Chapter Text
Month 11...
Loki really hates Sean and Kevin's principal. And it's not because she reminds her of Odin though that's a good enough reason as it is. No, it's her interest in Don.
Rebecca Tourminet. Once Vice principle in Fremont, Ohio, but got an offer to come to Cleveland and be in charge of Sean, Kevin and every other kid in this blasted school. And for some reason she has her eyes on Don who is not single anymore not that they have gone public with it because they don't need the backlash but she isn't getting the message. A literal blue God comes in and this woman doesn't look at her once. Loki is a lot more attractive than her. She wears more makeup and Loki's unique. What's a woman like her got anyway? Her humanity? Don can find that anywhere. And yet here she is batting her eyes as if Loki isn't sitting right here, kicking her foot into Don's ankle. She's so flustered and she doesn't really understand why they're here until Don says, "Is it because of the events of the last year?" And now look he has her attention.
Rebecca hums and Loki barely catches the nod towards her as she speaks. "I would believe so. All of the attention has not been good for eleven and nine year old boys. You need to go somewhere quite for a while, Don. Somewhere..." She eyes Loki for the first time then with a voice like frozen honey says, "away from prying eyes."
Loki curses her. It's not her fault the boys don't have good grades. Don and she take turns helping with homework even though Loki knows nothing about their history or language studies. Frankly she thinks they do pretty well regardless.
Don looks over at Loki and his eyes significantly soften, "Maybe we could take a weekend . Take them out on a Friday and spend the weekend at the lake. Take the jet skis for a spin."
Rebecca nods and Loki forces herself not to reach across the desk and throttle her. "That's a good idea. It's been an early spring. I'm sure they would enjoy some one on one time."
"I think some family bonding would be an excellent idea," Loki pushes in, not taking her eyes off the principle. Rebecca takes a deep inhale. Beside Loki Don huffs. He's trying to keep a laugh in and the fact he is laughing is insulting.
"Thanks, Rebecca," he says, "really. Keeping my boys in line can be a hand full."
Rebecca laughs and shakes her head, her curly hair bouncing everywhere. Loki turns and pretends to gag into her fist. "It's no problem, Don. Just remember if you ever want a job at the school I'm happy to help."
"You son of a-" Loki turns, whipping her hair into Don's face, "Piranha Powersports is a lot better than your cult of sadistic followers-"
Don grabs her arm and pulls her out of her seat, "Okay, we're going to go before she makes a scene. See you later, Rebecca."
"Remember, Don, I am here to help," she says as he drags Loki out of the office, past staring, fearful staff and students and out the door to the truck. And that's when he finally starts laughing.
"I cannot imagine what you find so amusing about everything that just happened," she hisses.
Don opens the truck door for her, smirking into his sleeve, "The fact you feel threatened by Rebecca is hilarious, Loki. Believe me. She is not my type." He closes the door and Loki sits seething as he comes around and gets into the driver's side.
"I'm not jealous," Loki huffs as he closes the door.
He puts the truck into gear. "Sure."
"I'm not!"
Don looks Loki dead in the eye before turning to his door. "Okay. I'm gonna go back inside then. I had one more thing I wanted to say to her anyway."
"No," Loki snaps, slapping the hand moving to put the truck back into park.
And Don laughs again. Loki scowls and faces the window, glaring daggers at the school as they leave. And she ponders on ways she could get Rebecca fired.
******************************
Loki has not ever gone jet skiing. Last summer he was hardly allowed out of the house let alone to go to a beach. Things are more lenient now. So when they pull the kids out of school for a day and get in the truck to go to the lake, jet skis in tow, the agents aren't surprised. They wave. Don waves. The agents follow them and they ignore them.
Don is having one of his moods today. The ones where he is aloof and seems almost dissociative. The boys still haven't explained it all to Loki but from what he understands, Don gets lost sometimes. He gets overwhelmed and looses himself just a little. He always comes back but for a day or two, sometimes maybe even a week or more, he gets quiet and distant. It's hard but Loki tries not to be upset, to not take it personally. He still thinks it's at least partly his fault, changing things in the houses and bringing so much stress, but as the boys say, innocent until proven guilty.
