Chapter Text
Lance's vision blurred. He’d been looking at the stars for too long, they all had.
They were all drifting through the cosmos, held together by nothing but their interlinked arms that grew weaker as the time passed. Lance had lost count of how long it had been ages ago, the seconds and minutes he was counting in his head broken up by chatter over the comms, conversation he chose not to join in on. The only other person who had been quiet was Keith, and for that Lance was thankful. He had never hated Keith, not back when they’d first met and he’d take any opportunity to insult and argue with him, but at this moment Lance thinks he is the closest to hating Keith than he ever has been, because it wasn’t supposed to be like this.
He hadn’t realised how much he’d begun enjoying Keiths company, his brashness, his laugh until it was gone, until it was ripped away from him when Keith left. Lance had missed him, they all had, but for Lance the ache was like an open wound, with ‘what if’s’ and ‘why now's’ cutting into him with every second he thought about Keith while he was gone. He hadn’t realised until it was too late that he’d wanted something more, that really he was hoping that there was something there. But his hopes had been dashed the second Keith had left, when he ran away. Lance knew it hadn’t been personal, that Keith hadn’t left because of Lance and somehow it made it worse, Keith hadn’t cared. Keith hadn’t sat up at night scared and hoping that Lance was okay, hadn’t found himself stepping into and studying his empty room, hadn’t woken up, heart pounding after dreaming about him. All of that had been Lance.
It was Lance's own fault really, allowing himself to think it could have been mutual. But that didn’t stop the anger. They had just started getting along, just starting to be something other than rivals, but it hadn’t meant anything to Keith, he left without a second thought anyway, while every thought of Lances’ had become consumed by him. And he decided that he was done, that Keith would be gone long enough for Lance to get over it, to go back to Keith being someone he tolerates, not someone he longs for.
But then Keith came back.
And Lance stupidly hoped that they’d go back to how it was. The familiar back and forths, with Keith leaving everything had changed and Lance was the most alone he’d felt so far since calling the vast expanse of space his home. Nothing had been the same, everyone had been losing hope, he’d been forgetting his mothers face, the hope that he’d see his family again dwindling as the war continued, so he let himself imagine Keith coming back the same, imagined how it had been before, the quips back and forth, the insults that no longer held any venom, the Keith he had gotten to know, the one he had begun to really care about. But the person that had stepped off of that ship might as well have been a stranger. There was no reckless abandon, no challenge in his tone, no small smiles, no little nicknames between them anymore. And it made Lance remember that these fantasies he’d let himself imagine of him and Keith reuniting with a hug and a knowing look were just that, fantasies. And he hated it. Hated that now he could see Keith hadn't missed him at all, while all Lance had done was miss him. He hated it, he hated himself for allowing himself to hope, he hated Keith.
And it was the only thing he could think about, he couldn’t help it really, Keith's arm was hooked around his as they all tried to stay together and wait it out for Allura to get here. That’s if she even knew where they were. Lance's helmet beeped again, another low oxygen warning. Great.
He knew he might die out here, and he found himself not caring much anymore. Just as Keith wouldn’t. For Keith it had been 2 years since he’d seen any of them, but you wouldn’t know it, he acted like he’d never even known Lance and it was crushing him. There were millions of bigger things to be upset about, they were at war for god's sake, but Lance just couldn’t let this go, he glances over to Keith who’s staring forwards into the stars, still silent.
Lance notices the bags under his eyes, contrasting against his pale skin, he looks tired. They all did. And as much as he wishes that seeing Keith in this situation made him feel good, that the silence was what he wanted, Lance still couldn’t quell the part of himself that worried for Keith, that just wanted him to be safe, not out here with them. He couldn’t help but stare, a million things unsaid but knowing Keith wouldn’t care about any of them. “I don’t have time for this Lance”, echoing in his head, the first thing Keith had said to him when he saw him again. It hurt. He knew they were never the closest, but he hadn’t realised just how little Keith really thought of him, he stares still, eyes squinting slightly now in annoyance almost staring him down, trying to burn a hole through him with his gaze, trying to understand why he gave so much of a shit about Keith of all people until-
“What?” Keith said, his eyes flicking to Lance momentarily before going back to staring forward, his tone gravelly and on edge. Lance whips his head away from Keith, looking out again to the nothingness surrounding them. He hadn’t meant to stare for that long. The others look over, having heard Keith’s voice for the first time, and Lance tries not to think about how much he's missed that voice, it's easier than expected as those thoughts are overshadowed by the ones focusing on the defensiveness in his tone, Lance had gotten used to Keiths venom being directed at others, but now that’s changed. Everything had.
