Chapter Text
The car door slams shut.
Gravel crunches under a pair of boots, the sound fading into the distance before disappearing completely. Beomgyu leans against the side of the car, looking at the now shut cabin door that Soobin has disappeared into.
There’s a sigh to his left. He looks over, watching as Kai lugs his suitcase out of the backseat. “He’s mad.”
“Mm… no shit,” he says sarcastically, folding his arms. “Mad at you mostly.”
Kai rolls his eyes, dragging his suitcase along the gravel up to the cabin. “He’ll be fine,” he calls over his shoulder.
Beomgyu watches him disappear through the front door as he continues to lean against the side of the car. He stares up, shielding his eyes from the afternoon sun that filtered through tall pine trees, watching idly as the clouds moved in wisps through the dull blue sky. He can’t find any annoyance in his body despite their mini-vacation being off to a poor start. Nature does wonders to the mind, he realizes.
The car shifts slightly as someone else leans on it next to him, and a different voice speaks.
“Is the sky really that interesting around here?”
“Kinda,” Beomgyu replies, watching as Yeonjun peers up at the sky. “Better than the city, anyway.”
“That’s probably because of pollution,” Yeonjun says. He finally looks away from the clouds, turning back to face him. He pulls a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket, offering one over to Beomgyu. He declines it. “I guess that means the stars must be brighter around here too, then.”
Beomgyu hums in agreement, watching the cigarette move along his bottom lip slightly as he speaks out of the corner of his mouth. His upturned, beautifully shaped mouth. He quickly looks away. “We should see it one night.”
“We should”
They stand next to each other in silence as the others continue to carry luggage out of the car and back into the cabin. Beomgyu huffs in amusement. “You’d think they packed enough to move here permanently,” he jokes, eyeing the three rucksacks that Taehyun has meticulously balanced over his shoulders. “Not just for a week.”
Yeonjun laughs, the sound of it flitting through the air along with a trail of cigarette smoke, travelling in Beomgyu’s direction. “Don’t act like half of that shit isn’t yours.”
He scowls. “It’s not.”
“Sure.” Yeonjun pushes away from the car, tossing the butt of the cigarette to the floor before crushing it under his heel. “It’s getting cold. C’mon.”
The two of them grab the remainder of the bags, bringing them into the living room. The rest of the guys, minus Soobin, are already putting their stuff away into their separate rooms, and Beomgyu looks around in confusion.
“Where’s Soobin hyung?”
Kai glances up from where he’s attempting to connect his Switch to the TV. He’s clearly doing a very poor job if the way the TV ominously flashes is anything to go by. “In his room.”
“Still mad?”
“Yeah.”
Beomgyu scratches the side of his head. “I’ll go and talk to him,” he says with a sigh. The others make noises in agreement, watching as he leaves to go upstairs.
The cabin itself is relatively big, but not extremely so. They had all decided that for their first trip to a new place they shouldn’t blow loads of money on a huge cabin that might not even be nice, so instead opted on a middle-ground. It was okay, with enough rooms so that they didn’t have to share. Beomgyu walks down the small hall until he gets to the one closed bedroom door.
Walking inside the room, he spots Soobin lying down on the bed. He has one ankle crossed over the other, staring at his phone like it had just cussed him out and pissed on his shoes.
“There’s no reception,” he groans, tossing it to the side. “I told Kai to check these things before booking.”
Beomgyu exhales, perching on the edge of the bed. “Are you still mad?”
“No.”
“Don’t lie.”
“Fine.” He huffs, sitting up against the headboard. It’s wooden and extremely stiff, the edges of it slightly splintered from god knows what. Beomgyu can guess. “I’m not mad.” He sighs again, seemingly not knowing what to say. “I just wanted this trip to be perfect, y’know?”
“I know,” Beomgyu says, because he does. He knows how much this all means to Soobin. To him, too. “And it is going to be perfect. Because we’re all here, aren’t we? Isn’t that all that matters?”
“Yeah.” Soobin chews on the inside of his cheek before speaking again. “I just didn’t want a stupid petty argument in the car to start us off on the wrong foot,” he explains, playing with the hem of his shirt. “I think I’m just tense because this is the first trip we’re going on since graduation, isn’t it? I’m just…”
Beomgyu already knows what he was going to say. He knows how much he feared them all drifting apart since graduation, which is why he’d proposed the idea of a trip in the first place. “Well, for what it’s worth, I think the cabin is great, hyung,” he says, patting his knee. “It doesn’t matter if it’s not near the lake, or whatever you said in the car. I’m sure Kai didn’t mean to not check that before he booked it.”
“Not just the lake,” Soobin mumbles, although his voice had less of an edge to it now. “It was the nature reserve too, and the deers, and the-” He stops, looking down. “God, I’m really stupid for caring about this, aren’t I?”
“Maybe a little,” Beomgyu teases, poking him in his side. “Let’s just enjoy what we have.”
Soobin is quiet for a moment longer. Distantly, Beomgyu can hear the others in the living room, talking and laughing amongst themselves as they explored the cabin. He can hear Kai’s loud laugh accompanied by Taehyun’s small comments, and he takes a breath, trying to keep his voice steady.
