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“And worse, there is a crack in everything that you can put together : physical objects, mental objects, constructions of any kind. But that’s where the light gets in, and that’s where the resurrection is and that’s where the return, that’s where the repentance is. It is with the confrontation, with the brokenness of things.”
The first three days after the attack Law refused believing it was happening. That morning, though, he had awoken feeble, all his extremities aching, covered in cold sweat. He didn't need to have his devil fruit to recognize the symptoms.
“Those fucking bastards knew what they were doing” he said out loud. To no one in particular.
When he exited the bathroom, after localizing the first white spot on his left leg—in the same place it had appear the first time—he knew exactly what his plan would be.
He knew exactly what he was doing when he called the Strawhats.
It was a matter of preference. It was better to die on a ship that wasn’t yours. Ensuring that his crew would use his secrecy to survive. It was a practical choice, nothing more than that.
While he was waiting for the Thousand Sunny to go backwards on the route, enough to pick him up—they always were on the advance in front of the Polar Tang on their route towards Wano—.
He crossed with some of the Hearts on his way out. He had recognized the face Shachi and Penguin made at him, twin expressions that said a mixture of “again?” and “are you going there without us again?”
Law made the wise decision of not to look at Bepo’s face. He knew Bepo was devastated. So much for trying to stay alive until they got to Wano.
Once the Polar Tang emerged, Law waited until the Thousand Sunny appeared besides it, he asked the plank to be lowered so he could climb up, which made Franky the Cyborg to open his eyes disproportionally. The first indication that something was wrong, since he always shambled himself to move in between ships.
Once he got to the deck he said to the Navigator:
“Go, put leagues in between my ship and yours”
“Why?” asked the navigator, suspicion already making her raise a brow.
“Please” Law hated the word. The mere form of it in his tongue felt a conglomerate of twisted loops to darkness. But he needed her to understand.
“Very well, but you owe us an explanation” she narrowed down her brown eyes at him until they became thin slits.
“Deal” he mumbled.
While he watched the Thousands Sunny gained vantage on the Polar Tang, he remembered what Bepo said once he realized what the attacker had provoked on him.
'We have always survived' had said the mink. It was probably the most cited words Law got from Bepo aside from his anxious tick of saying 'sorry'.
Law had been made of survival. In a way he was sort of the epitome of survival. He was the only one who had survived what happened to Flevance. But survival was a game of next occasions. There was always the next crisis to survive.
Law followed the rest of the Strawhats to the kitchen, where they usually held their improvised attempts at organizing the life on the ship. Once there is when he saw him come through the door that connected the rooms to the room where they were gathered.
“Torao!”
When he saw Luffy-ya’s smile Law's whole facade fell, he slumped against the nearest chair, he took out his spotted hat, one hand already on his forehead bristling at his hair.
“We were being tracked by a high frequency sonar. They attacked the Polar Tang when we were about to drop the anchor to refuel the Polar Tang. Most of the Hearts didn't see it coming, I had to fight mostly by myself since we were attacked by devil fruit users. It was a studied strategy to destabilize our alliance by killing me.” Law steels himself and gazes at the Strawhats "One of them was lucky enough that one of his attacks landed on me"
"And?" urged the swordsman.
Law’s hands were trembling, he was already feverish again despite the pills he took before exiting the Tang.
“To sum up, they attacked us three days ago, one of them had a devil’s fruit that can effectively make disappear another devil fruit from your organism”
“How do you know it for sure?” inquired Nico Robin.
“Because I caught the bastard and I opened him like a frog, he croaked everything before I dismembered him” the thought of Law doing so without his devil's fruit sombered the Strawhat's expressions.
“Wouldn't the effect have been annulled, then?” asked the navigator.
“Modified devil’s fruit. I don’t know how long its effects are going to last.”
Law let the words sink in before delivering the worst of the situation.
“My devil fruit is part of me in a way that it is what keeps me alive. Since it is what prevents the Amber Lead to return from my DNA's composition. That attack was not some mere Seastone, which can debilitate me severely but can’t make my devil fruit completely disappear. Whatever power that Government agent had it was capable erasing my devil's fruit. " Law inhaled slowly, gathering himself before revealing the next bit of information to all of the components of his alliance “Without my devil's fruit I will last a week at most, being optimistic” Tony-ya gasped, his little round eyes becoming moist almost at the second.
“No.” deadpanned Luffy-ya, his eyes darken by determination “That won’t happen Torao”
“Please, Luffy-ya…” it was exactly the kind of denial he feared he would face.
"No. Torao won't die." he repeated, staring right into Law's eyes with a deadpan expression.
Law sighed. He couldn't quite inhale as profoundly as he used to. Something inside his chest was bothering him. The Amber Lead was probably already making his way to his lungs.
“Can I at least be left alone for ten minutes?” he was aware of how absolutely distraught and feeble he sounded.
Luffy-ya’s lower lip wobbled, he frowned but he ultimately decided against adding anything else, he got gently prodded towards the exit by Nico Robin-ya.
Everyone scattered. The door was closed shut, but one person remained.
“So you have come here to die” it wasn’t a question. Apparently, Roronoa Zoro never asked questions.
How could answer Law if not with a mirrored bluntness?
“Better here than let my crew see it”
The swordsman grunted in acknowledgment and left.
Law was given the Captain's quarters again as his own personal cabin. He had departed from the Polar Tang with a couple of books to make his miserable last days perhaps a pinch less horrible—he absolutely doubted it but what else could he do?
