Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

I didn't even know when it happened.

Go to some ice planet, get allies, come back. That was the plan. Quickly, smoothly, and safely.

But as these simplest plans had to do, they were also easy to stop. And so, momentarily, everything fell apart.

The natives called Azikans, did not want cooperation, they wanted bribery. The mission was a simple trap and the two paladins went into it without lions, without protection.

Thus, my boyfriend Lance and I ended tied up, kneeling, on cold slippery ice waiting for the galra soldiers to pick us up from there. As simple as can be. Like a parcel, ordinary cargo.

To catch us, they used violence. Lance was knocked down with a quick blow to the head and I was beaten, but ended up with only a few bumps and scratches.

Now, we were at some kind of encampment, in the middle of nowhere. The handcuffs placed on our wrists were connected to those on our ankles, completely preventing us from any movement. And no matter how hard we struggled, no matter how much we tried to bust out, it wouldn't even minimally loosen its grip on our limbs.

About thirty soldiers were surrounding us, each armed. At our sides were arranged two soldiers per person, each with their weapons ready. I didn't have the slightest chance to escape, especially not with Lance.

And nothing threw me off guard like his state. Blood dripped freely from the cut above his eyebrow, ran down his eye then down his cheek and yet he couldn't even wipe it away. His gaze was unfocused, somewhere far away and I could only guess the damage a blow to the head had caused.

Besides, he was trembling all over. Both of us had spent our lives in rather warm temperatures. Only I had experience with snow, ice and cold every year. For Lance...well. It's never really cold in Cuba. And he definitely took it worse.

His lips definitely turning pale, the wound still not closing. It wasn't hard to notice that his eyes were getting stickier and stickier, and he seemed to be having more and more difficulty opening them.

And I was anxious, so so anxious.

Under other circumstances, I might have found this planet beautiful, although also a bit disturbing. It resembled the earth during winter, but the snow instead of blindingly white had a mint tint. The trees had no trunks or roots; the wood's crown floated in the air. Instead of regular leaves, there were vines on them, the close ones connected to each other. From them grew strongly neon-colored balls, which I took to be fruits. The water and ice were dark red, maroon, almost black, and although it was a bit disconcerting, this place still had its charm. Or it would have if my boyfriend's blood wasn't dripping on its ground.

What's even worse is that I didn't have any chance to contact the team. Our helmets were held by one of the guards. Plus, it hadn't been long since we last checked in. The rest of them didn't even suspect that something was going on.

Lance now seemed completely out of it. I whispered his name, trying to get his attention, but frighteningly he did not respond. I repeated the action this time nudging him with my shoulder. Only then he raise his unfocused gaze to me. He looked so confused, so scared. Like a little child. I wondered if he even know what is going on, because everything seemed to deny it.

"Stop talking," growled probably a general, and two others soldiers dragged us away. And I was so mad, so angry. I promised myself that they would pay for the way they treated him.

We were thrown against the hard ground, this time a few meters away from each other. I pulled myself up to my knees, momentarily focusing my gaze on the other paladin. He did not even manage to sit up. His hands still bound behind his back, his body all shaky. He slipped and lost his balance over and over again, pompously ending up on the icy ground. And my heart was breaking at this sight. I wanted to scream out of helplessness.

Everyone else watched him, laughing more and more. But it was at the moment when the general approached him at a dangerous distance that I felt my heart stop. He grabbed him by the back and jerked him upright.

He whispered something quietly, so that only Lance could hear. I saw the boy freeze for a few seconds, then go fully still. I knew how uncomfortable he was, but I couldn't make out anything else from his reaction.

The leader turned around, and backpedaled to his seat.

"Fuck you," I heard my boyfriend growl. That's when Azikan stopped and turned his full attention to the paladin. He looked at him for a second or two. Then a mocking smirk appeared on his lips, and he caught his face, Lance's face with his hand, still laughing.

For a few scary moments, they maintained eye contact, then my boyfriend spit in his face. The leader's facial expression changed for a moment, and at first I could read from it surprise and, in a way, amazement. After a few seconds, however, it returned to its mocking expression and with that, he grabbed the blue paladin by the neck and started kicking him. Lance only groaned in pain. That's when my heart became as cold as the surrounding ice.

"You are a nobody, and you will die a nobody, human," Said the leader with venom. Like he wanted to insult us with our origin. Like he wanted to show that we were like dust to him.

And the worst part was that I didn't even move. Even if I hadn't been cuffed, I would have remained motionless. I was completely paralyzed. I don't know if I was even breathing. Because Lance, my Lance was in danger and I couldn't do shit to protect him.

Then they dragged him back to his knees, and forcefully seated him. Never taking his beauty for granted, but he looked even worse than he did a moment before. Blood was now covering his entire face. It was flowing out of his nose, the cut on his mouth, his temples. I was afraid of what those blows had done to the rest of his body.

His eyes misted and refocused every moment. They were so blind, so empty, each moment. And I was afraid, so afraid that if I didn't think of something soon, they might never regain their sparkle.

Drops of blood hit the snow almost at an rhythmic beat on the white ice.

"Tell me, red paladin," the general began, circling us slowly. I was annoyed by the way he tried to make me realize that I was completely powerless.

"Why do you keep fighting?" I just looked at him, in silence. My cheeks and nose were freezing from the cold, and I was really grateful for the full-body suit. And although it provided me with warmth, not enough to keep my body from shivering due to the low temperatures. The windy weather only pissed me of more and more.

