Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was another beautiful day in Calypso Island. The sound of the waves and the seagulls squawks woke me up. My brown orbs opened and I threw my long, blond-with-brown-roots hair into a messy bun. I put on my green tanktop with an angry face in it and my brown cargo pants. I was ready to go catch some waves by the besch, but I needed to get my surf board from the Surf Shack because Kahuna was waxing it.

I walked there, but as I got closer, I could see Kahuna’s agnry face. 

“Sup Kahuna” I waved. 

“Gremmie,” he turned aroufd to face me “I sold you to the Beach Boys!!!!!” He yelled angryly.

I pushed my bangs to the side in disbelief, I couldnt believe what I was hearing. “What?!” 

“I run out of wax last night while working on your board, and I had no money to buy more wax so I sold you to the Beach Boys to buy more wax” he explained

“What the hell brah!! This is so not gnarly!!!!!” I protested. I didnt want to go anywhere else, I wanted to surf all day long! But before I could say anything else I saw a group of four men standing behind him.

“Hello we are The Beach Boys” they said in unison. “We have come here to take you with us.”

“No! I’m not leaving! Especially not without my board! ESPECIALLY not to a place without some sick waves to ride!” I crossed my arms in disapproval.

“Well what if I told you we are going on tour all around the continent and our next stop is  Portallini. That place has water.” The man with green orbs and a bowl cut spoke up. “Also Hello I’m Brian Wilson” said Brain Wilson.

“Are you kidding me? All the waves in that place are mega tiny! I can’t do any radical tube rides there! I won’t accept this!” I ran away from that place and went to my friend Utah’s house. I started banging on the door until the brunettte opened it. “UTAH. UTAH THEYRE COMING FOR ME. THE BEACH BOYS. KAHUNA SOLD ME. YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!!!!!” I screamed.

She opened the door: “Hello Gremmie. Are you high?”

“NO!!!!! I AM SO SERIOUS UTAH PLEASE LISTEN” I got on my knees “THEY WANT TO TAKE ME TO SOMEPLACE WHERE I CANT O ANY TUBULAR TRICKS !!!!”

“Uh-huh ♥️. I think you might need some water. Wait here a sec.” She went back inside her house to give me a glass of water. But it wasnt too long when i heard the Beach Boys approaching through their natural habitat: the Beach.

I tried to call for Utah once more, but i felt a hand in my face and my vision started blurring . Those bastards used a sedative on me!!! Next thing I knew when I woke up was me on an unfamiliar bed. 

“What the hell dude!!!!!! This is so NOT gnarly!!!” I jumped out and sat on the bed, all of the Beach Boys were standin in front of me.

“Sorry Gremmie we had to.” said Brian Wilson “You are our bellhop btw.”

“Huh”

“Yeah we hired you to help us with our luggage and run errands for our tour through the continent. Portallini is our first stop.” explained Mike Love

“WHAT”

“Yeag” simply replied Alan Charles Jardine

“But dont worry we will pay you” intervened Bruce Johnston

“How much will you pay me” i asked

“Well youll be working 6 hours while we’re not on stage and howevwe long we perform. $150/h.”

“Oh shit you should have said that before!!!! I would have accepted and you wouldn’t have needed any chloroform”

“Well. Your shift starts now. We want to drink sparkling water but the hotel doesn’t offer it, sooo.” Mike Love said as he put a $20 bill in my hand. “Tropical Lemon-lime Coconut Twist flavored. And buy two big bottles please amd thanks.”

I got up, waved at them beforr running out the door and into the street. Oh right Portallini has this weird thing where every street is separated with canals. Time to put my surf skills on display! Is what i would have thought if the water here wasnt so fucking flat. Water surface smoother than my fabulous hair actually. Either way, I hopped on my board, lied down and started paddling away to the nearest store.

38 minutes later I arrived at a supermarket where I was able to buy the desired drinks. And only TWO people laughed at me when I showed up soaked like a fish. I paid and got out of the store.

“How in the flip am I going to get these bottles on my board without them falling” I thought. I tried the same method I used to get to the supermarket.

I sat down and paddled my way back to the hotel. A few minutes passed when a gondola with a few people appeared beside me. The gondolier was a man with a striped shirt and a red scarf, he had a confused look on his face. One of the passengers, a man with a middle part and a concerned, but nicer expression on his face spoke up with a Portallinian accent:

“Young man, do you need any help? You’re all soaked up.”

“Ermmm, no? I’m FINE. I’m doing my job of delivering goods to my employers. I don’t NEED any help. I’m doing AWESOME.” I snapped back.

“How far is the place you are delivering to? We could get you there faster. And you might get sick if you wear wet clothes for too long…” we locked orbs. His were very brown. Like a baby cow’s brown. Not that I would know there arent any cows in Calypso Island.

“FIRST of all I shouldn’t say where my employers are because theyre CELEBRITIES and I cant risk any fans swarming the hotel. And SECOND of all my surfing skills are unparalleled. It’s just that this place is LAME and doesn't have any sick waves.”

“…Alright.” The man shrugged. The woman and older man that were sitting across from him giggling. 

