Chapter Text
“Did you bring the goods?” half and half asked, his voice gruff and low like a smoker.
Half and half looked freaky, in his opinon, with half his face looking like its constantly melting. That that Katsuki would admit it because he’s a big man whose never scared.
“Of course, who do you think I am?” responded Katsuki in an (attempted) equally gruff voice. He could never match half and half but he would try! Besides some people can’t resort to smoking because their fathers will literally ground them. Not that Katsuki is afraid of being grounded its just annoying STOP QUESTIONING HIM!
Half and half chuckled darkly as he unwrapped the goods, “Yes, this will piss my father off…”
“What kind of person gets angry over All Might merch anyways?” The question had been constantly burning at Katsuki since he got this request, he tried not to voice it because of the sketchiness of the alleyways but he couldn’t stop himself from blurting it out…
Half and half looked at him in an almost peaceful expression- if you ignored the burnt side of his face- as he responded, “A true villain.”
Katsuki nodded, yeah that makes sense. Of course a villain would hate All Might merch. He must be very scared of All Might like all villains should be, “All Might is the coolest hero.”
Then Katsuki had a thought- if his dad was a villain- “Why don’t you become a hero? Then you can arrest your Dad.”
The scary looking boy’s eyes widened in surprise- even his boiled white eye widened somewhat- as if he’s never thought about that before. Which Katsuki thinks is stupid. Everyone knows heros arrest villains. Maybe that burn went to his brain.
Oh wait. WAIT.
It totally went to his brain that explains why he acts so weird! It’s like the opposite of Izu’s autism powers! Mom said he has to be gentle with those kinds of people. Fuck. Okay. He can be gentle. He was gentle when Auntie handed him a baby. He can do it. He totally doesn’t need a pep talk first. Where is Izu dammit it he could handle this.
Wait no- no he has to be better than Izu and he can’t burden Izu with this he has to-“
“To become a hero you can go to hero school? Or get mentored by one. Idiot.” Okay there’s only so much gentle Katsuki can take. “Or you become a vigilante or something.”
How did Mom handle him as a baby!?! This is stressful…
“What’s a vigilante?”
“Hero without a license. Like spiderman. Whose super cool.”
Half and half considered this.
“By the way- why do you refuse to call me Shouto?”
Katsuki can never admit he forgot. He’s really bad at names. Mom still gives him a look everytime he calls Izu Izu- he knows she knows he still can’t remember his name despite knowing eachother from diapers… Actually, wait… does Mom have a name too?!?
-
About a few blocks off, an even heavier scarred teen sneezed as he scavenged a dumpster for food.
Who the hell was thinking about him that intensely??? Must be Natsuo that pesky elder brother- smothering him even in his own death.
Though he has to admit he’s kind of confused why these people keep yelling “RUN IT’S A SCARRED TEEN USING HIS DESTRUCTIVE QUIRK” and not “OH MY GOD, A GHOST!”
Maybe it’s because he hasn’t started haunting his family properly yet…
Being a ghost is annoying. Why do you still get hungry and hurt as a ghost anyways?!? Who made these rules!!
-
In a different universe Danny Phantom King of the Ghost realm sneezed- thankfully that is a different universe and not at all relevant to this current scenario.
-
This is the day! This is the day she will get her first kiss! She can feel it! Love is in the air! Katya promised she’d leave them alone for 10 minutes while pretending to have to go to the bathroom! And there’s no way her middle school friend group would ever betray her! Her entire friend group agrees she and Sasha are just meant to be!
She just has to play this as a long con like Ajax’s long hero infiltrations!
She has the plan and the timeline down!
She infiltrates Sasha’s friend group (check) she gets her friends to befriend his friends (double check- they were very happy with that step) she slowly gets some of her friends and Sasha to hang out until she can widdle it down to just them (half check) and then when they inevitably find themselves becoming instantly close friends and- maybe- heheh- maybe even more- hehehe then she’ll move to phase 2! Asking him out to the fall formal! Then they’ll be official and she can introduce him to the family and they get married and… she doesn’t actually know what married people do but she’ll figure it out!
“Ahhh! Me and Sasha are going out together!! To the movies!!!” Tonia bounced happily.
“Aren’t you going out with Katerina too?” Uncle asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Shhh that’s not important! Besides, she has a boyfriend already! It’s still practically a date!”
Distantly she can hear Auntie laughing but she’s choosing to ignore her
They’re going to be together! Sasha just doesn’t know it yet!
-
Childe suddenly got a giant spike of pain throbbing in his skull. He’s a hero so he didn’t make any noise of pain and just smiled the way his PR team instructed.
He must be getting a premonition of future shenanigans his siblings are playing. Must be Anton demanding to build a bomb again. Or Tuceur with the hero equipment he may have told him were toys (he really didn’t think he’d start playing with them!! He panicked!!!) Tonia has been an absolute gem in his life though. A little judgemental but 12 year olds are just like that.