"For the cause? For the greater good? For the world?" He almost hissed, and I tried not to listen. I tried to cut myself off somehow. Presently he was standing almost face to face with me, looking at me deeply.

"Or maybe for him," His finger traveled in the air pointing to the other paladin. He stood for a few seconds, waiting for some kind of reaction from us, which eventually did not happen.

"Well earthling," He growled with disgust as if I were his little pet. As if he was training me, and if I wasn't doing what he wanted. "Then we'll try it another way."

He walked over to some sort of trunk and took a few things out of it before coming across a metal glove. He then approached my boyfriend with it and released the handcuffs from one of his hands. Then he put the aforementioned equipment on him, definitely excited.

Lance's eyes were locked on me, begging to free him, get him out of here and save him.

I wish I could do that.

"You are fascinating me. You people," He began and the anger made me push against the bonds on my wrists so that I almost tore them with my bare hands. "So much passion in you. The sacrifices. And I can understand that. But I can't understand, I really can't, why there is so much hope in you. No matter what. To the end a senseless, pointless hope."

This time he crouched in front of me and studied me with his eyes. He ran his finger from my chin all the way up to the height of my heart.

"This. What you have here," he said, tapping a few times on my breastplate. "They say it gives you all this power. But I think it's something else."

Getting up, he walked over to my partner and lifted his chin like he was trying to show me something. It did not escape my attention how he drove his claws into his skin, almost intentionally, to show his dominance, his supremacy.

Don't touch him, don't touch him, don't touch him.

My mind screamed, my muscles tightened, I felt my teeth begin to sharpen and the familiar burning of my skin mean it was turning purple.

And for a moment, mine and Lance's eyes met again. That blue gaze was flooded with tears, the pupils strongly enlarged. His whole posture, facial expressions showed his pain and fatigue, but it was his eyes that showed all the fear. He was confused, hurt, but despite everything he still tried to hold on somehow. And I couldn't do anything else but be grateful for that.

"It's him. He's the one who makes you keep fighting, right? This one person, he makes you strong." He spoke nodding his head, just waiting for my assurance. Afterwards, began touching the blue paladin's face, looking at him closely.

"I wonder how much you could sacrifice for him." And it was not a question, rather an assumption. And I really tried, I wanted to keep my patience but when his hands began to go lower and lower down Lance's body and I heard the muffled scowl my boyfriend made, i lost it.

I knew he was trying to be brave. I knew he was trying not to let on how terrified he was. But I couldn't look at it.

"Get your hands off him," That was the only thing I said. My voice was as dry as my throat, trembling along with my whole body. The general glared his orange eyes and, without even the slightest reaction, continued to examine his body.

"Galra genes kicking it, huh?"

And I was furious. I was so furious that I stopped thinking soberly. Because he kept touching him, kept touching him, and I could do nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing.

"Now dear paladin watch carefully, because you won't want me to have to repeat it," Then he clicked a button on one of the glove's fingers and I saw it bend at an unnatural angle. I heard a crunch and a yelp of my boyfriend.

Oh God.

"K-Keith," His breaking voice sounded in my ears. He pronounced it like a prayer, like a plea, like a rescue. He needed me, and I did nothing. I was a monster, just like them.

"Now paladin," Azikan countered proudly, "You will answer my questions."

And I knew that if he didn't like the answer, he would treat it the same way as if he didn't get one. He will break Lance's fingers, one by one. I was afraid of what would happen when there won't be any of them left.

And the questions began. They were not what I expected. The first ordered Lance to tell who he was. The boy did not answer. After a few seconds, the commander did it for him. A nobody. That was his answer. Another crack sounded. Then the commander started laughing and pulled him by the hair, telling him to repeat. He did. Another grunt echoed through the area as he forced to give the answer in full sentence

Thus, in ten seconds, three fingers were already broken.

The next questions were of a similar type. Who is the weakest in the team. Who fights the worst. Who drags the team down. The correct answer each time was the blue paladin. Another fracture, one after another.

The following questions were similar. Each one to humiliate, upset, debase Lance. Soon all his fingers were broken. The leader again took some equipment from his trunk and positioned it between the paladin's wrist and elbow. It clipped in several places, including the wrist and I knew what that meant.

All I could hear was Lance's groans and screams of pain as his hand was getting broken part by part.

I stared into his dark blue eyes, trying my best not to break crying.

"It's okay, I love you," he whimpered as tears fell down his cheeks. I'm gonna kill them all.

"I love you too," I said as gentle as I could. Everything boiled inside me, I felt that fur appeared on my fingers and I knew that my whole body had also changed.

Because he was hurting him, he kept hurting and hurting him, and he wouldn't just stop, no matter how hard I begged him to.

I realized that they don't ask about Voltron, about his weaknesses because they just didn't care. They have no business doing that. That's what the garla will take care of. Zarkon only wanted paladins, preferably alive. There was no health requirement there. They could hurt me and Lance as long as they wanted. What I didn't understand was for what, or why they were so fixated on my boyfriend.

"I'm gonna think something out, I promise," I swore, wishing to give him any reassurance, any encouragement. Azikan only made a sound similar to laughter.

"And how exactly are you going to think anything out paladin?" And I honestly had no idea. I had no idea, but I knew that somehow I had to have some conception, some plan because Lance needed me. So in order to gain some time, I decided to stall. After all, the team would eventually notice that we're in trouble, right?

