Chapter Text
Koda nodded and looked at Tenzin. “I’m Koda, and you’re my dad. It’s okay. I can help you.”
She snorted, her head pressing forward to lightly touch her son’s. It wasn’t the response she expected, but she admired it.
Tenzin seemed to feel the same. “It’s nice to properly meet you, Koda. I think you’re right. It’s all okay.”
Lin locked eyes with him, a shared moment of apprehension and overwhelmed emotions. Their entire lives had just changed and they were in for a battle filled with highs and lows.
Koda said it best: it’s okay.
The sun was continuing to drop and Lin knew it would very soon be dark. Koda hadn’t eaten a proper dinner yet, filled up on sugary treats. She herself was feeling hungry.
“It’s getting late,” she started, her eyes on Koda’s, “and I know you have a lot of things you want to talk to him about. I promise you’ll get the chance but I think it’s time we head home.”
He nodded, looking back at Tenzin. “I can come back?”
Lin couldn’t get a read on Tenzin’s emotions; he was trying desperately to keep them to himself. He kept his gaze soft as he looked at Koda.
“Whenever you want. I hope you’ll come back tomorrow.”
Koda smiled, looking to her in question. She nodded. “Of course. Maybe without the cousins though.”
She kept looking from Koda to Tenzin, slightly in awe over having them together. Years of joking he looked like Bumi and here she was, marveling at how much he looked like Tenzin.
“Before we go,” she said, “I think we have time for one more meeting. One you’ve also been very excited about.”
Koda caught her meaning instantly and lit up. Tenzin took a moment, frowning in confusion. Koda then asked, “I can meet Oogi now?”
Tenzin finally smiled a true, genuine smile. He reached beneath his robes, pulling out a familiar whistle. “He should be close by, I think.”
Lin could feel Koda vibrating with excitement, his eyes on the sky as he waited for the much anticipated creature. As Oogi came into view, Koda leapt from her lap, attempting to close the distance between him and the sky bison.
She watched happily, still trying to take in both his and Tenzin’s moods and reactions. Oogi landed with a thump, and much to her horror, spotted Lin immediately. The massive creature went trotting right past Koda and Tenzin, his goal obvious.
“No,” she warned, “Oogi, do not - ugh!”
Koda was giggling as she backed away from the gleeful animal. Oogi had clearly missed her. She scratched between his eyes, knowing it was the only way to keep him from licking her again. She sighed. “Was that necessary?”
“He likes you, Mom.”
“Yeah, it’s not the most mutual feeling.”
Tenzin stepped closer, watching Koda mimic Lin’s movements to pet the sky bison. “So, your mom’s told you about Oogi.”
Koda didn’t look away, nodding and saying, “And Appa. Sky bison were the first airbenders. Dragons were the first firebenders, and badgermoles were the first earthbenders.” He frowned, glancing at Tenzin. “Waterbenders learned from the moon which is kinda weird, but Gran Gran and Aunt Kya say it’s special.”
“You don’t think it’s special?” Lin questioned, still wiping the saliva from her cheek.
“I guess. Uncle Sokka really likes the moon,” he commented, his use of the present tense reminding Lin of his inability to fully process the recent death in their family.
“He had a unique relationship with it.” Lin looked up at Tenzin, concerned over how quiet he was. “Thanks for calling him.”
He blinked out of his trance. “Of course. Anytime.”
Koda tugged on her shirt. “Can I have - ?”
“Absolutely not.” She reached for his hand.
He sighed unhappily, his other hand still petting Oogi. “One day,” he muttered to himself.
“We need to head out.”
Koda nodded, giving the sky bison a final pet. “Don’t worry, Oogi, I’m coming back tomorrow.”
Tenzin gave his furry friend a bit of affection before waving him off kindly. Koda raced ahead of them, not dragged down by the emotions they were experiencing. Lin was grateful for the small bit of distance.
“You and I should talk before I bring him over tomorrow.”
Tenzin looked at her uncertainly, so she clarified, “You need to process this and then undoubtedly there’s going to be a lot more anger. I do not want him around that. I know you and I could hold it in and hide it, but he’s intuitive and I’ve spent too long telling him what great friends we are.”
He nodded. “I understand.”
“You…” She didn’t want to bring it up, but she needed to. “You need to talk to Pema about this.”
The muscles in his face tightened. “I’m aware.”
“Does she know…what happened?”
She half expected him to tell her off, but he kept surprising her. “She knows something happened. I went to tell her and she essentially told me she didn’t want to know and was more interested in moving forward.”
Brave woman. Or foolish. Lin didn’t comment on it further. “Would you like me to come over in the morning or we could meet somewhere? Then you and Koda can have the afternoon.”
They were approaching the dock, Koda zigzagging ahead of them. Lin was surprised she didn’t see more acolytes; they must be taking a break for dinner.
“I’m not sure,” Tenzin answered. “I mean, yes we should talk in the morning but I don’t know if you coming here is the best option.”
Someplace neutral would probably be a good idea. But it still needed to afford them privacy. “Outside the city?”
He nodded, looking emotionally drained. “We can take Oogi. Where are you staying?”
She chose her next words very carefully. “Yue Bay Drive. I can meet you in the main square outside city hall. Eight o’clock work?”