He might have failed to show to dinner because at an indeterminate time after the sun had set someone knocked at his door.
The door opened showing the figure of Black-leg-ya. The cook had his cheeks flushed in anger, his swirl of a brow, twitching. There he was, the opposite of his partner, Roronoa Zoro. A man who wore his heart on his sleeve.
“Do you realize how much this is affecting Luffy?” demanded to know the cook, crossing the room in two fluid steps to get besides of Law's bed. Following, he deposited the tray he had been holding on one hand on top of Law's bedside table. The dinner consisted on a scrumptious looking soup and a fruit salad.
Law imagined that it must not be pretty to see a man dying in your ship, and the first time it happened it was always the most shocking. Strawhat had always been too kind of heart, straightforward, open and easygoing. He felt sorry for it, so he said as much.
“I’m sorry. If I had any other option I would have taken it.”
“You are going to live” the cook had his arms on his hips. It sounded like a threat. “You are going to hang onto life until you get your powers back”
“Sure” shrugged Law, his tone overly sarcastic.
“Eat my food, you bastard” scolded the cook, finishing the current conversation.
Fever came back with a vengeance on the second day aboard the Thousand Sunny.
Everything Law had done since he was thirteen, still frail, sick, sticking so barely to live that he didn’t see more than a ghost, an imitation of a human on the mirror everyday–had been for the Plan. Now, of course the Plan could go on without himself, he had always contemplated the very real possibility that he would not survive Dressrosa. Here he was, still prisoner of borrowed time. But, this time he had wanted…
There is a rumor of laughter somewhere in his memories.
Luffy-ya, supplies his feverish mind. His smile against the sunrise surrounded by sunflowers. Honey-bright, so simply himself. He had wanted…
Such a foolish idea. To want. He should have known better. It is always the same, right? If the luck of D truly existed, his was shitty at best.
“Scheiße. My plan…goddammit.Scheiße,verdammt ” he cursed. Law felt like crying, he had been for years, more than a decade, working on it. It had been the only light during the worst of the moments where he doubted everything, including his own sanity.
Fever was literally frying his brain, to the point his vision blurred. He could feel his muscles having spasms, because of it. During the worst of the first time he experienced Amber Lead he was so sore after his fits of high fever he could hardly move. Needless to say he couldn’t neither eat nor bathe himself, Cora-san had done those things for him as if he was nothing but a helpless newborn. At that point he was completely drenched in cold sweat.
The door creaked.
Someone appeared.
“Please” he pleaded to Nico Robin. Since he was short of breath he instead signed with his hands hoping the archeologist knew sign language. He needed to take a bath to lower the fever but he could not move.
“Shhhh” said she, and many arms flourished from the bed and gently grabbed his trembling body. His vision tumbled and blurred until everything was black.
Next time Law regained consciousness his back was lying against the rim of the bathtub, seated inside, secured by what seemed to be a contraption part of the furniture. Law guessed that the structure, similar to a chair but with many handrails to secure any Devil’s fruit user to the bathtub without drowning.
Nico Robin was gently pouring lukewarm water over Law's body.
“You are good at taking care of people” murmured Law.
“I wasn’t always” answered Nico Robin.
Since they were alone and Law felt something similar to kinship towards Robin he felt she was the right person to speak to in this case.
“Please, if I died don’t let…”
“Your people, your plan I know. Luffy wouldn’t let them alone, you know that, right?”
The next day Law was already confined to bed. The sun had risen in the horizon and Law found he didn't have enough strength to fight the pains that traversed his whole body.
He was brought a light breakfast, by Black-leg-ya. Then, after breakfast Luffy-ya came in together with Roronoa-ya.
Luffy-ya babbled about birds, bugs and some adventure he had once with his brothers. Law nodded all the way in, grateful to have something that helped him take his head off his own ruminations.
"Torao we can have an outing together once you get better!" finished Luffy-ya. Law tried to smile but he was only able to produce something similar to a grimace.
"I'm tired, Luffy-ya" he excused himself out of the conversation.
At least Luffy-ya seemed to understand the situation and merrily waltzed out of the room. Only the swordsman remained.
“Luffy is not going to let you die that easily” retorted Roronoa-ya.
Law directed an dispassionate glance at the Strawhat's first mate. He knew Luffy-ya didn't want to give up, when had did want to? He fought to the point of almost dying trying to save his brother. It was one of the things he liked the most about him. But it was not the right time to think about his stupid feelings for him. Because it was hopeless, it was for nothing.
It was ill-advised to think about the way they defended each other fiercely throughout the fight on Dressrosa. The way Law had saved Luffy's life and Luffy had saved his. The way they had never stopped sharing a bed since they departed Dressrosa, the way they had invented any ridiculous excuse to stop on islands in their long way to Wano to share a bed each night as much as possible.
“Are all of the men born in the north so fucking difficult or is it just you and the cook?” prompted Roronoa-ya, snapping him out of his musings.
Law let out a dry cackle.
“Well, the North Blue is a difficult place to live. The winters are hard and the summers are short.” he made a little pause, then added “Way too short. Light is a rare thing in the North. We’ve had been profited by the World Government and then left to suffer consecutive dictatorships so yes, you won’t survive unscathed as a general rule…but” something crept to Law’s throat, he often forgot how terrible Amber Lead was and how much it obstructed your respiratory system. He began coughing, his entire body shook with the virulence of it.
