Chapter Text
A warm spring evening enveloped the city in a soft, almost golden light. It seemed as though even the air had grown a little thicker, as if it were filled with the honeyed rays of sunset. The streets were slowly emptying — ladies in elegant dresses with parasols hurried home, carriages rolled leisurely over the cobblestone pavement, and children, not yet ready to part with the day, gave their final shouts, disappearing into narrow alleys. Silence settled over the city little by little, like a soothing blanket.
On this lovely evening I was returning from a lesson with my brother’s piano teacher. That’s what I always called him — Hio’s teacher; his name was Garijus. Even after all this time, I couldn’t bring myself to call him simply my teacher, perhaps because I still didn’t feel connected to him, or perhaps because Hio himself was far too jealous of his teacher and his inspiration.
My brother’s voice still rang in my head: “You need to try, your voice is too good to stay silent, the teacher is always impressed, you need to sing a couple of songs to his music!” He said it so confidently, so grown-up, that I didn’t even try to argue back then. And now these lessons really had grown on me. The teacher was a kind man, always immersed in his melodies. His music wrapped the room, filling it to the corners, and I sang, letting my voice follow the sounds of the piano. After such lessons I always felt lighter, as though some sad thoughts slipped away along with the song…
I walked through the streets, enjoying the warm air. The city was extraordinarily beautiful at this time of day: golden shadows trembled on the pavement, and the air was filled with the smell of fresh bread, soups, smoked fish, and everything being cooked in the various restaurants and bakeries. But somehow, I didn’t want to go home. The fatigue that had built up over the day made itself felt, weighing on my mood. Yes, I liked to sing, I was ready to do it after school, but today had been especially exhausting. The tests at school drained me and all I dreamed of was to lie down and give myself at least a minute of peace — but not at home… at home I didn’t feel at ease…
For a moment I slowed down, catching sight of a shadow flitting somewhere on the roof of a low house. I decided it was just my imagination, but I had barely taken another couple of steps when someone gracefully jumped down from the roof right in front of me. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest from the shock. I froze, unable even to exhale, and only after a few seconds, when I made out the familiar features, did I feel everything inside me gradually calm down.
Fukase was standing in front of me. His curly, bright red hair was slightly tousled from the jump, but that only added to his charm. Scarlet eyes, like precious stones, gleamed in the soft light of the setting sun. He wore his usual, though still slightly odd, clothes: pale red trousers, brown boots much like mine, and a delicate women’s blouse with sparse lace. He looked lovely; that elegant, feminine blouse suited him, and some passersby often noticed it, but to me it seemed natural, as though it simply couldn’t be otherwise. Fukase had once said that his sister gave him her old clothes — too much of a pity to throw them away. It seemed a silly reason, almost an excuse, but I never asked if it was true — I simply liked that he was who he was. I’d grown used to seeing him this way — not richly beautiful, slightly feminine, naturally elegant…
On the left side of his body, where the edges of scars peeked from under the fabric, my gaze lingered a little longer than I’d meant it to. Those scars were always a mystery to me. Were they burns, marks from something else, or just an unusual birthmark? I didn’t know. I didn’t dare ask. And it seemed he preferred it that way — he never spoke about them himself…!
— Oli! — he exclaimed, smiling broadly and stepping toward me. His voice sounded as though we hadn’t seen each other in an eternity, though it had only been a few days. He hugged me tightly but briefly, as if afraid to be too intrusive. — Let’s go for a walk, Oliver?
— It’s been a long day… — I answered honestly, not even trying to hide the weariness in my voice. — I’m tired. Lots of tests at school… end of the year, all that, we’re preparing for the final exam.
He laughed, softly and with a hint of mischief.
— You need to learn from me. I’m my own teacher! Sister and Asterian make me read books now and then, but no tests, no schools. Isn’t that splendid? — He looked at me with a sly spark in his eyes.
— Well, I don’t know… It would be hard for me to study at home; I even get lazy about extra singing lessons, though I love to sing — what can I say about other subjects! — I tried to look unperturbed, though inside I felt everything start to warm up. Fukase was always like that — able to throw me off balance in the simplest way.
— But still! — he leaned closer and theatrically extended his hand as if inviting me to dance. — A gentleman wouldn’t refuse to keep me company, would he? Walk me home!
I felt a faint blush creep over my face. He saw it, I was sure. And still, I couldn’t help but smile.
— Eww, you’re such a girl… — I snorted, rolling my eyes but smiling slightly. — All right. But not for long…
— Not for long! — he confirmed, grinning slyly and grabbing my hand. We walked together, dissolving into the warm light of the fading day.
In truth, we often walked each other home, since we didn’t live that far apart… we were both lucky enough to live in a neighborhood for people with above-average incomes. My family was simply well-off, and Fukase and his older sister Flower had been taken in by a rather wealthy and respected man — Asterian. Asterian was dark-skinned, which wasn’t much respected in our parts, but the man was a doctor of all trades, so he was held in esteem and admired. Nothing bound Fukase and Asterian, but the doctor was known for his big heart — finding polite but homeless people on the streets, he often hired them as servants; that’s how he met Fukase and his sister… the sister became his housekeeper, but no one made Fukase work… later Fukase grew close to Asterian, and he allowed both Fuka and Flo to stay with him for nothing, without giving anything in return. My father was good friends with Asterian, so I knew the details — Asterian never managed to fall in love, but he had always dreamed of a child, so he came to love Fukase, whom he met when the boy was just ten years old…
I grew close to Fukase precisely because he too was “in a new place,” just like I was at the time. I, like Fuka, wasn’t really family to the people I lived with, so we had things to talk about… we were almost the same age, I was eleven months younger, he had lost his mother just a couple of months before, I about half a year before, so we understood each other, though, truth be told, Fukase spoke little to me about his feelings about his mother, as though he was afraid to say too much… but despite that, we felt calm together and shared a lot. He told me about the kingdom he’d moved from, he often spoke about books he read… I, on the other hand, didn’t like to read, but Fukase enjoyed it; when school assigned reading, I’d come to Fukase and he would read aloud to me. In turn, I would tell him about my school, my friends, my life in the orphanage and other little things… but lately, talking to Fukase had become hard for me… he was so tactile, and I… I fell in love… I fell head over heels for him, and every touch of his made me burn! I was so afraid he’d find out, so I tried to spend less time with him, but he kept clinging to me, as if he too had fallen in love!
— How is Asterian? I haven’t heard about him in a while… — I said, nervously breaking the awkward silence as we walked.
— Ah, nothing much, same as always — perfectly fine! What else is there for him to be? — Fukase replied with a smile, studying the food stalls. — Are you hungry? I brought a bit of money with me, don’t you want something tasty?
— No, it’s fine… the food at the canteen was good today! Not like yesterday! — I answered, not wanting to delay the walk by buying some pastry. — Thursdays are always like that! I don’t understand why they have to make Thursdays the worst — no proper lessons, no good food!
— Oli, you skip all the hard lessons on Thursday, what are you talking about, ha-ha! — laughed Fukase. — Come on, come on, the square root of…
— Oh, shut up! — I exclaimed, playfully slapping his cheek with my palm. Math was the bane of my existence… what square roots, when even at twelve I still confused addition and multiplication, the numbers nine and six, and still wrote some of the digits backwards? — I get it already, no more skipping… mama was so embarrassed because of me today…
— So they finally complained at the end of the year, huh?
— Ugh… I ruin everything…
— Hey, don’t say that! I’m sure Miss Ann wasn’t all that disappointed, I think she knows about your struggles… you’ve been with them for over two years, how could she not? Your father’s a hard worker, I understand, no time — but not your mother…
Fukase patted me on the shoulder, soothing me.
— Let’s not talk about this… — he said with a smile. — Oliver… why have you never sung for me?
I looked at him in confusion… where did that come from?
