Chapter Text
Gangle has never been a big fan of Caine's adventures. They're always too much for her, too loud, too eventful, too everything. Today is especially bad, a crescendo of the awful week she's had.
It seems like Caine was in a particular mood this week. His adventures have always been hectic, but he still maintained some semblance of order.
But recently Caine has been distant. There's a strain in his voice whenever he talks to them, his eyes not entirely focused. And when things go off the rails during an adventure, he rarely intervenes.
Jax has also been in a mood, he probably thinks he's hiding it well, but as the one on the receiving end of it Gangle can tell something has him worked up. And without Caine's presence, he takes the opportunity to let out all his frustrations onto her.
His pranks are meaner and he targets her in any competition or team based adventures.
She tries really hard not to let it all bother her, she tries to listen to Zooble's advice, and at times she's thinks she's doing well. She pushes back against him and does her best to tune his words out. But it still gets to her, no matter how hard she tries.
The stress of whatever is going on with Caine, plus Jax's torment has brought her to the edge. And now being teamed up with Kinger for a game of hide and seek with Jax as the seeker has pushed her over.
She likes Kinger, really, she does. He's cooky but in an endearing way, he reminds her of one of her old art teachers in college. An older man who's eccentrics translated beautifully to his art.
In that way, he's comforting to her. A reminder of her real life.
But on a day like today, traits she usually wouldn't mind or only find mildly annoyed are bringing her to a boil.
They've been running around to circus trying to find someplace to hide, she has a ribbon wrapped around his hand practically dragging him. He doesnt seem to understand what they're doing, he's constantly getting distracted and is being much too loud for someone who is supposed to be hiding.
Having him with her has slowed them down, and each good hiding spot is already occupied by the time they get there.
"Kinger... Please focus, we need to find someplace to hide!"
They have to find a good, no, the best spot. They have to or Jax will find them and when he finds her he'll-
"Oh! I know just the spot!" Suddenly it's her being dragged, Kinger beeling to God knows where. Defeated, she resigns herself to whatever Jax has in mind for her.
But, surprisingly, Kinger does actually know a spot. It's behind the stage in the Circus's main room, a small door off to the side hidden by the curtains. She's never been back here before, she didn't even know they could be back here.
Kinger opens the door, the room inside is small with shelves lining the walls holding props, some she recognizes from previous adventures. There's a small lightbulb illuminating the room, it swings back and forth casting shadows on walls.
Kinger stands there, still holding the door open with an expectant look on his face.
"Oh... It's.. it's very nice Kinger, thank you..." He smiles (at least, she thinks he is, it's hard to tell given the lack of a mouth) at her, seeming satisfied he yanks her into the room eliciting a yelp from her as he closes the door behind them.
The room is small, but not cramped. There's still a few feet between her and Kinger who is leaning against the door with the side of his face where his ear would be pressed up against it. She's not sure if he can actually hear anything better that way, but decides to leave him to it.
She slumps against the shelf behind her, slightly rattling it. Her mind is still racing with all the horrible ideas of what Jax will do to her when he finds her.
She focuses on the lightbulb still swinging back and forth. It's annoying, she decides. She glares at it, the creaking sound it makes pisses her off (like Jax's voice). It's an obnoxious yellow (like Jax's teeth). Back, forth, back, forth, back-
She grabs something from the shelf behind her and hurls it at the lightbulb. It's shatters noisely, scattering shards of glass over the room. Kinger shrieks and the room is engulfed in darkness.
She shuts her eyes, trying to fight off the noise in her brain. Her breathing is fast and way too loud. She curles her ribbons against her eyes, rubbing at them furiously like she can scrub away her thoughts.
A hand settles on her shoulder. She pulls her ribbons away, snapping her head up to see Kinger kneeling in front of her. At some point she must've sunk to the ground. As her eyes adjust to the darkness she can see the concerned look in Kinger's surprisingly clear eyes.
"Gangle?" His voice is much softer than she's ever heard it. "I need you to focus on breathing, can you do that?" Can she? It shouldn't be difficult, but right now it seems like an impossible task. "It's okay, I'll do it with you, follow my breathing." He takes a deep breath in and out. He does this a couple of times before Gangle tries to follow along. Her first breath is much shakier and she can't hold it for as long, but slowly they even out until she's breathing in sync with Kinger.
"Good, you're doing great Gangle." The praise does something to her, he probably didn't even think before saying it, but it feels like a punch to the gut. Her eyes water, a sight that takes Kinger aback as he pulls his hand away from her shoulder with a look of panic.
"I'm sorry, I didn't.. are you alright?" He looks out of place now, like he's not sure what to do. Gangle snatches one of his hands back, holding onto it with a vise grip. He seems a little taken a back but allows her to squeeze his hand hard enough that it must hurt.
For a while they don't speak. Gangle's tears eventually stop, but she doesn't release his hand. He scooches to sit beside her, the small space leaves little room between them. But she doesn't mind, squished against him she can feel how strangely warm he is, she wonders if it's his robe or if he somehow has body heat. It's... comforting, in a don't think about it too much way.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She tenses, he must feel it because he quickly adds "You don't have to! We can just stay like this if you'd prefer." She mulls it over, talking sounds exhausting but...