“Hyung?”
“Mm?”
“Just don’t worry about silly things, alright?” he says, quietly. “Things like… like us all drifting apart. You know that would never happen, yeah?”
Soobin gives him a small nod. “I think I just never realised how busy we’d all get after graduation.”
“I know. I know what you mean, I—” He stops himself from saying what he was about to say. Swallowing down the words, he looks to the side. “Let’s just make the most of this week. Deal?”
“Deal.”
They both go downstairs to the living room. Kai had somehow managed to fix the TV whilst they were gone, and was now lying on the sofa with Yeonjun as they play together. Soobin wanders off to the kitchen, presumably to where Taehyun was, and so Beomgyu sinks down onto the couch by Yeonjun’s side.
He glances over when Beomgyu sits, hands pausing their skilled movements on his controller, and his character on screen is pummelled to death by Kai’s. “You’re back.”
“I win!” Kai exclaims before Beomgyu had the chance to speak, pointing a finger in Yeonjun’s direction, then at the floor. “Fifty press-ups.”
Yeonjun rolls his eyes at him, brushing him off as he leaned his head against the back of the couch. “Tomorrow,” he says with a whine, playfully shoving at him with his elbow. Kai squawks, kicking him in the stomach. “Ow–”
Beomgyu finally takes the opportunity to relax properly, fondly watching them play-fight. He exhales, shutting his eyes as the exhaustion from the journey took over his body. He hears Taehyun calling Kai to help in the kitchen after a bit, and the couch shifts again, leaving just him and Yeonjun in the living room.
“Beoms,” he whispers, poking his cheek gently.” You can’t sleep before dinner.”
Beomgyu opens his eyes, blinking up at him. “I’m not sleeping.”
“Yeah?” He shifts his body towards him, resting his head on his arm. They were close– so close that Beomgyu can practically count his eyelashes. And he would, if given the time to do so. “What are you thinking about?”
How much I’ve missed you. How much I’ve missed this. Us. I hate you.
“Nothing much…” he says instead, shrugging in what he hopes to be a nonchalant manner. “I’m thinking about how to get to that damn lake to stop Soobinnie hyung from being sad.”
If he was being delusional, Beomgyu would say that he saw the briefest glimmer of jealousy flash across Yeonjun’s expression before disappearing, almost as if it were never there. But he wasn’t delusional, so he ignored it. “That lake he was fighting with Kai about in the car the whole way here?”
“Mhm.”
Yeonjun huffs in amusement. “He really hasn’t changed, has he?”
“What, since the car journey? Because it’s only been an hour, hyung,” Beomgyu teases, grinning when Yeonjun lightly flicks him in the forehead.
“You know what I mean, you brat.”
They laugh softly, before falling into another comfortable silence. The TV is still idle, the game he and Kai were playing paused on the screen. The soft music bleeds out into the background, providing some noise along with the sounds coming from the kitchen.
“Beomgyu, I–”
The TV suddenly lets out a blare of static, the screen producing a burst of white, grey and black. They both jump, and Beomgyu clutches onto Yeonjun’s arm as the white noise rings through the air, until it finally stops. The screen goes black.
“What the hell,” Yeonjun mutters, his hand on Beomgyu’s shoulder protectively. Beomgyu lets go of his arm as the other walks over to the TV, prodding at the cables. He fiddles around with them a bit, mumbling under his breath as he tries to figure out what just happened. “How did it just… die?”
Beomgyu sits up properly, looking over at him crouched on the floor. “What do you mean it’s dead?”
Yeonjun grunts as he tries to adjust the wires behind the television, his face disappearing from view. “I mean it won't turn on. But it’s plugged in,” he says, his voice muffled slightly. “I don’t know what’s wrong with this shitbox–” He groans in exasperation, pulling away from it. He uselessly kicks the screen, but nothing happens. “Great.”
Beomgyu stands, walking towards him. “It’s probably old?” he says hesitantly, looking down at the mess of cables. “So now we have no TV and no signal. I get why the place was so cheap now.”
Yeonjun’s head snaps up. “No signal?”
“Ah… yeah. Um, Soobin hyung told me that there’s no connection around here,” he explains, scratching the back of his neck. “But I’m sure it’ll be fine. We won’t even need internet, will we? We’re here to spend time together anyway.” He sees the way Yeonjun’s face falls slightly and feels bad, for some reason, as if he was the one who was responsible for the no signal himself. “I guess it makes sense, though. We’re in the middle of the woods.”
Yeonjun rubs a hand over his face, then through his hair. “Yeah.”
“Hyung.” Beomgyu takes a small step towards him, his hand hanging in the space between them without doing anything. “Don’t be upset. Please.”
His eyes soften when he looks at Beomgyu, taking in his fallen expression. “I'm not upset, Beomgyu-ah,” he says, ruffling his hair. “You’re right anyway. It’s probably for the best.”
He feels relieved to know that Yeonjun isn’t mad about the situation, wanting to keep everyone as happy as possible for the sake of their trip. “Mhm.”
