Chapter Text
1993, just two years after the USSR had fallen and cold war was done, Alfred had sighed and stretched his back after the war had ended, he couldn't get one break, though its not like he wanted to but, sure it would've been nice, Having to go straight into another war after ww2 really made Alfred tired of working, he just wanted to relax, get some food and watch movies, Which is why he was happy and better now that the cold war had ended
Though he would have to do more work but he doesn't have to pilot for a while, not until another war breaks out, his new boss had been a bit easier on him then the last one, but he still had a bunch of paperworks to do,The damn commies are disappearing so of course he has to talk with the local newspapers and then the news themselves about what the democracy of USA has to offer for people
And then he has to visit the graves of those who died in the vietnam but also korean war, his people mourned, he mourned, the amount of blood he’d seen, the amount of cries from family, he didn't have family himself but, these people did
Alfred had knocked on his bosses door, his newer boss, the new president of the united states, he could hear some shuffling of papers and a voice saying “Come in”, Alfred walked in and chanced his face to appear with a smile
“Hey Boss! You needed me?” he said as he walked up to the mans desk, sitting on the chair that sat infront of it, his brown jacket falling off of his shoulder as he sat back, hands gripping the arms of the chair
His boss, Mr clinton, Had cleared his throat “My meeting with Yeltsin had gone well, he wants to soon meet soon, We planned to have a kentucky fried chicken open inside of russia for more Showing of our new relationship” the man had spoke, his voice low and smooth, he had his hands resting on his eachother as he leaned on his desk
Alfred had just sat back, fiddling with the end of his glasses, twisting it around, he only spoke soon after the silence had filled the room, telling that His boss was done speaking
“I did suggest that we could open up another burger joint but thats enough burgers for the russians” Alfred didnt listen to what most of bill clinton had said, but he did hear kfc, food always being on his mind, Though it hadn't been awhile where alfred could have a say in decisions, his last boss had let him in with some plans on the cold war
Bill Clinton seemed to be trying his best to include Alfred in what he has to do, so Alfred tries to speak up and tell his mind most of the time. Alfred sat up, slowly pushing his glasses to feel his skin
“Russia’s economy is declining isnt it? Why open more places they can't afford?” after the cold war had ended, Russia’s economy had started going shit, Well, they already had lost a lot during USSR timing, and during WW2, but they lost more after the cold war
Alfred had questioned his boss, well, He guess that this is only to show the hippies and people that russia And USA will finally be together in peace, Alfred wasn't much sure about it, Ivan freaks him out-
-Actually forget that, Alfred doesn't want that commie ruining his thoughts and mind by being in it, Alfred nods his head a bit, tilting it, to show his boss that he's ready to be answered, his eyes staying staring at the man
Bill Clinton coughs, and fiddles with his photo on his desk, one of him and his wife and daughter, Alfred knows that photo because he can see it with the tilt of his head, "Alfred, it's because, we have to show the new relations of Russia and United states to the people”
Alfred had kind of already known that but he just wanted to get the conversation over with and go back home, as Francis would say ‘Alfred is in his emo era’ Alfred of course didn't agree, Alfred is his normal self, being a hero, being a cool dude…
Clinton had Leaned over and grabbed a few papers, must have been the papers that Alfred had heard shuffling before he opened the door, Clinton put the papers on the desk and close to alfred
“I had actually suggested something to Yeltsin, though it's not widely accepted in either countries-” Alfred had looked down at the paper, at the top had been in big letterings of the word “ Marriage ”, Alfred had then scanned his eyes down to the bottom of the paper, it saying “ first Name and last name”
Alfred had looked at Clinton in confusion and with widened eyes, he said “Dude- Boss, what?- What is this?” alfred had been flabbergasted, this better not be what he thinks it is-, he’s heard of these before, and this better not be it
Clinton had heard Alfred's shocked voice and sighed “Well, Marriage would be a way to show how our relations are getting better these 2 years after the space race” and…..d it was that, the alliance marriage…
“But its not- its not like russia and america will be one big country, i mean RUSA doesnt sound so good, right? ” Alfred had put his hands in the air and started connecting his fingers together to make monsters, showing that russia and usa would just be a bad combo
Clinton just stares in shock before speaking out “No, No, No- we wont become one country, think of it like the marriage alliances between royals in the 16th century” alfred scrunched his face as in a ‘what the fuck’ face, because that was the worst example ever
Rather be a princess forced to marry some 80 year old man or have your country get put as one with a communist country…. He'd rather the second option if anything
Marrying Ivan. There goes that man in his head once again, He'd rather not be reminded of him but since His boss wants him to marry the commie, he’d rather think about ways of killing himself then Ivan.