"Do you think you're so smart?" I tried to keep a stone face, even though the commander's jet was barely millimeters from my boyfriend's one. "You seem to have forgotten that we work in a team. They will be here any minute"

"Oh yeah?" The soldier laughed. "So they know you're in danger? Let's check shall we?" And with a wide grin, he lifted my red helmet and straight into it said.

"Hello Voltron crew! We are from the planet Azikan, and we have your paladins! Can we keep them or should we get ready for a visit?"

The next seconds were the ones in which my hope dissapeared. The radio remained silent, the only thing that could be heard was a hum from the other receiver. The general dropped red helmet back to the ground, standing between the two of us.

"We seem to have a slight communication problem." Those fuckers disrupted our signal. Now even if I had somehow managed to get that part of armor long enough to transmit the message, it would never reach the castle.

I no longer knew what to say, what to do. A few seconds of silence fell, and this time the commander turned to the blue paladin.

"Back to our stuff," he said crouching down beside him and pulling him by the hair.

"I even feel a bit sorry for you. You try so hard, you keep pushing so hard and despite all the stories I've heard about Voltron's rise, there was nothing about the heroic blue paladin in any of them." Lance looked like he wanted to say something, but eventually gave up. "Of course, there was about the strong black paladin, everyone's hero. Agile red, so brave, so confident. Wise green paladin, the intelligence of the whole team. Yellow so lively, resourceful, needed."

And I knew what he was trying to do. I also knew they were lies. But Lance, my Lance who was always so insecure and so anxious. He said so many times that he was an asset to the team, that he was only dragging us down, that he was just a burden to us, without whom we would be better off. Each time, both I and the rest of our friends did everything to assure him otherwise.

"But I've never heard a similar story about you. I wonder if you are underestimated or just useless. " I didn't really get how he knew, about Lance's feelings, I didn't even want to know. But the way the blue paladin hung his gaze, the way his body twitched, the way his lip trembled.

I can't describe what I felt. So much flustration, so much fury, rage. At the same time, so much fear, so much sorrow. So much sadness, because I knew it would stay in my boyfriend's mind, opening another wound, another stamp on his fears.

"One fucking word more," I howled. I wanted to be able to hurt them, so badly, for every second in which they were the ones hurting Lance. I wanted to hear their screams of agony, I wanted them to drown in pain, in fear, in the terror they provided us. I wanted to hurt them in a way they hurted him, to humiliate them in a way they made him feel, the same way my boyfriend must have felt. I wanted to torture them until they would pass out from exhaustion. Then I would wake them up again just to repeat it. I wanted to hear them crying, sobbing, begging, I wanted to be able to stand over them, laughing, enjoying, dancing in their pain. I wished I could have put them through the same thing they did to us. Same way they did to him. The way they deserved.

"One more," I repeated with poison in my voice. That one just laughed, and with him the entire troop.

"And here he is, the defender of our paladin," He placed his finger on the top of the blue paladin's head.

"Those glances, that fear. He's your weak point, huh? You're not afraid of me. You're not afraid of the prospect of what might happen to you. It's only him you're worried about." And those words made me forget how to breathe.

"Our fearless red paladin. And yet now you're afraid." And together with the rest of the army they thundered again.

All of them so happy, each of them so joyful at each new tear, at our each new scowl of pain.

"Why did you bring him here with you?" He asked me, "You know he's weaker. Did you think you could protect him?" The mocking laughter sounded loud, echoing through the area.

"Lance is not weaker," I howled and clenched my teeth to say nothing more. I was so, so mad. But the fear was stronger. I just hoped he wouldn't touch Lance anymore. He couldn't. He was barely hanging on anyway.

Therefore, I decided to somehow draw attention to myself in a way that at the same time did not provoke them towards my boyfriend. I had to get their attention, because the other paladin was looking worse and worse every second.

"Oh, isn't he weaker?" He said while staring at me with those orange eyes. "As far as I'm concerned, he's not holding up very well," And we both moved our eyes to the boy swinging in all directions.

"But if you think otherwise," And if the circumstances had been even slightly different, I would have defended Lance's honor to my last breath. But when the monster began to step back toward my boyfriend, I had to give him a nod. I had to give him the satisfaction and admit it, support his opinion because I couldn't watch him get hurt.

I couldn't let it happen again.

"Well, what now?" He then placed both hands on Lance's face forcing him to look into my eyes. His whole face was blank, showing hardly any emotion. But his eyes those beautiful blue eyes were glazed with tears. He looked so helpless, so terrified.

I bit my lip until I felt the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. My Lance, my Lance, my Lance. He's going to hurt him. This monster is going to hurt my Lance.

"Tell me paladin what you are feeling now," and I did my best to keep the tears from running down my cheeks. Azikan analyzed me with his eyes for a moment then, with a quick movement, he grabbed the knife and pressed it against Lance's thigh. My boyfriend yelped in surprise, then stood still and clenched his eyes tightly. A few seconds later, I saw blood on the blade.

"So again," the soldier began, "Tell me what you feel," he commanded without for a second moving the blade away from my boyfriend's neck. Oh God, oh God, oh God. So I immediately confirmed with a quick nod, and the commander continued to look at me expectantly.

"Just put the gun away," I almost sobbed out, making it sound like a mumble. The officer smiled with satisfaction then moved his hand to the height of Lance's chest. He didn't take his eyes off me.

"I'm...angry," But I wasn't just angry. I was furious. How could he touch him. How could he hurt him. I didn't understand why they were hurting him so much, and they haven't done anything to me yet.