“Nothing” Lance mumbles out in response, voice restrained as refuses to look in Keith’s direction again, it was the opposite of nothing, he had a thousand reasons to stare, a thousand questions to ask but he knows he can’t. That it won’t go well.
“It’s never nothing with you, what is it” Keith spits out, tired. The words burned through Lance, Keith acting like he knew him and he did once. But he doesn’t know this Keith. And it makes him ache, makes him hurt, and it makes him angry again.
Lance doesn’t reply, everyone's eyes on them now.
“What are we even doing?” Keith sighs out into the silence, voice breaking, “We should try to move somewhere, split up until one of us finds something, not wait around like bait” he continues, and this Lance can’t stay silent too.
“What?” He asks incredulously, split up? Here? They were in the middle of nothing. They’d die before anyone found anything. There was nothing here. They knew that.
Keith looks over at him again now, eyes burning with something Lance can’t place. Not quite anger, but nothing pleasant.
“So now you can speak” is what Keith replies, and Lance can’t stand it anymore.
“I can when you say the most reckless idea I’ve ever heard, are you trying to get us killed?” Lance asks, almost genuinely because he can’t believe that Keith's solution is to leave each other, their linked arms were the only thing anchoring them in one place, the only thing stopping them from floating away to their deaths, and Keith doesn’t give a shit.
“At least i'm trying to do something, you’re not” Keith says back with bite in his voice, accusation dripping from his words as if Lance was in the wrong here, this whole time he’d treated Lance like nothing but a collection of mistakes, maybe that's all he was to him now, but he thought Keith was different, he had thought they were friends. He didn’t know what they were now.
“Of course your solution is to go alone and leave us all behind” is what Lance settles on as a reply before he could stop himself. This was an awful place to argue, the whole team was here and there was nowhere they could go, no escape. Maybe that's why he said it, this time Keith can’t leave when he feels like he’s done with talking. He had to acknowledge Lance now whether he liked it or not.
Keith scoffs, “What are you talking about?” He asks, anger clear in his voice now, “All you do is complain i'm sick of it” He continues and Lance almost laughs at that, a sharp laugh full of disbelief rips out of him.
“You’re sick of it?” He says back, voice wobbling as Keith's anger brings out his own,
“God, what’s your problem Lance?” Keith sighs out, as if uninterested, this conversation means everything to Lance, and to Keith it’s just a mild inconvenience that he has to spend energy replying, and he speaks before he can think,
“Keith, you ran away. Maybe you should have just stayed away.” He says finally, and he didn’t mean it. Not all of it. Lance at one time would have done anything to get Keith back, but if he knew this closed off, avoidant Keith would be the one to return he would have done anything in his power to keep him away. He’d rather never hear his voice again than hear it in this way, hearing this hatred in his tone directed towards him. So part of him does wish he had stayed away, that was the truth.
But the rest of him just wished Keith had never left in the first place. All of him did.
He’s facing Keith now as those words come out of him, anger no longer concealed as he watches Keith's face, rage on his expression and something else. Lance wants to imagine it was a flash of hurt across Keith’s face, that the knot in his eyebrow was guilt but he knew better than to let himself dream that anything he had to say would affect Keith in any way. He knew all he arose in the other was anger now.
There's a silent pause but Lance doesn’t look away, he stares and stares as Keith goes to open his mouth to say something anger filled,
“Lan-”
“Paladins.” Alluras voice suddenly cuts through their communications, shaky but there. Lance can't even allow himself to feel the relief of being found, all thoughts still on Keith as he looks up to see the castle moving towards them.
“I have found your coordinates, but there is no time to waste. We are still under attack” Her voice booms now as she reaches closer, the others speak to each other but Lance tunes it out. He’s almost glad they're going back to fighting immediately, he had to do something with this anger bubbling inside of him.
