Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Remus! Hey, Remus!”

Remus looks up from where she’s fumbling with her keys and drops them completely, mouth going dry as Sirius Black skips up beside her, her shiny pink lips parted around a smile. 

Those captivating gray eyes with their long, impossibly thick lashes flick between her own before she bends over to grab her keys, giving Remus a split-second view of her cleavage when the front of her loose tank top gapes open. She stares, wide eyed and startled, at the expanse of creamy white skin between the valley of her breasts, some distant part of her brain screaming at her to stop being a fucking degenerate, letting her gaze travel all the way down to her pierced navel, some sort of charm dangling from the bottom that nearly brings her to her knees at the sight of it.

She feels like she’s been punched in the gut as Sirius straightens and tugs at the hem of her top, the neckline going low enough for a moment that she can see a tiny little beauty mark at the top of her breast, lungs burning as she quickly averts her eyes before anyone can notice the way she’s, quite literally, drooling over the girl in front of her, frantically swallowing the excessive amount of moisture in her mouth.

“I have something I wanted to ask you,” Sirius says with a coy smile, taking no notice of the way she’s struggling to take a breath, swiping her into her bedroom and cracking the door open before sticking her foot in the small gap so that it won’t close and lock again. Remus glances down briefly and her eyes catch on her maroon painted toenails sticking out of the top of her fuzzy slipper, internally bemoaning the fact that even her fucking feet are cute. “You have a car, right?”

“Mhm,” she answers distractedly, tugging at her septum piercing and hiking the strap of her bag up on her shoulder before she reaches out to put her hand on the door, pushing it wide open so that the edge isn’t digging into the side of Sirius’ foot, revealing the messy contents of her room. “Yeah, why?”

Sirius glances through the doorway before she sinks her perfectly straight white teeth into her plush bottom lip, leaning forward until they’re nearly touching, close enough that Remus can smell the scent of whatever products she’s wearing. She’s lost in a cloud of vanilla and coconut and something fruity, her head spinning a little as she breathes it in, able to taste the artificial scent on her tongue and in the back of her throat. 

“Would it be possible for me to bother you for a ride tomorrow? I promise I’ll give you gas money and buy you lunch.”

Remus licks her lips and blinks a few times, thinking that she really should have expected that, eyes glued to the way Sirius is winding the lanyard on her keys around her fingers, the little flecks of glitter in her nail polish catching in the light.

She’s been asked for countless rides since the beginning of the year when the rest of the dormitory realized she was one of the few people in their building with a vehicle. She happily said yes the first few weeks of the semester whenever someone would ask her, driving people to the grocery store and the health clinic and even the fucking airport, which is literally the most stressful place to try to navigate and she had a panic attack when one of the airport cops yelled at her, naively thinking that she would gain friends by doing this. 

She didn’t. People didn’t want to hang out with her, they just wanted access to free rides and she was stupid and lonely enough to accept the fact that they treated her like a no-cost taxi service. She started timidly asking for gas money after a few weeks, burning through her meager savings at an alarming rate, and then fully put a stop to it at the middle of October, tired of people taking advantage of her and racking up the miles on her old, beat to hell truck, which left her at a lower social standing than she started with, but she’s held firm on her no rides rule ever since.

For Sirius, though…

“Sure,” she rasps, feeling unmoored as her smile widens and her eyes fucking sparkle beneath the horrible florecent lights, bouncing on her toes a little, and Remus digs her nails into her palm as she resists the urge to look down at her chest. “Um, yeah, I can do that. What time?”

Sirius smirks, and she finds herself unconsciously leaning closer to her, helplessly sucked into her orbit, until a strand of her sleek, shiny hair brushes against her cheek and she rocks back on her heels, the corner of the door frame digging between her shoulder blades and grounding her thoughts.

She wishes that she didn’t turn into such a goddamn mess every time she’s within ten feet of Sirius’ presence. With just one look she’s reduced to a puddle of mush, mind conjuring fantasies that are both sweet and horribly depraved, and if she were a cartoon character there would probably be little hearts blooming in her eyes as steam pours out of her ears. 

“Mass starts at nine, but I need to be there a little early, so would eight be alright? It’s about a thirty minute drive back to my hometown. The service will probably last about an hour, but if you want you could either wait in your car or bring a book, no should bother you if you read through the service as long as you’re sneaky about it, and then I’ll treat you to lunch on the way back to campus! Anywhere you want, no budget, just name the place.”

Remus blinks a few times.

“Eight works,” she says, instantly wondering what the fuck she’s doing. 

She’s not only an atheist, but a lesbian, which are both things she’s pretty sure most sects of Christianity frown upon, and Sirius wants her to drive her to a church. More importantly, she wants her to wait there during the service. She’s never been inside a Catholic church in her fucking life but all it apparently all it will take is one cute girl fluttering her lashes to get her to agree. Thank fuck Sirius isn’t asking her to shave her head and join a cult, she probably would have said yes just as quickly to that, and she’s sort of fond of her grown-out mullet.

Grandma Howell is probably rolling over in her grave right now from the disgrace of it. All those wasted years of trying to drag her to church when she could have just weaponized her granddaughter’s lesbianism against her, it would have worked so much better than any of her many lectures about God’s love or her various threats about spending an eternity in hell. 

“Thank you so much,” Sirius says breathily, reaching out to squeeze her forearm, and she nearly moans at the contact. “Text me your coffee order and I’ll grab us drinks in the morning for the ride.”

“I, uh,” she swallows roughly, barely able to form a single coherent thought, her eyes flicking down to where Sirius is touching her, the tips of her fingers hooking through the loose weave of her cardigan. “I don’t have your number.”

“Oh, let me fix that!” Sirius reaches around her and slips her fingers into her back pocket which makes her knees buckle, she feels like she’s going to fucking faint because of how fast her heart is racing, pulling out her phone with a smirk. She gushes over the stickers on her case before she holds it up in front of Remus’ face, smirking when it automatically unlocks, tapping at the screen all while she’s internally panicking at whatever she might have possibly been looking at last before she locked the screen. 

She hopes to the God she doesn’t believe in that it wasn’t anything embarrassing. Or gay. Or worst of all: embarrassingly gay.

“There we go,” Sirius says, tapping at the screen before she slides it back into her pocket, grinning down at her and wrapping the lanyard on Remus’ keys around her wrist, fingers feeling like silk against her own. “Now you can text me. 

“Okay,” she chokes out, raising her hand to her mouth to wipe away the wetness she can feel gathering at the corners of her lips. “Should we, um, meet out front in the morning?”

“Sounds great!” Sirius’ nose scrunches as she smiles, giving her a little wave as she starts to back away. “Eight o’clock?”

“Yep, I’ll be there at eight,” she confirms, watching in a feverish haze as Sirius bites down on her lower lip again before turning away, and she can’t help but to let her eyes drop to the swell of her hips beneath her skin tight leggings, watching the way her ass sways back and forth as she walks back to her dorm room. 

“Fucking hell,” she whispers to herself, dipping her chin in a shaky nod when Sirius glances back towards her and wiggles her fingers over her shoulder. She watches as she lets herself back into her dorm, shaking her head as she steps into her own room and nudges the door closed, leaning back against it. 

She stands there for a moment, panting heavily, trying to talk herself out of being the worst kind of creep before sighs and gives up the fight. Truthfully, she’s not sure why she even tried, her self-control is basically non-existent when it comes to Sirius.

Remus drops her bag, uncaring about her laptop or anything else that just hit the floor, and fumbles for the button on her jeans, yanking them open before shoving her hand beneath her panties and moaning when she finds them soaked. She runs her fingers down her seam, wet tacky hair clinging to her fingers as she circles her clit before she pushes two fingers inside of herself, biting down on the neckline of her cardigan to muffle her whine, drool soaking into the yarn and her lips sticking against the rough fibers.

She brings herself off in less than a minute, thinking of Sirius’ cleavage and the tight dip of her waist, the swell of her hips and her long legs and the way she smelled, feverishly thrusting her fingers inside of her dripping wet pussy while grinding her clit against the palm of her hand, nearly falling over as she shakes through her orgasm, legs wobbling and going weak. She spits the fabric out of her mouth before sliding down the door to sit on the floor, wiping her wet fingers against the leg of her jeans when she pulls them free. 

She takes a moment to catch her breath, stomach muscles still twitching with the aftershocks and underwear uncomfortably wet, before she leans to the side and pulls her phone out of her back pocket, typing what do people wear to mass into the search bar at the top of the screen. 

She pauses after the results have loaded in, pulling a face at the array of floaty, feminine dresses that fill the screen, before pulling up the menu to see what app she was looking at last before Sirius unlocked her phone. She groans in dismay, tipping her head back against the door, thunking her skull against the metal a few times, the sound echoing and reverberating through the door.

Hopefully Sirius will just think she was scrolling through a blog full of attractive women in various forms of undress for the aesthetic. That’s something straight girls do, right?

Remus has had a crush on Sirius since move-in day. 

She’d driven herself down, there was no reason for her parents to take off work when she was only moving three hours away, and besides, her mom is terrified of driving on the interstate. It would have taken them triple the amount of time to get to campus if they’d had to take the backroads, and Remus was anxious enough without having to deal with all that, or her mom’s inevitable fawning and fretting.

She’d pulled her truck up into the fire lane in front of her building, among the other haphazardly parked cars and the heaving mass of bodies clamoring to unload luggage, along with a ridiculous amount of furniture. She had sat there for a moment, wondering why people felt the need to bring something like a dresser or a recliner to college with them, or where they thought they’d be putting a sixty inch television inside a dorm room. She had flipped on the hazard lights as she got out and went to grab a handcart, weaving through the crowd and tripping over her own feet when she saw the most beautiful girl she’d ever seen in her life. 

She was sitting on the hood of a car, wearing a pair of baggy, torn jeans that showed more skin than they covered, legs spread wide and chunky combat boots braced against the bumper, the waistband of her thong visible above her belt and hiked up over her hips, a strappy black bikini top tied around her chest and throat dripping with silver jewelry. She’d thrown her head back as she laughed at something, tossing her shiny black hair to the side, and Remus had nearly walked into oncoming traffic because she couldn’t look away from her.

Her name, she learned later that evening during freshmen orientation, was Sirius Black. 

She found herself infatuated almost immediately, and lucky for her, Sirius is everywhere on campus. On the quad, in the dining hall, running laps around the track in the tiniest pair of shorts she’s ever seen, holding court in the lounge area of their building, even being in a few of the same classes, and Remus spends more time staring at her while trying not to shame herself in public than taking notes or paying attention.

She can barely force her useless brain to think of anything but the beautiful, incredibly intelligent, kind, outgoing, athletic, funny, snarky, sometimes bitchy girl who lives on her floor, just across the hall and six doors down from her. She probably spends more time in a day thinking about Sirius than she does her classwork, and every time Sirius smiles at her or waves or says hey Remus in her sultry, surprisingly husky voice that sends heat spilling down her spine every time she hears it, she spends the rest of the day walking on clouds, gorgeous gray eyes and plump pink lips at the forefront of her mind. 

The biggest problem is that she’s pretty sure Sirius is straight. 

She doesn’t have a lot to base that on other than the fact that she’s seen Sirius with guys before, and has witnessed them sneaking out her dorm on more than one occasion, but even if she isn’t straight it really doesn’t change anything in her mind, because there is absolutely no way that someone like Sirius would ever go out with someone like her. 

Sirius is already waiting for her on the sidewalk outside their building in the morning when she makes her way down, just as promised, holding two paper cups from the dining hall and wearing a dress that nearly knocks her off her feet.

It’s white and covered in little blue flowers, inappropriate for both the weather and her already fragile composure, the neckline sweeping just low enough in the front to show off her delicate collarbones and the dainty silver necklace resting against the base of her throat, the fabric of the dress crossing over her chest and tied in a bow at the back to emphasize the dramatic curve of her waist, a white cardigan draped over her shoulders, wearing strappy little heels that make her long legs look even longer.

Remus wants to get on her knees and fucking lick them. The shoes or her legs, she’s honestly not picky. She’s never seen Sirius dressed like this before, and that’s probably a good thing, because if they were in a lecture hall right now she would have absolutely fallen down the stairs at the sight of her.

“Morning,” Sirius calls out, grinning at her as she stumbles forward once again, knees buckling a little beneath the force of her smile. “You never texted me your coffee order last night!”

“Sorry,” she rasps, clearing her throat. “I got busy with homework and forgot.”

She hadn’t forgotten, in truth, but she couldn’t work up the courage to bring herself to actually text Sirius, too caught up on the little heart she’d put next to her name in her contacts, unable to stop herself from wondering what it meant. She did, however, get herself off twice more to the memory of what Sirius smelled like and what her skin felt like against her own, imagining herself biting down on that little beauty mark at the top of her breast that she can’t stop thinking about, before falling asleep with her hand still between her legs.

“No worries,” Sirius holds both cups out towards her in offering. “One is an oat milk latte, and the other one is a normal latte, which do you want? I wasn’t sure if you had any allergies or preferences, so I got one of each to play it safe. Unless you don’t like lattes, and then we’re fucked.”

“I’ll take the oat milk,” she says, dazed by the way fucked sounded like coming from Sirius’ glossy lips, the rasp of her voice sending shivers down her spine, breath catching in her throat when their fingers brush against each other around the sides of the cup. “I don’t, um. I’m not vegan or anything. I just like the way it tastes over cow’s milk. Thank you.”

“It’s no problem, it’s the least I could do. You’re really doing me the biggest favor by driving me today,” Sirius smiles, brushing a strand of her hair off her face, most of it held back with a light blue ribbon that she wants to eat for some goddamn reason. She wants to shove it between her teeth and swallow it down, stomach acid dissolving the ribbon until it absorbs into her bloodstream and becomes part of her cells. “You look really nice.”

“Is what I’m wearing okay?” Remus asks, smoothing a hand down her brown sweater vest, a beige button down underneath, tucked into her plaid trousers with her favorite boots, which she’d taken a few minutes to wipe clean that morning. “I’ve never been to mass before, so I wasn’t sure what to wear.”

“No, you look gorgeous,” Sirius says, falling into step beside her as she starts for her truck, heels clicking against the pavement. “Personally, I wouldn’t have really cared what you showed up in, but you do look nice. Very modest, and you’re dressed up enough that the little old ladies won’t try to glare you out of the building.”

“Thank Christ for that,” she mutters, wincing as she wonders if she should watch her language around Sirius since she’s apparently religious, but she looks totally unbothered, sipping from her coffee. Remus swallows a too-hot gulp of hers and fishes her keys from her pockets, unlocking the passenger door first and pulling it open as the metal hinges screech. “Sorry, my truck is old enough that it doesn’t have power locks.”

“That’s fine,” Sirius beams at her before swinging herself up into the truck, legs parting and giving her the briefest glimpse of lacy white underwear, which nearly knocks her off her feet and she has to cling to the side of the door to keep herself upright. “Thank you again for the ride.”

“You’re welcome,” She grits out, sucking a breath through her teeth as she reminds herself to be fucking normal around her, and makes sure that Sirius is fully in the seat before she pushes the door closed. By the time Remus makes it around to the driver’s side Sirius has leaned over and unlocked her door for her, those mesmerizing gray eyes watching as she climbs up into her seat, eyelashes brushing against her cheekbones when she blinks. 

“I like your truck,” Sirius says, crossing her legs as she watches her pull her seatbelt across her chest, making her dress ride up. “The pins are cool.”

“Thanks,” Remus says, dragging her eyes away from Sirius’ thighs to glance up at the visors, which are covered in various pins, stickers, and patches. “Buckle up, please.”

“Oh, right.” Sirius does up her seat belt as she turns the key over in the ignition, the engine sputtering before it roars to life, and she plugs her phone into the aux, scrolling through her playlists until Sirius bumps her arm. “I grabbed us breakfast, too. Once again, I didn’t know what you’d want, so there’s options.”

Remus chews on her lower lip as Sirius digs around in her purse, pulling out two foil wrapped sandwiches, a muffin, a granola bar, and a banana.

“I’ll take a sandwich,” she says after a moment, lips twitching up into a smile as Sirius shoots her a delighted look, trading the sandwich for her phone. “Here, find us something to listen to.”

The parking lot of the church is both small enough and filled with so many expensive cars that Remus isn’t willing to even attempt parking there, which Sirius is fine with, singing along with the music as she finds street parking a few blocks away, her bare feet propped against the dash, toes tapping along to the beat against the sun weathered plastic.

Sirius gets quiet and withdrawn as they make the short walk to the church, arms wrapped around her waist and the muscles in her face going taut, eyes darkening and losing their usual glittering mirth, and Remus isn’t sure what happened to bring her mood down, but doesn’t break the silence in case it was something that she did. 

Two men in red blazers welcome them as they step through the open doors, Remus nodding nervously in response, like if she dares to speak they’ll sense her sacrilegious, woman loving ways and toss her to the curb. She takes one of the programs they offer her, glancing down at it in confusion before Sirius snorts and puts a hand on her shoulder to get her to keep moving, nudging her through the group of people clustered in the doorway.

 Sirius puts a hand on her shoulder when they pause in the surprisingly cluttered lobby, all dusty plants and gold accents and weird statues, using her to keep her balance as she rises up on tiptoes and peers around, jaw working like she’s chewing on the inside of her cheek. After a second she gasps and takes off, weaving through the amassed church-goers, throwing her arms around a smaller girl that shares her features and coloring, hugging her tightly and bending to press her face into her hair. 

Remus isn’t really sure what she’s supposed to do now. Sirius had said she could sit in the back, or in her truck, so maybe she doesn’t want her to be around while she does her church things. She pulls her lower lip between her teeth, watching them for a moment and moves to slip away until Sirius turns and catches her eye, beckoning her forward. 

The two girls are murmuring to each other as she approaches, clutching on to each other's forearms with their foreheads pressed together, and the resemblance between them is almost uncanny. They have the same gray eyes and wavy black hair, the same pale skin, the same body type and build, and their dresses even look similar. The only differences she can really see is that Sirius is a little taller, and that the younger girl looks absolutely miserable, lips pulled down in a deep frown and purple bags beneath her bloodshot eyes.

The church bells start to ring and Sirius curses, drawing several nasty looks from the people nearby, leaning down to whisper something in the girl's ear before she kisses her cheek and wraps her up in a hug, the two of them clinging to each other for a few seconds. 

“Find me after, alright?” Sirius asks, cupping the girl's cheek, and she nods before slipping away. Sirius watches her go, lower lip trapped between her teeth and looking completely devastated before she turns to Remus with a tight smile. “C’mon, let's find our seats.”

Sirius directs them towards one of the pews in the very back row, scooting in against the wall and pulling her down to sit beside her. Remus settles herself on the wooden bench, trying not to think about the way that their elbows and thighs are pressed together, and tries to prepare herself for her first Catholic church service. 

It’s… a lot. There’s a lot of standing, kneeling, and standing again, interspersed with bouts of singing and sermon. The priest, or maybe he’s a deacon or a minister, she’s not familiar enough with Catholicism to know all the different titles and roles, is wearing a sort of dress thing, white collar pressing against his throat as he reads something in Latin, and honestly, she has no idea what is going on. 

She doesn’t participate, obviously, but to her surprise Sirius doesn’t either. She sits beside her, rigid and silent, her eyes fixed to the front as she picks nervously at her nails, ducking down a little when people start lining up in the aisles between pews to take communion and fully hiding behind her shoulder when the ushers pass by with the collection plate.

Remus’ ass has fallen asleep by the time the service is wrapping up, and the unforgiving seat is starting to make her hips hurt.

“Meet me outside,” Sirius whispers, leaning over to speak directly against her ear, and Remus gasps as her lips brush against her skin, leaving a sticky film of gloss behind. Sirius, luckily, does not notice this, quickly stepping over her legs and hurrying through the doors, making it out of the room just before the congregation can start flooding into the aisles. 

Remus chews on her lip before she eases her way out of the pew, slowly moving along with the crowd and pretending that she doesn’t hear someone who she’s pretty sure is a part of the church trying to greet her, taking in a deep breath when she steps out the front door into the chilly autumn air, jogging down the stairs and onto the sidewalk.

She checks her phone a few times as she waits, letting her hair hang in front of her eyes to avoid eye contact with the other people milling around, and she’s been standing there for almost ten minutes before she sees Sirius headed in her direction, walking quickly and looking anxious.

“Thank you, let’s go,” she says, grabbing Remus by the arm and hauling her along as she practically runs away, slowing her pace slightly and linking their elbows together when they’re half a block away from the church. “Sorry about that. So, did you think about where you wanted to eat lunch?”

“No, not really,” she says quietly, glancing over at her before looking over her shoulder as she wonders what they’re running from. “There’s, um. There’s a noodle place close to campus that’s pretty good.”

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Sirius says, voice breaking, and Remus isn’t sure what’s wrong. 

They walk in silence the rest of the way, and when they get back to the truck Remus once again unlocks the passenger door first before offering Sirius a hand up into the truck. Sirius takes it and clambers up into the seat, staring blankly out the window as Remus shuts her door and rounds the hood to climb into the driver’s seat. She just sits there for a moment, opening and closing her mouth a few times while stealing glances at Sirius from the corner of her eye, not really understanding what just happened. 

“Are you alright?” she finally asks, turning to look at her, worried at how upset she looks.

Sirius looks at her, opens her mouth, and bursts into tears. 

“Fuck, okay,” she mutters, reaching over to put a hand on Sirius’ shoulder to try to comfort her, startling when she turns and throws herself at her chest. Remus freezes for a split second before she wraps her arms around her, rubbing her upper back as she sobs against her chest. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Sirius gasps out, voice cracking, worming in closer when she shushes her. “I’m so-”

“Hey, it’s alright,” she murmurs, pulling at Sirius until she’s curled up on the bench seat beside her, knees pressed to her side and face tucked into the crook of her neck, weeping uncontrollably. “It’s alright, I’m right here. You’re okay. Just let it out, that’s it.”

She closes her eyes and tips her cheek against the top of Sirius’ head, trying not to fixate at the way she feels in her arms as she lets her cry herself out, making soothing noises beneath her breath and rubbing circles on her back. When she’s tapered off into hiccupy sobs Remus leans forward and fumbles for the glove box, pulling out a handful of fast food napkins and offering them to Sirius.

“Here. I’m sorry I don’t have anything better.”

“It’s fine, thank you,” she mumbles, blowing her nose before she starts wiping her face, mascara-tinted tracks staining both cheeks. “I’m so sorry about that. I didn’t mean to- I’m just so-” She shakes her head, swallowing down a sob as fresh tears well up along her lower lashes and spill over, running down her cheeks.

“Hey, it’s alright, don’t even worry about it,” she says soothingly, taking one of the napkins from the stack and wiping at her cheeks, trying to clean up her makeup for her. Sirius stares at her with wide, watery eyes, lower lip trembling. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not, um,” Sirius bites her lip, turning to glance out the back window. “Not here. Can we talk about it back at campus?”

“Alright.” She nods, taking the corner of a napkin wiping carefully beneath both her eyes, clearing away smudged eyeliner and fresh tears before she tosses the napkin on the floor, regretfully removing her arm from around Sirius’ shoulders. “Buckle your seatbelt and we can get out of here.”

She does up her own and starts the engine, and to her surprise Sirius stays right in the middle of the bench seat, pulling the belt across her lap and fastening it into place before she leans her head against her shoulder, tucking her face down against her arm and sniffling, moisture seeping through the sleeve of her shirt. 

She sits there for a moment, hands clenching around the steering wheel before she shifts into drive, glancing at the side mirror and over her shoulder as she pulls away from the curb. 

Sirius is quiet the entire ride home, the occasional tear still slipping down her cheeks, and she barely murmurs a response when Remus pulls into the drive-thru of a place near campus that sells sandwiches and salads, so she just does her best to guess what Sirius might like to eat. 

Although, it’s not really a guess, considering how much time she’s spent watching her this year. She could probably write an entire book about Sirius Black’s eating habits, so truly, ordering her lunch without any input was far easier than it should have been. 

Sirius climbs out behind her when she parks the truck in the lot closest to their building, sniffing and rubbing her nose against the back of her hand while shuffling her bare feet against the pavement, heels dangling from her hand as Remus locks the doors and grabs their food, quietly padding along beside her puts a hand on her elbow and leads her toward the doors.

