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~*~
Izuku looks at his phone and sighs. 3 a.m. and the pain meds don't seem to be touching the bone deep ache in his hands. A quick flick to the weather app shows that a storm was indeed moving in.
Ugh!
He sits up, because there's no sleeping for him when he feels like this. Might as well see what Shinsou and Dark Shadow have been posing to the insomniacs group chat while checking through old posts on his favorite hero forums.
He'd already caught up to the newer postings this afternoon, and he enjoyed seeing that some of the community’s more outspoken and assured individuals once started as timid kids like him.
Brethren (and Sistren) of the Eyebags
TheShadowKnows: Mary Shelley was a force of chaotic darkness who invented the science-fiction genre. Discuss
Eraserhead Jr: she so was
Eraserhead Jr: Who changed my name? If it doesn't get changed bcak im not sharing any more cute animal vids!
TheShadowKnows has changed Eraserhead Jr to KittenDealer
KittenDealer: that's better
KittenDealer: cute animal compilation 34.vid
Izuku clicked on the link. Usually Shinsou's animal videos were stitched together kitten videos, but this had a variety of pets having fun; from rats running homemade mazes for treats to ferrets being buried in boxes of macaroni and twisting in delight. Izuku chuckled and clicked back to the hero forum.
He remembered the deep dive he'd done on ferrets and weasels when he was ten and trying to convince his mom that the clever creatures that needed lots of stimulation and care (who would still find trouble under ideal conditions) were perfect for their two bedroom apartment. She hadn't been amused. And he hadn't gotten a ferret.
He clicked on a decade old post that was simply labeled “Holy Fuck!” It was ten seconds of a villain fight with a white blur and vicious snarls. Not much was said in the forum other than feeling sorry for the guy that was clearly losing. That was all.
Izuku, however, recognized the form of his principal right away. He also saw the furry white figure make a move that looked a lot like a weasel’s war dance. Was…was Nedzu part weasel?
Brethren (and Sistren) of the Eyebags
BattleBroccoliBoi: guys! guys! guys! Red alert! Who does this look like to you?
Holy Fuck!.vid
KittenDealer: not sure who Nedzu is beating into the ground. Haven't seen that ugly mug begore. Sorry Mido
TheShadowKnows: the principal is truly a great force of darkness
BattleBroccoliBoi: so it's not just me that thinks it's Nedzu?
KittenDealer: 🤷🏼 who else could it be?
BattleBroccoliBoi: do you think he did the war dance before he started?
TheShadowKnows: if anyone would dance for destruction it would be him
KittenDealer: bet Denks knows ⚡⚡⚡
BattleBroccoliBoi: you're right!
Izuku immediately switched over to the regular class chat. While Kaminari was a member of the insomniacs group chat, he had to mute it at night. They all knew that if he was woken up, he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. His rule for participation was that he could only be active in the chat if he couldn't fall asleep after the first hour of going to bed.
Class A Group Chat
(Do NOT change this name)
BattleBroccoliBoi: @Sparky! @Sparky! @DancingQueen! @DancingQueen! when you two faced Principal Nedzu in your finals did he dance before he destroyed you??
DancingQueen: dang Mido. Going for the kill shot right away
Class Mom: you should be sleeping Mido
BattleBroccoliBoi: Sorry. But did he?
PeppermintStick: What would one of Nezu's fights be like?
KittenDealer: lol yoda but with teeth and claws
ToadYouSo: I know it's not realistic
ToadYouSo: But I'm just imagining him talking about all their weaknesses he can see with high specs,
ToadYouSo: telling them all the different inconsequential items he could use to defeat them
Space Cowboy🚀🤠: And then pulling out a gun of some sort
Space Cowboy🚀🤠: "I could do all this, but..."
🔫🔫🔫 Pop 🔫🔫🔫
Kitten Dealer: goes the weasel
Flex Tape: hand Nedzu a well-worn fedora and call it a day
Deepest Dope: Nezu investigating but it's film noir
What would one of Nezu's fights be like?~
Sparky: I mean, commandeering the closest heavy machinery and promising to pay for any damages, obviously
BattleBroccoliBoi: see see here's the thing with Nedzu and fighting
BattleBroccoliBoi: if you go with the stoat/weasel base-idea for Nedzu?
BattleBroccoliBoi: Stoats and weasels? They dance
DancingQueen: so i've always imagined Nedzu in a physical fight where he doesn't just hit someone with a fucking train or something to be like this insane mix of acrobatics and "now that I've thrown them off their rhythm" type of bullshit
Deepest Dope: alternately Nedzu rolls up, does the Harlem Shake and then while you're like ?O.o? shoots you in the face with the mini gun he keeps in his suit pocket
Class Mom: Harlem Shake LOL
Flex Tape: Soulja boy except it's a stoat doing it
DancingQueen: Nedzu just starts flossin and then orders a drone strike on your exact location
Sparky: I like to think he'd do a mix between old and new meme dances
ToadYouSo: Macarena and when EYYYYY MACARENA he tranqs you🔫
Class Mom: do the carlton dance from fresh prince of bell air, then suddenly, cannon
DancingQueen: He'd learn the electric slide just for this
PeppermintStick: The Cha Cha Slide
Space Cowboy🚀🤠: gangam style and Aizawa drop kicks his way on screen
Kitten Dealer: PLEASE🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Macarena and when EYYYYY MACARENA he tranqs you
DancingQueen: Eyyyyyy macarena die
gangam style and Aizawa drop kicks his way on screen
Deepest Dope: Who does animatics here I need it
BattleBroccoliBoi: @Kitten Dealer you have been summoned!
