Chapter Text
(M/N) trudged along the beach, kicking up the sand between his feet. It was times like this where he wondered if in a past life he pissed off a wizard or something. Life could be so miserable sometimes, what was the point of trying anymore?
A sick joke, he thought bitterly. That’s what his life felt like. Struggle after struggle, every time he thought he could finally get a break, that maybe things would start to get better, life just took another giant shit on him. No job, no money, in debt, and alone.
Living the fucking dream.
“Oliver, look out!”
Something slammed into (M/N), knocking him forward. He stumbled but caught himself.
“Sorry…”
He turned around and looked down to see a boy, maybe ten years old, backing away from him. An older man came running up behind him.
“Sorry about that, he doesn’t pay much attention to his surroundings.”
(M/N) took in the man’s somewhat scruffy appearance. He had relatively short, somewhat shaggy black hair and facial hair. He looked to be around his mid twenties–not far off (M/N)’s age. But there was something familiar about him. (M/N) tried to match the voice to the face. His eyes widened.
“Rey?” A shocked expression made its way onto the man’s face. “Reymund Hightower?”
The man scrunched up his face as he analyzed (M/N), then he seemed to make the connection. “(M/N) (L/N)?”
(M/N) couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped his lips. “It is you!”
Rey smiled in wonder. “Holy shit, how long has it been?”
“Eight years, I think?”
“Rey, who is this?” the boy asked.
“Uh, this is (M/N), we used to go to high school together,” Rey answered. “(M/N), this is–”
“Oliver, I can tell, even if I hadn’t heard it before,” (M/N) said. “He’s grown, last time I saw him he was still a baby, two years old?”
“About that.” Rey gently nudged Oliver. “Hey, why don’t you go down to the rocks? I want to chat with (M/N) for a bit.”
Oliver didn’t say anything, but kept walking further down the beach. The two watched him for a bit. Then (M/N) turned to Rey.
“So, what are you doing in California? We’re pretty far from the desert,” (M/N) said.
Rey’s face tightened. (M/N)’s did in response.
“Oh. It’s about her, isn't it?”
Rey cracked a small smile. “Didn’t think you’d remember that much about me.”
(M/N) frowned. “I suppose you don’t remember much about me, then.” Why did he care? They moved on with their lives, of course he shouldn’t expect Rey to remember anything.
“Of course I do. I’d never forget.”
“Then you should have known I’d feel the same way,” (M/N) said as they sat down on the sand. They had bonded back in high school over their unfavourable family situations. It made them feel better, having someone to empathise with, rather just sympathy, or people trying to tell them it isn’t that bad. Even when they didn’t know half of it. Rey’s Mother, Lola, was a horrible person, a drug addict. She would beat him all the time, screaming and yelling until little two-year-old Oliver was bawling his eyes out. Rey’s real father had died not long after he was born, and Lola’s new husband, Bo, stayed out late working a lot, so no one was there to help Rey. Sometimes after he lulled Oliver to sleep, he would sneak out and meet up with (M/N). (M/N) would try to ignore the markings on his skin, it had become fairly normal for them, so Rey just wanted the meetups to forget about his pain.
“Well, she was released from prison the other day. She… she wants to take Oliver, ‘raise him’,” Rey said like it was a stupid joke. “She says she changed, but I didn’t want to risk it.”
“So you took Oliver and ran?” (M/N) guessed. Rey nodded.
“Her and Bo are here, though. Oliver… he wants us to be a happy family, but that won’t happen. I can’t–” Rey breathed in deep. “I can’t just move past everything she did.”
“I don’t blame you. But do you think she’s changed?”
Rey shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m going to see her tomorrow, and I’ll figure it out. If she has, then…”
Talking like this brought on a heavy sense of nostalgia. (M/N) felt like almost no time had passed since they last saw each other. Rey didn’t want to lose Oliver, but if Lola had really improved, then she and Bo could give Oliver the upbringing Rey never got.
“You raised him yourself this whole time?” (M/N) asked.
“Basically,” Rey responded.
“But, after we graduated, you went to college–”
“For barely two months, then she got arrested and since Bo is always working, I came back home to take care of Oliver,” Rey said, then laughed pitifully. “Been stuck working in the gas station ever since. I threw my whole life away just for her to turn around and say she wants to take him. I can’t imagine what that sounds like to you.”