There was a frown at her answer but she could see he was too defeated to question her. They were also distracted by their sisters coming into view. Koda spotted them first and raced ahead to brag about his meeting Oogi.
“Baatar take everyone home?” Lin asked, ignoring the very questioning looks they were sending her and Tenzin.
“They were getting antsy and the boys were hungry again, of course,” Suyin explained.
Lin turned to Tenzin, ready to conclude the day. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
He nodded stiffly and then put on a fake smile for Koda. “Bye Koda.”
The five year old was oblivious to the turmoil the adults were experiencing. He was hanging onto Su’s arm, trying to share every detail about the sky bison. He twisted around and smiled.
“Bye Dad.”
Lin could feel the tension as his casual words. She wasn’t surprised; Koda had been told to refer to Tenzin as such and for him, it wasn’t a big deal, it was simply his name. The rest of them were all watching Tenzin, however, trying to detect any display of emotion. Lin knew he would keep it tight for a while longer; she imagined Kya would get to witness the next explosive meltdown as he processed the news.
“See you all tomorrow,” Lin said softly, taking her son’s hand. With Su following closely, they headed down the stairs to the dock where the boat was waiting.
Suyin didn’t say a word until they were safely on the ferry, a weary acolyte moving them back towards the city. “So?”
“Better than expected and yet still traumatic.”
“I wasn’t prepared for the brotherly brawl,” Su murmured, glancing to Koda who was watching their approach to the illuminated city.
“Yeah, I feel a little foolish about that. I know the issues those two have. I should’ve realized they would…pile it on.”
Koda turned around to look up at her. “Mommy, when’s Baz coming again?”
“Tomorrow.”
He grinned. “I can’t wait to tell him about Oogi. Can he come over with me and meet him?”
“I’m sure he’ll meet Oogi one day,” Lin hedged, sending a pleading look to Suyin who kindly changed the subject.
“Koda, I think Uncle Baatar was making pancakes for dinner. Think you’ll be hungry for that?”
“Of course!”
Lin breathed slowly, reminding herself this was only the first step of many.
***
The opening of the door didn’t wake her, but her sister’s loud whispering of her name did. She let her eyes open slowly, wincing at the brightness; she had left a gap in the curtains and now there was a little too much morning sunlight pouring into the room.
Su was still in her pajamas, two steaming cups in her hand. Lin breathed in, smelling coffee rather than the usual tea. She sat up, shifting over in the bed to make room for her.
“Oh, wow, when did he get here?” Su asked, sliding into the bed where Lin had just been laying.
Lin ran a hand down Baz’s arm. She knew he had undoubtedly been woken by Su’s arrival. She could feel the difference in his breathing. “This morning,” he mumbled, not moving.
Lin smiled at Suyin, taking the offered cup of coffee. “He got in around two, so be kind.”
“I thought you weren’t coming until tonight.”
“Felt guilty,” Baz answered, face still pressed into his pillow. “Caught the late night train.”
“Aw, how sweet.”
Lin sipped her coffee, her other hand remaining on her fiancé’s arm, both providing her much needed comfort. She hadn’t heard Baz come in at first, too deep in sleep. It wasn’t until he was wrapping himself around her, hair wet from a quick shower, that she had stirred. Even half asleep, she had been ecstatic.
“He is,” Lin demurred. “Now, why are you here so early?”
“Kids will be up any second and you know it. I wanted to check in on you first.” Su glanced at Baz. “I didn’t know he’d be here.”
“As if that would stop you,” he rumbled, still too tired to roll over.
“Anyways, how prepared are you feeling for today? You’re meeting him at eight, right?”
That got Baz’s attention. He shifted, eyes still wincing as he looked up at her. “What are you doing?”
They hadn’t exchanged more than five words when he had crawled into bed so he was completely in the dark about the previous day’s occurrences or the current day’s plans.
“I’m meeting Tenzin at eight so we can hash things out a bit more. We didn’t have enough time to talk yesterday.”
“He was too busy punching Bumi,” Suyin added.
“He did what?”
Lin sighed. “He directed a lot of his anger at Bumi, which in hindsight, I should have expected. Lesson learned. Anyways, Tenzin and I really didn’t have enough time to talk. I got to plead my case and I think we’re both on the same page as far as why I didn’t tell him. The real anger is going to be why I waited so long, and I also need to let him in on what our lives have been like the past few years.”
Su sipped her coffee thoughtfully before saying, “You mean, you need to tell him you’re getting married and he’s going to be co-parenting with both of you.”
Baz twisted around so he was better able to look at Lin. “You didn’t tell him?”
She shook her head. “I told you, there wasn’t time. Every piece of information shared would involve a burst of anger and then me defending myself and then a processing period… It was a lot just getting him to understand and believe that I didn’t do this out of spite.”
Su asked, “One thing I am dying to know and I hope you managed to ask…Does Pema know?”
She sighed, leaning against the headboard. “Apparently, she doesn’t know specifics at her own request. I was right about Tenzin being honest to a fault. It sounds like he went to make a confession and she told him she didn’t want to know.”
“So, safe to assume, she knew you two slept together that day.”