— I was at your performance on Wednesday. You sang so beautifully… — Fuka explained, blushing and averting his gaze from me. — Angelic little voice… and with Garius Pionis’ music it was just divine… especially the one about graves and about a girl or something, ah, you sounded so wonderful!
— Garijus Pijonis… — I corrected him, knowing that my teacher’s name was the one name he could never pronounce properly… the Lithuanian sound was still strange to Fuka.
— Oh, come on now…
— My brother would tear your tongue out for such disrespect. — I smirked, seeing Fukase roll his eyes. — Anyway… thank you, that’s very sweet… I’ll sing for you someday, maybe.
He blushed a little too, squeezing my hand a bit tighter, but just as he was about to speak again, I stopped.
— We’re here… — I said, nodding toward the gate of the rather large house where Fuka lived.
— Ah, right… — he said, as if not expecting us to arrive so soon. — Eh… maybe you’ll come in?
— N-no, I’m tired… I’ll just go home. — I shook my head, but Fukase suddenly grabbed me by my ribbon tie and pulled me toward him, my face ending up very close to his.
— You’re coming with me… I want to do something personal, but with you, behind closed doors. — Kase murmured in a dangerously calm voice, looking at me with a serious gaze.
That sent a shiver racing down my back, I felt myself pale, but Fukase never seemed dangerous, so I quickly calmed down and, stepping back a little, still nodded, after which he chuckled cheerfully, opened the gate and went into the yard, and I followed after him. Asterian never minded my visits — I was Fukase’s friend after all, so even if he was home, he wouldn’t object.
Fukase led me into the house; it was as clean and beautiful as always, all sorts of expensive things decorated it: paintings, vases, and other little trinkets. Fukase dragged me up to the second floor, then the third, right to the attic — that was his “studio,” where he painted and sculpted. Usually he didn’t let anyone in there, even me only rarely, he said it was personal…
— Come in, have a seat… — said Fukase, unlocking the attic door with his key and letting me in. Right by the window, curtained, on the windowsill lay several pillows; Fuka nudged me there, and I sat down, silently watching my friend.
Fukase rummaged through the boxes behind all the drawings he’d made and took out a very thin brush, some golden paint, and a book. He came over to me and sat down opposite, opened the jar of paint and handed me the brush, then opened the book and flipped a few pages…
— Paint this on me… — he said, turning the book toward me and showing me a drawing… it was some kind of pattern of dots, twisted lines, and little stars.
— Why? — I asked, not understanding what was happening, why Fukase had brought me home and why he was telling me to paint something directly on him.
Fukase sighed and, pushing the curtain aside, looked out the window, then leaned close to me and whispered right in my ear with his soft, slightly hoarse voice:
— Tonight I’ll tell you, just trust me, Oli…
His whisper sent another wave of shivers through me… ah, that beautiful voice, just starting to crack — how could I refuse anything he asked?
— T-tonight…? You planning to come steal me away in the night? — I joked, leaning back a little so I wouldn’t feel his warm breath on my face.
Fukase smirked and, only whispering an intriguing “you’ll see,” once again extended his right hand to me, ordering me to paint. Looking at him suspiciously, I nevertheless exhaled and nodded, dipped the tip of the brush in the paint, and pressed it to the boy’s pale skin.
— Exactly as in the book? — I asked, not wanting to start all over again later.
— Try to copy it, but don’t worry too much about it, the differences won’t matter… — he replied calmly, and so I set about replicating the pattern from the book on Fukase’s arm. I tried my hardest — after all, I loved Fukase, and I didn’t want to draw anything ugly on him!
I guided the brush along his arm, continuing to paint the lines, then I began to draw the cute little stars, which was harder, and then I added tiny dots to the design. It came out almost identical to the one in the book, and I was satisfied!
— There! — I said, handing the brush back to Fuka. — Now can I go?
Fukase looked at the pattern on his arm with a smile, then took the brush from me, grabbed my hand, and without asking began to paint a single four-pointed star on it. The brush tickled my skin, but I didn’t flinch, not wanting to get in the way.
As soon as the points of the star connected, the paint on our hands suddenly began to glow, radiating light. It looked like some sort of magical ritual; I panicked and yanked my hand back, staring at Fukase in fear, but after a moment the glow faded, and the design itself turned pale, becoming just a shade lighter than the skin.
— Wh-what was that?! — I cried, sliding off the windowsill onto the floor in fright. — What the hell was that, what did you do?!
— Hehe…! — the boy laughed, sticking his tongue out, then stood up, took my hand, and helped me up. He didn’t seem to understand at all what had scared me. — I’ll tell you everything… tonight! Now go home and get some sleep, it’s getting dark, we’ll see each other soon!
Fukase gave me a little push toward the attic door, and gathering my thoughts, I went out onto the stairs, and he shut the door behind me without even seeing me to the door of the house. I was still a little shocked by what had happened, so I just left quietly, without any questions. Once outside, I headed home, thinking all the while about that strange glow. I looked down at my hand and at the star… running my fingers over it, I couldn’t rub it off, which sent a cold chill through me. Would this thing ever go away? And if not? Fukase hadn’t said a word, just did it and that was all! Damn it, he was always a little out of his mind — he could come up with an idea, silly and incomprehensible, and he’d do everything to make it happen — but I was his friend, he could have thought of me… but then again… he would never hurt me, that was something I was sure of! He was my best friend, and I was his, he wouldn’t hurt me…
— Oliver! — came Ruby’s bright voice behind me, making me flinch and quickly hide the star under my shirt sleeve. — It’s quite late, isn’t it? What are you doing out here? At Fukase’s again, huh?
Ruby’s red eyes bore into me, as though she were about to scold me right here and now.
— Yeah, at Fukase’s… — I answered shortly, trying to hide the slight unease.
— Home. Let’s go home. Mother will worry! — she added, looking at me with disapproval, as if I’d just come back from a crime scene.
We walked side by side, and at some point, not wanting to walk in awkward silence, I decided to ask:
— And where were you? — my voice sounded as innocent as possible, but my gaze on her was sharp. She hesitated for a second but then leaned toward me and whispered in my ear:
— On a date.
My eyebrow twitched slightly, but I didn’t ask again. I certainly didn’t need the details. I simply nodded, hiding a faint smile. But now the silence annoyed Ruby too, and as we walked she started scolding me:
— Oliver, do you understand that skipping school isn’t just foolish, it makes things harder for Mother? It’s hard enough for her, and you rebel and you’re always so dissatisfied! You ought to be an obedient, sweet boy! — she said, looking straight ahead. — You’re only twelve, you should be thinking not about your fun but about helping the family! You’re finishing preparatory school — if you don’t pass mathematics, it’ll be hard to get into private school!
I barely listened. Her words dissolved into the air like morning fog. Instead, I thought about her. Ruby… pink-haired, with bright red eyes, almost exactly like Hio’s. Nineteen, and it seemed she had always been too grown-up to speak to me as anything but an annoying child. When they took me from the orphanage, she was seventeen, and the idea of getting a little brother was certainly not part of her plans. I remember how she’d forget I existed and bring home her “friend.” Back then I was too little to understand what was happening, but everything became clear when I saw them kissing. Ruby and Gumi. Gumi had been a singing student of the same teacher who’d taught Hio piano — and who now taught me singing. They’d met through my brother…
When Ruby found out I knew, she started grumbling at me constantly, as if I might spill the secret — though I’d never been a tattletale. I understood her: in our society such love wasn’t accepted. Ruby didn’t want to trouble our parents, didn’t want them to learn her secret… but I would never betray someone for their sin while committing the same one myself.
Ruby and I rarely spoke, keeping to formal greetings and the occasional advice. Now, as she scolded me for skipping school, it didn’t feel unusual. Her words weren’t for me. They were for herself, as though she were convincing herself to be the older sister she was supposed to be. Mother already had so much to bear this year — why should she also worry that we were “not really like family,” as Ruby thought.
