Chapter Text
Chapter 1
The best way to be cursed six ways from Sunday was to ignore the burial rites of the dead. This was the most universal truth of the universe. You did not disrespect the Spirits, you did not disrespect the dead, you did not trust the Spirits.
However, like oil in water, something was in La’s waters that shouldn’t be there. Wrapping it in Their consciousness, La tilted a metaphysical head at the warm droplet within Their ocean, boiling the water around it. An extinguishing flame. Peering a bit closer with eyes that didn’t exist, but operated just the same, La poked at the strings of fate surrounding it. A reverb shuddered through the world, touching La Themself. They hummed. It was not an audible, real hum, but it was a hum nonetheless.
*One of Agni’s children is here. * They pulled Tui’s consciousness towards Them, whispering the words without words. * A boy. He is…*
Tui pushed into La’s pull, and La could feel the smile indented into Tui’s unreal, aquatic face. *Interesting. The false Spirit.*
*I do not care for games.* La admonished.
*You turned it into one the moment you called me here. * At Tui’s almost words, La tutted, but the Moon continued. * A Fire, born as a spark, buried as a droplet. A Fire, either a hearth or a bomb . At the same time… both hated as a man, worshipped as a Spirit, *
The boy was fading, but slower, this time. The metaphysical had no impact on the world, so they were free to speak. Curiously, La cupped the Spark in metaphysical hands. Warmth flickered into Their being, a feeling long lost. It wasn’t the same when firebenders simply died in the Ocean’s clutches. No, not the same at all. Not the same as a firebender given a water burial rite. How interesting. How sad .
*Sad, maybe, but how funny his life could be…* Tui licked Their metaphorical lips, white scales glittering. *I have been looking for a new plaything.*
*Hm. * La tilted Their head again. * Yes. But Agni won’t be happy if we borrow what is His.*
Tui bared sharp teeth, this time more real than theoretical. They always were better at the physical . * Think of how the world will suffer without the little Spark.* Tui pushed an image of blue arrows into La’s mind, and They shrugged.
*The world has been warring for years. * La said, impassively. * And it will war for many more.*
*How about we ask Agni, then? I’m sure He won’t mind being awoken early…* A metaphysical smirk from Them. Tui shifted in the water, pushing outwards. La did not pull. A grumble sounded, and they switched. La pulled, Tui did not push.
The heat that hit the Ocean was not like that of the little Spark. It boiled all of La, and They struggled to keep a firm grip on the corporal form They’d maintained for so long. Reality flickered, after all, what was reality if not the whims of the Spirits? Now, a hot, searing Flame flickered in the middle of two very physical fish.
*Moon, Ocean. * The Flame spoke, Agni’s rumbling voice heard but not heard. The physical was unnecessary with the spirits, especially Agni, with no form to speak of but His element. * You have something of Mine. Failed, yes, but Mine nonetheless.*
*The Spark is Mine too. Blessed in Water.*
*Born in Fire. * Agni countered, and La blinked impassively, still circling the flame. * However, I will concede that You lay claim to part of the soul.*
La hummed. This was Heard, and that was a statement in and of itself. *He is important to the World Spirit. The future.*
*Then the World Spirit should not have left him there. * Agni glowered metaphysically, sparked corporeally. * Do not think that I will allow You to keep him.*
*I do not care.* La impressed the idea of a shrug into the world and the energies around Them.
*Fire is thriving. * Agni’s energy shuddered, opposing the idea He just pressed into the Water Spirits. * Why should I help the World Spirit, who left the Spark to burn out?*
*Fire may be thriving , but not in the way You planned.* Tui whispered into Agni’s ear, sending bubbles cascading over the flame.
*And how would You know that, Trickster?*
Tui chuckled. *Through My tricks , how else?*
Agni did not respond, and instead turned His attention to the dimming soul, barely an ember left. Tenderness exuded from the Flame, longing to claim the lost Spark as one of His. A soft swirl of heat buoyed the soul for a bit longer, hopefully comforting the lost soul in the searing cold. So marred. Agni seethed, and La could feel the thoughts. How dare they turn Fire against Mine?