At that moment Taehyun enters, looking over at them. “Dinner’s ready if you two are hungry,” he says, before looking down at the blank TV and the mess on the floor. “Should I even ask?”
Yeonjun is the one to speak up, walking over to the kitchen with a lighthearted groan. “Don’t.”
The tension from the journey seems to melt over warm food as they all sit together, talking and laughing like normal. Beomgyu stays mostly silent, eating as he simply listens and comments here and there. He feels content. Slightly happier than he has in a while, yet there was still a pit in the bottom of his stomach that remained empty despite being surrounded by his friends. He watches the way that Taehyun’s eyes light up and crinkle at the edges when he laughs at a stupid joke, and the way that Soobin’s nose scrunches up when he takes a bite of scalding hot food. Kai’s laugh is still the same as he remembered– bright, loud and cheerful, and he can’t help but push his food around his bowl as he thinks.
He catches Yeonjun’s eye, who mouths something like ‘you okay?’ to him from across the table. Beomgyu nods, going back to his food.
Him and Yeonjun stay behind to clear up as the others helped with the cooking, leaving them alone again in the kitchen. Beomgyu scrubs the dishes, rinsing them before handing them to the other man to dry them with a cloth. It takes a few minutes before he speaks.
“How’s work?”
Yeonjun smiles at him, putting a dry glass in the rack. “Stop acting like I’m a stranger.”
Beomgyu continues to scrub at a bowl, trying to get all the stains off with a ratty sponge that they found in a cupboard. “I’m not.”
Yeonjun finishes drying, leaning against the counter as he watches Beomgyu wipe down the table. “You sure? Because you’re over here asking about how my work is when we literally just saw each other a few days ago. We aren’t strangers, Beomgyu,” he says, tilting his head to the side slightly.
“I– I know we aren’t.” He rolls his eyes. “I was making small talk. Do adults not make small talk anymore? Should I ask you how that video game you were playing two years ago is instead, or if you’ve found a girlfriend or something?” he snaps, feeling wound up like a bow about to snap.
Yeonjun looks at him for a moment, studying his expression. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing—” he says, exhaling deeply. He looks away, throwing some tissues in the trash before washing his hands. “I’m just tired.”
The kitchen is quiet for a bit as Beomgyu dries his hands, yet it isn’t tense. Yeonjun comes up behind him, wrapping a hand around his arm before pulling him to face him. “Are you mad at me?”
“Why would I be mad at you?” he mumbles, looking away.
Yeonjun shrugs, keeping hold of him. “You seem pretty mad right now.” His fingers run through the strands of hair on the nape of Beomgyu’s neck, scratching lightly at his skin as though he were a cat. “Talk to me.”
Letting out another sigh, Beomgyu rubs at his eyes with his fist. “Hyung…”
“What is it?” Yeonjun asks quietly, his fingers still playing with his hair. “Tell hyung what’s wrong.”
His fingers are so gentle in his hair, Beomgyu feels like he could break at any moment. He inhales shakily before speaking. “Why don’t you text me anymore?”
He feels Yeonjun stop stroking his hair for a split-second, his movements faltering before he clears his throat. “I do, don’t I?”
“You don’t. You haven’t for ages,” he says quietly, reluctantly pulling away from his hold. “And I get it if you’re busy with work or something, but—” Beomgyu glances up into Yeonjun’s eyes before regretting it, not feeling strong enough. He looks back at the floor. “Aren’t I still your friend? We used to be the closest, didn’t we?”
He hears Yeonjun swallow, seeing his throat bob out of the corner of his eye. “We did.”
“Then why?” His voice comes out quiet, too quiet for his own liking, He clears his throat and tries again. “Did I do something?”
“Not at all.”
“Then why?” he repeats, finally looking him in the eyes properly. He sees an abyss of trepidation and hesitance within them. “I know you text the others regularly on the group chat and in private. I know you hang out with Kai and Taehyun often. So why me?”
Yeonjun’s hands twitch by his sides, almost as if he wants to reach out and say something, but he doesn’t.
“You were my best friend, hyung,” he continues, emphasising the ‘were’. “I feel like you shut me out, and now you’re here pretending like you haven't been ghosting me since graduation. Like everything’s fine.”
He sighs once he says it, feeling a mixture of relief and emptiness wash over him after getting it off his chest. Yeonjun stays silent for a moment longer, and the gap between them feels like a mile. “I haven’t shut you out. Don’t... say that,” he replies quietly, swallowing. “I hang out with you and the others regularly.”
Beomgyu lets out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, you do. You only see me when it’s in a group setting. You talk to me in the group but you don’t really talk to me. You haven’t properly until today, to be honest. I don’t get it. I don’t get what I did wrong.”
The kitchen remains silent once he stops speaking. Beomgyu waits– waits for him to say something, anything, but he doesn’t. With a sigh he steps back, nodding.
“Right,” he continues, running a hand through his hair. “I’m going to sleep, then. Goodnight, hyung.”
He turns, walking out of the kitchen. He misses the way that Yeonjun watches him walk away, hesitantly reaching out and opening his mouth before closing it again.
Beomgyu leaves, going upstairs for the night.