Alfred stayed quiet while thoughts took up his mind, he put his hand on his chin once he got the greatest thought ever ‘what if i agree to marry him then Ill kill him like the queens did back then just to get the kings money’ suddenly he felt his face turn into a big smile as he thought out his plan
‘Wait- wait- wait-, I'm richer than him… he’ll kill me for MY money..’ And then all of a sudden, Alfred was back at thought one, “Alfred?”
Alfred looked up at mr clinton and coughed multiple times “Bill, Billy poo, Im sick, My moms sick, My dads sick, My dogs sick, My brothers sick- so if i get married, ill give the disease to Ivan” he started rambling out, standing up abruptly and Shaking the desk multiple times
Clinton just lets out a sigh covered a laugh “Alfred, Yeltsin nor the government has said anything about this yet, considering that Same sex marriage isnt legal anywhere, this marriage might not go on” alfred suddenly stopped and stood straight, for once he was happy that the heterosexuals had WON once again!
Clinton then went on with his words “though, we do not know your sex, We just assumed, you were a man” now why would you say that. Alfred is a man, he thinks, I mean, if you exclude the time where they tried making him wear a dress because they thought he was Arthur's younger sister….
“I'm a man, And I don't like other men” he also thinks…. Alfred thinks a lot, his mind is very diverse, so he has a lot of thoughts. If he were to like men, he would have already known about it….
“Well, it's 1993, Be gay or be straight.”
'You gotta be kidding me... '
And that's how Alfred ended up signing the paper with his human name ‘Alfred F Jones’, He was going to get married to the commie, to the man that wanted to shoot him during the wars by the way!
Alfred cant believe this, he sat in his car, frank sinatra playing on the radio as alfred banged his head multiple times on the steering wheel, the mans voice playing in the back “You are my way of life-” Fuck, Ivan is NOT his way of life and now this night suddenly feels like a call for burgers, fries, pies and ice cream, his favorites
Now Sitting in his chevrolet corvette with Boxes of food from different fast food chains and Tubs of ice cream with a frank sinatra cd playing over and over again, and him singing along, This is the year 1980s all over again
Life is over, he thought life was over when he almost died in the year ‘1775, god, what is worse, this or Back when he had to fight for his countries rights and independence, He’ll just poison Ivan when they do get married! Best thing ever….
But this time, he won't try to do it for the money..
Alfred sighs, looking at himself in his car mirror, his face covered in ice cream and leftover tear stains on his cheeks, alfred doesnt cry, a person like alfred shouldnt cry, shouldn't cry over something so stupid, he doesn't even know if they will get married
Alfred wiped his face and put his ice cream tub down onto the seat next to him, before turning to look at himself back in the mirror, eyes puffy and red, snot everywhere..
He shook his head and took in some breathe before turning the key in his car to start it, his gloves making a wet noise due to the ice cream soil on his clothes, alfred then put his hands on the wheel after hearing the car start
…
When Alfred had made it home, he took off his jacket and clothes, throwing his ice cream and food on the table before proceeding to his room and throwing himself on the bed, stuffing his face in the pillow, his couldn't breathe like this, but he’d rather suffocate right now, so he couldn't care less
He needs to stop, stop whining and crying, ivan hasnt even signed his name on the paper for them to officially be married, and its not like the government will agree with gay marriage either, so alfred needs to calm, but just because any of that is true doesnt mean alfred will stop…
His mind always finds the worst in things
Alfred lifts his head from his pillow to get some breathe, heavy breathing, he turned around, his heart pounding from not breathing for long, he
Laying on his side, alfred brings his knees up and his hands go up to his face to take off his glasses, throwing them over off the bed and his face
—----------
“-Japan, South Italy, not the north because i think hes already in a homosexual relationship with germany…, But uh, Romania? AnyONE BUT Russia” alfred was standing up, A big white board behind him with photos of different countries personifications to show who would be better fit for him then russia
His hand goes on his hip “and like, russia? No, That man would kill me, you guys want me dead?” He then grabbed a hand stick from the whiteboards side and started pointing at the photos “This man would be better, calm and handsome”
Alfred does not want to get married, but if he has too, He should atleast give other options then Ivan, ANYONE but Ivan would be great, the officials of the USA just looked at him with curiosity while the president had one of his brows up
“And-” Alfred just continued only for the president to interrupt him “There is no other person, Alfred, Ivan already signed the paper”
Alfred dropped the stick out of his hand
HE WHAT!?
“Dont worry, I did not poison it, if I wanted to then I would've put it six sets of different rat poisons-” as Ivan explained How he could kill Alfred in many different ways but rather poison was the weakest way
All Alfred did was stay sitting with the most disgusted face ever, Look, No offense,..actually all offense!