*He is a failed prince, a drowned Spark. Why do You wish to keep him?* Metaphysically, Agni spoke, only to view Tui’s lazy curl around the spark, and La’s impassive smile.
*I do not want him, but he is Mine, he is Yours. * La pulled the Spark from Tui’s orbit to settle between the energies. * He must live, he must die. So is fate.*
*So is fate.* Agni echoed, a solemn tone ringing through His energy.
*He must die, yes? * Tui pushed the idea into Them, reverberating to the core. * But what part of him must pass?*
*The body or the soul. * La spoke, understanding swirling through the Ocean. * What is being?*
*What makes the destiny? * Agni asked, still solemn. * What changes the One?*
La shrugged; They were never much enamored with the game. *That question is for the Spark.*
*And so is decided?* Tui pushed, La pulled, the metaphysical swirling energies until the Question echoed through the stars.
Agni pulsed with finality, breathing warmth into the swirling energy before him. *And so is fate.*
The Spark was but a speck but basked in energy, it was a bonfire.
*Greet him well.* Agni swirled, blinking away to the metaphysical.
————————————
Zuko had been unable to move, covered in snow.
That was a stupid move, fighting a waterbender surrounded by snow, already weak from cold. The Avatar was gone. Of course. The least Zuko could do was make a flame to warm himself. But he couldn’t. It was freezing. He was fading, fast. The sky is so blue. His mind supplied, useless as a match in a snowstorm. The world darkened, and he was gone.
The world was dark blue. Was he in the ocean?
No. Not the ocean. He was in the Ocean.
He knew the Ocean’s name, not by way of knowing, but by the ways knowledge is imparted in the Dream Realm. Known, but unknown. Heavy knowledge that sits heavy in the back of the mind, with the self being unaware of the weight.
La did not care about him, he knew that much, but They did not not care. They just wouldn’t grieve for his death, only sigh and murmur in Their waves, a soft I told you so .
The Moon—Tui, his unknowing mind whispered—did care, but maybe for all the wrong reasons. It was not good to be Known by a Spirit, not one so worshipped for chaos. But Tui did care, in the way a gambler cared for their chosen horse. The regard only lasted as long as the race.
Zuko much prefered Agni, His affection made obvious in Zuko’s Internal Flame, which comforted him every morning, and wished him well every evening.
But one did not portray such preferences to the Spirits. *Brr, you look like an icicle! Not far off, I suppose. Wish Fire was here to greet you?* Tui pushed, a sensation not at all like hearing. Zuko flinched.
Fine, one did not vocalise such preferences to the Spirits. “No shit.” He snarled, borrowing the word that he’d heard muttered by servants, before being scolded. Agni, Zuko was not good at communing with Spirits. He was most certainly going to be vaporised for his language.
La did not say anything, and Tui just cackled, a sound more reminiscent to waves crashing against the shore than to laughter. *Feisty little spark, are we? Funny, funny, funny.*
*No matter. * La pulled Zuko’s consciousness into Theirs, imparting the (almost) words into Zuko’s mind. * Even the sharpest dagger can be dulled by the waves.*
*Too much time. Much more fun to poke him and see him bite.* Tui did that ocean-wave-cackle again, pushing the words—or… ideas? Thoughts? Zuko didn’t know—into Zuko’s mind.
“I’m not entertainment !” Zuko blustered, ripping himself from Their clutches, his voice even louder in front of the silence of Spirits. “And I’m not a dagger ! Where am I?!”
A flash of scales moved through the water, sparkling like silver ban, dropped into wishing wells. Then, the head of a reptilian thing appeared, snapping sharp teeth sharply in front of Zuko’s nose, sending the prince stumbling backwards in the water. * Rabid Spark.* The body of Tui writhed in the water, lengthy and serpentine, with several sets of fins, like the oars of a longboat.
“What do you want ?” Fear, and puberty, made his voice crack, sending him blushing all the way to his Inner Fire. “You are not my Spirits. Go help the savages.”