“It sounds like you’re still the same Rey I liked all those years ago,” (M/N) said. Rey looked at him in surprise and (M/N) realised he probably shouldn’t have brought up history that would do them no good. “Sorry, I didn’t–”
“No, no. It’s just… how can you say that after what I just told you?”
“Because I saw in you the things I wished I could have. Oliver is so lucky to have you as his older brother. My brother, well, you know…” (M/N) sighed. His older brother left home as soon as he legally could, which was when (M/N) was barely a teenager. “He wanted no more to do with me than Mum and Dad did. But watching you look after Oliver all those years ago, it was so admirable. Why wouldn’t I like you? I couldn’t even find it in myself to be angry at you for wanting nothing to do with me.”
Rey frowned. “What? You think I left because I didn’t want you?”
(M/N) cocked his head slightly. “You’re telling me that isn’t true?”
“Of course not, (M/N)! I really liked you, but I left because I knew I would never measure up to you. I could never give to you what you gave to me, even when I was shutting you out. I was scared you’d get bored of me after we graduated, feel like I was chaining you down with all my baggage. So I just ripped the bandaid off nice and early.”
“Why in any universe would I get bored of you?” (M/N) said in disbelief. “You were the only other person I could be myself around.”
“Because I realised I couldn’t have a life of my own. As soon as I found out Mum went to jail, I knew I would have to drop everything to go look after Oliver. I didn’t want you to be stuck with me. You had a life of your own to live.”
“Rey, you know better than anyone how alone I was without you,” (M/N) said. “I was heartbroken.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. But it worked out for you, didn’t it? You got to make a life for yourself out here,” Rey gestured to their surroundings.
(M/N) scoffed. “I wouldn’t call it that. You think too highly of me.”
“I never thought highly enough of you, (M/N).”
(M/N) smiled slightly. After all this time, he thought he had moved on. But here he was, with a warmth long since lost as he talked to Rey. It seemed as though his feelings had never disappeared, just stayed dormant, hoping for the day they would cross paths again.
“Yeah? I’ve been on my own since you left. I have nothing,” (M/N) said. He didn’t think anyone in his family had ever loved him, which had him wonder why he was born to begin with. His mother left early on, and they never heard from her again afterwards. His good old big brother left as soon as he could, which just left him and his father. His father always looked at (M/N) with distaste, like something he wished to get rid of, but couldn’t. He was always drunk, and seemed to forget about (M/N)’s existence most of the time. (M/N) couldn’t count on both fingers how many times he’d had to sleep outside because his father passed out and kept the doors locked. When he did acknowledge (M/N), it was always to hurl insults at him. Waste of space. Pathetic excuse of a son. Can’t even bear looking at your face. Rey was (M/N)’s only source of comfort. “Of course Dad kicked me out as soon as I turned eighteen. After that I had to do everything on my own. I’ve just barely been managing to stay afloat all these years. And now I’ve lost my job, so I’ve got no way to pay off my debts. Not like I was getting paid enough anyway.”
“What debts?” Rey asked.
“Dad finally kicked the bucket a month ago. Not surprising. All that drinking was bound to catch up with him eventually,” (M/N) said, no sadness in his voice. “But since the others in my ‘family’ haven’t been seen since I last saw them–they could be dead for all I know–his debts fell into my hands. They must have completely disappeared for that shit to fall on me, quite impressive, really. So yeah, one last ‘fuck you’ to me. And I really thought he wouldn’t be able to screw me over anymore.”
Rey opened his mouth to speak, but (M/N) cut him off.
“Anyway, my point is that I didn’t have anything beyond you. I don’t know how I even made it this far on my own.”
Rey sighed. “I’m sorry, (M/N). I thought… well, I thought that at some point your mother or brother would have reached out to help you. You haven’t heard from them at all?”
“Of course not. Even if they’re still out there, I want nothing to do with them. They made their choice, just as you did. That’s the way life goes.” (M/N) leaned back on his hands, feeling the cool breeze. “I’ve tried so hard to keep pushing forward. I don’t even know why, but it doesn’t seem worth it.”
“Oliver is the only thing that kept me going,” Rey said. “Finding someone like that, to spend your days with, is the best way to do it, I think.”
They were silent for a few moments and Oliver came running back.
“Can we leave now? I’m tired,” he groaned.
Rey gave him an annoyed look, like there was more he wanted to say. (M/N) got up and brushed the sand off his pants.
“I should probably get going, anyway. It’s been a long day.”