The swordsman waited until his coughing fit stopped.
“You’ve got a difficult one for sure” added Law, feeling his throat raw “I do not know of no one who didn’t spit at the mention of Germa. Blackleg-ya got to experience their cruelty in first person”
“And now you are going to break Luffy’s heart” flatly remarked the swordsman.
Law half smiled.
“I do not think Luffy-ya’s heart can be broken that easily and least by someone like me”
“Self-deprecation must be a Northern tradition, uh?” Roronoa-ya arched an eyebrow.
“More like a professional sport” Law wanted to let out a dry sarcastic cackle but he didn’t have enough strength to do so.
“Tché, I’ll gave you the gold medal if it wasn’t going to be so fucking miserable to do so”
Law burrowed more into his thick blankets but said nothing, at least he had won something in his life. Even if only metaphorically.
Next day Law’s symptoms got worse, and the little doctor’s fretting figure was already ever present in his room.
His mind was going off rails almost continuously now. He was aware that he had been spouting nonsense in Flevish and Northern for almost half of the day so far, in the mists of his fever instigated delirium.
His mind conjured images of white sheet snow that extended for miles. It was always white. That damn colour.
He remembered when they went up to the mountains that delimited Flevance. Law had been fascinated with the snow leopards that inhabited the mountains, one of the national animals of their country Law's father noticed it. So once they descended the trail, where there was a big shop of fur trade, since there were those who made their living creating pieces of wardrobe with the fur of the snow leopards they hunted on the mountains. His father obtained a couple of hats. They didn't sold them in children’s size and once he put one of them on Law’s head it almost engulfed his whole face. His father had laughed with delight and so had Law.
Law had been obsessed with the animal ever since then and his father rewarded him with something new snow leopard themed every time he got good grades in medical school –which was always–.
Many times, Law had asked himself what would have been his opinion on this or that when he applied new surgery techniques. He had always had to suppress the urge to turn to seek his father's approval each time he finished a difficult medical task. To hear a second opinion as when he was little and practiced on minor surgeries.
What a tragedy it was to have learn the joy of saving a life when he could not share it with his father. To tell him that he finally understood.
Cora-san had been a very different type of father, some may say he was more like a fretting mother. Too tender of heart. He smooched Law’s cheeks–despite his continuous protest– like a particularly overbearing auntie and insisted on calling him cute at the ripe age of thirteen. Though, to be fair, amber lead had stopped his growth making him extremely small for his age.
Each time looked at a mirror now that he was an adult, he had to deal with the fact that he looked like his father, except his chin and lips those are his mother’s clearly. His eyes are his mother’s as well. Although where his mother's eyes were always full of warm his are always filled with calculate coldness. He was a distorted portrait of the before of the fire. The sum of his parent's legacy.
There was a ghost as well, every time he looked at the mirror: The ghost of possibility. The proud child of the best doctors of Flevance, who had inherited their medical genius. A version of himself where Lami was alive, where he was working at a hospital. A ghost made of ashes, the shame of the lies of the World Government.
Night came.
And that night he had a dream of another ghost: The ghost of a dead child who never got to survive his parents or his sister. Someone who burned with the rest of them.
The winds whistled dark thoughts:
I should have died with you Cora-san. I should have not survived Flevance in the first place if I hadn’t you’ll still be alive. It is my fault.
He awoke when the rattling at the porthole turned almost violent.
A storm was ravaging outside, making the ship go from side to side as if it was a mere empty walnut shell left to the mercy of the waves. Law could hear frantic footsteps.
The Strawhats were distracted trying to secure the sails, others trying to secure doors so the water didn’t get inside any of the cabins. Even almost delirious with fever, Law was able to spot an opportunity when he saw one.
He only had to make a run for it.
His joints cracked and protested, his entire body in acute blinding pain. He ignored it.
There was a distant voice in the background, screaming.
“TORAO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
He felt the coldness of the rail against his palms, he was already drenched to the bone. He inhaled one last time.
He was almost there, the water was so close, he closed his eyes.
Closer to go back to his family.
Cora-san
He bended his arm over the rail hopping as quick as the tremors of his extremities allowed him to, he was half off the ship when the distant voice screamed directly over his head.
Next thing he knew, he was brutally thrown against the deck floor, vehemently pressed against it, someone using their entire body to secure his movements.
“Let me go!” Law trashed forcibly though the spike of adrenaline was already fading due to the cold.
“NO!” screamed Luffy, his arms getting under his armpits, curling his limbs around him to stop his frantic movements.
“Let me go to him!” pleaded Law, his voice sounded broken, hoarse, desperate.
“Torao stop!!!” the other screamed, his voice wavering with panic.
“Cora san! Please I need to get to him, please let me go!!!”
He can feel his chest going up and down, he stops talking because he feels like suffocating. There is something warm and wet going down his chest. It was his only chance, his only…
“Help Luffy with him! Chopper I don’t care, sedate him!” orders another voice, authoritarian.
“Cora-san, cora-san…” his voice broke, tears streaking freely down his cheeks.
Then, just darkness.
An hour had passed since the ‘incident’. It was still raining outside but the worst of the tempest had passed. The absence of light through the porthole portrayed a desolate image inside the kitchen.
There was a sepulchral silence inside around the table where several of the members of the crew were sitting down, covered in thick towels. Nobody dares to break the uneased calm, only some slurps from sipping the mugs of warm chocolate Sanji has prepared can be heard.