Remus isn’t really sure what she’s supposed to do in this situation so she brings her back to her room with her, and while she’d normally be fucking thrilled to have Sirius standing in the middle of her dorm wearing a pretty little dress, right now she’s nearly overwhelmed by her concern and worry for the other girl. Watching her bawl her eyes out in the truck had been painful, and it feels wrong to see Sirius this quiet and dejected, eyes blank and dull instead of overflowing with their normal vibrancy.

She’s never seen Sirius be this quiet and still. 

She sighs and nudges the door closed, setting her keys, their food, and Sirius’ purse on her desk before she turns to look at her. She still looks so unfairly pretty, even with her eyes bloodshot and puffy, the tip of her nose red and raw from the cheap paper napkins, her cheeks a little blotchy and still with faint gray tracks from where her mascara ran. She has her arms wrapped around her waist, shoes pressed against her hip, staring vacantly at the wall.

Remus sighs and digs through her dresser, pulling out a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt, hesitating for a moment before grabbing a hoodie and a pair of fuzzy socks too, gently bumping her shoulder against Sirius’ before she holds them out towards her. 

“What-” Sirius blinks a few times, hands trembling as she reaches out to take the clothes. “What’s this?”

“I thought you might want to get more comfortable,” she says, feeling her cheeks go warm from embarrassment. “Sorry, that’s probably stupid, your room is just down the hall. I’ll just-”

“No.” Sirius clutches the clothes to her chest, stumbling back a step. “No, these are perfect, thank you.”

“No problem,” Remus says, smiling at her timidly until Sirius sets the clothes on the edge of her bed and reaches for the tie on the back of the dress, the front gaping open as she tugs the knot free and she catches a single glance at a lacy white bra before she garbles out a sound of alarm, spinning around to face the wall as her heart starts to race and panic wells up in her stomach.

Should she come out to her? She should probably come out to her. Actually, telling Sirius that she’s a lesbian seems vitally important at this point in time. She opens her mouth, gathering up her courage and pausing when she hears fabric hit the floor. She glances down and sees Sirius’ dress puddled around her ankles, grimacing as she looks up again, and decides that admitting that she likes girls while she, a girl, is naked and vulnerable in her room sounds like an absolutely terrible idea.

“You didn’t have to turn around, I’m not shy,” Sirius says, fabric rustling behind her while she opens her mouth and closes it again, gaping like a fish. “How the hell did you luck into ending up with a single?”

“Oh, um,” Remus blinks a few times while trying to focus, her entire brain focusing on the fact that Sirius is naked behind her. “Well, I’m a type-one diabetic. Apparently the person in charge of housing assignments didn’t understand what that actually means, so they put me in a single, because it has a handicap accessible bathroom and they thought that was something I needed.”

“Huh. I did not know that you were a diabetic. Is that why you wear the sticker thing on the back of your arm? It’s a blood sugar monitor, I assume?”

“Mhm, yeah. It monitors my glucose levels and dispenses insulin as needed.” She reaches around and self-consciously touches the little square of plastic through the fabric of her shirt, wondering how Sirius even saw it considering that she wears long sleeves most of the time, glancing down at Sirius' feet before humming beneath her breath. “It also sends out alerts if I get too low. The RA has had to bust in during the night a couple of times and force feed me apple juice when my blood sugar dropped.”

“Holy shit, that sounds terrifying. Especially since apparently all that stands between you and a coma is Bertha Jorkins, who I legitimately would not trust to even take care of a goldfish, I have no idea how she ended up as a resident advisor,” Sirius says, and then there are gentle fingers brushing over hers, sending a shiver racing down her spine. “You can turn around now, I’m decent.”

Remus turns around slowly, confirming that Sirius is in fact dressed, eyes flashing down to the floor and catching on her discarded bra before looking up again, heart clenching at how cute Sirius looks in her clothes. The pants are a little too short for her legs, leaving her ankles exposed and sitting low on her hips, just a smidge too snug based on the way they stretch around her thighs. The shirt is one of her dad’s that she stole when she left for school, hanging loosely and leaving one shoulder exposed, Sirius’ nipples pressing against the thin fabric when she inhales. 

She turns to grab the food before her raging hormones cause her to say something desperately horny, pausing as she watches Sirius dive onto her bed and stretch out on her stomach, burrowing down in her bedding. She hasn’t washed her sheets in a concerningly long amount of time. They are not clean. Sirius takes a deep breath before she rolls over and sits up, leaning down over her legs as she pulls on the fuzzy socks, tugging them up over her ankles.

Remus winces, hoping that her bed doesn't smell as gross as she thinks it probably does, especially considering what she got up to in it the night before, before she settles across from her. She crosses her legs beneath her as she opens the bag, pulling out cardboard containers and two styrofoam cups. “I wasn’t really sure what you would want, so I got you a chicken caesar wrap and a strawberry milkshake, and I got us an order of fries to share.”

“I was supposed to buy you lunch,” Sirius murmurs, frowning as she pulls two forks and a stack of napkins from the bag. “I’m so sorry, Remus, I-”

“Hush, it’s fine. You’re obviously having a bad day, I wasn’t about to start demanding that you pay for my food. It’s on me today, alright?” She glances up at her, flipping open the lid on her club sandwich before she takes a sip of her smoothie, letting the cold wash away the lump in her throat. “Do you want to talk about it? You don’t have to, but... Well, I’m here if you want to talk.”

Sirius looks up at her, eyes flicking between her own, and Remus forces herself to hold her gaze. After a handful of seconds she nods, clearly having come to some sort of decision, one corner of her mouth ticking up as she looks at her. She feels herself blush in response, finally letting her eyes drop to the bed, still able to feel the weight of her gaze on her skin.

“The long and short of it is that my family sucks,” Sirius says with a sigh, reaching back and pulling the ribbon from her hair, letting it fall around her face and shoulders. 

“I left home when I was seventeen,” she says after a moment, reaching forward and stealing one of the fries from the box, blowing on it before she takes a bite. “My parents are just… fuck, they’re the worst. Homophobic, transphobic, racist, xenophobic, they pretty much tick all the boxes on the ‘we’re terrible people’ checklist. They tried to make me come home after I ran away, but… Do you know Jamie? My best friend?”

“Mhm.” She’s only ever spoken to the pretty, messy haired girl with glasses a handful of times, but she’s spent enough of her time this year observing Sirius to know about the people she hangs out with. 

“Well, her parents are lawyers. They’re the ones that took me in after I left, and managed to fight my parents off long enough for me to turn eighteen, at which point they couldn’t legally do anything to bring me home. The only problem is that I had to leave my little brother behind.”

Remus’ brow furrows, mouth starting to open before Sirius glances up at her, eyes sharp and bordering on angry, which makes her pause, taking a moment to think through the situation. 

“Oh,” she says after a few seconds, remembering the way Sirius clung to the person who looked so much like her, the unbridled misery in his eyes, the uncomfortable way he’d held himself in his dress. “Oh no. I’m so sorry, that…”

“Yeah,” Sirius says when she trails off, unable to find any acceptable words. Her teeth grit together as she plucks a piece of chicken out of her wrap, popping it between her lips, her jaw jutting out as she chews. “He’s seventeen now, and only has to hold out for a little less than a year, but it’s actively killing him to stay in that house. They’ve got him on such a short leash that he can barely piss without one of them breathing down his neck. They took his phone away when they found out that he was still texting me, so he can’t even get a fucking scrap of love or support. Literally the only time I can see him now is at church, and we have to sneak around behind our parents backs to do it, because if they find out that I go there they’ll take that away too.”

“I’m so sorry,” she murmurs, the words feeling cheap and inadequate. Sirius just shrugs, looking down at her food, twisting her milkshake cup between her hands before she takes a sip, a pink droplet clinging to her lower lip before she swipes it away with her tongue. “It’s good that he has you, at least. Even having just one person in your corner can make such a big difference.”

“He named himself Regulus,” she says after a moment, a small smile tugging at her lips as she looks up, eyes watering. “That way we could match and both have star names.”

“That’s beautiful,” Remus says, reaching over and grabbing her tissue box off the nightstand, setting it on the bed next to Sirius’ knee. “You must be a really great big sister, then, if he picked his name because of you.”

Sirius lets out a noise that sounds suspiciously like a sob, shaking her head. “I’m not. I left him there.”

“Was it killing you too?” she asks quietly, stomach sinking as Sirius blinks in confusion. “To stay in that house.”

“Oh. Yeah, yeah it was.” She shakes her head, picking at the edge of her wrap, mindlessly tearing off little pieces of the tortilla. "I, uh... Well, I tried it. Didn’t stick, obviously.”

Remus’ throat goes dry, fingers spasming around a french fry and turning it to mush in her palm, watching as Sirius makes a little pile of tortilla crumbs next to her wrap. “I’m glad,” she says eventually, giving her a brittle smile when she meets her eyes. “That it didn’t stick. Not just for your sake, but for Regulus’ too.”

“Yeah,” Sirius rasps, blinking a few times before she sniffles, taking one of the tissues and wiping her face. “Yeah, me too.”

They eat in silence for a few minutes, her eyes darting up constantly to take in Sirius’ appearance, her slumped shoulders and dejected expression, watching the way she picks listlessly at her food, letting out a quiet sniff before reaching up to run her finger beneath her eyes, skin shiny and wet when she lowers her hand again, and Remus nods to herself as she accepts that she is completely and utterly fucked. 

“So, do you need a ride again next week?” she asks, toying with her napkin when Sirius looks up, her brows furrowed in confusion. “To go see your brother.”

“Really?” Sirius asks, voice raspy. “You’d do that for me?”

“Yeah, of course. It wasn’t so bad. I liked looking at all the stained glass, it was really pretty, and the service was kind of interesting. I, um,” she licks her lips, looking down at her lap and shrugging her shoulders as Sirius continues to stare at her. “I don’t know if you have a way that you normally get there, but I figured I would offer anyway, just in case.”

“I’d love that,” Sirius says, smiling at her when she glances up. “Jamie can’t take me because the team has mandatory practice on Sundays, and she offered to lend me her car, but I don’t know how to drive, nor do I have a license. Petra would, but she goes home on the weekends because her mom is sick, and I can’t ask that of her. I used to take the bus but they cut the earliest line as of last weekend, which means I wouldn’t get there until after the service was already over. I- Thank you, Remus. I can’t tell you how much this means to me. And I promise that I’ll start paying you properly for your services, I- Actually, hang on.”

Sirius pats the bed around her and looks around, climbing off the bed and snatching her purse off the desk, digging around in it while balancing it on her knee before plucking two crisp twenties out of her wallet and holding them out towards her. “Here, for gas and lunch.”

Remus looks at her for a second before she reaches out and takes one of the twenties, folding it in half and tucking it between her water bottle on her nightstand. “I’m not letting you pay for lunch today. That’s on me because you’re having a shitty day, and frankly, it’s the least I can do. Also, I know my truck is old, but the gas mileage isn’t that bad, so this covers next week too.”

“Okay,” Sirius says, pulling her lower lip between her teeth as she smiles, dropping her purse on the desk chair before she climbs back onto the bed again, kneeling across from her. “But I’m buying your lunch next week, no ifs ands or buts about it.”

“Okay,” she huffs, smiling as Sirius grins and bounces a little on her knees, watching her as she picks up her wrap and takes a huge bite, pleased that she’s finally eating properly instead of just picking at the food.

Sirius ends up hanging out for another two hours, poking around her dorm and snooping through her things, talking a mile a minute and being effortlessly funny in a way that makes her laugh until her sides ache. She asks about her parents and her hometown, wheedling her until she shows her some pictures of herself when she was younger, and when she eventually gets ready to leave she leans over and wraps her in a tight hug, pressing her face into the crook of her neck.

“Thank you for today,” she whispers, swallowing audibly when Remus tentatively loops her arms around her waist. “Not just for the ride, but for all of it. Truly, thank you.”

“It’s no problem,” she rasps, gnawing on the inside of her cheek as Sirius squeezes her gently and pulls away, still dressed in her clothes as she gathers up her own, tucking them beneath her arm and hooking her purse over her arm. “I’m here anytime you need me.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.” Sirius grins, teeth digging into her lower lip. “See you later, Remus.”

“Bye,” she says quietly, watching as she slips out the door, and she just sits there, lost in the memory of what it had felt like to be in Sirius’ arms, her breasts pressed against her chest, before she flops backwards onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

She’s pretty sure she’s going to fall in love with her. Fuck, she’s probably more than half-way there already, based on the way her stomach is fluttering and her heart is aching like a bruise inside her chest, and realistically she knows that this can only end in heartbreak.

Even knowing that, however, isn’t enough of a threat to stop her from doing it anyway.

Later that night she finds Sirius’ hair ribbon tucked beneath one of the folds of her blanket and spends the rest of her evening running it through her fingers, winding it around the joints until it starts to cut off her circulation, occasionally lifting it to her nose to catch a whiff of her scent. Before she goes to bed she loops it around the strap of her messenger bag, tying it in a neat little bow, so that she’ll remember to give it back next time she sees her.

When she finally falls asleep she dreams of black hair and silver eyes, and of swallowing icy blue liquid that burns in her throat, setting her on fire from the inside out as hands stroke over her flesh, and wakes up so close to coming that all it takes to push her over the edge is the slight pressure of cupping herself through the damp fabric of her shorts, whining and twitching as her orgasm courses through her.

Two days later she’s curled up in one of the gross, stained lounge chairs in the library, laptop balanced on her knees and headphones over her ears, slogging her way through an essay when Sirius perches herself on the arm of her chair.

Her fingers freeze on the keyboard, staring blankly at her screen before she tilts her head back, breath catching in her throat as Sirius smiles down at her. She reaches up to push her headphones down around her neck, mashing her thumb against the buttons until her music stops playing, once again lost in a cloud of Sirius’ scent.

“Hey,” she rasps, looking down at where Sirius’ legging clad hip is pressed against her shoulder before glancing up towards her face again, lips automatically curling up at the corners from her mere presence. “What’s up?”

“Nothing really.” Sirius shrugs before she twists around and tucks her feet into the space between Remus’ spread legs, running a hand through her hair as she yawns. “I saw you sitting over here all by yourself and thought I’d come say hi. Are you busy?”

“Not really,” she says as she closes her laptop and sets it aside, even though she really needs to finish that essay. “I like your shirt.”

Sirius smirks, tugging at the neckline of Remus’ dads shirt, draped low over one shoulder with her black bra strap cutting across the flawless pale skin on display. “Thank you. I actually stole it, you know, so I’m hoping the person I stole it from doesn’t notice. It’s just so comfortable, there’s no way I could have possibly given it back.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” she says, lips twitching at the corners as she fights the urge to smile. “Besides, I’m sure it looks much better on you than the person you stole it from.”

“Oh hush,” Sirius murmurs, tapping the tips of her fingers against her shoulder, the light touch reverberating all the way down into her bones. “Wanna go to the dining hall with me? I have cramps and would kill for something deep fried right now.”

Remus stares up at her, digging her teeth into her bottom lip, and once again thinks about how badly this is going to crush her in the end.

“I might have a better idea. Have you ever been to that gross looking burger place in town? The one that looks like an abandoned shack? They’re really good, and I’m pretty sure the only thing they don’t deep fry are the burgers themselves. They’ve got cheese sticks, chili cheese fries, fried pickles, jalapeno poppers, and like, an absurd number of deep fried vegetables. Oh, and they also do these fried mac and cheese bites that-”

“Remus, stop, I was on board literally the second you said cheese sticks,” Sirius says with a groan, tugging on the end of one of her curls before she climbs off the chair, holding a hand out towards her and wiggling her fingers when she doesn’t immediately take it. “You’re coming with me, right? I can’t eat a smorgasbord of fried foods by myself, that would just be sad.”

“Yeah,” she rasps, shivering slightly as she puts her hand in Sirius’ and lets her pull her to her feet, hesitating for a second before she finally lets go and reaches for her laptop, stuffing it in her bag. “Do you want to invite your friends?”

“Nah, they’re busy.” Sirius watches her sling the strap of her bag over head before her gaze drops, staring at where her hair ribbon is looped around the metal d-ring. Remus starts to reach for it until Sirius gives her a blinding grin, throwing an arm around her shoulders and squeezing her before she steers her towards the door. “Is it close enough to walk or do we have to wait for the bus?”

“No, I’ll just drive us,” she says, feeling the way her cheeks grow even warmer when Sirius looks down at her with one brow arched, glancing down at the ribbon still tied to the strap of her bag. “What’s the point of having a truck if I don’t use it?”

“Okay.” Sirius hums, nodding a few times before her tongue darts out to lick across her bottom lip, and Remus is transfixed by the moisture left behind. “Alright, how do you feel about a slight adjustment to the plan? What if we go pick up a disgusting amount of food, bring it back to campus, and then hole up in one of our rooms and have a movie marathon while we stuff our faces? You’re done with classes for the day, right?”

“Yeah,” she chokes out, throat spasming when Sirius’ thumb brushes against the underside of her jaw. “Yeah, that sounds great.”

“Awesome.” Sirius grins at her before launching into a conversation about her favorite movies, feigning outrage when Remus says that she’s never watched Clueless and ruffling her curls while she teases her, keeping her tucked beneath her arm and pressed against her side all the way across campus to her truck. 

The next couple of months fall into a sort of routine, one that Remus would have never been able to predict at the beginning of the year, occasionally caught completely off guard by how much things have changed in such a short amount of time.

Every single Sunday morning she wakes up early and meets Sirius in front of their building, and just like the first time she always brings coffee and breakfast for them both. They pile into her truck and make the drive to church, spirits high on the way there, Sirius laughing and chattering and singing along to the music, and then they ride home in silence, Sirius morose and quiet and sniffling quietly while tucked against her side. 

Remus learns slightly more about Catholicism, entirely against her will, though she does start sneaking a book along to keep herself entertained, hiding it in her lap and reading throughout the service. She gets the chance to actually meet Regulus, who is quiet and shy and leaks despair from his every pore, and she occasionally runs interference to allow Sirius to have more time with her younger brother.

She eats at so many new restaurants that she never would have thought to stop by otherwise, because after the first two weeks she insists that they take turns picking where to eat lunch, which Sirius begrudgingly allows after she outright refuses to pick, and it turns out that they have wildly different food preferences. 

Remus discovers that she does in fact like sushi. She’d always thought it was kind of gross, but then Sirius said she wanted it one day when things had seemed worse than normal, her hands shaking and voice breaking with every word, and Remus had nearly hurt herself in her haste to find the closest sushi restaurant. Then again, she’d probably eat a tin can if Sirius asked her to, so raw fish and rice isn’t really that bad by comparison. 

When they get back to campus Sirius always follows her to her dorm and steals some of her clothes to wear, the two of them hanging out together for the rest of the day, and it becomes their new normal for Sirius to fall asleep at the foot of her bed in the middle of the afternoon, curled up around her teddy bear that her mom had insisted she take to college with her, always giving her the softest, sweetest smile when she wakes up a few hours later.

Remus always gets herself off after she leaves, choking on her own guilt and the faint, lingering scent of Sirius’ perfume, feeling like the worst sort of person after she’s come down from her orgasm. That doesn’t stop her from doing it, though, and honestly she can’t remember the last time she touched herself to the thought of anything that wasn’t Sirius. Last time she tried looking at porn she was completely uninterested in all of the very attractive women because they didn’t fit her very specific criteria, which happens to be a perfect match for the girl who has taken up residence in her head and heart.

Sirius also starts seeking her out throughout the week. 

She’ll be eating by herself in the dining hall or studying in the library and Sirius will drop into the chair next to hers with no preamble, sometimes on her own and sometimes with her friends Jamie and Petra in tow, immediately launching into some story about her day while Remus just stares at her in a mixture of baffled fondness and bone-deep need.  

She gets invited along to parties and group study sessions and even a trip to the movies, which was possibly the single most awkward thing she’s ever experienced, because the guy they met there clearly thought he was going out on a date with Sirius. He spent the entire evening glaring at her and grumbling when Sirius held her hand every time something scary happened on screen, his own open hand laying sadly on his armrest while Sirius clung to her. Remus tried not to be too smug about it when Sirius hid her face against her shoulder, delicate fingers laced between her own, shoving popcorn in her mouth by the fistful to hide her uncontrollable smile. 

Sirius also texts her constantly with snarky comments about her classmates or silly memes, or her favorite to date, a video of two seagulls squabbling over something that Sirius captioned ‘it’s me and you fighting over the last piece of cheesy bread.’ Her heart trips over itself every time her phone buzzes, scrambling to see if Sirius has texted her, and she wanders around campus looking like an idiot most of the time, unable to stop smiling at whatever she’s sent her.

She’s pretty sure that Jamie and Petra have caught onto her massive, embarrassing crush if the secret, amused glances they share are anything to go by, but Sirius’ behavior hasn’t changed at all, so she doesn’t let herself worry about it too much.

She’s also aware that Sirius steals even more of her clothes after she wears them back to her dorm and doesn’t give them back, but she can’t bring herself to mind, especially when she spots Sirius across the student center on one blisteringly cold winter morning dressed in one of her sweaters, and she spends the rest of the day stumbling around and tripping over her words, stuck in some sort of love struck haze. 

And it is love, at this point. 

It’s settled in her bones and spread vines throughout her chest, squeezing around her heart and lungs, leaking into her cells and blood stream. She’s so in love with Sirius that it hurts. It keeps her awake at night and twists her stomach into queasy knots whenever she has to watch as Sirius flirts with some guy, quietly and painfully pining after her, but that doesn’t stop her from clinging to her side anyway, basking in the warmth of Sirius’ attention. 

It isn’t until winter has decided to take its leave, the last of the snow melting and grass poking up through the muddy soil, that Remus realizes that she and Sirius are friends.

Chapter Text

“Hey, Moony,” Sirius says as she drops into the chair across from her in the lounge, dressed in a pair of fuzzy pajama pants that Remus is pretty sure are actually hers based on how short they are and a cropped tank top, her belly button piercing gleaming in the light, giving her a shit-eating grin before holding a napkin wrapped donut out towards her. “Any interest in splitting this with me?”

“Sure, Padfoot” she says, rolling her eyes at the stupid nickname that Sirius has started calling her, even though it does make her stomach fill with butterflies every time she hears it, though not more than when she calls her babe. The first time Sirius called her that she tripped over her own feet and tumbled down onto the sidewalk, having to pretend that she was fine all while her stomach twisted itself into knots and her brain tried to leak out her ears, and then she’d had to remain calm as Sirius forcibly dragged her to the health center for bandaids for her skinned palms and knees despite the way she wanted to scream.

She leans forward and accepts half of the chocolate frosted donut, holding it awkwardly on her palm and breathing through her parted lips as she watches Sirius lick her fingers clean before sucking them into her mouth. She’s going to have a stroke one of these days, she just knows it. Sirius does things to her blood pressure that surely cannot be good for her.

“Oh shit, I almost forgot, I have something for you,” Remus says, giving her head a little shake to clear her thoughts before she takes the donut between her teeth, rooting around in her messenger bag until her fingers finally close around the little mesh bag she’s been carrying for the past few days. She licks the crumbs off her lips as she grabs the donut, holding the bag out towards Sirius. “Well, for you and Regulus.”

Sirius’ brows furrow together, eyes darting up to her face and flicking between her own before she returns her attention to the bag, reaching out and taking it, rubbing it between her fingers before she loosens the tie and tips the contents out onto her palm. She gasps, the air catching in her throat, staring down with wide, shiny eyes before she looks up again.

“Did you make these?”

“Mhm.” Remus gnaws her lower lip as she watches Sirius pick up the two bracelets, letting them dangle from her fingertips, the chain gleaming beneath the fluorescent lights. “I’m taking that intro to art class and the professor let us fuck around with jewelry making last week. I know that they’re… feminine, I guess you could say, but I thought that the colors were subtle enough that Regulus would be able to get away with wearing it without your parents noticing what it was. Tell him I’ll make him a more masculine version for his birthday if he wants.”

Sirius blinks rapidly, rubbing her thumb against the tiny sky blue, pink, and white gemstone beads, each separated with a tiny metal ball, letting the silver chain slide over her fingers before she slips one of them back into the bag, clutching it in her hand and pressing it against her chest before holding the other out towards her. “Will you put it on for me?”

“Yeah, of course.” She sets her things aside and takes the bracelet, looping it around Sirius’ slender wrist, letting herself indulge in rubbing her thumb over the delicate bones on the back of her hand as she fastens the clasp, twisting the bracelet around until it’s positioned correctly, giving her fingers a little squeeze as she looks up. “There. How’s it- oh.”

