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To Be Loved Is To Be Changed

Summary:

'I just wanted you to know... I believe you.'

It was a mistake. A terrible one to decide to be civil with Pottah for one secret conversation. One secret conversation that began a string of them. The strings twisted into ropes and formed secret meet ups.

It was just a secret. A secret Draco felt he needed to share with Potter. A secret which would help him to defeat the Dark Lord. Maybe. He didn't expect for a little secret to unlock his heart and flip his world as he knew it.

 

I used google translate for Draco's french sorry if anything is wrong! Im still learning!

FUCK JKR! This is a safe space, my loves :)

Notes:

My tiktok and tumblr where I post about this have the same handle!

Chapter 1: Welcome Home

Notes:

Draco's song

Harry's song

Chapter song

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Draco was walking around the train with Crabbe and Goyle looking at everyone who would journey through Hogwarts with him, looking for one person in particular. He got to one carriage containing a boy with fluorescent orange hair, an absolute mess of sweet wrappers and just who he was searching for: Harry Potter . It was the same boy he had met in Madam Malkin's robe shop in Diagon Alley. If he had known...

He smirked and reached for the compartment door, sliding it open. Harry and the other boy turned to look at them as they entered, Harry giving him a look of recognition.

'Is it true?' he said, 'They're saying all down the train that Harry Potter's in this compartment. So it's you, is it?'

'Yes.' Harry replied looking visibly baffled as to who the other two people were.

'Oh, this is Crabbe and this is Goyle,' he said nodding his head in either direction, 'And my name's Malfoy. Draco Malfoy.' The ginger coughed in a feeble attempt to hide a snicker but it did not go unnoticed by Draco who snapped his head in his direction, 'Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask who you are. My father told me all the Weasleys have red hair, freckles and more children than they can afford.' He averted his gaze back to Harry, 'You'll soon find that some wizarding families are much better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.' he boldly held his hand out for Harry to shake. Harry didn't take it.

'I think I can tell who the wrong sort are for myself, thanks.' he said as if it were obvious.

Draco's cheeks went pink in the slight embarrassment, 'I'd be careful if I were you, Potter.' his gaze became more direct and menacing - or as menacing as an eleven year old could look - 'Unless you're a bit politer you'll be going the same way as your parents. They didn't know what was good for them, either. You hang around with riff-raff like the Weasley's and that Hagrid and it'll rub off on you.'

Harry and Ron stood, defensively. Ron spoke up, his voice a low growl, 'Say that again.'

Draco awoke in Malfoy Manor. That was the 5th time he had a dream about Potter this summer and it was always something he hated him for. He was glad the dream stopped there. The events that followed were not pretty: Ron's stupid rat bit Crabbe and the three of them ran away. Draco then insisted they go on without him. He then went to an empty toilet and threw a tantrum.

Suddenly, his father barged into his room, his presence making the already dark room feel ever more sinister.

Draco had never liked his father when he wasn't in a good mood. He was always very strict and disciplinary then. His punishments usually consisted of doing the work of the house elves, or a small hit when he was feeling generous. Other times it would include light use of the Cruciatus curse, or having to watch something he loved be burned in front of him. He was usually punished when not upholding the Malfoy rules. Otherwise, he was a good father.

He sat up in his bed, the duvet laying softly around him as his hair flowed messily over his face.

'What in the good name of Salazar are you still doing asleep at this hour? Wake up! Look lively!' Lucius Malfoy spat, 'We have a very important guest staying with us for a while. He shall be in the west wing so please refrain from going over there. You may not enter the grand dining hall between the hours of 9am and 3pm on mondays, wednesdays and fridays. Should you enter during those hours, there will be dire punishments, are we clear?'

'Yes, Sir.' Malfoy replied. 'If you don't mind me asking, who is it that we are housing?'

Lucius paused for a moment. 'The Dark Lord. Do not mention this to any of your peers. He is staying here to keep a low profile while regaining strength.'

And with that he turned and was out the door, shutting it behind him as he left.

Draco picked up the Malfoy pocket watch, that would usually sit in his blazer or robe pocket, from his bedside table. It was 10.20am on Sunday the 13th of August, 1995.

'Too early, my arse...' he muttered under his breath.