The ship approaches and they move towards it through the hangar to be met with Allura, explaining something else about how they had to go back without the lions, how they couldn’t leave the Galra attacking that planet. Lance barely listens, his eyes finding Keith again who’s looking back at him now from behind him. He turns away and heads to adjust his helmet. At least now Keith could get what he wanted, a chance to move away from them and fight by himself Lance thought as he faced Allura fully now.
He could hear footsteps, at least without the lions it gave them an element of stealth, the Galra were yet to know they were here so Lance chose a perch up high, aiming down and looking around himself before he shot in front of him. Gunfire and shouting was all he heard as he continued, clearing out that area and moving on, rushing into the Garlan ship as he saw an opening, ignoring the calls of the other paladins as he went forward. He could clear them asking what he was doing, and he knew what he was doing, showing Keith that he’s not worthless, that he doesn’t just complain that he’s a part of this team. Keith wouldn’t care or be impressed but he went on anyway, perhaps it was the lack of sleep or the anger and hurt he still couldn’t push down, just everything in him wanted to do this. Wanted to take them down himself so then Keith had nothing to chastise him for.
He didn’t know at this point if he was trying to prove a point to himself or Keith and he didn’t care. He hadn’t felt this push for ages, Keith had always ignited something in him, a want to do better, and he figured he might as well let it win him over this time as he rushed into the bay, gunning down the sentries that waited there for him. He could feel the fatigue running him down but he ignored it, he pushed on, willing himself to think of anything and everything that kept him moving forward, that kept him moving away from Keith. It was reckless. He wondered what he was about to say to him before Allura arrived, what insult would he have used as anger shone in his eyes.
Lance pushes the thoughts away as he rounds the corner to an empty hallway and moves forward. There's chatter over the comms that he ignores as he keeps going, finally finding something to aim for as he lets fire, dropping more bodies to the ground as he continues forward, almost stumbling now, He just had to keep going, keep shooting his way through as the voices in his ear got louder and tenser, they were asking where he was. Did it matter? Was the only thought he could muster, they’d be fine without him, they couldn’t form voltron without the lions anyway so his quick absence wouldn’t mean much he told himself as he kept going.
He was in the main part of the ship now, soldiers heads whipping round and charging, Lance was ready. He’d lost count of how many shots he'd fired now, just willing this to be over. Knowing the sooner they were done here the sooner Keith could leave again. He dodged attacks, some coming a little too close to making contact as he continued shooting anything that moved. The fatigue was getting to him now but there weren’t that many left. He could do this. He could do this if it meant it got Keith far away from him faster.
The shouting had mostly stopped through the comms now, they knew he was fine, so he kept going until a voice rang in his ear,
“Lance, where are you?”
Keith.
His voice was still angry, maybe even more so from the last time he had heard it. He should just ignore it but the chatter of the others was gone, meaning Keith had opened a private line just to talk to him. Just to shout at him, Lance reminded himself as he continued, watching the soldiers retreat to a room around the back and following, he went to follow and then-
“Lance.” Keith’s voice rang again, this time desperation, fear. Was he hurt? Lance thought as he stuttered in his movements for a second, he shouldn’t care. But of course he did. No matter how much he tried to kid himself that he hated Keith he knew he’d go after him, he knew he’d help him even if Keith wouldn’t return the favour. That's what he hated, not Keith but what Keith did to him, the panic he hadn’t felt once on this battlefield flooded him as the idea of Keith being hurt consumed him, so for the first time he replies,
“Are you okay?” He asks, breathily as he shoots at the remaining soldiers,
“Am I ok- Lance where the fuck are you” Is what he gets back and ah. Of course Keith is fine. How could he have been stupid enough to think he was reaching out to him for help and not just to question him, just to ask what the hell he thinks he’s doing.
“I”m doing fine, dont worry about me” He replies, half believing himself but god where do these soldiers keep coming from as he continues to aim and shoot,
“Don’t tell me you’re in the ship” He hears Keith reply through breaths, could hear his sword cutting into armour behind his words, shouting, anger still there but something else as well.
Lance didn’t reply, he didn’t need this. Didn’t need Keith breathing down his neck as if he couldn’t be trusted. They’d moved on from that before Keith had left, there was trust there, he’d gotten used to being called Keith's right hand man. He loved it. For once they were equals, but that was just a memory now he reminds himself, moving before he sees a flash of red at his side, as it moves forward, taking down the soldier that was closest to him.
