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Buck opens the door to find Eddie smiling at him, and immediately throws himself into his arms.
“Hey,” Eddie laughs. “Missed you too,” he says, hugging Buck tighter.
Buck buries his face into his neck and they stay there for a minute, before they make their way inside the house.
“Glad my house is still standing,” Eddie teases, looking around, like he's taking in all the (small) changes around.
Buck rolls his eyes. “Of course it is.”
They sit on the couch and chat for a while, until Buck realises they're sitting way closer than necessary. It would take a second for Eddie to turn his head and their faces would be an inch away from each other. The thought makes Buck's head spin, and then Eddie does look at him and he can feel his breath on his face. Buck’s eyes drop to Eddie's lips.
“Buck,” Eddie says, quietly, but doesn't add anything. There's no need to.
They lean even closer, their lips a breath away-
Buck sits up in bed, suddenly wide awake.
The dream is still vivid in his mind, together with the feeling of Eddie’s lips almost on his own, so close, but way too far. Still all the way to Texas, actually.
He takes his head in his hands and takes a deep breath.
“Fuck,” he whispers to himself.
—
Buck decides the dream was just a dream and it means nothing. It’s probably those two (two! Can you believe that?) conversations he’s had about Eddie. He’s not in love with his straight best friend, and one weird dream isn’t gonna change that.
A couple of weird dreams. Almost every night. Whatever.
“You good?” Eddie asks over the phone.
Buck is about to answer, when another yawn cuts him off. He nods until he can speak again. “Yeah. Just tired.”
“Did you get any sleep?”
“Not much.”
“Did you have a nightmare or something?”
He’s not about to have a third conversation, and especially not with Eddie himself. He swallows so hard he's slightly scared it can be heard through the call. “Or something…”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“No!” he says, way too fast to be casual. “No. It's fine. I can barely remember it.” He definitely hasn’t been thinking about those dreams over and over, and they’re absolutely not carved into his brain detail by detail.
“Alright.” Eddie doesn't sound too convinced, but thankfully decides not to push it. “I'm here if you need anything, you know?”
“Yeah, I know. It's fine, I promise.”
“Okay. Gotta go pick Chris up. I'll talk to you later.”
“Bye, have fun!”
Buck ends the call and hits his head on the table.
—
“Is that your kid?”
Eddie looks at the picture of him and Chris he has in the car and smiles. He glances at the woman sitting in the backseat. “Yeah, Christopher. He’s 14 now.”
“God, they grow up so fast. Mine turns 17 in two weeks, I swear he was born yesterday.”
Eddie laughs. “Tell me about it.” His phone suddenly rings, Buck’s name appearing on the screen. “Sorry, just one second,” he says, before picking up. “Hey, I’ll call you in a minute, I’m working.”
“Oh! Yeah, of course.”
“You can talk if you want!” The woman says. “I don’t mind.”
“I just wanted to ask how Chris’ friend's party went yesterday,” Buck says. “He texted me but I didn’t wanna push too hard for information. Just call me whenever, my shift is in a few hours.”
“It went well! I’ll call you back in a few minutes.”
“Okay, bye!” Then Buck adds, louder: “Have a nice day, ma’am!” And hangs up.
Eddie laughs, and so does the woman. “That’s my best friend,” Eddie explains.
“Oh! That’s nice.”
“Yeah, he’s in Los Angeles. I used to live there, I moved back here to be with my son a few weeks ago. It’s a long story.”
“That’s cool. How long have you lived in Los Angeles?”
“Seven years.”
“Wow. Can’t be easy moving again after that long.”
“It’s definitely harder than I thought it would be. Keeping in contact helps a lot.”
She nods. “You and your friend seem really close.”
“We are.” He can’t help but smile. “He’s been there for me and Chris since I first moved to California, I don’t know what I would have done without him. Hell, I don’t know what I’m gonna do here without him. He’s honestly my favourite person in the world, after my child.”
“No wife, then?”
“Ah, no. My ex wife, Christopher’s mom, she died a few years ago,” he explains, quickly. He doesn’t really wanna elaborate on his loss to a stranger, no matter how much he likes to chat with people on this job.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. My husband… he died not long after our son was born, so I get it,” she lets out a nervous laugh, clearly trying to ease the tension. Eddie smiles at her, which definitely helps. “I was lucky enough to find someone I really love. He’s been my rock all these years.”
“That’s great to hear. I’ve not been that lucky,” he laughs, and she joins, and the energy in the car is light again. “Maybe one day. Though, right now, I kind of only want to focus on fixing the relationship with my son.”
She nods. “You know, sometimes we look so hard for someone and then realise it was right there the whole time. My fiancé-” she holds her hand up to show a ring, smiling- “he was my friend for quite a while before we realised there couldn’t have been anyone else,” she shakes her head fondly. “We were a little dumb about it.”
Eddie laughs. “Yeah, it’s a bit difficult now, being back here. I don’t have many friends.”
She shrugs. “Maybe someone waiting in Los Angeles.”
Before he can ask her to elaborate they reach her destination.