I wouldn’t say Ruby didn’t love me at all — she could be cheerful with me sometimes, she helped — but she didn’t see me as a brother, and I didn’t take offense — her opinion hadn’t been considered when they decided to take me… Hio’s opinion, who was going through a hard time back then — that’s what had mattered most. My brother had always been so sensitive, emotional; at fifteen he began to feel the pressure… it was because of his fragile state that they took me into the family — he’d always wanted a little brother, and my parents decided that would make it easier for him. Maybe that’s why my bond with Hio became so strong… I adored Hio — he was so kind, so sweet, so full of wonder! He never minded being alone with me, talking about personal things… there was so much he was afraid to say to our parents, he didn’t want to be a disappointment. He constantly thought he might become that disappointment — his former teacher had drilled that into him. Despite his complicated nature, I loved him so much… he accepted me so quickly. He told me about his feelings, I told him mine — we trusted each other, even though we hadn’t known each other long. Al and Ann — my new parents — took longer to get used to me, not to mention Ruby. And I myself didn’t really want to get close to my parents — they took me as a tool, and it hurt… I loved them in time, but at first, I was cold.
— Are you even listening to me?! — Ruby suddenly exclaimed, knocking on my head playfully, like knocking on a door.
I nodded without looking at her, so as not to provoke more questions. Ruby kept saying something, but I still didn’t listen, my mind wandering in the clouds, recalling the moments of closeness with Hio, with Mother and Father… such pleasant memories… Hio playing for me before bed, and his beloved girl, who loved knitting, giving me soft toys that still lay on my bed. Ann too tried very hard to be a good mother to me, though I didn’t understand at first whether she even wanted me in the family… but now I no longer felt any hostility from her or from Father — they’d come to treat me as a son, though I still felt some guilt for it…
We approached the house. The warm light from the windows spilled softly onto the street, and suddenly the faint scent of baking reached me. Ruby and I stepped inside, and at once I felt the coziness — a mix of warmth, the smell of cinnamon, and something sweet. A Friday evening, just as it always was… Mother loved baking treats on Fridays.
— We’re home! — Ruby called, taking off her outdoor shoes and putting on her house slippers, and I did the same.
Soon Mother peeked out from the kitchen, neat and, as always, very sweet… she had such a warm smile…
— Oh, goodness, you’re so late! — she said, coming over and hugging Ruby and me. — Al hasn’t come yet, but he should be here soon; it’s Friday again — out walking with his friends! And I baked cinnamon rolls, come have some!
Ruby immediately smiled, dropping her frown, and moved to the kitchen, ready to eat probably five rolls as usual — she was such a glutton, and these were Mother’s rolls after all, how could anyone not love them! But I wasn’t hungry… usually I was always happy to have a roll for dinner, but now I just didn’t feel up for food… it was all because of that strange ritual Fukase had done, and that promise he’d explain everything tonight. I pushed all thoughts of Ruby and Hio aside — once again my head was filled with thoughts about the star on my hand.
— Hey now, where are you going, young man? — Mother asked, noticing me heading toward the stairs that led to the second floor. — You’re not going to eat, sweetheart? Or have you already eaten with Fukase?
— Ah… no, I’m just not very hungry. There were so many tests at school today, they’re preparing us for the final exam of prep school… I’m really tired, just want to sleep already… — I answered, hiding my unease.
— I see… well, I’ll save you a couple, rest, sweetheart! — she smiled kindly at me and went back to the kitchen, starting to chat about something with Ruby, but I was no longer interested and just went up to the second floor.
It was on the second floor that all the “children’s bedrooms” were — my sister’s room, my brother’s, and mine. Ruby’s room was close to the stairs, but mine was farther down the corridor. I walked to my room, which was not far from Hio’s, and stopped. Looking around, I glanced at my brother’s door, but without thinking too long, I walked into my own room.
There my pet bird James was waiting — a beautiful golden goldfinch that had been given to me a year ago, though I’d never seen him as a chick; he came to me already grown. James was very sensitive, emotional — he always got so happy when I came home, even despite my coldness toward him. I let him out of the cage when I came in, but I’d lock him back in before bed; we played a little, but I didn’t like doing it… he gave me a strange feeling of hurt, made me remember bad things from the past. I tried to be a good owner, but I just couldn’t accept James as part of the family… in truth, he was just a gift for me, the way I had been for Hio — only, I hadn’t really asked for him, Father just thought it would make things easier for me…
But today I didn’t feel like playing with James. I just wanted to crawl into bed and fall asleep so that Fukase would come sooner and explain everything — which is what I decided to do. Dropping my bag by the bed, I ignored James’ chirps, changed from my street clothes into my nightshirt, and took the bandages off my left eye, placing them on the table. Pouring some food for James, and without even brushing my teeth, I collapsed into bed and wrapped myself in a thin blanket…
To the sound of James eating, I settled in and closed my eyes. In my hand, where the star had been drawn, there was a feeling of warmth or cold — I couldn’t tell… maybe it was just my imagination, but that thing was definitely unusual, since it had glowed earlier, so maybe it really did give off some kind of temperature. I’d have to ask Fukase about it… the sooner the better…
Thinking about it, I drifted into sleep… but then I suddenly woke to the feeling of fresh wild air hitting my nose, to a strange lightness, as though my whole body were floating. Above me stretched a daytime sky — clear, blue, with a few lazy clouds drifting as if in time to a quiet melody. The sun’s light didn’t reach my face thanks to the leaves of a lush tree spreading its branches nearby. I listened. Somewhere in the distance, very faintly, an unfamiliar but simple music played. The melody moved from side to side like a breeze you couldn’t catch. The gentle rustle of grass and this magical sound wrapped everything around me.
I was lying down — but not on the ground. Lifting my head, I saw I was lying on a huge pink flower. Its petals were so soft it felt like waking up in a cozy featherbed. The stem seemed nonexistent, the bloom hovering so close to the earth. This flower, like everything around it, felt part of something other, unreal.
I stood up, brushing off little specks of golden-pink pollen that scattered at my movement. Only then did I notice that I wasn’t wearing my usual street clothes, nor my nightclothes or pajamas. I was dressed in a long, delicate sky-blue coat with golden star patterns along the edges. Golden ribbons were sewn into its trim. The coat looked theatrical, almost magical. Underneath — a light shirt, an ochre-colored waistcoat, and cinnamon-colored breeches just below the knee. At my neck was a huge golden bow, and on my feet… nothing. I was barefoot, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable. I didn’t remember ever owning such clothes…
I looked around. The meadow I’d found myself in looked as if it had stepped out of a fairy-tale illustration. Tall grass rose to my waist in places, and above it floated glowing golden orbs — they drifted slowly, creating a graceful, mesmerizing dance, like floating lights. Strange flowers in every imaginable hue swayed in the soft breeze. Berries scattered along the bushes looked like they’d been painted by a careful artist, so ripe and vivid. Slender trees rose here and there, their leaves shimmering in green and blue. Butterflies flitted among the flowers, each one unique — their wings too detailed, the tips curled into spirals, shimmering with all sorts of colors. One butterfly circled above me, emitting that same melodic sound, then flew away, leaving me alone.
“This is a dream…” — I thought, gazing at the incredible beauty around me. — “But how is it so vivid? I don’t remember ever dreaming something like this. Usually my dreams are empty and quiet…”
This world was too alive. I could feel the wind on my face, hear the grass rustle under its breath, and when I stood, I felt the soft petals of flowers brush against my skin.
I took a step forward, carefully making my way through the not-so-high grass, enjoying this strange place — when suddenly I heard a loud crash. Somewhere beyond the trees ahead, something exploded. The sound was distant, but strong enough to make the grass around me shiver slightly. Before I could figure out what to do, something flew straight at me.
