off, planning to just sleep the rest of the weekend away. Instead, it started ringing, and the name Moses Murphy stared back at her like an accusation. With a sigh, she accepted the call.
“Hey, Moses,” Safi groaned.
“Safi—” Moses cut himself off, and Safi could hear the effort it was taking him to hold back whatever he really wanted to say. “Just tell me you’re okay.”
Safi closed her eyes. “I made it home, if that’s what you mean.”
Moses sighed into the phone. “I’m coming over.”
“Moses, no,” Safi said. “I’m hungover and probably about to throw up—”
“I’m coming over,” Moses repeated. “We need to talk. In person.”
Great, a lecture. What a way to start a morning.
“Fine,” Safi said aloud. “See you soon.”
“See you,” Moses said and hung up.
Shaking her head, Safi put her phone into her jeans and made herself sit up at the edge of her bed. The room only swayed a little with the movement, so she took the next step and stood up. Managing not to fall over when she did was a good start. Next, she needed coffee, and maybe a quick shower. As she started for the kitchen, however, a knock at the door informed her she’d have time for neither.
“Oh, come on, Moses,” Safi said, dashing into the bathroom to throw some cold water on her face. “Couldn’t you have told me you were right outside?” Still dripping, she half-jogged from the bathroom for the front door as the knocking continued.
“I’m coming!” Safi called out as she grabbed the door knob. She took a moment to consider which face to put on before she opened it, then shook her head. There’d be no hiding from him anyway. Steeling herself, she pulled the door open … and came face-to-face with Max Caulfield.
“Hey,” Max said awkwardly.
“Hey yourself,” Safi said with equal lack of charm.
“… Did I wake you?” Max asked.
“No, I was up,” Safi said.
“Oh,” Max said.
“Yeah,” Safi replied.
The two of them continued staring at each other for a moment longer, then Safi stepped aside.
“Did you wanna …?” she trailed off, gesturing inside the apartment.
Max nodded and walked in, heading straight for the couch. Closing the door behind her, Safi could only stare in disbelief until she remembered that Moses was still on his way over. She pulled out her phone and shot off a quick text: Raincheck. Max just showed up.
She started to put her phone back in her pocket, only for a response to come in immediately after: WHAT?
Talk later!, she sent back, then silenced her phone.
“Everything okay?” Max asked.
“Yeah, that was just Moses checking in on me,” Safi responded with a forced laugh. “I, uh, kinda embarrassed myself pretty bad last night.”
“You have a hashtag,” Max said.
“Please don’t remind me.” Safi shook her head. “Anyway, I—”
“Can you sit down, please?” Max asked. “Next to me?”
“Uh, sure.” She walked over and sat at the other end of the couch, two full seats away.
“So,” Max started.
“I’m sorry,” Safi said first. “I shouldn’t have just … did that.”
Max hesitated, then nodded. “Probably not,” she agreed.
“And I’ll find a way to make it up to Amanda, I swear,” Safi said. “I don’t want to come between two of you.”
Max grimaced. “Actually, she already broke up with me.”
Safi’s jaw dropped. “But I kissed you!”
“And then I ran out after you,” Max said. “I chased after you for a while, but …” she smirked, “you are shockingly fast when you’re drunk.”
Safi felt herself blush and ran a hand through her hair. “Yeah, well … still, that’s a not enough of a reason to—”
“I was chasing you for a while,” Max repeated with emphasis. “By the time I got back to the bar, Amanda was long gone. She made it official this morning. Over text.”
Safi winced. “Max, I’m so sorry,” she said. “I never wanted to—”
“It’s okay, really,” Max said, waving a hand. “This … this was a long time coming.”
Safi’s eyebrows shot up. “Huh?”
“We tried to make it work,” Max said. “I wanted it to work. But I think she could tell from the beginning that my heart wasn’t completely in it.” She glanced away then back again. “And that there was someone else.”
Safi’s heart skipped a beat.
“Safi,” Max started. “How much do you remember from last night?”
“Uh …” Safi thought back toward the alcohol-fogged events of the night before. “Loud music, cheap beer,” she paused. “Kissing you, running out the back door,” she gestured toward her open bedroom door, “and then waking up here.”
“So … you don’t remember me kissing you back?” Max asked.
Safi’s eyes widened. “You did?”
Max nodded.
“Oh,” Safi said.
“Yeah,” Max replied.
For a long moment, the two of them just stared at each other. Max found her words first.
“So I guess I was wondering if you …” Max took a deep breath. “If that was just the alcohol, or if you’d actually want to—”
“I still want to kiss you,” Safi admitted, her heart pounding.