“I wonder who is ‘Cora-san’” murmured Usopp, breaking the silence with a hesitant question.
“His dad” Luffy deadpanned.
Everyone was surprised to hear Luffy finally talking since he had been in complete silence since Zoro had pried an unconscious Law from his arms to put him in a bed.
“He was Mingo’s brother. Mingo killed him” answered him flatly.
“That explains a lot” said Usopp at the same time that Nami said “How do you know that?”
“He told me” explained Luffy.
“Fuck” began Sanji, he took a long draw of his cigarette in contemplation “So that’s what he was hiding on our way to Dressrosa”
“We need to keep an eye on him at all times” determined Zoro. Everyone agreed.
It was dark and moist. Probably his fever had been effectively dehydrating him since he fell asleep hours ago. Law had had a dream or rather, possibly, a nightmare. There had been a storm and he had gone outside. The sea was an inviting, cold, secure embrace that promised him the pain would finally disappear.
Then he realized that there was another heartbeat next to his weakened one. He felt the skin contact of another, he could recognize the smell. It was difficult not to when you had him over sweating, bleeding and on a memorable time–after Marineford–barfing, besides you.
He wanted to say something, which made him realize he was awake, it wasn’t necessary since he must have used his haki to know.
“Torao” his voice was unusually low, vibrating with a strange tone Law had only heard in him before. His skin broke in goosebumps remembering the name of a dead brother said in the same way.
“Torao” he repeated, his hand moved to touch Law’s jaw, turning it with unusual gentleness until he could face him without his neck suffering any strain in the gesture.
“I don’t want you to die”
Law’s throat became constricted, he tried to inhale slowly.
“That doesn’t depend on me, Luffy-ya” every word he emitted was an effort accompanied by acute hollowed pain reverberating through his chest.
There was a long exhalation. The smell of a mixture of humid cloth and food inundated his nostrils.
“Do you want to live, Torao?” then, Luffy’s face was against his, his cheek on his chin. There was a wetness that he didn’t identify until a tear went from chin to his neck rolling down.
The weight of the countless sacrifices he had to make, all the parts of himself that had to be cut open and discarded for the sake of making justice to the only person who loved him in the world. He couldn’t answer that question. He swallowed.
“Luffy-ya…”
Luffy’s hand was grabbing at his shirt in a vicious but trembling grip.
“Please, please, would you try?”
He wanted to, for him. He truly wanted to.
“Yes” he breathed, there were tears rolling down his own cheeks now. He gathered the strength he didn’t have, weakly returning Luffy’s embrace.
Next day was unusually windy. Or as unusually windy it could be on the Grand Line where any abrupt change was to be expected.
The wind made the saltpeter of the sea stick to Luffy’s skin. He still smelt like Torao. It was a good smell but now it made him sad.
“Luffy…” Nami’s palm was on his forehead, a gesture she only made when she was truly worried about him.
“I’m fine” he forced himself to answer. Nami huffed.
“I hate that he always has to complicate things like this” Nami’s face was serious but her lips were turned upside down, the same way she did when Zoro worried her when he got hurt.
“Torao is Torao” Luffy knew that he would always make things even more complicated than they were. He had found it interesting, brilliant even, but sometimes it made him upset too.
Chopper joined them, he came to the end of the rail, holding one of his front hooves with the other, in a hesitant gesture.
“Luffy, he is not thinking clearly…One of the symptoms of advanced Amber lead syndrome is that it begins to affect all organs including the brain.” explained Chopper.
Luffy bit his lip, he was tapping his foot repeatedly against the kitchen floor.
“The pain…is so difficult to manage that it creates a decrease of serotonin and if someone has been depressed before…you are more susceptible to emotional dysregulation and flashbacks”
“Sanji is making your favorites!” exclaimed Usopp, from up one of the sails he was reparing after the damage the storm had caused, clearly trying to cheer him up.
“I’m not hungry” said Luffy.
All the present Strawhats let out an audible gasp.
“He says he is not hungry” Sanji was clearly panicking, pacing around the kitchen in hysterics, with two lit cigarettes in his lips as if he had forgotten he had previously put one there and added another. The Strawhats were holding an improvised reunion seated arounf the table as they always did in this type of situations.
So far, Luffy had rejected breakfast and dinner.
“Shit” said Franky, lowering his sunglasses.
“He could be on the brink of an emotional breakdown” deduced Robin, with her habitual calm tone.
“Of course he is” Nami sighed “Yesterday Law almost succeeded throwing himself overboard to the freakin’ sea!” she exclaimed.
Luffy choose that precise moment to enter the room, on time to clearly listen to what Nami had practically screamed.
“Shit” muttered Nami, realization hitting, with hand over his mouth.
Luffy stood there, for a second without moving a single muscle. Luffy didn’t say anything, he just fell to his knees as if suddenly there was an unsupportable weight on his shoulders he couldn’t just bear anymore.
He looks at nothing, his gaze lost, his dark eyes unfocused, then something shatters in him, he lets out a whimper and begins crying earnestly.
Sanji moved instinctually, he holds Luffy against his chest while he bawls his eyes out. The cook is also discreetly crying to which Zoro answers holding both of them in between his arms.
Chopper comes in between them, his antlers under Luffy’s arm, his little eyes shut, letting his tears run their course though his shiny brown fur.
“Oh no!” cries Franky, he moves so Zoro is promptly engulfed in bigger robotic arms.
“I don’t want Torao to dieeeee!!!” Luffy finally screams in between broken hiccups.