He looks and sees Keith, panting and looking straight back at him, a scowl on his face,
“What are you doing here?” He shouts while continuing to fight. Lance couldn’t tear his eyes away but he knew he had to as he moved forward, towards the room where the soldiers had retreated.
“Could ask you the same” He replies, frustration in his voice. He had wanted to do this to escape Keith, but now here he was.
“I’m making sure you don’t get yourself killed, Lance” he hears back from behind him and there it was. He didn’t trust Lance anymore and it killed him.
“Don’t need you” Is what he says out between breaths. It wasn’t true, he did need him once, but now all he needed was for Keith to go back to wherever he had been. Far away from Lance. That was easier than seeing him like this.
“Lance you can’t do this alone, what if you get hurt” Keith shouts at him as he follows, running after him.
“Don’t act like you care” Lance spits back, angry as he knows Keith didn’t give a shit about him, remembering how he treated him as if they were strangers when he came back, stopping to hit an approaching Galra with the end of his gun, knocking him down as Keith slices through his back. It reminds him of how it used to be, when they’d fight together. The memory stings as he realised it would never be like that again, that this could be the last time he sees Keith
“Of course I care” Keith shouts back in confusion, desperation as he catches up with Lance, going to grab his arm but Lance pulls away as he reaches the doorway of where the soldiers had retreated too, immediately stepping back and opening fire, shielding Keith as he gets shoved backwards.
“Why would you?” He says quieter, as the last body falls to the floor.
“Lance i saw you die” Keith says after a beat, his voice quieter now too, breaking slightly
“What?” Lance asks, his breath leaving him as he turns around now to face Keith, his chest heaving from exertion as his face no longer wore the look of anger he’d seen a million times, waiting for Keith to elaborate.
“In the quantum abyss I- I saw it Lance, you get hit trying to fight alone and you die” He says, shouting again as he continues, stepping towards Lance. Lance steps back into the next room as the door wooshes open, revealing an empty control room.
“Allura brought me back” Lance bites in response. Keith didn’t care, he just wanted to be a hero, just wanted to save Lance. He’d already died and it hadn’t affected Keith because he wasn’t here. If he cared he wouldn’t have left.
“What?” is all Keith can reply, staring at Lance with fear on his face.
Lance continues,
“I already died Keith. No one cared. You’re not saving me, it's already happened. I don't need you. Don't need you watching me, don't need you pretending that you’d care if you’d come back to me being dead” voice breaking as he shouted back, unable to stop the words pouring out of him.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Keith shouts back, stepping towards him as Lance stares him down, rage filling him. How dare Keith act now like it mattered, like now he was a person that he cared for, why should he have told him he died? He might as well have, Keith had acted like he didn’t exist anyway. Why wouldn’t he let this go.
“Because you left Keith” He shouts back, no longer trying to hide any of his anger, sick of trying to pretend that dying was more painful than this heartbreak Keith had put him through, Keith's face twists as he replies,
“I didn’t want to leave, God I never would have if I knew-” he was shouting now too, angry, somehow angry at Lance for dying, pretending that it mattered at all to him, Lance can’t forget how he treated him, almost screaming when he replies,
“Then why did you?”.
“Because I-”
“Then why did you come back and act like you couldn’t give less of a fuck about me” He continued and that arises something from Keith as he steps forward again,
“Let me finish” He shouts back, Lance didn’t let him, and he moves forward, grabbing his arm, Lance tries to pull away as he replies,
“I don’t care what you have to say, I don’t care why you left just-” he continues, his shouting cut off as Keith surges forward, grabbing the sides of his face with his hands and kissing him.
Lance’s world went still as Keith's lips met his. He pulled away quickly, breathlessly as he panted, looking up at Lance’s face, adrenaline still running through the both of them,
“That’s why” he says, quieter now.
Lance stares at him, thinking of all the times he had wished he’d done this before, all the nights he’d spent dreaming of this moment and trying to push out of his head when he woke up, thinking about how Keith leaving had ruined his world, how his words had cut and hurt him but now, all that fuelled him was adrenaline and Keith's touch.
He moved without thinking.