“Thank you, Eddie,” she smiles at him, opening the door. “Good luck with everything.”
Eddie drives in silence for a few minutes before calling Buck.
—
Buck is sitting on the kitchen counter, halfway through a conversation with Eddie, who's leaning against the table, looking at him with a smile on his face.
After a minute, he steps forward, settling between Buck's legs, hands resting on his hips. “Have I ever told you you're so fucking adorable when you're rambling?”
Buck feels his face go warm, but doesn't look away. Instead, he leans forward, until their noses touch. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“And what are you gonna do about it?”
“I've got just the idea,” Eddie says, closing the distance between them, but before their lips can meet-
Buck rolls over in bed, groaning.
“Fuck,” he mutters into the pillow.
—
“Do you guys think dreams mean anything?”
Hen frowns. “Why are you asking?”
Buck shrugs, avoiding her gaze. “Not important. So?”
“It depends on the dream, I guess? If you're dreaming of being on a boat in a sea of chocolate pudding, it might not. But if you're dreaming about a specific situation in your life, then maybe your subconscious is trying to elaborate something…”
“A sea of pudding?” Chimney asks, amused.
Hen shrugs. “Denny has always had funny dreams.”
Chim seems satisfied with the answer and turns his attention back to Buck. “Why, Buck, what are you dreaming about?”
He really doesn’t want to bring the argument up again. He could just say nevermind, not important. But these dreams have been keeping him awake and he feels like he’s going slightly insane, so maybe getting a second opinion will help.
He sighs. “Eddie.”
Hen makes a face. “Okay, keep that to yourself, I don't wanna hear it.”
Buck rolls his eyes. “Not like that. Just kissing. Well, not even that, because every time, I wake up right before it happens.”
The room is silent for a second.
“What?” he asks.
Chimney shakes his head. “Jesus,” he says, under his breath.
“What?” Buck repeats.
“Well, Buck, what do you think it means?” Hen asks.
“I don't know?”
Hen just stares at him.
“Oh my god,” Buck rolls his eyes. Here we go again. “I am not in love with Eddie. How many times do I have to have this conversation?”
Hen raises her eyebrows. “How many times have you had it already?”
“Not the point. The point is, I keep dreaming about almost kissing my best friend and I would like to know why.”
Chimney is typing on his phone. Buck half expects him to be texting Maddie about it, until he speaks up. “Here it says that if you're dreaming of kissing someone, it could mean different things. Like that you want to be closer to them.”
“See?” he gestures towards him. “That would make more sense. He's in Texas and I miss my friend. What else does it say it could be?”
“Well, it could also mean…” Chimney scrolls down on his phone a little more. “Ah, yes.” He points at the screen. “That you want to kiss Eddie.”
Buck groans.
He's not in love with Eddie.
He can’t be.
—
“You’re saving my life,” the man says, getting into the car. “My car decided to break down, I was gonna be so late.”
“Just doing my job,” Eddie smiles. “Going somewhere important?”
“Yeah,” he says, a hint of red on his face. “I’ve got a date. First one.”
“That’s nice! Nervous?”
“A little. We’ve been friends for a while, so I’m a little scared it’s gonna be awkward, but I’m sure it’s gonna be worth it.”
Eddie nods. “Of course. Can’t go well if you don’t even try!”
“Exactly! That’s what I said. And all our friends already say we’ve been acting married the whole time anyway,” he laughs.
“Married? Before you’re even dating?” he jokes.
“Just, we’ve been taking care of each other and have supported each other for years and we’re always together, and our friends say we’ve been looking at each other a certain way,” he rolls his eyes. “They’ve been rooting for us the whole time.”
Eddie suddenly finds it a little difficult to breathe. “Oh, yeah? Did they tell you?”
“Not before, but when we said we were going out they all said it was about time. They even had a bet going on!”
Eddie laughs with him, a little strained, for some reason. “A whole bet?”
“Yeah! I guess everyone knew before us!”
“Must be weird.”
“A little. I’m kinda mad we didn’t realize sooner. But, hey, we can make up for lost time now!”
“Well, I hope it goes well.”
“I’m sure it will.” The guy shakes his head, fondly. “Honestly, I’m pretty sure I’m in love.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what I would do without him. He’s my favorite person in the world.”
Eddie goes quiet for a second. Which makes the guy visibly nervous for a minute, since he definitely doesn’t know he just quoted Eddie word for word, but only that it’s the first time he’s used a pronoun for his date.
“That’s nice!” Eddie hurries to say. “That’s great. I hope you’re happy!”
The guy laughs, slightly more comfortable. “It’s okay, I know some people are a little awkward about it, especially here.”
“No! No, no. That’s not- my best friend is bisexual. I’m not saying this in a ‘I have a gay friend’ way! But he’s also my favorite person in the world, so I definitely never had a problem with it. Not that I had a problem with queer people before he came out! It’s just-”
“Okay!” The guy holds his hands up. “I get it. Don’t worry.”
“Sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”
“It’s fine. He’s lucky to have a supportive friend,” he smiles.
