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Buck can't be mad, is the thing.
He can't be mad at Eddie. Does he find it a little dumb? Maybe. Does he think it's a bit impulsive? Definitely.
But, he can't be mad. Buck isn't mad. Not at Eddie, certainly not at Chris.
Maddie though, well, Maddie is mad at Eddie. Very loudly mad at Eddie, even.
Buck doesn't call his sister out on that particular batch of hypocrisy.
And that's part of it, really.
Because Buck isn't mad. He never really has been.
Buck wasn't mad at his sister, wasn't mad at Abby, or Allie, or Taylor, or Maddie again, or-or-or---
Buck isn't mad at Eddie and he's certainly not mad at Chris.
But, maybe he's a little mad.
No, Maddie, not at Eddie. But maybe a little bit at Buck.
Maybe, Buck can admit to being a little bit mad at himself.
He's, maybe, a little bit mad at himself for believing. For not knowing, or forgetting, maybe.
He's certainly a bit mad at himself for forgetting.
Because he did forget. He forgot, well, a lot of things actually.
Buck forgot that people leave. He forgot that he was the backup, the understudy.
He forgot, or maybe he just let Eddie convince him.
More recently, though, he forgot that Eddie's house isn't Eddie's house anymore. It's just... a house. Just a house.
He's got three orders of Thai in the passenger seat of the Jeep and he forgot. Pulled into the driveway behind the wrong truck, he was out of the vehicle before he even noticed anything was off.
The bag of takeout food dangling from his fingertips, he stands in someone else's driveway. Vaguely, he wonders if they're watching out of the kitchen window, peaking to see who's there, like he and Chris always did.
He pulls his phone from his pocket, checks his messages like he's gotten something wrong. Something is wrong.
The messages stay the same.
Eddie Diass
I'm here til 8
if were lucky
which ...
so. no
(read: today, 5:48pm)
(today, 7:42)
Thai or burgers?
oo burgers probably
Chris disagrees
ugh
"Cope" - Christopher
Ahahahahhah
The boss has spoken. Thai it is
(today, 7:48)
That was thirty minutes ago.
It takes him until his screen goes black again to remove himself from the strangers drive way.
He's at the last red light before he turns into his loft's parking lot when the screen lights up again.
Buck opens the message from his best friend to see a picture, a selfie of Eddie and Chris, both smiling bright at the camera around mouthfuls of spaghetti noodles.
Eddie Diass
The boss has spoken. Thai it is
(png.http.picture)
Changed our minds!
The phone falls and settles against the boxes of cold food in the passenger seat. Buck just keeps driving.
"Oh hey!" a kid, the third call of the shift. "You're Chris' dad, right?"
"No,"
In the bunk room, Buck plugs his phone in to charge. He sends Christopher $50 to spend in the game he'd told Buck about, that Buck had already bought for himself, to play with Chris. Then, he moves to his messages, to stare at the chat with his best friend and the 'Delivered' string of messages he'd sent.
A text message banner notification slides down to obscure the picture of Chris and Eddie he'd been responding to over a week ago now. And then another one.
| Christopher
BUCK!!!!
| Christopher
Thk u love u
Buck
I love you too Chris❤️
The thing is, Buck doesn't know where he ends and Eddie begins.
He's not the only one.
Four months later, twelve hours into an Eddie-less forty-eight off, he's wedged between Ravi and Chimney. He's not sure if it was Maddie or Hen that ordered todays brand of babysitting, a year to the day that Eddie left.
Buck's staring at the bottles of beer on the table, two empty, one half full. Ravi's finishing off his second, Buck is still holding his lukewarm, 3/4 full bottle.
All he can think about is how proud of himself Chimney had looked, slamming the case of alcohol down on the table. Proud, because he'd remembered and bought Buck's favorite brand.
Except that it wasn't. He still had half a case in his refrigerator, but he couldn't manage to get more than a few mouthfuls down.
Because it wasn't his favorite beer. It was the one he always had, the one he bought the most.
He'd liked it enough, when it came with a bright grin, a soft smile or a relieved sigh.
Now, Buck thinks he might choke on something not quite liquid if he chances another sip.
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Christopher
(image.location.graduation)
Christopher
Congratulations Superman
Christopher
(pin. location)
Grandmas house
if you wanna
Eddie, Christopher, Kimmy
Christopher: Thai or burgers?
Kimmy: Thai, but can we do Chinese actually
Eddie: Neither, Buck's cooking
Kimmy: Yesssssss
Christopher: Cleared my skin, watered my crops, life is good