She gasps as Sirius throws herself into her lap, straddling her legs and wrapping her arms around her tightly, tucking her face against the side of her throat as she sniffles. She belatedly raises her hands, shivering when she touches the bare skin of Sirius’ lower back before she returns the hug, looping her arms around her and closing her eyes as her hair tickles her face.

“Thank you so much,” Sirius whispers into the fabric of her shirt, her voice thick with unshed tears, clearing her throat before she speaks again. “Thank you, Remus. He’s going to love it. I love it, it’s beautiful. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she whispers back, letting herself bask in the closeness, breathing in the scent of her shampoo and letting it settle on the back of her tongue.

Sirius, as she’s learned, is very physically affectionate. 

She’s always reaching out to touch her in some way, grabbing her arm or her shoulder or her hand, leaning against her when they’re sitting side-by-side or curling up against her when they’re lying on her bed. It’s not just her that she does it to, she’s seen her hanging all over her friends and other people around campus, but Remus hoards the affection like a dragon curling itself around a pile of gold, tucking them into that little spot between her ribs that aches when she thinks of Sirius, letting the casual touches soothe the ragged edges around her heart.

She makes herself stay present for these moments that steal the breath from her lungs, letting herself melt into Sirius’ arms, consoling herself with the fact that even if this is all that she ever gets from her that it’s more than enough.

She’s grateful enough for Sirius’ presence in her life to take what she can get.

Remus glances up from her laptop at a muffled sound that just barely catches her attention, frowning as she pushes her headphones down around her neck, soft music spilling tinnily from the speakers as she stabs at the power button. She waits, and after a moment there’s a soft tap at her door, her frown deepening as she swings herself out of bed and tosses her headphones towards her desk.

“Hey,” she says, blinking in surprise when she opens the door to reveal Sirius standing there, tugging at the hem of her t-shirt as she takes her in. 

Sirius is dressed in a pair of those obscenely short shorts and a sports bra, feet stuffed into her fuzzy slippers and hair pulled up into a high ponytail, looking like something straight out of one of her naughty fantasies, minus the backpack and duffel bag slung over her shoulder. Her eyes dip momentarily, catching on her belly button piercing, the ball on the end shaped like a butterfly that sits inside her navel, and she stares at it for a second before she jerks her attention away, sucking in a breath before returning her gaze to her face.

“What’s up? I thought you were cramming for your calculus test tonight.”

“Yeah, that was the plan,” Sirius huffs, running her tongue over her bottom lip before she bites down on it, rolling her eyes and fluttering her lashes. “Except that Jamie invited her boyfriend over to stay the night and it’s kind of hard to concentrate when she’s begging to suck his dick. Would it be alright if I crashed with you tonight? I don’t think I’m going to get anymore studying done but I can not listen to the two of them trying to sneakily fuck for another second.”

“Yeah,” she rasps, blinking a few times to make sure that she’s actually awake and hasn’t dozed off in front of her computer. She’s had a dream, many dreams, actually, that started exactly like this. “Yeah, of course, that’s fine. I only have a single bed, though, so- I mean, I could sleep on the floor or something-”

“No, don’t worry about that, we can just cuddle up and share. I call dibs on being the big spoon,” Sirius says, nose scrunching as she grins and winks, stepping past her into her room.

Remus spends a few shell-shocked seconds staring out into the hallway before she turns and lets the door swing closed, watching as Sirius dumps her bags on the floor and bends over to rummage through them, tossing a few articles of clothing over the back of her desk chair, the hem of her shorts riding up so far that the bottom of her ass cheeks are hanging out. 

She focuses on the curve where her butt meets her thigh, the skin slightly reddened from where her shorts have dug in, and wants to sink her teeth into that little crease of flesh so badly that she gets dizzy from it. She just stands there, mouth hanging open as she stares at her, until something wet hits her foot and she realizes that she’s literally drooling, making a disgusting noise as she tries to suck it back into her mouth, scrubbing at her mouth and chin with the sleeve of her shirt.

“I brought my clothes for church in the morning,” Sirius says, thankfully taking no notice of the way she’s making a fool of herself behind her, reaching back and hooking a finger beneath the hem of her shorts to try to pull them down, though Remus is pretty sure she only makes things worse, the shorts riding up even further than before. “So I hope it’s alright if I get ready here in the morning. Oh shit, I forgot, I stole Jamie’s snacks on my way out the door. Want some candy? Or there’s a bag of chips here.”

“Sure, whatever is fine.” She barely manages to catch the peanut butter cup Sirius tosses towards her, tearing open the wrapper and biting into it as she makes herself at home, kicking off her slippers and diving onto the bed, letting out a sigh as she stretches out on her stomach, all while Remus wonders how much further her shorts can possibly ride up. 

The sight of nearly her entire ass hanging out is either a gift from the gods or some sort of divine punishment, and she honestly can’t decide which one it might be. Both, perhaps. A reminder of the forbidden fruit that she can look at but never touch.

She absentmindedly shoves the rest of the candy into her mouth, watching the way Sirius’ muscles shift as she moves, her back arching in the most delectable way, sucking in a gasp and nearly choking when Sirius sits up and reaches for her laptop, frantically trying to swallow the melted mess of peanut butter and chocolate in her mouth as she stumbles forward. “Wait a second, I-”

“Ooh, tumblr,” Sirius says, fingers skating across the trackpad, her face bathed in cool blue light as her eyes flick across the screen. “Oh, that’s cute. Oh, that’s cuter. God, I’d kill for my cleavage to look like that. Where do all these women get their lingerie?”

“I’m not sure,” she says timidly, internally bemoaning the fact that she left her computer open and in plain sight, perching on the bed beside her and glancing towards the screen. Luckily her dash seems to be relatively tame tonight, but there’s enough posts that scream desperate horny lesbian to make her nervous, especially when Sirius pauses for a moment on a woman in a very suggestive pose, tilting her head to the side for a moment before she clicks the like button and scrolls on.

She swallows roughly, glancing at her from the corner of her eye, and decides that she finally needs to come clean about the fact that she’s queer if they’re going to be sleeping in the same twin-sized bed tonight. She’s tried to tell her countless times over the last few months and always lost her nerve at the last second, but something about the thought of sleeping pressed against Sirius all night without telling her makes her feel dirty and wrong, the guilt rising in her throat when she remembers all the times she’s let Sirius cuddle up to her over the past few months. She really should have told her sooner.

“Sirius, I’m a lesbian,” she bursts out after several minutes of mentally wrestling with herself, practically screaming the words before immediately recoiling and hugging her knees against her chest, waiting for the anger and disgust she knows is heading her way.

“I thought you were American,” Sirius mumbles distractedly, not even looking away from the screen, pausing a moment later and glancing up at her when she doesn’t say anything else, a brow arching when she takes in her surely gobsmacked expression. “Moony, what’s wrong? Why the hell do you look so freaked out right now?”

“I- You- I-” she stammers, feeling lost. Did she already tell her at some point? Was the experience so traumatic that she simply blocked it out? “I’m a lesbian.”

“I know,” Sirius says slowly, setting her laptop aside and turning to face her. “I’m sorry, was I not supposed to know?”

“No! I mean, yeah, it’s just-” Remus breaks off and shakes her head, rubbing a hand over her mouth when she feels her lower lip quiver. “It’s not exactly a secret, but I’m also not really out. I didn’t think you knew.”

Sirius smiles, laughing softly before she leans over and smacks a kiss against her cheek, throwing her arms around her and tucking her beneath her chin. “Remus, babe, I mean this in a good way, but I would have been more shocked if you weren’t a lesbian. Everything about you screams queer. You also have the lesbaian pride flag on your wall, and you have pride pins on your bag, lanyard, and in your truck.” 

Sirius hooks a finger beneath her chin, forcing her to look up and meet her eye. “Also, you stare at women far too much to not have an interest in them. I know you think you’re trying to be sneaky but your face flushes bright red every time you see a pretty girl, it’s adorable.”

She stares at her, open-mouthed and filled with panic, before she groans and flops back onto the bed, stuffing her head under her pillow as she lets out a loud whine. “Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve been working up the courage to tell you for months and you already knew?”

“I thought you knew that I knew!” Sirius says with a laugh, the bed shifting beneath her as she moves, and then she’s stretching out along her side as Remus tries not to focus on the way her breasts are pressing against her arm. She grumbles as the pillow is removed from her face, pouting up at Sirius, who grins down at her before chuckling. “Oh, Moony, don’t be embarrassed. It’s fine, babe, I promise.”

“Okay,” she grumbles, scrubbing a hand over her face and taking a deep breath before she returns her eyes to Sirius, who is leaning down over her, close enough that she can feel her breath on her skin every time she exhales, goosebumps spreading across her skin as she shivers. “I was really scared you were going to be upset with me or hate me because of it.”

“Babe, no. First off, why the hell would I be upset? You know all about Reggie, did you think I’d be cool with trans people but draw the line at gay people? Like, sure, change your gender, but don’t even think about liking the same sex now? That would be the most complicated version of homophobia to keep up with, it would be so exhausting. Second of all, thank you for telling me, but nothing you could ever do would make me hate you, okay?”

“Okay.” Remus laughs weakly, smiling up at her. “Thanks for being cool about it.”

“Don’t thank me for that.” Sirius bites down on her lip and wrinkles her nose, reaching out to poke her cheek. “You’re so cute. Your whole face is so pink I can barely see your freckles.”

“Oh, fuck off,” she grouses, sighing when Sirius fiddles with her septum piercing, tugging at it gently and tapping the end of her nose before running her fingers through her hair, gently separating her curls. “You’re going to make it all frizzy if you keep that up.”

“Hush, we both know you’re going to shower in the morning anyway,” Sirius murmurs, eyes flicking down to hers before she focuses on her hair, twisting the strands around her fingers. “Can we watch a movie or something before we go to bed?”

“Sure,” she rasps, nearly purring like a cat when Sirius scratches at her scalp. “We should brush our teeth first, though, because otherwise I’ll forget and fall asleep without doing it.”

“Good idea,” Sirius says, rolling over her body and climbing off the bed, all while Remus thinks about what it felt like to be pressed beneath her weight for one blessed fraction of a second. Sirius smiles down at her and pats the outside of her thigh, her breath sticking in her throat at the feel of Sirius’ fingers on her bare thigh. “C’mon, let's go get ready for bed.”

She watches Sirius grab her bag and walk away, staring at her ass and trying to calm her racing heart, groaning quietly before she swings her legs over the side and gets up to follow her. 

She’s already standing in front of the sink by the time she makes it to the bathroom, hair let down from her ponytail and hanging loose over her shoulders, one long, lean leg folded up, her bare foot braced against her knee like a flamingo, toothbrush hanging from the corner of her mouth, having changed at some point from the sports bra into a baggy t-shirt. There’s a hole beneath the sleeve of the shirt, showing off a tantalizing little glimpse of her alabaster skin, her ribs and muscles shifting beneath her flesh as she moves.

Sometimes Remus really wishes Sirius was less beautiful.

It would make all of these complicated, gnawing emotions in her chest so much easier to handle if Sirius was just average. Not even ugly, but normal. Instead she’s standing in front of her looking like an actual goddess, eyes flashing in the mirror as she smiles at her, leaning forward to spit a mouthful of foamy spit in the sink, which she watches in rapt attention, stomach twisting as she watches a droplet fall from her lower lip. 

Fuck, now she’s actually jealous of her sink. She’s a disgusting pervert who needs to be neutered like a dog that won’t stop humping things, and she doubts Sirius would be cool with her recently admitted lesbianism if she knew that Remus could feel her underwear growing wet at the thought of her spitting on her. She definitely wouldn’t want to sleep in the same bed as her if she knew that she was wondering what her spit tastes like, or thinking about what it would feel like if it landed on her skin, launched from Sirius’ pursed pink lips.

Remus walks forward like a man headed to the gallows, feet dragging against the floor, stepping up beside Sirius and grabbing her toothbrush, squeezing a glob of toothpaste onto the bristles before she meets her eyes in the mirror, holding her gaze as she starts to brush.

They don’t even look like they’re the same species of human when standing side by side like this. 

Sirius looks like a supermodel that’s posing for some sort of sleepover themed photo shoot, whereas Remus looks scrawny and frumpy in her oversized clothes, the color washed out of her skin beneath the fluorescent lights, leaving her looking wan and pale, freckles standing out obnoxiously and her dirty blonde curls in a frizzy halo around her head. She hums and shifts her weight, the top of her head level with Sirius’ chin, and watches the way the tendons in Sirius’ arm shifts as she brushes her teeth. 

“I like your boxers,” Sirius mumbles around her toothbrush, leaning forward to spit again. “The little mushrooms are cute.”

“Thanks,” Remus mumbles, watching as her own cheeks go pink in the mirror, wondering how many times she’s fucking blushed in front of Sirius over the last few months.

They hold eye contact, brushing their teeth, until Sirius gets this sly little look on her face, poking the toothbrush against the inside of her cheek a few times and letting out this whiny little moan, cackling when Remus chokes and spits all over the mirror.

“Jesus Christ,” she gasps, bending over the sink as she dribbles toothpaste and spit from her mouth, cupping her hand beneath the tap and wiping away the foamy mess dripping down her chin, knowing that she’ll never get the image of Sirius miming a blowjob with her toothbrush out of her head. That shit is going to stick.

Sirius giggles behind her, looking way too pleased with herself when she looks up, and Remus watches her for a second before she huffs and rinses her toothbrush, grabbing a handful of toilet paper to try to wipe the mirror clean. Sirius puts a hand on her waist when she leans forward to spit again, pressing against her back, and Remus watches her reflection in the mirror as her blush deepens and spreads. 

No wonder Sirius clocked her as a lesbian if this is what her face has been doing every single time they’ve touched over the last few months. She may as well slap a neon sign above her head that says raging homosexual. 

Sirius grins at her and winks before she bends forward to rinse her mouth out, splashing some water on her face before grabbing a bottle of face wash from her bag, lathering it between her hands before she starts massaging her face in little circles. Remus tosses the toilet paper towards the trash can, the mirror is a lost cause at this point, filmy and streaked to hell, leaning to the side and peering into her toiletry bag. 

She’s always been a bare minimum kind of girl when it comes to personal hygiene. She showers and makes sure to scrub the important bits, washes her face, brushes and flosses her teeth, wears deodorant, and she even started moisturizing when she realized her dry skin was causing her to break out. The only extra thing she ever does is spritz on a little of the perfume her mom got her, which smells smoky and spicy and sort of masculine. She doesn’t even shave anymore. She can’t be bothered, honestly, and she’s gotten used to the nasty looks people give her for daring to have visible body hair as a woman. 

Because of all that she has no idea what all the gels, serums, creams, and sprays in Sirius’ bag are for. She truly doesn’t even know if they’re all meant for your face, or if some of these are meant to be used on other parts of your body. Maybe she should have been paying more attention to her mom’s routine over the years.

“You can borrow something if you want,” Sirius says, rinsing her face before she reaches for Remus’ towel, which definitely isn’t cleaning, patting her skin dry with it. 

“I’m okay,” she rasps, wondering what part of her body touched the towel that’s touching Sirius’ face, giving her head a little shake before she reaches into the bag, pulling out a bottle of perfume and sniffing the nozzle. “This smells nice.”

“Thanks.” Sirius smiles, pulling out a bottle with a little dropper, drizzling some sort of clear liquid over her cheeks before she rubs it in with her fingertips. “That’s the one I wear everyday.”

Oh, Remus knows. 

She’s well aware of what Sirius smells like, and when she was home during Christmas break she slipped away from her mom at the mall, embarrassing the hell out of herself in the Sephora perfume section as she sniffed all the little tester bottles until she found the one that smelled like Sirius. She couldn’t afford to buy a bottle, but she thoroughly saturated one of those little sample cards and tucked it into her wallet, occasionally pulling it out to give it a little sniff.

“That makes sense,” Remus says, carefully returning the bottle to the bag. “You always smell really good.”

“Thanks babe,” Sirius says, beaming at her before she moves onto the next step in her routine, dotting some sort of cream beneath her eyes, and then some sort of gel that she combs through her eyelashes and brows. Remus watches her for a bit before she realizes she’s just staring, open-mouthed, like a creep, quickly smearing some moisturizer on her face before slipping out into her room. 

She takes the opportunity to pick some of the dirty clothes off the floor, stuffing them into her laundry bag, giving her armpits a little sniff and swiping on some deodorant before she settles herself on the edge of her bed, grabbing her laptop and plugging it into the charger. She navigates to Netflix, which is logged into Sirius’ account, leaving it on the home page as she fluffs the pillows and brushes crumbs off her sheets, arranging the laptop on the nightstand where they’ll be able to see it from the bed. 

“Did you find something for us to watch?” Sirius asks as she exits the bathroom, turning off the overhead lights before she crawls onto the bed beside her, the room lit only by the screen of the laptop and her dim tabletop lamp.

“No, you pick,” Remus mutters, trying not to think about the way their bare thighs are pressed together, Sirius’ ankle hooking around hers as she leans forward to scroll through the categories. “Nothing scary, though, otherwise you won’t sleep tonight.”

“Shut up,” Sirius mumbles, slapping at her leg, which does things to her that she’d rather not focus on while they’re this close together. “I’m turning your lamp off.”

She nods and picks up her phone, intending to set an alarm and squeaking in surprise when Sirius grabs her by the waist and wrestles her down to the bed, pressing her chest against her back as she tugs the blankets up over their shoulders.

“What are you-”

“I told you that I called dibs on being the big spoon,” Sirius says, pulling her back until her ass is pressed against the curve of Sirius’ hips, their feet tangling together, an arm snaking beneath her neck and wrapping around her chest. She can barely draw in a breath, staring forward with wide eyes as Sirius hooks her chin over her shoulder, reaching over her to slightly adjust the laptop before pressing play. “Comfortable?”

“Mhm,” she manages to say, shuddering when her hand lands on her lower stomach, blisteringly warm through the thin fabric of her t-shirt. “Do you, uh. Do you have enough space? I can scoot forward some.”

“No, I’m good, I’ve got plenty of room,” Sirius hums, the hand on her stomach pressing down lightly. “You’re so small that you hardly take up any space. Are you comfortable?”

“Yeah, I'm good.” She swallows nervously, throat dry as she stares towards the laptop with unseeing eyes, her breath catching in her throat as Sirius starts absentmindedly petting at her lower stomach, drawing vague shapes around her navel.

She has no idea what’s going on here. She has no baseline to know if this is normal behavior between two female friends.

Remus never had a lot of friends growing up.

She was a bit too strange for the other kids in the small town where she grew up, and the fact that she had to poke herself with needles several times a day wasn’t doing her any favors, but the real ostracization started in eighth grade when she admitted to someone who she thought was her friend that she liked girls.

It was all over the entire school by the next morning.

She got off the bus and discovered that she’d gone from a wallflower to a spectacle overnight, cheeks burning and shoulders hunched up towards her ears as she made her way to her locker, nearly crying from the weight of so many eyes on her at once.

It wasn’t that people were mean to her, necessarily, but it did change the way they acted around her. Girls quit ignoring her and instead started making comments about how she wasn’t feminine enough, scooting their chairs away during class like her lesbianism was contagious, giggling and shrieking whenever she was in the locker room for gym class before making a show of moving into the stalls so that they change their clothes. Boys either started treating her like competition or started flirting with her incessantly, convinced in their hormone addled minds that they could be the one to ‘fix’ her. 

Or for bragging rights… She knew there was a bet going around her senior year among some of the boys that one of them would take her ‘virginity’, and it didn’t stop until she threatened to hit the quarterback of the football team with her truck, going so far as to gun it towards him in the parking lot before slamming on the brakes at the last second. The day of suspension was more than worth it for them to leave her alone.

Her parents were pissed about the entire thing. Her mom tried to fight the principal, because in her mind Remus was only reacting to the years of harassment, and her dad had a talk to her about being the bigger person in a very wink-wink, don’t do it again sort of manner before taking her bowling and out for ice cream. 

The point is that she has no way of knowing if this is normal. She was never allowed to go to sleepovers when she was little, just in case she had a complication and dropped during the night, and by the time she was old enough to manage her diabetes on her own no one wanted her around anyway. For all she knows this is average sleepover behavior, but honestly, this is leaning more towards the beginning of a porno than anything else. 

Sirius’ hand skims up over her hip, tracing up her side until she finds her arm, following it down to her hand. She picks it up from where it’s laying on the bed, turning it over before pressing their palms together. “Your hands are so big. Your fingers are longer than mine.”

“Yeah. My mom likes to joke that I got my dad’s hands and feet,” she rasps, watching their hands as Sirius taps their fingers together before briefly lacing them together, her heart rate kicking up to possibly dangerous levels when Sirius lets go and takes her by the wrist, drawing her hand back and settling it on her thigh.

“Well, you know what they say about big feet. Yeah, look at that,” she murmurs, laying her hand on top of hers and squeezing, making her fingertips dig into her flesh. “Your hand wraps like halfway around my leg.”

“Huh,” she says breathlessly, a squeak sticking in her throat when Sirius tightens her grip slightly, making her hold her even tighter. After a moment she hums and brings her hand back to the bed, squeezing it softly before she puts her hand back on her stomach, stroking it lightly. 

“What’s the worst pick-up line someone has ever tried to use on you?” Sirius asks after a while, and Remus blinks a few times to bring herself out of her desperately horny thoughts, breath catching in her throat when Sirius’ fingers play with the hem of her shirt before slipping beneath it, touching the bare skin of her stomach. 

She’s not wearing a bra, so she hopes to fucking God that she doesn’t feel any higher than her ribcage. Her nipples could probably cut glass right now with how turned on she is.

“Um,” she says, swallowing roughly, glancing at the screen and watching for a moment before she deduces that it’s some sort of rom-com, which probably inspired this particular line of questioning. “I was a waitress in high school. One time I waited on this man who was probably in his thirties who looked at me, winked, and said ‘I don’t mind hooking up with ugly chicks.’ That was it. He then got really offended when I wouldn’t give him my number and didn’t leave me a tip when he paid his bill.”

“What the fuck?” Sirius’ hand slides up the middle of her stomach towards her sternum and she gasps, trying not to squirm. “What an asshole. First off, you are not ugly. You’re so goddamn pretty, Remus. Secondly, please tell me that your manager kicked him out or something.”

“Nope,” she says, voice cracking. “I was sixteen, and he continued to come in several times a week until I quit to come here. He never tipped me, either.” She swallows roughly, eyes closing as Sirius’ fingers wrap loosely around the base of her throat before sliding down again. “How about you? What, ah, pick up line? Worst one?”

“Hm.” Sirius’ fingers play with the waistband of her boxers, pulling it out and letting it snap against her skin, petting over the hair below her belly button that she used to allow other people to shame her into shaving until she gave up on the whole endeavor. “I’m not sure now that I’m actually thinking about it. I once had a guy heavily imply that he wanted to drink my pee, which was pretty gross. I don’t remember exactly the line this one guy used but I got called nubile, once, which I wasn’t a fan of. Oh, there was a guy at this New Year’s party that Jamie and I went to that actually had a pretty good one, wanna hear it?”

“Sure,” Remus says, gasping way too loudly when Sirius presses her lips against her cheek just to the side of her mouth, holding them there for a second before she drags them across her face to her ear.

“Hey baby,” Sirius whispers in her ear, tongue brushing against the lobe, and Remus lets out a noise that she’ll deny till the day she dies. “What do you think about letting me go down on you till you scream?”

“Oh,” she squeaks out, unable to contain a breathy moan when Sirius nips at her ear. “Yeah, I uh, wow. I can see how that would work.”

Sirius chuckles and pulls away from her a little, tugging at her until she’s laying on her back, staring up at her with wide eyes as she leans down over her. “So, what do you think?”

“About the pick-up line?” Remus asks, head spinning a little because she seems to have forgotten how to breathe in the last thirty seconds.

“No.” Sirius leans in, giving her bottom lip a little kitten lick. “About letting me eat you out?”

Her brain fills with immediate static, lungs seizing up and back arching off the bed from the force of her want. 

Maybe this really is all a very elaborate dream. She’s probably drooling all over the keyboard of her laptop right now, or maybe there was some sort of gas leak and she’s currently hallucinating, because all of that would make so much more sense than Sirius asking to go down on her.

“You-” She has to swallow a few times, unable to get any words past the lump in her throat. “You want that?”

