Work Text:
Hanako felt sick. Horribly sick.
Or maybe that wasn't the right word to describe it.
But he couldn't get over it. He wasn't the only who felt that way.
It happened just three days ago.
It's summer break. You'd think it would be all fun and shenanigans, but no.
Specifically, it was a rather cloudy day, despite the heat that seemed to linger no matter the weather. Yashiro and Kou had frequently visited the school apparitions, even sleeping over on many nights.
They laughed and joked around sure, but Kou's laugh was....off. Not noticeable to anyone but him really, so he decided to see where the days go and forget about it.
Mistake number one.
Well, out of the two he remembers atleast.
(Mistake number two: not trying hard enough.)
So the days stretch their arms into eachother, am overlapping with pm.
Then came Wednesday.
Hanako came up to the roof, looking around for something to do, or simply say.
The first thing that left his mouth was not "Hey, put that down mokke," or "Stop hogging all the candy mokke."
It was "Kid? What are you doing here?"
"And why are you so close to the ledge?"
The blond was standing on the end of the roof. No reply came from him. But the ghost saw his face. Bright blue eyes, but with the light removed. Staring at something he couldn't see.
Actually, he could see. Probably the only person who could see. So why could Kou see?
He was so busy analyzing the exorcist, he didn't realize that Yashiro, Akane and Teru had joined them. "Kou-kun? What's wrong?" Again no immediate response, but he turned to face the others.
He gave a sad smile. "Hey senpais. Teru nii." The vice president spoke up with concern. "You're too close to the edge." "Oh." That's what he said, but he didn't move. "Kou?" His brother asked, approaching the younger. "Did we agree to tell each other when something is wrong?" There was a pause, then a shaky breath, he spoke. "I know. I'm sorry, but you can't help me with this Teru nii."
A wave a of something washed over the Hanako.
He didn't know what is was.
Kou took a step back. The wonder took several more steps back himself. The others just tried to talk him out of it. They did try. They really did. But Hanako knew better. Knew how it was going to end. Because that kid felt too familiar. Too similar.
Minamoto Kou and Yugi Amane were now too similar.
The agonizing crescendo had reached its highest point.
And as that last step was taken, Kou was falling to the lowest point.
Nene covered her mouth. Teru froze with shock. Akane fumbled around for his watch.
Hanako had immediately jumped off after the kid.
He barely caught him, barely covered his head and traffic safety earring with his hand as they hit the ground. The three humans sprinted down the stairs. The apparition rolled off of Kou who eyes were closed due to the impact of the fall. The wonder sat up more, checking for his heartbeat, which was still going strong.
Teru ran towards the boys, picking up his brother with an indescribable look on his face. He paused for a moment, silently nodding at Hanako. The ghost in question returned the gesture, and the Minamoto took off to the school infirmary.
So now Hanako was walking (limping) around the school, busying himself with work to avoid two things: People, and his feelings.
Though it hadn't seem to work.
"Don't you want to talk to Kou kun, Hanako kun?" Nene had asked him. "No." "What do you mean no?" "I mean that I'm not going to see him." Akane chimed in. "You're the very person who saved his life. Don't you want to see how he's doing?" "No." he replied harshly. "In fact, he should go to an actual hospital for his injuries. He should be resting." "Says the one limping around." Akane snapped. "Shush." Hanako snapped back.
He wouldn't. He shouldn't.
He couldn't.
Couldn't bear to look at his face. Be in the same room, or say anything to him.
He was still processing the event.
Kou was a light, to so many. He wasn't always a guiding light, bu everyone loved how bright he was.
He inspired him, at least. Just a bit.
Mabye that's same reason why Hanako couldn't fathom when his light went dim. And the cruel words "I told you so" circled his mind over and over again.
He knew the "why" though. Vaguely.
And to be perfectly honest, the only reason Hanako even went to the infirmary was because by Sunday, Tsuchigomori had enough of his protests.
"You're going." "Said who?" "Says me." "I don't recall you being my boss." The fifth wonder continued to pull the seventh along, though the ghost was putting up a fight. "What good is it going to do if I see him? He needs to-" "And you need to stop hoping around in my classroom and do something useful."
"I can't face him." The teacher shook his head firmly. "Yes you can."
He could feel the weight of words unsaid in the air. He tried to not let it deter his goal of escape.
Hanako's eyes widened as the spider went on. "You're the person who saved him. It doesn't look good for you to not show your face. Be a decent person."
A decent person. So he wasn't actually looking for him. And do what when he gets there? He wants him to guide the boy? Guide him. With his own experiences. Huh. As if he could tell him anything useful. He'd sound like a true hypocrite.
Obviously his thoughts on the matter showed on his face; he couldn't help it with Tsuchigomori there, they've known each other so long things that went unsaid were heard regardless.
"Honorable No. 7. Please, if not for me, for your own benefit. Do something."