Max blushed. “Like, right now?” she asked.
“I mean.” Safi hesitated. “I’m kind of gross right now—”
“I don’t mind,” Max said.
“… Really?” Safi asked, too surprised to tease the other woman about how fast she’d said that.
“Really,” Max said, laughing nervously.
Heart pounding, Safi started to scoot across the couch toward her, making it halfway onto the middle seat before her nerves got the better of her. She started to ask Max one more time if she was serious about this, but then Max slid the rest of the way. There, with their thighs touching and their faces inches apart, Safi froze. She wanted this more than anything, but she was also afraid.
Love didn’t last—her own dad had taught her that much.
“Safi,” Max whispered, shaking Safi from her thoughts. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Closing her eyes, Safi leaned in and kissed her, half-expecting to wake up back in bed, alone, any second. But Max was real, and from the way she was kissing her back—with one hand on the Safi’s head to deepen it and the other exploring her waist—so was their mutual desire. Feeling her heat rise, Safi leaned forward, pushing Max down onto the cushions. All too soon, Max broke away, holding Safi back with a hand as she caught her breath.
“Too fast?” Safi asked, fearing she’d messed up already, and to her immense relief, Max shook her head.
“No, no,” Max said breathlessly. She paused to breathe then looked up at Safi with a lopsided grin. “But could we maybe move this to your bed?”
Not wanting to waste time thinking, Safi yanked Max to her feet, making her laugh as the two ran to her bedroom.
When they finished, the two of them laid on her bed side-by-side in a state of happy exhaustion. In the quiet that followed, however, Safi felt her thoughts start to wander. As it often had since the conversation with Moses that had set all this in motion, Maya Okada’s face floated to mind. Usually when Safi’s thoughts went this direction, she just remembered the ending: the disbelieving shock when Maya found out what Colmenero had done, the bitter resignation toward the end, and the frozen smile of the photograph they’d chosen for the memorial.
Not this time. This time, Safi remembered the beginning. She remembered how much her heart had swelled the first time she’d seen Maya’s smile in person, and all the nights the two of them had stayed up late talking about art, their parents, and anything else that was on their minds. That, Safi realized, was how she wanted to remember her: not as a victim of some hack’s ambition, but as a living, breathing person. Someone who had been kind, passionate, and so, so brave.
Safi’s breath hitched, and she felt tears sting her eyes. She tried to wipe them away, but Max caught her hand and rose up to lay a kiss on both her cheeks. Faced with the sheer adoration in Max’s eyes as she looked down at her, Safi found it in her to admit what she’d been denying to herself all this time.
“I love you.”
Then, realizing she'd just said that out loud, Safi squeezed her eyes shut.
“Shit,” she swore. “It's weird to say that this early, isn’t it?”
“It’s not weird, and, honestly, it’s not that early,” Max said softly. “I love you, too.”
“You would say that,” Safi said, smirking. “You’re the biggest weirdo I know.”
Max chuckled. “Then I guess we’re two weirdos, aren’t we?”
Safi laughed and opened her eyes to see Max smiling back at her. She leaned up to kiss and embrace her, then the two of them laid back down in each others’ arms.
Eventually, Safi knew, the two of them would have to get up and face the world. Moses probably wouldn’t approve of how she’d done it, but he’d support her. He always had. As for everyone else … well, for starters, she’d probably have to find a new bar to hang out in. And who knew what her mother would say about the fact that she was technically hooking up with a member of her faculty. But for the moment, none of that mattered. Lying there with Max, laid bare in more ways than one, Safi felt like she could face anything.
She’d let Max see the real her—let her mask fall on purpose for the first time in years—and Max had loved her anyway. And though Safi didn’t dare believe what the two of them had would last forever (a dark part of her mind insisted it wouldn’t even last a day), she let the fear of its loss wash over her without losing herself to it. Whether it lasted or not, it would always have been real; nothing could ever take that away from her.
All at once, she understood why Max took so many candid photographs.
“Safi?” Max asked, feeling Safi’s grip on her tighten.
“I’m okay,” Safi said, and for once, she meant it. “Actually, I’m better than okay.” She laughed, feeling another tear escape one eye as she did. “This is best I’ve felt in a long, long time.”
Wordlessly, Max held Safi tighter as well.
Closing her eyes, Safi decided that the world could wait. Later, there would be friends to explain things to, a mother to placate, and amends to attempt. For now, Safi and Max drifted off to sleep, secure in the knowledge that whatever came next, they’d face it together.