He sat there for a moment, beginning to process the gravity of the situation he was in. The Dark Lord would be living with him. Malfoy had never taken instructions from his father so seriously as he did these. He didn't know the extent of what could happen to him. His father would never use more than a Crucio on him but this was Voldemort. And more likely than not, all of the other death eaters. If he had been told allocated times in which he could not enter the grand dining hall, he would not enter the grand dining hall.

He hated feeling the amount of fear he did towards his father. He hoped nobody would ever feel like this. He swore to himself that if he ever had children, he would love them like it was his last day on earth.

He then began to recall the events of the previous school term. Cedric Diggory and Potter coming out of the maze at the end of the Triwizard tournament. Only, Cedric was dead. Potter was right. The Dark Lord is back.

Draco's train of thought was interrupted by rapping on one of the tall ceiling high windows. He swung his legs off the side of his bed and ventured to the window where he drew back the curtains and was met with his owl carrying the day's Daily Prophet and some letters. He took the pile from the bird's beak and went to his desk.

The letters from his friends were the first things he opened. There were only two but he still liked receiving them; one from Pansy and one from Blaise. Blaise spoke about quidditch for the most part but there was a bit of the letter that caught Malfoy's attention.

My mother took me to a ball last week. There were so many witches and wizards, especially our age. She made me speak to one of her friend's sons. He was nice, fine as hell and we talked for ages. He told me about his interests, hobbies and his family. I had fun speaking to him. I would love to see him again. But he's half-blood. Usually, this would bother me a bit but I quite like him so I think I may be open to change. I don't even know if he likes boys. At least it'll be easy for me to get over him quicker. Perks of being bisexual, I guess.

How could anyone like someone so much that they would be willing to change who they were? Especially for a filthy traitor that is a half-blood. Malfoy had never been in love and he sure as hell didn't plan on ever falling in love, at least not real love.

He opened Pansy's letter. She talked about how her and her boyfriend, Theo Nott, had broken up for the umpteenth time, which he wasn't surprised at in the slightest, and how she couldn't wait to go back to school because she was sick to death of looking at the french countryside. Oh, how he wished he was in their manor in France. Instead he was housing a 69-year-old psychopath who was determined to kill his 15-year-old classmate.

Next, he unrolled the Daily Prophet to be met with the face of stupid speccy Potter. Malfoy rolled his eyes before reading.

POTTER ON TRIAL
Harry Potter, age 13, was tried in court on the 12th of August 1995 for breaking the decree of Underage Sorcery. He had earlier performed magic in the presence of a muggle causing him to be temporarily expelled from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The Wizengamot found him not guilty of all charges and he is set to return to Hogwarts this September to continue his studies.

Stupid Potter. Probably showing off to his friends. Who does he think he is? Stupid Prophet too. Potter was 15 not 13.

He then peeled away the crimson wax sealing his Hogwarts letter for this year. It was heavier than normal. He skipped over the first page explaining that the year starts on the first of September and went straight to the list of items he was required to have. Almost everything was the same but there were two new ones: The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 5, by Miranda Goshawk and Defensive Magical Theory, by Wilbert Slinkhard. However, this time there was a third letter. Draco pulled it from the envelope and read it.

Professor S. Snape has selected you to be one of two prefects for Slytherin house. You and Ms. Parkinson will be expected to complete these duties:

-Patrolling on a night to ensure there are no students out of bed after hours.
-Guide first year students to their dormitory on the first day as well as give directions to anyone who may need it.
-Supervising students during extra-curricular activities, Christmas and indoor break.
-Lead by example.
-Issue house points.
-Issue detentions.

These perks are not to be abused and should you abuse them, your badge will be taken from you. Your badge can be found in the envelope. The first meeting will be held on the Hogwarts Express in the prefect carriage after departing. Please be there.

Yours sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress

'Prefect?' he whispered to himself under his breath while smiling to himself.

He shook the envelope vigorously causing a silver and green badge to fall into his palm. There was a large letter 'P' overlaying the symbolic snake of Slytherin house. He stood staring at the jewel in his hand for a moment before there were three light knocks on his door.

'May I come in, my star?' a female voice spoke, much softer and kinder than his father's.

'You can.' Draco replied. The door opened and his mother stepped in closing the door behind her.