Looking away, the ghost reluctantly sighed with defeat, letting the teacher nudge him to the infirmary.
Kou was flipping through a magazine when Hanako walked in the infirmary. In his school attire, the kid sat in one the beds, next to a desk and medicine cabinet. In crisp, ironed uniform. One would think he was just feeling under the weather. As if this would pass, as if he would miraculously be saved by the bell.
A stupid assumption.
The exorcist glanced up at the wonder, but as soon as they locked eyes he seemed uninterested.
"Hey Hanako." "Hey kid." he replied back. "Does you head still hurt?" He shook his head. "Not much." "Okay, that's good."
The apparition sat down on the desk. Kou just watched. "I heard....that you didn't really want to see me." Hanako sighed. This wasn't a time to be lying. But he did anyway. "Things are getting busy," he replied, procreed to try and crack a small joke. "Bet you probably didn't want me around either."
Kou didn't refute it. "No.....no, not really..."
They sat in silence, Hanako fidgeting with his sleeves. It was funny, the way he thought that he would barely be able to conjure up a sentence, yet here he was, bubbling with words from head to toe. It was questions like "How did things get this bad," and "What happened before making such a rash decision," and "Why did you think that was okay?" But he didn't have the courage to ask. It didn't look like Kou was willing to answer.
"Have you...been keeping up with your classes?" Hanako tried to initiate conversation. It was futile. Kou grunted, "Yeah, it's okay."
Moments passed before they tried again.
"...How.... about you? Have you been busy with any supernaturals....?"
"Er, yeah. Pretty busy, nothing I can't handle."
He nodded with unsatifaction. "I'm sure you could handle anything," he muttered. Kou looked away, seemingly ashamed of his comment, but envious all the same. "Sorry. Y'know, because I couldn't help."
"O-Oh, you don't need to worry about that....! I'm perfectly fine on my own."
The Minamoto's hands clenched, rustling the thin blankets. "Yeah, I figured."
Sounds of students filled the basic need of background noise, but did nothing to ease the tension settling in.
"You know," he started nervously, "If you're catching some sickness don't be afraid to take a day off, surely you're not dying to be here.."
Yeah, because he was dying to be dead. Nice one.
"Not sick, just feeling fatigued. A bit weak."
Hanako took the time to study his friend's appearance. He looked small, tiny. Dim, and hopeless. His blue eyes seemed to scan the floorboards for the anwser to life. Hanako didn't have the heart to tell him that he wouldn't find it there, he wouldn't find it anywhere below him.
He resolved to try and talk one more time.
"I have to admit, it's unusual to see you think this down in spirits." "Sorry I guess." "...You don't need to apologize, just making an observation." "Yeah, well it's more of a concern than observation."
"Call it intuition, but are you maybe stressed? Anxious?"
That seemed to strike a nerve. Yet it didn't strike him down either. Kou just attempted to smooth his bumpy thoughts. "Maybe just a little."
"I'm sure school will turn out okay."
"Really? How about everything else wrong right now?"
Kou narrow his eyes in demand for answers. Hanako in return racked his brain for something to say. He wasn't going to pry to answers out of him. It wouldn't fix things, it wouldn't mend the emptiness.
But there was something he needed to hear.
"Boy, do you know..... that everyone is weak?" He rested next to the exorcist.
"You see, all people are weak in a way, and strong in others. "
"Don't joke with me." "I'm not. I've existed long enough to know it's true." Kou perked up a bit, ever so slightly. "You're not lying?" Hanako nodded. "Yeah. The ability to fall down and get back up again so...resolute and set on succeeding...that's something I've never been able to do." He turned away. He was not cut out to be a motivational speaker. It was embarrassing to pour his heart out like that. But had the boy's attention. That was something.
Kou shook his head. "I tried to.....You had to save me. That's not strength, it's running away." He got him there.
A lump in the wonder's throat formed, a lump that throbbed of a tale 60 years ago. He forced it back down.
"You're right," he admitted, "It's not strength. But it doesn't define you, as long as you don't let it."
"Even when it was a weak thing to do?"
Hanako fidgeted with his hands, trying to dilute the image of a knife.
"Even when it was a stupid thing to do."
"Because...you haven't exactly gave up on living, you've run out of the strength to do so."
"And you're saying this is normal."
"I'm more saying you're not an outlier."
"So this is still not a sign of anything good."
"Well, I won't deny it."
Kou huffed, all hope slipping away from his eyes once more. "Honestly, what do you know? You're dead."
And that statement was the reason he had the most credible thing to say.
He didn't dare to utter that thought, it would stay tucked inside the boundless pit of things that would never see the light for good reason and the continued "balance" of his existence.
And for some reason, he thought of Tsukasa.
Tsukasa would have blurted all his thoughts out, candid and brutal and perfectly honest through out the sharp edges.
He was a good talker. His listening skills could be questioned. Yet he always asked if he was feeling okay, if something was wrong, how he could make it better.
