Chapter Text
1. Anime Logic Power
Goro Akechi was gifted with a special power, one that seemed to defy real life logic. Incredibly strange or dangerous situations would always occur within his near proximity; however, when in immediate contact with others, he influences them for the better or worse. In hindsight, his crazy childhood could be attributed to this power.
Almost being run over by a speeding car? The person he bumped into on the crosswalk miraculously gained superhuman reflexes, grabbed him, and swerved them both out of the way.
A man holds him hostage at knife-point? The idiot started detailing his everyday life experience, from childhood to adulthood, that led to this very moment. Only the tackle of a good samaritan had stopped his villainous monologue before the police promptly arrived to arrest him.
His school bus is hijacked by terrorists? His elementary school seatmate talks about the power of friendship and convinces the would-be villains to reform themselves, all while discreetly clutching a shaking hand onto Goro’s shirt.
Near misses and scary situations were frequent yet quickly resolved in his life. At the tender age of 6, Goro didn’t realize the ridiculousness he faced on a daily basis -someone really should’ve told him sooner.
—-
Goro had always known his mom struggled to raise him by herself. He noticed her increasingly dark eye bags, her thinning frame, her despondent looks, and for some reason, he even noticed she began to wear a low side ponytail.
Goro was an observant boy, the smartest in his class. So, he decided the most logical action was…to cling to his mother like a barnacle. Surely, if his being in near proximity to others changed a would-be disastrous situation, the same will happen again.
This logic was tested on one of their rare family outings when, predictably, disaster struck again.
Goro and his mom had just finished their trip to a local festival. They were waiting for the train to return home when a group of rowdy students approached. When one jokingly pushed the other, they stumbled and bumped into a salaryman. As if in a domino effect, when the salaryman fell, he flung his suitcase and it crashed into Goro, launching him towards the train tracks.
His mother had screamed in terror, leaping forward to grab him. However, unable to pull him back, they both went tumbling down to the tracks, just as a train came into view.
Although dazed, Goro still got up and tried to help his mom stand up. However, with growing dread, he realized she wasn’t moving. The train horn blared, just noticing someone was on the tracks, and Goro doesn’t know what to do, why was the train going faster-
A man with sunglasses suddenly jumped down, grabbed them under each arm before back flipping them all up onto the platform with seconds to spare. His sunglasses weren’t as fortunate and had flown off, subsequently crushed by the train.
“Let’s get your mom to a doctor, kid.”
Goro looked at the man in amazement, he didn’t know any person who could jump and flip like a superhero! So against his better judgment (he did save Goro and his mom after all), he followed the stranger to the hospital. Though the man did hastily introduce himself as Muhen when Goro voiced his concern on the way.
—-
When his mom woke up to find herself in a hospital, she had frantically tried to refuse treatment due to the cost. However, when Muhen-san reassured her that he would pay, he then had to comfort her again when she broke into tears at his kindness.
Later that day, after returning from a lunch break, Goro clung to his mom’s trembling hand as Muhen-san fought off a doctor who, moments ago, had injected something into her IV. Goro was torn between helping Muhen-san or staying beside his mom, who looked so sickly pale that even her loose side ponytail seemed limp. However, he made his decision when he saw an opportune moment when the murderous doctor had turned his back to him and launched his small frame to the doctor’s legs, tripping him and allowing Muhen-san to subdue the villain.
Again, with Muhen-san’s help, his mother was saved…only to be threatened shortly after. What should’ve been a simple police report filing somehow dramatically escalated.
The responding police officer had waltzed in with his partner trailing behind, jotted down the witness statement, and proceeded trying to convince his mom of exaggerating the “good doctor’s mistake.” Goro didn’t like how the officer was openly flippant about his mom’s near death experience. Pouting, he suspected something was wrong and decided to try a tried and true method - he clung to the police officer’s leg.
Immediately, the police officer started kicking and thrashing, cursing at Goro to let go and drawing attention to them. Indifferent of the crowd, the police officer brazenly pulled out his gun and waved it at Goro’s head, threatening to shoot insufferable brats like him when someone immediately chopped at his neck.
A grizzled man handcuffed the unconscious cop and looked up with a strained smile. “Sorry about my partner. The name’s Ryuto Nijima. Let me help you with your case.”
—-
With the help of Muhen-San and Nijima-San, Goro’s mom was able to sue the hospital for malpractice, gain compensation from the police, and jail both villains. Although his mom was originally shaken by the ordeals, she quickly brightened after receiving the compensation money and immediately moved them out of their dingy apartment.