So that means he's kind of lost as he drives and Sean, Kevin and Loki play Go fish. And Sean figures out why they're going out to the lake in the first place.
"Is this because of our grades?" He asks, making Kevin turn in confusion.
"Why would they take us out of school if we have bad grades?"
Don's sighs, "Yes and no. While your grades need improving and we will have a conversation about that, this is more about us getting out of town and having a breather."
"Oh," Kevin says, "so this is about that kid I punched."
Don nearly runs them off the road and the cards go flying, "You did what?"
Loki turns to Kevin, a big smile on his face, "How hard did you hit him? Did you win?"
"Loki!"
Kevin smiles, "Yep! Slugged him right out!" Beside him, Sean facepalms.
"Why are you hitting anyone, Kevin," Don growls.
Now Kevin frowns and a strange look crosses his face. "They were talking bad about Loki. You always say we stand up for family so I did."
Loki's face heats up and he jerks back around to watch the trees go by. But he can't keep the warm tingle inside him from blooming. Kevin stood up for him. He doesn't think he's had someone do that for him in a long time. Not since he learned magic and Thor got told to let him fight his own battles.
Don exhales slowly, "Yeah, I suppose I did tell you that, huh."
"Yeah," Sean chimes in, "guy deserves it."
"You watched the whole thing?"
"I was sitting on the bench."
Loki snorts, coughing on the laugh that slips through. And Don shakes his head. "We're going to talk about all of that. Later. But right now we are going to the lake for some one on one time away from the world."
"Away from the screaming you mean?" Sean says.
Again Don sighs, "Let's listen to some music, huh."
He turns on the radio to Sirius XM '80s and some rock tune comes on. Loki has gotten better at identifying music genres. Sean made sure to teach him all about them when he realized Loki had no idea who Madonna or Queen were. Don says it's old music for them but they like it. At least some bits. They are a product of their generation after all.
Loki smiles at that and looks at Don as the song plays. And the way he feels about the two tug at something on him.
I was made for loving you, baby,
You were made for loving me
As they turn on to a dirt road and the boys scream at the top of their lungs the lyrics, Loki leans over and says, "Asgard would be proud of him. There's nothing more noble than one who stands for good."
And Don side eyes him, "Are we going to have to talk to."
Loki bats his eyes, purses his lips. "I would talk to you all day, Elskling."
Don rolls his eyes, "Flirt."
Loki smiles, leans back and lets the scenery fly by, warmed by the calloused hand rubbing his knee, soothing anything that could go sour. Including the creeping doubt of how much Don could possibly like him.
*********************************
The lake has one or two families there as well as various cabins around the lake. It's not huge. The other side can be seen from where they park. But it has a dock and it takes Don a long moment for Don to unload and get the jet ski in the water.
Much to the boys disappointment and Loki's reluctance, he's still terrified of water. A left over side effect of missing his magic. Back when his only constant was a brief disappearance of his chosen talent rather than bloody ruins plastered deep in his skins. The fear has not left him and Don tells the boys to let him come in his own time though Loki wonders how much this disappoints Don as well.
But it doesn't matter in the end. Loki becomes a babysitter to the boy left on the shore. Kevin goes first, and Loki imagines it's due to how rowdy he can be. Sean and he stay on the shore and take turns playing in the mud, making mud pies. Sean shows Loki how to make soup out of pine needles and gunpowder out of rock particles. It's all pretty primitive. Something cave men would have done, but somehow still fun. When Kevin and Don come back, Loki shows them how to make tea from the pine needles as well. It's the first time Don seems to come out of his melancholy all day.
It's good tea. Better than Loki hoped for. It's not his mom's and that makes him ache inside. He grips his flask tighter as the memories role. His last words to her. Everything after. He wants to reach into his chest and rip out his heart. Put it in her place. But he's still here. Still blue with a pale hand gripping his as he gently leads him to the jet ski. Loki only digs his heels in once before Don's reassurances soothe him. But only slightly.
