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In the first few days after Ainosuke had lost the beef against Langa, Tadashi wasn’t really sure what to expect. He knew all too well what Ainosuke’s family had instilled in him.
Notions such as ‘you have to be perfect to be loved’, and ‘if you show any weakness, you’re worthless’.
At least Tadashi had had the foresight to cancel any upcoming appearances Ainosuke might have had, citing a sudden bout of the flu. Hopefully, that would give Ainosuke a few days to…
Well, Tadashi wasn’t really sure if Ainosuke could really get better from what was ailing him in just a few days. But hopefully it could help him relax a bit.
Ainosuke had spent the first day after the beef in bed, and as much as Tadashi didn’t think that was particularly healthy, he also didn’t have the heart to get him out of his bed, and had instead had his food served there. Ainosuke seemed a bit surprised, as he was never allowed to do that before. He didn't actually say anything about it, and had just ate his food in silence.
The next few days were much of the same, even if he did manage to coax Ainosuke out of bed. His master was much quieter than usual though.
On the fifth day after the beef, Ainosuke was already awake, sitting in a chair when Tadashi came to wake him. It startled him somewhat; Ainosuke was a heavy sleeper after all.
“Oh… good morning, Ainosuke-sama,” Tadashi said while giving one of his usual bows, which caused him to miss the way Ainosuke began scowling at him.
“You can raise your head,” Ainosuke said, and Tadashi did just so. After all, he would never disobey his master.
Well… almost never.
The memories of the tournament flashed through his mind, and he was about to open his mouth when Ainosuke beat him to it.
“I.. I wanted to…” he began, and Tadashi simply stood there in silence, waiting for Ainosuke to say what he wanted to say.
“I wanted to say that I… I…”
Even if Tadashi had all the patience in the world, Ainosuke seemingly did not. With a frustrated sound, he grabbed an empty glass off of the table and smashed it against the wall.
“Why can’t I just say it?!” Ainosuke cried out, the frustration clear in his voice. Tadashi had an idea about what Ainosuke had wanted to say, but he didn’t want to provoke him any further. There weren’t any other glasses Ainosuke could throw, but he could be plenty destructive in other ways.
Tadashi hesitated a bit before he spoke. He didn't ever want to do, or say anything that could further upset Ainosuke.
“Ainosuke-sama…” he began, and this time he did notice the scowl on his face.
“Stop calling me that,” Ainosuke demanded, making Tadashi blink a bit in confusion.
“... I’m sorry?” he asked, not really understanding what Ainosuke had meant. After all, that was his name, and there was no way he could ever forgo the–
“Drop that fucking title, will you?”
– The title he had used for as long as he could remember.
But still… it was a request from Ainosuke… from his master…
“Okay Ainosuke-sa–” he began, but he managed to cut himself off before he finished. “Ainosuke… just Ainosuke.”
It felt so weird to say that. Like he was saying something forbidden.
He wanted to ask Ainosuke if he should clean the shards of glass up. After all, was Ainosuke’s loyal servant...his dog. If Ainosuke wanted to throw a tantrum and have Tadashi pick up the pieces, so be it.
It wouldn’t be the first time that had happened, even if the other times had been fixed with money, and not a broom and dustpan.
Instead, he said something else entirely, something that surprised even himself.
“Ainosuke… may I approach you?”
Tadashi easily spotted the momentary surprise on Ainosuke’s face; he had spent years studying every part of the man he–
No. He had no right to think such thoughts. Ainosuke was his master, and Tadashi his dog. That was how it had always been.
That was how it would always be.
Ainosuke briefly looked like he wanted to say something less kind, but instead it seemed like he was biting his tongue.
“Yes,” he said instead, leaving Tadashi to wonder what he was going to say just before.
Tadashi’s steps were slow and deliberate when he walked towards Ainosuke, still not entirely sure what the hell he was doing.
After all, the thing he wanted to do could easily get him fired, or hurt, if his actions put Ainosuke in that mood.
He didn’t say anything before he acted, so he could imagine Ainosuke’s surprise when Tadashi went over to where he was sitting, bent down, and… wrapped his arms around him.
It did cause Ainosuke to squeak a bit, and even though he squirmed a bit at first, Tadashi kept holding him.
“What on earth are you–?!” Ainosuke said, clearly startled as Tadashi shushed him and began slowly petting his hair.
Tadashi was operating on pure instinct and nothing else. He didn’t even care if this got him fired; this was something he had to do.
“It’s okay, Ainosuke,” he said, his voice soft and soothing as he continued petting Ainouske’s hair. Bit by bit, Ainosuke’s squirming slowly subsided, and he just sat there in the chair, taking what Tadashi was currently giving him.
“You… you insolent…” Ainosuke began, his voice weak as he trailed off, like he couldn’t get himself to say it. Tadashi wouldn’t even have minded.