"And I'm scared." I continued. I never made too many promises, especially ones I knew I wouldn't keep. But at that moment I swore to myself that he would pay for it. He would pay for every drop of Lance's blood, for every terrified look, for every slightest touch, for the words he spoke and for the deception. He will pay for it.

"'Good,' After which his hand began to go higher and higher along his body. The blade rubbed against the blue armor with a creak, echoing through the silent surroundings. I knew that something was about to happen, something bad, something not good, I could feel it in my bones. The tension was almost unbearable, and despite everything I couldn't do anything.

My boyfriend's gaze met mine again and I felt like screaming. My Lance. My beautiful Lance. He seemed so shrunken, so small, so powerless. All bloody, sore, helpless. Around his foot, a small red puddle was making itself out from his thigh. All I wanted was to put my arms around him, take away all the pain and give him the warmth and safety he deserved.

However, everything was interrupted by a long squeak, followed by a message in a language I didn't understand. If I had had a helmet on my head, the automatic translator would have handled it a second, but now I was left as unaware as a child.

"To formation. Command 317." In a commanding voice the commander announced, and before I had time to understand what was happening the chains from my wrists and ankles were removed. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed most of the squad running toward the flying machines and taking to the air, before I was jerked upward and practically dragged toward the north. Somewhere from behind me I heard my boyfriend's groans. Attempts to yank didn't work, and almost immediately I felt a rifle on my temple. They didn't need to speak for me to understand. Either I would calm down on my own or they would do it for me.

I turned my head at almost impossible angles trying to see what they were doing with Lance. As soon as the blue confused eyes met mine I felt I could breathe again.

Only a bunch of soldiers were left with us. Two for each paladin and the leader.

The conclusion was one. Something had happened. And I hoped very much that this something was our team.

However, one way or another we were being taken somewhere, and I had no plan. I took a few deeper breaths and looked around. They had taken our helmets and bayards with us. If we were going to fight then now was our best chance. Besides, none of them knew, or at least shouldn't have known, that I knew how to summon my weapons. If I had been here alone I would have had a chance to win.

But I wasn't, and I had no idea how capable my boyfriend was of fighting. He had a head wound, and a face wound, a stabbed leg, all his fingers, and his right hand broken in several places. Lance was ambidextrous, but fighting with the pain that every movement would bring him didn't seem possible to me.

In short, all these five soldiers were armed and definitely trained. I could have fought them and probably could have won as well, but there was Lance. Confused and defenseless. And I couldn't take that risk, not that big. I would quickly defeat the two closest to me, but they could just as quickly kill the other paladin. The only thing that could help was some distraction.

However, when I looked at my boyfriend I was met with surprise, seeing that the gaze there was fixed on me. A confident gaze. He then communicatively tried to show something with his eyes, but I could not understand what. Presently we entered the sliding ice, and somewhere I tried to find a connection. Lance looked again at his feet, then at the alien carrying my helmet and bayard, and smiled encouragingly.

I furrowed my eyebrows trying to let him know that I didn't understand even the slightest bit of what he was trying to tell me. He merely rolled his eyes, shaking his head slightly. For the first time since we were caught, I felt the corners of my mouth lift up minimally. Then Lance dropped to his knees, drawing everyone's attention to himself.

For a moment, like them, I stood still, not understanding what was happening. Seconds later, I couldn't admire my boyfriend's genius.

After that, everything went frighteningly fast.

One second and I had a bayard in my hand was enough.

Two seconds and out of the corner of my eye I saw Lance knock both of his attackers to the ground.

Three second and two azikans from behind me fell to the ground.

Four seconds for me to throw him his gun. He didn't waste a moment, and shot both of them a second later.

Five seconds and I heard gunshots but from another weapon.

Six seconds for there to be only one of them left, one singular, but most dangerous of them.

Seven seconds and I heard my boyfriend screaming.

It only took eight semonds and I couldn't move paralyzed by fear. The commander held Lance close, my boyfriend's back against his torso, pressing the fucking sword to his throat.

"You thought you would escape me, huh? Drop the gun." That was the only thing he said. And before I had time to at least process what I had just heard, a quick hiss ran out of my boyfriend's mouth. And I looked on in horror at the new wound and the blood flowing massively from his neck. He instantly grabbed his throat with one hand, and the commander continuously looked into my eyes now with a satisfied smile.

"Gun down, earthling." And this time I threw it to the ground before he could even finish that sentence. His mouth twisted into a smirk. Nothing happened for the next few seconds. Neither of us dared to move. Commander looked between us, the expression on his face showing something between anger and madness.

There was much, too much blood flowing from Lance's neck.

"You two have a special bond, very special. I want to see it. Show me how special this bond is," And he took the dagger out of its scabbard and threw it on the ice just a meter away from me.

"Show me what you are willing to do for him." He said looking into my eyes. I knew what he meant. And I couldn't let more damage happen to him. I could see the fear in his eyes. I heard his scream as I raised the dagger, his pleading tone, saw the tears that glazed his eyes and then his cheeks.

"Die here now, or watch him die." I lifted the dagger to the height of my stomach, blade to skin. I didn't want to leave right away. Maybe by some chance I would manage to apologize to him and tell him this last time how much I loved him. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the fact that it might be my last, or at least the last painless one.