Again, Tui pushed instead of La. *Ooo-hooo. Savages? Coming from the boy meant to lead a nation full of war-mongerers?*
“They attacked first.” Zuko ground out, unsure of why he was even defending himself to this damned Spirit.
*We are not here to debate . * La pulled in Zuko’s conscious, finally interrupting. * Water may change, but humans do not.*
*Oh, do they not? * Tui flashed a fanged smile, though Their eyes were still focused on Zuko. * Why I’d wager the opposite! Really, what a fun little game the Spark is!*
“I’m not a game.” Zuko snarled, trying to lash out at the Ocean Spirit, who swirled before staying tantalisingly out of reach, like playing a game of tag with a toddler. “I’m not! ”
*I do not care, little half-Spirit. Believe what you wish. I only hope to ask a question. * Now was the only time La imparted a smile into Zuko’s mind, more unsettling than not. * What makes the One? The body or the soul?*
“I—”
*The body or the soul?* Tui repeated snapping those jaws closer and closer to Zuko.
Ebony scales fell through the water, belonging to none, yet belonging to One. *The body or the soul?*
*The body or the soul?*
“Stop—”
*The body or the soul?*
*The body or the soul?*
The words began to swirl through Zuko’s mind, a tornado of papers, each carefully transcribed in bizarre symbols, differing on every slip, but Zuko knew what they read. Body or soul . If only he knew what they meant.
Bubbles bombarded his body, his Inner Fire itself. *The body or the soul?* La submerged him in the water, a whirlpool of paper slips and sharp drifting scales, that cut his arms to ribbons.
*The body or the soul?* Tui swallowed him whole, into a room of darkness, slips of paper rapidly landing on the floor. Zuko could not swim in paper.
*The body or the soul?* The world asked, peering down at him with celestial eyes.
Fire burst out of Zuko’s self, his own tornado of heat and light, burning every illegible scrap of paper, until the room was dark and empty.
Empty of all.
Except one slip of paper.
Slowly, gingerly, Zuko picked it up with pale fingers, viewing the otherworldly symbols written on it. He could not read it. He knew what it meant.
Soul.
*Silly boy. And you said you weren’t a game? Welcome back to the land of the living.* This time, the not-words rumbled through the insides of Tui, where Zuko still stood with his paper slip. Yes, Tui was a betting Spirit, that much was sure, as the floor beneath him opened, and down a tunnel he went, clocks upon clocks ticking as he
plu
met
ted.
————————————
When Zuko startled awake, he immediately started dying. Oh, fuck, not again. Choking on salt water and chunks of swirling ice, he finally managed to dislodge the intrusive things from his throat and breathe . Not that it did much good, considering he was surrounded by blue. The skies, the waters. Fuck, there was no way he appeared here , in the middle of the Agni-forsaken ocean.
His arms were already wrapped around a small block of ice, keeping him from drowning, but it was not keeping him from hypothermia or frostbite. It wasn’t even big enough for Zuko to sit on. “What’s a lost toe?” Zuko growled, teeth chattering as he held onto the ice. “Already fucked my vision and hearing.”
The Crown Prince should not scream for help, certainly not when there was likely no help to be had.
Zuko, somehow, did not have that reservation.
He let out a slew of colourful obscenities—taught to him by drunken sailors—in hopes of catching someone with a boat. At this point, he’d probably take a damn pirate ship. At least death by sword was fast .
Agni, please send someone to get me the fuck out of here. Maybe he shouldn’t be swearing in prayers. Maybe the Spirits wouldn’t care. It’s colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra. I am going to freeze to death.
Zuko paused, considering the Spirits that plagued his nightmare. Tui and La… I know Zhao is a dickwad, but I’m not. You wouldn’t’ve talked to me if I was. Why take the time to talk to me, if I was going to die immediately after?
It was cold, and Zuko was alone.
It was probably for that that Zuko had the irresistible urge to clutch his uncle in a rib-breaking hug when his uncle appeared on a Fire Nation ship.