He says goodnight to everyone else, shutting the door to his room after washing up for bed. Taking off his clothes, he rummages through his suitcase to find pyjamas before finally getting under the covers with a sigh.
----------------------
Breakfast the next morning is lively.
Kai ends up spilling a whole bowl of milk all over Soobin’s head whilst trying to pass it across the table, resulting in Kai being chased up the stairs by an angry looking Soobin wielding a teaspoon. The remaining three of them eat peacefully together, making plans for the rest of the day.
“By the way,” Beomgyu says, looking at Taehyun. He isn’t purposefully avoiding meeting Yeonjun’s eye. It’s more of a subconscious thing. “There’s an old map poster thing on the wall of my room. We can use it to find that lake that Soobin hyung wanted to see. I think it’ll cheer him up.”
Yeonjun suddenly stands up, excusing himself from the table.
“What’s up with him?” Taehyun asks once he leaves, pointing his thumb in the direction he left in. “Did a rat crawl up his ass last night?”
Beomgyu stirs his soggy cornflakes around his bowl of lukewarm milk, staring down at his wobbly reflection. “I don’t know,” he lies. “Not about the rat thing, I mean. About the 'I don’t know why he’s acting weird' thing.”
Taehyun eyes him suspiciously but leaves it. They continue to eat for a bit before he speaks. “I’ll come look at the map after I shower,” he says, standing and putting his bowl in the sink. “It’ll be nice to explore the area. Maybe it will stop everyone from coming for each other’s throats.”
Beomgyu makes a noise of agreement, watching him go. He pours the rest of his cereal down the sink before going to his room, waiting for Taehyun to arrive.
They make a plan and tell the rest of the guys. By the time they all pack a rucksack each and head out for the short hike it's past noon, and Beomgyu is already sweating. He wipes a hand over his forehead, standing under the heavy midday sun as he shields his eyes from it.
Something is placed on his head. Turning around, Beomgyu watches as Yeonjun walks off with the rest of them as they start heading towards the lake. He reaches up and feels at what he’d placed on his head— a baseball cap. He stares at Yeonjun’s back for a few seconds before huffing, following after them all.
The cap shields his face from the sun well enough that he doesn’t have to squint or shield his eyes anymore, although he doesn’t voice his gratitude directly to Yeonjun himself. He walks in silence by his side as the others chat amongst themselves, going through the thickset trees and brambles.
It’s Yeonjun who speaks first.
“I’m sorry.”
Beomgyu’s head snaps towards him, but he keeps walking. “Sorry for what?” he asks, although he can guess. He just wants to hear it from his mouth.
Yeonjun stays staring ahead as they get to a small clearing in the woods, walking along the path. “I’m sorry for not texting you.”
“Mm.” He reaches up and fixes his hat, fastening it further on his head as the trees stop providing much shade. “Are you gonna tell me why? Or is it going to be a mystery forever?”
Yeonjun sighs next to him. It’s a sigh of both exhaustion and what seems to be self-loathing. “I’m stupid, that’s why.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
He expects Yeonjun to quip back like he always does with an equally sarcastic remark, yet he doesn’t. It’s quiet for a brief moment, with only the sounds of the trees rustling and the other guys talking ahead of them audible. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”
“Like what?” Beomgyu asks, his voice softening slightly, yet he can’t help but get in another dig. “Is it something that excludes me? Because you’ve been talking to the others just fine these past months.”
He watches the way Yeonjun looks down at his feet as he walks, stepping over some nettle branches. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Beomgyu. I’m stupid. It’s stupid. But I swear I won’t ever ignore you again, alright?” he says quietly, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “I’ll make it up to you on this trip. And then…”
Beomgyu chews on the inside of his cheek, the pit in the bottom of his stomach swelling despite Yeonjun’s words. “And then?”
“And then we can go back to being best friends.”
He doesn’t know whether to feel relieved or upset. Whether to smile or burst into tears. Instead, he nods, a small and reserved nod that he doesn’t even think Yeonjun sees. “Alright.”
“Alright,” the other repeats, smiling at him softly. “I’m sorry I let my personal stuff ruin our friendship. I never…” he trails off, running a hand through his hair before stuffing it into his pocket. “I never meant to hurt you.”
Well you did. “It’s fine.”
“Are you sure?”
Beomgyu exhales, glancing to the side at him. Their eyes meet, neither able to look away. “I’m sure,” he says softly, almost against his own will. There’s just something about the other’s eyes that forces him to give in. “And I’m sorry for trying to– to make you tell me your personal problems. I won’t ask again.”
Yeonjun licks his lips and looks away, a brief flash of guilt running over his expression. Before either of them can speak again, Beomgyu realizes that they’ve made it to the lake. They go over to the others, looking over at the beautiful scene.
“Are we gonna swim in it?” Kai asks, turning to them. “Because I can’t swim.”
Soobin rolls his eyes fondly. “That’s a you problem,” he says, although there’s no real bite to his words. He takes off his shirt, walking to the edge of the grass.
They watch as Soobin gets in, followed by Taehyun. Kai reluctantly joins, wading in until he’s waist deep in it without going further. Out of the corner of his eye, Beomgyu sees Yeonjun watching him.