Rey quickly moved to get up. “Wait, did you want to get a drink later or something? I’ll drop Oliver off at the motel first so he can rest.”
(M/N) debated it. Was this really a good idea? They had gone their separate ways years ago, reconnecting now might just make things worse. Or maybe that was just (M/N) predicting that it would end badly, like everything else in his life so far. He caved.
“Sure, I guess.” They exchanged numbers and (M/N) watched them leave before heading back to his car. Unless he found another job soon, he was going to get kicked out of his apartment. It wouldn’t be the first time he had to sleep in his car, though. He didn’t want to dwell on that, so he pushed those thoughts away. When he got home he took a shower and dressed a bit better. After a good thirty minutes or so, Rey texted him the address of a pub, and he got back in his car and drove off.
He still couldn’t help but feel like this wasn’t the best idea. They were both struggling with a lot of issues. (M/N) was on the verge of losing everything–though he supposed he always had been, and Rey could lose the only family he’s ever known. No matter how much he loved Oliver, the kid wanted the whole family together. Rey would never be a part of that, not after everything he went through.
Maybe I should just call it off, (M/N) thought. But he would feel too bad bailing on Rey. No point in piling onto his problems.
(M/N) parked and entered the pub, looking around. Rey said he had already arrived not too long ago, and (M/N) found him sitting in a booth towards the back, two drinks already on the table. He was wearing a jacket now, and looked to have fixed his hair a bit, trying to be more presentable. He looked a little anxious, bouncing his leg impatiently. He stopped once he saw (M/N).
Good thing I didn’t bail.
Rey smiled. “You made it.”
“That I did. Though, you didn’t have to buy me a drink, I could get one myself,” (M/N) said as he sat down.
“It’s fine. I’m just glad you’re here.”
“Then tell me, what else is on your mind?”
“I just wanted to catch up some more. We didn’t get much time before and with everything going on… it’s been a nice distraction.”
(M/N) cocked a smile. “So that’s all I am now? A distraction?”
Rey held out his hands defensively. “No, that’s not what I–”
“Relax, I’m just joking.”
Rey sighed in relief.
“How is Oliver holding up?” (M/N) asked as he took a sip from his glass.
Rey did the same. “It’s been hard for him, and for me. I don’t know what’s right anymore.”
“You’ll make the right choice, I know you will. Because it will be what’s best for him,” (M/N) said.
Rey clearly didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He quickly changed the subject.
“So… you said you’ve been alone since I left. Was there never anyone else that you…”
(M/N) shook his head. “No. I never made an effort to go looking for someone. I just thought it would end the same way as everything else. Plus, I’m not exactly the kind of person people look for. Too much shit to deal with, no one wants to be burdened with that if they don’t need to.”
“If the person is good enough, I’d say it’s worth the effort,” Rey said as he looked out the window.
“Then why didn’t you let me stay?” (M/N) asked in a soft voice. “You know I would have.”
Rey looked annoyed. “Yeah, I know. That’s what made it worse. That you would stay with me even though I didn’t deserve it. Why couldn’t you just yell at me?”
“Because I wanted to be with you, Rey. Be serious, did you really think someone in my discount family would come back for me? Don’t lie.”
Rey was quiet for a moment before speaking.
“I guess not. I hoped someone would, though. So I could feel better about what I did.”
“Do you still feel like it was the right call? Or do you regret it?” (M/N) asked. He remembered that day clearly, the memory never left him.
(M/N) stuffed his hands in his jumper pocket as he moved through the night. It was cold, but that wouldn’t stop him from seeing Rey, who was unusually quiet at school earlier that day.
(M/N) moved through the bushes until he saw the old treehouse. Well, the house part was gone, it was just a platform high in the tree now, but it was a spot they liked going to quite frequently.
(M/N) climbed up the ladder until he reached the part where it had snapped off, and went climbing through the branches instead. He pulled himself up onto the platform and found Rey sitting there, watching the sky. The platform was half on the tree and half in the air, so the branches didn’t cut off the sight above, which made for a pretty sight at night. At times like these.
Rey was wearing his old worn out jacket that he loved so much. He turned to offer a small smile at (M/N) who walked over to sit beside him.
“Hey,” (M/N) greeted.
“Hey.”
(M/N) examined Rey’s exposed skin, trying to find any sign of markings. He couldn’t.
“She didn’t do anything today,” Rey said.