————— time skip —————
The Avatar’s bison was right there . Wielding his swords, he stepped closer, and the bison moved away slightly. As much as the Blue Spirit mask concealed Zuko’s identity from human eyes, it did not work well for the noses of animals.
Maybe he should douse himself in perfume. That worked well enough for June’s shirshu, when the Avatar and his friends dumped the nun’s perfume all over it. “You’re mine now.” Zuko rasped, the sensation of speaking in Blue Spirit garb so foreign. He avoided it, usually, because the rasp of a teenaged prince did not strike fear into the hearts of opponents. The creak of a door sounded behind him, and Zuko whipped around, dual dao raised. “Uncle?” He could not avoid saying it, a habit more than choice.
“So, the Blue Spirit.” His uncle crossed his arms, eyebrows raised at the mask. Stroking his beard, the older man continued. “I wonder who could be behind that mask.”
Zuko sighed and pulled the laced mask off, the charade entirely abandoned. “What are you doing here?”
“I was just about to ask you the same thing. What do you plan to do now that you’ve found the Avatar’s bison?” His uncle walked closer, sceptical gaze still levelled on Zuko. “Keep him locked in our new apartment? Should I go put on a pot of tea for him?”
Zuko tilted his head, before answering, ignoring his uncle’s remarks. “First I have to get him out of here.”
“And then what?!” The firm voice of his uncle echoed through the chamber, and Zuko tilted his good ear towards the door, listening for the footsteps of the Dai Li. “You never think these things through! This is exactly what happened when you captured the Avatar at the North Pole! You had him, then you had nowhere to go! If we hadn’t found you, you would’ve drowned in the North!”
“I was fine! I would’ve found a way out! I always do!” Zuko shouted, angrily clenching his hands into white fists around the daos. “I know my destiny! I know what I’m meant to do!”
“Is it your destiny, or a destiny your father has chosen for you?”
“What is the difference?!” The words were shrill and echoed through the empty chamber. The prince turned towards tha Avatar’s beast. “The Fire Lord is Agni incarnate, his determinations are my destiny! I have to do this!”
“Please, Prince Zuko, I am begging you! It is time for you to look inward and ask the big questions!” Iroh’s lips pursed, and shoulders squared. “Determine who you are! Determine what happened to you at the North! ”
Zuko whirled around again, swords slicing through the air. “Nothing happened! I am the same as I always have been!”
“A Spirit has laid its claim, nephew, a cold touch that rings through your very Fire!” The old man said, hands thrown into the air. “Water is the element of change , and you need to decide if that change is what you want!”
The exiled ex-prince screamed a broken sound that was torn from his throat, dragging through the skin like the fishhooks cast into the ocean. A clang echoed through the cavern as his dao fell the the floor, an empty thud as his mask hit.
————————————
“You did the right thing, nephew.” His uncle spoke, softly, as Zuko ran his fingers over the carved mask, admiring the worn groves and chipped paint. “Let it go.”
The mask fell, unbidden, from his fingers into the ocean, and the Ocean ate it, savouring the taste.
When they arrived home, Iroh still beaming with pride, the world blurred. “I don’t feel right.” The words came out as a whimper. Zuko didn’t whimper. Something was wrong.
Just as his mask had, Zuko surrendered to the darkness.
————————————
Could stubbornness rip him from the Dream Realm? No, not now. Not with the tiny spark his Inner Flame had been reduced to. What is happening? Am I dying of fever? Me, a firebender?
*Not now. That honour is held by the frozen shores of La, in the North.* Something rumbled, unheard but felt, as an earthquake is known.
The tips of his forehead ached. Maybe that should’ve worried him, but it did not. Pain was a familiar friend, now. What did worry him was the scenery, a sparring ring in the middle of an auditorium, empty removed from two energies circling in the nearest seats.
He’d had this dream a hundred times before, in variations untold. Empty auditoriums, overbooked ones. A watching uncle, an oblivious one. A sad, empathetic father, an unflinching one. The one thing that remained stationary was the burning . Agni must’ve cursed him, in the way he’d revelled in the untold agony night, after night, after night.
The only comfort: Zuko had survived his branding, and he would survive a hundred more.