She looked at his hands and saw the letter, 'Ah, I thought I saw your letter arrive.' she then noticed the twinkle in his other hand. 'What's that, love?'

He handed it to her grinning, 'I'm a prefect.'

She gasped, 'Well done! I knew you would get it! Now you need to focus on becoming head boy.'

'I know.' Draco had always wanted to be Head Boy. It would give him power, authority and also look good on a resume.

'Do you need any new books?'

'Two.' He handed her the list.

'I'm stopping by Diagon Alley later so I will get them then.'

'Can I come?' He loved shopping.

'I'm sorry, it's... a business matter. You can't.'

'Oh, Okay.'

'Breakfast is ready if you want to go down and get some food.'

'Okay, thanks Maman.'

And with that she left.

Before he went down, he wanted to write back to his friends. Malfoy picked up some parchment and his quill and began to write back to Pansy and Blaise. He complained about the weather and how unbearably hot it was and he complained about how Potter thought he was so much better than everyone else. In Pansy's letter, he discussed being a prefect now. He sealed them, sent them off and went down for breakfast.

September 1st rolled around swiftly. Malfoy had never been more excited to get back to Hogwarts; he wouldn't be living with Voldemort for a while and there was a lovely fresh batch of first years for him to pick on. He had managed to avoid any full encounters with the Dark Lord but he had seen him gliding around corners which in itself ignited a spark of anxiety within him. Sometimes the spark became a flame which would cause him to have episodes of panic. He didn't know what they were. He just felt like he couldn't breathe and it was like he was reliving his worst memories every time.

With his new prefect status, he could give Potter so many detentions. This year was going to be brilliant.

It was a Friday which meant that his mother and father were unavailable so he took himself to the platform via floo network. He had his trunk, which was enchanted to have an extremely large capacity, himself and nothing else. He expected his owl to make its own way to Hogwarts as it usually did.

'Draco!' A voice called from the train. He turned to see who it was, 'Hurry up!' Pansy said as she slipped back into the carriage, closing the window again.

He followed her word and got onto the train where he sat and waited to set off. While he waited he stared out of the train window looking at all the students to decide who his targets would be this year. Oh, Colin, you make yourself too easy of a target…

While he was sitting waiting, he noticed Potter arriving alongside Granger, the Weasleys, a lot of adults and a large black dog. A dog he recognised to be Sirius Black from what he had seen in third year (after Granger punched him he went to find another spot to watch the bird's execution) and what his father had told him. Make a jab about that later he put in his mental notes. He would never expose Sirius. He worked for the Dark Lord. But wait what was he doing with Potter and the Weasley's then?

Once the train set off, he and Pansy left the Snake Pit and headed to the Prefect carriage where they would receive instructions as to what to do. He was excited to see who the other prefects were. No doubt, Gryffindor would be that mudblood Granger and Scarhead Potter. He didn't know who the other houses would be.

When they arrived in the compartment, he was not surprised at all to see the poof of Granger's hair but he was surprised to see the electric orange hair of Ron Weasley. Pansy clearly was too as she turned to him with a confused look, nodding her head to Weasleby. He shrugged and they continued onward, finding a seat.

'Malfoy?' Weasley asked, surprised.

'Alright, Weasleby? How'd you manage to sneak in here then?'

'In case you didn't notice, he's a prefect.' Granger said in her usual know-it-all tone.

Malfoy rolled his eyes, 'Thought Potter would've got it, that's all. The teachers practically worship the ground he walks on.'

'Well, Ron got it. Now, if you don't mind being quiet, the meeting is about to start.'

Head Boy and Head Girl gave them a run down on what they were to do and what could get their badge taken from them. Once the meeting was concluded, they were instructed to walk the corridors every now and then.

Draco and Pansy headed to fetch Blaise to accompany them on their stroll.

'I wonder which compartment that scar-headed git is in. I would love to issue my first punishment.'

Pansy and Blaise whispered something behind him but he was far too focused on finding Potter to care. He finally found him in a compartment with Weasley, Granger, Weaslette, Longbottom, and Loony Lovegood. He drew back the door with a smirk.

'What?' Potter bit.

'Manners, Potter, or I'll have to give you detention.' He was really enjoying this, 'You see I, unlike you, have been made a prefect, which means that I, unlike you, have the power to hand out punishments.'