His lips were back on Keiths, desperate in his moves now as all the thoughts he had, all the questions left his mind, leaving just anger, confusion and wanting. He didn’t care about what this meant or what he was doing, he’d wanted this for so long and he was taking it. Keith gasped into the kiss before following, his hands back on lance and every touch burned through their armour.
His hands found Keith, grabbing him around the waist, breathing heavily between kisses as Keith surged forward moving themselves against the wall. Keith kissed just as Lance imagined he would, hungry, desperate, as if time was running out and he had to do everything as fast as he could and it made Lance’s head spin. Just seconds ago all he felt was anger, it was still there, but pushed to the side as Keith's body crashed into his, it wasn’t enough Lance thought as he moved his hands into Keith’s hair, gripping it between his fingers, causing a noise somewhere between a gasp and a whine to leave keith's mouth, and suddenly the war didn’t matter, the death and destruction around them was his last care as all he wanted to do was make Keith make that noise again.
He pulled back to whisper the word “Off” between them before returning his lips to Keith’s, unrelenting as he pulled on Keiths armour plate,
“What?” Keith replies breathily before Lance began biting slightly at Keith’s lower lip, earning a shaky gasp from Keith as lance makes a noise of frustration, moving his hands to the back of Keith’s armour plate and unclipping it, letting it fall to the floor in an unceremonious thud as Keith looks up at him, understanding now.
Lance lets his hands roam freely across Keith's torso now, only separated by the thin layer of fabric beneath their armour, feeling the lines and contours of Keith's body between his fingertips, he was bigger, stronger than before and lance could see it but feeling it now, with Keith's body pressed up against his and his hands free to touch wherever he wanted, it was all he could focus on. That was until he felt his own chestplate falling off of him, Keith's hands returning the favour, his touch heavy as he dragged his fingers down Lance's back and around to his hips, holding on as if they were the only thing keeping him upright.
Their movements were faster now, both fuelled by adrenaline and want,
“And you called me fucking reckless” Keith says, voice low and gravelly, filled with something burning but needy, the teasing tone Lance had missed back,
“Shut up” Lance says back, finding Keith's hair and pulling it again to make sure Keith does exactly that. The sound he makes this time is louder now as his head is jerked backwards slightly, the whine caught in his throat escaping at the sensation, the noise fuelling Lance to find out just how more desperate he could make Keith's whines and gasps sound, it was only fair after what Keith had put him through.
Lance was snapped out of his thoughts as Keith's hands found there way to his belt, never breaking the kiss while desperately struggling with the clasp there, gasping as he felt the contact, not realising how worked up he had gotten until Keith's hands were there, his calloused fingers moving until his belt and the rest of his armour fell to the floor, leaving him in just his under suit, moving his hips forward into the touch as Keith wasted no time dragging his hands down from his waist to his abdomen, his hips his inner thigh, each finger tip of contact feeling like liquid fire moving through him. He made a noise off annoyance as his hands reached Keith’s belt that was still on his person, he had to fix that, he thought as he yanked at the clasp, looking up at Keith's expression as his armour met his on the floor, noting at how he now had to look up at Keith, he’d gotten taller, god why did that do something to Lance, as their lips parted for a second his eyes hooded and face red, lips swollen and almost bruised. He was beautiful, he always had been but here with the soft purple glow of the lights around him and the desperate look in his eye Lance realised that no nebula, no cosmos would ever compare to the boy in front of him.
“You’re gorgeous” He whispers out, unable to stop the words leaving his mouth as he locks eyes with Keith,
“You’re hard” is what Keith whispers back, before surging forward and kissing Lance again, as though if he’d waited any longer to make contact with him again he would have died, “gorgeous too, God Lance you’re beautiful” he adds as he moves his mouth down, kissing along Lances jaw before reaching his neck, his hands still teasing Lance, moving up and down his hips which Lance wouldn’t have expected from Keith, he’d always imagined him to take anything he wants, to waste no time on teasing, and something about it made Lance’s heart swell, the carefulness Keith used while touching him despite the heat running through both of them, almost asking for permission as if they weren’t both pissed, desperate and alone.