"There's something wrong with me." She quietly admits, like she hopes he won't be able to hear it.
"What do you mean?" Despite her nerves, his voice holds no judgement.
"I... I'm just so angry. This whole week has been so awful, and Jax just won't leave me alone! He's so mean and awful and... And I think I hate him!" Guilt wells up in her at the admission.
Kinger turns his head to look at her, "I don't think anyone would blame you for feeling that way, Gangle." He shifts to put the hand she's not holding on her shoulder. "He centrainly hasn't given you much to like." He chuckles.
"But he's not like that with anyone else! I mean, he's always mean but with me it feels more than that."
Kinger is silent for a moment, he's probably gathering his thoughts but Gangle takes the opportunity to continue. Her voice becoming frantic.
"And he was being friendly with Pomni! They got along, he was so nice to her. I just can't stand it! It makes me so angry, I hate it. Sometimes I just want to punch that stupid f$@%ing grin off his face. I want to scream at him and tell him just how much I hate him, how... how much better things would be without him here. Isn't that awful? I'm just as bad as him." She whispers the last part, curling in on herself and pulling her hand away from his in shame.
She expects him to yell at her, or to storm out. She wouldn't blame him. But he does neither, he keeps his hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly.
And when he speaks again his voice isn't disgusted or angered.
"I think... Jax doesn't know how to regulate his emotions. He has all these feelings welling up inside him, he doesnt know what to do with them so he turns them towards you. He's using you to vent his own frustrations, and that's not your fault."
He squeezes the hand on her shoulder, she pulls her head up. Looking into his eyes, she finds nothing but understanding.
"You're allowed to be angry, Gangle."
Her eyes are watering again, "But I want to hurt him! Doesn't that make me just as bad?"
"No. The difference between you and him is that he acts on those thoughts, you don't."
He says it so matter of factly, like it's that simple.
"How do you know I haven't already acted on them? Or that I wont?"
He speaks and Gangle holds onto each word he says like it's the gospel.
"I've been here for a very long time, I've met people like Jax before. Giving into those cruel thoughts is an act of self defense to them. But you, Gangle, I've never met anyone like you." Tears are streaming down her face again, but she doesn't bother wiping them away. "I know you'll never act on them because you're this upset from just the thought of them. And that, Gangle, makes you stronger than most." Strong. No one has ever called her strong before. She's always been meek and timid, strong just isn't a word associated with her. But hearing it from him, she wants to believe it.
She sniffles, finally wiping her tears away. She giggles a wet and probably pretty pathetic sound.
"Thanks Kinger."
She wraps one of her ribbons around his hand again, more gentle than last time.
"Don't mention it."
She's not sure when he got this wise, or if he always was.
There's a question on the tip of her tongue, something that's been bothering her. Kinger seems to know what she asking just from the look in her eye.
"I'm acting pretty strange, huh?" She doesn't mean to be rude but... She nods. He chuckles, he goes to answer but she cuts him off.
"Its the darkness, right?" He startles, looking at her like she's grown a second head.
"Ah, yes. How did you-?"
"I get it. It's nice, the darkness. It... Makes some of my thoughts quieter." She smiles at him and his gaze softens into something fond. "Is that why you have that pillow fort?"
"...Yes it's comforting, reminds me of better times." There's a story to that, but she reckons they're both a little emotionally drained for that conversation. "You said you found dark spaces comforting as well?" She nods, he practically beams when he offers; "You could join me in the pillow fort when your thoughts get too much?"
"You wouldn't mind..?"
"Not at all! You like to draw, right?" She nods, a little confused at the sudden shift in conversation. "Maybe we could draw together! Though I have to warn you I've never been a very good artist." He says with a chuckle.
"Yeah... I, I think I'd like that."
Later that week, when her thoughts get too much she sneaks off and makes her way to Kinger's pillow fort.
She stands just in front of it, not sure how to get in without collapsing the whole thing. Suddenly a hand pops out, pulling some of the pillows aside. She takes the invitation and crawls inside.
The inside is much bigger than what it looks like on the outside, she assumes it's just some Circus shenanigans.
Kinger sits nervously off to the side, she wonders if he's ever had anyone else in his fort. She scooches closer, pulling out her sketch book.
She's a little nervous too, art is something near and dear to her heart. She doesn't think she'd be able to handle Kinger making fun of her art. But, he doesn't. He asks her questions and enthusiasticly points out things he likes.
By the time they're finished, Gangle's previous thoughts are completely forgotten.
"Can you draw bugs?" She snorts, of course. Everyone has noticed Kinger's affinity for bugs, it's something that he seems to hold the same enthusiasm for even with a clearer head.
"Yeah, I could draw you some bugs, Kinger." He's practically glowing, excitement radiating off of him. No, wait, he's actually glowing.
"Kinger, you're not breathing."
"Oh, whoops!"
She giggles, lights or no lights, he's still Kinger.