'Yeah but you, unlike me, are a git, so get out and leave us alone.' Potter retorted. The others in the compartment laughed.

Malfoy sneered, 'Tell me, how does it feel being second-best to Weasley, Potter?'

'Shut up, Malfoy.' Hermione answered coldly and sharply.

If there was a Gryffindork Draco was scared of, it was Hermione. He did not want her punching him again and so backed down. 'I seem to have touched a nerve. Well, just watch yourself, Potter, because I'll be dogging your footsteps in case you step out of line.'

'Get out!' Hermione yelled, slamming the door on a smug looking Malfoy.

He continued walking. This would count as his patrol. After walking the length of the train, they returned to the Snake Pit and sat talking until they reached Hogwarts.

The train slowed to a halt as it reached the platform. The three of them grabbed their carry-ons and exited the train. Pansy and Draco exited first as prefects supervised everyone making their way up to the castle.

In the crowd, Draco spotted a nervous looking first year. He turned to Pansy, 'He's definitely going to be a hufflepuff. Oi! You! Freckles!' The wide-eyed, freckled, brunet boy turned to him, 'Purity?'

'M-M-Muggle-born.' he stuttered.

'Ha! Another mudblood! God, this place has gone to filth.'

The boy cowered as a hand was put on his shoulder.

'Go over that way, follow the lantern.' Granger said, pointing to Professor Grubbly-Plank who seemed to have resumed her old position. The boy ran off. 'Honestly, Malfoy, they haven't even been sorted yet! You read the letter: You can't abuse your powers!'

'Relax, Granger. I was just having some fun.'

'I'll report you for this.' she flicked her hair and disappeared into the crowd.

Malfoy sat in one of the many carriages taking students up to Hogwarts alongside Blaise and Pansy. They moved closer and closer to the castle as the carriage pulled itself along, Malfoy plotting all the ways he could punish Potter as they moved.

'Did Draco Malfoy really get that boring over the summer that he finds the dirt interesting?' Pansy said with a smirk. He turned to her and glared. 'Ok! Ok! Jeez!'

'I'm not looking at the dirt. I would never stoop that low for anything.' he retorted, 'I'm thinking.'

'Bet he would stoop that low for Potter.' Pansy said suggestively, nudging Blaise who let out a soft chuckle.

'For the last time, I don't like Potter! I'm as straight as any person physically can be!'

They both laughed at him, 'I've never known someone to be so oblivious! Draco, you literally don't stop talking about him. Ever. And you have a shrine room for him.'

'It's not a shrine! It's... It's...'

'Ha! See! Even you can't think of anything else to call it!'

'Ok, fine! It's a shrine!' he said, crossing his arms and scoffing, 'I made it when I was seven! Mum told me all these amazing stories about him and I thought he sounded so cool! Not my fault he turned out to be a self-absorbed dick.'

'Then you're a match made in heaven.' Pansy teased.

Malfoy gave a sarcastic smile.

'Why haven't you taken it down? It's been like what- eight years?' Blaise questioned.

'I don't know. I just forget it's there.' That was a lie. Every wanted poster or newspaper he got even mentioning his name got added to it. Just out of habit, of course.

Pansy looked at him smiling slyly, 'I bet you, you and Potter will be together by the end of the year, no- term .'

Malfoy looked over at her, thinking. 'How much?'

'20 galleons.'

'Easy. Deal.' they shook the other's hand, 'You're gonna lose.'

'I'm not too sure about that.'

They gave a nod, satisfied with the bet, both parties thinking of the money they would have at the end of term, and finally left him alone. Blaise talked to Pansy and Malfoy about the boy his mother introduced him to. Malfoy didn't listen to any of it though. He didn't care about love. It was a waste of time. It didn't give a person power. It made a person weak and vulnerable.

They made their way up to the castle. Malfoy thought about the conversation the whole way up. He wasn't obsessed with Potter. He was a hideous, fame-absorbed, self-centered arsehole. He paraded around school, turned up to every single class late like it was okay because he's 'The Chosen One' and he bought the entire sweet trolley before he even got to school in first year leaving none for the Slytherins (something Malfoy still held a grudge about, whether Potter was aware of it or not).