Eddie nods. Yeah. A supportive friend. That’s what he is.
When they reach the destination, he wishes the man good luck on his date and sits in silence in his car for a moment. Again.
He starts the car again and calls Buck.
“I need a distraction,” Eddie says, barely giving Buck the time to pick up.
“Hello to you, too, Eddie,” Buck jokes, then must notice the look on Eddie’s face, because he immediately gets serious. “Are you okay? You look pale.”
Eddie takes a deep breath, heading home. He’s definitely done with work for the day. “I’m fine. Just a little tired. Had a weird situation.”
“Did something happen?”
“Nah, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Just felt weird. About that distraction?”
“Yeah! Okay, one distraction coming up. Um…” he thinks for a second. “I kind of don’t have anything.”
“What do you mean you don’t have anything? You’ve gone on for two hours about sharks once.”
Buck shrugs. “I’m kinda tired too.”
“Still having bad dreams?”
“Something like that. We’re not talking about that either.”
“Well, let’s find something else.”
“Like what? We’re always on the phone, I don’t really have news.”
“Come on, there must be something you haven’t told me. Anything fun? Any gossip?”
Buck laughs. “Gossip?”
“Yeah, man, anything.”
“Okay… maybe I have something.”
“Great! Go on.”
“I don’t know if I should tell you, though.”
“What? Come on. You know you can tell me anything.” Why would he not want to tell Eddie? It worries him a little. “Is everything okay?”
Buck sighs and throws his head back. “It’s just embarrassing,” he whines.
“Even better,” Eddie teases.
“Shut up!” Buck laughs. “Okay, fine.”
“Wait, I’m home, let me get out of the car.” Once he’s inside, he sits on the couch and looks at Buck again. “Okay, ready.”
Buck takes a deep breath. “I hooked up with Tommy,” he says, quickly, all in one breath, keeping his eyes closed.
That’s… absolutely not what Eddie was expecting. When he doesn’t say anything, Buck opens an eye to look at him. Eddie clears his throat. “What?”
“I know,” Buck sighs.
“Buck, what the fuck?”
“I know!”
“When did that happen?”
Buck scratches the back of his head, giving him an awkward smile. “Shortly after you left.”
“God, Buck, I leave you alone for, what? A week? And you call him?”
“Hey, I didn’t call him!” Buck defends himself. “I was out with Ravi and he ran into him.”
Eddie frowns. “Why were you out with Ravi?”
“Long story, doesn’t matter now.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because, I told you, it’s embarrassing! And stupid.”
“So that means you won’t do it again?”
“No!”
“Good.”
Then Buck smiles again, and Eddie melts. He’s not even mad, he just wishes Buck would stop settling for people who don’t deserve him. It hurts to watch. “And even if I did,” Buck adds, “I don’t think he’d want to.”
“Why? What happened?”
“I was kinda mean to him.”
“Well, I’m gonna assume it was deserved, but-”
“Damn, I thought you liked him?”
“I did, before he was an asshole and hurt you.” That’s half true. Tommy was starting to get on his nerves way before he broke up with Buck. “I just don’t like seeing you getting hurt, and definitely not for people who don’t deserve you.”
Buck smiles and looks down. Eddie could swear his face looks a little red. “Is that why you stopped talking to him?”
Eddie sighs. “How do you know about that?”
“He told me.”
“Was that before or after you were mean to him?”
“Before. When I told him about you leaving. I was mean the morning after.”
Eddie grins. “Damn, it was that bad?”
Buck laughs. “No.” He tilts his head. “Well, it wasn’t the best, not gonna lie.” (Eddie shouldn’t really care about that, but he does, and he’s weirdly happy to hear it.) “He just pissed me off.”
“What did he do?”
Buck hesitates for a second. “It’s… it’s dumb. He said something.” Eddie waits for him to elaborate. Buck takes a deep breath. “He was glad that the ‘competition is out of the way’,” he air quotes.
Eddie stills, frowning. “Competition?”
“Yeah, you.”
“Me? Competition for what?”
“…me.”
Oh. “Oh.” Eddie suddenly finds it a little difficult to breathe again. Has this been very obvious to everyone? Does everyone think he’s… “What did you say?”
“He implied I had feelings for you because I’m living in your house, so I said that technically this isn’t your house and also you’re straight.”
“Right.” Eddie isn’t sure how the house being his or not is relevant, but that’s a problem for another time. “And what did he say?”
“He scoffed at me!” Buck says, offended. “He went-” he scoffs, in what Eddie assumes is an impression of what Tommy did, “- ‘okay’ like? What does that even mean?”
“Yeah…” Except Eddie knows what it means. He’s not entirely sure why Tommy would be convinced Eddie isn’t straight, since they’ve never really talked about that stuff. Hell, Buck had to be the one to tell him Tommy was gay. But if he thinks Eddie is somehow competition for Buck… Has he always thought so? His head starts to spin a little.
“Eddie?” Buck calls. “Are you still there? Did the call freeze?”
