Chapter Text
Adrien Agreste took a deep breath in. His heard thudded in his chest, creating a paced symphony of thoughts crash in his head in discord. His fingers trembled as he held up the pink phone case, his nails digging into its expensive plastic. A harsh glow of white light hit his face, straining his eyes but he couldn't shift his gaze from the tiny black letters on the screen.
{t's fine, It's cool}
"I'm divorcing him."
{You can say that we are nothing, but I know the truth.}
"I never loved him lol"
He read the cold, unfeeling words on the screen. They sounded detached, away from existence and reality. Far away, untouched and behind a glass wall.
Not like they were talking to him.
{And guess I'm the fool.}
He faintly remembered the first time he met Marinette. The disgusted expression on her face, thinking he put gum on her seat. Barely hearing him out.
{With her arms out like an angel through the car sunroof}
The same disgusted expression was on her face when he burst into tears a few months ago. Like she was judging him. Like she thought him as an insolent child. While he silently cried till his flowing tears dried on his face.
Did he overreact after catching his wife in bed with another woman?
{I don't wanna call it off,
But you don't wanna call it love}
He forgave her. He really did. He gave her space, trusted her when she continued to come home late, read her novels aloud to watch her sleep while petting her black hair. She was the only constant in his life, even though she kept changing since their teenage years. But change is expected of people, right?
Loved ones change.
He called her "his love." and watched as she silently ignored him every morning before she left for her boutique. He wilted. She hadn't mentioned the word 'love' to him for months now. As if he didn't deserve it.
Strange that now he read her text messages, he spots the word 'love' in reference to him.
But she NEVER loved him.
{You only wanna be the one that I call baby}
He watched as the lipstick stains on her collar never really washed off. She did her own laundry. She came back without her tie, with a dazed expression on her face. Her hair looked like it had been run through by fingers. Loved by hands that weren't his own. Her smile dimmed everytime he met her at the end of the day.
Her affair never really ended.
He didn't want to let her go. Even though all the signs he looked for showed him that he had no choice. She was pulling away from him with or without his consent.
And he kept holding on to her scent, desperate to keep the small reminder of his family. She was his only connection to them. She watched as his father died. She watched his mother's corpse rot in her mirror cage. She watched as Natalie turned to the dark side and abandon him.
She was Ladybug before she gave her miraculous away.
She was the city's protector in dark times.
She was Paris' lucky charm.
So why did he feel so unlucky to be with her?
{You can kiss a hundred boys in bars,
Shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling}
He had watched as she giggled under the hooded gaze of her assistant, Zoe Lee.
Her eyes were unfocused but she didn't look very tipsy. She placed an arm around the blond girl's shoulder and kissed her. Fully and passionately. Like she was her savior. Like her life depended on it.
Like she loved Zoe.
The only kisses he got from her were late night ones on his cheek. Even those dwindled as time wore on.
He didn't want to face her. He waited outside the bar for her and drove her back to their house. The walls seemed colder. Had felt colder for a while now. Months even. Probably since the day Marinette first started pulling away from him.
{You can say it's just the way you are,
Make a new excuse, another stupid reason.}
"You know how stressful the boutique can get. I just accidently got a little closer to Zoe to releive my stress. You didn't think I'd play with your heart, right kitty?" She purred as she watched him cry. He broke harder, noticing that she didn't say his nickname like she said Zoe's name.
Calling him kitty so detachedly caused the void in his chest to widen and his fingers to tremble. She had insisted he give up his miraculous once she was tired of being a hero. His one activity of freedom and service to humanity pulled away from him. The one activity which made him feel alive after losing his family.
{Good luck babe, Well good luck babe!}
His situation came crashing down on him once he read her messages to Zoe. He didn't mean to read it, her phone was switched on and placed on the dining table. She had gone for a shower. He didn't even want to think about what little care she had for him. She didn't even bother closing the chat before she gave a fleeting kiss on his cheek and heading into their bedroom.
{You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling}
Adrien felt numb. He didn't want to break down again. His scream had dissolved in his throat ages ago. His tears had dried up soon after. His emotions, which crashed like frenzied waves, had calmed long back.
Marinette, being the moon to his tides had pulled away far enough. Her gravitational field no longer bothered him. He had no reason to feel knowing that the girl he loved for so long never loved him back.
{So, good luck babe,
Good luck babe.}
He found the power off button of the phone and left it on the table. His numb thoughts guided his feet towards the door. He pulled on a coat and shoes and stepped out into the crisp Paris air. He didn't really know where he was going, just that he had to leave. He didn't find it necessary to tell Marinette, she would probably not care.
Love.
What was love to him?
A faint memory of a blue haired boy fluttered behind his eyelids.
Maybe he could tell him.
He walked alone, rubbing his hands on his arms.
{You'd have to stop the world
Just to stop the feeling}
He knocked on a familiar dark door to an apartment on the cheaper side of the city. A neon blue haired boy opened the door. He wore piercings and a concerned smile on his face.
"Adrien? What're you doing here? Are you- Are you crying?!" He pushed open the door wider and grabbed the blond boy, dragging him into the apartment.
Adrien felt the cold tears on his face once he stepped into the warm apartment. Oh. He didn't know he was affected. Guess betrayal could still sting even after the slap.
"Adrien? talk to me?" Luka's sweet deep voice filled his thoughts. It made his heart skip a beat. He looked up at Luka's eyes which seemed so wide with concern and care. His smile was anxious but not hostile. His hands here around his shoulders with a finger wiping away his tears.
His lips looked so inviting. And Adrien never really let second thoughts slip into his head anymore. Second guessing himself landed him getting constantly cheated on.
"Can- can I kiss you, Luka?" he asked. The taller boy startled but didn't pull away.
"If that could comfort you then alright-"
He didn't waste a moment.
{I'm cliche, who cares
It's a sexually explicit kinda love affair}
Luka's lips made him melt in the sweetest way possible. He tasted like coffee and something fruity. His arms wrapped around Adrien. All distressing thoughts melted away from his shoulders as he fell into the comfort that was Luka Couffaine.
The delicate way in which he held his jaw and the care he put into kissing him back felt like a freedom he hadn't felt in a long time. When was the last time Adrien was kissed? His 'wife' had stopped months ago. Now he drunk in the kiss, starved from much needed affection.
"Wait- What about Marinette-" Luka asked as he gasped for breath, his dark voice rumbled over Adrien's heart.
{And I cry, It's not fair
I just need a little loving, I just need a little air}
"Stop thinking about her, she cheated on me." Adrien growled. "Kiss me back." he thrust his mouth forward but was stopped by Luka's palm.
"Adrien, do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly, "I don't think this method of coping is going to work."
"Do you not want to kiss me?" He whined, twirling a finger in a string of Luka's blue hoodie. He looked up into his blue eyes pleadingly. The best kitty eyes he could muster.
"I do want to kiss you." Luka relented. "But you need to face your feeling too, you know? You loved her at some point."
{Think I'm gonna call it off
Even if you call it love
I just wanna love someone who calls me 'baby}
"She's divorcing me." Adrien darkly muttered, he lowered his gaze to his fingers. Dark thoughts started clouding his vision. She never loved him. She never loved him. She never loved him. Maybe he was unlovable.
"Hey, look at me," Luka gently lifted his jaw and forced their gazes to meet. "Let me be your distraction."
The blue haired boy lowered his mouth and connected their lips together