*No, you may not.* Each word plucked at Zuko’s Inner Fire, playing with his soul in a similar way to how Lieutenant Jee played his pipa every night. A skilful dance of fingers over spiritual strings, the words reverberating through his being.
Reverently, Zuko looked up, knowing one should not look upon a Spirit without permission, but needing to see Agni nonetheless. He’d never met Agni, not once, but the vibrations of his Inner Fire were so familiar that Zuko recognized Him nonetheless. “Agni.” The word was a breath, an admission, his own attempt at playing his Inner Fire in patterns like the Fire Spirit’s.
Agni’s Flame encircled Zuko, warming his body and soul simultaneously. The Flames shimmered, colourless and prismatic, in the way a prism scattered light. Flame reached into Zuko’s Inner Fire and wisped along the taut energy, sending melodious, unheard sounds through Zuko’s being. *You survived, then. You may not survive now. Can a Flame survive in an Ocean? Or, in your case, a Spark in a Puddle? * At that, Zuko’s Inner Fire flared, anger rushing into his very soul. Despaired (was that despair?) the prism Flames dimmed, momentarily, and Zuko’s skin scattered into goosebumps at the loss. Seemingly recognizing this, the Flames sprung higher. He should burn, but he did not. Metaphysical . The impression of a word ghosted across Zuko’s energy, unknowable yet defined.
“I’m alive!” Zuko growled, less a surety than an unsaid prayer.
*The soul, yes, though perhaps not for long. * Agni’s Being was against Zuko’s marred face, tracing the handprint that was melted into the skin. Zuko did not feel the Being, but knew, in an unknowing way, that it was there nonetheless. * Maybe We did not Change you enough.*
“I don’t change! I am the same I always have been! We don’t change!”
*Hm. Learned something from La, have we? * The scar on Zuko’s face seared. * That is to be expected. You are Theirs as much as you are Mine. * The circling energies in the crowd pushed and pulled an agreement into Zuko. * Well, if Spirits do not Change, then why is Tui looking so youthful and effeminate?* Said Spirit formed into a teenaged girl, in which strips of cloth fluttered and curled around Them, as if underwater.
“I am not a Spirit!”
*So ignorant. So naive. * La pulled Zuko’s consciousness into Them, the words washing over him, and he shivered in the cold almost-touch.
*That’s why this is such a fun little gamble. * Tui snapped at Zuko’s miniature Inner Flame. * The boy who claims to be a Spirit, the Spirit who bleeds like a boy.*
Agni’s touch held Zuko’s face again, searing. It was pain and comfort, wrapped into a little gift basket. *His chi is too crowded from the blessings. I told You to be careful.* Agni impressed a glare into Tui and La. *There is too much Water, too much Fire.*
“I am Fire!” Zuko exclaimed, the anger flaring his Inner Flame further. Tui pushed amusement into Zuko’s being, who snarled at the Moon. “I am! I do not belong to Water .”
*You agreed ! * Tui impressed, a bit playfully. * It isn’t my fault that you forgot to read the Terms and Conditions of a Chaos Spirit .*
“Agreed what?!” Zuko snarled, biting in the direction of the Moon Spirit, who giggled, like bubbles gliding over Zuko’s Inner Fire. The sound was remarkably like that of a teen girl, though Tui didn’t seem bothered. They pushed symbols into Zuko’s mind, and slips of paper fell and burned around him. Each one was the same as in Zuko’s dream. Soul.
*This is unimportant. * La flipped Their energy in the way a wave breaks nearing the shore. Tui’s energy twinkled, reminiscent of the silver scales winding through the dark Ocean. Their energy wrapped around Zuko, whispering in the way a thought is a whisper. * The boy is not a Spirit at all. It was foolish to try and recreate him.*
*That is for him to decide. * Agni burned. * And he claimed spirithood.*
“Claimed what?! What agreement?!” Zuko whirled to face the Spirits. “I do not appreciate being kept out of the loop!”