“Are you coming?”
He pauses, seeing the others splash water at each other in the lake. His gaze returns back to Yeonjun. “What if there’s alligators?”
He snorts in amusement, holding him by his wrist as he pulls Beomgyu towards the lake. “There won’t be,” he says confidently, taking off his shoes and shirt. Beomgyu’s eyes flick down to his chest, then back up to his eyes. “And even if there are, I'll fight them off.”
Beomgyu rolls his eyes as Yeonjun waits for his answer. “I’m not going.”
A small pout plays on his lips. “Please?”
He feels like laughing at the way such a small word spoken from such a beautiful mouth makes his resolve crumble immediately. He sighs. “Fine,” he grumbles, taking off his shoes and shirt. “But if I die it’s your fault.”
“You won’t die,” he says, dragging him into the water. “Just relax. It’s warm and there’s no alligators, see?”
Taehyun looks over at them, his eyes wide and sparkling in alarm. “Alligators? Where?”
“I’m saying there aren’t any alligators,” Yeonjun clarifies, walking deeper into the water. The sun bounces off the surface of it, reflecting in his irises.
They swim around for about ten minutes, and Beomgyu shuts his eyes, turning his face up to the sun. It was rare to even get any sun– he worked an office job and only came out at night like some sort of gay vampire, so this was a nice treat for him. Sighing, he sinks down lower into the lake.
Yeonjun speaks up. “Isn’t this lake a tourist attraction or something anyway?”
Soobin swims closer, the water up to his chin. “It’s supposed to be.”
“Then why are we the only ones here?”
He’s right. Looking around, there are no other signs of life around the perimeter of the entire lake, minus one rusty looking boat that was tethered to a pier on the other side. Beomgyu wades into the water until it is up to his neck, refusing to go in deeper. “Maybe because it’s a weekday?” he suggests, and they turn to him.
“That makes no sense,” Taehyun responds, his head bobbing up and down. They’d stopped their playful splashing, now simply floating and treading water as they spoke. “It’s supposed to be summer holidays.”
“Yeah, well…” Beomgyu stops speaking as he looks around. He frowns, his eyebrows knitting together. “Where’s Kai?”
They all look around, the water rippling. It only takes one look over the lake to realize that he’s nowhere to be seen, and a chill runs down Beomgyu’s spine. He dunks his head under the water, trying to see underneath if he can spot him.
Strong hands pull him back up, and he gasps, rubbing his eyes.
“Don’t do that,” Yeonjun says, holding him firmly. “The water’s dirty and you’ll hurt your eyes.”
Beomgyu rubs his eyelids harshly, getting the stinging out. “I couldn’t see anything anyway,” he mumbles, pulling away from Yeonjun to swim back to the grass. “Where the hell could he have gone?”
“Well his shoes are still here,” Taehyun calls from the bank, putting his own on. There’s an edge of panic to his voice that someone could only spot if they’d been friends with him for a long time. Beomgyu feels his stomach churn. “So he couldn’t have gone far, right? I’m going to go check along the lake’s perimeter to see if he wandered off.”
“But doesn’t that mean he’d still be in the water?” Yeonjun says quietly, staring down at the shoes. “But he’s not, is he? So what the fuck…”
“Maybe he needed to piss?” Soobin helpfully chimes in, wringing the water out of his socks. “Yeonjun hyung–”
Yeonjun ignores him, turning back to Beomgyu. “I think we should look in the forest.”
Soobin speaks up again, this time with an edge to his voice. “Why are you ignoring me?” he asks, a hint of irritation in his voice as he addresses Yeonjun with a scowl. “What the hell did I do now?”
“This isn’t about you, Soobin,” Yeonjun says, his voice cold. Beomgyu realizes this is the first time he’s heard them properly speak to each other since the trip began. “All I’m saying is that we should check the forest.”
“Yeah, you’re saying that after ignoring me. You’ve been ignoring me for the past fucking—”
“Please–” Beomgyu cuts in, his voice pleading as he clenches his hands into fists. “Can we just- Can you both stop? We need to find Kai,” he says, his voice wavering slightly.
Both of them turn to him, and Yeonjun’s expression softens. “Yeah. Sorry,” he says quietly, slipping his shoes back on. They all get dressed again, then quickly go back in the direction of the forest.
Right as they’re about to walk into the forest deeper, a branch snaps behind them. They turn around, jumping slightly.
“Kai–” Beomgyu calls, running up to him. He grabs him, seeing the way he’s just standing there with no shoes or shirt. He holds him carefully, checking him over for any injuries as the others run over too. “Kai? What happened?”
Kai smiles, tilting his head to the side slightly. Beomgyu feels his heart race. “What do you mean?”
“What do I—” Beomgyu says in confusion, feeling a hand on his shoulder from behind. It’s Yeonjun’s. “What do I mean?” he repeats, squeezing Kai’s upper arms firmly. “You disappeared for ages.”
Kai stays silent, and Yeonjun pulls Beomgyu back slightly as he takes over. “You worried the fuck out of us,” he snaps, handing him his shirt. “Why did you just leave like that without saying anything, huh? We thought something bad had happened to you.”