But Alfred would rather be talking to the most annoying happily wed couple on earth then be here right now
“Dude, I legitimately do not care” Alfred sits back on the brown chair- that by the way, is not made for one's weight to be all the way on it so it's just creaking. Alfred and Ivan were on what normal happily married couples would call their honeymoon but… In reality, Alfred would prefer to call this a suicidal mission
Ivan has made not one but two ‘jokes’ about having multiple weapons to be able to kill Alfred
And Alfred's response to half of it?
“I hate it here”
Ivan just replied back with a small smile but Most can tell that he was angry “Yes, first thing to agree on” he claps his hands together
Of course it was only day 2 of their so-called honeymoon so they can't just go back to their own homes, Well, Alfred cant to back to His home
Does Ivan even have a home?
“Are you homeless? Or no?” Alfred had asked, Him and Ivan were now sitting on a dark blue couch in The living room of their honeymoon Home
The only thing the two had agreed on was too drink together and not talk one single word to each other
But Alfred had broken it of course
“Yes, I can assure you that I do have a home..” Ivan took another sip of whatever Russian alcohol brand he had brought with him, he was sitting at the end of the couch-
-and had his arms laying closely to his body, only moving when they had to hold alcohol
Alfred raised an eyebrow before sitting sideways immediately to face the side of Ivan “okay, Now tell me, What are you commies planning for the second cold war!”
“I am not that drunk.”
Alfred had stayed silent before speaking, his eyes closing and hand going on his forehead “Worth a shot..” ivan let out a small laugh before scootching back away from alfred
Alfred, who had now opened his eyes to see Ivan sitting farther away from him, alfred had scrunched his face and moved his head back “Uh, hey, dude, why are you father from me?”
Ivan had just straightened his face and out a hand on his nose “You smell like cannibal burgers” alfred opened his mouth in offense, CANNIBAL BURGERS? What the fuck does that even smell like, Alfred does not stink, He smells like the fourth of july fireworks, which smell amazing! Of course…
“Dude, you cant be fucking speaking, You smell like vodka mixed with nail polish..” He spoke back to ivan, face going close to ivan to smell the man, Putting his nose on the mans scarf, Only for ivan to push his face back
“Your snot is on my scarf”
“Good! Now lick it!”
“Hahaha” Ivan had laughed, before putting his hands down and grabbing alcohol and splashing it on Alfred, Wetness all over his hair and stickiness on his face, Alfred only took a bit to react
“What the fuck!” Alfred hates men who can't take a joke.
Ivan just smiled while holding the alcohol but his smile soon disappeared when he himself got hit with alcohol, Alfred had splashed whatever drink Ivan was drinking, on him “Now lick that! If not snot then Vodka! You Russians love that!”
Ivan and Alfred had spent their time after that splashing more alcohol on each other and getting the couch wet and smelly with whatever drinks they were drinking, Now Alfred doesn't know if they were drunk… Okay maybe they were? Just a little!
If Arthur were here, he would've called both of them immature, And all Alfred has to say about that? Well, thank god he wasn't here then…
The two had taken a long shower, uh, separate of course, Alfred wouldn't shower with that man, he wouldn't with a man at all, the only men he has showered with were the other men in the army, not with the enemy
“So, I got the bed, you get the couch… Perfect!” Alfred smiled as he was about to get under the covers but was stopped by ivan who had sat down on the right side of the bed
“No. I think sleeping on the bed would be better, do Americans not sleep together?”
Now Alfred knows damn well that Russians don't sleep together either! At least he thinks so, they don't teach him this at the academy, though imagine if they did, DUDE stop, That would be so funny, Im dying right now
Alfred who was now laughing but stuck in thoughts, looked weirdly back at Ivan who changed from weirdly looking to a smile “Mentally ill americans..” Alfred now snapped out of thoughts, directing his gaze to ivan
Ivan, Who was now fully under covers just closed his eyes, Alfred had widened his eyes and grabbed the covers, laying under them next to ivan, He turned to his side to face ivan who was laying on his back
“Dude, Get out of the bed! This is my bed” Alfred yelled as he started poking Ivan's shoulder, Ivan simply just started snoring
Alfred frowned widely, His glasses still on his face and his blond hair now messy “Ivan!!! RUSSIAN! COMMIE! GAY!” He started yelling all the things that he knew Ivan was
Actually he didn't know if ivan was gay, he just thought it was funny.