Later, when Muhen gave his mom a job at his jazz bar, his mom seemed to regain the energy she used to have. She smiled more, was less tired all the time, and got to actually spend time with him. Goro was so happy, swinging his legs as he diligently did his homework in a corner of the jazz bar, peeking up once in a while to see his mom work.
However, trouble always seemed to follow Goro and his mom.
Cars would suddenly swerve too close to his mom, with one notable occasion being a truck. Luckily, Muhen-San was nearby and he had barely managed to tackle both Goro and his mom out of the way.
Bar fights always occurred during his mom’s shift at the jazz club. Petty squabbles would suddenly devolve into brawls despite his mom’s best attempts to de-escalate. Goro had tried to help once by grabbing a nearby bystander; but apparently, he had chosen the wrong person when they jumped to join the fight. The police got involved and Muhen-San had to close the bar for a few days after that time.
A detained criminal somehow got loose during their visit to the police station to see Nijima-San. The crazed man barreled through the officers, straight towards his mom. Unlike his mother, who was paralyzed in fear, Goro’s hand shot towards the nearby Nijima-San. His touch snapped the man out of his shocked daze as he sprung into action, quickly grappling the criminal and then throwing him to the ground to handcuff the man.
And once, lightning nearly struck them both. It was a gray, drizzly day when Goro and his mom were walking to a nearby grocery store. Goro was clinging to his mom, to her amusement, like the baby koala he was to maximize his cover underneath her umbrella. However, he was startled when thunder began rumbling heavily. Instincts blaring, Goro suddenly remembered his recent school lesson about the weather, of how lightning follows thunder. Instinctively, Goro jerked his mom toward a nearby store. Seconds later, lightning struck, charring the spot they were just standing at.
—
One day, the terrifying situations surrounding his mom suddenly stopped.
Goro was wary at first, especially on the lookout whenever he accompanied his mom. But one day, a week, and then two passed. No more near accidents occurred -for his mom at least- and Goro relaxed his guard. His mom noticed his overprotectiveness and cooed at him, thanking him for being her little shining knight in armor. She smiled like a budding flower, her new flowy, long hairstyle accenting her loveliness to greater heights. Muhen-San had recently commented to his mom how she would look good with long hair, and seeing it in person, Goro happily agreed. He wishes for his mom to always have more good days.
—
By the time he was in middle school, no one still pointed out the insanity that was his life.
On a typical Tuesday, three armed gunmen launched an attack on a local TV station. Of course, Goro was there for a school trip. His teacher and, coincidentally, a Featherman cast member formed a protective barrier in front of him and the other terrified school children. By now, Goro survived threats to his life every other day and was unmoved. However, he grimaces at the realization of how the threats to his life were rising in frequency and danger lately.
Pink Argus, who noticed this, patted his head in comfort. However, the moment her hand makes contact with his head, she starts glowing. Goro had the misfortune of being blinded by the brightness due to his sheer proximity to her.
By the time Goro was blinking away the black dots in his vision, Pink Argus was already dramatically posing while shouting something strange, which somehow stuns the gunmen momentarily. As if capable of flight, Pink Argus flashes over and incapacitates two of the gunmen. One remaining gunman was able to recover from his daze and aimed his gun at the crowd. However, Pink Argus begins to glow again and a hulking figure (is that a spirit??) emerges behind her. She quickly unholsters her bow, somehow miraculously faster than the villain, before unleashing an shining arrow of light that slams the last gunman into the wall.
Goro was momentarily stunned at the scene before him. He also questioned why the arrow slammed, rather than pierce the bad guy.
When the villains are later apprehended by the police, Goro quietly observes his surroundings. Everyone was acting normal, as if they hadn’t seen the blinding light or the inhuman strength at play. The police didn’t question how one civilian was able to quickly and efficiently overpower multiple gunmen. The Featherman cast member didn’t seem astonished at her sudden display of strength or how her plastic props became weapons. Honestly, Goro wanted to dismiss everything he just saw as a figment of his imagination, but he couldn’t deny that Pink Argus had smashed someone so hard into the wall that a man-shaped silhouette formed -something that no one pointed out.
However, years of madness had already desensitized Goro. So while he wished he could claim that this was the moment he began to contemplate what was wrong with his life, it was actually pointed out to him.
“Hey, kid!”
Goro reflexively ignored the call -surely it was for someone else- until Pink Argus ran towards him and grabbed his shoulder. After a brief pause, she then pulled off her helmet, revealing a pretty face with matching brown hair and eyes. Goro looks up in awe, to think Pink Argus would reveal her identity to him! Even though he knows, logically, that she was an actor, logic can’t deny her stunts just moments before were just like the real thing!
“Hey, kid,” the unmasked Pink Argus repeats gently and snaps Goro out of his thoughts. “Do you know about the metaverse?”