— Oh! — I instinctively covered my head with my hands, bracing for impact — but nothing came. The thing landed in the grass right next to me. I cautiously lowered my hands and looked down.
In front of me lay a soft little doll, having landed on a white-and-blue hat. It was white, barely taller than my knee, with black dot eyes and a mouth shaped like a “3”. On its belly was a little cross, like a belly button. On its head sat a strange top hat with a dog’s face, red and white and a little comical; at its neck was tied a red bow, and in its hand it held a cane topped with a dog’s paw.
I recognized this toy. It was the one I’d given Fukase — the plush character now stood before me, as if it had come to life.
— Point? — I said, crouching down before the little doll.
Point lifted his head, tilting it slightly, and then bowed in greeting, which flustered me — hardly anyone ever bowed to me, except sometimes Fukase. Without saying a word, the doll placed the hat it had arrived on onto my head, then began walking somewhere and waved for me to follow. Not knowing what else to do in this dream, I adjusted the hat and followed Point anyway. This was a dream, I was sure of it, so there was no reason to worry.
I walked after Point, wondering what was happening. First this place, then this toy that suddenly came to life and acted like a real being. I decided to try asking a few questions, even though I knew how pointless it was:
— Hey, Point, what am I doing here? This is just a dream, right? — I asked, but the doll, without turning its head, merely made a small gesture, as if inviting me to keep up. — Is it a secret or something…? Or are you just a mute?
It soon became clear that Point either couldn’t speak or simply didn’t want to. Every question of mine he ignored, replying only with short gestures or faint nods. Slightly disappointed, I stopped my pointless attempts and fell silent. Besides, the surroundings themselves urged me to be quiet and simply take them in.
The path we walked on was soft, like freshly turned earth, yet it didn’t dirty my feet. Walking on it barefoot was surprisingly pleasant, as if it had been made for that. The ground was slightly warm, as though it still held the sun’s warmth.
We entered a forest. The trees here weren’t like those in the real world. Their trunks looked smooth, as if polished, yet they bore patterns — little spirals, for instance. The leaves shimmered in shades of green and blue, softly reflecting the light of the glowing orbs still floating all around. Underfoot spread moss, springy and pleasant. Somewhere among the branches I heard birdsong, but there were no birds to be seen. The forest was calm but not gloomy — on the contrary, it felt cozy and safe.
After a few minutes’ walk, we finally left the forest, and I stopped, holding my breath. Before me lay a rolling plain — full of gentle hollows and rises. In its center stretched a vast pond, the water clear, blue-green, the kind of color I’d only seen in paintings. Right in the middle of the pond rose an island with a gigantic tree. Its leaves shimmered green and blue, and large blossoms glowed faintly pink among its branches.
I looked around. Around the pond stood several structures. On a hill a bit away loomed a grand building resembling a theater or opera house — with columns, an ornate facade, and tall windows. On the other side, closer to the forest, I saw simple swings tied to tree branches. They looked overgrown with vines but perfectly preserved, as if someone had just been swinging on them. Closest to me was a little house sitting on a low rise, surrounded by a small garden full of trees with green petals and pink blossoms, their petals falling to the ground to form a soft carpet.
I paused for a moment to take it all in — especially since my vision allowed me to see so much — when I suddenly felt Point tug at my leg. He was clearly urging me on, bidding me not to fall behind. I obediently followed him toward the little house on the hill, which drew nearer and nearer.
The garden around the house was even more beautiful up close. The trees with their blue-green petals filled the air with a faint cherry scent, though they clearly weren’t cherry trees. It felt like I’d stepped into someone’s magical greenhouse. We entered the garden, and I slowed down, unable to tear my eyes away from the beauty all around me.
But something at the edge of my vision caught my attention — I saw movement among the trees. Before I could make sense of what it was, something suddenly leapt at me from above. I gasped in surprise, and the next moment someone landed on me.
We both tumbled into a thick bush of blue flowers. The soft petals cushioned the fall, but I still ended up buried in blossoms from head to toe.
— Ha-ha! There you are, Oli! — came a familiar, pleasant voice, the sound of which made my stomach twist in embarrassment. — I’ve been waiting so long, couldn’t you fall asleep any sooner?
I lifted my head and saw Fukase. He sat next to me, covered in petals, looking at me with a sly smile. His curly, bright red hair was slightly tousled, and there was a playful spark in his eyes. But what embarrassed me most was his outfit. Instead of his usual shirt and trousers, he wore something completely unusual — a bright red, multilayered skirt with patterns and ruffles. On top he wore a white lace shirt that blended into the upper part of the skirt, a bright red sash at his waist forming a huge bow at the back, and at his collar another, smaller bow of the same color. On his head perched a tall hat, making his whole appearance even stranger — the hat was just like Point’s, but without the dog’s face. His hair, usually just red, now had ginger ends dusted with golden sparkles.
— Fukase?! What the-?! What’s with… why are you even wearing a skirt?! — burst out of me before I could stop myself.
He tilted his head slightly, laughed out loud, then stood up and helped me to my feet.
— And what’s wrong with it? — he twirled theatrically, showing off the beauty of the outfit, then leaned closer, looking at me mischievously. — Don’t like it? Can’t I wear what I love even in my own dream world? Will you judge me, Oli?
I felt my cheeks flush red. This boy knew how to catch me off guard.
— N-no! No, of course not! — I panicked, not even noticing the strange things he was saying. — I… I was just surprised! I’ve never seen you like this before…
Fukase looked at me with a hint of hurt, but I didn’t dwell on it and hurried to question him:
— Wh-what is this place?! “Your dream world”? What does that mean? How did you drag me here?
— Oh, what an interrogation… — he muttered, lowering his head and puffing out his cheeks in mock offense. — How rude… And what about tea… don’t you want tea? Or would you rather something else?
I fell silent, staring at Fukase in bewilderment, but still agreed to tea, figuring that over tea he would explain everything. Fukase beamed and, grabbing my hand, dragged me straight into the house. Point, who had been watching us all this time, stayed outside.
Inside the little house it was cozy and pleasant, with plants everywhere. On a table near the little kitchen stood a vase holding a few pink flowers — beautiful and delicate, but somehow… withering? They looked tired… as though they’d been here too long.
— Sit down! — said Fukase, grabbing a teapot, which apparently already held hot water — maybe preheated, or maybe it had simply always been hot… after all, this was a dream. — Here, black with lemon, just how you like it!
I sat at the table as Fukase poured water into a cup and handed it to me, then filled his own. He sat across from me and sipped a bit of tea, as though it weren’t even hot.
— Welcome, Oliver. You’re in my dream world! — he said with a smile, setting his cup down and picking a few strawberries from a small saucer on the table. — I trust you, Oliver, and I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time, but I didn’t know how… please, listen to me. You see, Flower and I didn’t flee from my old country for nothing… the people there were very, very conservative. We came here because they would never have let us live — my mother was a witch… they burned her. — he suddenly dropped, his voice calm, as though saying such a thing was perfectly ordinary. — Don’t pinch your arms, you won’t wake up that way. I’m not joking, Oliver… please, believe me! I brought you here to tell you everything… I’m afraid to speak about this where others might hear…
— I… I don’t quite understand what your mother and you have to do with… with dreams? — I asked, trying to keep the conversation going.