But Loki takes that statement, the promise that Don will not let him go and etches it so deeply in his heart they would have to cut out whole chunks to eradicate it.
As they draw near to the jetski, Don turns back to him before flipping onto the craft, rocking it. "Think you can trust me long enough for a little spin?"
And Loki stares into those crinkled blue eyes and feels his resolve crumble. He anchors himself into those eyes as he says, "Always," before climbing on and almost jumping off when the jetski seems to sink and tip under his weight. Loki immediately grabs Don before lowering himself behind him, wrapping arms around the man's waist. He rests his cheek on Mobius's back as he revs the engine, making funny sounds as he does before turning out into the water. And Lokis anxiety sky rockets.
Loki gasps, hold on tighter, and Don pat's his arm before speeding up. The wind whips Loki's ever growing hair into his face and tugs at his sunglasses. Under his hands, Don's chest expands as he yells into the sky. Loki doesn't hear him well over the roar and wind. But his flexing muscles and vibrating chest are enough for Loki to know that for a moment Don is not lost.
Loki looks out over the lake, at the sun overhead that makes his arms tingle as the spray hits him and turns to ice as it does. This isn't unusual. It happens at home, too. Don finds it all too fascinating. Loki finds it grotesque and unnerving. The kids look at and encourage him to make ice skating rinks and snowballs and everything else to do with ice including making it snow in their room. And yes, gradually, slowly his blue skin is becoming a norm for him. But some days he wants to burn it, or cut it off. Or let whatever self proclaimed hero that's outside that day take the monster out. It never happens.
Don stops halfway out on the lake and moves his leg over the jet ski and stares at Loki despite the death grip on his shirt. It twists around his body as he gives Loki a slightly self-deprecating smile. "I'm sorry if I pushed you," he says, "you just seemed so calm I thought maybe you would be okay, but-"
"I'm okay," Loki says, slightly gasping, not helping the concerned look on Don's face. Loki slides his hand away from the T-shirt and slips his hand into Don's, holding it tight. "I trust you. You said you have me. I know you won't let me go."
Don's breath catches and he equally squeezes Loki's hand tight as can be. "I don't ever want to let you go, Lokes."
"You say that as if I'm going to be going anywhere sometime soon." Loki tries to say it lightly but it doesn't catch. Instead Don's face seems to grow darker. Sadder.
"You never know," he says quietly before turning back around, slipping his hand from Loki's. Loki gets back in position and holds tightly as Don rockets them back to shore. And Loki knows what he thinks will happen. It will be a year soon. Loki will have been magicless a year. Assigned to Don for a year. Rogers warned on his last visit that they will do another evaluation. Analyze if this is working and how to move forward. The last two months, though kept secret, have not helped things. Stark senses the change better than anyone and is eyeing them closely. If he's told anyone is still uncertain.
Loki doesn't quite know what he wants to happen. He's grown to love Cleveland. His lizard. Their family. But he doesn't belong here. Not where Don gets threats virtually every day and has neighbors judging them. Loki doesn't know if he would want to leave. Settle somewhere else. It would make things easier. Maybe Don would be happier. Loki doesn't dare bring it up though. Not yet at least.
Don drops him off on shore and off he goes with Sean. Loki sits under the tree and watches Kevin run back and forth, pretending to fight off Chitari. It's a game they came up with to 'redeem Loki' and take charge of his 'trauma'. Still not sure where that idea came from. Not Loki. Not Don. His guess is Thor and Jane. As if they are the masters of excellent mental health studies.
Sean comes back sooner than expected and the three sit under Loki's tree while Don surf's the waves. The boys dig granola bars out of the car before they must decide to bring this up because Loki never would have done it himself.
"So," Kevin begins, wiping his nose on his arm, "are you going to be our new mom / other dad now?"
Sean hits his arm, "Kevin!"
Loki chokes on the granola bar and he has to chuck it back up, "It's not like that with your father."