“Luffy!!!” screams Chopper, imbuing his captain’s name in a sad but empathetic tone.
“I want him!!! I NEED HIM WITH MEEE!!” wailed Luffy, shaking so strongly that everyone was shaking with him.
Once Luffy has exhausted himself and stops crying, his eyes puffed and red, he looks tired but less tense than before bawling his eyes out.
Robin makes an arm appear and clean’s Luffy’s face with a tissue. Zoro proceeds to do the same with Chopper. Sanji pretends he hasn't been crying and discretely uses an embroidered handkerchief to blow his nose.
“I feel sick” mumbles Luffy “Like I want to puke and my heart is beating fast”
“That’s anxiety, most likely the remnants of a panic attack” explains Robin “Because you don’t like the situation”
“No, I don’t” confirms Luffy and a few stray tears fall down his cheeks.
“You want him?” interjects Zoro.
“Yes” declares Luffy without a thread of doubt.
Zoro nods.
“Then we’ll keep him alive somehow until he can heal himself”
So that hadn’t been a dream. Thought Law.
Damn. That had been sloppy. Law hated letting himself be driven by his emotions to the point of not even being able to carefully plan any action.
He remembered the feeling of Luffy-ya’s tears descending down his throat to his sternum, cold and desolate.
He absolutely regrets it.
So far no one else has come to his room but then the door opens and it shows Nami-ya.
Law was certain the navigator was going to kill him herself for what had happened the day prior and he wasn’t in the mood nor he had the strength to prevent it. He was very surprised when she just approached and took a seat on the chair situated left to his bedside table.
“You know when you said that name, ‘Cora-san’ it rang a bell.” she began apropos of nothing “My sister gave some of my mother’s things before we sailed to the Grand Line and fortunately I’ve been capable of getting a hold on them”
Law tilted his head, interested on where the conversation was going.
“Some of them were letters, from her time in the Marine. My sister and I, we always wondered why our mother remained single even though she was openly bisexual and still very good looking and young. My sister Nojiko once overheard some villagers gossiping and saying that she used to have a boyfriend in the Marines but he tragically died and once the news reached her she never recovered. Apparently they had plans to retire together in our village but he didn’t make it. This are the letters he wrote to her” Nami-ya handled him a letter.
It was Cora-san’s handwriting. Law could recognize it anywhere.
“How? Where?” he babbled, his voice weak, shocked and constricted.
Nami let out a contained sigh.
“So he is the same person. Was he with the Marines?”
“Yes” mumbled Law “He was planning on leaving then. He wanted to move out off the North Blue together with me…to have a quiet life but he never told me anything else”
“Law” she began putting her hand over one of his “My mom was dating Cora-san in secret he wanted to move with you, with us once he finished his last mission, that’s what the letters say”
“I can’t” he just said. He raised his eyes and saw tears on Nami’s.
“I can’t either. I can’t fucking believe if that son of a bitch wouldn’t have killed him we would have been siblings, a family”
“And…is she…?”
“Belle-a-mère was killed by a pirate, not so long after Cora-san was killed” Nami-ya said.
“Fuck” He wanted to say sorry, he wanted to say so many things but…
“Yeah…it was shitty as fuck.” Nami-ya let's out a sigh.
“I…” he knows it, he knows exactly what it is.
“I get it Law.” interrupted him, Nami “Losing your only parent can fuck you in so many ways, not so many people would get it.” The ‘but I do’ got implicit in his tone. “But please, can you do me the favor of living? If there is a chance that I can get another brother I’ll take it. Because the ones that I already have, they have made me more happy than anything in the world. Please, don’t waste the chance I know I don’t want to.”
“Nami-ya…I…” he closes his eyes it is too much to take in. Destiny has twisted itself to profoundly in Law's life that it is unfathomable.
“Don’t fucking say anything, I’m sleeping here tonight until I’m sure you are not a danger to yourself, is that clear?”
Law couldn’t do anything but nod.
“Also, Luffy has been going non-verbal at intervals today so don’t press him to talk”
“I wasn’t going to” Law knew perfectly well what was that like.
Nami-ya spent the next hours reading him the letters. Most of them were full of code for some dirty things in the case of Belle-mère letters to Cora-san. Cora-san's letters were in contrast sugary and full of detours that tried to take his mind out of the terrible time he was having being undercover in his brother's band of misfits. Nami laughed at those and finished declaring that Law could take a page out of his dad's book and be more cute.
When the night came Nami-ya went to the bathroom to return in her pajamas, then she lied besides Law and went out like a light.
Law remained awake in the dark thinking in circles about destiny and long lost possibilities when he heard the door open hesitantly.
There he was. The one that undoubtedly Law loved more than anything in the world.
Luffy-ya took of his hat leaving it on the bedside table before taking out his sandals. He laid on Law's other side. Law ended up sandwiched between Nami and Luffy.
“Luffy-ya” he breathed.
Luffy opened his eyes, he was focused, attentive, he put the tip of his fingers against Law’s heart and said nothing.
Law put his hand over his, slowly turning it until their palms met. Law wanted to say so many things, but he couldn't. For now he decided on at least saying one:
“Thank you for saving me”
The next day Law gets worse. Of course he does. Amber lead has no known cure, the only reason he survived it at all was because he had de Ope-ope no mi. And an inactive ope-ope no mi is as good as not having it. Law can't move, he can barely breathe. Even his vision is severely impaired.