"KEITH, NO!" It wasn't a scream it was a roar. His eyes were wide, but they no longer looked like they did a moment ago. Now they weren't terrified, which alarmed me. They were determined. His body was tense, ready. A strong wind blew his brown hair, the blood on his face contrasted with the two sky-blue pupils. Lance's eyes, Lance's beautiful eyes met mine for a moment. He sent me a weak, almost comforting smile. Then everything fell apart.

"I love you Keith," he said.

The blue paladin grabbed his arm tearing off his shoulder pad and throwing it a few meters away. At the same time, he kicked at the ice with all his strength. The ice on which they were standing. The ice on which he was standing. It momentarily cracked, swallowing not only that monster, but also my boyfriend somewhere under the freezing water.

And then Lance was gone. Gone in the cold, cruel, merciless water.

My legs immediately moved forward, because I needed, needed to get Lance out of there. I was stopped by strong hands at my waist and the weight on my shoulders. One of them had survived, got up and was now trying to pull me away from my boyfriend and ultimately kill me.

I kicked, screamed, lunged and bit until it worked. I rolled him onto his back, scratching him, hurting him, beating him, until finally I reached for the dagger and stabbed him, stabbed him, all over his face, hands, stomach, torso, all over his body, until there was a pulp of him.

Only this reminded me, made me realize that there was something more important, someone more important that I had to take care of now.

I don't even remember when I found myself at the edge of the hole.

And God.

Oh God.

The current of the water was fast, and through its dark red hue I couldn't see anything. My boyfriend, too.

The first thing I wanted to do was jump in there. Jump in to find Lance and get back to the surface. However, the remnants of my sanity reminded me that I am not the best swimmer. Although Garrison had obligatory swimming training, the only thing I learned there was how not to drown, instead of how to swim. On top of that, the temperature and flow of the water were definitely not conducive to finding and swimming with an extra person, not even mentioning their extra weight.

So what to do, what to do, what to do.

Every second wasted in panic brought Lance closer to death.

And I won't let that happen, I can't let that happen. Not today, not now, not ever.

Think, Think, Think.

What can help?

The only things in the area were the remnants of the battle, their helmets somewhere near and the blue shoulder pad. The helmets won't help, because I won't be able to contact the team. Bayard is a weapon for killing not saving.

I tried to think, to figure out why he took it off, why he threw it off, how it could help.

Think. Think. Work something out. Lance needs you.

And even though I tried, really tried, nothing came to mind.

Stupid me. Stupid Garla. Stupid mission. Stupid Azikans. Stupid war. Stupid sacrificing Lance.

Stupid shoulder pad that was supposed to be a sign I apparently can't understand.

I watched the stream of water raging, not even stopping for a moment. I watched it, looking at the thing that was taking my boyfriend somewhere and the one that was choking him, drowning him, refusing to let him go.

Then I understood.

Lance was not stupid, he was a genius.

And I had never been so grateful for that.

I ran practically threw myself to get the shoulder pad, and then the blue helmet. Now I just needed a rope. I promised myself that I would thank Pidge for the extra upgrades as soon as I saw her.

From the armor I pulled the beginning of a thin but steel cable. It was positioned and attached to the armor, because it was prepared rather for climbing. This also caused it's limited length, but now it had to suffice, because it was the only option. I had nothing else. Lance had nothing else.

No time, no time, no time.

I fixed the end of the cord to his shoulder pad.

No time, no time, no time

How long has Lance been underwater?

I clicked a button on my boyfriend's helmet, activating the armor's pairing function. The only thing I had left was to beg, to pray that the world would give me one more chance to save him.

Please work, please work, please work, theres no time please work.

The metal secondarily moved, and flew into the water. I could feel the rope constantly pulling out, more and more, further and further. Panic overwhelmed me completely, and I fell to my knees, waiting for a miracle. I begged for it not to turn out too short, too small, I begged for Lance not to be too deep, too far away.

Let it just be enough, let it work, because it had to work. If not then Lance has no other way to get out. I have no other way to find him.

Fear gripped my mind more and more with each passing moment. Second after second, still silence, silence, silence this awful silence and tension. There were so many passing seconds, maybe even minutes already and it wouldn't stop pulling out. And I knew that there was now little, really little, and I was afraid that there was not enough string left.

"PLEASE," I screamed with all my lungs, with all my strength. Fear turned into panic, panic turned into hysteria. Lance had been underwater so long, way too long.

Another few seconds, and it was getting harder and harder for me to hold back the crying.

Not now, I thought. He needs me. And there was less and less of the rope.

And suddenly I was no longer feeling the tugging. The rope had stopped pulling out. This could only mean two things, and I begged, begged the universe for it to be the better alternative.

For a second I hesitated.

Please Lance, please.

And I knew he had no control over it, but it had to, it had to be him.

And I pulled, or rather yanked the string towards me.

Something was connected to it. Something heavy, big, and it couldn't be just random trash, it couldn't be something small.

It was something that could have been Lance.

I begged for that something to be Lance.

And I began to pull the rope back, fast, fast, faster, to get it out, to see that it was Lance, to see him okay, safe and sound, alive. I couldn't imagine any other alternative, didn't want any other alternative.

It had to be, had to be, had to be him.

There was no other option.

After several more inexorably long seconds, I saw the blue armor underwater, which red water made it quite purple. And that beautiful, gorgeous but so horrifyingly blank and pale face. Those closed eyes that were usually so bright, so full of life. Mouth slightly tilted, faintly revealing teeth. And he looked so dead, oh God he looked so dead.

I had never moved so fast.

