Chapter Text
This morning I was feeling energized and more excited than I had been in ages. I was finally off desk duty. It took a while but I’m starting to feel back to my old self. This move with Carla, Betsy, and Ryan has really been a good thing and I finally feel like we’re settling into place.
After I showered and got dressed I noticed there was no milk in the fridge. I groaned knowing it was most likely Betsy who finished it and didn’t bother letting one of us know so we could stock up.
I told Carla I was going out to get some more milk and would be back. The price of it made me want to put it back down and just have my coffee black.
I went home, annoyed at the gall of Dev charging the price he did. I walked through the doors of the house and saw Carla and Ryan at the island table. I noticed Ryan hiding a package and it took everything inside of me not to comment on it right away. I love Ryan to bits but if he keeps buying more products I’m going to start accidentally misplacing them. I decided to let them in on my frustration over Dev’s pricing, “honestly, the price of this, I felt like nicking Dev for daylight robbery, especially now I’m off desk duty.” I stated a bit happily. It was about time and I couldn’t wait to get back out on the street.
“Well, you don’t go there for a bargain do ya? It’s just handy.” Carla commented.
“Yeah, I suppose. Hm. Can’t wait half an hour for my first coffee that’s for sure.” I put my keys down on the table and ask Ryan, “you treating yourself?”
“Hey?” Ryan asks.
“Well the parcel. Oh please don’t tell me it’s more grooming accessories Ryan. I can’t get into the bathroom cabinet as it is.” I jokingly beg. He’s as bad as Betsy. Both of them ordering packages after packages. I know we moved out of the flat for more room but it seemed like we were stuffing the house with more things each day.
“Ehh, it’s boxers. Ordered some boxers. Yeah.”
That was not the response I was expecting, “you order your pants online?” I asks amusingly.
Ryan nods, “yeah. I mean why not? It’s not like I’m trying them on in store is it? And I know me size.”
“Mmhmm.” I can’t help it, I need to have a bit of fun with this. “Small box that innit?”
I hear Carla mumble “what?”
My question had the desired effect because Ryan jumps on defense almost immediately. “what you tryna say?” He grabs the box, “it’s a very average box.”
Boys and their ego trips, it never fails to make me laugh. I couldn’t help myself the opportunity was right there.
“Uh-uh can we change the subject?” Carla asks.
I smile, “yeah. I need to get a rig on actually. Gotta get my stuff together once I’ve made my first coffee. Do you know what? I’m itching to get back out there and get my first collar.”
Carla smiles, “yeah, well, go on then. I’ll make your coffee you just do what you need to do.”
I’m touched by the offer. I love this woman to bits. It may be the simplist thing, but she always finds a way to make my day go by just a bit easier, “oh thank you. You’re an angel.”
“I know.”
As I go back up the stairs I start to laugh again about the whole interaction with Ryan. I can’t wait to tell Betsy about it later, she’ll have quite the laugh too.
After I’ve gotten ready for the day, with a coffee inside of me, I tell Carla that I’m off and head out to work. I’m supposed to be going straight to the station but I get the smell of some amazing breakfast coming from Roy’s and can’t resist.
I walk into Roy’s and see Gary at the front. I give a general “hey” to the patrons and start to speak to Roy, “I wasn’t coming in Roy, but I got a whiff of that bacon and I was like the bisto kid.”
“Yeah, old factory seduction.” He places a coffee down. “One of the most powerful forms of advertising.” He pushes the coffee towards Gary, “One coffee, to take away.”
“Cheers Roy. See ya later.” Gary says goodbye to Theo.
I move to the counter waiting for Roy to take my order. I can hear Theo and Todd having some sort of minor disagreement. I try not to pry too much, my detective sergeant ear can make me a bit nosy.
But when I get to the station and find out what case I’m taking on, I wish I had done more eavesdropping. I spent most of my day interrogating Theo for assault and, if my gut is telling me the truth, I don’t quite believe his story.
Carla called me a few hours into my shift trying to persuade me to go out with her, “it’s been a hell of a day. I just need a drink to unwind.”
“Well, if I took that attitude I’d be on a sauvignon drip. And besides, you’re not allowed to go boozing.” I know Carla has been doing well by not drinking and eating right but I don’t want her picking up any old habits. My priority is ensuring that she’s taken care of and that she’s as healthy as she can possibly be. I constantly worry over her. She’s gone through so much in her life and this new kidney transplant was something that came so out of left field for all of us. I just want to make sure she’s taking care of herself and knows that I’m trying to take care of her too.