Chopper’s eyes are open and sad while he takes Law's vitals. Luffy-ya is still on the room. He came during the night and never left. Once Chopper leaves to fetch some food and they are alone Law turns his head towards where Luffy is seated.
“Luffy-ya…”
Luffy-ya doesn’t abandon his side, seated on the chair next to Law's bed, he keeps one of his hands in between his.
It is the first time since two and a half years ago, when Law saved Luffy’s life, that he sees dark circles under Luffy-ya’s eyes.
Being in and out of consciousness He looks at the light on the portholes, several hours had passed, he knows for sure that Luffy has not left him for a second.
“Luffy-ya, it is past noon…you need to eat”
“No, I won’t” he asseverates.
Law is alarmed, he knows how much Luffy-ya needs to eat a day for his body to cope with what his devil's fruit consumes in energy.
“Damnit, bloody fucking hell” Law swears in Grand, so Luffy-ya can understand, even if it makes everything hurt even more “I’m not worth this, please go with your crewmates, eat, get some sleep”
He doesn’t want to argue with Luffy-ya, not when he knows this could be his last day.
“NO!” he shakes his head.
Law's breathing is unstable, he knows his time is running out.
“Listen to me…” he coughs and coughs, and coughs and there is blood on his lips “Please, you need…my plan…need to go to Wano, go to Wano with my crew, protect them…”
“I’m not going anywhere without you!” Luffy’s hands are taking his, grasping them with fervour.
“Be rational! For once! I’m not worth ditching this plan, it can go on without me, I have left specifications in case I don’t make it in the Polar Tang. Just drop my body to the water, go to Wano, end that bloody dictatorship and go on with the plan, Luffy-ya” Law’s entire body was trembling with the effort of speaking, he felt something obstructing his windpipe, something was seriously wrong with his body. His heart was beating furiously against his chest, and it hurt. It hurt. It hurt.
“We were supposed to be free together, Torao!! I already lost Ace! I can’t lose you too! I can’t lose anyone else!!” screams Luffy-ya, his big dark eyes already shining with unshed tears.
“Please, my life is not worth it, they have to pay for what they did to all of us…” Law impugns.
“Torao look at me, please”
Law obeys. He didn’t know if Luffy had used conqueror’s haki without meaning to or he was simply so tired and so fond of him that he didn’t wanted to argue anymore.
Then, his eyes met. Luffy-ya's dark eyes are barely holding back the tears, his mouth turned to a thin line. It was an expression of desperation, heartbreak. Law had caused it.
All his thoughts came to a halt.
“Luffy-ya…”
His coherence is going off rails. In his desperation, how long has he divagated between life and death even since he was ten? How much suffering has his body contained? He has been barely holding together since his parents died, even more so since Cora-san died. And for the distress he has held he had had so much less respite, calmness.
Luffy-ya’s forehead falls on his, and for a moment they breathe together. He truly doesn’t want his last words to be an argument.
He gets it now. He could understand why Cora-san did what he did. Why he could smile while knowing that he was facing his death. Why did he tell him that he loved him? Because he didn’t want to leave this world without knowing that Law knew how precious to him he was. How much knowing him had also changed him. How much it had informed every decision and sacrifice he was willing to make. Because he wanted Law to be certain that he loved him despite everything, or perhaps precisely because of everything that had led them to that point. It didn’t matter that what he felt for Luffy was a different type of love, because the most important thing of love is that when it was true it was unconditional, it could change the course of lifes, it could give them meaning.
Love was a meaning in itself, a point in itself. Love was never wasted. Never disappeared. Love didn’t distinguish between life or death. Love was the only thing that remained once bones, epitaphs and the people who recited them were long gone.
“You gave me my life back” Law breathed, weakly, the feeling was so intense it was choking him, it was so visceral he could feel it in his bones. “Luffy-ya” he called, Luffy hiccuped, his big dark eyes sparkling with tears, snoot drooling out of one his nostrils, and Law didn’t have enough strength left in him to reach Luffy’s face to caress his cheek. Instead he said:
“Luffy I love you”
I made it, Cora-san. I was able to love someone with my whole heart again.
“Torao!!”
Then, a blue circular light exploded around both of them.
There was a distinct knock on the second mate’s door before it opened, showing the figure of the Strawhats’ captain.
“Can I sleep with you guys or are you guys having sex?” asked Luffy, not daring to even stick his head through the door.
Two years ago, even before they got separated at Sabaody, Nami had berated him for almost an hour explaining to him that now that there were two ‘official’ couples on the ship he should ask before entering a room instead of imposing himself to cuddle people on the ship.
“Nah, it’s fine, you can sleep with us” answered Zoro, yawning “It’s been so depressing around here we haven’t been in the mood for it anyway”
“None of us are fans of sad sex here, but we do accept cuddles with our captain for the day” Sanji smiled.
The future pirate king threw his arms around his wings and slotted himself in between them.
He could have probably talked to Robin but she had been having trouble sleeping and Franky had asked him to find somewhere else to sleep. Brook was as cold as always, too hard to cuddle. Chopper was exhausted, already cuddling a very anxious Usopp so he chose Sanji and Zoro this time. (Nami was done with everthing and she wanted to be left alone for the night.)
He realized Zoro and Sanji were in silence as if waiting for him to say something.
“Torao told me that he loves me” Luffy blurted.
There was a quiet gasp from Sanji.
“I’m not surprised” declared Zoro.
“You aren’t?! Do you know something that I don’t, Marimo?”