— Oh, there’s nothing so mysterious! It’s a ritual; actually anyone with the knowledge could do it… entering your own inner dream world isn’t hard — you draw that pattern from the book on yourself, and that’s it. If you want to let someone else into your dream — you draw on them, and they draw a little detail on you! Ordinary people just don’t know about it, but witches pass the knowledge down through generations. Before she died, my mother released her last strength, sending me a charge of energy with all her knowledge. That’s how I inherited it all and became a “witch” too, ha-ha! I don’t have inner magic, but I have knowledge and spells… though… I mostly just like to play with dreams! I’m afraid other abilities are too noticeable, and I don’t want to die… when the knowledge was passed to me, that’s when I got all my burns. The pain was hellish — I’d have rather been burned alive…
I simply listened in silence, eyes wide, understanding nothing… witches, spells — it was all absurd! But… then again… maybe that’s why he doesn’t speak about it publicly, afraid they’ll think he’s mad and lock him up… others might think that too…
— I… I don’t know what to say… — I admitted honestly, feeling a bit of fear. Maybe… this really was just a dream, in the simplest sense… if I woke up in the morning and remembered it alone, it would just be a dream — but if not — I’d have to believe it.
— You don’t need to say anything! Oliver… I’m sorry I kept it from you for so long… I was afraid to talk about it… — Kase said, lowering his head in apology. — I wanted to bring you here because I love you and I trust you… you see, the dream world isn’t just some pictures and fantasies… it’s your thoughts, your deepest feelings, your memories… it’s a whole subconscious! It’s all very personal, but I trust you — you’re my best friend. Here… here in the dreams, it can be fun… you can talk about anything you want, you can be whoever you want… please… let’s spend some time here together, and then, when we wake up, you’ll see it’s not just a dream!
At that I nodded in agreement… I suppose that was the only way to find out if it was true or not…
— Um… and is there an end… to this world? Or do you just stay in the same place all the time? — I asked, wanting to know more.
— Oh-ho, this world is ever-changing! It shifts with my thoughts, my emotions, my life… I can climb to the clouds, go explore caves! It’s like exploring myself… it’s fascinating… you can even enter dreams I’ve had before! You’ll like it! And then someday we can even go into your dream world! Isn’t that exciting?
He took my hands and looked at me with wonder, as though expecting the same wonder from me — but I looked at him with confusion and a little unease… it was strange, I couldn’t quite believe what he was saying, but what I saw around me and the feelings I experienced began to crack my skepticism… this world felt real, yet supernatural, as though I really was deep in a dream — so deep I no longer felt the outer world!
— You… you’re not very comfortable, I see? I dumped it all on you too suddenly… sorry… I thought… I just… I was scared to say it out there, outside, and now it all just spilled out. I acted selfishly, I should have told you first, and only then brought you here… — apologized Fukase, looking at me with regret.
— Um, no… no need to apologize… I’m just a little shocked, I… everything here is so unusual, and you… you look strange. I… I just… — I began to fumble for words, not wanting to upset Fukase, but before I could finish, he lowered his head, avoiding my gaze.
— Strange? — he repeated, letting go of my hands, and I noticed the flowers in the vase slowly drooping too, as if they felt sad along with him. — I… is it… is it because of my outfit? Because of the skirt…?
I stayed silent, unsure what to say… seeing Fukase in a skirt really was unusual, but more than that it was his whole appearance that startled me — his odd hair, the mix of the tall hat and bare feet… but the skirt clearly mattered most to him. Maybe he always wanted to dress like that, but didn’t allow himself, afraid of others? And now he trusted me enough to hope I’d accept him as he was…
— I just… I like dressing this way. Sorry… I can change into something normal if it makes you more comfortable being around me… — he said quietly, still not looking at me.
— No! — I exclaimed, not wanting my best friend to feel like he couldn’t even dress as he liked in his own dream world. I stood from my chair and grabbed his hands again, wanting to show how sincere I was. — I… I just didn’t expect to see you like this, but, I think… it looks really cute! The skirt suits you so much, it’s not that — it’s just that I’ve never seen you like this before, your hair for example — there are sparkles in it, and the tips are yellow! I… I like how you look, Fukase, you’re very cute!
Fukase flushed suddenly, his cheeks turning red, and he stared at me in shock, as though he hadn’t expected me to actually accept him…
I looked at him and couldn’t help but smile. His embarrassment, his confusion — it only made me feel warmer toward him. I couldn’t hold back and stepped closer, then hugged him tightly. For a moment he froze, as if not believing it was happening, but after a few seconds his arms wrapped around me in return. He pressed against me, resting his forehead on my shoulder, and I thought I felt him trembling a little.
— Thank you, Oli… — he said softly, and his voice sounded so sincere, so touching that my heart clenched. I had never seen him so vulnerable… it really felt like you could see his soul here.
At that moment I heard something strange behind us. Not a sharp sound — more a soft, muffled noise, as if something had gently exploded just beyond the wall. I wanted to turn and see what it was, but Fukase, sensing my movement, clung to me more tightly, not letting go.
I turned my head toward the table, and my gaze fell on the flowers in the vase. Those same withering flowers that had looked so sad before suddenly began to revive. The petals became fuller, brighter, as though someone had breathed new life into them. Maybe those flowers symbolized something very important to Fukase. Maybe his feelings, his inner world, something. But seeing them alive and beautiful filled me with real happiness…
— You have no idea how lucky I am to have you, Oliver… — whispered Fukase, still holding me. — You’re so kind… so understanding. I… I love you so much.
Those words — so simple, so real — made me freeze. My heart skipped a beat, then started pounding wildly. I felt heat rush to my cheeks. I was in love with him, but he didn’t know, he was saying it as a friend, right? I forced myself not to let it show, smiled, and gently pulled back to look him in the eyes.
— I love you too, Fukase! — I said honestly. — You’re my best friend. I’ll always accept you the way you are — as long as you’re happy!
His face turned a little pink, but joy lit up in his eyes again. He squeezed my hands and seemed to sigh with relief. Then he smiled — such a happy, warm smile that it made me even happier to be there with him.
— Then let’s go… — he said, grabbing my hand. — I want to show you the most important places in this world, I want to share it with you. I think you’ll like it! We’ll start with the theater. Then maybe that place with the swings — there’s a little meadow in the forest where I make all sorts of interesting clothes, though I’m not sure if that would interest you, so we’ll see… but first, the theater! This place… is a little special to me!
I nodded, agreeing, though I wasn’t sure what to expect. We left the unfinished tea on the table and stepped outside. Fukase held my hand tightly, and I didn’t pull away. It was a strange feeling, but it felt good to be next to him.
When we stepped out, I stopped, stunned. The garden around the house had changed. The trees that had been blue-green before were now pink. The thick green leaves had become sparse, and everything else was covered in pink flowers. The whole scene seemed bathed in a rosy light. It was incredibly beautiful and gentle.
I remembered that strange sound I’d heard when hugging Fukase. Maybe it had been a signal that something here was changing? I wanted to ask him, but looking at his radiant face, I decided to keep quiet. I didn’t want to spoil the moment.
Soon Fukase smirked and we continued on, down the path, the green leaves beneath our feet now replaced with pink petals. There were no more changes around, just here by the house everything had turned pink… was that good or bad — I didn’t know. I didn’t know what those colors meant to him… maybe pink was something sincere, beautiful for him, or maybe not. Perhaps it was too personal — I didn’t want to ask. Better to let him tell me himself if it mattered to him…
Holding hands, we soon reached the theater, and Point — who had been waiting outside all this time — quietly followed behind.
The theater we approached was bright, beautiful, and refined, full of details. It didn’t look like a typical theater — more like something from a child’s imagination… but then, we were children, just twelve and thirteen, so it wasn’t surprising that in Fukase’s mind the theater looked just like this.
We approached the theater, and I looked at the building with curiosity. It was refined, as if woven from fantasies: carved columns adorned with star patterns, massive doors, stained glass windows through which soft light spilled. The theater seemed straight out of a fairy tale, but at the same time there was something childlike, simple, and cozy about it. It was smaller than the theaters I’d seen in the real world, but that only made it more charming.