Now it's Sean's turn to look incredulous, "Yeah, right. Dad's been moping about you leaving since New Year's. And you are practically attached to his hip."
"I am not-"
"Are too! If you're not going to marry him, why be with our dad?"
Loki sighs. This is something he's been running through his mind for a while but but all he can come up with is, "It's not like that."
"Liar, liar, pants on fire," Kevin practically hollers.
"Will you stop that," Loki snips, "Your father and I are... er... uh... Complicated. We're complicated. And you two are not helping!"
Sean gets on his knees, slaps his hand on Loki's arm and Loki flinches. Don't spread ice, don't spread ice, don't spread ice-
"That's bull crap. You love Dad. You just don't want to admit it."
"Sean..."
"And like it or not your family. Kevin and I like you. You're not mom, but you make Dad happy. He needs to be happy. All he has is us and Ben. Without you, he'll be lost again. I don't want him to be lost again..."
So, Sean thinks the same way Loki does. He meets his eyes that are sad and wet. And it makes Loki wonder if the reason Sean likes him so much is because he dragged Don out of whatever hell state he was in before this. One that Kevin seems more oblivious too than Sean.
They stare at each other for a long moment before Kevin's shriek pierces the atmosphere. "Dad!"
Sean and Loki turn from their staring contest to see the jet ski flipped on its bottom and Don nowhere in sight.
"Don!" Loki shouts, scrambling to his feet, "Don!"
"Dad!"
The boys and Loki run to the water's edge. There has been no break to the surface. Which means he's still under, drowning.
How did this happen?
Loki's head pounds and he looks around frantically. What does he do? What does he do? He can't swim. The boys can't get out there. What are they drown? What if Don dies? What if, what if, what if-
Sean lunges into the water and suddenly Loki is, too, but the water is not enveloping him. Instead, the fear in him is pouring out, starting to ripple into the water, turning into a thick white ice. With every step Loki takes, the firmer and further out it gets. Once Loki realizes it's solid, like earth, he runs. The ice spreads before him and breaks behind him, not allowing the kids to follow. Don has not resurfaced when he reaches the jet ski. He only pauses a moment before plunging into the water.
His breath chokes out of him at the shock and he almost rushes back to the surface. But he doesn't, because the water is getting colder and it will do Don no good if he freezes due to Loki's fear. Don is not far much to Loki's relief. He's trapped against the seat of the jet ski, his foot still wrapped in the cord and a head wound bleeding profusely. Loki flails over to him, cutting the strap with an ice shard he frantically pulls from the water. He grabs Don's waist and begins to tug them to the surface. Where he was before jumping in the water has been covered in ice and is begining to thicken. He slaps the ice trying to break it as his lungs burn and the head wound blinds his vision with floating red. As it caves beneath Loki's fingertips and soon after elbow, he has Don's head out of the water first, then his and he allows Don's head to fall over his shoulder. He's still unconscious and the wound has not stopped bleeding with reintroduction to the air.
When the ice is thick and big enough, Loki uses the jet ski as leverage to heave Don onto the ice. A piece breaks beneath Loki's hand and he splashes back beneath just briefly before resurfacing and climbing onto the ice as well. Don is limp. Loki grabs his face, panic once more taking over the adrenaline. "Don!" He chokes, spitting water, "Don, wake up." He slaps him sharply, "Come on, wake up! This is not okay!"
"CPR!"
Loki jerks. Sean is swimming toward him, small waves slapping his face as he yells, "Do CPR!"
"What?" Loki shouts.
"Push his chest!"
Sean pushes his hand over his chest as best he can and seems to pump.
Loki doesn't understand it but if Sean trust that it will help, who is he to argue. He slams his hands over Don's chest, praying he doesn't freeze him as he pumps as hard as he can down on Don's chest. He feels something snap but Sean is yelling to keep going. So he does until Don chokes up water, spewing it from his lips. Loki turns him on his side letting what must be half the lake pour onto the ice. Sean has reached them as Loki begins to feel the icy tears on his face. He's shaking so hard it rocks the teeny island. Sean crawls to his father, grabbing his arm shakely.