“No, I ca-they said I could just have one, occasionally, and I just really fancy one.”
I sighed over the phone, “I can’t, I’m tied up.”
“Whatdya mean? I mean, you got to be due back soon, it’s well past your knocking off time in’t it?”
“Well, it would be if I work regular hours. Look, I’m going to have to take a rain check on this pub thing.”
“Oh no don’t. Surely you can come out for just one. Please, I really want to go out” She whines over the phone. I can imagine the pout on her face.
Now I’m a bit more on alert. Carla has never been this desperate to just go to the Rovers. And I don’t know of any special events occurring that would require my presence. “Okay, since when did the Rovers hold so much appeal hmm? You okay?” I can’t help but feel like Carla wants me to go out because she has some news she wants to share.
“Yeah, fine. In fact, I’m great, I just would be even better with a little drink inside me. Come onnn. Put some David Gray on the jukebox for ya.”
I smile. That woman sure knows how to get what she wants, I’ll give her that. “David Gray aye? Now you’re talking.”
I know she’s smiling. The thought makes me smile too. “Right, go on then. I’ll see you in the pub when I’m done here. Right, better go.”
“Okay, bye.”
I get off the phone and see Todd walking up. Time to get back to work. After getting a statement from Todd that he was with Theo that night, I let Theo know he’s free to go but that the investigation is ongoing. I don’t know what it is, but something isn’t right here. I don’t trust Todd and can’t help but feel like he’s hiding something.
I finish up some paperwork and make my way down to the Rovers. I open the door and greet Glenda briefly and find Carla in ‘our’ booth. “Hey, sorry, I got here as soon as I could.” I can hear David Gray on the radio and smile to myself.
I bend down to give her a hug and she hugs me back, “oh, it’s alright, I didn’t mean to rush ya.”
“Oh no, no, it’s fine.” I take off my blazer and sit down. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” Carla’s voice is a bit high-pitched and I’m starting to question what’s really going on here. I try to read her eyes but all I see is nervousness.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah great.” I briefly had a thought earlier in the day that she was going to share something with me urgently. I tried thinking of all of the things it could be and for a moment I worry she’s going to tell me she’s running off the Los Angeles again like she’s done in her past.
All these thoughts are interrupted by Debbie Webster coming to our table and putting some papers down.
“Ladies.”
Carla and I look back at each other, both thoroughly confused.
“What’s-what’s this?” I ask.
“Oh, it’s me wedding scrap book. Yeah, I’ve had some prototype invites printed up. What do ya think?” Debbie smiles. I recognize the book as soon as I see it, it used to mine and Beck’s. Well, more hers, she used to carry it everywhere like a child with their blanket.
I can see from the look on Carla’s face that this is the last thing she wants to be burdened with and wants Debbie to leave. I humor Debbie by picking one hoping it’ll make her leave.
“Oh, uh, right. Yeah, I like this one.” I points to one of the invitations. “Yeah.”
Carla starts to pack up all of the other invitations quickly and a bit hastily, “yeah I like that too. Don’t really matter what the invitations look like does it?”
“Well you only do it once, don’t ya?” Debbie asks.
“Yeah, but she’s done it five-“ I start to respond but notice from Carla’s face that it was not the time and definitely not the person to say it too, “-more than once.”
“Ooo, that’s why she’s so jaded.” Debbie comments.
I ignore her comment because it is absolutely ridiculous, “um, d’ya know my wife had that same scrap book.” I do my best to change the conversation, maybe distract Debbie to talk about something else.
“Aw did she?”
“Yeah, she took it with her everywhere.”
“So she wasn’t brittle and heartless?” Debbie laughs.
Truth be told Becky and Carla are very similar. They like to be tough on the exterior but on the inside they’re soft and kind. “Well, she made out she was, but she was soppy underneath it all.”
“I’m not brittle, heartless, or jaded.” I hear Carla say. Before I can respond or reassure her that I know she isn’t, Debbie is back to asking me questions.
Debbie moves to sit next to me, “so how did she propose? Or did you propose to her?”
“No, she proposed to me. We ordered some champagne in a restaurant and there was the engagement ring at the bottom of the glass so…” I still remember the shock of it.