“God, you have no fucking idea.” Sirius leans in and licks at her mouth again, taking her lower lip between her teeth and giving it a little tug. “Please?”

Remus feels like her brain is about to melt out of her ears. She’s sweating, shirt clinging to her skin, wetness dripping down her temples as her mind races, trying to figure out at what point in the night things took such a wild turn.

She may have been more on track earlier with the thought about it being like a porno than she realized.

“Sirius,” she whispers, chewing on her lower lip before allowing herself to reach up and touch her cheekbone, brushing her thumb against the smooth, dewey skin beneath her eye. She opens her mouth to say that they probably shouldn’t do this, it’ll fucking kill her if Sirius is just doing this because she’s curious, but instead what comes out is, “kiss me?”

Sirius exhales shakily and leans down, her hair falling around their faces and blocking out the small amount of light from the screen, just barely brushing the edges of their lips together. She lingers there for a second, breathing against her mouth, gray eyes shining above her own, before she kisses her properly.

It’s just a quick press of their lips.

It is, without a doubt, the best kiss she’s ever had in her life. 

Sirius makes a small sound beneath her breath and kisses her again, and then again, moaning quietly Remus parts her lips in invitation, their tongues brushing together against her lower lip. Sirius shifts over her slightly, licking into her mouth and making her shiver when her body presses between her legs, chests brushing together as she settles into the cradle of her thighs, one hand cupping her cheek as she deepens the kiss.

After a moment she raises her hands from where they’re fisted in the bedsheets, fingers trembling as she cups the sides of Sirius’ ribcage, feeling the way they stretch when she inhales and steals the breath from her lungs before she slides them upwards over her shoulders, and then down again, finding her hips and squeezing them, a moan catching in her throat when Sirius moves and grinds down against her. 

She can’t decide if the inevitable heartbreak will make this worth it. If Sirius wants to fuck around and expirement with a girl, that’s fine and she’s still on board with whatever they’re doing, but it’ll fucking crush her. She can’t even imagine what it will do to her if they hook up and Sirius decides that she doesn’t want to be friends with her any more. She thinks about asking her what they’re doing, pulling back a little and immediately getting distracted by Sirius’ swollen mouth, craning back up to kiss her again.

“I- Sirius, I-” she mumbles against her lips, pulling back again after a moment, staring up at the girl above her. “Please tell me this isn’t just an experiment, or it’s not just because you want to know what it’s like to kiss a girl. I… I can’t do this if it’s just a hookup.”

“No,” Sirius whispers, kissing her so tenderly that her toes curl, hand cradling her cheek. “No, Remus, that’s not what this is.”

“Okay,” she responds around the lump in her throat, kissing her again and losing herself in the spit-slick slide of their lips against each other, clit throbbing as Sirius continues to squirm above her, pressing her down into the mattress beneath her weight. She can feel the wetness spreading in her boxers every time Sirius grinds their hips together, gasping when a soft hand slips beneath her t-shirt and trails upward, and a thumb brushing over her nipple is enough to make her whine and writhe.

“Please,” she cries out when Sirius pulls back slightly, finding herself entranced by the way a thread of saliva connects them, leading from her mouth to Sirius’ red and swollen lips. “I can’t- Let me touch you, sweetheart, please.”

She’s not sure where that comes from, sweetheart, but Sirius’ pupils blow wide, a heated breath spilling from her mouth. She ducks back down immediately, kissing her so hard that their teeth click together, licking into her mouth as she whimpers, both hands holding her head in place as she twines their tongues together.

“Let me go down on you,” Sirius murmurs into her mouth, kissing her between words before trying to lick them right back out of her mouth. “Remus, babe, let me eat you out.”

“Okay,” she gasps, because how the fuck is she supposed to argue with that, a moan vibrating in her throat when Sirius sits up and whips her shirt overhead, tossing it to the side before sitting up on her knees and wiggling her shorts down over her thighs, dropping them over the side of the bed. “Holy shit, you’re perfect.”

She really wishes it was an exaggeration. 

Sirius’ breasts are full and perky, nipples flushed pink at the center of slightly lighter areolas, and she doesn’t even think before she reaches up to cup them. They spill over her palms, taut and firm when she gives them a soft squeeze, trailing down to her narrow waist before she finds her hips, fully aware that drool is spilling from her mouth but completely unable to control it. 

“Do you shave?” she asks, voice sounding distant to her own ears, eyes fixed on the apex of her thighs.

“I get waxed,” Sirius says, looking far too pleased with herself when she finally manages to glance up at her face, eyes once again dropping down to where she’s completely hairless. “I have a standing appointment every four weeks, and get basically everything from the eyebrows down waxed off.”

“Oh,” she chokes out, finally swallowing before she drowns herself, watching as Sirius drags a finger over her labia, giving her the tiniest glimpse of pink wetness before she drops her hand to the waistband of her boxers, curling the tips of her fingers beneath them. “You know I’m not hairless, right? Like, it’s pretty much a full bush on my entire body. Legs, armpits, pussy, everything.”

“I know, it’s so hot,” Sirius groans, her hair falling down over her shoulder as she leans down to steal a quick kiss before playing with the hem of her shirt, giving it a little tug. “Will you let me see you now? Please?”

She blinks, fucking dumbfounded. “Yeah.”

She lets Sirius work her shirt up her chest, closing her eyes when her head is freed from the confines of the fabric, fisting her hands in the sheets as she resists the urge to cover herself. She holds her breath as her boxers are worked down over her legs, gasping when soft lips brush over her ankle, panting as Sirius’ hands slowly trace up her legs and press her thighs apart.

“You’re so pretty, Remus,” Sirius whispers, and she squints her eyes open to find her kneeling between her legs, gaze heated and heavy as she stares down at her. “Jesus, your body is-” She breaks off with a groan, biting her lower lip, and Remus glances down just in case she’s suddenly grown curves while she wasn’t paying attention, but no. She’s just as scrawny and flat and boney as always. “Fuck, I just want to bite you sometimes.”

“You could,” she rasps, shivering when Sirius’ thumbs brush over her hip bones. “You can do anything you want to me.”

Sirius makes a bitten off noise and leans down over her, one hand tangling in her hair as she kisses her, the other slipping down between her legs and brushing over where she’s soaked. Her back arches as fingers drag through her damp hair before one finger slips between her folds, tracing lightly around her clit.

“I’ve never done this,” Sirius whispers against her mouth, nipping at her lower lip as she moans. “I’ve never been with a girl before. I’m scared I’m going to mess it up.”

“I promise you that anything you do right now is going to feel pretty fucking good,” she pants, writhing as Sirius softly drags the pad of her finger over clit. “But you don’t- You don’t have to- fuck. We can stop right now if you don’t want to do this. Or I can just get you off if that’s all you want.”

“No,” Sirius murmurs, still touching her too lightly for her to get any real sensation, though she’s about five seconds from coming regardless, giving her one last kiss before she trails her lips down and sucks at the underside of her jaw. “I want to eat you out. I’m just warning you that I might be shit at it.”

“I highly doubt that,” she says, her whole body trembling from how aroused she is, barely able to breathe as Sirius kisses down her throat and across her chest, licking over her nipple before she closes her mouth around it and sucks. “Oh fuck-”

Sirius hums, flicking her tongue against her nipple before she drags her teeth over it, finger still just barely touching her, expertly dodging her feeble attempt to get more friction when she tilts her hips up, kissing across her chest and giving the other nipple the same treatment.

Remus lets her hips fall to the bed, panting wildly as her head spins, and she’s pretty sure that she’s about to actually die from the feeling of Sirius’ lips on her skin.

She kisses down her stomach, licking over her belly button and letting her tongue dip into the shallow indent before she nips at her hip bone and settles on her knees between her legs, hands gripping her thighs and holding them apart, her thumbs rubbing along the outside of her labia.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Sirius breathes out, eyes fixed between her legs, before she darts in and drags the flat of her tongue over her seam. Remus makes a high-pitched noise, watching her as Sirius uses her thumbs to spread her open, licking her lips before she gingerly laps at her clit. She hums, giving it an openmouthed kiss, twirling her tongue around it and making her legs shake. “You’re so wet. Is that because of me?”

“Yeah,” she gasps out, one hand finding its way into Sirius’ silky hair while the other braces against the wall above her head as Sirius laps at her clit, so close to coming that it’s not even funny. “Shit.”

“You can pull my hair,” Sirius murmurs, glancing up at her with burning eyes, biting down on the corner of her lip before she winks. “I like it.”

She doesn’t wait for a response, diving back in and properly burying her face in her cunt, closing her lips around her clit and sucking before doing something with her tongue that Remus didn’t even know was possible, banding an arm across her hips to hold her down when she starts to squirm and writhe, feeling like she’s being taken apart piece by piece beneath Sirius’ mouth.

“Feels good,” she manages to say, tugging at the hair tangled around her fingers, crying out when Sirius groans against her clit. “Feels so fucking good. You’re so good at this. How the fuck are you so good at this?”

Sirius doesn’t respond, too busy eating her out with enthusiasm, and Remus is fucking floored. She expected her to be a little tentative at first, a little shy, but she’s going at it like it’s the goddamn olympics and she’s going for gold in pussy eating. She didn’t even know that it could feel this good. Apparently her past experiences with oral were extremely lacking.

She’s pretty sure that she’s babbling, and she thinks that it might be praise, but to be honest has no clue what she’s actually saying. She only knows that her mouth is moving and that Sirius is making these pleased, needly little sounds in response, squeezing her own legs together and squirming as she presses her tongue inside her before flicking it against her clit.

“You’re gonna make me come,” she manages to grit out, hips twitching as Sirius maintains the same pressure and speed, sparks dancing up her spine and heat spilling through her veins, accidentally yanking too hard on her hair and nearly passing out when Sirius lets out this wanton little moan. “Fuck, just like that, sweetheart. Feels good, feels so good, just like that, Sirius-”

Her orgasm hits like lightning, way too fast and way too hard, threatening to turn her inside out from the force of it. She turns her head, biting down on her own bicep to muffle her scream, unable to stop herself from grinding against Sirius’ face, who truly doesn’t mind if the excited noises she’s making are anything to go by. 

She just keeps lapping at her even after her muscles have relaxed enough to leave her in a puddle of sweaty flesh on the mattress, whole body twitching as she tries to come down. Remus swallows roughly, trying to remember how to speak as Sirius keeps eating her out, the overstimulation nearly unbearable and so unbelievably good, a reedy whine slipping through her lips when Sirius sucks at her clit.

“I came,” she rasps, throat raw, gathering Sirius’ hair in her clumsy hands and pushing it out of her face. “Sirius, sweetheart, I came, you can stop now.”

“I know.” Sirius presses a soft kiss to her clit and then her thigh before she raises her head, lips cherry red and the entire lower half of her face wet. She leans in, giving her cunt a broad lick, holding her gaze. “Do you want me to stop, or can I keep going?”

“You- you want to keep going?”

“Mhm.” Sirius lowers her face and bumps her nose against her clit, exhaling shakily when she moans, lazily lapping at her hole before she pushes her tongue inside, fucking it in and out a few times before pulling back enough to speak. “I really like it. I thought I would, I like sucking dick, but I didn’t know how much I’d like this. I like the taste, I love the noises you’re making and the way you feel beneath my mouth. Can I keep going? I wanna make you come again. Please?”

“Fucking hell,” she whispers, once again convinced that she’s hallucinating, because there’s no way that Sirius Black is begging to eat her out. “Yeah, whatever you want. Just- ah. I’m all, shit, sensitive right now, so I doubt it’ll take me very long to come again. Especially if you keep doing that.”

Sirius hums happily and slowly laps at her, dragging her tongue in firm, broad strokes across the length of her pussy, eyes peering up at her from between her legs. “You can fuck my face again, if you want. I really liked that.”

Remus is going to spontaneously combust.

“Okay,” she whines, taking in her first deep breath in God knows how long, keeping one hand in Sirius’ hair while the other cups her jaw, holding her head still as she works herself against her tongue, nearly sobbing when Sirius moans. “Holy shit. You look so fucking hot right now, I can’t believe this is happening, oh my God-”

Her second orgasm doesn’t take very long at all, barrelling down on her less than a minute later, crying out loudly as her eyes cross and her whole body tenses up before the pressure still building between her hips boils over, a breathless shriek spilling from her throat as pleasure overtakes her. Sirius yanks against her hold and works her through it, lapping at her until she’s almost convulsing and she has to push her head away.

Remus lays there for a second, panting and dizzy, before lifts her head and meets Sirius’ eyes. She sits up on her knees, looking smug, smiling as she runs her tongue over her lips. 

“Was it good?” she asks innocently, fluttering her lashes as she blinks down at her, and something inside her snaps as she jerks herself upright, grabbing her by the shoulders and crashing their lips together with a muffled moan.

Sirius’ lips and tongue taste like her, moisture smearing between their faces as she grabs at her shoulders and then her thighs, yanking at her until she’s stretched out over top of her, the two of them kissing so fiercely that it almost feels like they’re fighting. She lets her hands skate down the sides of Sirius’ body, finding her round, fucking perfect ass, massaging it with her hands before she uses her hold to tug at her.

“What-” Sirius gasps into her mouth, licking over her lips before she’s kissing her again, making a confused noise when she gives up on trying to pull her up and starts to scoot down, taking a moment to suck one of Sirius’ nipples into her mouth. “Baby, what are you doing?”

Oh, baby, she likes that even more than babe. 

“It’s your turn,” she mumbles, sucking harshly before she lets her nipple go with a wet pop, inching her way down the bed until her face is level with Sirius’ navel piercing, and she finally lets herself do what she’s wanted to do since literally the first time she saw it. She takes it between her teeth, tugging it ever so gently before lapping her tongue over it. “You’re going to ride my face.”

“Fuck, baby I can’t. I’m too heavy, I’ll hurt you-”

“Sweetheart, I promise you aren’t going to hurt me,” she says, wrapping her arms around Sirius’ thighs as she settles between her spread legs, flat on her back as she stares up in awe at her pussy, wetness gleaming between her smooth folds. She’s so fucking pretty down here, puffy and pink, her swollen clit just barely visible between her lips.

“Full body waxing,” she murmurs incredulously, right before she cranes her head up and licks along her seam before lapping at her like a dog. 

“Oh fuck,” Sirius moans, thighs trembling on either side of her head, hovering a few inches above her. “Oh fuck. Remus, baby, I can’t-”

“Get down here,” she growls, yanking at her thighs and moaning when she loses her balance, the air forced from her lungs as Sirius’ ass lands on her chest and her cunt presses against her mouth. She moans again, sucking at her clit as Sirius curses above her, her weight shifting around until she braces her hands against the wall, lifting herself just enough that she’s no longer suffocating her.

Not that she minded. Not at all. 

“Jesus,” Sirius breathes out, staring down at her with wide eyes, finally getting with the program after she hangs her tongue out and waits, eyes fluttering shut when she grinds herself against her mouth. Sirius does it again, and then again, letting out a trembling moan when she sucks at her clit before sneaking a finger between her legs. “Yeah. Yeah, baby, please.”

It’s not the most comfortable position, pressing one finger and then two inside of Sirius, who is so hot and tight around her that it makes her head spin as she gasps through her nose for air, but the sounds she lets out make it more than worth it, and her head starts to go a little foggy as Sirius loses control and starts really riding her face. 

When Sirius comes it’s one of the most beautiful things she’s ever seen, pressing a hand over her mouth as she screams, clamping down around her fingers while her whole body shakes. She works her through it before helping her collapse down on the bed, scooting out from beneath her and ending up with her head cushioned on one thigh, Sirius’ hand burying itself in her hair.

She waits while she slowly comes down, kissing her skin and petting down the outside of her leg until Sirius gently tugs at her hair, a smile pulling up at her lips when she looks up to find her already grinning at her, eyes soft and hazy.

“That was amazing,” Sirius murmurs, brushing her fingers down the side of her face, thumb resting against the corner of her mouth, and she kisses it before taking it between her lips, sucking softly. Sirius watches her, eyes growing sharper, breath catching in her throat. “So, how many times do you think we can get each other off before we pass out from exhaustion?”

Remus doesn’t know, but she’s really on board with finding out, letting her thumb fall from her lips as she nudges her over onto her back, holding her perfect thighs apart and pressing her face between her legs once again.

“How did you know,” Sirius says quietly, the two of them lying side-by-side on her bed, so close together that their noses are pressed together, sharing lazy kisses between words. “That you were a lesbian?”

“I think I always knew,” Remus responds, sucking on her lower lip with a sigh, spine bowing as Sirius’ fingers slowly thrust in and out of her cunt. Her own are buried up to the hilt inside Sirius, petting tenderly over her pulsing inner walls. “I never quite grew out of that ‘boys are icky’ stage.”

Sirius laughs quietly, the noise spilling into a moan as she rubs her thumb over her swollen clit. “Have you been with a lot of girls?”

“Not a lot, no. There were a few girls in my, oh, right there, hometown who were more than happy to fool around, but only when they were on breaks from their sleazeball boyfriends, and made sure that no one would ever find out that they were hooking up with me.”

“They sound like bitches.” Sirius kisses her so gently that it aches, fingers moving inside of her as lava rolls through her veins. “So I didn’t take your virginity?”

“No, but I took yours, in a way,” she says, grinning when Sirius narrows her eyes at her playfully, flicking her thumb against her clit just to watch her lashes flutter. “Unless you were lying about having been with a girl before, because no one eats pussy that well on their first try.”

“Shut up.” Sirius nips at her lower lip before taking it between her teeth, sucking on it while twisting her fingers, looking smug when she starts to whine and wriggle, soothing the sting with her tongue. “I like giving head, and I know what feels good on me. It’s not exactly rocket science, even if most men can’t figure it out. You really liked it? What I did?”

“Words cannot describe how much I enjoyed it,” she murmurs, kissing her again, feeling the way she’s started to clench down around her. 

“I always- Oh. Jesus fuck, just like that baby. I haven’t- shit shit-”

Remus smirks against her mouth, pressing her thumb down on her clit and sucking a breath through her teeth when Sirius’ whole body jerks. “Are you going to come, sweetheart?”

“Uh-huh,” Sirius whimpers, panting against her mouth, both of their chins slick with spit and their lips sore and swollen. “I can really get behind this whole no refractory period thing.”

Remus laughs, still in complete disbelief at the turn her night has taken, licking into her mouth and moving her fingers faster, moaning when Sirius retaliates by doing the same. 

“Do you have a dildo?” Sirius asks, panting as she rolls her hips between her legs, grinding their pelvises together as the vibrator pressed between them buzzes. “One of those, shit. The ones with the, oh my God, the things. You wear, oh-”

“Are you asking if I have a strap-on?” She has her hands on her ass, pulling her into each rolling grind, the pressure sending sparks shooting up her spine. “Do you want me to fuck you, sweetheart?”

“Oh,” Sirius shudders, eyes crossing, bright spots of pink at the high points of her cheekbones. “Yeah, fuck, want that.”

“I just have a regular dildo, I’m sorry to say. But I’ll fuck you with that next if you want something bigger than my fingers inside of you.”

“Yeah,” Sirius nods, ducking down to kiss her, both of them moaning as the vibrator presses against them, sliding against their clits as she moves. “But we should go online later and order one, that way next time you can fuck me yourself instead of using your hand.”

Remus’ head spins, next time next time next time, running on a loop inside her brain. She doesn’t know if it’s just a heat of the moment thing, but the words fill her with so much lightness that she’s pretty sure she’d float up off the bed if Sirius’ weight wasn’t holding her down.

“Yeah. Yeah, we can do that. But you’re fucking me at some point too,” she says, sucking on the underside of her jaw as she cries out, biting into the soft skin above her pulse. “Besides, you really don’t seem the type to lay back and take it.”

Sirius lets out a noise like she’s been gutted, bumping her nose against the side of her face until she kisses her again, and she cries out against her lips when Sirius reaches down and turns up the vibration, the buzzing audible over their panting breaths.

“I’ll fuck you baby,” Sirius says with a gasp, thrusting down against her, voice reedy and thin and shaking. “Shit, I want to do that so badly. I’ll fuck you so good, I promise. I bet you’ll look so fucking pretty when you come around my cock. Face pressed to the pillows and whining as I fuck you, fuck, I bet you’ll make the prettiest sounds for me.”

Remus comes with a breathless, whimpering cry, muffling the noise against the side of Sirius’ throat, barely able to breathe when she follows her over the edge only a handful of moments later. 

They have to take a small break from eating each other out when her glucose monitor starts beeping at her, Sirius fetching her some apple juice and a string cheese from her mini fridge, sitting behind her with her arms wrapped around her waist, legs on either side of hers as she slowly sips from the juice box. 

She can’t help but to focus on the way Sirius’ breasts press against her back each time she inhales, glancing down at her own naked body, unable to stop herself from criticizing the way she looks, her own tits barely more than little bumps on her freckled chest. But then Sirius’ roaming fingers brush over her happy trail and she’s able to hear the way her breath catches, a shiver running through her as she exhales hotly on the back of her neck, and she decides to stop worrying about it. 

“What-” She pauses, gnawing on the inside of her cheek. She wants to ask what the fuck they’re doing, but she’s not ready to have her heartbroken yet, so she changes course, goes for the safer option that allows her to enjoy this for as long as she possibly can. “Do you want some of my cheese stick?”

“What were you going to ask before, baby?” Sirius asks, pressing small, tender kisses up and down the side of her neck before nibbling at the shell of her ear. “Moons?”

“It’s nothing,” she says, peeling open the wrapper on the cheese stick and tearing it in half before she offers part to Sirius. “Here, split this with me.”

“Okay.” Sirius’ lips turn down at the corners, eyes flicking between hers before she leans forward and kisses her softly, one hand coming up to cradle her cheek. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she says, smiling when Sirius releases her, taking a bite of cheese. “Just need to wait a little bit to make sure that I’m not going to keep dropping.”

“Okay,” Sirius murmurs, eating the string cheese in two bites before she tuck her chin over her shoulder, staring down the length of her body as her fingers start slowly sliding down her stomach. “Can I finger you while you wait, or will that mess up your reading?”

Remus huffs out a shaky breath and stuffs the rest of the cheese in her mouth, chewing frantically while Sirius combs her fingertips through her pubes, nearly choking as she tries to swallow. “I told you that you could do anything you wanted to me.”

Sirius makes a small noise against the side of her neck, licking at the spot before she gently sinks her teeth into her skin, sucking softly as she presses two fingers inside of her, pulling off with a wet pop. “We’re getting into your toy drawer after this.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay,” Remus says with a shiver, leaning back against her and letting her head rest against her shoulder, whining softly as Sirius starts to move her fingers. Her hands drop to her thighs, looking down to see her square, tanned hands curling around smooth pale skin, giving them a little squeeze as she closes her eyes, letting herself give into the pleasure.

She makes Sirius come twice with her dildo, kneeling between her legs, lapping at her clit as she fucks her with it, wetness dripping down her fingers as she presses it into her.

Sirius catches her breath and then flips them over, spreading her thighs apart and slowly working it into her as her legs shake, one thrown up over her shoulder, the dildo still wet from her own pussy. She whispers filth in her ear as she fucks her slow and sweet, and then rough and hard, switching it up so often that she can no longer tell up from down. When she comes it almost takes her by surprise, crying and whining as Sirius fucks her through it, catching her mouth in a sloppy, clumsy kiss and pulling her down on top of her. 

They make out for a for what feels like hours, grinding against each other and taking turns sucking marks into each other’s skin, before Sirius picks up the dildo and smirks, wrapping her lips around the end and moaning, making a show of sucking on the purple silicone dick, taking it into her throat and gagging around it before she fucks her with it again. 

“I didn’t know, ah, this was really a thing,” Sirius pants, grinding up against her thigh, and hers is pressed between her own thighs as she works her clit against her smooth, silky skin. “I thought it was just something women did in porn.”

“I mean it’s, oh God, it doesn’t normally feel this good,” Remus gasps against her shoulder, the two of them rubbing against each other. “Porn is all for show but this, sweetheart please, is still pretty fun.”

“Fuck, baby, just like that,” Sirius groans, hands squeezing on her hips as she pulls her into each slow roll of her hips. “I wish you could see yourself right now, you look so fucking hot.”

Remus opens her mouth to respond and moans instead, a high pitched whine following on its heels when Sirius’ hands slip down to her ass, gripping it her hands before giving her a light slap. “You can- Oh. You can do that harder.”