Eraserhead -(Midori rambled for like 20 minutes about him before Eraserhead got too embarrassed and stop them by buying them cookies so now Tartaglia knows his name! Tartaglia remains kind of scared of Midori)- looked at his smile getting increasingly unnerved and started muttering something about a rat god? Maybe he was part of a cult too!
“Eraserhead!! Have you ever been in a cult before?”
Eraserhead choked on his coffee.
Midori, predictably, jumped in with muttering, “Eraserhead was surrendered to foster care as a baby and has jumped around homes! Never stayed in one long enough to be part of a cult as a child and his hero missions mainly revolve around surprise attacks against small groups of people when solo- obviously so his quirk is used as effectively as possible as it would start losing effectiveness when fighting against the same people regularly and in larger groups where he can’t see everyone- and his group hero missions typically have him as a background support type, to make it easier for other heros to pave the way in the Big Fight rather than the slower paper trail-“
“So no cults?”
“N-not as far as I-i’m aware,” Midori then sent a look towards Eraserhead, as if waiting for confirmations or denials.
The Eraserhead in question looked a bit green.
“Are you okay? You look pale!” Tartaglia asked with concern. He really didn’t want a homeless old man fainting on them. Wouldn’t look good for optics! He really doesn’t want to be banned from the only underground hero cafe in the area before he even gets his Japanese License!
“Green kid, are you sure you don’t have an information quirk?”
“I d-don’t- Wait- did- did I never introduce myself?” Midori realized, face aghast.
He looks so aghast it kind of reminded Childe of this ghost he met a week ago…
“I-i’m so SORRY!”
Oh no- Midori broke out in tears. Childe looked over to- Agh! Eraserhead is useless! He looks scared! Pah!
It’s okay Tartaglia has handled plenty of crying children with a smile!
-
“Does this fit look cute?” Tonia asked with wide, adorable eyes.
Aleksandr will totally see her cute outfit and immediately fall head over heels for her and then ask her out on a date for real! This would look nice with those Pink Diamond earrings Lyosha bought her too! Maybe a heart hair clip to seal the deal!
“Absolutely not. Change right now.” Auntie scowled at her.
Nevermind. Life is against her- everyone hates her. She will die before ever getting her first kiss with Mikhail! Tonia felt tears burn in her eyes.
“I HATE YOU!” Tonia yelled and slammed her room door shut.
What's even wrong with wearing a crop top! She’s seen what they wear in magazines! And magazine’s would never lie to her about what’s in style and the top ten ways to make your crush notice you!
Hell, big brother has worn crop tops when he’s in magazines! Why is it only a crime when she does things! She’s 12 for crying out loud!!! She deserves freedom!! LIFE IS SO UNFAIR!
-
Yelena was mentally sending her chibi employer a headache. Forwarding her own growing one, if you will.
Such a bad influence… She has no way to prove it but she KNOWS it’s him.
Who the hell left these kids (including Chibi Hero) in charge?!
She needs to be paid more.
Young Master Ajax needs to use his vast sums of wealth to invest in therapy- for all of them.
Who the hell told that kid therapy is for villains????
Probably the HPSC- god she hates them. Don’t put that on record. And she’s a retired underground hero. No, she’s not just saying that because of how they unceremoniously dumped her after she lost her leg… okay well not fully because of that! She gets to retain her position that it’s sketch!
Yelena couldn’t hold back a sigh. Seriously. Sometimes she wonders how her life even got to this point.
Charon, the prick, was holding back a laugh.
“You try herding them every day.”
“You try dealing with the chibi hero’s tantrums.”
“Touché- ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUNG LADY TRY AGAIN.”
Tonia pouted and went on to do normal 12 year old behaviour.
Yelena sighed again, “I feel like I’m rapidly again. I’m barely 30 but I feel 50. How the hell is your skin still so clear you prick.”
“Orphan tears.”
“The drug or actual tears?”
“Charon, don't ignore me! Don’t walk away!! HEY I NEED ANSWERS!”
“Oh is that the chibi’s minis crying for attention? Byeeee! Have fun with Tonia!”
“I will STRANGLE YOU! COME BACK HERE-“ Yelena heard a door creak open and swiveled back towards the bedroom, “ YOUNG LADY . Oh wait, that's actually nice. Sorry, force of habit.”
Tonia glared.
“Want to know the best makeup tips from someone who used to go undercover?”
Tonia, predictably, lit up. Ahh it was too easy.
“Now come over here I’ll do your hair while I regale the tales.”
-
“How did you get that burn anyways?”
Shouto considered saying that his Mom burnt his face off because of his dad’s abuse but he remembers how news vultures always were after his family as a kid and how everyone here thinks he’s Villain’s son (which was accurate enough anyways) and he doesn’t want people to connect him to his real identity even though he doesn't cover his face or use an alternate name. He didn’t mean to at first but he’s too deep into the lie and he kinda likes it tbh so…
“My dad has a fire quirk.”