Kai makes a soft noise, pulling on his shirt. “Sorry,” he says, looking down as he puts on his flip-flops. Yeonjun stares at him, folding his arms.
“Where did you go?”
“I needed to piss,” he responds easily, shrugging. “I didn’t wanna do it in the lake. It’s my bad.”
“See? I told you guys,” Soobin speaks, looking at the three of them, specifically at Yeonjun. His jaw is still set from their small argument earlier, but the tension is minutely gone now. “Kai’s fine, isn’t he? Go call Taehyun. He’s probably still pacing around the lake worried.”
Yeonjun raises an eyebrow. “Are you talking to me?”
“I am.”
“Why don’t you go?” he retorts, a small crease in his forehead. “You’re younger than me. Why should I have to?”
Soobin looks at him challengingly, and Beomgyu stands between them, feeling out of place. “Then send Beomgyu. He’s faster than me,” he says, leaning against a tree. Leaves cascade down around them as he does. “Beomgyu, go find Taehyun.”
Yeonjun scoffs. “He’s not your dog,” he mutters, brushing a few leaves out of his hair. He grabs his rucksack, slinging it over his shoulder. “I’ll just go if you’re gonna be so damn stubborn.”
With that he turns and leaves, without waiting for a response. Beomgyu feels grateful and sighs, glancing back over at Kai, who has been silent the entire time. “Kai?” he calls softly, looking up at him. “Just… next time tell us before you leave, alright? We don’t know the area. You said you couldn’t swim and I–”
Kai suddenly laughs. It’s loud as usual, but there’s something in it that Beomgyu can’t place. Something that sends goosebumps over his arms. “You thought I drowned?”
“This is not funny,” Soobin snaps, pushing him lightly. Kai doesn’t even stumble back. “Don’t laugh at him. He was seriously worried about you, you asshole.”
Beomgyu presses his hand against his forehead. The sky began to darken, and he looks up through the trees at the way the sun disappears slowly behind them. “Let’s just get Yeonjun hyung and Taehyun and go back.”
“Agreed,” Soobin says, walking off to wait for them.
Beomgyu stays by Kai’s side, going slowly with him to make sure he’s alright. They make their way out of the woods, getting to the clearing by the lake. “Why did you even go all the way into the forest to pee anyway? You could’ve picked any tree.”
Kai shrugs, looking ahead. “Sometimes we do things for no reason.”
Beomgyu frowns, but before he gets the chance to respond, Yeonjun and Taehyun return. Taehyun hugs Kai in relief, and they exchange some words that Beomgyu zones out.
Staring ahead over the lake, he watches the sun dip beyond the horizon. It’s a beautiful scene– the surface of the water reflects colors of orange, bright yellow, and blue, the water rippling slightly under the soft breeze that ruffles their hair. They all begin to walk to the cabin back from the way they came, picking up the pace as the air gets a bit chilly.
Later that evening once everyone showers and settles, they sit around the small coffee table on the floor of the living room, idly chatting together. Beomgyu’s gaze can’t help but land on Kai, who is smiling and nodding along with what Soobin is saying at that moment. Pressing his lips to the top of the bottle, Beomgyu takes another swig of his beer.
“You know what–” Soobin says, pouring some liquid into a few shot glasses before pushing it over to them all. “Let’s all toast.”
Yeonjun raises an eyebrow but takes the glass from him. “What’s there to toast about?”
Soobin slings one arm over Kai’s shoulder, and the other over Beomgyu’s. Yeonjun’s gaze lands on the arm around Beomgyu. “About Kai being alive, obviously,” he responds, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Kai laughs again to the side, and Taehyun looks uncomfortable.
“That’s not funny,” Yeonjun says, glaring at him.
“I’m not trying to be funny. I’m trying to be happy our friend is alive and breathing.”
“Well we don’t have to toast about it,” Yeonjun snarks, still eyeing the arm Soobin has over Beomgyu’s shoulder. “Stop being a dickhead.”
The room falls silent. They all stare at Yeonjun and the way he’s gripping his shot glass like he wants to shatter it. It’s Taehyun who eventually speaks. “What’s wrong with you two?”
“Nothing’s wrong with me,” Soobin quickly says, still glaring at Yeonjun from across the table. He takes his arms away from Kai and Beomgyu’s shoulders, resting them on his knees instead. “He’s the one with the problem.”
“I don’t have a problem.”
“Stop being defensive.”
“I’m not–”
Kai starts laughing again, loud and high-pitched, and they all turn to look at him in confusion. Soobin flicks his ear with a scowl, “What’s so funny now?” he bites in mild annoyance, his top lip curled slightly. “You’ve been laughing so much all evening.”
Kai laughs more at that, as though what Soobin said was the funniest thing in the world.
“Maybe he’s drunk,” Beomgyu says, nursing his own shot glass as he speaks. “Can we all get along now? I don’t want you two to fight all week and ruin the trip.”