TheShadowKnows: does he do the YMCA to summon the rest of UA staff?
Flex Tape: The Hot To Go dance
does he do the YMCA to summon the rest of UA staff
Space Cowboy🚀🤠: Yamada, Midnight, Cementoss, Aizawa
does he do the YMCA to summon the rest of UA staff
Sparky: He forces them to learn the Single Ladies dance
Deepest Dope: Aizawa does it with the deadest look possible on his face, Midnight and Mic get way too into it, and Cementoss is just like yeah sure whatever
PeppermintStick: Aizawa is in a special sort of hell because he has actual dance training and Nedzu knows that
Flex Tape: Also they totally drop down in like power ranger formation or something for this
Aizawa is in a special sort of hell because he has actual dance training and Nedzu knows that
ToadYouSo: When Mina finds out she pesters him to do a tiktok dance
When Mina finds out she pesters him to do a tiktok dance
Kitten Dealer: He does it perfectly, once, and she's not videoing it
Kitten Dealer: It is her single biggest regret
DancingQueen: nnnnnoooooooo! Hito how could you do this to me???
TheStrictDad: while this conjecture is extremely interesting, I feel I should remind you that it's now 6am. You only have two hours until class starts.
Sparky: oh, shit. I'm going to be dead all day
TheStrictDad: coffee and tea are already waiting in the kitchen
Class Mom: Thank you, Iida
Deepest Dope: Thanks dad!
Flex Tape: thanks dad
ToadYouSo: thanks, kero
BattleBroccoliBoi: you're the BEST Iida! Thanks
Kitten Dealer: oh sweet elixir of life! Come to me
TheShadowKnows: may your paths always run straight and your orange juice be plentiful
Sparky: you know that'll put me to sleep when I'm this tired. Right?
TheStrictDad: a chocolate almond smoothie is waiting for you in the fridge
Sparky: that's why you're the Best Dad, dad!
DancingQueen: Iida, babe, light of my life. You've saved me! You're my hero
PeppermintStick: thank you, Iida
Space Cowboy🚀🤠: you're such a good dad, Iida!
TheStrictDad: ninety minutes till class
Izuku closed out of the class chat and got out of bed. Time to take a cold shower and fill up the extra large coffee mug.
~*~
A week later the entire hero program was called into a mandatory assembly. No one knew what it was about. Even the third years were confused as this had never happened before.
The lights on the audience were suddenly switched off, while a spotlight shone directly in the center of the stage. A large screen, like at the movie theater, was across the middle. There was an outline of four shadows caught in heroic poses.
A trap door opened with fog rolling out and Nedzu was rising from the depths.
The unmistakable notes of a certain song began to play and all of class 1-A looked at each other in horror. That can't be “All the Single Ladies” playing. Can it?
Nedzu traipsed alone across the stage seeming to lip sync the words. At “put your hands up”, the screen on the stage was swiftly removed. Mic, Midnight, Cementoss, and Aizawa sensei were revealed behind the screen posed in a classic group power shot. They shimmied into place and danced back up for the principal. All of them wearing high heels and black body suits.
Mic sensei and Midnight sensei we're far too into it. Poor Cementos was trying, and while he didn't hit all the steps, he was giving it his all. Most stunning though was Aizawa sensei hitting every step perfectly, but with the most “I can't be bothered to care” face his class had ever seen.
There was a long silence after the last note. The clapping began, slowly but grew into a roar accompanied by whistles and shouts. Almost all of Class A was stunned at what they'd just witnessed, but they joined in the standing ovation.
“Thank you, students,” Nedzu said once the audience had calmed down. “This assembly was to notify you that a dance requirement has been added to the hero course curriculum. No exceptions!”
He waved a paw at the teachers still on stage. “Thank you teachers for demonstrating that one can indeed be a hero and dance at the same time.” He smiled directly at 1-A. “I'd like to thank a certain class for bringing the enormous dance gap in your education to my attention. This will not continue under my watchful eye!”
Members of the insomniac group chat slid further into their seats.
“You're excused!”
And with that, the principal walked off stage.
“You don't think-” Mina started but didn't finish as horror over took her features.
Was Nedzu in the class group chat? Izuku nodded.
“Nedzu is part weasel, confirmed,” Todoroki murmured.
Izuku nodded again.
From behind him, Izuku heard Tetsutetsu ask, “Do you think Vlad sensei has one of those body suits?”
“Time to get our Weasel War dance on!” Denki cheered.
The class stood and began filing out of the auditorium. Someone was singing “Single Ladies” and others were doing small dance steps.
They were halfway to class when Mina stopped dancing and began to wail.
“What's wrong, Mina-chan?” Ochako asked.
“I wasn't filming!” she cried pitiful fake sobs into Sero’s shoulder.
“Don't worry, I've got you covered,” Hitoshi said as he reached across to show her the dance playing on his phone.
Mina took one glance and immediately hugged Hitoshi’s arm.
“You're the best, Hito!” she said as she watched the dance play out.
“Will you send it to me?” Izuku asked him quietly as they continued back to the classroom.
Hitoshi smiled a slow grin. “Sure. I'll put it in the group chat.”
~*~