“Mmm, common that yeah. We have that every other night at my hotel.” Debbie responds. “Let’s hope this one is more imaginative.”
I know it will be. I’ve thought a lot about how I plan to propose to Carla again, properly this time. I want it to be romantic and beautiful, just like she is.
She was right before, the way I proposed the last time wasn’t the way I should have done it. I was so filled with sadness and grief that I thought it was the only thing that could pull me out of it. Now that we’re back on track and really happy, I can’t wait until I can do it again. Knowing that Carla does imagine marrying me one day makes me less nervous about her possibly saying no.
I see Carla start to scratch the back of her neck and I can almost feel her energy shift. She’s looking away from us. There's this look on her face I can't quite read but she looks shattered, “are you okay?” I ask.
“Me yeah.” She nods.
“Yeah?” I don’t believe her. I know when Carla is lying to me. The tone in her voice, her entire demeanor, something’s happened.
“Yup.” She grabs her glass of wine and quickly gets up. “White wine?”
She’s gone before I can respond. Did the conversation about Becky upset her? I can’t imagine that it would. I already told Carla that I’m all hers, she doesn’t need to worry about that anymore. But I just can’t explain why her mood changed so quickly.
She comes back with my glass of wine and Debbie is still going on and on about weddings. I’m trying to listen to Debbie but I’m also trying to understand what is going on with Carla. She’s not participating in the conversation, she’s not even trying to pretend.
I see her down her glass of wine and I want to comment but I can see that Carla is upset by something. She was fine before, what the hell happened?
Debbie finally leaves us alone and I rush off to the bathroom quickly. When I come back I see Glenda at our table talking to Carla, who still looks somewhat upset.
Glenda sees me, “hey.”
“Hey.” I sit back down, and reach both of my hands to grab Carla’s, “what’s up with you?”
“Hm?”
“Hmm.”
“Nothing.” Another lie. “Actually, you know what I would like to do is just go home, watch the tv, and just drink a cup of tea.”
“Well somethings happened. You were full of beans earlier like you had some big news or something. Thought it was a surprise trip to LA.” I joke, hoping that wasn’t the case. Not without me at least.
“Oh,” she laughs. “Yeah, I wish. No actually, you know what? I had a couple of emails in from some suppliers and well, just kind of really got on my nerves. Kind of killed the moment.”
Whatever it is that killed her mood so quickly, it’s bad enough that she’s ready to just go home after begging me to leave work to come out with her. I did see that the idea to go to LA made her a bit happy. “Alright, okay. You know we should do that one day. Go and see your friend Susie.”
“Oh yeah. I’d like that,” she smiled.
“Yeah, never been to California.” I can imagine it could be a nice trip for us. She’d show me around, we’d be able to get away from Weatherfield for just a bit, and just enjoy each other’s company.
After leaving the Rovers we walked home in silence, but it wasn’t that comfortable silence, it was painfully quiet. We got home and Ryan was sitting at the island table. He greeted us. I went to put the kettle on and told Carla I was going to have a bath.
I was kind of hoping she’d come and join me like she normally did. She never did come up and I’m starting to feel uneasy about how eerily quiet she’s being. Carla is full of life, she can’t even sit through a film without making conversation or moving around.
I get out the bath and change into something more comfortable. I go down the stairs and can see Carla sitting on the couch. She’s staring at nothing, playing with the pillow in her lap. Even from where I’m standing, I notice the weight she seems to be carrying.
What the hell went wrong today? I need to fix it, whatever this is. This silence, this separation, it’s killing me. I realize the irony considering my usual tactic when I’m hurting is to push people away and I’ve done it to Carla on more than one occasion. But being on the opposite side is a feeling that rocks me to my core.
I need Carla. Wherever she is right now, in her head, it’s too far from me. I need her to come back to me.
I move towards the back of the couch and wrap my arms around her. She jumps, “oh, hiya love. Good bath?” There’s that tone again. The one she puts on to try to hide how she’s really feeling.
“Yeah. It was missing a pretty important thing though.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“You.” I kiss her cheek and came around to sit with her on the couch. “What’s up with you? You seem … down.”
She shrugs, “nothing.” She’s refusing to meet my eyes and I’m not going to let her continue to wallow down here.
“Carla.” I placed my finger under her chin and forced her to look at me. “Darling, what is it? What’s happened?”