“No one's ruining anything,” Soobin retorts, taking his shot. He pours himself another one. “He’s the one who—”
“Enough,” Beomgyu says firmly, ignoring Kai’s laughter in the background. He feels like he’s going crazy. “For fuck’s sake. Can’t we drink and be friends like normal people our age? You’re all fighting like—” He cuts himself off, turning to Kai. “Please can you just… stop laughing?”
Kai eventually settles down, leaning back against the couch. He stays like that, staring up at the ceiling. Beomgyu sighs.
“As I was saying,” he continues, feeling Yeonjun’s eyes on him from the side. “You two sort out your differences or whatever the hell happened between you in your own time, alright? Don’t drag it into our trip,” he mutters, pressing a hand to his head. “And Yeonjun?”
Yeonjun looks at him. “Yeah?” His voice is breathy and expectant, and he looks at him as if he had all the answers to the universe’s problems. “What is it?”
“Stop being rude to Soobin hyung,” he says, swallowing thickly. He sees the way his face falls slightly, his eyes flicking between him and Soobin. “Please. Get along.”
A moment of quiet passes over them as Yeonjun stares down at the table. Beomgyu feels guilty, almost as if he should grovel at his feet and take back his words even though he meant them, but then Yeonjun sighs, reluctantly holding out a hand. “I’ll try not to be an asshole for this week,” he says to soobin.
Soobin nods, shaking his hand. “Agreed.”
Beomgyu sighs in relief, looking at Taehyun who gives him a small thumbs up.
The rest of the evening goes by surprisingly well. They all get along like they used to, laughing and getting even drunker as the night creeps in. The fireplace by the coffee table glows, emitting heat and a warm orange light across all of their features, giving a more cozy homely feel to the cabin. Beomgyu lies on his back next to the fire, watching as Yeonjun and Taehyun attempt to drunkenly arm-wrestle each other and Soobin referees in the middle. He smiles to himself, his head rolling to the side more to spot Kai walking over to the kitchen.
Something makes him get up, stumbling over to the kitchen as he yawns. He enters the room, leaving behind the enthusiastic yells from Soobin.
He watches in confusion as Kai sharpens a kitchen knife on the counter. “What are you doing?”
Kai hums, turning his head. “I’m going to cut some fruit. Do you want any?”
Beomgyu walks over to him, sitting on the counter. He dangles his legs, the heels of his feet hitting the cupboards rhythmically. “No, thanks,” he says, sleepily blinking as Kai looks at him. “Should you be using such a big knife when you’re drunk? Isn’t it dangerous?”
Kai stares at him, unblinking. He smiles, tilting his head to the side in the same way he did earlier. “You’re right. Silly me,” he chuckles, placing the knife back. “Maybe I’m too drunk. I’ll go to bed. Night, Beomgyu.”
“Night,” he responds dazedly, his brain not even registering the fact that he didn’t call him hyung. He watches as Kai goes back to the living room, briefly saying bye to the others before going upstairs.
Beomgyu clumsily jumps off the counter and goes to the fridge, pulling it open. He crouches, scanning the shelves for something to eat. He grabs a pot of yoghurt, frowning in confusion. “No fruit… huh–” he whispers, looking through the drawers at the bottom. He purses his lips, standing back up.
When he turns back around he jumps with a yell, the pot falling out of his hand as he comes face-to-face with Kai.
“I needed some water,” he says, smiling. “My throat is dry.”
Beomgyu swallows thickly, pressing a hand to his chest. “You scared me,” he mumbles, reaching down to grab his pot of yoghurt. He sees the lid has burst open, spilling out onto the floor by their feet. “Oh.”
Kai makes a noise of sympathy, looking down at him. “Poor Beomgyu,” he says, still gazing at him. “You better eat it all still. No waste.”
Beomgyu picks it up, placing it down on the counter before grabbing a kitchen towel to wipe the floor. Before he gets the chance to, a strong hand grips his arm, stopping him from wiping it.
“Nuh uh,” Kai says, still smiling at him. “Didn’t I say no waste?”
“What..?” Beomgyu’s drunk mind is too tired to register what he’s saying properly, and he blinks in confusion. “Let me clean.”
He winces when Kai’s fingers wrap tighter around his wrist, almost bruisingly so. His grip is too tight, but Beomgyu tells himself that Kai doesn't mean anything by it. He weakly tries to pull away, laughing awkwardly.
“Kai… stop being annoying,” he says lightly, looking up at him.
Kai laughs, letting go. “Sorry, hyung,” he says, helping him up to his feet. He takes the dirty tissue from him and throws it in the bin. “I was just teasing you.”
Beomgyu nods, smiling at him as he sways on his feet. “You should get to bed. Drink lots of water too, okay?” he says, giving him a glass. “You don’t want a nasty hangover tomorrow.”
Kai nods gratefully, accepting the glass. “Night, hyung. Sleep well,” he says, leaving the kitchen.
“Night again…”
Beomgyu stretches out, going back to the living room a few minutes after Kai. He sinks down onto the couch next to Yeonjun, yawning. Soobin and Taehyun are already passed out on the floor, an abandoned game of chess between them. Beomgyu could swear that neither of them even knew how to play.