“Probably.”
Baz moved his hand beneath the blankets, finding her thigh. “He met Koda? How did it go?”
“Our little sneak managed to find him during the festival when Kya was supposed to be watching him. He didn’t give anything away but the fact that he did that tells me he’s more interested than I realized. He and Tenzin didn’t talk very much. I think Tenzin was too shocked. He got to meet Oogi though.”
Baz nodded. “And now you’re meeting Tenzin alone?”
“That’s the plan.” She sighed, looking at him. “I’m really glad you’re here early. I know I said I would be fine - ”
“You are,” he countered. “But I’m happy to provide some more support.”
“I want you to talk to Koda while I’m gone. He didn’t say much last night, just that he had a good time and was excited to be going back.”
He nodded. “I’ll talk to him.”
Suyin had left their bedroom door open and the familiar sounds of their youngest children started floating in. Staying in a new place was a thrilling experience for them but Willow wasn’t Beifong proof and lacked the playroom and outdoor spaces they were accustomed to.
The three of them were silent as they listened to the noise. With his feet in socks, Koda’s footsteps weren’t heard and he surprised them when he stepped into the room, badgermole blanket still in hand.
His blue eyes found his mother first but quickly spotted Baz. He gasped, racing to the bed and climbing as fast as he could. Baz was grinning as he sat up to catch him in a hug. “Hey, buddy. How was yesterday?”
“So much fun! Uncle Bumi helped me make a kite and then I made friendship bracelets with Aunt Kya, and there were so many treats…”
He was on a roll. Lin shared a look with Su who slipped out of the bed. “I’ll leave you all to it.”
“I made you one,” Koda finished, looking to her. “Mommy, where’s the bracelet I made Daddy?”
Her brain stuttered for a moment and she realized the two dad situation was going to be confusing for her. Koda was so casual in his use of the title that he was likely unaware of the fact that he would now need to specify which dad he was speaking of. She wondered if Baz had the same concerns.
“It’s on the bureau over there,” she told him, nodding to it.
Koda scrambled off the bed to get it and bring it to Baz who was thrilled. “Looks good. Aunt Kya helped you?”
“Uh-huh, we made a bunch. See.” He held up his left arm where three colorful braids of string were on display. “Mama has one too.”
“I think we all walked away with at least one,” Lin said, properly tying off the bracelet around her fiancé’s wrist. “I made you one too.”
His eyes were bright with amusement. “You made me a friendship bracelet?”
“Figured you could use as many as possible,” she teased, stealing a quick kiss, much to Koda’s irritation.
“I’m not done! After we made bracelets, we played a bunch of games. Are you any good at ring toss?”
Lin took advantage of their son’s distraction and climbed out of the bed. She needed to get ready if she was going to be on time to meet Tenzin.
***
Despite leaving the apartment with more than enough time, Lin was late meeting him. When she approached him standing on the ground beside Oogi, he was frowning, arms crossed. He didn’t look like he had gotten any sleep.
“Hey,” she called, getting his attention. “I didn’t mean to be late. Last minute errand.”
She held up the paper bag in her hand in explanation and for a moment she could see his body relax and his lips twitch. “You stopped for crullers?”
Lin gave Oogi a warning look as she approached. “Yes.”
Tenzin looked ready to make a comment, maybe even something pleasant, but he shook his head and gestured to the saddle. “Let’s go.”
It was bizarre to be climbing up onto the sky bison for the first time in so many years. She had never loved flying on Oogi, but she didn’t dislike it. It was just something so quintessentially Tenzin, and she’d be lying to herself if she didn’t admit there were pleasant feelings of nostalgia.
They didn’t talk as they flew. Lin admired the view over the city she knew so well and had spent so little time in in recent years. Tenzin remained at the reigns, his back to her. She couldn’t blame him.
It was a familiar place he landed them at, but she didn’t have any specific recollections of it. They hadn’t gone far, the skyscrapers of the city still present in the skyline. As teenagers they had explored virtually every bit of land on the outskirts of the city, the good and the bad.
Lin jumped down with her bag of treats in hand and went to a shaded section of trees. She sat down, waiting for him to join her before she opened the bag. “Want one?”
He shook his head, settling with crossed legs a few feet in front of her. It was a safe distance and it forced eye contact for them both. She started eating, wanting him to open the conversation.
“Kya told me you really struggled with this,” he began. “That you weren’t happy about everyone letting me think Koda was Bumi’s.”
Lin swallowed quickly. “Of course I wasn’t. First, I don’t like any suggestion that so much as hints at me procreating with Bumi. It’s bad enough that everyone makes jokes because Koda looks like him.”
Once again, there was almost a smile. “Has that been…an issue?”
“Your mother started it,” she grumbled. She debated how open and honest she should be; she didn’t want to constantly remind him of the entire family’s betrayal, but she also wanted him to know everything. “When Koda turned one, she pulled out a picture of Bumi at age one, and it was downhill from there. I was horrified.”
“I’m sure Bumi loves it.”
“Considering how many times he asked me to name him Bumi Junior, I wasn’t surprised.”
Tenzin had a very pensive look. “Why did you name him Koda? I mean, I know why, but...”