— I’ve always wanted to perform for people… — Fukase said thoughtfully, stopping at the top step and gazing at the doors. — You know, to stand on stage, sing or act. Or better yet, show off in a beautiful outfit in front of everyone. I wanted to create clothes and show their beauty on myself… I wanted people to notice my talents and my beauty… But… — he fell silent, lowering his eyes. — But that’s unlikely… — he gave a faint, sad smile. — You know yourself how people look at anyone even a little different from them. Even if my burns don’t scare them, my image… — he glanced down at himself and ran a hand over the skirt. — I doubt they could ever accept it. And I’d like to be accepted as I really am…
I was about to object, but he didn’t let me.
— I’ve already seen how it goes, Oli. My mother… they didn’t accept her. They burned her alive just for being different, because they thought she was dangerous. I always wonder: what if they burn me one day too? Just because I don’t want to be like everyone else… maybe even without knowing about my magic, they’d see me as a danger — as a threat to their order and morals…
I felt as if someone had poured ice water over me. It was too cruel, too terrifying to be true, but looking at Fukase, I knew he was serious. I was scared, because I’d never seen him have thoughts like these before — this was something only here, in this dream… it felt so strange and frightening to me.
— No one’s going to burn you! — I exclaimed, trying to sound confident. — You don’t even show magic, nothing like that. Just wearing a skirt or being a little different — that’s not a crime! I heard that children used to be dressed in dresses all the time!
— But it’s not that time now… It’s not a crime, but for people — it’s enough to think you’re insane… — he answered softly, looking away. — If you’re not like them, they start to fear you. And fear is the most dangerous thing you can awaken in someone.
I fell silent, not knowing what to say. The words stuck in my throat. Maybe he was right. The world is unfair, people always fear what they don’t understand. But I admired what Fukase was. His uniqueness, his courage with himself, he embraced his own interests and wasn’t ashamed of himself, though it would have been nice if he weren’t so afraid of other people’s opinions. I wondered how the world would change if everyone dared to step outside the lines. If no one were afraid to be different… maybe the world would become freer. Fukase could be one of those who push it forward…
— All right, enough with the sad stuff… — Fukase interrupted my thoughts, pushing open the massive doors of the theater. — Come on, I want to show you what the stage of my world looks like. Maybe you’ll like it… it’s pretty cool…
We entered, and the first thing I noticed was the bright corridor. Huge stained-glass windows let in plenty of light, making the space warm and inviting. The floor was tiled, and the walls were lined with paintings depicting scenes, I assumed, from Fukase’s dreams — all fantastical, impossible landscapes. I stopped to look at the paintings, but Fukase didn’t let me linger, tugging my hand forward.
We stepped into the main hall, and everything changed. The hall was much darker than the corridor. Only a few beams of light illuminated the center of the stage. The theater was small, reminding me of children’s performances. On the stage lay countless pillows of all colors and sizes, scattered chaotically. In some places ribbons hung, and around the edge of the stage floated small glowing orbs, lighting the space with a soft, almost fairy-tale glow.
But what struck me most was the audience. In all the seats sat dolls. They were human-sized, dressed in different outfits, with meticulously crafted hair and faces. Some looked clearly inanimate, sitting quietly and staring at the stage, while others looked in other directions. I couldn’t help but feel a chill down my spine. It was strange and even eerie.
— They… they look scary… — I admitted, unable to take my eyes off one of the dolls.
Fukase chuckled softly.
— They’re just my audience. In this world all living people are like that. They’re not dangerous, they just sit and watch. Each of them has their own emotions, their own character — these are people from reality, the way I knew and know them…
— Living people? — I looked at him, then back at the dolls.
— My mother’s here too… but she doesn’t look like a doll, she looks human…
Fukase pointed to a corner where there was a chair — set apart from the others, a little larger, its back reclined. In the chair, in a half-reclining position, lay a young woman… she had long pink hair, no wrinkles on her face, she looked neat and well-kept. That was Fukase’s mother; I’d never seen her before, but it was obvious. She just slept there, not reacting to anything.
— That’s… oh… — I started, but, finding no words, fell silent again.
— She doesn’t wake… she just lies there and sleeps. I think it’s because I know she’s dead and simply can’t imagine her as alive… Maybe if I thought of her differently, she could be alive here… but I accept her death, I’ve already let her go… — Fukase said, looking at the woman with sadness but also a kind of detachment… though that wasn’t surprising — two years had passed since her death, and he’d probably grown used to it. Besides, from what he’d said, she hadn’t spent much time with him anyway. — Asterian and Flower aren’t here, if you’re wondering… they’re at the house where we were. In the garden, to be exact… they love tending the flowers, that’s what brought them close, as I told you…
Fukase took my hand again and led me toward the stage, but I could no longer see this world as something simple — everything felt so symbolic now that I couldn’t help but ask:
— Why aren’t they here? Would they be dolls too?
— Yes, like dolls… they’re not here because… — he fell silent for a moment, guiding me onto the stage and glancing out at the audience. — Because I feel more ashamed before them than before these people. I don’t want them watching me when I perform… I love performing, but… I’m not sure…
— Oh, what are you saying? Why wouldn’t you want…? Do you think they’d judge you?
— I think I’d disappoint them… Flo always protected me, I don’t want to disappoint her with who I really am, even though in this world I walk before her and Asterian in a dress. Asterian is so kind to me, so understanding — I’m really just a burden to him, yet he’s so sweet… so I’m afraid to show all of myself to him too… I don’t want to be an even greater burden. — he admitted honestly, his grip on my hand tightening just slightly.
— You care too much about what others think, Fukase! — I exclaimed, frustrated. I loved Fukase, I didn’t want my beloved friend constantly worrying about what others thought of him! Yes, some of it he did for his own safety, but here, here where nothing was real, he still feared it! — What does it matter? They’re all no one!
— Well, not no one… There’s Len — my old school friend from my previous town, who once mocked me for being so awestruck by his sister’s clothes… there's some kids from the school I went to before I moved! Over there — familiar adults, there — Asterian’s friends… they are not “no one”… — he said, pointing to some of the dolls.
— That’s not what I mean! — I interrupted him. — You should think about yourself first! Shame? What shame? Being yourself is important and beautiful — any sane person would be glad that someone they care about is at peace with themselves, as long as that peace doesn’t hurt anyone!
Fukase fell silent for a while, then stepped aside, and when he looked back at me, there was something sly in his eyes as he extended his hand to me, bowing slightly as if inviting me to dance…
— Well then, since you don’t care about what others think — dance with me in front of all these people!
I blushed at his proposal, feeling something tighten inside me, but despite my discomfort at the stares of those eerie dolls, I gave him my hand, trying to ignore the surroundings.
Fukase stepped closer, his hand gently yet confidently taking mine, his other hand resting on my shoulder. I stood still, trying to hide my embarrassment behind a calm face. Everything inside me tensed, and my heart seemed to beat its own defiant rhythm. Those eerie dolls in the audience stared at us, some slowly turning their heads to follow our every move. I wanted to look away from their gaze, but Fukase squeezed my hand lightly, pulling my attention back to him.
— Relax… — he whispered with a faint smile, his voice so calm, as if nothing unusual was happening. — You don’t know how to dance, do you? Then trust me…
Somewhere above, a playful yet calm melody began to play… I didn’t understand how — there was no one above us — but then I remembered this was just a dream, and things worked differently here. Fukase took the first step, gently pulling me along. I followed, barely keeping my balance. His movements were smooth and light, as if he floated above the stage. He led me with confidence, and though I tried my best not to falter, my steps felt heavy and clumsy.
We spun across the stage. Fukase would turn, letting go of me, but in those moments I froze, unsure what to do next. I lacked the confidence — I’d only ever danced at school, and even then it hadn’t interested me. I looked at my partner helplessly, trying to understand what to do, but he just smiled, took my hand again, and pulled me along.