Yeonjun looks over at him, leaning against him with a whine. “You were gone for so long,” he says, resting his head on Beomgyu’s thigh. “Left me with these two.”
“I went to go see what Kai was doing,” he says quietly, running his fingers through Yeonjun's dark strands. He hears the way he exhales contentedly at the feeling. Yeonjun looks up at him carefully, reaching up to take hold of his hand. He brings it to his face, nuzzling into his palm. Beomgyu giggles softly. “Ticklish.”
Yeonjun smiles. It’s such a small yet genuine smile, Beomgyu thinks he’s going to die. As Yeonjun looks at his hand, the smile drops off his face. “What happened here?”
“Hm?”
“Your wrist–” Yeonjun says, sitting up. He holds his arm, inspecting the finger-shaped bruises forming on his skin.
“Oh.” Beomgyu shakes his head, then stops, feeling dizzy and sick from the sudden movement. “Kai was pranking me in the kitchen or something, I dunno.”
Yeonjun raises an eyebrow, his fingertips ghosting over the bruises. “Pranking you?”
“Yeah.” He shrugs, pulling his arm away. “He was just being silly. I don’t think he meant to grip me that hard,” he says lightheartedly with a laugh. “You know how strong he is. Like a large puppy.”
Yeonjun remains quiet, staring at his wrist with his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “If you say so.”
“I do say so.” Beomgyu leans against his side, resting his head on his shoulder. “You’re warm.”
Yeonjun still looks like he wants to say more about the bruises, but he lets Beomgyu change the subject. “I am. I’ve been sitting next to the fireplace all this time,” he says easily, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “You’re cold.”
“Mm… well, I was rooting around in the fridge for a while before this, so. That would explain it.” He enjoys the feeling of Yeonjun’s arm slung over him, keeping him close to his side to share body heat. “Did you and Soobin make up?”
“I guess.”
“You guess?” Beomgyu raises an eyebrow, looking at him expectantly. “I take it that you’ve been ignoring him too, like you did with me?” he says, words slurring together slightly. “Why?”
Yeonjun stiffens slightly, then sighs. “That’s different.”
“Ah. I didn’t realise there were different levels to ignoring someone, hyung. Sorry,” he snarks, although deep down he doesn’t really mean it. He’d really forgiven Yeonjun as soon as they got in the car on the journey to the cabin and he’d let him sleep on his shoulder the entire time.
He doesn’t respond, and Beomgyu watches Taehyun and Soobin sleep uncomfortably on the floor. “Wake them both up and help them to bed,” he orders, standing up. He wobbles slightly, and Yeonjun puts a hand out to steady him. “I’m gonna sleep. See you tomorrow, hyung.”
Yeonjun silently nods, letting Beomgyu leave.
He lies in bed, gazing up at the ceiling. Fumbling around for his phone, he taps the screen, staring at the no signal sign in the top corner of it. Beomgyu sighs, unlocking it anyway.
He scrolls through his texts with Yeonjun, seeing how easily he’s able to skip past the last couple of months as barely any texts had even been exchanged. They did most of their talking on the group chat rather than in private, and Beomgyu wonders where it all went wrong. Where they had gone from talking every single day to this. To say he missed it would be an understatement, yet he had given Yeonjun his space all this time.
Being on a trip with him now and pretending that things were like the way they were before was hard, but it was enough. Enough to keep him satisfied. He would just choose not to think about how it would all reverse again in a week, and the only time he’d talk to Yeonjun after the trip would be when the group met up every fortnight at a shitty bar to get drunk, talk about work, and leave.
He falls asleep, the empty pit in his stomach growing even more.
Beomgyu has the strangest dream.
In the dream he’s still in bed, and the sound of the front door to the cabin shutting grabs his attention. He stumbles across his room in a daze, the ground spinning, and in a blink he somehow makes it downstairs and outside. He walks down the path, following the retreating figure in the distance.
Time passes fast. It feels like he’s floating rather than walking– he’s not even sure if dream-Beomgyu put his shoes on or not. Eventually he gets to a clearing in the woods, spotting the figure standing a few feet away from him, staring at a tree with engravings he can’t make out on it.
He tries to speak but no words come out. Why would he even want to speak anyway? He doesn’t know who the figure is, and they could be dangerous for all he knows, but dream-Beomgyu doesn’t care about any of that. The person seems familiar. He rubs at his blurry eyes, trying to make out who it is in the distance, but he can't. All he can hear is hushed whispers that sound awfully a lot like chants and the sounds of water nearby.
Water?
He turns, following the direction of the sound. He seemingly floats to the lake that they were at in real life earlier, and he looks across the water, seeing how the soft moonlight reflects off it, sparkling gently.
He doesn’t even know how long he stands like that in his dream, staring ahead as the whispering from the woods seems to grow louder and louder, putting him in an almost trance-like state. His mind wanders back to the figure, yet he’s too tired to go back and investigate more. Instead, he stays by the lake-side, looking out at the barely visible horizon.
Is this even a dream?
He feels his body grow tired, and everything eventually goes black.
Passed out on the side by the lake, he doesn’t see the figure standing over him with a sinister smile before leaving, going back to the cabin.