One moment she’s meeting my eyes and the next she’s bursting into tears. “Oh sweetheart.” I hug her and bring her closer to me. I knew she was upset but I didn’t realize it was this bad. My heart aches watching her be so sad.
She tries to stop crying, “I’m sorry. I’m being silly.”
“Carla, if you’re crying about it, it isn’t silly. Please tell me, what can I do?”
She wipes at her tears. “You know I love you, right?”
“Of course I do.” Where is she going with this?
“I really do love you Lisa. And I know I’m not great at being a good partner a lot of the time and I can be grouchy and mean and annoying. I know I can never be perfect, I can’t be-“ she stops mid sentence.
“Carla what is this all about, what are you talking about? Why are you saying all of this? You can’t be what?” Is this about Becky? She is upset about me mentioning Becky.
“I care about things Lisa. I like romantic gestures and I can fuss about wedding invitations. I have. I just, I don’t want you to think that because I’ve been married so many times that I don’t care about that stuff or that it doesn’t matter to me. I’m not like that, I’m not those things, I’m not jaded, brittle, or heartless, I do care.”
I wanted to kick myself, of course the comment I made about the number of marriages she’s had bothered here. But, jaded, brittle, heartless, where is this coming from? Then it hits me, Debbie. “Oh Carla. Sweetheart, is that what this is all about? About Debbie? About what she said?”
“Partially.”
“And the other part?”
She takes a deep breath, “Lisa, I don’t care about what other people say about me or what they think. I care about what you think, and about what you feel. I care if you believe what they say. You didn’t say anything when Debbie called me those things. I’m inclined to think you may believe her or agree.”
My heart breaks a bit more hearing Carla’s revelation. She’s upset I didn’t stand up for her. I’m such an idiot. I heard what Debbie said but I didn’t pay it any mind because I know Carla isn’t any of those things. She is the complete opposite and more. “Carla no.” I grab her hands, “Sweetheart I’m so sorry. Of course I don’t think that. Carla, you are the most loving, caring, thoughtful person I’ve ever met. I don’t, for a second think you are those things. I should have stood up to her. I should have stood up for you. I knew I had put my foot in it when I made that comment about the number of marriages you’ve had but I didn’t mean any harm. And when Debbie was talking I just thought she was being her regular motormouth self, I didn’t think she meant any of it. I surely don’t believe that.” I kissed her hand, “Carla, I am so sorry.”
“It’s fine-“
She’s trying to deflect from her feelings and I won’t let her. “It’s not fine. I should have defended you.” I put my hand on her cheek, “Carla Connor, I love you. I love how amazing you are, how full of love you are, how kind you are. I should have never let Debbie say those things, I should have been there for you. I know how excited you were to be able to have a night out in the Rovers and enjoy your first drink in months. You didn’t need all of that. I should have been more supportive. Will you forgive me?”
She smiles, “of course I will. I’m sorry for running our evening.”
I shake my head at that, “don’t be sorry. You didn’t ruin anything.” I kiss her. “And just for the record, you are a great partner. You are perfect in my eyes, and, I don’t need you to be her. I need you to be you. You’re the one I want.”
She frowns, “how’d you know I was talking about…her?”
“Because, I know you. I know that you have that little voice in your head that makes you overthink everything, even when you shouldn’t. Darling, really, there’s no need. I love you. What I have with you, is more than I think I’ve ever had with her. Carla, you’re my soulmate.” It’s something I realized a while ago. The things I feel with Carla, no matter how much I loved Becky, I never felt with her. Carla makes me feel alive. I can’t imagine a life without her. I’ve been addicted to her the moment we met. I feel empty when we’re apart and only feel complete when we're together.
She smiles brightly, “really?”
“Yes.” I smile back.
She pulls me into a kiss, which is passionate and full of love and desire. “And you Lisa Swain are mine.”
In that moment I’ve decided, I’m not waiting any longer. I’m going to propose to her. I’m going to do it soon, because she deserves it, because we deserve it. I never want her feeling second best. She means everything to me and I know I need to take the time to properly plan something out, but she is worth it all.
Later on that night, after she’s fallen asleep, I look at her and my heart swells. She is everything to me. I roll my eyes at Debbie’s comments, ‘jaded, brittle, heartless’. No one has any clue how amazing Carla really is. She’s perfect. And I’m going to make her my wife.