She nodded, swallowing another bite. “I couldn’t think of a name for the poor kid. Everyone kept pestering me about it and between Bumi’s requests and my mom calling him Junior-Junior, I was desperate. Then Sokka told me an interesting story.
“Apparently, he wanted you to be named Hakoda. He didn’t actually suggest it because Aang was pretty quick to want an Air Nomad name, but he wanted to. Then when Mom got pregnant with me there was some ridiculous bet where Sokka was going to name me if I was a boy.”
Tenzin’s eyes widened briefly in understanding. “We were both almost Hakoda.”
“But we weren’t and Sokka was…not upset, but he said he felt like it was unfair that his mother’s name was passed down but not his father’s. It just felt right to use it. I shortened it though because Hakoda seemed like too many syllables to get out.”
“Was everyone okay with you shortening it?”
“Of course. I like to think they even prefer it.”
“It’s a good name,” he said softly. “He must have been really happy when you told him.”
“Sokka…” She didn’t want to get emotional. “I don’t need to explain to you of all people what he meant to me. He was always there for me and Mom and Su. He never stopped being there for me, and that extended to Koda.”
He was frowning but she could see sympathy in his eyes. “I often thought about how nice it was that he visited Zaofu so often. Now, I know he had even more reasons to be there.”
“Koda adored him and the feeling was very mutual. I don’t know if you saw his pendant - ”
“I did. I knew the second I saw it that Sokka made it.” He glanced down at his hands. “I’m glad Koda wears it.”
“Since his first birthday.”
They paused at that point. Lin waited a few seconds before going back to her cruller. She managed to finish one when he spoke again.
“I don’t even know what to ask you at this point.”
“That’s fair. I’m not entirely sure what to tell you. At least to start with…”
“Yeah,” he sighed, looking despondent.
She had questions of her own. She wanted to know how he felt, had he talked to Pema, had he talked to Bumi… She remembered her nearly forgotten discussion with her mother about how she didn’t know Tenzin anymore and how that bothered her.
She wasn’t sure what possessed her to say it, but she decided to throw out something unexpected. “My mom told me about my father.”
Tenzin’s head lifted quickly, his eyes wide and staring right at her. “What?”
“It turns out… He was a firebender just passing through. No one interesting or special. His name was Kanto.”
He was quiet for several seconds, soaking in the knowledge. Then he made her laugh with the simple remark, “Explains your obsession with fire gummies.”
“It does,” she agreed, glad to be smiling. “But you know I don’t care. It’s just DNA.”
“Still nice to know after all this time. What made her tell you?”
“Koda,” she answered simply. At his raised eyebrow, she continued, “My paternity was apparently an open secret amongst our parents. They all knew he was a firebender. It was just ignored until your parents started plotting for grandchildren.”
“What do you mean?”
“Koda has grandparents from each nation, and they were all benders. Aang theorized this would make him… special and spiritually minded. You need to talk to your mother about it, because I didn’t fully understand.”
Tenzin looked less sad now and more curious. “All four…Dad thought that would influence his spiritual connections?”
“Don’t ask me.” She shrugged. “This is not my area and you know it. I will say, he is annoyingly comfortable with everything. Loves dirt and rocks, but also water and snow, the wind…way too easy going around fire, that’s for sure.”
Now, he finally smiled. “Really?”
“The spiritual part though,” she said carefully, “he’s too young right now I’d think, but he’s very in tune with himself and the world. He rarely misses meditation.”
“He…did you teach him?” He was flabbergasted.
“Yes, and before you start thanking me for it, it wasn’t to show him Air Nomad culture or anything… His earthbending emerged extremely early. When he was two, he had a temper tantrum that caused an earthquake and destroyed the entire yard. I needed a way to help him understand his bending. I went with meditation because he’s a calm and patient child - always has been.”
“He meditates,” he said in wonder.
Lin admired the new happiness he was displaying. “He reminds me of Aang sometimes. His patience and kindness. Definitely doesn’t get those from us.”
“I’m surprised there’s no Beifong temper.”
“Oh, there is. Just put him the right situation and you’ll see it soon enough.”
He regained his somber mood, looking back down. “He seems really happy.”
“He is,” she confirmed, wishing they could go back to thirty seconds ago. “I do my best.”
He looked up at her. “I’m sure you’re a great mother. I’ve always thought you would be.”
The anger had to be brewing inside. Lin wondered if he was actively holding back or if the shock or sadness was keeping it tamed.
“He is the best surprise I have ever had and I am confident nothing will top it.”
“Surprise,” Tenzin echoed, shaking his head. “How did he even happen?”
“Really?”
“No,” he sighed. “I mean, we hadn’t had a scare since we were sixteen. You’re too careful.”
“Oh, well, turns out emotional turmoil can make even me a little less careful.” She shrugged. “I wasn’t thinking about it. You were gone, so who would be getting me pregnant? Also, it wasn’t like I was twenty and in peak child bearing years.”
“So, because we broke up, you started skipping your birth control - ”
“Unintentionally,” she interjected.
“ - unintentionally and then we…wow, okay.”
“It really puts things into perspective. If you hadn’t ended things, Koda would not be here. Personally - and I can’t believe I’m saying this - I am so incredibly happy that you broke up with me.”