When they finally arrived at the castle, they made their way into the Great Hall for the stupid start of the year assembly. He only cared about it in first year because that was when you got sorted into your house, and even then he already knew what house he would be in. Still he took his seat next to Pansy, facing Blaise. There was a woman Malfoy did not recognise at the staff table, probably the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.

The first year students got sorted into their houses, which took a grueling amount of time, and Dumbledore took his place at the podium. The kid Malfoy tormented was called Euan Abercrombie and he was put in Gryffindor.

'Good evening, children. I am very pleased to welcome all of you to or back to Hogwarts. Now, we have two changes in staffing this year. We're pleased to welcome back Professor Grubbly-Plank who'll be resuming her post as the Care of Magical Creatures teacher. We also wish to welcome our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher... Professor Dolores Umbridge.' The woman stood, showing her unbearably pink outfit. Potter muttered something to his friends. Probably thinks he's too important to listen too. 'I'm sure you'll all join me in wishing the professor good luck. Now, as usual, our caretaker, Mr. Filch, has asked me to remind you-'

A shrill voice interrupted him causing a few students to gasp and others to exchange looks: nobody had ever interrupted one of Dumbledore's speeches. 'Thank you, headmaster, for those kind words of welcome. And how lovely to see all your bright... happy faces smiling up at me. I'm sure we're all going to be very good friends.'

'That's likely.' Malfoy whispered to Pansy.

'The Ministry of Magic has always considered... the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance. Although each headmaster has brought something new to this historic school, progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged. Let us preserve what must be preserved, perfect what can be perfected and prune practices that ought to be prohibited.'

'Thank you, Professor Umbridge. That really was... most illuminating.' Dumbledore said with a tone of annoyance and sarcasm.

'The hell does that mean?' Malfoy questioned.

'I don't know, do I?' Blaise retorted. 'The man's always been a bit too philosophical to understand.'

Dumbledore finished his speech and the feast began. It was so nice for Draco to be able to eat without the worry that he was in the wrong place or that he was eating too much or too little. Voldemort wasn't here and neither was his Father. He was free. For a short while anyways.

'So,' Blaise began, 'When are you gonna start going after Potter? I want to see who wins the bet, not that I don't already know.'

'Oh my god, when are you two going to drop that. I don't like Potter! I'm straight and he probably is too!'

'I don't think he is, you know.'

'And how can you be so sure?'

'The Triwizard. He would not stop staring at Diggory.'

'So? He might have just looked up to him.'

'Draco, hun,' Pansy said as she picked up both his hands and held them, 'I think you could be classed as legally blind at this point. You both are very clearly not straight.'

'I think I would know if I was gay.'

'Draco, you've never liked anyone else but him. You are very obviously gay.'

'How would you know? And I don't like him! Have you seen the state of him!' Pansy and Blaise looked across to the Gryffindor table at Potter. At that very moment, he looked up in their direction. Harry's face became flushed as he turned his head back towards his food. 'I didn't mean to actually look at him!' Draco screamed, definitely at a volume that Potter heard, and they turned back to be met with a beet-red Malfoy.

'God, he's blushing now.'

'And you say you're straight.' They both chuckled.

Draco scoffed and continued eating, trying to ignore the fact that his face was burning.

When it hit 10pm everyone was dismissed and sent to their common rooms. Malfoy made sure to leave before them and line up the first years because he did not want any more confrontation. On his way out, he ran into Colin Creevey.

'Aguamenti.' Malfoy whispered, sending water crashing down onto Colin. 'Ha! Sorry, just trying to clean your filthy blood.' Malfoy whispered to him as he 'accidentally' shoulder barged him and brushed off any water that transferred onto his robes. He made it to the dungeons, showed the first years (who would not stop oo-ing and ah-ing) where to go and entered his room.

It was exactly how he left it at the end of last term. Pictures were still scattered in frames along the walls and on the top of surfaces, his copious tubs of hair gel filled a drawer, his bed was neatly made with his baby blanket on the end of it and the book he was reading was still left under his pillow. This place was warm, welcoming, and familiar. It was not like the Manor which was cold, dark, daunting. That was his house. Hogwarts was his home. He was home.

'Welcome home, Draco.' he said softly with a smile.

Notes:

20 galleons is roughly £100/$127