Sirius makes a sound like she’s been punched, bringing her hand down against her ass with a sharp smack, doing it three more times and moaning against her ear as she cries out and comes all over her thigh. 

Sirius’ mouth tastes like pussy as she licks between her lips, and at this point Remus is genuinely unsure of who’s considering how often their mouths have been on each other tonight, both of them moving sluggishly, exhaustion slowing them down, but neither of them are willing to stop.

“I hope your neighbors are out of the dorm for the night,” Sirius mumbles sleepily, sighing as she twists her wrist, moving her fingers in a circle around her clit. Sirius’ whole hand is cupping her cunt, the heel of her palm grinding against her where she’s swollen and sensitive, the tips of her fingers stroking over her entrance even though they’re both too sore for any more penetration. “We’ve been kind of loud tonight.”

“It’s fine,” she rasps, voice nearly gone, trailing wet, biting kisses across Sirius’ chest, nearly obsessed with the way her nipples feel in her mouth. “They both go home on the weekends.”

Sirius hums, eyes closed, whining softly when she gently bites down on that beauty mark that’s vexed her for the last few months, sucking at it until she’s sure that it will bruise. “Baby, I think I’m going to fall asleep soon.”

“Same,” she says, though neither of them stop touching each other, Sirius’ fingers slipping through the wetness between her legs to focus on her clit. “Do you want to come again sweetheart, or do you want to go to sleep?”

Sirius hums, burying a hand in her hair and blindly guiding her head up until their mouths brush together. “Whichever comes first, I guess.”

Remus nods, their lips slowly working against each other until they’re simply pressed together, and she doesn’t even realize she’s started to doze off until she feels Sirius dragging the blankets up over them, her hand laying limp between her legs. “I’m sorry, I-”

“Hush, baby,” Sirius mumbles, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her up until she’s sprawled across her chest, brushing a kiss against her temple as she cradles her in her arms. “Go back to sleep.”

“Okay.” She closes her eyes again, rubbing her face against Sirius’ skin and sighing, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth when she feels her press her lips against her forehead again, leaving them against her skin. “Goodnight.”

She’s not sure if she’s ever felt more settled and content. 

She’s never exactly done the whole cuddling thing, her hookups were always quick, secret things, but she’d happily spend the rest of her life right here, curled up in Sirius’ arms. When she turns her head slightly she can hear her heartbeat, and she leaves her ear pressed against her chest, listening to the way it slowly eases into a normal rhythm and the way that the air rushes into her lungs every time she inhales.

“Goodnight, baby,” Sirius mumbles, arms tightening around her slightly, one of her hands tangling in her hair and cupping the back of her head.

Remus just lays there, even after she’s fallen asleep, and quietly acknowledges how badly this is going to hurt in the morning, before letting the steady beat of her heart lull her to sleep.

Chapter Text

Something is beeping obnoxiously.

Remus lets out a grumbled groan while squeezing her eyes closed against the weak morning light that’s filtering in through the blinds, wondering why she feels so fucking tired. 

She’s more than tired, she’s exhausted. It sort of feels like she got possibly hit by a truck or some other form of heavy machinery, and her neck hurts, but not so badly that it makes her want to move, because she’s rather comfortable at the moment, other than the various aches and pains currently plaguing her. She thinks about getting up to turn it off whatever is making that noise, but she’s so unbelievably tired, so she chooses to simply ignore it, dragging the blankets up over her chin. 

“Turn it off,” her pillow whines after a minute, which is noteworthy enough that it catches her attention, squinting open one eye to see pale skin and perky breasts covered in love bites right beneath her face, nipples pink and swollen. “Baby, it’s too early, turn it off please.”

“Huh?” She mumbles in confusion, brain sluggishly catching up until she remembers the events last night, her body going stiff before she slowly pushes herself up on one elbow to see that she’s sprawled out on top of Sirius, who peels her eyes open and glares at her, sticking her lower lip out in a pout. “Oh.”

“Baby, the alarm. Fucking turn it off.”

“Right.” She blinks a few times, part of her was really convinced that the night before was all some sort of hormone induced sex dream, stretching her arm out to fumble for her phone on the nightstand and blushing when she notices that her own chest is covered in hickies as well, covering her entire torso and trailing all the way down to her inner thighs, dark clusters of bruises over the sharp ridge of her hip bones. She stabs at her phone, the alarm going silent, and she starts to drop it on the bed until she notices the time.

“Shit. We really do have to get up if we’re going to make it to church on time,” she murmurs, smiling fondly as Sirius groans and pulls the pillow over her face. She sits up a little more, straddling her thighs, her entire body sore and aching from the waist down. 

“Can’t we sleep in a little? Just ten more minutes,” Sirius whines, and Remus is about to say yes, she’d agree to literally anything Sirius asks of her, right up until she catches a whiff of herself and grimaces. 

“We really do have to get up and shower, unless you want to walk into church smelling like pussy,” she says, hesitating before she carefully rests her hands on Sirius’ stomach, thumbs on either side of her belly button ring and fingers curling around her sides. “We both smell like we spent the night in a brothel.”

“Okay,” Sirius grumbles unhappily, pushing the pillow to the side, her brows furrowed and mouth puckered in a grumpy little frown, rubbing at her eye with the back of her hand as she looks up at her. “Good morning, Moony.”

“Good morning,” she replies, unable to hold her gaze as her stomach turns to lead, looking down at where her hands are spanning her waist and wondering when the inevitable heartbreak will come. “How are you feeling?”

“Really fucking good,” Sirius says, lips curling up into a soft, happy smile, running her hands up and down her thighs, the hair rasping against her palms. “Can we shower together? Water conservation is very important, you know.”

“Okay.” She licks her lips and nods, sliding off Sirius’ lap and finding her feet, her legs shaky and unsteady as she stands. “Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll go get the water started.”

She can feel the weight of Sirius’ eyes on her back as she makes her way to the bathroom, feeling incredibly self-conscious about her nakedness and just barely resisting the urge to cover herself, cranking on the shower and taking the opportunity to pee before Sirius can join her. She’s brushing her teeth when Sirius appears in the doorway, still naked and looking so gorgeous that her knees go weak, toothpaste spilling down over her chin.

“I need to pee,” Sirius mumbles, rubbing at her eyes and running a hand through her hair, breasts rising and falling as she moves, Remus unabashedly staring at them through the mirror.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No,” Sirius says after a moment, tilting her head back and forth. “Not unless you care about hearing me pee.”

“No, not at all,” she says, leaning forward to spit, watching as Sirius passes behind her, pausing to drop a kiss on the ball of her shoulder before she sits on the toilet. 

She finishes brushing her teeth and steps into the shower, sticking her head beneath the spray and raking her fingers through her curls, startling when Sirius steps in behind her just a moment later and wraps an arm around her waist, leaning against her back. She wipes the water from her eyes and glances over her shoulder, blinking at Sirius as she grins at her around her toothbrush, scrubbing at her teeth. 

“Everything okay, baby?” Sirius asks, brows furrowing when she just continues to stare at her, her heart about to pound right out of her chest.

She’s still baby. That’s a good sign, probably, and if Sirius were about to tell her that she doesn’t want to be friends anymore she probably wouldn’t be holding her like this, concern and confusion growing in her eyes the longer she goes without responding. 

She opens her mouth, about to ask about whatever this is that’s going on between them, before closing it again. If Sirius breaks her heart she’d rather it happen after church. It would be awkward to be stuck together for that long, and she doubts she’d be able to contain her tears well enough to safely drive, nor could she emotionally handle Sirius trying to comfort her as she cries.

“Just tired,” she rasps, gnawing on her lower lip before she turns to get her shampoo, lathering it between her hands before she starts to scrub at her scalp. “We stayed up pretty late.”

“Yeah we did,” Sirius mumbles around her toothbrush, waggling her brows and giving her a salacious grin before she leans away to spit, and she watches rapturously as the glob of foam hits the shower floor, startling when she leans forward and presses her lips against hers.

Remus sighs against her mouth, letting her hands fall from her soapy hair as she turns, looping her arms around Sirius’ neck and rising up on her tip-toes to kiss her better, a small whine slipping through her teeth when Sirius puts a hand on her lower back and nudges her closer.

“Can I steal some of your shampoo?” Sirius whispers against her lips a few minutes later, running her hand up and down the length of her spine, making her shiver as she nips softly at her lower lip. “I didn’t think to grab mine last night.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” She kisses her one last time, lingering there and committing the feel of her lips to memory before she pulls away, heels thunking against the floor. “Help yourself to whatever you want, you know that I don’t care.”

You’ve already stolen my heart, she thinks, quickly rinsing her hair and moving aside so that Sirius can step beneath the water, why the fuck would I care about some shampoo? 

She loses track of time watching Sirius get ready, sliding her underwear up her legs and reaching behind her back to fasten her bra, tugging at the cups until her breasts are properly arranged and slipping into a dress that makes her want to weep because of how pretty she looks, before she perches herself on her bathroom counter, feet tucked into the basin of the sink as she starts working on her makeup. 

It always feels a bit strange to see how differently Sirius dresses on Sunday mornings, not that Remus is complaining at all, but the floaty dresses and delicate heels are such a startling contrast to her usual wardrobe of either athletic wear or baggy, low rise pants and barely there tops, that she finally mustered up the courage to ask her about it a few months ago. Sirius had rolled her eyes before explaining that it helped keep her and Regulus’ little rendezvous off the radar.

Apparently most people can’t tell them apart when they’re dressed similarly, and that Sirius has actually had several conversations with people about things they discussed with Regulus, and vice versa. Remus doesn’t really understand, because even with them sharing most of the same features the differences between them are impossible to ignore, but she supposes she spends a lot more time staring at Sirius than the average person does.

She eventually drags herself away, wincing when she checks the weather and discovers that it’s apparently raining, and supposed to keep up all day, pulling on a pair of black jeans and a button down shirt, throwing a sweater over top and fiddling with the collar until it lays right. By the time she’s scrunched some gel into her damp hair, stuffed her feet into her boots, and finished getting ready they’re running a little late, Sirius scrambling around as she searches for her phone and beaming at her when Remus offers her one of her rain jackets. 

It’s pouring when they make it downstairs, the two of them huddling beneath the awning above the door, the wind whipping the water into her eyes as she flinches, and the rain is coming down so quickly that the drains can’t keep up, water swirling around the soles of their shoes.

“Shit,” Sirius says softly, slipping an arm around her waist and pressing her hand flat against her stomach over her shirt. “It’s really coming down.”

“Yeah,” she whispers, wrinkling her nose as a crack of lightning splits the sky, thunder rumbling just a moment later. “This is going to be a fucking nightmare to drive in.”

Sirius lets out a little groan, huffing beneath her breath, lips pressing together in a frown when she glances up. “It’s fine. We can just skip today. Reg will understand that we couldn’t make it. I just feel bad that I can’t tell him that we won’t be there.”

Remus gnaws her lower lip, staring up at her before looking out towards the parking lot, taking in a deep breath and letting it all go at once. “No, that’s not fair to either of you, we’re going. Do you want me to pull the truck up so that your heels don’t get soaked?”

“Are you sure?” Sirius asks, tugging her around a little so that they’re standing face to face, a frown tugging at her lips. “We really don’t have to.”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Remus says, eyes shuttering closed when Sirius ducks forward and presses her lips against her forehead, using her thumb to wipe away a smudge of lipstick when she pulls away. “Stay here and I’ll be right back with the truck.”

“Thank you,” Sirius says softly, squeezing her waist before she releases her, and Remus takes a second to look up at her, thinking about how unfairly gorgeous she is, and about how unfair the universe is for making her fall so hard for someone she’ll never have a real chance with, before she pulls her hood up over her hair and runs out into the torrential downpour.

They make the drive in decent time despite the fact that it’s raining so hard that she can barely see, windshield wipers on full blast as Sirius feeds her bites of her breakfast sandwich or helps her sip the coffee she got when they hit a drive-thru, her hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles are white. The radio is off for once, not that they’d be able to hear it anyway over the rain pounding down on the roof of the truck, Sirius remaining silent instead of chattering away like usual so that she can concentrate on the road. 

She drops Sirius off at the doors of the church before finding a spot to park just up the block, whipping into a space that’s barely big enough for the truck, shaking out her sore hands once she throws it in park and kills the engine. She sincerely hopes that the cars she’s parked between leave before she does, otherwise she’s going to have to make a ridiculously complicated series of turns while backing up and pulling forward again to get back out onto the street.

The lobby of the church is more crowded than usual, mass will be starting in just a few minutes and everyone is crammed inside instead of mingling out on the sidewalk like usual, and she huffs in frustration as she tries to peer through the crowd, able to see nothing but the middle of people’s backs. She finally spots a head of silky black hair tucked behind some sort of decorative plant, two pairs of gray eyes flashing up at her as she slips into the small alcove with them.

“Hi, Remus,” Regulus says, one brow arching as he looks her over, the bracelet around his wrist glinting in the light as he puts his hand on his cheek, his lips twitching like he wants to smile. “Long night, I assume? You both look like absolute dogshit.”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that,” she mutters, unable to look at either of them, shuffling her boots against the flat red carpet as she feels her face go warm. 

“Language, Reggiekins,” Sirius scolds playfully, knocking his shoulder with her elbow and ducking out of the way when he swats at her. “We were up late studying, cut us some slack.”

“Studying, huh?” Regulus asks slyly, looking amused when she glances up, his eyes fixed on her neck where she can feel a bruise pulsing in beat with her heart, his lips pulling up into a smirk when she slaps her hand over it. “And what were you studying, exactly? Chemistry? Calculus?”

“Anatomy,” Remus blurts stupidly, the word popping into her brain and falling from her mouth before she can even stop to think about it, feeling the way her mouth drops open as her face goes hot. The two of them stare at her for a long, silent moment until they absolutely lose it, clinging to each other as they cackle, and she moans pitifully as she presses her hands over her face. 

The rain has lessened enough by the time the service is over that Sirius decides to brave the rain with her, kicking off her heels and holding them in one hand before she laces their fingers together, holding her hand tightly as the two of them make the run towards her truck. Sirius shoves her into the cab when she opens her door first and scrambles in behind her, reaching out to slam the door before she lowers the hood of her borrowed rain jacket.

“Oh, just in time,” Sirius says, leaning forward to peer out the windshield as the sky opens up overhead, the drizzle turning into a deluge of water that blurs the world outside the truck, pounding against the roof so hard that Remus does a double take out the window just to make sure that it hasn’t turned into hail. “We should just sit tight until this lightens up again. I don’t want you driving in this, and it’s not like we’re really in a rush to get anywhere.”

“Yeah, we can do that,” she rasps, peeling off her soaked jacket and dropping it on the floor, pushing a clump of wet hair off her face. She looks down at herself, makes a face, and toes off her boots, double checking that her socks are dry before she brings her legs up onto the bench seat and presses her knees to her chest. She turns to face Sirius, wrapping her arms around her legs and leaning back against the door as she looks at Sirius. “Are you warm enough? You can have my sweater if you’re cold.”

Sirius bites down on her lip as she looks at her, her wet hair somehow looking artfully tousled while she’s pretty sure she looks like a half-drowned rat. Her eyes are soft and warm, teeth sinking into her lower lip as she grins. “You’re too sweet. No, I’m not cold, thank you though.”

She’s so lovely that it’s hard to look at her sometimes.

“No problem,” she says, leaning into Sirius’ touch when she reaches out and cups her cheek, embarrassment rising in her chest when she feels her eyes start to burn, tears welling up and spilling over when she blinks. “I’m sorry, I-”

“Hey,” Sirius murmurs, scooting closer and worming her way between her legs to kneel in front of her, running her hand over her hair and letting it rest on the back of her neck. “What’s wrong?”

“I just-” She swallows roughly and shakes her head, closing her eyes as she turns her face towards Sirius’ palm, pressing her lips to it as she breathes in her scent, which has started to permeate the interior of her truck. Even when she’s not in it the old cloth seats smell faintly of vanilla and coconut and the fruity undertones of her perfume.

She didn’t want to do this until they were back at campus, so that she could retreat to her dorm and lick her wounds in peace, but she doubts Sirius will let it go, especially when she can feel more and more tears streaking down her cheeks, skin feeling too tight and itchy. At least the weather is fitting, she supposes, for having her heart broken.

“Please don’t stop being my friend because of this,” she whispers, flinching when Sirius makes a soft noise, fingers twitching against her neck. “Like, we hooked up, and if that’s all you wanted out of it, that’s fine, but please don’t start ignoring me because of it. I can be normal about all of it, I swear.

“I know that this isn’t what you want, but I love you so much that it hurts, and the thought of not having you in my life is just… I don’t know how to live without you at this point. I understand that this is probably too much, and too needy, and no one wants a friend that’s hopelessly in love with them when they don’t return those feelings, but you’re the first real friend I’ve ever had, and if I lose you I lose Jamie and Petra as well, who I never expected would want to befriend someone like me, but I promise that I won’t make a big deal out of it if you-”

Sirius cuts her off by sliding her hand over her mouth, gently holding it closed. It’s silent for a long moment, and Remus prepares herself for the worst, hands fisted around the loose fabric of her trousers. She can’t believe she told her that she’s in love with her, she’s a fucking idiot. A crush is one thing, but love? Sirius isn’t going to just stop being her friend, she’s going to take out a goddamn restraining order against her.

“You love me?” Sirius asks, voice breaking in the middle, sniffling softly before she continues. “Remus, baby, look at me, please. You love me or you’re in love with me?”

She slowly peels her eyes open, glaring out the back window at the rain before she wipes her nose on the back of her hand, inhaling shakily before she turns to look at Sirius, whose eyes are wide and shocked and a little watery. “I’m in love with you.”

“Oh,” Sirius says, and then she’s throwing herself forward, kissing her so hard that the back of her head bounces off the window, both of them wincing at the dull thud. “Shit, sorry.” 

Sirius’ hand slides around to cup the back of her head, providing a cushion between her skull and the window, fingers tangling in her hair as she kisses her so deeply that it steals the breath from her lungs and leaves her dizzy. 

“I’ve been flirting with you this entire fucking year, Remus,” Sirius whispers, pulling back just enough that she can see her eyes. “It was so hard to get you to even look at me until I asked you for a ride, I was practically begging for your attention before that point! I was convinced you weren’t into me, and seducing you last night was my last ditch effort to catch your interest. Why the fuck didn’t you tell me that you were into me?”

“You’ve been flirting with me?” She asks, dazed and breathless, licking her lips as Sirius throws her head back and groans. “I didn’t- I don’t- You’ve been flirting with me?”

“Yes, you ridiculous woman! How the hell did you not see it?” Sirius asks, eyes flicking between hers before her expression softens and turns sad, leaning forward to brush their lips together. “Oh, Remus, baby. You really didn’t know.”

“No,” she rasps, eyes still watering, her lower lip trembling as Sirius wipes the wetness from both of her cheeks with her thumbs. “I didn’t know. I was shocked you even wanted to be my friend, I really didn’t expect for you to like me. I- Sweetheart, I didn’t even know that you were into women! I thought you were totally straight.”

Sirius blinks a few times, mouth falling open as she barks out a single incredulous laugh. She works her jaw and closes it again, giving her head a little shake. “I mean, I’ve never actually been with another woman before you, but I feel like I’ve been pretty open about being bisexual. I mean, Jamie and I had that whole conversation about it at the bar last weekend! You were sitting right next to me, were you not listening?”

Remus feels her brows furrow. “Sirius, you were wearing a fishnet shirt with nothing but pasties underneath. No, I wasn't listening. I didn’t hear a single fucking word you said the entire night.” Sirius looks at her for a long moment and snorts, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and leaning their temples together as she giggles, and Remus loops her arms around her after a second of hesitation, hands resting at the base of her spine. “You apparently already knew that I was a lesbian, you should have known I’d be absolutely useless with your tits literally in my face all night.”

“I’m sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but-” Sirius breaks off into another round of giggles, kissing her cheek before she pulls back slightly, sobering a little as she looks at her. “You love me?”

“I love you,” she says, the words coming out so much easier than she expected, gnawing on her lower lip as she runs one hand up and down the length of her spine. “I developed a crush on you the first time I saw you on move-in day. I’m sure I’m not the only one, considering that you’re quite literally the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, but I was just… infatuated with you right from the start. I would watch you around campus, and I spent more time in our shared classes staring at you than paying attention, and I thought I would spend the next three years drooling over you from afar.

“But then you asked me for a ride that day, and you started seeking me out more and more, and texting me all the time, and my feelings for you just kept getting stronger and stronger until I realized I was completely and hopelessly in love with you.” She sighs through her nose, letting her fingers tangle in the ends of Sirius’ hair and tonguing at the inside of her cheek as she wonders how pathetic she really wants to admit to being. “I actually knew I was in love with you long before I realized that we were even friends.”

“Oh, baby,” Sirius leans forward and hugs her, pulling at her until she lowers her knees, and Remus gasps as she lifts her, scooting in closer until Remus is straddling her lap. “I’m not-” She bites down on her lower lip and shakes her head, her throat bobbing as she swallows. “I’m not there yet. I can’t-”

“That’s okay,” she whispers, cradling her face between her palms, knowing what she’s trying to say. “It’s okay if you’re not in love with me. It’s okay if you’re never in love with me. I wasn’t expecting you to be, and you don’t have to say it back.”

Sirius closes her eyes, taking a deep breath through her open mouth, throat hitching as she exhales. “Will you tell me again?”

“That it’s okay not to say it back?” She asks, brow furrowing when Sirius shakes her head, looking pained, realization slowly dawning as her chest clenches. “Oh... I love you.”

Sirius flinches and lets out a pained noise, a shudder wracking her body as she leans forward and tucks her face against the side of her throat. “Again, please?”

Remus closes her eyes, feeling like her heart is going to break through the confines of her ribcage, sliding one of her hands into the soft hair at the nape of her neck and wrapping the other around her shoulders, pressing her lips to the top of her head. 

“I love you,” she whispers, softly kissing her temple. “I love you so much, Sirius, you have no fucking idea.”

Sirius lets out a noise like a sob and clutches her even closer, clinging to her as the storm rages on outside the truck, the two of them safely cocooned in their own little world, the windows beginning to fog on the insides from the heat of their bodies. 

“I’m not there yet,” she says, shivering softly in her arms. “But I- Remus, I care about you so much. Will you wait for me to be able to say it back to you?”

“I’d wait forever for you, sweetheart,” she murmurs into her hair, shushing her when she lets out another sob-like noise. When Sirius shivers again a few moments later Remus stuffs an arm down behind the seat, fumbling around in the tight space behind it until she finds the blanket her dad insists she carries for emergencies, giving it a sniff to make sure that it doesn’t smell gross before she wraps it around her shoulders, holding her against her chest. 

“Does this mean you’ll be my girlfriend?” Sirius whispers after a little while, Remus sucking in a surprised breath as a thrill runs through her, hiding her beaming smile against the top of your head. “I really want to date you.”

“Yeah,” she whispers, cheeks aching from how hard she’s smiling, nuzzling at the top of her head as she feels her face go warm. “God, please, you have no idea how badly I want to be your girlfriend.”

Sirius raises her head and presses their mouths together, kissing her soft and sweet, their lips sliding against each other until Sirius licks at her bottom lip and she opens her mouth to offer her access, both of them exhaling shakily as their tongues brush together. Sirius’ hands tighten on her sides, dragging her even closer as the kiss turns heated, letting out a breathless noise of desire and pressing her back against the door as she licks into her mouth. 

Remus can feel the way her underwear has gone damp and sticky by the time she makes a decision, glancing at the fogged windows and sheeting rain before she nudges Sirius back, laying her out on the bench seat and kneeling between her legs. 

She runs her hands up to her thighs, pressing them apart before she hooks her fingers beneath the straps of the lacey little thong she watched her put on that morning, Sirius nodding frantically while panting through her open mouth. She slides them down, groaning when she notices that the gusset is soaked, awkwardly clambering around so that she can get the underwear over her feet, tucking them into her pocket before she leans down and licks between her folds, burying her face in her pussy while Sirius slaps a hand over her own mouth to muffle her whine.

She hopes that the rain is heavy enough to prevent them both from being ticketed for public indecency. She really doesn’t know she would explain it to her parents if she got caught eating a girl out in the front seat of her truck.

Remus is half asleep when she hears someone knock on her door, curled up in Sirius’ arms with her back pressed against her chest, their tangled hands laying over her stomach, eyes gritty and blurred as she blinks towards the door, confusion rising when they knock again. The only person that generally knocks on her door is already here, unless it’s Bertha, the resident advisor, though that’s doubtful because she’s hardly ever in the building.