"Dad, are you okay? What happened?"
"Dad!" Loki barely glimpses Kevin in the water now, swimming quite crazily toward them. And on the shore are the agents, one looking on in what looks to be awe. The other...
He talks into his radio before moving back to the car.
Loki ignores the odd behavior in favor of watching as Don finally lays back on his back, slinging his arm around Sean who hugs his chest. Loki scoots just above his head, runs his fingers through Don's hair as Kevin reaches the ice and shoves on to it with the grace of a walrus.
"Are you okay?" Loki asks wearily, shakily.
Don nods slowly, and coughs as he speaks, voice gravely, "Yeah, I'm okay. It was just an accident." He hugs Sean closer, not meeting Loki's eyes, "just an accident."
****************************************
It's not 'just an accident' for everyone.
As soon as they get home, the agents are on them, whisking Don and the kids to separate rooms while a third appears and sits Loki down in the living room. He's seen him before. He works with Pierce and Loki smirks when he trips over the coffee table leg on the way to the couch while Loki settles in the armchair and scratches Brian's head and Loki hisses and meows at Don's room upstairs.
"Mr. Odinson," the agent hums, "I have a few questions for-"
"Shouldn't you be out trying to take over the world, not dealing with little ol' me and my... handlers."
He glares at Loki, whether for his innuendo or for the call out is up for debate. "We both know that Don is not your handler, let alone keeper."
Loki hums, "No, I suppose I don't fit the definition of the poor one-armed man locked in your basement."
"How long," the double agent growls, "has Mr. Wolferson been displaying this conduct?"
Loki frowns. "What conduct?"
The agent inhales sharply. "Please don't play dumb, Mr. Odinson."
"I can't play dumb if I truly am clueless as to what you are referring to."
He sits back, a scowl overcoming his face. Loki cups his hands and blows, sending snowflakes all over the agent's face. And he chuckles. The agents face gets harder. "Suicidal ideation." Loki freezes. His whole system does. "Depression. Dissociation. How long has he been showing this?"
Brian scampers off Loki's shoulder as icy steam begins to float off his body. The nerve of these people... accusing Don of... of... Loki draws his lips back across his teeth, hissing, "Don is not had anything of the sort. That was an accident. Out of his control-"
"Who says? Hm?"
Loki clenches his fists, nails biting into the blue. "Don would never."
Slowly, a sadistic smile crosses the agent's face. "And here I thought Mr. Wolferson told you everything."
Loki's stomach twists. "This is a pointless conversation."
"Let me tell you something, Loki," the man leans forward, "if we don't like Don's answers, those children are getting taken from him." The cushions around Loki begins to turn to ice. He swallows hard as the agent continues, "And you'll be reassigned. Then who will be our one-armed man in the basement." Then he turns, standing and strutting down the hall, saying to those agents, "He doesn't know anything. Send me the details. I'll be on hold for extraction."
Extraction. This man isn't bluffing, twisting Loki's gears to get him to be cooperative. He's dead serious. Whatever they think Don was doing with that jet ski could get Kevin and Sean taken and Loki tossed back to S.H.I.E.LD. To Hydra.
Loki has to force himself to stay seated, to not run from the room and choke the agent so he tells him exactly what is going on. The arm rests slowly turns to ice, then melts into the disgusting fabric and soup that Loki squishes again and again. Several more agents come and go. Kevin tries to escape and run to Loki. Loki almost gets to him and holds him, but before he can an agent gets Kevin around the collar and tells him to go back while threatening Loki with a taser.
"At least feed him!" Loki hisses as Kevin is dragged back upstairs.
The agent roles his eyes, but gets a granola bar and water bottle. Loki's forced back to the living room where he sits until Don appears with an agent at the bottom of the stairs. The agent just speaks loud enough for Loki to hear. "Therapy is mandatory. You miss one session and CPS will be here and Loki will go with us. If we see any other peculiar activity, we will extract him. Understood?"