“No. No, I’m here, just… thinking. So that’s it?”
“I said something about not having to have feelings for everyone I sleep with and he left.”
“Why would he care, though? He’s the one who dumped you?”
“Yeah, but he said he wanted to try again.”
Eddie freezes. “He did?”
“Yeah.”
“But you said no, right?”
“Well…” Eddie’s stomach turns with the pause Buck makes. “I was gonna say yes. Before all of that happened.”
“So, you…” he swallows the weird feeling in his throat, which matches the one in his stomach and his chest, that's becoming kind of familiar with every time Buck talks about one of his exes. “You would have gone back with him?”
“Probably wouldn’t have been a good idea. I guess I was just trying to use him as a distraction.”
“From what?”
Buck shrugs. “You leaving.” And god, does Buck not hear how that sounds? Eddie’s heart does a cartwheel in his chest.
“Well, that was a story, for sure. Hey, um, the… sink, it’s broken again.” He glances at the sink, which he has just fixed, and can’t even know if it is actually broken without using it. “I gotta go.”
“Oh! Yeah, sure. I’ll talk to you later?”
“Of course. Bye, Buck.” He hangs up way too fast. He throws the phone on the couch like it’s burning him and holds his head in his hands.
What the fuck?
—
Buck cuddles closer to Eddie, head resting on his shoulder. Eddie laughs. “Comfortable?”
Buck nods. “Very.”
Eddie pulls him closer, if that’s even possible, and presses a kiss on his forehead. “What do you wanna watch?”
“You pick,” Buck murmurs, eyes already beginning to close.
“Are you falling asleep?” Eddie asks, voice heavy with amusement.
“No,” Buck lies. “Just resting. In my boyfriend’s arms. Is that a crime?”
Eddie laughs. “Not at all.”
Buck opens his mouth to speak-
Then opens his eyes. And closes them again. He pulls the bed covers over his head and groans.
—
“Good morning, Buck,” Chimney greets him, too amused for Buck’s liking. “Slept well?”
Buck is about to say yes, absolutely, slept like a baby, but a yawn stops him. Damn it.
“So that's a no,” Hen says. “Still dreaming of kissing your best friend?”
“No, actually,” he says, hopefully sounding smug enough to be believed. “I did not dream that last night.” Not a lie, technically.
“No Eddie dream?”
“...not what I said.”
“Oh, god, he finally had a sex dream.”
“I think,” Buck holds a finger up, “that would involve kissing.”
“You think?”
“Enough,” Buck says. “No dreams of kissing or doing anything of the sort with Eddie, okay? Just a regular dream about us hanging out together.”
“So, no physical nor emotional intimacy of any kind?”
“Nope! All normal. Cap!” Buck jumps at the opportunity to leave the conversation the moment Bobby walks past them. “Cap. I needed to ask you something-”
He just has to avoid questions for the whole shift. Easy.
—
The woman who gets into the car sighs heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose. “What a day.”
“Bad day?” Eddie asks.
“Exhausting.”
Tell me about it, he thinks. He hasn't been able to get the conversation with Buck out of his head for the rest of yesterday and today. He tried focusing on fixing more stuff around the house and calling Chris and then he eventually passed out in bed.
He takes the wrong turn. “Damn it.”
“What?” the woman asks.
“Wrong turn. Sorry. Got something on my mind.”
“Wanna talk about it? It might distract me from my problems.”
He shakes his head. “Thank you, but no. I appreciate it, though.”
His phone rings, because of course it does, and it's Buck calling, because of course it is. He glances back at her, who gestures at him to go on and pick up.
He does. “Hey, I'm at work. Again,” he smiles.
“Shit,” Buck says. “Sorry. You should tell me when you are!”
“I should tell you every single time I pick someone up? I thought you were working too, anyway.”
“I do, but clearly,” he gestures at the apron he's wearing, “I'm not on a call.”
“I can see that. Love the look.”
Buck smiles. “Why, thank you.” He spins around to show it off. “Jealous?”
Eddie laughs. “Oh, deadly. I don’t know how I’ll ever recover.”
“Is it Eddie?” Chimney’s voice asks in the background, before he appears on screen. “Eddie, please come collect your man, he's driving us insane!”
He would laugh at the way Buck looks back at Chim, if the sentence didn't do something funny to his heart. “What did you do?” Eddie asks.
“Nothing! I'm not doing anything!” Buck hurries to explain, trying to shush Chim and Hen in the background. “Don't believe what our friends say. I'll call you later!”
Buck hangs up before Eddie can say anything.
“Is that your boyfriend?”
Eddie does not believe in this sort of thing, but if he did, he'd think he pissed off the universe or something like that. “What? No, he's- it's nothing like that, we're just- he's my best friend,” he stutters out. Eloquent.
She nods. “Okay.”
“It’s not like that, I’m straight.”
“Okay,” she repeats, turning her attention to her phone.
The car is silent for a second. Then Eddie speaks again. “Why would you think he’s my boyfriend?” And isn’t that a funny sentence to say that does a funny thing to his heart again.