— Just trust me, Oli! — he repeated, his voice so gentle that for a moment I forgot about the dolls in the hall.
Every one of his movements seemed perfect, his body following a melody only he could hear. He twirled me around, stepped back, then came back to me without ever letting go of my hand. His confidence was calming, and I began to feel the tension ease a little. He was so light, so natural, as though dancing was simply part of his world — and maybe it was. It seemed I didn’t know everything about him…
At one point he stepped closer, his hand sliding to my waist, his gaze locking on mine. He was so close, his touch warm and careful. My heart started pounding too fast again, and I froze, unsure what to do. It was beautiful. It was unusual. It was too much for me…
And then a quiet laugh came from the audience. Solitary, as if from a corner where one doll couldn’t hold back. Then others joined in. They laughed softly, as though whispering, but their voices sounded like mockery, like ridicule. I turned my head toward them and saw some of the dolls, sitting in their chairs, swaying slightly as if laughing, exchanging glances.
The smile disappeared from Fukase’s face instantly. He stepped back, then again, letting go of my hand. His gaze darkened, his shoulders slumped, and he turned away from me, staring at the floor.
— Sorry… I… I got carried away. — he said quietly, his voice barely audible.
I stood in the middle of the stage, feeling embarrassed, as if a wave had burned my skin. The dolls kept laughing softly, whispering. It was unpleasant, but… what could they mean? They were just his thoughts. Just dolls… but for Fukase they weren’t dolls — they were people, people he knew… and he thought they would laugh at him for showing his true feelings…
I clenched my teeth and, swallowing my embarrassment, stepped forward. I came up behind Kase and took his hand. He flinched at the unexpected touch but didn’t turn around.
— Fukase… — I called him quietly, gently pulling his hand so he’d face me. When his eyes finally met mine, I squeezed his palm tighter. — They don’t matter. Let them laugh. It doesn’t change anything. You’re beautiful, Fukase, and your dance was just as beautiful… I… I mean, our dance! Maybe it seemed strange to them — two boys dancing like that, ha-ha — but so what? The important thing is that we felt good, right?
His lips trembled, like he wanted to say something, but instead he just squeezed my hand back and turned his head away again.
— What matters is that you liked it… I… I know it’s hard to feel that way, you… I know you want to meet others’ expectations, I feel that too… I often feel it… but you can’t live like that! — I went on, carefully keeping hold of his hand. — You have to think about yourself… you only get one life, and you have to live it for you ! Do what makes you happy! If it doesn’t hurt anyone — then what does it matter? — I said passionately, though inside I scolded myself because I rarely followed my own advice. — If others don’t want to accept you — that’s their problem, you don’t have to dance to their tune! Don’t worry so much about what others feel, everything you do doesn’t harm anyone, so your feelings should come first! Kase, please, listen… I accept you and I love you just as you are… you’re a wonderful person, kind, sweet, and beautiful! You’re beautiful just the way you are !
Fukase glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, and that was enough for me to see his eyes welling up… I’d never seen him cry before. He noticed my worried look, our eyes met, and then the light above us flickered as if he were trying to… snuff it out, afraid to let me see his feelings…
— S-sorry… — Fukase muttered, turning toward me and falling to his knees. — I… I look pathetic, I’m sorry…
— Don’t say that! — I exclaimed, kneeling too and taking his hands. — You don’t look pathetic! I… I really admire sincerity, and I respect men who aren’t afraid to show their weaknesses! I wish I could do the same — staying silent is always so hard! I really, really want to see the real you, you’re so amazing!
Kase lowered his head, then pressed it to my chest, wrapping his arms tightly around my back. I, in turn, hugged his shoulders and gently stroked his bright curls.
The light in the room suddenly went out, and everything was plunged into darkness… I flinched at that — I never liked the dark — but it seemed to calm Fukase, because his breathing grew steady and his body stopped shaking.
— Oliver… — he whispered, his voice trembling and hoarse, and then the light slowly returned — but I kept my eyes on Fukase, noticing nothing else. — I love you, Oliver…
I probably would’ve blushed at those words in normal circumstances, but now they didn’t feel romantic — to me, they were just platonic, and I simply smiled sincerely.
— I love you too… it’s okay, Fukase… I’m here, always here! — I said with a smile, gently stroking his back.
Fukase let go of me and slowly stood up, still not lifting his head, and I rose with him. I saw his legs trembling — it looked like he’d been drained from all the tension. Wiping his eyes with his hand, he finally raised his gaze to me… his lips curved into a gentle smile, and his eyes, still wet and teary, shone with gratitude. He looked vulnerable — but also so gentle and sweet at the same time.
I blushed at the sight of him and looked away… and finally noticed that in the hall, only Fukase’s sleeping mother remained in the far corner — the dolls had all vanished, and in their seats now grew flowers and grass, with little butterflies fluttering around.
Butterflies — symbols of freedom and lightness, of transformation… Could it mean that Fukase’s feelings had become freer, lighter? That they’d transformed from something heavy and oppressive into something light and free? That’s where my thoughts settled — I didn’t feel it was right to ask. If it was important to him, he would tell me himself — after all, tonight he’d already shared so many secrets, trusted me with so much. I think now he really did trust me deeply.
Fukase sniffled, drawing my attention back to him. He looked at me for a moment in silence, then suddenly lunged forward and knocked me off my feet, and we both tumbled into a heap of pillows behind us. Kase hugged me tight and started laughing and giggling happily, kicking his legs like a child…
His laughter was the kind that comes when something good happens — the kind that makes you want to bury yourself in blankets and hug pillows, biting them out of sheer joy. I was so happy to hear that kind of laugh from him… so sweet, so tender.
— I adore you! — he cried out loudly and happily, lying on top of me, his chin resting on my chest. — I love you more than anyone in the world! Really, really!
Now my cheeks flushed again… the atmosphere was too intimate — everything felt so personal and secret. We lay on soft, warm pillows, and Fukase was lying directly on me — it felt unreal… like something that could only happen in a dream.
— Everything’s so… unreal… — I murmured, placing my hand on his head and gently stroking his curls.
His face suddenly turned bright red and he jumped to his feet, glancing around. His gaze first fell on Point, standing at the edge of the stage, then on his mother lying in the corner. He shook his head and reached out a hand to help me up.
— I… I can’t… I want to say something… or rather… — he began to stammer, his eyes darting around. — Let’s go to the tree, I want to tell you something there… I need… some privacy, that’s all… come on… Point, you stay here!
I looked at Kase, puzzled, but I had no reason to refuse — so I gave him my hand, he pulled me up, and still holding my hand, he led me toward t he exit from the theater.
Soon we were outside, and the bright light stung my eyes — but as they adjusted, I noticed it was already evening here… I thought it would always be daytime in this world, but apparently time could change.
— It’s evening already… — I said softly, lo oking at the sky, where the clouds glowed yellow and pink in the sunlight.
— Ah… yes! Even here the time of day can change… and the seasons too. But it depends on deep feelings. For me it’s always summer, but the time of day changes — for my sister it’s always morning, no summer or autumn, but there’s winter and early spring! — explained Fukase as he started pulling me toward the lake. — Someday I’ll tell Asterian everything and visit his dream! I’m so curious what it’s like! And one day I’ll visit your dream too!
— Oh, um… okay… — I mumbled, though I didn’t dwell on it — I clearly wasn’t ready to let anyone into the “depths of my mind,” not even Fukase.
Finally I tore my eyes from the sky and looked at the lake and the tree… and once again, everything had changed. The enormous tree on the little island in the middle of the lake was now like the ones in the garden at Fukase’s house — its flowers had turned pink… petals were drifting down in the soft breeze, floating serenely across the water. It was breathtakingly beautiful.