I reached under the water and grabbed him under his arms. Then pulled him towards me, his head hanging inertly to the side. I laid him flat on the ground. He himself did not move during the whole process, did not make any sound, did not even twitch. He was so motionless, so still. The wound on his neck was shallower than I thought, but still deep. I had nothing to disinfect it and stop the bleeding.

"Lance?" I mouthed, terrified, while shaking his shoulders carefully. Nothing. "Lance!" This time, without hesitation, I jerked his whole body. No response.

Nothing nothing nothing.

I grabbed his unbroken wrist in search of a pulse, and waited. A second, two, three. I changed the position of my fingers slightly, pressing harder and harder to just feel the beat. Seven, eight, nine and nothing. Nothing, nothing nothing nothing nothing.

Tears completely blurred my vision, and, terrified, I raised my head and looked at Lance's face. So beautiful, so calm, so soft. The red drops were still on his skin, which now seemed to be fading. All I wanted was to see life in him again.

Oh God his heart is not beating.

Oh God.

No. It had to be beating. It has to be beating, because the beating of this heart meant life, the life of the most important thing I ever had.

I practically ripped the breastplate off his chest. Putting my ear there, I waited for a thumb, even the faintest thumb. Another few seconds passed and I still couldn't hear or feel anything.

And even though I tried to deny it.

Lance's heart was not beating.

Lance's heart wasn't beating my world just stopped with it.

Lance's heart wasn't beating, and I was still wasting time. So I had to, I had to do something to help him. Because he can't, he can't be dead.

Months ago I promised myself that I would not lose anyone ever again, and I intend to keep that promise. I will keep it even if I have to fight for it until my last breath.

However, Lance's lips, blue as his lion, did nothing at all to stop the tears that eventually ran down my cheeks.

Please, please, please, I begged to myself, to the universe while I began to compress my boyfriend's chest.

One, two, three, four...

Up, down, up, down....

Along with the rhythm, the water flowed out his nose or mouth sometimes. For the first few times I allowed myself to hope and think it was a good sign but other than that...

Lance didn't even stir.

This was only due to the force pushing on his lungs and it was breaking my heart. I could only feel his ribs bowing under my pressure.

I was shaking from the cold, maybe from fear, or maybe from both. The strong wind did not help at all. Even though I got my hands and a chunk of my torso wet for only a few seconds, I felt like they were buring from the inside. I didn't even want to think how cold my boyfriend must have felt spending a few minutes there. How terrified he must have been when the icy water slowly flowed into his throat.

When I felt the first crunch under my hands, I started to feel like them, like a monster hurting him and breaking his bones. Yet, I didn't stop.

I was sure that somewhere above us I could hear the battle between the Garla and Azikan fleets and Voltron. However, through the noise and the beating of my own heart in my ears, I didn't really make out anything else.

The team finally came, and I could only pray that it wasn't too late.

The heat and embers in the air pinched my eyes, the force of the wind might have knocked anyone down.

And sobs ripped from my throat.

Because Lance did not respond to any of this.

Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty.

And my mouth was on his, two waves of air were forcibly pushed into his lungs.

Further nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.

And my boyfriend kept being so still, still, still, still.

Lips so pale, skin dull, without the former glow. Intense blue eyes closed, and I was scared, scared, scared that I would never see them again.

That I would never again see life in that motionless body.

That I would never hear his laughter again.

That I would never see Lance coming back home.

No, no, no.

Lance will live. Lance must live. He promised.

Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen....

And yet, he continued to lie there lifeless and I didn't know what to do. I had nothing but compressions. No one responded to the screams and sobs into my helmet, no one could respond because they never reached their intended audience. Our lions were probably still in the castle, along with the first aid kit.

Over the years in the Garrison, we were taught how to save someone's life, but still the mannequins did not reflect even the slightest feeling of saving someone. Mannequins don't have ribs that yield to my strength. Mannequins are not so cold, heavy and real. Mannequins don't have the face of someone I love so much.

Besides, I was glad that in this situation I at least remembered the steps of CPR.

My every thought was focused on how dead my boyfriend looked. He was too quiet, too limp, too lifeless. He wasn't even pale anymore. He just looked like he had faded. His skin simply had no color anymore, only his lips and the top of his nose remained blue. Small ice crystals formed on his skin, glinting to the light. Every second farther made me die more and more myself.

Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four....

"C'mon Lance, c'mon," I howled through clenched teeth. I couldn't, couldn't look anymore at the way his body only moved when I made it to. I hated the way his chest only rose when I made it to, forcing oxygen into it. I couldn't stand the sound of his ribs breaking under my hands.

I hated the thought that if I just stopped now, it would be like he was dead already.

"C'mon baby, you promised me," I sobbed out. Because he had promised. He promised that when we returned to earth, I would never again have to spend a second alone in a desert somewhere. He promised that we would live together somewhere close to his family. Oh, his family. Family that he wanted to see so badly.

I also made promises to myself once. I promised myself that I would protect him. That even if I had to defeat the whole universe myself, I would take him back to earth. Home to mom, to dad, to siblings, grandparents, cousins and nephews. I promised. And yet here he lay, practically dead.

For the umpteenth time in a row, maybe a dozen, I connected our lips by breathing for him. Once again, he remained motionless. With a muffled scream and a sob, I put my hands onto his chest.

One, two, three, four...

I knew CPR wasn't meant to bring people back to life, I knew it didn't usually work that way, but I didn't just want, I needed him to be the exception.

"C'mon you big, dumb idiot!" I shouted, feeling the blood rush from my overbitten lip. "Come the fuck up and breathe! Just breathe, damn it!"

