Chapter Text
it left me scarred.
and it was all his fault.
LET ME OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE NOW.
He steps foot right out of the old church. The decayed wood creaks as Matt, Nikita and Joey all exit the abandoned hall together.
"We did it, guys... we're free!... finally..." Joey glances at the others, a faint smile on his face.
But that smile was forced, not of happiness. Matt knew it but just smiled back with the same empty emotions.
How can he smile through this, even though we've seen death, over and over and over again?
Isn’t that what you did as well, Matthew?
But he was the reason of everything in the first place! Why, Joey?
WHY!!?
GIVE US A REASON
"Well, I guess... I mean, what are we supposed to do now?"
Nikita asked the other two, glancing between them as she thought back to all the things that have happened between them, between everyone this night.
Matt doesn't say anything, just looks between Joey and Nikita. Joey doesn't know either what to say and just glances to the ground, leaving her question unanswered as the three of them slowly walk out.
The crumbled path underneath their feet sounded so loud without the others. Without their group.
Rosanna.. oh dear Ro... to hear your voice again... to hug you like you did when I came back... Ro, I hope they'll treat you with all the love you deserve. I’ll miss you...
Matt glances around the cold, empty town. Everyone was gone, just the three of them were left. It all looked so… abandoned now. The sun was slowly lifting above the horizon and the town slowly lit up in the soft early sunrays of the morning. Finally seeing what they’ll leave behind.
The deaths, suffering, fear and distrust. Betrayal. All of it, in that very night.
He'll never forget. He won't forget. He can’t. Never in his entire life...
it all looks so.. cold... I mean I was dead, but this.... no... i'll never let this happen again...
His hands buried deep into the pockets of his jacket. The leather felt so cold, yet so comforting against his hands. He nervously fidgets with a small loose thread of yarn in his pockets.
Matt spots that same bright pink fur peeking over the wooden counter of one of the stalls as he looks around. Blanche was laying there on the same old table where he left him. He walked up towards the stall and reached out to grab the stuffed animal and looks at him. All the memories flood back at him like a wave filled with pure pain.
He puts Blanche underneath his arm, giving his fragile fur a soft pat and walks back to Nikita and Joey. Tracing his steps back to the entrance of the town felt like hours as he looks over town.
"Guy's... there's one more thing I need to do.."
Joey breaks the silence between them as Matt and Nikita turn around to face him.
"I'll meet you on the other side, okay?..."
Matt and Nikita just nod at Joey, the both of them watching Joey walk back into the town, before turning around towards the bridge they entered to.
Why would he need to go back? Just leave already...
He doesn’t care anyway, so why should you?
You haven’t cared this whole night, so why should you now?
It’s useless anyways, Matthew. And you know it, don’t you?
He stood at the end of the bridge they crossed, looking back behind him and seeing the same dark, blood red curtain hung on the other side.
Everlock.
He'll never forget that name. Never...
Nikita had already left him with a simple 'goodbye Matt', leaving him alone back at the beginning.
He huffed silently as he turned around and walked back to his car, still looking the exact same where he left it. Yet, Rosanna wasn't there with him. He put Blanche in her seat next to his, reaching into his inner pocket of his jacket and rattling his car keys out which were surprisingly still there and sat down in his car.
Matt started the car, but waited for a bit in his car, before driving off, back home.
~
Surprisingly, his house keys were still in the unlocked glove box of his car, grabbing them from the compartment as Matt shut off the car's engine.
He opened the car's door and stepped out into his driveway, shutting the door and making his way to his front door and holding his house keys in his other hand. Unlocking the door, he heard an all too familiar voice come from upstairs.
"Matthew? Is that you?.."
Stephanie stepped down from the stairs, looking at him as her expression instantly changed from worried, to relieved. She walked towards him and hugged him tight.
Matt flinched as she hugged him but immediately wrapped his arms back around hers.
"We were so worried about you, we didn't know when you'd come back..."
His movements were a bit different that usual, his eyes weren't the lively eyes of the Matthew she knew.
i'm sorry Steph...
you deserve more than an apology from me.
more than I could give you.
"Stephanie! It’s so good to see you again. I'm okay, I’m fine… It’s good to see you again.."
He said, looking down at her and smiled warmly at her, but his eyes... changed… Changed in a way she couldn’t exactly figure out. She knew it was Matthew, but he wasn’t…Matthew anymore.
"You look like you went through h. e. double hockey sticks... Let's get you upstairs.."
Stephanie said worrying, walking with him and guiding him upstairs, completely oblivious of what happened last night. And he'd keep it that way. For now.
I died... i've seen death over, and over, and over again and again, and again... i've changed and i’m sorry...
He slowly walked with her, while Stephanie kept Matthew's tempo with a hand behind his back. His body was still adapting to the fact he died, he was also still confused on how all the injuries just suddenly disappeared from his body, nevertheless. He had pulled all-nighters before, but this... this was different, but he keeps walking.
"Matthew, you seem too stressed... I think it's the best for you if you'll just rest for now... The team and I will take over for you, don't worry, dear..."
Stephanie reassured him as she noticed his exhausted expression, being tense and worrying. She gently brushed a strand of his hair from his face, hearing Matt reply a bit dull.
"yeah.. that sounds okay... thank you, Steph… Thank you…"
He answered, trying to sound a bit more... lively than he actually was. Matt nodded at her and hugged her once again, before making his way to their bedroom, closing the door behind him.
At the same time, Jason was walking up the stairs, hearing Matt's voice again, but not seeing him. He looks at Stephanie as she glances at the door with a worried gaze.
"Wait, what happened? Is Matt okay?"
Jason asks Steph as she turned around to face him.
"No, I don't think so... Matthew looked exhausted and he acted a lot… different, than usual... I don't know what happened last night with him... or Joey Graceffa…"
"Poor Matt.. I hope he'll get better soon enough..."
Jason says, before walking further up the stairs, leaving Stephanie in front of the closed door again. She silently looked at the door for a bit, before slowly glancing down towards the floor and she decided not to disturb Matthew any further.
~
He hasn't even moved, not a single muscle.
Laying on his side on the bed, still fully clothed as the sun started to set.
what happened? it was all real.. they're gone, for good... yet they chose to save.. me.
why? just because i'm smart? just because they could use my help and escape the night? was it just that, or was there something more?
was I destined to survive, or was it just pure luck?
Matthew kept worrying to himself, his eyes wide open as he glanced towards the wall. Remembering how easily he had laughed about death. The very same situation he was in. He knew he just made fun of it as a temporary coping mechanism, but the implications of his actions...
Regret was pouring in, blaming himself for not taking action. Matthew was so buried deep into his thoughts that he didn't notice Stephanie had already entered their room and noiselessly laid next to him.
"hey, Matthew, dear... how are you feeling?..."
Stephanie asked Matt, her voice soft and caring as she put her hand on his shoulder. Her hand reaching out on the warm orange leather of his jacket, her thumb softly caressing his shoulder.
Matt didn't immediately answer, the unbearable guilt still reflecting on him each second he thought.
You laughed at them...
Laughed and joked about their death, then forgot like they were nothing to you.
You’re horrible.
You’re a horrible person and you know it, Matthew Patrick.
You know it, and you’re doing nothing about it.
He exhaled softly, coldly and turned around to face Stephanie. Her eyes slightly widened in concern, slowly raising her hands and gently cupped Matthew’s face and lightly caressed his skin.
“Oh, Matthew, I can’t lose you…”