Sirius makes a disgruntled noise and kisses her cheek before she slips out from behind her, padding towards the door dressed in one of her oversized t-shirts and a pair of panties, though it’s a little less baggy on Sirius than it is on her, rubbing her fist against her eye as she pulls it open. “Hey, Jamie. What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you,” Jamie says, brows rising as she shoves her glasses up her nose, leaning inside her room and waving at her, expression equal parts smug and exasperated as Remus timidly waves back. “Normally you’re back in our room by now, and you weren’t answering your texts, so I was starting to get worried.”

Her eyes slowly sweep down Sirius’ body, snagging on the mouth shaped bruises on her thighs as she grins, looking between the two of them and laughing. “I assume the seduction attempt was a success, then?”

“Yes, but not in the way you think,” Sirius says, rolling her eyes as she crosses her arms over her hips and cocks her hip out, Remus getting momentarily distracted when the shirt rides up enough to show off the bottom curve of her ass. “Turns out that you were right all along and I should have actually talked to our lovely Moony about my feelings instead of trying to flirt my way into her pants, but it all worked out in the end. We’re girlfriends now.”

Jamie whoops and seizes her in a hug, lifting her feet off the ground and swinging her around as Remus chuckles, right up until she sets her down and beelines for the bed.

“Wait, Jamie, don’t-” She grunts as Jamie flops down on top of her, crushing her beneath her weight as she smacks a kiss to her forehead and wraps her arms around her, and she’s honestly just grateful that they thought to shower when they finally made it back to campus earlier. “Wow, you’re so much heavier than I thought you’d be.”

“Thank you,” Jamie says proudly, rocking them back and forth. “And thank you as well for agreeing to go out with her, I was tired of the nightly ‘why won’t Remus ask me out’ winge.” Remus blinks in surprise and looks up over her shoulder, finding Sirius looking mildly embarrassed, her lips curling up into a smile when their eyes meet. “Plus, if I had to hear her call out your name one more time while she was ‘showering’ I would have-”

“Okay, Jamie, that’s enough,” Sirius cries, grabbing her by the back of her shirt and dragging her off the bed, and she sucks in a very much needed breath now that her lungs can fully inflate, snorting as Sirius manhandles her towards the door and shoves her out into the hall. “I’ll give you the full details tomorrow, I’m staying here tonight, now please leave us alone. Oh! Don’t forget to feed Pickles.”

“Goodnight, love you, remember to use protection,” Jamie calls, grinning widely and waving as Sirius slams the door in her face, her laugh audible through the hollow metal.

“Pickles?” Remus asks, arching a brow as Sirius rejoins her in bed, straddling her thighs and leaning down to kiss her, her hair falling in a curtain around her face. 

“Our illegal betta fish that we snuck into the dorm. During our last inspection we told Bertha that he’s an AI-generated projection and she bought that somehow.”

She blinks a few times. “She thinks the live fish in your room is made with artificial intelligence?”

“Yep.” Sirius snorts and rolls her eyes, expression going serious when she looks down at her again. “You should really add me or Jamie to your emergency alert system for your glucose monitor, and we’ll bully the housing department for a spare pass card to your room. If there’s an issue in the middle of the night you shouldn’t have to rely on someone like Bertha to take care of you during a medical emergency. I’m surprised she can manage to take care of herself.”

“You would want to do that for me?” she asks, voice coming out raspy around the lump in her throat. 

“Baby, I wanted to talk to you about putting me on your emergency contact list literally the moment I found out that was something I had to worry about, I just didn’t know how to ask.”

“Oh,” she whispers, feeling small and held as Sirius rolls them and gathers her up in her arms, tucking her head beneath her chin. “Yeah, I can add you if that’s really something that you want. It’ll send an alert to your phone every time my blood sugar levels get too high or too low.”

“Good,” Sirius says, rubbing her hand up and down her spine. “Will you tell me again?”

“I love you,” she murmurs, smiling when Sirius makes a happy noise and holds her even tighter, pressing a lingering kiss to the top of her head that makes her whole body feel warm and fuzzy. 

Dating Sirius, being her girlfriend, far surpasses any fantasy Remus could have ever conjured in her head.

In a lot of ways it's the same; Sirius still seeks her out throughout the day and texts her constantly, bullying her into going out with her and the other girls, interrupting her dedicated study hours in the library and distracting her with her mere presence, unable to concentrate on the words in front of her because she’s too busy staring at the way her hair shimmers beneath the lights. They still go to church every Sunday, getting lunch on the way home and heading back to her dorm together, spending the rest of the day napping and hanging out together.

The differences, though… Remus truly never realized that dating someone would be like this.

Sirius spends a few nights a week in her dorm, curled up around her in bed and waking her with soft, gentle kisses, morning breath an afterthought as their lips sluggishly move against each other. She holds her hand around campus or tucks her beneath her arm, dropping the word girlfriend into conversation so often that Jamie and Petra eventually put a ban on it, not that it stops Sirius from saying it. 

Sirius is attentive, and sweet, and her parents absolutely adored her when she took her home one weekend to visit, her mom and Sirius getting along like two peas in a pod, abandoning Remus to hang out with her dad while they went to get mani-pedis. Likewise, Sirius took her to meet the Potters, who treated her so kindly and with so much love that she cried a little on the way home afterwards, overwhelmed by being the center of attention for so many hours.

And the sex, well… 

“Please,” Sirius begs, ass propped in the air and cheek pressed to the mattress, a puddle of drool soaking into the sheets as Remus thumbs at her rim, pressing her knuckle down on the base of the small silicone plug she’d spent the the better part of the last twenty minutes working inside of her, body going fuzzy when Sirius cries out sharply, whining as she pants for air. “Please let me ride you now, baby please, need it, I need it-”

“Okay,” she murmurs, leaning down and sinking her teeth into the crease where her ass meets her thigh, sucking a mark into her skin while her fingers absentmindedly check the straps of the harness she’s wearing, the dildo they’d picked out together during an absolutely mortifying visit to the sex shop jutting out in front of her, taking a moment to admire the red mark left behind when she pulls away, licking over the tender spot. “Anything for you, sweetheart.”

She gasps in surprise when Sirius jerks upright and spins around, pushing her up the bed until her back is pressed against the headboard, straddling her lap and drizzling lube over the startlingly realistic head of the dildo, sinking down on top of it in one smooth drop and throwing her head back as she moans.

Her breasts are level with Remus’ face and she takes advantage of that, leaning forward and licking a nipple into her mouth, sucking at it as one of her hands feels it’s way up her body to her other one, pinching it between two of her fingers until Sirius’ breath catches, maintaining that pressure while she bites and licks at the other.

“Jesus,” Sirius moans, shuddering slightly before she starts to roll her hips, putting on the prettiest fucking show she’s ever seen as she fucks herself on the dildo, crying out loud enough that her neighbor gets annoyed and beats her fist against the wall before turning on her portable speaker, cranking the volume up loud enough that the wall starts to rattle.

She’s nearly star-struck as she watches the way Sirius’ body moves, muscles tensing and relaxing, thighs shaking as she rises and falls, tits bouncing and mouth hanging open as wetness leaks down over her lap. Sirius purses her lips above her, eyes gleaming when she opens her mouth and hangs out her tongue, a groan vibrating through her throat when she spits into her waiting mouth.

The base of the dildo presses down against her every time Sirius grinds down, and the dull, barely-there sensation isn’t quite enough to get her off, but that doesn’t stop her from coming untouched regardless when Sirius spits on her cheek and slams down on the cock inside of her, writhing from the overstimulation as Sirius licks into her mouth and keeps riding her. 

She makes Sirius come a few minutes later by playing with the base of the plug, pressing down and tugging at it as she frantically writhes in her lap, petting at the backs of her thighs as she comes down. Sirius pushes her hair off her face, huffs, and catches her mouth in a deep, heated kiss as she starts to roll her hips again. 

Or-

Remus cranes up on her tiptoes as she kisses Sirius, who is pinned to the wall of the shower beneath her body weight and the arm she has braced across her collarbones, the never-ending stream of hot water pouring down over their heads as she grinds herself against her thigh. 

She has three fingers inside of Sirius, wetness squelching as she thrusts them in and out, thumb circling her clit but never quite making contact, blood running hot and body thrumming at the needy cries she’s letting out, pushed past the point of coherent words. 

“So good for me, sweetheart,” she murmurs, tucking her pinky in against the rest, a whine slipping from her throat at the expression on Sirius’ face when all four fingers slip inside, her inner walls hot and tight and pulsing around her. “Look at you. You’re stretched out so open around me.”

She’s not, really, her fingers are skinny enough that she doubts they’re any girthier than Sirius’ favorite dildo, but she cries out and shakes at her words, eyes crossing as tears escape from the corners, knees giving out entirely and nearly taking them both down until Remus manages to find purchase on the slick tiles. 

“Please,” Sirius rasps, voice hoarse and nearly gone, her cry echoing off the walls of the shower when she gives her a sharp thrust. “Please, baby please-”

Remus thinks about dragging it out some more, but it’s quite literally impossible to refuse Sirius anything, but especially not when she’s like this, eyes rolling and fingers digging into her shoulder blades so hard that she can feel her skin tearing beneath her nails, so she finally puts pressure on her clit, fingers curling and sliding in and out of her.

“You can come, sweetheart,” she says, attaching her mouth to her throat and scrapes her teeth over where her pulse is thrumming, a thrill running up her spine at the way Sirius lets her treat her in bed, begs for it even, she loses her mind when she takes control and uses her however she wants. “You can come whenever you want.”

Sirius lets out a noise that would probably be a shriek if she had any air in her lungs, clenching down around her as her whole body convulses, and she stares down in amazement as she squirts all over her hand, the wetness dripping down onto the floor.

And-

Remus whimpers as Sirius snaps her hips forward, pinned to the bed by the weight of her hand between her shoulder blades, the other gripping her hip so tightly that it’s sure to bruise as she fucks into her, the head of the dildo dragging over that spot inside that makes her feel like she’s being turned inside out, stars dancing at the edges of her vision and her entire body shaking from how many times she’s come today.

Her whole focus has narrowed down to the drag of silicone inside of her and the points of contact between them, a little ungh falling from her mouth every time Sirius’ thighs smack against the back of hers, the room filled with their panting breaths and the slap of skin, the wet sounds her pussy is making with each and every thrust so obscene she can barely stand to listen to it.

“Does that feel good, baby?” Sirius murmurs, voice completely unaffected despite the fact that she’s been fucking her for what feels like hours, she really doesn’t understand how she ended up with someone so athletic, bending low over her back and licking her way up her spine. “Are you going to come around my cock again?”

“Yeah,” she whines, voice reedy and fucked out, sobbing as Sirius reaches around her and starts playing with her clit, catching it between two knuckles and squeezing gently as her thrusts speed up. “Oh fuck, sweetheart, please. Just like that, just like that, Sirius-”

Sirius keeps fucking her as she comes, only slowing when her cries have turned frantic, moaning low in her throat as Remus catches her breath before pushing her down on the bed, fighting with the straps of the harness until it’s loose enough that she can get her mouth on her cunt, whining when Sirius fists her hands her hair and grinds up against her face.

She eats her out like a woman possessed, idly grinding against her leg when Sirius nudges it between her thighs, crying out from how sore and oversensitive she is, but that doesn’t stop her from rolling her hips, leaving a trail of wetness gleaming on her pale skin. 

She just keeps eating her out even when she comes again, and then again, whimpering through another orgasm of her own, moving her tongue and lips against her until her jaw starts to lock up and she has to stop, finishing her off with her fingers and watching rapturously as Sirius screams through her orgasm.

But also-

“That feels good,” Sirius murmurs sleepily, the two of them wrapped up together in her bed, and they’re supposed to be getting ready for class but instead they’re basically just dry humping, Remus grinding down between her spread legs, her boxers clinging wetly to her thighs. 

“Mhm,” she murmurs, head tucked against the side of her throat as she mouths idly at her shoulder, sparks dancing along her spine every time she moves her hips just right. “Do you think you could come like this?”

“Yeah,” Sirius sighs, one hand pressing down on her lower back, pulling her in with every slow, rolling thrust. “Yeah, just keep going.”

“Okay,” she mumbles, a breathy whine slipping from her throat as the seam of her boxers rubs against her clit, absently thinking about the fact that they’re probably going to have to rush to get out the door on time, but that’s not enough to make her want to speed things up. “I love you.”

Sirius whines and arches up beneath her, hips twitching as she keeps grinding against her, gasping when it increases the pressure between them. She keeps murmuring those three words into her skin, knowing how much Sirius loves to hear them, and doesn’t stop until she falls apart beneath her, following her right over the edge at the hazy, sex-drunk look on her face.

There’s also the library incident, which she refuses to talk about, when she let Sirius talk her into letting her go down on her beneath the table and an entire study group decided that their secluded corner of the library was the place to set up shop. Sirius hadn’t stopped licking at her, soft and slow and teasing, even when they were discussing chemical engineering less than ten feet away, and she’d nearly bitten through her own thumb to muffle her orgasm, the lower half of Sirius’ face wet and shiny when she’d eventually snuck back into her seat, winking at her before she’d wiped it on her shirt.

Sirius is insatiable, and lucky for her, Remus is too, and loves nothing more than making her come. It’s a bonus for her that she likes to reciprocate, but honestly, her own pleasure usually comes as an afterthought, her entire focus on making her girlfriend feel as good as possible.

They’ve had sex in both their rooms, the bathrooms of several bars, gotten each other off countless times on the bench seat of her truck, and even had an extremely ill thought out moment in the coat closet of the church when Remus had absentmindedly put her hand on Sirius’ thigh during the sermon, and she kept nudging her hand up until it was cupping her through her underwear, and she was moments from making her come right in the pew when Sirius had shoved her out into the aisle and dragged her into the closet. 

The sex isn’t the focus of their relationship, though, even if she does enjoy it immensely. 

It’s also the little things, the two of them staying up late just talking, or walking into town together with their fingers laced together, sharing a milkshake and an order of fries as they quiz each other for their upcoming finals, or simply existing together while they do their own thing, like Remus curled up between Sirius’ legs with a book while she watches videos on her phone, the volume turned down low enough that it won’t bother her.

Remus hadn’t noticed it before, too caught up on her own hopeless crush, but Sirius actually listens to her, occasionally bringing up things that she’d only mentioned in passing months before. She knows her favorite colors and foods, which books are her favorites and which songs annoy her, and she’s constantly whipping out some new piece of information about her that she can’t believe she even noticed. 

She’s constantly in awe of Sirius, more than a little bit obsessed with her, and to her neverending surprise, apparently Sirius feels the same way about her. 

“I have to get him out of that house,” Sirius says one night as they’re getting ready for bed, standing side by side in front of her sink, her voice flat and hollow.

Remus hums and leans forward to spit, using the back of her hand to wipe away the foam that’s spilling down her chin, running her toothbrush beneath the water and dropping it in the cup it lives in before she looks up at her.

She’s talking about Regulus, she knows, and she’s been helping her with her plans to help him escape their parents, even driving her around town to look at apartments until she’d found one she liked, close enough to campus that they’ll both be able to walk to classes.

“I know,” she whispers, stepping behind her and wrapping her arms around her waist, leaning her forehead into the space between her shoulder blades. “I know, sweetheart. We’re going to get him out. There’s only a few more weeks until he turns eighteen, and then-”

“I’m scared they’re going to pull something that makes it impossible for him to leave,” Sirius interrupts, standing there for a second before she rinses her mouth and toothbrush, dropping it in the cup next to hers where it lives. 

She honestly can’t remember the last time she spent the night in her own room, much to Jamie’s disappointment, though Petra has all but moved in with her anyway, tired of her bitchy roommates' offensive comments about her weight.

“Like what?”

“Well,” Sirius says, inhaling shakily and letting it out in a rush. “They tried to have me involuntarily committed when they realized I was going to try to run away. That was after I… Well, after I got out of the hospital when I downed a bunch of pills. There had also been discussions before that of dropping me at one of those ‘wilderness camps’ where they just torture kids out in the desert, or rehab for my ‘eating disorder.’”

Remus lifts her head at that, a frown tugging at her lips. “Your what?”

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Sirius waves a hand and shrugs, giving her a soft smile when she glances over her shoulder and sees that she’s still frowning. “I don’t have issues with food, baby. You know that. My mother, though… She’s a former beauty queen who has very strict expectations of what her children should look like. I think I was eight, maybe, the first time she put me on a diet. I got nothing but cabbage soup and grapefruit for weeks, it was miserable. The only eating disorder I ever had was the one she enforced on me. I gained like fifteen pounds in the first two months after I moved in with the Potters.”

Remus blinks a few times, opening and closing her mouth. “Every time you tell me something about your parents it’s just a whole new level of horrors. Weren’t you an athlete in high school?”

“Cheerleading, swim team, and gymnastics,” Sirius says, laying her arms over hers around her waist, tangling their fingers together. “Surprising absolutely no one, I started performing better once I started actually eating enough food. But anyway, we’re off track. I’m worried that if we wait until he’s legally an adult they’ll try to dig their claws in before he can escape. He’s also been getting… worse.”

Getting worse is putting it mildly, Remus thinks, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she tucks her face against Sirius’ back again. The last time they’d seen him he’d been quiet and withdrawn, face hollow like he hadn’t been eating, flinching a little when Sirius moved in to give him a hug. She’s watched him slowly wither away over the last six months, and she really doesn’t know if he’ll last until the end of June.

“The problem is that if I sneak him out before his birthday our parents will come after us,” Sirius continues, reaching for her collection of skin care products that now live on the edge of her bathroom counter, pouring one of her serums onto her fingertips and massaging it into our skin. “They’ll check the Potters first, and then it won’t take very long for them to find the apartment, considering that it’s in my name. Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if they already know about it, I’m sure they pay someone to keep tabs on me.”

“Do you think they know about me?” She asks after a few minutes of thinking it over, watching over Sirius’ shoulder as she goes through her nighttime skincare routine, getting distracted for a moment when she rubs something all over her chest and cleavage. “Like, do you think that they know we’re together?”

Sirius’ expression turns thoughtful, lips turning down at the corners as she sets aside a little glass bottle and turns, looping her arms around her shoulders as she leans back against the counter. “Probably not. You’re not on social media, and I doubt they hired someone to stalk me. Why? I’d offer to introduce you but they aren’t exactly cool with queer people, which is part of the reason I-”

“No, not that,” she says, giving Sirius a flat look, pressing her lips together. “I truly hope I never meet your parents, though, otherwise I’ll probably try to punch them both. But no, what I was thinking was that if they don’t know about me, then they won’t think to look for Regulus at my parents house.”

Sirius’ mouth falls open, a wounded noise spilling from her throat, blinking a few times as tears gather at the corners of her eyes. “I- You- You would do that for me?”

“For the both of you,” she says, closing her eyes as Sirius leans forward and presses her lips against her forehead. “I’m sure my parents would be on board with it as well if I were to explain the situation… Well, maybe not the whole situation, I’d rather they have plausible deniability if we get caught kidnapping a minor, but I’m sure they’d be happy to let the both of you stay with us for a few weeks.”

“Thank you,” Sirius gasps wetly, arms tightening around her until she’s clenched to her chest, head tucked beneath her chin. “You have no idea how much that means to me. I- Remus, I-”

“I know,” she murmurs, and she really does, she knows the three words that Sirius has been working up the courage to say, running her hand up and down her back, feeling the way her chest hitches when she breathes. “I know, sweetheart, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me until you’re ready. I love you, it’s okay.”

They stand there, holding each other in the bathroom until Sirius has calmed down, turning out the lights and crawling into her bed together, and she gathers her into her arms, being the big spoon for once, pressing her lips to her hair and holding her tight as she thinks about how she’s going to pitch this idea to her parents. 

The semester ends, they pass their finals with flying colors, and they pack up their dorm rooms, loading the bed of her truck and dropping most of it off at Sirius’ apartment before they head to the Potters for a few nights.

They spend the next few days hitting various furniture stores around the city, buying beds and couches and a ridiculous amount of decor with the money Sirius’ uncle left her when he passed, and when Remus had voiced her concern over how much she was spending Sirius had snorted and pulled up her bank account, her knees going weak at what her girlfriend considered a small inheritance. 

Jamie, Petra, and Ly, Jamie’s boyfriend, help them unload and attempt to assemble the furniture, though it turns out they’re all terrible at it after they accidentally turn one of the beds into eldritch monstrosity made of metal and wood slats, so Jamie calls her dad, and he shows up an hour later with a tool box and a dozen donuts, shooing them out the way as he quickly sets the bed to rights and gets started on the dresser, his drill whirring away as they stock the kitchen with dishware and hang curtains over the boring white blinds. 

“You’re going to come stay with us, right?” Sirius asks, the two of them sitting cross legged on the bathroom floor, folding towels and sorting through her various toiletries, the plastic bag by her knee filled with products for Regulus, and they’d spent a long time sniffing all the different scents of shampoo and body wash at the store until they’d found the ones they thought smelled best. “Over the summer?”

“Yeah,” Remus rasps, looking up from the jar she’s filling with cotton swabs, cheeks going warm from the earnest, almost cautious look in her eyes. “Yeah, of course. How long do you want me to stay?”

“Well, until school starts again, preferably,” Sirius says, biting down on a grin as she goes back to organizing a little basket of pads and tampons, the outside of it decorated with vampire teeth. She’d cackled when she found it at the store, gleefully holding it up before tossing it into the cart. “But I assumed that your parents want to spend some time with you. I left half of my dresser empty so you’d have room for your clothes and stuff. Plus, I figured you could stay over as often as you like once school starts again, and it would be a pain to go back to your room to get ready, you know?”

Her breath sticks in her throat, lungs seizing, and she swallows roughly before she sets the jar aside, clambering forward to straddle Sirius’ lap and slotting their lips together. Sirius kisses her back instantly, hands gripping her hips as her own tangle in her hair, and the kiss remains gentle despite the way they’re frantically clutching at each other.

“Yeah,” she whispers, Sirius’ eyes gleaming with all the things they’re both leaving unsaid. She knows that she’s essentially just asked her to move in with her and Regulus, in the same way she knows that Sirius is in love with her, and she’s more than happy to keep reading between the lines of things she isn’t ready to say. “Yeah, sweetheart, of course I will.”

They’re still kissing when Petra wanders by a few minutes later, her arms full of blankets, and she whines at them to quit making out and get back to work. 

The roads are dark and empty this time of night, Remus’ hands tight around the steering wheel as she navigates her way down a deserted street, pulling up alongside the curb and killing the engine the second she’s shifted into park, glancing over at the tall iron fence a few feet to her right.

“You’re sure about this?” She asks quietly, glancing over at Sirius, who is sitting in the middle of the bench seat beside her, her face drawn and paler than normal, eyes shining with worry, before she returns her attention to the fence that surrounds the gated community that she apparently grew up in. “Surely there has to be a better way to get him away than committing a felony.”

“Our only other option is snatching him from church, and then we’d have witnesses,” Sirius says, swallowing roughly before she pulls on a pair of black gloves, both of them dressed head to toe in dark, nondescript clothing. “Besides, he’s expecting us.”

“Yeah,” she says, sighing before she tilts her head up to catch her lips in a quick kiss. “Promise me you’ll be safe.”

“I promise,” Sirius says, cupping her cheek and stroking the skin below her eyes. “Promise me that you’ll get him out of here even if he’s by himself. You can call the cops if they catch me, but if we don’t manage this we’ll never get him back again.”

“I promise,” she says, stomach twisting and filled with lead at the idea of what they’re about to do, kissing her one more time. “Are you ready?”

Sirius nods and pulls her ski mask down over her face, both of them slipping from the truck and grabbing the small ladder they’d bought secondhand from the bed. She holds it steady as Sirius climbs up and swings herself over the top of the fence, hitting the ground with a soft grunt, the two of them working together to raise it up and lower it on the other side. 

Sirius makes sure it’s arranged properly, giving it a few shakes before she reaches through the bars of the fence and squeezes her hand. “Start the engine as soon as I text that we’re on the way, and if you don’t hear from me within thirty minutes call 911.”

“Okay,” she manages to say, nodding a few times. “I love you.”

Sirius yanks her forward, kissing her between the bars. “I love you too, Remus. I’ll be right back, keep your phone on you and be ready to bail.”