Loki barely sees his silver hair bob. "Understood."
The agent nods, then commands his people to leave, slamming the door behind them as they go. Loki rushes to the threshold where Don puts his hand up and Loki about throws up and not because of the red and white bandage around his head. "Let me take care of the kids, then we'll talk."
Then he runs back upstairs and Loki slumps against the railing, sliding down until he's sitting at the base of it, anxiety clogging his throat and 'suicidal attempts' running through his head.
The agent got him. Just like he wanted.
******************************************
It's not until after the boys are put to bed and Don is rubbing clean a mug that they get to talk. It takes far too long to get them there. The kids don't want to eat, continuously pouting and sneakily feeding stuff to Brian and Loki the cat. Then at bedtime it takes an hour to get them from living room to bathroom to bed then another half hour to get them to stay. They stick to Don like glue, anxiety permeating the room. When Loki tries to help, Kevin screams so hard Loki nearly ice burns him, his own anxiety festering deep in his chest.
But Loki knows the boys need that time because when they came down stairs the terror etched on their faces became a forever staple of his nightmares. This whole day will. What was supposed to be fun and joy turn nightmare in seconds. He's sure Kevin will be kept up tonight. Maybe they all will be.
Loki sits at the table, picking at the wood. He doesn't want to start the conversation but if this takes any longer he just might pop. He finds a shiny spot between the cracks and he chips at it until he makes a shape in the table. That's when Don throws down his rag, turns off the water, and sighs, leaning heavily over the sink.
"It truly was an accident, Loki. No matter what they think or what they told you, it was an accident. I wasn't paying attention and I flipped. There is nothing huge about it."
Loki swallows hard. Maybe he should start easy. Not 'what do they mean by suicidal?' So instead he says, "What's CPS?"
Don sighs again, "Right. You heard that." He refuses to look at Loki, but he does look up out the window. "Child protective services. They take kids from bad situations to give them a better shot at life."
Loki is confused. "You're the best father I've ever seen. There's no danger here."
"It's not just physical danger, Loki. They mean mental, emotional, developmental."
"That still doesn't make sense. You are no threat to them-"
"I am if I attempt suicide in front of them or show any signs of negative psychosis." Don grabs the cup violently and shoves it in the cupboard.
A giant balloons swells in Loki's throat and he barely gets out the words that are haunting him. That make him want to hide under the covers forever. "Don... why would they assume you would do that? Their reaction was so..." Violent. Unnecessary.
Don groans, turns and slides down the cupboard till he's sitting on the floor. Slowly, Loki goes to his knees and crawls to him till they sit beside each other with the drawer handles digging into their spines and they both stare into the void.
At least a million scenarios run through Loki's head before Don speaks in a tight voice that radiates frustration and shame. "It was a long time ago. When I was a teenager. I was always... I always felt heavy. Tired. Don't get me wrong, I had a good life. Superb parents, good siblings. Amazing friends. But I could never figure out how to be happy. Everything was just so dark and heavy.
"When senior year came, I felt so much pressure to do the best I could. It wasn't even pressure from my parents or teachers. Just me. I thought if I couldn't form a good future for myself, than there was no point to life and when I failed a couple of my exams, well... I tried to take my own life."
Don says that last sentence so quietly Loki almost misses it. He's breathing harshly by now, so Loki reaches out, his hand trembling and grips Dons, hoping it'll sooth both of them. If it does is up for debate.
"It's on my record," Don continues, shimmy his wrist a little so Loki gets a good view of the horizontal line across his wrist, "I survived only cause of my brother doesn't know personal boundaries. The damage was done. Everyone saw me differently. So after I got engaged to my ex, we moved to the other side of Cleveland where we hoped no one would recognize me and gossip didn't leave the scar.
"Ben followed of course. He has never left my side since the incident."
Loki's tongue seems to swell. "Oh..."
Don nods, "Oh..."