Tenzin snorted, shaking his head.
She told him in a soft tone, “I mean it, Tenzin.”
His smile faded, sensing the severity of her words. She took a steadying breath. “He is my absolute world. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for that child. I love the person he has turned me into. I’m so much happier and I didn’t even know I could feel like this.”
“Kids can do that to you,” he murmured, and she knew he was talking about his two little girls.
“I’m not a huge fan of how nice I am now, but it’s a price I’m willing to pay.”
He laughed again. “You think you’re nicer now?”
“People at work like me, Tenzin. They invite me out for dinner and drinks and to stupid parties.”
“How cruel of them.”
“To say nothing of what having him has done for my relationships with Mom and Su.”
Realization passed over him. “You said you and Su had more in common now. Koda was born. That’s why you reconciled.”
“Actually, it was your meddling sister.” Lin rolled her eyes at the memory of Su showing up in Gaoling for the first time. “And Sokka, of course, can’t forget his role in the drama. Su came to meet Koda when he was a few months old. I…learned to let go of my anger. After he was born, I was on a desperate mission to be as happy and positive as possible for his sake.”
“It looks like it worked out.”
“Better than I ever imagined. I will not admit this to her face, but Su is my best friend and I love living with her.”
“You live together?”
“The family estate in Zaofu is massive. Su and her clan are in the big main house while we have a smaller one right beside it. We do most meals together and the kids have no concept of boundaries. I think at least once a week Koda is sleeping in Opal’s room or with the twins or everyone is piled in the playroom. It’s madness.”
“And Toph’s there a lot?”
“Too much in my opinion. She’s really involved with all of the kids but she’s insane about the boys’ earthbending. Koda is her greatest achievement,” she said dryly. “You’d think she created him herself. I’m worried he’s going to develop an ego if he keeps spending time with her, hearing about how talented and wonderful he is.”
“Toph Beifong praising her grandchildren…It shouldn’t sound strange and yet…”
“It’s very strange,” Lin agreed. “But she’s great with them. She spends a few weeks or months with us and then wanders off and then wanders back…It works for us.”
“I’m happy to hear it.”
Lin tried to figure out how long they’d been talking; the sun hadn’t seemed to move too much. She requested, “Tell me about the girls. You said Jinora loves being a big sister.”
He lit up at mention of them. “She does. She’s so…gentle and kind. Some days I feel like she can’t possibly be mine - ”
“Because how on earth did we make such great humans?” She completed with a smile.
“Exactly. She just makes my day better. It’s a little crazy with Ikki now too, but I love it. I could do with more sleep though. I feel like we just stopped having to wake up in the middle of the night with Jinora and now we’re starting over.”
“I imagine sleep is becoming but a dream.”
“Some nights.” He was gazing at her softly. “I’m happy. I love my family. I don’t…have any regrets.”
“Neither do I.” She wasn’t sure why he was taking their conversation down this path. “I meant it earlier, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I don’t want this change to take away from any of our happiness. That’s why I really want us to be friends.”
It was a full circle moment to think that six years ago, he had been telling her he wanted friendship. Now, she was the one asking. Tenzin clearly did not miss this judging from the look in his eyes.
“I’m still so angry,” he told her, his voice disturbingly quiet. “I’m angry at you, my siblings, my mother…I’m angry at myself for not trying harder to keep you here or sending more letters or just showing up in Zaofu…I’m angry and I don’t trust you which is terrifying because I’ve never felt that.”
“I understand.”
“Do you?”
Lin kept her strength. “Yes, I do.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “You said we’re going to figure this out. Koda and I are going to know each other. I get to be in his life.”
“Yes, and I’m going to do my best with it. I know you have the busy schedule and the girls are so little. I don’t expect you to come to Zaofu. You’re welcome anytime, but I know I’m going to be the one to bring Koda to you as often as possible.”
“How often is that? You have a life and work too.”
“It’s still easier for me. I don’t think we can make a consistent schedule but I’d like to make an agreement that you two never go more than three weeks apart. That’s just the goal. Ideally, I think we can bring him twice a month. It depends.”
Finally, it came up. Tenzin asked, “What do you mean by ‘we can bring him’? You and Su?”
This was the portion of the conversation she was most anxious about, the one she had actively practiced with Baz and Su. This was the point she was worried would bring anger and crush the beginnings of their new friendship.
“I haven’t been raising Koda alone,” she explained gently, having decided to enforce Baz’s parental status from the very first sentence.
Tenzin followed because he was frowning, almost scowling in displeasure. “You mean, you’re dating someone and he’s…involved in Koda’s life?”
“Baz and I have been together for three years. He’s lived with us for more than two. He and Koda are really close.”
“I knew you were seeing someone, but I didn’t think…They’re close?” His volume was low but Lin knew him well enough to see the frustration and anger behind it.
She was too slow to respond and he sharply added, “Baz? As in…Nakayama - the family from the Fire Nation?”
“That’s him. You two have met.”
Tenzin’s scowl had lessened, replaced with disbelief. “You and…him? Really?”
“Yeah, I know we seem like an unusual match, but it works. It works really well.”
“Three years?”