La pulled Zuko’s conscious into Theirs, dislodging him from Tui’s touch. *The question We are debating is this: would You rather live as one of Mine or die as one of His? * Agni plucked a possessive energy into Zuko’s Inner Fire, but La continued. * You agreed prior that you are your soul, not your body, so We recreated said body and sent you on your merry way. But with dual ownership of your soul, and thus dual elements, there are issues . Before, you chose your father, and thus your Fire dominated. Now that you are reconsidering, Water and Fire are warring, dousing your Inner Flame while evaporating the Water’s blessing. You will die. * Slowly but surely, Zuko’s energy was siphoned away and Zuko writhed, trying to remove himself from La’s touch. * Unless I take what is Mine, and Agni takes what is His.*
“It is neither of Yours!” Zuko exclaimed, energy kicking and squirming away from the frigid touch. “My Inner Fire is mine! You have no right to take it! It is mine!”
Tui materialised into the corporeal, a massive leviathan floating in the air. *It is yours?*
“Yes!”
*So you admit you are a Spirit?*
“No!”
La ignored this exchange. *The soul is Mine too. * La pulled, the words pressed into Zuko’s energy. * You chose Us the moment you died in my lands.*
*He did not understand the consequences. He was born a Flame.* Agni harmonised.
La hummed, in the way a whale song hums. *Tell him then, enlighten him. I care not.*
The world changed, a slip from dream, to metaphysical to real , but real in the way a memory was real.
Zuko, lying in the snow, fingers and lips blue, eyes locked unseeingly onto the blue sky above. The wind blew, the snow fell, Zuko’s chest did not rise. The real Zuko, the alive one, fell to his knees next to the dead Zuko, pressing interlaced hands into the dead prince’s chest, an imitation of the way he’d watched the Ba Sing Se healers resuscitate refugees in the camp.
*That does not work, not now.* Agni’s song was more melancholic now, but Zuko’s Fire flared.
“I am not dead! I am alive! I am alive !”
*You died in La’s lands, blessed by a prayer of protection from the World Spirit. A Water death, a Fire birth. * A ray of fire exploded from Zuko’s hand, as stupid as it was to attack a Fire Spirit with fire, and absorbed into Agni. * Dual ownership of a soul.*
Tui scoffed. *He lived a life of neutrality, a Spirit’s life. The Blue Spirit. * Tui giggled again. * Dead and alive, Fire Prince and outcast, Fire and Water.*
*But We can put the world almost on track. You won’t be walking the correct footsteps, but close enough. It matters not. * La shrugged imperceptively. * You’re just a human, after all. Minimal consequences.*
Tui pushed a grin into Zuko’s mind. *Maybe not human for much longer. Or maybe never in the first place.*
*Body or soul?* La repeated, and Agni’s energy swirled, displeased.
*No tricks, Ocean, Moon. I understand that is foreign to You, but as Water represents Chaos and Change, Fire is Life and Power. He will not understand Your dual meanings. * Agni leveled His heat on Zuko. * Spirits are guides, just as humans are the guided. You have lost your way, Zuko, and you have finally realised it. It is now that you can enter a new purpose. If not, your body, warring between Water and Fire, will cease. The Blue Spirit cannot be the Fire Prince. The Avatar’s guide cannot be the Avatar’s hunter. A man cannot be soul-torn, alive and dead, hovering between, for much longer.*
“I am alive,” Zuko whispered, the words a shaky thing in the face of the metaphysical promises and ideas.
*Is that your decision?*
“Does it matter?”
Agni flared *Yes * while La pulled a * No * into his mind. Meanwhile, Tui smirked. * You did already make your choice, though, the moment you declared yourself the Blue Spirit.*
Zuko stood from where he kneeled unsteadily, lips pursed. “Is this my destiny?”
*That is up to you, little racehorse.* Tui grinned.
“I want to live.” Zuko spoke the first admission of want in years.
*Then find your own destiny.* He did not know who said it. He didn’t think it much mattered.
Zuko woke.