“Your friend called him your man, you apparently call each other all the time, and you both had big dumb smiles on your faces talking to each other.”
“That’s not-” what does he even say to that? “He’s not ‘my man’, it was just a joke.”
“Okay,” she says again, which is starting to annoy Eddie. “I’m sure your friends joke about him being other men’s man too all the time.”
Eddie doesn’t say anything for a moment. “Not that I’m aware of,” he murmurs.
“And I’m sure you’ve been calling your other friends just as much as you’ve been calling him.”
“He’s my best friend.”
“Okay.”
She looks around the car for a few seconds. “Is that your kid?” she asks, pointing at the photo with Chris.
Eddie is momentarily confused by the change of subject. “Yeah. Yeah, he’s my son. Christopher.”
“I’m guessing you’re not married?”
“How?”
“Because your first defence then should have been ‘I’m married’ instead of panic.”
“I’m not married.”
“Why not?”
He's not having the ‘my ex wife is dead’ conversation with a client again, especially not now. “Haven’t found the right person.”
She hums. “Interesting. Does your son like your best friend?”
Eddie really just can’t help but smile. “Loves him. They’re always going places together. Used to. We live in different states now.”
“That’s cute.”
“Listen, there’s nothing like that between my friend and I.”
“Okay.” Oh my fucking god. “I’m sure you’re just a couple of straight guys being dudes.”
Eddie thinks he probably shouldn’t carry this on longer, but it feels wrong not to correct her. “He’s not.”
“Oh?”
“Straight. He's not.”
She leans forward, interested piqued. “Then he’s definitely into you.”
“Why, because he’s bisexual then he’s gotta be into all of his male friends?”
“No, because he was flirting with you.”
Eddie almost goes the wrong way again. “What? No, he wasn’t.”
“He was.”
“You can tell that from a one minute call?”
“I could tell that from one sentence. He was flirting. Would that be so bad?”
Eddie doesn’t answer.
“Listen, I’m speaking from experience. You should definitely figure this out sooner rather than later because it’s just gonna get worse. Trust me. My ex girlfriend hated my best friend because I was in love with her.”
Has got to be a joke. Right?
But he has to ask.
“How did that go?”
“My best friend and I are celebrating our fifth anniversary next week. How long have you two been friends?”
“Seven years.”
She whistles. “Damn.”
Yeah. Damn.
—
Okay. Maybe Buck avoids speaking to Hen and Chimney about Eddie the whole shift. Maybe at one point, when he felt particularly cornered, he almost said the Q word, only to be saved by the bell going off anyway, which left him wondering for a minute if thinking the word had the same effect as saying it out loud (the rest of the shift goes on as usual, or whatever that means for their job, so Buck comes to the conclusion that it thankfully doesn’t). At the end of the shift, he gets changed at record speed, and he’s almost free, until his friends enter the room.
“Hey, guys! I was just leaving, see you-”
“Already?” Hen frowns. “We wanted to ask if you wanted to go out with us. Might get your head off things.”
“What things? No need to get my head off anything.”
“Buck, come on,” Chim says. “You can talk to us.”
“You really shouldn’t keep all of this bottled up.”
“I’m not bottling anything up. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna be late,” he blatantly lies, walking past them.
“Late for what?”
“I’m going out with… um…” Fuck. “Fuck. Maddie was right, I need more friends,” he mutters.
“Chim is right,” Hen says, thankfully ignoring the lie. “You can talk to us. There’s nothing wrong if you have feelings for Eddie, you’ve been really close for years-”
“But I don’t.”
“Buck…”
“No, I can’t-” he says, turning to look at them, and he hopes his voice doesn’t break the way he feels like it does. “I can’t, okay? Not with him.”
“But if you are-”
“So what if I am?” he lets out, a little louder than intended. “What if I say, yes, I’m in love with Eddie? What difference does it make? He’s still in Texas, I’m still here, and he’s still my straight best friend.”
The look on Hen’s and Chim’s faces says he’s gotten his message across. He quickly catches sight of Bobby and Ravi also looking at the exchange, a little farther from them. “So what?” he asks Hen and Chimney again. Neither says anything, looking away. “Exactly.”
He gets to leave the station this time, and sits in his car for a minute, resting his head against the wheel.
—
Eddie sits on his couch without moving for about an hour, he thinks.
“Would it be that bad?” the woman had asked. He supposes it wouldn't. Why would he care if Buck was flirting with him? Surely, it wouldn't bother him. He's always been supportive, that's just keeping being supportive, right? Buck is not into him, anyway. He basically said so the previous day. He found the entire concept ridiculous. Buck is not into him, and he's not-
He's not gay. I mean, he would have noticed by now, right? There would have been at least a few hints about it. But then again, Buck only realised recently. He wonders if Buck had thought about it before. He should have asked him. He should have asked him before, because there's no way he's gonna have this conversation with him now.
Because it's too much and too scary and if it's true then-
Someone knocks on the door, startling him out of his train of thought. Probably for the better.