“I know you’re hurting, Ainosuke. I know you're confused,” Tadashi then said, still holding Ainosuke close and petting his hair. “All of this goes against everything you’ve ever been told by your family… But they’re wrong, Ainosuke-sa– Ainosuke. You aren’t worthless just because you’re not perfect. Nobody is perfect.”
Tadashi really wasn’t sure where all of this had come from. Perhaps he was just tired of watching Ainosuke hurt like that.
Ainosuke was still silent, but from the way his body was slightly shivering, Tadashi could tell he was trying to hold back tears.
He knew that Ainouske hated crying, but… maybe this was what he needed, in order to truly start to heal.
At some point Ainosuke had decided to stand up, and even though he hadn’t wrapped his own arms around Tadashi, it was clear that he didn’t want the hug from Tadashi to stop.
“Earlier…” Ainosuke began, his voice confirming what Tadashi had thought about him being close to tears. “It’s such a normal thing for people to say, so why can’t I just say it?”
He didn’t get violent this time, but he was clearly still frustrated. Tadashi understood why, somewhat. After all, if he was correct about his assumption, it was something Ainosuke had been told to never say, as it only showed weakness.
“Ainosuke… I know you’re sorry,” Tadashi said quietly. From the way he was standing, he could kind of see the way Ainosuke’s eyes widened out of the corner of his eye. He had guessed correctly, then.
“I won’t say that what you did to me… no, to anyone really, was okay. Sakurayashiki-san suffered a concussion, after all.”
He hated seeing the way Ainosuke tensed up from that, but Tadashi wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t believe it was necessary. He would never hurt his beloved master... unless now, when he knew that hurting him would maybe help him heal. Like breaking a bone more to help it set correctly.
“However… I know why you did so. Please forgive me if I’m incorrect, but… to you, love should hurt, right?”
It wasn’t really something they had ever talked about, but it was something he had gathered from watching Ainosuke’s family abuse him for far too long.
“... You mean it shouldn’t?” Ainosuke asked, and oh… oh. The way his voice was so small was breaking Tadashi’s heart.
“No, Ainosuke. Love shouldn’t hurt. Love is gentle, like this.”
When he said that, he moved his hand down from Ainosuke’s hair to his cheek. Even as Ainosuke flinched, he kept his hand there, until he began gently stroking his cheek.
“It… it feels nice,” Ainosuke said quietly, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.
“You mean… everyone I’ve ever loved…”
Ainosuke trailed off there, but Tadashi knew what he was going to say.
For once, he didn’t want to say anything. Instead he just continued stroking Ainosuke’s cheek, all the while using the other hand to make gentle circles into Ainosuke’s shoulder.
Tadashi could tell that Ainosuke was still on the verge of tears, but was it any wonder? The things he had been taught all his life were slowly unraveling in front of him.
Both of them were silent for a while, until Tadashi broke the silence.
“Ainosuke… I forgive you,” he said, his voice quiet, but still steadfast, unwavering. Sure, Ainosuke had done things to Tadashi that others would probably find unforgivable.
Tadashi was not ‘others’, though. He was devoted to Ainosuke, and he would stay with him for as long as Ainosuke wanted him around.
It seemed like those words were like a dam breaking for Ainosuke, and all of a sudden, he was openly sobbing against Tadashi’s shoulder.
In a way, that had probably been Tadashi’s goal; he wanted Ainosuke to let go of the burdens he was carrying in his heart.
“It’s okay,” he said softly, very gently soothing him as he continued to pet the lovely blue hair.
Ainosuke continued crying for a while, until his sobs slowly ebbed out, and he looked at Tadashi with those sharp crimson eyes, which made Tadashi realize just how inappropriate that whole thing had been.
“I-I’m terribly so–” he began, although he couldn’t get a word in before Ainosuke had wrapped his own arms around Tadashi, suddenly pulling him close.
“Don’t apologize,” he said, his words way less sharp than they had been earlier.
And so, Tadashi stopped apologizing, and instead he just stayed like that with Ainosuke for a while, wrapped in each other’s embrace.
It was Ainosuke that let go first although that wasn’t until something like ten minutes later.
“That… was certainly a surprise,” he said as he looked at Tadashi, but before Tadashi could try and apologize again, he had continued speaking.
“I didn’t say it was an unwelcome one, just… a surprise.”
This time, it was Tadashi's face that showed the surprise he was feeling, and he blinked a bit as he looked at Ainosuke. He had been sure he was going to be fired for insubordination.
“I… I know that all I’ve been taught is fucked up… that I am pretty fucked up. I know it will take a long while to rectify everything I’ve done…”
Ainosuke trailed off there, and his crimson eyes once again looked into Tadashi’s emerald green, although they were way less sharp this time.
“Will you stay here with me, Tadashi? Even if it takes forever?”
“Yes.”
Tadashi didn’t even have to hesitate before he gave his reply. There was nothing more he wanted than to stay with Ainosuke.
I’ll be yours for the rest of our lives.