Loki remembers when he first came here, how all the neighbors looked at the house funny. Treated Don funny. He says, "Is this why the neighbors are so weird? Not just because of me, but because of..."
Loki doesn't dare say it. Don shrugs, "When my ex left she made sure to leave a precedent. No one knew anything about it until she made an announcement about my mental health. I got real depressed for a while after. That's why the CPS came in. I've had them called before by someone who thought I hung myself when it was Kevin tying a towel to the ceiling fan. Now everyone either hates me or doesn't know what to do with me."
As Don talks about this, pieces of the puzzle click into place. His sadness. Distance. Uncomfortable looks when he gets heavy and has a hard time participating in whatever the kids are doing. And his sometimes distant demeanor with Loki. It's something in him, hurting him. Not...
"I always thought," Loki chokes, tears fogging his eyes, "that it was because of me. That I was being too much or you didn't want to deal with me."
And slowly Don's eyes widen, too. He looks at Loki with glassy eyes that spew volumes. "Oh, no, sweetheart, it was never because of you. It's just my dumb brain telling me I'm not who I should be or doing as good as I should be." Loki looks away, down to his hands that are shaking. Don squeezes the one tightly, even as it goes pale with cold. "Hey. Loki." He leans forward so their eyes meet. Soft eyes. Soft, sad eyes. "It's not... It was never about you."
"Please, Loki chokes even though he knows the answer, "don't lie to me."
"I'm not," Don says softly leaning into Loki's shoulder. "I'm not, Lokes. Whenever have I kept from you something that was bothering me that you did?"
Loki has to think for a moment on that. On his constant telling him not to give the boys sugar before bed, or asking him to clean up his hair from the sink or shower. Or even the time Loki got Don upset when Loki stole money from his wallet. Don always told him what was wrong and how he could fix it rather than throwing it at his feet as another flaw.
And they start crying then. Loki grabs Don and holds him to him and Don softly sobs into his shoulder as Loki holds him tight. And Loki has heavy breaths as he clutches Don's vest until he hears the fabric rip. The bandage rubs uncomfortably against Loki's ear. He doesn't care.
"Please, Loki says into his ear, "if you ever feel that way again, Don, tell me. I don't... I'm not going to lose you. Not like that."
"Loki..."
"I've been there. To where the pain looks endless save for the black casam beneath you. And it looks so peaceful, so lovely. No more pressure, or anxiety of choking on what no one can see. And I tried, too. And I failed, too. And I'm happy we both did. Because this..." Loki has to swallow around a sob as he speaks, "it doesn't solve all the pain. But you're home, Don. You matter to me. I don't want to know where I would be without you." Don sobs into this shirt as Loki grabs his hand, "please talk to me."
Don hiccups and after a few sniffs, he says against Loki's neck, "That goes for you, too. If you're in that void, you have to talk to me, too. I love you, Loki, and so do the kids and Thor. We'd be so lost without you."
Loki's tears suddenly stop and he has to gasp to get his voice working because what does he mean? "You love me?"
Don tenses in his arms. He exhales slowly, warm breath growing goosebumps on Loki's neck. "Yeah, Lokes. I love you."
Loki snorts hard, and wonders how much snot is on their clothes between the two of them. "Oh."
"Oh?"
"I..." Loki's chest heats up, "I love you, too."
Don hums as Loki instantly starts shaking. Don loves him? As in romantically? As in the stuff of fairy tales? The stuff Loki stopped believing in in his 800s? Don loves him? Not some sexual love or teenage hormonal love? Don Wolferson loves Loki. Truly loves him. The god of mischief and lies and evil.
Don loves Loki.
"Thank you for saving me," Don says.
Loki sniff's, rubs his nose while tucking himself closer to Don, "Thank you for loving me."
"Think it will be enough for them to let you stay?"
The agent's face comes back to Loki. Despite good responses, he and Pierce will try to take Loki when their year is finally up. Loki could stop them but at what price. Getting this family in trouble? Getting himself ripped away? What options do they have?
So Loki says against his warm neck the words that rarely come from his lips. "I don't know."