I didn't know if it was fear, horror, sadness or anger but by some miracle, with the rest of my strength I didn't stop.

Up, down.

Up, down.

I was short of breath, and despite all the training, fighting, preparation, and the two-year war in which we actively fought, I was exhausted. All the courses and training were given for two people, between whom there is supposed to be a change every two minutes. The muscles in my hands were weaker with each press, but I forced myself to continue. I had no idea how much I was already doing. I knew how many compressions should be done per minute and hoped I had good timing.

And I didn't want to think about the team. I didn't want to think about how Shiro would feel when he saw that the Lance boy who had him as his hero, his leader, whom he trusted implicitly, had not survived the mission that he himself had assigned to him. I didn't want to think about Allura who would lose her family again, just because she couldn't get here fast enough. I didn't want to think about Coran, who would have done everything, just to bring this boy, who is like a son to him, back to life. I didn't want to think about Hunk, who would look at his best friend's body, trying to wake him up. I didn't want to think about Pigde, about Katie, who regained one brother, only to lose another.

Eleven, twelve, thirteen....

I didn't want to imagine waking up in a cold empty bed without the boy who should be there. I didn't want to think about functioning without him. I didn't want to imagine returning to earth without him and looking into the same identical blue eyes belonging to his family, telling them he didn't make it. I didn't want to imagine life without him.

I didn't want to think about the fact that this team, Voltron, the defender of the universe would break down without Lance McClain faster than it was formed.

Yet somehow these thoughts gave me new strength.

"Wake up." I howled, pulling our lips apart. "Wake fucking up, Lance. Your family is waiting for you. The team is waiting to hear that we're fine. I'm waiting to hear your heartbeat again. Come on."

And in my head I constantly heard that beautiful voice telling me about our future. I saw those blue eyes light up at the very thought of coming home. I could talk for hours about how sweet the sound of his laughter was, how his smile was like hope. I remembered the way his facial muscles softened every time we caught eye contact. I remembered the way he described our future home, not leaving out a single detail. He talked about our future work, the places he wants to show me, the weekly dinners together with his family, washing my hair, falling asleep and waking up together without responsibility for the entire universe. He dreamed of living with me, so much and I was just letting him down. If only I had stabbed myself faster. If I had fought harder, faster, better.

If I had pushed myself a little further, Lance might have been okay.

Five, six, seven...

I wish I could go back in time to shout my love to him every time I hurt him. I wish I could touch him, hug him every time I hesitated and missed an opportunity. I wish I could turn each of his tears into pure happiness. I wish I could apologize to him for every stupid thing I told him, every thing I did. I wish I could reassure him, confess to him how much I love him.

I couldn't stop thinking about how I fucked up our last real conversation. Today was supposed to be a calm day. Allura even indulged us in training, saying we deserved a little break. I imagined the day so nicely, so warm.

The first thing that annoyed me was that Lance went to spend time with Hunk. And I know, I know perfectly well that this is only a problem of my head, and my boyfriend can be with his friend as much as he wants. However, my perspective of a perfect day with him began to slip.

Lance must have sensed that I didn't like something, because he promised that he would be back in an hour and then we would spend the whole day together.

Only he was late. It wasn't even much, half an hour maybe forty minutes. And once again I felt an unnecessary toxic anger inside me. When he finally returned I was so dry to him, so mean to him.

He tried to somehow warm up the atmosphere by joking which only made me more angry. Then he asked me if he could borrow my hoodie. On purpose to annoy him I started messing with him and not in the pleasant, joking way we always do. Soon we started arguing. Lance left and did not return the next few hours.

I saw him at lunch. He didn't even look at me. After everyone had left, Hunk caught up with me and asked about cupcakes. I didn't know what he was talking about so I asked what he meant. It turned out that the time that Lance was with Hunk today they were baking them from a recipe they had been trying to come up with for some time.

Because of our responsibilities, we haven't really had time to celebrate any of our monthly anniversary. The last one was a few days ago. Ten months. Ten months together. So my boyfriend asked Princess Allura for a day off, asked his friend to help and they managed to bake cupcakes. For me. Because I once confessed to him that I never had the opportunity to eat them.

For this I repaid him with anger and shouting.

The rest of the day I gathered myself to apologize to him, however, I was too ashamed. Later the alarm sounded. Lance came up to me and ask me to be careful. I answered him with the same.

An hour later he was lying here, not moving, not breathing, his heart not beating.

"You are not a liar, remember? You are not a liar so keep your promise and live. Please just live." My voice so broken, so fragile.

I wish I could do something to make him finally awake cough up that water from his lungs and just start breathing. I wish I could wrap his cold body and warm it, and then carry him straight to the pod. I wish I could wait for him to recover, for the pod to release him, and then carry him to the bath and gently heat his body, wash the dirt from his hair, wash the fear, pain, anxiety from his tissues and cells. I wished I could take care of him, make sure he is okay, that he feel worthy, loved and all nice. I wish I could give him comfort and security. But I didn't know why, he wouldn't, just wouldn't listen to me and wake up.

Again I parted our lips screaming, begging, for anything. I caught his face in my hands, stroking it, shaking his body, cuddling him to me.

"Hey, you can have this hoodie can you hear me? I was just playing you can take it," I gasped, barely recognizing my voice myself. Shaking uncontrollably and sobbing, I hid my face in the bend of his neck. He was so, so cold. I put my arms around his body snuggling into him. "Please, please Lance you can take anything you want. Just breathe, breathe, wake up damn it. Please. Please!"