The world was bright, and his uncle was seated, cross-legged, beside him. Zuko felt… light, lighter than he had in years. Lighter than he had felt, even with the Avatar captured in that cave. Light. The world felt… warm, warmer than it had in years. * Uncle, * Zuko whispered, sitting up slowly. His uncle did not move. * Uncle? * After a few more moments the man stirred, and opened his eyes blearily.
Zuko tilted his head at Iroh, the slightest smile on his lips. It was minute in the way the tremble of a leaf or the beat of a heart was minute… but his uncle would notice it all the same. “Zuko?” The old man whispered, exhaustion weighing at the edges of his voice.
* Come on, uncle. Your damned tea house is waiting. * Amusement pulled at the edges of Zuko’s barely audible voice. It was known and…
It was an inaudible voice. Known and unknown.
Zuko looked down at his own hands, horrified, as he tried to speak again. * Uncle? *
His uncle was awake, panicked and shouting for his missing nephew. If only he knew that Zuko would never return… Well, not to his knowledge. Zuko stood there, in the doorway, staring at his usually calm and organized uncle, who was checking in every room in the small apartment. “Please don’t tell me he left, Agni.” His uncle muttered fervently, eyes glassy. “We were to have a new life.”
A lump clogged Zuko’s throat, and all he wanted was to return to the damned real world . His uncle was softhearted at times, spewing unwanted proverbs at others, but, dammit, he was his uncle. It was different for Zuko to willingly yell and leave, and quite another for Zuko to be snatched from Iroh’s life entirely.
The third cardinal rule of Spirits is to never trust them. They weave words, they lied, their acts were never without selfish reason.
And Zuko had fallen for it hook, line, and sinker.
His Inner Fire shifted and grumbled, smoke pooling from his nose, sparks flying from his very fingertips. He was dead, wasn’t he? Dead, because he was naive enough to believe Agni wouldn’t hate him for his crimes against the Fire Nation.
Dead, when they promised otherwise.
* Fuck You and the whole damned Spirit World! I don’t even care if You strike me, I’m already dead! Just come and finish the job, dammit! I’ll fight You and win! * Tears did not fall down Zuko’s cheeks, though he almost wished they would. Something to prove his liveliness. * If I am dishonourable, what are You?! Wasting my time, and now I’m dead! I’m dead! *
His Inner Flame was roaring, and Zuko could not calm down. Was there any point, anyway, if he couldn’t interact with his uncle again? With the world? Well, his father got his dreams…
*Tui, La, is this Your idea of a joke? Agni, do You fucking hate me? Get Your asses down here so I can—*
“Zuko?!”
His anger was immediately extinguished by the despairing man in front of him, whose aching fingers dug into the empty blankets on the floor. Empty blankets that Zuko one occupied.
He couldn’t stand to be there any longer. So he walked. To where, he didn’t know. He walked until his unreal feet ached more than his heart, and then he walked a little longer. He walked until the faces of passersby just blurred, and the world seemed to be a splotchy watercolour painting rather than reality. People ran into him, but instead of noticing a blockage, only Zuko was affected and cast to the side.
The world could affect him, but he could not affect the world.
He walked until the walls of Ba Sing Se, clambered over them and continued to walk, until it was him, alone, in a forest. He walked until the emotional baggage, over the physical, forced him to sit on a log and shove his face into his hands.
The forest was loud, but Zuko was not. He couldn’t be loud, anymore.
Like Agni, Tui, and La, the noises he made were the ideas of a noise, instead of audible ones. Quickly, he found that swears lost their potency when all you could do was imagine annoyance and overlay that meaning over “fuck”. All that time listening to sailors, gone. All that time reforming his language away from the royal, gone. All that , gone.
Zuko really needed to get better at reading the terms and conditions.
“Little Spirit… ” The words were heard and impressed, simultaneously, and Zuko spun in the direction of the voice. “ Why are you here, without your Form? ” The Snake curled down the tree, hanging off a branch in front of Zuko. “ So ineffective! So pointless.”