(M/N) crossed his legs and kept his hands close, trying to keep them warm. “That’s good.”
Rey noticed and took one of (M/N)’s hands in his, stroking it softly with his thumb. Rey’s hands always felt warm, no matter the temperature, which (M/N) liked. But right now, Rey seemed off, so (M/N) didn’t care much for anything else.
“Is everything okay?” (M/N) asked. Rey’s hand stopped moving and he frowned slightly.
“I’ve just been thinking.”
(M/N) cocked his head slightly. “About what?” Rey always liked when he did that, said it was cute. So (M/N) was hoping it would help lighten the mood that seemed to be in the dumps.
Rey’s eyes softened slightly, the way they always did when he watched (M/N). Then a nervous look made its way onto his face. “What I’m gonna do after graduation.”
(M/N) looked down. He could tell from Rey’s body language that the answer wasn’t going to be something he would like. His heart started to beat a little faster as he thought about the possibilities.
“And?”
Rey sighed and pulled his hand away. He looked like he was in pain. “I… think we should end things.”
(M/N)’s heart dropped to his stomach and he tried to keep a tight lid on his emotions.
“What, why?”
“Things will just be easier if we go our separate ways. We’ll be happier.”
(M/N) was beyond shocked. And devastated. But he didn’t argue any further. He respected Rey’s decision and left after he turned 18. Though, now he realised that when Rey said ‘We’ll be happier’ he was really just talking about (M/N). He didn’t realise (M/N) wouldn’t be happy, either.
“Yes, I regret it. I wouldn’t if you had created something for yourself, but it looks like I just caused you even more pain. I was more scared of you leaving me than sending you off myself,” Rey explained
“Well what about you, did you find anyone else?” (M/N) asked.
Rey smiled longingly. “No. There was never anyone who could measure up to you.”
(M/N) looked off to the side slightly, trying to ignore the warmth in his chest. This wasn’t going the way he imagined. How could this end well after everything? He quickly downed the rest of his drink and got up, confusing Rey.
“This was a bad idea. I’m sorry Rey, I wish you the best.”
“Wait, (M/N)–”
(M/N) was already up and out the door, but he didn’t feel like going home yet. He thought about heading back down to the beach. It was mostly dark out so there wouldn’t be too many people. He could banish his thoughts with the sound of the waves.
He was passing through an empty park when he heard footsteps behind him.
“(M/N), please!”
(M/N) sighed and came to a stop as Rey caught up to him. Rey hunched over for a moment to catch his breath before righting himself and speaking again.
“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable–”
“It’s not your fault. It’s just better if we don’t do this again,” (M/N) said.
“Why? I thought… I thought you still wanted…” Rey couldn’t seem to find the words, but (M/N) knew what he was trying to say.
“I do,” (M/N) whispered.
Rey stepped forward. “Then why not try? We could give it another go. Make things right.”
(M/N) stepped back, ignoring the hurt look on Rey’s face. “Nothing in my life has ever worked right. Not now. Not ever. How could this end any differently?”
“Because we understand each other's struggles better than anyone else. You said it yourself, didn’t you?”
“I’ve gotten used to being alone all these years. If I get attached again and you leave…” (M/N) shook his head. “Things are hard enough.”
“I won’t leave you again, (M/N). We can figure things out as we go. Push forward,” Rey smiled as he repeated (M/N)’s words.
Could they really do that? (M/N) didn’t know for sure. Things could just get worse. But maybe… maybe they could get better, as well. Perhaps something like this was why he kept going. In hopes that eventually, his life would start to get better.
“Do you really think so?” (M/N) said.
Rey gently reached out to grab his arms. “Yes. Please, will you stay?”
(M/N) stared into his eyes, trying to find some sort of doubt. There wasn’t any. He slowly nodded.
Rey pulled him close and moved his head in. He hesitated for a moment, silently asking if it was okay. (M/N) closed the gap for him. The feeling of Rey’s lips on his was nothing short of bliss. When was the last time he had even hugged someone, let alone kissed them? Well, he knew the last time he kissed someone was Rey before they broke up. He brought his hands to the back of Rey’s head, lacing his fingers through his hair as their lips moved in sync. Rey ran his hands down (M/N)’s back, causing a shiver to pass through his body. His hands felt so hot against the back of his shirt. He reluctantly stopped Rey once his hands slipped under his shirt. He pulled away and took a deep breath.