Remus stands there in shock as she turns and slips away into the bushes, mouth hanging open, until she finally gets ahold of herself and shakes her head. Out of all the ways she could have told her Sirius really chose to do it in the middle of committing a crime. 

She climbs back into the truck, leaving the passenger door hanging open and clutching her phone in her hand, casting nervous glances around the neighborhood. She hopes that there aren’t any busy-body night owls peeping out the windows, who might take notice of her truck and decide to write down her plate number, or worse, call the police.

She jumps and smacks her head on the window when her phone buzzes almost ten minutes later, fingers shaking as she tries to unlock it, eyes skimming over Sirius’ update, made it in the house, looking up to where they positioned the ladder. She honestly feels sick, and she hopes to the universe and every listening deity, if they exist, that this works. She can’t imagine how badly things will go for both Black siblings if it doesn’t.

When Sirius texts her again, on our way, she flips the switch for the lights and turns the key over in the ignition, wincing when the engine roars to life. She can barely breathe as she waits, lungs burning, staring at the spot in the bushes Sirius had disappeared into.

She nearly sobs when they appear, her girlfriend with a duffle bag slung over her back and one arm around Regulus’ waist, and at Sirius’ nod she scrambles out of the truck, reaching up to help him down as he swings himself over the fence. Sirius follows right on his heels, abandoning the ladder as she shoves them both into the truck, slinging the duffle bag into the bed before scrambling over her brother’s lap to reclaim her seat in the middle, slamming the door behind her.

“Go, go,” she hisses, eyes wide and panicked as Remus throws it into drive and pulls away from the curb, fighting to pull her seatbelt across her chest. “Their bedroom light came on as we were climbing down the trellis, they’ve probably already discovered that he’s gone and called the cops.”

“Shit,” she breathes out, turning the lights back on and forcing herself to maintain the speed limit, the last thing they need to do is look suspicious right now, glancing over at them from the corner of her eye. “Sweetheart, seat belts.”

“Shit, right.” Sirius hastily does up her own before reaching over Regulus, who is staring blankly out the front window and breathing shallowly, buckling him in with shaking hands. “Reggie, hey, look at me. Are you alright?”

“I- I don’t know,” Regulus stammers, blinking a few times before he turns to look at her, eyes watering. “I- I’m out? I don’t have to go back?”

“Not unless the cops drag you there kicking and screaming, and I’ve got lawyers on retainer to prevent that from happening,” Sirius says, throwing the gloves on the floor before she reaches up to wipe his cheek. “Well, Jamie’s parents, but still. You’re out, Reg. It’s done. You don’t have to go back.”

Regulus nods, takes a single gasping breath, and lets out a heaving sob, reaching for Sirius as she reaches for him, the two of them clinging to each other as they both start to weep.

Remus glances over at them, feeling her own eyes well up from the unadulterated pain in Regulus’ cries, reaching over to put her hand on Sirius’ thigh, squeezing it softly in a show of support as they fall apart in each other's arms. 

She waits until they’re almost at the interstate to ask for Regulus’ phone, rolling down the window when he hands it to her and tossing it out onto the street, feeling a little guilty about littering as she watches it burst into pieces in the rearview mirror.

It’s early morning by the time she finally pulls into her parent’s driveway, the sun already starting to lighten the sky on the horizon, the truck jolting slightly as the pavement turns into gravel. There’s a light on in the kitchen, warm yellow light spilling from the window across the lawn, and she catches a small glimpse of both her parents sitting at the table as they pass.

Sirius has her head on her shoulder, quiet and just barely awake, and Regulus is curled up on the seat with his head in her lap, still sniffling in his sleep as Sirius rakes her fingers through his hair. She perks up a little when Remus pulls off to the side of the garage, glancing around blearily as she turns the truck off.

“Are we here?” she asks, voice scratchy, and she nods before pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“Yeah. C’mon, let’s wake him up and get in the house. My parents are already up, I’ll have my dad come out and get our bags.”

“Okay. Hey, Reg, time to wake up.” She gives his shoulder a little shake, shushing him when he startles. “Hey, it’s alright. We’re at Remus’ parents house, it’s time to get up.”

“Oh,” Regulus frowns as he sits up, sniffing and rubbing his nose on the back of his hand as he looks around. “Okay. Do I- Do they-”

“They know that I’m bringing Sirius’ little brother here,” she says, leaning around Sirius to meet his eye. “And they know that your name is Regulus, and that you’re a boy, regardless of how you look right now. They’re okay with it, I promise. They wouldn’t be okay with the whole kidnapping thing, however, so please don’t mention that.”

“Okay,” he says quietly, nodding a few times before he reaches for the door handle and slides out, nearly falling until he catches himself on the side of the door. Sirius curses and climbs out behind him, and Remus grabs her keys and their phones before she gets out as well. 

She can hear them murmuring to each other behind her as she leads the way up to the house, the front door already unlocked when she turns the knob, glancing back at them and waiting till they catch up before she steps inside.

“Hi, Remi,” her mom says as they enter, standing just inside the entryway with her hands pressed over her chest, eyes catching on the siblings for a moment before she wraps her up in a hug. “How was the drive?”

“It was fine,” she says, wincing when her mom catches her eye with an expectant expression on her face, shaking her head slightly. Her parents obviously didn’t buy the whole ‘Regulus can’t leave until one in the morning’ excuse, but they didn’t push too much, trusting her to make the best decision.

She didn’t, obviously, considering that she just aided and abetted a felony, but they really don’t need to know that.

“Hi, Sirius, it’s so good to see you, honey,” Hope says, giving her a hug before she turns to Regulus, smiling gently as she holds a hand out towards him. “And you must be Regulus, we’ve heard so much about you.”

“Oh. Really?” he asks, timidly taking her hand and shaking it, swaying slightly where he stands. “Thank you so much for your hospitality in allowing me to stay here.”

“So polite,” Hope chirps, tucking him beneath her arm and leading him towards the stairs. “You look exhausted, dear. Let me show you to the guest room.”

“Go,” she whispers to Sirius when she catches her watching them go with a panic stricken expression, leaning forward to kiss her when she glances at her. “Go be with your brother, it’s fine.”

“I love you,” Sirius whispers, catching her off guard for the second time that night, dropping a quick kiss on her lips and taking off after them, leaping up the stairs two at a time. 

She’s still staring after her when she feels an arm wrap around her chest from behind, closing her eyes and leaning back as she feels lips press against the top of her head. “Hi, dad.”

“Hi, Rem,” Lyall says quietly, the two of them standing in silence for a moment, her dad humming quietly as she leans against his chest. “Are you ready to tell me what all this is about?”

“The less you know the better,” she sighs, straightening up when he lets her go, turning around to look at him, sighing again when he simply arches a brow at her. “I know. But you’ve gotta trust me on this one, okay?”

“Okay,” he says after a moment, ducking down and kissing the top of her head again. “You look exhausted, Rem. Why don’t you head up to bed and get some sleep?”

“Oh, we’ve got bags-”

“I’ll get them,” he says, giving her a little push towards the stairs. “Love you, kid.”

“Love you too,” she says, giving him a little wave as she climbs the stairs, hesitating for a moment outside the closed door to the guest room, listening to the quiet murmur of Sirius and Regulus’ voices before she makes her way to her own room, stripping off her jeans and fishing her bra out the sleeve of her shirt before she collapses into bed and pulls the covers over herself. 

She wakes up when she feels Sirius sliding into bed behind her, the sky outside the window bright blue when she peeks at it, which means that it must be mid-morning at least, lifting her arm as her girlfriend slots in against her back, one arm winding beneath her neck and the other sneaking beneath her shirt, a warm palm sliding up to rest above her heart.

“How’s Regulus?” she asks, voice thick with sleep, eyelids heavy as she blinks.

“He can’t sleep. Your mom was going to show him her chickens,” Sirius whispers, her voice raw and broken like she’s been crying again. “Wanna know something really fucked up?”

“Hm?”

“Our parents always wanted a son,” she says, making a choking noise before she starts sobbing quietly into her hair. She tuts and rolls over, gathering her up in her arms and holding her, rubbing a soothing hand over her back as her tears soak into the collar of her shirt. 

It’s the middle of the afternoon when she wakes up again, pulling the blankets up over Sirius’ shoulders and kissing her forehead as she slides out of bed, throwing on a pair of old, holey sweatpants before she makes her way downstairs, rubbing her face as she yawns.

She pauses when she steps into the kitchen, Regulus’ eyes snapping up to hers, his hand jerking up towards his head and dropping to his lap again. “Cool hair,” she says, smiling as his face splits in a beaming grin, and it’s quite literally the happiest she’s ever seen him.

“Your mom did it for me,” he says, reaching up again and ruffling the hair at the top of his head, picking up his phone and peering at himself in the reflection. His hair is shorn short on the back and sides of his head, a few inches left on top that swoop down over his forehead, and she notices that he’s taken his earrings out as well. “Does it look okay?”

“It looks really, really good,” she says, glancing over at her mom who is stirring something at the stove, and she winks at her before nodding towards the coffee pot. “Since you already have the clippers and shears out, do you think you could clean up my mullet for me?”

“Oh, I suppose,” Hope says, playfully narrowing her eyes at her as she makes herself a cup of coffee, and then one for Sirius when she hears a thump from upstairs. “If you insist on having that silly haircut I may as well make sure that it looks presentable, at least.”

“Thanks mom,” she says, giving her cheek a quick kiss, hoping that she understands that she’s thanking her for so much more than the haircut. From the look in her eyes she knows, and Remus smiles at her before moving over to the table and dropping into the chair across from Regulus. “Did you get any sleep?”

“Not really,” Regulus shrugs, toying with his fork, a half-eaten plate of scrambled eggs in front of him. “But I might-”

“Reg,” Sirius gasps, bolting into the kitchen like she expects him to be gone, frantically glancing around until her eyes land on him and she freezes. The siblings stare at each other with wide eyes until Sirius steps forward, a delighted smile taking over her face. “Oh, your hair. You look so handsome!”

“Really?” Regulus asks, once again raising a hand to it, smiling as Sirius ruffles it and bends down to kiss his forehead. 

“You look like you,” Sirius whispers against his skin, holding his face between her hands, right before she smirks and licks his cheek, Regulus sputtering and swiping at her before wiping his face on his sleeve. “Good morning, baby.”

“It’s like three o’clock in the afternoon, it’s no longer morning,” she says, leaning against her shoulder when she slides into the chair next to her, nudging her coffee cup closer to her. “Mom’s going to cut my hair too if you’re interested.”

“I could probably do with a trim,” she says, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her in to nuzzle the side of her head where her hair has grown out. “If that’s alright with you, Hope.”

“Of course,” her mom says, beaming as she slides plates of bacon and eggs in front of them, depositing a pile of buttered toast on a napkin between them. “After you eat. You two, especially,” she says, pointing a finger between Remus and Regulus. “You’re too thin, the both of you.”

“Yes ma’am,” Regulus says, sliding a piece of toast from the pile onto his plate. 

She just rolls her eyes, sharing a look with Sirius before she sips from her coffee mug and reaches for her fork. 

They’re watching a movie in the living room, Regulus curled up into a ball and fast asleep on Sirius’ other side, tucked beneath one of her arms, when her dad appears in the doorway and jerks his chin at her. 

She extracts herself from Sirius’ side and follows him down the hall, stepping out onto the back porch behind him, her brow furrowing as he nudges the door closed. “What’s up?”

Lyall looks at her and sighs, pulling his phone out of his pocket and holding it out towards her. “I think it might be time for you to start explaining some things.”

She gnaws her lower lip as she scrolls through the article on the screen, chest clenching at the unfamiliar name sprinkled throughout, heart feeling like it’s about to beat out of her chest. 

“Huh. That’s weird,” she says, aiming for nonchalance and missing the mark when her voice trembles. “They have the same last name as Sirius and Regulus, but I don’t know any girls with that name. Wow, they even look the same too, what a crazy coincidence.”

“Really?” Her dad gives her a flat look and sighs, peering out across the backyard, a few of her moms chickens pecking at the grass and the neighbor's pig laying in a patch of sunlight. “He’s still a minor. Their parents are well within their rights to declare him a missing person.”

“Only for a few more weeks,” she says, putting his phone on the porch railing and leaning against it, the two of them standing in silence for a few minutes. “It was killing him to stay there, dad, and Sirius was worried if we waited until his birthday their parents would have him involuntarily committed, or worse.”

Lyall sighs again, turning to look at her and bracing his hip against the rail. “Their parents-”

“Are the worst sort of people,” she interrupts, nausea rising in her throat as she thinks about the way Regulus wept in her truck last night, begging Sirius for reassurance that he didn’t have to go back. “I won’t give you details, because that’s their business, not mine, but some of the things Sirius has told me made me sick. They- Fuck. They’d rather have dead children than ones that don’t fit into the image they want them to maintain.”

Her dad shakes his head, huffing out a breath and putting his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. “Fine. Don’t tell your mother.”

“I won’t,” she mumbles, hiding her face in his shirt. “Is it because you’re worried she’ll try to go kick their asses over it?”

“Yeah, obviously,” he says, snorting as she giggles. “You’re a good kid, Rem.”

“You’re a good dad,” she responds, tightening her arms around him. “Hypothetically, what’s the statute of limitations on aiding and abetting a kidnapping?”

Lyall sighs again.

It’s a few days before things calm down enough for her to feel comfortable enough to bring up the topic of Sirius’ love confession, talking her into going into a walk with her after dinner while Hope shows Regulus around the attic to find some more suitable clothing for him, leading her towards the woods at the back of their property as lightning bugs rise up out of the grass into the evening air.

“Bringing me out here to murder me?” Sirius asks, lifting their joined hands and kissing her knuckles. “I have to say, the setting is perfect for it.”

“Mhm, yep,” she says, bumping their shoulders together. “My obsession with you has officially reached Joe Goldberg levels, you should probably run now. I actually have a knife in my back pocket, and I’m planning on keeping your hair as a souvenir.”

“I like that you’re obsessed with me,” Sirius says, giggling as she backs her up against a tree and leans down to seal their mouths together. “And you could never.”

She’s not wrong, Remus would rather cut her own arm off than do anything that would hurt Sirius, and she sighs as she nips at her mouth, parting her lips to give her tongue access. She gets distracted by kissing her for a few minutes, until she eventually remembers why she brought her out here, gently nudging her back as she tangles her fingers in the wispy hairs at the nape of her neck.

“So,” she says, staring at Sirius’ spit slicked lips. “You love me?”

Sirius’ cheeks turn the prettiest shade of pink, a smile tugging at her mouth as she shakes her head. “Baby, you knew that already. You knew even if I couldn’t say it.”

“I did know. But you said it to me and then ran away to kidnap your brother, which was a bit unfair, all things considered.”

“Yeah, well,” Sirius shrugs and looks at her, grinning as she leans in to kiss her again. “I was potentially about to go to jail, I wanted to make sure that I told you before that happened.”

“Bitch,” she mutters against her lips, smiling as Sirius laughs, leaning her head back against the tree. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”

“I won’t, I promise,” Sirius says, stroking her thumbs over her hip bones. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she says, closing her eyes against the wave of happiness that rises up inside of her, eyes burning a little. “Wanna go desecrate my childhood bed by fucking me in it?”

“Oh baby, I thought you’d never ask,” Sirius murmurs, pressing against her and licking between her lips, humming beneath her breath when she wraps her arms around her neck to pull her in even closer. “But first-”

Sirius grins and winks as she drops to her knees in the dirt, biting at her stomach and hips as she works her shorts down around her thighs, a trembling moan spilling from her lips as she licks across the seam of her cunt, pressing her face against it as she twirls her tongue around her clit.

“C’mon, baby, you know what to do,” Sirius mumbles, sighing breathily as she fists her hands in her hair, letting her mouth hang open as she grinds herself against her face. 

On Regulus’ eighteenth birthday, after a breakfast of pancakes that’s tense and quiet despite her mom’s misplaced attempts to cheer them up, the three of them pile into her truck and drive to the local police station.

She waits outside, the less she’s involved the better, sitting on the tailgate and picking nervously at the loose threads on the hem of her cut-off shorts, glancing between the doors to the station and the time as she waits, growing more and more nervous when nearly two hours have passed. She’s about to call Monty and Effie Potter to tell them that their services are needed when the doors slam open, Regulus and Sirius tripping out onto the sidewalk and immediately bursting into laughter, Reg letting out a breathless shriek when Sirius picks him up and swings him around.

She smiles, so relieved by their obvious joy that she wants to cry, chewing her lower lip as Sirius sets her brother down. She chuckles when Sirius smacks a wet kiss to his cheek before dragging him over to the truck, clambering up on the tailgate and straddling her lap. 

“Good news, then?” she asks, setting her hands on Sirius’ hips.

“The best news,” she says, smiling widely as she leans in to kiss her. “Regulus is no longer declared a missing person, and I'm no longer the suspect in a kidnapping case, which means our period of house arrest has ended! I’m sure your parents will be thrilled to have us off their couch.”

“Our parents are quite upset,” Regulus says, climbing up to sit beside them, dressed in a mixture of her and her dad’s old clothes, all more masculine than anything he had in his suitcase. “Our father actually hung up on the cop when he couldn’t bully him into arresting either of us.”

“Are you okay?” She asks him, leaning into the touch when Sirius rubs her hand over the side of her freshly buzzed head. “It’s okay if you aren’t.”

“I think I’m going to be,” he says after a long moment of silence, staring at the field of soybeans on the other side of the police station. 

“That’s all that matters, isn’t it?” Sirius asks, kissing her again before she reaches over to ruffle his hair. “C’mon, it’s your birthday, and we’re taking you to the mall. You need better clothes than Moony’s cast offs, no offense, baby, and you need a real binder. It’s not good for your ribs to be wearing two sports bras like that.”

Regulus grumbles and rolls his eyes, looking pleased, flicking Sirius’ nose and flinging himself off the tailgate before she can retaliate, fleeing to the cab of the truck. She watches him fondly as he goes, sinking her teeth into her lower lip as she grins, eyes flicking down to hers. 

“Is that okay?” She asks, rather belatedly, putting on her best pout and fluttering her lashes. “Can we go to the mall?”

“Of course,” she says, squeezing her hips before gently pushing at her, hopping down to the ground after she slides off her lap, using both hands to lift and slam the tailgate closed. “How could I say no after you already told Reg that we’re going?”

Sirius laughs and pulls her in, cupping the sides of her throat and using her thumbs to tilt her chin up, sealing their mouths together. Remus hums happily and reaches up to hold her wrists, kissing her back until Regulus beeps the horn at them, glaring at them through the back window when she glances over her shoulder, and they both snort as they break apart.

Sirius claims her spot in the middle of the bench seat, buckling up and beaming when she puts her hand on her thigh after starting the engine and shifting into gear, eyes going warm when she gives her leg her a soft squeeze. She plugs her phone into the aux, asking her brother what he wants to listen to before cranking the volume, some pop song spilling from the speakers as she props her feet on the dash. 

The wind pours through the open windows as she turns out onto the main road and starts heading towards the mall, Sirius’ hair flying around them as she sings along to the music, and after a moment Regulus joins in, the two of them gleefully screaming the words as Remus just shakes her head in amusement, so full of love for the girl sitting beside her that she can barely stand it. 

They’re going to go to the mall, and Sirius will probably spend too much money on them both, and then they’ll go back home where her mom is baking a cake and preparing a special birthday dinner for Regulus. They’re going to let her dad teach them how to play poker later, and they’ll probably end up watching movies and falling asleep in the living room again, much like they’ve done almost every night for the past couple of weeks.

This weekend she’ll drive them down to their apartment and stay for a week before she heads back home, but not for long, because she’ll be back with them before the beginning of August. They have an apartment warming party planned for some point in the summer, and Jamie will be bringing Pickles the fish over after they’re home, a place for his tank already set up in the living room. She’s already looked up therapists for Regulus, and helped Sirius find a few different gender affirming clinics in the area, and they’ve already arranged their class schedules for next year to have the same break periods. 

Things will be rough for a while, she knows, but she’s pretty fucking positive that for once in her life everything is going to be okay.

Chapter Text

When Remus wakes up she automatically reaches out beside her, frowning when she only finds empty space and grumbling sleepily as she cracks her eyes open.

The sheets beneath her hand are rumpled and still slightly warm, the duvet tossed over top of her and tucked around her shoulders, and she lifts her head slightly, glancing around their cluttered little bedroom that she loves beyond words, peering towards the alarm clock before she turns towards the door, which has been left open just a crack, light spilling in from the hall.

She can just barely hear the sound of Sirius and Regulus’ voices from somewhere out in the apartment, her girlfriend’s husky laugh and his slightly deeper response, though she’s unable to make out their words, only the general cadence of their voices, something clattering before the sharp smack of skin on skin rings out, Sirius laughing as Regulus grumbles. 

She thinks for a moment about getting up before she decides that it’s Saturday and that she’s taking the opportunity to sleep in for once, bundling herself up in the bedding as she rolls over into Sirius’ spot, burying her face in her pillow and breathing in her scent, the same coconut and vanilla perfume that she hopes that she never stops using, sighing contentedly as she falls back asleep.

She’s roused from her sleep when she feels the bed being jostled slightly, the mattress shifting as someone climbs onto the end before that weight settles next to her, a hand brushing over her head and through her curls, all the way down the length of her spine, a soft pressure through the bulk of the blankets. She hums quietly, laying there in that hazy state between sleep and wakefulness as she lets herself be slowly unwrapped from the blankets, Sirius mouthing at the back of her neck before she puts a hand on her shoulder, rolling her halfway onto her stomach.

Sirius makes a soft noise under her breath, fingers dragging softly over her arms and down her legs, slipping beneath the hem of her boxers to squeeze the small swell of her ass, creeping between her legs and sending fuzzy pleasure shooting through her as they circle around her clit before they retreat, leaving a trail of wetness on her skin as they slide down her thigh. She keeps touching her, gripping her hip and wrapping her hand around her ribcage, lips trailing across the back of her neck.

“Good morning, Moony baby,” Sirius whispers into her hair, the tip of her tongue tracing along the shell of her ear before she gently takes the lobe between her teeth, nibbling and sucking before she gently tugs at it. “Are you ready to be awake?”

“Mhm,” she mumbles, yawning as Sirius’ hand smoothes down her side, nodding sleepily when her hand pauses at the waistband of her boxers, waiting for her approval. “Is your brother-”

“He’s out on one of his rage runs,” Sirius says, sitting up a little as she works her boxers down over her feet, kissing up the back of her thigh and nipping at her ass before she tugs at the hem of her t-shirt. “We’ve got the apartment to ourselves for at least an hour.”

Remus snorts, letting her do all the work as she bunches her shirt up around her chest, sighing when she leans down to lick and kiss at her nipples before she pulls it up over her head, and she doesn’t even bother opening her eyes as her arms are carefully freed from the sleeves.

Regulus has gone through a lot of changes, both physical and mental, since he first started hormone replacement therapy, and regular therapy, almost a year ago. Things have mostly leveled out these days, testosterone, SSRIs, and a support group working together to get him to a place where he’s not only content but happy, becoming the person he’s always wanted to be.

Other than the occasional bouts of incomprehensible rage. 

It’s normal, apparently, a side effect of fluctuating hormones and what is essentially a second round of puberty, but it scared the hell out of all three of them the first time it happened. They’ve mostly adjusted, but a wrong comment from either of them when it’s happening will have the siblings at each other's throats, both of them saying things that they don’t mean and, every now and then, coming to blows over it.

Hence the rage runs. In the winter, when it’s too cold to run, he’ll go to the crappy gym their apartment complex provides them with and work out there, but they’ve learned the hard way that it’s either exercise or get into a fight, and she’s tired of cleaning up their bruised knuckles and split lips, especially since Sirius will never back down from a challenge.

“Have your wicked way with me then,” she mumbles, Sirius chuckling as she kisses down the length of her spine, biting at the backs of her thighs and nudging between her thighs, licking across the seam of her cunt before she works her way up, mouthing wetly at the nape of her neck as her hands slide over her skin, tweaking her nipples gently.

She spreads her legs when she feels Sirius nudging them apart, sighing as her knee is pushed up towards her chest, whimpering softly when a hand lands on her ass with a sharp smack, not hard enough to hurt, but strong enough to catch her attention. She slits her eyes open to look at her, a pang of arousal shooting through her so strongly that she gets dizzy from it, clenching down on nothing when she sees that Sirius is wearing nothing but their harness, her favorite dildo to wear jutting out from her hips, bobbing a little as Sirius smirks at her. 