“Well, cook, I had to witness him pretending that he wasn’t gazing adoringly at Luffy for the entirety of the travel in between Dressrosa and Zou”
“Do you think he wants to date you?” Sanji urged Luffy to answer.
“Dunno, he just told me he loved me and then his powers returned and then he was barfing and then he cut his chest open to get his insides out and…”
“Ugh stop” Sanji had his nose scrunched like when Zoro didn’t bathe for a week “So he just dropped the bomb, failed to clarify and went to fix himself, right? Is that what happened?”
Luffy nodded.
“Confirmed, all northerners are emotionally defective” smugly commented Zoro.
“Really, mosshead? Where did you learn those complicated words? ‘Defective’ he says, tche!”
“Guys we are talking about me!” complained Luffy.
“Yeah right, sorry Luffy” Sanji quickly agreed.
There was another short silence between them. Sanji decided to break it.
“So…this love declaration, how do you feel about it, Luffy?
“Uh…uh…” he fumbled with his hands then flapped them a little to match the fluttering he felt inside when he remembered it.
“Did you feel uncomfortable when he said that he loved you?” asked Zoro.
“Nuh, It felt nice” he felt something tightening in his chest and became free again, all of his body shivering as when he used too much haki. Even with blood in his mouth Torao looked so pretty. He felt goosebumps even now thinking of the tone in which he had said it.
“So do you know if you feel the same?” asked Zoro.
“How do I know? If it’s like what I feel for Sabo and all of you or…or, like Franky and Robin are?”
“It feels kind of different” explained Sanji “I mean you can feel platonic love and in addition romantic love, that’s what happens with me and Zoro, for example”
“Really? Both things? That 's cool.”
Zoro smiled at Sanji, his expression open and relaxed. Sanji met his eyes gazing at Zoro with fondness.
“It was difficult for me too, to know what I was feeling for the cook because he irritates me so much”
“Fuck you too” Sanji answered but his tone was clearly playful.
“But it’s different. It feels as if…every time you see something that makes them happy you could be happy just because of that.” finished Zoro.
“It’s as if you are possessed by something that controls you, your heart beats very fast and you need to be with them all the time” added Sanji.
“That’s what happens to me with Torao! I can’t think about anything else but him!”
Zoro and Sanji hummed at the same time.
“But I don’t know if it’s like you two, though…What if I don’t want to have sex?” Mused Luffy.
“Then don’t have it” quickly resolved Zoro.
“When I was in Kamabakka” began Sanji “The people there told me that there are many types of relationships, you know. It is possible to have a romantic relationship without sex. In fact I knew two people that were in a romantic relationship without, you know, the sex part. Lila and Cleo, and they were very happy together”
“Uh-uh” nodded Luffy. It made sense.
“Have you asked him what he meant by telling you he loves you? You can ask if he likes sex or not” said Zoro.
“Yeah, you should ask him” encouraged Sanji.
“I’ll do it! Thank you Zoro, thank you Sanji!”
“You are welcome, captain” smiled the swordsman.
“Now that that’s resolved, time to sleep!” finished Sanji throwing the blankets on top of the three of them.
Luffy was sandwiched between Zoro and Sanji, though he always preferred facing Sanji because he always smelled nice after showering before going to bed. When Luffy thought of Torao, he felt light, full of something golden and warm every time he thought of him. It had been a long time since he had felt that way about Torao and now he knew that Torao felt the same too. He closed his eyes with a smile on his lips and Torao's golden eyes on his mind.
Unfortunately for him, Law had survived once again. Now, he had to face the consequences of declaring his undying love to Strawhat in the most desperate dramatic cringe way possible. To say he felt like a fool was an understatement. The worst thing was that he had done it in the middle of the Plan, right in the fucking middle of the fucking Plan.
Fuck my entire life from Marie Jois to Laughtale.
The door opened, it was mid morning , so the cook left a bowl of soup on the table, his visible eye glaring directly at his soul. Therefore Law knew it: everyone knew about what had happened between him and Luffy-ya. Of course everybody knew it, the Strawhats didn’t know the meaning of keeping a goddamn secret or being stealth or have any modicum of privacy in between them.
“Do I have to expect an extended shovel talk of every single member of this crew?” Law commented feigning indifference in such an obvious way it was almost sad.
“That depends”
“Depends on what” sighed Law, already done with everything.
“Eat your food or else” menaced the cook before going away.
Perhaps, in retrospect, it would have been better to die of amber lead.
After he finished eating the door opened again.
Please if there is any gods listening, can I be left alone? Thought Law, despairingly.
“Now what are you going to ask of Luffy?” was the first thing that Nami-ya demanded to know.
“Excuse me?” choked Law.
“I’m sure you are aware the entire ship knows you told him that you love him”
Law opened his mouth to quick, inhaling air. He coughed. He felt his cheeks turning red, in the middle of the embarrassment the only good news was that his blush demonstrated that his blood circulation was rapidly improving. He should have imagined the inevitable, since the concept of discretion didn’t exist in the Strawhat’s crew.
“Are you asking me what my intentions are with Luffy-ya?”
“Well, what are your intentions?” both Nami-ya's imperious glaring and acid interrogatory tone were in consonance.
“None. I just wanted him to know in case I died. Dying without regrets it’s usually a classic in between dying individuals”
“You are an unsufferable smartass, you know?” she rolled her eyes. “Was it a romantic or a platonic declaration?”