The words sunk in, Keith calling him gorgeous as Lance panted at Keith's lips against his skin as he did what Keith has been waiting to do, moving his hands past his waist, further and further down until Keith’s breath stutters in his throat, a needy whine escaping out of him as Lances fingertips move against him, palming him through his under suit,
“Lance” gasps out, the need in his voice doing something to Lance as he keeps moving his hand, faster and harder, determined to chase out every noise Keith can make. Keith rests his head on Lance's shoulder, leaning into him as his knees give out slightly from underneath him, holding onto Lance.
Keith's noises got more and more desperate, his words replaced by whimpers and low whines as Lance continued, his hands clinging to whatever he could grab onto, Lance’s waist, his hair, curling his fingers into the back of the fabric against Lances back,
“Please, don’t stop-” Keith manages to pant out before they hear a voice through the intercom from their discarded helmet at their feet,
“Lance? Keith? Can you hear us?” Pidge’s voice echoes from Lance's helmet through the dimly lit control room as they stop in their tracks, pulling away from each other and staring with wild, stunned eyes.
“I- I should probably” Lance starts, not wanting to move away but knowing he should probably tell the others they were alive, they’d been MIA for god knows how long.
“Y-Yeah” Keith says shakily, moving back and allowing Lance to retrieve his helmet from the floor, putting it on,
“Hey Pidge, yeah we’re- we’re all good over here, heading back now” Lance replies trying to catch his breath, hoping she can’t hear the shake in his voice and the exertion in his tone.
He receives a ‘good’ from Pidge as he takes his helmet off, looking over at Keith who was looking at him, his gaze moving down Lance’s form before snapping back up at his eyes.
Lance can’t remember who starts laughing first, but before he knows it, they’re leaning on each other, struggling for breath again but now for different reasons as Keith stands, one arm around Lance and the other across his stomach as he’s bent over, the laughs becoming giggles as they settle down, looking at each other.
“That was a close one” Lance says as Keith begins retrieving his armour, handing Lance’s chestplate to him before snatching it back, realising it was his red one and not Lances, the purple light made it hard to tell, they laugh again at that as they get dressed, Lance shooting a look at Keith's…situation and laughing harder as he's met with a withering stare in return as Keith slowly clasped his belt back on. Lance had a similar dilemma, however the sudden interruption, and the realisation that they probably should get back before the team thinks they're dead (or before Pidge murders them herself which she has threatened to do maybe 6 times by now) worked well at calming them down. Lance was struggling to clasp his armour in the back. Keith notices and moves behind Lance, gracing his hands as he takes it from him, adjusting it.
“I’m sorry” he says quietly, his breath ghosting on the back of Lances neck,
“For what?” Lance asks in a whisper,
“For leaving” Keith replies after a pause, “I left so you wouldn’t have to but.. I missed you everyday Lance” He continues, Lance turns around to face him, taking his hands in his own.
“I’m still just, Keith, you treated me so differently when you came back, why?” Lance asks into the space between them.
Keith is silent for a second, looking down before replying, “In the vision I saw, you die saving me” He answers simply, his voice breaking slightly on the last word,
“But I should have known whoever it was, whoever was in danger you’d save them, me, Allura, anyone” He says looking back at Lance now, meeting his eyes.
“You thought being mean to me would stop me taking a bullet for you?” Lance asks, “You really are stupid”, and at that, Keith’s smile returns to his face,
“You didn’t think I was so stupid when I had you against the wall” He replies smirking.
“I would have had you against that wall by now if we weren’t interrupted” He says back quickly, his face turning slightly red but compared to Keiths you really couldn’t notice,
“Shame we got cut short then” He says cockily, still staring at Lance with that playful look in his eye, and if Pidge’s voice wasn’t echoing around the room again with ‘What are you guys doing in there’ and ‘hurry up before I lock the doors to that ship remotely’, Lance would have surged forward and kissed that grin off of Keiths stupid, perfect mouth.
“We’ll have to finish another time” Keith says finally, moving away from Lance and walking towards the door,
“Last one out has to think of an excuse for why we took so long” Keith says over his shoulder before sprinting out of the room, with Lance quick to follow them, scooping up their discarded helmets in his arms,
“That’s cheating Kogane” He yells out as he follows, Keith shooting him a middle finger from infront as they both ran.
This was the Keith he remembered, Lance thought to himself watching Keith run down the ramp and turn around, sticking his tongue out at him. He’d lose to Keith for the rest of his life if it meant keeping him here.