They were twins, they picked up on each other's emotions. Tsukasa better than Amane, but he wasn't completely clueless. Tsukasa relished and averted the topic of death. The concept was confusing and puzzling and frustrating, at least from his eyes.
And for all his negative reaction, he was to first to jump to said conclusion. He'd asked simply if someone was dead, and look towards his older twin for an answer, but the twin saw his eyes barely managing to restrain the dark spirals in his eyes before he remembered the purity of the question.
At least during a period of life.
Sometimes he wondered, if only he died, how Tsukasa would have taken the news. If he knew the cause of-
No. Forget it.
He shook his head, but the minor irritation from the memory lingered a bit as he turned to Kou.
"I don't know anything. Just some advice. Food for thought."
"Advice from you," Kou repeated with blunt doubt.
"If you don't want to take it, block me out for all I care. Can't force you."
The silence that he worked so hard to stave off returned with no difficulty, and they sat apart in tension.
Kou came clean. "Everyone says the same thing, that I don't have to be strong all the time."
He paused, gritting his teeth. His eyes moistened. "But I know that they've never expected me to rise to the occasion. And at the end of the day, I'm a Minamoto. There's no way I can ever not strive to me stronger."
He took a shake breath. "I can't fall behind just because no one expects anything good from me."
The Minamoto faced the wonder. His eyes searched for reassurance even as he put on a front of surrender.
"Will I....ever be stronger?"
Hanako's mouth opened, then closed. His eyes shined with a familiar pain that he spent years trying to forget.
"I can't promise anything. But strength starts by choosing to move forward."
The boy struck in the presence of the revelation. "How do I do that?" He scratched his head sheepishly. "I'm weak right now. I.....don't know how to get past that."
Hanako blurted out words before he himself knew what he was saying. "You just need new batteries." "Batteries?" "Yeah, afterall you are a light bulb." "Light bulb?" The blond tilted his head to the side, his face twisted with confusion. The ghost took the opportunity to lighten the mood with a teacher-ly analogy.
"You're bright, like a battery powered lamp. You make people's lives better, brighter. But, batteries aren't forever. Sooner or later, you'll need change the batteries." "But where do you get new batteries?" Kou asked. The ghost gave a small smile. "You ask for them kid. And you there's so many people who love you, and are more than willing to give you new batteries. All you need to do is ask."
The blond sniffed. "That's hard to do." "I agree. It is hard. But I promise you, when you muster up the courage to ask, you won't regret it."
"...Are you one of those people?"
The brunett blinked. "Huh?"
"Are you one of the people who will give me batteries?"
The ghost considered his answer. He had an urge to say 'absolutely not'. He couldn't remember a clear time when they had ever been nice to each other.
He cleared his throat. "Sure, I guess I am."
Kou seemed content with the response.
"Hanako, why are you telling me this?"
Why was he telling him this?
Maybe it was because a distant person and the boy shared a teacher, shared a similar goal for their loved ones.
Maybe it was because that stranger and the boy never knew when to give up before it costs them their peace of mind.
And perhaps it was because Minamoto Kou had a future he was still on track to reach, and that foreign person was too far gone, lost at sea.
The school wonder ran his fingers through the exorcist's golden hair, giving a sad smile. "You just...remind me of someone I once knew."
"Someone you once knew?"
"Yes."
"Are they still here?"
Hanako shook his head, harder yet weaker than he should have, gazing at the sky. "They're long gone."
Kou thought for a moment. "Did they live a good life?" "No, far from it."
"Did you like them?"
No, absolutely not. Not a shred of liking was left for such a horrible and selfish person.
Kou moved past the question.
"Say, if you met them again, what would you say?"
That he was the reason why everything went wrong.
"I don't know," he finally replied. "Probably your weird light analogy, I bet." "Hey, that was good, you have to admit it." "Okay, you were helpful, for once." "Well, I can't deny it...."
Tiny tears of laughter ever so softly rolled down the old paths a secret previous set of tear had made. Hanako chuckled and wiped Kou's face. "Okay..." he murmered, leaning on the ghost's shoulder. "Hanako?" "Yes?" "..Thank you."
He grinned. "Of course. After all, why wouldn't I want you to live and send me postcards?" "Hey! Of couse you had yourself in mind." "Does that mean you'll send me postcards?" "...Maybe." "Oooh! You should send me a box of donuts!" "And where will I get that from?" "Tokyo?" Kou looked at him and started to giggle. "You better send me money to go to Tokyo then." It was brief, but progress was progress nonetheless.
"Okay, then about Kyoto?" "Hmm, do they even sell donuts there..?" "Sure they do." "I feel like they don't." "I bet 10 mokke that they sell donuts in Kyoto."
As they bickered, Tsuchigomori stood outside the door, a small smile was found on his face. He knew it would work out well.
Of course it would.
Amane was still within him, after all.