“Maybe not right here,” (M/N) said with a small smile. They were still in the middle of the park, out in the open. Rey smiled back at him.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
They walked for a while, hands intertwined as they caught up on the things they had missed. Rey mostly just talked about Oliver growing up; his likes, dislikes, how he was doing in school, baseball and so on. (M/N) told him about his first few years away from home. He spent a lot of time job hopping, taking anything that would give him even slightly better pay. There were some times where he’d have to sleep on the streets, but once he got a car, that wasn’t an issue.
“I never should have left you, I only made your life harder. Guess I really do screw everything up,” Rey said with a sigh.
“Your intentions were in the right place, you can’t blame yourself. Even if I do wish you’d’ve let me stay with you. You know I would have helped with Oliver,” (M/N) said.
Rey looked up at the sky. “Yeah, I know. I wonder how different things would have been.”
(M/N) smiled a little. “Honestly, I can’t imagine anything being worse than it already is.” He noticed Rey’s face drop a little. “For me, that is. Sorry.”
Rey pushed back his feelings. “It’s getting late, I should head back before Oliver starts to panic.”
“Where are you parked?” (M/N) started pulling Rey back the way they came.
“Car broke down yesterday, so I’ll just catch the bus,” Rey told him.
(M/N) chuckled a little, Rey raised an eyebrow at him. “Sorry, it’s just… we really do have absolutely shitty luck, huh?”
Rey smirked. “Can’t argue with that.”
“Here, I’ll drop you off.” (M/N) led Rey back to his car. They were mostly silent on the drive back, chatting a little about various things. When (M/N) pulled up in front of their motel room, Rey’s expression hardened again.
(M/N) gently grasped Rey’s hand, who returned the pressure. “Hey, whatever happens, I’ll be here for you.”
Rey nodded. “I’ll call you.”
“Night, Rey.”
Rey let go of his hand. “Night, (M/N).”
When (M/N) woke up the next morning, he decided to do some job hunting online. He wasn’t expecting much, but he was still slightly annoyed when he couldn’t find anything he’d be suited for. Being alone all this time definitely didn’t help. He had to find his way through the adult world with no help, but that in itself probably counted for something.
After a few hours of that, he instead moved to do some cleaning up. If he was going to get evicted, might as well make the process easier for himself. It wasn’t until 4pm that he started to get a little worried. He wondered how Rey was doing, surely he had already talked to his mother. If all went well, (M/N) was sure he would have called already. In that case, maybe Rey just needed to be alone.
It wasn’t until 40 minutes later that (M/N) received a message–not a call. Rey asked him to meet at the beach, same as yesterday. The sun was nearing the horizon as (M/N) drove down to that spot. It was less windy than yesterday, and no one was around. (M/N) didn’t spot Rey until he looked further down at the rocks where Oliver was the previous day and saw Rey standing there, looking at the waves. Even from this distance, (M/N) could tell what had happened.
Rey didn’t hear (M/N) until he stopped a few feet behind him. (M/N) saw the pain on his face.
“I’m sorry,” (M/N) whispered.
Rey shook his head. “Oliver needs her. It’s better for him this way.”
He paused for a moment, he looked like he was on the verge of crying. (M/N) waited.
“I wish I had your strength. You fought for so long with no one at your side, and you’re still much more put together than I am.”
(M/N) shook his head and walked up to interlace his fingers with Rey’s, leaning into him slightly. “I’m really not. I’ve just learned to hide it well. It doesn’t do much good to have everything out on the table when you can’t rely on anyone else. But even so, you’re way stronger than me, Rey. You literally sacrificed your chance at a good life, love… so you could raise Oliver. And letting him go after all these years, it’s the strongest thing I’ve ever seen anyone do.”
Rey pulled (M/N) into a hug. “I really don’t deserve you.”
(M/N) hugged him tighter. “You deserve the world.”
Rey pulled back to kiss him again, with more desperation than he had the night before. (M/N) gave into it completely, letting all his emotions out. It felt like eternity before they pulled away for air.
“So, what happens now?” Rey asked.
(M/N) smiled weakly at him. “Fight. We keep fighting until we don’t need to anymore. Things will work out. With you, I know they will.”
Rey caressed his face, some tears had escaped Rey’s eyes, but he didn’t seem to care. “Pushing forward, right?”
“Pushing forward,” (M/N) confirmed, putting his hand on top of Rey’s.
End