Lin tried to put herself in his position. Even though Tenzin had been the one to end their relationship, the one to move on first, he was likely just as uncomfortable at the thought of her being with someone else as she was thinking about him with Pema. They had had too many years believing they would never be with anyone else.
“He didn’t come yesterday,” she explained. “We thought it would be easier. But he’s here with us and he will be there anytime you, Pema and I sit down to figure things out. All four of us.”
He didn’t look convinced. “You live together, so…this is serious.”
No sense in holding back now. Her right hand reached for her left, feeling the familiar ring. “We’re getting married.”
It was almost expected. Tenzin’s eyes darted to her ring and then back to her face. Then he was taking several deep breaths and standing up. Anger was winning now.
She didn’t speak, giving him a chance to pace. He would occasionally send her a frustrated look and she tried to meet his eyes every time to show how serious she was. It was more than a minute before he spoke.
“It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.” There was venom in his words, his eyes too harsh. “You…you quit your job to travel and then you have a child - the very child you refused to have when I asked - you live with Su, and now you’re telling me that after I spent years asking you to marry me, you’re marrying someone else!”
She wanted to argue it was a little more complicated than that but she nodded calmly. He scoffed. “Unbelievable.”
“If it’s any consolation, I feel like I don’t know you anymore either.”
“What?” He stopped pacing, staring her down. “How have I changed?”
Lin considered standing up but she determined this wasn’t an argument where even ground would help her. “The day you asked me to have a baby,” she answered, doing her best to remain calm.
“No,” he spat, “that is not… I haven’t spent the last six years living a brand new life. I’ve been right here where I’ve always been, doing the same job, living the same - ”
“It’s not at all the same, and you know it.” It was difficult not to let her frustration into her voice. “You started changing as soon as he was gone. I’m not blaming you for it. Aang dying changed all of us, and I am so, acutely aware of what it did to you. But, Tenzin, you chose to keep changing. You changed what you wanted, you changed how you lived your life, and while I was hurt and angry at first, now…I support you. I’m happy for you and grateful that you’re living the life you want. Even if it’s not the life you and I spent twenty years living together. Can you at least try to offer me the same courtesy?”
“Not when your new life involved keeping my son from me.”
Lin’s hands clenched and she forced herself to let it go. “I am sorry for that. I do not expect you to forgive me either. You are welcome to carry some resentment over that for the rest of our lives. But I will not apologize for continuing to live my life.”
He shook his head, as though hoping it would shake some of her words right out of his head. “You’re going to marry him. Why? Why him? Why now?”
She had plenty of reasons. She wanted Koda to know Baz wasn’t going anywhere. She wanted Baz to know he wasn’t going anywhere. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him and felt like marriage was another way of promising that. But Tenzin didn’t need all of the reasons. He only needed the most important one.
“Because I love him and I want to marry him.”
It cut deep and Lin knew it wasn’t because he was still sad she had never married him; he was hurt because he was now the one seeing what it was like to watch your lifelong best friend become someone else.
“Is Koda okay with this?”
“Of course he is. Not that it changes anything about his life.”
“It doesn’t?”
“No. Why would it? My feelings about marriage haven’t changed. I still find it superfluous. Our lives aren’t changing, just our titles.”
He asked, “Then why are you marrying him?”
“For the exact reasons I already told you. He asked and I said yes.”
“I asked several times and you never said yes,” he complained, almost petulantly.
“You asked twice,” she corrected, “and you know damn well the second time I didn’t say no, I said ask me again later and I’ll say yes. Don’t try to pick a fight with me over this when you know I was planning to marry you.”
Tenzin grew quiet and she knew she had hit her point across. He kept his gaze on her. “I’m not…envious or jealous or...I’m just confused.”
“I realize that. Why do you think I’m handling this so calmly?”
“Yeah,” he muttered, “I’ve been waiting for a rock or knife aimed at my head.”
“I told you motherhood has made me too nice.”
He chuckled dryly. “Right.”
“I’m impressed with how calm you’re being,” she noted truthfully.
“I guess fatherhood has softened me too.”
She felt herself relax again, sensing his latest burst of anger had fizzled out. He walked closer and sat in front of her once again. He looked even more weary.
“Tell me about Baz then.”
That surprised her. “You’ve met him.”
“Briefly, and this last time he practically ran away. Now I know why.”
She winced. “Yeah, that…we were planning to bring Koda the following week. He didn’t think it was a good idea to start off with lying to you so he figured saying nothing at all would be better.”
“Oh, so lying to my face is a step too far?”
Lin reminded herself of how desperately she needed everyone to get along. “I wouldn’t be so quick to judge. Baz has been firmly on the side of telling you as soon as possible. He hasn’t liked this situation. He’s from an old Fire Nation family so he’s more traditional. He places a high value on honor and respect.”
Tenzin’s face didn’t soften but his shoulders relaxed a fraction. “He has a good reputation. He’s friendly with the royal family.”
She wasn’t surprised he knew these things. She nodded. “He was best friends with Izumi’s husband, Hiromi. They were school friends and served in the military together.”
“That’s why Koda’s been to the Fire Nation.”