“Yes” sighed Law, too tired to pretend to struggle to answer the question (Amber lead could do that to a person); he wanted Luffy-ya in any way he could have him.
“Well, shit, I almost pity you. But you have to know that if you hurt Luffy I’ll kill you, I don’t care how much of an almost-brother you potentially could be to me”
Law smiled.
“I would never expect anything less of a Strawhat”
Law wasn’t expecting Luffy to barge in his unofficial cabin and throw himself on top of Law as if he had always belonged there.
“Omph” exclaimed Torao, fortunately he was done eating so there was no cutlery in the way.
“Shishishi, Torao!” there was an adorable smile on his lips.
Well, thought Law, at least this was proof that his cringe pathetic declaration of love had not been completely ill received.
“Luffy-ya” he acknowledged.
“Are you feeling better?” asked Luffy, his smile getting even bigger. Law could feel himself blushing like a complete moron.
“Yes, I do”
And just when Law was beginning to gather his wits to address his aforementioned pathetic cringe loser declaration of love, Luffy spouted:
“Torao do you want to date me?”
He always forgets how absolutely blunt Luffy is. The least he can do is try to get out of the situation as graciously as he can.
“I did not want to pressure you into anything, Luffy-ya. I thought I was dying and I wanted you to know. I’m aware it is unprofessional to fall in love within a pirate political tactical alliance but…” he begins excusing himself.
“Shut up!” Luffy-ya raises his arms in what Law has come to know as his ‘don’t come with nonsense to me’ pose.
“...Okay?”
“Who cares about the rules, Torao! We are pirates, we can do whatever we want forever!!” exclaims Luffy, joyful as ever.
Law smirks. Of course Luffy-ya would say something like that, he thinks, this time he is done repressing his fondness.
“So that means that if we want to love each other we can do it” finishes Luffy with a calmer smile curving his lips, his dark eyes painted with happiness and perhaps something mushy and rather enamored. Law is so taken back by the image he is unable to articulate a single sound.
“Torao? Do you want me?” presses Luffy-ya, his tone is for once containing a sliver of insecurity that doesn’t suit him at all, Law needs to fix that immediately.
“Yes” he spouts, despite himself, despite knowing how uncharacteristically impulsive he sounds.
“Then that’s it, you have me” declares Luffy with finality.
“As easy as that?” Things had never come easy in Law's life.
“You are so silly, Torao, who cares about if it’s easy or difficult, we have each other, that’s all that matters”
“But!” adds Luffy-ya suddenly remembering something “I don’t want to have sex”
“Good, me neither” answered Law calmly, he had theorized that Luffy-ya was like him in that aspect just a little after Punk Hazard, this was just the confirmation.
“Really? You too?” Luffy smiled excitedly “I find it weird!”
“Yep” agreed Law “And unnecessary”
“Shishi” laughed Luffy “Do you like kisses, Torao?”
“I don’t know I have never kissed anyone” admitted Law.
“Me neither!” exclaimed Luffy.
“I guess we’ll have to figure it out along the way” Law can feel his face tighten at how much he is smiling.
“I do like holding your hand though, a lot” he says while scurrying his fingers to lace them with Law’s.
“Yeah, me too”
“Ufffff now I can finally cuddle with you without all the questions, right Torao?”
Law finds himself openly cackling at that.
“I guess so, Luffy-ya”
Next morning they exit the captain’s room together with their fingers interlaced and then enter the kitchen in the same fashion. After some wolf-whistles from Franky and Brook they sat down to take breakfast.
They spent entire day together. Luffy running around the ship as if possesed by an incommensurate joy but always coming back to where Law was seated, under the shadow of one of the sails, periodically to sit on his lap while Law gazed at him in a way that could only be described as besotted.
Next day, once Law was completely recovered, he had to make a hard, difficult call to the Polar Tang, to ask his crew to get him; giving them the coordinates of where the Sunny was anchored.
Law armored himself thinking about the vast amount of teasing he was going to be subjected to once he returned to his submarine.
But he didn't care anymore. Truth is, he could not imagine himself fucking the World Government with anyone but Luffy-ya. That thought made him smile.
The Polar Tang emerged, Law was already on the Thousand Sunny's deck, ready to shamble himself back to his own ship. Luffy-ya's arms engulf him in a sneaky embrace. Law carefully returns it.
“Thank you for saving my life” Law murmured close to Luffy's ear, his lips almost touching his cheek. He wished he could cast a silence like Cora-san used to do, so only him and Luffy would hear his words. He could feel Luffy’s skin breaking into goosebumps.
“You saved mine first, Torao” he answers earnestly, his hand comes to the junction of Law’s neck and his head, his fingers thread until they find Law’s nape, they stay there.
“Don’t forget that you have to live, Torao”
“I won’t” he smiled.
They disentangle, albeit very reluctantly. Law almost all of them are looking at them with found smiles, even the skeleton is giggling behind his skeletal hands.
“See you in Wano” waves Law.
“Bye, Torao!” Luffy-ya’s smile is blinding, his cheeks are still a little flushed, Law likes to think that it is thanks to him. What a wonderful thing that would be.
The sea stretched in between them and Law lingered before giving the order to prepare to submerge. His eyes did not leave Luffy’s figure becoming each mile smaller illuminated by the rising sun.
For a moment he felt as if he could touch the sky with his fingertips. His heart gave a sudden leap on his chest.
He felt as if he could ask a kiss from the sun and be granted it.