He gets up and opens the door and Christopher is smiling at him.
“Hey!”
Chris frowns. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. What's up?”
He shrugs. “I just wanted to see you.” Eddie’s heart melts. “Are you sure you're okay?” he asks again.
Eddie moves to let him in. “Yes, why do you ask?”
“You seem weird.”
“I'm fine.”
Chris sits on a chair in the kitchen. “Remember how we said we were gonna be honest with each other?”
Eddie sighs, hanging his head. “Yeah.”
“So be honest with me.”
“Okay. It's not that I don't want to tell you,” Eddie explains, “I’m just trying to figure something out and I don't wanna bother you with it until I do.”
“Is it about something that happened here in Texas?”
“It's not really about something that happened, it's a thing about myself that I've been thinking about.”
“Is it about Buck?”
God. “Right. And how do you know that?”
He rolls his eyes. “Dad.”
“What?”
“Come on.”
Eddie laughs. “Okay, wow. Yes, I'm trying to figure out some stuff about him. And me.”
“Is that a problem?”
“A little bit. It's difficult.”
“Dad. It's okay if you love him.”
Eddie almost cries on the spot. Almost. “Is it?”
“Yeah. Why not?”
“I don't think he feels the same.”
Chris frowns. “What?”
“He basically told me.” In a beautiful conversation about his ex boyfriend that he really loved having. And that it's never gonna leave his brain.
“He told you? Are you sure?”
“Don't make me repeat the conversation. Trust me on this one, Chris.”
He doesn't seem to trust him on this one, but he shrugs nonetheless. “Okay, dad. If you say so.”
—
“Buck, I'm so sorry about yesterday.”
“It's fine, Hen.”
“Are you sure? Because you haven't been texting back for hours, we were a little worried.”
“Yeah, sorry, I'm driving.”
“Driving where?”
Silence.
“Buck?”
“Um...”
“Buck, are you going to Texas?”
“I might be.”
“Why are you going to Texas?”
That's a great question. Buck doesn't really know. Or, better, he does, but he's not sure the explanation would make sense to anybody else. “I just need to talk to Eddie.”
“About…?” she asks, cautious.
“I just need to talk to him. Don't worry.”
“Just be careful with this. I don't wanna see either of you hurt.”
Buck scoffs. “Yeah, of course.”
“Buck, I mean it.”
He takes a deep breath. “Yeah. Promise.”
Buck makes it to El Paso, pulls up in front of Eddie's house, and doesn't move for a minute.
Maybe it wasn't his best idea. To be fair, he hasn't really thought about it at all. He just really, really misses his best friend and he needed to see him. The situation is driving him insane and the only person who truly, really, always understands him is behind that door.
Which is nerve-racking.
He grabs his phone.
“Buck?” Maddie answers.
“I did something stupid.”
“You're gonna have to be more specific.”
“I'm in Texas.”
“Hen said you were. Something about talking with Eddie?”
“Yes.”
“Well?”
“I'm sitting outside his house.”
“Okay. Do you want to talk to him from your car?”
“No.”
“So maybe go knock on the door?”
“Maybe this is stupid.”
“Well, you're already there. Might as well not behave like a stalker and walk in.”
“I'm not behaving like a stalker.”
“You're sitting outside his house in your car.”
“Okay-” His phone alerts him about an incoming call. He looks at the screen. “Shit. Maddie, I'll call you back. Eddie's calling me.”
“Good luck.”
Buck answers Eddie’s call, which is not on facetime this time. “Hi.”
“Buck, are you parked outside my house?”
Fuck. “Maybe.”
“Are you gonna walk in or do you wanna just sit there?”
“I should probably come in.”
“Probably.” The front door opens and Eddie walks out.
He hangs up, and knocks on the car's door. Buck opens it. “Hi, again.”
“Hi,” Eddie smiles, and Buck is so incredibly fucked. “What are you doing?”
“I missed you, I wanted to see you. Sorry, I should have called.”
“No, I’m happy to see you, obviously. But I meant, what are you doing sitting out here?” he asks, leaning against the car.
“Oh. I was trying to decide if being here was a stupid idea.”
“Out here in the car like a stalker? Yeah, a little.”
“No, here in Texas.”
“You were wondering that while already parked here? After a 12 hour drive?” Buck nods. “Have you decided?”
“Not yet.”
“Well do you wanna drive back to Los Angeles or do you wanna come in?”
“Come in. Definitely.”
“Good, let’s go then,” he says, and makes his way back towards the house. Buck follows him.
Eddie closes the door behind them, and Buck takes a look inside.
Jesus Christ. “Wow…”
“I’m still fixing it.”
“No, I see that, it’s… um…”
“Come on, say it.”
Buck looks at him and breaks. “It’s a disaster,” he laughs.
“Hey, I’ve been working on it.”
“Then I can’t imagine what it looked like when you got here.”
“Shut up,” Eddie rolls his eyes, with a smile on his face. He looks at Buck for a minute, then frowns. “You didn’t bring anything with you?”