“Also, you do know that the sidewalks are connected by bridges, right? That’s how normal people walk from one place to another.” The mustachioed man next to the other man added. 

“Oh.”

“Well, uh, good luck on your delivery then!” The first man smiled and then the gondolier started rowing again. Weird. I swear I had seen their faces somewhere before, like on buses and posters and billboards and on social media and on magazines and on the newspapers and stuff. Naaah probably just my mind making stuff up, ya know, jet lag.

Almost half an hour later, I finally stepped into the hotel. One of the Beach Boys —who was now Hotel Boy, because they weren’t on the Beach— approached me. “Bellboy are you okay???? you took almost two hours and you look like you just got back from swimming.” 

“Yeah brah all is good. Have your fancy shmancy drinks." I handed him the plastic bag with the sparkling water bottles and the change.

“W0ah thi sis exactly the Tropical Lemon-lime Coconut Twist sparkling water we asked for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks bellboy!!!” said Hotel Boy Alan Charles Jardine. I gave him the bottles and the change and he desappeared from the lobby. I went back to my room incase they wanted me to get them anything else. It’s not like I enjoy the job or anything dont get the wrong idea!!!!!! But i meannnnnn $150/h are $150/h…….. I was drying my beautiful coveted hair when i got a knock on the door. 

“Coming!!!!!!!!” I opened the door and both Utah and Kahuna were there!!!!!!!! “Whoa!!!!!! What are you dudes doing here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

“Hello, Gremmie. We wanted to visit you, so we took a bus and came here.” Utah replied.

“Yeah and now that the Beach Boys paid me for your services I could buy more wax. So I guess you don’t gotta stay here for much longer.” explained Kahuna.

“oh damn Yeah I guess You’re Right” This is totally how jobs work btw trust the unemployed author on this one. “Also they’re not the Beach Boys when they are not on the Beach they are the Hotel Boys in this moment in time”

“Are you SURE about that last part”

“Yeah brah.”

“ALright”

“Also, they gave us concert tickets, 98% off!! Pretty nice of them!” Utah handed me a ticket “We only had to corner them and threaten them to tell us which one was your room.”

“Awesome” I looked at the seats we got, they were pretty good ones “But they made you pay for it tho???” 

“Yeah, like 3 or 4 dollars.”

“I thought that was weird as hell” 

“Same. Anyway did you by any chance bring your Summer Hammer Lorenzo Pazzaglia? I wanna borrow it.” 

“Oh COME ON Utah YOURE ALWAYS ASKING FOR IT”

“GREMMIE I LENT YOU MY HAIR STRAIGHTENER LAST WEEK PLEASE JUST FOR THE CONCERT!”

“UGH FINE!!11!” I gave her the bottle because i didn’t want to argue with her anymore. What if the beach boys see me like that. Mega unprofessional.

“Thank you! I’ll see you at the concert!” She waved as she disappeared in the corner of the hallway with my Summer Hammer Lorenzo Pazzaglia.

“I should get going as well” Kahuna disappeared by the same corner Utah did seconds ago. Well. That leaves me alone in my room without my Summer Hammer Lorenzo Pazzaglia and with 3 hours to get ready for the concert.

2 hours later, while I was combin g my freshñy-wahed splendorous hair , I heard a knock on the door,. it was probably the Hotel Boys that were going to tell me that they were going to the concert vicinity and to also accompany them. And i was right at the door there was Bruce Johnson. But he pushed a FUCKING GAUZE WITH CHOROFORM INTO MY FACE. I passed out and when I woke up again I was in a backstage couch.

“DUDE WHAT THE FUCK BRAH WHY’D YOU DO THAT???” i bolted up and screamed 

“Well w3 had to get you to the place where the concert was gonna happen.” Explained Mile Love, as a woman was making sure his hair looked nice (but it wasnt as nice as mine tbh) “Do you know how crowded the streets get?”

“?? But was kidnapping me again necessary like… just tell me i couldve just gone with you in the bus tour”

“See Mike?? I told you that using him was unnecessary.” replied Alan Jardine.

“Oh Well . “ replied Mike.

“Um, can I leave to see my friends now?”

“UUuu yeag sure” Brain spoke up

So that I did. I went to the seats they gave us and sat down next to them. 

“Oh, Gremmie, you’re already here! I was getting worried because you weren’t answering your phone.” Utah said as soon as she saw me.

“Yeah the Concert Boys brought me here by force again”

“Again? What the hell! I thought they’d let you come here in like. A bus or something.” 

“THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT TOO!!!”

But I couldn’t keep complaining anymore. Not because I wanted to but because  it was time for the concert. The stage lit up and The Beach Boys (the stage was arranged like a beach) as well as four other people appeared. Those other people were apparently a small local band where a man with very brown eyes, a woman with curly long hair, a mustachioed man and a short man were playing different instruments. Have I seen them before? Nah, they look like normal everyday Portallinians.

We spent the night jamming out to so many of their most well known songs. And when the next day the dropped me off to Calypso Island again, they didn’t use chloroform!