“what? I can't hear anything, so tired! This dream is something” This was a simple tactic that Ivan used all the time, Mainly to ignore his fellow nations and younger sister, Belarus or as human named natallia, It was very effective on all but natallia
Alfred on the other hand just looked at ivan with a ‘What the actual fuck are doing’ Look, he was kind of concerned for the russian man, But also surprised, who would of thought that ivan would be funny, so alfred will just let this one slide
He stopped poking Ivan and turned around on his other side facing AWAY from Ivan, not looking at him because Alfred was not gay… he would know if he were, which is what he has said multiple times in his life… only to end up in very homoerotic situations
Alfred had fallen asleep
-
“No, God bless America! We shall take over those enemies! Get rid of all the commies! And the fascists!!!” Alfred had rolled over in his sleep, full body all over Ivan, hands wrapped around the man “Huh! Tony, you're the new president” Alfred kept talking in his sleep, Alfred's dreams consisted of being a patriotic man and sometimes Tony being the president…
And what was happening to Ivan the whole time? Well, he was always still sleeping, the two could be a perfect combo! Sleeper and Sleep talker… but alfred and ivan would never let that happen
And how did this even happen? Well, Ivan woke up to go to the bathroom, he came back and Alfred was laying on his side. The only way to move him was to push him off the bed, but the man woke up after hitting the hard floor and…
“Fucking commie… I'm gonna show you who is the king of this bed!” and Alfred had laid directly on a sleeping ivan. Now to many people, this is romantic, but to Alfred and Ivan, this is a fighting tactic used in war!
Oh and to kill people which is just the war. With all the sleep talking going around and bouncing off of the walls inside of ALFRED’S room(not ivans, and not theirs, alfreds.)
Ivan was not awake, Maybe it was the hot breath on the side of his neck or the hands of the glasses stabbing into his side, which Alfred must have used to try and Ivan..
Ivan grabbed Alfred's had shoved it into his pillow that Ivan had replaced his shoulder with for Alfred to lay on.. Or in Ivan's words, to suffocate on!
Though it didn't work out cause alfred had seemingly woke up and struggled out of it and he looked up at ivan who was laying on his side and his hands now on the back of Alfred's neck
Ivan who had just simply smiled, “Good morning”
“GOOD MORNING MY ASS! YOU JUST TRIED TO KILL A DUDE” Now, if you were to ask Ivan, if he was killing him, he would just say ‘ well, He stabbed me first, and I stab back ’
Ivan just smiled more and is that all he did? Yep! It was all that his teachers back in Russia had taught him to do, smile but be angry
Alfred leaned over and grabbed his glasses from the side of ivans body and put them on his face “Why aren't you speaking?” Alfred had rudely asked, now sitting on his knees, staring down at Ivan.
“Because i have nothing to say”
He then leaned and put both his hands on alfreds hips and started slapping both of them, alfred had freaked out and moved back, what the fuck was that? Alfred's face now filled with disgust and confusion on to why Ivan had just slapped his hips
“DUDE. Why did you just do that?” Alfred kind of feels violated.
“Pattycake?” Ivan said, Ivan had sat up with a straight face pulling out his hands to face Alfred, Patty cake? Ivan had wanted to play patty-cake, for what? Does he think all Americans play that? Well, he wouldn't be wrong…
“That is not how you play patty cake, dude! You touch me again like that, I’ll call the PO-PO, Yo”
Alfred had continued on with speaking, now shifting to sit on one leg instead “And why do you randomly wanna play that? Would you wanna play like.. I don't know, tetris”
Ivan just turned his head over a bit “You Americans love cake don't you?” fuck you ivan, I love burgers more! What is with all of these stereotypes, I mean, Sure, Alfred had called Ivan a commie, but he was one and sure, Alfred had assumed ivan was gay, but he also was one! And ALSO-
“So? Play patty-cake? No?”
Alfred had sighed and put his hands up, Playing patty cake with the man, surprisingly Alfred knew how to play pat-a-cake and he kept making alfred mess up because he was going too fast, alfred wasn't the slow one, ivan was just moving super fast
“Dude, if i win this one, you gotta call me by name and not just ‘You american’”
And Alfred had lost. So Ivan still gets to call him ‘You american’ doesn't even make sense, Alfred is THE america, USA. But anyway, this was nice boding between the two, alfred would say he enjoyed it but he kept losing and losing and then Alfred had leaned back and grabbed something off the floor and was he leaned back, it was a gameboy, sitting in his hand
The two were still in bed, alfred was hungry, ivan was probably tired and but Alfred wanted to set aside it all and beat Ivan, even if he has to change the game
“Dude, we're playing Tetris right now and I'm going to beat you, so get ready bastard!” Alfred had never lost one game in his life. Ignore the whole patty cake earlier, that was just an accident, Alfred was tired and annoyed, he's going to win this time, he's the best at Gameboys!
Alfred wasn't allowed to play tetris in front of his boss back when the game had been released, that was due to the fact that it was a soviet game but Alfred didn't care, he had no fear, he was the best and IS the greatest hero of all time! Soviet games don't scare him
Alfred had gotten a high score and passed the game boy to Ivan, Maybe this suicide mission wasnt going to be this bad! If he beats Ivan… of course.