Buck looks down at himself like he’s just realised. “Yeah, I didn’t…”
“How long were you planning on staying? A couple of hours?”
What is he supposed to say? I just got into the car and started driving and then a few hours later I found myself on the way here? I didn’t call because I was too scared you were gonna tell me not to come here? I just really, really, really needed to be with you again? He can’t just say all of that. So he just shrugs. “It was an impulsive decision.”
“Unsurprising.”
They look at each other for a moment, before Eddie pulls him into a hug.
Buck melts into it like he can finally breathe again after hours, days, years without oxygen. He buries his head in the crook of Eddie’s neck before he can register what he’s doing and by the time he does, the hug has been going on longer than necessary.
They take a step back, Eddie clears his throat. “You want a beer?”
“Sure.”
“Be right back, just sit on the couch.”
“Am I gonna survive that?”
“The couch is fine, Buck.” He can hear another eye roll in his voice.
Buck survives sitting on the couch and Eddie joins him, handing him a beer. “So, you gonna tell me why you’re here?”
“I told you, I missed you.”
“Mhmh. Now tell me the real reason.”
“What do you mean?”
“Come on, Buck. Again, I’m happy you’re here, but you drove all this way just because you wanted to see me? We talk every day.”
One thing Buck didn’t take into consideration is how well Eddie can read him and how bad Buck just can’t lie to him about this. He shrugs, avoiding his eyes. “It’s not the same.”
Eddie moves to search for Buck’s eyes and once he finds them, he rests a hand on his shoulder. “I missed you too.” Buck smiles. “You’re really not gonna tell me?”
“Nah.”
Eddie sighs. “Alright.”
“Really?”
“Can’t really torture the information out of you, can I?” He stands from the couch. “You hungry?”
“Yeah.”
“Wanna make dinner?”
“Let’s make dinner.”
—
For a while, everything feels right in the universe again. Buck is here and they’re cooking together (Buck is mostly being bossy about it, and Eddie lets him, because he did miss him like crazy) and they’re chatting like they always do and they’re happy.
A thought crosses Eddie’s mind. “Do you wanna see Chris?”
Buck looks at him. “Can I?”
Weird question? “Why couldn’t you? You spent seven years of his life taking him places all the time.”
“I don’t know, I don’t wanna overstep a line here. Is that weird?”
That’s it. Eddie just can’t keep doing this. “Okay, you’ve gotta tell me what’s been bothering you.”
“Nothing’s bothering me.”
“Right. You left your house with absolutely nothing, like you were just, I don't know, going grocery shopping and drove 12 hours to show up here with no real plan. Something happened and it’s kind of worrying me now.”
“No, it’s-” Buck sighs. “You don’t have to worry about it. It’s nothing.”
“Then talk to me,” Eddie pleads.
Buck leans against the kitchen table, taking a deep breath. “I’ve been having dreams.”
“Dreams?”
“About us.” Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Not a sex dream,” Buck clarifies. “Oh my god, why does everyone assume it’s a sex dream?”
“Because it’s you,” Eddie teases.
Buck shoves him. Eddie laughs. Everything is right in the universe.
“Well, what kind of dreams then?”
“Um…” Buck looks down at his hands, fidgeting. “We’re always about to kiss. But I keep waking up before we do. And I haven’t been able to sleep properly for days and it’s driving me insane.”
Eddie’s heart stops for a couple of seconds, he’s sure. “So, what, you came here to finish what the dreams started?” he jokes.
Buck looks at him, with that kicked puppy expression of his, then back at his hands again. Eddie’s heart stops for another few seconds. “Oh my god, you did.”
“No!” Buck hurries to say. Then, “yes. Maybe. I don’t know!”
Eddie’s head is spinning. “But you don’t like me like that.” And that’s all he manages to say. Buck said that, right?
Except that he didn’t. He said something about Eddie’s house. And about Eddie being straight.
“I thought I didn’t,” Buck says, “or, well, I was trying to convince myself I don’t.”
“Why?”
Buck looks at him like he’s grown a second head. “Because you’re straight?”
“That’s it?”
“I guess so. I just-” Buck takes a deep breath, looking anywhere but at Eddie. “I just couldn’t handle rejection from you. But I very impulsively came here now, and told you all of this, so-”
“I’m not,” Eddie blurts out.
Buck looks at him so fast, Eddie worries about the state of his neck for a second. “You’re not what?”
Eddie settles for a sentence that doesn’t make him feel like passing out. “Rejecting you.”
He can almost see the gears turning in Buck’s head for a second. “What?”
“Why would I?”
“Because… you’re straight…?”
“Well, I’m definitely in love with you, so probably not.”
And there it is.
And it feels so natural to say it, he kind of never wants to stop now.
Buck blinks for a second. “Are you sure?”
“Trust me, I’ve been thinking about it all day every day.”
“Since when?”
“A few days.”
Buck looks like he’s doing the math in his head. “Since what I said about Tom-”
“Before that, actually.” Eddie doesn’t even wanna hear that name right now. “It did help, though.”
“In love with me.”
“Yes.”