It seemed that for Fukase, the color pink meant something important — as if it was the color of his soul, his truest feelings. Such a great tree couldn’t be meaningless — especially since it stood at the very center of the world. And now that it was blooming in the color of Fukase’s true feelings — it was beautiful.
Finally, Fukase and I walked down the hill and ended up right at the water’s edge, blue and glimmering in the sunlight. The truth was, I didn’t really like water — it made me nervous… it gave me this anxious feeling… I didn’t even like washing because of it, though of course I still had to.
— It’s not deep here, don’t worry! — Fukase said with a smile, then stepped into the water. And indeed, at first it really wasn’t deep. — Don’t worry, I know where it gets deep and where it doesn’t. See, here there’s a path — you can tell because the water’s a little lighter.
He kept holding my hand and tried to lead me into the water, but I didn’t move, not trusting it… even though this was just a dream.
— Um… I just… don’t feel very comfortable… I don’t like water, you know that… — I said softly, carefully letting go of Fukase’s hand and pressing it to my chest.
Fukase looked at me, puzzled, but then his expression shifted — realization and a hint of pity flashed in his eyes. He quickly stepped back out of the water, then hitched up the hem of his skirt and ran off, calling only “wait here.”
I didn’t have time to react, so I just obediently stood there by the lake, waiting for him to come back.
I didn’t have to wait long — he returned just a couple of minutes later, holding a huge green leaf in his hands. He walked to the water and laid the leaf down on the surface like a little boat. Then, offering me his hand, he helped me sit on the leaf, staying in the water himself. He handed me a long blade of grass he’d also brought, and when I grabbed it, he began pulling the boat with it, like a sled.
It was so unusual… I’d never ridden on a boat or a ship before, and this was a leaf , which made it even more magical. I actually liked it.
The little waves that rippled from Fukase’s movements made the boat gently rock, but it didn’t feel unpleasant — it was more like being on a rocking horse for little kids. Either way, it was lovely…
Soon Fukase pulled the boat up to the shore by the great tree and helped me climb out. We walked to the magnificent pink tree — petals fell from it softly, and tender flowers grew beneath it… everything felt so romantic.
— Y-you… you… wait here for me… — Fukase said, his voice trembling and his face flushed, pointing to a spot under the tree. I just nodded, and he ran to the other side of the island, behind the tree. It was wide enough that I could have peeked, but I didn’t — I waited patiently.
I waited and waited… and at last he came back and stood right in front of me. In his hands was a small bouquet of flowers, some green leaves, and… tiny glowing stars? They looked like they’d been stuck to the flowers and leaves… it looked magical.
Fukase flushed even redder and shoved the bouquet into my chest, avoiding my gaze. I couldn’t do anything but accept it.
— Oliver, I… tonight I… I…! — he started loudly but falteringly. — Listen… — he suddenly grabbed my hand. — We’ve known each other a long time and I… I realized I have… really strong feelings for you and… they’re not right! But… t-tonight, in this dream, you accepted me and I… I want to tell you something else important, you understand? And… and I’ll understand if you don’t like it, just… let’s stay friends even if you don’t feel the same, okay? I… I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t want to hide it anymore…
I looked at him, confused and intrigued, still holding his hand… and because of how raw his emotions were, my cheeks warmed. I squeezed his hand tighter and took a step closer, wanting to hear clearly what he was struggling to say… I loved him, and I’d accept him no matter what.
— I’ll always accept you, Fufu… because I love you! — I said with a sincere smile, which made Kase blush even deeper.
— I… I had to say it! — he suddenly cried out angrily, looking at me with something like hurt. — It’s… I love you, Ollie!
I stayed quiet, unsure what to say… In the context of what was happening, he must have meant romantically, but… could it really be? Could it really be that the feelings I had for him — he felt for me too?
— I know people would judge us… sorry… but I… I’ve felt this way for a year and I wanted to tell you here, where no one can hear. S-sorry if you don’t feel the same, I understand… I know this might be awkward, sorry… — he said, stepping back and loosening his grip on my hand. — I… I love you, Ollie… r-romantically… you understand? Sorry, I…
— Oh… — the soft sound escaped me before I even realized, and Fukase froze, terrified of my reaction. — I… I didn’t think this was possible…
— I-it’s just… it happens… it’s okay if you don’t feel the same, it’s just… it happens, ha-ha… I know boys aren’t supposed to love boys! Just, you see… — he panicked, looking away.
— No, I meant… — I hesitated, not knowing how to phrase it calmly. — I didn’t think it was possible that my feelings would be returned…
Fukase fell silent again, and I bit my lip, surprised that I’d said such a thing… I had just confessed my feelings. It was so… embarrassing! God, please let this all just be an ordinary dream! Please let it not be real! I’m such an idiot!
— You… you l-love me? — Fukase asked quietly, shyly, suddenly grabbing my shoulders.
— Y-yes, Fukase… I love you… — I admitted softly, feeling my cheeks burning even hotter.
Fukase’s eyes lit up, sparkling with delight. At first he started bouncing in place, not knowing what to do with his emotions, and then he suddenly leapt at me, knocking me down into the flowers and grass. He hugged me tight and started squealing softly with joy and happiness, kicking his legs.
— Really?! Really really?! You’re serious, Oliver, really?! — he squealed, squirming from side to side.
— Y-yes! Yes, really-really! — I laughed at his silly behavior, trying to loosen the grip he had around me.
— I… I love you, Ollie! I love you! — Kase cried loudly, hugging me even tighter.
After a while his emotions calmed and he carefully let go of me, though he still held my hands. I sat up from where I’d been lying in the grass, and he lowered his head like a scolded child before pressing his face against my chest, hiding it.
— It should’ve been more romantic… — he mumbled, hugging me from behind.
— What? I think it was as romantic as it gets! At least for twelve-year-olds, ha-ha! — I laughed, stroking his curls.
He raised his head, looking me in the eye, then leaned in and gently pecked my cheek, making my heart race.
— Thank you, Oliver… — Kase said softly, resting his head on my shoulder. — Thank you… I love you… you’ve done so much for me… you mean so much to me…! Oli-Oli, my sweet, sweet Oli!
At his embarrassing words I only laughed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. I felt so happy… I hadn’t felt this warm and comfortable in so long. I was so glad that my feelings, so wrong and painful, turned out to be mutual. I was so glad I could help Fukase through his fears… I was happy that he was happy.
From such peace and serenity I closed my eyes, savoring only the feelings… and suddenly I woke up.
I woke up in my warm bed. Falling asleep inside the dream — I had left it without even wanting to. Ah, if I had known — I would’ve done everything I could to keep myself from falling asleep…
— Oh… — I whispered, sitting up in bed. — Mmm… eh… it must’ve just been a dream…
— Oliveeer… — came Fukase’s sweet little voice suddenly from the window, and I turned my head and met his eyes.
He looked as though… as though his very soul was glowing… his smile was so pleased.
— You slept so long after you fell asleep in the dream, ha-ha!
— F-Fukase! — I exclaimed, trying to get out of bed, but he didn’t give me time to react.
Fukase pulled himself up through the open window and slipped into my room… standing in front of me in a dramatic pose, as though showing himself off. And there was something to show: he — or rather, his outfit — looked different. At his collar was tied a red ribbon tie, and instead of his usual pants, he wore a long, dark red skirt. He looked unbelievably cute… and so sincere and free…
— This… this wasn’t a dream… — I whispered under my breath, not believing what I was seeing — Fukase standing there, looking just like that.
Hearing my words, Fukase giggled softly, then came over and, leaning down, gently pecked my cheek, making me blush… It felt so real and unreal at the same time. Real — because everything felt more real than it had in that dream, and unreal — because it all felt so magical and enchanting…
— Kase…
— Oli! — Fufu interrupted me, smiling brightly and looking at me with gratitude. — Thank you for everything… Let’s keep dreaming together from now on, okay?
To be continued…
