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There were times that Scar understood it would be better if he was dead. Most of the time this meant temporarily dead. Just get him out of the way. He was such a nuisance after all. He couldn't be annoying, couldn't miss jokes, couldn't cause injuries, couldn't break things, couldn't cross boundaries if he wasn't nearby. Killing him was the fastest way to accomplish that a lot of the time, as long as he took the hint.
And then there were other times.
The times it would be better if he was dead . Gone dead.
Like a time during Double Life when Scar found Grian with BigB.
“Why?” was all Scar had asked, “Why BigB?”
Grian shrugged, “Why not BigB?”
“We're soulmates. That means something.”
“Not really. Not if we don't want it to.”
“Well, maybe I want it to.”
“Well, maybe I don't,” Grian snapped.
“Why not?” Scar asked, taken aback.
Grian looked him up and down, scoffed, and rolled his eyes. “Look, I want to win. You're not very good at winning.”
“I'm trying, please,” Scar pleaded.
“Trying won't get you the crown, Scar."
“The crown won't get you happiness.”
Grian rolled his eyes again.
“What do you want?” Scar asked. “What do I need to do?”
“There's nothing you can do. You're not going to make me love you again. That was a mistake, and I'm not making it again,” Grian said with scorn.
And then other times, when he was being a burden.
He woke up screaming, fire still flashing before his eyes.
Grian turned over, grumbling, “What's wrong?”
“Nightmare,” Scar said, taking a shaky deep breath. Grian sighed. Scar tried to move closer to him for comfort, but Grian pushed away.
“No, we're not doing this again. Just go back to sleep.”
“Sorry,” Scar replied, but Grian had already turned over and went back to sleep.
It didn't help when he could Hear the frustration.
If he was 'normal,' he would've heard Grian's words and shrugged them off, but instead he was forced to know what laid underneath them - deep, nagging frustration. He didn't want Scar to be there.
All of this to say, no one wanted Scar alive. Honestly, he didn't want to be either. He cared about his friends. He wanted them to be happy.
He tried to make them happy.
The dose wasn't high enough.
He was disappointed when he woke up the next morning, but he had things to do. His friends couldn't know. Grian would be angry if he found out.
He smiled that day. It was hollow. His mind was foggy.
But no one knew.