She looks fucking gorgeous, skin pale and smooth, the harness digging into the soft flesh of her hips and cutting across the sprawling tattoo inked down her left side, breasts full and heavy, the little studs through her nipples gleaming in the light, and Remus cannot wait until they’re healed enough for her to play with them. 

Sirius glances down at where her hand is dragging up the inside of her calf, fingernails scratching lightly through her leg hair, and her breath catches in her throat when she reaches the apex of her thighs, fingers petting idly over her labia and running through her pubic hair before they slip in between where she’s already soaked, dragging feather light over her clit until she whines and squirms. Sirius moans quietly and finally touches her properly, two fingers rubbing against her, and the sensation is almost too much, her hips trying to twitch away as a hand grips her thigh, holding her in place until it starts to feel good.

“Can I fuck you, baby?” Sirius asks an untold amount of time later, two fingers buried inside of her, slowly twisting in and out as lube and her own wetness squelches lewdly. “I want to make you feel good.”

“You can do whatever you want to me,” she murmurs, caught in a state that’s somewhere between being half-awake and bone deep arousal, her body limp and heavy as Sirius chuckles and scoots in closer behind her, straddling one leg and pushing the other even closer to her chest, holding her knee and keeping her spread wide open. 

She sighs as the head of the dildo rubs against her, dragging over her clit and making her moan until it notches at her entrance. She’s wet and relaxed enough that it slides into her with no resistance, moaning again as Sirius rolls her hips and works it into her with small, gentle thrusts, watching the way her muscles tense from beneath her lashes. 

Sirius pauses when she’s fully seated inside of her, hips pressed against her ass, smoothing a hand up her spine as she leans down to kiss her, their lips sliding and catching as their tongues lazily tangle together. She doesn’t pay much attention when she feels her reach down between them, more focused on the way she’s sucking on her lower lip, gasping when her knuckles rub against her clit and shivering when the dildo buzzes once before it starts vibrating, the sensation located mostly at the base where the sensation can be felt by the wearer.

This one is Sirius’ favorite because of that little feature.

She groans above her, eyes fluttering shut, grinding into her and panting as the base of the dildo presses against the harness, and she knows from experience how strong those vibrations can feel, kissing her as she twitches and gets used to the sensation, licking into her mouth one last time before she straightens. 

She runs her hands in a slow path down her body, one pressing down just above her pubic bone, thumb brushing over her clit, while the other slides beneath her body and wraps around her hip, holding her in place as she slowly pulls out and pushes back in with a moan. Sirius sets a slow, rolling pace that has lava flowing through her veins, a whine slipping through her parted lips as she lets her eyes shutter closed, unable to keep them open beneath the wave of pleasure.

“You’re so pretty,” Sirius whispers, hunching over to brush a kiss over her ribcage, nipping at the thin skin before she soothes the sting with her tongue. “So fucking pretty. I can’t believe you’re mine.”

Remus doesn’t feel pretty most of the time, she’s still all knobby limbs and sharp angles, frizzy curls and freckled skin, and with the return of summer she’s once again accosted constantly with snide remarks and dirty looks because of her hairy legs and armpits, but… Well, there’s no room for doubt in Sirius’ words, the reverence and love leaching into her tone, and she can’t help but to smile, letting herself bask in her attention. 

“So are you, sweetheart,” she murmurs, blinking her eyes open and turning her head so that she can see Sirius, who looks like a goddamn dream between her legs, tits bouncing and thighs jiggling as she rolls her hips, muscles bunching and tensing, a thin sheen of sweat covering her entire body. “You’re the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

Sirius groans and leans down to kiss her, grinding into her in a way that has her gasping against her lips, unable to get enough air into her lungs as sparks shoot down her spine, and when she taps her hip she happily rolls over onto her back, letting out a breathless moan as she pushes back into her and lowers herself over her body, every thrust going deeper and rubbing against her inner walls in a way that has her seeing stars. 

“Feels so good,” she whines, back arching when one of Sirius’ hands slides up over her chest, palm covering her entire breast before she takes her nipple between her knuckles, squeezing and tugging as pressure builds between her hips. “Oh, fuck. Sweetheart, please, keep doing that.”

“You feel good too,” Sirius murmurs, licking across her mouth before she mouths across her cheek and throat, leaving a trail of saliva cooling on her skin as she closes her lips around a mouthful of flesh and sucks harshly, teeth digging into her neck before she pulls off with a soft pop. “God, you feel so good, baby.”

Sirius keeps rolling her hips in short, deep thrusts that drag over that spot that lights her up from the inside out, the harness pressing against her clit and providing friction that straddles the border between pleasure and pain, letting out a whimper when Sirius takes her chin between her finger and thumb to pull her mouth open, her eyes crossing as she spits onto her tongue.

Her orgasm crashes over her like a wave, soft and slow and rolling, and she nearly chokes before she swallows what she was given, craning her head up to press their mouths together. Sirius licks between her lips as she cries out, body twitching and back arching, whining as Sirius’ tongue runs across the roof of her mouth with a little flick. 

“Oh shit,” Sirius whispers when she reaches down between them, once she’s recovered from her orgasm and is already halfway towards coming again, her fingers slipping and sliding on the wet silicone until she finds the buttons, both of them moaning as she turns it up to the highest setting. “Baby-”

“C’mon, sweetheart,” she murmurs, sliding both hands around to Sirius’ back, blunt nails raking over her skin. “Fuck me like I know you want to.”

Sirius lets out a breathy cry, muscles trembling beneath her hands, drawing her hips back and snapping them forward so hard that it pushes her up the bed. She grunts in annoyance, curling one hand around her shoulder to hold her in place as she does it again, and then again, the sound of their skin slapping together echoing off the walls of their bedroom.

“Yeah,” she whines, arching up beneath her, clawing at her back as she hitches her legs up over her hips, knees pressing into her ribcage. “Just like that sweetheart. Fuck. C’mon, want you to come-”

“You first,” Sirius says, voice pitchy and breathless, dragging her down to meet each sharp thrust. “I want you to come again, baby, please.”

“I’m gonna,” she grits out, jaw tight and body clenching down, teetering on the edge of that precipice as fire burns through her body, right until Sirius adjusts ever so slightly and the harness brushes against her clit again, sending her right over the edge with a breathless shriek.

Sirius presses into her fully and grinds against her, arms shaking and her hair falling in her face as she chases her own orgasm, Remus squirming and crying at the overstimulation, able to feel the vibrations in her throbbing clit as she just keeps coming, and coming, until Sirius groans and twitches, thrusting a few more times before she collapses on top of her, the room filled with their panting breaths and the quiet hum of the dildo.

Sirius groans and pulls out of her, mashing at the buttons until the buzzing stops, and Remus reaches out with shaky hands to help free her from the confines of the harness. Sirius gets it down over her legs, the dildo slipping free and rolling off the side of the bed, hitting the floor with a thunk she knows the downstairs neighbor will complain about. She leaves the harness at the end of the bed as she stretches out on her side beside her, gathering her into her arms and bringing their mouths together for a soft, gentle kiss. 

“Good morning,” she murmurs against her lips, smoothing her hand up and down Sirius’ side, still obsessed with the way her skin feels beneath her palm despite the fact that they’ve been together for over a year. 

Well, she’s still obsessed with her in general, but she knows that her girlfriend prefers it that way. 

“It’s a very good morning,” Sirius says, waggling her brows and shivering lightly as she drags her hand down the center of her chest, cupping her breast in her palm before she lets it settle on her ribcage. “Do you want to go back to sleep now, baby?”

“Mhm,” she mumbles, tucking her head beneath her chin and smiling as Sirius pulls the sheet up over them both, tucking it around her shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Sirius replies, kissing the top of her head and nuzzling at her hair. “Will you make me a coffee when you get up?”

“Always,” she whispers, already falling asleep again.

“Okay, I can really do it this time,” Regulus says, taking a series of deep breaths and shaking his hands out before he glances down at the objects laid out on the counter, groaning as he fists his hands in his hair that he’s let grow out slightly, the longer strands in the front just barely reaching his chin. He groans again and drops his hands to his thighs, crouching over for a second as sucks air through his teeth, dressed in just his boxer briefs, still shirtless and damp from his post-run shower.

“You’ve got this.” Sirius pats his shoulder reassuringly, looking a little green as she pointedly keeps her eyes fixed on her younger brother in the mirror, dressed in her bathrobe with her hair clipped up in a tangled mess on the back of her head, a few loose strands falling into her eyes until she blows them away. “You are a big, strong man, who is totally capable of poking himself with a needle. I believe in you, you can do this.”

Remus barely contains her snort of amusement, sipping from her coffee as she leans next to the wall by the shower, watching as they continue to try to hype themselves up, doing some weird little chant that she assumes must be leftover from their high school cheerleading days. They manage to get as far as disinfecting the skin at the top of Reg’s thigh and picking up the box of needles before they simultaneously chicken out, turning to her in unison with identical pouts and puppy dog eyes. 

“Remus,” Regulus starts, voice thready and a little panicked, taking on a whiny tone when she just shakes her head. “Please? I can’t do it, I can’t. I tried, I’ve been trying, and I just can’t do it. Will you please take care of it for me?”

“You really need to learn how to do this on your own,” she says, scrunching her lips to the side and setting her cup on the side of the tub when he wilts in misery. They all know that she’s going to give in and do it for him, but she’s not going to make it easy. “Reg, think about it. What’s your plan for if I’m not here, just skipping a dose? You can’t expect that I’ll always be here to do it for you.”

“Why not?” Sirius asks, arching a brow at her, lips curling into a pissed off little scowl. “Where else would you possibly be on a Saturday morning than in our apartment?”

“At my parents house, with you, presumably,” she replies, rolling her eyes. “Because eventually we’re going to want to go visit them, or the Potters, or take a vacation even, and Reg won’t go with us because he has his own stuff going on. Or I assume that he’ll eventually want to get his own place, or spend the night with his boyfriend instead of making him stay here all the time, and we can’t plan our lives around us needing to be together every single Saturday. What’s your plan for any of that, Regulus?”

“I’ll just go to the clinic and pray that they take pity on me,” he grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest, just below the twin scars that are already starting to lighten and fade, the sharp smell of the expensive scar cream Sirius insists that he use filling the bathroom and making her nose itch. “Or just live with the two of you forever and keep forcing you to stab me on a weekly basis, it’ll be fine!”

Remus presses her lips together, arching a brow at him as he scrunches his nose. “Really?”

“No, probably not, that sounds terrible.”

“Okay, fuck it, I’m going to give it another shot. I think I can do it this time,” Sirius says, squaring her shoulders and nodding a few times before she opens the box, staring down at the individually wrapped hypodermic needles with a terrified expression, sweat beading on her brow as she sways and makes a low noise in her throat. “Nope, I lied, I can’t fucking do it. I’m- Oh God, I’m going to puke, I can’t-”

Remus scrubs a hand over the back of her head and sighs through her nose as she watches her girlfriend shove the box away from herself, turning her head towards the door and gulping in a deep breath as she shudders. “Alright, I’ll do it. Sirius, sweetheart, go sit down before you pass out.”

Sirius mumbles an apology and bolts out into the hallway, Regulus looking very much like he’d like to go with her as she washes her hands and preps his testosterone shot, tugging at the hem of his boxers as she disinfects his thigh again.

“Alright, grab the edge of the sink so you don’t punch me.”

“That was one time,” Reg whines, gripping the edge of the sink so hard that his knuckles crack and turn white, cursing beneath his breath as she uses one hand to pull the skin of his thigh taut before she slides the needle into him in one smooth motion. She shushes him as she slowly pushes the plunger down, giving his shoulder a pat as she counts to five in her head and pulls it out, dropping it in the sharps box on the back of the toilet. “Oh fuck, I’m bleeding. Remus, I’m bleeding, there’s blood-”

“Hush, it’s fine,” she says, mentally cursing their childhood pediatrician for giving them both a debilitating phobia of needles as she gets a handful of toilet paper and holds it over the injection site, fumbling for the box of bandages in the medicine cabinet. She pulls one out the box, covered in little stars and rainbows, managing to tear the wrapper and peeling off the backing before she smooths it over the barely bleeding pinprick. “There, you’re all done.”

“Oh.” Regulus looks down, making a squeamish face as she tosses the toilet paper into the trash can, squinting at the bandage before he tugs his boxers back into place. “That wasn’t that bad, I guess. I totally could have done that myself.”

Remus gives him a flat look, scoffing and rolling her eyes as she nudges him out of the way so that she can wash her hands. 

“Sirius there’s a pole, stop, stop, press the brake-” 

Remus gasps, grabbing onto the dash and halfway shoving her foot between Sirius’ legs before she finally stomps on the brakes, both of them groaning as they come to an abrupt stop, the seatbelts locking and digging into their chests as they’re thrown forward.

They’re just outside of town at an old abandoned factory, the massive parking lot cracked and filled with potholes, a few crows cawing in displeasure as they circle overhead. She’d found it on Google Maps a few weeks ago when Sirius had expressed an interest in learning how to drive, and they had spent two hours here the weekend before so that she could get used to being behind the wheel.

It was easily one of the most terrifying things she’s ever experienced, right after that time that they committed a felony and when she thought Sirius was going to stop being her friend because they had hooked up. 

Sirius and Regulus are lacking so many life skills that it should honestly count as some sort of neglect. It didn’t take her very long to realize that Regulus didn’t know how to cook, clean, do laundry, or really take care of himself in any way, and that Sirius was just barely scraping by on the handful of things she had picked up from Monty and Effie. 

Neither of them know how to drive, either. In fact they had never even been behind the wheel of a car before, nor did they even know how to ride bikes. Regulus had made an offhand comment about it when they were hiding out at her parents house, saying that he wished they could have had bicycles when they were children, and her and her dad had shared a horrified look before digging some old bikes out of the barn, patiently teaching them how to keep their balance and pedal at the same time as they walked them in circles around the lawn.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Sirius says, rubbing at her chest as she straightens up, giving her a sheepish, apologetic look. “I didn’t even see that pole, I’m so sorry.”

Remus rolls her lips between her teeth, glancing at the giant telephone pole that’s barely six inches away from the front of the truck before she turns back to her girlfriend, giving her a soft smile and reaching out to tug on the end of her ponytail. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart. You stopped in time, everything is fine. You just have to make sure that you’re watching the road ahead of you when you’re driving.”

“I was trying to practice looking in the mirrors,” she says, nose wrinkling as her eyes flick up to the rearview mirror. “This seems needlessly complicated.”

“It’s not, you’ll get the hang of it,” she assures her, putting a hand on her thigh and giving it a little squeeze, taking a moment to admire the way her denim shorts are riding up, bunched tight at the apex of her thighs. “You’ve gotta think, most people aren’t starting from scratch. I grew up watching my parents drive, learning the rules of the road, and occasionally getting to drive myself out on the backroads, whereas you were sequestered in the backseat getting driven around by a chauffeur. It’s a steep learning curve, but you’ve got this.”

Sirius hums, biting down on her bottom lip before she nods a few times, glancing down at her feet and adjusting herself slightly, shifting into reverse and slowly backing up. She brakes a little too hard, shifting into drive again and giving the pole a wide berth as she pulls forward. 

“I think I want to get a motorcycle,” she says, glancing over at her from the corner of her eye.

Remus huffs out a laugh, giving her thigh a pat and letting it rest on her leg where it’s within easy reach of the steering wheel, just in case. “Let’s work on getting you confident and capable of driving a vehicle with four wheels first, but sure. Whatever you want, Pads.”

Sirius’ face splits in a grin, turning to look at her for a quick second as the truck drifts to the right. “Would you ride on it with me? On the back?”

“You know that I would,” she replies, gripping her thigh to prevent herself from grabbing the wheel when she overcorrects, the truck swerving back and forth until she gets it straightened out. “Once you’re fully licensed and insured.”

When Sirius finally calls it for the day, easing to a stop and shifting into park, Remus reaches over to turn to the engine off, grabbing her behind the knees and yanking her up to lay flat on the seat as she shrieks with laughter, popping the button on her shorts and pulling them down her legs. She kisses and licks her way from her ankle to her thigh, lapping the sweat from her skin before she presses her face between her thighs to reward her for a job well done. 

That night she lets Sirius talk her into going to a party.

She sits on the bed for the better part of an hour watching her get ready, trying on nearly half the clothes in their closet and leaving them strewn around their room before she decides on some flippy little skirt and a skin tight crop top, and she nearly chokes on her own drool as she watches her buckle one of her leather harnesses around her chest, breathing shallowly as Sirius shoots her a smirk over her shoulder and settles in front of the mirror to do her makeup. 

Remus gets up after a few minutes of watching her paint her face, once her heart rate has slowed to something closer to normal, throwing on her only other pair of non-cutoff shorts, which are slightly nicer than the ones she was wearing, swapping her tank top out for a clean t-shirt and scrunching her curls with some water until they no longer look like someone spent the afternoon with their hands buried in her hair.

It’s not like anyone is going to be looking at her anyway, not with Sirius at her side.

The party is loud and overcrowded, as expected, and she lets Jamie bully her into doing shots with them, Petra letting out a little woo as she slams the glass down on the table. It doesn’t take long before a crowd is gathering in around them, clamoring for attention from Sirius and Jamie, who can’t resist being the life of the party, and Remus rolls her eyes before pressing a kiss to Sirius’ cheek, slipping away to find a beer and a quieter place to hang out. 

She ends up running into some people from her science fiction literature class, the five of them shouting over the music in the living room until they’re able to claim the sofa that’s wedged into the corner of the frat house’s kitchen, the conversation somehow turning to what careers the plan to pursue post graduation, despite the fact that they still have two years to go.

She’s listening and nodding along as Sybil talks about opening her own metaphysical shop when one of the guys makes a weird noise and nudges her shoulder. 

“Hey, should you go get your girl?”

She blinks a few times and follows his gaze, mouth falling open and breath catching in her throat when she spots Sirius and Jamie up on one of the tables, shaking their asses and grinding on each other. They’re obviously enjoying themselves, smiling and laughing as they dance, grabbing at each other’s hips and bringing their mouths almost together before pulling away again, much to the disappointment of their riveted audience, more than half the room watching them move together. 

“Nope,” she rasps, spilling beer down her front when she tries to take a drink and misses her mouth, sputtering a little as she chokes, unable to drag her eyes away from her girlfriend. “She’s having fun, why would I go get her?”

“Well, I mean she’s-” He huffs out a breath and shakes his head, looking towards the others for support and getting a bunch of confused or disappointed looks in response. “You don’t care that she’s all over that other girl?”

“That’s her best friend, and frankly, I wouldn’t care if they decided to start sucking face up there,” Remus answers, shrugging her shoulders and blowing Sirius a kiss when she looks over and catches her watching, her entire face lighting up as she grins and shakes her hair back, running her hands up and down Jamie’s sides. “Sirius is coming home with me at the end of the night, and I know that she’d never do anything to betray my trust, so why should I care about what she gets up to in the meantime?”

The guy, whose name she really can’t remember, scoffs and shakes his head, glancing at the others again like they’ll back him up. “Well I’d never let my girl act like that.”

Dorcas snorts, shooting Remus a look that says ‘can you believe this asshole,’ and she grins back, hiding her mouth behind her beer. She really needs to introduce her, and her girlfriend Marlene, to Sirius, she’d absolutely adore them both. “Remind me again, Caradoc, what’s your girlfriend's name?”

He sputters and coughs, clearing his throat. “Well, I’m not seeing anyone at the moment, but-”

Remus rolls her eyes as he continues trying to defend himself, sipping her beer as she watches Sirius twirl around on top of the table, the glitter in her makeup catching the light and sparkling as she dances, her heart warm and aching in her chest. 

They leave a few hours later, giggling and drunk, clinging to each other as they stumble towards home, Remus with her pepper spray in hand just in case. They’re too loud as they make their way into the apartment, knocking over the coat rack and shushing each other as they laugh, whispering too loudly as they sneak into their bedroom, helping each other undress when Sirius gets herself tangled in the harness.

They fall into bed together, unwashed and sweaty, and she knows that in the morning there will be glitter all over herself and the bed, but she really doesn’t mind, letting Sirius gather her into her arms, pressing a kiss to the delicate skin that covers her collarbone before she lays her head on her chest, letting the steady beat of her heart lull her to sleep as the room sways gently around her. 

On Sundays they like to go to the farmer’s market. 

They’re all still used to getting up early for church, despite the fact that she and Sirius haven’t gone since the weekend before they stole Regulus, but it’s an ingrained habit by this point. Regulus will occasionally attend services at the church near campus that is queer inclusive, but never on Sunday mornings, and the one time he attempted it he had a panic attack. He’d called them, breathing shallowly and nearly in tears, and they had rushed over to the church in their pajamas to help him calm down.

They always pile into her truck and make the drive across town, they used to walk until the time last fall when Sirius made a snap decision to buy pumpkins and they had to carry them all the way home, stopping on the way to eat breakfast at their favorite cafe, a cute little spot near campus that has pride flags on the walls and enough house plants to make it feel like a jungle inside.

The two of them always order an omelet and a stack of pancakes to share, eating off of each other’s plates and forks while Regulus feigns disgust at their public displays of affection, though they’re kind enough to repay the favor whenever his boyfriend Kingsley tags along, playfully gagging into their coffees and teasing him until his face is bright red, kicking at them beneath the table until Kinglsey wraps an arm around him and he settles again.

“Oh, look, the goat’s milk soap lady is back,” Sirius says, pointing towards the booth, their joined hands swinging between their bodies. “I’m going to buy some more. You liked the almond scent, right?”

“Yeah, and the patchouli,” she says, letting Sirius lead her along, a canvas tote bag hung over her shoulder filled with leafy greens and other vegetables that will probably rot in the bottom of their fridge, ripe strawberries that she’s very excited to eat, a jar of honey, some loose leaf tea, and a handful of tiny clay animals that Sirius had oohed and awed over, a small black dog, a black cat, and a tawny colored wolf carefully wrapped up in sheets of newspaper. “I liked the way the jasmine one smelled on you.”

“Yeah you did.” Sirius waggles her brows and winks, picking up one of the bars of soap off the display and sniffing it before holding it out towards her. “What do you think about this one?”

Remus dutifully smells all the different soaps Sirius holds out towards her until she can’t stop sneezing, moving off to the side as she tries to get herself under control while Sirius pays, attempting to blow her nose on a crumpled tissue she finds in the pocket of her cut-off overalls. She manages to get it stuck in her septum piercing, the thin paper shredding as she tries to dislodge it, but she mostly has herself set to rights by the time Sirius joins her with a brown paper bag full of soap. 

Or so she thinks until Sirius looks at her, laughs, and reaches up to pluck little bits off tissue from around her septum ring, kissing the tip and the bridge of her nose when she’s done. 

They continue wandering through the farmer’s market, Reg occasionally drifting over to walk with them, the three of them bickering over which flavors of jam they should buy and splitting a cinnamon roll that’s bigger than her head before he spots someone he knows from class and splits off again, Sirius buying a lemonade for them to share as they settle on a bench outside the library.

“Hey, Moons,” Sirius says a few minutes, staring thoughtfully into the distance, chewing mindlessly on the end of the straw. 

“Yes, Pads?” She glances up from her phone where she’s been compiling a list of books she wants to check out and smiles when she notices that she’s squinting against the sunlight, gently plucking the heart shaped sunglasses off the top of her head and sliding them over her nose, running her fingers along the arms to make sure that her hair isn’t trapped beneath them. “What’s up, sweetheart?”

“Have you ever thought about marriage?” Sirius asks, voice trembling slightly despite the way she’s feigning nonchalance, rattling the ice in the cup before she slurps at the remaining liquid. She freezes for a single second, her mind racing and heart tripping over itself, her lungs aching when she forces herself to exhale.

“Once or twice,” she lies as she slips her phone back into her pocket, knowing that Sirius isn’t asking this casually, she knows her better than she knows herself and if she’s asking a question like this it's because she fucking means it, leaning back against the sun-warmed metal and slipping her arm around her back. “It would be really nice, I think. Sometime after graduation, maybe, or a few years down the road, something small and simple. That would be nice.”

“Yeah,” Sirius rasps, licking her bottom lip before she turns to her and gives her the prettiest fucking smile, leaning forward and brushing their mouths together in a tender kiss. “That would be nice.”