* I’m not a Spirit. * Zuko tried to speak the words, mouth moving, but only succeeding in sending the idea of the word towards the Snake. Anger pinched his eyebrows together, and he crossed his arms. * I’m dead. *
“Dead, maybe, but a Spirit nonetheless… as helpless as a babe… ” The Snake flicked her tongue at Zuko, tilting her head to peer closer at him. “ How does one become a Spirit from human form? It has not happened in years… ” Close enough that her tongue flicked his nose, She blinked. Snakes aren’t supposed to have eyes. Zuko thought, though nervousness was far from his mind. “ Oh, little Spirit, I am no ordinary snake. No matter, little one. Are you the Blue Spirit that had the mortal realm in such a stitch?”
* I was, once. * Zuko glowered, sparks flying from his breath. When they touched the floor, rather than burning through the grass, small flowers sprouted, unfurling delicate blue petals. Zuko pointedly ignored this. * I’m dead, now, though. *
“Hmm. ” She smiled, an unsettling movement that seemed more threatening than placating. “ Without your Form, I suppose you may as well be.”
Zuko huffed. * You keep saying that! I don’t know what you mean! Can’t a single fucking Spirit be straightforward with me? * The Snake straightened herself on the vine, relaxed look gone as she glowered at him.
“I’d suggest a bit of grace when speaking with Spirits, young one. ” She hissed, and droplets fell from her mouth onto the trees, just missing Zuko; the places they fell fizzled and died. “ Not all are as benevolent as I. ” That statement made, she relaxed herself back onto the branch, peering at Zuko. “ Regardless, I’m not one to give away things for free. What would you give to know that, baby Spirit?”
Zuko’s mouth went dry, which was stupid because he was dead . Why did he have to worry about simple things like saliva. * What sort of a think would you expect? I’m dead, it’s not like I have wealth or belongings .* The movement of his mouth, if useless, at least comforted.
The Snake placed her head on one of her loops. “Snakes are cold-blooded things. I’ve been freezing since I came here, the silly forest too cold for me. I cannot leave yet, though. You have those sparking hands, why don’t you let me sit on your shoulders and warm me. You can bring me into Ba Sing Se too, give me a tour.”
His shoulders relaxed by a hair. * I wish I could, but I cannot hold anything. *
The Snake hissed, though she imparted an image of pondering rather than anger. “I see. ” She spoke. “ How about this, little one? I will tell you about Forms, and you will retrieve yours. Upon your honour as a Spirit, you will return and fulfil your duty.”
Resolutely, Zuko nodded, and moved closer to listen to her. “Every Spirit, even myself, was once, or still is, noncorporeal. ” She whispered, as if the very knowledge she imparted was deadly. “ The Major Spirits are fine: your Agni, for example, has enough worshippers that He can operate fine. However, there is no way to affect the world as a Minor Spirit without a corporeal form. It is impossible to even enter it without a Form, such as a mortal to possess, the preferred method, or an object to tie oneself to. Since you are here, you already have a tie, but you are too far from it, thus rendering you ghostlike. ”
* So if I find my tie— *
“You can utilise a mortal-ish body. ” She settled into the branches. “ You’ve already claimed your tie, when you were mortal. The Blue Spirit persona doesn’t exist without…” The Snake looked at him expectantly.
* My Mask? * He guessed, and was rewarded with an impressed impression. * Will that work even for a ghost? *
“Stupid boy. ” She hissed, sending emotions of annoyance, accompanied by the idea of people running into walls (stupid indeed). “ You chose this. You denied Agni and La, and chose life . Don’t be ungrateful.”
* Ungrateful? * Zuko hissed right back, sparks flying from his mouth as tendrils of smoke whirled around his feet, as serpentine as the Snake. * At least as a traitor I was known , now I am history! I cannot even interact with my uncle! The only— * His voice faltered. * The only person who ever cared for me, outside of my mother! The Spirits clearly hate me, and you call me ungrateful for hating that I’ve now lost everything?! * He communicated all this in ideas and pictures, small memories of wanted posters and tea-loving uncles and flaming hands moving towards his face.
Zuko turned on his foot, stalking away, and the Snake was silent. Until… “Will you return?”
* I’m not a monster. * Zuko spat. The ‘unlike the Spirits’ was left unsaid.