Back to compressions.

At this point, the only thing that kept me in any senses was a string of compressions.

Up, down.

Up, down.

I was choking on my own tears.

Up, down.

"I'll do what you want, I'll give you what you want, please, please, you have to breathe, you have to." And I shouted, I shouted to the world, I shouted to heaven and earth, because they were taking Lance away from me, they were taking Lance away from me, the one who was supposed to stay. They were taking away from me the only person I believed in when he promised me he would not abandon me. "Please Lance, I beg you, I need you, so much, I love you, I love you please you can't."

I realized more and more how close I was to losing him. No more falling asleep together, cuddling into each other. No one to calm me down after a nightmare, to assure me that he won't leave me. No more getting up together, getting ready next to each other, no more smiles, no more jokes at breakfast, no more partner at trainings. No one to make me laught, to stand up for me. No one who with his love for me makes me start to love myself too. No more small and big kisses, no arms around me, no small and big conversations, no more plans together, no more admiring his face, no more touching, no more affection, no more peace with the only stable, safe, loving home for me. The end of Lance also means the end of me.

"You are not leaving me. You are not. I do not agree. I am not letting you leave. No way" My shoulders were burning with fatigue, my body was shaking hysterically. Every second was too long, my every inhale so inappropriate when my boyfriend wasn't breathing.

"I love you Lance, I love you so much, you can't leave." I stroked his cheeks, knocking the frozen ice off them. My tears dripped onto his forehead, his eyes closed.

"Please, baby, please," I mouthed, barely speaking. "You can't die. Can you hear me? You can't leave me. You can't. I won't survive without you. I can't make it. Please." I was exhausted, so exhausted, my body screamed for me to stop, but I couldn't. I couldn't because he still needed me, needed me to survive, so I wouldn't stop until he breathed on his own or until I was dead myself.

"You can't leave me. You can't." I kissed him, hugged him, hit him, stroked him, begged him. I always remained unanswered.

Eventually my body somehow went on autopilot.

I didn't know the fight was over, and I didn't feel the landing of the lions on the planet, just a few dozen meters away. Didn't hear the shouts of the team, didn't feel Shiro's hand on my shoulder. Didn't hear, didn't feel, didn't know anything except that my Lance was lying there so dead.

Only when some force pulled me away from the blue paladin did my senses return. Maybe it was another of the soldiers who survived and was now trying to take him away from me again, maybe it was the universe not wanting me to stay with him. But I didn't care who or what it was, I just wanted to get back to my Lance.

While pulling myself out of the embrace, I heard screams, my name, his name. But I didn't care, I didn't care, because Lance was lying right here, so close, so close, he just needed help, my help, a little help, but the world wouldn't let me near him, so now he lay there so pale, so miserable. The ice on his skin made him look like a porcelain doll, so delicate, so fragile.

Continuing to unconsciously scream and lash out, just wanting to get to him, I felt a sharp pain and then a burning tingle on my cheek. For a few seconds I was in such shock that I stopped wriggling, and suddenly a familiar face appeared in my vision.

"KEITH STOP, WE NEED TO GO"

Then I slowly began to understand what was happening. Hunk was still holding my waist, Pidge was asking me some questions, but in that one they had no meaning to my mind. All it had was the view in front of me. I was close to throwing up. Shiro was leaning over Lance constantly pushing against his chest.

Up, down

Up, down.

Up, down.

I felt the pain on my cheek again.

"Keith listen to me," The desperate voice of the green paladin sounded in my head. Our eyes met, and she looked a little reassured.

"Lance is hurt. We need to get into the castle immediately. Don't try to stand, don't move," I nodded my head immediately, and obeyed their instructions. As Hunk lifted me off the ground, I felt that I wouldn't be able to stand on my own. My body had completely lost strength, and I felt like I was losing control.

We watched as next to us Shiro lifted my boyfriend up. I don't know when was the last time he looked so devastated. It was always his eyes that showed unspoken emotions. This time he didn't hide them. His face was contorted in a grimace full of anger, grief, fear.

Lance in his arms seemed so small, so sensitive that even the slightest touch could damage him. His arms hung inertly along his body. I would do anything, anything just to make him breathe. At least once. So that I would know that he was fighting, that he hadn't left me. That he is still here.

Up, down.

Up, down.

I don't remember the way to the lions, I only recall being in black. Strangely enough, everyone were all here, even though yellow and green lion also flew here with them. They covered both me and the blue paladin with thermal film. For the next few minutes, I watched as my brother compressed his chest and Hunk oxygenated him using a self-compressing mask.

Up, down.

Up, down.

I looked at his face, devoid of color, yet still so beautiful. His perfectly upturned nose, now almost purple. His thin brown eyebrows, his blue and crippled yet full lips. Those almost invisible freckles on his cheeks, the cuts and scratches on his well-groomed skin.

Up, down.

Up, down.

I watched as his body gently wobbled under the force pressing rhythmically on his chest.

Up, down.

Up, down.

Pidge was trying to get my attention, telling me to stay awake, shouting to the others something about hypothermia. I realized that my skin was burning, only when it stopped. In fact, I stopped feeling it completely.

Up, down.

Up, down.

Soon I could no longer hear anything, I was completely numb, blank of feeling my body.

Up, down.

Up, down.

The last thing I saw before the world went black was his closed eyes, and the figures of the paladins overshadowing my boyfriend.