She had already started to forget what she had and hadn’t told him. “Yes. We go every year to visit Baz’s family and then make a stop at the Capital to see Uncle and Izumi. Koda loves it there. He’s a big fan of the candy.”
“Another fire gummy fanatic?”
“He takes after his mom, yes.”
He looked away from her, the transition from anger to sadness complete. Lin knew he was having another processing moment, trying to sort through his thoughts and feelings. She took advantage, wanting to keep their progress moving.
She asked, “How did it go last night, after we left? You haven’t mentioned it…”
Tenzin didn’t face her, but he responded. “As well as you’d imagine. I haven’t seen Bumi, he’s been hiding from me. Kya made it clear she wasn’t pleased with our little disagreement.”
Lin had already noticed the red, slightly swollen state of his right hand, confirming their sister had refused to heal him. Bumi was likely sporting some bruises as well.
“Much to my surprise,” he continued, “she didn’t shove her nose into it. She checked on me, told me she would answer any questions honestly and that was that. We didn’t talk much. I had…bigger concerns.”
Pema. She waited patiently for him to open up, unsure if he even would. Their conversation thus far had been a reminder that no matter how much they had changed, there were aspects of their bond that had yet to fade. The biggest of them being the comfortable manner in which they poured their hearts out to each other. She wondered if his wife would be an exception to that.
Apparently not. He spoke quietly. “I hadn’t even noticed she was there when I went after Bumi.”
“It’s understandable.”
“She…Pema knows me well and it’s not that I’ve hidden things from her…”
Lin didn’t need him to explain. “She met you at a unique point in your life. There’s not enough time in the world to properly explain and make her understand who you were at five, at fifteen, at twenty-five… She wouldn’t see you take a swing at Bumi and remember the other rare occasions you’ve let anger get the best of you. It’s not fair to expect her to just accept your behavior for what it was.”
“It frightened her, seeing me like that. I realize now she’s never really seen me angry. I mean, I’ve been angry over a poor decision made by the council, I’ve been angry over someone not doing their job - ”
“Never seen you drunk and trying to pick a fight with a tree.”
Once again, she almost had him laughing. He looked at her with narrow eyes and then went back to staring out into space. “Even though I’ve told her about my failings, she hasn’t seen them so outwardly displayed. And then to follow it up with telling her about Koda…It was a lot.”
She wasn’t sure what to next ask. “I’m guessing she isn’t happy with me.”
“Well, she’s never liked you.”
That seemed rather unfair considering Tenzin left her for Pema. Lin hadn’t thought about that element to their break-up in a long time. She had imagined all of the swooning acolyte girls had cheered when word got around. Pema included.
In an attempt to lighten the mood, she joked, “Well, I was the heartless workaholic who didn’t deserve you, right?”
It didn’t work. He hardly acknowledged her words. “She would never take it out on Koda, but I can’t see us avoiding friction.”
“I don’t need your wife to like me. I need her to care about Koda and respect my place as his mother.”
“She will,” he assured her. “It’s everything else. She was confused about you for a long time. It was never a secret that my family visited you regularly, that Sokka was close to you, that Mother knew the names and birthdays of all of Su’s kids. Pema was always confused by that.”
“You did explain that regardless of our relationship status, we are family? It’s not even our choice at this point.”
“I did, and she eventually understood that. Our family isn’t normal, you know. To the rest of the world, it’s unconventional at best and for some it’s downright bizarre.”
“I’m aware.”
Tenzin shifted his position, as though okay with looking at her again. “Does Baz understand that?”
Lin wanted to laugh. She smiled. “Considering the amount of time I’ve spent with his ex-wife, yes, he understands.”
“He’s divorced?”
It seemed unfair to dive into Baz’s personal history but there was plenty that was public knowledge. “Yes. He’s remained friends with her. Her daughter even calls him Uncle. He’s had the last few years of seeing my relationships with Kya, Bumi, Sokka, Katara… He also is very clear on your place in my life.”
“And what is that?” He questioned. “What is my place?”
Lin took her time answering. “You were right to end our relationship when you did. Actually, we probably should have started letting go sooner. I was just in denial. I didn’t know how to see the world, how to live my life, without you as my partner. We were so young when we made the change from friends to lovers and I couldn’t wrap my head around how to do the opposite at that point in our lives.
“I don’t feel that way anymore. I’m not angry or hurt. I miss having you around, but I don’t…it’s been a very long time since I’ve thought about our relationship in a…wistful manner. It’s just a happy part of our past. Now, I want us to make a new one. I know we can’t pretend the last thirty years didn’t happen and being friends now will be something entirely new, but I’m happy about it. I’m happy I can call you my friend and my son’s father. It’s not going to be perfect and it’s us so we’ll definitely fight and not always get along, but if ever there were two people who could be great at co-parenting, it’s us.”
Tenzin nodded. “You sound sure of that.”
“I’m almost always right. I hope you haven’t forgotten.”
He snorted. “I haven’t.”
She gestured around them, observing the way Oogi was sleeping in the sun a distance away. “We’ve been here for hours and while it hasn’t been the happiest discussion, I’m really glad we’re here together right now.”
“In spite of everything telling me you’ve changed and you’re different…talking to you like this is the first time I feel like you’re still you.”