“You.”
“Yes.”
“So you’re not straight.”
“I guess I’m not.”
“You’re in love with me but you’re only guessing you’re not straight?”
Eddie shakes his head, smiling. “Buck, loving you is the easiest part about this.”
He meets Buck’s eyes again and, oh, Eddie's gone. He’s so inevitably, hopelessly gone. “So, what now?” Buck asks, quietly.
Eddie takes a step towards him. “How about we do finish what your dreams started?” he proposes, matching Buck’s tone.
“I’d like that,” Buck replies as Eddie takes another step closer and cups his face. He leans closer, and Buck whispers “don’t wake up, don’t wake up” to himself over and over. Eddie giggles before closing the gap between them.
Eddie has no idea what Buck’s dreams were like, but kissing him feels like nothing his own dreams could have ever come up with. It feels electric and warm and perfect and right.
He barely has the time to pull away for a moment before Buck is grabbing his waist and dragging him back closer to him for another kiss and then another and then another until Eddie has no idea how long it’s been but he’s really glad they hadn’t put their dinner on the stove yet.
“Oh my god,” Buck sighs, heavily.
“What?”
“I’m gonna hear the worst ‘I told you so’s from everyone.”
Eddie laughs. “You think you have it bad? I’m gonna hear it from a 14 year old.”
“What, Chris figured it out before we did?”
“Everyone has, apparently.”
“So we’ve been dumb about this.”
“We’ve been so fucking stupid about this.”
Buck goes in for another kiss, before he leans back at the speed of light. “I’m in love with you too,” he says, so quick Eddie almost misses it. “I just realised I didn’t say it ba-”
Eddie cuts him off with a kiss and Buck melts into it immediately. Oh, he could get used to it. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
—
They lie in bed later, chatting until they fall asleep and then again when they wake up. Eventually, Buck cannot ignore the elephant in the room anymore, because the elephant will be dragging him back to Los Angeles soon and it won’t be with Eddie.
Buck cuddles closer to him. “I don’t wanna go back without you.”
Eddie doesn’t say anything for a moment. “I don’t want you to leave without me.”
“So what?”
Eddie sighs. “So what, indeed.”
Buck feels like he’s about to cry. So instead he sits up. “Breakfast?”
“Breakfast.”
—
Buck settles in his kitchen to make breakfast with an ease that makes Eddie’s heart feel weak.
“I’m assuming you do wanna see Chris.”
“God, yes.”
So once breakfast is done, Eddie gets dressed and promises to come back soon. He deals with his parents’ protests about coming over unannounced to pick Christopher up because his mood has never been better and he’s not gonna let them ruin it.
“What’s the surprise?” Chris asks, once they get out of the car.
Eddie laughs. “If you give it a few more seconds you’ll find out.”
The door opens and Chris takes approximately .5 seconds to process Buck being in the living room and hurrying to hug him. Buck visibly holds back tears. Eddie too.
“Hey, I missed you,” Buck chokes out.
“I missed you too.” Chris pulls away from the hug. “What are you doing here?”
“Just missed you two, thought I’d visit.”
Christopher turns to look at Eddie. “I told you so.”
Buck is definitely biting his tongue not to burst out laughing.
“He just said he’s visiting,” Eddie tries to argue back, as if Christopher isn’t a hundred percent right, to which Chris rolls his eyes. “And you were right.”
Chris smiles wide. “So you told him?”
“I did tell him I love him.”
“I said it back,” Buck adds, clearly wanting to set the record straight after last night.
“So we’re going back to Los Angeles now?”
Eddie really wasn’t expecting this. “Wait, you wanna go back?”
“I miss it.”
“Since when?”
Chris shrugs. “A while.”
“What about your friends? And the school, and chess and-”
“Dad,” Chris interrupts him. “El Paso sucks. And chess too.”
Eddie almost bursts out laughing. “What?”
“It sucks and I miss my friends in Los Angeles and I miss being with you.” He looks at Buck. “And you.”
“Why didn't you say anything?”
“I thought you wanted to be here. And grandma said they're so happy I'm here...”
Eddie sighs heavily. He's gonna have a conversation with his parents. “Are you sure? You wanna move just like that again?”
Chris nods. “I wanna go back home.”
“Well, if Buck doesn’t mind sharing his house…”
Buck is definitely tearing up now. Eddie wants to hug him so bad. “I couldn’t ask for anything better.”
They have lunch together, then Eddie makes a few phone calls, not including his parents, because he knows that’s gonna have to happen face to face. Buck calls Bobby about one minute after Eddie hangs up the phone with him, to ask for a couple of days off, which Bobby seems to be entirely unsurprised about. The phone call with Maddie takes almost an hour. They have dinner, they watch a movie.
Everything is finally, truly right in the universe again.
—
A few days later they’re welcomed back to the station by cake and a banner that reads “FINALLY”. Bobby congratulates them, tells Eddie he was missed, then says they’ll have to fill a form. They get their “I told you so”s.
Buck barely ever lets go of Eddie’s hand the whole time.