He saw some people wince sympathetically. Lord Explosion Murder just started yelling but he’s good at tuning out yelling so he ignores everyone and leaves with his All Might merch. This alleyway is great.
-
The burnt teen ghost found a full Happy Meal nearly untouched in the dumpster, “HELL YEAH! IT’S MY LUCKY DAY!”
And he’s been to hell so he can say hell yeah with the utmost confidence!
Whenever he closes his eyes he can still see the hell that he died in- BUT WHENEVER HE OPENS HIS EYES HE SEES A HAPPY MEAL!!! BEST DAY OF HIS GHOST LIFE!!!!
The teen that once was a boy named Touya dug into his new soggy chicken nuggets. They tasted so good he might die!
Abruptly, he laughed at his own death joke. They’re the funniest kind of joke.
The burnt teen felt a harsh shiver climb up his spine. Ugh, why is it so cold all of a sudden?
The ghost boy felt the cold coming from a different alleyway with a half burnt face. He looked familiar but it hurt his head to think about it…
The half dead boy went back to his food. Huh, the Happy Meal says it was addressed to someone named Ajax- that doesn’t sound very Japanese!
Wait, is that racist?
Is he a ghost racist?
-
Shouta would like to say he has no idea how this happened nor what is happening.
First he gets stalked by, presumably, the Doctor's tiniest assassin.
If he was anyone else he wouldn’t have noticed- but he’s an underground hero! That means fighting assassins all the time of course.
He misses who he was an hour ago. Things made more sense back then.
The world’s tiniest assassin was following him and Shouta was keeping an eye out for any openings for the assassin to take- and blocking them of course.
But after 3 days he got the tiniest tired of being followed and started allowing some openings so he can catch the tiny beast at least (how the hell did that bot keep disappearing and destroying all traces of himself on security cameras??)
He thought it worked when the baby assassin disappeared for a few days only to literally bump into him at the cat cafe.
-
Midoriya pulled him aside, away from his orange friend.
”I-i’m really sorry about going overboard or- or- creepy Mister Aizawa…” Midoriya looked like he was about to cry again
Shouta is just going to ignore that he knows his legal name. That just seems in character by now…
Shouta just sighed, “Forget it.”
“I just want to know how to become a hero… even without a quirk!” Midoriya glanced in the direction of his friend. Was this a bully scenario?
“I can…”
Shouta could already feel his friends laughing at him, but what was he supposed to do? Let the kid cry? Shouta held the bridge of his nose.
“One time. Once. Show me what you can do and I’ll give you pointers- and a piece of advice?”
God, the kid looks so hopeful- why did he agree to this, “Go for the UA exam anyways, there's always more options than you think.”
Midoriya smiled so brightly Shouta worried about his eyes getting damaged, “Like the sports festival?”
Why does he even try.
Oh god. Nedzu is going to love him.
-
“Mister Eraserhead! Can I have a word with you reaaaal quick?”
Shouta felt his hair turning greyer the longer he was here. Vaguely he felt his eye twitch.
The orange child smiled a Nedzu smile and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him away.
Shouta fought the urge to sigh, “Do you need something?”
“Hey what do you do if you think your school is quirkist and ablest and negelctful and also maybe a bit evil,” the orange child was still smiling but his voice had an underlying emotion of anger. It reminded him of… most heros actually. But especially Nedzu. Between the orange child’s personality and the green child’s scary intellect the world would probably collapse if they met Nedzu. Or Mic.
Shouta could feel the headache brewing, “Why do you think that?”
Orange kid looked over at Green kid for a moment, eyes shining with concern. Okay, fair enough.
“Want me to-“
“Can you just give me some tips and pointers to taking it down myself? I have been compiling evidence after ste- taking- looking at the security tapes but I’m not sure if it’s normal? And I can’t use my hero resources right now!”
Hero resources? Wait-
The kid, patted himself down until he found his license and fished out his very not Japanese hero license.
The shifted in place the longer he looked at the admittedly real license. Explains the PR attitude mini hero constantly has. The mini hero grew more nervous the longer he didn’t talk and took out his (obviously hero grade) phone and typed in something in Russian as if to prove he’s a hero.
Shouta really needs to get out of the habit of taking a bit before speaking in front of nervous teenagers but the fact that they’re nervous teenagers is exactly why he has to pick and choose his words!
He really doesn’t need all these news articles and magazine covers to prove- no 11 hero?? Maybe Nedzu is right and he should pay more attention to this kind of news…
…who the hell decided to put a kid in a military outfit with so much stomach showing as a hero costume?
Wait- he remembers this controversy from a year or two back. Safe to say, Nerumi did not like it.
“I believe you kid, I don’t need all the pictures.”
Tartaglia visibly let out a sigh of relief.
“I’m slightly supposed to be going undercover and also slightly not supposed to be involved in any way but civilian way…“
Shouta reached for his advil, “Alright, alright.”
He expelled an entire class so he wouldn’t have to deal with hell spawn!
So how did he end up with 2?!?