“I’m definitely not the same person I was six years ago, but I didn’t undo the first thirty-seven years in which you knew everything about me. It’s all still there.”
“I’m seeing that now.”
Her mouth was dry from talking and eating the crullers. She should have brought something to drink. The sun was higher in the sky and she knew it was nearing lunch time.
“While we’re still out here, away from everyone, do you have anything else you want to ask? Anything you want to know?”
He blew out a frustrated breath. “I have thousands of questions.”
“Questions that may have answers you won’t like.” She wanted to avoid any blow ups with Koda nearby. “What are your fears right now?”
“Fear of the unknown, I suppose. It… I don’t know him. I don’t look at him and feel that instant affection I have for the girls. That hurts.”
“It will come. I’m biased, but I maintain he’s the most lovable creature in this world.”
“I also…fear how this will effect him. It’s not so much I want him to like me - although I do - it’s that I also want him to love me. I want it to be natural.”
“You’re not a stranger to him,” she promised. “I don’t think it’s going to be overnight, but I know both of you well enough to know you’ll get there in your own time.”
“But how long with that be?”
Lin felt guilty making the comparison but she thought about how Baz and Koda’s relationship had developed and progressed. It was incredibly different in so many ways but also the only example she had. Koda had been younger and Baz was present almost constantly; it made it easy for them to form a bond through small steps like reading bedtime stories and having breakfast as a family.
“There are no rules,” she told him. “It’s going to happen gradually, as you spend more and more time together. Koda has his own idea of what family is. It’s interesting how it’s developed over the years. He understands that Kya is your sister but if you were to ask him, he’d tell you she’s my sister as well.”
Tenzin looked amused by that. She continued, “Same with Bumi. Sokka was his great-uncle but he also witnessed my relationship with him and Su’s relationship… He has a different connection with Bumi than he does Baatar. At the end of the day, Koda just sees family.”
“He’s close to everyone it seems,” he remarked.
Lin suddenly realized there was one big point of contention she should discuss in private with him and now was the time. She looked down at her hands, anxiously fiddling with her engagement ring. “Koda makes the rules,” she said quietly. “I tell him the truth, but I also let him decide a lot. We value his feelings and opinions, always have, no matter his age.”
She could see Tenzin tense at her words; he knew something was coming. She forced herself to make eye contact again. “Koda doesn’t remember not having Baz in his life. I was adamant from the start of Baz and I’s relationship that you were going to be in the picture one day and we all needed to be mindful of that. Baz and I were in complete agreement over that. Koda was not.”
He frowned but didn’t speak, letting her keep going. “When he was three, he asked why he couldn’t call Baz Dad.”
His face fell and she had to push herself along. “Baz and I both explained the situation, we made it clear who you were, how he was going to meet you soon, and it was all going to work out. He was accepting of that at first, but as time went on…he would get upset when we would tell him Baz wasn’t his dad, but was another parent who loved him and wasn’t going anywhere. Then we got engaged and tried to explain Baz would be his stepdad. Koda, in all his stubbornness, essentially put his foot down at that point. He declared that you and Baz were both his dads and he should be able to refer to you as such.”
Tenzin had gone stone still. “He calls him Dad.”
“Only sometimes. It’s kind of a mixed bag. When he started doing it, we explained yet again that he shouldn’t because he would want to call you Dad and it could get confusing.”
“He didn’t want to?”
“That suggestion triggered a panicked response of him thinking he was going to have to choose between you and Baz. It wasn’t pretty,” she muttered, thinking about the horror on her then four year old’s face that night. “I just need you to understand that this wasn’t some nefarious scheme to replace you or that we coached him into seeing Baz as a father…It was the opposite, really.”
“I don’t know how I feel about this.”
Lin had expected more anger, but now he seemed enveloped in sadness. He needed a good night’s sleep and maybe even a drink. She remained quiet for a minute. She was torn between doing all she could to comfort Tenzin, and making it clear that Baz was Koda’s dad and she would be protecting that with all she had.
“He has no problems calling you Dad,” she pointed out. “He doesn’t see it as being confusing and Baz and I decided we would respect that. If Koda changes his feelings about it…we’ll deal with that too.”
It felt like the end of their limits; the previous hours had been a heavy unloading and this was only the beginning. Lin nodded towards the high sun. “It’s close to lunch. Everyone went to the zoo today but they were supposed to be home about now. Would you like to come over? You can eat with us and then take Koda back to the island with you for a few hours.”
Tenzin still seemed stunned, overloaded with information and emotions. He pulled himself together well enough. “You’re okay with me taking him?”
“I trust that you’ll give him back,” she jested, standing up. “He really enjoyed yesterday. He’s excited to go back.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” He stood up as well, calling to Oogi who was sound asleep. “One last thing,” he added.
Lin met his gaze and she could see him gathering his thoughts.
“I’m happy we’re able to talk through this,” he said firmly, “but I need you to know that I am still angry. I am hurt, and confused… This isn’t me letting that go, this is just me prioritizing Koda and not wanting to waste time I should spend getting to know him.”
She wasn’t surprised by a single word. She nodded. “I know. I appreciate that.”
Oogi was awake and approaching. “Good.”
They didn’t speak the entire flight back into the city.